Footlight Parade (1933) - full transcript

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS.

WHAT A LAUGH.
IT DOESN'T MEAN A THING.

THEY LAUGHED
AT EDISON, TOO.

LOOKS LIKE
I'M AN ASSISTANT TO

A GUY OUT OF A JOB.

YOU REMEMBER WHEN
MAH-JONGG WAS POPULAR,

DON'T YOU, HARRY?
SO WHAT?

IT'S A FAD.

I'VE STAGED 50
MUSICAL COMEDIES,

AND I'LL STAGE
50 MORE.

I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.



WELL, FRAZER AND GOULD
ARE PUTTING

NEVER SAY NO
INTO REHEARSAL,

AND I'M DOING
THE NUMBERS.

AM I GOING
WITH YOU?

IF THEY DON'T
RUN OUT OF INK.

LET'S GO.

[FOOTSTEPS]

HIYA, KENT.

HELLO, BOYS.

WHEN DOES NEVER SAY NO
GO TO REHEARSAL?

CHESTER, IT DON'T.
YOU CAN'T GIVE

THE PUBLIC WHAT
THEY DON'T WANT.

WHAT SHOW
YOU GONNA DO?

NO SHOW, IF WE'RE IN
OUR RIGHT MIND.



PEOPLE AIN'T PAYING
FOR SHOWS NO MORE.

TALKING PICTURES--
THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT.

IT DON'T MEAN
A THING, HUH?

FLESH IS
A DEAD ISSUE.

WE'RE IN THE PICTURE
BUSINESS. EXHIBITORS.

YEAH, WE JUST
BOUGHT 4 HOUSES.

THEY DELIVER THE SHOW
IN TIN CANS,

AND WE GOT NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.

SO MUSICALS
ARE OUT, HUH?

YEAH, COME ON
AROUND THE CORNER,

AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHY.

YEAH, COME ON
AROUND THE CORNER.

AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHY.

THERE'S THE ANSWER.

IT'S A LOT BETTER
TO FILL YOUR THEATER

10 TIMES A DAY
AT 40 CENTS A TICKET

THAN TO CHARGE
$5 BUCKS A SEAT

AND HAVE IT HALF-FILLED
ONCE A NIGHT.

YEAH.
IF YOU'RE LUCKY.

COME ON.
I'LL SHOW YOU.

WON'T LAST.

EXCUSE ME, ZEKE.
OFFICIAL BUSINESS.

FROM NOW ON,

HE'LL BE GETTING
PLENTY OF ORDERS,

BUT THEY WON'T ALL
BE BY WIRE.

HERE'S YOUR ANSWER.

UH-HUH.

I'M SO PROUD
OF YOU, JOHN.

[EXOTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

SO YOU'RE IN
THE PICTURE BUSINESS,

EH, SI?

WHO'S THAT?
WHISTLER'S MOTHER?

THERE'S COMPETITION.

WE'RE BOOKING A HOUSE
DOWN THE STREET.

SO WE GIVE THEM
A LITTLE PROLOGUE

TO FIT THE PICTURE.

WHAT'S THE PICTURE,
UNCLE TOM'S CABIN?

WE'RE SHOWING
SLAVES OF THE DESERT,

SO WE PUT ON
SOMETHING ORIENTAL

TO FIT THE PLOT.

THAT PROLOGUE
WOULDN'T FIT ANYTHING

BUT AN ASHCAN.

JUST THE SAME,

IT COSTS MORE
THAN THE PICTURE.

SAY,

WHY DON'T YOU
LET ME PUT ON SOME

OF THOSE PROLOGUES
FOR YOU?

NO. NO. NO MORE
PROLOGUES.

NO MORE PROLOGUES,
CHESTER.

THAT ORIENTAL FLASH
IS TOO EXPENSIVE.

AFTER THIS, WE'RE
GIVING OUR CUSTOMERS

TALKING PICTURES
AND NOTHING ELSE.

WELL, SO LONG. I GOT
TO BREAK THE BAD NEWS

TO THE WIFE.

BREAD LINE,
I HEAR YOU CALLING ME.

PUBLIC WANTS
TALKING PICTURES,

AND TALKING PICTURES
ONLY.

LISTEN, WHAT
YOU'D BETTER DO

IS GET YOURSELF
ANOTHER JOB.

MAYBE I HAVEN'T
MADE MYSELF

UNDERSTOOD, HONEY.

THEY'RE NOT DOING
ANY MORE

MUSICAL SHOWS.

I ALWAYS SAID THEY'D
CATCH UP WITH YOU.

IS IT MY FAULT
IF SOMEBODY

INVENTED TALKING
PICTURES?

I DON'T CARE
WHOSE FAULT IT IS.

IT'S TIME
YOU EARN SOME MONEY.

I'M USED TO
GOOD CLOTHES

AND EVERYTHING
THAT GOES WITH IT.

HAVEN'T I ALWAYS
GIVEN YOU--

YEAH.
WHAT GOES WITH IT.

LISTEN, I'M FED UP
WITH YOU,

AND I HAVE BEEN
FOR A LONG TIME.

WELL...

WHAT SHOULD
WE DO ABOUT IT?

I'LL SHOW YOU.

HERE. SIGN THAT,

AND I'LL BE
TICKLED TO DEATH

TO GET A DIVORCE.

YOU SURE THIS IS
THE WAY YOU WANT IT?

ABSOLUTELY.

MM-HMM.

WELL, THAT'S THAT.

HERE'S YOUR
ASPIRIN--18 CENTS.

SAY, HOW DO YOU DO IT?

THE PLACE NEXT-DOOR
CHARGES A QUARTER.

YEAH, BUT HE'S
ON HIS OWN.

WE GOT 100 STORES.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WE BUY IN BIG LOTS.

WHEN YOU'RE BUYING
FOR ONE STORE,

YOU GET SOAKED.

WHEN YOU'RE BUYING
FOR 100--

I SEE. PRACTICALLY
NAME YOUR OWN PRICE.

THAT'S IT.

SAY, THAT'S MARVELOUS.

THE CHAIN-STORE IDEA
SOLVES EVERYTHING.

THANKS A MILLION.

HEY! YOUR ASPIRIN.

TAKE IT YOURSELF.
MY HEADACHE'S GONE!

COME ON, AL.

LISTEN, BOYS.

I JUST BOUGHT
SOME ASPIRIN.

DRUNK AGAIN.

NO, NO. LISTEN TO THIS.
LISTEN TO THIS.

WHEN YOU'VE GOT
ONE DRUGSTORE,

YOU CHARGE 25 CENTS
FOR ASPIRIN.

BUT WHEN YOU'RE BUYING
FOR 100 STORES,

YOU GET IT FOR LESS,

SO YOU SELL IT
FOR 18 CENTS.

SO WHAT?

SO YOUR HOUSE--
I MEAN,

YOUR STORE
IS CROWDED.

THAT'S GREAT,
CHESTER, OLD BOY.

THAT'S
A MARVELOUS IDEA.

WELL, DON'T YOU GET
THE CONNECTION?

YEAH, WE'LL USE IT,

IF WE EVER OPEN
A DRUGSTORE.

NO, LISTEN, LISTEN.
WHEN YOU PUT ON

ONE PROLOGUE,
IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE.

BUT WHEN THE SAME PROLOGUE
PLAYS 25, 50, 100 HOUSES,

IT DOESN'T COST
A CENT MORE. GET IT?

WE MIGHT HAVE
SOMETHING THERE.

YEAH?

OH, THE SAME SCENERY,
SAME COSTUMES--

PUT THEM ON ONCE,
AND THEY STAY PUT ON.

WE'VE ONLY GOT
4 THEATERS.

PLAY THEM
ALL OVER CHICAGO,

ALL OVER
THE COUNTRY.

EXHIBITORS EVERYWHERE
WILL BE TICKLED PINK

TO GET READY-MADE
PROLOGUES.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

IT'S A CINCH,
BECAUSE YOU CAN GIVE THEM

SWELL PROLOGUES
CHEAPER THAN

THEY CAN PUT THEM
ON THEMSELVES. AND WHY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE IN
THE CHAIN-STORE BUSINESS.

SI, HE'S RIGHT.

NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.

BOYS, YOUR NAME WILL
BE UP IN LIGHTS

FROM THE ROCK BOTTOM
COAST OF MAINE

TO THE SUNNY STRANDS
OF CALIFORNIA.

YOU'LL HAVE TO
WAIT A MINUTE.

WILL YOU TAKE
A SEAT, PLEASE?

GOOD MORNING.

HOW ABOUT A JOB,
MISS PRESCOTT?

SEE ARNOLD,
THE CASTING DIRECTOR.

ANY MAIL?

9 OUT-OF-TOWN
CALLS.

ONLY 9?
WE MUST BE SLIPPING.

HELLO.

GOOD MORNING.

IS THE BOSS IN YET?

I HAVEN'T SEEN
MR. KENT THIS MORNING.

MAYBE YOU BLINKED
AND MISSED HIM.

AH, COULD BE.
HEH HEH!

HELLO, GIRLS.

MR. GOULD WANTS
TO SEE MR. KENT.

OH, I'LL PUT THAT
IN MY MEMORY BOOK.

IS MR. KENT IN?

NO, BUT I'M
HIS SECRETARY.

THIS IS SOMETHING
VERY PERSONAL.

THAT'S THE KIND
OF SECRETARY I AM.

WELL, YOU SEE,

I'M A TITLE
THINKER-UPPER.

AHH.

HONEST, I AM.

MY REAL BUSINESS
IS INSURANCE,

BUT I HAVE A LOT
OF SPARE TIME,

SO I THINK UP TITLES.

RIGHT OUT
OF YOUR HEAD?

YES. HERE'S SOME
I THOUGHT UP YESTERDAY--

GIRLS OF SPAIN,
GIRLS OF FRANCE,

GIRLS OF
SOUTH AMERICA--

SHH! KEEP THEM
UNDER YOUR HAT.

WHAT DO YOU DO,
JUST TRAVEL

AROUND THE WORLD?

THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW, MAYBE

HE COULD USE THEM
FOR PROLOGUES.

I'LL SELL 'EM CHEAP.

TELL YOU WHAT
YOU DO.

YOU GO OVER
TO GLADSTONE.

SOUNDS LIKE HIS
KIND OF STUFF.

OH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HERE YOU ARE.

CATS.

FIRST DRINK THAT.

WORKING ALL NIGHT
AGAIN. I THOUGHT

YOU SAID YOU WERE
GOING HOME EARLY.

I DID GO HOME.
THAT IS--

I MEAN, I STARTED
TO GO HOME

RIGHT AFTER DRESS REHEARSAL
ABOUT 3 A.M.,

AND THEN, BINGO,
I GOT AN IDEA. CATS.

I WAS WALKING ALONG
THE STREET

AND SAW SOME CATS.
YOU EVER SEE CATS WALK?

JUST LIKE THAT--
REGULAR DANCE RHYTHM.

SO YOU CAME
RIGHT BACK HERE.

THAT'S JUST
WHAT I DID.

GOT THE WHOLE THING
ALL MAPPED OUT--

7 BOYS AND 7 GIRLS,

TOMCATS AND PUSSYCATS--
THAT'S DOWN IN ONE.

THEN WE GO
TO FULL STAGE

WITH AN ALLEY DROP--

WITH THE ASH CANS
AND A BOARD FENCE.

THEN WE HAVE
12 LITTLE GIRLS

COME OUT
IN KITTEN COSTUMES.

THEY'RE THE CHILDREN,
SEE?

NOW, FORGET
THE CATS, WILL YOU?

IF YOU DON'T LET UP,
YOU'RE GONNA

MEOW YOURSELF
INTO A PADDED CELL.

NOW, GO ON,
GET WASHED.

I'LL GET
A CLEAN SHIRT.

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE PERFECTLY RIGHT.

PERFECTLY RIGHT.

BUT IT'S STILL
A GOOD IDEA.

HERE YOU ARE.

OH, THANKS.

OH, GET MR. KENT
SOME TOMATO JUICE,

TOAST, AND COFFEE,

AND A BOTTLE OF MILK
FOR THE CAT.

[RINGS]

HELLO.

YES. ALL RIGHT.
WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD ON.

THE GAY NINETIES UNIT
CALLING FROM KANSAS CITY.

THE PARK NUMBER
RUNS TOO LONG.

ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TALK TO THEM.

HELLO. HELLO--

CUT OUT YOUR FIRST CHORUS
AND OPEN UP WITH YOUR SECOND.

THAT WILL FIX IT,
WON'T IT?

ALL RIGHT. FINE.

2 UNITS
CAME IN YESTERDAY.

FINISHED THEIR TOUR.
SAY, YOU'RE SLOWING UP.

HAVEN'T SENT OUT
A UNIT THIS WEEK.

YEAH, WE'LL GIVE THEM
2 NEXT WEEK.

THAT IS, IF
I CAN STAY OUT OF

THE LAUGHING ACADEMY
THAT LONG.

I PUT A PEACH IN THEIR
REHEARSAL YESTERDAY--

PROSPERITY IDEA.

OH, RING HARRY
FOR ME, WILL YOU?

SKULKING THOMPSON?

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT
AGAINST HIM?

JUST DON'T LIKE HIM,
THAT'S ALL.

SOMETIMES I GET THE FEELING
YOU DON'T LIKE ANYBODY.

IF YOU ONLY KNEW.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME IN.

HELLO, BEA.
HELLO, NAN.

GOOD MORNING,
MR. KENT.

WHERE'S THOMPSON?

OUT FOR
A FEW MINUTES.

HE'LL BE OUT FOR LIFE
IF HE DOESN'T STICK

CLOSE TO THE BUSINESS.

GOULD SIGNED 30
MORE THEATERS.

OH, THAT MEANS
I'VE GOT TO THINK

OF 3 NEW PROLOGUES
A WEEK.

DUST OFF THE STRAIT JACKET,
BABY. WE'LL NEED IT.

YOU'LL NEED IT.

OH, AND MR. KENT,

ABOUT
THE BRIDESMAID UNIT,

WE'RE SHORT
6 MIRRORS.

WELL, UH, TAKE THE--

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

YEAH?

WHAT?

HMM. WAIT A MINUTE.

MORE TROUBLE.
WHAT IS IT?

A THEATER IN
SAVANNAH BURNED DOWN--

COSTUMES
AND SCENERY RUINED.

NEVER A DULL MOMENT.

THE SOLDIER GIRL
UNIT?

YEAH.

THIS IS THEIR LAST WEEK.
WHY NOT BRING THEM IN?

THAT'S RIGHT.

HELLO. IT'S YOUR
LAST WEEK, ISN'T IT?

BRING THE COMPANY IN.

WE'LL PUT THEM
IN SOMETHING ELSE.

WHAT?

A NICE, BIG COFFIN.

AND I'LL LIE DOWN
ALONGSIDE.

[DOOR CLOSES]

THERE'S A GIRL
FOR YOU.

WHAT KIND
OF A GIRL?

WITH BRAINS. YOU CAN
BUY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN

A DIME A DOZEN,
BUT SHE'S GOT IT UP HERE.

SO HAVE I.

WHAT?

A HEADACHE.

ALWAYS THE RAP.

HERE'S OLD MAN RIVER.

HEY, CHESTER!

NOT HARRY THOMPSON!

YEAH, AND WITH A PEACH
OF AN IDEA FOR A UNIT.

NOW, GET THIS--
ALL THE GIRLS COME IN

DRESSED AS DIFFERENT
FLOWERS, SEE?

THEN, FOR A FINISH,
THE LEADING LADY

IS THE AMERICAN
BEAUTY ROSE.

STOP.
YOU'RE KILLING ME.

I ALMOST FELL
OUT OF MY CRADLE

WHEN THE SHUBERTS
DID IT BACK IN 1912.

WHAT A MEMORY.

OLD FAITHFUL,
I CALLS IT.

HOOFERS, LIKE ELEPHANTS,
NEVER FORGET, BABY.

HERE, HARRY, HERE'S A CAT IDEA.
GET IT STARTED RIGHT AWAY.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

YEAH? YEAH,
THIS IS KENT.

ALL RIGHT.
I'LL FIX IT.

THE ICELAND UNIT'S
IN TROUBLE.

JUVENILE MAN MARRIED
THE LEADING LADY.

THEY'RE BOTH
IN THE HOSPITAL.

THAT'S QUICK WORK.

LISTEN, NAN, SEND
A NEW BOY AND GIRL

OUT RIGHT AWAY,

AND MAKE SURE THEY'RE NOT
IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER.

GET A COUPLE
ALREADY MARRIED.

SAY, GOULD
WANTS TO SEE YOU.

NOTHING STRANGE
ABOUT THAT.

THIS CAT THING
AIN'T BAD.

WELL,
KEEP IT THAT WAY.

OH--OH, NAN,

THERE ARE
SOME NOTES THERE

ON A JIGSAW PUZZLE UNIT
AND A WILLOW TREE IDEA.

TYPE THEM OUT,
WILL YOU?

I WILL.

AMERICAN
BEAUTY ROSE.

HE SAID
ONLY THE CAT IDEA.

YEAH?

NOW, WHY SHOULD
WE GIVE HIM A JOB ?

WHAT CAN HE DO?

WELL, SCOTT'S A LOVELY
SINGER AND DANCER.

ISN'T HE, SI?

WHY, HE WON HIS SPURS
IN COLLEGE SHOWS.

OH, DEAR, DEAR MR. KENT,

FOR MY SAKE, NOW,
I IMPLORE YOU.

NOW, HARRIET,
DON'T GET EXCITED.

YOU KNOW WHAT
THE DOCTOR SAID.

SEE, THERE'S AN IDEA,
SI. A DOCTOR UNIT--

THE GIRLS DOCTORS
AND THE BOYS PATIENTS.

THE GIRLS GIVE THE BOYS
A SHOT IN THE ARM,

AND THEY GO INTO
A BIG DANCE.

SOMETHING LIKE THIS--

♪ YA DA DE DA
DA DA DA DA ♪

♪ DA DA DA DA
DA DA YA HUH ♪

Harriet: DIVINE.
SIMPLY DIVINE.

LIKE THE IDEA?

OH, IT'S
A BEAUTIFUL IDEA.

OH, NOW, YOU SEE,
DEAR MR. KENT,

SCOTT IS MY PROTEGE,

AND SCOTT IS
SUCH A DEAR BOY

WITH THE SWEETEST
TENOR VOICE.

OH, PLEASE, PLEASE,
MR. KENT.

PARDON ME.

SORRY.

MR. GOULD
IS VERY BUSY.

HA, HA!
I'LL SAY HE'S BUSY.

THEY'RE TALKING
ABOUT ME.

THAT SHOULDN'T
TAKE VERY LONG.

I'M GOING TO
WORK HERE.

MRS. GOULD'S GIVING
KENT THE GOOD NEWS.

REALLY? WELL,
AS FAR AS I KNOW,

WE HAVE ALL THE OFFICE
BOYS WE NEED.

I'M A SINGER--

STARRED IN 2 SHOWS
AT ARKANSAS COLLEGE.

RAH RAH.

OUR SHOWS PLAY
IN THEATERS,

NOT COLLEGES.

WHY, HE'S WAITING
OUTSIDE,

READY AND EAGER
TO START HIS CAREER.

YOUR MISTAKE.

MR. KENT WILL BE
DELIGHTED TO ENGAGE YOU.

OH, MR. KENT,

I WANT YOU
TO MEET MR. BLAIR.

HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?

OH, IT'S YOUR
GREAT OPPORTUNITY.

THANKS, HARRIET.

WELL, I MUST
SAY ADIEU NOW.

I'VE GOT TO GO SEE SI
ABOUT A CHECK.

COME WITH ME, AND I'LL
PUT YOU IN THE CAT UNIT.

OH, THAT'S KEEN.

DON'T BE
SO OPTIMISTIC.

MEOW.

MEOW.

HELLO, FANNY.

MY NAME'S MYRTLE,
MR. KENT.

MYRTLE? HA HA HA!
COME ON, GIRLS.

7, 8, 1, 2, 3, 4...

ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S GOOD.

1, 2, 3, 4,

5, 6, 7, 8...

HI, MR. KENT.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...

HOLD IT!

GOT A NEW BOY
FOR YOU, MAX.

I DON'T NEED HIM.

NEITHER DID I,
BUT I CAUGHT HIM.

HE'S YOURS NOW.

SIT DOWN.

Women:
♪ IN SPRINGTIME, IN FALLTIME ♪

♪ I FACE THE GROUND
AT ALL TIMES ♪

♪ I'M ONE STEP AHEAD
OF MY SHADOW ♪

♪ ITS RAINBOW AND BUBBLES ♪

♪ REDUCING
ALL MY TROUBLES ♪

♪ I'M HAVING A JOLLY TIME ♪

♪ TELLING THE WORLD THAT I'M ♪

♪ ONE STEP AHEAD
OF MY SHADOW ♪

HOLD IT. HOLD IT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER NOW?

THIS NUMBER'S AS DEAD
AS CHELSEA'S TONSILS.

OH, I WORRY
ABOUT THIS,

AND I WORRY
ABOUT THAT.

I KNOW. YOU GOT THE KIDS
LOOKING WORRIED, TOO.

THIS IS A PROSPERITY UNIT.
SOME LIFE AND SOME PEP.

DANCE ON YOUR FEET.
DON'T DIE ON THEM.

HERE'S THE WAY
TO ATTACK THAT FINISH.

COME ON, LET'S GO!

♪ DUM DUM DA DUM DUM
DA DUM BUM ♪

YOU GOT IT?

ALL RIGHT, THEN.
DO IT.

I GET IT,

BUT I GOT TOO MUCH
ON MY SHOULDERS.

IT'S ALL HER FAULT.

SHE GIVES ME
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

HOW CAN WE LOOK
PROSPERITY WHEN

HE'S GOT DEPRESSION
ALL OVER

THAT PAN OF HIS?

THERE.
YOU SEE, MR. KENT?

SEE WHAT
I'M UP AGAINST?

I'M AFRAID
IF THIS KEEPS UP,

I'LL HAVE TO RESIGN.

YOU AND ME BOTH,
BUT UNTIL WE DO,

KEEP ON WORKING,
WILL YOU?

COME ON. LET'S DO IT.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

GIVE US A PICKUP THERE.
COME ON.

RIGHT!

THAT'S NO WAY TO KID
A BOY, YOU KNOW?

♪ REDUCING ALL MY TROUBLES ♪

♪ I'M HAVING A JOLLY TIME ♪

NOW!

♪ ONE STEP AHEAD
OF MY SHADOW ♪

AHH.

NOW WHAT?

WE'LL HAVE TO CALL OFF
THE PROSPERITY UNIT.

GLADSTONE
JUST PUT ONE ON.

I SLAVE DAY
AND NIGHT

WORRYING
ABOUT IDEAS,

AND GLADSTONE
STEALS THEM.

HE'S BEEN DOING
IT FOR MONTHS.

ALL RIGHT, GIRLS,
LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.

NO, NO, CALL IT OFF.
CALL IT OFF.

THE PROSPERITY
UNIT'S OUT.

THAT'S ALL, GIRLS.
YOU'RE EXCUSED.

WHAT'S IN?

A CAT NUMBER. WE PUT IT
IN REHEARSAL RIGHT AWAY.

AND YOU'RE IT.

I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT CATS.

I NEVER HAD A CAT!

I'VE GOT ONE FOR YOU.
IT'S UP IN MY OFFICE.

YEAH, BUT WHAT
WILL I DO WITH IT?

GO UP AND GET HIM,
MAKE A PAL OF HIM.

STUDY HIS MOVEMENTS.

NOW, LISTEN.

I'M AN ANIMAL
TRAINER,

NOT A DANCE
DIRECTOR.

OH, NO...UH...

I'M A DANCE
TRAINER,

NOT AN ANIMAL D...

OH, YOU GOT ME
SO WORRIED,

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I AM!

I GOT BAD NEWS
FOR YOU, CHESTER.

YOU CAN'T USE
THE CAT IDEA.

OH. YOU WANT TO
START TO TELL ME

WHAT I CAN USE
AND WHAT I CAN'T USE.

WELL, IT'S MY JOB

TO SEE
THAT OUR PROLOGUES

FIT IN WITH
CENSOR REGULATIONS.

I'M ONLY DOING
MY DUTY.

OH, I SEE.

THE TOMCATS AND
THE PUSSYCATS ARE ALL RIGHT,

BUT THE KITTENS
ARE ILLEGITIMATE.

THEY CERTAINLY ARE.

UNLESS THEY'RE MARRIED
BY A PREACHER CAT.

NO PREACHER CAT,
NO KITTENS.

NO, YOU CAN'T USE IT
IN 39 CITIES.

UH-HUH. WELL, I'VE GOT
SOME BAD NEWS FOR YOU.

YOU'RE FIRED.

OH, YOU CAN'T
FIRE ME.

MRS. GOULD'S
MY SISTER.

I WOULDN'T CARE
IF SHE'S YOUR AUNT MINNIE.

NOW GET OUT OF HERE
AND STAY OUT.

YEAH, WE'LL SEE
ABOUT THAT.

GET OUT!

[LAUGHTER]

LOOK OUT!

OH, GET THAT CAT
OUT OF HERE.

YOU DON'T SUPPOSE I WANT
HIM IN HERE, DO YOU?

NOW I'VE GOT CATS
TO WORRY ABOUT.

I BETTER QUIT, HUH?

WE'LL GO INTO THAT
LATER, SWEETHEART.

OH, MR. KENT,

I HAVE HERE GOT
ALL THE CAT MUSIC

FROM OUR LIBRARY.

ANYTHING GOOD?

SURE. CAT
AND THE FIDDLE,

KITTEN
ON THE KEYS,

YOU ARE THE CATS,
CATS ON PARADE,

CAT'S MEOW,
CRAZY CAT,

PUSSYCAT, PUSSYCAT,

WHERE
HAVE YOU BEEN?,

ME AND MY CAT
BOTH LOVE YOU,

AND LOVE ME
AND LOVE MY CAT.

THOMPSON JUST CAME IN.

STALL HIM
TILL I GET THERE.

GET KITTEN ON THE KEYS
RIGHT OVER TO FRANCIS,

AND MAKE
AN ORCHESTRATION

OF CATS ON PARADE
IN B FLAT.

CATS ON PARADE
IN B FLAT.

CHILDREN,
GATHER AROUND.

I WANT YOU
TO WATCH THIS CAT.

SO, I'M GIVING YOU
SOME ADVICE.

GO OUT AND FIND
YOURSELF A NICE NEW JOB.

I GOT ONE.

OH, YEAH?

YEAH. FROM NOW ON,
MY BUSINESS ADDRESS

IS GENERAL DIRECTOR,
GLADSTONE PROLOGUES.

WELL, THAT'S FINE.
AFTER THEY FIRE YOU,

YOU CAN PUT ON YOUR DANCE
AT THE OLD SOLDIERS' HOME.

THE GATE'S OPEN.

GLADSTONE.

[DOOR CLOSES]

I'LL BET
THAT'S OUR LEAK.

I'LL BET
YOU'RE RIGHT.

THAT DIRTY, LOWDOWN...

OH, WELL.

HE'LL WIND UP
JERKING SODAS

WHEN HE HAS TO THINK
OF HIS OWN IDEAS.

HE'S FULL OF THEM,

LIKE AMERICAN
BEAUTY ROSE.

SAY, YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M GONNA DO?

I'M GONNA KEEP
HALF A DOZEN

OF THE CHORUS PEOPLE
HERE AS MODELS,

TEACHING NEW KIDS
THE STEPS.

LIKE IT?

MM-HMM.

YES. I DO.

SAY, I'LL TELL
YOU SOMEBODY

WHO'LL BE SWELL FOR
A JOB LIKE THAT--

WHO?
BEA THORN.

NO. TOO VALUABLE
WHERE SHE IS.

OH, BUT SHE'S
A SWELL DANCER.

USED TO DO A TURN
IN VAUDEVILLE.

NO, I DON'T THINK
SHE'D BE INTERESTED.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

WHATEVER YOU SAY,
BOSS.

LISTEN, KID,
I'M CHECKING OUT.

IF YOU GO, DEAR,
SO DO I.

NO, I WANT YOU
TO STICK.

I GOT
A SPECIAL REASON.

BUT I'LL
NEVER SEE YOU.

YES, YOU WILL.
WE'LL HAVE

DINNER TONIGHT.
MEET ME AT MY PLACE

ABOUT 7:00
AND I'LL TELL YOU.

HOW YOU CAN HELP ME.

DEAR MR. KENT,
I PROMISED MY FATHER

I'D ALWAYS LOOK
AFTER CHARLIE.

THINK IT OVER,
WILL YOU, CHESTER?

ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.

TAKE HIM BACK.

KEEP AWAY FROM ME,

OR I'LL SOCK YOU RIGHT
IN YOUR BLUE NOSE.

AND DON'T YOU DARE
LET HIM FIRE

ANY MORE
OF MY RELATIVES.

COME ALONG, CHARLIE.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4.

HOLD IT, HOLD IT,
HOLD IT.

THESE ARE CATS,
NOT ELEPHANTS.

THIS IS ABOUT
WHAT I WANT.

WATCH CAREFULLY.

♪ DA DEH
DE DA DA DA ♪

♪ DA DA DA DA
DA...DA ♪

OH, I GET IT.
I GET IT.

I GET IT.

NO, NO. I WANT
THAT CERTAIN RHYTHM.

OH, THAT CERTAIN
RHYTHM.

IT'S PREYING
ON MY MIND!

WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO
IS WATCH THAT CAT!

I HATE CATS.

I CAN'T GET
AWAY FROM HIM.

I'VE DONE EVERYTHING
BUT SLEEP WITH HIM.

SLEEP WITH HIM.
WE'VE GOT TO GET IT.

NOW GO TO WORK!

Francis:
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS,

NOW PLEASE, PAY
ATTENTION, WILL YOU?

I WANT YOU
TO GET THIS.

NOW WATCH ME!

HOLD IT, MAC.
HOLD IT.

NOW WATCH--
HOLD IT!

THE EGYPTIAN UNIT
JUST CAME IN--

29 PEOPLE.

CALL THEM FOR REHEARSAL
TOMORROW MORNING.

WE'LL PUT THEM IN THE
MECHANICAL DOLL UNIT.

YOU MUST PUT BRASSIERES
ON THOSE DOLLS.

OH, YOU KNOW
CONNECTICUT.

WHAT DO THEY HAVE TO DO
IN MASSACHUSETTS?

WEAR RED FLANNEL DRAWERS?

REHEARSAL'S OFF.

CALL THEM BACK
AT 8:00 TONIGHT.

REHEARSAL'S
OVER, KIDS.

BACK AT 8:00
TONIGHT.

HELLO.

SAY, DID YOU
SEE ME DANCING?

DO YOU
CROCHET, TOO?

NO, NOT ME,

BUT I GOT
A TENOR VOICE

PEOPLE COME
MILES TO HEAR.

HERE'S A SAMPLE
OF IT.

♪ SWEET ADELINE ♪

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
DON'T YOU LIKE IT?

YOU MUST HAVE GOTTEN
AWFUL BIG

AT ARKANSAS COLLEGE.

I GUESS YOU DON'T
APPRECIATE ME.

OH, NO? WELL, HERE COMES
SOMEONE WHO DOES.

OH, MRS. GOULD,
HE'S WAITING.

OH, SCOTT, DEAR,
I'M JUST IN TIME.

YEP, JUST IN TIME.

A WET NURSE
TO AN ALLEY CAT.

[PLAYING PIANO]

CLOSING TIME.

YEAH. ANOTHER DAY,
ANOTHER GRAY HAIR.

WONDER WHAT
IT'S GETTING ME.

YOU'RE 1/3 PARTNER,
AREN'T YOU?

YEAH. MY 1/3
DOES ALL THE WORK.

WHILE THE OTHER 2/3
DRAG DOWN THE MONEY.

MAYBE IT'S BETTER
TO BE ONE OF THE HELP.

YOU KNOW, I'M SUPPOSED
TO BE GETTING

A PERCENTAGE
OF THE PROFITS.

BUT SO FAR, EVERYTHING'S
GONE BACK INTO PRODUCTION.

SO THEY SAY.

WHY DON'T YOU DO
SOME INVESTIGATING?

I'M TOO BUSY.

I'M DAFFY TRYING TO
THINK UP NEW IDEAS.

WE'VE DONE
EVERYTHING...

SOLDIER GIRL UNIT,

BULL FIGHTERS,
BLUE GIRLS,

GHOSTS, BABY DOLLS,
VOODOO,

RUSSIAN REVOLUTION.

THERE'S NOTHING LEFT
IN THE WORLD.

A UNIT A WEEK.

WHERE AM I GONNA
GET ANY MORE IDEAS?

WHEN I DO GET THEM,
GLADSTONE STEALS THEM.

I'M FALLING APART.

WHY DON'T YOU
GET SOMETHING TO EAT

AND GO RIGHT HOME?

I CAN'T.
I'VE GOT TO STAY

AND DOVETAIL
THIS CAT UNIT STUFF.

IF I PROMISE TO TAKE
THEM HOME WITH ME,

WILL YOU GO
RIGHT TO BED?

IT'S A BARGAIN.

SAY,

WHAT'S THE NAME
OF THAT FOREIGNER

THAT BUILT THE MONSTER
HE COULDN'T STOP?

FRANKENSTEIN.

SHAKE HANDS
WITH HIS AUNT EMMA.

GOOD NIGHT.

FRANKENSTEIN--

SWELL IDEA
FOR A UNIT.

THAT LOOKS
VAGUELY FAMILIAR.

OH, BONSOIR,
NANETTE.

VIVIAN!

I GOT THE JANITOR
TO LET ME IN.

I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T
MIND PUTTING ME UP

FOR A DAY OR TWO.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
IN HOLLYWOOD.

I WAS, BUT PICTURES
BORED ME.

SO LITTLE CULTURE
OUT THERE, MY DEAR.

WHAT IS THIS CULTURE
GAG ALL OF A SUDDEN?

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

NOW, RELAX, WILL YOU?
I SAID ALL OF A SUDDEN.

LAST TIME I SAW YOU,

YOUR CONVERSATION
WAS PRACTICALLY

DESE, DEMS, AND DOSES.

WE GROW UP, YOU KNOW.

WHAT WAS IT
PROFESSOR MALINOV SAID?

"LIFE IS...LIFE IS..."

"JUST A BOWL
OF CHERRIES?"

NO, BUT THAT'S A VERY
INTERESTING THOUGHT.

NERTS.

YEAH, SURE, I LOVE YOU.

BUT NOW LISTEN,
GIVE ME THE BILL.

WHAT'S HAPPENING
AT FRAZER AND GOULD?

THEY'RE REHEARSING
A NEW ACT.

THE GIRLS
ARE DRESSED

LIKE
MECHANICAL DOLLS,

AND THE BOYS
WIND THEM UP.

MR. KENT GOT
THE IDEA TODAY.

SWELL. MOVE IT, BABE,
WHILE I GIVE IT TO GLADSTONE.

REMEMBER, NOW,

YOU CAN ONLY STAY
TILL AUNT CLARA

OR SOMEBODY
OR SOMETHING

COMES THROUGH.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

WHO IS IT?

KENT. I WANT TO
TALK TO YOU.

JUST A MINUTE.
YOU ANSWER THE DOOR.

COME IN, WON'T YOU?

BE RIGHT OUT.
THE GIRL IS MISS RICH.

Nan: VIVIAN, MR. KENT.

HOW DO YOU DO?

HOW DO YOU DO?

IN CALIFORNIA,

I NEVER MISSED A
CHESTER KENT PROLOGUE.

THEY WERE ALL SO...

WHAT SHALL I SAY...

INTELLECTUALLY
DEVISED.

I'M GLAD YOU
LIKE THEM, MISS RICH,

BUT I WOULDN'T CALL
THEM EXACTLY INTELLECTUAL.

YOU'RE JUST MODEST.

EVERY ONE HAD A DEFINITE
CENTRAL THEME--

BRAINS, YOU KNOW.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT
AT THAT.

ANYTHING SPECIAL?

OH, I GOT SOME NEW IDEAS
ON THAT CAT STUFF.

WANTED THE OUTLINE.

IT'S ON THE DESK.

MOST PROLOGUES,
MR. KENT,

ARE UTTERLY
COMMONPLACE,

BUT YOURS...
YOURS HAVE MEANING.

WHAT WAS IT
RUSKIN SAID?

"THAT INTANGIBLE
SOMETHING."

OH, VIVIAN,
WHATEVER HAPPENED

TO THAT BOYFRIEND
OF YOURS?

IS HE STILL
A BOOTLEGGER?

NAN IS SO BOURGEOIS
AT TIMES.

SWELL GAL, THOUGH.
WORKS LIKE A SLAVE.

SPEAKING OF THAT,

I WAS READING A MOST
INTERESTING BOOK,

SLAVERY
AND OLD AFRICA.

HAVE YOU READ IT?

I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME
TO READ MY MAIL.

OH, IT'S FILLED

WITH THE MOST
FASCINATING PICTURES.

ALL THE WOMEN
WERE SLAVES--

Nan: HOLD IT, VIVIAN.
I'S A-COMIN'.

SAY, THAT'S
A NATURAL.

WHERE IS THIS BOOK?

I THINK I KNOW
A SHOP THAT KEEPS IT.

I CAN SEE IT NOW--

PRETTY GIRLS
IN BLACKFACE--

SLAVES
OF OLD AFRICA.

WHITE MEN
CAPTURE THEM.

CAN WE GET
THAT BOOK TONIGHT?

PERHAPS, IF WE
LEAVE RIGHT AWAY.

WELL, LET'S GET GOING.

OH, DEAR, I FORGOT.
I'VE HAD NO DINNER.

WELL, HAVE IT
WITH ME

AFTER WE FIND
THE BOOKSHOP.

I'D ADORE IT.

GOOD NIGHT, NANETTE.

OH, GOOD NIGHT.
NEVER MIND THE OUTLINE.

I THINK I'VE GOT
A NEW ONE.

1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6--

MR. FRANCIS,
THE MUSIC DEPARTMENT

SENT DOWN THIS
NEW ARRANGEMENT.

GIVE IT TO JOE.

CAN'T YOU SEE
I'M BUSY?

I'VE GOT EVERYTHING
ON MY SHOULDERS--

MUSIC, COSTUME,
GIRLS, CATS.

NOW I'M BEGINNING
TO SNIFFLE.

I FEEL AS THOUGH
I'M COMING DOWN

WITH A DREADFUL...

NOW, THAT'S WHERE
SCOTTY COMES IN.

WHERE IS HE?

HE ISN'T IN YET.

MR. KENT'S GOING TO
HEAR ABOUT THIS.

FROM THE BEGINNING,
GIRLS.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,
DOWN.

1, 2, 3, 4...

YOU KNOW YOU'RE
LATE, DON'T YOU?

♪ GOOD MORNING,
DEAR TEACHER ♪

♪ GOOD MORNING
TO YOU ♪

I'M GOING TO
REPORT YOU.

MR. KENT
IS VERY STRICT

ABOUT CHORUS PEOPLE
BEING ON TIME.

I'M NOT IN
THE CHORUS ANYMORE.

OH.
THEY THREW ME OUT.

OH, I'M SORRY.

AND YOU WERE
GOING TO REPORT ME.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, DOWN.

1, 2, 3...

PERHAPS I COULD
SPEAK TO MR. KENT.

OH, NOW, THAT'S NOT
FAIR, MISS THORN.

YOU KNOW I'M ALL UPSET.
LOOK.

MY HAIR'S TURNING GRAY
WITH SO MUCH ON MY MIND,

AND YOU'RE KEEPING
SCOTTY FROM REHEARSALS.

BUT HE ISN'T IN
YOUR CHORUS ANYMORE.

OF COURSE HE ISN'T.

THEY MADE HIM
A PRINCIPAL LAST NIGHT.

A PRINCIPAL! HIM?

I TOLD YOU
YOUR FAVORITE PEOPLE

HAD A VOICE.

ALL THESE ANNOYANCES
PILING UP.

COME ON, SCOTTY.

I'M WAITING FOR YOU
TO SING THAT NUMBER.

AH-CHOO! DON'T GET
A COLD, WILL YOU?

COME ON!

SO LONG, TIME CLOCK.

SO LONG, KAHUNA.

HERE'S
YOUR STATEMENT

FOR THE LAST
SIX MONTHS.

PROFITS GOING UP
ALL THE TIME.

HERE'S A STATEMENT
FOR MR. KENT.

NO PROFITS AT ALL.

MR. KENT'S STATEMENT
SHOWS THAT ALL PROFITS

GO BACK INTO PRODUCTION.
IS THAT RIGHT?

EXACTLY.

DRAW $20,000 IN CASH
FOR GOULD AND ME.

AND CHARGE IT TO PRODUCTION
COSTS AS USUAL.

AND TAKE A CENTURY
NOTE FOR YOURSELF.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

GOOD MORNING.

IS IT STILL MORNING?

OOH, YOU BEAUTIFUL--

[DOOR OPENS]

NICE OF YOU
TO DROP IN.

[DOOR CLOSES]

THERE'S SOME MIGHTY PRETTY
COUNTRY AROUND HERE.

11 WIRES, 9 PHONE CALLS,
AND ONE SECRETARY

SLOWLY GOING
OUT OF HER MIND!

ARRANGE AN AUDITION
FOR SOME GIRLS.

I WANT ONE TO SING
THAT NUMBER WITH SCOTTY.

I'M STARTING A NEW DEPARTMENT
TODAY--STYLES AND IDEAS.

WHO'S GOING TO
RUN IT?

SHE'LL BE HERE
IN A MINUTE--

HAS BRAINS
AND ALL KINDS OF CULTURE--

JUST WHAT WE NEED.

GAVE ME A SWELL IDEA--
SLAVES OF OLD AFRICA.

A HIT.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

SHOULD'VE KICKED HER OUT
THE MINUTE I SAW HER.

HELLO.

FOUR GIRLS FROM
THE SWISS NAVY UNIT

MARRIED A QUARTET
FROM PHILADELPHIA YESTERDAY

AND THEY WANT TO QUIT.

QUARTET ANY GOOD?

IS THE QUARTET
ANY GOOD? YEAH.

PUT THEM IN THE ACT.

PUT THEM
IN THE ACT.

SORRY, CHESTER,
TO KEEP YOU WAITING.

HELLO, VIVIAN.

THIS IS MISS RICH.
MY SECRETARY MISS PRESCOTT.

I KNOW MISS BI--RICH,
IF YOU REMEMBER.

OH, YEAH.
THAT'S RIGHT.

I MET HER
AT YOUR PLACE.

VIVIAN IS THE HEAD OF OUR NEW
STYLE AND IDEA DEPARTMENT.

I HOPE YOU'LL BOTH
BE VERY HAPPY.

OH, NAN.

UM, WOULD YOU GET
MISS RICH AN OFFICE?

I'M AWFULLY BUSY, BUT
I'LL SEE THAT IT'S DONE.

THIS WAY, PLEASE.

DON'T FORGET ABOUT OUR
LUNCHEON ENGAGEMENT, CHESTER.

MM-HMM. 1:00.

RIGHT.

SHE WORK HERE?

OUR NEW STYLE
AND IDEA DEPARTMENT--

THE HEAD.

SPLENDID CHOICE,
CHESTER.

SPLENDID CHOICE.

GET HER AN OFFICE.

OK.

HERE'S OUR SEMIANNUAL
STATEMENT.

MAYBE I'D BE
BETTER OFF ON A SALARY.

I'LL SAY YOU WOULD.

WHEN YOU'VE GOT
1/3 INTEREST?

DON'T KID YOURSELF.

FRAZER AND I AIN'T
DRAWING A CENT

OUT OF THE BUSINESS,
EITHER.

IT'S TOUGH ON YOU BOYS.
I DON'T SEE HOW YOU GET ALONG.

AND BESIDES,
GLADSTONE'S COPPED

THE MECHANICAL DOLL
ANGLE ALREADY.

I--I'LL STOP IT
SOME WAY, CHESTER.

THAT'S GOING TO
BE A BIG HELP.

BETWEEN GLADSTONE
STEALING ALL OUR STUFF

AND YOU SAYING
THERE ARE NO PROFITS,

I'M GETTING
PRETTY WELL FED UP.

BUT, CHESTER, THINK OF THE
APOLLO DELUXE THEATERS.

SO WHAT?

THEY'RE GOING TO DO
PROLOGUES--40 HOUSES.

HAVE YOU SIGNED THEM?

APOLLINARIS SAYS
THEY'RE TOO CLASSY

FOR OUR
REGULAR STUFF.

AND GLADSTONE'S HOT
AFTER THE CONTRACT.

IT'S UP TO YOU,
CHESTER,

TO THINK UP
SOMETHING ORIGINAL.

GLADSTONE AGAIN.

THAT MEANS THOMPSON.

WELL, WE'LL
TAKE CARE OF HIM.

THAT'S THE SPIRIT,
CHESTER.

I KNEW WE COULD
COUNT ON YOU.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME IN.

HA HA HA!

I'M CHARLIE BOWERS.

WELL?

UH, MRS. GOULD'S
BROTHER.

OH, OH, OF COURSE.

WON'T YOU COME IN,
MR. BOWERS?

YES. THANK YOU.

AWFULLY GLAD
YOU DROPPED IN.

YES. SAME HERE.

SO SWEET OF YOU
TO SAY THAT.

GIVES ONE
THE FEELING OF, UH...

WHAT SHALL I SAY?

ESPRIT DE CORPS.

YEAH, YEAH. THAT'S
THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT IT.

HA HA!

OH, I'D LIKE
TO ASK YOU, MR. BOWERS.

OH, PARDON ME.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
GO TOO FAR.

ALL RIGHT, GIRLS!
STAND UP!

SHOW MR. KENT YOUR LEGS.

OH, HIGHER! HIGHER!

THIS IS AN AUDITION,
NOT AN EXHIBITION.

I'M NOT A MIND READER,
YOU KNOW.

DOWN, GIRLS.

THIS AUDITION
IS TO FIND A GIRL

TO SING A NUMBER
WITH MR. BLAIR.

YOU ALL GOT COPIES
OF THE SONG?

SING IT FOR THEM ONCE,
WILL YOU, SCOTTY?

AND, FRANCIS,
SHOW THEM THE ROUTINE.

GIVE US A PICKUP THERE.

WATCH THIS
VERY CAREFULLY, GIRLS.

♪ AH, THE MOON
IS HERE ♪

♪ AH, AND WE ARE HERE ♪

♪ LOVE IS OFF
TO A WONDERFUL START ♪

♪ I'M SITTING PRETTY ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE
BY MY SIDE ♪

♪ I'M WELL-SUPPLIED ♪

♪ PLENTY OF YOU,
PLENTY TO DO ♪

♪ AH, IT FEELS SO GRAND ♪

♪ WHEN I HOLD
YOUR HAND ♪

♪ THERE'S A HOP, SKIP,
AND JUMP IN MY HEART ♪

♪ WHAT IS
THIS FUNNY THING ♪

♪ I CAN'T GET
TOO MUCH OF? ♪

♪ AH, I'VE GOT A FEELING ♪

♪ IT'S LOVE ♪

ALL RIGHT.
YOU GOT THE IDEA, GIRLS?

LET'S GO!
NOW, WHO'S FIRST?

MARY!

GIVE US A PICKUP.

GREAT.

[TIMID] ♪ AH,
THE MOON IS HERE ♪

♪ AH,
AND WE ARE HERE ♪

♪ LOVE IS-- ♪

SORRY. SORRY,
LITTLE LADY.

NEXT!

YOU'RE NEXT! COME ON.

PICKUP, PLEASE.

I ALWAYS GET IN MY SINGING
MOOD WITH PERFUME.

DO YOU MIND?

NEVER MIND THE SMELL,
HONEY. SING.

[PIANO PLAYING]

[OPERATIC] ♪ AH,
THE MOON IS HERE ♪

♪ AH, AND
WE ARE HERE ♪

♪ LOVE IS OFF TO A
WONDERFUL START-- ♪

SORRY. SORRY.
WON'T DO.

WHY, I'VE SUNG
BEFORE CROWNED HEADS!

YOU'VE LAID YOURSELF
WIDE OPEN FOR A CRACK.

WE'LL LET IT GO.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT!

COME ON. YOU'RE NEXT.
GIVE US A PICKUP.

[PLAYING PIANO]

♪ AH, THE MOON
IS HERE ♪

♪ AH, AND
WE ARE HERE ♪

♪ LOVE IS OFF TO
A BEAUTIFUL START ♪

♪ I'M SITTING
PRETTY ♪

♪ YOU'RE
BY MY SIDE ♪

♪ I'M
WELL-SUPPLIED ♪

♪ PLENTY OF YOU,
PLENTY TO DO ♪

♪ AH, IT FEELS SO GRAND ♪

♪ WHEN YOU HOLD MY HAND ♪

♪ THERE'S A HOP, SKIP,
AND JUMP IN MY HEART ♪

♪ WHAT IS
THIS FUNNY THING ♪

♪ I CAN'T GET
TOO MUCH OF? ♪

♪ AH, I'VE GOT A FEELING ♪

♪ IT'S LOVE ♪

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT.

GET TO WORK, FRANCIS.

NICE DOING, KID.

THAT'S ALL
FOR THE SINGERS.

DANCING GIRLS,
ON THE STAGE!

TAKE THAT AGAIN
FOR ME, WILL YOU?

ON THE STAGE,
GIRLS! HURRY!

[HUMMING
AH, THE MOON IS HERE]

SCOTT, DEAR.

I'VE COME TO TAKE YOU
TO LUNCH.

OH, GEE, THAT'S NICE
OF YOU, HARRIET,

BUT--I'D LOVE TO GO,

BUT I'M NOT EATING
LUNCH ANYMORE.

I'M IN TRAINING NOW.

WELL, YOU CAN
WALK WITH ME

AS FAR AS SI'S OFFICE,
CAN'T YOU?

SI'S OFFICE?
OH, YEAH.

ALL RIGHT,
SWEETIE PIE.

HAVE YOU SEEN
MISS THORN?

I THINK
SHE'S GONE TO LUNCH.

OH. THANKS.

♪ WHAT IS
THIS FUNNY THING ♪

♪ I CAN'T GET
TOO MUCH OF? ♪

♪ AH, I'VE GOT A FEELING ♪

♪ IT'S LOVE ♪

LUNCH!

[SHOUTING]

HAVE YOU SEEN
MR. BLAIR?

HE'S GONE TO LUNCH
WITH MRS. GOULD.

HE WOULD.

WELL, USE A SHORTER
INTRODUCTION--

♪ DEE DUM DEE DUM,
DEE DUM DEE DUM DUM DUM ♪

THEN BRING THE GIRL OUT
FOR HER NUMBER! YEAH!

MWAH!

THESE WIRES
JUST CAME.

NO, NO, NO.
DO IT THAT WAY!

JUST THAT WAY!
YEAH.

THESE WIRES
JUST CAME.

OH, I CAN'T LOOK AT THEM
NOW. I GOT A DATE FOR LUNCH.

PHONE MISS RICH
AND TELL HER

I'LL BE RIGHT OVER,
WILL YOU?

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[ANGRILY]
MISS RICH, PLEASE.

[SWEETLY]
UH, MISS RICH?

I'M CALLING
FOR MR. KENT.

YES, HE WON'T BE ABLE TO
HAVE LUNCH WITH YOU.

NO. HE SAYS YOU MAY
TAKE THE AFTERNOON OFF.

HE DOESN'T WANT YOU
TO STRAIN YOURSELF

THE FIRST DAY.

OH, HELLO.

IT'S THE ONLY
VACANT SEAT.

WELL, AT LEAST
YOU'RE SITTING NEXT

TO AN ELEGANT SINGER.

I'LL TRY NOT TO LET IT
SPOIL MY LUNCH.

WHY, SCOTT, DEAR!

YOU TOLD ME YOU'D
STOPPED EATING LUNCH!

WELL, I HAVE.
YOU SEE,

I GOT UP SO LATE, I'M
JUST HAVING BREAKFAST.

WELL, I'LL FORGIVE YOU
THIS TIME,

YOU NAUGHTY BOY.

I'LL TAKE SPINACH.

IF I WERE A MAN,
I WOULDN'T BE A LAP DOG

TIED TO ANY WOMAN'S
APRON STRINGS.

I MIGHT
SURPRISE YOU.

YOU PROBABLY WON'T.

[PLAYING LIVELY TUNE]

HEY, MR. KENT.
I WANT TO QUIT.

DON'T BE SILLY.
SINGERS NEVER QUIT.

THEY HANG ON TILL
SOMEBODY KNOCKS THEM OFF.

I KNOW, BUT THAT'S WHY
I WANT TO QUIT.

THERE'S NO FUTURE
IN SINGING.

WHAT DO YOU
WANT TO DO?

I WANT TO BE
YOUR ASSISTANT.

YOU HAVEN'T FILLED
THOMPSON'S JOB YET.

I'LL WORK A YEAR FOR NOTHING
IF YOU INSIST ON A SAMPLE.

BEEN READING THOSE
MAGAZINE ADS AGAIN--

"HOW I BECAME PRESIDENT
OF THE ATLAS PICKLEWORKS."

OH, GIVE ME A CHANCE
AT THE JOB, WILL YOU?

THAT'S ALL I WANT.
I KNOW I'LL MAKE GOOD,

BUT IF I FAIL--

I BEST BELIEVE YOU ARE ONE
OF MRS. GOULD'S RELATIVES.

KEEP YOU ON ANYWAY.
YOU'VE GOT THE JOB.

THANKS!

OH, SO MRS. GOULD SNIVELED
YOU INTO ANOTHER JOB.

I GOT THIS
ABSOLUTELY ON MY OWN.

WAS THERE
ANY BUSINESS

YOU WISHED
TO DISCUSS WITH ME?

NO. THAT'S THE TROUBLE
WITH YOU.

YOU'RE ALL BUSINESS--
ALL EFFICIENCY.

YOU'RE NOT ALIVE.
YOU'RE NOT A BIT FEMININE.

LOOK AT THAT DRESS.
LOOK AT THOSE GLASSES.

ALL YOU NEED IS A PAIR
OF GROUND-GRIPPER SHOES

AND THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY
TUCKED UNDER YOUR ARM.

ANYTHING ELSE?

THAT'S ALL. IF I NEED YOU,
I'LL SEND FOR YOU.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

NO, MR. KENT IS BUSY.

NAN, YOU BUSY?

NO. JUST DREAMING LAZILY
ABOUT LIFE.

TELL ME, WHERE DO YOU
GET YOUR HAIR DONE?

AND WHERE DO YOU GET ALL
THOSE PRETTY DRESSES?

WHAT'S THE IDEA?

WELL, YOU'RE THE TYPE
MEN LIKE, AND--

ME? HA HA HA!

KNOW ANY MORE
FUNNY STORIES?

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

YEAH. MR. KENT!

YEAH.

LISTEN.

CUT A MINUTE OUT OF
GEORGE'S COMEDY,

AND THEN BRING THE
TRUMPET SECTION UP

BEFORE THE HAWAIIAN
NUMBER.

SEE MY SECRETARY.

AND IF YOU'RE
STILL OVERTIME--

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

CALL ME BACK
IN FIVE MINUTES.

NO.

YES.

THE ONE GIRL IN THE PLACE
THAT SHOWED SOME SENSE.

I'M SICK OF LOOKING
LIKE A SCHOOLTEACHER,

AND I'M SICK OF WORKING
IN AN OFFICE.

I WANT TO GO BACK
ON THE STAGE.

WELL, IT WAS JUST
A QUESTION OF TIME

BEFORE THIS PLACE
GOT TO YOU.

DID YOU SAY
SHE COULD DANCE?

ONE OF THE BEST.

ALL RIGHT. HOLD IT!

LET'S SEE
WHAT YOU CAN DO.

PLAY SOMETHING
IN 2/4.

SAME THING. PLAY.

[PLAYING PIANO]

FINE. THAT'S GRAND.
THAT'S GRAND.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
THE JOB

OF TEACHING THE
NEW KIDS THE ROUTINES?

WELL, GEE, MR. KENT,
THAT WOULD BE SWELL!

ALL RIGHT.
JOB'S YOURS.

OH, FRANCIS!

MISS THORN IS
YOUR NEW ASSISTANT.

Together: IT CAN'T
BE DONE, MR. KENT!

IT CAN'T BE DONE.

ALL RIGHT, MISS THORN.

YOU WATCH IT FROM
OVER THERE, WILL YOU?

ALL RIGHT, GIRLS! PLACES!

ANOTHER GOOD GAL
GONE WRONG.

♪ COME OUT, COME OUT, COME OUT
AND GET YOUR LOVIN' ♪

♪ NOW, DON'T YOU
KEEP ME IN SUSPENSE ♪

♪ COME ON, COME ON ♪

♪ WE'LL DO OUR
TURTLE DOVIN' ♪

♪ SITTIN' ON
A BACKYARD FENCE ♪

♪ COME ON, COME ON,
THE LITTLE STARS ARE PEEKIN' ♪

♪ THEY'RE WAITIN'
FOR YOU TO COMMENCE ♪

♪ AHA, AHA,
I KINDA THOUGHT I'D WEAKEN ♪

♪ SITTIN' ON A BACKYARD FENCE ♪

♪ IT MAY BE JUST ANOTHER
LITTLE BACKYARD ALLEY ♪

♪ OFF THE AVENUE ♪

♪ BUT I CAN SEE A WILLOW TREE,
A MOONLIT VALLEY ♪

♪ IN THE DREAMS
I SHARE WITH YOU ♪

♪ MEOW, MEOW ♪

♪ THE KITTY CAT IS COOIN' ♪

♪ HE SHOWS A LOT
OF COMMON SENSE ♪

♪ HE KNOWS, HE KNOWS
THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING DOIN' ♪

♪ SITTIN' ON A BACKYARD FENCE ♪

♪ COME ON, COME ON ♪

♪ COME OUT
AND GET YOUR LOVIN' ♪

♪ NOW, DON'T YOU
KEEP ME IN SUSPENSE ♪

♪ COME ON, COME ON ♪

♪ WE'LL DO
OUR TURTLE DOVIN' ♪

♪ SITTIN' ON
A BACKYARD FENCE ♪

♪ COME ON, COME ON ♪

♪ THE LITTLE STARS
ARE PEEKIN' ♪

♪ THEY'RE WAITING
FOR YOU TO COMMENCE ♪

♪ AHA, AHA ♪

♪ I KINDA THOUGHT
YOU'D WEAKEN ♪

♪ SITTIN' ON
A BACKYARD FENCE ♪

♪ IT MAY BE JUST ANOTHER
LITTLE BACKYARD ALLEY ♪

♪ OFF THE AVENUE ♪

♪ BUT I CAN SEE
A WILLOW TREE ♪

♪ A MOONLIT VALLEY ♪

♪ IN THE DREAMS
I SHARE WITH YOU ♪

♪ MEOW ♪

♪ MEOW ♪

♪ THE KITTY CAT IS COOING ♪

♪ HE SHOWS A LOT
OF COMMON SENSE ♪

♪ HE KNOWS,
HE KNOWS ♪

♪ THERE'S ALWAYS
SOMETHING DOIN' ♪

♪ SITTING
ON A BACKYARD FENCE ♪

THAT'S ALL!

OH! THOSE CONTORTIONS
ARE PRETTY VULGAR.

OH, ONE THING
AFTER ANOTHER.

JUST A MINUTE! YOU LOOK
LIKE A GIRL I USED TO KNOW.

OH, REALLY?

YOU'RE NEW HERE,
AREN'T YOU?

UH-HUH.

I THOUGHT SO.

YOU TRIED TO FOOL ME,
DIDN'T YOU?

MM-HMM.

OH, BUT WHAT A CHANGE.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL,
AND WHAT A DANCER.

MM-HMM.

IS THAT ALL
YOU CAN SAY--"MM-HMM"?

MM-HMM.

WELL, HOW ABOUT
A LITTLE KISS, THEN?

UH-UH!

MRS. GOULD'S
LITTLE BOY?

I SHOULD SAY NOT.

CHESTER, YOU GOT TO DOVE
OUT SOMETHING, QUICK.

THE APOLLO DEAL'S HOT,

AND GLADSTONE'S
AFTER THE CONTRACT.

FORGET GLADSTONE.

I'LL GIVE YOU
SOMETHING TOMORROW

THAT WILL KNOCK APOLLO
FOR A LOOP.

YEAH.

NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO
IS THINK IT UP.

MAYBE WE'D BETTER GO
BACK TO YOUR OFFICE.

YEAH, UH...
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I CAN'T KEEP MY MIND
ON THE RACE HERE.

BUT, CHESTER!

I'LL PICK YOU UP
AT 6:00.

YOU'RE GOING TO
GET PICKED UP AGAIN.

[DOOR CLOSES]

OLD FAITHFUL'S
GONE BACK ON ME.

I THOUGHT
OF A THOUSAND IDEAS,

AND EVERY ONE
OF THEM MOTH-EATEN.

IF THAT LITTLE GIRL'S
NOT TOO BOLD,

HOW'S FOR ME STICKING
WITH YOU TILL YOU GET IT?

YOU COULD THINK OUT LOUD.

LIKE WE USED TO?

IT MIGHT HELP.

KEEP THROWING IDEAS
AT ME.

YOU'LL THROW THE POOR
ONES RIGHT BACK. SOLD.

WE'LL GIVE APOLLO A SHOW
IF IT TAKES ALL NIGHT.

WE'LL HAVE DINNER,
THINK, AND WALK.

LET'S GO.

GOT SOMETHING?

HA! IT'S SO OLD, YOU'D
HAVE TO FUMIGATE IT.

SAY, HOW ABOUT
A GREAT BIG COFFEEPOT?

THE BOYS COME OUT, AND
THE GIRLS COME OUT...

AND THE AUDIENCE
GOES OUT.

I THINK THE JURY
BETTER GO OUT AGAIN.

WE COULD HAVE
A BAND ON THE STAGE

AND THE CHORUS
IN THE PIT!

HOW ABOUT TREES?

WE'VE HAD FLOWERS,
PICTURES,

TABLES, RADIOS,
STATUES,

MORE TABLES,
SOFAS, PIANOS...

AH, NERTS.

NO GOOD FOR A UNIT.

[RINGS]

HELLO.

WHO'S SPEAKING?

NAN?

NOBODY ELSE. I WOULDN'T
THINK OF WAKING HIM.

HE'S SLEEPING,

AND SO WAS I
WHEN YOU CALLED.

GOOD-BYE, DEAR.

MOVE OVER,
CHESTER, DARLING.

HELLO.

IT CAN'T BE OUT OF ORDER!
I JUST SPOKE TO THEM!

HOW DID YOU SLEEP?

LIKE A NEWBORN CHILD.

SO DID I.
NO IDEAS, THOUGH.

DIDN'T EVEN DREAM
OF ONE.

MAYBE WE'D BETTER START
ALL OVER AGAIN.

HOW DO YOU SUPPOSE AN
INSANE ASYLUM IDEA WOULD GO?

I COULD PLAY THE LEAD MYSELF
WITHOUT ANY TROUBLE.

ME, TOO.

HA HA!
HEY, LOOK AT THIS--

"WHAT HAPPENS TO UNPRODUCED
MUSICAL COMEDIES?"

WHAT DOES
HAPPEN TO THEM?

THEY GATHER DUST
ON THE SHELVES.

SAY, WE'VE GOT IT.

I KNOW WE'VE GOT IT!

APOLLINARIS
IS IN THE BAG!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHAT HAPPENS TO UNPRODUCED
MUSICAL COMEDIES?

I CAN TELL YOU WHAT'S
GOING TO HAPPEN TO THEM--

WE'RE GONNA PUT THEM IN
PICTURE HOUSES--PROLOGUES!

GRAND!

CUT THEM DOWN
TO 40 MINUTES!

GIVE THEM A PICTURE AND
A MUSICAL COMEDY FOR 50 CENTS.

MOST PICTURE FANS NEVER
SAW A MUSICAL COMEDY!

THAT'S THE IDEA!
COME ON, LET'S GRAB A CAB!

INSTEAD OF 40 PEOPLE,
OUR MUSICALS WILL HAVE 80.

I'M AFRAID OF IT.

NOW I KNOW IT'S GOOD.
WE'LL DO IT.

SURE, WE CAN'T MISS.

I'LL HAVE GEORGE APOLLINARIS
OUT TO DINNER TONIGHT.

I'LL BE THERE.

HE'LL BE THERE.

OUR TROUBLES ARE OVER.

THERE YOU ARE,
MR. APOLLINARIS.

YOU GIVE THEM A MUSICAL
COMEDY AND A PICTURE,

ALL FOR 50 CENTS!

IT'S GOOD,

BUT SOMEBODY
BEAT YOU TO IT.

IMPOSSIBLE.

YOU KNOW THOMPSON,
GLADSTONE'S DIRECTOR?

DOING
THE SAME THING?

SURE, SAME THING.

BUT HE STOLE
OUR IDEA!

WELL, SUE HIM!
IT AIN'T MY FUNERAL.

GLADSTONE'S GOT THREE
PROLOGUES IN REHEARSAL.

GOING TO SHOW THEM
TO ME SUNDAY.

NOW, HERE'S
WHAT I'LL DO.

YOU FELLAS
GET THREE STARTED,

BUT THEY GOT TO BE READY
SATURDAY NIGHT.

I'LL PREVIEW THEM

IN THREE OF MY HOUSES
AROUND TOWN

AND GET
AUDIENCE REACTION.

WHAT I LIKE AIN'T
WORTH A CENT.

WHAT AUDIENCES LIKE
IS WORTH MILLIONS.

AND IF THE AUDIENCE
LIKES OUR STUFF?

YOU GET THE CONTRACT
FOR THE WHOLE 40.

IF NOT, I SIGN IT
WITH GLADSTONE.

GIVE ME A GOOD
REASON WHY NOT.

I ATE TOO MUCH.

WE'LL SEE KENT
AND LET YOU KNOW.

THAT'S UP TO YOU, GENTS.

WELL...

SO LONG.

AHH!

I HOPE YOUR DINNER SHOULDN'T
MAKE ME INDIGESTION.

YEAH, WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.

WE GOT TO GET HOLD
OF KENT.

TRY HIS SECRETARY.
SHE'LL KNOW WHERE HE IS.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO.

OH, YES, MR. FRAZER.

WELL, I MAY SEE HIM LATER.

YEAH, IT WILL BE LATE,
ALL RIGHT,

BUT I'LL SURELY
SEND HIM OVER.

[DOOR BEING UNLOCKED]

[GIGGLING]

HOW'S THE WORLD'S BEST
SECRETARY?

OH HO HO!

I'LL TAKE CARE
OF HIM.

LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE
ALREADY.

HA HA! OH...

HERE. DRINK THIS.

THEY WANT YOU AT FRAZER'S
APARTMENT RIGHT AWAY.

CAN'T BE ANNOYED.

CAN'T BE ANNOYED.

GOT THE GREATEST NEWS
OF MY LIFE TONIGHT.

DON'T TELL ME
YOU MARRIED THAT CHISELER!

I'LL THANK YOU
NOT TO INSULT

THE FUTURE MRS. KENT!

I'M GLAD YOU SAID
"FUTURE."

I ALWAYS IGNORE
CRUDE PERSONS, DEAR.

Nan: I'LL TAKE CARE
OF YOU LATER.

OH, WELL, NOW,
WAIT--

YOU GOT A TAXI WAITING?

ALWAYS GOT
A TAXI WAITING.

NOW YOU LISTEN
TO ME.

THIS IS YOUR
BIG CHANCE--

40 UNITS
IN DELUXE HOUSES--

THE WHOLE
APOLLO CIRCUIT!

OH, IT'S TOO LATE
FOR UNITS.

UNITS TO THE RIGHT
OF THEM,

UNITS TO THE LEFT
OF THEM.

VOLLEYS AND THUNDER AND
LIGHTNING AND EVERYTHING.

COME ON, NOW!
YOU GET UP HERE.

THIS IS A CHANCE
OF A LIFETIME.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
I'LL GO,

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW
I RESENT THIS.

HOW DARE YOU--
MY FIANCÉ!

NOW, YOU SCRAM BEFORE I WRAP
A CHAIR AROUND YOUR NECK.

BUT IT'S 3:00
IN THE MORNING!

WHERE DO YOU
WANT ME TO GO? GO TO--

LISTEN, YOU CHEAP
STENOGRAPHER--

OUTSIDE, COUNTESS,

AS LONG AS THEY HAVE
SIDEWALKS, YOU'VE GOT A JOB.

SO YOU'RE GOING TO
HIRE DETECTIVES.

A FINE PAIR OF QUARTER-WITS
I TEAMED UP WITH!

EVERY TIME I GOT
A GREAT IDEA,

YOU LET GLADSTONE STEAL IT!

I'VE GOT A HUNCH YOU KNOW
SOMETHING ABOUT THAT!

I DON'T KNOW A THING!

WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO ABOUT IT?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
I'M GOING TO DO.

I'M GONNA SHOW
THAT BIG JERK

THREE PROLOGUES
BY SATURDAY NIGHT

THAT WILL STAND HIM
ON HIS EAR!

I'LL GIVE HIM
THE GREATEST SHOW HE'S HAD

SINCE HE QUIT
THE RESTAURANT BUSINESS!

IN 3 DAYS? WHERE WILL
YOU GET THE PEOPLE?

RIGHT IN
OUR OWN STUDIO--

WE'LL USE THREE CHORUSES

AND DOUBLE UP
ON THE PRINCIPALS.

IT CAN'T BE DONE!

GIVE ME ABSOLUTE AUTHORITY
TO START IT TONIGHT,

AND I'LL DO IT!

YOU'VE GOT IT.

YOU'VE GOT IT.

IT'S DONE!

WE'VE GOTTA HAVE THREE
OF THE GREATEST PROLOGUES

EVER PUT ON. NOW, GET THIS.

SOMEBODY WORKING AMONG US

HAS BEEN GIVING GLADSTONE
INSIDE DOPE--

SELLING HIM MY IDEAS--

AND FOR ONCE, I'M GOING TO
PUT A STOP TO IT!

THIS IS THE WAY
WE'RE GOING TO DO IT--

NOBODY LEAVES HERE
UNTIL SATURDAY NIGHT!

[MURMURING]

QUIET!

YOU'LL EAT HERE
AND SLEEP HERE--

LIVE THREE WHOLE DAYS
RIGHT HERE IN THE STUDIO.

QUIET!

THIS IS WAR--
A BLOCKADE!

ANYBODY COMES IN
STAYS IN!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
STAYS IN?

QUIET!

NOW, THIS IS YOUR
LAST CHANCE TO GET OUT.

WELL?

ANYBODY WANT TO GO?

All: NO!

ALL RIGHT. THANKS.

THIS IS A LARGE ORDER--

THREE PROLOGUES
IN THREE NIGHTS.

WE'RE GOING TO WORK
YOUR HEADS OFF,

CURSE YOU,
AND BREAK YOUR HEARTS,

BUT BY SATURDAY NIGHT,
WE'LL HAVE WHAT WE WANT.

ALL RIGHT, HOP TO IT.

THIS IS DANGEROUS,
MR. GOULD.

ANYTHING MIGHT HAPPEN--

SUPPOSE A FIRE BROKE OUT--

LOCKING US IN
LIKE THIS!

HE CAN'T DO IT!

[PIANOS PLAYING]

DID YOU CORRECT THAT MEASURE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT?

ALL GIRLS IN THIS NUMBER
TO THE REHEARSAL HALL!

COME ON, GIRLS.

COME ON. GET READY.

[PIANO PLAYING]

COME ON, HONEY. BE
REASONABLE, WILL YOU?

SHE AND I ARE ALL WASHED
UP, AND YOU KNOW IT.

YEAH, BUT DOES
MRS. GOULD KNOW IT?

IT'S AWFULLY NICE OF YOU

TO BRING ME IN HERE,
REALLY.

COME ALONG,
BARRINGTON.

I'LL INTRODUCE YOU
TO THE STAGE DIRECTOR.

WELL, THANKS
EVER SO MUCH.

YOU SIT DOWN HERE,
DEAR.

I WANT YOU TO MEET
MR. BARRINGTON.

OH, UH, HERE'S THE MAN
YOU WANT TO SEE.

SEE? WHAT
DID I TELL YOU?

IT DOES LOOK LIKE
INDEPENDENCE DAY.

LET'S CELEBRATE.

AH, THERE.
LOOK AT THAT.

HOW CAN YOU EXPECT TO KEEP UP
A HIGH MORAL TONE

WITH THAT GOING ON?

WOW. I'M AWFULLY GLAD
TO HAVE PLAYED

LOVE'S LITTLE MESSENGER

AND BROUGHT
YOU TWO TOGETHER,

BUT YOU REALIZE THERE'S
WORK TO BE DONE?

WELL, WE WERE JUST, UH--

WELL, WOULD YOU
MIND SAVING

ABOUT THAT MUCH OF THAT
LOVELINESS FOR THE ACT?

WE CAN USE IT. YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE IN TWO PROLOGUES,

AND MISS THORN,
YOU'RE IN ALL THREE.

SO HOW 'BOUT IT?

IS THERE ANYTHING
I CAN DO?

YEAH. SEE THAT WINDOW
OVER THERE?

YES.

TAKE A RUNNING JUMP,

AND I THINK YOU CAN
MAKE IT.

COME ON, FELLAS.
THIS WAY.

BRING IT DOWN
THE HALL, THAT'S IT.

THAT WAY.

COME ON, KIDS!
COME AND GET IT!

GO ON. LET HER GO.

[RINGING BELL]

I'M TERRIBLY WORRIED,
DOCTOR.

[ALL TALKING]

ALL RIGHT! QUIET!
QUIET, WILL YOU?

I FEEL, DOCTOR,

THAT I'M GOING TO HAVE
A DREADFUL HEART ATTACK.

YOU JUST LISTEN.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

OH, I AM NOT ALL RIGHT!

THAT'S ENOUGH!
WHO'S NEXT?

I'M NEXT.

THREE PROLOGUES
IN SUCH A SHORT TIME.

IT CAN'T BE DONE.
IT CAN'T BE DONE!

GET TO BED, GIRLS!

All: GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.

NIGHT, KIDS.

All: GOOD NIGHT!

I JUST WANTED
TO BE SURE

YOU WERE ALL
SAFE IN BED.

GOOD NIGHT.

All: GOOD NIGHT!

WAKE UP, GANG!

[ALL GROANING]

WHEN DO WE EAT?

TRUCKLOAD OF BREAKFAST
JUST ARRIVED!

[ALL CHEERING]

REHEARSAL
IN 20 MINUTES!

[ALL GRUMBLING]

LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT!

RIGHT!

1, 2, 3, 4!

COME ON, KIDS!
COME AND GET IT!

[BUGLE MESS CALL]

1, 2, 3, 4!

1, 2, 3, 4!

1, 2, 3...

4.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Nan: HELLO.

I DON'T CARE
IF YOU WROTE THE DOXOLOGY.

MR. KENT WON'T
SEE ANYONE TILL MONDAY.

CHESTER, IT'S LIKE
BEING IN JAIL.

SORRY, DEAR.
BETTER GET USED TO IT.

SHE IS USED TO IT.

BUT HOW ABOUT

OUR ENGAGEMENT RING,
DARLING?

GET IT FOR YOU
SATURDAY NIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, SWEET.

I WOULDN'T BEEF ABOUT

BEING LOCKED UP
WITH THE MAN I LOVE.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO. YES, YES,
I'LL TELL HIM.

APOLLINARIS SAYS
YOUR PROLOGUE GOES ON

AT THE JUPITER THEATER
AT 9:00 TONIGHT.

HOW ABOUT
THE OTHER TWO?

MERCURY THEATER AT 10:00

AND THE DIANA THEATER
AT 11:00.

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE IN THE
LAPS OF THE GREEK GODS.

YOU WORRIED?

WELL, THAT WOODLAND
NYMPH NUMBER

WILL EMPTY A THEATER
LIKE A STENCH BOMB.

THERE'S STILL TIME
TO CHANGE IT.

AH, IT'S TOO LATE,
AND I'M TOO TIRED.

EVERY TIME I FOOL WITH IT,
I RUIN IT SOME MORE.

OLD FAITHFUL'S GONE BACK
ON ME COMPLETELY.

HEY! WAIT A MINUTE!

THIS IS MR. KENT'S
PRIVATE OFFICE.

HOW NICE.
I'M MRS. KENT.

AND I'M LYDIA PINKHAM.
OUTSIDE.

DO YOU KNOW
THIS DIZZY DAME?

YEAH. I STILL HAVE
NIGHTMARES ABOUT HER.

SHE USED TO BE MY WIFE.

[CRASH]

STILL IS,
CHESTER, DEAR.

YOU WENT TO RENO.

I WAS GOING.

SOMEHOW, I NEVER
GOT AROUND TO IT.

I SEE. YOU HEARD
I WAS IN THE MONEY.

EXACTLY.

WHAT KEPT YOU
AWAY SO LONG?

I WAS IN EUROPE.

AND WHO PAID FOR THAT?

THAT'S MY AFFAIR.

I UNDERSTAND
YOU'RE ALL STEAMED UP

ABOUT A MISS VIVIAN RICH.

AND WHAT'S THAT TO YOU?

I CAN MAKE
PLENTY OF TROUBLE.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON,
COME ON. HOW MUCH?

$25,000 WORTH.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL
ASK FOR 25 MILLION.

I WORK FOR A LIVING.

YOU CAN HAVE TILL
4:00 THIS AFTERNOON.

THEN MY LAWYER AND I
START SHOOTING.

WAIT A MINUTE.

HERE'S A PASS
FOR THE COP AT THE GATE.

I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO HAVE
ANY TROUBLE GETTING OUT.

25 Gs...

25 Gs...

WELL, HERE'S WHERE
I GO TO THE CLEANERS.

MAYBE I CAN DO
SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

YOU MEAN RAISE THAT DOUGH?

WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO? PRINT IT?

NEVER MIND.
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

KEEP IT TO YOURSELF,

OR THE WIFE WILL
CASH IN ON IT.

AND WHEN I GET AN IDEA,
I DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

HMM, MOST DAMES DO.

♪ BY A WATERFALL ♪

♪ I'M CALLING YOU ♪

I WANT TO TALK
TO SCOTTY.

OH, YOU CAN'T
COME IN HERE

AND BREAK UP MY
REHEARSAL THIS WAY.

MR. KENT'S ORDERS.

HOLD IT!
COME HERE, SCOTTY.

WERE YOU ON THE LEVEL
WHEN YOU SAID

THAT FRAZER AND GOULD WERE
HOLDING OUT ON MR. KENT?

WELL, YOU KNOW MRS. GOULD.
SHE TALKS A LOT.

ANYTHING WE CAN PROVE?

JUST SUSPICIONS, BUT I PUT
TWO AND TWO TOGETHER.

THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING
TO DO--AND MAKE 25.

BACK TO
YOUR PLACES, GIRLS.

AND YOU'VE BEEN GYPPING
HIM FOR MONTHS!

YOU'RE RAVING.

NO, JUST INVESTIGATING,
AND MY KNOWLEDGE

IS WORTH MONEY.

IT'S OUT AND OUT ROBBERY,

AND THAT'S A CRIME
IN ANY COUNTRY.

IF OUR ACCOUNTANT
MADE A MISTAKE--

MR. KENT WILL LET
THE JURY DECIDE THAT.

OH, BONJOUR, DARLING.

I JUST GOT SOME
TOUGH NEWS, VIVIAN.

MY WIFE SHOWED UP.

YOU MEAN YOUR EX-WIFE?

MM-MMM.

MY WIFE. SHE NEVER
GOT THE DIVORCE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

NOW, LISTEN, BABY, IT'S
JUST ONE OF THOSE THINGS.

WE'VE GOT TO BE PATIENT.

YOUNG LADY, YOU'RE
ON THE WRONG TRACK.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

TO KEEP MY MOUTH
SHUT, $25,000.

BLACKMAIL!

IF I TELL KENT, HE'LL
WALK OUT AND YOU KNOW IT.

YOU CAN'T BLUFF US!

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I'M BLUFFING?

YOUNG WOMAN.

SO YOU SEE, DARLING,
THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.

YOU PROMISED
TO MARRY ME

AND YOU'RE GOING
TO MARRY ME.

BUT I CAN'T GET RID OF HER.
SHE WANTS $25,000.

LISTEN, YOU
SILLY-LOOKING BABOON,

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE
RUNNING AROUND,

SOME LITTLE PUNK
FROM THE STICKS?

WHAT'S THIS?

I WROTE THE BOOK, AND
I KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS.

WELL, WELL,
THE CULTURED MISS RICH.

NOT CULTURED,
JUST SMART--

SMART ENOUGH TO SUE

AND ATTACH EVERYTHING
BUT YOUR GARTERS.

UH-HUH. THAT'S NICE TO KNOW.

WELL, I'D RATHER HAVE YOU SUE ME
THAN MARRY ME.

MR. KENT, THERE IS
A SANTA CLAUS.

25 Gs,
AND MADE OUT TO YOU.

ENDORSED TO CHESTER KENT.

TAKE IT AND ASK
NO QUESTIONS.

THERE'S SOMETHING
PHONY HERE.

HOW'D YOU GET IT?

BLACKMAIL.

COME ON, SPILL IT.

I PLAYED
A PAIR OF DEUCES

LIKE FOUR ACES,
AND THEY PAID.

FRAZER AND GOULD
HAVE BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME?

BOOKKEEPING MISTAKE.

UH-HUH.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WHERE DO YOU THINK?

HELLO, CHESTER.

SO YOU
DOUBLE-CROSSED ME?

A BOOKKEEPING
MISTAKE.

I SLAVED DAY
AND NIGHT FOR YOU,

AND WHAT DO I GET?

YOU STABBED ME
IN THE BACK!

ME, THE GUY
WHO MADE THIS PLACE!

WHO KILLED MYSELF SO YOU
TWO CHUCKLEHEADED APES

COULD GET RICH!

WE'LL STRAIGHTEN
IT OUT.

GO AND GET SOMEBODY ELSE
TO DOUBLE-CROSS!

BUT APOLLINARIS.

STICK HIM IN YOUR EAR!

THAT PROLOGUE HASN'T GOT
A CHANCE THE WAY IT STANDS!

WHAT DO WE DO?

FIX IT YOURSELF,
YOU TWO WONDER MEN!

CHESTER! CHESTER, YOU'VE
GOT TO STAY ON THE JOB!

YOU CAN'T
DO THIS TO US!

YOU'VE GOT TO
STICK AROUND HERE!

JUST A MOMENT.
YOU CAN'T GO OUT THERE.

THE ORDERS ARE OFF.

CAB!

WHERE TO, MISTER?

ANYWHERE.
JUST KEEP GOING.

LET'S GO BACK, BOSS.

FOR WHAT?

THEY'LL NEVER GET
APOLLO IF YOU QUIT.

THE THREE OF THEM CAN OPEN
A PEANUT STAND TOGETHER.

[PLAYING PIANO]

NO! NO! NO!
WAIT A MINUTE!

TRY IT AGAIN.

MR. FRANCIS,
KENT HAS QUIT.

WHAT?

HE TOOK ALL THE BRAINS
TO DRIVE WITH HIM

UNDER HIS HAT.

I KNEW IT COULDN'T BE DONE.
I KNEW IT COULDN'T BE DONE.

COME ON. LET'S GO HOME.

[WOMEN MURMURING]

WHEN APOLLINARIS HEARS,
HE WOULDN'T SIGN

IF WE GAVE HIM GARBO
ON ROLLER SKATES!

PROLOGUES, PROLOGUES,
PROLOGUES--

I'M FED UP.
FIGHTING FOR IDEAS

AND CHAINED TO THAT OFFICE
MORNING, NOON, AND NIGHT.

AND THAT THIRD PROLOGUE--
IT'S ROTTEN.

BUT, BOSS...

PULL UP.

HEY, HEY, LEND ME
THAT BRUSH, WILL YOU?

JUST A MINUTE.
LEND ME THAT.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!
WAIT A MINUTE! HEY!

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!

HEY, YOU! WAIT! WAIT!
WAIT A MINUTE!

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE
TRYING TO DO, HUH?

THAT'S MY NAME, AND I
DON'T WANT IT UP THERE!

AH, YOU'RE FULL
OF HOLES, ARE YOU?

LET GO!

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]

LOOK AT THAT.

SAY, THAT'S WHAT THAT
WOOD NYMPH PROLOGUE NEEDS.

HUH?

A MOUNTAIN WATERFALL SPLASHING
ON BEAUTIFUL WHITE BODIES!

YOU GET IT?

HEY, I HAVE IDEAS,
TOO, MR. KENT.

YEAH, WELL, COME ON!

YEAH, COME ON.

SORRY, GENTS.
WITHOUT KENT,

YOUR PROLOGUES
AIN'T WORTH A NICKEL.

HE'S COMING BACK
IN A LITTLE WHILE.

I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG.
I GOT A DATE WITH GLADSTONE.

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?
COME ON, GET BACK IN THERE!

EVERYBODY, BACK IN! COME ON!

HOLD EVERYTHING.
EVERYBODY STAND BY.

GUARD THAT GATE.

NOBODY IN,
NOBODY OUT.

SAME AS BEFORE?

SAME AS BEFORE.

LISTEN, GET BACK
TO WORK.

THAT WHOLE THIRD
PROLOGUE HAS CHANGED,

AND ALL THE DANCE
ROUTINES ARE SHIFTED.

ONLY THIS TIME,
IT'S GOING TO BE GOOD.

I'LL BE DOWN WITH YOU
IN A MINUTE. GET TO WORK.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE, MR. KENT.
IT CAN'T BE DONE!

ALL RIGHT, CHILDREN,
BACK TO THE REHEARSAL HALL.

IT CAN'T BE DONE.
OH, IT CAN'T BE DONE.

WELL, LOOK, SMALLPOX,
I GOT THE MONEY,

BUT I WANT A RELEASE.

HERE. GIVE HER THAT
WHEN SHE SIGNS.

I WON'T TAKE A CHECK.
YOU'LL STOP PAYMENT ON IT.

HA HA! THROW HER
A HERRING.

SAY, THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA.

HOW ABOUT SHINY FISH
JUMPING OUT OF THE WATER?

SWELL. COME AROUND FRIDAY.

SAY, LISTEN...

WHAT'S THIS?
I THOUGHT YOU QUIT.

EVERYTHING'S OFF.

IT'S ON. HERE'S
YOUR CUSTOMER.

I GOT HIM ON THE WAY
OUT. HOLD ON TO HIM.

KEEP HIM HERE IF YOU HAVE
TO TIE AN ANCHOR TO HIM.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

BUT ABOUT
THAT ACCOUNTING MISTAKE?

MISTAKE,
YOUR AUNT FANNY.

WE'RE GIVING YOU
A NEW DEAL.

YEAH,
AND I'M THE DEALER.

MR. KENT.

DO YOU LIKE TO LOOK
AT FUNNY PICTURES?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

[MAN LAUGHING]

I HOPE IT LOOKS
AS GOOD AS IT SOUNDS.

[DOOR CLOSES]

WELL, WELL,
JUST FOLKS.

DON'T MIND US.

WE JUST DROPPED IN
FOR A LAUGH.

THIS IS ALL A MISTAKE.

RIGHT, SISTER,
AND YOU'RE IT.

WELL, I WAS JUST
SHOWING MISS RICH

WHAT YOU CAN'T DO
IN KALAMAZOO.

YOU WON'T NEED
THAT LAWYER.

YOUR BREACH-OF-PROMISE
SUIT

IS RIGHT IN THE ASHCAN,

AND YOU'RE MY WITNESS.

HA HA HA!

I CERTAINLY HAVE A GENIUS OF
PICKING DAMES TO FALL FOR.

YOU SAID IT, PAPA.

MAYBE YOU BETTER
HELP ME NEXT TIME.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
I'VE BEEN DOING?

HA HA HA!

[PLAYING PIANO]

MR. KENT, SEEING
ALL THESE GIRLS

GIVES ME
A LOT OF IDEAS.

AND DON'T LET THEM
KEEP YOU AWAKE.

NO. LOOKY, SUPPOSE I QUIT
MY JOB AND WORK FOR YOU.

WAIT TILL SATURDAY.
I MAY BE WORKING FOR YOU.

HOLD IT! THAT'S WHERE
YOUR SONG COMES IN.

HOW'S BARRINGTON?

OH, I'M
A LITTLE WORRIED.

ONLY A LITTLE WORRIED?
HE MUST BE COLOSSAL.

HE IS, BUT MAYBE
HE'LL IMPROVE.

UH-HUH. WELL, YOU CAN START
WORRYING ALL OVER AGAIN.

ALL THE STUFF YOU'VE DONE
IN THIS PROLOGUE IS OUT.

HERE'S THE NEW STUFF,
AND IT GOES ON TONIGHT.

NO, NO.
THIS IS THE STRAW

THAT BREAKS
THE CAMEL'S BACK.

MR. KENT, I CANNOT AND I
WILL NOT TRY THE IMPOSSIBLE.

COME ON, BABY,
WIND YOURSELF UP.

AFTER ALL, I'M
ONLY A HUMAN BEING.

I'M NOT A SUPERMAN,

AND EVEN IF I WERE,
IT COULDN'T BE DONE.

MR. KENT, I RESIGN.

I ACCEPT.
YOU'RE THROUGH.

YOU ACCEPT?

DO YOU REALIZE THAT
LEAVES ME WITHOUT A JOB?

AND AFTER I'VE WORKED MYSELF
TO THE BONE FOR YOU?

COME ON, KIDS. I'M PUTTING
THIS PROLOGUE ON MYSELF.

LINE UP.
YOU'RE THROUGH.

OH!

[WOMEN MURMURING]

ALL RIGHT, KIDS,
COME ON.

Francis: NEVER MIND
ABOUT YOUR COSTUMES!

CHANGE IN THE BUS. COME ON,
GIRLS! HURRY, GIRLS!

HURRY, GIRLS,
HURRY, PLEASE!

THE BUS LEAVES
IN 10 MINUTES!

WILL YOU HURRY?

[SIREN]

COME ON, GIRLS!
HURRY UP!

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING]

I ATE MY DINNER TOO FAST.
I GOT INDIGESTION.

COME ON!

[MUSIC FADING]

THROUGH HERE!
THROUGH HERE!

THROUGH HERE, GIRLS!
TAKE IT AWAY.

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING]

♪ HOW AM I TO SAY
WHAT I WANT TO SAY ♪

♪ IN THE PROPER WAY,
MY DEAR? ♪

♪ I'M NOT
A GALLANT CAVALIER ♪

♪ BUT I'M SINCERE ♪

♪ SO I'M GOING TO SAY
WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ♪

♪ IN THE LANGUAGE
OF THE DAY ♪

♪ YOU MAY HAVE
HEARD IT ALL BEFORE ♪

♪ BUT HERE IT GOES
ONCE MORE ♪

♪ HOW ABOUT
A LITTLE CELEBRATION ♪

♪ TO THE JINGLE
OF A WEDDING BELL? ♪

♪ HOW ABOUT
A LITTLE RESERVATION ♪

♪ AT THE HONEYMOON HOTEL? ♪

♪ HONEYMOONING'S
GOING TO BE MY HOBBY ♪

♪ DON'T YOU THINK
A HONEYMOON IS SWELL? ♪

♪ WAIT UNTIL WE WALK
INTO THE LOBBY ♪

♪ OF THE HONEYMOON HOTEL ♪

♪ CUPID IS
THE NIGHT CLERK ♪

♪ 'NEATH THE STARS ABOVE ♪

♪ HE JUST LOVES
HIS NIGHT WORK ♪

♪ WE JUST LOVE TO LOVE ♪

♪ OH, I'M A MISTER
LOOKING FOR A MISSIS ♪

♪ AS A MISSIS,
YOU'LL DO VERY WELL ♪

♪ BRING ALONG YOUR THINGS
AND ALL YOUR KISSES ♪

♪ TO THE HONEYMOON HOTEL ♪

♪ I'M THE MAN IN CHARGE
OF TRANSPORTATION ♪

♪ I WILL SEE THAT
EVERYTHING GOES WELL ♪

♪ I'M THE CLERK
IN CHARGE OF REGISTRATION ♪

♪ AT THE HONEYMOON HOTEL ♪

♪ I'M THE BOY
WHO CARRIES UP A CIDER ♪

♪ ANY TIME YOU PUSH
A LITTLE BELL ♪

♪ BRIDAL SUITES
ARE NEVER VERY IDLE ♪

♪ AT THE HONEYMOON HOTEL ♪

♪ WE'RE THE HOUSE DETECTIVES ♪

♪ BUT WE'RE PUZZLED WITH... ♪

[PTOOEY]

♪ THE FACT
THAT NO ONE STOPS HERE ♪

♪ UNLESS THEIR NAME IS SMITH ♪

[PTOOEY]

♪ I'M THE GIRL
IN CHARGE OF CONVERSATION ♪

♪ I HEAR THINGS
I WOULDN'T DARE TO TELL ♪

♪ I'S THE CAPTAIN
OF THE COMFORT STATION ♪

♪ AT THE HONEYMOON HOTEL ♪

[NO AUDIO]

PAGING MR. SMITH!
MR. SMITH!

♪ AWW ♪

♪ AREN'T YOU GLAD TO SEE
YOUR DEAR OLD MOTHER? ♪

♪ TELL ME WHY YOU
DIDN'T LET US KNOW ♪

♪ NO, THEY DIDN'T NOTIFY
US, MOTHER, HA HA! ♪

♪ BUT THEY WILL WHEN THEY
NEED DOUGH, OH, YES ♪

♪ AUNT MATILDA
HAS A PRESENT FOR YOU ♪

♪ IT WILL COME IN HANDY,
YOU CAN BET ♪

♪ WE GOT THAT JUST
20 YEARS BEFORE YOU ♪

♪ BUT IT AIN'T BEEN
USED AS YET ♪

♪ CONGRATULATIONS,
SISTER ♪

♪ ALL YOUR CLOUDS
HAVE PASSED ♪

♪ CONGRATULATIONS,
FATHER ♪

♪ SHE'S OFF
YOUR HANDS AT LAST ♪

♪ OF COURSE, YOU KNOW THAT
ALL OF YOU ARE WELCOME ♪

♪ I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU,
I COULD CRY ♪

♪ IT'S A LOT OF HOOEY
THAT WE'RE WELCOME ♪

♪ WE'LL BE
SEEING YOU ♪

♪ GOOD-BYE ♪

♪ GOOD-BYE ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN NOTIFIED
THERE'S A LITTLE BRIDE ♪

♪ ALL ALONE IN NUMBER TWO ♪

♪ I THINK WE OUGHT TO
SEE HER THROUGH ♪

♪ I WILL ♪

♪ ME, TOO ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN HERE A WEEK ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE
HERE A WEEK ♪

♪ THEN YOU'RE
QUALIFIED TO SPEAK ♪

♪ LET'S TELL HER
WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT ♪

♪ MY DEAR,
WILL YOU COME OUT? ♪

♪ OH, I'M GLAD IT'S YOU,
I FEEL SO NERVOUS ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW
MY HUSBAND VERY WELL ♪

♪ HUSBANDS ARE A FEATURE
OF THE SERVICE ♪

♪ AT THE HONEYMOON
HOTEL ♪

♪ GEE, I'M SORRY
THAT I EVER, EVER ♪

♪ LEFT MY LITTLE HOME
IN NEW ROCHELLE ♪

♪ WAIT AWHILE, YOU'LL
WANT TO STAY FOREVER ♪

♪ AT THE HONEYMOON HOTEL ♪

♪ GIRLS, YOU'LL
HAVE TO SCATTER ♪

♪ WE DON'T SEE
WHY WE SHOULD ♪

[PTOOEY]

♪ YOU'RE IN JERSEY CITY ♪

♪ AND NOT IN HOLLYWOOD ♪

[PTOOEY]

♪ WE'VE GOT TO BE IN BED
BEFORE 11:00 ♪

♪ NATURALLY, WE THINK
IT'S VERY SWELL ♪

♪ 'CAUSE EVERY LITTLE
BRIDAL SUITE IS HEAVEN ♪

♪ AT THE HONEYMOON HOTEL ♪

♪ KISS YOUR LITTLE HONEY-BOY
GOOD NIGHT, GIRL ♪

♪ NOW WE'RE MARRIED, DEAR,
HERE WE ARE ♪

♪ I'VE A RIGHT TO BE
BESIDE THE RIGHT GIRL ♪

♪ BUT YOU'RE IN
THE WRONG BOUDOIR ♪

[CRASH]

OH, HONEY.

♪ DON'T YOU DARE TO LIE
TO ME, I CAUGHT YOU ♪

♪ BUT, DARLING ♪

♪ GETTING FRIENDLY
WITH THAT BLOND GAZELLE ♪

♪ PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME SORRY
THAT I BROUGHT YOU ♪

♪ TO THE HONEYMOON HOTEL ♪

♪ IN THE MORNING,
I'LL SEE MY ATTORNEY ♪

♪ I WILL HAVE
MY LITTLE TALE TO TELL ♪

♪ AND FOR THIS, I TOOK
YOU ON THIS JOURNEY ♪

♪ TO THE HONEYMOON
HOTEL ♪

♪ WHO WAS
THAT BLOND WOMAN ♪

♪ MAKING EYES AT YOU? ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW
THAT WOMAN ♪

♪ I CROSS MY HEART,
IT'S TRUE ♪

♪ IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGS,
I REGRET IT ♪

♪ WON'T YOU PLEASE FORGIVE
YOUR LITTLE NELL? ♪

♪ AH, LET'S PUT OUT THE
LIGHTS AND JUST FORGET IT ♪

GOT GAS PAINS.

COME ON. LET'S GO.

[SIRENS]

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

COME ON!
COME ON, GIRLS!

HURRY UP!
COME ON!

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING]

WELL, IF THIS DOESN'T
GET 'EM, NOTHING WILL.

♪ I APPRECIATE
THE SIMPLE THINGS ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M AWFULLY FOND
OF GETTING ♪

♪ LOVE IN A NATURAL
SETTING ♪

♪ THIS IS WHAT I CALL
THE SIMPLE THINGS ♪

♪ JUST A WINDING STREAM ♪

♪ WHERE I CAN
DRIFT AND DREAM ♪

♪ AND I'M WAITING ♪

♪ FOR YOU ♪

♪ BY A WATERFALL ♪

♪ I'M CALLING YOU ♪

♪ YOO HOO HOO HOO ♪

♪ WE CAN SHARE IT ALL ♪

♪ BENEATH A CEILING
OF BLUE ♪

♪ WE'LL SPEND
A HEAVENLY DAY ♪

♪ HERE WHERE THE WHISPERING
WATERS PLAY ♪

♪ THERE'S
A WHIPPOORWILL ♪

♪ THAT'S CALLING, "OOH" ♪

♪ BY A WATERFALL ♪

♪ HE'S DREAMING, TOO ♪

♪ THERE'S A MAGIC MELODY ♪

♪ MOTHER NATURE
SINGS TO ME ♪

♪ BESIDE A WATERFALL ♪

♪ WITH YOU ♪

♪ BY A WATERFALL ♪

♪ I'M CALLING
YOO HOO HOO HOO ♪

♪ YOO HOO HOO HOO ♪

♪ WE CAN SHARE IT ALL
BENEATH A CEILING OF BLUE ♪

♪ OOH OOH OOH OOH ♪

♪ WE'LL SPEND
A HEAVENLY DAY ♪

♪ HERE WHERE THE WHISPERING
WATERS PLAY ♪

♪ YOO HOO HOO
YOO HOO HOO HOO ♪

♪ THERE'S
A WHIPPOORWILL ♪

♪ THAT'S CALLING YOO
HOO HOO HOO ♪

♪ BY A WATERFALL ♪

♪ HE'S DREAMING, TOO ♪

♪ THERE'S A MAGIC MELODY ♪

♪ MOTHER NATURE
SINGS TO ME ♪

♪ BESIDE A WATERFALL ♪

♪ WITH YOU ♪

♪ BY A WATERFALL ♪

♪ I'M CALLING
YOO HOO HOO HOO ♪

♪ WE CAN SHARE IT ALL ♪

♪ BENEATH A CEILING
OF BLUE ♪

♪ WE'LL SPEND
A HEAVENLY DAY ♪

♪ HERE WHERE THE WHISPERING
WATERS PLAY ♪

♪ AND IN THE WILLOW ♪

♪ THERE'S
A WHIPPOORWILL ♪

♪ THAT'S CALLING
YOO HOO HOO HOO ♪

♪ BY A WATERFALL ♪

♪ HE'S DREAMING, TOO ♪

♪ THERE'S A MAGIC MELODY ♪

♪ MOTHER NATURE
SINGS TO ME ♪

♪ BESIDE A WATERFALL ♪

♪ WITH YOU ♪

♪ BY A WATERFALL ♪

♪ I'M CALLING
YOO HOO HOO HOO ♪

♪ WE CAN SHARE IT ALL
BENEATH A CEILING OF BLUE ♪

♪ WE'LL SPEND
A HEAVENLY DAY ♪

♪ HERE WHERE
THE WHISPERING WATERS PLAY ♪

♪ AND HEAR THE WILLOW ♪

♪ THERE'S
A WHIPPOORWILL ♪

♪ THAT'S CALLING
YOO HOO HOO HOO ♪

♪ BY A WATERFALL ♪

♪ HE'S DREAMING, TOO ♪

♪ THERE'S A MAGIC MELODY ♪

♪ MOTHER NATURE
SINGS TO ME ♪

♪ BESIDE A WATERFALL ♪

♪ WITH YOU ♪

♪ THERE'S
A WHIPPOORWILL ♪

♪ THAT'S CALLING YOU ♪

♪ BY A WATERFALL ♪

♪ HE'S DREAMING, TOO ♪

♪ THERE'S
A MAGIC MELODY ♪

♪ MOTHER NATURE
SINGS TO ME ♪

[SIRENS]

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

DID YOU LIKE IT,
GEORGE?

TELL YOU LATER.

NOW I'VE GOT
INDIGESTION.

WELL, SO FAR, SO GOOD.

NOW, THIS LAST PROLOGUE'S UP
TO YOU AND JOE BARRINGTON.

WHERE IS JOE?

HE'S WAITING FOR US
AT THE THEATER.

DON'T WORRY, BOSS,
JOE WILL DO HIS BEST.

HE'LL HAVE TO DO
BETTER THAN THAT.

WELL, THIS TELLS
THE STORY.

CHEER UP, BOSS, EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

YOU STICK CLOSE
TO APOLLINARIS

AND KEEP FEEDING
HIM BICARBONATE.

I'VE GOT
TO GIVE BARRINGTON

A PEP TALK.

HELLO, MR. APOLLINARIS.
ENJOYING YOURSELF?

I SHOULDN'T HAVE ATE
PIE AND SALAMI.

OH, LET ME GET YOU
SOME BICARBONATE.

I JUST HAD SOME.
DON'T HELP ME NONE.

HOW ABOUT
A PROLOGUE HONEYMOON?

I'LL SIGN NOW.

WE'LL MAKE LOVE
IN 40 CITIES.

AND THEN START
ALL OVER AGAIN...

IF APOLLO SIGNS.

WELL, HE BETTER.

COME ON, GIRLS!
COME ON!

WHY CAN'T I GET
COOPERATION?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

HELLO, MR. KENT.

GET WITH IT. YOU GOT TO
GET ON HERE!

HE WAS NERVOUS, SO I
GAVE HIM A LITTLE DRINK.

OH, YEAH?

MY REGARDS TO THOMPSON.

I CAN'T DO IT, I TELL YOU.
I CAN'T!

I'VE ONLY APPEARED
IN AMATEUR PERFORMANCES.

AN AMATEUR!

YES, SIR.

WELL, I MIGHT HAVE
KNOWN IT.

HOT OR COLD,
YOU GO ON.

IF IT'S COLD,
YOU GO BACK

TO THE AMATEUR
LEAGUE ON CRUTCHES!

I'M TOO NERVOUS!

I CAN'T DO IT,
I TELL YOU!

I'M SICK!
I'M SICK!

I'LL WRAP THIS
AROUND YOUR NECK!

I CAN'T DO IT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO DO, BOSS?

BRING UP
THAT CURTAIN!

BRING HER UP, JOE.
PLACES, EVERYBODY.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S YOU.

NO, I CAN'T.
I WON'T GO ON!

YOU'D BETTER
GO ON!

WHOA!

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING]

LOOKING FOR YOUR
SHANGHAI LIL?

NO, SHE AIN'T
YOUR SHANGHAI LIL.

DON'T GIVE HIM
FLOWERS.

HE'LL JUST
TAKE YOUR FLOWERS

STRAIGHT TO
SHANGHAI LIL.

NO, I AIN'T SEEN
SHANGHAI LIL.

HELLO, BILL,
YOU OLD GALOOT.

WHERE DID YOU GET
THAT MONKEY SUIT?

DON'T TELL ANYONE
YOU SAW ME,

OR I'LL RAP YOU
IN THE SNOOT.

HEY, YOU JUMPED SHIP.
NOW WHAT'S YOUR GAME?

OH, JUST LOOKING
FOR A DAME.

STAYING HERE,
YOU'RE TAKING CHANCES.

YEAH? WELL, I'LL STAY,
JUST THE SAME.

♪ I'VE COVERED EVERY
LITTLE HIGHWAY ♪

♪ AND I'VE BEEN
CLIMBING EVERY HILL ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN
LOOKING HIGH ♪

♪ AND I'VE
BEEN LOOKING LOW ♪

♪ LOOKING FOR
MY SHANGHAI LIL ♪

♪ THE STARS THAT HANG
HIGH OVER SHANGHAI ♪

♪ BRING BACK THE MEMORY
OF A THRILL ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN
LOOKING HIGH ♪

♪ AND I'VE
BEEN LOOKING LOW ♪

♪ LOOKING FOR
MY SHANGHAI LIL ♪

♪ I LEARNED
TO LOVE HER ♪

♪ THE LITTLE DEVIL
WAS JUST A BUTTERFLY ♪

♪ BUT YOU DISCOVER
SOMETHING ON THE LEVEL ♪

♪ SHINING IN HER EYES ♪

♪ OH, I'VE BEEN
TRYING TO FORGET HER ♪

♪ BUT WHAT'S THE USE?
I NEVER WILL ♪

♪ I'LL BE
LOOKING HIGH ♪

♪ AND I'LL
BE LOOKING LOW ♪

♪ LOOKING FOR
MY SHANGHAI LIL ♪

I'VE GOT TO HAVE
ANOTHER BRANDY.

♪ HE'S SHAKING LIKE
HE'S GOT A CHILL ♪

♪ I KNOW WHAT IT TAKES
TO CURE HIM OF THE SHAKES ♪

AH, WHAT HE WANTS
IS SHANGHAI LIL.

♪ OH, SHE'S
A FASCINATING HEATHEN ♪

BUT, SAY, SHE AIN'T
BEEN THROUGH THE MILL.

SINCE SHE MET THAT GOB,
SHE'S ACTING LIKE A SNOB.

SAY, WHO THE HECK
IS SHANGHAI LIL?

THAT CHINEE DEVIL!

NO, SHE'S
ON THE LEVEL.

♪ SHE CAN'T HURT
YOU AND ME ♪

♪ THAT ORIENTAL DAME
IS DETRIMENTAL ♪

♪ TO OUR INDUSTRY ♪

YOU SAID IT.

♪ I OFFERED HER
A HOUSE IN LONDON ♪

♪ AND I A CHATEAU
IN THE VILLE ♪

♪ SHE SAID SHE WON'T BE MINE
FOR ALL OF PALESTINE, OY! ♪

THEY ALL GO
FOR SHANGHAI LIL.

COME ON!
LET'S DRINK TO LIL.

HE'S LOOKING
FOR HER STILL.

DRINK HER DOWN
TO SHANGHAI LIL.

[ALL CHEER]

♪ HERE'S TO THE DEVIL
OF THE SAILOR ♪

♪ HERE'S HOPING
THAT SHE ALWAYS WILL ♪

SHE'S EVERY SAILOR'S PAL!
SHE'S ANYBODY'S GAL!

♪ DRINK HER DOWN
TO SHANGHAI LIL ♪

HEY, COME ON! MOVE IT!

♪ HE CAN KNOCK THEM DOWN,
AND HE CAN LAY THEM LOW ♪

♪ FIGHTING FOR HIS-- ♪

SHANGHAI LIL.

♪ I MISS YOU VERY MUCH
A LONG TIME ♪

♪ I THINK THAT YOU
NO LOVE ME STILL ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN
LOOKING HIGH ♪

♪ AND I'VE
BEEN LOOKING LOW ♪

♪ LOOKING FOR YOU,
SHANGHAI LIL ♪

♪ I THINK YOU GO
WITH OTHER SWEETHEART ♪

♪ AND VERY MANY
TEARS I SPILL ♪

♪ HE'S BEEN LOOKING HIGH ♪

♪ AND HE'S BEEN
LOOKING LOW ♪

♪ LOOKING FOR YOU,
SHANGHAI LIL ♪

I GOT NEW LOVER.

♪ YOU LITTLE DEVIL ♪

♪ YOU'RE JUST
A BUTTERFLY ♪

I LIKE NEW LOVER.

♪ YOU'RE STILL
ON THE LEVEL ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T KID
THIS GUY ♪

♪ I PRAY TO BUDDHA
IN THE JOSS HOUSE ♪

♪ AND BUDDHA,
HE BRING BACK MY BILL ♪

♪ HE'S BEEN LOOKING HIGH ♪

♪ AND HE'S BEEN
LOOKING LOW ♪

♪ LOOKING FOR YOU,
SHANGHAI LIL ♪

[BUGLE BLOWING]

LEFT TO RIGHT, HUT!

FORWARD TO RIGHT, HUT!

COLUMN LEFT, HUT!

RIGHT, LEFT, MARCH!

COMPANY HALT!

♪ OH, PLEASE,
YOU TAKE ME ♪

♪ ON GREAT BIG
STEAMBOAT WITH YOU ♪

♪ ACROSS
THE SEA? ♪

♪ I'D LIKE
TO TAKE YOU ♪

♪ BUT THAT
GREAT BIG STEAMBOAT ♪

♪ DON'T BELONG TO ME ♪

[ANCHORS AWEIGH PLAYING]

[THE STARS AND STRIPES
FOREVER PLAYING]

[YANKEE DOODLE PLAYING]

♪ THE STARS THAT HANG HIGH
OVER SHANGHAI ♪

♪ BRING BACK THE MEMORY
OF A THRILL ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN LOOKING HIGH,
AND I'VE BEEN LOOKING LOW ♪

♪ LOOKING FOR MY
SHANGHAI LIL ♪

♪ I LEARNED TO LOVE HER ♪

♪ THE LITTLE DEVIL
WAS JUST A BUTTERFLY ♪

♪ BUT YOU DISCOVER
SOMETHING ON THE LEVEL ♪

♪ SHINING IN HER EYES ♪

♪ OH, I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO FORGET HER ♪

♪ BUT WHAT'S THE USE?
I NEVER WILL ♪

♪ I'LL BE LOOKING HIGH,
AND I'LL BE LOOKING LOW ♪

♪ TILL I FIND
MY SHANGHAI LIL ♪

I KNEW WE COULD DO IT!
I KNEW WE COULD DO IT!

YOU DID IT, BOSS.

YOU MEAN
WE DID IT.

GO ON, TAKE A BOW!

LET'S GO TO MY OFFICE.
I'LL DRAW UP A CONTRACT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
I'VE GOT ONE RIGHT HERE.

OH. YOU WOULD.

I'VE GOT
A GREAT IDEA!

ANOTHER ONE?

TAKE ANOTHER BOW!

I CAN'T SEE,
GENTLEMEN.

THIS IDEA'S
FOR A WEDDING.

FOR A UNIT?

NO, FOR YOU
AND ME.

COME ON, TAKE ANOTHER BOW!

TAKE IT YOURSELF.

DO YOU LIKE IT?

WHATEVER YOU SAY,
BOSS.

I'LL MAKE YOU
LOVE IT.

[KISS]

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS.