Feast II: Sloppy Seconds (2008) - full transcript

( Car engine starts )

( Wind howls steadily )

( Dog yelps )

( Low growl )

( Heavy metal music plays )

I'm built to last.

I'll die...
( Gun cocks )

...when I damn well please.

Biker queen: Aah!

Man: Get me
the fuck out of here.

Aah.



What do you know about this?!
Oh, shit.

What do you know?

You see that?

You see this crispy stump?

Her arm was blown off.

It was those goddamn monst...

( both screaming )

Man: Fucker!

You dickhead lesbo!

( Man continues yelling )

I ain't got no notion
of what went down.

I swear to god.

( Engine roars, man groans )

Aah! No!



You're gonna spill your guts!

All right, goddamn it!
I'll tell ya!

( Machine slicing, screaming )

( Gasping )

Aah!

Aah!

Motherfucker!

I didn't do shit!
Who did?

It was that goddamn bastard.

Who?!
Bozo!

Bozo!

( Screaming )

( Coughing )

( Engine stops )

Man: His trans-am's gone.

Son of a bitch.

Which way
did the son of a bitch go?

The small town down there,

on the other side of the bridge.

That's where he hangs out at

with his gimpy brother.

He left me.

( Coughing )

Those son of a bitches.

They left me.

They left me for dead.

( Coughing )

Younger man:
You have a heart attack?

( Groans )

My heart.

( Moaning )

TV reporter: ...Daughter
alive in a drainage pipe.

Now, some believe that Gus,

affectionately known
as "short bus" Gus,

possesses a special
psychic gift.

Woman: Take me downtown,
thrust bunny!

Oh! Yes! Aah!

Hurry the fuck up in there!

We gotta pick up grandma
before the match.

Gus on ti could
just smell her courage.

( Loud bang )

( Woman screams )

Man: What the fuck
is that?!

Oh, my god! Run!

Fuckin' tricky Mexicans.

( Loud roar )

( Beast roaring,
woman screaming )

( Lightning yelling in Spanish )

She's gone, man.

She's gone.

( Growls )

( Shutter snaps )

I'm thunder.

This is lightning.

I bring the rumble.

He brings the pain.

Not politically correct
to kill a little person,

let alone two.

( Sighs )

( All screaming )

Man: I will.

( Man hangs up telephone )

Sheriff: How long
you gonna hold out on me, huh?

You can't hide it forever.

But I can hold you forever,
should it come to that.

Six days now
in the clinker, huh?

Well, you probably
want a shower, right?

Not today, bud.

No shower, no bread, no water.

Your odor reminds me of the paste
my asshole makes on a hot day.

Can't keep me in here like this.

Who's gonna stop me?

I'm an anti-smack regime
in full effect, son.

I'm a guillotine
lookin' for a head.

Luke.

Luke: Yes, sir?

Now, I know you're cookin'
this crystal meth shit

in your school bus somewhere.

Where is it?

Where'd you hide
your bus this time?

Where's your goddamn
lair, junkie?

I don't know nothin'
about no school bus, sheriff.

I'm just a vagabond.

Well, that's fine...

But you're gonna starve in here

until I find it, burn it,

and piss on the ashes.

( Snorts )

( Splash )

Don't give him anything
the rest of the day.

Luke: All right, sheriff.

( Vagabond laughs )

I'm dyin' soon,

and I'm dyin' horribly.

Who wants to get fingered?

( Loud bang, men screaming )

( Beast snarling )

( Snarls )

I'm tellin' you, she's cheatin' on me.
I know it.

( Crickets chirping )

( Sighs )

Dale, it's screwing
with my business.

Dale, I'm not even
number-one salesman

at my own two-employee-strong
car lot now.

All right, Dale, listen.

He's someone in this
fuckin' town. I know it.

No, I don't have
any proof, Dale.

That's where you come, Dale.

Dale, you're talkin'.

Shut up, Dale.
Okay, listen.

That's where you come in, okay?

I need some hard evidence, Dale.

I need some
fuckin' proof. Yeah.

Some soiled panties
or something, you know?

Some errant pubes,
a fuckin' used condom.

I don't care.
Get me some hard evidence.

( Hushed gasps )

Hang on a minute.

We're all set here.

Man: Let's go.

Hey, you guys enjoy
that station wagon, okay?

Man: Hurry up.

Don't forget to come back
when junior's ready to roll.

All right?

Hey, hey.

You folks remember,

I fuckin' slash prices.
Remember that.

Hola, amigos.

¿No credito?

No problemo.

I know cars.
I know engines.

American ingenuity,
it's what I do.

Slash-slash, slash-slash,

slickety-slash.

Like this beauty here... 2,999.

Slash! 999.

No credit? No problem.

I'm so bad, you know it's good.

Suck a dick, everyone.

I slash prices.

( Distant voices screaming )

It's ruining my business, Dale.

My fuckin' reputation's
on the line here, Dale.

Get into it, Dale. Let that son of
a bitch know he's got it comin'.

( Snarling )

( Glass shatters )

( Beast roars, slasher screams )

Bullshit!

( Men yelling )

Slasher: Ooh! Sh...

Ooh!

Shit, there goes a lawsuit.

( Beast whimpers, man moans )

What the... aah!

I fuckin' knew it!

( Tires screech )

So fuckin' dead!

You are fuckin' dead. You
just fuckin' killed yourself.

You can threaten me
all you want,

but I'm empowered now...

By the secret.

I wish for good things
to happen...

To me.

Thought becomes thing.

Motherfuckin' what?

And Greg is my rock.

Greg:
Well, now, take it easy.

Let's not
get ahead of ourselves here.

( Sighs )

I'm a ne'er-do-well,

and I have a mustache.

This doesn't happen overnight.

Mmm?

Slasher:
Of all fuckin' people, Greg.

( Beast growls,
secrets screams )

Okay.

( Engines rumbling )

Ain't nobody home, husky.

Let's get the fuck
away from here.

Where does he live?

Right there.
That building right there.

Trans-am ain't around.

That tells me you're
shit out of luck, lady.

You're fucking shit out of luck!

The monsters didn't attack.

They're gone.

We can make a run for it.

We ain't goin' nowhere, woman.

Greg: What are you
talkin' about?

That jail's the only
safe place in town.

We're going.

Greg, the fuckin' jail
is locked down, okay,

and we can't fuckin' make it.
Look outside.

Have you seen the amount
of blood out there, nimrod?

That's what
going for it gets you.

I wished for this.

This is it.

I wished for this,
and here it is.

This is not the fuckin' help.

I visualized this,
and they appeared.

Secrets: This is proof.

Slasher: Sweetie, help is the U.S.
of fuckin' a. Military, okay?

That's a gang.

They got a fuckin' hostage,
for crying out...

Get down! The big guy
is looking.

They're leaving.

We can't just let 'em leave.

Yes, we can.

They've got guns.

Duh, and they'll fuckin'
point them at us.

No, this is a time
for mankind to come together.

( Loudly )
You're wrong!

Shut the... motherfucker!

Fuck you, Greg.
You gonna tell me about wrong?

You wife-fucker!

Get out of my way.

Biker queen: Come on.

He's probably
headed for the city.

Bartender: I told you where
he lived, where he hung out.

Now, look,
you cut me loose. Please.

Get comfy.

( Engine rumbles, shuts off )

Slasher: ( Grunting ) Bullshit.
Stupid. Stupid, stupid.

Motherfucker!
Fuckin' stupid!

Biker queen: Grab him.

Oh, what the fuck?

Biker: Got him.

This shit's on you, Greg.
Fuck that.

Greg, by the way,

you're so fuckin' fired.

You know what?

I quit.

Ooh! Shit.

Is this him?

Bartender: That ain't him.

Feel free to shoot him, though.

How about you, fatback?

You drive a brown trans-am?

No! No, no, no, no.

I know the guy who does, though.
I sold it to him myself.

That ain't him, either.

That's right. Could
you please... shit.

We hadn't even ought to be here.

You and your
fuckin' revenge shit

are gonna get us all done in.

( Grunts )

Hey, hey.

Wait a minute.

Let me tell you somethin', mama.

I was a fuckin' marine
in the second world war, okay?

And I got over
the goddamn krauts...

Close the fuckin' door, please.

...and I got over
the goddamn Japs,

so you get that stick
out of your ass,

and get over this fucking
vendetta bullshit of yours,

and let's get out of here.

What do you say?

We hadn't even ought to be here.

Bartender: You and your
fucking revenge shit.

Biker queen:
There anybody else in here?

No, not in here,

so could you please
close the door?

( Electricity crackling )

( Biker girl screams )

( Beast snarls )

( Biker girl panting )

Biker queen:
Get back! Get back!

Get back!
Shut the fucking door!

( Roars )

( Beast groans, roars )

Thank you for waking them up.

What have I been saying?
Shut the fucking door.

Biker girl: Help! Help me!
Please! Open the door!

Open the... aah!

Biker queen: Hold the door!
Hold the door!

( Screams )

( Flesh ripping )

Biker queen:
Hold the door!

That wall's coming down.

What the fuck?

Wall's coming down.
It's made out of pigeon shit.

Motherfucker!

( Rumbling )

Slasher: Run!

( Beast screeches in distance )

Aah! You asshole bitch.

Bartender: Damn it!

Where'd he go?

They ain't fuckin' here.

( Loud roar )

( Bartender screams )

( Both scream )

Secrets: We're gonna
be safe. I know it.

( Beast roars )

Slasher: Other way,
other way, other way.

( Beast roars )

This is it.
This is where he lives.

Lady, you know what?

You're out of
your fuckin' gourd.

His trans-am ain't here,
he ain't here.

You son of a bitch.

( Bartender groaning )

Bartender: Why are you
stalkin' the son of a bitch?

Lose a sister...

Ask me again.

Yeah?
Yeah.

( Kicks door open )

Man: Hold it right there.

Now turn it around.

Turn it around.

Slowly.

Shit fire and save matches.

This is our hiding place.

You guys take your hide
up the street to the jail.

That's not gonna happen.

( Gun cocks )

You get out.

How's that revenge thing
workin' out for ya?

We're not going anywhere.

( Pistol cocks )

( Bartender screams )

( Man gasps )
Boy: Dad?

Aah! Aah! Aah!

( Body slumps to floor )

( Blood drips )

( Whimpers )

Woman: I'm coming out. I'm coming out.
Please don't shoot.

( Cocks shotgun ) Don't shoot.
I don't have a gun.

Please. Oh, god.
Don't shoot, don't shoot.

I swear to god
I don't have a gun.

I don't know these people.

I've never seen them
before in my life.

I'm on my own.

People think
I'm just a dumb blonde.

They have no idea
who I really am.

( Gunshot )

Bartender:
She's fucking leaving.

( Gasps ) It worked!

Oh, crap.

You fucking chicken shit.

No, I didn't mean to...
Damn cunt.

No, please stop!

( Screaming )

( Bartender grunts )
No! No! No!

No! No! No!
No, he's gonna kill me!

( Both screaming )

You left us for dead.

You Fraulein twat.

Get on your feet, goddamn it.

Get up here!

They were gonna kill me!

Stand right there.
Stand right there.

I said I'm sorry!

Right there. Right there.

I said I'm sorry!

( Grunts )

( Screaming )

No!

Forgive and forget,
huh, old man?

( Bartender growling,
honey pie screaming )

( Flesh ripping )

( Both gasping )

You worthless motherfuckers!

You think anyone gives
a shit about any of you?!

You all deserve to fucking die.

You can go to hell.

( Sobbing )

Where'd you get that?

Where'd you get this?

Oh, fuck me.

And fuck you, too!

Fuck yourself.

Give it!
Give it to me!

She deserved it.

( Bartender yells )

( Honey pie screams )

Slasher: It's rainin'
bitches out here.

Fuck you.
( Distant beast screeches )

Stop followin' me.

Secrets: Greg.

Wait for us.

Secrets: Wait.
Shit.

Get the fuck... go back.
Go away.

Secrets: Wait.

( Cell phone ringing )
Oh, shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

Shh, shh.

Slasher's auto barn.

Hello? Who is this?
( Beast roars )

We're in the metal shop.

Just keep moving.

I can see you, motherfucker.
Come on.

Slasher: All right.

Keep comin'. Keep comin'.

Watch out for the crap.
The what?

The pile of shit, motherfucker!

Slasher: Fuck! Fuck.

Yo, man, look out!
What?

Look out!

( Groans )

My nose.
Where you going, cocksucker?

Over there, in the fuckin' shop.

Where?

Monster!

Shut the fuck up!

Greg: It's okay.
Thunder: Bitch.

It's dead.
Now come on in.

Be quiet.

Slasher: Fuck.
Fuck me. Fuck me.

All right, follow me.
Come on.

Slasher: Fuck.

Thunder: This is our fort.

It's soundproof, so be quiet.

Slasher: What the fuck is this?
Thunder: Fuckwads.

( Bartender breathing heavily )

( Lightning speaking Spanish )

Thunder: Shh.

Come on.
Come on, come on, man.

You all kill that monster?

Hell yeah.

Slasher:
And how'd you do that?

We got lucky.

Thunder:
Yeah, yeah, come on!

Come on!
Bring it on, baby!

Bring it on!

Yeah! Come on!

Take that, bitch!
( Groans )

Biker queen:
Thanks for letting us in.

Thunder: Not a problem.

There's an army convoy goin' town
to town, picking up survivors.

Way I see it,
we got about 15 hours.

Saw it on TV last night
before the power went to shit.

Phones?

Sure, they're workin',

except you're the only one
that's ever answered,

and that fuckwad
across the street.

That jail is the only
real safe place in town.

She's built solid.
She's made of granite.

And that junkie bastard's
got it all locked up.

Ain't no way
we're gettin' in there.

( Generator whirs )

It's been goin' on
and off for hours.

( Burps )

It's over.

Beat that, puto.

( Woman screaming )

Oh, stop!

No more.

No!

( Beast roars )

( Screaming continues )

( Beasts roaring )

Slasher: Why you motherfuckers
are so relaxed?

You up in here
playin' cards and shit?

This town is just waitin' for
a stiff wind to blow it over.

If we keep quiet
we'll be all right.

Slasher: How's that?

Monsters don't eat
where they shit,

and they don't hunt
what they can't hear.

Bartender:
Till they run low on food.

Then look out, brother.

Who's the dickwad in the jail?

That's the town meth-head.

Bartender: That turd you
been lookin' for...

The guy in the jail,

that's his goddamn uncle.

Give me the cell phone.

( Phone beeps, rings )

Impenetrable fortress.
How can I help you?

Listen, motherfucker...

We're down the street,
and we need to get in there.

Now, you're gonna unlock that
door, 'cause we're comin'.

( Sniffs )

Uh... nope.

For the last time,
I'm gonna ask you nicely.

Lady, tell me if this
sounds like I'm hangin' up.

( Dial tone )
Motherfucker dies.

He definitely dies.

( Distant beast roars )

We can get in that jail.

We just have to blow them doors.

With what?

This is a fucking
metal shop, man.

Gotta be something around here.

Yeah, let's blow the doors off
and create a breach.

( Generator whirs )

( Generator fades )

That'd be real smart.

We're trying to use the
building for safety, you know?

What can we do?

Secrets: We have
to think of something.

Honey, we've been trying
to think of something

for the last 24 hours.

You name it,
we've thought of it.

Slasher:
What about makin' a key?

You're the only key-makin'
wrestlers around here.

Make a fuckin' key.

Have you seen that?

It's 100 fuckin' yards away,

something the size
of your asshole.

How do you suppose
I'm gonna be able to see it

in order to make a key?

( Groans, knocks )

( Beast roars )

( Honey pie groans )

( Beast snarls )

Thunder:
Looks like a magnum 860...

( Distant beast roars )

...with a one-by-one
rim cylinder.

Magnum eight-six-zero.

( Grunts )

( Creaking )

( Creaking grows louder )

( Honey pie gasps )

( Moans )

( Distant beast roars )

( Screams )

( Distant beast roars )

All right, boys,
what can I do here?

Thunder: All right, look.

The power comes back on,

we're gonna go.

But you fuckin' watch our back!
Got it.

Amigo, it's match time.

We got some lives to save,

so you down for this?

For Maria.

Biker queen:
What the fuck are you doing?

( Greg grunts )

Greg: Look, running
and hiding won't last.

I mean, those little midgets might
find us safety for a few days,

but we need to be prepared
if it doesn't work.

Bartender: Oh, fuck.

You're not that guy, are you?

We need to know the enemy
from the inside out.

We need to know
what makes this thing tick.

I mean, what is it, right?

Where's it from?

( Generator whirs )

We have to dissect it.

It's go time.
Come on, let's go.

Come on, boys.
Come on.

( Mumbling )

How does dissecting it
make any sense?

Greg: Hey, don't worry about it, babe.
I'm pretty sure it does.

You ever seen these things fuck?

I mean, it's disgusting.

( Secrets groans )
Bartender: Oh, jeez.

Oh, shit.

All our questions are answered.
Bartender: What?

What's been answered?

( Beast corpse breaks wind,
all groan )

Bartender:
Oh, shit.

( All coughing )

( Vomits )

That's just the body
releasing gasses.

Biker queen: Jesus, man.

( Coughing continues )

( Mumbling in Spanish )

( Distant beast growls )

( Roars )

( Gurgling )

( All scream )

( Gasping )

( Curses in Spanish )

( Beast outside snarls )

( Lightning speaks Spanish )

( Shrieking )

( Groaning and straining )

( Dull clank )

( Frustrated shout )

Shit.

( Grunts )

( Machinery whirs )

Greg: Okay, give me
some light here.

Bear with me, people.

We're on the verge
of a discovery.

( Beast corpse breaks wind,
secrets screams )

Shit! Shit! Shit!

Sorry.

Oh, man,
hey. Ooh, god.

Come here. Can you...

Hey, baby, here, here.

Take my jacket.
Come here.

Let me just...

( Slips in vomit )

( Gasping )
Oh, babe, babe, babe.

I can't take it!

Come here, take my hand.
I just can't.

Come on, take my hand.

Give me your hand.

( Distant beast growls )

Listen to me.

You gotta be strong.

Be strong.

( Secrets shudders )

Okay?

Quit touching the motherfucking
organs, asshole!

This is science.
Shut up.

( All screaming )

Oh, fuck!

Fucker!

( Cocks shotgun )

All right, all right.
I'm done. I'm done.

Wait a second.
Look at that.

Look. Look.

What the fuck is that?

( Bartender groans )

Greg: Is that a...

( Hisses )

Is that cyclops lookin' at me?
Greg: Is that a...

No, I don't think...
I don't think that's a...

( Kisses )

( Low screeching )

( Bikers gasping )

( Emitting piercing noise )

Thunder:
What the fuck was that?

Stop it.

( Cocks shotgun )

( Beast screeches, noise stops )

( Secrets mumbling )

I wish it to stop.
I wish it to stop.

( Secrets continues )

( Grandma moaning )

Grandma: Ayúdame.

( Door opens )

What the hell happened here?

We were gone for,
like, two fuckin' minutes!

What the fuck happened to her?!

Son of a bitch right there.
He did it.

Fuckin' son of a bitch!

Fuckin' pendejo.

( Lightning speaking Spanish )

( Banging, roaring )

Fuck!

Thunder: Aw, fuckin' a! We were
supposed to be safe in here.

Thunder: Yeah, we were, till
your queef fuckin' boyfriend

fuckin' set off
the monster alarm.

What?

Thunder: Come on.

( Grandma moaning )

Get a bag.

Slide it up.

Oh, shit. Come on.

( Grandma calling grandsons
in Spanish )

Get to the fuckin' roof now!

( Lightning shouting
in Spanish )

( Banging, roaring continue )

Slasher:
Got you, motherfucker.

( Greg moans )

( Grandma moaning )

( Squishing )

( Grandma moaning )

( Grandma moans,
thunder groans )

God.

( Moaning )

( Speaking Spanish )

( Speaks Spanish )

( Distant beasts
growl and roar )

Bartender: ( Exhaustedly )
Oh, shit. Shit.

( Grandma speaking Spanish )

( Distant beasts
growl and roar )

Wait, where's Greg?

What happened?

He didn't make it.

They got him.

Oh.

Ooh, baby, baby, come on, now.

It's all right, baby.

( Distant beast roars )

It's all right, baby.

I'm still here for you.

I'm still here.

I'm still...

( Greg groans )

( Guns cock )

( Secrets grunts )

Slasher: What?

Slasher: What?

It's an honest mistake.

From now on,

no one makes a fuckin' move
until you tell me.

Thunder:
Get up. Come on.

( Spitting )

Bartender: You boys...
You boys get that key made?

Yeah.

Lot of fuckin' good
it does up on the roof.

Fuck.

Well, I guess it's
back to being fucked.

( Distant beasts roaring )

( No audible dialogue )

( Mimics gunshot )

( Beast snarls )

( Laughs )

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

( Gasps )

No, no, no, no!

No! No!

No, no, no!

No!

( Distant beast roars )

( Sharp gasp )

( Labored breathing )

( Beast roars )

( Cat growls )

( Gurgling )

( Screeches )

It's okay, grandma.

You look all right.

( Speaking Spanish )

Old man, you've seen this
before, haven't you?

Bartender: I gotta tell
you little farts something.

It sure as shit
ain't gonna end up well.

Ah, fuck!

Bartender: Goddamn it.

( Growls )

( Screams )

( Distant beast bellows )

( Bartender coughs )

Okay, okay, okay, okay,
listen, listen, listen.

There's a...

There's a door on the jail roof.

We can get up there,

we got plenty of time
to pop the lock.

How the fuck
are we gonna do that?

Biker girl: Shh. Shh.

What is that?

( Distant baby crying )

Greg: God,
that sounds like a baby.

Oh, my god.

Someone's still alive.

A fuckin' baby.

Secrets: My god.

Fuck is that coming from?

( Baby crying, beast growling )

( Distant beasts roaring )

( Distant baby crying )

( Grandma muttering in Spanish )

( Baby continues crying )

( Baby crying, beast roaring )

( Beasts roaring )

( Moaning softly )

( Stupefied sigh )

( Baby continues crying )

( Distant beast roars )

( Birds squawk )

( Baby continues crying )

( Crying continues )

( Baby crying loudly )

( Baby continues crying )

Biker queen:
What are you doing?

Greg: I'm doin'
the right thing.

Bartender: Careful, bub, heroes don't
do too well around these parts.

Under the circumstances, this
might seem really, really dumb.

Ya think?

If it's dumb,
I don't wanna be smart.

This is how you
save a life, people.

Slasher:
What the... oh, shit!

Ohhhh, shit!

( Baby continues crying )

( Baby crying )

Greg: Hey, little fella.

Everything's okay now.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Come on, now.

He's got the baby.

I wished for that.

Ask, believe, receive.

You can do it, honey!
I got you.

( Glass shatters )

I wish you to succeed!

( Roaring )

He's gonna make it.

Greg: Help!

Help!

He's fucked.

( Screams )

Hold on, baby.

You can do it, honey!

( Screams )

Yes!

( Baby laughs )

Sorry, baby. I'm sorry.

( Baby splats, gunshots )

( Crying softly )

Secrets: Oh, my god.

You piece of shit.

( Speaking Spanish )

Wow, that's bad,
even for this group.

Slasher: Fuck yeah, it is.

( Screams )

( Cocks gun )

Whack-a-mole!
Whack-a-mole!

Fuck you, bitch!
Son of a... fuck you!

( Roars )

( Secrets screams )

Slasher:
Fuck you, motherfuck!

Fuck that! Fuck that!

( Biker girl screaming in pain )

Aah!

Biker girl: Aah!

We gotta get
to that fucking jail,

or we're all goddamn dead meat.

Yeah, you got any ideas?

Yeah, I got a fuckin' idea.

It's gonna require a sacrifice.

( Screaming continues )

( Beast roars )

( Screaming )

( Grunting )

( Splat )

Hello?

Hello?

( Clattering sound )

Hello?

( Beast roaring,
honey pie screaming )

( Glass shatters )

It's gonna work.

Has to.

Looks dangerous.

It's perfectly safe
for midgets. Let's go.

That's little people,
motherfucker.

What the fuck ever,
all right? Come on.

This thing is gonna catapult

one of these little guys
all the way over there?

( Distant beast bellows )

Slasher:
Yeah, that's right.

That's right, and then we'll be
safe till the cavalry comes.

No, fuck that.
I ain't doin' that.

Hold up, hold up, hold up.

We just threw
a woman off the ledge.

These bitches are
standing here butt-naked

'cause we used they clothes
to make this shit,

not to mention I just watched
a fuckin' baby get eaten alive,

and you standin' here tellin' me

that you not even willing
to give this shit a try?

All right, but we testing
this motherfucker, first.

Fine.

Fine, grab the dead guy.

We'll use him.

Hey, hey, hey,
I ain't fuckin' dead.

And don't touch the dick.

Fine, grab the old lady.
She's practically dead, anyway.

Listen to me.
You want to test it, right?

( Speaking Spanish )

Listen, listen... hey!

Slasher: Listen.

Listen, listen, listen.

Listen, listen, listen,
listen, listen.

This is one of those
fuckin' moments, right here.

It's a tough choice,
but it builds character, okay?

Que sera, Que sera, I don't give a fuck.
We're usin' her.

Lightning: No, no, no.

This bitch is
practically dead, anyway.

Look, I don't give a fuck
what you gotta tell yourself

to sleep better at night.
We're usin' her!

This is happenin'.

It's a tough choice.
It builds character. Let's go.

She ain't comin' back, son.

Thunder:
Look, I'm not doin' that.

Sorry, pops.

Man: I can do it!

I will win this!

I will win!

( Beasts roaring )

Man: Come on, it's easy.

Oof.

I won!

No, really, I'm okay.

( Grandma whimpering )

A'ight...

But make this fast.

Biker girl: Hey.

Thunder: Come on. Come on.

Man, if you seen
what I just seen...

Thunder: I know,
I know, I know.

She's not coming back.

Stop.

Greg: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Lightning: Okay.

( Thunder groans )

Thunder: Oh, my back.

Come on.

( Thunder groans )

Say it!

Do it! Do it!

I sure as shit
seen everything now.

( Grandma whimpering )

Come on, grandma.
Let's go.

( All screaming )

( Thunder vomits )

All right, cinch that bag of
grandma and bring it over here.

( Grandma whimpering )

( Lightning crying )

( Screams )

( Greg grunting )

( Grandma whimpering )

Hold on, hold on.

Just tryin' to make sure
the weight is right.

Nah, we goin' have to lose
a bit of grandma.

Come on, man. Come on.

( Cracking, squishing )

( Whimpering louder )

Come on, a little bit more.

Come on, pour some
of grandma out. Come on.

( Retches )

Okay.

Fly with the angels, grandma.

( Speaking Spanish )

( Speaking Spanish )

¿Sí?

( Squishes )

( Retches )

All right, let's give
this thing a shot.

( Engine rumbles )

Hit it.

( Whimpers )

Whoo-hoo!

( Moans )

That is fuckin' American
ingenuity right there.

That's what the fuck that is.

I know horsepower.

I know engines.

It's what the fuck do, okay?

This is gonna be
our fuckin' salvation.

( Laughs )

Shit. That's fuckin' factory-deal
incentive right there.

Mm.

Ow!

Whoo!

All right, which one
of you fuckin' pygmies

wanna be rocket man?

( Honey pie breathing heavily )

( Beast roars,
honey pie screams )

( Screaming )

This is fuckin' bullshit!

Slasher: You ready?

Yeah!

Hey.

A coward dies a thousand deaths,

but a hero dies just one.

Yeah, that doesn't help,
baby-killer.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

Okay.

We're all depending on ya,

you little fart-knocker.

You can make it!

All right,
let's fuckin' do this!

All right, listen.

Once you land,
you get in that door,

you don't fuckin' stop,
all right?

Once inside, you lay
that motherfucker out,

and I mean you
lay him out quick.

We goin' be downstairs poundin'
on the door in seconds.

You gonna be downstairs?

We're gonna be fuckin'
downstairs.

You don't fuckin' stop!
You fuckin' don't stop!

I won't, I won't.

All right.

Aah!

Are you ready?!

I'm ready.

( Engine revs )

Aah!

( Groaning )

You fuckin' assholes.

( Beasts roaring,
thunder screaming )

Hey, should we turn this off?

Get the fuck out of here!

Abuelita! Abuelita!

Fuck!

My fucking dick!

Ah, fuck, my dick!

Aah! Fuckin' dick!

Fuck you,

you fuckin' little
goddamn slippery midget.

( Train passing )

( Whistle blows )

Greg: Help me. Help me.

Help me.

Aaahhhh!

Oh, goddamn him.

I hate those little fucks.

Little midget.
Little, tiny people.

( Secrets crying )

Special delivery, tattoo.

So, fuck you!

Fuck you, motherfucker!

Abuelita!

( Pounding, roaring )

Bartender:
They're gettin' in!

I'm out of here!

( Beast bellows )

( Gasping )

Aah!