Elves (2018) - full transcript

Subtitles by explosiveskull

It's not in here.

Of course not 'cause
Christmas is stupid.

No, it's not.

Santa's not real.

You're lying.

Yes he is, I'm gonna tell Mom.

Go check it out.

Go check it out.


Fine, go burn this
wreath or I'll burn you.

I have to burn the wreath.

Ah, somebody.


I'm not gonna hurt you.

Kyle, I found your gift.

Come and get it.

Get in.

Go on, get your gift.


Let me out, let me out!

Let me out!

Help, it burns!

Let me out!

Derrick! Help!

Let me out!

Derrick! Derrick!

Help, let me out!

Yep, always
liked this time of year.

- It's kinda sad, though.
- Woo, look who finally

- Hey, Clove.
- made it to the party.

What's up Clover?

- Hey everybody,
- Hey.

- Miss Texas herself.
- Oh har, har.

It was rigged,
never had a chance,

unlike the many
ladies on your list.

- Ooh.
- That's true, yes.

- Okay, guys.
- Well that really depends

on the time of the night.

We all know Randy likes
'em on the plus sides, huh?

- True.
- Yeah, yeah,

only if it's your
mom, by the way,

let her know I called.

- Ooh.
- What?

You two should just
get a room and save the time.

Yeah, only
if you chaperone.

- Hey, Dan.
- Watch out.

All you had to is ask.

I was wondering when you
were gonna come over here.

How did you even
find this creepy place?

That's not important.

Did you bring the party favors?

Oh, you're the best.

Fabulous, darling.

Just, fabulous.

Everyone grab a shot.

Shots, c'mon, everyone.

Grab a shot.

Let's take a shot.

Just four more
days till Christmas,

but we all know the true reason

why we're celebrating this year.

To our local hero,

- the activist.
- Oh, okay.

- Get off the stage already.
- Lifesaver.

- C'mon, man, don't take the
- Lovebirds.

- words away from me.
- Hey, watch your mouths.

She saves lives.

I probably left something
out, but happy holidays.

- To the Grinch.
- To the Grinch

- Grinch.
- Cheers.

It's a depressing
time of year, guys.

Hey, hey, what are you doing?

- Not funny.
- What?

What is this?

It looks like coal.

It could be, yeah.

I have a little
Christmas game for us to play.

- Oh, God.
- Uh.

I can't wait.

It's called naughty list.

- Okay.
- Oh, sure.

So everybody's just
going to ignore the fact

that I had a rock in my drink?

- Shh.
- You all have been

naughty this year.

You will write your name
on the naughty list.

Underneath your chair
are pen, pen and paper.

You will write your
deepest, darkest secrets.

Don't hold back.

- Yeah.
- What are we even doing?

I pay my therapist
twice a week for this,

so I think I'll

It's a game.

A dangerous one.

Alright, baby doll.

I like danger.

Hey, really?

- What?
- Okay.

You're all here for a reason.

Yeah, we're the misfits

that didn't get invited
to Colin's party.

- That is true.
- I didn't know about

- That is true.
- Colin's party.

Be as detailed as you can.

Then add your name to
the naughty list after.

Be honest.

The elf is watching.

He doesn't like when you lie.

- Dude, chill.
- Relax.

It's just a game,
it's not serious.

Um, did you do that?

Who put this here?

Check his hand.

Hit and run, too.

This isn't funny.

Who put this here?


This isn't a game.

Once you're on the list,

the only way to survive
is to do what the elf says

while it watches you.

If you don't, you die.

What are you talking about?

That is not funny.

It's not suppose to be.

You're all on the
naughty list now.

Whoa, whoa, so there's
a naughty list?

not suppose to be.

She's obviously joking.

Guys, y'all can't
be this stupid.

this game is real.

Hey, what
are you talking about?

I didn't
have a choice.

"I hate all my friends.

"They don't deserve to live."

follow the rules.

Anybody else bring the booze?

I think she took the
last beer.

Okay, okay, let's take a shot

'cause this is just too much.

Are you sure you
don't want company?

No, I'm just ready for
this to be over already.

- Okay.
- Well, see you later.

Thanks for driving.


- Jesus.
- Hah.

Who was that guy?

You're going to die tonight.


You weren't supposed
to be outside.


Let's go, let's go back inside.

I don't
get it.

I can't.



Hey, can I
get you another drink?



balls and two strikes.

Count hangs at two and two.

we got two strikes...

Third base coach
waiting in the infield.

Alright guys, who did it.

- 100 pitch of the game.
- Guys?

And that's fouled.

Two, two, runner breaks.

And he fouls again.

Landing a late foul
to the right side.

Well, they
had to make home again.

The hole was at second base.

Kill me or I'll kill you.

on one right here.

- With the two, two count.
- What?

Can I have that drink?

Hello? Can I have that drink?


steps away from runners

in a one-one game in
the seventh inning.

And not a long lead,
he holds his ground...

The throw to second
base, not in time.

And you enjoy it.

Thank you.

was the one thing.

Decided to go to second base
for a shot at the double.

I'm here at
the scene of the accident

where Calico Martinez
has crashed her car.

The vehicle, in which
Jason Johnson was killed.

Jason Johnson was
acquitted of a hit and run

only five years ago.

did you get that?

One of you obviously
thought it would be funny

to leave this with me at work.

I bet it was Dana.

You better watch
yourself, rainbow.

- Or?
- I don't care

if all these people
here are watching.

You haven't seen the news yet?

What news?

- I'm here at the scene
- What's this?

of the accident,

where Calico Martinez
has crashed...

She crashed her
car last night.

The vehicle in
which Jason Johnson was killed.

- When?
- I got a text

right before it happened.

What did it say?

I don't know, I
guess around eight.

Where did you get this?

Guys, this thing showed
up yesterday about nine.

This chick at the bar,
she looked all elfy.

She told me to spike her
drink or she'd kill me,

and I didn't know if she
was telling the truth.

So I did it, I spiked her drink.

You guys, if Chance
is telling the truth,

Tiffany's next on the list.

Come on guys.

Y'all really believe this?

That's not all.

those of you right now

watching this
broadcast, stay home.

For those of you who
remember the last Christmas,

the holiday sequels
just keep coming.

Clove, are you okay?

I'm fine.

Well this is perfect.

Now everyone in this town

can lose their fucking
minds all over again.

But at least this is real.

Oh, my God.

Not this naughty
list bullshit.

All I know is,
my friend is dead.

And if I can stop anyone
else from getting hurt

till we figure this out,

then that's what I'm gonna do.

Tiff, Tiff, don't hang up.

How'd you get in here?

- Hello?
- Tiff, Tiff,

don't hang up.

The game may be real.

- The elf.
- Wait, what?

It's true all of it.

If you see the elf, get out.

We're coming to where you are.

Just don't move, okay?

Have you been naughty?

Okay, I'm either
really high or...

Snort it.

Snort it, snort it all.


You know, this would
actually work if you believe.

Believe in the elf?

Believe in being
possessed by evil spirits?

Not just possessed.

She said possessed.

I said the elf takes
on relics such as dolls.

- Bullshit.
- What did you say?

I said it's bullshit.

According to the legend,

wise men brought forth
gifts on his birthday.

Okay, and?

And those gifts
where never kept.

They were used as a
catalyst for the creation

of the seven deadly sins.

So each gift is a sin.

And each gift unfulfilled.

Whoever finds it will
have to pay the price

with their soul.

You guys are fucking
with me, right?

Right, it's just a doll.


So sorry.

Merry Christmas.

Am I dead?

Am I dead?

Not yet.

I was tripping balls.

There was elves and cookies.

Here, we're gonna
keep an eye on you.

Try and stay with the living
a little while longer, okay?

I love you, bitch.

Me too.

So she tried to kill herself?

Guys, I think we need to take
this naughty list seriously.

That stupid game?

It's not just a game.

Chance said we
should write down

why we feel we
have been naughty.

Cali said in her text message
that she had been naughty.

This sounds like that
movie Truth or Dare

except with Snapchat filters.

No, no, no, Truth or Dare

is just like that
movie It Follows.

Well, the majority
of those movies

have been made, anyway.

- Yeah, no shit, Dan.
- Guys?

The guy she hit didn't die,

and if the reports are right,

it's the same guy who hit and
ran Cali's little brother.

Cali's brother
died in that crash.

I think Cali wrote Jason
on the naughty list,

and the game wanted
her to fulfill it.

That doesn't explain
how it would know.

I think the elf
must be the key.

The elf?

Are you guys listening
to yourselves?

Our friend is dead,

and we have another one
recovering in the bathroom.

Cali can't drive,

and Tiffany obviously
can't hold her blow.

Oh, my God.


According to my
list, Leah's next.


Monica, you stay
here with Tiffany.

The rest of us, come on.

We're gonna go find Chance
and get to the bottom of this.

No, no, no.

Count me out of
your scavenger hunt.

- Dan?
- Leah, some of us

have real babysitting to do.

We should stay together.

We'll figure it out.

Have a drink, handsome.

No, man, I'm good, thanks.

Have a drink, handsome.

Be naughty.

Have a drink.

Have a drink, handsome.


Be naughty.

Have a drink.

Be naughty.

Have a drink.

Have a drink.

Have a drink.

Have a drink.

Guys, it's my day off.

Be naughty.

Have a drink handsome

Have a drink, be naughty.

Have a drink, be naughty.

Have a drink, have a
drink, have a drink.

- Be naughty.
- No, no, no, no.

- Have a drink.
- No.

I just wanna drug you
and eat your heart out.

Hey Randy, is that you?


Colin, what are you doing here?

I've been trying
to call you to apologize.

No, no, no, stay back.

Look, I know you're sorry
and I know I love you.

But right now, I just
need you to stay back.

You're not making any sense.

Please just stay away.

Just please no.

Come on now.

- No, no, no.
- Come on.

- No, I can't.
- Yes.

- I won't.
- Do it.

No, I won't.

Have you been naughty?

Come on.




Chance, we know
you're in there.

We're not leaving until you
tell us what's going on.

Ever since that party,

our friends have been
dying in weird accidents.

And you vanished.

What's going on?

You've all been naughty.

How do we stop it?

Stop it?

Whatever you wrote
down, you have to do.

You can't run.

You can't hide.

It doesn't go away.

Leah is next on
the naughty list.

It can't be.

What do you mean?

Have you seen it?


The elf?

Yeah, the Easter bunny.

Yes, yes, the elf.

- Have you seen it?
- No.

Then you can't be next.

It said right on the list.

She was next after Tiffany.

Randy's name has
been etched out.


If you do what you wrote down,

it goes to whoever's next
until they complete theirs,

but it can come back to you
if it didn't watch you do it.

What are you talking about?

The elf, it's cursed or
it's not from this realm.

And it was used in a wild hunt.

It killed a family.

We found it inside
this chest and,

and now it won't go away.

How do you know that?

I just do, okay?

How do you stop it?

We usually just wait until
the day after Christmas

and everything goes
back to normal,

but it's been getting
worse and worse,

and every year I have
to write more names

on the naughty list.

So you knew about this?

And you took us to
the creepy place?

I didn't have a choice.

Time's running out
on your option.

- Now go.
- Easy.

I said, go.

I don't wanna shoot you.

Put the
gun in your mouth, Chance.


Just leave me alone.

You broke the rules.

It was our little secret.

Remember, it must
watch you do it.

We need to figure
out how to stop it.

We must warn the others.

It's about damn time.


Boy, where you been?

You sorry fuck.

Goddamn, I don't bust
my ass around here

just so you can be late.

You sorry, God.

If you're gonna waste your life,

why don't you do it
on your own dime.

You deaf?

- What's up, Trevor?
- What's up?

You know who
you're talking to?

Go get me a beer, and
show me some respect.

Next time open it.

You lazy son of a bitch.

Now, you wanna hit
me with the wrench?

Have you been naughty?


Hit me
with the wrench, Dan.

- What the?
- Now.

Do it.

Fuck is this?

- Do it.
- No.

- I won't do it.
- Do it.

You disrespecting me, boy?

You disrespecting me?

My house, my rules.


Ungrateful, sorry motherfucker.

Oh, my God.

Hello, hello, hello?

This is the third time I've
been trying to call you.

I don't where I am right now.

I don't know where I am.



Once you have been added
to the naughty list...

Let's get it.



I messed up bad.



Who's there?

Do you believe in the game now?

Jesus, what is this?

Let me go!

No, let go!

What is it?

Are you sure about this?

Leah, I don't think
we have a choice.

We're running out of time,

and this is the last place
I could think to look.

I hear she hasn't had
this place in years.

What makes you think now
that after all this time

she isn't just
another crazy loon?

Because, I don't think,

I don't think she's as crazy
as we were led to believe.

I want you to know
that when it's my turn,

I put some things
on the naughty list.


Let's just focus and get
to the bottom of this.



Is that you?

We're wondering if we could
ask you a few questions?

Look, you crazy bitch.

People are dying,

and if you don't
open this door now,

I am gonna shove a
stocking so far up your ass

that you're gonna be
whistling Jingle Bells

through your teeth.

There's nothing for you here.

Please, we need your help.

All of our friends are dying.

I can't stop it.

No one can.

You have one.

You have one of the elves.

It was this one.

I could never understand it.

It's in Enochian.

It's an ancient occult language.

I'm not gonna
ask how you know that.

Well, can you translate it?

I think so.

They were never
meant to be celebrated.

Ye has brought
forth his reckoning.

This celebration

was created to shield
us from the truth.

Christ's birthday?

That's the reason we celebrate.


We celebrate his survival.

The biblical Magi.

They're also referred
as the Three Wise Men

or Three Kings.

They were in the
Gospel of Matthew

or traditional Christian ideals.

There's a group of
distinguished foreigners

that visited Jesus after
his birth bearing gifts.

I don't know, the
Gospel of Matthew

was the only one out of
the four chronicled gospels

to mention the Magi.

See, Matthew reports

that they came from the east

to worship the King of the Jews.

The gospel never mentions
the number of Magi.

But the Western
Christian denominations,

they just traditionally
assumed them to be three.

The Three Wise Men, yes.

What does this have
to do with the elf?

Only a number because
of the statement

that they brought three gifts.

But the Enochian
translation it was seven.

Psalm 72, chapter 11.

May all kings fall down

before him.

Why seven?



Lust, envy.

Gluttony, wrath.

Sloth, all of 'em major
sins, but also virtues.

You mean that there's
seven of these things?

These elves?

Just two.

The holiday rebirth?

It could be under the
influence of wrath, yeah.

You have to find the
gateway, the realm.

The chest.

You have to close
the lord to this world.

The naughty list.

What about you?


What else do you have?

- I said...
- What?

I said the...

- Sloth.
- Holy, shit.

She's only 20 years old.

She's 20 years old.

We have come
together to celebrate

and uplift each other during

the most wonderful
time of the year.

My kids, they haven't
spoken to me in years.

I feel like I'm always playing
the same guy in every movie.

It's, it's as if
there's nobody else

over 42 that can
be cast, you know?

Same, what doesn't kill
you make you stronger.

My kids, each holiday,

all I get is a card
and a text message.

A text message?

Might as well put
me out to pasture

with the rest of the cows.

Look at you.

No, seriously.

Anybody that says
they love Christmas

has not been to Marvin's room.

I discovered this group

because I had a really
hard time getting my kids

to put their phones away.

Like, can't we just be a family?

It's not all about
toys and gifts,

and I felt like
that's what society

has turned Christmas into.



And this year the kids decided

to go with my ex-husband
and his new wife.

Meanwhile, I'm stuck
in this shit hole.

Santa's Helpers is about
more than coping with the pain

of hating this time of year.

Santa's Helpers is about
showing you a new path.

A better path towards
enjoying the holidays.

Excuse me.

What a great way

to ring in the holiday season.

Can we help you?

This is a private gathering.

If you want to sign up,

if you want to be involved...

I have a secret of my own.

A secret Santa.

And I just can't seem
to figure out who it is.

Someone in here

just might be it.

Oh, yes.

See, my little friend and I

hate people who don't
absolutely love Christmas.

Went to track down Chance.

Stay put.

Call if you need anything.

You are part of a wild hunt.

Once you have been added
to the naughty list,

then what?

You must die.

Who's there?

I already called the cops.

You have to leave
before they get here.



We're closed.

You are part of a wild hunt.

It was real this whole time.

John is dead.

Everyone on the list.

Everyone is scratched off.

Clover, it's Christmas.

My God, we have
to find the chest.

Just the people
I was looking for.

Let's not do that.

What do you say?

Did we find the list?


I'm taking you
somewhere special.

I mean, it's
Christmas after all.


are we doing here?

This would go a lot faster
if you let me do the talking.

The naughty list
triggered a wild hunt,

and you two are gonna
help me stop it.

No one can stop
it once it starts.

Look, we're running out of time.

If you don't let us go,
we're gonna have to do

what we put on the list.

And the elf could
appear at any moment.

Oh, I'm countin' on it.

Get closer to the chest.

That's right, keep your
hands in front of you.

Who are you?

What a wonderful
night to be naughty.



Let's speed this party up a bit.

Fucking kill you.



C'mon, c'mon.

We need to
put the elf in the chest.

The naughty list.

Oh no, oh no.

It's time.



Take this gun and kill
the holiday rebirth.

No, I don't know what
you're talking about.



Oh, my God.

There truly is no other
time of year like this.

It, it, it was you?

No, no.


I understand.

Subtitles by explosiveskull