Flee (2021) - full transcript

What does the word 'home' mean to you?

Home?

It's someplace safe.

Somewhere...

...you know you can stay, and
you don't have to move on.

It's not someplace temporary.

Scoot up a bit, just a little.

A bit down again.
Like that. Perfect.

I also have to do this.

So if you close your eyes...
- Yes.

...and try to take a deep breath.
Just relax completely.



Have you ever told your story before?

No.

But you're okay with telling me?

Yes.

Then I think that...

You don't have to tell me yet.
Just think back to your earliest memory.

What's the earliest thing
you remember?

I'm three or four years old.

Hey! Watch out!

Where are you?
- We're in Afghanistan, in Kabul.

Can you describe yourself?

I think I always had a tendency...

I think I always had a tendency...

I think I always had a tendency...



to be a little different.
Let's just put it like that.

to be a little different.
Let's just put it like t-hat.

to be a little different.
Let's just put it like that.

I wasn't afraid of wearing
my sister's dresses...

...my youngest sister's nightgown.

I liked the attention.

Where are you in Kabul?

In the house where I was born.

Where are your parents?
- My mom is inside.

I just know she is.

There you go, sweetie.
That should do the trick.

At night, I put my head on her lap,
and she strokes my hair.

No one can do it like her.

When I look at my mother, I wish I could
see what she looked like when she was young.

I've seen photos of her
with dark black hair,

but I only remember her with grey.

Go back and play.
Dinner will be ready in an hour.

Dad took me by the hand,
and we walked the airstrip together.

He lifted me up and
put me in the cockpit.

It didn't have a steering wheel. It was
like a joystick, with buttons everywhere.

My sister is telling us
stories about my father.

...and then we took off!
He said:

"It's important that you don't
touch any buttons."

"If you hit the wrong one,
it'll go kaboom!"

Then we flew off, into the clouds...

...and we could see
to the end of the world!

It was amazing!

Lots of it is true,
but she makes a lot up too.

My brother and I are completely in awe
of what she is telling us.

He said that as long as he was there,
nothing would ever happen to me.

I remember feeling jealous.

Why were you jealous?

Because she is telling us about
all these great things

that my brother and I never
got to experience...

...being together with our father.

Where is your father?

Can we just talk before we start?
- Yes, of course.

Some things are hard to talk
about. It's still tough,

but I need to come to terms with them.

It's my past, I can't run away
from it, and I don't want to.

I might be ready in
half a year, a year.

Of course.
We'll take it at your pace.

I'm just glad that you are
finally ready to tell your story.

I remember back in high school,
I had no clue.

There were so many stories
going around, like:

"Did you hear he walked
all the way from Afghanistan?"

Good one!
- I didn't know what to believe.

There were stories like that.

Wow!

I remember the first time I saw you.

There weren't a lot of immigrants back then.

You were wearing a black and white
checkered shirt. Remember?

Yes, I do.

And Buffalo shoes.
- That's me.

I thought, "He's cool."
- Fearless.

You kept staring straight ahead, like
you were trying not to attract attention.

You kept staring straight ahead, like
you were trying not to attract attention.

I don't think you noticed me. I was
surprised we got off at the same stop.

Look, I think it's from our Junior year?
- Yes, it's Junior prom.

Check out those fancy shoes!
Everything was tip top.

Here it is.

This is where my story begins.

I wrote it all down,
when I got to Denmark.

Can you try to read it?

It'll be hard. I'm not that good
at reading Dari anymore.

I can't even read my own handwriting.

After the Mujahideen...

The Mujahideen seized power
in Afghanistan...

They killed my father, kidnapped
my sister, and killed my mother and brother.

If I had stayed, they would likely
have killed me too.

It was pretty intense.

Have you told Kasper
any of these stories?

No.

Kasper, I'm going to start filming.

See if it needs more salt.

When are you getting married?

When we find a place to live.

First of all,
I want you to come home.

Secondly, I want a place
where we can have a party.

If we need to wait till we can have
a party, it'll take a while.

Maybe I'll just go buy us
a house while you're away.

You'll just have to
deal with it then.

When do you leave tomorrow?
- I have to be at the airport at 10.

How long this time?
- Till June.

I'll be back for a few months
and then leave again.

You leave again?
- I think so.

Kasper has no idea.

Where are you going?
- Back to the US.

Did you get an email from
your professor at Princeton?

No, a letter. He wants me
to do a post-doc.

To continue your research?
- Yes.

What does Kasper say about that?

We haven't really talked about it.

Last time we spoke,
we talked about your father.

Are you up to talking more about that?

Yes, it's just sad.

If we're back in Kabul
during your childhood,

where is your father?

We don't know.

He was taken away.
- Why?

Arise, you victims of oppression!

Arise, you prisoners of want!

Because the Afghan government
saw him as a threat

to communist rule,

after they overthrew
the monarchy in the late '70s...

...in 1979.

They rounded up about 3,000 people,
including my father.

My mother told me about the day
he was picked up.

She said that he expected it.

Akhtar Nawabi?
- Yes?

We have orders to bring you in.

Wait here. I'll get my coat.

Okay, but hurry up!

They've come for me.

You should keep this...

...just in case.

I'm not a threat to anyone.
I'll be back soon.

Then he was put in jail.

My mom told me that the family
was able to visit him quite often,

but three months later, he disappeared...

...just like that.

Amin, listen. You need to keep it high
and make sure the string is taut.

I spend a lot of time with my brother.

He's a real boy, the kind who gets his
hands dirty. He breeds pigeons on our roof.

Hold it tight! Be careful, Amin!
Give it to me! Give it to me!

Sorry.

I have 69 cards. How many do you have?
- 52.

I have 69 cards. How many do you have?
- 52.

How about I trade you Vivek Mushran
for Anil Kapoor?.

- Please, Sabia.

I said no. I'm not interested.
- But you have two Anil Kapoors!

I'll give you Vivek Mushran
and Mamik-Singfi for him.

I don't need either of them, and
it's always nice to have a spare Anil.

Look at him! He's so handsome.

Ugh! You really piss me off!

How do you want it?
- I don't care.

Actually, I'm not in the mood for this.

When did you first realize
that you were gay?

I wasn't very old.

I think I've had fantasies about men
ever since I was five or six years old.

I remember one of them very clearly.

I was enamored with
Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Seriously. I fantasized about him.

I also liked Jean-Claude Van Damme,
but for different reasons.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the way
I "liked" him was ... different.

I kind of knew all along
that I was into men,

without actually knowing what it meant.

In Afghanistan, homosexuals didn't
exist. There wasn't even a word for them.

They brought shame on the family,

so it was hard to accept being gay.

We play volleyball everyday.

Come on!

My brother and I
we're quite the team.

My brother is very tall
and great at spiking.

Focus!

These days, terrorists are receiving

brand-new, long-range missiles
from the US government.

The US wants a Vietnam War for the USSR
in Afghanistan, but I'm telling you

that when the US supplies
the terrorists with aid

to destroy Afghanistan,

Afghanistan could well become
a second Vietnam for the US instead!

The civil war began when my father was
taken away. They fought the Mujahideen.

The war isn't fought
in Kabul proper,

so we don't notice it too much.

The only reason I notice it
is because of my brother.

He's a growing teenage boy.

He doesn't want to join the army,
but he has to.

Saif!

The police are coming!
- Stop!

Run!

Saif!

Saif!

Saif!

Mom!

Mom, they're here.
They caught him!

You can't stay here. You need to hide.
Run over to Uncle Mahdi! Go!

Come back when it's dark.
Be careful!

My brother is always on the run.
He isn't the only one either.

Thousands of Afghan boys
don't want to go to war,

and with good reason.
Most of them don't return.

They die.

Oh my country, you suffer,
because you were betrayed.

Oh my country,
you've lost your melody, your voice.

Oh my country,
you are in pain, and there is no cure.

Oh my country...

Mujahideen attacks are on the rise
in Kabul after the Soviet withdrawal.

Yesterday, seven people were killed
near Kabul Airport.

...The last of the American embassy
personnel flew out of Kabul today

and went to India. Most other Western
embassies are either closed or closing.

The conventional wisdom is that when
the Soviets have completely withdrawn...

the Afghans will set on one another,

and the capital will be even more
dangerous than it is now.

The Soviet transport circles downward,
firing magnesium flares

to divert any heat-seeking missiles.

The American-armed Mujahideen guerrillas
are in the mountains around the city.

We know the Afghan army isn't
strong enough to fend off the Taliban,

so it's just a matter of time
before they invade Kabul.

We know they will seek revenge against
people they consider "non-believers."

Amin!

We need to get out right away.

We need to get out right away.

We pack a few things, but
we don't have time to sell anything.

Amin, come on.

So you barely made it out?
- Yes, at the very last minute.

I cry all the way to the airport
and then, on the plane.

Yeah...

We fled to Moscow.

Russia was the only country
that would grant us a tourist visa.

Russia was such a strange place
to be at the time.

We arrive a year
after the fall of communism.

People are starving,
and the supermarkets are empty.

The ruble keeps devaluating,
and they keep printing new notes.

There's a lot of crime,
and you can't trust the police.

Finally!
- Abbas! My son!

My big brother, who lives in Sweden,
meet us in Moscow when we arrive.

He rented an apartment for us.

Oh, my God! You've grown!

He fled in the '80s,
because he didn't want to go to war.

Go back!

Wow!

We need to get them to Sweden
as quickly as possible,

so that they can start school.
If we wait, they'll be too old.

I know. What about you, sweetheart?
Is Sweden treating you well?

Cleaning doesn't pay well,
but it's all right.

$4,600 dollars is all I could put together.
I'll get you more when I can.

Thank you.

When do you have to go back?
- Tomorrow. I only have two days off.

Come here, you two!

I bet it's boring hanging out with
mom and our sisters all the time.

I'll make real men out of you,
when you get to Sweden.

Just you wait!
The girls in Sweden are beautiful!

What's the plan?
- Getting out of Russia.

It costs a lot of money
to get smuggled to Sweden.

By traffickers?

Yes, human traffickers.
It's the cheapest way.

You can get to Sweden for $3,000.

It's $15-20,000 for all of us.

My big brother is under
enormous pressure because of it.

He doesn't make a lot of money.

Stop! Papers, please!

Papers!

Stay there.

Your visa is expired.

Thank you.

Go on.

Beat it!

We couldn't move about the city freely,

because we didn't have
the right papers,

so we stayed in Russia illegally.

I ran away from the police
whenever I saw them on the street.

So, I'd sit at home all day,
watching Mexican soap operas.

The whole family did.
It was the highlight of our day.

Let me help you with that suitcase.
- Oh, thank you!

Is this your first time in Mexico City?
- Yes! I've never seen anything like it.

And so we sit there for a year.

We just sit there, waiting to leave.

It's really hard for my brother
to put together all that money.

Then, there is only enough
to send my sisters.

Call me as soon as you get there.

Of course.

We're not told much about the journey.

Often, the traffickers
don't know themselves.

Then we just wait for
the call from Sweden,

hoping it's them,
saying they're safe.

Those traffickers are such bastards!

I think they're a bunch of psychopaths.

Get in!

You two! Get in!

They are put inside a freight
container, with lots of other people.

It's a bit warm in here...

Then it's loaded
onto a huge cargo ship,

and surrounded by other containers,

blocking it, so they can't get out.

My older brother called.

It was... I mean, it was...

Everything seemed normal

as the MS Estonia arrived in Stockholm
from Tallinn this morning.

The 1,100 passengers were unaware
of the drama happening below deck.

This is incredibly inhumane.
It's human trafficking at its worst.

Confined in a trailer were
64 refugees, fighting to get out.

It's unclear how long
they'd been inside.

Of the 64, 26 were children,
the youngest just 8 months old.

They nearly died on the way.

They're not well.

I think it's mainly the shock,
but they aren't saying much.

I know someone,
who can take a look at them.

I just need to get one thing straight:
Your two sisters survived, right?

Yes.
- They're not dead?

And you have an older brother,
and they all live in Sweden.

Yeah.

Because...I thought
your whole family was dead.

Yeah.
- And they're not.

No.

That's fantastic!
It's really great to hear that.

But in all these years, you never
told anyone about your family?

I think it was only
after I started university

that I began
to open up a bit...

...to an ex-boyfriend.
But that didn't go so well.

I told him a little about my family.

At first he seemed...

...very understanding,

but when we had a big argument,
he used it against me.

He said he would call the police
and inform them

that my asylum was based on a lie.

Even after I broke up with him,
I was terrified of it for years.

I think it's a great house.

It's nice.

The property is pretty big.
- It's enormous!

Is that also part of the property?
- Yes, all the way to the road.

It has a lot of potential.
- There's a cat!

It walks around like it owns the place.

If we bring our cat,
they'll have a big fight.

Try calling it.
- What do you say in Danish?

Here, kitty, kitty! Come here.

It wants to.
It's flirting.

Honey, look at all those
hazelnut trees!

I think they're hazelnut.
- Come.

Are they hazelnut?
- Yes.

He's so cute.

They're hazelnut, right?
- Kitty...

I'm not sure. They're not
hazelnut. They just look like it.

You really get into the summer mood
with the heat and...

But can you see yourself living there?
- Yes, I can. - Really?

What do you think?

Would you be able to live there, babe?
I don't want to be out there by myself.

Yes, of course.
- So you won't...

suddenly have all sorts
of commitments all the time.

The narrow roads
and big fields...

...They remind me of my time
at the asylum center.

I'm scared of feeling depressed
out there.

You'll never be a part of this family.
Leave! I never want to see you again!

But I'm carrying our child!
You can't just throw me out!

Police!

Police!

We heard a noise. Open the door!
We just want to talk to you.

We need to see your papers!
Open the door.

Fuck! I hate them.
They're the worst people in the world.

They stank of vodka.
It was so disgusting.

We know you're in there! Open up!

The nastiest people imaginable!

Even worse than the traffickers!

We have all day.

I don't remember the day we fled,
or how we got from Russia to...

I don't remember.

We drove for hours.

Now I remember.
We are in a big truck,

which normally carried wood.
They drive us.

We're dropped off in a forest
and have to sit there and wait.

It's really cold, and we
aren't dressed warmly enough.

There are two things I'll never
forget about that night.

Come on, Mother,
We need to keep up.

Faster!
No talking.

Wait!

Stop.

You there!
Keep moving. Go on!

He needs other shoes.
- We don't have any.

Are you kidding? You know we're
sneaking across the border, don't you?

What do you want me to do?
- Take them off!

He can't just take his shoes off!
- If you don't do it, I will!

What's going on? You can't stop.
You have to keep walking. Move!

No! Stop! I'll carry him.

I'll carry him.

We won't wait for you. Go!

You have to stay there, sweetie.
He's helping us...

Thank you.

Wait! Come help us!

She's holding us up.
- Why not shoot her in the head?

"We'll shoot her in the head
and leave her here." So cold-blooded.

I'll do it. It's easy.

No, I'll make sure she keeps up.
We'll hurry.

I think he said that to her son.

My mother was also old.

That woman... It's good
she didn't understand Russian.

They got this boat to take us to Sweden.

across the Baltic Sea to Sweden.

I know the boat can't...

My mother is terrified of water.

Are we all getting on this boat?
- I guess.

But there's not enough room?
- There has to be.

We'll never convince Mom
to get in that.

She has to. She can't stay here.

You need to stay below deck, so
the coast guard won't see you.

We stripped the inside,
so there's room down there.

It will take two days to get to Sweden.
Let's go!

No... No!

We sail for a couple of hours...
I think.

People start puking.

It's bad, real bad.

Water! Water is getting in!
Help! Help!

Open up!

So you're bailing out water
in the pouring rain.

We need to keep bailing it out,
because it keeps getting in.

The boat doesn't even have
a radio,

so we can't call for help.

No one knows how to swim either.

I think it would have been easier
if it was just me.

My mother was terrified.

Whenever she talked about death,
she always mentioned water.

Dying in water, drowning,
was her worst nightmare.

What's going through your head?

Who do I save first,
if the boat goes down?

Because you knew how to swim?

No.

I didn't really think about that.

Maybe I thought I could.
I have no clue.

I was more concerned...

...about who I would choose.

A few days pass.

Help! Over here!

Over here! Help!

It's from Norway!

I don't know why, but as I stand
there, looking at that ship,

I just can't feel the joy.

What's wrong?

I'm embarrassed...

...embarrassed and ashamed
of our situation.

People want to jump into the water
and swim to the ship.

I mean...

They think that if they jump
into the water and swim,

the ship will pick them up.

Everyone is so desperate...

It's a fantastic opportunity!

All of a sudden...

everything we want to achieve
is right there.

You could almost reach out and touch it.

We have called the Estonian
border police. They're on their way.

They will take you back.

We have called the Estonian
border police. They're on their way.

They will take you back.

Then the police come and take us:

men in camouflage, with
balaclavas and face paint.

They scream and shout like crazy.

I have no idea what's going on.

I'm crying and crying.
I can't stop.

I can see the fear in the
adults' eyes. They are terrified!

Even the big men... You can see it
in their eyes. They're petrified.

It really scared me.

If they are that afraid,
what will happen to us?

It must be serious.

It must be serious.

We are locked inside
an abandoned building.

There are guards,
and on that same day,

they run barbed wire
around the building.

People were in shock.

Based on how they treated us,

we thought we would
be there for the rest of our lives.

We have no idea what will happen to us.
No one tells us anything.

Journalists come and film us.
We hope something will happen, but no.

They get their footage of poor refugees
and go home to do their TV shows...

But nothing actually happens.
It's just us and the guards.

It felt like my life had ground to a halt.

Then, six months later,

they gave us two options:

Stay here to rot, or...

...go back to Moscow.

As soon as we arrive in Russia,
we are arrested by the Russian police.

They want to send us back
to Afghanistan,

but luckily... the Russian police
were so corrupt

that if we gave them the last
of our money, they would let us go.

Thanks for letting me crash here.

Do you want a snack with that?
- No.

What happened?

I just needed to get away.

I told Kasper that
I'm doing my postdoc at Princeton.

It didn't go well?
- No, it didn't.

He feels stupid because
we looked at al those houses.

He doesn't understand.

It seems as if
it's more Kasper's project than yours?

I don't know. It's his dream, but
I'd also like a place to settle down.

But?
- Nothing.

It makes me a little nervous.

Because...

Getting out of Russia
was a tremendous gift...

a tremendous gift.
I got a life.

I couldn't just
give that up or...

Yeah.

If it wasn't for my siblings,
I wouldn't be where I am today.

So, I bear a tremendous burden
on my shoulders...

...you could say.

For example, my brother had
a Finnish girlfriend for ten years.

They wanted children,
but he couldn't,

because he had to save
every penny to get us out of Russia.

His girlfriend left him.

How does not moving to the countryside
help your family?

Aren't you supposed to be on my side?

When are you leaving for the US?
- On Sunday.

Sunday?
- Yes.

How long will you be gone?
- I'm coming home for a few days.

So, three or four months from now?
- Yes.

Look at this place.
I can't believe it's ours!

Only the best for you, my love.

Something happened to my mom.
She started acting strange in Russia.

She got some kind of allergy.

I think she's homesick.
She misses Afghanistan.

It's boring just staying home

I'm a teenager, and I want
to experience something different,

so I go outside.

This is a restaurant of
Moscow-McDonald's joint venture.

This company is known around
the world for its prompt food service.

When we get out of Russia, we should
go to McDonald's to celebrate.

I'd like a Big Mac and a Coke,
thank you! It's going to be so nice.

Hey, you! Come with me!
- No! We didn't do anything!

Let me see your papers then.

Just as I thought.

Stop! Don't...
- Where's your money?

We don't have any!
We just wanted to see what's going on.

Can I see that watch for a second?
- Don't touch him!

Come here!

Look what I found.
- Nice! I'd like to have some fun with her.

Go on. Sit down!

What's with them?
- They need to be taught a lesson.

Sir!

Why are they here?
- These two? They're greedy. They won't pay.

What about her?
- She doesn't have any money either,

we thought she could pay us
in another way.

You two! Out!

I remember her face...
her black hair...

...big, dark eyes...

Fuck! Why didn't I protect her?
Say something? I just let it happen.

It's one of the most horrible
feelings I ever had.

I can't do this anymore.

My brother isn't very old,

but he assumed responsibility for us.

He wants to send my mother and I first.

This time, we're very careful.

We make arrangements with a
very expensive trafficker,

because we didn't want to go
through the same things again.

We insist on a safe, secure route,

which mean we only have enough
for one of us to leave.

In the end, my brother decides
that it should be me.

It was horrible, because I felt awful
about leaving him behind.

Each week, each month,
each year,

his chance of having a
decent future dwindles.

Okay. You have to learn
your name and date of birth by heart. V

You're Russian. Remember that. Speak
Russian if anyone asks you anything.

Destroy the passport as soon as
you reach your final destination.

If the police catch you with a fake
passport, they'll send you back to Russia.

Stick to the story we gave you. It's crucial.

From now on, you have no family.
They're dead.

You fled Afghanistan on your own,
without any help.

If you say anything else,
you'll be shipped back to Afghanistan.

What do you mean?
- Don't tell anyone about your family.

You have no family. Understand?

Good. Now get some sleep.
We have a long day tomorrow.

The traffickers had all this power
over my life.

You're left completely powerless.

I'm with another young guy,
also alone, just like like me.

He's nice and funny.
He makes me laugh.

He's a bit boyish, but there is
an age difference between us.

He's closer to becoming a man.

I think it's kind of sexy.

I think I have a little crush on him.

His gold necklace is so beautiful...

Do you want to try it on?
I'm sure it will look great on you.

Very nice!

Our flight to Istanbul will take
around two hours.

Thank you for flying
Ukrainian International Airlines.

Once you pass by
passport control on your right...

Don't stare! Once you pass it,
you're on your own.

You're going to different destinations.
You're going to Zurich, Gate D27.

You're going to Copenhagen, Gate A9.

You're going to Copenhagen, Gate A9.

I thought I was going to Sweden?
- No, you're going to Denmark.

Denmark? But...

It's the last trip, so you'll have
to manage on your own from now on.

Remember to eall home
as soon as you land. It's very important.

That way, I can get my money.

Okay. Now, go!

You're going to Zurich?
- Yes, it's in Switzerland.

Do you have family there?
- Is yours in Copenhagen?

Hey, thanks for letting me borrow it.
- No, keep it.

Are you sure?

Thank you.

Good luck.
- You too.

It's weird that I can't remember
his name, when he meant so much to me.

He was part of something
that had a huge influence on my life.

Then, all of a sudden, I'm flying
on my own, and landing in Copenhagen.

I sit there waiting for a while.

I see this big group of people,
so I start to follow them.

Move!

I think I just said "refugee."

What? Refugee?
- Refugee.

Where's your passport?

Karin is here because you're a minor,
who arrived without a guardian.

A guardian must be present at your interview.

The interpreter is Iranian and I'm
Afghani, so we miscommunicate.

Let's start with the formalities.
What's your name?

Amin.

We need to know
how you got here.

There's nothing to worry about.
Just tell us what happened.

I'm interrogated for hours.

I'm the only survivor from my family.

I have to stick to the story
the smuggler gave me.

I saw my mother and sisters
get killed.

I'm sobbing. The damn story really
hits me, even though it's not true.

I'm crying uncontrollably.
The tears just keep coming.

My father and I hid in the desert
for a year, before he was killed.

I'm surprised to be crying
over something that isn't true.

It took a month to get
from Afghanistan to Denmark.

As soon as I'm done,
I write everything down,

word for word, in Dari,
in my notebook.

I have no one. I'm all alone.

That's the story I told...

...everyone ... until now.

It is not until we're driving
through the town square,

and I see the neon lights...

that I realize...

I'm not being sent back.

Hello?
- Abbas?

Amin?
-Yes.

Finally! Are you okay?
-Yes.

Where are you?

In Denmark.
-Oh...

Why didn't you call earlier?
- I couldn't find a phone.

What? I can't hear you.

I couldn't find a phone.
- Okay.

I'll make the call to Moscow.

They told me to say
you're all dead...

...but you're not...

What do I tell people?

What do I say?

You have to do what
the trafficker said. Keep it secret.

But...
- I'll try to figure out a way to meet.

I'll let you know.
Take care of yourself.

Okay, bye.

It took years before
I could visit my siblings in Stockholm.

It was very lonely and frustrating.

The fear of getting caught
and being sent back was so strong...

...that I couldn't tell the truth.
There were lots of consequences:

I couldn't be myself.

It was really painful.

Most people can't even
begin to imagine

how fleeing like that affects you...

what it means for your relationships
with other people...

how much it destroys you...

There were things
I couldn't say about my family,

like that I had siblings in Sweden,
and that my mother was alive,

because it didn't fit
my background story.

There were always constraints.

things had to be adjusted,
retained, and suppressed.

So, what did you want to talk about?
- I'd like some medicine.

Okay, you'll have to see the doctor,
but I can make an appointment.

What's wrong?
- We spoke about it last time...

the thing about me
being attracted to men.

Oh... Oh, that, yes.
- I'd like some medicine.

What do you mean?

I want to get well.

I don't want to like men.

It's not that I considered it a disease,
but I thought it could be cured,

that it was something
that could be cured.

But she told me that
it wasn't that simple.

Okay, fuck... It's something
that I have to live with:

the fear of being rejected
by your family

for being gay,
because it wasn't acceptable.

Family meant a lot to me then,
since I was all alone in Denmark.

Little brother, you're finally here!

It was the only reference point
in our fucking, crazy lives.

The thought of losing that
was very scary.

When are you going to find a girlfriend?
Aren't the girls in Denmark pretty?

Maybe I should come help you out.
I'm sure I could find one for you.

I didn't dare tell my brother.
I was in Stockholm,

and I had no plans to tell him,
but it just happened.

He kept pestering me
about not having a girlfriend.

Finally, I felt so intimidated
that I said:

"I don't have a girlfriend because
I'm not interested in girls that way."

Everyone went completely quiet.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Have you ever been with a girl?

Amin, let's go.

Where are we going?
- Just come.

Come.

Tell me what's going on.
- You'll see.

Go on. Have fun.

There's nothing to worry about.
We always knew.

Thank you.

Can I help you?
What would you like?

There I was. My first time
at a gay club, all by myself...

and I didn't go home....

I always made my career a priority.

When forced to choose between a guy
or a career and an education,

I always chose an education.
Cold and cynical.

Please welcome our next speaker:
Amin Nawabi.

My siblings sacrificed so much for me.

I had to do well.
I felt I had a huge responsibility.

It was important to be tough.

Only now, that I'm telling you about it,

do I start to realize how hard it's been.

It hurts to think back on it.

Of course.

Being back in the US...

I'm starting to get really tired
of constantly being on the move.

It's good for my career,

but it's not that good for...
- It's not that good for you.

It's not that good for me.

The first time I interviewed you
back home, you mentioned

that there were some things
you needed to come to terms with.

You grow up.
You grow up too fast.

When you flee as a child, it...

it takes time to learn

to trust people.

You're constantly on your guard,
all the time...

all the time...

Even when you're in a safe place,
you're on your guard.

I can feel that
something needs to happen.

Ta-da!

I'm not going to carry you
over the threshold.

You'd rather carry a cactus instead?
- It's kind of the same.

I'm just going to put this away.

It's a little...
- Yeah.

Look at the view.
It's stunning.

Every time you look at it,
you're just like, "Wow!"

The garden is really beautiful
right now.

I wonder if we have enough stuff
to fill the place.

Honey, I think I saw a big
raspberry patch just outside the lot.

Look! That's all raspberries!
- Wow!

- It's so nice.
- We just need to look after it.

It's wet here.
- You can see it from here.

The view of the house
is better here.