For Richer, for Poorer (1992) - full transcript

- Hey, fella.
- Huh?

You thinking
of jumping?

- Why, what's it to you?
- Nothing.

- You got any cash?
- Huh?

It's not gonna do you
any good down there.

Oh, for...

Much obliged.

Nice watch.

Thank you.
You have a nice day.

Hey, fella,
it's none of my business,

but you really
picked a lousy spot.



- What are you talking about?
- There's too much traffic.

You jump here,
a car could swerve, cause an accident,

hurt some people.

You'd never
forgive yourself.

Oh, I guess
you're right.

Thank you.
Where would be a good spot?

There's an on-ramp
over there.

I bet it'd be perfect.
I'll show you if you'd like.

Oh, you're
very kind.

See? Isn't this better?

Much better.
Thanks again for your help.

My pleasure.

Hey, you mind
if I watch?

I never saw anyone
do this before.



If it bothers you,
just say so.

- I don't mind.
- Great.

I'll just stay over here.
Give you a little privacy.

- Excuse me.
- What?

I got some other things to do today,
if you're gonna be awhile.

No no no no.

I mean, I could go,
and I could come back.

There's no need for that.

I can't do it.
I cannot do it!

Oh, hell,
who needs this?

Wait wait, look,
I have no place to stay.

No place to go.
I'll need some money.

Hey, what am I,
the Salvation Army?

You need money,
go get a job and earn it.

Come on,
I'll buy you a drink.

So why'd you want
to end it all?

- Nothing to live for.
- You had a hard life?

Not always.

This time last year
I had $10 million.

Oh yeah, sure.

I did.
I had everything.

I had a beautiful home
in Beverly Hills.

Beautiful wife
and a beautiful mistress.

A beautiful dog.

Most beautiful of all,
I had a son, Michael.

He just graduated from college
and was traveling through Europe.

And I had a lot
of good friends.

Aram, you already got
that full house?

lt'll cost you 10
to find out.

I'm out!

Me too.

Aram, I will...

see your 10

and raise you 10.

- Oh, be still my heart.
- I fold.

Now let us see.

He needs a straight
to beat what's showing,

but three eights
were already out.

Now does he have
the necessary eight of spades?

Well, it'll cost you
10 to find out.

Come on, come on.

Wait, I have to
do this logically.

Will you notice Harry
is looking me straight in the eye?

For 20 years, whenever he looked
anybody in the eye, forget it,

he was bluffing.
When he really had the goods,

he just looked down
at his hand.

But a couple of months ago,
he must have figured I was onto him

because he reversed
himself, and ooh, it worked.

He did pretty good
for a couple of weeks.

But last week I realized
what was going on,

and I took him
for a bundle.

So this week, he has
probably reversed himself again,

which should mean
he does not have

the necessary
eight of spades.

Would you please put
your money where your logic is?

All right, all right,
all right.

10 and I raise
you 10.

I will see your 10
and 20 more.

I could be wrong,
but a man has to do

what a man has to do.

- Did you say 20?
- 20.

20 and I will
raise you 30.

Ooh, Harry, the price
of poker just went up.

I will see your 30,
and I will raise you...

one, two, three, four,
five... 50!

I am going to
raise you 100.

100, 100, damn!

I love it.
I love it. I love it.

This could go on
all night.

How could you be sure
he didn't have the eight of spades?

He could have been pulling a double
reverse. He might have had it.

That would have
made two of us.

You bastard, you.

Oh, what a night. Good jokes,
good pastrami, I made a bundle.

And ooh, to top it off, I got
to humiliate one of my closest friends.

It doesn't get
better than this.

I had a thriving business.

A business I built up from nothing,
that I was very proud of.

I had a dozen stores,

but I treated each
as if it were the only one.

Come in.

Sir, what can
I do for you?

Mr. Katourian, you're on another
inspection tour, I see.

No no, Mr. Macrae.
I don't inspect. I spy.

I spy on box boys,
butchers, checkers.

What I spy
with my little eye,

I do not like,
Mr. Macrae.

- Problem?
- Yes, a problem.

A problem with the supervision
of this supermarket.

Do you follow baseball,
Mr. Macrae?

- A little.
- Strike one.

I asked a clerk
in the vegetable section,

"Where are the fresh
chick-peas?"

Without looking up, he said,
"Three aisles over to your left."

In a Katourian market,
when a customer asks

the location of an item,
what should happen?

The employee should personally
take the customer

to the desired item.
I tell the staff regularly

- that it's their job...
- Strike two.

I had to wait behind five customers
at the checkout counter.

At a Katourian
checkout counter,

what happens when three
or more customers form a line?

Another counter is opened. The
vegetables arrived late this morning.

- I told the staff...
- How are eggs bagged, Mr. Macrae?

Always on top of the bag,
of course.

Staff knows that.
Otherwise, they get broken.

Would you find the eggs
in that bag, please?

Strike three.

Mr. Katourian...

Mr. Macrae I do not procure the finest
organically grown eggs

from the finest organically grown
chickens so that my customers

can find an organically grown mess
at the bottom of their shopping bags.

Go ahead.

- Yes.
- Is Mr. Katourian there?

Yes, he's here.

- Hello.
- Aram.

- Oh, yes, Millie.
- Michael called.

- Oh, he did, Michael called?
- I just talked to him.

- Where from?
- The airport.

The airport here in LA?
He's home?

- Yes.
- Tell him to wait there, I'll get him.

- No, he's taking a taxi.
- He's okay? He sounds all right?

- He's fine.
- Good, I'll be right home.

Macrae, keep up
the good work.

Yes, sir.

- Good disguise, huh?
- One of your best.

Oh, Michael, oh!

There he is!

Hey, wave at the camera.
Wave at the camera!

- Face the camera.
- Dad! Hi, Dad!

- Hi, Dad!
- Still going, still going.

There we go.
It's so good to see you, son.

Hey, this is Bob.
Dad, Mom... Bob.

Do me a favor.
Could you hold that camera there?

Get on that side.
Here we go.

Point it at us.
That's it.

Up a little, I think. Can you see
all three? Okay. There we go.

Wonder if Michael gave any thought
to a career while he was away.

Why didn't you ask him?

I didn't want
to pressure him.

You know,
first night home.

I didn't want him to feel like he's
gotta get up tomorrow

and start looking
for a job.

Very important decision
what a young man does with his life.

I don't wanna
push him.

Yes, sir.

Again, the pool.

He was there when I went to work
this morning.

He didn't spend
all day lying there, did he?

No, he had a friend
over and they played some tennis.

Tennis, good.

It's funny.
I can't understand it.

I mean,
it's been 10 days.

When I was his age,
I had three jobs.

I was taking
a night course

in business
administration,

knocking myself out trying to get
somewhere in the world.

You should talk to him.
You never talk to him.

Hey, this has
to come from him.

If he wants to try
to make something of himself,

it has to be because
he wanted to do it.

And he will.
That I know.

You want him
to be like you, Aram?

No, I don't want him
to be like me.

I just don't want him
to be like him.

Hey.

- Hey!
- Hey, Dad, how you doing?

Fine fine.
How are you doing?

- Great.
- Good.

- Good party last night?
- That was the night before.

Went to a concert
last night with my friend Linda.

- Oh, Linda. Rock concert, right.
- Yeah.

Party was okay.
Concert was a little disappointing.

That's too bad.

And a baseball game
tonight.

No no, change of plans. Some friends
are going to The Comedy Store.

- They asked me to go.
- Busy busy busy.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Dad, what time is it?
- 6:00

I think I'll go in
and take a nap for an hour

before I get dressed.
Kinda sleepy.

Got to bed late
last night, huh?

Yeah, then Shaggy
woke me up at 6:00 in the morning.

I couldn't get
back to sleep.

Yeah, he always barks
when I'm driving away.

- I'll try to keep him quiet.
- Thanks, Dad.

Price check on four,
please.

Young man, could you
tell me which melon is the ripest?

I think you'll find
this is the sweet one.

The texture is nice
and rough,

and you can even hear
a little liquid.

- It should be just right.
- Thank you. You do your job very well.

Well, thank you,
Mr. Katourian.

- I should have worn the false eyebrows.
- No, I saw you

rearranging the tomatoes
when you thought no one was looking.

I'd heard stories about you.
I put two and two together.

- What's your name?
- Steve Harrison.

Steve, you're a very
bright young man, Steve.

I think maybe you're ready to handle
a more responsible position.

- The Northridge branch...
- That's very kind of you.

But I'm leaving next week.
I'm going back to school.

I just took a semester off
to earn some money.

- What are you studying?
- Architecture.

Oh, architecture,
that's a wonderful field.

Well, I'm sure you'll succeed
at whatever you do.

- Thank you.
- Good luck, Steve.

I'll bet your parents are very
proud of you.

I hope so.

Price check from produce,
please.

What's he doing?

Michael?
He's by the pool.

What could be going on
in the boy's head?

He's been out of college
for six months.

There's not been
one word about a job.

What's he wanna be,
a bum all his life?

I have to speak
to him, don't I?

Yes, Aram,
you really should.

God, it's so hard.

We get along
so well,

and I am terrified
of spoiling that.

God, I love that boy
so much, Millie.

He loves you too,
and he won't stop loving you

just because you tell
him how you feel.

Probably.

- Thank you so much.
- Good night.

Dad, you would have been proud
the way I got it out of that sand-trap.

- Why get in the sand?
- It was there.

- This is great, huh?
- Mmm-hmm.

Mom was gonna have
an early supper

before she joined her bridge group.
I said, "Oh, no.

No no no, Michael and I, thank you,
are gonna eat out."

We'll have a real
boys' night out, huh?

- Right.
- Yeah.

This reminds me of that commercial.
I know you've seen it.

I think it's a beer commercial.
Anyhow, the father and son,

they're sitting at a table
in a restaurant like this,

and they're
celebrating something.

Yeah, like, the son
got a great new job.

He passed the bar exam.
It was something like that.

It had a nice warm
feeling to it, you know?

And they were eating
these big thick juicy steaks,

and they were each
holding a mug of beer.

- Hi, can I get you something to drink?
- I'll have a Heineken.

I'll have a pina colada.

Okay.

Your mother asked
me the other day,

do I know anything
about your plans for a career.

- Oh, yeah?
- Mothers mothers mothers.

They always gotta
worry about something, don't they?

I said, "Hey, Millie,

he's gonna make his
own mind up in his own time,

and then he will go out
and he will do it.

And there is no need
to even discuss it."

That's what I told her.

I told her.

One thing I do want
you to know, though.

Whatever you do
decide on, I am behind it 100%.

- Thanks, Dad.
- Here you go.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

I'm not one of those
fathers that says,

"Hey, you have to follow
in my footsteps," or any of that.

Whatever you want
to do, you know?

You want to be, a what,
a lawyer, a stockbroker,

a deep sea diver?
Okay, whatever.

That is what
I want for you.

You're your own man.

I was wondering about
one thing, though,

and that is if you were leaning
in any particular direction.

I know you've given this a lot
of thought, and if maybe you might

have narrowed
it down a little,

like business as opposed
to a profession.

- No, not really.
- Not really, no.

Well, I just wanted
to get a general idea,

you know, or like,
medicine, let's say.

You know, a veterinarian
or a psychoanalyst, a surgeon.

- Anything like that?
- Nothing like that.

Do you remember in biology
when I had to dissect a frog?

I threw up right
in the middle of the class.

It could be that you're just not cut
out for the healing arts.

I don't think so.

Ever give any
thought to law?

Oh, what a magnificent
profession.

I don't know.
I hate the idea of taking sides.

- Advertising, advertising.
- Advertising?

Your Uncle Sam
has a lot of agency contacts.

I'm sure he'd be glad to help
you get started.

Getting people to buy things they
don't want, don't need and can't afford?

I couldn't live
with myself.

After that I spent a few
days near Lake Balaton.

It's in Hungary.
It's truly magnificent.

You should go
when you have a chance.

That sounds very nice.

- Let's see, 15% of $52.
- About eight bucks.

Accounting. You were
always good at math.

Not really.
Only compared to my other grades.

Besides, being cooped up
in an office all day

helping rich people
cheat on their taxes...

Well, maybe you'd rather work outdoors.
There's nothing wrong with that.

A lot of our people are still in
the wine business around Fresno.

Nah, just doesn't
interest me.

Come on, Michael. Now there has
to be something in this world

that you want
to do, something.

I guess I'm doing it.

Yeah yeah.

- Still awake?
- Yeah yeah, I'm up. I'm up.

Good.

I have to talk
a little bit more.

These past months,
see, I was assuming

that you were trying
to figure out what sort of career

you wanted to pursue,
which was fine by me.

You take all
the time you need.

It never occurred to me that you might
be considering no career at all.

I mean, that's hard
for me to take in.

I can't conceive
of life without work.

I have to work.

Dad, I guess if you
have to, you have to.

Well, it's not just a matter of having
to work, you see?

The fact that I
started with nothing

and through hard work
was able to achieve what I have,

can you imagine
what a satisfaction,

what a joy
that is to me?

Sure.

Someday I want you
to feel that joy, too.

How can I?

- What do you mean?
- Thanks to you,

I'm starting
with everything.

Dad.

The light.

Uh-huh.

Yes, okay.

Well, we've just gotten
the initial reports

on the over-the-counter
dealings in New York.

- What happened?
- Well, do you remember

when you first approached
my firm about handling

the initial public
offering of Katourian stock?

I told you then I thought that
the first day it was listed

it would rise a little,
close around 41, 411/8.

- Yes.
- Well, I'm afraid I was wrong.

It just closed
at 443/8.

443/8.

Mr. Katourian, on the shares you hold,
you made a profit today

- of approximately...
- Never mind approximately.

That's $2,231,250.

You're very good
with numbers.

Not numbers, just dollars.
Come here, Mark.

Stuart told me that
you were a very bright young man.

Now if you don't mind
my asking, how did you get started

in your profession?
Was your father in finance?

- No no, he wasn't.
- Ah, what did he do?

What did he do?

Well, my father was
a thief and a drunk.

And when I was 10,
he ran out on my mother and me

and left us
without a cent.

You have no idea
how lucky you are.

- Hello, Millie.
- Hi. You're late.

Hurry and change.
We have the arthritis benefit tonight.

Oh, no,
we have to go?

I'm on the committee.

You're on the committee.
Okay, dear, okay.

Everything all right?

Yes, fine.

Oh, fine. We made
a public offering of our stock today.

It sold out in one hour.
I made over $2 million.

Isn't that nice?
Do you like these?

Yeah, they're lovely.
Yeah, they're lovely.

Hey, didn't we go
to an arthritis benefit just last week?

No, that was
multiple sclerosis.

Rodney Dangerfield
entertained, remember?

I thought Rodney Dangerfield
was leukemia.

No no, Barry Manilow
was leukemia.

I could have sworn
that Rodney Dangerfield was leukemia.

Last year Rodney Dangerfield
was leukemia.

This year he's
multiple sclerosis.

What is it?
Is it Michael?

No, not just that.
I was thinking of something else.

Like what?

Well, like, you remember
when we were first married,

living in that dingy
little apartment in Hollywood, huh?

- Oh yeah.
- You remember that I worked

at my uncle's dried-fruit stand
during the day,

and I sold insurance
at night, trying to get ahead

- and make ends meet.
- I remember. You worked very hard.

When I would sell a policy,
and I'd make, what, $70, $80,

do you remember how
we would celebrate? Huh, huh?

I'd call you up, and I would say,
"Hey, don't cook."

I'd pick up Chinese food
at that little joint on Western Avenue.

I'd bring it home, and we'd lie down
on the living room floor,

watch "Bewitched"
on television

and we'd eat
the Chinese food.

Then we'd make love.

Oh, God, do you
remember how good

that $70 or $80
made us feel?

I remember.

Today, I made
$2 million.

And when I told you
about it, you said, "Isn't that nice?"

Well, I was busy
getting ready.

I think it's wonderful
what you did with the stock thing.

- The stock thing.
- We're late.

I'm not criticizing
your reaction, Millie.

God, it's perfectly
natural.

"Isn't that nice?"

It's not even nice.
It's just numbers.

You know, numbers
in a bank account.

That $70, $80.
That really meant something.

A pair of shoes,
a new dress.

Down payment
on a refrigerator, huh?

Oh, God, the $70, $80.

That wasn't nice.
That was wonderful.

And that made Millie
proud of me, you know?

- Made her want me.
- Want you?

You know the last time
that Millie and I made love?

I don't think I was there.
I probably would have remembered.

Four months ago.

We've done it maybe 12 times
in the last two years.

And even then,
it's like a ceremony, you know?

Just going through
the motions.

God, Irene, I wish
I could tell you

how good Millie
used to be at sex.

- Even better than you.
- Oh, that good?

Aram, you really
think your money

has anything to do
with Millie's sex drive?

Absolutely.

You've heard the phrase
"Power is an aphrodisiac."

It applies to marriages,
especially.

A poor man has tremendous
power over his wife. She needs him.

Without his support,
her, the kids,

they're gonna starve.
She humps the hell out of him.

The richer a man is, the less
his wife is dependent upon him,

the less power he
has over her,

and the less sexy he becomes to her.
It's a law of nature.

Horniness equals dependence
times poverty squared.

Oh, God.

When I'd bring that
$70, $80 home, Irene,

I was so happy.

I mean, I knew what I was working for.
I knew what I wanted to get.

Aram, you wanted to
get where you are now.

Yeah yeah.

I wanted to get
where I am now.

I struggled
to get there

and it was a noble,
worthwhile struggle.

Now I'm there.

I'm there, but all I can
think of is how good

that Chinese food
used to taste.

You see what I mean?

My life was screwed up.
My son's life, screwed up.

My relationship
with my wife, screwed up.

Everything screwed up
because of my money.

Yes, I see your problem.

Boy, I wish I had it.

Why make more money?

Money was my enemy.

Manager to register four, please.

The answer was obvious.

Everything?
You wanna liquidate everything?

Sell the entire business.
All my shares, everything.

Why? You love this business.

I didn't think you'd retire
if you lived to be 100.

- I'm not retiring.
- Are you sick?

- I've never felt more alive.
- Well, why?

I have my reasons, Stuart. I want
everything sold within in one week.

A week?
No, can't be done.

You try and unload all those shares
that fast, the bottom will fall out.

Just sell for whatever price
you can get.

- It's all going to charities anyway.
- Charities?

And, Stuart, not one
word to anybody.

Those are my instructions.
Just sell everything

and one week from today, I want to see
a cashier's check on my desk.

- It won't be your desk anymore.
- Exactly.

- Michael.
- Dad.

- Yeah.
- You're up late.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, fine. Nice party?

Yeah, okay.

That's good. I was just standing
here thinking about

your great-grandfather
Albar.

I wish you had
known him.

- Me too.
- Yeah.

He was about your age
when he left his village in Turkey.

Everybody thought
he was crazy.

They said those rumors
of what's happening to other Armenians

in the other villages,
that couldn't possibly be true.

No no. Murdering
an entire people?

Oh, that's impossible.

That man knew that in this world
anything is possible.

Every situation
is different.

A man has to size up
each individual situation

and then act
accordingly, right?

And no matter what
anybody else thinks.

He took his wife
and his two small children

and he got out.

One month later,
that village didn't even exist.

Smart fella.

Yeah.

Well, he liked
to think things through.

If he hadn't,
you and I wouldn't be here.

A man has to think
things through for himself.

Right.

Well, this man is thinking
he ought to get some sleep.

Gotta get up early.
Tennis date at 11:00.

Oh, yeah, well,
you sleep well, my son.

- I love you, Michael.
- I love you, Dad.

- And they love you, too.
- And I love them. Good night.

Oh, Albar,

you saved this
family's life.

I'll save its soul.

Most of the money
I gave to various charities.

Some I decided to dispose of in a more
personal manner.

It's for you.

You were that guy who came around
here giving away that money?

- Yeah.
- I know people who got some of that.

- That was you?
- Yeah.

- You gave it all away?
- Yeah.

- You asshole.
- Yeah.

I think most people
would agree with you.

Now I can't believe
that I did it,

but at that time,
it certainly seemed logical.

- Every last cent?
- Every last cent.

Aram, that's the most
insane thing I've ever heard.

- Just to force your kid to get a job?
- Oh yeah.

Couldn't you just kick
him out of the house?

No! He knows his
father would never let him starve.

Took away
his incentive.

I'm restoring
that incentive.

Couldn't you have stashed your money
in a bank and not told him?

Well, yeah, but...

the truth is I'm not doing it
just for Michael.

See, I've got
other reasons.

I'm bored.

The greatest pleasure
in life is becoming a success.

Being a success is crap
compared to it.

I'm giving myself a chance
to do that twice in a lifetime.

I see, and how's Millie
supposed to react

when you come home tonight,
you throw your arms up

and say, "Honey, I'm home.
We're poor!"

Don't you think you maybe
should have consulted her?

Yeah, but I couldn't,
you see?

I want Michael to think
that I've lost all my money.

If I tell that to Millie,
she's gonna give it away

because she's
a lousy liar.

- Oh, then it serves her right.
- But I did it for her, too.

- She's the third reason.
- Ah, Katourian's law.

By making Millie
a pauper,

you're restoring her
to a rich and full sex life.

- Exactly.
- I hope she's properly grateful.

It's not just the sex.

Before we were rich,
Millie's life had purpose.

Just as my money ruined my son,
it ruined her too.

I'm giving Millie back a reason
for living, a sense of importance.

By making her a pauper?

Oh, come on.
Millie's gonna be okay.

She won't starve
to death as long as I'm around.

Aram, what if
you're not around?

What if something should happen
to you while you're between fortunes?

You think I didn't
think of that?

I prepaid my insurance premiums
for the next 10 years.

I think of everything.

It's the deed
to the condo.

Aram, you didn't
have to do this.

Yes, I did. I won't be able to afford
the rent anymore.

May be a while
before I can bring

the sort of gifts
I used to.

May I still come
and see you?

Aram, yes, of course
you can still come see me.

Thank you.

- Have a good day.
- Thanks. You too.

Michael, would you
come downstairs, please?

- Hello, Millie.
- Hello, Aram.

Would you sit down?
We have to talk.

- What is it?
- Let's wait till Michael gets here.

Hey, Dad, what's up?

Michael, sit down.
I, uh...

I've some bad news,
very bad news.

- Oh my God. Somebody died.
- No.

- You sure nobody died?
- Nobody died.

Well, is somebody
gonna die?

Everybody's gonna die. Please, Millie,
let me tell you what happened.

Now...

I made some very
bad investments lately,

and I lost
a lot of money.

So much money that
I've had to sell everything

in order to cover
those losses.

In short, this family is penniless.
We have nothing.

- Nothing?
- Nothing.

The entire business that took you
20 years to build, you lost it all?

- Yeah, everything.
- God, you must feel horrible.

All of the stores,
they're all gone?

Yeah, all.

- Our stocks, our government bonds?
- I had to sell 'em.

- We still have the house?
- We never owned the house.

The company bought the house
and leased it to us for tax purposes.

I no longer run
the company.

We no longer can
live in this house.

- The cars?
- Same thing.

The furniture?

The furniture is ours,
yes, and our clothes,

but that's all.
That's all.

- What about the paintings?
- No.

Not my jewelry.

The company bought those things
as investments.

They were only ours to use.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Hey hey,
we got our health.

We got each other.
We'll get by.

Millie, Millie.

I know you don't think
so right now, dear,

but believe me,
this may be the best thing

that ever happened
to us, and I mean it.

For three separate
reasons.

First, did you see
what happened down there?

Did you see Michael
take over that situation?

"We'll get by."
That's what he said.

"We'll get by."
It's making a man of him.

And second, you don't
know what this is doing for me.

I feel invigorated
by the challenge,

you know, rejuvenated.

I feel like I'm being
given a second chance at life.

- What's the third reason?
- I forget.

Now don't you worry.
You know that I'm gonna look after you,

- no matter what happens.
- Oh, Aram, what's gonna happen to us?

Oh no, we'll be fine.
Darling, you'll be fine.

You'll be...

fine.

Aram, where are we going?

You'll see.
You'll see.

Are we getting near?

Yeah, very soon.

All right,
we're almost there.

- Millie, get ready to close your eyes.
- What?

Just get ready to close your eyes.
It's gonna be a surprise.

- Okay.
- Don't open them. Keep them closed.

Michael, pay the cab,
would you? Okay.

Okay, be careful.
Step on out. Now close 'em.

All right,
up the curb. Okay.

Wait a minute.
Okay.

All right,
just keep 'em closed.

Almost, okay.
Now you can open 'em.

Huh, you see? Huh?
You recognize it?

Michael, this is the building
your mother and I lived in

when we first got married.
Millie, you're not gonna believe this.

Our old apartment
was vacant.

It's gonna be just
like coming home again.

Come on, come on.

We had some happy
times here,

huh, Millie, huh?

Yes.

Somehow it seems
smaller than I remember.

Five minus that...
833.

Okay, now I didn't get as much as
I wanted for the rest of the furniture,

but after paying the movers
one month's rent,

we have a grand total of $833.
We're still ahead.

Now, Millie, Michael,
come here a sec. Would you?

I've made a detailed
budget here.

I figure that we need $372 a week
for necessities.

- You see?
- Yeah, I used to pay that for a belt.

- Yes, I know.
- On sale.

You will again soon,
I promise you.

But in the meantime, our objective
is just to make $372 per week.

Dad, I got...

- I got a... I got a problem.
- Uh-huh.

You see,
it's a little problem.

Joey and I have this date to take these
two women out to dinner tonight,

and I don't have
any money.

Yeah, well, as I was saying,
Michael, right now

all our money has
to go for necessities. We're poor.

I know, but I made
the date when we were rich.

You know what?
Never mind.

Sorry, excuse me, Shag.
I'll ask Joey

to lend me some money.

No, hey, Michael,
we do not borrow.

12 friends tried to help us.
I refused every one of 'em.

- Aram...
- Excuse me, Millie, please.

This family will get by through
its own efforts, son.

- Hmm?
- You're right.

Hey, Michael.

Last time.

As long as there's food
on that table, you can eat it.

As long as we have
a roof, you can sleep under it.

But anything you want
or need more than that,

you supply the money,
okay, understood?

Understood.

There's Joey.
I'll see you later. Bye, Mom.

Have a good time
and don't forget your key.

Millie, that dinner was delicious.
It was just delicious.

And I was afraid
you'd forgotten how to cook.

I know.
Isn't it wonderful?

After all these years, I haven't
forgotten how to cook or sweep floors

or wash windows
or do laundry or scrub toilets.

Isn't it wonderful?

I'm sorry.
It must be very hard for you.

And that's another thing I haven't
forgotten how to do...

bitch.

What?

You making breakfast
in the kitchen,

me going out
to look for a job

and having no idea
how to pay next month's rent...

life is an adventure again.
I feel 20 years old.

I wish I could feel
20 years old.

You'll always be
20 years old.

- You do like me without the mustache?
- Very much.

- I missed your nostrils.
- I think it's important.

I want to look as young
as possible when I'm applying for jobs.

- Michael up yet?
- No, I haven't seen him.

Get up, Michael.
Michael.

- Hey. Michael.
- What's the matter?

Sorry. I'm on the way
to the employment agency.

I thought maybe you'd
like to go with me.

Huh?

Oh, yeah
yeah, right.

I really got to bed late.
Why don't you go alone?

I'll go later
this afternoon.

Well, the thing is
with an employment agency,

it's better to get there
early in the morning.

Get first crack
at those new jobs.

- Afternoon's not so good.
- Yeah yeah, you're right.

That makes sense.

I'd better wait
till tomorrow.

Hey, good luck.

- Michael.
- Yeah.

The other day when I said that
we weren't rich anymore,

you put your arm
around me and you said, "We'll get by."

What exactly
did you mean by that?

I meant you'll find a way
to make us rich again.

Okay,
Mr. Katourian, age?

59... 5.

55.

Previous job experience?

When I was younger,
I did everything.

I sold insurance,
drove trucks,

did dishes,
you name it.

What was your most
recent employment?

Actually, chairman
of the board of a company.

We don't get a lot
of calls for that.

No, of course not.

Chairman of the board.

I'll take anything you got.
I'm just looking for work.

Approximate earnings
last year.

Oh, tough one.

What with stock
dividends and bonuses...

Ballpark figure.

Ballpark... three mil.

Well, 3.2.

Obviously, I'm not expecting
to earn anywhere near that much.

That does
make it easier.

Hey, man, do me a favor.
Don't have such a nice day.

Minimum wage, of course,
but it paid for supper.

Oh, the other interview I had,
that is very promising.

This fella is starting
an express delivery service downtown,

like in Manhattan,
you know, on bicycles,

so you can get through
the traffic fast.

Salary plus a dollar
a delivery and tips.

Anyhow, with that, plus three,
four nights a week at the car wash,

and then on Saturdays,
a shoe store.

They need extra help.
With those three jobs,

plus what you're gonna bring in,
I think we can meet expenses each week,

- put a little away for the business.
- What business?

I don't know,
but it'll be good.

Just like I came up with the health
food supermarkets 20 years ago.

I'll come up with right idea,
and I will make it a reality.

Why not the food business?
You already know it.

Exactly, I know it and I've done it.
That's no challenge, dear.

Michael, give me
a cookie, please.

Thanks.

Hey, Dad, going through
what you did,

I mean losing
everything like that,

yet refusing to be
beat, hanging tough...

well, I just think

you're terrific.

You're terrific
too, Michael.

You just haven't had a chance
to find out how terrific you are.

I don't know. Your drive,
your determination,

- I don't seem to have any of that.
- Oh, you have it.

It's in our blood.
Trust me.

Okay, well, I guess
I'd better get to bed early

if I'm gonna be the first
one at that employment office tomorrow.

- Good night, Dad.
- Good night.

- Good night, Mom.
- Good night.

And you were
worried about him.

I was so proud
of Michael that night.

Excuse me a second.
I think I see lunch.

- Do you need any help?
- No, I'm fine.

Maybe you could help me.
I haven't eaten in two days.

- Could you spare a little change?
- Sorry, no.

Oh, no wonder. Don't ever stand near
me when I'm begging.

Why?

A guy sees one bum,
he feels compassion.

He sees two, he figures
it's a social problem,

- let the government take care of it.
- Oh, sorry.

So go on. Michael was going to
the employment office.

Oh, yeah, I couldn't wait
to see what happened.

He's coming, Millie.
He's coming.

- Hi Dad. Hi Mom.
- Hi. Hey there.

How did it go today
at the employment agency?

It was fine. I'm in kind of
a hurry, though.

- I got a date.
- Wait a minute.

Did you hear that, Millie.
Michael has money for a date.

- Did you get a job?
- Mmm-hmm.

Oh God, that's wonderful.
You spend the money you earn,

'cause you deserve it.
What kind of job?

Well, it was kind
of an office...

That's past tense, "was."
You did get a job?

- Yeah.
- You showed up? You started to work?

Yeah, I started work,
and then I quit.

- You quit?
- Well, Dad, the boss was a real jerk.

Well, of course he was a jerk.
All bosses are jerks.

Hopefully, someday you'll become
a jerk. What did he do?

Well, he kept ordering me around.
Do this, do that.

It was demeaning.
It was insulting.

Oh, how long did you
suffer these demeaning insults?

I don't know.
20 minutes, half-hour.

But it's okay. I figured out another
way to make some money.

Another job?

No, I don't want to go
through that again.

I found this secondhand clothing store.
I took in a bunch of my clothes.

I got over $100.

Oh! No!

Hello.
Hey, Joey, how you doing?

Nah, I don't feel like
going to a movie tonight.

I'm just gonna stay
around the house.

I do love Woody Allen.

I just don't love
him tonight.

Okay,
I'll see you later.

You'd like to see that
movie, wouldn't you?

Yeah.

Movies cost money,
don't they?

Yeah.

You're all out
of money, aren't you?

Oh yeah.

I guess if you
want those things that you like,

you'll have to get a job
and earn some money, won't you?

There's gotta be
a better way.

No, Michael, no, there is
no better way, period.

That's the way
the world is.

The way the world has always been.
Man must work.

Can't be right, Dad.

The human race
has gotten along

for hundreds of thousands
of years without work.

If a guy needed food,
he went out and he hunted.

If he needed shelter,
okay, he built one.

That was it. The rest of his time,
he did what he felt like.

Chased girls or he drew pictures
of animals in caves.

He had no concept
of work.

Do you know that
even today in some African tribes,

and even in
the Eskimo language,

- no such word as work?
- What do you know from Eskimos?

Well, in college,
I took this course in anthropology.

- So?
- So you know how work got started?

One day this really big guy
went up to this little guy and said,

"Hey, buddy, I got
a proposition for ya.

From now on, you do all my hunting
for me. You do all my fishing for me.

You clean up my cave for me and you do
whatever else I tell you to do, okay?"

The little guy said,
"Well, gee, I don't know.

What do I get out
of it?"

And the big guy said,
"If you do all these things for me,

I won't bash your head
in with this rock."

And the little guy said,
"That sounds pretty good to me."

And boom, that's
how work got started.

And then one day,
the little guy's girlfriend went to him

and said, "Honey,
why are you doing all this stuff?"

He didn't want
to seem like a wimp.

So he said,
"Because it's good.

Work is a noble thing
for man to do."

And that's how
the work ethic got started.

Yes, work is a noble thing.

It is the most noble
thing in the world.

- Dad, that's your opinion.
- Who would disagree?

- Socrates, for one.
- Socrates?

Socrates. In his day,
work was for slaves.

For inferior beings who
did all the menial tasks

so that the superior
Greeks would be free to pursue art

and philosophy
and statecraft.

All through Europe, up to the 20th
century, if work was so noble,

how come you never
saw any of the nobility doing it, hmm?

What is with these Eskimos
and superior Greeks?

This is the United States.

And this is today.
People think differently, Michael.

Not everybody.

You can't change the world
you live in, Michael.

And everybody knows
that work is good for man.

Like everybody in your
grandfather's village

knew that they were safe
from the Turks?

Are you sure you don't
want to be a lawyer?

Here you go.
Good luck.

Whoa!
Whoa!

Hey, wanna go around it
and not through it?

I'm sorry.

Hey, man, come on.
Get out of the way!

Trying to get through.

Oh my God.
Are you okay?

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

- Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
- Are you sure?

Long as I don't have
to sit down for the next 20 years,

I'll be okay.
I'm fine.

I'll be all right. It's like somebody
used a pineapple as a probe.

Pillow pillow, put the pillow down.
Put the pillow down.

Put the pillow down.
That's it. That's it.

You are not going
back to that job.

No, it's just I did
too many miles the first day.

My body will adjust.

Make me a drink.

Until the pain set in,
I really enjoyed the day.

It was nice riding out
there in the open air,

and the people going by,

all the activity.

The trees passing by.

Heck of a lot nicer
than that damned exercycle.

You know, sitting there
looking at nothing but reruns on the...

television.

- Oh oh oh! That's it!
- What is it?

That is it. Michael, come on
out here, would you?

Hurry up, quick. This is the new
business that I'm going into.

Here, listen to this idea.
Video bicycle tours.

We make videos of what
a biker would see

while he was riding
through London

or Rome,
the French countryside,

whatever, you name it.
We sell those videos

to the people that own
the exercycles.

They go home.
They put it into their set

and instead of boring exercise,
every workout becomes a holiday.

- Do enough people own these exercycles?
- There must be millions.

Wait a minute.

We could develop
a luxury exercycle.

You know, with the TV set
built right on it.

Two, three of 'em.
Yeah, different points of view.

Left, right and center.
Sensational.

You could go around the world
without ever leaving your bedroom.

Sunday we'll take the camera,
we'll go to the park

- and we'll try it out on my bike, huh?
- Okay, sounds great.

One problem, I don't think
you'd use your video camera on the bike.

The picture would get wobbly.
I know how to fix it.

- Why don't you let me handle it?
- Well, thank you, Michael.

As a matter of fact,
a buddy of mine is in film school.

He could probably
loan us some of his equipment.

- I'll go check it out.
- Yeah.

- Help me up. Help me up.
- All right.

Yes!

- Shut up!
- Okay, help me down.

Are you ready?

I am ready.

Okay, come ahead
when you're ready. Go ahead.

Looking good.

That's beautiful.

- Millie, your son is a genius.
- Hey, I just provided

a little technical
assistance, Dad.

You have come up with a terrific idea.
This thing could work.

Of course it could work,
but I'll tell you what's really great.

It takes hardly any capital.
We start out making the videos,

we sell them to the video stores,
then later we expand

- into the exercycles with TVs attached.
- Sound great.

Yeah, there's only
one problem, though.

I mean, merchandising
is a cinch.

It's just I've got to find
someone to take care

of the production
of the videos themselves.

Someone who has a certain
technical knowledge about filmmaking,

and, of course,
someone who wouldn't mind

traveling
all over the world

to those exciting
and exotic locations.

You wouldn't
have any idea where I might find

such a someone,
would you, Michael?

It does sound
like fun.

Yeah, and it also sounds
like earning a bundle of money.

- No, sounds like fun.
- Earn a bundle.

- Less filling.
- Tastes great.

"Katourian & Son," right?

"Travel Videos."

Let's celebrate, huh?
Movie and a dinner sound good?

Oh, sounds wonderful,
but I promised the neighbor

I'd babysit.
You guys go.

- Okay.
- I'll go grab a sweater.

We'll see that Woody Allen movie,
then we'll come back

and pick you up for dinner.
Now, you remember the Blue Pagoda?

- Oh, I remember.
- A couple of weeks ago I took a walk.

I wanted to see if it was still there,
and it is, and I promised myself

we wouldn't go until we had a real
reason to celebrate.

I can't think
of a better occasion.

Thank you.

Well, we have about a half hour
to kill before the movie starts.

Okay, why don't
we go...

Oh.

- Let's do a little window-shopping.
- Good.

We can look at things
we'll be able to afford again.

- We can get Mom a little something.
- Why not?

Would you like to try it, sir?
Please feel free.

Oh, thank you.

Wonderful idea,
isn't it?

So simple. It's amazing nobody
ever thought of it before.

How long has this
been in the market?

Just last month.

- Is it doing well?
- Incredibly.

A new health club just
ordered 20 yesterday.

That is rough.

Oh.

It's amazing, the waste that goes
on in this world.

- Oh my...
- You want some?

No, thank you.

So what happened after the bicycle
video thing fell through?

It was a rough time.

What happened?

Well, you showed up
about half an hour ago

after six weeks
without a word.

We sat down
on the couch,

you kissed my neck,

you put your hand
inside my blouse

and you fondled my right breast
for about three seconds,

- then fell asleep.
- I'm sorry.

Oh, don't be.
It was very pleasant while it lasted.

Don't be upset,
'cause it's not your fault.

Same thing happened with Millie
the other night.

Well, a wife expects
that sort of thing.

- I don't seem to have any energy.
- It's so strange, Aram.

You're just working
18 hours a day at three different jobs.

- You know you can't go on like this.
- Well, it's only

for a short while,
just until I get enough money

- to start the business.
- What business?

I don't know... yet,
but I'm gonna get an idea.

It's gonna be better
than that damn bicycle thing.

And when I do,
I'm gonna need capital,

so until then
it's important

that I, you know,
keep on... keep...

- Killing yourself.
- Exactly.

Add in workmen's
compensations.

Okay, how does that
come out?

The expenses are 316 a month
more than the income.

- What's in the bank?
- A little under 400.

Well, that'll get us by for a month.
By then I should find another job.

Don't be crazy, Aram.
The doctor said

you need six months,
and he knows what he's talking about.

He doesn't know me. I've already
stood up long enough to take a pee.

That's wonderful,
but I don't think it pays very well.

I will do
what I have to do.

No, Mom's right.

If I don't find work,
Michael,

- we'll be out in the street in a month.
- No, we won't.

Dad, don't worry
about a thing.

Everything is gonna be great.
Let me handle it.

Finally, all
you had to do

to get your son off his ass
was to break your own.

Ha, if I'd known,
I would have done it

months earlier.

Mom, would you get
our best glasses?

I'd like to make
a little toast.

- What's going on?
- I have great news, Dad.

Hey, that's champagne.
Did you get a job?

Our money
worries are over.

Oh, Millie,
our son the breadwinner.

- Oh, I'm so proud of you.
- I'd like you to take a look at this.

Oh my God, you got
a paycheck already?

$200,000...
What is this, some joke?

Oh no, no joke.
It's very real.

- Who's this Linda Talbot?
- You met her.

She used to come over
to the house sometimes, play tennis.

- Oh, I remember. The blonde girl.
- Why should she...

- It's a gift, Dad.
- A gift? $200,000?

- She's rich.
- Well, good. If she were poor

- this could break her.
- No, she's really rich.

Her father was GK Talbot,
the tire manufacturer.

You remember, he and his wife
died in that plane crash

a couple of years ago.
Linda was left with everything.

Over $300 million.

And she just decided
to give you 200,000?

Well, it's
an engagement gift.

Oh, Michael.

Like Linda said, you can't expect
someone in her position

to just go out
and marry a pauper.

Okay, she wanted me to have the money
so I'd feel independent.

God, she's really terrific.
When you're feeling a little better,

we'll have dinner so you
could get to know her.

- Michael, do you really love her?
- Yeah, Mom, I really do.

We hadn't planned on getting married
for a couple of years,

but now it seems
to make sense.

Tomorrow morning
I'm gonna start looking

for a new place
for you guys.

- Maybe a condo and a car.
- Oh, Aram.

And Dad, Linda says
whatever business

you wanna get started,
she will back you financially.

You see?
Everything's gonna be great again.

When he first walked in
I thought you had a job.

Are you kidding? I'll never have
to work as long as I live.

Oh, yeah, good.
So far you've lived

off your father,
now you can live off your wife.

Dad, come on.
Money is money.

If it's there,
why not enjoy it?

He's a bum.
Millie, our son is a bum.

- Aram.
- He's a bum. He's a bum!

Is everybody
who doesn't work a bum?

Is Prince Charles a bum?

Yes, Prince Charles
is a bum!

Never done a day's work
in his life!

If I was his mother,
I'd throw him out of the palace!

And that is exactly what I'm doing
to you. I'm throwing you

out of my palace!
Now this may not be much of a palace,

but oh God, every penny
that pays for it, I earned it!

And I want you
out of it!

You get out of it.

You get out of my life.

Damn it.
Excuse me.

No, that's okay.
Let that out. It's healthy.

- Want a cigarette?
- I quit.

Yeah, I should too.
Smoking is stupid.

It's suicide.
No offense.

No offense taken.

So, you and your son
ever get back together again?

Oh God,
months went by, terrible months.

Aram, don't worry.
We'll try again later.

Oh, it's no use.

Same thing with Millie
for a couple of weeks now.

My son and my thing...
I can't get either one to work.

How is Michael?
Have you seen him?

The wedding was last month.
Millie went.

You didn't?

To witness my only son's
manhood being amputated?

Thank you, no.

But you're feeling
okay, right?

- Your back's better, your leg?
- Yeah, everything's fine.

Except...

- You're able to work?
- Huh?

Yeah, I'm well enough.

The guy at the bicycle
delivery service

made me a dispatcher.

I sit at a desk
all day long.

- Does it pay anything?
- Well, we scrape by.

I went on some interviews
for jobs that pay better,

and nothing
seemed to happen.

And I don't know why.

I used to be able
to make things happen,

and I cannot
make things happen now.

And what's worse is,
it's beginning

not to bother me.

I'm content to sit
at a desk

and just answer a telephone
for $200 a week.

If I were
half the man I was,

I would be raging
at my failure.

Raging.

No rage left in me.

- Hi Aram.
- Hi dear.

Mmm, what smells so good?

I have a roast
in the oven.

- Cherry strudel?
- Uh-huh, and I have

a Crown Royal over there.
Pour yourself a drink.

Dinner will be ready in 15 minutes.

Where'd the money come from?
Did Michael...

No, I promised you
I wouldn't take from Michael.

- Then where?
- You know Anita, Mrs. Villalobos

down the hall?
She had the flu today.

She cleans for this
lady in the valley.

This lady had a party last night,
and she needed somebody real bad,

- and Anita asked me if I would go.
- And you went?

- You cleaned another woman's house?!
- Oh, it wasn't hard.

I earned $45,
and while I was there,

this other lady,
this neighbor,

she needed someone to come in
and clean three times a week,

- so I said I would.
- Oh Millie.

Aram, if you don't
want me to, I won't,

but it would make things
a lot easier.

Aram...

I went from my father's
house to yours.

I never had a job.
I really enjoyed

the feeling of earning
money today.

It was a really
good feeling.

Please don't be
angry with me.

Oh Millie, how could I
be angry with you?

Aram?

Aram?

Aram?

Millie...

there's something
I gotta tell you.

I don't have the guts
to do it to your face.

I didn't go bankrupt.

I gave my money away.

See, I thought
I could turn my son into a man

and I thought I could turn myself
into a kid again,

and I couldn't
do either.

It's a te...

no no, Shaggy,
go away right now, please.

It's a terrible thing
that I've done to you, Millie.

I stole your
whole life away.

I thought I could
give it back to you

anytime I wanted,
and I couldn't.

And I cannot

stay here
day after day

looking at the results
of my stupidity,

and I do not have
the right to forbid you

from taking
Michael's help.

God, let him...
let him look after you

the way that you deserve
to be looked after.

And...

you're a wonderful
woman...

and I'm not worthy
of you.

Goodbye.

Oh.

Boy, that's really
rough.

That's when you found me
on the overpass.

- I should have jumped.
- No, don't say that.

If you had, I wouldn't have
gotten to know you.

I wouldn't have
heard your story.

Anyway, I love
a good cry.

Hey, I got kind of
a confession to make.

When I told you
that I knew some of the guys

that you gave
that money to,

- that wasn't the whole truth.
- No?

- I was one of the guys.
- Huh?

I was afraid if I told
you you might put the touch on me.

You mean, there's
some of it left?

I got most of it.
In a bank.

What are you
saving it for?

For when times
get rough.

Look,

it kills me to part
with even a dime.

I just can't do it.
That's just the way I am, all right?

But maybe I could let you have
a couple of hundred?

That's very good of you.

Good?
I'm a goddamn saint!

But what the hell,
and I'll tell you what,

- I'll buy you dinner.
- Yeah?

Yeah, we'll go someplace
really great, huh?

- Like maybe Denny's?
- Yeah.

- Or you got another idea?
- Oh, there's a Chinese restaurant

that I would love
to go to. Yeah.

I haven't been there
in a long time.

Mmm, wow,

that was one of the best
meals I've ever had.

Yeah.

What's the matter?
You didn't like the food?

Oh hell yeah,
I liked the food.

I loved it.
The damn food was great.

On special occasions,
I used to come here with my wife

when I was feeling
very proud of myself, you know,

made a big sale,
closed a deal, whatever.

I always thought
that what made these dinners so great

was how good I felt
about myself.

- You see?
- No.

Well, I never thought
that I could enjoy anything

unless I really earned it.
Otherwise I'd feel guilty.

Ah.

So I figured if the food
tasted that good,

- it's because I earned it.
- Oh.

- That wasn't it at all.
- Oh.

This meal is being paid for
by a lovely lady

who lives in a cardboard box.
It's every bit as good.

The damn food
is just great.

Yeah well,
there was a lot

of good stuff in the world
before you came along,

and there'll be
a lot of good stuff after you've gone.

The trick is to grab some
while you're here.

You're a very wise
derelict.

Thank you.

- Okay.
- Where are you headed?

As far as that
bus is going.

You know, I would go with you,
but I really like LA.

- Yeah?
- I wouldn't feel at home

being homeless
anywhere else.

Bye, Billie.

Bus number 67 serving
the route to San Diego

- arriving at gate 9.
- Thanks for all your help.

Hey, wait a minute.
I got something for you.

Here's your watch.

Thank you.

Five, 10, 20.

- Thank you. Have a nice day.
- Thank you.

Hello, Millie.

I went by the apartment.

I didn't know
you'd moved.

Mrs. Villalobos told me
I'd find you here.

You look wonderful.

Oh, thank you.

How are you?

Eh? Fine.

You got my letters?

Yeah, from all over
the country.

But I'm not so sure
an envelope with no address

containing only some money
wrapped in a blank sheet of paper

could be called a letter,
but thank you for the money.

It's not much, I know,

but whenever I had
any to spare...

Oh...

it was nice
you thought of me.

It would have been nice

if I had known
what you were doing.

Nothing really
worth talking about.

I'd find a job
of some kind,

make a little money,
and then quit the job, relax a bit,

move on somewhere else,
take another job, and so on.

It's hard for me

to picture you
ever relaxing.

What did you do
when you weren't working?

Sit in a park
and feed a pigeon.

Read a book.

Visit a zoo,
Grand Canyon.

What about you?

Isn't Michael
taking care of you?

- Why are you still working?
- I enjoy it.

Oh.

The boss
treat you okay?

Aram, I am the boss.

Oh, isn't that
wonderful!

Michael bought this
for you?

No no, I never
took money from Michael.

I wanted
to look after myself.

- Then how...
- I have a partner

who put up
the initial investment.

- Oh, is it anybody I know?
- Oh yes.

What's going on here?

Oh, don't worry.
It's not "This is Your Life."

- How...
- After you left,

and I didn't hear
a thing for two months,

I didn't know if you were alive,
so I went to see Irene

- to see if she knew anything.
- You knew about Irene?

I knew about Irene.

How long?

Oh, a few years.

You never said
a word to me.

The night
before I got married

my grandmother
came to my room.

She told me
there were three things

even God
could not create...

a floor
that would stay clean,

a baby
that would stay dry

and a husband
that would stay faithful.

Oh.

Very wise,
your grandmother.

Anyway, when I didn't hear from you,
I went to see Irene.

And she was as worried as I was,
and we started talking

and we found
we liked each other.

We agreed you had
excellent taste in women.

One day
I invited her over

to the apartment for coffee
and I baked my cherry strudel.

- Oh, it was incredible!
- I know.

Oh yeah, of course.

And Irene got the idea
of opening up a shop.

I took out a mortgage on the condo,
and here we are.

The shop is doing well?

We have branches
in Westwood, Encino,

we're opening another
in Pacific Palisades,

and there's a group of investors
talking to us

about opening a national
franchise operation.

What?

I wanted to make a man
of my son, not my wife.

Aram, why did you
come back?

Pick up the invoice
for me, will you?

It occurred to me

that you might want
to end the marriage formally.

So I'm here to do
whatever you want me to do.

That's very considerate.

Is there...

anyone in your life
right now?

No no, not really.

Every time I start
to think about someone,

an envelope would come
from Buffalo or Wichita

with $15 or $20 in it,
and l...

it confused the issue.

Is there anyone
in your...

No, it's okay.
You can ask her.

Ask me what?

Is there anyone
in your life?

Yes, there is,
an actor.

Oh.

Been in anything
I've seen?

Just my bedroom.

He's a lot younger than I am,
and he's poor.

I find the combination
irresistible.

Irene, we have to hurry.

Oh, Millie,
how is Michael?

Oh, he's fine.
Look, Irene and I have to meet

the architects at the new shop.
Here's my home address.

Come over to the house
for dinner about 6:00 and we'll talk.

Oh good, yeah.

Well, I'm very happy
things are working out

- so well for both of you.
- In a way, we owe it all to you.

Millie and I never would have met
if you hadn't been

the rotten cheating
bastard that you are.

- Uh-huh.
- See you at 6:00.

Heather, we'll be back
in a few hours.

Oh okay, Mrs. Katourian.

Hi, Millie.

Hi.

All this
from cherry strudel?

Oh, this isn't mine.
I'm just renting the guest house

until I can find
a place of my own.

I was planning
to cook dinner,

but I didn't have any time to shop,
so if you don't mind,

- I thought we'd eat out.
- Good, fine.

Tell me about Michael.
Is he happy?

What did you say?

Michael and his new bride,
are they happy together?

No, I'm afraid not.

Linda met
a baseball player

and fell head over heals
and she and Michael got a divorce.

Oh my God.
Is he all right?

He was pretty broken up.
He really loved her a lot,

but he's adjusting.

Oh Lord.
Where is he living?

- Here.
- Oh, with you?

No, it's his house.

- His house?
- It was part of the divorce settlement.

Part of the...
what do you mean, "part"?

He also got
$5 million.

$5 million?

Aram, please don't be angry with him.
His lawyer said

he could have gotten 10 time that,
and he didn't want to take anything.

And Linda pleaded with him to take it,
because she was feeling very guilty

about what she was doing.
Don't be angry with Michael.

I'm not angry.

I am delighted for him.
Good for him.

Even though
he didn't earn it?

If a man wins $50 million in a lottery,
did he earn it?

As your son would say,
money is money,

and God bless him,
let him enjoy it.

Even though it came
from a woman?

Don't women get money
from men in divorce settlements, Millie?

What, are you becoming
a sexist pig?

You know, Millie,
I'm not really proud of the way

Michael turned out.
I'm not gonna kid myself about that.

But I have come
to realize

you don't have to be proud
of someone to love them.

Is he home?
I'm dying to see him.

Oh no, he usually doesn't get home
until past midnight.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Oh, uh...

have you given
any thought

to what I said earlier?

Do you you want
a divorce?

I don't know.

Would you?

I've never stopped
loving you, Millie.

I'm not the same
person I was.

I'm a very
different woman.

Oh I know.
I can see that.

I think I like
the new woman too.

And I am
a different man.

I think perhaps
I could like this new man as well.

Maybe the four of us
could double-date sometime.

- What was that for?
- Irene.

- What about your grandmother?
- Screw my grandmother.

Let's eat.

Right this way.

Your waiter will be
right with you.

Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Enjoy.

- It's very nice.
- I knew you'd like it.

Aram, could you
order me a sherry?

- I'll be right back.
- Oh yeah, sure.

Excuse me,
could you have

that waiter over there
serve us, please?

- Certainly, madam.
- Thank you.

Michael, table nine.

Good evening.

Good...

- Dad?
- Michael.

- Dad!
- Michael!

Would you like to know
tonight's specials?

No, I don't wanna know
tonight's specials.

I'd like to know
what you're doing here.

- I'm working.
- Working?!

Yes. Would you care
for a drink before dinner?

Yeah, I think
I could use one.

Crown Royal
on the rocks for me

and a dry sherry
for your mother.

Mom?

Yeah yeah.

Okay, I'll be
right back with them.

Dad!

I'm sorry I didn't
say anything.

- I wanted you to be surprised.
- It worked.

$5 million,
he's waiting on tables.

Yes, at least it's a job.
I thought you'd be pleased.

- Pleased?!
- Is anything wrong, sir?

Just found out my son's a lunatic.
Everything's fine.

Very good, sir.

For madam,
dry sherry.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, darling.

- Surprised?
- Oh yes.

And for the gentleman,
Crown Royal.

- Why, Michael?
- Why?

Why are you
working here?

It's a little
complicated to explain.

I should get your dinner orders
in first. Tonight's specials...

Never mind the specials.
Just bring me steak.

- Medium rare.
- I'll have the salmon.

- Excellent choice.
- Thank you, yes.

Now, salad comes with that.
Anything to start?

Nothing to start.

Couldn't you have
talked him out of this?

He's a man.
This is what he wants.

Clearing away people's dirty dishes?
That's what he wants?

- You said you've waited on tables.
- To make ends meet.

Not for the thrill of it.

House dressing
or vinaigrette?

- What's the house?
- Blue cheese and walnut.

- Okay, I'll have that.
- Me too.

Hey now, Michael, that complicated
story, I'd love to hear it.

Well, you know
about my divorce?

- Yeah.
- I told him.

I'm sorry.

The day the divorce became final,
I was feeling pretty down.

I can understand that. Your wife running
off with the ball player.

If it had at least been
a real good ball player... you know?

I mean, your woman leaves you
for George Brett

or Don Mattingly,
you kind of understand.

But this guy never batted
over 260 in his career.

Couldn't hit an
inside slider if his life

depended on it,
and his fielding...

I understand. The man is not gonna
make the Hall of Fame.

Anyway, I was really
feeling low,

and I happened to pass
by this restaurant.

I thought to myself,
"Okay, maybe I'll go inside.

I might have a nice dinner.
I'll feel a little better"

And darned
if it didn't work!

The food was terrific,
I had some really nice wine,

and when I finished,
I really felt better.

You know, like the world
wasn't such a terrible place after all.

And I felt grateful.

I wanted
to thank somebody

for the terrific meal I had that just
cheered me up so much.

But who?
Who would you thank?

I don't know,
the waiter, the chef.

Them? Sure,
but they're not the only ones.

What about the people
who wash the dishes?

What about the people
who sweep up?

Or the cocktail pianist?

What about the fisherman
who caught the fish I ate?

The farmer who grew
the lettuce,

the people who picked
the grapes for the wine?

What about the miner
who dug out the silver for the cutlery?

I mean, if you add them all up,
thousands of people

worked to make that meal
I enjoyed so much possible.

- Pepper?
- Thank you.

That's what work is.
Doing something

that makes life a little bit nicer
for other people.

You can't just go through life
without doing something

back for them.
I mean, Dad, it's not right.

So on my way out,
I asked the maitre d'

if they had any job openings...
here I am.

Working as a waiter?

A person has to work.

I know that!

I've always
known that, Michael.

Aram, you don't seem
to understand.

Michael had to prove to himself
that he wasn't you.

Work for you is everything,
so for him it had to be nothing.

- Now, he was dumb.
- She's right, I was dumb.

Well, you both were dumb.

I wish I had some special ability
or a talent in some field,

but if I have,
I haven't found it yet,

and maybe I never will.

I'm sorry if I haven't
turned out the way you wanted, Dad.

I'm sorry if I'm not
the son you wanted,

but this is me.

I think your dinner
should be ready now.

Michael.

If all the fathers
of all the people

that ever won
a Nobel prize

were here tonight,

every one of them
would envy the way I feel

about my son right now.

Sir, if you are pleased
with our service,

a simple gratuity
would suffice.

I have to go
to the Palisades today.

I have this tax appeal
on the new shop.

- I'll see you tonight for dinner.
- All right, dear.

- So what are you gonna be doing today?
- I think I'll play

tennis with Michael and then maybe
go to the track with Walter.

- Okay, I'll see you tonight.
- Okay, bye-bye.

- Bye, Mom, have a good day.
- Goodbye, sweetheart.

Hi Dad, I'm sorry I can't play tennis.
I gotta get to work.

- Why so early?
- Oh, it's chaos.

Two busboys quit the restaurant.
We're short of staff.

Maybe I should apply for a job there,
get to work again.

You do work.
You handle my investments.

Oh, a couple
of phone calls a week.

Yeah, whatever.
My money's earning twice as much.

By the way, are you
all right for cash?

I told you,
when I need I'll ask.

- Yeah, but you never do.
- Oh Lord.

- I'll see you later
- All right, kid, bye.

Oh, Michael.

Do you ever stop and think
that while you're running around

every day in that restaurant
carrying those heavy trays

in and out of that steamy kitchen,
I'm just sitting by your pool,

drinking your booze,
eating your food,

in general having one hell of a time
with your money?

Yeah, sometimes I think
about that.

How does that
make you feel?

I love it.

I'll see you later.

English - R1