Flesh Blanket (2018) - full transcript
A selfish filmmaker fails at creating the cutting edge freedom of speech documentary he had envisioned and inadvertently unleashes holy hell from a 500 pound comedian on the verge of a ...
- We are
born free as children.
We love to run and play,
sing and dance, be happy.
Then we learn that
there are rules.
Don't be independent,
don't think for yourself,
don't question the church,
don't question the police.
Don't question corporations,
don't question the government,
don't be different,
don't love anybody,
don't judge anybody,
don't need anybody,
don't be a sexual being,
don't have any sexual thoughts,
don't look to the stars,
don't see the world as it is.
Don't look too deep,
don't point out hypocrisy,
don't say obvious things,
don't talk about real life.
Don't admit to being a deviant,
don't be original.
Don't be human.
Lenny Bruce changed
the face of comedy.
Lenny Bruce was the
first comic to talk
about his real life on stage.
Lenny Bruce was
the first to openly
talk about sex on stage.
Lenny Bruce was the
first to honestly
talk about drugs on stage.
Lenny was the first to be real.
Lenny was groundbreaking,
Lenny was dangerous,
Lenny was arrested for
the word cocksucker.
Lenny Bruce was only on
network TV six times.
Carrot Top has been on network
television over
one thousand times.
Lenny refused to live in fear.
Lenny Bruce was the
first rockstar comic.
Lenny Bruce was the brother
Bob Dylan never had.
Lenny was arrested eight
times for obscenity.
Lenny Bruce appealed his case
all the way to the
Supreme Court and won.
Lenny received
the only posthumus
pardon in the history
of New York State.
Lenny Bruce was said to headline
the greatest underground
comedy show ever
called The Sunshine Express.
August first 1966,
Lenny Bruce died
of a heroin overdose
before it could happen.
The Sunshine Express was
supposed to take place
at the Flying Aces Club
in Barstow, California.
August 1966, this
was a secret event
organized by free
speech advocates.
Jay Edgar Hoover had
the Flying Aces Club
burned to the ground
to stop the event.
Lenny Bruce died just
days before the event
in a time of severe
political correctness,
eight standup comedians
attempted to recreate
the Sunshine Express on the
very spot it almost took place.
- Slide your chair
an inch to the right.
An inch.
- What the fuck happened
to my fucking lighter?
My name is Brandon
Graham and I set out
to make a cutting edge
documentary on freedom of speech.
Everything went terribly wrong.
This is what happened.
The financing of the Lenny
Bruce Experiment was...
Difficult.
- Here's all I'm saying, Brando,
when George calls,
hand me the phone.
- Brandon.
Just be confident, dude.
Just tell him whatever
he wants to hear, man.
You know, like you're trying
to talk a girl into bed, dude.
- You need to accept The Secret.
You need to manifest it.
We're getting that money.
- Don't shush me.
- Shh, shh, shut the fuck up.
- Give me the phone!
- Shut the fuck up.
- Give me the phone!
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I happen to be, uh, close...
With George Clooney.
Fucking assholes.
- If I was on that phone...
I'd feel better about this.
- Yeah, so you
liked the treatment?
Oh.
Oh well.
Can you pass it along?
- Wait.
- No.
- We got it.
- Making a movie, smiley face.
- I'm on
the status updates.
- Fuck.
Fuck.
- High five, we're
making a movie.
- Man, making a movie.
- There he is, director--
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
He passed.
- What?
- Listen, listen, listen.
- I'm not pleased.
- He's gonna pass it along.
That means there's a follow up.
He said it was
really interesting,
he's got a lot on his plate.
- If he's gonna pass it along,
then he needs to talk to me
so he knows what
he's passing along.
- There's another
connection, okay?
- Okay.
- I'm gonna go to Saratoga.
I don't plan, I don't
know how to get up there.
Oh, whoa.
No, no!
When your Hollywood
connections don't work
when you're trying to get an
independent feature going,
it's always best to
go to family money
and, uh, I happen
to be married to
a beautiful woman
whose uncle is, um,
is big in horse racing.
Seriously.
Saratoga was a disaster.
It was a waste of
money and time.
Wanna be in The Lenny
Bruce Experiment with me?
Huh?
No, no.
What am I gonna say?
- Don't be nervous, man.
We're going to a party
and it's gonna be fun.
- My producer partners
decided that they would have
Mike Tsirklin come
with me to Connecticut
to meet with John Alhern,
another potential investor,
a former professional
golfer I used to caddy for.
What's going on, man?
- Hey, look who it is!
How are you?
- Fresh fish.
- What do you got for us?
- Guys, I got something that's
gonna change your lives.
I got a pitch for you, okay?
We're gonna make a movie.
I'm going to do for comedy
what Al Gore did
for global warming.
Okay?
And I thought...
You know, third time's the charm
that John's gotta
give me something.
500 thousand dollars,
are you guys in?
- We're in.
- I'll give you 13
thousand dollars.
- 13 grand...
Perfect, I can
work with 13 grand.
- What?
13 thousand?
Dude, we're not making
a movie in 1940.
This is a Talkie.
- Just one little caveat...
That dick...
Can have nothing to do with it.
Nothing.
13 thousand.
- It's a deal.
- What?
Did you just sell
me out for 13 grand?
- He's kidding, he's kidding.
- No!
Kidding!
The dude from Cocoon
is not kidding, dude!
- The realization that
I wasn't gonna get
500 thousand dollars
wasn't as difficult
as the realization
that I only had 13.
I'm sitting next to him
on the fucking plane.
- Well good luck with that.
- Who the fuck has a
yacht in Connecticut,
you stupid fat cat yacht owners?
Fuck all of you!
Fuck all you!
- Mike, Mike...
- And you know what, kid?
Smoke crack cause your
dreams will never come true.
What the fuck, man?
I can't believe you sold
me out for 13 grand.
You son of a bitch.
- Fuck!
I had to replace Mike
Tsirklin as a producer.
Fuck you!
- Fuck you, man!
- I knew you guys
were gonna come.
So...
What does it look like?
When Mike pushed me
into the water...
Um, I got bacteria and
I have a massive...
Infection on this
side of my face.
So I had surgery...
And I drank a little
bit of vodka last night.
- That's what you
told me last time.
- I know.
- Good.
- I got pus coming
out of my eye.
Enough.
You're such a dick.
Get the fuck outta here.
Mom, don't let the fucking
cameraman in the fucking house.
While I'm not
feeling fucking well.
I'm getting an implant, but...
I'm still missing
a tooth right here
because of Mike Tsirklin.
I'm on my way to, uh,
Dave Levin's place,
we're having a little barbecue
in honor of that we got some...
Some funds for The
Lenny Bruce Experiment.
- It's a way to...
To talk about in the
industry, you know?
Hey, what are you doing?
I'm making a movie.
- Yeah.
- Wow, okay.
Oh, peach cobbler.
- Oh, here we go, peach cobbler.
- Nothing better than shirtless
peach cobbler on a Sunday.
- Good ass peach cobbler.
- Oh my God.
Dad, this is good cobbler.
- Let's celebrate with the
fact that we did get money
for our fucking feature, we
are going to make a feature.
Everyone let's, let's
clang cobbler, okay?
Even you, douchebag.
Actually, you should leave.
- Thank you, that should help.
- What?
- You should leave.
- You...
Really?
- I'll give you a
call later, man.
- Hey, we're still
shooting the potheads, man.
- Fuck you, man.
- Here's to 13 grand.
- We got the money
for our first feature.
- Who's gonna pay for
the peach cobbler?
- Are you rolling
a joint and talking
to our investors
at the same time?
- Our investors are cool.
Unlike you.
We made a crucial
mistake by hooking up
with local drug dealers
to coordinate our show.
But they were the only way to
promote anything in Barstow.
- You guys want
little lines or big lines?
- This just making me
cool for everybody.
- Damn, dude!
- Can I, can I tell
you two things, David?
- That's it, Mexican, let's go!
I'm shaving your beard, dude.
I'm fucking shaving it!
- You know what's funny, David?
- Whoa, oh!
- Anakin's selling
crack at the same time.
- We're not insured yet, dude.
- Come here, Gabe, come here!
- You know what's funny?
That's not coke.
- It was a generic
sweet and low.
- What is this?
An Adam Sandler joke?
- 13 thousand dollars, what
the fuck do you do with that?
You don't do much with that.
So it was embarrassing,
it was humiliating
talking to Randal Reeder
and having him help
us out on this.
- Have a seat, Randal will
be down in a few minutes.
- Hey, Brandon Graham.
Guys, sit.
Randal Reeder is a
big character actor,
producer, director,
he was excited
to come on the project.
- It's my God givin'
right to kill and grill.
- How long is this?
- Shh.
- I really had some,
some big comedians
who were interested
in the project,
that all sort of
went out the window
and I sort of started having
to rely on Randal for talent.
- So what are we doing?
Making a movie or what?
- We're making a movie.
- I'm gonna bring in...
I got, uh, T-Rex.
You seen him?
Black guy, he's great.
You know who I'm talking about?
That Kato Kaelin.
- Oh, Kato, Kato.
- Anyone see the thing?
Adam Hunter, maybe?
- We're working, we have
13 thousand seed money
but we're gonna--
- It's a
passion project!
And we're gonna shoot grainy
and we're gonna shoot
in black and white.
Seed money.
Fuck yourself with your
fucking seed money.
I don't need this shit, okay?
I've done fucking Last Comic
Standing season six, bitches.
- Well, he's not doing
Killin' and Grillin',
that's for damn sure.
- I had slated Nick Swarzden...
Is it?
Is it Swarzden or
is it Schwarzden?
- B-Swine, you
wanna be in a movie?
- Hell yeah, man.
- He's funny, man.
And he knows McConaughey.
- Yeah, yeah.
- How do you know McConaughey?
- You're a comedian?
- Yeah, I was...
McConaughey's stunt
stand-in in Lincoln Lawyer
and I drove his car around.
- Yeah, yeah, he's pretty
a good body double.
- He's a stand-in.
- Yeah, well, you're
in a movie now.
- Well, I'm in a movie now!
- You excited?
- Yeah.
Whoo!
- Sweet dreams come true, right?
- Yeah, like I'm saying
I'm not trying to come in
and take over your project.
You know me, I don't want a
hundred percent of anything,
I want 20% of
fucking everything.
I guess, we're gonna have
nudity in 30 minutes.
Right?
- Um...
- So we can get
foreign distribution.
- In the spirit
of Lenny Bruce...
- We gotta make some money.
- I just wanna make
sure the audition
is not just a stripper pole.
- I had been talking
to them about
bringing in the mix
of some sexy vixens
from the very beginning
and I think that was a...
A bad call.
- Drums for Leffert.
- Dinah Leffert,
brilliant comedian.
A real fine piece of ass.
- Who rolled this shitty joint?
My parents were
quintessential hippies.
I mean, I was probably
conceived on acid, okay?
Israel fits perfectly
into Florida.
I think we should move
all gay people into Israel
and call Israel
our gay Australia.
Fudge Packistan.
Palestinians are gonna
be throwing rocks at gays
and they're gonna be like...
Could we just get the Jews back?
- Oh!
- Georgia Cuylenberg.
Sweet Australian, comedian,
actress with no hair.
- What?
- I swear to God,
I grew no hair.
- What?
- Since when?
- Where?
- Um, I lost all my
hair three years ago.
It's probably not
the worst thing
because it's okay now.
But I got alopecia areata,
so this isn't mine.
I can wear whatever
hair I want at any time.
♪ Bubbles ♪
♪ Make me happy ♪
- Alicia Becker.
- This is the thickest
rolled joint I've ever seen.
- Intelligent,
naive...
- I'm legitimately
into that so much.
Probably would judge
a person more on what
sneakers they're
wearing than if they
were doing cocaine every day.
♪ Handful after,
handful of Doritos ♪
- Shelley Michelle,
world's most famous body double.
- On Howard Stern, I
remember those days.
- Oh, the old.
The most fun you never
ever wanted to have.
- Wake up!
♪ Last night ♪
♪ I stayed up late
to masturbate ♪
♪ It felt so grand ♪
♪ I used my hand ♪
- I'm coming for you.
- Slap
him in the face.
- No, I'll hurt him.
- No, no, don't hurt him
but hit him in the face.
Yeah.
Very con...
Oh shit.
- You're hired!
- Christina DeRosa.
Christina DeRosa was
Ramsey's childhood friend.
Ramsey really pushed
her into the film.
I thought, you know, it
seemed like a great idea.
She's beautiful,
she's successful,
she's done a lot of
work in Hollywood,
she's done some softcore porn.
The male comedians...
Always trying to
one-up each other.
Prove to themselves who
has the smallest penis.
- What's your name?
- Brad Pitt.
- Brad Pitt.
Glad to meet you.
- Kato Kaelin is a great guy.
- Yeah.
- Is that that new
Snickers phone?
Oh, who is this?
Kit Kat, hi!
It's Kato.
Oh shit, my phone melted.
I spent the night
with Kato Kaelin
and all I got was
this lousy t-shirt.
Everybody, T-Rex,
very famous comedian.
He's been to Bangkok.
- I have not.
I've been to, uh...
I've been to a Thai
massage place, though.
- T-Rex...
- Where's the fucking food?
Where's breakfast?
- Funny guy, Vegas performer.
- I just figured
it out, rape stands
for a rejection
after penile entry.
- Brian Swineheart.
Ladies' man.
- I hope you don't mind...
Asses in your face.
- Oh, I don't mind.
7-11.
Not the typical
place you wanna...
Pick up on somebody.
People that go to 7-11,
desperate and not that smart.
Hello.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- B-Swine, wait, you just
picked up this girl right now?
- Swine, Swine, Swine, Swine.
- Johnny Blaze.
- Are you Brandon?
- I'm Brandon, man.
- Oh.
- Now you're putting two
and two together, dude.
- It takes me a little while.
- Invited himself
to the experiment.
- Please tell me,
for the love of God,
that Johnny Blaze as
he's now calling himself
is not anywhere near this.
- We're gonna have him audition.
- What did the one
lesbian piranha
say to the other
lesbian piranha?
- What?
- See, we really
do taste like chicken.
- You know
what's annoying?
Mad shitty comics, or not even
a fucking comic, does time.
What the fuck is that?
- I'm talk, I'm talking.
- You're right, I
shouldn't act like you.
- Dave tried his
best to entertain everyone.
♪ This is what I wanna
do to your butt ♪
♪ This is what I wanna
do to your butt ♪
- But he ended
up annoying everyone.
- The less Dave
talks, the better.
- I'm not a fucking PA anymore.
Look-it, he's always gotta
fucking one up me, dude.
- Brandon, are you throwing up
because he made you throw up?
- It became
very clear, very quickly
that this movie was not about
a bunch of ragtag comedians
pushing the limits
of freedom of speech
and was about an
oversized comedian
who was on the verge
of a nervous breakdown.
- Brandon!
- I met Ramsey on the
set of a television pilot
called the Real Potheads
of North Hollywood.
- Pancakes and blowjobs.
Yippee Skippy!
Boo!
- It's important to
see how Ramsey was
at the beginning of
the day of the shoot.
- Ramsey, dude...
- Yo.
- I'm giving you a flip camera.
- Alright.
- You want it?
- Do I have to be
awake for the flip cam?
- No.
- Okay.
- Start getting
your shit together.
- Don't come here to take two.
- Is there any of
those double shots
or some caffeine around?
I didn't sleep at all.
- Where's Ramsey?
- I don't know, dude.
- Is he still in the room?
- Do you ever just get
the feeling that...
No matter what you do it's
not gonna be good enough?
- Come in!
- Your double shot
espresso coffee, Ramsey.
- Like there's no
pressure on you for this.
And no I'm not
self-sabotaging, I'm just...
It's gonna work
out, I understand.
This is how I always get.
I always...
I always have to, like,
wig out about stuff
before anything good happens,
that's just the way
it works for me.
- What time is it?
It's like fucking ten thirty
and Ramsey's still in his room.
- He's our star.
- It's a, it's a lot of...
This is a lot harder than
I thought it would be.
Cause--
Yes?
- Yo, dude, everyone's here.
- That's great.
Um, everyone's here?
- He's communicating
but he's still in robe.
- Could you come
here for a minute?
- They're fighting over there?
- Lover's spat.
- Yeah, a little bit.
- Come on, dude, it's me, T-Rex.
- What, you said
don't open the door?
- What up?
- Just I got like no sleep...
- Are you not in a
good mood, Ramsey?
- Not in a
good mood and, uh...
Feel like I could do 45 minutes
and these guys got like a
million lights, so it's...
I just wanna say a
couple of things.
Let's, um, try to
remember today's about
Lenny Bruce and free speech
and that's what it's about.
That's free speech.
All the comics are far
more concerned with
rounding up strange
women to have sex with
than any kind of thing
involving free speech.
They have no idea
about their own art.
- Well, you know all I can say
is that I hope you're wrong.
I'm not going in
there again, dude.
I'm not going in there again.
Oh no, no, no, none of that.
- Relax.
- Relax, alright, thank you.
Thank you, aw, thank you.
This is what I really need.
Oh, a kiss from an Italian!
A real Italian!
- That's a real
kiss, God damn it.
- Yeah, I know.
Yeah, I can smell it.
- America.
- Oh, oh hey, looks who's here.
It was my idea to bring
Ramsey's father in.
He...
Ramsey volunteered
him as our attorney.
Everyone this is Reid.
This is Ramsey's father.
- Oh wow.
- He's also our lawyer.
- This is very important.
- He's going to stay here in LA
in case we get into
some serious trouble,
it's two hours to Barstow.
So we're covered.
So feel free to get into
some serious trouble,
he will bail us out.
- Just like that.
- Just like that?
He's a big attorney,
he's a Palm Beach attorney.
I mean, Ramsey's father
is an amazing fellow.
- It was a pleasure meeting you.
- Alright, I'm
sorry you can't go.
- That's alright,
they're gonna regret it.
Cause I'm funny.
Crash and burn, you gotta
learn that way, right?
- Reid Moore, here.
Eh...
Alan, I understand...
- Cause even in my own movie,
I'm like the least
important person.
- I didn't
know their history
and I know people have claimed
that I did know these things
that I orchestrated this
whole thing to self-destruct.
- We're experiencing
some turbulence.
- Get ready, baby,
for a wild ride.
- Freedom is what
it's all about.
- I think we had a
real fascinating group of...
You know, of crazy
fucks involved in this
and there's no way
that we weren't
gonna get something
absolutely fascinating.
- You always have
to sound like you're
swallowing an ice cold water
after walking
through the desert.
- Ramsey!
- Yes?
- Boobs
were an important part
of The Lenny Bruce Experiment.
Georgia had agreed
show her breasts,
Dinah Leffert had
agreed show her breasts.
It marred the experiment,
it proved to be the unraveling
of the whole experiment.
- Oh yeah.
- Oh my God, I'm never
kissing you again, Ramsey.
God!
- I'm sorry.
- That's terrible!
- I know, it's like...
- I'm sorry.
Um...
No, but it's not
funny cause it's real,
it's funny cause it was kind...
Oh fuck.
- Oh my God.
- Never mind, this...
This is pretty much the worst
thing that ever happened.
- But that's also
kinda hot, I mean.
She made something
bad and made it good.
- And Ramsey?
- The worst thing that
happened to me was, um...
- What?
- I was eight and I had a...
Younger brother that
was a year and a half
and my dad was running
for political office
and, um, my sister who was...
Ten was taking care of a year
and a half year old named Hiram.
And, uh...
She, uh...
Started the bath and uh...
Put Hiram in the bathtub.
And every day, you
know, we were kids...
Every day like three
o'clock or three thirty,
TBS they played
the Three Stooges.
So she came in and...
Was watching the
Three Stooges with us
and forgot about my
little brother and...
He proceeded to
drown in the bathtub.
And to make matters worse,
for political reasons, my father
made us pretend like it
didn't happen for a month
so he could get elected.
Because he knew that would
hurt his chances
of getting elected.
So we had to pretend like
he was alive for a month.
That was the worst thing
that ever happened.
- That's pretty shitty.
- But if I hadn't
been through that
I wouldn't be a
comic or an actor.
You know.
I'd be another schmuck
going to Ivy League school,
working on Wall Street
and dropping dead
of a heart attack at 42.
Thank goodness.
- Amen.
- Things
seemed to calm down.
Guys, we are in Barstow!
That was until I found out
that Johnny Blaze and Reid
were on their way
up to the event.
- I hate these fuckin' people.
None of them make sense
at all, it's like...
Can you...
- Uh...
- Ramsey, are you okay?
- I'm cool.
I'm pretty pissed
that my dad's here.
Cause he was told
specifically not to come.
- But he just wants
to support you.
- No, he doesn't.
- What are you afraid of?
- I'm afraid that
he's just trying to...
He's been doing
this my whole life.
I'm afraid he's just trying
to steal the spotlight and...
Glom his way into shit.
That's what I'm afraid of.
- You are gonna be awesome.
Don't worry.
- Alright, thank you.
- You're welcome.
- You're awesome.
- What's up?
- Did we or did we
not specifically say
you are not coming to
Barstow to the show?
- Yes!
- And Dad, we
specifically talked about
not coming to the show.
- Oh, wait a minute, I came--
- Specifically!
- I came all the way out
here to California...
- Yeah?
- To see the situation,
now you think I shouldn't
come to the show?
- No, come.
And I'm sorry, Johnny, come.
Come to the show.
- Oh, so I--
- Come to the show
because you know what?
Nobody else is doing what
the fuck I want today,
so why would Johnny Blaze and
my dad not be any different?
- You know what,
since I'm here...
I will be a PA.
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie to you.
I will, I did wanna come.
- If he goes off his
rocker, it's not my fault.
- I know, Reid, can we take
a little walk for a second?
I think he's a little
jealous that you
sort of take some of the
attention away from him.
You're a very
charismatic guy, okay?
Sit sort of away from the stage.
I just don't want him to...
To see, see you.
- I'll try not to
aggravate the situation.
- Alright, thank
you, I know it sounds
a little unreasonable.
- Um, where's my limo guy?
What'd you say?
We're short a person, dude.
- Okay.
- You're a limo
driver but you're...
Yeah, uh, what...
What else do you do?
- As most people in LA, I
came to be an actor so...
- Okay, you came to be an actor.
So you know how to PA?
- No.
- I need you to
run follow a spot.
Okay, so take care of him
but you just gotta
move the light around
so you can shoot the
comedian with the light.
Ramsey wants to talk
to the guys alone.
- Oh okay, okay, sure!
- Okay, so in five minutes I
need you guys all out of here.
I think you should
stay over there.
- Sorry.
- Stay.
- Alright.
- Oh that's nice, fella.
- You like that?
It's a really nice cock.
- I thought it would be bigger.
- Can I talk now?
- I knew that things would...
Get a little messy with
Ramsey at the helm.
- Comedy to me is a
sacred fucking thing.
It is saying what no
one can say in public
and saying it anyway
and being cool with it.
It's saying I could
fucking rape my sister
and making a joke about it.
It's saying my friend got
shot in the face for crack
and making a joke about it.
It's saying the fucking
Holocaust happened
and the Jews had it coming
and making a joke about it.
It's about pushing the envelope,
it's about having an art form.
We are part of a
fucking fraternity
and we're, the reason
we're all shit on
over and over again as opposed
to some fucking hack band
that's playing, you
know, Matchbox 20 covers
is because the shit
that went on today.
Realize the power you
have in your hands
to get on the stage
and say something
that no one else can say!
There's a whole country of
people dying in cubicles
and having heart
attacks and Lipitor
is the most popular
drug because people
can't handle their lives!
We get to live free!
And people die for that.
And if you can shit
it away on pussy
or you're a black man and you're
acting like a fucking coon.
- How is that?
- Your pants are
around your legs,
you're shoving your
face in ass and stuff.
- Did you not tell me
you wanted me to do this
for your fucking thing?
To go--
- But I also, I also thought
you'd know more once
you'd be in the thing.
Did you even
Wikipedia Lenny Bruce?
- Ramsey, I--
- Did you even read a
book of Lenny Bruce?
Did you even, you know,
did you even look at a YouTube?
But you know, you
know every single
thing about every girl
you wanted to fuck ever.
- Well, that's probably the
reason I got into standup
and I'm not gonna lie.
Cause I like it when
girls laugh at me.
Since I was in fourth
grade, I fucking love it.
I love when girls laugh at me.
- The whole part
of the experiment
was that, was to be--
- Well the experiment
has motherfucking failed!
- Where's this shit
coming from, Ramsey?
Like what the fuck?
- Let's go, let's go, out, out.
Please.
- Yeah,
but that's immature, man.
- Yeah, it is immature.
Please.
Please, all of you
guys get out of here.
- Go have a good show, you
heartless motherfuckers.
- Yeah, please, get
out of the fucking...
Get out of the green room.
- Gotta get a chair, man.
- You too, Dave.
Cause you're not an artist.
- You know, you saying
I'm not a fucking artist?
After all that I've suffered?
After all that I've done
for you and for your shit.
For you and for your shit!
- And you don't get
this, this is art.
- Fuck off.
- They may have not
risen to the occasion,
I may fucking agree with you
but that was fucking wrong, man.
Fuck.
- I'm gonna be your host
throughout the entire night,
so you can't get sick of Kato.
- In his twisted mind,
how he sees the movie--
- Don't, don't listen to
him, listen to Brandon.
- Yeah, as far as--
- He's not right.
He's not the director, fuck him.
- She's like, we got
these super fans.
Here, Irene, do a quick
supermodel set for us.
Give me that hair!
Walk towards me, baby.
It's Irene, modeling the
latest from Nordstroms.
- My wife's at home with
three kids by herself
and she's fucking
calling me like,
these fucking kids
are driving me crazy.
And I'm here and I'm not
being appreciated for it?
- I appreciate you.
- I'ma go home
and she's like, how was it?
It was fucked up.
- This is my time
traveling machine,
where I reversed Kato's
set and you never saw it
and you're better for it.
Holy fucking Christ.
If somebody dies tonight,
it's his fucking fault.
He's got bad mojo.
Hey, you know what?
Actually, I said that to find
out who the assholes are.
Sir, I'm sick and
tired of people
fucking with my friend Kato.
Leggo my motherfucking Kato.
He didn't do it.
The only thing he's guilty of
is living in a fucking
guest house like a bitch.
- Hi, sugar.
- You guys, this is a really
dirty fucking business.
Like, let me just, can I...
I'm tired, can I
talk to you guys?
Listen it's a dirty business,
there's a lot of funny
female comics but you
don't see a lot of funny
female comics cause they
can't handle the environment.
It's like, it's kinda like
being a fucking stripper.
- Do you really wanna know
what I think about you?
- About me?
- Yeah.
- I would love to.
- Do you really wanna know
what I think about you?
- Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
- Alright, come with me.
- The dance of shame at the end
where you have to
pick up the dollars.
You fucking kidding me?
I'll go to Arizona
and get, like,
a fucking illegal
to chase me home
and just blow that
shit backstage for me.
Just...
Shame on you, Arizona!
- What surprises me is that...
What the cameras didn't
capture with Ramsey.
How did we not...
See what was going on?
- Okay, Alicia, do
you got us in frame?
- Mmhmm.
Yeah.
We're back.
- So should I go first?
I'll tell you what
I think of you.
- You sure you don't
want me to go first?
- No, it's cool, I'll do it.
- Or you can go first,
just be really honest.
- I will, I promise.
Okay, so, I think
you're a wonderful guy.
Um...
Like you're just a
big bowl of furriness
that, I don't know, I think
you're really sweet and stuff.
- Would you fuck me?
- Um...
Um...
I might.
- Really?
- I don't know, I haven't
really ever thought of it
that way before.
- What about right here
with Alicia watching?
- No!
Then I would definitely...
Alicia, you do not
need to watch that.
That's, that's...
- Do you wanna see that, Alicia?
- Um...
Uh...
- I don't think Alicia could
handle something like that.
- Okay.
- Uh...
- So your turn.
- Alright.
Do you know what
I think about you?
- I would like to know.
- You ever been to a...
A Mexican party?
- Yes, Yeah, I have actually.
I live in LA.
- You're like a big
beautiful pinata.
- Okay.
- And they string
it up from a tree
and then all the kids
whack it with a stick
until something falls out of it.
- What are you trying to say?
That I'm full of candy?
- No, I'm saying
you're the empty pinata
after the candy's been eaten.
- What?
- You're, you know...
Beautiful,
charming,
and ultimately empty,
no more to value.
- What are you...
I'm not empty.
I mean, you don't really
know me that well,
how can you say that I'm empty?
- Oh, I know you.
I know your type.
- Yeah, but I'm not my type.
I mean, you should know that.
I've showed you a big part of me
that is not like everyone else.
- See that's just the thing,
all the people like
you that are empty
and ultimately just zombies,
they think and people tell them
that they're special,
that they're filled
with goodness,
but the ultimate joke...
There's nothing there.
- Oh, okay, Ramsey.
- Ramsey, you're being weird.
- Show.
- Fine.
- Was that nice?
- You can play with
it, I don't care.
Rub it for good luck.
- Yeah.
You have a nice head.
- Thanks.
I thought you did, too.
- Oh, now you don't think I do?
- Well, you're saying
horrible things to me.
- I don't think
they're horrible.
Are those horrible things
to say someone, Alicia?
- Okay, that's enough, Rams.
That is...
- Do I make you nervous?
- A little bit, yeah.
You're all sweaty.
- Oh, now I'm sweaty.
Artists sweat, too.
- Apparently.
- And they bleed.
- Okay.
- And they have bad times.
- Yeah,
he's so much better
than us, right, Georgia?
- Do you think I
look great right now?
- I think you look great, cause
I think it's the real you.
- Yeah.
It is the real me.
- Wanna get drunk?
- No.
- No?
- No, I don't.
- Do some pills?
- No, I really don't.
I've never done that stuff.
I don't need it.
- Need it?
- Yeah.
- This has nothing
to do with need.
- Okay, you're hurting me.
- Look, I fucking do what I do
but I fucking show up
and I fucking deliver.
- Okay--
- And I let people
see my pain and
they laugh at it.
- Yeah, you deliver--
- That's what I do.
- You're always there, right?
- Always.
- Until you're with...
You were there for your brother?
- I can't believe
you'd fucking say that.
- Well, listen to the stuff
you were saying to me.
- No!
No, no!
No!
- Your parents
gave you everything
and it led you to this spot
where you thought you
could say something to me?
You thought you could judge me?
I say what I want!
- No, no, but say what you want
but don't kill me.
Take care of.
- Never
had to struggle!
- I think we have a sort
of would-be comedian
who wants to do a
little bit of time.
- Okay.
- His name is Johnny Blaze.
- Johnny Blaze.
- There's a couple guys I know
and it's so crazy because
they'll start talking to you
and they'll be like.
Yo, oh yeah, I'm over here.
Oh, come on in.
What the hell are
you talking about?
People that gerbil their
words, I can't stand em.
I just, come on, if
you're gonna talk--
- You just got a phone-call.
- Thank you.
- You just got a phone-call.
No, you did!
Johnny Blaze, everybody.
- Alicia's boyfriend
followed her out here.
She said he's outside,
I don't wanna be a
part of this anymore.
- Alright, okay.
- And then Georgia
went with her.
- Ramsey pissed, pissed
off some girls, okay?
So I'm gonna need
you, so supposedly
they're over at Starbucks and
we need you to go over there.
Okay and just check up on them?
Cause I can't get
in touch with them
cause they're not picking
up their fucking phones.
- I collect unemployment.
I bought weed with
my unemployment
and, most important, I
fuck fat white chicks.
Whoo!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Fucking A, right?
- The fact that the
girls are now gone,
sitting over at Starbucks,
crying about stuff
and I can't reach them
cause they're not
answering their phone.
Take a ride, go apologize, dude.
Here are my fucking keys, okay?
Just go for a
fucking ride, okay?
- You know once again,
Brandon, I'm the bad guy.
- Dude, you are the
bad guy right now.
Just be the good guy.
Be the good guy.
- Why did I take my shirt off?
I shouldn't have...
I shouldn't have
smoked that much weed.
Like I smoked so much weed
that this seems like
a fucking good idea.
- We're
gonna have to go
and get these girls,
they're at a Starbucks
sucking down frappuccinos
with a bad attitude.
Let's...
What is funny about you?
- Um...
- No, tell me
what's funny about you.
What's funny about Johnny Blaze?
- Um...
- It should
come right out, Johnny.
If you have to think
about it, it's a lie.
What's funny about you?
- My...
I'm funny.
- No, no, you
can't say I'm funny.
What is funny about you?
- Um...
- Fucking retarded
children are funny,
are you a retarded child?
- No.
- Are you
some down syndrome kid
playing in the park,
can't even hit a baseball?
Can't run to first,
are you one of those?
- No.
- Then you better
have some fucking answer
to what's funny
about Johnny Blaze.
Cause there's a
hierarchy in comedy.
And the headliners
are like the gods
and you're like the little man,
you're like...
You're like the people that
die in earthquakes and stuff.
- Okay, yeah.
- If this is Katrina,
I'd be in the helicopter
and you'd be left on
the rooftop of a house.
Do you understand what
I'm saying to you?
- Yes, yes.
- Now what's
funny about Johnny Blaze?
Motherfucker, what's
funny about Johnny Blaze?
- His energy!
- Okay, his energy.
What's his energy like?
- It's spastic, crazy!
- Right, like a retard.
Like a fucking retard, Johnny.
- Not a retard.
- Yeah.
That's what you are, you're...
That's what's funny about you.
- I'm not retarded.
- Yes, you are.
- I'm not.
- Your parents
love you, you know why?
They didn't let you know
you were dumb young.
- Ramsey Moore!
You're my only friend I
have in the fucking world!
You know what it's
like to grow up
and have no friends?
And everybody to hate you?
And spite you and
you can't go over
to any of your friends' house?
Your mom won't even
fucking talk to you?
- Johnny...
- You're, you said
you were my friend.
- Johnny,
you know what?
You just found something
that is funny about you.
- You said you were my friend.
- You found...
Quit fucking, if you
cry I swear to God,
I will knock your
head through the roof.
You just found out what
is funny about you.
You have lived your entire life
without a single fucking friend
and now you're just learning
because you think
I'm your friend.
- You said you were my friend!
- I don't
give a fuck about you!
If you're gonna cry...
Okay, pull over.
Pull over, I can't
take the crying.
Pull this car the fuck over.
- I'm not, I'm trying--
- You dumb
fucking monkey,
pull this car over.
- I'm trying to find a sp--
- Get this
car off the road!
- Ramsey...
There's no Starbucks out here.
- Oh, God damn it.
- What?
- If you don't
quit fucking crying,
I swear to God, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna rip your eyes
out of your fucking head.
- You said you were my friend.
- You fucking pussy.
You fucking, this is
why you have no friends!
Johnny.
Fucking even...
Did you cry all
through high school?
Little Johnny cry eye?
Sob like a fucking bitch.
- You don't know what it's like.
- What do you see?
- I don't see anything!
- Fuck you!
- My God, Ramsey,
what are you doing?
Oh my God!
What are you doing?
I can't...
My eyes!
My fucking eyes!
I can't see.
I can't...
Oh God, Ramsey!
You're my only friend.
You're my only friend.
You're my only friend.
You're my only friend.
- Fuck you!
- You're my only...
Ramsey, you're my only friend.
- Fuck!
Fuck you!
- Please...
Please give it up
for Randal Reeder.
Come on, everybody,
it's the big man.
It's Big Bob.
- I mean, I've um...
You know, worked
with Oliver Stone
and, you know, just
amazing actors,
Edward Norton and
all this and, um,
I'm forever
remembered as Big Bob,
the cock meat sandwich guy.
I guess it's kinda like you...
You know, you build
a thousand bridges
in your lifetime,
you suck one cock...
- So what
happened, dude?
- Oh, Johnny Blaze
went back to LA.
- What?
Where are the
fucking girls, dude?
Whatever, man.
Whatever, so what are they
still over at Starbucks?
- No, they're not.
- So they
all went back to LA?
- Yeah.
- Ramsey Moore...
- Brandon Graham.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm a lot better now.
- You ready to rock?
- I'm ready to rock.
How are you, gorgeous?
- I'm well, laughing.
- Good.
Thanks for sitting with my dad.
I yelled at him earlier.
- It's all good, he's laughing.
- Yeah, good.
We'll see if he--
- Ready to rock?
- I'm ready to rock, see
if he keeps laughing.
- Kick ass.
- Uh, let me tell you something.
I'm a pro, I don't care what
the fuck you've seen before me.
I'm the real deal.
I don't fuck around.
I'm a real fucking professional
and I'm funny as shit.
And I'm not afraid
of nobody in Barstow,
I know you got some bad
motherfuckers out here.
But my name's Brian Swineheart
and my friends call me B-Swine.
B-Swine, the other white meat.
Cause I had an audition
for a tampon commercial.
At first I thought, well
that sounds kinda weird,
but then I realized something...
Who knows more about
bloody pussy than me?
My whole life been
cockblocked by bloody pussy
and it's become a problem.
You know, when I was
a kid I was afraid.
Had a girl in my
dad's pickup truck,
my dad let me take the
truck out for the night.
Oh great, man, I'm
gonna pick up this girl,
man, she's so cute.
I got bloody pussy.
Uh, you better get
out of my dad's truck
cause he beat the shit out of me
when I let the candy bar melt.
- They say the
sanctity of human life
is the most important
thing itself.
Entire government.
Yes, in order to preserve life
or to keep it from harm.
But what happens when people
start to kill each other?
Hey.
What's up, brother?
- How's it going?
- It's going good, dude.
You ever have a fucking...
Amazing day?
- Yeah, I have.
- I'm just fucking
with you, man.
How you doing?
He having, if this
motherfucker right here
hasn't even looked
up from his plate
since I fucking
grabbed the microphone.
This motherfucker is
straight up chips and cheese
the whole fucking
time, God damn.
What you get on your SATs?
Barbecue sauce?
I'm gonna come up with my
own homeless dating service.
Fuck MySpace, No Place.
My name's Choo-Choo.
I like long romantic
walks through alleyways,
crushing cans and
arguing with buildings.
If this sounds like
a good time to you,
go to the corner of 5th
and Main and go ooh-ooh!
- Ramsey says he
wants to talk to you,
he's being weird.
Just go over and humor
him for a little bit.
Okay?
That cool?
Really?
- Christmas time,
it's Christmas time,
Can I get a dollar?
Fuck you, you're not homeless,
you're hanging out outside.
- Here piggy,
piggy, piggy, piggy.
Ramsey, found the
perfect place to fuck.
♪ Fie, fi, fiddly I, O ♪
♪ Fie, fi, fiddly I, O ♪
♪ I said ♪
♪ Fie, fi, fiddly I, O ♪
♪ Someone's getting boned
in the kitchen with Dinah ♪
And you are the
lucky little piggy.
Hmm, interesting.
How'd you get so lucky, Ramsey?
- Alright.
Ramsey--
Ramsey doing a sex tape.
Take one.
- Oh yeah, Ramsey,
you really turn me on.
Wanna fuck?
- That's not how you
start a sex tape.
- Yes, it is.
Let's fuck.
- That's all you can hit?
- I'm not trying to hurt you.
- You doing this sort
of sex tape with a slap,
slap the crap out of me.
That feels good.
Come on, harder than that.
That's ridiculous.
Come on.
Don't be a pussy.
Don't be a pussy.
Don't.
Don't be a--
- Oh!
- See that's how you
start a sex tape.
- Wait!
Oh my God, Ramsey!
Why are you going so aggressive?
It's hot, but seriously
back up, fool.
It's carb day.
It's carb day for Ramsey.
Isn't it carb day for
you every fucking day?
You fucking sloppy
fucking son of a stupid
fucking cunt bitch?
How about some apricot jam?
Oh, you know what I found?
Butter, how about eating
a fucking stick of butter,
you douchebag?
Why don't you go try to
find your fucking cock?
I couldn't find it.
Is it under the flap?
You're such a fucking dick.
Why do you...
You can't be fat and
a dick, pick one.
You can be fat and nice or
you can be a dick and hot,
but you can't be both, Ramsey!
Anything else?
Want some mayonnaise?
I need a fucking...
Just...
Where'd you go, Ramsey?
I'm gonna leave the
camera in the refrigerator
for you to find, Ramsey,
because you're eventually
gonna open the refrigerator.
Perfect place for
you to find it.
Seriously, dude, you
could've got laid tonight
but instead you had to be a...
Fat loser douchebag cunt and
you're not gonna get fucked,
so why don't you
learn a lesson--
Ramsey, stop, no!
- I hate you!
- My daughter's got
dudes coming to the house
picking her up
for fucking dates.
My 17 year old, my
brother's like dude,
when they come
over to the house,
get a shotgun and
clean the shotgun
in the living room
when they come over.
Look at, really?
I let 'em know that
I'm crazy off the top.
They come to my house,
I come to the door
in a sombrero and
lime green Crocs.
Asshole naked and jerk off
real slow in the doorway.
With no expression on my face,
like I don't like it,
I'm just doing it.
- What did I miss?
How did I not see
certain things coming?
Where...
Was I when things went
wrong during the event?
- This guy starring in the film,
the Lenny Bruce film
that we're doing.
Come on, give it up.
Also in the Real Potheads
of North Hollywood,
our friend,
our funny man and you
guys start clapping now,
it's Ramsey Moore!
Ramsey Moore.
Ramsey Moore!
Come on, keep it up,
Ramsey, this is yours.
- You guys are all
probably wondering
what I think about you.
I think if everybody
in this room
got killed in an earthquake,
the world would be a
better fucking place.
I think if a bunch
of rowdy Al Qaeda
came in here and
blew this room up,
man, woman and child, the world
would be a better fucking place.
- The fuck?
- A little kid, two years old
will fall down
and bang his head,
but he won't cry until
everybody looks at him.
You know why?
Because of the shame.
It's the same thing with
girls that get raped.
Girls get raped all the time,
it's called rough sex.
It's called being choked out.
It's called being
drunk and coked up,
but when they go home to daddy
he calls them raped, damaged.
They can never
recover from that.
But you guys can't handle
that kind of truth.
Cause of most of
the guys in here
that probably raped somebody.
Let me tell you
about the day I knew
I had to be a comic...
My mother was dying of cancer,
she was in a hospital...
And she was on life support
and all my family left,
I was the only one
in the fucking room.
When the doctor
brought me a clipboard
and said sign this.
And I said, why do
I have to sign this?
He goes, cause we have
to unplug the machine
and nobody else in your
family will sign it.
So that's the day I
knew I had to tell jokes
and laugh because life is
not filled with laughter.
Life is filled with sadness
and pain and suffering.
Shout me down, the fat
man telling the truth
but laugh at the
monkeys dancing.
Laugh at the pretty
ones that tell you
what you wanna hear.
I will tell you what
you don't wanna hear.
The truth.
This is all going to
hell in a hand basket
and one day we'll all be dust
and you'll have to
say to yourself,
what was I remembered for?
This work is great.
That's right, I'm fat.
That's the one
thing you can say.
That's the one
thing you can say.
You know what?
Cause you're a dumb
motherfucker, sir.
A dumb motherfucker.
And you know what?
Fuck this place.
- Is Ramsey done
already off stage?
- Fucking nice to say?
- I know.
- Who gives a fuck,
take your shirt off
and I'll come up there
and play with your shit.
Fuck that dumb nigger.
Come on, Ramsey.
You're a funny,
handsome kind person.
Fuck what that guy has to say.
Don't let that shit get to you.
- Alright, man.
Dude, dude, let's go.
Let's go, man, before
shit gets even worse.
I didn't know what just
happened there, man,
if it made you feel better...
It made you feel better.
The car's right there, dude.
Car's right there.
Get the fuck outta here
before someone puts a fucking
bullet in your head, dude.
- The office is open
from eight AM to six PM.
- Yeah, I know,
but it has a buzzer.
You know like every hotel...
Is supposed to have a buzzer.
- Please use the night window.
- I did,
push the buzzer.
Do you think I'm not
doing it correctly?
- No, I think you are
it's just really funny
that this is like...
Can we get a picture of this?
Could we...
- Here we are.
- Hello!
Hello, hello.
I was like sitting, I
was looking directly
at like a black woman
and I saw her face...
When you said the
n-word and then, like,
she got uncomfortable and
then I was looking at her
and I got uncomfortable
cause I was looking at her
and it was like, we're
both uncomfortable.
♪ So refined ♪
- Christina's
doing a song for us.
- Okay, that's great.
But get your guys...
You guys can go
back to Shooters.
Get your ass back to Shooters.
Right past Shooters is a motel.
This is the last movie
I'm ever gonna direct.
This is the end...
Of Brandon Graham's career.
- Chavez!
Cesar Chavez.
- Yeah, no, because my dad
just called me from the hotel.
Yes, security in the room.
Oh, you are?
Thank you.
- What a disaster.
At least I took my
shirt off, though.
That was kinda cool.
- Oh yeah, that was the
highlight of the night.
- I don't think I should
do any more talking.
- Shelley, do you wanna
come to my room with me?
- Yeah, definitely.
Um...
Sure.
What do you got?
- I got a
fun time for you.
- You do?
Come on, Daddy, don't
you wanna play tonight?
Huh?
♪ My heart belongs to Daddy ♪
♪ So I want to
warn you, laddie ♪
♪ That you know that
I'm perfectly swell ♪
♪ That ♪
- Pull it apart for me.
- Here?
- Yeah.
♪ So well ♪
- Oh yeah.
Spank yourself a little.
Oh yeah.
♪ My heart belongs to Daddy ♪
- Come on, come on, Daddy.
Oh, I want my Daddy to fuck me.
Oh God, you got the biggest...
Fuck me, God, ride me, oh!
Yeah!
Oh, God.
Yeah, fuck me.
- Accept it, take it.
- Daddy, yeah.
Ah yeah!
Oh yeah.
Yes, Daddy, oh, oh God.
Yeah.
Oh!
Oh yeah!
Daddy...
- Bet you didn't see
that coming, huh?
- Mm mm.
Yeah, that was pretty hot baby.
Oh yeah.
That was...
Hey, that was the best I've
had in a long time, Daddy.
Yeah.
Yup, you know...
Keep that up, I'm
coming back for more.
- They always come back for
more if you fuck 'em good.
- Yeah?
You know what I like
about it, though,
is like you just,
you put everything,
you put your all into it.
I'm just like...
I can't get loose, there I
am, you're just pounding me.
Oh.
I didn't know it was
gonna be this fun.
I thought...
I had no idea it was
gonna be this fun.
Uh uh.
- Shelley, that's
the thing about me.
No one ever sees me coming.
- Nope.
I didn't see you coming, but...
You know what?
I don't know, maybe next time
I'm gonna bring some like
kinky toys and so
that, you know,
while you're like
doing it from the back
you could be whipping me, too.
And then I could,
like, you know...
Turn around and grab you by
the cock and make you just...
Slam it, you know, so...
Something cool like that, huh?
- So you're talking bondage?
- Yeah.
I like bondage.
- I do, too.
- You know.
And I'm gonna like, do
something that you've never
expected before, I'm gonna...
Okay, you got it, right?
I'm gonna be like
both knees over you
and I'm gonna put my
crotch over your mouth,
sit right on your face.
You know what I'm saying?
And just squirt
all in your mouth.
You're gonna be like uh uh.
Oh my God.
I mean...
- That's hot.
- Is that hot?
You're gonna be
like, oh yeah baby,
I wanna taste you every day
cause you taste like honey.
Come to me.
- You know what they call me
in the bondage world, don't you?
- What?
- Flesh blanket.
- Flesh blanket?
Ooh, I like that, baby.
- You get these little
90 pound Mexican girls
and all they want
me to do is just...
Lay on top of them
and smother them.
- Is that right?
That's your fetish?
- It's their fetish.
- Ooh.
I like that, flesh blanket.
Yeah, baby, give me a little
taste of that flesh blanket.
Mmm.
Sounds kinda sensual.
Flesh blanket.
Ooh, yeah, baby.
Ooh, again?
Oh, do you know how I like...
Come on, Daddy.
We're not done yet.
Huh?
- Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
- It'd be really great
to be with someone who
is trustworthy and generous
and has a big heart and...
- You know, Christina,
this is what
Ramsey has been
wanting here all day.
- All I know is
that God hates me.
I'm just saying.
- Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
- Uh...
It'd be cool if you come
over to the room, man.
We'd like to talk to you.
- Um...
Okay.
- Okay?
- Okay.
- Alright.
- I thought you were
gonna go have a good time.
- Yeah.
- Just...
Ramsey.
Ramsey.
- Yeah?
- If Christina and
Ramsey would've had
a human conversation
prior to this event,
maybe things wouldn't
have happened
the way that they did.
- Oh.
Been waiting all day for that.
Turns out Christina is
actually way into me.
She's getting her stuff
to spend the night
in Lee's double wide
trailer with me.
Can you imagine?
This could've been the
best day of my life.
- Hey, Ramsey.
- Gotta go.
- Good morning, sir.
- Good morning, dude.
- I think I got some pretty
good footage last night.
- You got some good shit?
- Yeah, how'd you sleep?
- Fucking horribly.
We gotta go, what
time is it, man?
It's like...
- Yeah, it's getting late.
- Alright, uh dude,
just wrap up your gear
and take a shower and stuff.
I gotta get back to LA.
I'm gonna get the car and stuff.
- Okay.
- Ramsey.
- What's up?
- Yeah, what's up?
Where's Ramsey?
- Your trailer.
Uh, can you get us
over there, man?
We need the car, we gotta wrap.
- Alright, I'll meet
you in the parking lot.
- Alright.
- And...
And what time is it?
- Six AM.
- Is it really?
- I don't know.
I'm not tired, I
don't have much.
- Wow.
Maybe we should go to bed.
- Could you do something?
- Yes.
What?
- Would you, uh, dance with me?
- Sure.
You wanna dance with me?
- Yeah, I always had this--
- What kind of dancing rules?
Salsa, merengue?
- I know you can dance
me under the table but...
Ever since I've known you,
I've always wanted
to just slow dance.
- Like we're in high school?
- Like we're in high school.
- Prom, baby.
Alright, I'm ready.
Let's dance.
I'm teasing.
- I...
I...
- We're slow dancing.
- We're slow dancing.
- Oh, so we're like hugging?
That's a little tight.
Tight.
What's, what's going on?
Ramsey?
Ramsey?
Ramsey, what are you doing?
Ramsey.
Ramsey!
What are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
- God damn it!
- I lost a lot of what
was important to me
through the process of
making my first feature film.
Would I change anything?
Um...
No.
I'm happy.
- Do you know what I
really think about you?
- Ramsey, come on, we gotta go.
Ramsey!
Ramsey!
Ramsey!
- What the fuck happened?
- Oh my God, Christina.
Call fucking 911 right now!
- What happened?
- Christina, what's wrong?
- Fuck!
- Jesus Christ,
call fucking 911!
- Just wanna make sure
that you understand,
that everybody understands that
I didn't do anything wrong.
I did my job as a father
and I made sure that
Ramsey got good Christian
orientation here and a full
education throughout his life.
So he understood
Christian principles
of love and mercy
and duty and honor
and all of those things.
And so I had no part in
anything he may have done
that wasn't like that.
Almost makes ill to think of...
What my son has done and...
No, I do not know
where my son is
and even if I did, I
certainly wouldn't tell you
so let me suggest
that's the end of it.
I don't think we'll
see each other again.
- Dad?
I remember the time I threw
my Frisbee up in the trees
and I climbed up on
the table to get it
and the table was made of glass.
I crashed through it and I bled.
And my mom was there to help me.
She's not there anymore.
born free as children.
We love to run and play,
sing and dance, be happy.
Then we learn that
there are rules.
Don't be independent,
don't think for yourself,
don't question the church,
don't question the police.
Don't question corporations,
don't question the government,
don't be different,
don't love anybody,
don't judge anybody,
don't need anybody,
don't be a sexual being,
don't have any sexual thoughts,
don't look to the stars,
don't see the world as it is.
Don't look too deep,
don't point out hypocrisy,
don't say obvious things,
don't talk about real life.
Don't admit to being a deviant,
don't be original.
Don't be human.
Lenny Bruce changed
the face of comedy.
Lenny Bruce was the
first comic to talk
about his real life on stage.
Lenny Bruce was
the first to openly
talk about sex on stage.
Lenny Bruce was the
first to honestly
talk about drugs on stage.
Lenny was the first to be real.
Lenny was groundbreaking,
Lenny was dangerous,
Lenny was arrested for
the word cocksucker.
Lenny Bruce was only on
network TV six times.
Carrot Top has been on network
television over
one thousand times.
Lenny refused to live in fear.
Lenny Bruce was the
first rockstar comic.
Lenny Bruce was the brother
Bob Dylan never had.
Lenny was arrested eight
times for obscenity.
Lenny Bruce appealed his case
all the way to the
Supreme Court and won.
Lenny received
the only posthumus
pardon in the history
of New York State.
Lenny Bruce was said to headline
the greatest underground
comedy show ever
called The Sunshine Express.
August first 1966,
Lenny Bruce died
of a heroin overdose
before it could happen.
The Sunshine Express was
supposed to take place
at the Flying Aces Club
in Barstow, California.
August 1966, this
was a secret event
organized by free
speech advocates.
Jay Edgar Hoover had
the Flying Aces Club
burned to the ground
to stop the event.
Lenny Bruce died just
days before the event
in a time of severe
political correctness,
eight standup comedians
attempted to recreate
the Sunshine Express on the
very spot it almost took place.
- Slide your chair
an inch to the right.
An inch.
- What the fuck happened
to my fucking lighter?
My name is Brandon
Graham and I set out
to make a cutting edge
documentary on freedom of speech.
Everything went terribly wrong.
This is what happened.
The financing of the Lenny
Bruce Experiment was...
Difficult.
- Here's all I'm saying, Brando,
when George calls,
hand me the phone.
- Brandon.
Just be confident, dude.
Just tell him whatever
he wants to hear, man.
You know, like you're trying
to talk a girl into bed, dude.
- You need to accept The Secret.
You need to manifest it.
We're getting that money.
- Don't shush me.
- Shh, shh, shut the fuck up.
- Give me the phone!
- Shut the fuck up.
- Give me the phone!
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I happen to be, uh, close...
With George Clooney.
Fucking assholes.
- If I was on that phone...
I'd feel better about this.
- Yeah, so you
liked the treatment?
Oh.
Oh well.
Can you pass it along?
- Wait.
- No.
- We got it.
- Making a movie, smiley face.
- I'm on
the status updates.
- Fuck.
Fuck.
- High five, we're
making a movie.
- Man, making a movie.
- There he is, director--
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
He passed.
- What?
- Listen, listen, listen.
- I'm not pleased.
- He's gonna pass it along.
That means there's a follow up.
He said it was
really interesting,
he's got a lot on his plate.
- If he's gonna pass it along,
then he needs to talk to me
so he knows what
he's passing along.
- There's another
connection, okay?
- Okay.
- I'm gonna go to Saratoga.
I don't plan, I don't
know how to get up there.
Oh, whoa.
No, no!
When your Hollywood
connections don't work
when you're trying to get an
independent feature going,
it's always best to
go to family money
and, uh, I happen
to be married to
a beautiful woman
whose uncle is, um,
is big in horse racing.
Seriously.
Saratoga was a disaster.
It was a waste of
money and time.
Wanna be in The Lenny
Bruce Experiment with me?
Huh?
No, no.
What am I gonna say?
- Don't be nervous, man.
We're going to a party
and it's gonna be fun.
- My producer partners
decided that they would have
Mike Tsirklin come
with me to Connecticut
to meet with John Alhern,
another potential investor,
a former professional
golfer I used to caddy for.
What's going on, man?
- Hey, look who it is!
How are you?
- Fresh fish.
- What do you got for us?
- Guys, I got something that's
gonna change your lives.
I got a pitch for you, okay?
We're gonna make a movie.
I'm going to do for comedy
what Al Gore did
for global warming.
Okay?
And I thought...
You know, third time's the charm
that John's gotta
give me something.
500 thousand dollars,
are you guys in?
- We're in.
- I'll give you 13
thousand dollars.
- 13 grand...
Perfect, I can
work with 13 grand.
- What?
13 thousand?
Dude, we're not making
a movie in 1940.
This is a Talkie.
- Just one little caveat...
That dick...
Can have nothing to do with it.
Nothing.
13 thousand.
- It's a deal.
- What?
Did you just sell
me out for 13 grand?
- He's kidding, he's kidding.
- No!
Kidding!
The dude from Cocoon
is not kidding, dude!
- The realization that
I wasn't gonna get
500 thousand dollars
wasn't as difficult
as the realization
that I only had 13.
I'm sitting next to him
on the fucking plane.
- Well good luck with that.
- Who the fuck has a
yacht in Connecticut,
you stupid fat cat yacht owners?
Fuck all of you!
Fuck all you!
- Mike, Mike...
- And you know what, kid?
Smoke crack cause your
dreams will never come true.
What the fuck, man?
I can't believe you sold
me out for 13 grand.
You son of a bitch.
- Fuck!
I had to replace Mike
Tsirklin as a producer.
Fuck you!
- Fuck you, man!
- I knew you guys
were gonna come.
So...
What does it look like?
When Mike pushed me
into the water...
Um, I got bacteria and
I have a massive...
Infection on this
side of my face.
So I had surgery...
And I drank a little
bit of vodka last night.
- That's what you
told me last time.
- I know.
- Good.
- I got pus coming
out of my eye.
Enough.
You're such a dick.
Get the fuck outta here.
Mom, don't let the fucking
cameraman in the fucking house.
While I'm not
feeling fucking well.
I'm getting an implant, but...
I'm still missing
a tooth right here
because of Mike Tsirklin.
I'm on my way to, uh,
Dave Levin's place,
we're having a little barbecue
in honor of that we got some...
Some funds for The
Lenny Bruce Experiment.
- It's a way to...
To talk about in the
industry, you know?
Hey, what are you doing?
I'm making a movie.
- Yeah.
- Wow, okay.
Oh, peach cobbler.
- Oh, here we go, peach cobbler.
- Nothing better than shirtless
peach cobbler on a Sunday.
- Good ass peach cobbler.
- Oh my God.
Dad, this is good cobbler.
- Let's celebrate with the
fact that we did get money
for our fucking feature, we
are going to make a feature.
Everyone let's, let's
clang cobbler, okay?
Even you, douchebag.
Actually, you should leave.
- Thank you, that should help.
- What?
- You should leave.
- You...
Really?
- I'll give you a
call later, man.
- Hey, we're still
shooting the potheads, man.
- Fuck you, man.
- Here's to 13 grand.
- We got the money
for our first feature.
- Who's gonna pay for
the peach cobbler?
- Are you rolling
a joint and talking
to our investors
at the same time?
- Our investors are cool.
Unlike you.
We made a crucial
mistake by hooking up
with local drug dealers
to coordinate our show.
But they were the only way to
promote anything in Barstow.
- You guys want
little lines or big lines?
- This just making me
cool for everybody.
- Damn, dude!
- Can I, can I tell
you two things, David?
- That's it, Mexican, let's go!
I'm shaving your beard, dude.
I'm fucking shaving it!
- You know what's funny, David?
- Whoa, oh!
- Anakin's selling
crack at the same time.
- We're not insured yet, dude.
- Come here, Gabe, come here!
- You know what's funny?
That's not coke.
- It was a generic
sweet and low.
- What is this?
An Adam Sandler joke?
- 13 thousand dollars, what
the fuck do you do with that?
You don't do much with that.
So it was embarrassing,
it was humiliating
talking to Randal Reeder
and having him help
us out on this.
- Have a seat, Randal will
be down in a few minutes.
- Hey, Brandon Graham.
Guys, sit.
Randal Reeder is a
big character actor,
producer, director,
he was excited
to come on the project.
- It's my God givin'
right to kill and grill.
- How long is this?
- Shh.
- I really had some,
some big comedians
who were interested
in the project,
that all sort of
went out the window
and I sort of started having
to rely on Randal for talent.
- So what are we doing?
Making a movie or what?
- We're making a movie.
- I'm gonna bring in...
I got, uh, T-Rex.
You seen him?
Black guy, he's great.
You know who I'm talking about?
That Kato Kaelin.
- Oh, Kato, Kato.
- Anyone see the thing?
Adam Hunter, maybe?
- We're working, we have
13 thousand seed money
but we're gonna--
- It's a
passion project!
And we're gonna shoot grainy
and we're gonna shoot
in black and white.
Seed money.
Fuck yourself with your
fucking seed money.
I don't need this shit, okay?
I've done fucking Last Comic
Standing season six, bitches.
- Well, he's not doing
Killin' and Grillin',
that's for damn sure.
- I had slated Nick Swarzden...
Is it?
Is it Swarzden or
is it Schwarzden?
- B-Swine, you
wanna be in a movie?
- Hell yeah, man.
- He's funny, man.
And he knows McConaughey.
- Yeah, yeah.
- How do you know McConaughey?
- You're a comedian?
- Yeah, I was...
McConaughey's stunt
stand-in in Lincoln Lawyer
and I drove his car around.
- Yeah, yeah, he's pretty
a good body double.
- He's a stand-in.
- Yeah, well, you're
in a movie now.
- Well, I'm in a movie now!
- You excited?
- Yeah.
Whoo!
- Sweet dreams come true, right?
- Yeah, like I'm saying
I'm not trying to come in
and take over your project.
You know me, I don't want a
hundred percent of anything,
I want 20% of
fucking everything.
I guess, we're gonna have
nudity in 30 minutes.
Right?
- Um...
- So we can get
foreign distribution.
- In the spirit
of Lenny Bruce...
- We gotta make some money.
- I just wanna make
sure the audition
is not just a stripper pole.
- I had been talking
to them about
bringing in the mix
of some sexy vixens
from the very beginning
and I think that was a...
A bad call.
- Drums for Leffert.
- Dinah Leffert,
brilliant comedian.
A real fine piece of ass.
- Who rolled this shitty joint?
My parents were
quintessential hippies.
I mean, I was probably
conceived on acid, okay?
Israel fits perfectly
into Florida.
I think we should move
all gay people into Israel
and call Israel
our gay Australia.
Fudge Packistan.
Palestinians are gonna
be throwing rocks at gays
and they're gonna be like...
Could we just get the Jews back?
- Oh!
- Georgia Cuylenberg.
Sweet Australian, comedian,
actress with no hair.
- What?
- I swear to God,
I grew no hair.
- What?
- Since when?
- Where?
- Um, I lost all my
hair three years ago.
It's probably not
the worst thing
because it's okay now.
But I got alopecia areata,
so this isn't mine.
I can wear whatever
hair I want at any time.
♪ Bubbles ♪
♪ Make me happy ♪
- Alicia Becker.
- This is the thickest
rolled joint I've ever seen.
- Intelligent,
naive...
- I'm legitimately
into that so much.
Probably would judge
a person more on what
sneakers they're
wearing than if they
were doing cocaine every day.
♪ Handful after,
handful of Doritos ♪
- Shelley Michelle,
world's most famous body double.
- On Howard Stern, I
remember those days.
- Oh, the old.
The most fun you never
ever wanted to have.
- Wake up!
♪ Last night ♪
♪ I stayed up late
to masturbate ♪
♪ It felt so grand ♪
♪ I used my hand ♪
- I'm coming for you.
- Slap
him in the face.
- No, I'll hurt him.
- No, no, don't hurt him
but hit him in the face.
Yeah.
Very con...
Oh shit.
- You're hired!
- Christina DeRosa.
Christina DeRosa was
Ramsey's childhood friend.
Ramsey really pushed
her into the film.
I thought, you know, it
seemed like a great idea.
She's beautiful,
she's successful,
she's done a lot of
work in Hollywood,
she's done some softcore porn.
The male comedians...
Always trying to
one-up each other.
Prove to themselves who
has the smallest penis.
- What's your name?
- Brad Pitt.
- Brad Pitt.
Glad to meet you.
- Kato Kaelin is a great guy.
- Yeah.
- Is that that new
Snickers phone?
Oh, who is this?
Kit Kat, hi!
It's Kato.
Oh shit, my phone melted.
I spent the night
with Kato Kaelin
and all I got was
this lousy t-shirt.
Everybody, T-Rex,
very famous comedian.
He's been to Bangkok.
- I have not.
I've been to, uh...
I've been to a Thai
massage place, though.
- T-Rex...
- Where's the fucking food?
Where's breakfast?
- Funny guy, Vegas performer.
- I just figured
it out, rape stands
for a rejection
after penile entry.
- Brian Swineheart.
Ladies' man.
- I hope you don't mind...
Asses in your face.
- Oh, I don't mind.
7-11.
Not the typical
place you wanna...
Pick up on somebody.
People that go to 7-11,
desperate and not that smart.
Hello.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- B-Swine, wait, you just
picked up this girl right now?
- Swine, Swine, Swine, Swine.
- Johnny Blaze.
- Are you Brandon?
- I'm Brandon, man.
- Oh.
- Now you're putting two
and two together, dude.
- It takes me a little while.
- Invited himself
to the experiment.
- Please tell me,
for the love of God,
that Johnny Blaze as
he's now calling himself
is not anywhere near this.
- We're gonna have him audition.
- What did the one
lesbian piranha
say to the other
lesbian piranha?
- What?
- See, we really
do taste like chicken.
- You know
what's annoying?
Mad shitty comics, or not even
a fucking comic, does time.
What the fuck is that?
- I'm talk, I'm talking.
- You're right, I
shouldn't act like you.
- Dave tried his
best to entertain everyone.
♪ This is what I wanna
do to your butt ♪
♪ This is what I wanna
do to your butt ♪
- But he ended
up annoying everyone.
- The less Dave
talks, the better.
- I'm not a fucking PA anymore.
Look-it, he's always gotta
fucking one up me, dude.
- Brandon, are you throwing up
because he made you throw up?
- It became
very clear, very quickly
that this movie was not about
a bunch of ragtag comedians
pushing the limits
of freedom of speech
and was about an
oversized comedian
who was on the verge
of a nervous breakdown.
- Brandon!
- I met Ramsey on the
set of a television pilot
called the Real Potheads
of North Hollywood.
- Pancakes and blowjobs.
Yippee Skippy!
Boo!
- It's important to
see how Ramsey was
at the beginning of
the day of the shoot.
- Ramsey, dude...
- Yo.
- I'm giving you a flip camera.
- Alright.
- You want it?
- Do I have to be
awake for the flip cam?
- No.
- Okay.
- Start getting
your shit together.
- Don't come here to take two.
- Is there any of
those double shots
or some caffeine around?
I didn't sleep at all.
- Where's Ramsey?
- I don't know, dude.
- Is he still in the room?
- Do you ever just get
the feeling that...
No matter what you do it's
not gonna be good enough?
- Come in!
- Your double shot
espresso coffee, Ramsey.
- Like there's no
pressure on you for this.
And no I'm not
self-sabotaging, I'm just...
It's gonna work
out, I understand.
This is how I always get.
I always...
I always have to, like,
wig out about stuff
before anything good happens,
that's just the way
it works for me.
- What time is it?
It's like fucking ten thirty
and Ramsey's still in his room.
- He's our star.
- It's a, it's a lot of...
This is a lot harder than
I thought it would be.
Cause--
Yes?
- Yo, dude, everyone's here.
- That's great.
Um, everyone's here?
- He's communicating
but he's still in robe.
- Could you come
here for a minute?
- They're fighting over there?
- Lover's spat.
- Yeah, a little bit.
- Come on, dude, it's me, T-Rex.
- What, you said
don't open the door?
- What up?
- Just I got like no sleep...
- Are you not in a
good mood, Ramsey?
- Not in a
good mood and, uh...
Feel like I could do 45 minutes
and these guys got like a
million lights, so it's...
I just wanna say a
couple of things.
Let's, um, try to
remember today's about
Lenny Bruce and free speech
and that's what it's about.
That's free speech.
All the comics are far
more concerned with
rounding up strange
women to have sex with
than any kind of thing
involving free speech.
They have no idea
about their own art.
- Well, you know all I can say
is that I hope you're wrong.
I'm not going in
there again, dude.
I'm not going in there again.
Oh no, no, no, none of that.
- Relax.
- Relax, alright, thank you.
Thank you, aw, thank you.
This is what I really need.
Oh, a kiss from an Italian!
A real Italian!
- That's a real
kiss, God damn it.
- Yeah, I know.
Yeah, I can smell it.
- America.
- Oh, oh hey, looks who's here.
It was my idea to bring
Ramsey's father in.
He...
Ramsey volunteered
him as our attorney.
Everyone this is Reid.
This is Ramsey's father.
- Oh wow.
- He's also our lawyer.
- This is very important.
- He's going to stay here in LA
in case we get into
some serious trouble,
it's two hours to Barstow.
So we're covered.
So feel free to get into
some serious trouble,
he will bail us out.
- Just like that.
- Just like that?
He's a big attorney,
he's a Palm Beach attorney.
I mean, Ramsey's father
is an amazing fellow.
- It was a pleasure meeting you.
- Alright, I'm
sorry you can't go.
- That's alright,
they're gonna regret it.
Cause I'm funny.
Crash and burn, you gotta
learn that way, right?
- Reid Moore, here.
Eh...
Alan, I understand...
- Cause even in my own movie,
I'm like the least
important person.
- I didn't
know their history
and I know people have claimed
that I did know these things
that I orchestrated this
whole thing to self-destruct.
- We're experiencing
some turbulence.
- Get ready, baby,
for a wild ride.
- Freedom is what
it's all about.
- I think we had a
real fascinating group of...
You know, of crazy
fucks involved in this
and there's no way
that we weren't
gonna get something
absolutely fascinating.
- You always have
to sound like you're
swallowing an ice cold water
after walking
through the desert.
- Ramsey!
- Yes?
- Boobs
were an important part
of The Lenny Bruce Experiment.
Georgia had agreed
show her breasts,
Dinah Leffert had
agreed show her breasts.
It marred the experiment,
it proved to be the unraveling
of the whole experiment.
- Oh yeah.
- Oh my God, I'm never
kissing you again, Ramsey.
God!
- I'm sorry.
- That's terrible!
- I know, it's like...
- I'm sorry.
Um...
No, but it's not
funny cause it's real,
it's funny cause it was kind...
Oh fuck.
- Oh my God.
- Never mind, this...
This is pretty much the worst
thing that ever happened.
- But that's also
kinda hot, I mean.
She made something
bad and made it good.
- And Ramsey?
- The worst thing that
happened to me was, um...
- What?
- I was eight and I had a...
Younger brother that
was a year and a half
and my dad was running
for political office
and, um, my sister who was...
Ten was taking care of a year
and a half year old named Hiram.
And, uh...
She, uh...
Started the bath and uh...
Put Hiram in the bathtub.
And every day, you
know, we were kids...
Every day like three
o'clock or three thirty,
TBS they played
the Three Stooges.
So she came in and...
Was watching the
Three Stooges with us
and forgot about my
little brother and...
He proceeded to
drown in the bathtub.
And to make matters worse,
for political reasons, my father
made us pretend like it
didn't happen for a month
so he could get elected.
Because he knew that would
hurt his chances
of getting elected.
So we had to pretend like
he was alive for a month.
That was the worst thing
that ever happened.
- That's pretty shitty.
- But if I hadn't
been through that
I wouldn't be a
comic or an actor.
You know.
I'd be another schmuck
going to Ivy League school,
working on Wall Street
and dropping dead
of a heart attack at 42.
Thank goodness.
- Amen.
- Things
seemed to calm down.
Guys, we are in Barstow!
That was until I found out
that Johnny Blaze and Reid
were on their way
up to the event.
- I hate these fuckin' people.
None of them make sense
at all, it's like...
Can you...
- Uh...
- Ramsey, are you okay?
- I'm cool.
I'm pretty pissed
that my dad's here.
Cause he was told
specifically not to come.
- But he just wants
to support you.
- No, he doesn't.
- What are you afraid of?
- I'm afraid that
he's just trying to...
He's been doing
this my whole life.
I'm afraid he's just trying
to steal the spotlight and...
Glom his way into shit.
That's what I'm afraid of.
- You are gonna be awesome.
Don't worry.
- Alright, thank you.
- You're welcome.
- You're awesome.
- What's up?
- Did we or did we
not specifically say
you are not coming to
Barstow to the show?
- Yes!
- And Dad, we
specifically talked about
not coming to the show.
- Oh, wait a minute, I came--
- Specifically!
- I came all the way out
here to California...
- Yeah?
- To see the situation,
now you think I shouldn't
come to the show?
- No, come.
And I'm sorry, Johnny, come.
Come to the show.
- Oh, so I--
- Come to the show
because you know what?
Nobody else is doing what
the fuck I want today,
so why would Johnny Blaze and
my dad not be any different?
- You know what,
since I'm here...
I will be a PA.
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie to you.
I will, I did wanna come.
- If he goes off his
rocker, it's not my fault.
- I know, Reid, can we take
a little walk for a second?
I think he's a little
jealous that you
sort of take some of the
attention away from him.
You're a very
charismatic guy, okay?
Sit sort of away from the stage.
I just don't want him to...
To see, see you.
- I'll try not to
aggravate the situation.
- Alright, thank
you, I know it sounds
a little unreasonable.
- Um, where's my limo guy?
What'd you say?
We're short a person, dude.
- Okay.
- You're a limo
driver but you're...
Yeah, uh, what...
What else do you do?
- As most people in LA, I
came to be an actor so...
- Okay, you came to be an actor.
So you know how to PA?
- No.
- I need you to
run follow a spot.
Okay, so take care of him
but you just gotta
move the light around
so you can shoot the
comedian with the light.
Ramsey wants to talk
to the guys alone.
- Oh okay, okay, sure!
- Okay, so in five minutes I
need you guys all out of here.
I think you should
stay over there.
- Sorry.
- Stay.
- Alright.
- Oh that's nice, fella.
- You like that?
It's a really nice cock.
- I thought it would be bigger.
- Can I talk now?
- I knew that things would...
Get a little messy with
Ramsey at the helm.
- Comedy to me is a
sacred fucking thing.
It is saying what no
one can say in public
and saying it anyway
and being cool with it.
It's saying I could
fucking rape my sister
and making a joke about it.
It's saying my friend got
shot in the face for crack
and making a joke about it.
It's saying the fucking
Holocaust happened
and the Jews had it coming
and making a joke about it.
It's about pushing the envelope,
it's about having an art form.
We are part of a
fucking fraternity
and we're, the reason
we're all shit on
over and over again as opposed
to some fucking hack band
that's playing, you
know, Matchbox 20 covers
is because the shit
that went on today.
Realize the power you
have in your hands
to get on the stage
and say something
that no one else can say!
There's a whole country of
people dying in cubicles
and having heart
attacks and Lipitor
is the most popular
drug because people
can't handle their lives!
We get to live free!
And people die for that.
And if you can shit
it away on pussy
or you're a black man and you're
acting like a fucking coon.
- How is that?
- Your pants are
around your legs,
you're shoving your
face in ass and stuff.
- Did you not tell me
you wanted me to do this
for your fucking thing?
To go--
- But I also, I also thought
you'd know more once
you'd be in the thing.
Did you even
Wikipedia Lenny Bruce?
- Ramsey, I--
- Did you even read a
book of Lenny Bruce?
Did you even, you know,
did you even look at a YouTube?
But you know, you
know every single
thing about every girl
you wanted to fuck ever.
- Well, that's probably the
reason I got into standup
and I'm not gonna lie.
Cause I like it when
girls laugh at me.
Since I was in fourth
grade, I fucking love it.
I love when girls laugh at me.
- The whole part
of the experiment
was that, was to be--
- Well the experiment
has motherfucking failed!
- Where's this shit
coming from, Ramsey?
Like what the fuck?
- Let's go, let's go, out, out.
Please.
- Yeah,
but that's immature, man.
- Yeah, it is immature.
Please.
Please, all of you
guys get out of here.
- Go have a good show, you
heartless motherfuckers.
- Yeah, please, get
out of the fucking...
Get out of the green room.
- Gotta get a chair, man.
- You too, Dave.
Cause you're not an artist.
- You know, you saying
I'm not a fucking artist?
After all that I've suffered?
After all that I've done
for you and for your shit.
For you and for your shit!
- And you don't get
this, this is art.
- Fuck off.
- They may have not
risen to the occasion,
I may fucking agree with you
but that was fucking wrong, man.
Fuck.
- I'm gonna be your host
throughout the entire night,
so you can't get sick of Kato.
- In his twisted mind,
how he sees the movie--
- Don't, don't listen to
him, listen to Brandon.
- Yeah, as far as--
- He's not right.
He's not the director, fuck him.
- She's like, we got
these super fans.
Here, Irene, do a quick
supermodel set for us.
Give me that hair!
Walk towards me, baby.
It's Irene, modeling the
latest from Nordstroms.
- My wife's at home with
three kids by herself
and she's fucking
calling me like,
these fucking kids
are driving me crazy.
And I'm here and I'm not
being appreciated for it?
- I appreciate you.
- I'ma go home
and she's like, how was it?
It was fucked up.
- This is my time
traveling machine,
where I reversed Kato's
set and you never saw it
and you're better for it.
Holy fucking Christ.
If somebody dies tonight,
it's his fucking fault.
He's got bad mojo.
Hey, you know what?
Actually, I said that to find
out who the assholes are.
Sir, I'm sick and
tired of people
fucking with my friend Kato.
Leggo my motherfucking Kato.
He didn't do it.
The only thing he's guilty of
is living in a fucking
guest house like a bitch.
- Hi, sugar.
- You guys, this is a really
dirty fucking business.
Like, let me just, can I...
I'm tired, can I
talk to you guys?
Listen it's a dirty business,
there's a lot of funny
female comics but you
don't see a lot of funny
female comics cause they
can't handle the environment.
It's like, it's kinda like
being a fucking stripper.
- Do you really wanna know
what I think about you?
- About me?
- Yeah.
- I would love to.
- Do you really wanna know
what I think about you?
- Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
- Alright, come with me.
- The dance of shame at the end
where you have to
pick up the dollars.
You fucking kidding me?
I'll go to Arizona
and get, like,
a fucking illegal
to chase me home
and just blow that
shit backstage for me.
Just...
Shame on you, Arizona!
- What surprises me is that...
What the cameras didn't
capture with Ramsey.
How did we not...
See what was going on?
- Okay, Alicia, do
you got us in frame?
- Mmhmm.
Yeah.
We're back.
- So should I go first?
I'll tell you what
I think of you.
- You sure you don't
want me to go first?
- No, it's cool, I'll do it.
- Or you can go first,
just be really honest.
- I will, I promise.
Okay, so, I think
you're a wonderful guy.
Um...
Like you're just a
big bowl of furriness
that, I don't know, I think
you're really sweet and stuff.
- Would you fuck me?
- Um...
Um...
I might.
- Really?
- I don't know, I haven't
really ever thought of it
that way before.
- What about right here
with Alicia watching?
- No!
Then I would definitely...
Alicia, you do not
need to watch that.
That's, that's...
- Do you wanna see that, Alicia?
- Um...
Uh...
- I don't think Alicia could
handle something like that.
- Okay.
- Uh...
- So your turn.
- Alright.
Do you know what
I think about you?
- I would like to know.
- You ever been to a...
A Mexican party?
- Yes, Yeah, I have actually.
I live in LA.
- You're like a big
beautiful pinata.
- Okay.
- And they string
it up from a tree
and then all the kids
whack it with a stick
until something falls out of it.
- What are you trying to say?
That I'm full of candy?
- No, I'm saying
you're the empty pinata
after the candy's been eaten.
- What?
- You're, you know...
Beautiful,
charming,
and ultimately empty,
no more to value.
- What are you...
I'm not empty.
I mean, you don't really
know me that well,
how can you say that I'm empty?
- Oh, I know you.
I know your type.
- Yeah, but I'm not my type.
I mean, you should know that.
I've showed you a big part of me
that is not like everyone else.
- See that's just the thing,
all the people like
you that are empty
and ultimately just zombies,
they think and people tell them
that they're special,
that they're filled
with goodness,
but the ultimate joke...
There's nothing there.
- Oh, okay, Ramsey.
- Ramsey, you're being weird.
- Show.
- Fine.
- Was that nice?
- You can play with
it, I don't care.
Rub it for good luck.
- Yeah.
You have a nice head.
- Thanks.
I thought you did, too.
- Oh, now you don't think I do?
- Well, you're saying
horrible things to me.
- I don't think
they're horrible.
Are those horrible things
to say someone, Alicia?
- Okay, that's enough, Rams.
That is...
- Do I make you nervous?
- A little bit, yeah.
You're all sweaty.
- Oh, now I'm sweaty.
Artists sweat, too.
- Apparently.
- And they bleed.
- Okay.
- And they have bad times.
- Yeah,
he's so much better
than us, right, Georgia?
- Do you think I
look great right now?
- I think you look great, cause
I think it's the real you.
- Yeah.
It is the real me.
- Wanna get drunk?
- No.
- No?
- No, I don't.
- Do some pills?
- No, I really don't.
I've never done that stuff.
I don't need it.
- Need it?
- Yeah.
- This has nothing
to do with need.
- Okay, you're hurting me.
- Look, I fucking do what I do
but I fucking show up
and I fucking deliver.
- Okay--
- And I let people
see my pain and
they laugh at it.
- Yeah, you deliver--
- That's what I do.
- You're always there, right?
- Always.
- Until you're with...
You were there for your brother?
- I can't believe
you'd fucking say that.
- Well, listen to the stuff
you were saying to me.
- No!
No, no!
No!
- Your parents
gave you everything
and it led you to this spot
where you thought you
could say something to me?
You thought you could judge me?
I say what I want!
- No, no, but say what you want
but don't kill me.
Take care of.
- Never
had to struggle!
- I think we have a sort
of would-be comedian
who wants to do a
little bit of time.
- Okay.
- His name is Johnny Blaze.
- Johnny Blaze.
- There's a couple guys I know
and it's so crazy because
they'll start talking to you
and they'll be like.
Yo, oh yeah, I'm over here.
Oh, come on in.
What the hell are
you talking about?
People that gerbil their
words, I can't stand em.
I just, come on, if
you're gonna talk--
- You just got a phone-call.
- Thank you.
- You just got a phone-call.
No, you did!
Johnny Blaze, everybody.
- Alicia's boyfriend
followed her out here.
She said he's outside,
I don't wanna be a
part of this anymore.
- Alright, okay.
- And then Georgia
went with her.
- Ramsey pissed, pissed
off some girls, okay?
So I'm gonna need
you, so supposedly
they're over at Starbucks and
we need you to go over there.
Okay and just check up on them?
Cause I can't get
in touch with them
cause they're not picking
up their fucking phones.
- I collect unemployment.
I bought weed with
my unemployment
and, most important, I
fuck fat white chicks.
Whoo!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Fucking A, right?
- The fact that the
girls are now gone,
sitting over at Starbucks,
crying about stuff
and I can't reach them
cause they're not
answering their phone.
Take a ride, go apologize, dude.
Here are my fucking keys, okay?
Just go for a
fucking ride, okay?
- You know once again,
Brandon, I'm the bad guy.
- Dude, you are the
bad guy right now.
Just be the good guy.
Be the good guy.
- Why did I take my shirt off?
I shouldn't have...
I shouldn't have
smoked that much weed.
Like I smoked so much weed
that this seems like
a fucking good idea.
- We're
gonna have to go
and get these girls,
they're at a Starbucks
sucking down frappuccinos
with a bad attitude.
Let's...
What is funny about you?
- Um...
- No, tell me
what's funny about you.
What's funny about Johnny Blaze?
- Um...
- It should
come right out, Johnny.
If you have to think
about it, it's a lie.
What's funny about you?
- My...
I'm funny.
- No, no, you
can't say I'm funny.
What is funny about you?
- Um...
- Fucking retarded
children are funny,
are you a retarded child?
- No.
- Are you
some down syndrome kid
playing in the park,
can't even hit a baseball?
Can't run to first,
are you one of those?
- No.
- Then you better
have some fucking answer
to what's funny
about Johnny Blaze.
Cause there's a
hierarchy in comedy.
And the headliners
are like the gods
and you're like the little man,
you're like...
You're like the people that
die in earthquakes and stuff.
- Okay, yeah.
- If this is Katrina,
I'd be in the helicopter
and you'd be left on
the rooftop of a house.
Do you understand what
I'm saying to you?
- Yes, yes.
- Now what's
funny about Johnny Blaze?
Motherfucker, what's
funny about Johnny Blaze?
- His energy!
- Okay, his energy.
What's his energy like?
- It's spastic, crazy!
- Right, like a retard.
Like a fucking retard, Johnny.
- Not a retard.
- Yeah.
That's what you are, you're...
That's what's funny about you.
- I'm not retarded.
- Yes, you are.
- I'm not.
- Your parents
love you, you know why?
They didn't let you know
you were dumb young.
- Ramsey Moore!
You're my only friend I
have in the fucking world!
You know what it's
like to grow up
and have no friends?
And everybody to hate you?
And spite you and
you can't go over
to any of your friends' house?
Your mom won't even
fucking talk to you?
- Johnny...
- You're, you said
you were my friend.
- Johnny,
you know what?
You just found something
that is funny about you.
- You said you were my friend.
- You found...
Quit fucking, if you
cry I swear to God,
I will knock your
head through the roof.
You just found out what
is funny about you.
You have lived your entire life
without a single fucking friend
and now you're just learning
because you think
I'm your friend.
- You said you were my friend!
- I don't
give a fuck about you!
If you're gonna cry...
Okay, pull over.
Pull over, I can't
take the crying.
Pull this car the fuck over.
- I'm not, I'm trying--
- You dumb
fucking monkey,
pull this car over.
- I'm trying to find a sp--
- Get this
car off the road!
- Ramsey...
There's no Starbucks out here.
- Oh, God damn it.
- What?
- If you don't
quit fucking crying,
I swear to God, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna rip your eyes
out of your fucking head.
- You said you were my friend.
- You fucking pussy.
You fucking, this is
why you have no friends!
Johnny.
Fucking even...
Did you cry all
through high school?
Little Johnny cry eye?
Sob like a fucking bitch.
- You don't know what it's like.
- What do you see?
- I don't see anything!
- Fuck you!
- My God, Ramsey,
what are you doing?
Oh my God!
What are you doing?
I can't...
My eyes!
My fucking eyes!
I can't see.
I can't...
Oh God, Ramsey!
You're my only friend.
You're my only friend.
You're my only friend.
You're my only friend.
- Fuck you!
- You're my only...
Ramsey, you're my only friend.
- Fuck!
Fuck you!
- Please...
Please give it up
for Randal Reeder.
Come on, everybody,
it's the big man.
It's Big Bob.
- I mean, I've um...
You know, worked
with Oliver Stone
and, you know, just
amazing actors,
Edward Norton and
all this and, um,
I'm forever
remembered as Big Bob,
the cock meat sandwich guy.
I guess it's kinda like you...
You know, you build
a thousand bridges
in your lifetime,
you suck one cock...
- So what
happened, dude?
- Oh, Johnny Blaze
went back to LA.
- What?
Where are the
fucking girls, dude?
Whatever, man.
Whatever, so what are they
still over at Starbucks?
- No, they're not.
- So they
all went back to LA?
- Yeah.
- Ramsey Moore...
- Brandon Graham.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm a lot better now.
- You ready to rock?
- I'm ready to rock.
How are you, gorgeous?
- I'm well, laughing.
- Good.
Thanks for sitting with my dad.
I yelled at him earlier.
- It's all good, he's laughing.
- Yeah, good.
We'll see if he--
- Ready to rock?
- I'm ready to rock, see
if he keeps laughing.
- Kick ass.
- Uh, let me tell you something.
I'm a pro, I don't care what
the fuck you've seen before me.
I'm the real deal.
I don't fuck around.
I'm a real fucking professional
and I'm funny as shit.
And I'm not afraid
of nobody in Barstow,
I know you got some bad
motherfuckers out here.
But my name's Brian Swineheart
and my friends call me B-Swine.
B-Swine, the other white meat.
Cause I had an audition
for a tampon commercial.
At first I thought, well
that sounds kinda weird,
but then I realized something...
Who knows more about
bloody pussy than me?
My whole life been
cockblocked by bloody pussy
and it's become a problem.
You know, when I was
a kid I was afraid.
Had a girl in my
dad's pickup truck,
my dad let me take the
truck out for the night.
Oh great, man, I'm
gonna pick up this girl,
man, she's so cute.
I got bloody pussy.
Uh, you better get
out of my dad's truck
cause he beat the shit out of me
when I let the candy bar melt.
- They say the
sanctity of human life
is the most important
thing itself.
Entire government.
Yes, in order to preserve life
or to keep it from harm.
But what happens when people
start to kill each other?
Hey.
What's up, brother?
- How's it going?
- It's going good, dude.
You ever have a fucking...
Amazing day?
- Yeah, I have.
- I'm just fucking
with you, man.
How you doing?
He having, if this
motherfucker right here
hasn't even looked
up from his plate
since I fucking
grabbed the microphone.
This motherfucker is
straight up chips and cheese
the whole fucking
time, God damn.
What you get on your SATs?
Barbecue sauce?
I'm gonna come up with my
own homeless dating service.
Fuck MySpace, No Place.
My name's Choo-Choo.
I like long romantic
walks through alleyways,
crushing cans and
arguing with buildings.
If this sounds like
a good time to you,
go to the corner of 5th
and Main and go ooh-ooh!
- Ramsey says he
wants to talk to you,
he's being weird.
Just go over and humor
him for a little bit.
Okay?
That cool?
Really?
- Christmas time,
it's Christmas time,
Can I get a dollar?
Fuck you, you're not homeless,
you're hanging out outside.
- Here piggy,
piggy, piggy, piggy.
Ramsey, found the
perfect place to fuck.
♪ Fie, fi, fiddly I, O ♪
♪ Fie, fi, fiddly I, O ♪
♪ I said ♪
♪ Fie, fi, fiddly I, O ♪
♪ Someone's getting boned
in the kitchen with Dinah ♪
And you are the
lucky little piggy.
Hmm, interesting.
How'd you get so lucky, Ramsey?
- Alright.
Ramsey--
Ramsey doing a sex tape.
Take one.
- Oh yeah, Ramsey,
you really turn me on.
Wanna fuck?
- That's not how you
start a sex tape.
- Yes, it is.
Let's fuck.
- That's all you can hit?
- I'm not trying to hurt you.
- You doing this sort
of sex tape with a slap,
slap the crap out of me.
That feels good.
Come on, harder than that.
That's ridiculous.
Come on.
Don't be a pussy.
Don't be a pussy.
Don't.
Don't be a--
- Oh!
- See that's how you
start a sex tape.
- Wait!
Oh my God, Ramsey!
Why are you going so aggressive?
It's hot, but seriously
back up, fool.
It's carb day.
It's carb day for Ramsey.
Isn't it carb day for
you every fucking day?
You fucking sloppy
fucking son of a stupid
fucking cunt bitch?
How about some apricot jam?
Oh, you know what I found?
Butter, how about eating
a fucking stick of butter,
you douchebag?
Why don't you go try to
find your fucking cock?
I couldn't find it.
Is it under the flap?
You're such a fucking dick.
Why do you...
You can't be fat and
a dick, pick one.
You can be fat and nice or
you can be a dick and hot,
but you can't be both, Ramsey!
Anything else?
Want some mayonnaise?
I need a fucking...
Just...
Where'd you go, Ramsey?
I'm gonna leave the
camera in the refrigerator
for you to find, Ramsey,
because you're eventually
gonna open the refrigerator.
Perfect place for
you to find it.
Seriously, dude, you
could've got laid tonight
but instead you had to be a...
Fat loser douchebag cunt and
you're not gonna get fucked,
so why don't you
learn a lesson--
Ramsey, stop, no!
- I hate you!
- My daughter's got
dudes coming to the house
picking her up
for fucking dates.
My 17 year old, my
brother's like dude,
when they come
over to the house,
get a shotgun and
clean the shotgun
in the living room
when they come over.
Look at, really?
I let 'em know that
I'm crazy off the top.
They come to my house,
I come to the door
in a sombrero and
lime green Crocs.
Asshole naked and jerk off
real slow in the doorway.
With no expression on my face,
like I don't like it,
I'm just doing it.
- What did I miss?
How did I not see
certain things coming?
Where...
Was I when things went
wrong during the event?
- This guy starring in the film,
the Lenny Bruce film
that we're doing.
Come on, give it up.
Also in the Real Potheads
of North Hollywood,
our friend,
our funny man and you
guys start clapping now,
it's Ramsey Moore!
Ramsey Moore.
Ramsey Moore!
Come on, keep it up,
Ramsey, this is yours.
- You guys are all
probably wondering
what I think about you.
I think if everybody
in this room
got killed in an earthquake,
the world would be a
better fucking place.
I think if a bunch
of rowdy Al Qaeda
came in here and
blew this room up,
man, woman and child, the world
would be a better fucking place.
- The fuck?
- A little kid, two years old
will fall down
and bang his head,
but he won't cry until
everybody looks at him.
You know why?
Because of the shame.
It's the same thing with
girls that get raped.
Girls get raped all the time,
it's called rough sex.
It's called being choked out.
It's called being
drunk and coked up,
but when they go home to daddy
he calls them raped, damaged.
They can never
recover from that.
But you guys can't handle
that kind of truth.
Cause of most of
the guys in here
that probably raped somebody.
Let me tell you
about the day I knew
I had to be a comic...
My mother was dying of cancer,
she was in a hospital...
And she was on life support
and all my family left,
I was the only one
in the fucking room.
When the doctor
brought me a clipboard
and said sign this.
And I said, why do
I have to sign this?
He goes, cause we have
to unplug the machine
and nobody else in your
family will sign it.
So that's the day I
knew I had to tell jokes
and laugh because life is
not filled with laughter.
Life is filled with sadness
and pain and suffering.
Shout me down, the fat
man telling the truth
but laugh at the
monkeys dancing.
Laugh at the pretty
ones that tell you
what you wanna hear.
I will tell you what
you don't wanna hear.
The truth.
This is all going to
hell in a hand basket
and one day we'll all be dust
and you'll have to
say to yourself,
what was I remembered for?
This work is great.
That's right, I'm fat.
That's the one
thing you can say.
That's the one
thing you can say.
You know what?
Cause you're a dumb
motherfucker, sir.
A dumb motherfucker.
And you know what?
Fuck this place.
- Is Ramsey done
already off stage?
- Fucking nice to say?
- I know.
- Who gives a fuck,
take your shirt off
and I'll come up there
and play with your shit.
Fuck that dumb nigger.
Come on, Ramsey.
You're a funny,
handsome kind person.
Fuck what that guy has to say.
Don't let that shit get to you.
- Alright, man.
Dude, dude, let's go.
Let's go, man, before
shit gets even worse.
I didn't know what just
happened there, man,
if it made you feel better...
It made you feel better.
The car's right there, dude.
Car's right there.
Get the fuck outta here
before someone puts a fucking
bullet in your head, dude.
- The office is open
from eight AM to six PM.
- Yeah, I know,
but it has a buzzer.
You know like every hotel...
Is supposed to have a buzzer.
- Please use the night window.
- I did,
push the buzzer.
Do you think I'm not
doing it correctly?
- No, I think you are
it's just really funny
that this is like...
Can we get a picture of this?
Could we...
- Here we are.
- Hello!
Hello, hello.
I was like sitting, I
was looking directly
at like a black woman
and I saw her face...
When you said the
n-word and then, like,
she got uncomfortable and
then I was looking at her
and I got uncomfortable
cause I was looking at her
and it was like, we're
both uncomfortable.
♪ So refined ♪
- Christina's
doing a song for us.
- Okay, that's great.
But get your guys...
You guys can go
back to Shooters.
Get your ass back to Shooters.
Right past Shooters is a motel.
This is the last movie
I'm ever gonna direct.
This is the end...
Of Brandon Graham's career.
- Chavez!
Cesar Chavez.
- Yeah, no, because my dad
just called me from the hotel.
Yes, security in the room.
Oh, you are?
Thank you.
- What a disaster.
At least I took my
shirt off, though.
That was kinda cool.
- Oh yeah, that was the
highlight of the night.
- I don't think I should
do any more talking.
- Shelley, do you wanna
come to my room with me?
- Yeah, definitely.
Um...
Sure.
What do you got?
- I got a
fun time for you.
- You do?
Come on, Daddy, don't
you wanna play tonight?
Huh?
♪ My heart belongs to Daddy ♪
♪ So I want to
warn you, laddie ♪
♪ That you know that
I'm perfectly swell ♪
♪ That ♪
- Pull it apart for me.
- Here?
- Yeah.
♪ So well ♪
- Oh yeah.
Spank yourself a little.
Oh yeah.
♪ My heart belongs to Daddy ♪
- Come on, come on, Daddy.
Oh, I want my Daddy to fuck me.
Oh God, you got the biggest...
Fuck me, God, ride me, oh!
Yeah!
Oh, God.
Yeah, fuck me.
- Accept it, take it.
- Daddy, yeah.
Ah yeah!
Oh yeah.
Yes, Daddy, oh, oh God.
Yeah.
Oh!
Oh yeah!
Daddy...
- Bet you didn't see
that coming, huh?
- Mm mm.
Yeah, that was pretty hot baby.
Oh yeah.
That was...
Hey, that was the best I've
had in a long time, Daddy.
Yeah.
Yup, you know...
Keep that up, I'm
coming back for more.
- They always come back for
more if you fuck 'em good.
- Yeah?
You know what I like
about it, though,
is like you just,
you put everything,
you put your all into it.
I'm just like...
I can't get loose, there I
am, you're just pounding me.
Oh.
I didn't know it was
gonna be this fun.
I thought...
I had no idea it was
gonna be this fun.
Uh uh.
- Shelley, that's
the thing about me.
No one ever sees me coming.
- Nope.
I didn't see you coming, but...
You know what?
I don't know, maybe next time
I'm gonna bring some like
kinky toys and so
that, you know,
while you're like
doing it from the back
you could be whipping me, too.
And then I could,
like, you know...
Turn around and grab you by
the cock and make you just...
Slam it, you know, so...
Something cool like that, huh?
- So you're talking bondage?
- Yeah.
I like bondage.
- I do, too.
- You know.
And I'm gonna like, do
something that you've never
expected before, I'm gonna...
Okay, you got it, right?
I'm gonna be like
both knees over you
and I'm gonna put my
crotch over your mouth,
sit right on your face.
You know what I'm saying?
And just squirt
all in your mouth.
You're gonna be like uh uh.
Oh my God.
I mean...
- That's hot.
- Is that hot?
You're gonna be
like, oh yeah baby,
I wanna taste you every day
cause you taste like honey.
Come to me.
- You know what they call me
in the bondage world, don't you?
- What?
- Flesh blanket.
- Flesh blanket?
Ooh, I like that, baby.
- You get these little
90 pound Mexican girls
and all they want
me to do is just...
Lay on top of them
and smother them.
- Is that right?
That's your fetish?
- It's their fetish.
- Ooh.
I like that, flesh blanket.
Yeah, baby, give me a little
taste of that flesh blanket.
Mmm.
Sounds kinda sensual.
Flesh blanket.
Ooh, yeah, baby.
Ooh, again?
Oh, do you know how I like...
Come on, Daddy.
We're not done yet.
Huh?
- Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
- It'd be really great
to be with someone who
is trustworthy and generous
and has a big heart and...
- You know, Christina,
this is what
Ramsey has been
wanting here all day.
- All I know is
that God hates me.
I'm just saying.
- Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
- Uh...
It'd be cool if you come
over to the room, man.
We'd like to talk to you.
- Um...
Okay.
- Okay?
- Okay.
- Alright.
- I thought you were
gonna go have a good time.
- Yeah.
- Just...
Ramsey.
Ramsey.
- Yeah?
- If Christina and
Ramsey would've had
a human conversation
prior to this event,
maybe things wouldn't
have happened
the way that they did.
- Oh.
Been waiting all day for that.
Turns out Christina is
actually way into me.
She's getting her stuff
to spend the night
in Lee's double wide
trailer with me.
Can you imagine?
This could've been the
best day of my life.
- Hey, Ramsey.
- Gotta go.
- Good morning, sir.
- Good morning, dude.
- I think I got some pretty
good footage last night.
- You got some good shit?
- Yeah, how'd you sleep?
- Fucking horribly.
We gotta go, what
time is it, man?
It's like...
- Yeah, it's getting late.
- Alright, uh dude,
just wrap up your gear
and take a shower and stuff.
I gotta get back to LA.
I'm gonna get the car and stuff.
- Okay.
- Ramsey.
- What's up?
- Yeah, what's up?
Where's Ramsey?
- Your trailer.
Uh, can you get us
over there, man?
We need the car, we gotta wrap.
- Alright, I'll meet
you in the parking lot.
- Alright.
- And...
And what time is it?
- Six AM.
- Is it really?
- I don't know.
I'm not tired, I
don't have much.
- Wow.
Maybe we should go to bed.
- Could you do something?
- Yes.
What?
- Would you, uh, dance with me?
- Sure.
You wanna dance with me?
- Yeah, I always had this--
- What kind of dancing rules?
Salsa, merengue?
- I know you can dance
me under the table but...
Ever since I've known you,
I've always wanted
to just slow dance.
- Like we're in high school?
- Like we're in high school.
- Prom, baby.
Alright, I'm ready.
Let's dance.
I'm teasing.
- I...
I...
- We're slow dancing.
- We're slow dancing.
- Oh, so we're like hugging?
That's a little tight.
Tight.
What's, what's going on?
Ramsey?
Ramsey?
Ramsey, what are you doing?
Ramsey.
Ramsey!
What are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
- God damn it!
- I lost a lot of what
was important to me
through the process of
making my first feature film.
Would I change anything?
Um...
No.
I'm happy.
- Do you know what I
really think about you?
- Ramsey, come on, we gotta go.
Ramsey!
Ramsey!
Ramsey!
- What the fuck happened?
- Oh my God, Christina.
Call fucking 911 right now!
- What happened?
- Christina, what's wrong?
- Fuck!
- Jesus Christ,
call fucking 911!
- Just wanna make sure
that you understand,
that everybody understands that
I didn't do anything wrong.
I did my job as a father
and I made sure that
Ramsey got good Christian
orientation here and a full
education throughout his life.
So he understood
Christian principles
of love and mercy
and duty and honor
and all of those things.
And so I had no part in
anything he may have done
that wasn't like that.
Almost makes ill to think of...
What my son has done and...
No, I do not know
where my son is
and even if I did, I
certainly wouldn't tell you
so let me suggest
that's the end of it.
I don't think we'll
see each other again.
- Dad?
I remember the time I threw
my Frisbee up in the trees
and I climbed up on
the table to get it
and the table was made of glass.
I crashed through it and I bled.
And my mom was there to help me.
She's not there anymore.