Follow Me, Boys! (1966) - full transcript

Lem Siddons is part of a traveling band who has a dream of becoming a lawyer. Deciding to settle down, he finds a job as a stockboy in the general store of a small town. Trying to fit in, he volunteers to become scoutmaster of the newly formed Troop 1. Becoming more and more involved with the scout troop, he finds his plans to become a lawyer being put on the back burner, until he realizes that his life has been fulfilled helping the youth of the small town.

[Fanfare]

¶ ¶

[rousing marching band music]

¶ ¶

[dixieland jazz]

[Trombone solo]

¶ ¶

[trumpet solo]

¶ ¶

- hey, counselor,
you're a pisces, right?

- Right.

- Okay, then you got to
watch your step today

on account of the moon
being in Virgo

and squared with Jupiter.

See, it says right here.

"Pisces be careful
of vital decisions today."

- Okay, melody,
I'll try and be careful.

- It--it also says, "this is
a good time to take stock

of your worldly possessions."

- Yeah?

Okay, uh,
one saxophone,

one suitcase,
one set of law books,

2 bucks and 28 cents cash.

Oh, by the way,
does it say anything in there

about our back pay?

- Oh, look,
as soon as I sell the bus,

I'll pay every man
every dime I owe him.

- I know you will, melody.

All I'm saying is, uh,

we're not exactly
collegians anymore.

The years are piling up,
and, uh...

What's to show for it?

- We'll get something
on radio.

That's the big thing
today--radio.

I've got connections
in Chicago.

- Yeah.

You know something,
melody?

The first honest job
somebody offers me,

I'm gonna take it.

- What do you mean,
"honest job"?

- I mean, it's time
I got off this merry-go-round

and put down roots
somewhere.

- Roots.

Every time you start
studying that lawyer course,

you start putting roots
down again.

[Band continues playing]

¶ ¶

[cheering]

- Hey, what are we
stopping here for?

- All right, boys,
take ten.

We got to get to Chicago
before dark.

- What's the big hurry?

- We haven't got
a taillight.

Come on,
everybody out.

[Overlapping chatter]

- [Chuckling]
Ah.

Oh, look, natives.

You got any beads?

- Well, I got, uh,
exactly 20 cents.

- Come on,
I'll buy you a soda.

Oh, goody,
a phosphate shop.

- [Inhales deeply]

Mmm, fresh air.

- Who needs it?

- What a great little town.

- Are you kidding?

- Hey, melody, look...

An electric.

- Very quaint.

- I haven't seen
one of those in years.

[Boys shouting]

- Is that clear, Ralph?

- Aunt Hetty,
we're trying to be a bank,

not a charitable
institution.

We can't refuse
to foreclose a mortgage

simply because Mrs. Todd
is a good Christian woman.

- But she is.

Give her
two more months, Ralph.

- Yes, aunt Hetty.

- And stop biting
your fingernails.

- Yes, aunt Hetty.

- Let's go, babe!
Let's go!

- Aunt Hetty!
You forgot your purse.

- I always do it,
don't I?

Forget my purse
and upset Ralph.

- [Laughs]

[Horn honks]

[Engine puttering]

[Horn honks]

- Oh!

- I got it!

- Oh!

Would you mind?

You're standing
on my foot.

- Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
- Oh!

- Come on!
They're coming in!

- Don't run home!

- Out! Out!

- They ought to stop
playing ball in the street.

Are you all right, dear?
- Yes.

- Are you sure,
miss downey?

- Oh, yes, I'm fine.
Thank you.

- They ought to have
better sense.

- They most certainly
ought to.

- I'm awfully sorry.

Uh, maybe you better
not walk on that.

It might be sprained
or something.

- No, it's only bruised
a little.

- It really must have hurt.

I weigh 196 minus shoes.

By the way,
if you should want to sue,

my name is Lem siddons.

Maybe I'd better carry you.

- No, I think not.
Thank you, Mr. siddons.

- You're welcome,
miss downey.

- Vida, what happened?

[Overlapping chatter]

[Air hissing]

- I'm telling you--
[Trumpet blares]

Give me that trumpet.

Don't you realize
those instruments

cost a lot of money?

Now, come on.

[Air hissing]

Get away
from those tires!

Now, look,
you small-time roughnecks,

I'm gonna take the lot of you
and dust you good.

- All of us, mister?
- Yes, all of you.

[Overlapping shouting]

- Okay, guys,
we give up.

Melody,
we're gonna have to use

a little, uh, psychology
around here.

- What kind of psychology?
- [Chuckles]

Go buy yourself
some licorice whips, huh?

Here's two bits.

[Boys shouting]

Two-bit psychology, melody--

a very generous gesture

for a man
in my financial condition.

- It wasn't wasted.
- Hmm?

- Hey, Lem?

Lem, come on.
Let's go.

Boys, would you hang that up
on the, uh, bracket up there?

Hey, Lem, look.

"You know, melody,"
he says,

"the first honest job
someone offers me,

I'm gonna take."

Selling candy to kids--
what could be more honest?

You want roots?

A place like this,

you could grow yourself
down to China.

All right, Charlie,
let's get moving.

Now, now, boys,
we got a long trip,

a long trip--
settle down, settle down.

What are you doing, Lem?

Lem. Lem!

I think I know what you're
doing, and you can't do it.

Lem, honest jobs
aren't for musicians.

- Melody, uh, give me
my law book.

- Look, look, Lem,
I was only kidding.

I was only kidding.

You can't live
in a hick town like this.

- Melody, it's been a real
pleasure working with you.

Take off, Charlie.

- Lem, the moon is in Virgo
and squared with Jupiter!

- Okay, melody,
I'll remember that!

So long!

- So long, Lem!
Good luck!

[Door opens, bell jingling]

- Thanks, mister!

- Okay, fellas.
- Thank you.

- You bet.

- You got two pieces,
and I only got one.

[Overlapping chatter]

- All right.

[Bell jingling]

How do you do, sir?

[Bell jingles]

My name's Lem siddons.

I'm out of Chicago,
lakeside high,

and the United States army.

Since then, for eight years,

I've been blowing a saxophone
and studying law on the side.

Now I've decided I'd like
to settle down someplace,

and, uh,
well, I think this is it.

I could be
a crackerjack salesman,

or I could sweep
the place out.

- You can work up
to salesman later.

- Thank you.

- How about money?

- Oh, you name it, sir.

- $25 and a free go
at the candy counter.

- You've got a deal,
mister, uh...

- Uh, Hughes.

- Okay, Mr. Hughes,
I'm your boy.

- All right.
Stand right there.

Come on, Arthur.

- Well,
I guess that takes care

of the moon and Virgo
squared with Jupiter.

- Four, five, six bananas...

And, uh,
two licorice whips.

- Thanks a lot.
- Thanks, Lem.

Don't forget, you're
in the ball game at lunch, Lem.

- I'll be there, hoodoo.

- Hi, Mrs. seibert.
- Hello, boys.

- Good morning, Hetty.
- Good morning, John.

- Good morning,
Mrs. seibert.

- Oh, good morning...
Lemuel?

- That's right.

- Oh. Isn't that
remarkable?

I remembered his name.

Are you getting settled
in hickory, lemuel?

- Oh, he's found
Artie's pool parlor

and has joined
the methodist church.

- Fine...

About the church, I mean.

But don't drink any
of Artie's bootlegged whiskey.

- [Chuckles] Never touch
the stuff, Mrs. seibert.

- Good.

Now, what did
I come in here for?

I know I'm in here
for some reason.

- Maybe I can help you,
Mrs. seibert.

Uh, was it something
in notions?

We're having a special
on assorted buttons and needles.

- Well, it wasn't notions,

but I'll take
half a dozen packets.

- Fine.

Uh, was it something
in yard goods?

- No.

- Thread maybe?
-Mm-mm.

- Mrs. seibert, maybe you
came in for a dress pattern.

It's the latest thing.

It, uh, puts milady in style
for any social function.

- That's it.

- Oh, good.

- Social function.

John, the most terrible thing's
happened to me.

They've elected me president
of the civic club.

Now, where is it?

- What, the civic club?

- No! No.
Here it is.

John, will you post this
in a conspicuous place?

It's a notice
of our Friday meeting

in the school auditorium.

- Why, certainly, Hetty.

- I'm sure I'll be
a perfectly terrible president.

They only elected me
because I have a lot of money.

I'll expect you both
at the meeting.

- Oh, why, Hetty,
we wouldn't miss it.

- Well, I would,
if I weren't president.

- Oh, Mrs. seibert, uh,
do you still want these things?

- Oh, yes, thank you.

And will you charge it
to my account?

- Yes, I will.

- Now, where was I to go
from here?

- Uh, the bank?

The butcher's?

The grocer?

- Never mind. I'll find out
when I get there.

Good-bye, John.

Good-bye...

- Lemuel.

- Lemuel.

- Good-bye, Mrs. seibert.

[Bell jingles]

She, uh, is
a little forgetful, isn't she?

- About some things, yes.

Put that in a conspicuous spot,
will you, Lem?

I'll be in the office.
- Okay.

"Civic club meeting,
high school--

come and bring a friend."

9-3-4, please.

I'd like to speak
to miss downey, please.

[Line trilling]

- Miss downey speaking.

- Miss downey,
this is, uh, Lem siddons.

I'm calling you
from across the street.

Hi.

- Mr. siddons, if you're calling
in reference to your statement,

the bookkeeper--

- no, I'm calling
in reference to you.

Uh, can you see this?

- Mr. siddons, I am
terribly busy at the moment.

- I-I know you can't read it
from there,

but, uh, well, it says
there's gonna be big doings

at the civic club
on Friday night

and, uh, to come
and bring a friend.

- I'm sorry, Mr. siddons. I--

- looks like it's gonna be
a pretty exciting night.

Mayor plummer's gonna
talk about the sewer problem,

uh, look into the future.

- Mr. siddons!

- And there's gonna be
a group discussion

on our youth today,
followed by refreshments.

Do you think
maybe you could make it?

- Mr. siddons!

I suppose the antics
of our small town amuse you.

- Oh, now,
I was only kidding. I--

- we must seem
terribly crude

to one who has traveled
so widely.

- Anything wrong,
miss downey?

- Oh, no.

- Look, miss downey,
I'm crazy about this town.

Mr. Hastings, I was talking
to miss downey.

Mr. Hastings!

- Yes, Mr. siddons?

- I was talking
to miss downey.

- I'm sorry.

No personal calls
during banking hours.

- Now--

- now, if you will permit me,

fellow civic clubbers,

I will conclude
my very small remarks

with a line from
that immortal English poet--

a...

A thing of beauty

is a joy forever.

[Applause]

- Thank you,
Cora Anderson,

for that splendid talk on...

Oh, dear, what was
your subject, Cora?

[Laughter]
- The town square.

- Oh, the town square,
of course.

Uh, were you for it
or against it?

- I wanted
to plant peonies.

- Oh, well,
bless you, dear.

Go right ahead
and do it.

[Laughter]

And now...

And now a word about our youth
from the chair.

The chair--
that must be me.

Well, I warned you I'd be
a perfectly terrible president.

[Applause]

Well, a word
about our youth,

especially boys.

Frankly, I think boys
are splendid.

Granted, they steal
a few apples

and play ball
in the town square,

spill a few garbage pails,
and...

Put tin cans on cats,

which isn't very nice.

But perhaps the fault
lies with us.

Perhaps we could buy them
a playing field

or something constructive.

Well, I can't think
of anything else.

I think Mr. hi plummer,
our mayor,

should conduct the balance
of this meeting.

[Applause]

- Well, there isn't very much
to conduct, folks.

I think our boys
should be kept off the streets,

but how?

I'd like to hear
some suggestions.

- Uh, Mr. mayor?

I have a suggestion.

Mr. mayor,
I'm new here in town,

so, uh, maybe
I shouldn't even speak up,

but, uh,
well, it seems to me

that the solution
to this problem

would be to have
some sort of organized activity

for the boys, like, uh...

Well, like
the, uh, boy scouts.

Well, good evening,
miss downey,

Mr. Hastings.

- I was going to suggest
that very thing.

- Newer.
- Look.

- Well, that idea
comes up every year, Lem,

but nothing ever seems
to come of it.

- Well, then I think

you ought make something
come of it.

- There's always
one trouble.

Nobody ever wants
to be scoutmaster.

- You could do that, Ralph.

- No, no,
I'm too busy, vida.

- It wouldn't take
very much of your time.

- Absolutely not.

- I thank you
for your suggestion, Lem,

but I'm afraid that's one job
that will go a-begging.

- Well, Mr. mayor, uh...

I might have to take
the job myself.

[Crowd gasping positively]

- Are you volunteering?
- I guess I am.

[Applause]

- Come up here, young man.
I want to shake your hand.

- Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

[Applause]

...three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Eyes right.
Salute.

Two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Right, march!

Hup, two--
no, wait, wait, fellas.

Hoodoo!

Where you going?

- But you said
to the right.

- Well, you--
you turned left, hoodoo.

[Applause]

Forward march.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three...

Now right march.

Hup, two, three, four.

- What you trying to do
with them poor kids, Lem?

- Just keeping them
out of the pool halls, Artie.

Hup, two, three, four.

[Overlapping chatter]

- That a boy.

- Sic 'em, Dutch.

[Dog barking]

[Boys shouting]

- All right, come on, guys,
back in line.

[Rock thumps]

- Hey, what's the matter?
Are you wise or something?

- Go ahead, beefy,
mobilize him.

- Yeah!

[Boys shouting]

- Beefy!

Never mind the mobilizing.

Get back in line.
Come on.

All of you.

- This is
private property, mister.

Stay off.

I'm warning you, mister.

- Look, son--

- [irish accent]
What's going on here, huh?

- Hello, ed.

- I know you,
don't I, yeah?

Yeah. You're Lem--
Lem siddons

from Artie's place,
right?

- That's right.
- Yeah.

Well, what--what seems
to be the trouble here?

- Oh, no trouble, ed.

We're, uh, starting
a scout troop.

I thought maybe your boy
would like to join up.

- Sure, whitey.

You go along
with them, huh?

- I don't go picking daisies
with a bunch of mama's boys.

- Oh, now, how often
have I told you not to--

- that's all right, ed.

Maybe some other time.

All right, fellas,
let's get back in line now.

[Boys grumbling]
- Come on.

Come on, all right.

Forward march.

- Whitey?

When will you ever stop
being a roughneck, huh?

[Sighs]

- Take a nap, pa.
You'll feel better.

- Yes, I guess I will.

- Look out, look out.

Come on, stop it.

[Bottle shatters]

- "The scoutmaster's job
is to train his boys

"to run their own troop.

"The scoutmaster's job

is to help boys grow
toward responsibility."

- Lem?

- "The scoutmaster
leads by example."

- Lem?
- Huh?

[Chuckles] And sometimes
he's wise enough to follow.

Come on, hoodoo.

[Whistle blows]

[Boys complaining]

Come on, guys.

Anybody want to go home?

All: No.

- Anybody want
to march anymore?

All: No.

- Okay, we'll take
a one-minute break.

All: One minute?

[Complaining]

- Now, about this manual
I thought I was reading to you.

In the front part is
the, uh, serious stuff,

and in the back
is the fun and games.

You've got a lot to learn,

but believe me, I've got
to learn as much as you do.

- We'll help you, Lem.

- Oh, sure. Sure.

- Thanks, hoodoo.

Guys, why don't we try
to make this

a scout troop the whole town
will be proud of, huh?

- Aw, they'll never
make it, Lem.

[All arguing]

- Well, we can at least
take a stab at it, huh?

Now, when we start off again,

why don't we see if we can't
sort of shape up, huh?

- What do you mean
by shape up?

- Well, when we march,
we march in time,

move together,
you know how they do.

- Oh, yeah.
- I see.

- One thing
that'll help maybe,

in this book,
they suggest that, uh,

we get some sort
of a marching song.

- Yeah!
A marching song!

- Old MacDonald had a farm.

- Ten little Indians.

- You're in the army now.

- What about
the dying cowboy?

- Aw, what kind
of a marching song is that?

- It's a funeral march.

[All laughing]

- Well, maybe we'll think of
something as we go along, huh?

Okay, the minute's up.
On your feet, fellas.

[Boys groaning]
Let's get in line.

Like I said,
let's try to shape up.

Okay, get on the packs.

Get in line, fellas.
Snap it up, now.

- Get in line!

- Hoodoo,
what are you doing?

- Hey, look out.

- Okay, now,
here we go!

Forward march!

Two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

All right, guys,
lift those feet up.

Come on, lift them up.

Pick them up,
put them down.

Pick them up, put them down.

Yeah.

¶ Pick them up,
put them down ¶

¶ and follow me ¶

hey, guys, I got
a marching song for us.

¶ Follow me, boys ¶

¶ follow me ¶

¶ pick them up,
put them down ¶

¶ and follow me ¶

- hey, that's
pretty good!

- That's good.
- Sing it, Lem.

- Well, it's something
our old outfit

used to sing
over in France.

We made it up
about this sergeant we had,

sergeant Riley.

Ha! He was always hollering,
"follow me."

- Well, then sing it, Lem.

- Let's see now.

How'd the verse go?

¶ Sergeant Riley said
there's a fight to win ¶

¶ follow me, boys ¶

¶ follow me ¶

¶ and it won't be done
till we all pitch in ¶

¶ lift your chin
with a grin ¶

¶ and follow me ¶

now the chorus.

All:
¶ follow me, boys ¶

¶ follow me ¶

¶ when you think
you're really beat ¶

¶ that's the time
to lift your feet ¶

¶ and follow me, boys ¶

¶ follow me ¶

¶ pick them up,
put them down ¶

¶ and follow me ¶

pick them up!

Put them down!

Pick them up!

¶ It's a long, long climb ¶

¶ but we got the will ¶

¶ follow me, boys ¶

¶ follow me ¶

¶ when we reach the top ¶

¶ then it's
all downhill ¶

¶ till you drop,
don't stop ¶

¶ and follow me ¶

¶ follow me, boys ¶

¶ follow me ¶

¶ when you think
you're really beat ¶

¶ that's the time
to lift your feet ¶

¶ and follow me, boys ¶
- come on, beefy!

All: ¶ follow me ¶

¶ pick them up, put them down ¶
[Goat bleats]

¶ And fol-low ¶

¶ me ¶

- hup, two, three, four!

Hup, two, three, four!

Hup, two, three, four!

We're doing pretty good
for three weeks, huh, Lem?

- We sure are, hoodoo.

Just about the whole troop
can count up to four.

- Sure can.

Hup, two, three, four.

[Car horn honks]

Car's coming, Lem.

Hey, you guys,
there's a car coming!

[Horn honking]

[Boys complaining]

- Ralph! That was
uncalled for.

- This is a road
for motor vehicles,

not a marching trail.

- Just because he's
the vice President of the bank!

- I'd like to give him
a good turn.

- All right,
knock it off, fellas.

Knock it off.
Forget it, now, will you?

Now, let's see, uh,

according to this gadget,
we've hiked about two Miles.

How about the, uh,
tracking game now, huh?

All: Yeah!

- I ain't gonna be
the raccoon again.

Last time, them guys tried
to step on my tail.

- Oh, yeah?
But it's your turn.

- Yeah!
It's your turn!

- Look, I'll be the raccoon
this time.

You fellas
be the hound dogs, huh?

[All howling]
Wait a minute.

Now, the hound dogs
count up to 50

to give the raccoon
a start, okay?

- [Quickly]
One, two, three, four--

- now, wait a minute, hoodoo,
slow, slow.

One...Two...Three...

I'll see you later,
fellas.

- Five, six, seven, eight,

nine, ten,

11, 12...

All: 13, 14, 15, 16, 17...

- Hi.

- [Gasps]

Oh, hello.

- Say, you haven't seen

my boy scout troop around,
have you?

They're supposed to be
tracking a raccoon.

I'm the raccoon.

- [Laughs]

- Well, what seems
to be the trouble here?

- I don't know.
I guess it's my fault.

I wanted to go
on a picnic,

and the car
doesn't like picnics.

- Oh.

- Mr. Hastings just went
to get a tow truck.

- Well, I could try
to fix it for you,

but, uh,
I'd gum it up.

- Really?

- Yeah, I'm all thumbs.

- I've never met a man
who admitted

he couldn't fix
an automobile.

- Well, that's me.
[Laughs]

Hey, you know,
it's kind of a hot day

to be a raccoon.

You don't mind
if I just stay here

and wait for the hounds,
do you?

- Oh, no,
of course not.

Uh, as a matter of fact--

- miss downey, you, uh,

have a little smudge
on your nose there.

- Oh.

As a matter of fact,
I wanted to tell you

how pleased I was
that you mentioned

the boy scouts
at the civic club meeting.

- Oh!

- I was going to suggest
the same thing.

- Were you really?
- Yes.

- Well, isn't that remarkable?

Well, why don't we sit down
and discuss it?

Now, uh--
oh, I'm sorry.

Would you care
for a drink?

- No, I'm not thirsty.

- Well, now,
about the scouts.

The way I look at it--
[Boys howling]

- What does that
sound like to you?

- Like a raccoon
is about to be treed.

- Yeah.

[All howling]

Okay, okay, okay!

I'm treed! I'm treed!

Okay, guys, you got me!

I'm treed! I'm treed!

[Laughing]

- What do we do now, Lem?

- Oh. Well, uh...

We're going to do
what all good scouts do--

lend a helping hand.

Miss downey, would you
get in the car, please?

Troop one will show you

how scouts do
a good turn daily.

Now, you bigger fellas
get behind the car,

and you other fellas
get on each side, okay?

Miss downey, just slide
back of the wheel, huh?

[Overlapping chatter]

- Aren't you tired?

- Practically dead.

Got just about
enough strength left

to ask you to go
to the movies with me tonight.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Mr.--

- feel free
to call me Lem, huh?

- Mr. siddons--

- I'm named
after my Uncle lemuel,

who never amounted
to anything.

- I'm busy tonight,
Mr. siddons.

- Oh. You know
the first thing

I noticed about you,
miss downey?

Your eyes--blue eyes.

That means honesty.

- I really am sorry.

- Now, honestly,
wouldn't you rather see

Ronald Coleman
and Carole lombard

in the soul-searching drama
of--hey!

Hey, wait!
Look out, guys!

Put on--
put on the brake!

- Oh!
I'm sorry!

The hill was on me
before I knew it.

- Oh, that's all right.
I didn't see it, either.

Fellas, pile on, and
we'll coast down the hill, huh?

- Aw, neat.

- Miss downey, uh,
put on your emergency brake.

Move over
and let me drive.

I'll, uh, put it in gear.

Maybe we can start
the motor.

Everybody in?

All: Yeah!

- Okay, now, hang on!

[Boys shouting]

[Car backfires]

[Boys shouting]

[Horn honking]

- [Coughing]

Thank you
for almost running me down.

- Well, we were just doing
our good turn.

We got your motor going.

- All right,
out of there, all of you.

This car wasn't built to hold
every hoodlum in town.

- Ralph!

- That's all right,
miss downey.

All right, you, uh, hoodlums,
pile out of there.

We've got a hike to finish.
Come on.

- Aw, we'd rather ride.

- Oh, Mr. Hastings,

from now on, I'm the only one
who calls them that, right?

Where's the can--
oh, thanks.

All right,
now line up by twos.

- Come on.
- Let's go.

- Frankie,
you get them started.

- Hup, two, three, four.

All:
Hup, two, three, four.

Hup! Pick them up,
put them down.

Pick them up.

¶ Follow me, boys ¶

- that was
unnecessarily rude, Ralph.

- Get in the car, vida.

- They were just trying
to help with the car.

- Vida, will you please
get in the car?

- ¶ Follow me, boys,
follow me ¶

¶ pick them up,
put them down ¶

¶ and follow me ¶
- Mr. siddons!

- Vida!

- Mr. siddons!
- ¶ follow me, boys ¶

Mr. siddons!
- Vida, come back here!

- ¶ When you think
you're really beat ¶

¶ that's the time
to lift your feet ¶

¶ and follow me, boys ¶

- vida.

- ¶ Follow me ¶

¶ pick them up,
put them down ¶

¶ and follow me ¶

[horn honks]

- Lovely movie.

- Yes.

Hello, Mr. Lee.

Yes, I'm glad
she finally realized

that, uh,
money isn't everything.

- Well, when a girl
has Ronald Coleman,

she doesn't need money.

- [Laughs]

Oh, uh, would you like
a soda

or a banana split
or something?

- I don't think so.

- You sure?
- Sure.

- Well...

[Horn honks]

Tell me.
Was he sore?

- Ronald Coleman?

- No, Mr. Hastings, Ralph.

I mean, because you broke
your date with him

and went to the movies
with me.

- You're a somewhat
blunt fellow, aren't you?

- Well, when I want to know
something, I ask.

- Well, we like more reserve
here in hickory.

- [Chuckles]
Okay, so he got sore.

Vida...

What are you doing
tomorrow night?

- Well, Lem, I--
- and Monday night?

- Lem.
- And Tuesday night?

- Oh, Lem.
- And--

[dog barking]

[Whining]

Uh, wait a minute.

[Dog whining]

[Dog barking]

[Whining]

- Beat it, Dutch!

- Are you hurt?

- No, I'm all right.

- Well, then get up
on your feet.

- [Groans]

- He is hurt, Lem.

- The ankle, huh?
- It's okay.

- Vida, get me
a first-aid kit

out of the scout section,
will you?

Come over here
and sit down,

so I can take a look
at that ankle.

- I'm all right,
I tell you!

- Come over here
and sit down.

- Ooh!

[Dog whines]

- "Over the shoe
and tie firmly,

"because once you take
the shoe off,

you can't get it
back on with the swelling."

- Well,
that makes sense, huh?

All right, now try
to walk on it.

Does that feel better?

- Yeah, it's okay.

That's a pretty good trick.

- Yeah, there are
a lot of good tricks in here.

- Aw, I don't go
for that scout stuff.

- Well, you better
get going.

- Get going?

- Yeah.

And put some cold towels
on that ankle

when you get home.

- Okay.

Come on, Dutch.

- Uh, why don't we
just leave this?

I'll come in early
in the morning

and clean it up.

- Think you should
have done that?

Let him go, I mean.

- I don't know.

- He was stealing,
you know?

- Yeah.

You know, I was just like that
when I was his age,

sore at the world,
picking fights,

trying to act tough.

But then, uh...

Well, there was this fella,
he was a young lawyer,

sort of took me
under his wing.

I guess he felt sorry
for this kid

who was trying to lick
half of South Chicago

and couldn't.

Anyway, he, uh...

He finally
straightened me out,

got me thinking right.

If it hadn't been
for him, I, uh...

I'd have ended up in some kind
of serious trouble for sure.

I guess
it's about that time

I got the idea
I wanted to be a lawyer someday.

No, I don't think
turning whitey in

would help anything.

You just got to
take a chance.

Well, we'd better go, huh?

- Lem?

- Now, beefy and quong.

- That's for
your second-class cooking test?

- Beefy, uh,
could you indentify

that interesting object?

- Well, it started out
as eight biscuits, Lem,

but it ended up one.

- Oh.

- Do we pass?

- I, uh, think you better
try again, fellas.

Why don't you
start out with one?

Maybe it'll end up eight.

[Hammer tapping]

How you coming, Dave?

- Well, not finished yet.

- Carrick bend, huh?
Good.

- When we get finished,
can we take her out?

- Of course
we can't take her out.

The patch isn't dry.

- What would happen?

- She'd sink.

- That wouldn't help for
a canoe merit badge, would it?

- Hoodoo, one thing
I got to give you credit for.

You think quick.

- Yeah, I know.

[Truck rumbling]

- Hey, look who's here.

What do you suppose
miss downey's here for?

- Lem.

- Like I said, hoodoo,
you think quick.

- Hi.

- I was, uh,
invited out here

to see scouting
in action, remember?

- Well, you can see
Lem in action later.

And you're just in time

for the second-class
cooking test.

- I thought I might be.

You know, ever since
you invited me out here,

I got to thinking
about those poor boys out here,

eating their own cooking.

I got so emotional,
I went home

and fried up six chickens,

made four pounds
of potato salad.

- Uh, vida?

- I even iced
a three-layer chocolate cake.

- Vida, maybe I gave you
a bum steer,

but the boys
are taking tests

so that when
they get in the woods,

they'll be self-reliant.

- Well, they'll be
twice as self-reliant

on full stomachs.

- [Chuckles] I...
I appreciate your interest

in scout stomachs,
but, uh,

I think you better take
the chicken back to the truck.

- Is that an order?

- No, it's
just a suggestion.

- In other words,
you forbid me?

- No, I don't forbid you
exactly.

- Good.
- Now, wait a minute.

- All right, I, uh...

I forbid you.

- Well, now you sound
like Ralph Hastings.

- Oh, now...

- Anyone eat fried chicken?

- Fred chicken? Yeah!

- Vida, what do you think
you're doing?

- I'm feeding
hungry boys.

- Well, that's exactly
what you're not doing.

- Chicken!
- Now, wait a minute, fellas!

Wait a minute!
Wait a minute, now!

Put that chicken back.

I'm sorry,
but no chicken.

One of the reasons you're out
here is to learn how to cook,

and you have to eat
what you cooked.

[Boys groan]
- You second-class candidates

get back to your fires.

You pup-tent guys
get back to your pup tents.

Everybody get back
to whatever you're doing.

Now, go on.
Hurry up.

- Oh, man!

[Boys complaining]

- No chicken!

- That was
a lovely exhibition.

- Now, vida, listen--

- a 100% domineering,
"I forbid you,

let's keep them
in their places,"

male performance.
- Male nothing.

- You're all alike,
every last one of you--

puffed up,
lords of the universe,

egotistical know-it-alls.

And I thought
you were different!

- Different?
Vida, all I did

was ask you to get rid
of the chicken.

- No, you didn't.

You said, "I forbid you."

- Vida, where you going?

Vida, what are you
gonna do?

- I'm obeying military orders.

I'm getting rid
of the chicken.

- Oh, not in the lake.
Vida--

- typical egotistical male.

- Oh, now, don't do that.

Vida.

- "I forbid you," he says.

Master of the universe.

- No, no, now, not that.

Not in the lake, vida.

No, no, vida,
don't do it.

- Are you
forbidding me again?

- Well...No, no.

- Good.

- Vida.

Vida, will you listen
to me, please?

- Will you kindly
get out of my way?

- No, I want
to talk to you.

[Pots clatter]
- Oh!

Vida, wait.

Where are you going?

- Anywhere where you're not!

- Uh, fellas, get back
to your cooking.

Vida, will you cut out
this nonsense?

Now where you going?

- I'm trying to avoid you,
and this seems to be

the only logical way
to do it.

- Well, if that's logical,
I'll go with you.

Vida, you've got
to listen to me.

I'm sorry you got upset

about my not giving
the boys the chicken, but--

- I'm not upset.

Who's upset?

- Well, if you'd just
said something,

I mean, if you told me
you were bringing it, I...

- Leo, do you think
the patch is dry yet?

- Will you stop paddling
and listen?

- Uh-uh.

- What do we do?

- If you'd
only said something.

- Watch, I guess.

- That's the whole idea.

When they get out in the woods,
they're supposed to know--

hey!
- [Gasps]

- Hey, we sprung a leak!

- Aah!

- I thought the boys
we're gonna patch this!

- Aah!

- Um...

- Aah.
- Uh...

- Aah! Aah!

[Gasps]

[Chuckling]

- [Laughing]

[Laughing]

- Oh! Oh!

Oh! I surrender!

Oh!

[Cheering]

- Hold it!

[Door opens and closes]

- Ah, everything's
out of the car.

- [Laughing]

- What's so funny?

- Oh, this silly picture.

- You never looked
lovelier.

- Um, Lem?

- Okay, we've got
work to do.

Uh, what's next?

- Well, let's get these
empty suitcases out of here.

- Where you want them,
under the bed?

- No. In the hall closet,
I guess.

- Boy.
Here, let me do that.

- No, it's okay,
just set them down.

- Well, I'll find someplace

for this stuff of mine
in the morning.

- Oh, I've already
got a place.

- Oh?
- Right in here.

- I thought that was supposed
to be the sewing room.

- Gonna be your study.

I'm gonna fix it up.

You're going to have
to build some shelves

for all those law books.

- Vi?

- And I think
we should splurge

and get you
a really nice desk.

- Vi, I guess I forgot
to tell you.

They're, uh, having
the bar exams next week.

- Really?

- Yeah, but I'm, uh...

I'm not going to take it.

- Oh.

- It's just that
I'm not ready for it.

I haven't looked
at one of these books in months.

I've been so busy
with the scouts and the store

and, uh, other things.

- Meaning me.

- Yeah.

Meaning you.

Next year the troop
will be organized,

and they can get somebody else
to take over.

Next year, I promise,
I'll...

I'll really settle down
to business.

- Scout's honor?

- Scout's honor.

[Cornet haltingly playing
let me call you sweetheart]

What is that?

¶ ¶

boys: ¶ let me call you
sweetheart ¶

¶ I'm in love with you ¶

¶ let me hear you whisper ¶
- Lem, a serenade--

what a charming
thing to do.

- ¶ That you love me ¶
- pretty awful, isn't it?

- ¶ Too ¶

¶ keep the love light
glowing ¶

¶ in your eyes so true ¶

¶ let me call you
sweetheart ¶

¶ I'm in love ¶

¶ with ¶

¶ you ¶

[sustaining
long off-key note]

- Welcome home!

- Welcome home,
Mr. and Mrs. siddons!

- Congratulations.

- Thanks, guys.

That was very nice.

- Hey, Lem, can you come out
to seibert lake Saturday?

We got a surprise for you.

- A surprise, huh?

Okay, Leo,
I'll see you then.

All:
Good night!

- Congratulations!
- Congratulations, Mrs. siddons.

- Oh, Lem, let's have
a dozen kids,

all boys.

- [Chuckles]

How about 11 boys
and one girl just like you?

- Hey. Hey, Frankie?
- Yeah?

- Follow me, boys.

- No, we made
too much noise already.

- Oh, come on, Frankie!

- Well, okay.

But...Quiet.

All:
¶ though the journey's end ¶

¶ is beyond our sight ¶

¶ follow me, boys ¶

¶ follow me ¶

¶ if we do our best ¶

¶ then we've done
all right ¶

¶ pack your load,
hit the road ¶

¶ and follow me ¶

¶ follow me, boys ¶

¶ follow me ¶

¶ when you think
you're really beat ¶

¶ that's the time
to lift your feet ¶

¶ and follow me, boys ¶

¶ follow me ¶

¶ pick them up,
put them down ¶

¶ and follow me ¶

pick them up,
put them down.

Pick them up,
put them down.

Pick them up,
put them down.

[Hammers pounding]

- Here he comes!

Hey, here comes Lem!

- So soon?

But we're not finished yet!

- I told you!
I told you!

[Boys shouting]

- Hi, Lem!

- Hi, Lem!

- Well, now,
what's the surprise?

- How about that,
huh, Lem?

Surprised?

- You guys don't mean
to tell me

you built this
all by yourselves?

All: Yeah!

- Including
scrounging the lumber.

- We didn't even use nails
in some places.

We tied knots.

- Well, fellas,
I don't know what to say,

except that, uh, well,
it's just absolutely amazing.

- That's just
what Mrs. seibert said

when she saw it.

- Oh, Mrs. seibert
saw it, huh?

- Yeah, she gave us
permission

to build
on the old foundation.

- Lem, the guys want
you to be

the first one
through the front door.

- Oh.

- Yeah, only
the front-door committee goofed,

and there ain't one up yet.
- Just five minutes.

All me and quong's got to do
is nail up a couple more 2x4s.

- That's what you said
all week.

- Look, why don't
a couple of us guys

give you and quong a hand
just to make sure?

What size 2x4s you need?

[Overlapping chatter]

- Hey, Lem, you know
anything about a water pump?

- Like what, beefy?

- Well, like how to make it
pump water.

- Oh.

- This one's
kind of beat up,

but we got it for free,
so we didn't ask any questions.

- Let's take a look at it.

- Hey, let's look
in the junk pile,

see what we got.

- Valve's a little dried out,
isn't it?

[Overlapping chatter]

[Wood clattering]

- Look!
For the top of the cabin.

- Hey, yeah.

That's pretty good.

[Weather vane clangs]

- Pretty good shot.

- It was okay.

- What are you doing
out this way?

- Just horsing around.

- How's this one, hoodoo?

- Hey, Frankie,
maybe we could use this.

- Isn't this big enough?

- Hey, can I use it
on top of the cabin?

- Yeah, put it someplace
where you won't lose it.

- What you guys doing,

building a cabin?

- Yeah, for our troop.

- Some cabin.

- Yeah, it's okay.

- Well, I'll see you guys.

Come on, Dutch.

- Hey, whitey.

- Yeah?

- You want to help out?

We could use someone
who knows about plumbing.

- Well...

I ought to be
back in town now.

My old man
might need me on a job.

- No, he won't,
not right away.

I saw his truck parked
over by Artie's pool parlor.

- What was that crack?

- It wasn't any crack.

- Well, if you can't
give us a hand, you can't.

Come on, you guys.
Get on these 2x4s.

- What do you care where
my old man's truck is parked?

- I don't!

- Take it easy, whitey.
Leo didn't mean anything.

- That's right.
He didn't mean anything.

- You stay out of this,
four-eyes!

This isn't your business.

- Hey, no one's called
four-eyes around here.

- Yeah, well, you
just get your hands off.

- Look, if you can't act decent,
then beat it.

- I said get your hands off!
[Dog barking]

- Come on! Get him!

[Boys shouting]

- Hey, watch out
for the board!

- Don't let that dog
get you!

Get that dog away!

- Go on! Get!

[Boys shouting, dog barking]

- Pull him over!
Pull him over!

- Come on!

- Twist his arm!
Twist his arm!

- All right,
that's enough!

Cut it out now!

You, uh, fellas
getting a little exercise?

- Yeah, Lem.

That's all.

- Okay.

Well, if you want me
to be the first one

through that front door,
you better get it up, huh?

- Yeah, okay.
Come on, guys.

- Whitey.

This yours too?

- You keep it.

I swiped it off you anyways.

I never hardly read it.

- You didn't, huh?

- It's just full of junk.

- Okay, I'll keep it.

- Come on, Dutch.

- Whitey.

What's the scout law?

- A scout is trustworthy,
loyal, helpful, fr--

aw, forget it.

- Whitey, why don't you
knock off this tough-guy act?

The boys all want you.

All you have to do
is come halfway.

- Yeah, I'll bet.

- You got guts enough
to find out?

- Hey, Lem!
We're ready!

- Atten-tion!

One-gun salute!

Fire!

[Bang]

- Now, Lem, you're
gonna be the first one

through the front door.

- Yeah, come on.

- Look what's inside, man.

- All you have to do
is give the secret knock,

like this.

- Okay.

[Boards crashing]

Look out, fellas!

Get back!

- The whole thing's
coming down!

[Creaking]

[Sign squeaking]

- [Chuckles]

[Laughing]

[All laughing hysterically]

I guess one of your knots
must have slipped, huh?

- Yeah.

- Well, guys, that was
a pretty good practice cabin.

Now what do you say
we build a real one, huh?

All: Yeah!

- All right, let's clear
all that junk out of there.

Beefy, you take charge
of the clean-up squad.

Mickey, go over
to the truck

and get my tools out,
will you?

Whitey, uh, why don't you
start working on that pump?

Get everything out of there

and take it over
to the junk pile, huh?

Well, I guess, uh,

everything's gonna
work out all right, Frankie.

[Laughter and shouting]

- Hey, whitey,
how long you gonna be?

- I'll be right out.

She's sewing
my first-class badge on.

- In the meantime,
I don't have a horse

for horse and rider.

- Just a couple of minutes.

I sure do appreciate this,
Mrs. siddons.

You know, next year,
I'm going for my merit badges.

First aid,
that's going on top.

Thanks.

My Uncle sid
was a vet,

but I'm figuring to be
a regular doctor of medicine.

- [Choked up] I'm sure
you'll be a good one, whitey.

- You feeling okay,
Mrs. siddons?

- Yes, I'm fine.

- How's it look?

- Looks just grand.

- And after
first-aid merit badge,

then I'm going
to carpentry.

- See you later, fellas.

- Hey, Lem!

Look!

- That's fine, whitey.

Hi, honey.

- Well, I...Guess the guys
are waiting for me.

- Oh, whitey?

- Yes, sir?

- Your dad came
into the store today.

I told him I was sorry

that he, uh, couldn't come
to father's night

out at the cabin.

Whitey?

- Yes, sir?

- You didn't ask him
to come, did you?

You told me you did
and that he couldn't make it,

right?

Whitey?

- Yes, sir.

- Okay.
Run along, whitey.

Oh, whitey?

I invited your dad myself.

He said he'd be there.

- Well...

- Lem, you shouldn't
have done that.

He doesn't want his father
at that meeting.

- Well, he could have come
and told me, couldn't he?

- No, he couldn't.

He's crazy about his father,

and he's ashamed of him
at the same time.

Everyone knows
ed is a drunk.

[Crying]

- Vi...

Vi, what's wrong?

- Well, you just can't expect
a little boy

to make a laughingstock
out of someone he loves.

- Honey, I'm not talking
about whitey.

It's you.

You've been taking things
so hard these last few weeks.

I guess that medicine

Dr. Ferris gave you
for your nerves

isn't helping much, huh?

Did you see him today?

- Yes.

- Well, what did he say?

- It isn't my nerves.

Never was.

I just told you that.

I lied too.

- Oh?

- He's been giving me
a series of tests.

I can't have any children...

Now or ever.

- Is he, uh...

Is he sure?

- The tests were very thorough.

- Did he, uh,
just tell you today?

- An hour ago.

[Crying]
I'm so terribly sorry, Lem.

I'm so sorry.

If I'd known
before we were...

- Honey, you, uh...

You can just tell
Dr. Ferris that he's wrong.

- Oh, no, Lem, he isn't.

- Yeah, he's dead wrong.

[Boys shouting outside]

- Vida, we can have kids.

Come here.

We've already got 15 boys.

That's a pretty good start
when you come to think of it.

[Shouting]

[Applause and cheering]

- Dead heat--
two minutes on the nose.

That's good, guys.

Now, uh, the knot-tying.

I, uh, guess a lot of people
have the idea

that about the only thing
scouts do is, uh, tie knots.

Uh, Leo, uh...

- Come on, Leo!

[Boys kidding Leo]

- I'll, uh--I'll
kind of start things off here

by tying a sheepshank.

Now, a sheepshank is used

if you want to shorten
a piece of rope.

Now, let's see here, uh...

No, no.

[Laughter]

Uh, well, so much
for the sheepshank.

[Laughter]

You know, I never could tie
one of these things

to save my neck.

We'll just let Leo demonstrate
the knots, I guess.

Go ahead, Leo.

- Slipknot.

- Hello, Lem.

- Ed.

- It's all right.
G-go right ahead.

I-I, uh...

Just brought the boys
a little ice cream.

Nothing that kids

like better than
a little ice cream.

Oh! Oh!

Right, Mr. Lee?

Uh...Uh...

Don't let me
interrupt, Lem.

Go--go right ahead.

Right good old scoutmaster,
lemmy boy, right?

- Uh, Leo, you were
going to tie a slipknot.

- Slipknot.

- Uh...Uh, hold it.
Hold it a second.

I-I-I think we sprung
a little leak here.

Yeah. Don't--

don't you worry, fellas.

Don't you worry.
We got a reliable plumber here.

Hey, that's--that's
kind of joke, isn't it?

Call for a plumber.

We've sprung
and ice cream leak, huh?

Right, huh?
Ha ha!

Oh!
[Loud thud]

- Get your hands off him!
Let him be!

- I just brought the boys
a little ice cream. I...

- I know, pa.

Come on.

- Well, where
are we going, whitey?

Uh, meeting
is just starting, ain't it?

Huh?

- I know, pa.
I know.

- Frankie, take over,
will you?

Uh, keep things going?

- Sure.

- Ah, whitey, whitey.

Your father's a...

Your father's a bum.

Real, no-good bum.

Right?

Right.

- Forget it, pa.

- Whitey.

I'll drive you home.

- You leave us alone.

It was your idea,
bringing him out to the meeting.

- I know, whitey.

I'm sorry.
I was wrong.

- All right, all right,
you were wrong!

I'm wrong! He's wrong!
Everybody's wrong!

- Easy, whitey.
Easy.

Respect your elders,
remember?

He's just a little upset.

- Come on, pa.

Let's go home.

- Good night, Lem.

- Good night, ed.

I can walk, whitey.

I can walk real fine.

- I really messed the whole
thing up good, didn't I?

And I thought
I knew so much.

- Come to bed, Lem.

- Well, I'm gonna call
the troop committee.

They can get somebody else.

Somebody who'll do
a better job than I've done.

- Oh, now,
that's nonsense, Lem.

Every boy in that troop
thinks the sun rises with you,

including whitey.

- Yeah, well, I'm gonna
give the whole thing up,

get back to my law books.

- Mrs. siddons!
Mrs. siddons!

Mrs. siddons, there's
something the matter with pa!

He fell on the floor,
and he can't get up!

Please, Mrs. siddons,

I got to use your phone
for the doctor!

- I'll come right down
and open the door.

- We'll wait
for the ambulance,

but I don't think
it's gonna do any good.

All that booze--

I warned him a year ago
about his heart.

- What about the boy?

- Now, that's
gonna be a problem.

- We'll take him in
with us tonight.

- Nobody's taking me anyplace!

Pa's gonna be all right!

- [Strained]
Whitey.

[Siren wailing]

- [Crying]

[Siren slows and stops]

- Vi?

Why don't we decide
right now?

After all, we've got
16 kids already.

The only difference is
this one would sleep in.

- Are you sure
you really want him, Lem?

- I'm sure.

How about you?

- I'm sure.

- Okay,
then it's all settled.

- Will you tell him?

- Yeah, I'll tell him.

Hey, uh, coffee
for a kid his age?

- Just for tonight.

Come have
a bite to eat.

- I'm not hungry.

- Whitey...

There's something we'd like
to talk to you about.

How would you like
to live here with us?

- I don't want to be
any charity case!

- Whitey.

- I ain't gonna live here,
and you can't make me!

- Whitey, sit down, hmm?

- You're just doing
your boy scout duty.

Well, I don't need
that kind of stuff.

I can earn my own living.

I don't need you!
I don't need anybody!

- Whitey, now, you sit down,

or I'm gonna have to
clout you one.

- Oh, Lem, don't talk
to him like that.

- Vi, I'll handle it.
- Come on, Dutch!

- Whitey, now,
you listen to me.

We want you
to live here with us.

No duty,
no boy scout stuff.

We don't have a kid of our own,
and we want one.

Sometimes
you're no great shakes,

but we both love you, whitey,

and we need you,

and you need us.

Can you get that through
that thick head of yours?

- We have a room
for you, whitey.

Won't you come
look at it?

- We'll, uh, clear
all my stuff out of here

over the weekend.

Uh, I'll leave
my old saxophone here

just in case you might
want to blow it sometime.

We'll make that
part of the deal, huh?

You'll have to sleep
on the couch a night or two

until we get
a bed in here.

It'll be
your room, whitey.

If you want to be alone,
you just shut the door,

and nobody'll bother you.

Um...

I'll go get a pillow
and some blankets.

- Won't you give us
a chance, whitey?

- I wouldn't knock on it
too hard.

The whole thing's
liable to come down on you.

- Does aunt Hetty know
about all of this?

- Oh, yeah, she knows.

She was out here Sunday.

As a matter of fact,

she, uh, wanted to know
if it'd be all right

if she just sat here
on the steps

and looked out at the lake
for a while.

- Sometimes I worry
about aunt Hetty.

She has
some very peculiar notions

about this place.

Lem, do you know how much
this lake property is worth?

- Well, I guess I never, uh,
thought of it in terms of money.

- Properly developed,
at least half a million.

- Half a million, huh?

- At least.

Yes, a valuable piece
of property, Lem.

- We'll try to take good care
of it for you, Ralph.

- For me?

- I imagine it will be yours
someday, won't it?

- Oh, I imagine it will...

Someday.

Well, I'd better be
getting back.

By the way, Lem,
I, uh...

I thought you'd be off
hiking this morning.

- I thought I'd leave
the hiking to the boys today.

Whitey and a couple
of the fellas

are taking the tenderfoot patrol
up the Mountain.

- Whitey?

- Yeah.

He just made patrol leader.

- With his background,

I'd hardly have thought
he was the caliber to--

- Ralph, whitey
is loaded with caliber.

- Well, I just hope
he never disappoints you, Lem.

- Easy.
Easy, now.

[Grunts]

- Hurry up, whitey!

I'm scared!

- Hold it there!
- Hold it!

- What are you doing?

- I just kicked
some dirt loose.

Now, you're gonna be
all right.

I'm coming after you.

Just don't panic.

- Hurry up, whitey.

- I'm coming, Ronnie!
I'm coming!

Let it out easy!

- Let it out easy,
hoodoo!

Nice and easy.

- Yeah, come on, you guys.

Let it out easy.

- [Whines]

- Is whitey all right?

- Yeah.

Boy, if we get that goof-off
Ronnie out of there,

I'm gonna break his neck.

- Big show-off.

Had to go waltzing
on the edge.

Whitey told him
a dozen times.

- Easy, hoodoo!

Let it out easy.

You okay, whitey?

- Yeah! Just a couple
of feet more!

- Just a couple more feet.

- Okay! Hold it there!

- Hold it!

- Get back!

I'm gonna try
to swing over!

- Closer!

- Get back, ya dope!
Give me room!

Give me room!

- No! No!

- No, Ronnie, let go!

Let go!

[Dog barking]

[Whitey straining]

- Come on, whitey.

[Dog barking]

Slack off!
Slack off!

- Give him slack, quick!

He made it!

- [Panting]

Okay.

Everything's okay, Ronnie.

Just let me tie this
around your waist.

- No!

- Ronnie, get up.

- I can't!
I'm scared!

- Come on, Ronnie!

Now stand up!

You're gonna be
all right, Ronnie.

You're safe now.

The guys'll have you up
on top in no time,

honest.

[Dog whines]

- Okay, guys, get ready
to pull him up!

- Okay, get ready
to pull him up.

- Now just hold on tight,

don't look down.

Don't look down!

Okay.

Pull him up.

- Pull, guys!
Pull!

Pull, hoodoo!

Pull.

Pull!

- Come on, you guys!
Pull hard! Pull!

- Pull, guys!
Pull!

- You're gonna be
all right, Ronnie!

Don't look down!

- As soon as we get him
up here, whitey,

we'll drop the rope
for you!

- Yeah.

You do that.

- You're quite right,
Mrs. Larsen.

In my opin--

exactly, Mrs. Larsen.

I quite agree with you.

We certainly will,
Mrs. Larsen.

We'll get
to the bottom of it,

and, uh...

I hope that Ronnie
feels better today.

Good-bye.

Good morning, aunt Hetty.
That was Mrs. Larsen.

I suppose you've heard
about Ronnie.

- Of course I've heard.

The whole thing's a disgrace.

The boy wasn't hurt.

He was just frightened.

- Aunt Hetty,
everyone can hear you.

- Well, let them.

It's outrageous the way
this town is gossiping.

I don't want to sit down.
Aren't you taking me to lunch?

- Yes, of course,
aunt Hetty.

But I would hardly
call it gossip.

Lem did give the patrol
to a boy

whose record
as a delinquent--

- well, if it hadn't been
for that delinquent

keeping his head
in an emergency

and risking his own life,

there might have been
real trouble.

- Yes, aunt Hetty.

Where would you like
to have lunch?

- I've decided to eat alone.

- Aunt Hetty!

- Gossip, that's all
anyone ever does--

gossip.

- Here, you better take this.

- It's your new compass.
You crazy?

- Well, suppose
you're somewhere,

you want to know
where it is.

You'll need it.
- Leo.

- Don't be a dolt.
Take it.

- Okay.

Thanks, Leo.

- You'll need a pup tent.

- Pick mine up
out at the cabin.

- Well, what about money?

- I'll get a job,
plumber's helper or something.

I used to work with pa.

- Whitey.
- Yeah?

- I'd go with you,

only I got an appointment
with the eye doctor Monday.

- That's okay.

Thanks anyway.

- I'll go with you, whitey.
I got no appointments.

- Take over the patrol, Leo.

See these guys shape up,
you hear?

Well, Leo, see you.

- See you.

- Hoodoo.

- Yeah.

- Now don't you go bawling.

- Bawling?
Why would I go bawling?

I'm 13 years old.

- Yeah.

- You on the roof okay, whitey?

- Yeah.

Here, Dutch.

- That you, Lem?

- Yeah, it's me.

Oh, hi, fellas.

Were you up with whitey?

- Uh...

- Yeah, Lem.
We were up there with him.

Come on, hoodoo.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- We're having cold supper.
Be in ten minutes.

- Fine.

- The whole town still talking?

- No, they've stopped talking.
Now they're acting.

Two ladies
came in the store today

and decided that Mr. Hughes
could wait on them

a lot better than I could.

- Well, this
is a small town, Lem.

These gossip storms pass.

- But what right have they got
to stand in corners

and whisper
about that boy?

Well, I've had enough.

So his old man was a drunk.
What's that got to--

378, please.

- This will all blow over,
believe me.

- Vida, I'm not waiting
for it to blow over.

I'm calling hi plummer,
and I'm going--

hello, hi.
This is Lem siddons.

I'm calling to tell you

there won't be
a scout meeting tonight.

I'm resigning.
- Lem, you can't do that.

- That's what my wife
just said, hi.

But you're both wrong.
I can, and I do.

And you'll have it in writing
first thing in the morning.

- Lem, please don't.

- I'm sorry, hi.
There's nothing to talk over.

I'll see you tomorrow.

The boy isn't going
to take a beating

from brainless gossip
if I can help it.

I'll be upstairs
with whitey.

[Door opens]

Where do you think
you're going?

- How'd you know
I was here?

- Well, it wasn't hard.

I figured
if you were taking off,

you might want
some of your camping stuff.

You were just going to leave

without a word
to vida and me?

Oh, whitey.

You want to know something?

This is just the same
kind of bullheaded stunt

I used to pull
when I was a kid--

take off, run away.

Thought that
would solve everything.

I can tell you
it never does, whitey.

You've got responsibilities.

You've got a couple of people
who need you very much.

This whole thing
will blow over.

I gave them my resignation.

That's all
the town wants, really.

- You can't quit, Lem.

- Why not?

- Well, because like you said,
it wouldn't solve anything.

- Well, now just a second.
It's different with me.

- How?

- Well, it's just different,
that's all.

- Lem, if I got
responsibilities,

believe me,
you got worse.

All the guys depend on you.

- Look, who's lecturing who
around here?

- Lem, you can't quit!

There wouldn't even be
a scout troop without you.

- Whitey.

- You just can't quit,
that's all.

- Now, just take it easy, huh?

- Please, Lem.

Please.

[Car horns honking]

- Hello, Lem.

- Hello.
Who's that?

- Hi plummer.

All right,
park anywhere you can, folks.

[Overlapping talking]

All right, gather round,
everybody.

Gather round.

- Hi, what is all this?

- Well, sir, I called in
some reinforcements

to get you
to change your mind.

Boys: Yeah!

- Well, that's very nice
of all of you,

but, well, I'm afraid
you're a little late, hi.

- Oh, come on, now, Lem.
Don't say that.

- Well, you see,
whitey and I decided

just a couple of minutes ago
that I'd withdraw

my resignation.

[Cheering]

- Told you it was dopey
to run away.

- Yeah.

- Well, folks, it looks like
we came all the way out here

for nothing.

- Why, we can't have that.

I'll tell you,
as long as you're all out here,

why don't we make this
parents' night?

- Good idea!

- Frankie,
you take everybody inside,

and we'll start the meeting.

- Okay, fall in, everybody,
and follow me.

[Excited chatter]

[Upbeat marching music]

¶ ¶

- hi, Lem.
Time for reveille?

- Shh.
Reveille, tiger?

They only saw the taps
about ten minutes ago.

- Well, I got to be ready
for reveille

so I can fire the Cannon
when they raise the flag.

That's my job, 6:00.

- I know, tiger.

Right now your job
is to get some sleep.

You got to be tired.

After all, you guys hiked
all the way from seibert lake

over into Clark county.

That's almost 12 Miles.

- And you didn't have
to carry me once.

- No, not once, tiger.

- Boy, I'll bet
I'll be a good soldier,

won't I, Lem?

Just like your son whitey,

the one that's
in the medical corps.

- Sure you will, tiger.

- When I'm old enough
to enlist...

- Well, you're never going
to be old enough

if you don't get some sleep.

Now, come on,
lie down there.

Good night.
- Night, Lem.

- Now close your eyes, huh?

- They're closed.

- Well, then go to sleep.

- I'm asleep!
I'm asleep!

- Okay, tiger.
Good night.

See you in the morning.

- Ah! Oh!

- Hey, sarge, call the medic!
I'm hit!

- Merv, get off me.

You're sitting
on my hand grenades.

- Some transportation.

Wait till my draft board
hears about this.

- Shut up, the lot of you.

We're in the blue zone.

- Hey, sergeant,
if we're in the blue zone,

that means the games
have started already, huh?

- Games! Oh, goody,
we're gonna play games.

- This ain't no game, soldier.

This here's
a tactical exercise

to teach dumb squirts like you
how to act

when they meet the enemy.

We're gonna simulate war.

- What's simulate?

- Sort of making out,
like with play-acting.

We make out like
we're shooting the enemy

and getting
our heads blown off.

- With real live ammo?

- Nah, just blank cartridges
and smoke bombs like that.

Everything's fake.
That right, sarge?

- Like I said,
we call it simulating.

All: Oh!

- Hey, sarge, I think we just
hit a simulated rock.

- [Whistling]

[Leaves rustling]

Hi.

- Hands behind your neck.
- What?

- Do like he says.
You're captured.

- Captured?
- Both hands behind your neck.

- Oh, now, wait--
- fast!

- Keep them there.

- Look, if you fellas are
at your war games or something,

you've got the wrong guy.

I'm not the army.
I'm a scoutmaster.

My troop's right over there.

- Behind your neck.

- So you're a scoutmaster, huh?

- That's right.

If you don't believe me,

just look over in that hollow
over there.

We've got a scout camp
right over there.

- Don't worry about that, pal.

The artillery
will take care of them.

- Boy scouts.

- Oh, boy scouts.
Now that is a real Lulu.

- I don't know who you fellas
think I am.

- We don't think.

That's for officers.

- Well, I'll tell you anyway.
My name is Lem siddons and--

- all you have to say is your
name, rank, and serial number.

- I told you my name.

- Corporal, you want me
to knock him in the head?

- No. All spies go
to interrogation.

- Oh, I'm no spy.

- Hey, what about
your field glasses?

- We just use those for--
for bird-watching.

- Ha! Bird-watching.
- Yes.

- Wait till interrogation
gets ahold of this one.

All right, move out.
- Move out where?

- Move!
- Come on!

- Ten-hut!

- Good morning, lieutenant.

- Oh, lieutenant,
am I glad to see you, sir.

- Speak when
you're spoken to, prisoner.

All right, speak.

- Lieutenant,
my name is Lem siddons.

I'm a civilian,
and this whole thing

is one big cockeyed mistake.

- Where was he taken?

- Behind our lines, sir.

- Lieutenant, I can explain
this whole thing very simply.

I was down at the creek,
and I was starting to shave--

- we removed these
from the prisoner

when we searched him, sir--
compass, signaling device.

- Signal--
that's my shaving mirror.

- Tactical map.

- That's a topographical map.

My scouts haven't been
in this area before,

and that is an official
boy scout compass.

And those binoculars,
believe it or not,

are for watching birds.

- For watching birds?

- That's right.

- Very clever.

And you're a scoutmaster?

- That's right!

- Tie a sheepshank.

- A sheepshank.

- Sheepshank.

- Lieutenant,
I'll level with you.

The sheepshank is one knot
I've never been able

to tie very well.

Would you settle
for a square knot

or maybe a bowline?

- Prepare this prisoner
for tactical interrogation.

- Tactical interrogation?

Lieutenant, this may be
some kind of war game

with you fellas, but I've got
a scout troop out there.

- Process this man
and transfer him to command

along with
the other prisoners.

- We haven't taken
any other prisoners, sir.

- That's an order, sergeant.

- Yes, sir.

- Uh...

- Carry on, men.

- Shouldn't we wait for Lem?
- Has anybody seen him?

- He's probably down
by the creek washing up,

but he'd want us to go ahead
right on time.

- So raise the flag.
I'm hungry.

- Not until 6:00.

- Very technical.

- Okay, it's 6:00.

Attention.

Ready, tiger?

One...

Two...

Fire.
[Cannon fires]

- What was that?
- 6:00.

- Fire.

[Cannon fire echoing]

- All I did was pull a cord

and look what happened.

- Hey, what are you guys
doing up there?

- What are you doing
down there?

- I've been looking for Lem.

He's not down at the creek.
He's not anywhere.

[Projectile whistles]

[Explosion]

- Never mind Lem!
We got to get out of here!

We're being invaded.

- They must have come up
from Mexico.

- Or down from Canada.

- Follow me!

- Hey, where you going?

- Don't ask questions!
Follow him!

- Hey, you guys,
come back here.

It's only war games.

- Wait!

Go back!
Go back!

- Aah!

Aah!

[Explosions]

- Look out!

Let's get out of here!

- Yeah.
- Wait for me.

- Hey, you guys,
will you please listen?

Hey, how can you listen
when you're running?

[Gunfire, explosions]

- Flour, nothing but flour.

- Doesn't taste
like flour to me.

Tastes like
something poisonous.

- Cyanide.

- Here he comes again.

- Hey, come on, you dope!

[Scouts shouting]

[Overlapping shouting]

[Coughing]

- Whatever it is.

- What kind of place
is this anyway?

- An enemy fort.
- You think?

- Yeah, and maybe
they're coming back.

All:
Coming back?

- We got to get out of here.

- Shut up, you guys. There's
a message coming through.

All:
A message?

- What's it say, Harry?

- I don't know.
Ollie, you know morse code.

What's it saying?

[Telegraph clicking]

- It's saying,

"post four answer."

- Well, go ahead, answer.

- Well, what do I say?

- Just say--
just say hello.

- [Clicking]

- They said what?

- "Hello, hello, hello."

- Hello, hello what?

- Just hello.

- Tell them to identify.

- [Clicking]

- "Identify."

- Well, go ahead, identify.

- Yeah, tell them
who we are.

- [Clicking]

- Hawk...

Patrol...

B.S.A...

Hickory?

- Boy, have they got a code.

That bunker's been captured.

Contact tank command
to blue fox

and tell them
to counterattack immediately.

- [Clicking]

- [Clicking]

- Come on, Ollie.
It's our last chance.

- They just
won't answer anymore.

- Keep trying.

- Maybe they use
a different code

on account of Samuel morse
was an American.

- Hey, shut up, tiger.

Keep trying.
Send s.O.S. Or something.

- Holy jumping blue-eyed cow.

- What is it, Jimmy?

- It's a tank with a Cannon
on the front of it.

All: A tank?

- With a Cannon
on the front of it?

- It's a tank, all right.

- Is that a real Cannon?

It's a real Cannon, all right.

- We're under attack.

[All shouting]

- Let me think!

This can't be for real.

- What are these things?

- Maybe it is.

- Who did that?

- I did it.

- Hit another one, Ollie.

- I did it again!

- We're counterattacking.
Fire number three.

[Explosion]

- And number four!
Hit it, Ollie!

Yeah!

[Overlapping chatter]

[Cheering]

- Our tank
is falling back, sir.

They're under heavy attack.

- Tell them they can't retreat.
This is fighting.

- [Clicking]

[Excited chatter]

- Look.

- It's coming back.

- Blow it up again, Ollie.

- I pushed all the buttons.

- Push them again.

[Overlapping chatter]

- Hey, look.
Maybe this'll work.

- Let me see, Duke.

[Gunfire]

Did I stop them?

- No, they're still coming!

- What do we do now, Harry?
- I don't know.

How should I know?
- What does this mean, Ollie?

- How should I know?

You ask me, I think
we should surrender.

- It's got to be something.

- Did I do that?

- Hey! What's the matter
with you guys in there, huh?

What are you, crazy?

- Okay, tag them all prisoners.

Tactically captured
by counterattack

in this bunker here.
- Captured?

Hey, we knocked out
this position an hour ago.

- Are you arguing with
the decision of an umpire, sir?

- I'm not arguing!
I'm telling!

This bunker's
been neutralized.

You're gonna have
to change your decision.

- I don't change nothing, sir.

- You giving me lip, sergeant?

- Knock if off, sir, or I'll
throw you out of the game.

- Throw me out?
- Yeah!

- Kill the umpire.
- Who said that?

I'll throw out
the whole bunch of you.

- Atta boy, sarge.
- Who's gonna throw who out?

- You shut up.
You're dead.

The decision
of the umpire stands.

- Oh, come on, now!

- It stands.

Okay, all personnel
in the bunker,

come on out.

You've captured
this tank here.

- Boy scouts?

- Did he say
we captured that tank?

- That's what he said.

[All cheering]

- Hey, mister,
do we get to keep the tank

or do we have to give it back
after the war?

- All right, what's
your decision now, ump?

- Boy scouts, girl scouts,
my decision still stands.

You're captured.
That's it.

Boys: ¶ follow me, boys,
follow me ¶

¶ when you think
you're really beat ¶

¶ that's the time
to lift your feet ¶

¶ and follow me, boys ¶

¶ follow me ¶

- hey, sergeant, come out here
and take a look.

- What?

Where do you think
you're going?

[Singing continues]

- What's that?

Boys:
¶ follow me, boys ¶

- my boy scouts.

- What's that?

- That's his boy scouts.

- Boy scouts?

Boys:
¶ and follow me ¶

¶ follow me, boys,
follow me ¶

- boy scouts.

- That's what I've been
trying to tell you.

- What do we do with him now,
lieutenant?

- Show him how to tie
a sheepshank and let him go.

- Let me out of here,
sergeant.

Boys: ¶ put them down
and follow me ¶

¶ ¶

- hi, Lem!

- Hi, guys!

Boy, am I glad to see you.

What are you doing up there?

- And I did it, Lem.

I started the whole war.
I pulled the string.

[Overlapping chatter]

- What is it, Lem?
What happened?

- Oh, what--

- I don't know, guys.

- Well, what about
all our stuff in the cabin?

[Overlapping talking]

- Don't worry about it.
It will be all right.

- You think this could be
on the count of us

capturing that tank, Lem?

- Don't be a dork.

Somebody legal
wants us out of here.

Isn't that right, Lem?

- That's the way it looks,
Harry, yeah.

- Yeah, but why, Lem?

- I just don't know, Duke.

[All chattering]

[Car horn honks]

Mrs. seibert.

- Lemuel.
Boys.

Boys:
Hello, Mrs. seibert.

- I couldn't believe it.

Ralph said
he was going to do it,

but I just
didn't believe him.

You're Charlie Davis' boy.
Oliver, isn't it?

- Yes, ma'am.

- And you're Duke.
- Yes, ma'am.

- Jimmy.
- Yes, ma'am.

- And you're--

- Virgil Higgins, ma'am.
But my name is tiger.

- Oh, I wanted it
to be a surprise.

- You wanted what to be
a surprise, Mrs. seibert?

- I was going to give you
this lake.

- Give it to us?

- Lemuel, do you think
I'm mentally unbalanced?

- You?

Why, certainly not.

- Well, my nephew says I am

just because I want
to give away my own property.

He's asked the court
to appoint a guardian

to manage
my financial affairs.

There's to be a hearing
in two weeks

on my mental competency.

Now, what would you do
if you were me?

- Well, the first thing I'd do
is punch him in the nose.

But if I were you,
Mrs. seibert,

I'd fight him legally
all the way.

- That's just what
I'm going to do.

Oh, lemuel,
will you help me?

- Any way I can.

- Thank you.

Good-bye, lemuel.

- Good-bye, Mrs. seibert.
- Good-bye, boys.

Boys:
Bye, Mrs. seibert.

- Thank you.

- She was gonna give us
the whole lake.

Guess that would sound
kind of wacky, wouldn't it?

- And it is our further
contention, your honor,

that the increasing
burden of years

has visibly affected
Mrs. seibert's judgment

and financial responsibility,

that the management
of her not unsizable fortune

has become
increasingly clouded

with her
eccentric decisions...

- What's going on?

- Hasty formulations,

and inconsiderate
financial commitments.

Now, in support of these
contentions, your honor,

we have heard witnesses
who have observed

Mrs. seibert's behavior
over a long period of years.

- Ralph, stop biting
your fingernails.

[Laughter]

My sister used to put mustard
on his nails when he was little.

- Your honor.

- Mrs. seibert,
may we let counsel sum up?

- Oh, of course.
Go right ahead, young man.

- Thank you.

We have heard
from Mrs. Collins,

who testified that
as far back as 1926

she visited the lake

and was invited
into a nonexistent kitchen.

- He bit me once
when he was seven.

[Laughter]

- And Mr. Johnson,
who testified that he was hired

to remove a tree
because it blocked the view

from a nonexistent veranda.

Now, your honor,
as much as my client regrets it,

we must submit that Mrs. seibert
suffers from hallucinations,

that she is not able
to determine financial values

as manifested
by her capricious decision

to give
a half-a-million-dollar property

to a few dozen boy scouts.

- Hallucinations?

- For her own good,
your honor,

we ask that a guardian
be appointed

to manage the affairs
of Hetty cutler seibert.

[Crowd murmuring]

- Young man,
you are a popinjay.

- Aunt Hetty.

- And you are an employer
of popinjays.

[Laughter]

[Gavel bangs]

- Your honor.
- Yes, Mr. siddons?

- Things have been moving
along here pretty fast,

and nobody has heard
Mrs. seibert

in her own defense.

Now, as a prospective trustee
of the lake property

and an interested party
to this action,

I'd like to ask
a few questions,

if our counsel will permit.

- I have no objections,
your honor.

- Well, I have, your honor.

If it please the court,
this is highly improper.

- This is not a trial,
Mr. Cooper.

I see no reason
why Mr. siddons' questions

would topple
the pillars of justice.

Mrs. seibert, would you please
take the stand

and be sworn in?

- Isn't Lem just wonderful?

- He hasn't said anything yet.

- Shh.

- Do you solemnly swear
that the testimony you may give

in the cause now pending
before this court

shall be the truth,
the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth?

- Of course I do.

- State your name, please.

- Now, Charlie.
- Just for the record.

- Hetty cutler seibert.

- Thank you.

- All right,
Mr. siddons, proceed.

- Thank you, your honor.

Mrs. seibert, do you know
what an hallucination is?

- Anybody knows that.

It's a psychotic condition
marked by delusion

and loss of contact
with reality.

Isn't that correct?

- Oh, yes, yes.

I'd say that was
a reasonable description.

Now, Mrs. seibert,

Mrs. Collins and others
have testified

that you often sat alone
out at the lake,

usually on the steps
of the cottage.

- No one is ever alone

who has something good
to remember.

- No, of course not.

Now, Mrs. seibert,

I'm going to ask you
a blunt question.

Do you believe that a cottage
now exists at the lake?

Mrs. seibert?

- Only in my memory, lemuel.

- Mrs. seibert,

if a cottage does not now
exist at the lake,

what happened to it?

- It burned to the ground...

September 26,

1918.

Two days...

- Two days after you learned
that both your sons

had been killed in action
in France.

- Yes.

- Your honor,
he's leading the witness.

- Quite skillfully too.

Mr. siddons,
please do not lead the witness.

- Of course not, your honor.

Now, Mrs. seibert,

the cottage was
a very special place.

I mean, it meant a great deal
to your boys, didn't it?

- Yes.

My boys played there
many years.

That's why when you brought
the scouts to the lake,

I could see my boys
playing again.

Oh, I wanted that
more than anything--

a place where boys could play

just as my boys did.

- Your honor, I do not think
this is relevant.

- Well, then why don't
we make it relevant?

Why don't we direct
our attention to Mrs. seibert's

inability to determine
financial values.

Mrs. seibert, you are aware,
are you not,

of the real reason
for this hearing?

- Of course.

Ralph wants to keep the lake
in the family and develop it.

- Your honor,
I must protest.

- I suppose you must.

But I wish you wouldn't.

- Now, Mrs. seibert,

the development
of this property

was planned as a benefit
to the community, of course?

- Well, more or less
as a benefit to Ralph,

I should say--
a tax shelter.

[Crowd murmuring]

- A what?
- A tax shelter.

- Your honor, I cannot see

where this line
of questioning is taking us.

- Neither do I.

Certainly sounds interesting.
Go ahead.

- Mrs. seibert,
could you explain

this tax shelter
to his honor?

- Of course.

It's simply a question
of accelerated depreciation

on development housing,

assuming a straight-line
depreciation rate

and subsequent sale
at book value,

which would create
a capital-gains situation,

thereby avoiding
75% of normal taxes.

Permitted under section 1201
of the internal revenue code.

- Was that clear, your honor?

- I never heard
anything like it.

- Well, I guess those
are all the questions

I wanted to ask, your honor.

- Mr. Cooper, you don't
have any questions, do you?

- No, your honor.

- Good.

- Mrs. seibert,
thank you very much.

You may step down.

- Would it help if I'd quote
from section 1201 of the code?

[Applause]

- Lem did it.
He did it.

- That's the prettiest
thing I ever saw.

[Gavel bangs]

- Order.
Order, please.

Mr. Hastings, I am going
to be charitable

and give you permission
to withdraw your request

for appointment of a guardian
for your aunt, Mrs. seibert.

Do you wish to make
such a withdrawal?

- Yes, your honor, I do.

- Petition for appointment
of a guardian for Mrs. seibert

is hereby denied.

Hearing adjourned.

[Applause]

- Way to go, Lem.

You showed them, Lem.

- [Playing saxophone]

- ¶ Happy Birthday to you ¶

¶ Happy Birthday to you ¶

¶ Happy Birthday, dear John ¶

¶ Happy Birthday to you ¶

- [continues playing]

[Both chuckle]

- Oh, vida,

didn't I tell you last year
no more birthdays?

- Mm-hmm, you tell me that
every year.

Happy Birthday, dear.

- Thank you.
- Happy Birthday, John.

- All right, Lem.

- Now, make a wish
and blow out the candle.

- Make a wish.
Well...

[Inhales deeply]

Say, how old am I?

Darned if I remember.

- And I refuse to tell you.

- You're the same age you were
that morning you hired me

and not a day older.

- Oh, good lord,
do you remember that morning?

- Aren't you going
to make a wish?

- You know, I figured you
for a regular whippersnapper

that morning.

Yeah, but I liked your gall.

- John.
- Yeah?

I know, make a wish.

All right.

Maybe I ought to wish
that Lem flunks his bar exam

next month, hmm?

The store won't be the same
without you, Lem.

- Well, John, I wouldn't--

I wouldn't plan
on replacing me right away.

When whitey comes home,

there'll be one professional
man in the family,

and I, uh--
I think maybe that's enough.

- Lem.

- Vi, I've had my day in court.

We both know that.

- Oh, speaking of whitey,

you haven't seen
the latest, John.

This was taken
on leave in Paris.

- My, my, that is whitey?

- He's a captain now.

- Oh, and, uh, who's she?

- Oh, name is Nora Thompson.

- Nora, oh.

Well, the way
she's looking at him,

you'd think that--

- and you'd be right.

Yes, they're head over heels.

- My, my,
where does time go?

[Chuckles] Yesterday
he was snitching penny candy,

and now look at him.

Look at me,
another birthday.

[Chuckles]

Well...

Oh, I'm sorry, vida.

- Oh, that's all right.
Make a wish anyway.

- No, I don't have to.

I've already got it.

All I'd ever wish
is to be with good friends,

like you and Lem.

[Phone rings]

- Oh, I'll get it.

Go ahead and cut the cake,
but wait for me.

- All right.
[Ringing continues]

- Hello.
Oh, hello, Mrs. seibert.

How--

what?

When?

Oh, yes, we will.

Yes, I'll call you back.
Thank you.

Thank you.

- All right.

- It's president Truman
from the white house.

- What?
- On the radio.

They surrendered.

The war is over, Lem.
- What?

- The war is over.

The cease-fire
was this morning.

- Here, l-let me get it.

- Hopes of all America--

indeed of all
the civilized world--

are centered tonight
on thebattleship Missouri.

There, on that small piece
of American soil

anchored in Tokyo harbor,

the Japanese have just
officially laid down their arms.

They have signed terms
of unconditional surrender.

[Upbeat music]

¶ ¶

- whitey.

Whitey!

- Vida!

- Oh, my dear.

- Hey, whitey.
- Lem!

- It's good to see you, boy.

- Oh, it's good to be home.
- Oh, you look fine.

Doesn't he look fine?
- Oh, you look just fine.

- Nora.

Nora, here they are,

the two greatest--

well, meet my family.

Family, meet the bride.

- Bride?

Whitey, you big sneaker.

Congratulations.

- Thank you.
- Wonderful.

- Why didn't you write?

- Well, we wanted it
to be a surprise.

- Well, it certainly is.

- Now, after
you kiss the bride,

we'll go have some breakfast
and talk all about it.

And then we've got
to find a house,

and then I've got
to find an office.

- Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

First things first.

Welcome to our family, Nora.

- Thank you, Lem.

I mean Mr. siddons.

- "Lem" will do fine.

Well, let's get some breakfast,

and then we'll get
you kids settled, huh?

- Wait a minute,
this is Saturday.

You have a hike today,
don't you?

- Don't I always have
a scout hike on Saturday?

- We're working on...

[Upbeat marching music]

¶ ¶

- hey,
that's a pretty big load.

Don't lift
too heavy now, Jimmy.

- Hey, Lem,
you need any help up there?

- No, I can handle it
all right, Frankie.

Just get that truck
unloaded, huh?

¶ ¶

take 'er easy.

Yeah.

- Lem.

- Hey, Frankie,
what's been keeping you?

- I was delayed in town.

- Did you pick up
that planking?

- Lem, I've got bad news.

- Bad news?

- It's Mr. Hughes.

Whitey asked me
to come and get you.

- What happened?

- Now, uh, there is
just one more thing, Lem.

This letter was dictated
by Mr. Hughes

when he became ill
several months ago.

It has been incorporated
as part of the will,

and it's addressed
to the two of you.

"Memorandum
to vida and lemuel siddons,

"beloved friends.

"Having no family to whom
this store could be left,

"it had been my intention
until recently

to bequeath same to my cat,
Arthur III."

"However, it occurs to me that
Arthur doesn't know the stock

"and would probably
lose all the boy scout business,

"disliking boys as he does.

"It becomes necessary,
therefore,

"to saddle someone
with this store

"who can run it
better than a cat.

"Although you are
somewhat pigheaded, Lem,

"you have the most wonderful
wife in the world,

"and she should make up
for your shortcomings.

"This store is yours, vida,

"and yours, Lem.

"God bless you.

And don't give Arthur milk.
He hates it."

- Well.

- There are some papers

that have to be signed
before witnesses.

Could you two come
to my office in the morning?

- Yes, yes, we can.

- He sure thought
the world of you two.

Good night, vida.

Good night, Lem.

- Thank you, Leo.

- Good night, Leo.

Give my best
to Mary and the kids.

- I will.

- Oh, Lem.

- Well, all I have to do now

is run the store
better than a cat.

- Well, better start home.

- Yeah.

Oh.

[Groans]

- Now, what's the matter, Lem?

- It's nothing.
I, uh--I, uh--

I just felt a little tired
all of a sudden.

I'm all right now.

- I think I'm gonna give
whitey a call

first thing
in the morning.

- You're going to do
nothing of the sort, vida.

There's nothing wrong with me.

- Yes, there is.

- I tell you, there isn't.

- You're pigheaded,
just like John said you were.

- Whitey calls me a mule.

I think I like that better.

Well, Nora,
what does it say?

- It says you're
an impossible patient.

- Is it a secret
or something?

What does it say?

- You wouldn't understand it.

It's in code--
medical not morse.

- Well, why don't
you say it, whitey?

The heart, huh?

Is it bad?

Whitey, answer me.
Is it bad?

- Lem, I'd say
your heart will last

as long as you live.

- Well, that's not
very funny.

- Well, it wasn't meant
to be funny.

You're not as young
as you were.

- Well, that's a great
medical observation.

- Lem, these are supposed
to be the cautious years.

If you don't stop
overdoing it,

the next time
might be real trouble.

- All right,
first chance I get I'll--

vi, what is that?

- Milk toast.

- All right, whitey,
I'll make a deal with you.

I'll try to slow down,

but I'm not going
to eat milk toast yet.

- Slowing down
isn't good enough.

You need a complete rest.

- Whitey, how can I rest now?

Who's gonna finish building
the camp out at the lake?

Who's gonna get
the free lumber?

And who's gonna get
the free labor?

Will you both
stop "lemming" me?

Who's gonna see
that everything's ready

for dedication day?

Who's gonna coordinate
all the activities and who--

- Lem, the troop committee
will handle all that.

- Oh, the troop committee.
They'll gum everything up.

No, no, I've got to get out
there and take charge.

- You're going to stay
right where you are.

- Lem, you're missing
the point.

You're through taking charge.

- Says you.

- No, Lem.

Says the troop committee.

- The troop committee!
Now, what--

- Lem, please.

Be quiet and listen to him.

- We all knew how you
were pushing yourself

with those--
those pep pills

and those patent medicines.

You'd never quit
on your own,

so we had to make
the decision.

- Whitey, what are you
trying to say?

- Lem, I've already said it.

You've got to give up
the scouts.

We voted on it a month ago,

but, well, nobody
had the nerve to tell you,

including me.

- Kicked out.

After 20 years, kicked out.

- Honestly, Lem, they're only
doing it for your own good.

- And nobody's trying
to kick you out.

- Of course not.

You'll still be
a part of the troop.

We'll always need
your advice and experience.

It's just that you won't
have to do anything.

- You make me sound
like I'm 102.

Who are you going
to get to take over?

- Joe pickens maybe.

- Joe pickens from troop 1?

- Well, he's willing.

- He's just a kid.

- Lem, he's whitey's age.

- Oh.

Well, he's still 13 1/2
in my book.

- Lem, the troop committee
voted on something else.

As a special tribute to you,

we're gonna create the title
scoutmaster emeritus.

- Of course, Joe did make
eagle scout, didn't he?

Scoutmaster what?

- Emeritus.

- That's not in the manual.

- Lem, when did your troop
do everything by the manual?

Let's go, dear.

- Go where?

- Other patients,
sick ones.

- Good-bye, Lem.

- We'll be over
after dinner, vida.

And keep him from swinging
on the chandelier

if you can manage.

- I'll try.

- Good-bye, Lem.
- Good-bye, dear.

- Good-bye.
- Thank you.

- Vi, just what does
emeritus mean?

- It means you keep
the title of scoutmaster

as a deserved honor.

- And sit here in my big
overstuffed armchair

while nothing happens
out at the camp.

The roof isn't even on the cabin
for dedication day.

- Lem.
- They--

okay.

A deserved honor, huh?

- And they mean it.

- Scoutmaster emeritus.

That doesn't, uh,
sound too bad, does it?

Oh, vi.

- Lem, it's almost 1:00.

Hi, Lem, you ready?

- Yes, we're ready.

- Ten-hut!

- Hey, what's this?

[Bugle plays]

¶ ¶

- hello, dear.

- Oh, vida, you look lovely.
- Oh, thank you.

- Let's not overdo it,
huh, fellas?

- How are you, Lem?

- Well, I'm healthy enough
to get myself into a car

without an honor guard.

- The dedication committee
thought it would look better.

- Yeah, some dedication.

You'd think at least
one of the old scouts

would have showed up.

- Well, maybe they will, dear.

- Well, if they'd been in town,

they would have phoned,
wouldn't they?

I'll bet
the dedication committee

didn't even
write them a letter.

- Oh, we wrote them, Lem.
Every one of them.

- Well, probably forgot
to put in the date.

[Bugle plays]

¶ ¶

[cheering]

- Excuse me, Lem.
I got to get over there.

[Marching band plays]

¶ ¶

- good lord.

Vi, what is it?

[Cheering]

- It's Lem siddons day.

- I just can't believe it.

¶ ¶

vida, look.

They're here,

all the guys
from the old troop.

Hi, fellas!

[Excited shouting]

There's quong.
Hi, quong.

And beefy.

¶ ¶

hi, beefy.
Hi, guys.

¶ ¶

[cheering]

Vida, it's the governor.

- Hi, Lem.

- Hello, hoodoo.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

- Vida.
- Hello, dear.

- Whitey, Nora.
- Hi, governor.

- Had to call off a session of
the legislature, but I made it.

- Good.

- I'll see you
out at the lake, Lem.

- Yes.

[Cheering and band continue]

[Excited chatter]

- Congratulations, Lem.
- Thank you.

Thank you for coming,
Mrs. seibert.

- Oh, I wouldn't have missed it
for the world.

- Hi, Mrs. seibert.

- Nice to see you again,
governor.

- Hoodoo.
- Hoodoo.

Hello, dear.

- May I have your attention?

Can you hear me back there?

- Loud and clear, governor!

- Now, Lem, is gonna
cut the tape, friends.

We'll march
across the bridge,

inspect the camp,

and have
the dedication ceremonies.

But before all of that,
there's one ceremony

that's been waiting
20 years,

and it can't wait
any longer.

You remember
when we were kids,

we used to get a kick
out of that big book

that Lem used to lug around,
the one with the funny title--

jurisprudentia legis.

- Did you ever finish it, Lem?

[Laughter]

- We'd ask him what it was for,
and Lem would say,

"that's so I can be
a lawyer someday."

Well, because of all the time
that Lem gave to all of us,

that "someday" had to be
postponed indefinitely,

but not forever.

And now, by the authority
vested in me

through the state regents
and the university,

I hereby confer on you,
lemuel siddons,

the honorary degree,
doctor of laws.

[Cheers and applause]

[Marching band plays
for he's a jolly good fellow]

¶ ¶

- okay, counselor,
you're on.

[Cheers and applause]

- There are so many things
I'd like to say,

but it's--

it's a little hard
to talk right now.

All I can say is thank you...

For everything.

I want to thank you, hoodoo,

and, whitey...

And, quong,

and, beefy,

and, Frankie,
and, Mickey,

all the guys
down through the years.

And I want to thank my wife.

All of you who've made my life

the happiest life
a man could have.

And, Mrs. seibert,

a very special thanks to you

for making all this possible.

Well, I, uh--
I guess that's all.

[Marching band plays
for he's a jolly good fellow]

¶ ¶

- these were made special, Lem.

- Well, all I can say
is they ought to do the job.

[Laughter]

[Cheers and applause]

Well, what do I say now?

- What you always say, dear.

- Oh.

All right, guys,
now let's shape it up in there.

Fall in

and follow me, boys.

[Band plays]

All: ¶ follow me, boys,
follow me ¶

¶ when you think
you're really beat ¶

¶ that's the time
to lift your feet ¶

¶ and follow me, boys,
follow me ¶

¶ pick them up,
put them down ¶

¶ and follow me ¶

¶ pick them up,
put them down ¶

¶ pick them up ¶

¶ there's a job to do ¶

¶ there's a fight to win ¶

¶ follow me, boys,
follow me ¶

¶ and it won't be done ¶

¶ till we all pitch in ¶

¶ lift your chin with a grin
and follow me ¶

¶ follow me, boys,
follow me ¶

¶ when you think
you're really beat ¶

¶ that's the time
to lift your feet ¶

¶ and follow me, boys,
follow me ¶

¶ pick them up,
put them down ¶

¶ and follow me ¶

¶ follow me, boys,
follow me ¶

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