Dreamland (2019) - full transcript

On the night of the strangest wedding in cinema history, a grotesque gang boss hires a stone cold killer to bring him the finger of a fading, drug-addicted jazz legend.

[atmospheric music]

[Heidi] Thank you
for the wonderful meal.

[speaks along
to Arabic language application]

[repeats Arabic phrase]

[indistinct talking
over wireless]

[airport announcements]

[elevator pings] I would
like to go to the market.

[speaks along
to Arabic language application]

[repeats Arabic phrase]

[car beeps]

[car beeps]

[car door slams]

[Mr. Gamal breathes heavily]

OK ladies,
what I'd like you...

[two gunshots]

[two gunshots]
[Lotte screams]

[a gunshot]
[man groans]

[flames whoosh]

[jazz trumpet music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[sirens wailing]

[door closes]

[Pillow Girl] 4019, 4018, 4017,
4016, 4015, 4014, 4013...

[church bells ringing
and seagulls crying]

[Fegelein] Excuse me!



the Countess prefers this
trumpet not leave the Palace.

[Trumpet Player sniffs]
The trumpet?

- It's a museum piece.
- Right.

Ah, take mine.

Thank you.

[laughs and sniffs]

You've not found
your own trumpet?

It's a tragedy.

Tell me...

Do you think that maybe

the Countess could...

...advance me

- something?
- Oh, I'm so sorry, sir, no.

Your fee comes
following your performance.


Where are you going?

- Is your room satisfactory?
- Oh yeah.

The Countess prefers
you remain here.

- She prefers?
- Yeah.


[Fegelein] Maestro?

Please don't go too far.


[jazz trumpet music]

[Johnny chats inaudibly]


[distant thumping beat]

[cell phone ringing]

[ringing continues]

- Yeah?
- [Hercules on phone] Shooter.

Hey genius, I know you're here.
I need to see you now.

[phone hangs up]

[loud thumping techno music]

[Johnny] I thought
that you were done here.

[Lisa] And yet...

Hey you know,
we've all got our car payments.

I know,

I really love fast cars.

[Sugar] Hey,
the boss is waiting for you.

[Johnny] Lucky me.

[distant thumping techno music]


- [whispering voices]
- [hums]

[girls whispering and sniffling]

[Woman] Come on, swallow it.

[Johnny] Olivia?

[Hercules] Alright,
I'll be with you.

[door opens]

[Hercules sighs]

[footsteps approaching]

[knock on door]

Big man.

What's going on?


[Johnny] We didn't...
We never did.

- Little ones?
- [Hercules] What do you mean?

They're as big
as the big girls.

Don't be a fuck face.

It's all you, baby. You smoked the
Egyptians and the Kraut broads...

[a gunshot]

[Hercules] And now
all those rich fuck pedos,

they're gonna come to us.

- We don't do this.
- [Hercules] So...

We are expanding the business.

- This isn't happening.
- [Hercules] Too late, man.

You made it happen.

The Al Qaeda thanks you.

We don't sell...

[Hercules] Yeah,
we send messages now.

Fucking desert cocksuckers
thought they could push.

Krauts too.

So, I have to lean
into a new line of work.

One you hate.

Well, too fuckin' bad.

It's a message.

It's a message
to everyone out there.

"Things can get nasty again,"
is my message.


[Hercules] Got it?

You're the messenger.

New job.
Totally out of the normal.

You know the trumpet player?

The genius?

Well, I don't wanna dignify him,

but he sort of got
on the wrong side of me.

So, I'm crazy.

Normally, I let dumb shit go
and move on.

But I have this hope
that we can still be friends.

So, what do we do?

We send a message.

I want his finger.

The right pinky.
Just snip it off.

He plays tonight at the Palace.
Do it before then.

Right now, before he scores
and gets back behind the walls.

It's a favor.

[phone ringing distantly]

[Hercules] And quiet
on the way out.

The girls are napping.

[Hercules chuckling]

[girls sobbing]

[people chatting]

[Hercules] You smoked the
Egyptians and the Kraut broads...

[Hercules's voice echoing]

- [two gunshots]
- [Hercules] We're expanding the business.

[Hercules's voice echoing]

[TP] What's your name?


your savior.


[engine purring]


[TP sniffs and grunts]



Thanks, pilgrim.

[radio playing]

[dog barks]


[radio playing]

[radio playing]

[a gunshot]

[engine purring]

[shop bell rings]

[shop bell rings]

[jazz music playing
on the radio]

[Chesney] I'll give you
50 bucks for that piece.

I need my horn back.

And some cash.

- Some cash?
- [TP] Yeah.

No, all the cash.

- Come on.
- All of it?

[TP] Yeah.
[gun cocking and footsteps]

[Vera] OK.

Oh goddamnit.

[Vera] I'm gonna let you
take your horn.

But you need
to do me a favor to get it.

- Favor?
- A what?

Shoot my husband for me.



[Vera] You heard me.

I got my reasons.


She does.

I'm not asking.

[Chesney] I love you.

That's the last thing
you'll hear from me.

I love you.

[Vera] Do it.

[trigger clicks with no shot]


[exhales audibly]



[shop bell ringing]

[door slams twice]


Trumpet Player.


you wanna sell that piece?


If you give me 200,

you can have the gun.

That's not worth 200.

[TP] Yeah.

I gotta go.

[Johnny] What?

Sit down.

You want the gun or not?

[Johnny] Do you know
a guy called Hercules?

[clock ticking quickly]

[Fegelein] The Countess prefers
the trumpet not leave the Palac.

The trumpet?


[Hercules] Lock on here.

[Hercules voice echoing]


- Bonjour.
- [Hercules] Did you hear that?

My hero, number one trumpet
genius just called me "friend."

Sugar, give him three Gs
of the black sticky.

[Hercules] Remember this?

Make it out to me.


And what's your name again?

You don't know my name?

[inhales deeply]
That's it.



You sit down,
you get your money.

Alright, lock on here.

I gotta make things
really obvious for you.

I take guys out for Hercules.

But he doesn't want me
to kill you.

[glasses clink]

Is this about the autograph?

[Johnny] No, this is
serious business.

Oh no it's not,
it's cause I blanked on his name.

[Johnny] Listen,
he wants me to cut off your pinky finger.

- [scoffs]
- [Johnny] Something about teaching you

- to show some respect.
- [TP grunts]

But honestly,
I don't wanna do it.


[TP] Hmm hmm.


I can shoot a guy in the head.

I can drop him in the river.

I can kill his wife and his dog.

But I don't want
to wrestle a guy for his finger.


What are you gonna do?

[Young Lisa] So...

I just want
to ask you something.


[Johnny] So,

You give me what I want

and you get your 200.

You know,

there's something wrong
with you.

[Johnny] Come on.

Do yourself a favor.

[TP] No.

I'm alright.

[Johnny] Are you?
Tell me,

do you like
playing for exiled dictators?


Child rapists?

Scum of the earth?

The Countess, she's a monster.

You've fallen a long way
from where you were.

Yeah, I guess so.

I guess I am pretty low.

- Hmm.
- [TP] That's one thing that people

who pimp children for a living,

they don't have to worry about,

do they, huh?

You can't fall further
than that, can you?

[Waitress] Will that be

Yeah, that's for you alright.

Keep the change, darlin'.

[Waitress] Thank you.


[jazz trumpet music]

[cash register rings]

[cash register draw shuts]

[a gunshot]

[a gunshot]


[relaxed sigh]

[door buzzes]

[door buzzing]

[door buzzing]

[Dario] You do work, right?
For... for Hercules?

Me... me and my sister, Olivia,
live downstairs.

You know her.

You... you talked to her a couple
of times, she... she said.

Do me a favor.

[Dario] She just disappeared

and I think Hercules has her.

Move your foot.

[Dario] Hercules, I...

I think he's gotta leave here.

[Johnny] Move your foot.


[footsteps disappearing]


[exhales deeply]

[distant church bells ringing]



[door slams]

[cat meows]
[Johnny] Here, puss.

[cat meows]
Pussy pussy pussy puss.

[cat meows]

Pussy pussy puss.

[cat purring]

[Johnny] Pussy pussy puss.

[cat meowing and purring]
Puss puss puss puss.

Puss puss puss.

[cat meows]

[cat meows]
[Johnny grunts]

[Johnny grunts]

[Johnny grunts]

[Johnny grunts]

[door buzzes]

[dramatic music]

[door buzzes]

[door buzzing]

[door buzzing]

[unlocks door]

[door opens]

[Dario] I wanna buy a gun.

[Johnny] Come on in.
Come on.

Come on.

I want you to listen to me.


he has your sister.

But it's alright.

I'm gonna get her.

And we are gonna leave town.

But you have to understand
one thing.

We start out
as a bunch of people.

But we end up

as one.


[public transport announcement
in French]

[public transport announcement

[Wino muttering]

[Wino muttering]

Destitution, treachery.

Destitution, treachery.

My name is Walland.

[glass smashes]

[Johnny So you sit still here


- Yeah.
- OK?

[Dario] What's your name?



[Johnny] Alright, here,
have a little warm up.

Go ahead.

Now look at this.

Now that is gonna get you
back on your feet

for a year or two, huh?

- OK.
- OK, put the cap back on that.

There. Now let's slip this
over your little finger.

Over the pinky there.

Yep, good.

Don't want you to get messy.

This is gonna
probably feel like

childbirth or pulling a tooth.

Ok, we're gonna do it
on a three count, alright?

Look at me.

- Are you ready?
- [nervously] OK.

OK, let's go.

Almost, three...

- [gasping in fear]
- ...two, one...

- [shouting violently]
- [screaming in agony]

[Wino screaming and crying]


[Drug dealer] It's on its way...

[TP] Now that should
patch up the damage.

[Drug dealer muttering]

- Thank you, my friend.
- Thank you, sir.

[Fegelein] Maestro!

- So pleased to see you here.
- [TP] Hello there.

- Can we go back to the castle?
- [TP] I hope so.

- Where have you been?
- [Fegelein] I was looking for you in the city.

[TP] Isn't that funny? I was looking
for you and you were looking for me.

After you, maestro.

[TP] I want you to know

I appreciate it cause it's cold.

Yeah, my pleasure.

[TP] To the Countess.

[Lonesome Hunter
by Timber Timbre playing]

♪ What did that bad man put
in you? ♪

♪ Did those rotten kids cross
a line ♪

♪ I'm afraid I'll never
understand, baby ♪

♪ I'm so sorry you had
such a bad time ♪

♪ Well, I had done some
truly awful things ♪

♪ And you must be
very terrified ♪

♪ Well, you have every reason
to be frightened ♪

♪ Since you've been reading
my mind ♪

♪ Who am I to deny this moment ♪

♪ And who am I
to even question it?... ♪

[French radio news]

[Colero] There you go.

[Hercules sniffs and exhales]

[Olivia coughs]

[Olivia coughs]

[door opens]

- [Hercules] Nice.
- [Johnny] I found him at the pawn shop.

[Hercules] Well, like you said,
had to be done.

He knew, though?
Why this was happening?

Yeah, he knew.

[Johnny] As a matter of fact,

these were his exact words.
He said:

"I'm sorry, Hercules."

See? He knew my name.

Everybody knows your name.



Oh, there's one thing.

I didn't like you
putting a hand on me.

Does that register with you?

Yeah, good.

Because this I do
out of respect.

This is for love.

You're a sweetheart,
you know that?

And I know
I don't do enough for you.

So, you get what you want.

Anything you want.


I'll take her.


She's like...

She's like 14, man.


You're fuckin' me up here, man.

She's spoken for.

Princess here is getting married

At the Palace.

[Trumpet music]


To the Countess's brother.

Some kind of vampire.
I don't fuckin' know.

But he wants a girl like her.

He picked her.

He's coming to get her.
We're going up there together.

So, I gotta say no.

[Johnny] What?
Get a fresh one.

A fresh one.
Listen to you.

[Hercules sighs]



I think I can make this work.

Because I love you.


[Hercules sighs]

You know something?

The maestro

gotta kind of junky thing.

He can be
in two places at once.

And his right pinky nail

is completely black.

[Johnny yells]

[Hercules yells]

[a gunshot]
[Hercules yelling]

[a gunshot]
[Hercules yells in pain]

[continues yelling]

[Hercules groaning in pain]

[Colero] Damn it.

[yells in anger]

[Colero screams in pain]

[girls scream]

[Hercules screaming in pain]

[Hercules] Motherfucker!
Fuck you!

I'm gonna kill you.

[Hercules screams]

- [screams]
- [Johnny] Let's go. Come on.

[yelling] I'll kill you!

[atmospheric music]

[Lisa] Hey, hey, hey!
What's happening?


[car engine purring]

[car horns honking]

[Hercules screaming in pain]

[Johnny] Let's go.

[bus engine purring]

[Johnny] Arrêt, arrêt!

[bus screeching to a halt]

[Johnny] Yeah, right here.


[bus stop announcement]

[cork pops]

[Countess] Enough! We don't want
to waste it all now.

Where are the little people?

The little people for the cake?

[gasps] There's no cape!

And she's much too titty.
My brother doesn't like all that.

And where are the flags?
We need the flags.

But no Union Jacks, please.

Bit of a migraine trigger.

- [Fegelein] Countess...
- Hush.

Seating notes:

Everybody's gonna want
to sit with Iceland.

It's bizarre, I know.

The little fellow from Morocco

and from Canada, the Aboriginal.

The Canadians think they'll make
an impression with that fellow.

Next we have Australia.

Colonial guilt
always flows west to east.

I don't know why.
Now, that table is nice and contrasty.

Showbiz people in the rear

and, politicos, let's keep them
away from the gun runners.

My husband's loyalists,
the new world order idiots, etc.

Yeah, yeah, no problem but...
I just need to...

But everybody gets
to bring their guns.

- [Fegelein laughs nervously]
- So we'll all be safe.

[Fegelein] That sounds perfect,
but I...

Speaking of which,
tell me, Fegelein,

when did diplomacy
get all Cosa Nostra?

It's as if the new diplos
are all cast from mob pictures.

You know,
with their grotesque rings

and their fuckin'
blown-up blondes.

I prefer the good old days
with monocles and fat men

and a good bloody book.

[Fegelein] OK, as you wish but...

[Countess] What about
the wedding gift preparations?

The lighting cues,
are they all set?

Your brother is missing

and he's not in his room
and I'm...

[gasps mockingly]

[feigns shock]
What are we to do?

- I don't know.
- Will you say it again?

Your brother is missing

and he's not in his room
and I don't know...

[Countess laughing hysterically]

That's because he went to go get
his bride, you simpleton.

- [gasps]
- OK.

I hope she speaks English.

- [Fegelein sighs]
- No offence.


[Hercules sighs
and slams glass down]

[Hercules] You put the word out.
You see him,

you send him to power town

and then you get paid.
First come, first served.

I want his fucking hand!


We need a new pussy bride.

- For the vampire?
- [Hercules mimicking] For the vampire? For the vampire?

[Vampire grunts]

[gasps in shock]

Oh, we were just ah...


[sniffs and pants]

[Hercules] Oh no,
you don't wanna suck me.

I got AIDS.

Yeah, that's ah...

Just ah...

- From a party.
- Oh.

Where's my bride?

- Ah?
- Dead.

She died.
She got sick.

[tutting disapprovingly]

Where is she?

I told you, Count.

Sugar, get him that...

[smacking lips]

[flicking tongue]

[smacking lips]

[exclaims in delight]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!


[sucks and exclaims in delight]

[exclaiming in delight]

My bride is alive!

[laughing] My bride is alive!

- [Hercules moans in disgust]
- Ah ha.


[moaning in disgust]

You will give her to me.

- [struggling to speak]
- Yes?



[Hercules] Sugar, get the water.

I want the kids on him.

[footsteps disappearing]

[hurried footsteps]

[Johnny panting]

[jazz trumpet music]

[people shouting]


[fabric ripping]

You and I,
we've talked a few times.


[water running]

There, I'm just gonna soak that

Clean you up.

We are gonna get your brother.

Yes, we are.


And then...

We are gonna get out of town.

Lift your arm up a bit.

Lift it up.

Can you lift it up?

There you go.

[Hercules on the phone]
Get everybody on it.

I want the girls dealt with.

The girls!

[Kid speaking inaudibly
on the phone]

[cell phone rings]

[cell phone rings]

[Kid] Hello.
They're in the gallery.

They just passed me.
What do I do?

[cell phone rings]

[whispers] They'll find you.

[cell phone rings]

[cell phone rings]

[engine purring]
[cell phones ring]


The police are here.

[Johnny] Come on.

[Kid] Come on.

- [Kid #1] Where are they?
- [Kid #1] Here.

[Johnny] OK.

Yeah, yeah.

Here we go.

Come on.

[groans with effort]

[dog barks]

[dog barks]


[dog barks]

[Johnny groans with effort]

[footsteps running by]

[Johnny] Hey, listen to me.

I need you to do me a big favor.

I need you
to go to my apartment.

There's a kid there.
His name is Dario.

[a gunshot]
[gun cocking]

[church bells ringing
and echoing]

[church bells ring]

[Countess squeals in delight]

Tonight is about love and music
and dance and celebration

and perfect things,
perfect lists.

Not spiteful bitches
who hate their job.

- And our maestro.
- [nervous laugh]

Our maestro.

Our maestro is perfect.

Yes, Countess.


Dip, please.

[both laugh]

[Pillow Girl] 4020, 4019,

4018, 4017, 4016...

[Maid #1] What are we doing?

[Maid #2] Listening.

- To what?
- The music.


[Trumpet goes out of tune]


[Pillow girl] 4010, 4009...

- [Gasps]
- [Pillow girl] 4008, 4007,


[gasps] Oh.

- I think he's dead.
- He's dead.

[screaming] Countess!
He's dead!

[Maid #1] Countess!

[Maid #2] Countess! He's dead!

[Maid #1] He's dead!

4005, 4004,

4003, 4002...


I just want
to ask you something.

[car engine purring]

[groaning with effort]

[engine continues purring]

- [groans with effort]
- [Dario] Olivia, come quickly.

[breathes heavily]


[engine continues purring]

What's your name?

[Dario] Yeah, what's your name,

[Trunk slams shut]

[exhales deeply]

[Lisa sobbing]

[rapid gunshots]

- [sobs]
- [Kid] Drive.




[Countess panting]

I think I broke it.

[breathes a sigh of relief]


[Countess exclaims]

[Countess exclaims]

[maid slaps Countess's face]

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

[Chesney] Hello.

Just a moment.

I'll have a look.

Yeah, I've got it.

So, how much could you...

And it's for...

The Palace?

Well, I could bring it over.

No, you're welcome.

OK, see you there.

- Vera!
- [Vera] What?

Where's the case
for the trumpet?

- [Vera] What?
- The case for the trumpet? Where is it?

[Vera] You take the garbage out?


What the hell?

[Johnny gasping for breath]

Yeah, yeah.

[Johnny screaming in pain]



[Vera] What?

[distant techno music]
Don't you fucking touch me.

Fucking goon.

[Lisa] Oh my God.


you're going this way.

[exasperated sigh]

[Vampire] Where is she?


[Vampire grunts in exasperation]

[shrieks] Jesus!


You fucked up, moving to him.

You're us now.

You like babies so much?

Then you be our new babysitter.

You watch them for me tonight
and going forward.


What's happening, Hercules?

If you lose track
of them tonight,

for even a second,

I will cut you up.


My bride.

Too bad seeing her
before the wedding.

[Vampire] Oh!

I have always seen her


[jazz trumpet music]

[Johnny gasps for breath]

[groans in pain]

[groans in pain]

[groans in pain]

I think

I need a shower.

He wants a shower.

[Johnny gasps for breath]

And a gun.

He wants a shower and a gun.

[footsteps approaching]

[Vera] Move.

- [Johnny] Hello.
- [Vera] Hi, dear.

[Vera sighs]

[groans in pain]

[groans in pain]

[Vera] Went right through.

[Chesney] Is that a good thing?

[clicks her tongue]

[Johnny groans in pain]

[Vera] Who shot you?

[groans in pain]

[Johnny whispers] Hercules.

- He's gonna die on our floor.
- [Vera] Ssh.

Hey, why did he do that?

- [Johnny groans]
- He's looking for you.

- Why you need a gun?
- He...



Little kids.

I tried to stop him

but I...

I lost my chance.

[voice drifting off] I just...

[Johnny gasping for breath]
[car engine purring outside]

I lost my chance.

- [Vera] OK.
- Cause...

- I don't think I can...
- [Vera] Ssh.

Be quiet.

Get up.

Can you help me?

[train passing]

[techno music]

[distant techno music]

[gasps in self-admiration]

This is me.

[sniffs and flicks tongue]



I'm Hercules.

Oh, how do you do?
I'm Hercules.

- I'm in imports.
- [mimicking Hercules]

I'm in imports.

Yes, how do you do,
your Excellency?

I'm Hercules.

[Johnny] I had hope
and I knew...

I knew exactly

what I was gonna do.

I always know.

You try, yeah.

You sure do.

[Countess] Mmm.

Yes, a lot of men.

Light atrocities.

[Trumpet Player mumbles]


[clock ticking and chiming]

[Countess] I find the masculine
facade so amazing.


I stay here,
my husband's light atrocities

keeping me in this prison.

Everybody's always coming here.

Even you.

But I brought you here.

I get to do that.

I get to do that.

And then you all get to leave.

Can I ask you
a silly question?

Well, of course I can.
You're an artist.

Your whole world is
one silly question,

isn't it?

Yeah, shoot.

What do you think, my maestro?

- My master.
- [Countess] My master.

What do you think

[Countess's voice echoing]

[Countess] happens to us
when we are dead?


- I mean, just a guess.
- [laughing]

Yes, it's a child's question.

What is your answer?

I don't have one.

[Countess] What is your hope?


I want...

I want...

I want to remember everything.

I want to be quiet


and in a beautiful place.

And I hope

that I am me.

And I hope

that I am me.

[Countess] Maybe that's it.

That I am me.

[Johnny coughs]

- You lost a lot of blood.
- [Johnny grunts]

Mine's universal.

Anybody can have it.

What's your name?


I'm Vera.

[Johnny coughing]

- [coughs]
- [Vera laughs]

[laughing] This is nice.

I'm Chesney.

- [exhales loudly]
- Don't forget Chesney.

[Johnny] You should've
let me die.

Don't be so dramatic.

They're little children.


takes them.

How I can I stop?

What am I gonna do to stop?



[Johnny] But I have to be

It's so hard to get in.

I'm gonna need a quiet gun.

Guns we got.

[Johnny grunts]

[Vera] What's the place?

The Palace of the Contessa.

[church bells ringing]

[Johnny humming]


[Johnny hums]



[knocking on door]

[door opening]

[Vera] Taxi's here.




[excited whispering]

[Mendelssohn's Wedding March]

[Wedding March continues]


My bride.

[Vampire] Yeah!


[Priest] And now

I pronounce you...

[groaning in agony]

[Priest] ...Man



[groaning in agony]

[atmospheric music]


[applause and congratulations]

[jewelry rattling]


[Fegelein] Mr. Chesney!

My hero.

You brought the trumpet.

So glad to see you.

I think this should settle it.


I gotta give it to him myself.

I'm a big fan.

Oh, ah...

- I don't think it's...
- [Johnny] Well,

if it's gonna happen,

that's how it's gonna happen.

Very well.
Can I see it?

- [grunts in agreement]
- Thank you.


[engine purring]

[car door opens]

[Fegelein] Nice piece, isn't it?

[car door slams shut]

Very well.
Here you are.

- [Johnny grunts]
- So, I'll pay you when it's in his hands.

Follow me, sir.

Go ahead.

Very well.

[helicopter overhead]

[Boccherini's Minuet playing
and people chattering]

[Fegelein] You're really
our savior.

The Countess was so worried
about this trumpet.

Now I think
she's going to be OK.


[Boccherini's Minuet continues]


[groans in pain]

They shot you.


What's this?

A deal.

[knife chinks on a wine glass]

[Countess] To the bride
and groom.


[knife chinking on a wine glass]


[applause and cheering]


I know this is love

but our deal is past due.

This is something else now.

[Fegelein] Mr. Chesney?
Excuse me, sir.

It's almost show time, sir.

Come with me.

[Lisa] Oh dear God.
Wait, wait.

I need to talk to you.
Where are you going?

[knock on door]


Excuse me...

[yells in pain]


Well, look what we have here.


Hang on.

[sniffs loudly]

[relaxed sighing]

Got your trumpet.




[Johnny groaning in pain]

[rush of trumpet notes]

Still works.

[Johnny] And...

[sighing in pain]

I cut off your finger.


[Johnny sighs in pain]

[Johnny sniffs]


I need you

to do me a favor.



[Johnny] Take this and wrap it
around your hand

when you play.

Oh boy,

you don't look so good.

[exhales loudly]


There's holes in you.

I gotta sneak some people out.
I gotta...

[exhales loudly]

They're little kids.

You play
and I sneak them out.

But, if Hercules sees your hand,

then it's impossible.

Oh kids.


You're the savior.

You're gonna make
everything better, huh?

But we don't have any time.

That's the first
true thing you've said.

[shouts] Take it!

Mole men.

[Johnny] What?

Mole men.

That's what
we used to call them.

Guys who'd

go down in the hole so deep

[church bells ringing]

They'd go so deep their eyes
would suck up into their heads

and they couldn't see

Even what was
right in front of them.

[Johnny] What are you talking

And they had a smell.

And when that smell hit you,

you knew,
just a matter of time until

they were dead in the ground.

You've got that smell,
mole man and...

I don't deal

with mole men.

[groans in pain]


You're gonna do this.

Thanks for the trumpet.

[gun cocking]

Who are you saving,


[exhales loudly]

[exhales loudly]

[exhales loudly]

[exhales loudly]

[Johnny exhales and groans]



[exhales loudly]

[groaning in pain]

[exhales loudly]

[lock opening]

[door opens]

[door closes]

[Blue Danube
playing in the distance]








[guests laughing
and chatting excitedly]

I'm gonna make you so happy.

I'm gonna make you so happy.

[hysterical laughter]

- [Hercules] So, you like her?
- [Guest #1] Yeah, absolutely.

The little boy next to her.

- You got cash?
- Absolutely. And two more.

[guest screams]

[Guest #2] Ja, ja, ja.

[dog panting]

[Guest #3] Garçon!

[Guest #3] Garçon!

[Vampire flicking tongue]

[chair shifts]

So, I found a film

and I called the police.

The police don't come
to the Palace.


We're in a different world.

[guest snorts and grunts]

[Lisa] We've got to get them
out of here. Do you have a plan?



[music becomes more dramatic]


[drum crashes]

[laughing hysterically]
[crash of cymbal]

Good evening, everyone

and welcome.


I'd like to take
this opportunity to

not only thank you for being
here and giving your blessing,

but for your...

[whispers] ...magic.

[guests whooping]

Cause without all of you,

there would be no magic.

I'm so happy we could put aside

our politics
and petty grievances

on this special occasion

where we have
a very special guest

for my beloved brother.

[applause and cheering]

A last gift for my brother,

my beloved.


A last dance

to our old great favorite.

[applause and cheering]

[applause and whistling]

[Jazz band playing
I Saved the World Today]


[Hercules yells] Stop!

I said stop the show!

[guests screaming]

Lights up!

I'm not seeing this, right?

[Countess] Mr. Hercules,
you are a guest...

A fucking drunk, right?

Mr. Hercules, put the gun away.

You're a guest here.

Now, everybody just keep cool.

This is a family affair.

For Christ's sake,
move in on him, please.


How many fingers you got?

How come you got ten fingers?

Get out.

[Countess] For Christ's sake,
move in.

[Hercules yelling] How come
he's got ten

and I got one,


Get away from me.

I need to think.

[guests screaming]

[Vampire] Assassin.

- Assassin.
- [cries]

[Band starts playing again]

[a gunshot and screams]

[a gunshot and screams]

[a gunshot and screams]

♪ Monday finds you like a bomb ♪

♪ That's been left ticking there
too long... ♪

[Priest groans]

♪ Some days there's
nothing left to learn... ♪


[bullet ricochets]

Oh shit.

♪ I saved
the world today ♪

♪ Everybody's happy now ♪

♪ The good thing's
here to stay ♪

♪ Please let it stay... ♪

[trumpet solo]








[jazz trumpet music]

♪ Hey, hey,
I saved the world today ♪

♪ Everybody's happy now ♪

♪ The bad thing's gone away... ♪

[groans in pain]




Let's go.


Come on.

[Johnny groans]
I could use that.

Come on, kids.


[Johnny gasps]

[Hercules panting]

Don't think.

[Hercules panting]

♪ Everybody's happy now ♪

♪ The good thing's here
to stay... ♪


[Hercules laughing hysterically]

It's all for love, sweetheart.

So is this.

[Hercules yelling in pain]
[rapid gunshots]

[Hercules groans]

Can we go now?

[staggering footsteps]


[yells and groans]

[thuds on the floor]

♪ The good thing's
here to stay ♪

♪ Please let it stay ♪

♪ I saved the world today ♪

♪ Everybody's happy now
the bad things gone away... ♪

[Pillow Girl] Seventeen, sixteen

fifteen, fourteen

thirteen, twelve, eleven, ten,









one, zero.


I just want
to ask you something.

[seagulls cry]

[Young Lisa] So, I just want
to ask you something.


I'm Johnny.

Hi, Johnny.

[children both giggling]

We're almost there.


[Dario] It's so nice.

[Young Lisa] We're almost there.

[Olivia] It's over there.

[children giggling]

[children giggling]

[children giggling]

[children giggling]

[theme music]