Diani & Devine Meet the Apocalypse (2016) - full transcript

foodval.com - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
---
Well at least we have each other.

Ugh

- Thank you.
- Thank you, thank you.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

I'm Gabriel Diani.

And I'm Etta...

This is Etta Devine.

Together we are

- Diani...
- Diani and Devine.

We're a comedy duo, we're also a couple.

Little worried about
working together at first,



but it's actually been quite nice.

- There's give...
- There's give and take,

Mutual...

There's respect.

What else is there?

- You don't have to worry
- We don't have to worry

- about fighting...
- about fighting for

stage time 'cause we're both
on stage at the same time.

Right.

- What?
- Nothing.

- This first sketch...
- You just keep

interrupting me.

- I'm sorry I didn't realize...
- It's a really misogynistic,

patriarchal thing to do.



Do you wanna introduce the first sketch?

No.

- This first sketch...
- I don't know

that it needs an introduction.

Just go into it?

Don't say it's "Tortoise and the Hare?"

Just say ring ring, ring ring.

Leporidae family hollow,
Lepus europaeus speaking.

Hey Hare.

Hey Tortoise.

What's up loser?

Not much, just heading out the door, so.

How's the wife?

She's good Tortoise, thanks for asking.

She sure was good

last night.

Good one Tortoise, didn't
see that one coming at all.

I'm actually gonna go see her right now.

So I'm gonna...

- Hey Hare.
- Yes Tortoise?

Remember when I beat you

in that race?

- Yes I remember you beat me
- Yeah?

in that race, what about it?

That must have been

really embarrassing...

- Embarrassing for me?
- For you.

Yes, it was embarrassing for me.

But that was years ago.
I'm a new hare now.

I got a wife, kids, lots of kids actually.

Any of those kids look...

- Any of 'em look like you?
- Like me?

No, that's a genetic impossibility,

but I appreciate the
insult none-the-less. No,

what I was trying to say was that

I learned an important lesson that day

that you beat me in that race.

Slow and steady right Hare?

Yeah sure, slow and steady

or you know don't take a nap
during the middle of a race.

One of those two.

Your mom sure

liked it My mom liked it

- slow and steady last night?
- Slow

and...
- Steady last night.

Steady last night.

Wow you had my wife and my mom last night.

That's impressive Tortoise.

I admire your stamina.

Slow and steady Hare.

Always a pleasure Tortoise.

I'm hanging up now.

So long sucker.

We should split up and
be ignored individually

instead of as a couple.

That's a terrible idea.

No it's fine,

just walk like you're going somewhere

until you bump into someone.

- Don't leave me.
- You're gonna do great.

I hate you.

You know I usually don't think

that women are very funny,

but you're pretty good.

- Thank you.
- So who's your manager?

Oh we don't actually have one right now.

Here's my card.

We should talk.
- Oh great, fantastic.

Says here you're a dentist?

Whoops, it's the wrong card.

I'm phasing out the dentistry while

the talent management thing

is getting started.
- Sure.

You guys were amazing.

Thank you.

I'm doing this open mic at
a coffee shop in Riverside.

If you guys ever wanna do it.

It doesn't pay anything,

but the coffee is really good.

And you only have to buy two.

Hey Chet, how you doing?

Good to see you.
- Good, how are you?

You too man.
- Last time we talked,

you were producing that show.

- Yeah, yup.
- How's that going?

Hey Kevin, great set there.

Say hi to Greta.

Oh okay.

You guys were both really funny.

Thank you so much.

You're really brave with
all those ugly faces

you make in your act.

Yeah I wouldn't be comfortable

making those hideous faces.

- No way.
- Thanks.

Can we get a burrito now?
- Sure.

Can I stop smiling now?

When we get out of the building.

Come on!

Good job tonight baby.

You good job tonight baby.

I cut you off too early during Tarzan.

Yeah I know.

What time do you wanna
get up in the morning?

I don't know, 07:30 or eight?

What time?

- 10?
- Okay, goodnight baby.

Night.

You ready?

Yes.

Ready ready or ready in 10 minutes ready?

Ready ready.

Let's go.

Can I just say you're amazing?

No you're amazing.

All right listen I gotta go.

I got an important meeting
starting in about 15, 20 minutes.

All right blow me.

Listen I looked over some of your stuff,

and I think you're good?

- Thank you.
- Where'd you go to school?

San Francisco State.

Aww, Northwestern.

Look I'm gonna level with you.

The best part of my job

is I get to be honest, you know?

I hate that, that's stupid, you're too fat.

Not you specifically.

But you know.

Look you've got no TV credits,

no movie credits.

We made a movie.

Was it at Sundance?

- No.
- South By?

- No.
- Yeah, no one cares.

If you were any good,

you wouldn't have to make your own movie.

I'm not saying that's the case,

I'm just saying that's
what people like me think.

Point is acting is out for you guys.

Okay.

But if you're interested
in working as writers,

might be able to do something with you.

Great, I mean we're happy to do whatever

and we can work on our own
projects in our own time.

Okay great, well what are
you working on right now?

We have a sci-fi comedy that we've written.

Genre mashups are difficult

unless they're done well.

Right, I mean the idea would be

to do it well.

What else you got?

We have a comedy about

a detective...
- You know what?

It's best to just stay away
from comedy all together.

It's a tough sell internationally.

Do you have any thrillers?

Something with a dragon?

A dragon?

Oh yeah, dragons are the new vampires.

Sexy dragons, sparkly dragons,

for the tweens.

We don't have any dragon
scripts at the moment.

Well I'll tell you what.

I can't sign you right now.

But why don't you email
me some dragon ideas,

and I'll let you know if they suck or not?

- Okay.
- You son of bitch.

What's up dude?

Shoot I don't know man.

I mean are there gonna be hot ones there?

Oh God that sounds rough.

Great, you can take that.

You can, it's fine just keep it.

Go to hell.

Did you write the rent check?

I don't have any money in my account.

Well...

Maybe my mom will die again
and we'll get some more

life insurance money to live on.

Aw, come here.

You know we're gonna
need to make a decision

at some point.

About what?

Whether or not to give up.

Oh that.

Not getting any younger,

and there's a time limit on
being able to start a family.

Should have had kids when I was a teenager.

That's when you have
the energy to do things.

Could quit show business,

get real jobs,

have some kids to resent,

live vicariously through

and hope they take care
of us when we get old.

Oh you make it sound so wonderful.

Or we don't give up,

don't have kids,

keep on living like we're in our 20s.

And then which ever one of us

is lucky enough to outlive the other

will die penniless and alone?

Yeah that's pretty much it.

These are my options?

Could be worse.

- Whoa.
- What was that?

I don't know.

- What was that?
- I don't know!

Where are you going?

To get a flashlight.

Owe!
- What'd you break?

Why's the laundry basket

in the middle of the hallway?

Would you just light a candle

so you can see?

I don't know where the candles are!

Found it.

This flashlight doesn't work.

- The big one?
- Yes.

Yeah it doesn't work.

Then why do we still have it?

It was expensive.

What does Twitter say?

My phone won't even turn on.

Do you think it's just us?

It's beautiful.

How many lights have to be out

for that happen?

All of them?

What do we do?

Now what do you wanna do?

Watch TV.

We could play a game.

- No.
- Read a book?

- No.
- Go to sleep?

I can't sleep, can you?

- Morning.
- Good morning.

- Hey, is your power out?
- Yeah?

Oh yeah, went out last night.

Any idea what happened?

Well sure, it's the Chinese.

Oh you heard that on the radio or?

No I didn't hear it anywhere,

but it sounds like
something they'd do, right?

Damn Chinese, well have a good day.

Last time I eat Chinese I'll tell ya.

Hey sweetie, power's still not on.

You getting up?

Why?

Do we have one of those
wind up radio thingies?

No but we have plenty of yogurt.

Does that help?

A state of emergency has been declared.

Officials are advising that
you stay in your homes.

Should we try to get out of the city?

Everyone's gonna try
and get out of the city.

So maybe it's a good idea?

We still have water, we still have gas,

we still have food.

You think the power's gonna come back on?

Once again, stay in your homes.

"The queen went so fast

that Alice could hardly keep up.

The most curious part of the thing was

that the trees and all the
other things around them

never changed their places at all."

However fast they went,

they never seemed to pass anything.

The gas is out.

What?

The gas is out.

The water's off.

The gas is out.

The water is off.

What?

Don't speak to me when I'm in the shower.

You know I can't hear you.

The dragon gave the beat its power,

and we are now being eaten by the beast.

I'm thinking maybe the
power's not coming back on.

- Yeah.
- 'Cause the beast

is the beast!

Where should we go?

Our family's are too far away,

we'd never make it.

We need to find a place

that can sustain life
while the grid is down.

My friend Penny lives on a hippy,

farm, commune, ashram thingy.

- Perfect.
- Essentials only,

we're traveling light.

Warm weather clothes, cold weather clothes,

cute clothes.

Cute clothes?

You never know.

Tents, sleeping bags, camping stove,

propane, food, water.

Let's go.

Did you get the animal stuff?

Dog food, cat food, cat
brush, kitty litter,

dog treats, cat treats, balls, raw hide.

Let's go.

Not yet, we still need to get

Watson's crate, cat carrier,

cooler, blankets, coats,

that flat of water from
under the bed, artwork.

That's not gonna fit.

Yeah it will, gold and
jewelry for bartering,

books for entertainment,

toilet paper, tissue,
silverware, kitchen stuff.

We're not bringing the plants.

Just the Welwitschia and the Pachypodium.

We're not bringing the plants.

That's it, right?

No we still need photo albums,

car title, passports,

social security cards, birth certificates.

Birth certificates?

If there's an internment camp situation,

I wanna be able to prove to the crazy

paramilitary group in charge

that I'm an American.

That's fair.

Toiletries, first aid kit,

the hatchet we never get to use

'cause you won't go camping, scissors.

Can we go now?

Did you get the cat?

Mrs. Peel?

Mrs. Peel.

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Mrs. Peel?

Meow, meow, meow.

Oh Mrs. Peel, there you are.

Come on, come on.

Good girl, come on.

Oh Mrs. Peel!

- What?
- She peed.

- On you?
- Yes!

Mrs. Peel.

Mrs. Peel I was gonna wear this.

Can we please just go?

I don't have any clothes.

We could've looted a Nordstrom by now.

All right, here we...

Hey Ally.

You guys going on a trip?

We're getting out of town.

You know it's the 10th right?

Really?

Yup.

The rent check.

- Oh.
- Oh my, I'm so sorry,

we totally forgot.

It happens.

Let me go get my check book right now.

Back in a jiff.

- Sorry.
- We're never

getting out of here.

You guys got water?

We're going to the store.

Well remember if you get into trouble,

you can drink your own urine

three times before it gets toxic.

Good fact.

Okay here we go.

I made it out for two months

because why not?
- Great, thanks.

Have a good trip you guys,

see you when you get back.

- Okay.
- Bye, thanks.

I know.

Seriously Mrs. Peel?

She'll scream for a couple of hours

then she'll be fine.

Gee.
- Wow, look at that.

I have never seen
this parking lot so empty.

Wish it was like this all the time.

Oh, oh.

Did you get a cart?

When would I?

Did you wipe it down?

- Freeze!
- Hold it, don't move,

don't move!
- Freeze!

Just stay where you are.

- Justin?
- Kathi?

- Oh God.
- Hey,

guys long time no see.
- Oh man.

- I know.
- Sorry, I didn't know

it was you.
- It's been so crazy.

- No kidding, oh man.
- Any idea what's going on?

We heard a giant meteor hit New York.

Completely wiped out the
government and the grid.

Sounds plausible.

So how's the Apocalypse treating you guys?

We're kind of behind,

we did what the radio
said and stayed indoors.

Oh big mistake.

Yeah tell us about it.

This place has been picked clean.

Yeah we're just doing a magazine run

before heading out to a
bunker in Silver lake.

Bunker in Silver lake?

Yeah we have these
hoarder, survivalist friends.

They like to be called preppers.

Oh preppers, sorry.

Anyway they've been stocking
up for this kind of thing.

But they forgot magazines.

So we're gonna stay underground with them

and four other families with babies

until this all blows over.

- Four babies.
- Seven, almost eight.

Eight babies wow.

Four families.

Sounds fun.

We'd invite you come,

but we were,

we were invited by one of our other friends

and it might be kind of weird

to start inviting other people.

- Sure.
- No problem.

There's probably only
so much air down there

with all the babies.

Right, exactly.

Well it was great running into you.

- Totally.
- Yeah.

Are you guys done?

Yeah, we're on our way out.

We'll walk with you.

- Great.
- Come on Watson.

That was really awkward,

I feel really bad.

Should I have invited them?

No, no, you're right, you're right.

Just you know every man for themself.

We talked about this.

Though they didn't have any...

- No, no discernible skills.
- Right.

Wow you guys sure do have a lot of guns.

- Yeah.
- You loot a sporting goods

store or something?

Oh no we had these.

Yeah we love guns.

Neat.

Oh you guys want one?

No we're good.

Oh you really should have a gun.

Yeah give them two.

That's okay, really.

I'll take a gun.

What, I like guns.

Okay, I guess we'll take guns.

Take Mr. T, Susie.

Ah thank you.

- Hugs?
- Yeah!

- Good to see you.
- Good to see you!

Thank you.

Let's find each other
when civilization's rebuilt.

- Sounds good.
- Good plan.

All right, oh babe wear your helmet.

Drive safe guys.

Bye, guess we should be going too.

Yup.

What's wrong?

I don't know.

You're out of gas.

No I'm not.

Your light is on.

So we have at least 30 more miles.

The light only went on on Tuesday.

Why do you always let
it run down like that?

It's not good for the car.

Well according to the taped on mirror

and the giant dent in the side,

you're not good for the car.

That was an accident.

This car is too big for that garage.

Maybe we can siphon some
gas from someone else.

That's a great idea.

Did you bring your siphoning equipment?

Okay, okay, okay.

How do we get it open?

Just smash the window

and pop the gas tank.

I can't smash the window,

this is someone's car.

In a disaster, everything
is communal property.

Says who?

- Excuse me.
- Pardon us.

- Sorry.
- Dad can we go

to the comic store next?

Not if you keep asking, we won't.

Okay fine, one, two.

So I just suck on it
until the gas comes out?

Yeah but you have to
be lower than the tank.

How low is the tank?

I have no idea.

Just don't any get gas in your mouth.

I'm not that dumb.

Have you met you?

You're gonna have to suck harder than that.

That's what she said.
- That's what she said.

Ah!
- Get it in the tank!

Get it in the tank.

Good job baby.

Mrs. Peel.
- What?

She shat everywhere.

Mrs. Peel.

Can you get me one of her clean towels?

They're in the trunk.

Can this wait til we
get out of Los Angeles?

Mrs. Peel.

Are you sure there's towels in here?

Yes there's towels in there,

a whole bag.

Hey what?

Hey, that's our car!

Sorry about that, sorry.

They got toilet paper in here!

Ow!

What do you think you're doing?

I'm tryna stop those cops

from stealing our car!

And what are you gonna
do when you caught them?

I don't know, ask them to get back

one of the new guns I
don't know how to use,

and force them out of the car at gunpoint!

Okay.

Well now what?

Hello, anybody home?

Do you have a car we can steal?

Just kick the door down.

You kick the door down.

Fine, move.

No, I'll do it.

Are you okay?

Should've let me do it.

Where do people keep keys?

Is this your house?

That's good 'cause we were here first.

Let's go upstairs.

- Yeah.
- Good idea.

Keep up.

Welcome.
- Thank you.

Remember stay focused,

we're here for keys.

No dawdling.

These are gross.

Can I help you?

Oh hi, I'm sorry to bother you.

We were just looking for
some deserted homes to loot.

Hi.

Hi, this one's not deserted.

I'm sorry to disappoint you.

- Who is it?
- Honey it's looters.

- Looters?
- Our car was stolen.

Their car was stolen.

We're looking for an abandoned car

so we can get out of town.

They're looking for an abandoned car

so they can get out of town.

You know I think Steve and Sue

may have left one of their cars behind.

Really, are you sure?

Yeah I think they did.

It turns out you guys are in luck,

our neighbors might have left their car

which you're more than welcome to steal,

but I don't recommend traveling
after dark, marauders.

Honey why haven't you invited them in yet?

I was just about to do that sweetheart.

Would you guys like to come in?

We don't want to impose.

- Oh.
- Oh no it's no trouble.

I'm Shana by the way.

- Etta hi.
- Gabe.

- Shane, Shane and Shana.
- Shane and Shana.

I know totally obnoxious right?

And who's this?

This is Watson.

And this is Mrs. Peel.

A kitty?

I love kitties.

Sweetie why don't you have them park

that shopping cart in the garage,

and I will go get dinner started.

Oh we really should be on our way.

Awww, at least let us feed you.

We have electricity and running water.

Right?

- Wow.
- You guys are prepared.

Yeah well I was an Eagle Scout.

How do you have electricity?

Combination of solar panels,

generators, come on.

And this one's all yours.

This is great.

Do you have any idea what's going on?

Do I have an idea?

I know exactly what's going on.

Two words, peak oil.

Government has been
covering it up for years.

Anyway we have a water
reclamation system in this house.

Perfectly fresh, perfectly safe.

So just hop in the shower,

get cleaned and scrubbed,

have a good time,

come on down when you guys are ready.

Okay thanks.

You're so welcome.

Would you like me to feed the kitty?

- Sure.
- Must be thirsty.

Yeah that'll be great.

I'll also, I'll get your bags.

- Oh okay, thanks.
- Thank you.

What do you think?

They seem nice.

Good nice or creepy nice?

Creepy nice.

Okay so they're like
murderers or something?

- Absolutely.
- It's not

just my imagination?

I'm gonna go wash my face.

Oh that sounds amazing.

- Wow.
- That was delicious.

- Oh thank you.
- Thank you

for your hospitality.

Well humanity has to stick together, right?

These are tough times ahead,

and it's how we deal with these times

that will make or break us as a species.

It's not like we're a
band of lone survivors

that needs to repopulate the world.

Oh please, what is there something like

eight billion people left on this planet?

Pretty soon we're all
gonna be killing each other

over whatever food's left.

Too many people.

Not enough resources.

It's why we never had children.

- Well...
- And it's why it's no longer

practical for men and women to have sex.

I'm sorry, what?

What was that about...?

It's why we never had children.

Right but the other thing?

There's only a finite amount

of birth control left my friend.

Right.

And it's why we have to learn to evolve.

- Into?
- What's the point of sex?

Reproduction right?

It's one of the points.

We are genetically engineered to procreate.

Which is why abstinence
is not a viable solution.

But if men were to have sex with men,

and women were to have sex with women,

no one gets pregnant.

Would anyone like coffee?

- Oh I'm good.
- No thank you.

I am not talking about homosexuality.

Okay.

Homosexuality is an abomination.

It's a choice that sinners make.

I really don't think...

But this is not about sin.

This is about saving our human race

through same-sex sex surrogates

for heterosexual couples.

Like in "The Handmaid's Tale"

but instead of...
- Exactly, I don't know

what the hell that is.
- I don't think he knows.

- It's a book
- Not important

- by Margaret Atwood.
- right now dear.

- No I read it.
- When you wanna survive,

you've gotta do things

that you don't wanna do.

Well thank you again

for a lovely meal.

My pleasure, my pleasure.

You grow beautiful salad greens.

Thank you so much, yeah.

So what do you think Gabe?

Has anyone seen Mrs. Peel?

Oh I don't know.

I think we have imposed upon you fine folks

enough for one evening.

- No.
- Kitty, kitty, kitty.

We should probably get
going if we're gonna steal

that car from your neighbors house.

You can't travel in the dark.

Mrs. Peel?

Well we don't wanna impose here.

We insist.

I think it'll be best

if we...
- We insist.

Kitty, kitty, kitty.

You sure you don't wanna take a shower?

I'm not getting naked here.

I don't know why you didn't just say no.

I tried, but I didn't wanna offend them.

Oh well as long as we don't offend

the homophobic bigot that's
all that's important.

Well I didn't hear you
coming up with any excuses

to get us out of here.

I was looking for Mrs. Peel.

Yeah isn't that convenient?

What is that supposed to mean?

Meaning you always
have something else to do

in these types of situations.

These types of situations?

Stressful situations like
when I had to call AT&T

because they were screwing you over

and you didn't wanna deal with it.

Krissy from the fraud department in Texas

is a terrible person Yes I know that

- who uses her position
- because you just down

- of authority.
- and I have to deal with it

because you don't like conflict.

I'm sorry, not all of us
love conflict as much as you.

What is that supposed to mean?

You love being upset,

but fighting isn't fun.

How would you know?

You never fight with me.

What do you call this?

We never fight about
what I wanna fight about.

Plus we're not even yelling.

I promise to have a fight
about whatever you want

once we're out of here.

Fine let's just

wait til they go to sleep

so we can sneak out.

You think we should leave Mrs. Peel here?

They're cat people.

The coast is clear.

Everything going okay in here?

- Yes.
- Great, everything's great.

Do you need any pillows?

Actually we were thinking
of getting an early start.

We didn't wanna wake you guys.

Well thanks for everything.

If you'll just excuse us.

I don't think you understand

the seriousness of this situation.

I think we get it.

What did you do that for honey?

Well obviously I was tryna knock you out.

Could've caused a subdural
hematoma and killed me.

Why can't you just admit you're gay?

No, no, no they're getting away.

You tell me that you're gay.

It's okay, we can just be friends.

She's right you know.

Okay dear, come on.

I'm an Eagle Scout,

how could I be gay?

- Etta!
- What, we earned it.

♪ Come in ladies and gentlemen ♪

♪ And listen to my song ♪

♪ I'm singing to you right ♪

♪ But you might think it's wrong ♪

♪ It's a hard time in the country ♪

♪ Down on Penny's farm ♪

♪ Now you move out on Penny's farm ♪

♪ Plant a little crop of 'bacco
and a little crop of corn ♪

♪ He'll come around to plan and plot, ♪

♪ Till he gets himself a mortgage ♪

♪ On everything you got ♪

♪ It's hard times in the country ♪

♪ Down on Penny's farm ♪

♪ It's hard times in the country ♪

♪ Down on Penny's farm ♪

Hi.

Sorry dudes, you can't up.

This is a, like a
restricted area and stuff.

Is this Tranquil Farms?

- Yeah.
- Hey you mind

us asking who want's to know?

I'm a friend of Penny's.

Yeah, you know so Penny

is up on a raiding party right now.

Raiding party?

Yeah we you know, we're having to be like

way more aggressive than we'd like to be.

Hey cute dog.

Oh thanks.

Yeah you know, since the Fall,

we've become like a huge
target for all these people

who didn't plan on these contingencies, so.

What kind of dog is he?

He's a Jindo.

Any idea what happened?

- Monsanto.
- What's a Jindo?

It's a Korean breed.

Yeah so like we've only got room

for a certain number of people,

and we're like totally full.

So we're having to be
like super aggressive.

- He's really cute.
- Thanks.

Yeah so we're like probably
gonna have to shoot you

if you don't leave right now.

Okay, do you have any idea

where we can go?

Ummm...

No.

- Okay well, we'll go then.
- Well all right.

- Thank you.
- It was really nice

meeting you.
- Nice to meet you.

Take care.
- That was terrible.

Now what do we do?

♪ Isolated with you ♪

♪ I can't get enough ♪

♪ Isolated with you ♪

♪ And splendid love ♪

♪ It's exactly where I really wanna be ♪

We walk from here.

It's from "Indiana Jones

"and the Temple of"...
I know where it's from.

♪ Quit your bitching 'bout
your sitch and just change it ♪

♪ Start sifting through
your shit and rearrange it ♪

♪ If it's broke, then you
don't have to hang with it ♪

♪ What are you but what you make of it? ♪

♪ Sick of this town,
seems like the best ones ♪

♪ Haven't shown up ♪

♪ Feels like you're drowning
in a sea of just giving up ♪

♪ When 'ya gonna come round ♪

♪ to see it's time you
stopped showing up? ♪

♪ Give up the ghost, go with
your gut'n pull your roots up ♪

♪ Quit your bitching 'bout
your sitch and just change it ♪

♪ Start sifting through
your shit and rearrange it ♪

♪ If it's broke, then you
don't have to hang with it ♪

♪ What are you but what you make of it? ♪

♪ Quit your bitching 'bout
your sitch and just change it ♪

♪ Start sifting through
your shit and rearrange it ♪

♪ If it's broke, then you
don't have to hang with it ♪

♪ What are you but what you make of it? ♪

What are you doing?

I'm opening the can.

Why don't you just use the can opener?

We don't have a can opener.

- Yes we do.
- No we don't, I looked.

It's in the utensil bag.

How did you even do this?

Should we hide?

Where?

So we just keep walking
towards this person?

I guess.

Get a stick.

They're all tiny.

Then get a rock.

What good is that gonna
do if I throw it and miss?

Just look threatening.

Hi.

Hey.

How's it going?

Okay, you guys need any candy?

Got a bunch of Almond Joys,

but I don't like the nuts.

There's two nuts.

Yeah we like Almond Joy.

Yeah I was showing a cabin to some clients,

and then the power went out.

So I'm just tryna make
my way back to the city.

That might not be a good idea.

No it's cool, I did a
Costco run before I left so.

There's no running water in the city.

Yeah I don't drink water.

If I want something healthy,

I'll just drink an Arizona Iced Tea.

I'm Ed.

Hi Ed, I'm Gabe.

- Etta, thanks.
- Hi, nice hatchet.

So where's this cabin you're talking about?

Oh it's about 30 miles back.

It's up in the mountains,

it's secluded, gated on
two and a half acres.

It says here it's on a well

and has its own generator.

Yeah but I'm never gonna sell the place.

I mean you don't even get cable up there.

Do you mind showing it to us?

Hey you guys have any reception?

No.

I don't know what happened,

what is going on?

The grid went down.

Yeah well they better
get the grid back up ASAP.

I need my phone for my job.

And for mobile porn.

Hey did you guys see the
end of "American Idol"?

- No.
- Oh so you guys

prefer "The Voice".

- No.
- Yeah I don't understand

why you should have to choose either.

It's like my brother and me,

like we're both my mother's sons

so there's like no reason
that she should love him more.

Even though he's way better.

God my leg is cramping.

I have not walked so far in my life.

Ah!

Ah leg cramp, leg cramp!

Stretch it out.

I don't know how to do that.

Oh God I stink.

You know I'm glad I'm single.

I wouldn't wanna have sex with this mess.

You think it'd be cool if we found a body?

You guys think that would be cool?

That'd be cool.

If you had to eat one
of your pets to survive,

which one would you eat?

Neither.

Yeah but if you're gonna starve to death

and need to survive, which one?

We'd eat you first.

Yeah but after that?

The cat.

I'd eat your dog.

"Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots."

But it wasn't maggots,
it was just Chinese food.

Was totally messing with him.

It's my favorite part,
favorite part of the movie.

Yeah, it's a great movie.

You know Etta and I were thinking

if you wanted,

you could loan us that key

and we could go take a look
at that cabin without you.

Then you could get back to your apartment.

Oh, no

That's okay, I don't wanna
lose out on my commission.

Ed, there isn't going to be any commission.

What do you mean?

We're not gonna buy the cabin.

We're gonna hole up there until this,

whatever this is blows over.

If it blows over.

You really think this is serious?

Okay, I'll stay in the cabin with you guys.

I mean if that's okay.

- Oh sure, yeah.
- Of course.

I mean the more the merrier.

You guys are the best friends I ever had.

Hey Watson, here buddy.

Who's a good boy?

Om, nom, nom, nom, nom,

I could just eat you up.

I can't believe he's actually
eating those Bit-O-Honey's.

That cabin sounded pretty great.

One more day with him,

I was gonna smash him
in the head with a rock.

So?

I'm not ready to cross that line yet.

That's fair.

Watson come on.

Watson.
- You want a treat?

Come here.

Good boy.

Your breath smells disgusting.

So does yours.

You're sure we can eat these?

Uh-huh.

Etta, can you bring me
some more toilet paper?

Thank you.

Watson you wanna treat?

Ow, I don't know why you're bothering.

It's just us.

I still have to look at you.

Well that's the end of the water.

How long does it need to boil?

I don't know.

That's probably good.

Try not to barf so loud.

I can't help it.

Yes you can.

You don't have to scream while you barf.

Your quiet barfing is unusual.

That's what people sound
like when they barf.

No it's not.

You feel up to walking?

No.

Good, me neither.

How about having diarrhea in the bushes?

I'm way ahead of you.

You lose weight?

Yes, this new diet I invented.

Oh yeah?

First couple days, you just eat everything

in your refrigerator so it won't go bad.

And then you steal a flat
of gross protein stuff

from an Eagle Scout.

- That's part of the diet?
- Yeah, then you eat

road side weeds and
walk for 12 hours a day.

Doesn't sound too hard.

And slowly add in dog biscuits,

red vines and under boiled puddle water.

Well whatever you're doing is working.

You look great.

Like mom in a commercial great?

Not quite, but you could totally be

the quirky best friend in a sitcom.

That's what I was before.

Yeah but now you can
beat all those fat girls.

Well this is the last dog treat.

We're out of cat food.

Maybe we should think about letting her go.

She's a better shot out there

than starving in her box.

Are you kidding?

She'd hide in a hole 'til a coyote ate her.

We can't provide for her anymore.

Yes we can.

How?

We'll set up deadfall traps for mice.

Deadfall traps for mice?

You need a rock and a stick.

Is that all?

Why aren't we doing that right now?

We could be having mice for breakfast.

They're for her.

She won't even eat wet cat food.

What's she gonna do with a mouse?

If she gets hungry enough,

she'll figure it out.

That's what we said about the wet cat food.

You know if you'd watched
"Survivorman" with me,

maybe you wouldn't be panicking right now.

Who's panicking?

I'm gonna be eating mice for
the rest of my life, I'm set.

Can you just stop being crazy so we can go?

All right, I'm crazy.

You're the one suggesting we MacGyver

some kind of Rube Goldberg
mouse killing machine

out of a rock and a stick,

but I'm being crazy.

You're the one yelling,

so yes you are crazy.

Well maybe I wouldn't have to yell

if you would listen to
me every once in a while.

All I ever do is listen to you.

Only so you can tell me

I'm wrong and you're right.

When have I ever done that?

It's implied.

I don't care about that.

I'm not interested in who's right.

Of course you don't, you're always right.

We do things your wrong way all the time.

We never do things my wrong way.

Your way is killing the cat.

The cat dies either way.

Spoiler alert, we probably do too.

We have no survival skills whatsoever.

Speak for yourself,

I've read "Sarah Bishop" and
"Island of the Blue Dolphins".

I'll be just fine, thank you.

Did "Sarah Bishop" walk around

with her cat in a cardboard box?

Can we just skip to the part

where I have to apologize for you

always being the one who has to apologize?

How 'bout we skip to the part

where you admit we're both equal partners

in this relationship and stop trying

to micromanage every little thing I do?

That's not a part.

That's not one of the parts.

- I know!
- No, you know what?

You're right, I'm sorry for micromanaging

you not killing our cat.

See, you see?

See how we're talking about how crazy I am

when we should be talking
about how unrealistic you are?

Fine.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

- I'm going.
- Going where?

Away from you.

You're more trouble than you're worth.

Try not to die.

Okay, great job proving
how realistic you are.

Why do you have to ruin
everything all the time?

What is that supposed to mean?

Every time we go anywhere,

New York, France, you always ruin it.

And now you're ruining this.

How can I ruin this?

It's the apocalypse!

Yes and it could be fun.

- Fun?
- Yes fun

because we have each other.

But that's never good enough for you,

all you care about is being miserable.

Well I don't wanna be miserable.

♪ If you were the only girl in the world ♪

♪ And you were the only boy ♪

♪ Nothing else would
matter in the world today ♪

♪ We could go on loving
in the same old way ♪

♪ A garden of Eden just made for two ♪

♪ With nothing to bar our joy ♪

♪ I could say such
wonderful things to you ♪

♪ There would be such
wonderful things to do ♪

♪ If you were the only girl in the world ♪

♪ And you were the only ♪

Can you keep your distance?

You walk too slow.

Is that a car?

Hide the cart, hide the cart.

Where?

In a bush.

Well hi there.

- Hi.
- Hi.

God, what you folks doing out here?

Wondering aimlessly mostly.

We're looking for a safe place.

You look like you could use a hot shower

and a good meal.

I'm the groundskeeper over
the local Muskrat lodge.

How 'bout you come on over for dinner?

Are you crazy?

Well nothing diagnosed.

- Yeah okay.
- Why not?

Come on, come on get in the car.

♪ Pack up your troubles
in your old kit bag ♪

♪ And smile, smile, smile ♪

♪ And don't let your
happiness start to lag ♪

♪ Just smile yes that's the style ♪

♪ What's the use of worrying? ♪

♪ It's never gonna last a while ♪

♪ So pack up your troubles
in your old kit bag ♪

♪ And smile, smile ♪

Yeah that's my Sweetie-Pie
there on the porch.

- Hi.
- Yes siree, here we are.

Home sweet home.

Hi Sweetie-Pie.

We've got visitors.

Visitors, well look
at you, you poor things.

You look like a couple of starving coyotes.

Nothing but skin and bones.

Thank you.

Oh and who do we have here?

- That's Watson.
- Are you a

good watchdog Watson?

And who's that meowing in the box?

- That's our cat, Mrs. Peel.
- Oh thank goodness.

Will you take care of our
little mouse problem Mrs. Peel?

Probably not.

Well come on inside the club house,

let's get you some iced tea.

You look like you must
be dying of thirst, Sal?

Sal?

Where you at?

Come on in.

Oh old Sal.

Sal?

- This here is Mr.
- Griffin Seymour Thomas.

He is a bigwig over at the
American Endeavor Institute.

- Hi.
- Hello.

What can I do for you?

We're just saying hello.

Sal!

Will you get these folks some iced tea?

Other way.

That's right.
- Have a seat,

have a seat.

Thank you.

So where are you folks from?

We live in Los Angeles in
an area called Koreatown.

Oh are you Korean?

- No ma'am.
- Our dog is.

Clubhouse is for members only.

And this here is the Senator.

- Hi.
- Hello.

Don't mind him,

he's only a state senator.

Bad enough we started
allowing women inside.

See it's technically a men's only club.

But Sweetie-Pie and I,

we take care of the property,

so they make an exception to her case.

No we don't.

You don't seem to mind when
I'm cooking you your dinner.

And since the incident,

some of the members wives

have come taken up residence as well.

Any idea what the incident was?

- Pyramid aliens.
- The unions.

Right.

There we go.

- We can...
- It's his job.

- Makes him feel better.
- Sal's been working here

his whole life.

- Thank you.
- Took over from his daddy.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

There you go, thank you Sal, thank you.

Other way Sal, other way, there we go.

There you go.

It's good tea.

So tell us what did you do before all this?

- We're actors
- Writers,

directors.
- Producers.

So nothing useful then?

Well I mean it doesn't help to catch dinner

or start a fire but you know,

art and story telling have
had an important place

in human culture since
the beginning of time.

Man can not live on bread alone.

- Exactly.
- Or human flesh.

I'm sorry, what?

Ah these are my boys, Peter and Paul.

Oh great, a people cage.

So much for the place of art in society.

Is that Ed?

Oh you gotta be kidding me.

Do you think he's mad?

How would you feel?

Hi.
- Hi.

Hey, welcome to cage.

- Thanks.
- I'm Gabe, this is Etta.

Nice to see you Ed.

Hey ditchers.

Anybody have any idea what's going on here?

- They hunt us.
- For sport.

Like in "The Most Dangerous Game"?

Like in the Jean-Claude Van
Damme movie "Hard Target".

Which was based on "The
Most Dangerous Game".

- What's that?
- It's a short story.

I don't read.

- Just...
- So they hunt us for sport?

Yes, and then they eat us out.

What?

Yeah, you know like.

- They eat us.
- Yes they eat us... out.

I don't think you're saying

what you mean to say.

They take the insides and they eat it out.

- They're cannibals?
- Yes.

That's what I said.

It's been like a month.

I don't think this is a new thing for them.

Yes!

What is this?

We're having a Tic-Tac-Toe tournament.

Tic-Tac-Toenament.

I thought maybe you
were planning an escape.

- No.
- No, it's useless.

For why?

I've been here for like an hour,

and I can't figure out
how to do it so, you know.

Must be impossible.

They only hunt us once
every five days or so.

When they run out of fresh meat.

So we not have to worry
for like three, four days.

Unless there's a special occasion.

Like a birthday or anniversary,
something like that.

Or to say celebrate the arrival

of a club member's family in
the middle of an apocalypse?

Exactly like that.

- What, how?
- Yes!

He's like Bobby Fisher for Tic-Tac-Toes.

Sad looking crap Hap.

Well you know they were
malnourished when they came to us.

We're doing our best to fatten them up.

I guess we'll take this one.

- Yes.
- She's got the most

meat on her bones.

I've lost at least 10 pounds.

I'm sorry, I just think you should know

from a sporting perspective,

she may not be the best choice.

She has short legs,

shin splints and a bad knee.

I mean, might not be a very good hunt.

All right fine, you'll do.

You don't want him,

he has no muscle tone.

- Excuse me?
- There's nothing

there to eat.

Plus based on what goes on in the bathroom,

I think there's probably something wrong

with his metabolism.

Okay.

- He's probably toxic.
- That's private.

I'm just saying I wouldn't eat him.

Come on, let's do 'em both.

One for taste, one for sport.

It'd be a waste.

What, are you kidding me?

We get more and more of
these strays everyday.

The meat would go to waste.

Guys, guys we'll make
jerky out of one of 'em.

Fine, jerky, fine.

Jerky.

All right we're gonna give
you a minute head start.

- A minute?
- That's not very long.

We won't be able to make it
to the tree line in that time.

I told you she gets shin splints.

Well how much time do you need?

A week?

How 'bout two minutes?

That's much better, thank you.

Two minutes?

Just don't make waves.

Where the heck is Brylan?

He's getting ready.

Any strategy ideas?

No, you?

Brylan!

Try to make it to the trees.

I'll draw their fire, buy you some time.

Come on, let's just start.

Draw their fire?

You don't think I can draw fire?

I can totally draw fire.

Whatever Jason Bourne, just run.

This is Brylan's and my hunt,

we're waiting for Brylan.

You're not even a member.

- Brylan's a member.
- He's a pledge.

Maybe we should start.

- Brylan!
- Come on Hap,

start the clock.

All right, all right.

When is say go, you go, you ready?

Five.

Four.
- Sorry I ruined

the apocalypse for you.

- Three.
- It's okay,

kind of sucked anyway.

Two.

Wait!

Wait, hold on.

Hold on, I'm here.

I couldn't find my hat.

That's all right sweetie.

You're Diani and Devine.

Yeah I saw you guys at NerdMelt.

You guys are hilarious.

There's guys are hilarious,
we can't hunt them.

Dad, dad you would really
like these guy's stuff.

They're great.

You guys should do a show.

Ho, we should do a show.

Huh?

You couldn't make it out
to the coffee shop, so.

- Oh!
- The coffee shop.

Brylan.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, good to see you.

Look whatever they're
paying you, I'll double it.

That's a thing people say, right?

You can have my HBO Go password.

Okay, well here's your luggage and stuff.

There's toiletries and
towels in the bathroom.

Thank you.

Yeah, of course, I'm happy to.

No, thank you.

Oh, they're not so bad

once you get to know 'em a little bit.

I'm super excited about tonight.

You guys are gonna kill.

Oh my God, I love hot water.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

I'm Gabriel Diani.
- And I'm Etta Devine.

Please don't eat us.

You're not gonna say that, are you?

You don't think it's funny?

Okay.

Hello, welcome Muskrats one and all

to the very first comedy
night and talent jamboree.

Okay, okay we're all a
little tight, little tight.

That's all right, we're gonna
loosen you guys right up.

We got a great show for you tonight.

Diani and Devine are here.

But first from our very own ranks,

Hap and Sweetie-Pie.

♪ Way down upon the Swanee River ♪

♪ All the world is sad and dreary ♪

♪ Ev'rywhere I roam ♪

♪ There many happy days I squander ♪

A legion of individuals

who for its sake

must be suppressed,

and reduced to imperfect men.

♪ All for the old folks at home ♪

The essential thing however

in a good and healthy aristocracy.

Hey there guys.

There anything special you want me to say

when I bring up or anything?

I don't know, say that
we're the filmmakers who made

the independent movie...
- Nobody cares

about our credits.
- Well we have

to say something.

Just bring us up.

Say we were on "JAG".

Okay you got it.

You guys are gonna do great.

We weren't on "JAG"?

- They don't know that.
- Okay.

Okay these next guys coming to the stage,

you may know them from such places

as the cage out back
and all the great stuff

I've said about them,

please welcome Diani and Devine.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

It's a pleasure to be your
entertainment for the evening.

And not your dinner.

I'm Gabriel Diani.

- And I'm...
- And this is Etta Devine.

Together we are

Diani and Devine.
- Diani and...

We're a comedy duo, we're also a couple.

Little worried about
working together at first,

but it's actually been quite nice.

- There's give...
- There's give and take,

mutual respect.
- Mutual...

What else is there?

You don't have to worry about...

We don't have to for
fighting for stage time,

'cause we're both on stage.

Why does he keep interrupting her?

It's a part of the act mom.

Well it's rude.

- We're not married.
- No but we're at that age

where a lot of our friends
are getting married.

- Right.
- And unmarried.

- But not us.
- No,

we just think marriage
is one of those things

that's gonna go out of style.

Like teen sex or train robbing.

Right.

I just think we're too old
fashioned to get married.

I think if we've been born in an age

where marriage still meant something,

you know when a woman
was a piece of property

to be handed from father to husband.

Then we might get married.

But if I can't own her,

what's the point?
- Right.

And I always said if I got married,

it was gonna be for money, so.

An interesting thing about weddings

is that they bring people
from very different parts

of your life together into the same room.

Seven and seven please.

Well hello.
- Hi.

- Beautiful ceremony.
- Yes I love weddings.

Me too, me too.

So what do you do for a living?

I'm a witch.

No kidding, white or black magic?

Wait don't tell me, black.

- How'd you guess?
- I'm good with evil.

You able to support yourself with it?

I'm still working on that.

Oh how do you make ends meet?

Massage therapy.

Oh you work out of an office?

- My home.
- Regular or gingerbread?

- Gingerbread.
- Sweet.

Yes it is.

Upkeep must be a pain in a place like that.

Don't even get me started.

I mean the whole thing is perishable.

That's still, you're a home owner.

That's saying something
in this day and age.

Well yeah.

You know you have a lovely eye?

Thank you.

My sisters let me use it tonight.

You share one between you?

That's nice, family
needs to stick together.

Yeah, how do you know Tom and Cindy?

Tom and I went to college together, you?

They owe me their first born child.

- No kidding.
- I helped Cindy

out with a thing, so.

That's cool, you know what
you're gonna do with it?

I don't know, probably eat it.

It's this new diet I'm on.

I'm only supposed to eat children.

Right, yeah, I've heard of that.

The South Witch Diet.

Does that really work?

Oh yes, it's just hard to maintain.

Especially if you live
in a house made of candy.

- Sure.
- I mean if it's there.

Right, you'll eat it.

I'm sorry, I cackle when I get nervous.

Do I make you nervous?

It's a lovely cackle.

- Thank you.
- Bet everyone tells you that.

Stupid thing to say.

No it was sweet.

I notice you caught the bouquet.

Funny someone like me.

Oh come on, hunched
over old crone like you?

Bet you do pretty well

for yourself.
- I do all right.

I do all right!
- Even without love potions.

Look I mean there can't be much

that you can eat at the buffet,

and I got a couple of kids

that live in my apartment building.

If you'd like, we could.

- I'd love too.
- Really?

Yes, just let me go to the coat check

and get my broom.

Why, you've already swept me off my feet.

FBI, nobody move!

What's up loser?

Your mom sure liked it...

My mom liked it slow and steady

- last night?
- Slow and...

- Steady last night?
- Steady last night.

I don't get it, did she have a stroke?

You're running, you're running,

dodge a bullet, dodge a bullet.

Thank you very much,
we're Diani and Devine.

Please don't eat us.

You were very funny.

Thank you Paul.

I'm Paul, he's Peter.

Oh I'm sorry, I bet you
guys never get that right?

It happens all the time.

All the time.

Appreciate you saving our lives.

Of course, no it's totally my pleasure.

Here hold this for me.

I'll take that back, here.

No idea, I haven't had a good time

like that for a long.

Draw a little tortoise.

Oh, that's great.

That's great.
- That's great.

Have a good night.

Perhaps you're right about
the place of art in society.

- Oh really?
- Good.

That's great.

- Good luck.
- Thanks.

You guys make all that stuff up

off the top of your heads?

- Not exactly.
- Well actually

we developed it over a long period of time.

Oh so you can't do new stuff tomorrow?

We could do some improv.

Better than being eaten.

- Is it?
- Wait you mean

you guys don't like improv?

It's not that.

It's just that we've done so much of it,

we've kind of burnt out on it you know?

- Paul?
- Being so stressful,

you never know if it's gonna be any good.

Guys?

Hit the deck.

- What?
- Get down.

- Look.
- What?

It's those assault hippies.

Where?

Look where I'm pointing.

- I am.
- No you're not.

- I am so.
- Over there,

they're right there.

Follow my finger.

Oh yeah, they really have
gotten super aggressive.

Woof, woof.

Woof, woof.

That's my dog friend.

It's those vegan bastards!

Good job, that was a good one.

Maybe we should get out of here.

You think?

- Please, please.
- Let us out.

- The keys.
- Get the keys.

We can't leave them, can we?

No.

I hate being good people.

Do you wanna get the animals

or save those assholes?

Save the assholes.

I'll get the animals.

I'll save those assholes.

- I love you.
- You too,

try not to die.

You too.

- Pull.
- Yank 'em.

Doesn't come off.

- Take off his belt.
- Step on it.

- Out of my way comedian!
- Sorry.

Excuse me.

You're lousy shots, you
beatnik sons of bitches!

- Take off the belt.
- I'm trying.

- What is problem?
- It's a crazy belt.

You guys are doing really good,

keep it up.

- Take off his pants.
- Yeah take off his pants.

He's not wearing pants.

- What is he wearing?
- Overalls.

- Take them off.
- Do something.

Have you seen my cat?

Get angry at it, show it who's boss.

It's like kevlar or some shit.

Watch your mouth.

Have you seen Mrs. Peel?

- Oh is she lost?
- I'm out.

Thank you Sweetie.
- You're welcome dear.

- That's it, pull.
- There you go.

- Pull harder.
- Come on, put your

back into it.
- You got it.

Keep moving go, go, go.
- Go faster.

Mrs. Peel?

Mrs. Peel, Mrs. Peel, Mrs. Peel.

What size are his boots?

Let's do it today, huh?

Mrs. Peel.

Occupied.

Sorry.

Here we go.

Don't ruin his jacket, I want it.

Mrs. Peel, there you are.

You stupid fucking cat.

- Come on, do it, do it.
- Good.

You're welcome!

Bye bye.

Don't move.

Penny?

Etta?

- Hey.
- Hi.

Can you come out please?

We're supposed to kill everybody outside.

Let's go.

Oh my God, it's so good to see you.

You too.

Oh my goodness.
- You look amazing.

- Thank you.
- How are you doing?

Yeah?

What are you doing here?

They were going to eat us.

- Yikes.
- I know, right?

I only joined this club

because my wife wanted me too.

- Oh I can vouch for that.
- Yeah I hear you man,

I used to have this old lady

who was always on my case to join stuff.

Good boy.

Listen you really shouldn't
hang out around here.

We're not allowed to take prisoners today.

That's great, but
Gabe's still in the house.

- Who's Gabe?
- My boyfriend.

I thought you were married.

We just haven't gotten around to it yet.

Okay.

All right everyone, get down on your knees

and put your hands on your head please.

Oh I can't get down on my knees dear.

Can we get a stool or something for?

Sweetie-Pie.

Can we get a stool
or something for Sweetie-Pie?

We could probably find a chair.

Good job you guys.

Do you think there's
something you could do for him?

Oh I totally would,

but it's not really my call.

Right.

Sorry.

What is everybody doing on their knees?

I though we were gonna
take them outside first.

People we have really gotta get

our communication act together.

You said we were gonna make them

get on their knees before we...

Yeah but we're not gonna you know,

'til get 'em outside, all right?

Oh.

Hey you guys, look over there.

All those pine cones.

We could make tea, yeah?

Grind 'em up, do we have
a mortar and a pestle?

Oh there he is.

Oh yeah, I totally
recognize him from Facebook.

Hey Gabe, this is Penny, Penny, Gabe.

- Hi.
- Hi, nice to meet you.

- And Watson.
- Hi Watson.

Hate to interrupt, they're
killing everyone in there.

So should probably get going.

Oh yeah, I'll walk you to the road.

- Great.
- Great okay.

Hey you know put up your hands.

Oh my gosh Etta, I'm
just now seeing the bow

on the back of your dress.

It's super cute.

- Isn't that funny?
- Yeah.

Well at least we have each other.

Ugh.

I've been thinking,

maybe we can become like
traveling minstrels.

Go from settlement to settlement.

Do our act in exchange for food.

Sort of like post-apocalyptic vaudeville.

Etta?

Sweetheart, baby?

Are you okay?

Can the settlements come to us?

Do I still have feet?

Yes you still have feet.

Are you sure?

I don't think I do.

I'm looking right at 'em.

I think you're wrong.

Listen we gotta keep moving sweetheart.

You go ahead, I'll catch up.

That's a great idea.

I'll just leave you lying out

in the middle of this
deserted road by yourself.

- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

Etta come on, you have to get up.

Seriously if we don't get moving,

Ed might find us.

Ed's dead.

Wouldn't count on it.

He's far too annoying to die.

Yeah, leave Mrs. Peel here.

If you find water, you
can come back for us.

Don't be ridiculous.

For all we know, everything we need

might be just around the bend.

What bend?

Fair point.

Gotta carry Watson, or he'll come back.

I'm not leaving you.

I can't walk.

I'll carry you.

You can't carry me.

You're right, you're way too heavy.

That's my girl.

Come on, who's gonna show me

which disgusting weeds to eat?

If you don't know disgusting
weeds to eat by now,

you deserve to die.

Come on baby, you gotta get up.

Please get up.

Get up, get up, get up,

get up, get up, get up!

I promise I'll make it fun.

I promise I'll make it fun,

I promise I'll make it fun,

I promise I'll make it fun.

Come here, come here.

It can't end like this?

It's dramatic.

We're not even married yet.

We don't need a piece of paper.

I wanted the party.

I know.

I love you babe.

I love you baby.

♪ Every morning, every evening, ♪

♪ Ain't we got fun? ♪

♪ Times are bum and getting bummer ♪

♪ Still we have fun ♪

♪ Our civilization is gone to pot ♪

♪ Are we down hearted? ♪

♪ I'll lie and say that we're not ♪

♪ The world's gone mad
and getting madder ♪

♪ Ain't we got fun? ♪

♪ Times are bad and getting badder ♪

♪ Still we have fun ♪

♪ There's nothing surer ♪

♪ The rich get to eat
and the poor get eaten ♪

♪ In the meantime, in between time ♪

♪ Ain't we got fun? ♪

♪ No more food and no more water ♪

♪ Ain't we got fun? ♪

♪ No way to know dear
just where to go dear ♪

♪ Still we'll have fun ♪

♪ There's nothing surer ♪

♪ We'll probably die and
our pets will eat us ♪

♪ In the end times ♪

♪ In the dead times ♪

♪ Ain't we got ♪

♪ Fun? ♪

♪ Fun? ♪

♪ Look for the silver lining ♪

♪ Whenever a cloud appears in the blue ♪

♪ Remember somewhere the sun is shining ♪

♪ And so the right thing to
do is make it shine for you ♪

♪ A heart full of joy and gladness ♪

♪ Will always banish sadness and strife ♪

♪ So always look for the silver lining ♪

♪ And try to find the sunny side of life ♪

One, two, three.

♪ Swanee ♪

♪ How I love you, how I love you ♪

♪ My dear old Swanee ♪

♪ I'd give the world to be ♪

♪ among the folks in D-I-X-I ♪

♪ Even now my mammy's waiting for me ♪

♪ Praying for me, down by the Swanee ♪

♪ The folks up north will see me no more ♪

♪ When I go to the Swanee shore ♪

♪ Swanee, Swanee ♪

♪ I'm going back to Swanee ♪

♪ Mammy, mammy ♪

♪ I love the old folks at home ♪

♪ Don't think, don't
breathe, don't let it in ♪

♪ There's plenty of
time once you get home ♪

♪ Don't speak, just speed,
you gotta floor it now ♪

♪ Five more minutes to
race the tears home ♪

♪ Don't think, don't
breathe, don't let it in ♪

♪ There's plenty of
time once you get home ♪

♪ don't speak, just speed,
you gotta floor it now ♪

♪ Five more minutes to
race the tears home ♪

♪ Then collapse ♪

♪ And dissolve ♪

♪ Collapse and dissolve ♪

♪ Frozen at the shoulder ♪

♪ The cars rush by and
the headlights blind ♪

♪ It can't be, it can't be ♪

♪ It can't be happening ♪

♪ I've got to put my blinker on ♪

♪ I gotta get us home ♪

♪ Through sharp pain and blurry eyes ♪

♪ I focus on the road ♪

♪ Turn left, we're almost home ♪

♪ And then we step out into ♪

♪ The brave, new world ♪

♪ A world he'll never know ♪

♪ Don't think, don't
breathe, don't let it in ♪

♪ There's plenty of
time once you get home ♪

♪ Don't speak, just speed,
you gotta floor it now ♪

♪ Five more minutes to
race the tears home ♪

♪ Don't think, don't
breathe, don't let it in ♪

♪ There's plenty of
time once you get home ♪

♪ Don't speak, just speed,
you gotta floor it now ♪

♪ Five more minutes to
race the tears home ♪

♪ Then collapse ♪

♪ And dissolve ♪

♪ Don't think, don't
breathe, don't let it in ♪

♪ There's plenty of
time once you get home ♪

♪ Don't speak, just speed,
you gotta floor it now ♪