Femalien (1996) - full transcript

[MUSIC PLAYING]

WOMAN: Collective
3879, personal log.

I have been dispatched to the
Terran world known as Earth.

I've been assigned the task
of retrieving data concerning

human to human interpersonal
relationships, specifically,

the compelling need the species
has for physical intimacy.

I've been given a form
that by all indications

will prove to be
beneficial to this mission.

Welcome to Earth, collector.

Greetings, Dak.

I trust your journey
was uneventful.



Completely.

How do I begin with
my collections?

Observation and interaction.

If you, at any time,
feel overwhelmed,

please disengage the activity
and return to your starship.

I can handle myself.

I've been in more
compelling worlds than this.

I shall remind you
of that statement

at the end of your mission.

I'm ready to begin.

The advanced scouts team who
has prepared this domicile has

pre-selected a sample
of human environments

for you to experience.

You may follow their
recommendations,



or embark on your own course.

Do you have your
transportation device?

I'm ready.

You may wish to
cover your form.

There is wardrobe to the
cubicle on your left.

A human couple.

I'll make this my
first observation.

I'm out of here.

Why don't you call in sick?

I can't do that.

Yes, you can.

You're the boss.

And so I should
set a good example.

Fine.

Then leave me here all
alone with nothing to do.

I'll call you later.

Well, can you at
least do me a favor?

I can't get oil on this suit.

Come on, just a little.

Nobody does it like you do.

Real quick, and
no funny business.

This is how we always get
into trouble, you know.

I just don't want to burn.
Honest.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[BREATHING]

Come here.

Right here.

Oh.

Right here.

I-- I got to go.

That's-- I got to go.

Be good.

That's no fun.

That seems rather abrupt.

I was led to believe that
these intimate sessions lasted

longer.

DAK: Do not be so hasty
with your conclusions.

But it's obvious that
the male was disinterested.

DAK: Observe.

You're nothing but trouble.

Come here, you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Does all it take is a
touch between two humans

to initiate intimacy?

DAK: Given the
right circumstances

and the right combination,
apparently so.

I ought to be
careful who I touch.

DAK: Indeed.

But first, you need to
nourish this body with food.

Food?

Oh, yes.

I remember that in the research.

I should like to
try some of that.

DAK: Proceed.

Food.

Hey, I didn't
hear you come in.

Good morning.

So far it is.

I would like some food.

Oh, then you've come
to the right place.

Just give me a minute to
get things going, here.

Grab a stool.

Do you find this book
on aliens interesting?

I've always had
this fantasy that I'd

be the first one on
the planet to meet

an alien from outer space.

And instead of freaking
out, I'd kind of go, hey,

do you want something to eat?

That would be appropriate.

So what's your pleasure?

Are you hungry, or
thirsty, or both?

I believe I'm both.

How about a monster chicken
sandwich or a killer cub salad?

I want to try everything.

I guess you are hungry.

This all looks so pleasing.

Well, take a good look around,
because this time tomorrow,

it'll all be a memory.

Memories are good.

Maybe.

But you can't pay
the rent on a memory.

Those make inhaling
so captivating.

Captivating?

I've heard my cookies
called many things

before, but captivating?

That's a first.
Here.

Try one.

Exquisite.

It's always nice to
find a fan of my work.

You're new here, aren't you?

Very new.

If you like my
cookies, you're going

to go crazy over my
chocolate cafe mocha.

Very well.

Let me go crazy.

All right.

When you're done, master chef,
you can whip her up a chicken

sandwich with a cub salad.

Huh.

I like a woman with
a healthy appetite.

Oh, is that what you
like in your women?

Look, don't pay
any attention to her.

Mm.

I don't think we've
been properly introduced.

I'm Drew.

And, uh, this is Sun.

I know, I know.

What can I say?

But both my parents
were hippies.

I've got a sister named Star
and a brother named Moon.

Very astral.

I think that is wonderful.

My name's Kara.

Nice to meet you, Kara.

Enjoy yourself.

Listen, oh, master
chef, I have a feeling

that we're going to be
swamped with everyone

coming in for the last hurrah.

We're going to need some
more of your creations.

Yeah, you're the boss.

Uh, say, Kara.

You're not going
anywhere, are you?

Should I?

No.

You kn-- I mean, you know, if--

if you were going to
stick around, um--

What Romeo's trying to
say is he doesn't want

to let you out of his sights.

Well, that is one
way of putting it.

Get cooking.

Good morning.

Get out of here, you vulture.

Now, is that any way to
greet a friendly neighbor?

You don't take over
this place until tomorrow.

And until then,
we have the right

to refuse service to anyone.

I've told you, Sun, you're
more than welcome to join

my organization.

I mean, someone of your beauty
would be a definite asset.

Thanks, but you can stuff
it, unless, of course,

you've changed
your mind, decided

to sell me back the cafe.

No, that wouldn't be right.

Not after all the trouble I
had buying your mortgage back

from the bank.

You mean stealing it.

Oh, you call it stealing.

I call it an acquisition.

The real question is, how
would a row of hot tubs

look along this wall?

Watch closely
and see what it's

like to be completely ignored.

I'm mortally wounded.

You know, this would be
perfect for a towel counter.

You are not friendly
with Sun or Drew.

Sun has a problem
with commerce.

That's why she can't
keep this place going.

She gives away more
food than she sells.

I mean, can I help it if
I'm so successful that I

have to tear down these walls
to add to my operations?

Can you?

The name's MJ.

I own the Rubdown.

Total body workout next door.

You really should visit.

It's a great experience.

Really?

A great experience?

Ask anyone who's been there.

Be my pleasure to give
you the VIP treatment.

Don't let this
bloodsucker rope you in.

I'm sorry, uh, weren't you
supposed to be ignoring me?

Scram.

Suit yourself.

But please consider
my invitation, miss--

Kara.

That's a beautiful name.

I'm going.

But I'll be back.

That bastard.

You are upset.

Damn straight.

Do you want another
cup of coffee?

Damn, that's hot.

Kara, can you grab me that rag?

I can't believe
what a klutz I am.

Thanks.

Allow me.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I guess it didn't
burn after all.

It sure felt like it.

I want some exceptional
experiences while I'm here.

Oh, well, I guess that's
what vacations are for.

What did you have in mind?

Whatever's the
most stimulating.

Hm, good call.

Let me think.

How out of this world
did you want to go?

Well, I can go pretty
far out of this world.

Well, I know this
photographer, Harry.

He's just up the block.

And he does some
very unique things.

I've even modeled for
him a couple times.

I think he's shooting
this morning.

You should go check him out.

- He won't mind?
- Are you kidding?

He loves an audience.

Listen, he's three doors down.

I'll give him a holler and
tell him you're on your way.

It'll be a great way
to spend a few hours.

And this will be
a good experience?

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

No problem.

Just come back and
tell me how it went.

I will.

What is it with you two today?

I need passion.

May I suggest something?

Oh, please.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I have never seen anything
so-- oh, intense before.

I can't wait to get
those developed.

I need more experience now.

Can I help you?

Please say yes.

So many choices.

This is fascinating.

So, you looking for something
to spice up the old boudoir?

Or is there someone
special in your life?

Is that important?

Oh, no.

Not if you don't want it to be.

Do you have someone
special in your life?

Honey, I have so many
special someones in my life,

I can't keep track.

I guess you can say I
like a little variety.

Variety?

I feel the same way.

I would like to observe variety.

Ooh, then you have definitely
come to the right place.

I didn't catch your name.

Kara.

I'm Angel and this is Gina.

We're going to give you
a very special showing.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

That was very enlightening.

We'd like you to
have this as a gift.

Thank you.

If you'd really like to
see something interesting,

a friend of mine is giving
a little party tonight.

It's a performance art piece.

We provided all the wardrobe.

It's kind of weird,
kind of kinky.

Kinky?

Real kinky.

Kinky.

Hey, nice outfit.

I thought you'd vanished.
- No.

My collections won't be
complete until a total rotation

of the planet.

I like the way
you look at things.

Oh, and Harry called.

He said you were a great
inspiration to him.

It was a very
enlightening experience.

Thank you for the
recommendation.

We have got to stop
meeting like this.

Why?

Is it bad?

No, uh, it was
just a little joke.

See, Drew?

I told you you're not funny.

Drew.

Have you ever been kinky?

Um, given the
right occasion, sure.

What exactly is kinky?

I guess it depends on
your own personal tastes.

I mean, some people can
get pretty wild in bed.

I believe I'm ready
for interaction now.

What do you mean?

Come here, you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Can we be intimate?

Well, I mean--

whoa.

Oh, yes.

The hesitancy.

It's part of the interplay.

Go on.

Resist some more.

I think it's pleasurable.

W-- wait a minute.

You're trying to say you
want to hook up with me?

Right here, right now?

Hook up?

We are talking about
the same thing, aren't we?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

We are.

Perhaps we should do it in a
more comfortable environment.

Would you like to
return to my domicile?

Your place?

Uh, let me think about it.

Uh, yeah.

Listen.

I got something in the oven.

Let me go yank that out,
and then I'm all yours.

Don't you move.

Hey, where's the fire?

What got into him?

I asked him back to my place.

You don't waste
any time, do you?

I like that.

Have you experienced Drew?

You mean slept with him?

Yeah, a couple of times.

But we found out we work
out a lot better as friends.

Is he a typical male?

Typical?

No.

But great in the sack.

Have fun.

Just bring him
back in one piece.

Uh, by the way, Sun.

I'm going to go ahead
and take my break now.

Wait.

Um, first, grab me
those coffee bags

off the top shelf
in the store room.

But Sun, I was just going
to go get together with--

Keep talking and I'll
make you do the dishes.

I'm doing it.

Oh, this will only take a sec.

Oh, listen.

My car's in the shop.

Do you have any transportation?
- Sleep.

Domicile.

The male form is quite
different than the female.

DAK: Did you terminate
this human for collection?

You know we haven't
done that in centuries.

He's sleeping.

I think I want to
interact with him.

DAK: Seems like a
worthy candidate.

Where are we?

My place.

The hell?

Did I pass out?

What's going on?

If I'm dreaming, don't wake me.

Would you prefer
my garments off?

Absolutely.

Did I break you?

I think you did.

But I'll recover.

Wow.

You are simply not human.

Does it show?

Let's just say I've never
met anyone like you before.

I'm glad I could
be of service.

I forgot about this experience.

Would you like to go with me?

Oh, Sun is going to kill me
if I don't get back to the cafe.

As you wish.

Sleep.

You were a great experience.

My life is about expression.

What is the perfect
medium for my message?

The human body.

So perfect.
So unique.

There's no telling where
your innocence can carry you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[APPLAUSE]

Hello again.

I think I need some more food.

This body just can't
keep up with all

that energy I'm expelling.

I'll get you something.

I can't stop
thinking about you.

Did we really leave here?

And did we really do
everything I think we did?

I'm in such a fog.

Of course, some would say
that's my normal state of mind.

Would you like to hook
up and get kinky again?

Hold on a second.

I need a little
time to recharge.

Oh, I completely understand.

Sun doesn't appear
to be very happy.

Yeah, I know.

I caught her crying
twice today already.

That damn MJ.

I'd like to go
next door and just

strangle the deed to this
place right out of him.

Would that make her happy?

Probably not.

She hates violence.

But the deed would put
a smile on her face.

Here we are.

And MJ will be right with you.

Enjoy your massage.
- Thank you.

I was about ready
to leave for the day.

Glad you decided to
take me up on my offer.

Usually, I don't
handle the clientele,

but, uh, in your case, I will
definitely make an exception.

I would like to experience
everything you have to offer.

You got it.

Why don't you slip out of
what you're wearing and, uh--

we'll get started.

Very nice.

Would you like a towel?

Do I need one?

Well, only if you, uh--

no.

Not at all.

Here.

Hop up on the table and,
uh, I'll dive right in.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You have really skilled hands.

Years of experience.

Do you really need
to knock down the wall?

Huh?

Didn't you say you
were going to knock

down the wall into Sun's cafe?

Right, yes.

The wall.

I do not see why you
cannot give Sun the--

what was it?

Oh, yeah.

The deed.

Yeah, the deed.

That is it.

Why can't you give her the deed?

It's not that simple.

If you have this deed
now, you can give it to her.

Sounds simple to me.

Simple, yes.

Whatever you say.

Are you happy?

God, yes.

Let me do something for you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Am I doing this with
sufficient skill?

Yes.

You are a good teacher.

Can I show you something?

Please.

God.

Oh.

[BREATHING]

What was that?

I have been collecting energy
patterns for our archives.

I can access them any time
I want and share them.

That was incredible.

Where did you learn that trick?

I've been doing it for years.

Wouldn't it be great if
everyone could feel that good?

Yes.

Sun would if you
give her the deed.

Yes.

Can she have it?

Oh, of course.

That is very nice of you.

Where is it?

It's the briefcase.

Thank you.

Hey, you're back.

Where's Sun?

She's meditating.

I have something for her.

Well, she's just up the block
at the astral projections.

Wait.

Will you be back?

Perhaps.

She's driving me crazy.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Welcome to astral projections.

How may I assist you?

I'm looking for Sun.

She's in the
meditation chamber.

Am I disturbing you?

Kara.
No.

What are you doing here?

I've come to make you happy.

What's this?

Your deed.

Where did you get this?

From MJ.

He wants you to be happy.

We all do.

I don't get this.

Did you pay him?

I gave him something
more valuable than money.

There's nothing more
valuable than money to MJ.

I think there is.

Look.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I knew this
stuff was relaxing,

but this is ridiculous.

Shh.
Observe.

There's the woman
who stole the deed.

Arrest her.

What the hell are you doing?
God.

Shit.

Did you see what they were
doing to that policeman?

I think he was
enjoying himself.

Yeah, you could
say that again.

Are you happy with your deed?

You know I can't keep this.

Why not?

You saw the look on MJ's face.

Soon as those guys get
their act together,

they're going to
be right over here.

You know, maybe
it's better that I

just walk away from this place.

If MJ wants it so
bad, let him have it.

Are you sure?

I've been thinking.

Maybe it's good to give
your life a major shakeup

every now and then.

Keeps things interesting.

There's something I would
like to share with you.

OK.

Domicile.

What the hell was that?

Simple transportation.

No, a cab ride is
simple transportation.

That was something alien.

You said you wanted to meet
an alien from outer space.

You mean to tell
me that you're from--

this is all too weird.

All my life I've
dreamed of this moment.

But I never thought the
first alien I would meet

would be so--

so beautiful.

You're not what I imagined.

I was waiting for
little green men.

Different star system.

So what are you doing here?

We've been visiting
your earth for centuries.

Collecting data, cataloging
human sensory experiences.

Our species have evolved
beyond a solid physical state

to a level of
nearly pure energy.

So this isn't your real body?

On my planet, we're all
linked telepathically.

It can be comforting,
but something similar

to human intimacy, it's
not possible for us.

You don't know
what you're missing.

The point is now I do.

Wow.

An alien from outer space
wants to make love to me?

Fuck it.

Let's go for it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Mm, I've never felt like this.

Neither have I.

WOMAN: I can handle myself.

I've been in more
compelling worlds than this.

DAK: Mm-hm.

Dak.

DAK: It's merely a reminder.

Do you have to go
back to your world?

I'm a collector.

It's all I know.

Well, I'm starting a new life.

Why can't you?

DAK: Yes, why can't you?

Even Dak thinks so.

DAK: There is no
reason why you can't

continue to collect data and
stay here to experience Sun.

Sounds like a plan to me.

Oh, but what about Drew?

Drew.

Drew.

I know I'm not dreaming now.

Just go with the flow, baby.

[MUSIC PLAYING]