Excalibur Kid (1999) - full transcript

Zack doesn't have your ordinary adolescent problems. Transported back in time to medieval England, he lands in the middle of a vicious battle between an evil witch and Merlin, the master sorcerer, for control of Arthur's kingdom. It's up to Zack to help Merlin and Arthur reclaim the magic sword Excalibur and return Arthur to his rightful place on the throne.



(wind blowing)


So. It begins.


Alright, alright, enough.

(door squeaks open)


-Zack: Mom.
-Jeffy: Jim.

-Zack: Mom.
-Jeffy: Dad.


What are you laughing at?

Mom, this really blows.

I was going to be in the
nationals, I have a girlfriend.

You don't have a girlfriend...

Well, almost a girlfriend

as good as a girlfriend...
That's right, you know

Zack, it's not
the end of the world.

You'll make friends
in the city...

and I'm sure their
fencing program

is much more advanced
than it could ever be here.

Zack: But it's not my team.

I probably can't even
get in this late in the year.

Ah, did it ever occur to you
to consult me before

making this huge decision?

Zack: What did you think?
You could demolish our lives,

and everything would be peachy?

Well, I don't mind moving...

-Zack: Shut up, Jeffy
-Jim: Zack!

-No, Gail, enough coddling him.

Zack, we've given you
a pretty free reign so far

to let you grow
and I see now why

that hasn't been so wise.

It's given you
a serious attitude problem.

Dad, no...

We're moving
for the good of this family

and, as to your say
in the matter,

Dad: frankly,
you don't have one.

-Zack: Mom?
-Gail: He's right, Zack...

We're moving regardless.

Gail: You might as well
make it easy on us.

Zack: Yeah, well
that's just great.

I can't believe this.

I never knew you
guys were total fascists.


Jim: Let him go, Gail. It's time
for him to grow up a bit.

May I please be excused?

(tense music)

(jaunty music)

Zack, wait up.

Where did I leave my sand?


No, not there.

Ah, that's where that went.


Grave dust.

Grave dust.


Grave dust that is not.

Grave dust,

grave dust and tail of lizard.


Suil immale.

(metal clanging)

Kay: He'll only mess
things up for me.

Sir Ector: Nonsense!

Arthur! Arthur boy,
come over here.

Yes, father?

How'd you like to come with us
to London tomorrow,

help Kay with his gear?

Sir Ector:
He'll be knighted Palm Sunday,

and he will need some help
for the jousts.

I can be a page?

You do well tomorrow
and we'll see...

Oh, Father, thank you.

Kay, I will not let you down,
I promise.



Merchant: Knives,
handmade knives,

come and buy my
handmade knives.

Merchant 2: Blankets,
beautiful wool blankets.


Lovely woodwork!

Come and see
my lovely woodwork.

We are getting too far back,


We are getting
ahead of ourselves.

What to pack?

Mix them together,

that should do it.


(bats squeaking)



You shouldn't sneak up
on people like that.

Yeah well, you shouldn't try
to kill everyone who does.

Zack: What do you want, Jeffy?

Just leave me alone.

Jeffy: Zack, come on,

it's not that bad.

You'll still have me...

Thrilled, I'm sure.

Plus, the city will be cool.

We can go to all the museums
take taxicabs,

play basketball.

We can play
basketball here, goof.

Hey, don't call me a goof, yeah?

Then leave me alone.


I thought you were leaving.

I'm leaving you alone. OK?

(Zack sighing)

This just...

-Big time.

You know, Jeffy, I like it here.

Now I know
how things work and...

I feel like I was
just getting control.

I wish...

Huh? Wish what?

I wish it were
a different time...

Like when?

The time of chivalry.

The time when your skill

with a sword mattered.

Then, things were easier.

Everything was easier.

Easier how?

Zack: Simpler.
I mean, everything was black,

white and simple.

There was honor,
and there was evil.

Everyone knew
what they were fighting for.

I'm 15.

At 15,
I wouldn't have to live my life

according to Mom and Dad.

Zack: There weren't any
corporate takeovers

or transfers or moving.

Man, I'd be master
of my own destiny.

Zack: By 15, I... You know,
I'd be a page.

I'd be a squire by now.

What's that?

Zac: It's the second step
in becoming a knight.

First you are a page, right.

You know, you do errands
for all the knights.

Then, you become a squire,

you're assigned to one knight.

You follow him into battles
and you carry his gear.

Like a caddy?

Yeah. Sort of.

Anyway, I'd be, going places,
anywhere I wanted.

Mom and Dad, they couldn't
do anything about it.

I'd be a killer knight too.

-Fight jousts, rescue damsels...

You know... babes.

Yeah... babes...

I could be one of
King Arthurs's knights,

fight for honor and peace,

sit at the Round Table
in Camelot.

Now you've lost me.


Forget it. Get lost.

Dad's right.

You've got a serious
attitude problem.

Never mind. I'll go.


Zack, come on.
I didn't mean it.

I was just... Zack, wait up.

(Morgause chanting)



It's working! It's working!


Jeffy: Zack, where are you?


(bird cawing)

It's warm.


(plays jaunty tune)

(wind blowing)

(wind increasing)


(bird cawing)

(distant screaming)

-You recognize that.
-The Sword in the stone.


Come on. Get a little closer.

"Whose pulleth out
this sword of this stone...

and anvil is rightwise
King born of all England."

It's THE sword in THE stone.

Give it a tug.

You know you want to.


(chanting continues)



(Zack gasps)

No way...

My brother!

My brother has pulled the sword
from the stone!

Run, tell everyone,

there is a King
once again in England!

But, wait, wait,
I'm not... I didn't...

(excited yelling)

Why not?

Yeah, this is definitely cool.


Something's wrong.

Something is very, very wrong.

Hail King Zackary.


Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

How could I forget
his stupid sword!

Excuse me, excuse me.

Stupid. I've never... Stupid...
Excuse me. Excuse me.

Pardon me? Pardon me?

Pardon me!

Thunderation, man,
will you move?

This is an emergency...

Oh, pardon me, sir.

Um, what's the ruckus?

Somebody's pulled the sword

from the stone.

England has a king again.





something is terribly wrong.

Out of my way, old man.

Where are you going
with that sword?

This is my brother's sword and
I have to get it to him at once.

But, but...
What about the other one?

-The one in the square?
-What, are you daft?

This is my brother's sword.

Besides, someone's already
pulled the sword from the stone.

Now out of my way,
you lunatic.

This can't be... wait.

No, really, it was nothing.

Please stand up.

Just let me handle everything.

Who are you, anyway?

I'm your fairy godmother.

Good enough for me.

Morgause: England has a King!

King Zackary!

Long live King Zackary!

Long live King Zackary!


Long live King Zackary!

This is a fraud.
No one king rules England!

Certainly not this boy!

King Carados,
and your fellow kings...

Morgause: Uriens, Claudus,

Nentres, Agwisanco,

will you not swear fealty

to the true king of England?

We will never serve
another king,

let alone a fraud.


We have a king
and Excalibur has proven him so!

Defend your king!

Get him.

This way.

(horse whinnying)

(confused yelling)

The king is in danger.

Stop them.

Whoa, whoa, whoa...
What was that all about?

There was bound to
be a little rebellion,

I didn't expect it so soon.

At least
the people didn't buy it.

Zack: What uh, what now?

Morgause: I know
another way out. Come on.


Where are they?

-Who, sire?
-The girl and the boy.

Which girl and which boy?

The boy who pulled
the sword from the stone!

-Oh, that one.
-Claudus: Yes.

-What about him?
-Where is he?

I don't know, sire.

(confused yelling)

Man: Where are you going
you fools?

We must go home,

Claudus: and come back
more sufficiently prepared.

We must gather the armies.

Out the back.

Come, to the castle.

(Medieval music)

Not too shabby.

You will forgive my brother,

he is yet unfamiliar

with the niceties of being king.

They cannot eat until you do.

Oh. Let's see about a fork.

Eat something.


(clearing throat)

You may begin.

(drink being poured)

No, thanks.

Zack: I mean,
I'm trying to cut back.

Do you have any...
let's see,

what do you people drink here?


May I have some mead?

(Zack chuckling)

Zack: Gross.

Yeah, Martha Stewart
would not be pleased.

I can't believe this worked.

What worked?


Zack: Thank you.

This castle is known

for the excellence
of its mead, sir.

Um, yes, I can see that.

Don't you people drink anything
but alcohol?

How about some uh, milk?

Zack: You know, leche ,

comes from a cow.

It does the body good.

His Majesty would
like some milk.

Please be good enough
to fetch it for him.

Aide: Of course.

So where is the suckling pig?

There's always supposed
to be nice juicy pigs here...

Zack: Big old apple
in their mouths.

Whatever. Okay.
So, what worked?

Don't worry.
You'll know soon enough...

Morgause: In the meantime,
Gwynneth will do nicely

as your handmaid.
There she is at the foot

of the table waving.

Does it get any warmer here?

What do you want?
It is a castle.

You want a cozy cottage
go back to being a peasant.

Drink some mead,
it'll warm you up.

No, thanks.

I was thinking that
after the coronation,

we should have a banquet.

A banquet? What is this?

Morgause: This is just supper.

Zack: Will there be roast pig?

You are the strangest boy.

I'm not a boy.
How old are you?

Do they ever
clean the floors in here?

They just cleaned it last month

besides it won't be Autumn
cleaning for a while yet.

I was thinking
that I should be the one

to appoint the guards too.

Morgause: I'm an excellent
judge of character.

But who are you, really?

I told you, I'm your fairy...

Godmother... Yes. I know.

That really clears
things up for me.

I am called Maeve,
by those that know me.

Zack: So Maeve, tell me

why am I going along
with you being my sister?

Because I made you king.

Hey, I don't know
where you were at the time

but I was the one who pulled
the sword from the stone...

Zack: Why should I take orders
from you?

Because I am the one
who made it happen.


But tomorrow... more jousts...

Real jousts?

Morgause: We can start
choosing knights

for your court.

Now, it is time for
you to go to bed. Gwynneth!

Will you be kind

and show King Zackary
to his bed chambers?

Yes, madam,

it would be my pleasure.

Now then,
Your Majesty, shall we?

Oh, yeah...

This is sweet.

(distant music)

(music getting louder)

(Gwynneth gasping)

I think you're not quite ready
for that yet.

What was
that terrible contraption?

Uh, it's a CD player.

Pop in a CD and press play.

The music goes up
in to the ear phones.

It's a piece of magic
I brought from my home.

Well, I hope you
will feel comfortable

making this your home,
Your Majesty.

Please... just call me Zack.

Ooooh... isn't he
just the sweetest little King,

he wants me
to call him a nickname.

Okay, Zack it is.

But only in private.

In front of everyone else,

it's Your Majesty.

We don't want anyone thinking

that I've overstepped
my station.

What are you doing?

I'm just getting
you ready for bed, dearie.

Don't squirm so...

Well, stop it...

That's a royal order!

Gwynneth... I'm sorry.

No, I can undress myself,
it's okay.

Why don't you just go to bed.

Everything is fine. It's cool.

I'm good, okay?

-Good night.

-Good night.
-Good night.

-Good night.

You're not sleeping in here?

I am your handmaid, sir.

I must be at your side
at all times.

I don't think so...

It's your sister's orders,
Your Majesty.

Well I order differently...

She is still
older than you, sir,

and until the coronation
I must do as she says.

Okay, okay. Whatever.

Good night.


Zack: Oh, man.

Either I'm having one
messed up dream

or I have gone completely
round the bend insane.

Gwynneth: Pardon me,
Your Majesty?

Good night, Gwynneth.

Put me on... Sure.



Zack: Whoa. I'm invisible.

Zack: Quick! Hide!

It goes well, my darling.

Well, Miss Maeve.
Miss Morgause.

Lady Morgause.

Queen Morgause.


This was so much easier
than I thought it would be.

Now let's just get that brat

crowned before
Merlin can interfere.

(intense music)


Good. Good work.

At least I think so.

Boy, are you out there or not?

Zack: Right here.

Merlin: Well,
thundering typhoons, boy,

take off the cloak
so I can see you.

Merlin: Get inside.
Come in here, boy.

We have things to discuss.

Are you... are you...

Tired? Angry?

Are you Merlin the magician?

What gave me away,

the cloak of invisibility
or was it the beard?

Oh, Merlin... Mr. Merlin... man,

I am very pleased to meet you,
I am a big fan.

Yes, and the boy
who has muddled things terribly.

You know,
one thing's bothered me though.

If you could see in the future

then, why can't you fix things?

I mean couldn't you make
things go better for Arthur?

Will you please just be quiet?
I mean just listen to yourself.

This is great.

I can't believe
I am actually standing here

talking to Merlin.

lf I'm king here,

you could be my advisor, right?

Oh, I give up.

I mean, I don't know exactly
what I'm doing here.

That much is apparent.

Now, silence.


Merlin: What I can't understand

is how anyone
could change destiny.

Don't bother.

Merlin: You see, my boy.

Everything that will happen

has already happened,
in a way.

You see, my boy,
it is all a matter of destiny.

I have mine, you have yours,

and Arthur has his.

Except the tricky bit now

is that Arthur
no longer has his,

thanks to you.

Merlin: Do you understand
what I am saying here?

Your pulling the sword
from that stone

has altered the
course of all history.

Not even I can predict
what will happen now.

No, this is not a dream.

This is a very harsh

and terrible reality.

And I don't know
how it happened.

But there we are.

Our challenge now is

to set things back on track.

Merlin: First of all,

how did you pull that sword
from that stone?

What kind of sorcerer are you?

(frustrated mumbling)

Merlin: You must have had help.

And very powerful help indeed.

Would that we all
could change destiny.

I wouldn't have to spend
eight centuries

locked in an oak
and Arthur, well...

Arthur definitely deserves
an easier fate.

Don't you think
I'd do something if I could?

Well. just take it off boy.

(sarcastic chuckling)

Thank you.

-Now, first of all,

I did not do this, alright?

Zack: Enough already.

Will you let me finish?

There is this bitter,

bossy, freaky chick who actually
turns out to be Morgause.

Yeah, that's right,
Arthur's half sister

who later screws him over and

well, you know the rest
of the story better than I do.

the chick is like totally

psyched to get me
crowned this Sunday,

I don't know,
supposed to make this

whole mess stick or
something like that.

Very clever.

Yeah, well.
Anyway secondly...

Zack: I am totally sorry about
this like, major disaster

I seem to have caused here...

If I knew what was going on

I'd have left that
stupid sword in the stone

for Arthur to pull out.

Those things are heavy anyway,

I don't know
how they fight with them.

if you are supposed

to knew the future, well, dude,
why didn't you see this coming?

Because destiny
has been changed.

Because destiny
has been changed.
I don't know
what will happen next.

I don't know
what will happen next.

Oh, dear. Morgause.

I mean,
who would've thought it?

I mean, she's only a girl yet.

How can she have the power?

We are in a great deal
of trouble here.

You see, my boy,

anything in good magic,

that is magic
that works at one with nature,

has the power to change
destiny or history

That applies to the past
as well as the future.

Only very particular forces

of evil can interfere.

Morgause is too young

to have these powers unless

she got a hold of
the Dark Book .

The what book?

The Dark Book.

It's a very ancient book indeed.

Merlin: It holds such powers
of evil

that it was banished
to a forgotten place

by a very wise wizard

hundreds of years ago.

Merlin: Now, we've got to

get you back to the castle
before she suspects.

Tomorrow we will
get a hold of Arthur...

Merlin: And we must,
we have very little time.

What happens if I am crowned?

If you're crowned,
you'll be crowned

in front of most of London.
Restoring Arthur to the throne

after that would be
near impossible.

And I couldn't get back home?

You'd be too busy
ruling England, my boy.

We can't have you
just disappearing...

Who could succeed
after a scandal like that?

Arthur'd be accused of murder
before they'd let him

take the throne.

Look, I've obviously
screwed things up here

like it or not.

Zack: I will stick around
and I'll help as best as I can.

How generous.

And when things are all fixed,

I'll go home.

Zack: You can send me home?

There, this should do it.

What are we gonna do
when we find Arthur?

Help him to regain his destiny.

Now, goodnight.

Now, keep your eyes open

for an ancient book
you'll know it when you see it.

And if you do find it,
bring it to me.

Okay, but...

back to the getting
me home thing...

Zack: You can get me home,

I mean, I have a
fencing tournament next week...

Zack: I have things to do...

I certainly hope so, my boy

but I don't quite see how.

Zack: Not to mention...



Nice seeing you, Merlin.

OK, I help him out,
he sends me home.

That's easy enough.

I mean,
he is Merlin after all, right?


(bird cawing loudly)

Now... to practice.

I master this book

and I won't need any pesky kid
to help me rule the land.

Invisibility. Love potions.

the Spell of the Making.



We'll leave that one
until later.

Here is an easy one.



(wind blowing, chanting)



Important lesson number one.

Learn the undoing of a spell
before the doing of one.

(rooster calling)

(birds tweeting)

Get up, you sleepyhead,

there are things to do.

I wasn't dreaming.

Now, I've laid out your clothes

as you seem to
hate to be dressed,

and I'll wait
behind the curtain until you do.

It's freezing in here.

All the more reason
to get dressed.

Can I take a shower?

A what?

Bathe myself...
maybe wash my face

or brush my teeth.

Why, dearie,

it's a long way until Saturday,

Gwynneth: and Saturday's
bath day in this castle

As for your teeth,

you're young yet.

They won't be giving you
trouble for years.




I think I will go
for a ride this morning.

You have things to tend to here.

And I'll go for a ride.

You are needed
at the castle today, sire.

Why don't you back off
for the morning, Maeve.

I am going for a ride
and if you don't like that

Zack: I'll have to raise
such a stink that...

Listen, you little...

I will be back in a few hours.

I promise.

All right, then you may go.

But be back by three bells.

There will be jousts to watch.

Then I'll back. Thanks, Maeve.

Cassian, will you take
His Majesty for a ride today?

Cassian: Yes, ma'am.

(horse whinnying)

Cassian: I think Ginny
will do well, Your Majesty...

She's strong and fast
and gentle as a lamb.

Very nice.
Cassian, could you...well

I've never really ridden before.

Never ridden, Your Majesty?

My family lives in...

Uh... We grew up very poor.

Zack: The only horse on our farm
was a workhorse.

Of course, Your Majesty.

I forget that you grew up
as one of us.

So, first thing to remember.

Always the mount from the left.


Cassian: Whose horse is this?

I've not seen him before.

Yeah, he's a beaut.

Yeah, I think
I'll take this horse.

Cassian: But I am not sure to
whom it belongs.

I will ride this horse.

Yes, Your Majesty.

-Cassian: Sire!

Oh, great, Cassian.
Lose the king...

Merlin: Well, don't I get
a good morning at least?

I thought you sent me

the horse or something.
Where are we going?

you'll see soon enough.

-What now?

How can you see the future?

You really want to know that?

-It doesn't interest you

in the least that I can shift
my shape into animals?

It does, but I dunno

the whole future thing
interests me.

It's what made you
so useful to Arthur.

Listen well,

I am only going to
explain this once.

For me, what's hard
is seeing the past,

not the future.

You've lost me already.

I had the ill fortune to be

put onto this earth
living backwards.

So seeing the future is no trick

as it is really my past.

It is remembering
what happened yesterday

that gets me all befuddled.

Then why do you walk
and talk forwards?

Don't get all
technical on me, boy.

It is what it is.


Remind me never to do
that one again.

Oh, my poor old bones.

That was awesome.

Well, gee golly whillikers

aren't we having so much fun.

Come on, my boy,

we have work to do.

I went to Arthur
to try to explain

he won't have any of it.

He doesn't believe me.

Did you find that book?

I haven't had the chance
to look yet.

Well, that's just wonderful.

Why not put it off another day
let the entire country wither

under a reign of evil.

It'll be hard enough
getting him on the throne,

I can't do it without his help.

We've only got four days

before the entire kingdom

recognizes you as its King.

Zack: What do we do
about those

who already think I am king?

I'm working on that, my boy.

All right, well,
I'll just go to Arthur

and convince him.

Of course you can accomplish

so much more
than feeble old Merlin

impudent pipsqueak.

He'll be king

and I'll be home by Sunday

but not before some jousts.

(horse grunting)

Arthur: It was just one
stupid mistake,

I had all that other
stuff to carry.

So what if I forgot
the stupid sword?

I got it to him in time
for the joust, didn't I?

You know,
if Kay weren't such a pig,

Arthur: I'd be a full page
by now.

Now let me do the talking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Arthur: Instead I'm cleaning up

after you and
all your friends all afternoon

when I should be out training.

Oh, it's you again.

Why don't you go away?
You crazy old man. I'm busy.

A little more gently, please.

You have no idea

how sensitive the back
gets around the saddle.

What would you know?

Trust me, I know.

Arthur. Hi, man,
it's so cool to meet you

I just wish things
weren't so crazy

-Who are you?
-I am Zack.

I'm the guy
who kinda screwed things up.

What things?

I pulled the sword
from the stone.

Oh, Your Majesty. I'm sorry,
I didn't know you'd be so young.

I am just a teenager
like yourself.

Get up, already.
I should bow for you.

What do you mean?

You were supposed to
be the guy who...

Oh, please don't tell me

you've been listening
to this old man. He's crazy.

No, a little tense maybe,

but not crazy.

But look I understand,

things are a little loco here.

But trust me,
he's a powerful wizard

he will your advisor
and you'll be king.

You are insane,

you're both completely insane.

See, there is bad mojo
involved here.

and your sister actually...

Zackary, let's not divulge.

I don't have any sister.

You do, you just don't know
about it yet, all right?

Sir Ector is not your real dad.

Now you are talking
as crazy as the old man.

Ector is my father.

Kay is my brother.
It's that simple.

I've got a lot of work to do
between now and supper.

I'll get it for sure
if it doesn't get done.

So, excuse me,
Your Majesty.

You gotta listen to me, man.
We don't have much time.

Kay! Kay, come here
I need your help.

I think, we better go.

But he's not hearing me

Come on, Zackary, let's go.

It's enough for today.

(magical whooshing)

What? What's wrong?



(eerie music)

An enslaving spell.

This is just what I need.

Man, I wish I had
that invisible thing now.

(door creaking)

Right on.

This castle is phat!

(Morgause chanting in distance)

(chanting getting louder)



We are under thy power.

Morgause: Now...

listen carefully.

You are now my servants.

You must do anything I say.

Understand that I am your Queen.

Your Majesty.

Oh, really, you are too much.

Your reign is supreme.

Thank you, that is enough.

Now, your assignment is to keep

an eye on that little brat
King Zackary.

Little brat Zackary.

Of course you
mustn't call him that.

You must just call him
"Your Majesty."

Guards: My majesty.

No. No, no, no.
Your Majesty.

-Guards: Your Majesty.
-Morgause: Right.

Right, Your Majesty.

Now that really is sweet.

Morgause: You must just call me

the Lady Maeve.

Your Majesty, the Lady Maeve.

No, you idiots.

Listen carefully.

I am the Lady Maeve.

You must call me "My Lady".

Zackary is the King...

Morgause: At least until I can
think of a better use for him.

You must call him...

Your Majesty. Get it?

Your Lady, My Majesty.

Reverse that.

-My Lady, Your Majesty.

Now you are
to follow His Majesty,

King Zackary, and report back

to me everything that he does.

Report everything back to you.

(metal clanging)

What are you doing here?

Oh, Maeve... you scared me.

What are you doing here?

And where is Gwynneth?

I just found all
this cool armor, man.

Those jousts were awesome.
Think I can compete one day?

Morgause: Honestly.
You'd think you were just

a child not a king.
Go to bed.

Pushy much?

I am not in the mood
for any of your...

Maeve, we're going
to be working together

for a little while, right?

If you'd just chill,
just a little bit,

things would go much
easier for both of us.

I need you to get your rest

we are giving audience.

Really? Who to?

To whom.

To some of your subjects...

We have important business
to attend to.

The country can't just
sit around waiting for you

to be crowned.

OK, I don't know anything

Don't worry your little head,

I'll take care of things.

Goodnight, Zackary.

Tomorrow you get

to sit in the throne room.

Throne room, cool enough.

I don't understand
your constant desire

for it to be chilly

when you're always complaining
about the cold.

No, cool doesn't mean--

Never mind. Just go to bed.

No, no, no.
Remember your attitude.

Good night, Zackary.

Merlin: Zackary. Zack.

Merlin: Wake up, my boy.


You talk. What gives?

Merlin: Of course I talk.
It's Merlin.

-Now be quiet,

or you'll wake
that dreadful woman.

What are you doing here?

I spoke to Arthur again.

I even did a few tricks to
convince him, he's not biting.

Go to Ector's place
and talk to him today.

It won't work.
We already tried.

He won't listen to me.

Besides, just let him cool off.

I saw some jousts yesterday
and today I got to hold court.

How can you? How?

Do you think this is a game?

We have three days left.

If Arthur is wigging out
about the news,

I may as well look around.
The stuff here is wild.

Of all the...

Look, if you let me
hold court today,

I'll go see him this afternoon.

You think you can
bargain with me?

-You little pipsqueak
-Hey... by the way,

I think you were right.
Morgause has the Dark Book.

It's this ancient looking thing,

even for today,

Zack: and it glows red.

That's it. Did you get it?

Like things would be that easy.

No, she's got it
locked up somewhere.

The key's on her belt.

Merlin: Boy, listen to me.
I need you to listen.

Someone's coming,
hang on.

(Merlin mumbling)

What, in bed so late?

Gwynneth. Gwynneth,
where are you?

I'm sorry. What time is it?

Past sun up, you fool.

Now get the boy dressed

meet me in the throne
room in haste.

Relax, man.
Don't to freak out on her,

she didn't do anything.

And you are going
to be quiet today, boy.

We have important affairs
to attend to

and I don't need you
fouling them up.

You gonna make me?

You aren't making
things any easier

with that temper of yours.

Are you ready?

Straighten your coat.

Even with the fire in here,
it's always like the Arctic.

Stop whining.

Why can't I sit on the throne?

You're not crowned yet.

Then why are we giving audience?

Some things can't wait.

Enough with the questions.

If anyone asks anything
confer with me first,

-I will tell you what to say.

And sit up straight,

you're supposed to be a king.


We may proceed.

I said I wanted to see the king.

Young Man: This is the king.

They said he was young
but I never thought...

What seems to be the problem?

This young whippersnapper--

Excuse me, um...

Your Majesty. If I may speak.

There he goes again,
always interrupting.

You go first.
And you, old man,

will get your turn after.

Your Majesty,
I am your humble servant

the Duke of St. Ives

and I have recently
inherited lands.

Duke of Ives:
On surveying these lands,

I found this old man.

He claims that the
land belongs to him.

But can't seem to
offer any evidence

except his stubborn rantings.

Since I have approached him

about leaving my land,

four of my cows
have gone missing,

and one of my pigs was left
slaughtered on my door step.


(Morgause whispering)

Zack: What?

You heard me,
now tell him.

But we don't... we haven't even
heard the old man yet.

Morgause: I don't care.

Cattle theft
is a hanging offense,

and the old man must die.

I don't know what kind
of world you grew up in,

but where I come from,

people are innocent
until proven guilty.

Zack: All right,
here's the deal.

Old man, you give
him back his cattle

and buy him a new pig.

And, you give him
half of your crop as rent.


Zack: He stays on your land
for life

only if he gives you
half his crops.

That way that part of your land

will be upkept and maintained,

Zack: and you will get your
stuff back as a reward.


Zack: The King has spoken.

Zack: Now get out of here
before I change my mind.

Thank you.

Now you listen to me.


I'm not listening,
not listening!

(Zack singing tunelessly)

You may approach.

Your Majesty. I am King Bans,
this is my brother Bers.

Oh, no, not more kings...

We come to swear fealty
to you and your kingdom.


We also come to warn you
that six kings

to the north, they have
all banded armies together,

King Bans:
and have vowed to conquer you.

Well, uh...

We need to know
your plan of action.

Uh... when are they
going to attack?

Bans: It is five days journey
from their country.

Uh... W...

I'll think about this tonight
and let you know tomorrow.

I can't deal with this.

Well, you won't have to.
I will.

You can't deal with this either.

Silence. Now,
that will be enough for today.

If we go to war in four days,
maybe by that time I can...

Go to your room.

I don't want to see you
until supper.

My pleasure.

(mouse squeaking)


Where have you been?

(Merlin clearing throat)

Oh... Sorry.

I thought you were having
such a good time being king.

I can't...
I can't do this Merlin.

We have to get Arthur
back in power.

-There's going to be a war.
-Merlin: I know that.

I mean, how can they possibly...

How could they even think I...
How did Arthur handle this?

Like a young
and overwhelmed boy,

trying to do a king's job.
But Bans and Bers help.

This is his first trial.

Was his first trial.

Come on,
we haven't a minute to spare.

We've gotta talk to Arthur.

I've got the key,

but Morgause is in the
room with the book...

Well done, my boy.

we have no time here.

Just do your zappy
thing and I'm outta here.

Very well.
Oh, but one more thing.


Don't say anything
to Arthur about Guinevere

and Lancelot or Mordred.

He'll find out about
those things in due time.

And don't mention the war.



I didn't hear you ride up.

Now get out of my way.
I'm busy.

Merlin: Go after him, boy.

What's all this stuff?

I'm practicing.

Arthur: It looks like you could
use some practice yourself.

Listen, man,
we gotta talk alright.

Zack: There's going to be a...

You've just got to be king.

It's just not for me.

Please, don't start that again.


(metal clanging)

Uh, nice try.

You broke my concentration...

Look, like I said, man,

we gotta have words.

Zack: Arthur, man,
I'm not supposed to be here...

I was brought back
in time with bad mojo

by that freaky chick
and placed on the throne...

Arthur: Did you see that?
That was great.


Arthur: Imagine what I could
do on a real horse...

Yeah, but, we have to talk...

Will you take a hint?

Look, I know you're king,

or whatever you are,

but I've only got an hour
before now and chores.

And I've a lot of exercises
to do before then.

Don't you get it?

It you'd just stop
with this chores stuff

for a minute and listen to me,

if you don't wake up
and fast

and take your place
on the throne,

I'm not get getting home.

Where is home?


Arthur: America,
what country is that in?

It's a place you people
haven't discovered yet.

Across the ocean.

Anyway, I did not choose
to come here...

I was brought here.

I have a family, a brother
and parents who I...

Who I miss.

I mean, I really miss them.

And I've got my own
path to follow

I don't know
what that is right now,

but I do know that this,

this is totally messed.

I can't help you...

Come on Daisy, come on,
not now, come on.

All right, all right, whoa.

Arthur: It's all right, Daisy.
You can't help being so old.

(Merlin mumbling
"gently please")

What now?

Why won't you listen?

You are supposed to be a king,

not some stupid
lamo chore-hopping,

Zack: pretend-to-be knight
who talks to his stupid horse.

Oh my, what is this?

You want a piece of me?
Do you? Is that it?

All right.

let me just accommodate
your wishes there, Arthur.

Let's see that you got.

Whoa, all right, two hands.
Okay, this isn't fencing.

Let's boogie.

(swords clattering, grunting)


(Arthur chuckling)

You do talk oddly.
You really from the future?

Zack: Yeah.

Arthur: How far ahead?

What year is it now?

We are in the year
of our Lord, 486.

So from about...
1,500 years into the future.

What is it like then?

You obviously still fight
with swords.

This is just for play,
not for real, you know.

Well, then there's no war.

Oh, no, there's war.

There will always
be plenty of war.

Just a different kind
of weapons, you know.

Is there war still in England?


But that's mostly
because of you.

What else?

Well, there is communication
between all the world.

People can talk to each
other from anywhere.

How is this possible?



Basically a different
kind of magic...

Well then, how can there be
war with all of this new magic?

I don't know, there just is.

How can there be war
in your world,

with all the magic?

I see your point.

I don't know man.

It's screwy,
but it's home right?

It's where I belong.
Like you belong on the throne.

I don't know about being king.

I want to be a knight.

It you become king,

when you become king,

you will lead hundreds

of knights into
glorious battles.

You are single-handedly
responsible for

ending conflict with
all the tribes in England.

You're gonna be the
best king ever. I promise.

What would I do?

I don't know the first thing
about ruling a kingdom.

You'll figure it out.
Merlin will be there to help.

The old man?

The very with it old man.

He is a powerful wizard.

How do I know
you're not under some spell?

Or he's not trying to trick me

or manipulate me like
that witch did you?

He's a good magician

and he'll be your best bud
and advisor.

I can't take all this in,

I have to do my exercises.

We only have two days
until I have to be crowned

I mean it'll be pretty scary
if you don't get it together.

You're gonna
be a good king, Arthur.

I'll think on it.

Oh, can I ask a favor?

Nice, Merlin, getting down.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

Stop that. Call me Zack.

But you...

Hey, that's an order.

I'd best be getting back.
I have chores to do.

Listen, please,
come back with me to the castle.

Let's work things out,
all right?

I need more time.

Zack: We don't have more time.

Merlin: Get off my back,
you ungrateful sack of potatoes!

Alright, alright.

You are going to be
the jewel of the coronation.

Now, to work.

The Spell of the Making
rears its beastly head.


Really, Morgause,
you are too much!

But not yet, not yet.

I must learn more first.

But once I am ready
to read that spell

I can dispense with
the gathering of armies,

I will have England
under my thumb

and I can ditch the boy.

The spell of Second Sight.

Let's see
what goes on with Merlin.

Poor Merlin,
no Arthur to advise.


Zack: I will practice riding.
OK, I promise.

Merlin: I have no intention
of letting you ride me again.

My boy, it is back
to the castle for you

'til Arthur
comes to his senses.

Besides, I need you
to get that book.

You have the key,
the rest should be easy.

Zack: Is that book
really that dangerous?

My boy,
if she can wreak such havoc

with only a few
of its simpler spells,

you don't want to know
what she can do

if she ever figures out
the Spell of the Making.

The spell of... What's that?

A very dangerous spell
which would make her

far more dangerous
to this country than

merely a little junior witch
and she could do far worse

Merlin: damage than merely
changing history.

Zack: How?

Never mind,
just get that book.

We'll try again
with Arthur tomorrow.

Alright, but how
about letting me ride you back?

I'm going to pretend
I didn't hear that.



Riding sure does hurt.

Morgause: So does the truth.

Morg... Maeve.

No need for the charade
any longer, "little brother".

I know what you know
and where you've been.

The Dark Book is not without
its powers of second sight.

You see, I was listening.

Morgause: Key please.

Zack: What key?

(ominous music)

You won't
get your hands on that book.

Morgause: I'm not about to let
a simple, stupid boy
ruin my chances.

You choose me
because you thought

I wouldn't cause
as many problems as Arthur.

So maybe it does
have a brain after all.

Okay, but why me?

Morgause: I have the power
to pull people out of time,

but they have to want
to come, just a little bit.

And I guess I wanted to come
more than just a little bit.

Why not use someone
from this time?

Harder to track the lineage
of one who comes out of the air.

Morgause: They have no choice
but to believe you are

the long lost son
of Uther Pendragon.

Yeah, but Merlin...

I am dealing with one
problem at a time here.

I already have a fool
on the throne,

I'd say I am doing quite well,
wouldn't you?

Aside from the fact that

you took it upon yourself

to tell my idiot
brother the truth.

You can't just
change the future.

Nothing good can come of it.

You're starting to sound
like Merlin himself.

Well, my boy,

until I can think of something
better to do with you,

you are now
under house arrest.

House arrest,
now how you gonna do that?

Well, I think I'll kill you
with a little kindness first,

while I kill my other brother
a little more completely.

Gwynneth: Your Majesty,

Lady Maeve
told me you've taken ill.

Oh, no, what are
you doing out of bed?

Now let's get you to bed

and give you a poultice.

Then we'll bank the fires
and get it warm in here.

Morgause: And now, to dispose

of my other problem altogether.

Zack: Gwynneth, stop it.
She's going to kill Arthur.

Witch, who?
You are getting delirious.

This will make you feel better.

Zack: Merlin!!

(Gwynneth snoring)

Uh, hiya.

Quickly to Sir Ector's castle.

You will find the traitor
in the barn tonight,

or so the Book tells me.

Shackle him
as quietly as you can

and report back to me.

No. No, no no.
This can't happen.


Merlin. Merlin, I need you.

(Merlin grunting)

Merlin? Merlin? Is that you?


Dude, where have you been?

Morgause just sent her drones
out to kill Arthur.


She knows I know and that

you know I know
and Arthur knows...

Oh no.

Oh my goodness,
what was that?

-Gwynneth: That flash of light.

Oh, Gwynneth,
don't tell me you've got it too.

No, of course not.

Oh, Gwynneth,
you don't look so good...

What, well,
I am feeling a little bit off.

You know what you should do?
Go to bed,

I did and I feel so much
better because of it.

But Lady Maeve said
to keep an eye on you--

Don't worry about that,

I'm going back to bed now,
you must do the same.

-Gwynneth: What?

-Look at that!

You're flushed.

I am feeling a little bit dizzy.

Yeah, you know what you need?

A lot of this, come,
you need to get to bed.

-Let's go.
-Yes. Yes.

A lot of this.
Generous portions. Good.


Why did you bring him here?

Gwynneth: Are you all right,
Your Majesty?

-Gwynneth, fine. Good.

Take us somewhere we can talk.


I don't like this...

I said I'd think on it.

I'm still thinking.

Why did you bring us here?
She's sure to find him.

The best place to hide
is in plain sight...

Why does this witch woman
want me dead?

Put the bucket down
and be quiet,

both of you, I need to think.

Arthur, this belongs to you.

I didn't feel right with it.

(mystical twinkling)

Zack: Whoa...

Of course...



So, you believe me now?

Yeah. Wow. Huh.

Zack Yeah. Huh. Wow.

Let's go back to
the king's English...

Merlin: Or it would be
the king's English, if...

Merlin: Now, what to do?

Zack: I say we take on
whatever's coming.

Wait a minute, boy.

Merlin: We need to fight
together in this battle.

We've each got our strengths,

but if you will permit
me a little intervention,

I've got a little
extra help for you.




Zack: Oh yeah, I'm invisible!

Stop it fool,
or I'll turn you into a mouse

and Arthur and I will take
on the enemy alone. Get it?

-Zack: Got it.
-Merlin: Good.

Merlin: Now, you got Excalibur.
As for me...

Now, men,
let us to battle.

Hidden in plain
sight my eye, Merlin.

Do you think
my magic so primitive

it cannot see danger
when it approaches?

Primitive is exactly
the right word for it.

Primitive and dangerous.


Where did they go?

Zack: I don't know.



You little trick.

But I think you'll
find my powers

have come a long way
in a very short time.

(Morgause chanting)

(chanting continues)

Agile for such an old man.

Come on and fight me.

Come on, out with the lightning,

I can take it.

My dear, you have obviously

missed the point
of all of your magic lessons.

You think all of
this carries no price?

Come on and fight me!

Let's see who
is the real magician.

(Merlin chanting)

(Morgause chanting)

(Morgause groaning)

(swords clashing, grunting)



(grunting, groaning)

Zack: Hey, guardy guards.
Over here. Yo, zombie freaks.

All right, you get round one.

But I am not finished yet.

No, you are far from finished.

There is much more havoc

you must wreak in your lifetime.

-Stop that.
-Stop what?

That future stuff.

Like you know it all.

You thought
you knew about Arthur,

and then look what happened.

No, well. Just because you
managed to move things

around a little bit
doesn't mean...

Merlin: they won't come to
the same sorry end.

Now, what's next,
my dear little witch?

I am not a witch.
I am a magician!

What have you got for me?

(Morgause chanting)

(Merlin laughing)


(Morgause screaming)

(Merlin laughing)


(gasping, grunting)

(grunting, groaning)

Zack: Oh, yeah,
the mark of Zack.

(high-pitched grunting)

(high-pitched grunting)

(manic laughter)

(terrified gasping)





Zack: Could you watch
where you're going?

What happened to the
guards who were after you?

I took them out, no problemo.
And your guards?

I had no problemos either.

Good, stay where I can see you.

It's difficult having
a comrade you can't see.

It does have
it's advantages though, huh?

(Merlin grunting)

That's Merlin. Let's go.
It doesn't sound good.

(growling, cackling)



All right.

(laughter, screaming)

Arthur: Thank you.


Zack don't need no cloak.



Say hello to my little friend.

Whoa, aaah, gah!

Zack: That's gotta hurt.

Good work.

You didn't do too bad yourself.

-I said you had it in you.
-Yeah, let's get to Merlin.

Why don't you fight me?

Because I need you alive,
you idiot girl.

You have things to do.

You bet I have things to do.

You bet I do.
I have big things to do.

You leave me
no choice, Merlin.

You have given me no choice
but to forge on.

Morgause, you don't know
what you are dealing with.


(Morgause chanting)

it's too powerful for you,

it will kill you.

I think I've mastered
this book by now...

Merlin: No one is the master
of that book,

it can only master you.


Merlin: Morgause!

(Morgause chanting)

(chanting continues)

(chanting intensifies)






(Merlin moaning)

Come on, my boy,
snap cut of it.

Wake up, Arthur.

Oh, no. What did I do.
Why did I take that sword?

Merlin: Arthur, Arthur,
it's time to wake up.

It's not you, my boy,
you are not

responsible for this,
any of it.

Merlin: And the one who is
I think has learned her lesson.

There are some powers that
are not to be toyed with.

Oh, Arthur,
it's time to wake up.

Come on, now,
you've got a kingdom to rule,

Merlin: battles to win, you've
got a lot ahead of you, my boy.

Merlin: Wake up, Arthur!

King Arthur.

King Arthur.

I really have to do this,
don't I?

Well, first things first.

Off with her head.

No, that is not
how it works.

She too
has a destiny to fulfil.

In the meantime...

Morgause: What are you going
to do with me?

Well, I think it's time
you went back to Orkney.

There's a lovely old gentleman
named King Lot

that you really got to meet.

You can't send me so far away...

out to the country.

I'll just die out
in the country.

Eventually, yes,
but not for many years.

Oh, anything but Orkney,

it's so dreary
and so cold there.

I'll have nothing to do.

Please let me stay
here in London.

I'll be a loyal disciple
of my darling brother.

I do love him after all.
We can make this work...


So she is my sister.

Will she be more trouble?

I can't promise that she won't.

How's that for an answer?

Go on, tell me
what will happen.

Isn't that what you're
supposed to do?

In time, in time.

Excuse me, um,
can I go home now?

Oh, dear.

That just sounds wonderful.

What do you mean Merlin?

Well, Zack, I'm afraid I've
got some bad news for you.

Merlin: I've been holding off
telling you because, well,

frankly we had enough
to think about.

Wait a minute.
You just sent Morgause

to Orkney
wherever that is

with just a little wave
of the staff there...

Zack: Are you trying
to tell me you ain't

got no more juice in that
puppy to send me home?

Time travel
is a tricky thing, Zackary.

You see. It is not so
much as a sending matter,

as a drawing matter.
You see...

Merlin: Magic has the power
to pluck someone

out of another time,

into our own.

But no magic has the power

to send someone through time.

No, no, no... this is crazy.

This won't do.
I can't live here.

You guys don't even
have proper heating for one,

and the food, oh,
don't even get me started

on you guys' personal hygiene,
I mean...

Zack: Merlin...

I miss my family.

Alright, I hate to admit it,
but I do.

You're the one always talking

about a person's
place in history;

well I have one,
and it is not here.

It is at the turn
of the century...

okay, the 21st century.

I'm sorry Zackary,
there is nothing I can do.

He's down here! Down here!

Zack, Your Majesty,
are you all right?

Yes. First of all, I am fine,
Gwynneth, thanks for asking.

And, I am not the King.


I was brought,

I took the sword from the stone

due to the treachery
of Morgause,

the witch who was here before.

This is Arthur, he was the one

who was supposed
to pull the sword

from the stone and today,

he showed us,
by his gallant fighting,

wow, you know,
that Excalibur belongs to him.

Excalibur is broken!

-Gwynneth: No.
-Man: The country has no king!

Where is that thing?

Seize the imposters!

Get him!

Courtier 3:
Where'd he go? Quickly!

Perhaps I can
be a knight after all.

No, did you see that mob?

You can't show your face
at that castle again

if you value your neck.

I can go abroad on quests.

I can disguise myself and
do mysterious acts of chivalry.

Merlin: It's not that easy.

Oh, I wish I'd never
allowed you to interfere.

Zack: Cheer up, Merlin,

at least tomorrow you
won't remember all this,

not without trying of course.

Well now, that's one way
of looking at things, isn't it?

Yes, well,
the future of England is foiled,

but who cares?

Merlin: We've got
an adventurous future knight

and a boy who is more

than a millennium ahead
of his time.


There must be a ton of things

people haven't even thought of

that you could take credit
for inventing.

Hey, Merlin...

The long bow...
now, that's useful isn't it?

Not to mention
the steam engine--


Merlin: Yes, my boy?

just hear me out a minute.

Zack: I have an idea.

Now, you live
your life backwards, right?

Much to my chagrin,
I do indeed.

And then your past
is our future.


Then your future is our past.

Yes. We've discussed this.

And if you can only draw people
back through time, then--

Why don't I go back
to my next week,

and draw Arthur back?

What are you two talking about?

Well, you see, Merlin
lives his life backwards...

Yes, I got that.

So all he's got to do
is bring you back a day

before Morgause brings me
back through time

and you're pulling the
sword from the stone, brother.

And once you're crowned,

Morgause will have no reason
to mess things up.

Well, at least not yet.

Zack, you're a genius!

Well, why don't you just
wait until next week,

Arthur: and then go back
and tell my other self

to pull the sword
from the stone?

(Merlin yells)

It took days
to convince you this time,

I am not going
through that again.

Besides, I need you,
the new Arthur,

who fought so valiantly.

And I was just getting used

to the idea of my quests,
that's all.

Don't worry, my boy,
Your Majesty.

You'll have different sorts
of quests.

Now, it's almost midnight.

So, goodbye, Zack.

What do you mean?

Well, if Morgause
never brings you back,

you're not going
to remember any of this

Merlin: because
it won't have happened.

No, I... I guess not.

(Merlin groaning)

What's the meaning
of all that?

It's a hug.

They'll be popular once
you people figure out hygiene.

Friends hug each other.
You know, to show affection.

Well, goodbye,
both of you. Thank you.

This is really been
the most interesting thing

that's happened in my life.

Or has never happened to me.

I just wish I could remember it.

But at least now I know
where I really belong.

Well, goodbye.

(clock chiming)

Midnight. The changing.

(mystical music crescendo)

Zack! Where did you go?

Over here!

Zack, don't be mad at me.

I was just trying to make you
feel better about moving.

You know...

I don't even know
what I was so upset about.

I don't know. I guess...


Let's go home.

Okay, whatever.

Jeffy: You know, you teenagers
sure are a moody bunch.

(door creaking)

The story of the boy
from the future

and how Arthur really earned
the throne of England.

Smart boy, that.

Why didn't you think of
it yourself, you old bat?

(dog barking, howling)



You ready?

As ready as I'll ever be...

(triumphant music)