For the Use of the Hall (1975) - full transcript
♪ Begin the waltz ♪
♪ Sway to its melody ♪
♪ Enjoy its pulse ♪
♪ Resist formality ♪
♪ When everyone has
just begun to say when ♪
♪ Go fill your cup again ♪
♪ Forget the call, the place, the hour ♪
♪ Make it another martini sour ♪
- Ooh, my name's Bess and
I'm even older than I look.
I wanted to live till
the turn of the century
to see and hear the year 2000.
I may not make it, but
I'm close. (chuckles)
Oh, what is it now, another
year, no two, three, oh.
It's getting harder to keep track.
And I hoped in my later
years to be bedridden,
and have been and am very grateful.
I have read "Great
Expectations" seven times.
And "All The Russians" thrice.
And feel closer to Anthony Trollope
than any man I ever met.
That in itself is a life fulfilled.
I also wanted to outlive my children.
Now, now that's a perfectly normal wish.
I mean, for them you
wish a long full life,
but then you wish a longer
fuller one for yourself.
Especially if you've devoted your life
to trying to shape theirs.
Well you just naturally want
to see how they turn out,
even though it breaks your heart.
(sighs) Take any summer
they lived through.
Take any winter, a disaster incredibly.
Take the winter of '75,
now in later years,
to hear them tell it,
I didn't know what happened that winter.
Well my God, you certainly
know when your home's
been broken into, don't you?
Ha, you don't actually have to be there
to know you've been violated.
Though in fairness to
Allen, I should explain.
Those oil paintings, not mine, mm-hmm.
Mine are of Maxfield Parish's.
Photographs for the homey touch.
And Mr. Parish's prints, hmm?
Well they passed for taste in my day.
(upbeat whimsical music)
(blowing nose loudly)
(singing in foreign language)
(painting banging)
♪ I wonder if ever ♪
♪ You'll want me to ♪
♪ I'll be waiting ♪
♪ Just waiting ♪
♪ For you ♪
- Oh God, oh God, oh, oh, it's so cold.
Oh God.
It is colder in here than it is out there.
Oh, oh, oh.
(breathing heavily)
Oh, you decided to burn the Rembrandt.
- Well, you never believed in it.
- I never believed in any of it.
I never believed in us.
In you and I, educated, white
for God's sakes, Americans.
And don't tell me who's
president, I won't blame him.
That you and I could have
got ourselves into this mess
in the year 1975 on the Island of Long.
- No.
- Here.
- Here, here, oh.
(Allen grunting)
Where'd you get the beans?
- Where do you think I got them?
- You broke into the Setleys again huh?
That's a long way to walk.
- Not when you're hungry.
- Why didn't you go to the grocer?
I mean, I know he's a little surly,
but at least he still gives us credit.
- The grocer is two miles
away, the Setleys are one.
Now that the car has been repossessed
I prefer doing my
business with the Setleys.
- They're gonna catch
you one of these days,
you know they will.
They're not a dumb couple.
I mean old doesn't mean dumb.
- They're not likely to catch me
if I only steal one can at a time.
But if they do, I will throw
myselves upon their mercy.
I will remind them that I
grew up here as a child.
I was one of the rich kids
down the block. (laughs)
And now I've grown up
and things have not
worked out and I'm hungry.
They're Americans, they'll understand.
Do you know, do you know,
I passed a rabbit on my way to the Setleys
and I stopped and I thought,
could I kill that rabbit?
I mean, that actually entered my mind,
how to kill a rabbit.
I'm a graduate of Bryn
Mawr for God's sake,
what am I doing wanting to kill a rabbit?
- Well, you're hungry,
it's perfectly natural.
- It's not natural for a graduate
of Bryn Mawr to get that hungry.
Why don't you do something?
- Charlotte, if you wanted someone
who'd kill the rabbits for
you, you picked the wrong man.
I went to NYU, what about the coat?
- What about the coat?
- Well, why don't you call Mr. Larson?
- 'Cause I don't wanna call Mr. Larson.
- [Allen] It could solve things you know.
- For how long a month, two months?
I don't call that solving things.
- Well who knows what
may happen in two months.
- I know, not much.
- Well, the least you can do
is stop sitting around in it all the time.
- I sit around in it all the time
because I am cold all the time.
That is another reason
I do not sell the coat.
It keeps me from freezing to death.
Or in other words, I feel I
have a chance of living longer
if I don't sell it.
(Allen laughing)
- That is not the reason.
- Liar.
- No wonder you're so
sentimental about it.
After all, it's the only
thing he ever gave you.
- It's the only thing he
gave me I could bring home.
He's coming here tonight.
Scare ya?
- What do you mean he's
coming here tonight?
- I mean I invited him
to come here tonight
after it's all over to
pull himself together.
- Pull himself together, here?
Sometimes it takes months for
him to pull himself together.
- Oh yes, maybe we should all move
into his place until he recovers.
- So that's it.
- Well somebody had to solve it.
Somebody had to do something
and I've solved it.
We are moving back to the city again
to see real people, real rich people.
I've got to, I've got to assure myself
that I'm not going berserk,
that rich people do not go broke.
Stony broke, rich people.
- Charlotte, we've never been rich.
- Oh yes we have in my mind.
That's why I fear it's snapping.
- And you're not gonna solve it
by bringing Martin and
me under the same roof.
We've never done that before.
It's been a point of pride with me
and you can't ask me
to start doing it now.
- You've both been here in the summers.
- Not together we haven't.
- Well I've been here with both of you.
- At different times!
- [Charlotte] Oh.
- Charlotte, look if he, if
he tried to make love to you
in front of me, you know what I'd do?
I'd kill him, I'd kill him!
- And if you tried to make love to me
in front of him, he would kill you too,
so don't get silly about that.
(Allen blowing lightly)
Now Allen, don't pout.
He'd been a better provider
maybe yes, but this way, no.
- It's not as if I never work you know.
- It's exactly as if you never
work, because you never work.
- Have you forgotten the year
we tried raising chinchillas?
- (laughs) Oh, oh yes, but
it took nearly a decade.
You forgotten how sick they got.
- Oh, it wasn't that bad.
- There's nothing sicker
than a sick chinchilla.
From 48 chinchillas we got enough fur
for the collar of your coat.
Not even the lapels, just the collar.
(Charlotte sighing)
Hold me for a minute.
- You woke me five times
last night you know.
- I know, you were very nice about it.
Be nice now.
(Allen chuckling)
- Better?
- Not really, no.
- Then why do you keep asking me to do it?
- I keep hoping it will work.
It used to, you'd hold me
and I'd be just wonderful.
And now you hold me and
I'm just, I'm just nothing.
- Then stop waking me up at
night why don't cha, huh?
- I keep hoping.
- Give up.
- Hold me tighter.
I have this terrible feeling.
- That's something's gonna happen?
- And nothing's going to happen.
- Charlotte, you don't think that
any of this batch is real, hmm?
- I know none of it is real.
So does every reputable
art dealer in New York.
So does every disreputable
art dealer in New York.
- Oh, if I could just raise enough money
for another crack at Europe.
- That's what got us into
this mess in the first place,
all those cracks of Europe.
- You know, I was sure I
had something this time.
I mean maybe not the Rembrandt,
but something, something.
- What, the Van Gogh?
Even I can tell that
it's not a real Van Gogh.
- Well I know it's different, but,
it could have been painted at an off day.
- All Van Gogh's paintings
are painted on an off day.
That one would have to have
been painted on an on day.
Oh, when I think of what
we've done with our lives.
If I smoked, smoke now.
If I drank, I'd drink.
If I cried, I'd cry.
I do so little.
Well, Martin could be here
in another hour, thank God.
- Won't he go to a
party after the opening?
- What party, he don't give
parties after his openings.
- You sound like it's already a flop.
- Well I'm sure it will be,
that's what Martin writes, are flops.
Somebody's gotta write the flops
or else how will know when
they have a hit. (laughs)
- Well, why does he have to come here?
Now why didn't you just go there?
- And see the play?
Don't be ridiculous.
(traffic roaring)
Al, Al, is that somebody
coming up the road?
- If it's Martin, things
must've gone badly.
He didn't stay to see the second act.
- If it's not Martin
we're in a lot of trouble.
(gasping) It's stopping here.
Quick, help me turn out the lights.
- [Allen] Why?
- [Charlotte] Because we're
not supposed to be here.
- I know we're not supposed to be here,
I mean technically we may
have broken and entered.
- What do you mean technically?
We literally, we have broken and entered.
- Charl, you do own part
of this place you know.
- I own none of it, I stand to inherit
part of it when Bess dies.
(gasping) It's not Martin,
it's somebody in taxi.
(car door slamming)
- Maybe he was too depressed to drive.
- Shh, it's a woman, keep quiet.
- Well, if we don't want
her to know we're here,
shouldn't we at least hide, hmm?
- Oh yeah.
(engine roaring)
(door slamming)
(dramatic music)
- Oh, I hasten to explain.
Neither Charlotte or
Allen is a child of mine.
One of mine is about to come
through that door however.
Did you notice that reference to my dying.
It never entered Charlotte's
mind I'd outlive her.
Charlotte was the daughter
of my dearest friend Tess
and it was our dream,
my dream, Tess' dream,
that Charlotte would marry my son Martin,
whose fourth Broadway play
was opening this night.
Oh, Charlotte fell in love with Allen,
the son of a junk dealer.
Well, a junk dealer who got lucky.
In the trash piles of Europe,
he found a real Botticelli,
promptly had a heart seizure and died.
Allen inherited the Botticelli money,
which is why Charlotte
never married my son.
Personally, I've never
cared for Botticelli,
before or since.
(Terry sighing)
(suspenseful music)
- There's someone here isn't there?
I can feel it, I can feel a presence.
Oh, please speak, just one word.
- Anything?
(Terry gasping)
(gasping) Terry.
- Charlotte.
- Oh Terry.
I'm so glad to see you.
Oh Terry, Allen, Allen come
out, it's Terry, come out.
- Terry, Terry! (laughs)
I don't even recognize you.
- [Charlotte] Well who wouldn't,
she looks just wonderful.
Darling, you look just wonderful.
- Fabulous.
- [Charlotte] What does it all mean?
- It means that I look wonderful, I hope.
- Well yes, but I...
- Charlotte's just surprised at the civi.
Sit down, sit down Terry.
- I've been wearing civilian
clothes for three years now.
- Three years.
- [Terry] Uh-huh.
- Do they know?
- Oh yes, we all wear
civilian clothes now.
At least everyone in my order.
- [Charlotte] Even the Mother Superior?
- Uh-huh, Lois too.
I'm afraid our Mother
Superior aren't so superior
as they used to be.
- Lois, you're calling her Lois?
- [Terry] Mm-hmm.
- Sister Mary Magdalene?
- Marcella, Mother Mary Marcella.
- Oh, Sister Mary Marcella, right.
And you, they're not calling you
Sister Clotilda Dominique anymore?
- No.
- Well, that's nice.
- So, how goes it Ter,
what brings you here?
- [Terry] I need to be
by myself for a few days.
- Why, did something happen?
Did you and the Mother, did
you and Lois have words?
- No Charlotte, I just needed
to think things through.
- Oh, how much wiser if you
had done that 20 years ago.
- But can you just leave
a convent like that?
- Oh Allen, I haven't lived
in a convent for four years.
- Well, where have you lived?
- East Harlem.
- [Allen] Oh.
- I share an apartment with
a couple of the other girls.
- I see, well that sounds like fun.
- What made you decide to come here?
- What do you wanna be here
in the winter for Allen?
You have a lovely home in Niag.
- Had Terry, had.
- You see, we lost our place Terry.
- You lost it?
- [Allen] Mm.
- Well, we still know where it's located,
it's just that they, they
took it away from us.
- Well how long have you been living here?
- Well, we broke in one frosty
September morn. (laughs)
- Oh, does my mother know?
- If Bess knew, would have greeted you
with lights out and behind furniture?
- Look, why don't I fix
us all a nice drink.
What do you say?
- Oh swell, with what?
- [Allen] We're out?
- We're out.
- I have a bottle of wine with me.
- You do?
- You have?
(Allen and Charlotte cheering)
- Oh wonderful, I'm
glad to see some things
in the church haven't changed.
- Oh, wine's not the exclusive province
of Catholics Charlotte.
- [Allen] Here you are.
- It's very protestant of
you to think it is though.
Low protestant.
To us, as we used to be.
- Oh, what a lovely toast.
- It sure is.
As we used to be.
(Terry coughing)
- Mmm.
- Ah.
- Doesn't that go down nice?
- Oh, yes. (laughs)
- Oh it's lovely, thank you.
- Is that purse your only luggage?
- Well I, I came on impulse.
I was doing something else
this evening and I suddenly
got so depressed, I had
to be alone. (sobbing)
- Oh.
- Oh well, what I was wondering is,
do you have a change or would you like me
to lend you something to relax.
- Yes, why don't you get
her something Charlotte,
it's a very good idea.
- [Terry] Don't you like this?
- Oh yes, yes of course, it's fine really.
- You don't like it Charlotte.
- No, no, you look, you look great Terry.
You look just great.
- Well, you should say if you don't.
Really, I don't mine.
- Oh, it's so good to have
you here Terry, really it is.
I mean you and your wine, how 'bout that.
- Terry, we like it just fine,
now we said we like it, now
stop behaving like a teenager.
- Well, I am a teenager about clothes.
I've only been buying
them for three years.
I'm still very insecure about it.
You know I need advice
and I appreciate it too.
- Well now, ask and you shall receive.
Take that off right now.
- [Allen] Yeah, let me take this.
- Slip into one of these.
- Right now?
- Well, the sooner the better.
Which one do you like?
- I like the blue one.
- Well they're both lovely.
(Allen laughing)
I've never worn anything like this before.
- Here now, put your little arm in there.
- You don't mind?
- [Allen] There we go.
- If the church doesn't, I don't.
Let's see now.
- Look at how beautiful.
- Oh.
- What.
- [Charlotte] That's a very
becoming color for you Terry.
- It is, isn't it?
- Yes.
- Ooh.
- Everybody's supposed to
have a color, aren't they?
- [Allen] Mm-hmm.
- I wonder if this is my color.
- [Allen] I think it is, I think it is.
- Stop.
(people laughing)
- Oh, I'm a little chilly.
- Hey come on, stand by the fireplace,
we're trying to use as
little heat as possible.
- You'll see how little
when you journey
northward to your bedroom.
- You see, we haven't
turned on the gas yet.
- Yet, it's January.
- I thought it was getting a little nippy.
(Allen laughing)
- Look, if you don't have any gas,
how do you cook anything?
- Well, actually there hasn't
been all that much to cook.
- You can't even afford food?
- [Both] Mm-hmm.
- These are pork and beans.
I stole them from a back
porch down the road.
- And it's all we've had since yesterday.
(Charlotte laughing)
- When I stole a box of Post Toasties.
- Which we drank with water.
(Charlotte and Allen laughing)
- That's a poor life, it
sounds like such a mess.
- Well I should think a nun would have
a little more stomach for poverty.
- But Charlotte, you came from money.
Your mother left you plenty, didn't she?
- To charity yes, but not to Charlotte.
- She didn't want me to
have that awful unweed
that inherited money produces. (laughs)
- I never even heard
you two discuss money.
- Ah, that's because we always had it.
Now I realize it must be
what poor people discuss
all the time. (laughs)
- You know Terry, I
have always envied you,
your kind of life.
I have Charlotte, I really have.
I mean, in many ways it
must be quite wonderful.
- It was in the beginning, uh-huh.
I had as high hopes for my
marriage as any woman does.
- Your marriage?
- I think she means to Jesus Christ.
- Oh.
- There wasn't anything
I wouldn't have done
for him in the beginning.
(sighs) But I suppose
I also had the feeling
from the beginning,
(chuckles) that perhaps
I wasn't really the
kind of woman he wanted.
- Well, who in her right
mind would think she was?
- Then it came a day where well,
it just wasn't there anymore.
- Are we still talking about Jesus?
- Yeah.
- So I thought to myself, all right,
not now, later, I'll see him later.
Only I haven't, I haven't
seen him in years.
When you have, how shall
I put it, lived apart.
I never stopped looking though, or hoping.
I still love him.
- Oh my God, when you came
through that door tonight
that's who you thought we were?
(Terry laughing)
- I hoped yeah.
(sobbing) But I'm not
the only one you know.
I've talked with others.
He and many nuns are astray.
- Well, is it any wonder
you're all uprising?
- [Terry] If you'll excuse
me, I wanna go to my room.
- Go ahead, go ahead honey.
- [Charlotte] Yes.
- Do I still look like a nun?
- [Charlotte] Oh yes Terry, you do.
- Thank you.
- (sighs) Why did she ask that?
- Well, she wouldn't wanna get herself
so gussied up that he
wouldn't recognize her.
- Mm-hmm, well if she does decide
to leave the church, what then?
- Simple, they open the gate,
they give her $200 to
see her down the road.
- You don't suppose she's
already left the church, hmm?
- No Allen, I do not think
she has the $200 on her now.
- You know, I think, I think I always knew
that wasn't a Vermeer, mm-hmm.
- [Charlotte] Oh really?
- [Allen] Hmm.
- What tipped you off,
the $40 we paid for it?
Or the fact that after we got careless
and left it behind in Rome,
the hotel mailed it to us, Italians.
- You know it looks good here.
Oh God, I love this room, I love it!
I love the feel of this
place, I just love it.
- I know you love this place Allen.
- Ooh.
- You also loved our house.
Face it darling, you adjust very easily.
But, we can't stay here forever.
We've simply got to throw
ourselves upon Martin's mercy.
- Charlotte, Martin and I
have had at least a dozen
fist fights over the years.
- Over 20 years, that's not a bad average
for these troubled times,
for two men deeply in
love with the same woman.
- That's right, but he's
never actually lived with you.
- Oh as children we lived
together here ever summer,
I told you that.
We would have these mock weddings.
- Mm-hmm.
- Bess was the preacher.
- Mm-hmm.
- I must have married Martin a
half a dozen times, at least.
Every summer.
- Charl, why didn't you marry me?
- Oh please, don't start
that old song again.
It was a very stylish choice at the time.
And there weren't a dozen
couples in all Manhattan
living together as openly as we were.
Today, everybody lives together.
It's very humiliating.
But it, it proved our point.
I mean we said it was the commitment
and not the ceremony that mattered.
And here we are 20 years
later, side-by-side,
for better or for worse.
Even though it happens
to be rotten. (chuckles)
And speaking of fires that
are beginning to go out.
- Oh I'll go, you know
I wonder if the Setley's
have any sardines.
- Sardines?
- Yep.
- I can't stand that stench.
You steal sardines,
you'll eat them outside.
Be careful darling, the
Setley's have a gun you know.
- No, I didn't.
What kind?
- Well a long one.
- [Allen] A rifle?
- Yes, they waved it to
me last week as I passed.
- A rifle.
Charlotte, I've never been
in the war, in any of them,
I've missed all our wars.
- Oh I hardly think you
need that kind of training.
- Well I need something.
I need more than I've got if
I wanna keep opening doors
and going through them.
- You always hate going out.
- I always hate going out
because I'm always afraid
that I'm gonna get
killed before I get back.
- [Charlotte] Darling, do you think
I would let you risk your life?
The Setleys are very old.
The best they could do is wind you.
- I don't wanna be winged.
- Well then don't go.
- I'm hungry.
- Life is complex.
But if it ever should happen that way,
I mean, if I were actually gunned down,
I would like you to be there with me.
I wouldn't be afraid to
die with you at my side.
- Charlotte, I'm touched.
- You do know, I couldn't
go on without you don't you?
Even though you've brought me
to the lowest level I have ever known.
- If you do hear shots, come running.
I'd love to die by your side too.
- How sweet.
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ La, la, la ♪
♪ La, la, la, la ♪
♪ Tee, da, da, dee ♪
♪ Da, da, da, da ♪
♪ Ain't we got fun, yeah ♪
♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, ♪
♪ Aint we got fun ♪
♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪
♪ Da, dee, dee, da ♪
♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪
♪ On the kettle you hear ♪
♪ Every morning, every evening ♪
♪ Ain't we got fun, yeah ♪
- [Bess] The last time I saw Charlotte,
was in this hospital.
That wasn't an easy visit,
though she had invited me.
Well they had her at
Johns Hopkins for a time,
now she was back at Manhattan.
I'd paid all her hospital bills,
I thought she wanted to thank me,
but she didn't.
- Here.
- What are these?
- I want you to have them, don't ask why.
- Well I don't have my glasses.
- Wait till you get home to read them.
- Poems, (chuckles) are they poems?
- No, they're more like thoughts.
I've had one of the
orderlies type them up,
but they're a mess.
You see he didn't like them
because they didn't rhyme.
- I've never known you
to be creative Charlotte.
- Well, the results aren't in yet.
Read them and then decide.
- You always poo pooed Martin's work, so.
- That's because Martin's
work deserved it.
Mine deserves it, don't hesitate.
- I shan't, what are they about?
- I like to think of them as hate sonnets.
All the things I've spent a
lifetime hating, I still hate.
- Well I know we've never
been very close Charlotte.
- Let's not ruin it now.
- I only want to say I'm
sorry, it isn't fair.
- I can't talk about that Bess.
(sighs) You'll have to go now.
- Well, you want these back
after I read them?
- [Charlotte] If you
don't like them, sure.
Bye Bess.
- [Bess] I didn't like them. (chuckles)
When I tried to do something with them,
finally I had them privately
printed, a hundred copies,
bound in leather, quite handsome.
I give them as gifts.
♪ Ain't we got fun, yeah ♪
- [Bess] Nobody likes them.
♪ Hey dear, we haven't
a buck or a nickel ♪
♪ But smiles were made dear ♪
♪ Poor people I've got, yeah ♪
♪ Every winter, every summer we have fun ♪
♪ Times are bum and getting
bummer still we have fun ♪
♪ There's nothing surer ♪
♪ The rich get richer and
the poor get children ♪
♪ In the meantime, in between time ♪
♪ Ain't we got fun ♪
Did you forget that part
was in it Charlotte?
The poor get children.
- I had four children.
- Oh, why do you say that?
- Don't you tell me
they were all stillborn.
Clutter your mind with
details and you'll go mad.
What have you produced?
At least I tried.
- I can't believe how cold it is upstairs.
- You know what this place
is like in the winter.
What made you decide to come here?
- I had a bad evening, I was upset.
- Oh, what happened?
- Hmm, I'd prefer not to talk about it.
(Charlotte laughing)
- I know what you did this evening.
- Oh.
- You went to Martin's opening.
- How'd you guess that?
- Oh, that look of pain on your face.
- The audience talked back.
I've never heard that happen before.
- [Charlotte] What'd they say?
- They called for the author.
- But that's good.
- Five minutes into the play?
- (laughs) I see.
But you got here so early,
didn't you stay for the second act?
- There was no second act.
Martin didn't give it an intermission.
I suppose so no one could
leave at intermission.
- [Charlotte] Of course.
- Only they did anyway.
- [Charlotte] Did what anyway?
- They just sort of made
their own intermission.
- You, you at least stayed
until the end, didn't you?
- I think I did, it was hard to tell.
With so many people in the aisles.
What I wanted was to find Martin.
That's what made me think of this place.
I knew after a play like that,
he'd have to hide out somewhere.
I thought maybe here.
I wanted to take him in
my arms and hold him.
And tell him what went through my mind
while I watched the play tonight.
That he was making a
difference to all those people.
To the ones still in their seats
and to the ones leaving. (sobbing)
And the newspaper, "The Post,"
and "The News," and "The Times,"
and at that very moment reserving space.
Space for Martin.
This was a night that
they wouldn't soon forget.
That's when I knew I did
nothing with my life.
I did a few good deeds.
I've fed the hungry and
I've clothed the naked,
but Martin upset a theater full of people
and it's the fourth time he's done it.
All that space from all
those angry critics. (laughs)
Oh, I'd love to hold him in
my arms and congratulate him.
- Well, I have good news for you.
He will be here tonight.
- Martin's coming here tonight?
- Yes.
- Charlotte, I couldn't face him,
not after seeing the play.
What is that?
- What?
(boards creaking)
- There's somebody on the porch.
- No, what?
- It's Martin.
- [Charlotte] No.
- He's here already, I'm going to my room.
- [Charlotte] No, it's not
Martin, it couldn't be Martin,
we would've heard a car.
It's Allen back with the firewood.
Look, look, you see.
You see, the doorknob is rattling.
That's because he's got his arms full.
- [Both] Ooh.
- Hi, hi, I'm Alice.
- Hello Alice.
I'm Charlotte and then this is Terry.
Who is this?
- Oh Martin.
- Is it really?
- Yeah, could you help me
get him over to the couch?
- Well, well, of course.
I still don't recognize him.
Of course I've never seen
him so stewed you know.
Oh Terry, you thought you had
a look of pain on your face.
Here, just let him go.
(ladies groaning)
- Listen, listen, should
we try to get him on
to one of the bedrooms, hmm?
- No, I'll go get a blanket.
- [Alice] Oh thank you.
- But, where is Martin's car?
How did you get here?
- Oh, we had an accident just up the road.
Oh, I was driving.
I took the wheel when Martin passed out.
- When did he pass out?
- Oh early, crossing
the Queensboro Bridge.
See I, I turned the radio on.
I thought music might soothe him.
Shh, but all I heard was,
"Tonight at the Cort
Theatre, a play over ..."
(Martin groaning)
(ladies shushing Martin)
With that, Martin slumped at the wheel.
Why we almost crashed into a railing,
and we would've if it
hadn't been for my reflexes,
which happen to be remarkable.
- But I thought you
said, you did just crash.
- Oh yes, right up the
road, we ran into a ditch.
I was startled out of my wits.
It was like an apparition.
I could swear a man was
sitting on a snowbank,
eating little fish.
- Yes, Allen.
- That's Allen?
Oh, I've heard Martin speak of him.
- And me, have you heard
Martin speak of me too?
- I feel I know you Charlotte.
- And yet I know nothing about you.
Martin didn't even tell us
you'd be with him tonight.
- Oh well, I'm Alice Spilkin.
I'm a friend of Martin's.
- Surely you can say more
for yourself than that.
- Oh, I thought Martin
might like a little wine.
- Oh, it's very, very thoughtful of you.
Who are you Terry, are you
another old friend of Martin's?
- I'm his sister.
- [Charlotte] And a sister of the church.
- You're Sister Clotilda Dominique?
Oh Martin is very proud of you Sister,
what you chose to do with your life.
- [Charlotte] And Terry's
very proud of what Martin
chose to do with his life.
- [Terry] Oh, how did you
think it went tonight?
- Well, Martin's writing is
an acquired taste at best.
And when you've been with
one of his plays for a while,
you know rehearsals and previews,
it's like a child whose
looks you've come to accept.
But then, then the critics arrive,
and they've had no preparation,
and they're just as stunned as I was
the first time I read it.
Here, here, open your mouth, come on.
Here comes the choo-choo.
(Martin groaning)
Come on.
- [Charlotte] Alice,
how did you meet Martin?
- [Alice] Through my husband.
- Oh, you're married?
- Well, through my late husband.
- [Charlotte] Oh, I see.
- You lost your husband.
- [Alice] Hmm.
- Oh Alice.
- Alice, I have had four miscarriages
and after that, two false pregnancies.
- Well, not only was my second husband
killed in a car crash,
but my first husband died in the war.
- Alice, how long have you known Martin?
- Several years.
- You've been friends for several years.
- Yes.
- Why didn't he ever mention you to me?
- (chuckles) Well, he
didn't think you'd like me.
(ladies laughing)
He kept saying that, now isn't that silly.
- Well, he's not an imperceptive man.
- Oh, well that's what drew us together.
Our shared perception.
Cover this up.
- Are you telling me that you write too?
- Yes, yes I do.
- Plays?
- Oh, I'm not that brave, books.
- Anything published?
- [Alice] Several.
- Anything we might recognize?
- Well I doubt it, you
see I write for children.
- Oh.
- "The Long and the Short Of It."
- No.
- "Rattle 'Round the Moon?"
- No.
- "Goodnight, Goodnight?"
- Are you that sleepy?
- No, it's the ...
- Oh, it's the title. (laughs)
- Funny, you are funny.
You know I won the Caldecott Award
for "The Long and Short Of It."
It's the story, a love story
of a chipmunk for a giraffe.
- That won the Caldecott Award?
- In a walk.
- In 1963, I tried to reach a
member of the Pulitzer Family,
I even placed a call to St. Louis,
I wanted to complain about their awards.
- [Alice] Are you a writer?
- No, but I read and that
gives me a right to complain.
- Sugar, Sugar.
- Oh.
- Oh Martin, I'm no Sugar.
- Are you sure you want sugar darling?
- Sugar.
- No, he wants me, I'm Sugar.
- [Martin] Sugar!
- Here there, here there, Sugar is here.
- Sugar!
- Sugar is here sweetness.
- [Charlotte] Martin, who is this woman?
- Oh, oh hello Charlotte.
And who's that with you?
- That's your sister Terry.
- Sister Clotilda Dominique,
it went that badly they sent
you home from the convent.
- No, no, no, we don't know anything yet.
It's not time for the TV notices.
- And we won't know anything ever.
(ladies screaming)
- Oh, where, where did
you get that pistol?
- I gave it to him, an opening night gift.
- An opening night gift, why?
- Why it's what he wanted.
Martin would never shoot a critic,
but somehow having it there loaded,
on his lap opening night, it
made it easier to get through.
Didn't it darling?
- [Martin] Oh.
- [Alice] Now you put it away.
Come on, back in the briefcase.
Come on, put the gun away.
- Martin.
- [Martin] Hi.
- Who is this woman?
I demand an answer.
- All right, it's all right.
Charlotte, he could not
go on any longer alone.
- Alone, how dare you?
He, he has me, he always will.
- Charlotte, you won't even
come to my opening nights.
- Oh, that's not the point.
- I wouldn't be surprised
if you're living together.
If you have moved in.
You've taken over one of the bedrooms,
you have, haven't you?
Admit it.
- Martin has given up his apartment,
he's moved in with me.
- Well, well,
my life is over.
It's only a little after 11 too.
Terry, turn on the television set.
- No.
- [Charlotte] Turn it on Terry.
- No, don't do it.
- Oh, why me!
- Will you put that gun away.
- All right, I will turn it on myself.
- Listen, I would not make that mistake
if I were you Charlotte.
Charlotte!
- You would rather shoot me,
than hear one of your reviews.
- Don't mommy the issue.
- Now Martin, Martin I
think that is the issue!
Martin cares only about
his work Charlotte,
not you, not me, he has one passion!
- He had no passion and I love
him anyway and I always will!
i gave you 20 years of my love
and you repaid me by
moving in with this woman.
Well, that's my bad review.
Now let's see how you did.
- Charlotte, no!
- [Announcer] And now a report
from our entertainment editor.
- Tonite at the Cort Theatre,
a play opened, which this review ...
- No, no, not!
(gun firing)
- Martin, I've always hated going out
and now you've ruined coming in for me.
(firewood crashing)
(slow dramatic music)
(Bess laughing)
- I wonder the winter
of '75 was disastrous.
However, even I didn't
remember it was quite this mad.
But then, the times were
terrible in general.
The country was having a breakdown.
Scenes like this occurring
in living rooms everywhere.
Hmm, you do remember the
winter of '75, don't you?
- Who is it?
- Who is it?
It's your beloved.
- Who, oh yes, Charlotte.
It's just your face is upside down.
- Well it's not the first time
you've seen it upside down.
Ho, ho, ho.
(both moaning)
- Where are we?
What happened?
- Darling, don't you remember?
I tried to calm you down last night.
- Oh my god, are we, are we dead?
- [Charlotte] No, no.
- Thank God.
- [Charlotte] You missed.
- I'm so glad.
- [Charlotte] I knew you'd feel that way.
- What time is it?
- Dawn.
- What am I doing down here on the couch,
why aren't I in the bed?
- Darling, to get you to
bed, we needed Allen's help.
And of course he wouldn't.
- Of course he wouldn't, of course.
- I must say I'm glad to see you
looking like your old self again.
- Well I'm not my old
self again Charlotte.
And I probably never will be again.
It was the worst opening night yet.
Charlotte, they called for the author.
- [Charlotte] I know, I know.
- I wanted to stand up and
shout later, that comes later.
But of course, I couldn't
risk anybody figuring out
that I was the author.
- Perhaps you should have
done something simpler with your life.
- I don't know, judging by
that audience last night,
I think they feel that I
did something pretty simple.
- Oh, maybe we should make love now.
- Make love now?
- Yes.
- Charlotte, what brought this up?
- I did, I thought it might
take your mind off last night.
(Martin groaning)
- No, if it is all the same Charlotte,
I think I would rather
just pass out again.
- Well it is not all the same.
I love you for God's sakes.
- Well, if you love me,
then help me to bed.
- That depends on what you
have in mind once we get there.
- Charlotte, for heaven's sake,
there is a time to make love
and there is a time not to make love.
- And after 20 years,
you leave me.
- Come on, come on, Charlotte.
- I know we did your favorite.(laughs)
- Charlotte, for heaven's
sake Charlotte, Allen.
- Allen happens to be
taking his morning walk.
If there is one thing I'm
not, it is indiscreet.
- Wait a minute, didn't
I bring somebody with me?
- Shh, forget her.
- My God, Alice.
- Don't you, don't dammit.
Oh Allen, hello darling.
Well, you're back so soon.
That was a very short walk.
Have you been working hard darling?
- Where's Martin?
- Oh in my firm insistence,
he finally went to bed.
- Why were you like that last night?
- Like what?
I thought I was pretty good.
I didn't even flinch when he fired.
- I mean afterward in bed with me.
- Oh, did I flinch then?
Oh darling, I'm so sorry.
It was a delayed reaction.
- You were wonderful and you know it.
I'm more in love with you
this morning than ever.
- Oh well, that's nice.
- You were fantastic.
- Oh, must've been all the gun play.
Maybe I should have been a camp follower.
- Oh, I had a terrible dream last night.
- You did?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, tell me about it.
- It was about you and me and the babies.
It was as if they all lived.
They were much older, three
beautiful girls and a boy.
The six of us, we were all
wearing chinchilla coats.
We were herded into this
room and we had to wait,
it seemed like most of the day.
Then the door finally opened.
Several men entered
and gunned us all down.
It was terrible.
We died, we died Charl.
With all our babies this time.
- Well darling, we are not royalty.
Nobody's going to gun us down.
We simply got to go on without the babies.
- Good morning.
(Alice sneezing)
- Good morning.
- Oh good morning, you have a cold too?
- Oh no, no, I'm just chilled.
I like fresh air as
much as the next person,
but what's going on in those
bedrooms is ridiculous.
(Allen laughing)
Well, has anyone thought
about breakfast yet?
- Oh yes, I think about it a lot.
- Well, why don't we
do something about it?
- Tell her the truth Allen,
you've caught us without money.
- I see, so what should
we do about breakfast.
- You're not following
any of this are you?
- I think I am, you want me
to treat you to breakfast.
- Yes, you are following us.
- Is there a good breakfast place nearby?
I'm thinking of Martin,
he'll need nourishment when he comes,
how did you ever get him upstairs?
- I made promises I have yet to keep.
- Oh, well of course, if he does come to,
he'll know that a dozen
reviews are now in print.
And he'll pass right out again.
- Well I'm proud of him.
For all his pain, he's the only one of us
who is making his mark.
- Yeah, but so far, his mark
has been humiliating hasn't it?
- May I quote you?
- Oh, I don't mean for me, I mean for him.
I use my maiden name
professionally, and I always shall.
- You're maiden name?
You and Martin are married?
- Yeah.
- Well, well, well, let's wonderful Alice.
Congratulations to Martin
and best wishes to you.
- Stay out of this Allen.
When were you married?
- The day rehearsals
began for the new play.
- I think we should celebrate,
don't you Charlotte?
- Shut up, Allen.
Whose idea was it?
- That we get married?
- [Charlotte] Yes.
- Martin's of course.
- Martin's.
- Charlotte, I am going to
the Setley's for provisions.
We're gonna have a feast
to toast the newlyweds.
Congratulations again Alice,
I think it's wonderful.
Just wonderful.
- I hate that son-of-a-bitch.
- Your husband?
- Allen, I never married
Allen and I'm proud of it.
- [Alice] Well I understood
that you were married.
- Who told you that?
- Well, Martin of course.
- Oh, Martin.
I could never marry Allen after
what happened with Martin,
but I don't suppose Martin
told you about himself and me.
- Oh, of course he did.
He's a writer, what do you think
writers do at night in bed, have sex?
No, they talk, they ponder,
they dredge up everything.
He told me how free you were
with each other as children.
- Free?
- Yeah, how as children
you played marriage.
- Oh, (chuckles) oh you can't be a child
and play marriage.
And we really played marriage. (laughs)
It cost me my innocence.
And yet he's the only man
who ever really made me feel innocent.
- Hey, do you know something?
You know you're right.
I have had three husbands and five lovers,
two of them adulterers,
and yet he still makes me feel innocent.
- If I'd done all that nothing
could make me feel innocent.
(ladies laughing)
- You know, you mean you, no
you've had only two, ever?
Allen and Martin, ever?
- That's is correct.
- Oh, how terribly sad.
- I wouldn't know.
- Oh take my word for it, it's sad.
- I'm trying to like you
Alice, it's very hard.
- Well listen, I appreciate the effort.
Who's that?
Oh, good morning.
- Morning.
[Charlotte] Morning.
- Good morning Charlotte.
I had a visitation. (chuckles)
- A what?
- During the night, a
wonderful visitation.
- Oh, don't tell me, he
finally dropped in on you.
- No, she did.
- Mother.
- Who's Mother?
- Well Jesus is Alice, Jesus.
- Are you talking about the Virgin Mary?
- It's the first time
that's ever happened to me.
- What's she like?
- Oh, she's just marvelous.
- I always suspected she would be.
Tell me about it, please,
I'm really interested.
- Well she suddenly
opened my bedroom door,
came into my room, sat
on the edge of the bed.
- [Alice] Did she speak?
- Yeah, it was wonderful.
It was terrifying, but it was wonderful.
- [Alice] Well, what did she say?
- Well, she began my mentioning Jesus.
In fact, she apologized for him.
- Apologized?
- [Terry] Yeah, mm-hmm.
- Oh, because it'd been so
long since he dropped by?
- That's right, yeah.
But she said that it was something
that I would learn to live with.
- Yes, well millions have.
(Terry sobbing)
Oh, well what did she say then?
- [Terry] Then she did
a rather strange thing.
- [Charlotte] Well what?
- She told me my age.
- [Charlotte] Didn't you know it?
- No, I hadn't thought about it in years.
- Oh, the life of a nun.
- She just looked at me and she said,
"Terry, you're 35 now,
you're halfway home."
- I don't see anything
so wonderful about that.
- Well, did she say anything else,
besides telling you your age?
- Yes, she said, "I
had to get on with it."
- On with what?
(Terry laughing)
(sobbing) On with it.
She said, "I just had to
get on with all of it."
- Oh, what did she do then?
- Well, this part's
rather difficult for me.
She implied that I hadn't
done very much with my life.
- Uh-huh, how did she imply that?
- Well she said, "Terry, you haven't done
"very much with your life."
It isn't adding up is it?
- Well how dare she?
To you of all people.
Well, I mean you've fed the
hungry and you clothed the poor.
My God what chance do the rest of us have?
I tell you, if she walks into my room
and did something like that to me,
I will have a complete nervous breakdown.
- How'd you think I felt Charlotte?
It was my life that was being discussed.
- Oh don't kid yourself,
it was aimed at all of us.
- What did you say after she said that?
- Well I'm afraid I didn't
handle myself very well.
I broke into tears.
- [Alice] Oh yeah, was it any wonder.
- I never cried like that
before in my whole life,
it was a deluge, my top quilt
is still damp. (chuckles)
- [Alice] Well what did she do?
- She was sitting on the
top quilt, so she got up.
- [Alice] And then?
- She stood there, staring down at me,
looking vaguely irritated.
And then she said my age for
a final time and she left.
- Jesus, Virgin Mary,
you act as if they're real.
Don't you know they hae more to do
than just drop by and see you.
They don't do that kind
of thing, they just don't.
They never have, they never will.
All we've got is what's right here
and we've simply got to get on with it.
On with what?
(sighs) Oh, I'm gonna be
sick, I'm gonna be sick.
(dramatic music)
I'm gonna be sick.
- Poor Charlotte, she takes her religion
rather seriously too.
There are those few people
who consider religion
a form of madness you know.
Terry became serious about it or went mad,
whatever your choice,
some time in her teens.
And she entered the church soon after
and she stayed in the
church until her death.
Terry died serving the
church in Slalom of malaria.
She was 57.
- Are you and Martin
terribly in love Alice?
- Men are not the answer
Terry, I can assure you.
You know last night on
the Queensboro Bridge,
when Martin slumped at the wheel,
I looked at him, and I suddenly
felt like I'd had enough.
Three husbands, five lovers,
two of them adulterers, it's enough.
(ladies laughing)
- I guess so.
- Of course I was brought up to believe
that it takes a man to
make a woman complete.
- So was I.
- Mm-hmm, yet with each passing man,
I felt less and less complete.
- Thank you.
- I can't even swim anymore,
I used to be a good swimmer.
- Swim?
- Yeah, my second husband, he was drowned.
And now I can't swim anymore, hmm.
It's less and less complete.
- Well, at least you and Martin
have something in common.
You respect what he's
trying to do in the theater.
(Terry chuckles)
- What is he trying to
do Terry, just tell me.
I mean you saw the play last
night, what is he trying to do?
- Well I'm not a writer of course.
(ladies laughing)
But I assume if a play makes no sense,
that's a frontier of some kind.
- [Charlotte] Alice, would
you get the door please.
I can see Allen coming
and he has his arms full.
- Oh good, I'm starving.
- Oh, oh.
- [Alice] Oh, oh, so much food.
- [Terry] And stolen in the daytime too.
- Actually it helps to be able to sing.
- Oh gracious.
- [Terry] I'll go get Martin.
- Hey, this is interesting.
A 100% natural flavor, but
it doesn't say what flavor.
- Okra, black-eyed peas,
sauerkraut, that's gonna
be a swell breakfast.
Cut poke salad greens, potato buds,
tuna helper, what kind of
people are the Setleys anyway,
I mean I thought I knew them.
But you really never know anybody
till you go through
their provisions, do you?
Allen, couldn't you just
steal something substantial?
I mean, I know the Setleys are old,
but don't they like to occasionally
sink their tooth into something good?
- Here's a can of chicken.
- Oh chicken, oh that's wonderful.
Alpo, does the word Alpo
mean anything to you?
- Alpo?
- Chicken parts for dogs and puppies.
- Well I couldn't stop to read everything.
- You couldn't stop to read anything.
You can't even steal anything.
Oh, what's gonna become of us.
- Martin's not in his room.
- Are you sure, did you look on the floor.
- I looked everywhere, he's
out, I'll (voice trailing off).
- Oh no, he'll catch is
death in this weather.
I gotta look for him.
- [Charlotte] Oh I'll kill all of you.
Allen.
- Ta-da, bloody deed.
- [Charlotte] Oh.
- Oh God.
(dramatic music)
- Ever since Charlotte's death,
I've seen Allen quite often.
He's still alive and
will probably outlive me,
but then of course,
what I thought I wanted
was to outlive my children.
Allen is the son of a junk dealer, oh, oh.
You don't have to keep
on doing this, you know.
- I want to, after all,
she was my wife, finally.
I want to pay for all of it
and that was one more thousand.
- Oh, which leaves $22,000.
- Mm-hmm, and you'll have it.
I'm doing very well you know.
- You still like it?
- Yes, I just wish Charlotte
could have lived to see it,
me, making a living.
You know by her standards,
I suppose it's really not a living.
Barely enough to pay for her death.
- And you seem very happy.
Oh, I don't mean that unkindly.
- I am happy, I loved Charlotte of course,
I didn't think I could go on without her.
That was the worst part in fact,
when I realized I could.
How easy it is to go on.
(sighs) You read about people
who take their own lives
when they lose someone they love.
You know what I think?
- [Bess] Mm-hmm.
- It isn't because they couldn't go on,
it's the guilt at discovering
how easy it is to go on, hmm.
Bess.
- [Bess] Hmm?
- I ache for Charlotte every day.
But it's a simple matter to go on.
I suppose it was me then selfish.
Thank God.
(solemn music)
- Oh.
(Allen laughing)
- You look awful, you know that?
- What?
- [Allen] I said you look awful.
- Oh, yeah.
- [Allen] How do you feel?
- Like I look.
- You've upset everybody, you know that.
- You've seen the reviews.
- I'm not talking about critics Martin,
I'm talking about people, people.
Your wife, your sister, your mistress.
- I've got to stop writing
plays, I've just got to.
- It's your private
life that's such a mess.
- Yes but see, that's what
I draw on for my plays.
It's bad enough to have to live,
but then to go write about it.
Why is so much expected from me?
- I don't think anybody expects anything
from you anymore Martin.
But personally I'm very
glad you decided to marry.
- Who?
- Who, you married Alice didn't you?
- Oh yes, of course, it's just so cold.
- Hmm.
- What are you eating?
- Okra, black-eyed peas, sauerkraut.
- I love okra.
- Mm-hmm, you want some?
- What time is it?
- Well, it's not eight yet.
- Well I don't want any.
- You know, Charlotte had a
terrible plan worked out for us.
Thank God you're getting
married and spoiled it.
You wanna hear it?
- Oh no, not if it's terrible, no.
Is there anything else to eat?
- Do you like chicken?
- Chicken?
- Mm-hmm, chicken parts, chopped,
would you like me to heat it for you?
- Oh, I don't know, I think
I'm 'bout to pass out again.
- Oh, I'd have the chicken first.
- [Martin] Oh.
- Have the chicken first Martin.
At least let me heat it for you.
If you don't want it,
you don't have to eat it,
but it'll be ready, alright>
- [Martin] You're being
very, very good to me.
- Oh, I wouldn't say that Martin.
Now here, sit down.
Now, what she planned was
for us to move in with you.
- She, who?
- Who do you think, Charlotte.
- Oh, I thought you were still
talking about the chicken.
- She wanted us to live
together, the three of us.
Well, now you don't think that's terrible?
- Well I don't know, I
know I like Charlotte
much more than I like Alice.
- You don't like Alice?
- [Martin] Not really.
- Well what's wrong with her?
- I just don't see how I ever
got to know a person like that.
- Well I just met her of
course, but she strikes me
as kind, compassionate, loving, sensitive.
- Yes but see I'm not used to
that, I'm used to Charlotte.
I grew up with Charlotte, you forget.
- No I don't, Martin, I'll never forget.
- I'm so sorry about all of that.
I wish that there was some way
I could take it all back.
- Well, I'd take,
I'd take Charlotte to Europe
again if I had any money.
Could you see your way to lending me--
- I don't have any money Allen.
- I mean if it's a hit Martin.
- If what's a hit?
- [Allen] Your play.
- Oh my god, I forgot about it.
It's so much worse if you forget
and then you remember again.
(body thudding)
- Oh, you really can't
talk about it, can you?
And you missed having your chicken.
Oh well, I'll just keep it warm for you.
- Oh, there he is.
Oh, oh, I do wish I could get him
to let go of that briefcase.
- Is the gun still in it,
I didn't dare ask him.
- Oh yes, and he must put
it away until the next play.
I will not live with a
man who fires at random.
- [Allen] Martin's sure lucky
to have a woman like you Alice.
- Any man's lucky to
have any woman, face it.
- And you're both lucky to have a talent.
I spent my whole life trying to get rich
on other men's talent.
- Oh, Martin said you were a painter.
- He did.
- Uh-huh, I assumed you painted those.
- You thought I painted those?
- Uh-huh, was I wrong?
- Well, no wronger than I was.
I thought Vermeer, Botticelli, Rembrandt.
- (chuckles) That's ridiculous.
- You see, I speculate on paintings Alice.
That's been my work.
Trying to discover
undiscovered masterpieces
to make a killing on the talent of others.
You know, I have spent my whole life
chasing dead men's left overs.
The kind of artistic ghoul, oh Alice,
you're very lucky to have a talent.
- Have you read my books?
- No, but I were a child I would.
- Well, it's a small talent,
but I've made the most of it.
I was drawn to Martin because I saw in him
a talent comparable to my own.
Yet he will not see it for what it is.
- Hmm, small.
- Modest is a fairer word.
- Yes, but what if Mozart had decided
he only had a small talent.
- (chuckles) Mozart?
- [Allen] Yes.
- Don't be ridiculous, how could he?
He had an enormous talent.
- Oh, it just seems so unfair
for those who have no talent.
- Oh my goodness, if we all had talent,
who'd do the chores?
- Alice, I'd like to show you something.
- Oh, I'm sorry, I don't
recognize the artist.
Who did them?
- I did, they're my sketches.
- [Alice] Oh.
- What do you think?
You know I've never shown
them to anyone before.
Except to Charlotte of course,
but she's so mean about
them, I don't count that.
- Well, are all of them stick figures?
- Mm-hmm, it's a comment.
It's the way I see people, stick figures.
- Yeah.
- Well, what do you think?
- Well you can draw a straight
line, that's for sure.
- You don't like them?
- As a matter of fact,
they would be perfect
to illustrate my new book.
- Your new children's book?
- You draw a lot like I write.
- Then you think it's only a small talent.
- Why am I the only one I know,
who takes joy from a small talent?
(Charlotte groaning)
- Well, looks who's back
and already passed out.
Why didn't you give us a shout?
- I just got here myself.
- [Terry] Oh, it smells good.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, put that down Terry.
- Ooh, that smells terrible,
what do they feed nuns anyway?
That is dog food.
- Oh, I must have opened the wrong can.
- You have fed Martin dog food.
- Oh no, no.
- [Allen] He passed out
before it was ready Alice.
- Martin, Martin, Martin, Martin.
- Oh Alice, I'm glad
you're here, I read it.
- [Alice] You read it, you read what?
- "The Times," the review
in "The New York Times."
- Is that why you went out,
to get a copy of "The
Times" from someone's porch?
- Well they didn't talk about it,
"The Times" must've liked it, it's a hit.
- Oh congratulations Martin.
- It's not a hit, know
this, but it was kind.
It was kind and compassionate.
- In "The Times?"
- You see, he didn't,
he didn't just discuss my new play,
he tried putting my whole
career in perspective.
- Well he owes you that.
- But you see he did it
in terms of his career.
It was so wise and tender.
- You sure you read it in "The Times?"
- He said, that as a
young man he'd been told
by a very good and gifted teacher,
something that he had never forgotten,
something that he was now
having to apply to his life
and that I should apply to mine.
He said that finally,
finally, you have to take
a long hard look at it, at all of it,
and be grateful for the use of the hall.
- For the use of the hall.
- That you are here at all,
that you got to use the hall,
that you had the chance to try.
That's how he ended the review in fact.
He said, "At least I had had the chance,
"I had had the use of the hall."
- Well, it's hardly a money notice.
- Oh, well it means a lot more to me
than any money notice.
- How would you know, you
never got a money notice?
- It's the best notice I'd
ever could have gotten.
You understand, don't you Alice?
- Martin, sit down.
- Sit down, why?
- Because you didn't read
"The Times," you dreamed it.
- (gasping) Oh my God, I did dream it.
I haven't read "The Times."
(body thudding)
(dramatic music)
- Of all Martin's visits,
the one I remember most
occurred soon after that
famous writer killed himself.
No, it was Hemingway, it
was much later than that,
it wasn't William Inge, it was after that.
Very famous writer, very successful,
well he had been in the past,
slippage in recent years of course.
Martin was carrying "The Times"
when he came through the door.
He hardly ever read "The Times,"
so I knew he'd been
reading about the suicide.
Oh, I read it too darling, very sad,
oh very depressing. (laughs)
Martin wasn't grieving for
himself, I can assure you.
Martin was grieving for the fact
that even things that work out
often do not work out.
Surely you've noticed.
Oh, ooh-la-la.
Well darling, there they are.
Now, now, now, now.
- I'm afraid I can't stay today.
- [Bess] Oh.
- I'm in the second act of my new one.
It's giving me fits.
- [Bess] Oh, then you'll be working.
- All day, yes ma'am.
- [Bess] Try to relax some darling.
- I don't get tense like
that anymore Mother,
the way I used to.
(Bess chuckling)
You remember the time
that I thought I was dying
of a heart condition and
cancer simultaneously?
- Dr. Phelps still teases me about that.
Oh, but you were ill.
- Ah.
- [Bess] The doctor prescribed medicine.
- Valium.
- Valium, oh he knows his medicines.
Isn't Valium a bet of hemp.
- I think it's the closest you and I
will ever get to it.
- It certainly worked its wonders on you.
And you seem much calmer these days.
- Well it's not the Valium,
I quit taking Valium long ago.
- Why, don't keep your new
secret from your dear old mother.
What have you found that's better?
- Well I used to worry
about whether or not
I was wasting my life and I don't anymore.
- Well, that's good.
When did you decide
you weren't wasting it?
- I didn't, I just
stopped worrying about it.
- [Bess] How brave.
- You know the only thing I worry about?
And only sometimes, is Charlotte.
I wish I could have loved her more.
- Charlotte's dead,
you're married to Alice.
Worry about loving her more.
- No, I do worry about that.
I can't, any more than
I could love Charlotte.
You know, I have only one passion.
I sometimes wonder if I'd chosen to be
a lawyer, a sculptor, or even a banker,
one of those, I might have
caught on quicker and
had more time for people.
But I chose plays and
the way things are going
it doesn't look as if I'll ever
have time for anything else.
(sighs) Goodbye Mother.
(solemn music)
(Bess sighing)
- Martin didn't die until
a couple of years ago,
and not a suicide.
Well I can't say he
lived a long happy life.
But then who in his right mind does.
He was killed while on an automobile trip.
Alice was driving.
A perfectly dreadful driver.
Yet, needless to say, she survived.
- Oh baby, baby, baby.
He's such a baby himself.
- Boy I hope I'm doing the right thing,
bringing him another.
- Another what, a baby?
Alice.
(ladies laughing)
- I'm in my third month.
Of course I haven't told Martin yet.
- How could you do this to me?
- I hadn't met you yet Charlotte.
- She hadn't met you yet Charlotte.
- Oh Charlotte, Charlotte,
Charlotte, I don't mean to be unkind,
but unfortunately you
failed to head your bets.
Now despite the usual run of calamities,
I've had a good life because I had.
You just can't bet everything on love
or on religion like Terry.
- I know, I know.
- Or on a career.
I bet on all three and
I still barely survived.
And when I lost one of my husbands,
and I loved my husbands, I
really did, I could go on.
Religion was a part of
life, it comforted me.
Not greatly, but it comforted me.
And my talent, I accepted
that for what it was.
And I didn't go around getting all excited
and making a fool of myself.
Oh.
I accepted my limitations, Charlotte,
and I thereby shaped a nice
little life for myself.
- Well I didn't want a nice little life.
I wanted a nice, huge, expensive life.
And I wanted to do it with a little style.
Allen and I chose to live together
without being married,
that's a stylish choice.
And we chose to have babies
without being married,
that's also a very stylish choice.
Tragic as it turned out,
but also very stylish.
And Martin and I continued
to have our relationship
openly and in front of Allen
and that was stylish too.
Oh, why is that 20 years later
all those choices seem so commonplace?
I am appalled at the 20 year old girl
who thought it up in the first place
because what she's got on her hands
is a 40 year old woman
who like to smack her across the mouth.
Alice, how big is your apartment?
- My apartment?
- [Charlotte] Yes.
- Well I have the top two floors
of a brownstone on East 70th.
- That sounds like heaven.
- Stay out of this Terry.
Would you be willing to share?
- Share?
- Yes, suppose we all
came to live with you
to help you take care of the baby.
I mean why can't four, five people,
live together, share their lives.
- Why would I wanna do
something like that?
- No man is an island
and marriage to Martin
must at best be a peninsula,
and you are a little
old to be having a baby.
I'm mean it should give you
comfort to have us there.
- (laughs) No, no all
of us living together.
That just sounds a little immoral to me.
- Oh times are changing Alice.
- Yeah, maybe for nuns,
but not for people.
No wait, it's a possibility.
See 'Cause it would be
more convenient for me
now that I've offered Allen a job.
- Allen, a job, doing what?
- Illustrating her children's books.
- You showed her those stick figures?
- I did.
- [Charlotte] How could
you show her those things?
- She liked them Charlotte.
It's a chance to do something.
- You call drawing stick figures
a chance at doing something?
Oh, everyone in my life has
turned out to be second rate.
Why?
(solemn music)
- One of the publishers
to whom I sent Charlotte's
little collection of poems,
sent them back with a note
saying they weren't even second rate.
Charlotte could never
abide human imperfection,
(chuckles) though surrounded
by it, as we all are.
And the humiliating truth
is, that once she was gone,
Allen and Martin, both
did much better work.
- Well, it's ready.
It's a nice little
breakfast, such as it is.
Shall we eat first and
discuss our future afterwards?
- Shouldn't we wake Martin?
- Aww, don't wake him.
Look, he's smiling.
- Well I'd never wake
anyone who's smiling.
(dishes clanking)
- [Allen] Alice, this is
very tasty, what is it?
- [Alice] Uh-huh, potato puffs.
- I mean it just puffs up like this huh?
- Well, if you add a little water, yeah.
- [Allen] Oh that's wonderful, wonderful,
hmm I love it.
- I wish you could've got some
tuna for the helper Allen.
- [Allen] Oh.
- Alice, your nice little breakfast,
I can't eat it, I just can't.
Thanks for the use of the hall.
I say if you can't win
big, to hell with the hall.
Allen, get up.
We're not moving in with you.
Get up Allen, we are
going to Europe again.
- [Allen] To Europe, how?
- How can we not, with all the Titians
and Rembrandts and Goyas
waiting to be discovered.
- But Charlotte, how can
we afford to go to Europe?
- Simple, we sell the coat.
- [Allen] You mean that?
- Do you expect me to keep a coat
given to me by a married man.
We sail at the end of the week
and we won't come back till we've won big.
♪ Come to the man, times are flowing ♪
- [Bess] Does it matter
that they didn't win big?
Oh, it does.
And I won't bother you with
that part of the story.
Suffice to say they managed
to get through their lives.
Terry died serving the church in Slalom.
Martin on the New Jersey Turnpike.
Well, as for me, I
don't really want to go,
but I have tentatively
picked the year 2000
as my departure date.
And yet, 2001, well that
has a nice ring to it too.
Oh, what is a wasted life?
Only one that's isn't clear.
So, don't worry about these people.
(Bess sighing)
♪ They've said quite enough
about life in the rough ♪
♪ That home on the range
is dreary and strange ♪
♪ I have a great must
to stay upper crust ♪
♪ My credo is simple and pure ♪
♪ The only way to endure
is to strike a death blow ♪
♪ To all that is blue ♪
♪ Begin the waltz ♪
♪ Sway to its melody ♪
♪ Enjoy its pulse ♪
♪ Resist formality ♪
♪ When everyone has
just begin to say when ♪
♪ Go fill your cup again ♪
♪ Forget the crowd, the place, the hour ♪
♪ Make it another martini sour ♪
♪ We'll hire the hall ♪
♪ Just for a curtain call ♪
♪ A world that sings ♪
♪ Is waiting in the wings ♪
♪ It's up to you to tell
the crew where we land ♪
♪ We'll take the tour that's grand ♪
♪ And sail the yacht from
Cannes to Cape Town ♪
♪ Chock up one more ♪
♪ Nervous breakdown, a small retreat ♪
♪ To all that's bittersweet ♪
♪ You'll just adore ♪
♪ When one and two, three, four ♪
♪ If it's born of your feelings ♪
♪ Keep right on reeling ♪
♪ To life's quietest cry ♪
♪ You'll scream with laughter ♪
♪ And simply die ♪
♪ Sway to its melody ♪
♪ Enjoy its pulse ♪
♪ Resist formality ♪
♪ When everyone has
just begun to say when ♪
♪ Go fill your cup again ♪
♪ Forget the call, the place, the hour ♪
♪ Make it another martini sour ♪
- Ooh, my name's Bess and
I'm even older than I look.
I wanted to live till
the turn of the century
to see and hear the year 2000.
I may not make it, but
I'm close. (chuckles)
Oh, what is it now, another
year, no two, three, oh.
It's getting harder to keep track.
And I hoped in my later
years to be bedridden,
and have been and am very grateful.
I have read "Great
Expectations" seven times.
And "All The Russians" thrice.
And feel closer to Anthony Trollope
than any man I ever met.
That in itself is a life fulfilled.
I also wanted to outlive my children.
Now, now that's a perfectly normal wish.
I mean, for them you
wish a long full life,
but then you wish a longer
fuller one for yourself.
Especially if you've devoted your life
to trying to shape theirs.
Well you just naturally want
to see how they turn out,
even though it breaks your heart.
(sighs) Take any summer
they lived through.
Take any winter, a disaster incredibly.
Take the winter of '75,
now in later years,
to hear them tell it,
I didn't know what happened that winter.
Well my God, you certainly
know when your home's
been broken into, don't you?
Ha, you don't actually have to be there
to know you've been violated.
Though in fairness to
Allen, I should explain.
Those oil paintings, not mine, mm-hmm.
Mine are of Maxfield Parish's.
Photographs for the homey touch.
And Mr. Parish's prints, hmm?
Well they passed for taste in my day.
(upbeat whimsical music)
(blowing nose loudly)
(singing in foreign language)
(painting banging)
♪ I wonder if ever ♪
♪ You'll want me to ♪
♪ I'll be waiting ♪
♪ Just waiting ♪
♪ For you ♪
- Oh God, oh God, oh, oh, it's so cold.
Oh God.
It is colder in here than it is out there.
Oh, oh, oh.
(breathing heavily)
Oh, you decided to burn the Rembrandt.
- Well, you never believed in it.
- I never believed in any of it.
I never believed in us.
In you and I, educated, white
for God's sakes, Americans.
And don't tell me who's
president, I won't blame him.
That you and I could have
got ourselves into this mess
in the year 1975 on the Island of Long.
- No.
- Here.
- Here, here, oh.
(Allen grunting)
Where'd you get the beans?
- Where do you think I got them?
- You broke into the Setleys again huh?
That's a long way to walk.
- Not when you're hungry.
- Why didn't you go to the grocer?
I mean, I know he's a little surly,
but at least he still gives us credit.
- The grocer is two miles
away, the Setleys are one.
Now that the car has been repossessed
I prefer doing my
business with the Setleys.
- They're gonna catch
you one of these days,
you know they will.
They're not a dumb couple.
I mean old doesn't mean dumb.
- They're not likely to catch me
if I only steal one can at a time.
But if they do, I will throw
myselves upon their mercy.
I will remind them that I
grew up here as a child.
I was one of the rich kids
down the block. (laughs)
And now I've grown up
and things have not
worked out and I'm hungry.
They're Americans, they'll understand.
Do you know, do you know,
I passed a rabbit on my way to the Setleys
and I stopped and I thought,
could I kill that rabbit?
I mean, that actually entered my mind,
how to kill a rabbit.
I'm a graduate of Bryn
Mawr for God's sake,
what am I doing wanting to kill a rabbit?
- Well, you're hungry,
it's perfectly natural.
- It's not natural for a graduate
of Bryn Mawr to get that hungry.
Why don't you do something?
- Charlotte, if you wanted someone
who'd kill the rabbits for
you, you picked the wrong man.
I went to NYU, what about the coat?
- What about the coat?
- Well, why don't you call Mr. Larson?
- 'Cause I don't wanna call Mr. Larson.
- [Allen] It could solve things you know.
- For how long a month, two months?
I don't call that solving things.
- Well who knows what
may happen in two months.
- I know, not much.
- Well, the least you can do
is stop sitting around in it all the time.
- I sit around in it all the time
because I am cold all the time.
That is another reason
I do not sell the coat.
It keeps me from freezing to death.
Or in other words, I feel I
have a chance of living longer
if I don't sell it.
(Allen laughing)
- That is not the reason.
- Liar.
- No wonder you're so
sentimental about it.
After all, it's the only
thing he ever gave you.
- It's the only thing he
gave me I could bring home.
He's coming here tonight.
Scare ya?
- What do you mean he's
coming here tonight?
- I mean I invited him
to come here tonight
after it's all over to
pull himself together.
- Pull himself together, here?
Sometimes it takes months for
him to pull himself together.
- Oh yes, maybe we should all move
into his place until he recovers.
- So that's it.
- Well somebody had to solve it.
Somebody had to do something
and I've solved it.
We are moving back to the city again
to see real people, real rich people.
I've got to, I've got to assure myself
that I'm not going berserk,
that rich people do not go broke.
Stony broke, rich people.
- Charlotte, we've never been rich.
- Oh yes we have in my mind.
That's why I fear it's snapping.
- And you're not gonna solve it
by bringing Martin and
me under the same roof.
We've never done that before.
It's been a point of pride with me
and you can't ask me
to start doing it now.
- You've both been here in the summers.
- Not together we haven't.
- Well I've been here with both of you.
- At different times!
- [Charlotte] Oh.
- Charlotte, look if he, if
he tried to make love to you
in front of me, you know what I'd do?
I'd kill him, I'd kill him!
- And if you tried to make love to me
in front of him, he would kill you too,
so don't get silly about that.
(Allen blowing lightly)
Now Allen, don't pout.
He'd been a better provider
maybe yes, but this way, no.
- It's not as if I never work you know.
- It's exactly as if you never
work, because you never work.
- Have you forgotten the year
we tried raising chinchillas?
- (laughs) Oh, oh yes, but
it took nearly a decade.
You forgotten how sick they got.
- Oh, it wasn't that bad.
- There's nothing sicker
than a sick chinchilla.
From 48 chinchillas we got enough fur
for the collar of your coat.
Not even the lapels, just the collar.
(Charlotte sighing)
Hold me for a minute.
- You woke me five times
last night you know.
- I know, you were very nice about it.
Be nice now.
(Allen chuckling)
- Better?
- Not really, no.
- Then why do you keep asking me to do it?
- I keep hoping it will work.
It used to, you'd hold me
and I'd be just wonderful.
And now you hold me and
I'm just, I'm just nothing.
- Then stop waking me up at
night why don't cha, huh?
- I keep hoping.
- Give up.
- Hold me tighter.
I have this terrible feeling.
- That's something's gonna happen?
- And nothing's going to happen.
- Charlotte, you don't think that
any of this batch is real, hmm?
- I know none of it is real.
So does every reputable
art dealer in New York.
So does every disreputable
art dealer in New York.
- Oh, if I could just raise enough money
for another crack at Europe.
- That's what got us into
this mess in the first place,
all those cracks of Europe.
- You know, I was sure I
had something this time.
I mean maybe not the Rembrandt,
but something, something.
- What, the Van Gogh?
Even I can tell that
it's not a real Van Gogh.
- Well I know it's different, but,
it could have been painted at an off day.
- All Van Gogh's paintings
are painted on an off day.
That one would have to have
been painted on an on day.
Oh, when I think of what
we've done with our lives.
If I smoked, smoke now.
If I drank, I'd drink.
If I cried, I'd cry.
I do so little.
Well, Martin could be here
in another hour, thank God.
- Won't he go to a
party after the opening?
- What party, he don't give
parties after his openings.
- You sound like it's already a flop.
- Well I'm sure it will be,
that's what Martin writes, are flops.
Somebody's gotta write the flops
or else how will know when
they have a hit. (laughs)
- Well, why does he have to come here?
Now why didn't you just go there?
- And see the play?
Don't be ridiculous.
(traffic roaring)
Al, Al, is that somebody
coming up the road?
- If it's Martin, things
must've gone badly.
He didn't stay to see the second act.
- If it's not Martin
we're in a lot of trouble.
(gasping) It's stopping here.
Quick, help me turn out the lights.
- [Allen] Why?
- [Charlotte] Because we're
not supposed to be here.
- I know we're not supposed to be here,
I mean technically we may
have broken and entered.
- What do you mean technically?
We literally, we have broken and entered.
- Charl, you do own part
of this place you know.
- I own none of it, I stand to inherit
part of it when Bess dies.
(gasping) It's not Martin,
it's somebody in taxi.
(car door slamming)
- Maybe he was too depressed to drive.
- Shh, it's a woman, keep quiet.
- Well, if we don't want
her to know we're here,
shouldn't we at least hide, hmm?
- Oh yeah.
(engine roaring)
(door slamming)
(dramatic music)
- Oh, I hasten to explain.
Neither Charlotte or
Allen is a child of mine.
One of mine is about to come
through that door however.
Did you notice that reference to my dying.
It never entered Charlotte's
mind I'd outlive her.
Charlotte was the daughter
of my dearest friend Tess
and it was our dream,
my dream, Tess' dream,
that Charlotte would marry my son Martin,
whose fourth Broadway play
was opening this night.
Oh, Charlotte fell in love with Allen,
the son of a junk dealer.
Well, a junk dealer who got lucky.
In the trash piles of Europe,
he found a real Botticelli,
promptly had a heart seizure and died.
Allen inherited the Botticelli money,
which is why Charlotte
never married my son.
Personally, I've never
cared for Botticelli,
before or since.
(Terry sighing)
(suspenseful music)
- There's someone here isn't there?
I can feel it, I can feel a presence.
Oh, please speak, just one word.
- Anything?
(Terry gasping)
(gasping) Terry.
- Charlotte.
- Oh Terry.
I'm so glad to see you.
Oh Terry, Allen, Allen come
out, it's Terry, come out.
- Terry, Terry! (laughs)
I don't even recognize you.
- [Charlotte] Well who wouldn't,
she looks just wonderful.
Darling, you look just wonderful.
- Fabulous.
- [Charlotte] What does it all mean?
- It means that I look wonderful, I hope.
- Well yes, but I...
- Charlotte's just surprised at the civi.
Sit down, sit down Terry.
- I've been wearing civilian
clothes for three years now.
- Three years.
- [Terry] Uh-huh.
- Do they know?
- Oh yes, we all wear
civilian clothes now.
At least everyone in my order.
- [Charlotte] Even the Mother Superior?
- Uh-huh, Lois too.
I'm afraid our Mother
Superior aren't so superior
as they used to be.
- Lois, you're calling her Lois?
- [Terry] Mm-hmm.
- Sister Mary Magdalene?
- Marcella, Mother Mary Marcella.
- Oh, Sister Mary Marcella, right.
And you, they're not calling you
Sister Clotilda Dominique anymore?
- No.
- Well, that's nice.
- So, how goes it Ter,
what brings you here?
- [Terry] I need to be
by myself for a few days.
- Why, did something happen?
Did you and the Mother, did
you and Lois have words?
- No Charlotte, I just needed
to think things through.
- Oh, how much wiser if you
had done that 20 years ago.
- But can you just leave
a convent like that?
- Oh Allen, I haven't lived
in a convent for four years.
- Well, where have you lived?
- East Harlem.
- [Allen] Oh.
- I share an apartment with
a couple of the other girls.
- I see, well that sounds like fun.
- What made you decide to come here?
- What do you wanna be here
in the winter for Allen?
You have a lovely home in Niag.
- Had Terry, had.
- You see, we lost our place Terry.
- You lost it?
- [Allen] Mm.
- Well, we still know where it's located,
it's just that they, they
took it away from us.
- Well how long have you been living here?
- Well, we broke in one frosty
September morn. (laughs)
- Oh, does my mother know?
- If Bess knew, would have greeted you
with lights out and behind furniture?
- Look, why don't I fix
us all a nice drink.
What do you say?
- Oh swell, with what?
- [Allen] We're out?
- We're out.
- I have a bottle of wine with me.
- You do?
- You have?
(Allen and Charlotte cheering)
- Oh wonderful, I'm
glad to see some things
in the church haven't changed.
- Oh, wine's not the exclusive province
of Catholics Charlotte.
- [Allen] Here you are.
- It's very protestant of
you to think it is though.
Low protestant.
To us, as we used to be.
- Oh, what a lovely toast.
- It sure is.
As we used to be.
(Terry coughing)
- Mmm.
- Ah.
- Doesn't that go down nice?
- Oh, yes. (laughs)
- Oh it's lovely, thank you.
- Is that purse your only luggage?
- Well I, I came on impulse.
I was doing something else
this evening and I suddenly
got so depressed, I had
to be alone. (sobbing)
- Oh.
- Oh well, what I was wondering is,
do you have a change or would you like me
to lend you something to relax.
- Yes, why don't you get
her something Charlotte,
it's a very good idea.
- [Terry] Don't you like this?
- Oh yes, yes of course, it's fine really.
- You don't like it Charlotte.
- No, no, you look, you look great Terry.
You look just great.
- Well, you should say if you don't.
Really, I don't mine.
- Oh, it's so good to have
you here Terry, really it is.
I mean you and your wine, how 'bout that.
- Terry, we like it just fine,
now we said we like it, now
stop behaving like a teenager.
- Well, I am a teenager about clothes.
I've only been buying
them for three years.
I'm still very insecure about it.
You know I need advice
and I appreciate it too.
- Well now, ask and you shall receive.
Take that off right now.
- [Allen] Yeah, let me take this.
- Slip into one of these.
- Right now?
- Well, the sooner the better.
Which one do you like?
- I like the blue one.
- Well they're both lovely.
(Allen laughing)
I've never worn anything like this before.
- Here now, put your little arm in there.
- You don't mind?
- [Allen] There we go.
- If the church doesn't, I don't.
Let's see now.
- Look at how beautiful.
- Oh.
- What.
- [Charlotte] That's a very
becoming color for you Terry.
- It is, isn't it?
- Yes.
- Ooh.
- Everybody's supposed to
have a color, aren't they?
- [Allen] Mm-hmm.
- I wonder if this is my color.
- [Allen] I think it is, I think it is.
- Stop.
(people laughing)
- Oh, I'm a little chilly.
- Hey come on, stand by the fireplace,
we're trying to use as
little heat as possible.
- You'll see how little
when you journey
northward to your bedroom.
- You see, we haven't
turned on the gas yet.
- Yet, it's January.
- I thought it was getting a little nippy.
(Allen laughing)
- Look, if you don't have any gas,
how do you cook anything?
- Well, actually there hasn't
been all that much to cook.
- You can't even afford food?
- [Both] Mm-hmm.
- These are pork and beans.
I stole them from a back
porch down the road.
- And it's all we've had since yesterday.
(Charlotte laughing)
- When I stole a box of Post Toasties.
- Which we drank with water.
(Charlotte and Allen laughing)
- That's a poor life, it
sounds like such a mess.
- Well I should think a nun would have
a little more stomach for poverty.
- But Charlotte, you came from money.
Your mother left you plenty, didn't she?
- To charity yes, but not to Charlotte.
- She didn't want me to
have that awful unweed
that inherited money produces. (laughs)
- I never even heard
you two discuss money.
- Ah, that's because we always had it.
Now I realize it must be
what poor people discuss
all the time. (laughs)
- You know Terry, I
have always envied you,
your kind of life.
I have Charlotte, I really have.
I mean, in many ways it
must be quite wonderful.
- It was in the beginning, uh-huh.
I had as high hopes for my
marriage as any woman does.
- Your marriage?
- I think she means to Jesus Christ.
- Oh.
- There wasn't anything
I wouldn't have done
for him in the beginning.
(sighs) But I suppose
I also had the feeling
from the beginning,
(chuckles) that perhaps
I wasn't really the
kind of woman he wanted.
- Well, who in her right
mind would think she was?
- Then it came a day where well,
it just wasn't there anymore.
- Are we still talking about Jesus?
- Yeah.
- So I thought to myself, all right,
not now, later, I'll see him later.
Only I haven't, I haven't
seen him in years.
When you have, how shall
I put it, lived apart.
I never stopped looking though, or hoping.
I still love him.
- Oh my God, when you came
through that door tonight
that's who you thought we were?
(Terry laughing)
- I hoped yeah.
(sobbing) But I'm not
the only one you know.
I've talked with others.
He and many nuns are astray.
- Well, is it any wonder
you're all uprising?
- [Terry] If you'll excuse
me, I wanna go to my room.
- Go ahead, go ahead honey.
- [Charlotte] Yes.
- Do I still look like a nun?
- [Charlotte] Oh yes Terry, you do.
- Thank you.
- (sighs) Why did she ask that?
- Well, she wouldn't wanna get herself
so gussied up that he
wouldn't recognize her.
- Mm-hmm, well if she does decide
to leave the church, what then?
- Simple, they open the gate,
they give her $200 to
see her down the road.
- You don't suppose she's
already left the church, hmm?
- No Allen, I do not think
she has the $200 on her now.
- You know, I think, I think I always knew
that wasn't a Vermeer, mm-hmm.
- [Charlotte] Oh really?
- [Allen] Hmm.
- What tipped you off,
the $40 we paid for it?
Or the fact that after we got careless
and left it behind in Rome,
the hotel mailed it to us, Italians.
- You know it looks good here.
Oh God, I love this room, I love it!
I love the feel of this
place, I just love it.
- I know you love this place Allen.
- Ooh.
- You also loved our house.
Face it darling, you adjust very easily.
But, we can't stay here forever.
We've simply got to throw
ourselves upon Martin's mercy.
- Charlotte, Martin and I
have had at least a dozen
fist fights over the years.
- Over 20 years, that's not a bad average
for these troubled times,
for two men deeply in
love with the same woman.
- That's right, but he's
never actually lived with you.
- Oh as children we lived
together here ever summer,
I told you that.
We would have these mock weddings.
- Mm-hmm.
- Bess was the preacher.
- Mm-hmm.
- I must have married Martin a
half a dozen times, at least.
Every summer.
- Charl, why didn't you marry me?
- Oh please, don't start
that old song again.
It was a very stylish choice at the time.
And there weren't a dozen
couples in all Manhattan
living together as openly as we were.
Today, everybody lives together.
It's very humiliating.
But it, it proved our point.
I mean we said it was the commitment
and not the ceremony that mattered.
And here we are 20 years
later, side-by-side,
for better or for worse.
Even though it happens
to be rotten. (chuckles)
And speaking of fires that
are beginning to go out.
- Oh I'll go, you know
I wonder if the Setley's
have any sardines.
- Sardines?
- Yep.
- I can't stand that stench.
You steal sardines,
you'll eat them outside.
Be careful darling, the
Setley's have a gun you know.
- No, I didn't.
What kind?
- Well a long one.
- [Allen] A rifle?
- Yes, they waved it to
me last week as I passed.
- A rifle.
Charlotte, I've never been
in the war, in any of them,
I've missed all our wars.
- Oh I hardly think you
need that kind of training.
- Well I need something.
I need more than I've got if
I wanna keep opening doors
and going through them.
- You always hate going out.
- I always hate going out
because I'm always afraid
that I'm gonna get
killed before I get back.
- [Charlotte] Darling, do you think
I would let you risk your life?
The Setleys are very old.
The best they could do is wind you.
- I don't wanna be winged.
- Well then don't go.
- I'm hungry.
- Life is complex.
But if it ever should happen that way,
I mean, if I were actually gunned down,
I would like you to be there with me.
I wouldn't be afraid to
die with you at my side.
- Charlotte, I'm touched.
- You do know, I couldn't
go on without you don't you?
Even though you've brought me
to the lowest level I have ever known.
- If you do hear shots, come running.
I'd love to die by your side too.
- How sweet.
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ La, la, la ♪
♪ La, la, la, la ♪
♪ Tee, da, da, dee ♪
♪ Da, da, da, da ♪
♪ Ain't we got fun, yeah ♪
♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, ♪
♪ Aint we got fun ♪
♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪
♪ Da, dee, dee, da ♪
♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪
♪ On the kettle you hear ♪
♪ Every morning, every evening ♪
♪ Ain't we got fun, yeah ♪
- [Bess] The last time I saw Charlotte,
was in this hospital.
That wasn't an easy visit,
though she had invited me.
Well they had her at
Johns Hopkins for a time,
now she was back at Manhattan.
I'd paid all her hospital bills,
I thought she wanted to thank me,
but she didn't.
- Here.
- What are these?
- I want you to have them, don't ask why.
- Well I don't have my glasses.
- Wait till you get home to read them.
- Poems, (chuckles) are they poems?
- No, they're more like thoughts.
I've had one of the
orderlies type them up,
but they're a mess.
You see he didn't like them
because they didn't rhyme.
- I've never known you
to be creative Charlotte.
- Well, the results aren't in yet.
Read them and then decide.
- You always poo pooed Martin's work, so.
- That's because Martin's
work deserved it.
Mine deserves it, don't hesitate.
- I shan't, what are they about?
- I like to think of them as hate sonnets.
All the things I've spent a
lifetime hating, I still hate.
- Well I know we've never
been very close Charlotte.
- Let's not ruin it now.
- I only want to say I'm
sorry, it isn't fair.
- I can't talk about that Bess.
(sighs) You'll have to go now.
- Well, you want these back
after I read them?
- [Charlotte] If you
don't like them, sure.
Bye Bess.
- [Bess] I didn't like them. (chuckles)
When I tried to do something with them,
finally I had them privately
printed, a hundred copies,
bound in leather, quite handsome.
I give them as gifts.
♪ Ain't we got fun, yeah ♪
- [Bess] Nobody likes them.
♪ Hey dear, we haven't
a buck or a nickel ♪
♪ But smiles were made dear ♪
♪ Poor people I've got, yeah ♪
♪ Every winter, every summer we have fun ♪
♪ Times are bum and getting
bummer still we have fun ♪
♪ There's nothing surer ♪
♪ The rich get richer and
the poor get children ♪
♪ In the meantime, in between time ♪
♪ Ain't we got fun ♪
Did you forget that part
was in it Charlotte?
The poor get children.
- I had four children.
- Oh, why do you say that?
- Don't you tell me
they were all stillborn.
Clutter your mind with
details and you'll go mad.
What have you produced?
At least I tried.
- I can't believe how cold it is upstairs.
- You know what this place
is like in the winter.
What made you decide to come here?
- I had a bad evening, I was upset.
- Oh, what happened?
- Hmm, I'd prefer not to talk about it.
(Charlotte laughing)
- I know what you did this evening.
- Oh.
- You went to Martin's opening.
- How'd you guess that?
- Oh, that look of pain on your face.
- The audience talked back.
I've never heard that happen before.
- [Charlotte] What'd they say?
- They called for the author.
- But that's good.
- Five minutes into the play?
- (laughs) I see.
But you got here so early,
didn't you stay for the second act?
- There was no second act.
Martin didn't give it an intermission.
I suppose so no one could
leave at intermission.
- [Charlotte] Of course.
- Only they did anyway.
- [Charlotte] Did what anyway?
- They just sort of made
their own intermission.
- You, you at least stayed
until the end, didn't you?
- I think I did, it was hard to tell.
With so many people in the aisles.
What I wanted was to find Martin.
That's what made me think of this place.
I knew after a play like that,
he'd have to hide out somewhere.
I thought maybe here.
I wanted to take him in
my arms and hold him.
And tell him what went through my mind
while I watched the play tonight.
That he was making a
difference to all those people.
To the ones still in their seats
and to the ones leaving. (sobbing)
And the newspaper, "The Post,"
and "The News," and "The Times,"
and at that very moment reserving space.
Space for Martin.
This was a night that
they wouldn't soon forget.
That's when I knew I did
nothing with my life.
I did a few good deeds.
I've fed the hungry and
I've clothed the naked,
but Martin upset a theater full of people
and it's the fourth time he's done it.
All that space from all
those angry critics. (laughs)
Oh, I'd love to hold him in
my arms and congratulate him.
- Well, I have good news for you.
He will be here tonight.
- Martin's coming here tonight?
- Yes.
- Charlotte, I couldn't face him,
not after seeing the play.
What is that?
- What?
(boards creaking)
- There's somebody on the porch.
- No, what?
- It's Martin.
- [Charlotte] No.
- He's here already, I'm going to my room.
- [Charlotte] No, it's not
Martin, it couldn't be Martin,
we would've heard a car.
It's Allen back with the firewood.
Look, look, you see.
You see, the doorknob is rattling.
That's because he's got his arms full.
- [Both] Ooh.
- Hi, hi, I'm Alice.
- Hello Alice.
I'm Charlotte and then this is Terry.
Who is this?
- Oh Martin.
- Is it really?
- Yeah, could you help me
get him over to the couch?
- Well, well, of course.
I still don't recognize him.
Of course I've never seen
him so stewed you know.
Oh Terry, you thought you had
a look of pain on your face.
Here, just let him go.
(ladies groaning)
- Listen, listen, should
we try to get him on
to one of the bedrooms, hmm?
- No, I'll go get a blanket.
- [Alice] Oh thank you.
- But, where is Martin's car?
How did you get here?
- Oh, we had an accident just up the road.
Oh, I was driving.
I took the wheel when Martin passed out.
- When did he pass out?
- Oh early, crossing
the Queensboro Bridge.
See I, I turned the radio on.
I thought music might soothe him.
Shh, but all I heard was,
"Tonight at the Cort
Theatre, a play over ..."
(Martin groaning)
(ladies shushing Martin)
With that, Martin slumped at the wheel.
Why we almost crashed into a railing,
and we would've if it
hadn't been for my reflexes,
which happen to be remarkable.
- But I thought you
said, you did just crash.
- Oh yes, right up the
road, we ran into a ditch.
I was startled out of my wits.
It was like an apparition.
I could swear a man was
sitting on a snowbank,
eating little fish.
- Yes, Allen.
- That's Allen?
Oh, I've heard Martin speak of him.
- And me, have you heard
Martin speak of me too?
- I feel I know you Charlotte.
- And yet I know nothing about you.
Martin didn't even tell us
you'd be with him tonight.
- Oh well, I'm Alice Spilkin.
I'm a friend of Martin's.
- Surely you can say more
for yourself than that.
- Oh, I thought Martin
might like a little wine.
- Oh, it's very, very thoughtful of you.
Who are you Terry, are you
another old friend of Martin's?
- I'm his sister.
- [Charlotte] And a sister of the church.
- You're Sister Clotilda Dominique?
Oh Martin is very proud of you Sister,
what you chose to do with your life.
- [Charlotte] And Terry's
very proud of what Martin
chose to do with his life.
- [Terry] Oh, how did you
think it went tonight?
- Well, Martin's writing is
an acquired taste at best.
And when you've been with
one of his plays for a while,
you know rehearsals and previews,
it's like a child whose
looks you've come to accept.
But then, then the critics arrive,
and they've had no preparation,
and they're just as stunned as I was
the first time I read it.
Here, here, open your mouth, come on.
Here comes the choo-choo.
(Martin groaning)
Come on.
- [Charlotte] Alice,
how did you meet Martin?
- [Alice] Through my husband.
- Oh, you're married?
- Well, through my late husband.
- [Charlotte] Oh, I see.
- You lost your husband.
- [Alice] Hmm.
- Oh Alice.
- Alice, I have had four miscarriages
and after that, two false pregnancies.
- Well, not only was my second husband
killed in a car crash,
but my first husband died in the war.
- Alice, how long have you known Martin?
- Several years.
- You've been friends for several years.
- Yes.
- Why didn't he ever mention you to me?
- (chuckles) Well, he
didn't think you'd like me.
(ladies laughing)
He kept saying that, now isn't that silly.
- Well, he's not an imperceptive man.
- Oh, well that's what drew us together.
Our shared perception.
Cover this up.
- Are you telling me that you write too?
- Yes, yes I do.
- Plays?
- Oh, I'm not that brave, books.
- Anything published?
- [Alice] Several.
- Anything we might recognize?
- Well I doubt it, you
see I write for children.
- Oh.
- "The Long and the Short Of It."
- No.
- "Rattle 'Round the Moon?"
- No.
- "Goodnight, Goodnight?"
- Are you that sleepy?
- No, it's the ...
- Oh, it's the title. (laughs)
- Funny, you are funny.
You know I won the Caldecott Award
for "The Long and Short Of It."
It's the story, a love story
of a chipmunk for a giraffe.
- That won the Caldecott Award?
- In a walk.
- In 1963, I tried to reach a
member of the Pulitzer Family,
I even placed a call to St. Louis,
I wanted to complain about their awards.
- [Alice] Are you a writer?
- No, but I read and that
gives me a right to complain.
- Sugar, Sugar.
- Oh.
- Oh Martin, I'm no Sugar.
- Are you sure you want sugar darling?
- Sugar.
- No, he wants me, I'm Sugar.
- [Martin] Sugar!
- Here there, here there, Sugar is here.
- Sugar!
- Sugar is here sweetness.
- [Charlotte] Martin, who is this woman?
- Oh, oh hello Charlotte.
And who's that with you?
- That's your sister Terry.
- Sister Clotilda Dominique,
it went that badly they sent
you home from the convent.
- No, no, no, we don't know anything yet.
It's not time for the TV notices.
- And we won't know anything ever.
(ladies screaming)
- Oh, where, where did
you get that pistol?
- I gave it to him, an opening night gift.
- An opening night gift, why?
- Why it's what he wanted.
Martin would never shoot a critic,
but somehow having it there loaded,
on his lap opening night, it
made it easier to get through.
Didn't it darling?
- [Martin] Oh.
- [Alice] Now you put it away.
Come on, back in the briefcase.
Come on, put the gun away.
- Martin.
- [Martin] Hi.
- Who is this woman?
I demand an answer.
- All right, it's all right.
Charlotte, he could not
go on any longer alone.
- Alone, how dare you?
He, he has me, he always will.
- Charlotte, you won't even
come to my opening nights.
- Oh, that's not the point.
- I wouldn't be surprised
if you're living together.
If you have moved in.
You've taken over one of the bedrooms,
you have, haven't you?
Admit it.
- Martin has given up his apartment,
he's moved in with me.
- Well, well,
my life is over.
It's only a little after 11 too.
Terry, turn on the television set.
- No.
- [Charlotte] Turn it on Terry.
- No, don't do it.
- Oh, why me!
- Will you put that gun away.
- All right, I will turn it on myself.
- Listen, I would not make that mistake
if I were you Charlotte.
Charlotte!
- You would rather shoot me,
than hear one of your reviews.
- Don't mommy the issue.
- Now Martin, Martin I
think that is the issue!
Martin cares only about
his work Charlotte,
not you, not me, he has one passion!
- He had no passion and I love
him anyway and I always will!
i gave you 20 years of my love
and you repaid me by
moving in with this woman.
Well, that's my bad review.
Now let's see how you did.
- Charlotte, no!
- [Announcer] And now a report
from our entertainment editor.
- Tonite at the Cort Theatre,
a play opened, which this review ...
- No, no, not!
(gun firing)
- Martin, I've always hated going out
and now you've ruined coming in for me.
(firewood crashing)
(slow dramatic music)
(Bess laughing)
- I wonder the winter
of '75 was disastrous.
However, even I didn't
remember it was quite this mad.
But then, the times were
terrible in general.
The country was having a breakdown.
Scenes like this occurring
in living rooms everywhere.
Hmm, you do remember the
winter of '75, don't you?
- Who is it?
- Who is it?
It's your beloved.
- Who, oh yes, Charlotte.
It's just your face is upside down.
- Well it's not the first time
you've seen it upside down.
Ho, ho, ho.
(both moaning)
- Where are we?
What happened?
- Darling, don't you remember?
I tried to calm you down last night.
- Oh my god, are we, are we dead?
- [Charlotte] No, no.
- Thank God.
- [Charlotte] You missed.
- I'm so glad.
- [Charlotte] I knew you'd feel that way.
- What time is it?
- Dawn.
- What am I doing down here on the couch,
why aren't I in the bed?
- Darling, to get you to
bed, we needed Allen's help.
And of course he wouldn't.
- Of course he wouldn't, of course.
- I must say I'm glad to see you
looking like your old self again.
- Well I'm not my old
self again Charlotte.
And I probably never will be again.
It was the worst opening night yet.
Charlotte, they called for the author.
- [Charlotte] I know, I know.
- I wanted to stand up and
shout later, that comes later.
But of course, I couldn't
risk anybody figuring out
that I was the author.
- Perhaps you should have
done something simpler with your life.
- I don't know, judging by
that audience last night,
I think they feel that I
did something pretty simple.
- Oh, maybe we should make love now.
- Make love now?
- Yes.
- Charlotte, what brought this up?
- I did, I thought it might
take your mind off last night.
(Martin groaning)
- No, if it is all the same Charlotte,
I think I would rather
just pass out again.
- Well it is not all the same.
I love you for God's sakes.
- Well, if you love me,
then help me to bed.
- That depends on what you
have in mind once we get there.
- Charlotte, for heaven's sake,
there is a time to make love
and there is a time not to make love.
- And after 20 years,
you leave me.
- Come on, come on, Charlotte.
- I know we did your favorite.(laughs)
- Charlotte, for heaven's
sake Charlotte, Allen.
- Allen happens to be
taking his morning walk.
If there is one thing I'm
not, it is indiscreet.
- Wait a minute, didn't
I bring somebody with me?
- Shh, forget her.
- My God, Alice.
- Don't you, don't dammit.
Oh Allen, hello darling.
Well, you're back so soon.
That was a very short walk.
Have you been working hard darling?
- Where's Martin?
- Oh in my firm insistence,
he finally went to bed.
- Why were you like that last night?
- Like what?
I thought I was pretty good.
I didn't even flinch when he fired.
- I mean afterward in bed with me.
- Oh, did I flinch then?
Oh darling, I'm so sorry.
It was a delayed reaction.
- You were wonderful and you know it.
I'm more in love with you
this morning than ever.
- Oh well, that's nice.
- You were fantastic.
- Oh, must've been all the gun play.
Maybe I should have been a camp follower.
- Oh, I had a terrible dream last night.
- You did?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, tell me about it.
- It was about you and me and the babies.
It was as if they all lived.
They were much older, three
beautiful girls and a boy.
The six of us, we were all
wearing chinchilla coats.
We were herded into this
room and we had to wait,
it seemed like most of the day.
Then the door finally opened.
Several men entered
and gunned us all down.
It was terrible.
We died, we died Charl.
With all our babies this time.
- Well darling, we are not royalty.
Nobody's going to gun us down.
We simply got to go on without the babies.
- Good morning.
(Alice sneezing)
- Good morning.
- Oh good morning, you have a cold too?
- Oh no, no, I'm just chilled.
I like fresh air as
much as the next person,
but what's going on in those
bedrooms is ridiculous.
(Allen laughing)
Well, has anyone thought
about breakfast yet?
- Oh yes, I think about it a lot.
- Well, why don't we
do something about it?
- Tell her the truth Allen,
you've caught us without money.
- I see, so what should
we do about breakfast.
- You're not following
any of this are you?
- I think I am, you want me
to treat you to breakfast.
- Yes, you are following us.
- Is there a good breakfast place nearby?
I'm thinking of Martin,
he'll need nourishment when he comes,
how did you ever get him upstairs?
- I made promises I have yet to keep.
- Oh, well of course, if he does come to,
he'll know that a dozen
reviews are now in print.
And he'll pass right out again.
- Well I'm proud of him.
For all his pain, he's the only one of us
who is making his mark.
- Yeah, but so far, his mark
has been humiliating hasn't it?
- May I quote you?
- Oh, I don't mean for me, I mean for him.
I use my maiden name
professionally, and I always shall.
- You're maiden name?
You and Martin are married?
- Yeah.
- Well, well, well, let's wonderful Alice.
Congratulations to Martin
and best wishes to you.
- Stay out of this Allen.
When were you married?
- The day rehearsals
began for the new play.
- I think we should celebrate,
don't you Charlotte?
- Shut up, Allen.
Whose idea was it?
- That we get married?
- [Charlotte] Yes.
- Martin's of course.
- Martin's.
- Charlotte, I am going to
the Setley's for provisions.
We're gonna have a feast
to toast the newlyweds.
Congratulations again Alice,
I think it's wonderful.
Just wonderful.
- I hate that son-of-a-bitch.
- Your husband?
- Allen, I never married
Allen and I'm proud of it.
- [Alice] Well I understood
that you were married.
- Who told you that?
- Well, Martin of course.
- Oh, Martin.
I could never marry Allen after
what happened with Martin,
but I don't suppose Martin
told you about himself and me.
- Oh, of course he did.
He's a writer, what do you think
writers do at night in bed, have sex?
No, they talk, they ponder,
they dredge up everything.
He told me how free you were
with each other as children.
- Free?
- Yeah, how as children
you played marriage.
- Oh, (chuckles) oh you can't be a child
and play marriage.
And we really played marriage. (laughs)
It cost me my innocence.
And yet he's the only man
who ever really made me feel innocent.
- Hey, do you know something?
You know you're right.
I have had three husbands and five lovers,
two of them adulterers,
and yet he still makes me feel innocent.
- If I'd done all that nothing
could make me feel innocent.
(ladies laughing)
- You know, you mean you, no
you've had only two, ever?
Allen and Martin, ever?
- That's is correct.
- Oh, how terribly sad.
- I wouldn't know.
- Oh take my word for it, it's sad.
- I'm trying to like you
Alice, it's very hard.
- Well listen, I appreciate the effort.
Who's that?
Oh, good morning.
- Morning.
[Charlotte] Morning.
- Good morning Charlotte.
I had a visitation. (chuckles)
- A what?
- During the night, a
wonderful visitation.
- Oh, don't tell me, he
finally dropped in on you.
- No, she did.
- Mother.
- Who's Mother?
- Well Jesus is Alice, Jesus.
- Are you talking about the Virgin Mary?
- It's the first time
that's ever happened to me.
- What's she like?
- Oh, she's just marvelous.
- I always suspected she would be.
Tell me about it, please,
I'm really interested.
- Well she suddenly
opened my bedroom door,
came into my room, sat
on the edge of the bed.
- [Alice] Did she speak?
- Yeah, it was wonderful.
It was terrifying, but it was wonderful.
- [Alice] Well, what did she say?
- Well, she began my mentioning Jesus.
In fact, she apologized for him.
- Apologized?
- [Terry] Yeah, mm-hmm.
- Oh, because it'd been so
long since he dropped by?
- That's right, yeah.
But she said that it was something
that I would learn to live with.
- Yes, well millions have.
(Terry sobbing)
Oh, well what did she say then?
- [Terry] Then she did
a rather strange thing.
- [Charlotte] Well what?
- She told me my age.
- [Charlotte] Didn't you know it?
- No, I hadn't thought about it in years.
- Oh, the life of a nun.
- She just looked at me and she said,
"Terry, you're 35 now,
you're halfway home."
- I don't see anything
so wonderful about that.
- Well, did she say anything else,
besides telling you your age?
- Yes, she said, "I
had to get on with it."
- On with what?
(Terry laughing)
(sobbing) On with it.
She said, "I just had to
get on with all of it."
- Oh, what did she do then?
- Well, this part's
rather difficult for me.
She implied that I hadn't
done very much with my life.
- Uh-huh, how did she imply that?
- Well she said, "Terry, you haven't done
"very much with your life."
It isn't adding up is it?
- Well how dare she?
To you of all people.
Well, I mean you've fed the
hungry and you clothed the poor.
My God what chance do the rest of us have?
I tell you, if she walks into my room
and did something like that to me,
I will have a complete nervous breakdown.
- How'd you think I felt Charlotte?
It was my life that was being discussed.
- Oh don't kid yourself,
it was aimed at all of us.
- What did you say after she said that?
- Well I'm afraid I didn't
handle myself very well.
I broke into tears.
- [Alice] Oh yeah, was it any wonder.
- I never cried like that
before in my whole life,
it was a deluge, my top quilt
is still damp. (chuckles)
- [Alice] Well what did she do?
- She was sitting on the
top quilt, so she got up.
- [Alice] And then?
- She stood there, staring down at me,
looking vaguely irritated.
And then she said my age for
a final time and she left.
- Jesus, Virgin Mary,
you act as if they're real.
Don't you know they hae more to do
than just drop by and see you.
They don't do that kind
of thing, they just don't.
They never have, they never will.
All we've got is what's right here
and we've simply got to get on with it.
On with what?
(sighs) Oh, I'm gonna be
sick, I'm gonna be sick.
(dramatic music)
I'm gonna be sick.
- Poor Charlotte, she takes her religion
rather seriously too.
There are those few people
who consider religion
a form of madness you know.
Terry became serious about it or went mad,
whatever your choice,
some time in her teens.
And she entered the church soon after
and she stayed in the
church until her death.
Terry died serving the
church in Slalom of malaria.
She was 57.
- Are you and Martin
terribly in love Alice?
- Men are not the answer
Terry, I can assure you.
You know last night on
the Queensboro Bridge,
when Martin slumped at the wheel,
I looked at him, and I suddenly
felt like I'd had enough.
Three husbands, five lovers,
two of them adulterers, it's enough.
(ladies laughing)
- I guess so.
- Of course I was brought up to believe
that it takes a man to
make a woman complete.
- So was I.
- Mm-hmm, yet with each passing man,
I felt less and less complete.
- Thank you.
- I can't even swim anymore,
I used to be a good swimmer.
- Swim?
- Yeah, my second husband, he was drowned.
And now I can't swim anymore, hmm.
It's less and less complete.
- Well, at least you and Martin
have something in common.
You respect what he's
trying to do in the theater.
(Terry chuckles)
- What is he trying to
do Terry, just tell me.
I mean you saw the play last
night, what is he trying to do?
- Well I'm not a writer of course.
(ladies laughing)
But I assume if a play makes no sense,
that's a frontier of some kind.
- [Charlotte] Alice, would
you get the door please.
I can see Allen coming
and he has his arms full.
- Oh good, I'm starving.
- Oh, oh.
- [Alice] Oh, oh, so much food.
- [Terry] And stolen in the daytime too.
- Actually it helps to be able to sing.
- Oh gracious.
- [Terry] I'll go get Martin.
- Hey, this is interesting.
A 100% natural flavor, but
it doesn't say what flavor.
- Okra, black-eyed peas,
sauerkraut, that's gonna
be a swell breakfast.
Cut poke salad greens, potato buds,
tuna helper, what kind of
people are the Setleys anyway,
I mean I thought I knew them.
But you really never know anybody
till you go through
their provisions, do you?
Allen, couldn't you just
steal something substantial?
I mean, I know the Setleys are old,
but don't they like to occasionally
sink their tooth into something good?
- Here's a can of chicken.
- Oh chicken, oh that's wonderful.
Alpo, does the word Alpo
mean anything to you?
- Alpo?
- Chicken parts for dogs and puppies.
- Well I couldn't stop to read everything.
- You couldn't stop to read anything.
You can't even steal anything.
Oh, what's gonna become of us.
- Martin's not in his room.
- Are you sure, did you look on the floor.
- I looked everywhere, he's
out, I'll (voice trailing off).
- Oh no, he'll catch is
death in this weather.
I gotta look for him.
- [Charlotte] Oh I'll kill all of you.
Allen.
- Ta-da, bloody deed.
- [Charlotte] Oh.
- Oh God.
(dramatic music)
- Ever since Charlotte's death,
I've seen Allen quite often.
He's still alive and
will probably outlive me,
but then of course,
what I thought I wanted
was to outlive my children.
Allen is the son of a junk dealer, oh, oh.
You don't have to keep
on doing this, you know.
- I want to, after all,
she was my wife, finally.
I want to pay for all of it
and that was one more thousand.
- Oh, which leaves $22,000.
- Mm-hmm, and you'll have it.
I'm doing very well you know.
- You still like it?
- Yes, I just wish Charlotte
could have lived to see it,
me, making a living.
You know by her standards,
I suppose it's really not a living.
Barely enough to pay for her death.
- And you seem very happy.
Oh, I don't mean that unkindly.
- I am happy, I loved Charlotte of course,
I didn't think I could go on without her.
That was the worst part in fact,
when I realized I could.
How easy it is to go on.
(sighs) You read about people
who take their own lives
when they lose someone they love.
You know what I think?
- [Bess] Mm-hmm.
- It isn't because they couldn't go on,
it's the guilt at discovering
how easy it is to go on, hmm.
Bess.
- [Bess] Hmm?
- I ache for Charlotte every day.
But it's a simple matter to go on.
I suppose it was me then selfish.
Thank God.
(solemn music)
- Oh.
(Allen laughing)
- You look awful, you know that?
- What?
- [Allen] I said you look awful.
- Oh, yeah.
- [Allen] How do you feel?
- Like I look.
- You've upset everybody, you know that.
- You've seen the reviews.
- I'm not talking about critics Martin,
I'm talking about people, people.
Your wife, your sister, your mistress.
- I've got to stop writing
plays, I've just got to.
- It's your private
life that's such a mess.
- Yes but see, that's what
I draw on for my plays.
It's bad enough to have to live,
but then to go write about it.
Why is so much expected from me?
- I don't think anybody expects anything
from you anymore Martin.
But personally I'm very
glad you decided to marry.
- Who?
- Who, you married Alice didn't you?
- Oh yes, of course, it's just so cold.
- Hmm.
- What are you eating?
- Okra, black-eyed peas, sauerkraut.
- I love okra.
- Mm-hmm, you want some?
- What time is it?
- Well, it's not eight yet.
- Well I don't want any.
- You know, Charlotte had a
terrible plan worked out for us.
Thank God you're getting
married and spoiled it.
You wanna hear it?
- Oh no, not if it's terrible, no.
Is there anything else to eat?
- Do you like chicken?
- Chicken?
- Mm-hmm, chicken parts, chopped,
would you like me to heat it for you?
- Oh, I don't know, I think
I'm 'bout to pass out again.
- Oh, I'd have the chicken first.
- [Martin] Oh.
- Have the chicken first Martin.
At least let me heat it for you.
If you don't want it,
you don't have to eat it,
but it'll be ready, alright>
- [Martin] You're being
very, very good to me.
- Oh, I wouldn't say that Martin.
Now here, sit down.
Now, what she planned was
for us to move in with you.
- She, who?
- Who do you think, Charlotte.
- Oh, I thought you were still
talking about the chicken.
- She wanted us to live
together, the three of us.
Well, now you don't think that's terrible?
- Well I don't know, I
know I like Charlotte
much more than I like Alice.
- You don't like Alice?
- [Martin] Not really.
- Well what's wrong with her?
- I just don't see how I ever
got to know a person like that.
- Well I just met her of
course, but she strikes me
as kind, compassionate, loving, sensitive.
- Yes but see I'm not used to
that, I'm used to Charlotte.
I grew up with Charlotte, you forget.
- No I don't, Martin, I'll never forget.
- I'm so sorry about all of that.
I wish that there was some way
I could take it all back.
- Well, I'd take,
I'd take Charlotte to Europe
again if I had any money.
Could you see your way to lending me--
- I don't have any money Allen.
- I mean if it's a hit Martin.
- If what's a hit?
- [Allen] Your play.
- Oh my god, I forgot about it.
It's so much worse if you forget
and then you remember again.
(body thudding)
- Oh, you really can't
talk about it, can you?
And you missed having your chicken.
Oh well, I'll just keep it warm for you.
- Oh, there he is.
Oh, oh, I do wish I could get him
to let go of that briefcase.
- Is the gun still in it,
I didn't dare ask him.
- Oh yes, and he must put
it away until the next play.
I will not live with a
man who fires at random.
- [Allen] Martin's sure lucky
to have a woman like you Alice.
- Any man's lucky to
have any woman, face it.
- And you're both lucky to have a talent.
I spent my whole life trying to get rich
on other men's talent.
- Oh, Martin said you were a painter.
- He did.
- Uh-huh, I assumed you painted those.
- You thought I painted those?
- Uh-huh, was I wrong?
- Well, no wronger than I was.
I thought Vermeer, Botticelli, Rembrandt.
- (chuckles) That's ridiculous.
- You see, I speculate on paintings Alice.
That's been my work.
Trying to discover
undiscovered masterpieces
to make a killing on the talent of others.
You know, I have spent my whole life
chasing dead men's left overs.
The kind of artistic ghoul, oh Alice,
you're very lucky to have a talent.
- Have you read my books?
- No, but I were a child I would.
- Well, it's a small talent,
but I've made the most of it.
I was drawn to Martin because I saw in him
a talent comparable to my own.
Yet he will not see it for what it is.
- Hmm, small.
- Modest is a fairer word.
- Yes, but what if Mozart had decided
he only had a small talent.
- (chuckles) Mozart?
- [Allen] Yes.
- Don't be ridiculous, how could he?
He had an enormous talent.
- Oh, it just seems so unfair
for those who have no talent.
- Oh my goodness, if we all had talent,
who'd do the chores?
- Alice, I'd like to show you something.
- Oh, I'm sorry, I don't
recognize the artist.
Who did them?
- I did, they're my sketches.
- [Alice] Oh.
- What do you think?
You know I've never shown
them to anyone before.
Except to Charlotte of course,
but she's so mean about
them, I don't count that.
- Well, are all of them stick figures?
- Mm-hmm, it's a comment.
It's the way I see people, stick figures.
- Yeah.
- Well, what do you think?
- Well you can draw a straight
line, that's for sure.
- You don't like them?
- As a matter of fact,
they would be perfect
to illustrate my new book.
- Your new children's book?
- You draw a lot like I write.
- Then you think it's only a small talent.
- Why am I the only one I know,
who takes joy from a small talent?
(Charlotte groaning)
- Well, looks who's back
and already passed out.
Why didn't you give us a shout?
- I just got here myself.
- [Terry] Oh, it smells good.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, put that down Terry.
- Ooh, that smells terrible,
what do they feed nuns anyway?
That is dog food.
- Oh, I must have opened the wrong can.
- You have fed Martin dog food.
- Oh no, no.
- [Allen] He passed out
before it was ready Alice.
- Martin, Martin, Martin, Martin.
- Oh Alice, I'm glad
you're here, I read it.
- [Alice] You read it, you read what?
- "The Times," the review
in "The New York Times."
- Is that why you went out,
to get a copy of "The
Times" from someone's porch?
- Well they didn't talk about it,
"The Times" must've liked it, it's a hit.
- Oh congratulations Martin.
- It's not a hit, know
this, but it was kind.
It was kind and compassionate.
- In "The Times?"
- You see, he didn't,
he didn't just discuss my new play,
he tried putting my whole
career in perspective.
- Well he owes you that.
- But you see he did it
in terms of his career.
It was so wise and tender.
- You sure you read it in "The Times?"
- He said, that as a
young man he'd been told
by a very good and gifted teacher,
something that he had never forgotten,
something that he was now
having to apply to his life
and that I should apply to mine.
He said that finally,
finally, you have to take
a long hard look at it, at all of it,
and be grateful for the use of the hall.
- For the use of the hall.
- That you are here at all,
that you got to use the hall,
that you had the chance to try.
That's how he ended the review in fact.
He said, "At least I had had the chance,
"I had had the use of the hall."
- Well, it's hardly a money notice.
- Oh, well it means a lot more to me
than any money notice.
- How would you know, you
never got a money notice?
- It's the best notice I'd
ever could have gotten.
You understand, don't you Alice?
- Martin, sit down.
- Sit down, why?
- Because you didn't read
"The Times," you dreamed it.
- (gasping) Oh my God, I did dream it.
I haven't read "The Times."
(body thudding)
(dramatic music)
- Of all Martin's visits,
the one I remember most
occurred soon after that
famous writer killed himself.
No, it was Hemingway, it
was much later than that,
it wasn't William Inge, it was after that.
Very famous writer, very successful,
well he had been in the past,
slippage in recent years of course.
Martin was carrying "The Times"
when he came through the door.
He hardly ever read "The Times,"
so I knew he'd been
reading about the suicide.
Oh, I read it too darling, very sad,
oh very depressing. (laughs)
Martin wasn't grieving for
himself, I can assure you.
Martin was grieving for the fact
that even things that work out
often do not work out.
Surely you've noticed.
Oh, ooh-la-la.
Well darling, there they are.
Now, now, now, now.
- I'm afraid I can't stay today.
- [Bess] Oh.
- I'm in the second act of my new one.
It's giving me fits.
- [Bess] Oh, then you'll be working.
- All day, yes ma'am.
- [Bess] Try to relax some darling.
- I don't get tense like
that anymore Mother,
the way I used to.
(Bess chuckling)
You remember the time
that I thought I was dying
of a heart condition and
cancer simultaneously?
- Dr. Phelps still teases me about that.
Oh, but you were ill.
- Ah.
- [Bess] The doctor prescribed medicine.
- Valium.
- Valium, oh he knows his medicines.
Isn't Valium a bet of hemp.
- I think it's the closest you and I
will ever get to it.
- It certainly worked its wonders on you.
And you seem much calmer these days.
- Well it's not the Valium,
I quit taking Valium long ago.
- Why, don't keep your new
secret from your dear old mother.
What have you found that's better?
- Well I used to worry
about whether or not
I was wasting my life and I don't anymore.
- Well, that's good.
When did you decide
you weren't wasting it?
- I didn't, I just
stopped worrying about it.
- [Bess] How brave.
- You know the only thing I worry about?
And only sometimes, is Charlotte.
I wish I could have loved her more.
- Charlotte's dead,
you're married to Alice.
Worry about loving her more.
- No, I do worry about that.
I can't, any more than
I could love Charlotte.
You know, I have only one passion.
I sometimes wonder if I'd chosen to be
a lawyer, a sculptor, or even a banker,
one of those, I might have
caught on quicker and
had more time for people.
But I chose plays and
the way things are going
it doesn't look as if I'll ever
have time for anything else.
(sighs) Goodbye Mother.
(solemn music)
(Bess sighing)
- Martin didn't die until
a couple of years ago,
and not a suicide.
Well I can't say he
lived a long happy life.
But then who in his right mind does.
He was killed while on an automobile trip.
Alice was driving.
A perfectly dreadful driver.
Yet, needless to say, she survived.
- Oh baby, baby, baby.
He's such a baby himself.
- Boy I hope I'm doing the right thing,
bringing him another.
- Another what, a baby?
Alice.
(ladies laughing)
- I'm in my third month.
Of course I haven't told Martin yet.
- How could you do this to me?
- I hadn't met you yet Charlotte.
- She hadn't met you yet Charlotte.
- Oh Charlotte, Charlotte,
Charlotte, I don't mean to be unkind,
but unfortunately you
failed to head your bets.
Now despite the usual run of calamities,
I've had a good life because I had.
You just can't bet everything on love
or on religion like Terry.
- I know, I know.
- Or on a career.
I bet on all three and
I still barely survived.
And when I lost one of my husbands,
and I loved my husbands, I
really did, I could go on.
Religion was a part of
life, it comforted me.
Not greatly, but it comforted me.
And my talent, I accepted
that for what it was.
And I didn't go around getting all excited
and making a fool of myself.
Oh.
I accepted my limitations, Charlotte,
and I thereby shaped a nice
little life for myself.
- Well I didn't want a nice little life.
I wanted a nice, huge, expensive life.
And I wanted to do it with a little style.
Allen and I chose to live together
without being married,
that's a stylish choice.
And we chose to have babies
without being married,
that's also a very stylish choice.
Tragic as it turned out,
but also very stylish.
And Martin and I continued
to have our relationship
openly and in front of Allen
and that was stylish too.
Oh, why is that 20 years later
all those choices seem so commonplace?
I am appalled at the 20 year old girl
who thought it up in the first place
because what she's got on her hands
is a 40 year old woman
who like to smack her across the mouth.
Alice, how big is your apartment?
- My apartment?
- [Charlotte] Yes.
- Well I have the top two floors
of a brownstone on East 70th.
- That sounds like heaven.
- Stay out of this Terry.
Would you be willing to share?
- Share?
- Yes, suppose we all
came to live with you
to help you take care of the baby.
I mean why can't four, five people,
live together, share their lives.
- Why would I wanna do
something like that?
- No man is an island
and marriage to Martin
must at best be a peninsula,
and you are a little
old to be having a baby.
I'm mean it should give you
comfort to have us there.
- (laughs) No, no all
of us living together.
That just sounds a little immoral to me.
- Oh times are changing Alice.
- Yeah, maybe for nuns,
but not for people.
No wait, it's a possibility.
See 'Cause it would be
more convenient for me
now that I've offered Allen a job.
- Allen, a job, doing what?
- Illustrating her children's books.
- You showed her those stick figures?
- I did.
- [Charlotte] How could
you show her those things?
- She liked them Charlotte.
It's a chance to do something.
- You call drawing stick figures
a chance at doing something?
Oh, everyone in my life has
turned out to be second rate.
Why?
(solemn music)
- One of the publishers
to whom I sent Charlotte's
little collection of poems,
sent them back with a note
saying they weren't even second rate.
Charlotte could never
abide human imperfection,
(chuckles) though surrounded
by it, as we all are.
And the humiliating truth
is, that once she was gone,
Allen and Martin, both
did much better work.
- Well, it's ready.
It's a nice little
breakfast, such as it is.
Shall we eat first and
discuss our future afterwards?
- Shouldn't we wake Martin?
- Aww, don't wake him.
Look, he's smiling.
- Well I'd never wake
anyone who's smiling.
(dishes clanking)
- [Allen] Alice, this is
very tasty, what is it?
- [Alice] Uh-huh, potato puffs.
- I mean it just puffs up like this huh?
- Well, if you add a little water, yeah.
- [Allen] Oh that's wonderful, wonderful,
hmm I love it.
- I wish you could've got some
tuna for the helper Allen.
- [Allen] Oh.
- Alice, your nice little breakfast,
I can't eat it, I just can't.
Thanks for the use of the hall.
I say if you can't win
big, to hell with the hall.
Allen, get up.
We're not moving in with you.
Get up Allen, we are
going to Europe again.
- [Allen] To Europe, how?
- How can we not, with all the Titians
and Rembrandts and Goyas
waiting to be discovered.
- But Charlotte, how can
we afford to go to Europe?
- Simple, we sell the coat.
- [Allen] You mean that?
- Do you expect me to keep a coat
given to me by a married man.
We sail at the end of the week
and we won't come back till we've won big.
♪ Come to the man, times are flowing ♪
- [Bess] Does it matter
that they didn't win big?
Oh, it does.
And I won't bother you with
that part of the story.
Suffice to say they managed
to get through their lives.
Terry died serving the church in Slalom.
Martin on the New Jersey Turnpike.
Well, as for me, I
don't really want to go,
but I have tentatively
picked the year 2000
as my departure date.
And yet, 2001, well that
has a nice ring to it too.
Oh, what is a wasted life?
Only one that's isn't clear.
So, don't worry about these people.
(Bess sighing)
♪ They've said quite enough
about life in the rough ♪
♪ That home on the range
is dreary and strange ♪
♪ I have a great must
to stay upper crust ♪
♪ My credo is simple and pure ♪
♪ The only way to endure
is to strike a death blow ♪
♪ To all that is blue ♪
♪ Begin the waltz ♪
♪ Sway to its melody ♪
♪ Enjoy its pulse ♪
♪ Resist formality ♪
♪ When everyone has
just begin to say when ♪
♪ Go fill your cup again ♪
♪ Forget the crowd, the place, the hour ♪
♪ Make it another martini sour ♪
♪ We'll hire the hall ♪
♪ Just for a curtain call ♪
♪ A world that sings ♪
♪ Is waiting in the wings ♪
♪ It's up to you to tell
the crew where we land ♪
♪ We'll take the tour that's grand ♪
♪ And sail the yacht from
Cannes to Cape Town ♪
♪ Chock up one more ♪
♪ Nervous breakdown, a small retreat ♪
♪ To all that's bittersweet ♪
♪ You'll just adore ♪
♪ When one and two, three, four ♪
♪ If it's born of your feelings ♪
♪ Keep right on reeling ♪
♪ To life's quietest cry ♪
♪ You'll scream with laughter ♪
♪ And simply die ♪