First One In (2020) - full transcript

[♪♪♪]

HOST: Never in Grit's history
have we asked a player to leave

without a tribunal vote.

But there will be no vote today

out of respect
for the pygmy tarsier.

[♪♪♪]

Decades ago, these
large-eyed mammals traveled

in monogamous pairs,

happily leaping
from branch to branch

around this beautiful,
unspoiled island.

Then suddenly they disappeared,
thought to be extinct,



until last year, when
a teeny-weeny pair was found

by scientists.
[GASPS]

But now, sadly,
just one remains

one single pygmy tarsier
is all alone in this world.

Because you,
Madi Cooke of Connecticut,

killed the only other
in existence.

[TARSIER CHITTERING]

[GASPS, SCREAMING]

I thought it was a hairy spider.
You are gritless.

It was dark. I felt something
crawl on me.

Be gone, Madi Cooke. Be gone.

Okay, just...

Yes, put out the tarsier's
teeny-tiny torch

and be gone.



It's just a birthday candle.
Be gone, Madi Cooke.

Okay.

ALL [CHANTING]:
Gritless, gritless...

Be gone, Madi Cooke. Be gone.

Gritless, gritless, gritless,
gritless, gritless, gritless...

[THE DEREVOLUTIONS'
"NOW YOU KNOW MY NAME" PLAYING]

♪ Now you know my name
Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah ♪

HOST [ON TV]: Tomorrow,
a new challenge awaits.

Okay.
[PHONE RINGING]

[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

TESS: Madi, are you there?
Are you there?

She's not answering.

[PHONE RINGS]
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

Madi, are you there?
We saw you on the television.

You looked thin.

Why was he mean to you?
You killed something?

ANNOUNCER [ON TV]:
Professional!

Your father wants to know
if that was part of the game.

ANNOUNCER:
Sold! Sold! Sold!

I'm Bobbi Mason, and I always
beat the competition.

[TV DINGING]

ANNOUNCER:
Winner!

Buyers and sellers,
call Mason Agents,

where everyone's a winner.

TESS:
Madi, are you there?

Well, how should I know
where she goes?

[CROWD CHANTING
INDISTINCTLY OUTSIDE]

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

ALL [CHANTING]:
Gritless, gritless, gritless...

[GASPS]

[WHISPERS]
Oh, shit.

[CHANTING & HONKING CONTINUE]

[SIGHING]

[COMPUTER RINGS]

No Place Like Home,
this is Dorothy speaking.

Alex, I can see you.
Nuh-uh. This is Dorothy.

No one named Alex works here
or knows Madi Cooke.

Please tell Risa
I'm gonna be late.

No. You're a murderer. She
doesn't wanna hear from you.

I'm not a murderer, Alex.
You are.

You're an ecoterrorist.
Tell Risa I'm gonna be late.

You have no idea
what's going on here.

You should see
what's going on here.

There's a news van out front.
What?

Risa said you're not
welcome here.

Except she said it all mean

and with lots of curse words.
No, she can't fire me.

It was an accident.

Tell her I have six listings.
No, you don't.

No, I have a showing
coming up later today.

I am coming in.
I got a showing today too.

CROWD [CHANTING]: Gritless!
Gritless! Gritless! Gritless!

Gritless! Gritless!
MAN: There she is!

REPORTER: Madi, hi...
[CROWD BOOING]

Please leave. Sorry. I'm really
sorry about everything.

I promise you, I really
thought it was a spider.

You would have done it too.

It's not as cute in person.
It's really scary. Okay.

[SIGHS]
Madi?

[CROWD CLAMORING]

[LINE RINGING]

ALEX:
Kylie Jenner speaking.

Alex! Alex! Please tell Risa

she needs to cover
my showing, okay?

I can't move my car.

Uh, this is the cops, okay?
I'm calling the cops.

Listen, I will not hesitate
to use this if I have to!

It was an accident, I told you.

[CROWD YELLING CONTINUES]

[PANTING]

[CROWD CONTINUES CHANTING]

[SCREAMS]

Whoa!

Oh, shit!

Are you okay?
You're so mean.

No, I'm not.
Yes. Everyone says so.

Who are you supposed to be,
a pygmy tarsier?

You gonna hit me with
that racquet?

No. Okay?

Anyway, you look more like
that creature from that movie.

Gremlins!
My boss loves that movie.

He makes me wear this
when I hand out fliers.

Where do you work?
I work for wise Mr. Lee

at the New Vintage Antiques
and Candy Shop,

but please don't call him.

Ugh, it's very expensive.

I'm not supposed
to get it dirty. My eye!

Ugh! My eye!
I think...

I think I may be able
to get it fixed for you.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

Can you just...?

Why is nobody
answering their phone?

[TENNIS BALLS BOUNCING]

Come on, come on, come on.

How's it going?
You didn't text me.

I couldn't.
My phone's out there.

ASHALEE: Mine is too.
Sorry, Kelly.

They're at deuce now.

Okay.

Oh!
Never mind. It's ad out.

Bobbi and Rosey are
about to win.

[CHUCKLES]

Sorry.

She's trying
to get in Bobbi's head.

Nothing can get in there.

Agh! Bounce it!

EMILY: Out!
BOBBI: What?

She's calling it out?

How? That clearly hit the line.
I saw it from here.

We all did. Right, ladies?

We win. Oh--

Goddamn it, Rosey!

I'm telling you, Emily.
It was in.

It's out. It's my call.
I'm right here. You're not.

Deuce.
No deuce.

That was perfect play. We won!
You want some proof?

Let's check the phones.
That is not a thing.

You're not supposed to have
phones out here.

Oh, shush, Sheila.

Check it!

That's you.
Oh, it's mine!

Go! Go!
Check it!

[POP SONG PLAYING ON CAR STEREO]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

MADI:
Hi. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I am the gremlin.

[VEHICLE BACKING UP]

♪ Get out of bed, I've got
Things to do today ♪

♪ Get out of bed, I've got
Things to do today... ♪

[SIGHING]

Sorry. Can we--? can we go?

I really need
to get to my office.

I know who you are.

You're the killer
of that cute little rodent.

My daughter likes tiny things.
She cried all night.

Get out of my car, miss.
Get out!

Can we please...?
I said get out.

[SCOFFS]

Fine!

Goddamn it!

You're gritless! That's what
they called you, gritless.

[HORN HONKS]

Oh, Philip, hey!
God, you look good.

How you doing, Bobbi?
Well, I've been better.

The thing is, Philip, you gotta
invest in an Eagle Eye.

Why? Did you lose?
[CHUCKLES]

Did I lose?
No, you Ding Dong.

The only player
who can beat me is me.

I'm still looking
for my perfect match.

Heh. Hey, did you
set up those phones?

I'm getting complaints
from other teams.

Well, I have no other choice.
They're cheating, so...

But, oh, if we had an Eagle Eye,
then they couldn't cheat,

and no one would have
reason to complain.

Yeah. The thing is, Bobbi,
uh, this isn't Wimbledon.

Well...
You really don't need it

for the Dick Duncan Tournament.
Okay.

Let's not diss Dick Duncan.
I cherish it. You know that.

The Eagle Eye
is cost prohibitive, Bobbi.

Okay.
Because to do it right,

you need eight cameras

strategically placed
around the courts,

and all those cameras are linked
to a computer system

that reads
all those camera views

and spits out
the path of the ball.

And that's just one court.
And we've got 20-something.

Mm-hm.
So you've thought about it.

No.
Yes, you have.

Ha, don't lie to me.

And it doesn't
have to be every court.

Just my court, court number one.

You're a smart guy, P.

I don't have to remind you
that Mason Agent sponsors,

gosh, what is it now,
is it six leagues here?

Six. It's six.

Not to mention
all the new residents

that I send skipping your way.

So you promise me an Eagle Eye,

and maybe I'll stop
with the phones.

Good to see you, Bobbi.
Oh, always just the best.

The best of the best.

You are.
No, you are.

Ha, I know!
[CHUCKLING]

Ciao! Ciao!
Have fun out there.

[WHISPERS]
Fuck my life.

Hey, lady,
why are you dressed like that?

Were you at a party
or something?

No.

Hey, lady, why does
your face look like that?

Why aren't you in school
learning your manners?

Why aren't you at work?

Why are you a stupid dummy?

Why are you a stupid bitch?

WOMAN:
Mikey!

Oh, Baby Mikey,
your mommy's calling.

It's time for you to go home
and take a little nappy.

That's not my mom.
That's Delphine.

And she's like 19
and hotter than you.

I feel sorry for your mother.

I feel sorry for your mother

and your stupid
Gremlin babies.

Mikey!

Well, ha!
'Cause I don't have any babies!

In fact, I don't really have
any responsibilities!

I don't even have a job anymore!

You're gonna have a ton
of responsibilities one day,

and I feel so sorry for you
because it sucks!

[BEE BUZZING]

[GROANS]

[SCREAMS]

[♪♪♪]

Mom?

Could you do
something to my hair?

Thanks.
And can you also pick me up?

MADI:
Not too short.

I used to cut your bangs.
Remember?

You hated it
when I combed your wet hair.

Yeah. Because it used to hurt.

It does right now. Ow! Mom!

I'm sorry. You're so sensitive.
Ow!

[SCOFFS]

[PROTESTERS CHANTING
INDISTINCTLY OUTSIDE]

[SIGHS]

Where's Dad?

Oh, he's... He's in the car.

Now, he's not gonna leave with
all those protesters out there.

So sorry.
Don't be.

Your father will talk to them.

[SIGHS]

And I'm worried, Madi.

You know, they have
medicine for depression.

Mom, no.
Everyone's on it.

No. No. I am the most hated
woman on the planet right now,

I lost my job, and I'm
a prisoner in my own home.

I don't think
a pill can fix that.

And you haven't had
a boyfriend since Steven.

MADI: Oh, God.
You went on that show

to build confidence.
Instead, look what happened.

Hand me the round brush, okay?

Ugh, you call this a brush?
Mom!

[HAIR DRYER BLOWING]

Anyway, I'm thinking
of calling Ollie.

She could always cheer you.

No. What?

What, nothing.
[HAIR DRYER SHUTS OFF]

Mom, No.
You are not calling Ollie. No.

Now, I'm not finished.
But look how nice.

I always loved you
with shorter hair.

It gives you a lift.

And so blond.

Madi, you look
just like Doris Day.

♪ When I was
Just a little girl ♪

♪ I asked my mother
What will I be? ♪

♪ Will I be pretty?
Will I be rich? ♪

♪ Here's what she said to me ♪

♪ Que sera sera ♪

♪ Whatever will be
Will be... ♪

You're looking at my picture?

[CHUCKLES]

It's me.
Oh.

I was a very famous ball boy.

Oh.

The most famous ball boy
in the world.

Oh, wow.

[CHUCKLES]

But, you know,
the boy becomes the man,

and balls don't follow.

I'm sorry. What are you
here for? The interview?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, this...

This is
the real-estate office, right?

Oh, boy.
You're gonna do just great.

Just sign in right there.

Oh, sure.

Oh, heh-heh, funny.

I mean, some people dedicate
their lives to it,

but, sure, funny.

Sure. Sorry. Of course. Just...

You can just sit-- Sit there.

Okay.

[PHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE]

[WHISPERS]
I'll just...

MARY BETH: Mason Agents,
where everyone's a winner.

BOBBI: That doesn't make any
sense, Rosey.

Practice doesn't make perfect.
Perfect practice makes perfect.

How are we, Ken?
Oh, well--

Oh, ladies.
Thank you for coming in.

If you've been here longer than
20 minutes, please do leave.

You've lost the job
with your mind.

You see, as the great
Dick Duncan once said

to me in person, heh,

your time is as important
as anyone else's,

and you should know that.

[EMPLOYEES APPLAUDING]

Good luck out there.
I appreciate you.

[MOUTHS WORDS]

I'm not leaving.
Um, they called me, so...

Heh, well, I've only been here
for five minutes.

Quiet, please. Quiet, please.

[CLEARS THROAT]
[WHISPERS] Sorry.

[♪♪♪]

Get away from the car.

Nym, that's no protester.

That's Ollie.
I can't be sure.

Look at her, for God's sakes.
It's Ollie. Let her in.

I'm gonna get in.

Hi.
Hi. You made it.

Yes.
So glad to see you.

You too.
Now I remember.

You're the funny kid.
Mm.

What happened to you?
You don't listen.

She moved
to Los Angeles for work

and for that boy Albert,

and she's been there ever
since college. Right, Ollie?

Mm-hm. Uh, this whole setup
feels very covert.

What exactly are we doing?

Well, I don't know
why we're still in the car.

There's no more protesters, Nym.
Mm.

This is very exciting.
Where is Madi?

She's not even home.
Oh.

Oh, how are your parents?
They are thriving

at an active older adult
community in North Carolina.

Oh.
Thank you.

And that boy, Albert?

He is horrible and disgusting.

Stupid fucker!

Kind of weird to be
in the back seat

of my best friend's
parents' car

20 years after high school.
Hm.

New car,
but it still smells the same.

Good job, Mr. Cooke.
Thank you.

Rosey, are we all set?
Yes.

Me don't think so.

The chair, Rosey. The chair.

Sorry. Sorry.
Your favorite power play.

Yes. Every time.

She's coming. Quick, quick!
Hurry! Come on! Move!

Oh, ha! Oh, would you look
at that,

I just sold the Martin house.

[CHUCKLES]
Stop! Stop!

But that was quick,
even for me.

Hi. Résumé?

Yeah. Of course. Yeah.

Well, median prices are
finally inching up.

Median prices?

Okay. You can sit.

Heh, Rosey,
why doesn't anyone

ever just grab the damn chair?

I don't know, Bobbi.
Put it front of my desk,

and take control
of the situation.

It's okay. You're dismissed.
No!

No, I was about to.
I was just...

mesmerized by your trophies.

Oh, what these?
My Double Ds? Yeah.

They're impossible to ignore.
Do you play?

Do I play?
That's what I just asked, yeah.

Well, let's just say it's how
I prepared for this interview.

Hm. That's almost interesting.
Expand.

Well, uh... I'm a bit nervous.

But in a good way.

Like, um, ahem,
when you're playing

and suddenly
you're at match point

and you can just feel the win.

Mm.

But you don't wanna
get ahead of yourself.

Rosey, get the chair
for Madi, um...

Whoops.

You forgot to put your last name
on your résumé.

Oh, ha!

I never put my last name

on my résumé
for security reasons.

The dark web?
Shh. Say no more. I get it.

But I'll need your last name
if you wanna work for me.

Sure. Yeah.
It's Sharapova...

klavacki.

Sharapovaklavacki.

Sharapovaklavacki.

With a C and a K?
Yeah.

Huh. That's beautiful.

Yeah. I got it. I got it.
Thanks.

All right,
Madi Sharapovaklavacki,

continue with your story.

I'm at match point,
and I'm about to win. Go.

Oh, sure. So, uh, okay.
You're about to serve.

Mm.
Um, but you take a beat.

Maybe you look at your strings.

Yeah. Maybe I do.

Breathe in. Breathe out.
[INHALES, EXHALES SHARPLY]

Breathe in. Breathe out.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Breathe in...

And then I'm ready.

Ooh, I've done this
a million times.

Ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum.

[WHISPERS]
That's the ball.

My toss is perfect.
Heh, what's new?

I feel the strength ripple
through my legs into my core.

And Boom! Woof!
Daddy, it's in my arms!

[GROANS]
And then what happens?

Come on, Madi Sharapovaklavacki!

Uh, but, oh, no! Oh, no!
It's your second serve.

I should play it carefully.
Why chance it?

I don't know.
But then...

something comes over you.

Yeah, it does,

and I smack it hard. Smack!

But the bitch gets to it!
Fuck!

But it's a wimpy,
off-balance overhead.

Ha-ha-ha-ha! It's the shot
I've been fucking waiting for!

I'm gonna come down on it
like it's a menacing big...

Spider.
Spider.

Penis! Spider penis.

What?
What?

Rosey?
Oh, the baby's coming.

BOBBI:
No! No! Stop! Stop it!

I thought I could hold it.
I'm so sorry.

I thought I could hold it in--
Don't be sorry.

We're just gonna
take a deep breath

and wait until
the tournament is over.

You're my partner.
You're gonna have to.

I can't do it.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I love it.

Thank you so much for
being my sidekick. I love it.

Maybe she can be your partner.
Hm?

Look at her. She's not
even a little pregnant.

Yeah, I'm-- I'm not.
Okay. Shush!

Let me-- Let me think. Whoo.

[GROANING]

Eye of the tiger.

Okay. Sure.

Saturday, 12:30 doubles.
We play at Elite.

[ROSEY BREATHING HEAVILY]

Does that mean I get the job?

Well, that depends, Madi.
If we win, maybe.

If we lose, no way, Jose.

[GROANS LOUDLY]
Thank you for coming in.

Um, should we call someone?
Oh, great idea.

Rosey, can you make sure that
we reserve a court? Thank you.

Uh, what time?
She's so stupid.

12:30, like every Saturday.

Okay. The door is that way, Madi
Sharapovaklavacki. Thank you.

Congratulations.

Thank you so much.
BOBBI: Thank you.

[GENERATIONALS'
"SILENT OCEAN" PLAYING]

♪ Out there on your own ♪

♪ Always in the field and air ♪

♪ Something's out there
Waiting to tell you... ♪

Hi. I'd like to take a lesson.

So?
What?

Pro?

Oh. Heh.

Um, yeah, I'm pretty good.

Actually, I haven't played
in a long time.

I-- I'd love to practice.

I'm sure I don't know
anyone here anymore.

Name?
It's been for a long time. Madi.

My name is Madi.

Uh, is anyone available
maybe for a private or...?

No.

We run clinics today.
Oh.

Fernando, any room
in your clinic for Madi?

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

He says it's fine.

You can play with him today
and see how it goes.

That'll be $45.00.
Oh, okay.

Cash.

I'm sorry?
Cash. Shh...

Oh.

Shh, okay.

Shh.

How you doing?
Uh, come with me. We'll...

We'll heat ourselves up
without them.

Court six. The last one.

Serena Williams, totally.
[CHUCKLES]

You don't understand
the question.

How about del Potro?

Ooh! He looks like
a very good lover.

Mm-hm.
A Latin lover.

Oh!
[GIGGLES]

Novak.
Mm, too boring.

[GASPS]

He's not boring.
Hm.

He's a quiet genius.

He's methodical, professional
and secretly funny.

I bet Serena could
kick his ass.

Mm-hm.

[GRUNTING]

Ha! Ha! Ha!

No, that was good.

No, that was...
Um, that was pretty good.

Who's that?
Thirty-love.

She's beating Fernando
30-l'oeuf.

No. That's okay. It's okay.
It's enough. That's enough.

Hey. Hey. Hi, girls.
I want you to meet Madi.

She's going to be joining
the clinic for today, because...

Because she needs practice.
Okay. Baseline.

Ah! It's a brand-new day.

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

Good. Okay. You keep your eyes
on the balls, CeeCee.

Don't worry about it.
Get it again. Get it again.

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
I know! I know!

I had book club last night.
FERNANDO: Here we go.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Vamos, very good.

Valentina Gasolina.

Bam, motherfucker! Ha!

Good. Valentina, Madi,
go to the net.

Two volleys each. Okay.
Vamos. Here we go.

Wap! Good. Good.

Wap! Good!

Follow through
powerful to the net.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Good. Very aggressive. Next?

Okay. Okay. CeeCee.
Vamos. Loosen.

Okay. Here we go.
Move your feet, CeeCee.

Pop! Move your feet, CeeCee.
Move your feet.

Wap! Change your grip, CeeCee.

No. Come to the net,
mi amor. Come to the net.

Let me see you grip.
Show me your grip.

Hammer. Hammer grip.
Okay? Hammer. Hammer.

Where are you?
At Acme Indoor Tennis.

Where are you?

Next to Preeti.
You're at the net.

So show me your grip.

No! No, baby.
That's not right still.

In volley, elbow to the front.
Okay?

You step, wap!

Stop picking on me.
I can't focus.

There's so many things
to remember,

and the ball comes so fast.
Okay. I'm ready.

[♪♪♪]

Sorry. Excuse me, sir.
Thank you.

Looking good. Feeling good.

Call Philip.

Philip. Hi.
Just checking in.

Where do we stand
on installing that Eagle Eye?

I'm very excited.
No. I hate those.

But this is the last style
we have in stock.

You could go to the website.
Uh... Philip, hold on.

I'm so sorry. Wait one second.
I have a situation.

Excuse me?
You think I have time

to wait for tennis sneakers to
arrive in the mail, try them on

and send them back
over and over again

until I find
the right exact pair?

No, I don't think you do.

What?
No.

No. That's right.
I don't, Derek.

So let's find
the right pair right now.

Shall we?
Okay.

Great. Let's go.

Philip, I'm back. I'm so sorry.

No, no. Listen, I will help with
the financing. Just get it done.

Call me when you get this
message. It's Bobbi. Thanks.

[EXHALES, INHALES SHARPLY]

[SCREAMS SHARPLY]

Wait. Did you leave?

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

I hate tennis.

What's the matter
with you today?

I never get better. I hate it.

We all have our off days.

No. It's not that.
I can't focus.

Too much on your mind.
I have nothing on my mind.

This morning, I searched

how to clean calcium
off of shower heads.

Then suddenly I'm looking at

top 10 celebrity
plastic surgeries gone wrong,

which led to child TV stars
then and now.

And, yes, there is crossover.

And I still don't know
the best way

to clean calcium
off shower heads.

VALENTINA:
Here, take one.

What is it?
It's vinegar.

It's always vinegar.
It'll help you focus.

Try it next time.
Valentina, tell me

you are not stealing
your son's medication.

Like I'm the first parent
to take their kid's ADD meds.

PREETI:
Don't take it.

Hey, you guys, sorry.

Would you mind
if I joined your clinic...

more permanently?

I guess we could use a blond.
[SCOFFS]

A real blond.

Wait. What the hell
were we just talking about?

[♪♪♪]

[CELL PHONE BUZZES]

[PHONE CHIMING]

[SIGHS]

[SIGHING]

BOBBIE:
If we win, maybe.

But if we lose,
no way, Jose.

Sweet Jesus. What is this?

What's what?
BOBBI: This.

If you're gonna play like a pro,
you need to dress like a pro.

See this? Soak it in.

Stand up. You're making me
uncomfortable.

Oh, uh, ahem, I...
I can move in this.

Okay.

Ugh, no. Ew! I hated that.

MARY BETH: Hey!
Hated. Hi!

Oh, I'm so excited
to play with you guys today.

You both look great. See?

Oh, Mary Beth, L-O-V-E the bag.

Oh, thank you.

I love your tennies.
They're so cute.

They are.
Is that racquet vintage?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Ha.
I've had it since high school.

[SCOFFS]

This is Madi.
She's subbing for Rosey

and playing for a shot
at being part

of the Mason Agent family.

This is Mary Beth and Grace,
two of my finest agents.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, a curtsy.
[BOBBI CLEARS THROAT]

Okay. So, ladies,
this is the first time

Madi and I are
playing together, so...

Oh, I haven't played
in like five days, so just--

Well, I haven't played
in like six days.

Super. So it's just gonna be
a fun one, then.

Yeah. It'll just be fun.
Um, up or down?

Oh, doesn't matter. Up.

[INHALES SHARPLY]
Down.

I guess we'll serve first.
Mm-hm.

First one in?
Love!

Great.
Okay. Have fun out there.

Thanks!

First one in is for pussies.

Now, listen up.
Grace is a slut for the alley.

You need to cover it.
And Mary Beth loves to poach,

so you gotta smack that ball
right at her face.

Understood?
Yeah.

Okay. Oh, forehand or backhand?

Nah, never mind.
My forehand is freaky strong.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

[MEOWS]

[MEOWS]

MARY BETH:
Come on, Grace!

Come on, Grace.
[MEOWS]

Come on! Come on! And...

Dang!
BOBBI: Not bad.

But, uh, remember your alley.

[DOMINQUE YOUNG UNIQUE'S
"FUCK THAT SHIT" PLAYING]

♪ Just the other day
Bitch tried to try me ♪

♪ Had to put her in her place
Bust it like a K... ♪

Mine.
[MEOWS]

[GRUNTS]

[YELLS]
[MEOWS]

[GROANS]

♪ Kicking bitches out
'Cause it's time to renovate ♪

♪ I don't really fuck
With y'all bitches anyway ♪

♪ Eat the fatty up
Like a Waffle House plate... ♪

That was yours.
That was yours.

That was your ball.
It was so yours.

[BOBBI SIGHS, SNIFFS]

You seem to play well.

Usually it takes a game
or two to warm up.

That could be the difference

between winning
and losing, couldn't it?

Anything over here is yours.
Don't--

Do you hear her meowing?

Hm?

[SIGHS]

Didn't hear the score.

Oh, shit!
Grace, what's the score?

I don't know. Say 30-40.

Uh, 30-40.

Can't be, Mary Beth.
Look where you're standing.

Fifteen-40?
Okay. Heh.

Ding-a-lings.
We've almost got 'em.

Remember your alley.

[♪♪♪]

MARY BETH:
Mine!

Alley, Madi!
[MEOWS]

[GRUNTS]
[SIGHS]

Grace, that was yours.
So yours.

No, that was clearly yours.
Yours.

Yes!
MADI: Nice match.

Not too bad. But we could've
beaten them worse.

Never let enough be good enough.
Are you serious?

Eighty percent of balls
are hit to the center,

so our odds were better
to play the middle

even if we missed
a couple down the alley.

If you missed a couple.
But potato "potato."

I like your initiative.

I need to get you
into a real match.

And lucky for you, I will.

Since Rosey still can't play.

Yeah, but she...
She gave birth three days ago.

Ugh, dude.
Don't even get me started.

Of course I support
the Family Leave Act,

but this is getting ridiculous.

No matter. I have insisted

that she comes
to the office to train you.

That's right.
Welcome to the team.

I'm gonna start you off
on the leads desk,

and I want you to make me proud.

As a wise man once told me...
Dick Duncan, in person.

...winning is a habit,
success is a choice.

[WHISPERS]
You're welcome.

[THE DEREVOLUTIONS'
"SOMETHING GOOD" PLAYING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Mason Agents.

Where everyone's a winner!

Yes. Mary Beth is here.
Please hold.

[PHONE RINGS]
Oh.

Mason Agents,
where everyone's winner.

Ashalee will be right with you.
Please hold.

Oh, my gosh! Rosey, you didn't
have to come in.

I'm doing so well.

But, whoa! Let me see!

Beautiful!
Did you choose a name yet?

I name the baby.

That was the deal. Right, Rosey?

You give birth before
the Dick Duncan Tournament,

and I get to name the baby.

So I'm gonna. Um, ahem, ladies.

Ladies, an announcement
to make.

It is my great honor
and privilege to legally...

Not legally, no.
...name this child...

Bjِrn Borg.

Hello.

May he be...

big, bold and brave,

just like his mommy's boss.

It's distinctive.
Yeah, well, he's a she, so...

You don't need
a megaphone yet, Rosey.

He can't talk. He can only stare
with his big, spooky eyes.

I don't like him.
I really don't like him.

Okay.
I hate it. Take him away.

Take him away.
Yeah, here we go.

How do I take him away?
Quick, quick.

'Cause we also need
to get back to work.

So you've had enough
days off, haven't you?

And I have a closing to go to.

Stop! Stop!
Thank you. Thank you.

Now, ladies, as you know,
Dick Duncan is fast approaching.

And, yes, we made
the playoffs quite easily.

But there's always room
for improvement.

Except for you, Rosey,
since you still can't play yet.

No. My new partner is
going to be...

Madi.

Now is time to arouse our me--
[PUMP WHIRRING]

Are you good?

Ahem, it's time to arouse
our mental toughness, ladies.

Losers are not welcome here.
ALL: No!

I didn't hear you!
ALL: No!

I still didn't hear you!
ALL [LOUDER]: No!

We must act like winners...
ALL: Now!

We cannot play tennis
without confidence.

We cannot play tennis
without balls.

We cannot play tennis
without grit.

And remember,
there's no "me" in team.

Thanks.

[EMPLOYEES APPLAUDING]

Ladies! Yes!

Yes, I have
important, important news.

Okay. The Dick Duncan Tournament
needs another 3.0 team to play,

so it's come down to us
and the Cost Cup Country Club.

Can you repeat that?

We have been
consistently average,

but we still need
to practice very hard. Why?

Because we can take this.
This clinic can take this.

If we beat the Cost Cup,

then we're going to play
the champs,

the Mason Agents, at Elite
at the Dick Duncan Tournament.

No, no, no, no. I can't.

Of course you can.
No, I really can't.

Of course you can.
We'll work on your footwork.

Valentina, you're up first.
I can't play the Mason Agents.

Try to catch me!
I don't like it either.

Who's this Dick Duncan, anyway?

Dick Duncan only saved tennis.

Try to catch me!
It was Dick Duncan

who predicted aluminum racquets
would ruin the game.

He stopped the production
of aluminum tennis racquets?

I don't think so.
He just talked a lot about it.

And then he became
a local legend

who underwrote the tournament
that beared his name.

But we're just a clinic,
Fernando. We're not even a team.

Are we even 3.0?
Ha! You are now.

3.0 just means that you're
a little bit better than sucky.

Valentina and Madi,
you're gonna play first doubles.

Jane, you and CeeCee,
second doubles.

And, Preeti, singles. Okay?

Madi, try and catch me, okay?

[LAUGHS]

I gave up playing matches
'cause they make me sick.

I can't sleep
the night before a match.

I'm nauseous until the match,
and then I suck. I hate it.

Reverse!
That's why I only take a clinic.

Maybe you should try
coconut water.

It's not that simple.
It gives you energy,

lowers blood pressure,
keeps you hydrated.

You should try it.
Coconut oil is a good lubricant.

[ALL GROANING]
Stop. Stop.

Guys, I come in here,

and I tell you
that you have a chance

to be in
a torneo de Dick Duncan,

and you're over here
talking coconuts?

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Ladies, we can do this,

but we have to practice.

And we have
to get rid of some bad habits.

Valentina, mi amor,
I need you to stop

saying "bad motherfucker"
every time you hit the ball.

They'll frown upon that. Preeti,
you have to stop laughing

every time
you get into a long rally.

Jane, if you could
stop saying "louf"

instead of "love,"
because that annoys everyone.

It's l'oeuf, actually.

The term comes from
the French.

L'oeuf means "the egg"...
Right.

...which is round,
like a zero.

Eggs aren't exactly round.
They are French eggs.

Okay. Okay.
CeeCee, whatever you must do,

just get rid of your demons.

Well, what about Madi?

I don't have any grit.

Boom! Madi lacks grit.

Good. Satisfied? Okay.

Let's work on your feet.

Why are you looking at me?

[PHONE RINGING]

Mason Agents,
where everyone's a winner.

Again.

Mason Agents,
where everyone's a winner.

Again.

Mason Agents,
where everyone's winner.

Yes. Ashalee is here.
Please hold. Thank you.

Madi, Madi.
You can't be "as good as."

You have to be "better than."

Have you even had
a whiff of a new lead yet?

Actually, I was just...
[PHONE RINGS]

Mason Agents,
where everyone's a winner!

Of course you may speak with me.

Please hold
for 10 seconds or less.

[EMPLOYEES APPLAUDING]

You see?
That is how it's done.

Believe and achieve, Madi.

B-A-A... A.

[SIGHS]

[PHONE RINGS]

Mason Agents,
where everyone's a winner.

Is there a specific agent
you'd like to speak with?

Sure. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.
I'd be happy to help.

Uh, what's the address?

Mm-hm. Sorry, you said Bay Lane?

Okay, ow! What?
Got it.

[♪♪♪]

And, um, you... You haven't
worked with an agent yet?

Yeah, sure. Yeah. I can meet.
Uh, when would you...?

Sure. Yeah.

Sure. Yeah. Okay.
See you soon. Bye.

Dick Duncan's mansion
is on Bay.

Hey, who was that?

Oh. Oh, just, uh, nobody.

Random-- Random--
Random lead. Heh, yeah.

Wait! Where are you going?

Oh, just, uh,
to believe and achieve.

Your job is to generate
new sales leads.

Yeah. And believe and achieve!
No! Ugh!

Mary Beth!
What?

Dick Duncan is dead.

Duh! He died in December.

But that could have
been his son.

[SIGHS]
Little Dick.

Ugh, they call him Jackson.
Let's go.

Hurry up!
I'm coming.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Has Grace ever sold a house?

No.

She has an incredible backhand.

[♪♪♪]

Hey. I'm Madi.
Jackson.

Come on in.
Thanks.

Huh.
Yeah, it's, uh...

It's odd, right?

Yeah. I've never seen
cherubs playing tennis before.

No, those are butterfly nets.

No, I think they're racquets.
You see the grips?

Oh, yeah, there's a tennis ball.

It's being lobbed
over that guy's head.

Huh, I never noticed.
[CHUCKLES]

But I'm not surprised. My father
had a deviant sense of humor.

And he loved tennis.

Anyway, the house,
uh, was built in 1918.

Come on. I'll show you around.

You okay in those shoes?
Yeah.

Oh, your floors.
I'll just take 'em off.

No, no, no. It's just,
it's a lot of walking.

There's 13 bedrooms and parlors.

I'm pretty sure
there's 14 baths.

Library. Chef's kitchen
through those double doors.

[♪♪♪]

GRACE: What do you think's
happening in there?

She's having an orgasm.

GRACE:
Oh.

MARY BETH:
It's the listing of a lifetime.

Selling Dick's house
means more to Bobbi than...

Than what? Than what?

Than the Dick Duncan trophy
itself.

Now you're lying.
That is for real.

No.
We ought to go tell her.

She's gonna kill us.

Can we get a milkshake?

If we have time.

MADI:
How long have you lived here?

Well, I live in Brooklyn.
Oh.

My son and I
and sometimes his nanny

spend weekends
and school breaks here.

I never actually lived here.
I lived with my mom.

And we'd visit my father
in the summers.

And this isn't my life.

It's my father's, and I wasn't
really a part of that.

Plus, this is no place
to raise a child.

Yeah. Mansions can be
really tough on kids.

Don't get me wrong.
It's a nice place to visit.

But I'm worried
that he'll feel lonely.

To be honest,
sometimes it's kind of creepy.

Like, I mean,
have you seen The Shining?

[CHUCKLES]

"Red rum" spelled backwards.

Always thought that kid
was saying "red room."

That would be "moorder."

"Moorder."
[CHUCKLES]

The point is, I...

I want something homier,
but nearby.

I think it's time
to get away from Brooklyn.

I might actually know a property
not too far from here.

Well, I'd love to take a look,

but we're leaving
early tomorrow.

Let me make a phone call.

[LINE RINGING]

[♪♪♪]

ALEX:
There's No Place Like Home.

Melania Trump speaking.
Alex. Alex, it's Madi.

Do you remember
that craftsman I listed

right before I left?
Before you were fired.

Who'd it go to?

A new agent. We all like her.

I was just wondering if she--
Oh, shit!

What? What'd you just say?

Nothing.

Um, do you think
she could show it for me?

Look, I don't think
she can do it.

Okay. She has to.
I'm in The Shining

and I'm bleeding.
Okay. Don't be so dramatic.

[DOOR BELL DINGS]

[♪♪♪]

[FLOOR CREAKING]

Hello?

Hello?

I'm Mr. Lee.
[GASPING]

[CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY]

[CLEARS THROAT]

I brought back the costume.

The Gremlin costume.

I got it cleaned and fixed.
Sorry it took so long.

The kid who works here,
it wasn't his fault.

You leave it here.
Sure. Thanks.

Gum ball?
No, no, no. I'm okay.

Oh, God! Oh! Sorry.

[LAUGHS]

You should be.

That belonged
to U.S. tennis pro Anne White

who wore it
in Wimbledon, 1985.

Wow!

Oh.

Would you take 50 bucks for it?

With that outfit comes
great responsibility.

I will not sell at any price.

Hundred bucks?

Okay.
[CHUCKLES]

[♪♪♪]

You look
like a colossal sperm.

[SIGHS]

Ridiculous. Come on.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Dr. Cohen, Dr. Kaplan,
Dr. Kline and Jeff,

please meet me
on Court 11 today.

[♪♪♪]

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

[PA CHIMES]

OLLIE:
Madi? Madi?

What the hell
are you wearing, Madi?

[OLLIE LAUGHING]

Madi? Madi?

Madi, who is not
returning my texts. Madi?

MADI: Sorry.
Who is that?

No idea.
Okay, Madi.

So I called your office,

and, uh, Judy Garland
answered.

Said you haven't worked
there in a while.

Something about
a Grit episode.

Okay. There's no Judy Garland
at Mason Agents.

Is there?
I know you can hear me, Madi.

Madi Cooke, will you at least
keep your elbow in front?

Did you learn nothing
from me in high school?

Ha, it's so weird.

Madi Sharapovaklavacki?
Hm?

Could I talk to you?

Security is very lax
in this place.

Okay. I feel
a little responsible

for that loss just now.
You saw the Grit episode.

What Grit episode?
Shut the fuck up.

No, seriously.
Like, I don't watch Grit.

I mean not since that bitch

squashed the pygmy tarsier.
Get out!

No.

[♪♪♪]

How are you
still acting like this?

Didn't you grow out of this?
Like what?

Like you're so superior
and better than everyone.

Um, well, probably
because I could have beaten

the housewives of Connecticut
a few minutes ago.

But, honestly, off the court,

I'm really just barely
holding it together.

I am wondering why
my best friend hasn't said,

"Hey, Ollie. How's it going?
What are you doing here?

I haven't
heard from you in months.

Are you okay?"
I know what you're doing here.

You're here because
my mother asked you to come.

That might be part
of the equation, yeah. Okay.

I hate your boyfriend.
I hate him.

Okay? I hate him.
He's the worst.

He's a vlogger.
Who's a vlogger anymore?

And he wears open-toed shoes.

Lay off.
His feet need to breathe.

Ew! Ugh!
You know what? It's--

It's suffocating
sometimes in socks.

Ugh! I hate that.

I hate that his feet need
to breathe, and I hate--

I hate that he's mean to you.

'Cause you know
that he's mean to you.

And you know what?
Guess what else?

He was a real dick to me.

You know he was. And you
just, like, let it happen.

This is a really nice car.
Is that a backup camera?

Yes. I have a backup camera,
all sorts of features.

Okay. So he did
actually get a real job

in an office and everything,
so lay off that.

Whoa, cool.

You know, I really needed you
when Steven and I broke up.

I came all the way
out to L.A. to be with you,

and, like, suddenly
you're not allowed out.

I was allowed out.
It wasn't a prison situation.

Oh, right. Oh, I'm sorry.

The-- The three of us had
that one 20-minute lunch.

And by the way,
like I really wanted

to fuckin' hang out with Albert.
It's "Albert."

I'm not gonna
say "Albert," okay?

I mean, it's his name.
No, it's not really his name.

His name is Albert.
You know, I did just tell you

that he got a real job.

He doesn't have it anymore,
but that's beside the point

because he's also
no longer in my life.

I'm pretty hungry.
Can we get some food?

There is no one in the world
named Madi Sharapovaklavacki

except in Hungary, where
there are hundreds of them.

[SIGHS]
Did you try Madeline?

You're overfeeding Bjِrn Borg.

Fine.

Nope.
Okay, try "Madi from Grit."

Stupid.

[TYPING RAPIDLY]

Oh, shit!
Is that her?

Yeah. I'd recognize
that racquet anywhere.

Oh, my God.
Okay. Give me some room.

God. Fuck.

All we need to know is,

does she have
any listings with us?

MARY BETH:
She may have a very big one.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Hit me.

[WHISPERS]
Dick Duncan.

No!

No! No!

Okay. Cool.

It's okay. You're fine.
You're fine.

Yeah. But it's gonna be
a really good sale.

That is a big one.
Yeah.

God for her.
Yeah.

Wow!
Okay. I'm gonna wait

until she signs the listing
as a Mason Agent.

ALL:
Yes.

Yes. And then I'm going
to fire her ass.

Pow.
Yes!

And the house will be mine.
Bitch!

Mwah-ha-ha-ha!

I... I shouldn't do that.
I want you to leave the room.

Happy Town?

What? You lost a lot of weight.

Whoa! What do you mean a lot?
CASHIER: Welcome to Happy Town.

Can I take your order, please?

Are you saying I was fat?

Ma'am?
Well, she means you.

No.
[SCOFFS]

I'll have an oxburger
cheesy patty, no lettuce,

and a sparkly water, please.
"Sparkling."

That's what I said. Sparkly.
No.

Sparkly water is not a thing.

So, what are you saying?

Me?
BOTH: No.

Could I please have
some Happy Town Brick Bricks

and a side of curly nae-naes,
large diet.

I'm really sorry
he broke up with you,

even though he's an asshole.

What did he do to you?

The slimy bastard had an affair
on his desk at work.

And it's on YouTube.

Oh, well.
At least you caught him.

Imagine if you never knew
they were fucking.

Please drive up.

She was nice.

His affair is on YouTube?
How's that even possible?

Yeah.

You look much better blond.

You kind of look like, um...
Doris Day.

No. Kind of like Ryan Gosling.

It wasn't the whole affair.

It was just the one time
caught on surveillance.

It was taken down
really quickly,

but I threw up for
like three days straight.

♪ Everybody needs
A little time away ♪

[SOBBING]

♪ I heard her say
From each other... ♪

I'm sorry. I haven't been
a very good friend, Ollie.

No. No, I should have been there
for you after Stephan.

Steven.

I really miss you.
I really miss you too.

I know you had your whole
perfect Connecticut life

like all mapped out.

I'm so sorry.
Yeah, it sucked.

I immersed myself in work,
and you know what, it turns out

I'm a damn good realtor.
Yeah.

Then this whole Grit thing
happens. It's a total joke.

I never dreamed
I'd be called in.

And then, like, I thought
maybe it'd help me

build back my confidence
or whatever,

and now look what happened.

No, 'cause you are still
a damn good tennis player.

I am?

[MUFFLED]
You think so?

[CRYING, SNIFFLING]

When was the last time
you smacked some balls?

[LAUGHING]

Seriously?
You're asking me that?

Mm-hm.

You really look
like Ryan Gosling.

It's freaking me out.

[IN DEEP VOICE] Hey, girl.
It's him. It's him.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

We're not staying.
[GASPS]

I made you apple cake.

What's going on?
Ollie Twittered me.

She said the two of you
are playing tennis.

I already told you that.

She joined my clinic
two weeks ago.

She's been beating you
in the drills.

She was always better,
I think.

Ma!
NYM: Tell her the other thing.

Ollie said
you met a boy from Brooklyn.

He's a client. And barely.

We haven't even signed
a listing agreement yet.

He's in a messy divorce.
It's a complicated sale.

You know the story of how
I met your father in Brooklyn.

Jackson's not
from Flatbush, okay?

He's from the new Brooklyn,
and it's not what you think.

[HIGH-PITCHED STATIC
OVER PA]

DEBBIE:
Your daily reminder:

Don't flush girly things
down the toilet.

We're having issues.
[GROANING]

CeeCee,
you have to calm down.

I'm trying. I even searched

how to calm nerves
before a tennis match.

And out of nowhere,
the top 10 things

never to say to your children
popped up.

Uh-oh.
Yes, I said them all.

Stop. Do you know
that there are 40 ways

your body changes after 40?

Of course I know that.

Okay. Well, I'm at least 50,

so all of it must have
already happened, right?

But you don't see me giving up.
Nice racquet.

Wait. You're 50?
At least.

Does Fernando know?

Dick Duncan is 35 and over.

Technically, 50 is over 35.

There's a separate team
for 50 and over.

If the other team finds out,
we could be disqualified.

Okay. Well, that's ageism.
No. Those are the rules.

Oh, are there rules

about doping?
[MOCKING] Mi-mi-mi-mi.

DEBBIE [OVER PA]:
The other team has arrived.

Come on, you guys.

It's time.
They look coordinated.

I gotta pee again.
Oh, my God.

Are they coming?

Yeah, they're just
in the locker room.

Oh, that place has not changed.

Do you remember
your old locker number?

I feel like such a liar, Ollie.

You do or you don't?
Seriously.

I haven't told them
about Mason Agents.

Well, today is not the day.

We're probably gonna
lose this game.

Yeah, but what if we win?

How much longer are you
planning on working there,

Madi Sharapovaklavacki?

It's true.

This hallway.
I know, ha!

Someone needs to buy this place
and give it a facelift.

You should buy it.
No, you should buy it.

No, you should buy it.
No, you should buy it.

You are not faster than me.
What are you talking about?

You'll never be faster than me!

[YELLS, LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

You guys, seriously,
I might throw up.

Now I'm getting nervous too.

Do you need
pharmaceutical help?

Hey, stop.

CeeCee, if you need to relax,

you take a deep breath in
through your nose,

hold it, and let it out
through your mouth. Okay?

[INHALES DEEPLY]

[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Yeah. Yeah.

If you're under pressure,
take a couple short breaths,

hold it, and then let it out
through your mouth like...

[TAKING SHORT, RAPID INHALES]

[ALL EXHALE SHARPLY]

Yeah. Okay.

And don't worry
about winning or losing.

Every point is
just the first point.

The most important thing to do
is to focus on a strategy.

Focus on a strategy. F-O-S, FOS.

Think about
where you want the ball to go.

You see it in your mind,
and it goes there. I promise.

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

[DAUGHTERS OF REYKJAVIK'S
"ÓGEDSLEG" PLAYING]

We should get uniforms.

They're wearing
tennis-ball yellow.

On purpose. Tennis whores!

Focus. Focus. Okay.
The rules are simple.

Everyone's gonna play two sets.
Six games each. Okay?

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

In case of a tie break,

seven-point game.

When the buzzer sounds,

they're gonna tally up
all the games.

The team
with the most winning games

is gonna go on
to play the Mason Agents

for the torneo de Dick Duncan.

There's three fresh balls
on each court.

Ollie, my superstar, you stay
warm and ready. Okay?

[SIGHS]

[WHISPERS]
Have fun, ladies. Have fun.

He's just gonna leave us here?

[♪♪♪]

Okay. Tell me.
No, don't tell me.

Is CeeCee serving?

Yeah, I can't see CeeCee.

[GROANS]
Hit the damn ball already.

I hate this!

CeeCee, remember to breathe.
Okay.

FERNANDO:
Breathe in through your nose.

Hold it, then let it out
through your mouth.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

FERNANDO:
What's happening?

CeeCee's nostrils are
flaring like crazy.

Oh, no.

What? What? No! No!
Don't tell me.

There's a dimply butt
fully hanging out

of a yellow skirt
on court four.

Is it terrible?
Just dimply.

But these binoculars
are, like, really strong.

Are we losing?

I don't know.

Ugh, I can't.

Got it.

[GRUNTS]

MADI: Yeah!
[EXCLAIMS]

[WHISPERS]
Bam, motherfucker!

[PHONE CLATTERS]

Mary Beth! Mary Beth!

Apparently Acme doesn't
answer their phone,

so I need you
to call your friend

and find out
if there's a winner.

Also, find out the name
of Madi's partner pronto.

Already did.
Valentina Maria Goldfarb.

No winner yet.
Okay. Good.

Goldfarb. I need her Instagram,

Twitter, Snapchat,
all that shit.

I'm gonna destroy her too, yeah.

Great. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Grace! Grace? Grace, good.

Find the cutest picture
of one of those pygmy things,

the ones that Madi murdered?

I'm gonna use it
to get into her head.

I wanna bait her with it.
I'm the master at that.

Yes, ma'am.
You are the master baiter.

I know.
[EMPLOYEES APPLAUDING]

Ow.

[♪♪♪]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

Five serving two.
OLLIE: Come on, CeeCee.

I know you have
enough grit for this.

You are gritless.

The killer of that cute
little rodent.

You're a murderer.
A murderer.

You look like a colossal sperm.

OLLIE [ECHOING]:
Ryan Gosling.

Second serve.

Be gone, Madi Cooke.

Be gone.
Losers are not welcome here.

LADIES:
No!

Why are you a stupid bitch?

We cannot play tennis
without grit.

Sorry, Valentina,
I'm losing focus.

Don't be sorry. Everyone
double faults sometimes. I do.

And I'm always fuckin' focused!

See you seeing me, bitches.

[BALL BOUNCES]

Love-15.

Switch! Go, Madi, go!

Yeah! Shit!

[CEECEE GROANS]
[SHEILA LAUGHS]

Okay.

Sorry. Focus on strategy.
F-O-S. F-O-S.

Check your grip, CeeCee,
and move your feet.

Don't get in my head.

Get mad at them, CeeCee.

Hey, hey, hey!
Ginger sub, no coaching.

[MOUTHS]
Get mad.

[JOHAN STRAUSS'
"THE BLUE DANUBE" PLAYING]

PREETI:
Heh. Ha!

It is kind of silly.
Heh-heh-heh!

Lobbing is not at all funny.

Stop it!
Stop it with the lobbing!

Ugh!

Use your anger, CeeCee. Get mad!

Really mad!
Hit her in the Botox!

She doesn't even have
an open stance.

What?
That bitch is talking again.

Ah!
FERNANDO: See it in your mind,

and you hit it there.

Use your anger!

SHEILA:
Hit the damn ball already.

EMILY [LAUGHING]:
Spaz.

FERNANDO:
Hammer! Hammer!

Hammer!
[CEECEE GRUNTS]

[WHIMPERS]

I said Botox, not buttocks.

It wasn't her buttocks,
but it was pretty close.

Who says "buttocks" anyway?

I thought you were
just being proper.

Just serve, Jane.
Look, she's fine.

JANE:
I need a ball.

Where's the third?
I don't see it anywhere.

Do you have the third?

[YOUNG MC'S "BUST A MOVE"
PLAYING]

Oh, shit. Is it in her?

Don't be ridiculous.
That can't happen.

But did we win?

She's not moving.
Does that mean we won?

CEECEE:
Thank you.

[ACME TEAM LAUGHING,
CHATTERING]

VALENTINA:
Oh, you're amazing!

MADI: I made so many
unforced errors.

OLLIE:
You were so focused.

Always, always.

JANE:
We won 35 to 21 games.

Everyone played great. And
now we face the Mason Agents.

[GROANS]
For the Dick Duncan trophy,

which they have won,
what, like five, six times?

I have to say,
we all look really nice

in our normal clothes.

I thought you guys
were all good friends.

We've had our clinic
every Tuesday

for three and a half years.

Yeah. We know some things
about each other

but it's mostly small talk
between the balls.

Valentina has twin boys,

but she also creates websites
for local businesses.

And Preeti here
is a super genius,

but she likes
our clinic anyway.

I'm not a super genius.

You're a scientist. Say.
[SCOFFS]

And, Jane, well, we don't
know much about Jane.

Those guys wanna dance with you.

MADI:
Oh.

[ALL LAUGH, EXCLAIMING]

Okay.
JANE: Well, ladies,

with age comes wisdom.

Good one! Thank you!
[ALL LAUGHING]

[GROANS]

So good! So good!
Ooh!

Okay. We should
go over and say hello.

But we're still getting nachos?
Yeah.

I'll get the next round.
Okay.

[LAUGHS]
We should get the guacamole.

Madi, they are so nice.
I know. They're so nice.

It's a shame the Tuesday clinic
has to end.

What?
Yeah. Front Desk Debbie said

management is having trouble
keeping the doors open.

With the rent and electric bill,
it's like $4000 a month.

I thought management
owned Acme.

Mm, mm-mm.

Who owns it?

Like, some dead guy.
And that's a direct quote.

I mean, you have to admit,

it has turned into
a bit of a shithole.

What do you mean? The white
lines are the same everywhere.

We used to love Acme as kids.
Yeah, 'cause we were kids.

Well, all it needs
is a deep clean

and some better lighting.

What?
It needs better everything.

Don't you remember how happy
tennis used to make you?

This could be your chance
to own that place.

You already know
your way around real estate.

What?
Mm-hm.

♪ So don't just stand there
Bust a move ♪

♪ If you want it ♪

All I wanted was a nice
glass of wine to celebrate.

[HUMMING TUNE]

Fernando is really bouncy today.

I play better hungover.

I didn't realize they still
made Alabama Slammers.

You had too many shots
last night.

I couldn't have had
too many shots.

The bartender's literally still
walking to our table with them.

[LAUGHS]

You kept talking
about buying this place.

I was serious about that.

You kept talking
about quitting Mason Agents.

Were you serious about that?

Hey. I'm very proud
of my Tuesday clinic,

because now we're going
to play the finals

against the Mason Agents.
Like, come on,

whoever thought something like
this could happen? You know, I--

I-- I-- I never win nothing.

Oh, shit, really?

[SOBBING]

[WOMAN SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

[CROWD BOOING]

Okay.

Now we have work to do.
Why you looking at me?

Some people are hitting
the ball late, okay?

Remember that
the contact point is in front,

so eyes to the front, okay?

If you are to the side,

you're gonna be hitting
the ball late. Okay, so...

[GRUNTS]

That's what
we shouldn't do, right?

Just do the first one.
Okay. Baselines.

FERNANDO:
To think... Wow!

Wow! Champions! Ha!

Look at my team of winners, ha!

Champions of the world!

I'm very proud of you guys,
just so you know.

Okay. So remember, CeeCee,

you have to
hit the ball to front.

Maybe... Maybe try to say it
out loud, okay?

Contact point, ha!
Contact point, ha!

Contact point!
You try. You try. Okay?

Okay.

Contact point.
Good!

Again.

Contact point!

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

Contact point works!
Good job, CeeCee!

CEECEE: Gracias!
Wow! Very good, CeeCee.

Okay. Next?

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Madi, I hear
congratulations are in order.

Somehow you made it

into the Dick D Tournament
without moi.

How did that happen?

One minute we're partners,
and the next,

I'm getting jazzed
to smash the shit out of you.

Take a seat. Okay.

I quit.

Great. Love it.

But before you leave, Madi,

I just wanna say
a big, fat thank you.

You see, I've been pursuing Dick
a long, long time.

Mm-hm. I've been desperate
to get my hands on his house.

And now, thanks to you, I do.

You know, since you signed
the listing agreement

as my employee.

Oh, but, ahem,
I haven't signed

a listing agreement yet, so...

you don't get Dick.

[SUCKS TEETH, THEN SNIFFS]

Well played, ha.
That is a bummer.

[CLEARS THROAT]

But lucky for me,

you're not the only smart
cookie in the house, Madi Cooke.

Yeah, that's right.
I know who you really are.

But, um, ooh, question.

Does Jackson know
that you're a gritless murderer

of pygmy things?

No, he doesn't, does he?

Tsk. Oh, dear.

And does your, um...

Does your team know
that you're a liar

and a fraud and a loser?

Ugh. I'm sorry.
This sucks...

for you.

Oh, Madi.

[CLEARS THROAT]

But you know what?

I actually know how you feel.

Yeah. Believe it or not...

[INHALES SHARPLY]

...I used to be--

God, a mess.

I was just a walking, talking
bag of unforced errors.

I was a loser,
a nightmare, a mess.

I was just like you.
And now look at me.

Pssh, God, winning's
so easy these days.

It's almost boring
at this point.

Which is why
I'm gonna give you a chance.

I'm gonna
spice things up a little.

Oh, yeah, this'll be fun.
Okay. Okay.

So how about this?

If you win the tournament,
which you won't,

I'll keep your secret secret

and you can sell Dick's mansion.

But if I win, which I will,

I get the listing
clean and simple.

Ooh! Good one, Bobbi.

Do we have a deal?
[EMPLOYEES APPLAUDING]

Oh, and that clapping,
that's for me. Heh.

Okay. So we're gonna do a--

A different type
of lesson today.

We're gonna do
a lesson in positivity.

Why you looking at me?
Okay, ask yourself

why you play tennis.
Why do I play tennis?

You or me?
You.

'Cause you said both.
It's fun.

Good. It's fun.
Why? Preeti?

It's fun to belong to something.

It's fun
to have someplace to go.

It's kind of the same thing.
It's fun to hit something.

It's fun not to go
to the gym instead.

It's fun being asked to play.

But then, you know,
I'm never really playing,

'cause I'm just a sub.
Right. Madi?

I should've quit weeks ago.

Madi, no.
We can't win without you.

If we don't win,
I lose everything.

Yeah.
That's generally what happens,

but we're gonna lose
together as a team.

A team.

A team.

A team, motherfucker.

A team.

A team.

Okay.

Let's rally. Okay?

Um, Valentina, you and Madi.

CeeCee and Preeti.
Ollie, you rotating,

and, Jane, I have to give you
a word. Come on. Hands.

Oh, thank you.
Hands. Hands.

Thanks, Fernando.
Good job.

Am I still saying l'oeuf?

Fernando, I tell you,
I don't even realize this.

Jane, I am sorry. Um...

It's kind of hard for me to say.

You know you just...
"Lou," right?

The name Lou,
and you put an F at the end.

L'oeuf. L'oeuf actually. Ha-ha!

It's-- So, Jane,
it's 35 years and older

and up to 50 to play in
the tournament of Dick Duncan.

I double-checked the rule book.

The Mason Agents,
they're not gonna let you play.

Have you told CeeCee?

I'm gonna put
Valentina with CeeCee

and Ollie with Madi
since they used to be partners.

Yeah, but, I mean,
have you told CeeCee?

Because, you know,
she gets all up in her head.

I think that's gonna be

the second most
difficult conversation

I'm gonna have today.

I'm so sorry, Jane.

But-- Hey, but there's no rules

against having you as a sub,
and we're required to have one.

You know, Fernando,
I've been playing tennis

for over 30 years, and I may
have slowed down a bit,

but I plan on playing
for another 30,

so I guess this one
really won't matter, will it?

That's very mature of you, Jane.
Really?!

Are you trying to be funny?

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

We couldn't have made it
into the tournament

without you, Jane.
[CHUCKLES]

You're my best player.

[SNIFFLES]

Team.

Team.

[DOOR BELL DINGS]

Mr. Lee?

Mr. Lee?

Oh, God!

Dude! What is up with that?

That is not
a good customer experience.

No returns.
Oh, no.

I'm not here
to return the unitard.

No, no. It's--
It's distinctive. I dig it.

Actually, I'm here
to look for some uniforms

for my tennis team.

We need to look professional...

but intimidating.

You know what I mean?
That mask is--

What is that mask?
It's a baby.

It's horrifying.

Everybody loves babies.

Oh, no. No, not everyone.

Actually, how much is it?

I cannot sell at any price.

What about borrowing it?

Hm.

[♪♪♪]

I'm nervous.

I remember playing here as kids,
but it just seems fancier today.

We never played here as kids.

I know.
Just checking you for dementia.

[BOTH SIGH]

Ready?

Please don't say,
"Let's do this."

Okay. You ready?

Yeah.

Let's do this.

♪ Sugar honey iced tea ♪

♪ These bitches don't like me ♪

♪ These bitches
Wanna fight me ♪

♪ And doin' shit
Just to spite me ♪

♪ I see them talking
On the IG ♪

Their tops are really cute.
Mm-hm.

Ladies, team talk.

I want you to play every game

like your lives and jobs
depend on it.

We can hear you.

Like, this doesn't do anything.

I gotta pee.

I already did at home.

[♪♪♪]

[SNIFFS, THEN EXHALES SHARPLY]

[WHIMPERS]

[YELPS]
MARY BETH: My God!

[GASPS]
[CRYING]

Oh, my God, Valentina!

She Tonya Harding-ed herself.

She Tonya Harding-ed herself.

She's really hurt!
Oh, God!

Hope she can still play.

Somebody call a sub!
Bring me a sub!

[♪♪♪]

Mine!

MADI:
Got it!

BOBBI:
Move it, Rosey!

Oops. That was out, sweetheart.

I'm sorry.
Don't start that "sorry" shit.

Take a second. Look at
your strings. Remember?

Controlled aggression.

Get your racquet back sooner.
Just like high school.

Yeah, but we won
in high school.

[MOCKINGLY]
"We won in high school."

BOTH [CHANTING]:
Contact point. Contact point.

Stop it!
BOTH: Contact point!

Contact point!
Valentina, tell them to stop it

Stop saying "contact point"
out loud, CeeCee!

They're trying
to get in your head.

[CHANTING CONTINUES]

[MEOWS]

Bam, motherfucker.
There's your contact point!

[♪♪♪]

Excuse me, ma'am.
They must've heard you curse.

Oh, what's going on?
Oh, my gosh!

We have reason
to believe these are yours.

Wait. Where did you find those?

This is bullshit.

There's no doping
in tennis. Ever.

We're not animals.

Slowly put down the racquet

and come with us, Scary Spice.

[SCOFFS]

This has to be a joke.

We never kid about drugs,

especially our children's
drugs, Goldfarb.

What? How do you know my name?
Keep moving.

Jane, attack
the blond one's backhand,

and keep this bitch away.
Will you move?

Yeah, yeah, I heard you.

Drugs are bad.

I guess subs aren't allowed
first one in, huh?

No, mom, they're not.
[GIGGLING]

Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I call you mom?

You look just like my mother.
Oh...

What's that score, CeeCee?

Thirty-love.

Thirty-l'oeuf!

[♪♪♪]

[MEOWS]

[MEOWS]

[MEOWS]

[YELLS]
Forty-l'oeuf!

[GROWLS]

Grace, what are you doing?

You're sucking!
I'm sorry.

Okay. Just keep your eye
on the ball.

Follow through and hit
inside out if you have to.

There wasn't time
for inside out.

Let's go!

[SURVIVOR'S "EYE OF THE TIGER"
PLAYING]

[MEOWS]

Out! That was out!

It's too tight.

[PREETI LAUGHS]

Stop it!

I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh.
I'm trying not to.

[MEOWS]
[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTS]

Stop it! It's not funny!

I'm sorry. You're right.
I will not do it again.

It is not funny.

The advantage is in.

BOBBI: I study successful
people, Madi.

You're not a successful person.

Winning isn't everything.

No. No, for you, Madi,
losing is everything.

BOBBI:
Take that, bitch.

And that.

Oops! That's out! That's out!
[BABY CRYING]

What the hell?
Sorry.

No. The screaming.

Who never had kids?
Who never had kids?

I didn't. I didn't.
I didn't have kids.

Rosey, have you brought
Bjِrn Borg to the grand finale?

Have you lost your mind?

You know I can't stand babies,
especially crying ones.

Philip's holding her
in the stands.

I wasn't allowed to cry
when I was a kid.

That sound is triggering.
I need you to shut it down.

She's hungry.
I'm gonna go feed her.

I'm sick to death
of your breastfeeding excuses.

How long with this madness, huh?

What? Another two, three weeks?

Nothing about that
in the rule book.

Remember what I said
about hitting inside out.

They are so obviously hammering
your weakling backhand.

It couldn't be more obvious.

Oh.
And stop meowing!

[HISSES]
[SIGHS]

L'oeuf... I mean 5-40.

[SIGHS]

Psst!

I can't hit it if I don't meow.

Come on, Grace!

[MUFFLED GROAN]

CEECEE:
Run, Jane, run!

[SCREAMING]

We won!
Whoo!

[BOTH EXCLAIMING]

Your spot! Your spot!

That's your ball!
You suck!

Oh, you suck. I hate you!
You're mean.

You suck. You're mean.
You made us lose.

Oh, blegh! I can do that too.

Hey! Ah, ha-ha-ha-ha!

[ALL LAUGHING, EXCLAIMING]

We won 20 games! They have 21!

Holy shit!

Plus our games, we can
pull off a big upset, Madi.

We could kick ass
just like the old days.

I suck. I'm making
so many unforced errors.

What is wrong with me?

Your racquet's open, and
you're getting under the ball.

Worse than that, where the hell
is your confidence?

I was being rhetorical.

Have you forgotten
what we called you

in high school? Mad Madi?

You were fierce on the court.

Don't you remember?

Oh, um, I remembered something.

As a sponsor of the local news,

I insisted they cover
the tournament.

So just a heads up,
everyone's gonna see you lose.

I hate her.

That should piss you off.

Come on.

It's you and me like old times.

Back when grit was just the shit
that got in your eyes.

And when you lost confidence,
what would you do?

[♪♪♪]

Take hers.

So, what are you waiting for?

Chin up, Madi.

This will all be over soon,

and then you can go back
to being nothing.

Rosey, open your eyes.

[WHISPERS]
Take hers.

[INHALES, EXHALES SHARPLY]

BOBBI:
Take your time.

[♪♪♪]

[IMITATING BABY CRYING]

Rosey, Bjِrn Borg is
crying again.

ROSEY: That's not Bjorn Borg.
What?

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

Okay. Nothing. It's a man.

Nothing. No, it's...

Okay. Serve. Serve. Serve!

Each team's winning games
have been tallied.

And, yes, it's come down
to an unlikely tie.

A brutal seven-point tiebreaker
is now underway.

And the clock is still ticking.

I was told all play must stop
with the buzzer.

And the team
with the most points

wins the deciding game.
Got it! Die!

It is a pressure cooker...
Die again! Fuck!

...like no other.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[YELLS]
[TIMER BUZZES]

Aah! Out! Out!

It was... It was out!

[BOBBI CACKLING]

That wasn't out, was it?
BOBBI: Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

I won! I won! I won!

Oh, my gosh, I'm sorry, Madi.

I hope you weren't counting
on that trophy

or a big Dick Duncan commission,

because guess what?

I got it.

I got it. I won. I got it.

Proved all those doubters wrong.
I fucking got it!

We won! We won, Rosey. We did.

Why do you look so sad?

Okay. Sure. Fuck, yeah.

Hey! Hey! I won! I-- I just won.

Hello? I won.

What the fuck?

[♪♪♪]

Rosey! What? No.

No, no, no, no, no.
I-- I was--

I was a foot away from the ball.
I saw the ball.

It-- It was out.

REPORTER: It looks like
the Acme Spice Girls

are challenging the call.

What is going on?
I'm proud to announce

that Elite is
the only private club

in the beautiful
state of Connecticut

to offer the Eagle Eye
line-calling system.

When you play at Elite,

it's like
you're playing at Wimbledon.

We-- We won!

But check it. I'm cool.

Let's check it. Fine.

[CHIMING]

COMPUTERIZED VOICE:
In.

[ALL EXCLAIMING, CHEERING]

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

[ALL CHEERING]

That's what I'm talking about!
That's what I'm talking about!

That's what I say!
That's what I say!

That's what I say!

WOMEN [CHANTING]:
Acme! Acme! Acme!

You need to do it again.

You need to do it again!

Do it again. Do it again!

No! This is mine!
This is my trophy!

Come here! Rosey, help me!
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Give me that trophy!

[ALL CHEERING]

♪ When I wipe that sweat
From my eyes ♪

♪ I see
That you're not around again ♪

[CHUCKLES]

I was hoping I'd see you
before I locked up.

This is the last of it.

Nice.

Congratulations again.

Congratulations to you,
Madi Cooke.

It's true
I didn't know my father,

but I have a feeling
he would've liked you.

Hm, why is that?
He would've said you have grit.

Ha-ha-ha, I'm just kidding.

[THE BRYAN BROS. BAND'S
"CHASING THE SUN" PLAYING]

Ta-da!
We are the proud new owners

of Acme Indoor Tennis.

Remember the hours
we used to spend

hitting against this wall?
Yeah. Crazy, right?

We're really doing this?
No, we are not doing this.

You are.
I'm a silent partner, remember?

I'm barely settled back into
There's No Place Like Home,

and already I have
like nine new listings.

I can't believe Dick Duncan
owned this place.

Thank you...

silent partner.

Thank you...

non-silent partner.

[CHUCKLES]

Should we change the name?

No, I kind of like Acme.

It means the pinnacle,
the highest point.

Hm. Kind of makes me think
of the Road Runner cartoon.

No. No.
No?

[GENERATIONALS' "BLACK LEMON"
PLAYING]

♪ I had my old life
Tie me to the tracks ♪

♪ I heard my best friend
Tell me ♪

♪ You could never go back ♪

♪ I spent my long years ♪

♪ Learning to get
Out of the way... ♪

[LAUGHS]

You suck at this game.

Hey, you only live once.

But you get to serve twice.

Oh, gross. Gross.
[CHUCKLES]

What are you doing? I thought
you were good at tennis.

Hm.

Whoo!

Hey!

Whoo!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

ANNOUNCER [ON TV]: Is fear of not winning
anymore keeping you from your game?

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fear of not winning anymore,

commonly known as FONWA,
now there's a choice.

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Not long ago, I learned
that I suffer from FONWA,

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when I lose tennis match.

But, ooh, golly, does
Proform-X make me feel jolly.

♪ Life is wonderful... ♪

Pregnant or nursing women
should never take Proform-X,

as it can lead
to gastronomy and babies.

Do not take Proform-X
with any other medications,

as this may bring on
rare but serious side effects,

like spontaneous jumping.

Proform-X is not
a substitute for practice.

May cause death or eye pain.

I've been on Proform-X
for three months now.

So take it
from someone who knows:

You can beat FONWA,
but you'll never beat me.

♪ Life can be this good ♪

[TENNIS BALLS BOUNCING]

[PYGMY TARSIER CHITTERS]

[THE BRYAN BROS. BAND'S
"AUTOGRAPH" PLAYING]

♪ See the little girl
With the Sharpie in her hand ♪

♪ She's walking my way
Ignoring her man ♪

♪ Waited two hours
Just to see me move ♪

♪ Now give me that pen
And feel the groove ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ So you got your autograph
Now what you gonna do? ♪

♪ Take it to the beach
Or use it at the zoo ♪

♪ Or put it on the Web
To make a little money ♪

♪ Ha-ha, these autographs
They're pretty funny ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ From Melbourne to Paris
London to New York ♪

♪ The fans start flocking
When I step off the court ♪

♪ My name is the Joker
And I sign it with a smile ♪

♪ Get me some water
I'll be here a while ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ During Wimbledon
It really gets crazy ♪

♪ My hand cramps up
And my mind gets hazy ♪

♪ I sign and sign
But the line doesn't end ♪

♪ Wake me up tomorrow
Let's do it again ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ During Wimbledon
It really gets crazy ♪

♪ My hand cramps up
And my mind gets hazy ♪

♪ I sign and sign
But the line doesn't end ♪

♪ Wake me up tomorrow
Let's do it again ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Autograph ♪
♪ Autograph ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪