Desperadas 2 (2008) - full transcript

--== McEphie ==--
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[Margot in Taglish]
I was blessed four times

[in English] for having four beautiful
loving daughters

[in English] still living
in the same compound

whatever struggle comes their way.

[in Taglish] I am also happy to be
with my latest husband.

[in Taglish] I just don't know if I can
still have a miracle baby at my age.

[in English] Anyways,
since the last time you saw them,

[in Taglish] the four
beautiful half-sisters are still hot.

[Courtney in Taglish] Last time,
Isabella was afraid of loving,

[in Taglish] but now,
she's afraid to commit.



You still can't stop her
from being high-class.

[in Taglish] Although she's not
that catty anymore,

she's still desperate
about managing her money.

Patricia

[in Taglish] is a psychologist
who needed psychological counseling

when her husband left her.

[in English] He turned out to be gay.
At present,

[in Taglish] she's desperately
looking for husband number two.

[in Taglish] Stephanie is my sister,
and is a successful attorney.

Back then, she couldn't get pregnant,

but when she was finally given a child,

she suddenly became desperately jealous.

[Isabella] And Courtney

[in Taglish] matured when she married
the basketball star



[in Taglish] slash evangelist Patrick.

[in English] As a result,

her overacting and vanity faded away.

[in Taglish] The evangelistic fervor
of her husband, Patrick, was toned down,

[in Taglish] especially at the height
of Courtney's career,

which has caused them problems,

and they are desperate to fix things.

Here we are again.

[in Taglish] With our weirdness!
Us, the beautiful half-sisters.

[all] Us, the desperate ladies.

[reporter in English] After your recent
success, what are your career plans?

[in Taglish] Actually, I intend
to get into fashion merchandising.

I've already talked about it
with lots of my contacts.

[reporter in English] Okay.

[in Taglish] Patrick, you've long been
retired from basketball.

[in English] What can you say that your
wife is a bigger star than you are now?

[Patrick in Taglish] Um… Of course,
I'm happy for her. That's all.

-[reporter in English] Okay, thank you.
-[Patrick] Okay.

[camera clicks]

[in English] Excuse me.
Will everybody listen, please?

[in English] I'm so delighted
you're all here.

[in English] To celebrate with us
Courtney's latest achievement.

[in English] For winning first prize.

[woman in English] Wow.

[in English] In the global search
for young fashion designers.

[Patricia in English] That's great!

[in Taglish] I'm leaving for America
within the month.

[in English] Your Tito Noel and I
will be coming back soon.

[in English] And as early as this,

[in English] I'm inviting you all

-[in English] to our first wedding anniv.
-[man in English] All right!

[crowd cheers]

[Stephanie in Taglish] Come on. Kiss.

[Patricia in English] Kiss!

[Margot] Okay.

[camera clicks]

[crowd cheers and laughs]

-[dramatic music playing]
-[indistinct shouting]

-[Isabella in English] Oh my God.
-[Noel in English] Wake up, please.

What did you do to Mama?

-[Stephanie in English] What happened?
-[Noel in English] I don't know.

It's because you kiss too much!

[Stephanie in English] You know,
she's still breathing.

[Noel in English] Come on, please, Margot!

What happened?

-Maybe she's pregnant.
-[in Taglish] Impossible. She's 63.

-[Stephanie] Wait.
-[in English] No, she told me--

[Stephanie in English]
Can you check up on Mom?

[in Taglish] She's just acting.
Come on, Mom. Wake up.

[Noel] Margot!

[Richard in Taglish]
Her pulse is a bit faint.

[in Taglish] Call an ambulance.
Let's take her to the hospital.

-[Noel in English] Call an ambulance.
-[indistinct shouting]

[Patricia] Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

[in Taglish] She collapsed. It's probably
because of Noel's piercing breath.

Just saying it could be
his passionate kiss.

[in Taglish] Mommy, where is Grandma
Margot's funeral?

Hey, you! She's not dead yet!

How can you be sure of that?

You too!

But of course, that'll be hard to accept.

[in Taglish] If ever, that would be
the first death in the family.

[in English] Patricia, you are so morbid.

[in English] Don't worry, Aunt,
at least it's not a painful death.

[Patricia, Isabella in English] Stop it!

[Patricia] Come on.
Ask them what's happening!

-[in English] Excuse me.
-[in Taglish] Vito! Autograph, please?

-[women in Taglish] Come on, Vito! Please!
-[in English] Hello?

[woman] One more. One more.

Vito?

-[in Taglish] Don't go to Mama's party.
-Oh.

-She was rushed to the hospital.
-Huh?

Why is it so noisy there?
What's happening?

Nothing. Nothing.

Why was she rushed to the hospital?

[in English] I hope it's nothing serious.

Patricia, stop crying!

[in Taglish] My God! You make me nervous.

Look! Mama's not breathing anymore!

-[Patricia] Mama!
-[Richard] Patricia, stop it!

-[Isabella] Mama!
-[Stephanie in English] It's gonna be ok.

-[Richard] This is a hospital! Hey!
-[indistinct shouting]

[in Taglish] Sorry, but you have
to stay here. There are too many of you.

[Richard in Taglish] Don't worry. The
doctors here are very good. Just relax.

[Patricia] Ma!

-[Stephanie] Patricia!
-[Patricia bawls]

-[Stephanie] Wait.
-[Patricia bawling]

-What happened to her?
-I think she's been possessed!

[in English] She's crazy.

[in Taglish] Wait. Where's Courtney?

Wait. Courtney's with the kids.
She's getting the room ready.

[Patricia] Please have mercy on Mama.

Just take me instead.

[in Taglish] Just take me instead.
Please, Lord.

-[drums playing]
-[bawls]

-Lord, you answered my prayers too fast.
-[man] Boss, are you okay?

[in Taglish]
Lord, please. It was just a joke.

[in English] Sorry, sorry.

[in Taglish] I didn't mean to do that.
Sorry.

[in English] It's okay. It's okay.

[drums playing]

Where did you get hit?
On the left or the right?

Where's your package?

[in Taglish] That's nothing. Actually,
it doesn't hurt anymore.

[groans]

Why do they want to kill me?

[in Taglish] Them? Nothing.
They're just my bodyguards.

Stay there. Stay there! Hurry. Stay there.

[in English] You look familiar.

[sighs]

Patricia Llanes.

[in English] Here's my calling card.

[in English] Life coach and book author.

-[in English] Oh, the famous sexologist.
-[in English] Thanks.

[in Taglish] My mother was rushed
to the hospital. A 50/50 chance.

[in Taglish] My dad
is also confined here. 60/40.

-Hmm?
-Mm-mm.

Who are you anyway?

[in English] I'm, uh, Fely Roces.

Huh? You're a woman
dressed in a man's clothes?

No.

[in English] My constituents, they call me
Fely, but my real name is Felicito.

-[in English] Constituents?
-Uh-huh.

[in Taglish] Congressman, we'll be late.

[in English] Yeah, I know.

[in English] Oh, Congressman.
[sniffs] So, I smell pork barrel.

-[laughs]
-[Patricia chuckles]

[in English] Well,
it was nice to meet you, Patricia.

-[English] Nice to meet you, Congressman.
-[Fely in English] Goodbye. [groans]

[Patricia speaking Italian] Ciao.

[chuckles, clicks tongue]

[doctor] She just works too much.

-That's why what happened was…
-[in English] Hello.

[shrieks]

-[Peter in English] Mom, it's okay.
-Patricia!

The family looks complete.

[in English] As I was saying.

I know you can't look
directly at me because

you're sad about
what happened to your mama.

[in English] But you have the best doctor.

[in Taglish] She collapsed
because of stress.

[in English]
But we have to run another, uh, test.

[in Taglish] Because we saw on the ECG

[in Taglish]
that we have to do a double check-up.

[in Taglish] So you mean,
she won't have brain damage?

Like when she wakes up,
she'll be, like, crazy?

[in English] No, no, no, no. Never.

Her mind is intact.

But why doesn't she wake up?

She was awake earlier.

She's probably just sleeping.

[in English] Any more questions?

[in English] Yes?

-[in English] Why do you look like that?
-[shushing]

-[in English] Alexis! Sit down.
-[doctor chuckles]

I know. A lot of people
tell me I look like Tom Cruise.

[Peter] Tom Cruise?

-[Richard] The brother of Tirso Cruz.
-[in Taglish] Okay, see you.

What you did earlier was rude!

[in English] I don't ever,
ever want you to do that again!

[in English]
Do you understand me? Now, sit.

[in English] But you guys
couldn't even look at his face.

[in Taglish] Yes,
because if I looked at his face,

I would lose my confidence in him.

I might laugh and that
would be more offensive.

[Alexis] Is that right?

[in English] It's not the looks,
it's the attitude.

[in English]
You're not being honest, Mommy.

[in English]
Okay, listen, I'm the mother here.

[in Taglish] Adults like us make mistakes
sometimes. Like what happened earlier.

[in Taglish]
If I made a mistake, then fine.

[in English] I should always have to
remember, never judge a book by its cover.

[in English] But Mommy, if that doctor
is the only book in the world,

-[in English] I'd rather be illiterate.
-Alexis!

[scoffs]

[in English] Hi, girl.

[in English] Hi, handsome.

Ah! [chortles]

[sighs in Taglish] See, Mommy?
I called him handsome, okay?

Mm.

[in English] Lord, please give her
the strength and the will to survive.

[in English] Please grant us this.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

[all in English] Amen. Amen!

[in English] Lord. Jesus, amen.

[in English] Hi, Doc.

[in English] Hi, Cita.

[melodic drum beating]

[Patricia] Ma!

-[Cita in English] Bye, Doc, see you.
-[Richard in English] Bye.

[groaning]

-[all gasp]
-Thank God!

[in English] Hallelujah!

[all] She's alive.

[Stephanie] Of course, she's alive.

[woman in English] Oh, my mama!

-[in English] Mom, we love you.
-[Patrick in English] Yes.

I've been wanting to open my eyes.

I was just waiting
for the doctor to leave.

But aren't they going to
take you to the morgue, Grandma?

[muffled groan]

Mama!

[in English] Mama! Thank God! [lips smack]

It's good that you're all here.

I want to talk to the four of you.

What I'm going to say is important.

[in English] Will the children
and the gentlemen, except Noel,

[in English] step out for a while?

-[Richard] Okay.
-[Patrick English] I'll just be outside.

-[Peter] Let's go.
-[Richard] Alexis.

[Alexis] Come on, Peter.

You know what?

[Stephanie] You know what?
I still can't believe what Mommy told us.

[in Taglish] I'm not shocked. What
do you expect from a woman like Mama?

[Isabella in Taglish] Oh!
Let's not be narrow-minded.

[in Taglish] I find it cute.
It was such an amusing trivia.

[Courtney in Taglish] You know what?
It's even exciting.

[Stephanie in Taglish] What exciting?
I still don't understand.

[Isabella] You know,
we should focus on our own problems.

[in English] I know.
Like your problem with Vito.

Oh, wait. Wait. Wait.

[in English] Let's not
talk about marriage, please,

[in English]
especially when it comes to Vito.

[in Taglish] I'm happy that we live
together and that settles that.

My problem is Patrick.

-[in Taglish] He wants us to have a baby.
-[all gasp]

[Patricia in Taglish] You mean
Patrick has a womb?

You're being stupid again!

[in Taglish] What? Can't you take a joke?

-[in English] You're so gullible.
-[Taglish] Oh my! I'm starving! Let's eat.

[in Taglish] Oh my!
I'm excited to eat crabs.

-[Isabella] The leg part is mine.
-[Courtney in Taglish] Wow! So delicious!

Come on. Eat--

[in English]
Oh my God, Steph, what's that?

[in English] Is that a breast pump?

Not here! It's embarrassing!

[in Taglish]
I have to express my milk, okay?

[in Taglish] My boobs are getting heavy.

Look. Lots of people are looking at you.
You're embarrassing us.

[in English] What's the problem, huh?

[in Taglish] This is included in our
rights as women.

Why? Am I exposing my boobs?

[in Taglish] I'm with you on that, sis.

-As long as we talk about boobs!
-[phone ringing]

You know what? You're such a spoiler!

[in English] Hello.

[in Taglish] Just keep pumping
until it swells!

[in English] Okay. Bye.

[in Taglish] Well, okay, you can
just pump there because I have to go.

Vito's waiting for me.

-[Isabella in English] Cheers!
-[Courtney in English] Bye.

[Patricia] Come on. Give her a high five!

[in Taglish] Oh, she disappears!

You know what? I should be leaving.

[in Taglish] Besides, I'm the odd one
out here, right?

Why are you so hot-tempered?

You've been like that.
What's your problem?

I don't know.

That's just the way it is.

[in Taglish]
That's called postpartum blues.

[in Taglish] That happens after
childbirth and it will get even worse.

-What?
-Yes!

[in English] You mean
I'll turn into a monster?

[grunts in agreement]

[in English] Possibly.

[in Taglish] Sister, it means you'll have
lots of hair.

[in Taglish] And then you can braid it!
That's exciting!

And you too! You should stay together!

You don't understand me!

[Courtney] Hey!

[woman in English] Feel sexy, okay?

[in English] Good.

[in English] Now, wilder, Vito.

[in English] Okay, that's it.

-[woman] Is that okay?
-[man in Taglish] Yes. What's next?

[man] Let's lessen the lights
on that side.

[woman in Taglish] Is this for the cover
of the magazine?

[in Taglish]
Don't you think it's too revealing?

[in English] What's this?

[in English] The magazine pictorial
I told you about.

[in Taglish] And what kind of people
reads this magazine?

[in English] Gay porn?

[in English] Excuse me.
We're a decent publication.

[in English] Decent, meaning
heterosexual porn?

[in English]
The shots are artistic, darling.

You're ruining your reputation!

[woman in English] And who are you?

[in English] And who are you
to ask me who I am?

[in English] Well, I'm the editor.

[in English] Well, I'm his manager.

[in Taglish] She's your manager?

[in Taglish] You are my manager?

Don't you know that?

[in English] Yeah, she's my manager.

[in Taglish]
You didn't tell me you have a manager.

[in Taglish] Sorry,
I wasn't able to tell them.

[in Taglish]
Well, at least now, you told them.

[in English] I want none of these photos
publicized without my approval.

[in English] And that's final.

-[laughs]
-[shrieks]

-[Patrick] You thought… Come on!
-[Courtney] Hey!

-[Courtney] Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
-[heavy breathing]

[in Taglish] What's the date today?

-[Courtney in English] Fifteen…
-[Patrick in English] Uh… Twenty-seven.

-[in English] Twenty-seven? Tuesday?
-[in English] Tuesday.

[in Taglish] No way. I'm fertile tonight.

[in English] Babe,
that's exactly what we need.

[in English] We want to have a baby.

[in Taglish] I don't want a baby yet.
It would be better if we have a puppy.

Like Chi-Chi?

Yup, like Chi-Chi. If only
she wasn't killed by those drunkards.

[in Taglish] Why did we get married
if you don't want to have a baby?

[in Taglish] Look. It's not
that I don't want to have a baby

[in Taglish] but this isn't the right time
for us to have a baby.

[in English] And when is that?

Oh, well! When I say,

[in Taglish] "Hey, babes,
come on. I want to have a baby now.

-Have sex with me!"
-Is that so?

-[in Taglish] That means I want a baby.
-But what about me now?

-How about me now?
-What do you mean?

[in English] I'm about to explode.

[in Taglish] Explode?
That's your problem? Okay, wait.

-[Courtney in Taglish] Here's a tissue.
-[Patrick] Of course.

[in Taglish] Explode all you want!

-[Courtney] Wait a minute.
-[Patrick] Is that it?

Yes!

[in English] Excuse me, babes. [shrieks]

[in English] Sorry.

[Isabella in Taglish] Even though Patricia
and Dave's marriage has been annulled,

[in English] they remain friends.

[in Taglish] The real reason for the
breakup remains a secret among us.

[in English] Not even
our husbands know about it.

-[Dave in English] Cheers.
-[Patricia in Taglish] Cheers.

[sighs]

[moans]

[in Taglish]
So, you already changed your lover.

-You didn't even tell me.
-[in Taglish] Paul is a special friend.

We had an agreement

[in Taglish] that your lover won't be
at the house when our son visits.

[in Taglish] I don't bring our son to my
house when my special friend is there.

He leaves, naturally.

Just make sure of that.

Don't ever do stuff in front of our son.

What do you think of me?

I'm a very decent father, you know.

And you!

[in Taglish] You're a woman, but you
expose Peter to your sex books.

[Peter in English] Daddy.

[in English] Hi, Son. How are you?

-I'm okay.
-[in Taglish] I missed you.

[in English] Daddy,
do you really miss me, Dad?

[in English] Of course.

Dad. Charing!

What?

Hey, Dave!

Don't teach our son that kind of language.

-What's wrong with you? Why--
-[in English] Ma'am.

I was the one who taught him that.

Darn it! Why are you teaching
my son those kinds of words?

[in English] Sorry, ma'am.

[in English] "A little learning
is a dangerous thing."

Edgar Allan Poe.

[in English] Correct.

[giggles]

-[in Taglish] I taught him some languages
-We should, uh…

[in Taglish] So that at a young age,
he's already a linguist.

[in English] Okay, okay. Anyway, uh…

[in English] We have to go.

-Let's go, Son.
-[indistinct]

[in Taglish] Tell your mom goodbye now.

-[in English] Say bye to your mom.
-[in English] Bye, Mommy.

-[in English] Be good, huh?
-[in English] Okay.

-[in Taglish] Take care of him. I love you
-I'll take care of him, Pat.

-You also take care.
-[chuckles]

You too.

[in English] Okay, I'll see you.

-[in Taglish] Sir, his bag.
-[in English] Okay.

[in English] Waiter.

[nanny in Taglish] What's your number?

-[waiter in English] Your bill, ma'am.
-[in English] Thank you.

[nanny in Taglish] Come on.
Give me your number.

[in Taglish] Let's be textmates.

Come on! Please? There you go!

-[in English 0-9-2-4-5-4-9-6.
-[in Taglish] Oh. 0-9-2…

-[in English] Thank you very much, ma'am.
-[in English] Keep the change.

[nanny] I'll send you loads, okay?
Just wait.

[in Taglish] I'll missed-call you,
so save my number, okay?

-[Patricia] Hey!
-[shrieks]

[in Taglish] Okay. Okay. Okay.
Let's just text each other.

[singing "Abuchikik"]

Ouch!

-Yoyoy Villame.
-[in English] Correct.

You're now flirting. Let's go.

-[in English] Yes, ma'am. [chuckles]
-[sighs]

-[Richard in English] Good morning, love.
-[humming]

[baby whimpering]

[in Taglish] Can't you file
a leave of absence from the clinic?

-Hm.
-[baby crying]

[in Taglish] What am I going to do?
Close the clinic? I can't, love.

[in Taglish] But I took leave
from my office.

-[hums] Shh.
-You chose that, but you don't need to.

[in Taglish] I can't stop
breastfeeding, right?

And what am I going to do?

I'll leave the baby here in our house?

-The baby might fall on her head.
-I understand you.

[in English] That's not true.

You don't understand me.

[in Taglish] And I know you just
want to go to your hospital

-[in Taglish] because your crush is there.
-[baby crying]

[in Taglish] What crush? Who's my crush?

-[in Taglish] Crush? I don't have one.
-I know it.

Is it because I'm fat now

[in Taglish] and because I already
gave birth, you don't love me anymore?

[chuckles in Taglish] Baby,
that's just postpartum depression.

-Don't do it all. Nanny's there.
-[comforting sounds]

Nanny's gone.

[in English] I fired her this morning.

-Stephanie!
-Shh!

That's already
the 8th nanny you have fired!

[playful music playing]

[woman in Taglish]
This is another best-seller!

[Patricia in English] Thanks.

[woman in Taglish] Congratulations, ma'am.

[in Taglish] Wait. Wait.
Excuse me. That's for my customers.

[in Taglish] Ma'am, this is all paid for.

Huh? By whom?

[in Taglish] It's that man.

[upbeat sensual music playing]

-[man] There's more in there!
-[man] Give me that.

[Norman in Taglish]
My distribution network

[in English]
covers the whole of Southeast Asia.

[in English] But more than the dresses,
Miss Courtney,

[in English]
I admire your underwear designs.

[in English] Oh, thank you, Mr. Blanco.

[in Taglish] Just call me Norman.

[in English] Mr. Norman.

[in English] In fact, I'm wearing
one of your underwear creations.

[giggles]

[in Taglish] I think I didn't design
anything in your size.

[chortles]

[Courtney in English] Oops, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean anything by that.

[in Taglish] That's just how my husband
and I talk to each other.

[in English] It's okay.

Most women,
once they already have husbands,

[in Taglish]
the attraction factor fades away.

But why, when it comes to you, it doesn't?

[in Taglish] Uh. What are we
talking about again? Your proposal?

[in English] Courtney, can we have
a series of comfort-building meetings

[in English] before I make
my commitment to your designs?

[comedic music playing]

[Stephanie] Be ready, Ricardo.

[in Taglish] Once I find out
that you're flirting with that nurse,

[in English] you have no idea,
what I'm capable of doing.

[sniffs]

-[Ricardo moans]
-[gasps]

[Stephanie] Courtney.

[Courtney in English] I'm here.

[door clicks shut]

[Stephanie in English] Hello.
Good morning. How are you today?

[in Taglish]
Of course, beautiful as always.

[in Taglish] I have a favor to ask.

-You know what?
-Hmm?

[in Taglish] No one will take care of baby
Lea because I don't have a nanny,

[in Taglish] but I have to go out.
So maybe you could do it for me?

-I don't know how to take care of a child.
-[baby crying]

Why? You were taking care
of a dog before, right?

Come on! That's a dog. It's different.

[in Taglish] You don't have to change
the diapers and no breastfeeding.

[in Taglish] You know you have to train
because this is where you're heading.

Patrick and I will not have a child.

Why are you talking like that?
Do you have a problem?

[baby crying]

-Nothing!
-Shh!

[in Taglish]
Maybe you're using contraceptives.

Hey. Hey. Hey. You!

The bishops might get mad at that.

I'm afraid of having a child.

You're afraid of having a child?

Okay. Okay. Because of that,
you have to take care of my child.

-Come on. Take care of Lea for a while.
-Huh?

-[Stephanie in English] Yes.
-[Courtney] Steph!

-I can't take care of her.
-You can do it.

[in English] I have faith in you.

-[in English] Thank you. Bye-bye, baby.
-No!

-Steph!
-[in Taglish] Okay, bye. Thank you.

-[Stephanie chuckles in English] Bye-bye.
-[Courtney] Steph!

[phone ringing]

[Stephanie] I'll come back soon!

I became a nanny!

-[Courtney in Taglish] I'm out. Leave one.
-[door clicks shut]

[answering machine pings]

[Norman] Courtney,
this is Norman. You haven't called.

-How can I call you?
-[Norman in English] Take care.

[in Taglish] I'm a nanny today!

[man speaking inaudibly]

[woman over intercom in English] Paging
Dr. Blanco. Please proceed to the ICU.

[in English] Dr. Blanco to the ICU.

[Stephanie] Come here.

[gasps]

Don't do anything stupid, okay?

Because when we meet,

I will slash your face

and I will slice your butt!

Do we understand each other?

Go on!

[gasping]

[Patricia in English] So, that's our ride?

[Fely in English] Yeah, one of my rides.

[Patricia in English] It's so awesome.

[Fely in English] Yeah, careful.
Careful, huh.

-[Patricia in English] Great, isn't it?
-[Fely in English] Right.

[Fely in English] Yeah.

[Patricia in English]
It's good to be on top.

[Fely] Uh-huh.

[Fely in English] By the way.

[in Taglish] Your books that I bought,

[in Taglish]
I gave it all to my constituents.

[in Taglish] Really? But that's
about Erectile Dysfunction.

[in English] Well, that's okay.

Most of them can't read anyway.

That one. Do you see that?

That stretch of land?

I was just a counselor when I bought it.

[in English] Oh, wow.

[Fely in Taglish] Next elections,
I'll run to be the governor.

I'll have the whole province.

Really?

Wouldn't it be nice if we had a road named

Patricia Llanes Roses?

[in English] Oh, wow,
but that's too much for me.

[in English] No, no, no,
no, no. I can do that for you.

-[in English] Really?
-One whole road named after you.

[in English] Wow.

[in Taglish] Thank you, but that road
might be one that no one passes by.

Or an alley that even humans
can't pass through.

-[in English] No, it's a major road.
-[laughing in English] Really?

[in Taglish]
It's not a national road though.

[Patricia in English] Great.

-[Fely in English] You see that building?
-[Patricia in English] Yeah!

-[in English] That's mine.
-[shrieks]

-[in English] That one, that's mine too.
-[laughs]

[in English] That one, that's mine.

[in English] They're all mine.
I'm so rich.

[laughs]

-[in Taglish] No idea you're a miner too.
-[in English] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Patricia in English]
You're very romantic.

[in English] Very nationalistic.

[in English] Very folk. Oh!

[in English] Very Armida Siguion Reyna.

Sampaguita.

[Fely in English] By Dolores Paterno.

[Patricia in English] Correct. Lyrics by…

-Levi Celerio.
-[in English] Correct!

[chuckles]

-[Fely in English] Waiter.
-[Patricia sighs in English] So nice.

[in English] Very entertaining.

-[romantic violin music playing]
-[both chuckle]

-[Fely in English] This is for you.
-Uh…

[gasps] Uh…

[in English] Wow. It's so nice.

[in Taglish] How many gives?

[chuckles]

You're really funny.

[in English] Uh, they're just worth,
uh, 80 million pesos.

[gasps in English] Eighty million pesos?

-[Fely in English] Yeah.
-[gasps]

[sighs]

[in English] Waiter! Waiter!

[in Taglish] Just a joke!

-[Patricia] Come on!
-[Fely in Taglish] Oh, you, really.

But seriously, it's beautiful!

Is this really mine now?

[in English] Yeah.

[in English] Thank you.

-[in English] It's so nice.
-[both chuckle]

[in Taglish] The music…

-[in English] it's so nationalistic.
-Mm-hm.

[in Taglish] Long live the nation,
Congressman!

-Long live.
-[clicks tongue]

[swooshing sound]

[moans]

-[gasps]
-[in Taglish] Oh! Shoot!

[laughs]

[tribal music playing]

[meows]

-[barks]
-[purrs, inhales]

[in English] Yeah, baby. Meow-meow.

[roaring and groaning]

[phone rings]

[sensual groaning]

Meow-meow.

-[in English] Yes, Mr. Speaker.
-[sensual moan]

[in English] Certainly, Mr. Speaker.

[in English] Yes, I'll be there,
Mr. Speaker. Yes, I will, I will…

[in English] You know,
I'm very supportive of you, Mr. Speaker.

[moaning]

-Oh! Even here, on the other side.
-[in English] Yes.

[in English] Shh! Mr. Speaker.

[Patricia in Taglish] Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't be noisy. Okay.

[in English] Yes, Mr. Speaker.

-[in English] Oh yes. Definitely. Oh yes.
-But there's really an ant! It's itchy!

Oh my, it's climbing up. Ouch!

[in English] Yes, Mr. Speaker.

-[English] Yes, Mr. Speaker. Thank you.
-[shrieks] Ouch! There's an ant!

[in English] Goodbye Mr. Speaker. Goodbye.

-[in English] Thank you very much. Bye.
-Oh my, the ant! It's so itchy! Ouch!

-[in Taglish] Mr. Speaker called.
-[in Taglish] I don't care about him!

-See? There are ants!
-[in English] Oh, sorry.

[Patricia] Ouch! Get me out of here!

[in Taglish] Have sex on your own!
The ants bit me!

[door clicks shut]

Mm.

-[Vito] What's this?
-Mm.

My new business.

[chuckles]

New business? Since when?

[in Taglish] Don't panic.
You should be excited.

[in English] You know this
reputable Japanese company

[in English]
hired me to market their beauty products.

[in Taglish]
So what I did was take their brand out

[in Taglish]
and put my name instead. Isn't it cute?

Isabella.

We didn't even talk about this.

[in Taglish]
Hello! I used my own money here.

[in English] I know,

[in Taglish] but remember,
you're running out of savings.

[in English]
You gotta use your money wisely.

[in English] I am using it wisely.
As a matter of fact,

I made Nanny Cameron use this a while ago.

[in English] And you know what?

[in Taglish] Her skin lightened
and it even had a glow!

Now, what? So we'll
always have boxes piled up in here?

-Oh my. That's just in the beginning.
-Huh?

Of course, they'll be gone
once I've sold them.

You might get into
big trouble again with this one.

[in English]
What do you think of me? Dumb?

[scoffs in English] When it comes to
beauty products, I'm the expert.

[Patricia in English] Bonding, bonding!

[Patricia in English]
At least once a month,

[in Taglish] us four princesses,
bond together.

[in Taglish] My worry is

this might change once
we've faced Mom's secret.

[Courtney in Taglish] Hey, I thought
you're on a diet?

-Then why do you keep on eating?
-Hm.

[in English] This keeps me healthy, huh.

And it's delicious.

[in English]
Okay, guys, listen. It's settled.

[in English] All of you are gonna buy
my skincare products.

[in English] It's all natural
and it's my own formula.

-[in English] Check it out.
-Huh?

-[Patricia in English] Anti wrinkles?
-[Courtney] Can I see that?

[Stephanie] Is that okay?

-[Stephanie] Can I see it?
-Are you sure about your new business?

[in Taglish]
Is that legal? That might be pyramiding.

You know what, Isabella? Many
have gotten into trouble because of this.

You're exaggerating. It's legal.

What you should do is help me sell it.

[in English] Especially you, Patricia.

[in English] Can you please
tell Congressman to buy?

[teasing sound]

[in English] Glowing. [giggles]

Come on!

[in English] Well… Okay.

Imagine being given diamonds
and a street named after you!

[in Taglish] You have a lot of diamonds,
but how's the sex?

[in English] Well,
I gave him his money's worth.

[in English] Eighty million worth of sex?

[laughing]

[in English] Exactly.

[Stephanie in English] Wow.

But me?

[in Taglish] We don't reach the quota.

-Hmm?
-[Isabella in English] What?

[in Taglish] You and Patrick
have only been together for a year

[in Taglish] and you already don't reach
the quota anymore? [clicks tongue]

[in English] What about you, Steph?

Steph.

-[Courtney] Steph.
-[Stephanie] Nothing.

[Stephanie in Taglish]
Whenever we have sex,

[in Taglish] it's like NFA rice.
Bad quality.

-[all gasps]
-I don't know.

I feel so bad right now.

[in Taglish] You know, I feel useless.
Like a rag!

[in Taglish] There! I feel conscious
about the way I look and my health.

[Courtney in Taglish] Stop that.
That's just what you feel, okay?

[in Taglish] You just feel like

you're a chamois. That's all.

[Patricia] What are you talking about?
Maybe it's "chamee."

That's called "chamoys."

[in Taglish] Okay, wait.
How do you spell it?

[in English] Is it C-H-A-I-M-O-I-S?

-[Courtney] Yes! That's "chamoys"!
-[Patricia] Yes, that's "chamee"!

[in Taglish] That's a rug in French!

[in English] Hello. It's called "chamois".

[Courtney] "Chamois"?

Whatever that is, I still feel like a rug.

I'll go ahead. My child needs me now.

[Courtney] Hey!

-[Patricia] Here she goes again!
-[Courtney] You're right!

[Courtney in Taglish]
She always keeps on walking out.

[Patricia in Taglish] Always walking out!

[phone rings]

[laughs]

[Courtney in English] Hello.

-[Norman in English] Hi, Courtney.
-[Patricia in Taglish] She's sensitive.

-[Isabella in Taglish] I'll go sunbathing.
-[Norman] This is Norman.

[Norman in English]
You look stunning. Very sexy.

-What?
-[in English] Sunshine!

What happened to my house?

What?

-[Peter in English] Mommy! Mommy.
-Why is it so messy?

-[shrieks]
-Yeah!

My son?

Why do you look like that? You look gay.

-[in Taglish] This isn't gay. It is goth!
-What?

[in English] Goth?

[in Taglish]
What time did your daddy take you home?

[in English] Just this morning.

Why is it so messy? Where's Nanny Gwyneth?

She's gone!

[in Taglish] Gone? What "gone"?
What do you mean?

[in English] Gone.

[in English] As in gone with the wind?

[in English] Correct! [laughs]

[in English] Can you imagine, Steph?

[in Taglish] My maid walked out on me!

-[in English] Ma'am.
-[gasps]

What are you doing here?

[in Taglish] I'm just using
my constitutional right of free movement,

so I moved here.

What?

What the hell is she talking about, Steph?

She said you sent her away.

What?

[in Taglish]
I even gave her salary in advance!

[in English] Well, according to her,

[in Taglish]
um, you're exploiting and abusing her.

There's no Wi-Fi in your place.

You don't want me
to meet up with other people.

[in Taglish] And you even deleted
my Friendster account!

And I couldn't read books in your house.
They were all too malicious.

-Is that so?
-Patricia.

You know
that I really need a nanny, right?

-[Patricia] You shameless animal!
-[indistinct shouting]

-[Stephanie] Wait. Wait.
-[Patricia] Oh my, I can really kill you!

[nanny in English] Grave threat!

Wait. Do you know she's going to sue you?

No! I can really kill that tramp!

-That's enough.
-That's enough too!

Why are you taking that nanny's side?
My goodness! You two stay together!

Oh my.

You're both trash.

[Margot] She's coming.

Will my daughters accept her?

-[Patricia in English Hi.
-[Courtney in English] Hello.

-[Stephanie in English] Hi.
-[in English] Hi!

Hmm?

[in Taglish] Hi, Mama.

[Margot] No more kisses.
[in English] Sit down.

[Patricia in English] Okay.

I'm here right now

because this is the day I've been
talking about that I've been waiting for

all of us.

Really?

It's a good thing that this happened.

[in Taglish] Your half-sister has arrived.

Huh?

I gave birth to her

in another country.

Before I married your fathers.

Huh?

[in English] Over the years,

she's been looking for me.

[in English] Wow. Heavy.

And now…

she has finally found me!

[gasps]

-[drum beating]
-[sirens wailing]

I think she's here!

[gasping]

[Isabella] Where is she?

[siren wailing]

[tribal music playing]

[Stephanie] At that moment,

we were very excited to meet her.

And me?

I promised myself that I'll
accept her with all my heart.

[Patricia] I hope she's beautiful too.

[in Taglish] Is she sexier than I am?

[Isabella in Taglish]
Does she have a fashion sense?

[Patricia] Where is she?

[Patricia] There she is.

[tribal music playing]

[Courtney in English] Wow.

-[Stephanie] Her?
-[Isabella] Is that her?

[Patricia] Is that our sister?

-[Stephanie] What do you think?
-[Courtney] Are you sure that's her?

Yes.

[Patricia] What's she going to do?

[Lugaluda in English] Music!

-Huh?
-[tribal music playing]

[silly chanting]

[Stephanie] That's a weird dance!

[chanting]

[Stephanie] Are you sure
that's our sister?

[Isabella in Taglish] Mama, look.

[shrieks, gasps]

[gasping]

[in English] Your long-lost half-sister.

[in English] From the republic of Kualali.

[in English] Lugaluda Lugalu.

[Courtney] Who's that?

[in English] Me, interpreter.

Mama.

-[speaking in Kualali language]
-[in English] Wow. That sounds exotic.

-[Patricia] What?
-[Courtney] What's she saying?

[Stephanie] You're right.
What could it be?

-Huh?
-[in English] She says, "Hello."

[in Taglish] That's just "hello"?

-[Stephanie] That's it?
-[Patricia] She must be tiring to talk to.

-[Stephanie] What did she say?
-[Margot] My child.

Please forgive me
if I've taken you for granted.

But I want you to meet your sisters.

-Loo-ga.
-[gasps]

Mama.

[speaking in Kualali language]

-[Stephanie] What did she say?
-[Margot] What did she say?

-[in English] No problem.
-[gasping]

-[Courtney] That's just "no problem"?
-[Margot] That was a long one!

[Courtney] She's fooling us!

Lugaluda is a princess on a small island.

I met her father when we were tourists.

[in Taglish] And we had a one-night stand.

-[Stephanie] Oh no!
-[Margot] But!

[in Taglish]
There wasn't a repeat performance.

-And she has been the fruit.
-[Courtney] Okay, then.

[in English] Princess Lugaluda knows how
to speak moderately English and Filipino.

-[Courtney] So that's it!
-[in English] 'Coz of a Filipino nanny.

[in English]
But she is afraid you will laugh.

[in Taglish]
Promise we're not going to laugh.

[Courtney] Mom, come here for a second.

Look. She looks like a man.

Maybe she's gay.

[in English]
Mama, I think he's transexual.

[in English] Don't say that!

-[Courtney] She's gay!
-[Margot in Taglish] She's a real woman!

My dear.

[in English]
I want you to meet your sisters.

[Courtney in English] Hi.

[in Taglish] How are you?

[in Taglish] I missed you!

-[in Taglish] I came so we can be close.
-Why is she like that?

[in Taglish] I hope you can help me

-[in Taglish] to find a boyfriend.
-A boyfriend?

Then, what do you want in a guy?

-Young.
-[gasps]

[in English] Cradle snatcher!

[Stephanie in English] Wait, wait.

You're too beautiful.

-My dear.
-[in English] Yes, Mom?

Your Uncle Noel and I
are going back to the States.

[in English] I want you to stay,
and I want you to feel at home.

[giggling]

[Alexis] Uncle Vito?

[in English] Why can't I call you Daddy?

[in English] Why don't you call me Daddy?

It's okay.

[in English] But you and Mommy
are not yet married.

-[in English] In a way, we are.
-[sighs]

[in English] Alexis,
we already talked about this, right?

But I just want to
hear it from Uncle Vito.

[in English] People don't have to get
married to continue loving each other.

[in Taglish] But you can continue
loving each other

[in English] and still get married.

[in English] Well, in a way,

[in Taglish] we're kind of married.

Married but not married? What's that?

You know what?

You're too smart.

[in English]
Let's talk about something else.

[in English] But you and Mommy
are now living together and then?

[in English]
And then, maybe, you know, someday,

we'll get married in a church.

[in English] If not, the love stays.

[in Taglish] You know what? You don't
have to answer all her questions.

[Vito chuckles in English]
They're harmless questions.

[in Taglish] What do you and Mommy
do inside the room at night?

-Alexis!
-Hm?

-[in English] We talk, sleep, you know.
-[Alexis giggles]

[in English] Then why do I
hear mommy moan? [moaning]

-[in English] Alexis! Shut your mouth!
-[Alexis moaning]

Hide. Hide! Quickly!

[Paul] Are you sure I'll hide here?

-[Peter in English] Daddy?
-[in English] Uh, wait, wait.

[in Taglish] Daddy just woke up. [moans]

-[Peter in Taglish] Daddy.
-[moaning]

[in English] Who is that
under the sheets? Is that Mommy?

[in English] Mommy?

[in Taglish]
Come on, Son. Mommy is in the other house.

-[in Taglish] In her house!
-Then who's that?

What?

That's the…

-[in Taglish] Daddy's stuffed toy.
-[in English] Stuffed toy?

[in English] May I see? May I see?

[in Taglish] It's getting late, son.
You have to sleep. Daddy feels sleepy too.

-[in Taglish] You're a good boy, right?
-Yes.

Go ahead.

-[in English] Goodnight.
-[in English] Night.

Go to sleep now.

[both in English] Goodnight.

-[Margot] I'll come back right away.
-Hm-mm.

[in English] And don't worry.

[in English] Your sisters
will take care of you.

-But Mom…
-[soft dramatic music playing]

[in English] I feel…

[in English]
I feel like I don't belong here.

[in English] All my sisters…

-[in English] very beautiful.
-[gasps]

[in English] Don't say that, my daughter.

[in English] Don't say that.

[in English] Deep in my heart,

[in English]
you're the most beautiful of them all.

-[phone alerts]
-[giggles]

[in Taglish] Why do you keep
looking at your cellphone?

-[in Taglish] I was checking the time.
-[in Taglish] You have a meeting again?

-What?
-[in English] Babes, I'm sorry.

-We should be together the whole day.
-[phone beeping]

[in Taglish] I know, but my phone
has been beeping for hours.

[in Taglish] I hope I can check
who sent me a text message, please?

[in English] Okay.

Now what?

[in English] Babe.

[in Taglish] I have to meet with
the supplier. It's just really important.

[in Taglish] Babe, you know what?

[in English] Since I've
been working at the resort,

[in Taglish] we see each other, what?

[in English] Three times a week?

Okay. I know. I understand.

[in Taglish] But I have to do this, okay?

Let's see each other at home, okay?

[Courtney] Okay?

Come on!

[in English] The more
Isabella products you sell,

-[in English] the more money you'll earn.
-[hopeful music playing]

[in English] And the chance
to earn your first million.

[crowd applauding]

[in English] Hi.

-[Courtney in English] Hi.
-[Isabella in English] Hi.

You came just on time!

[in English] We just wrapped up.

[in Taglish] What? Are you ready
to talk to my contacts now?

Sure! Where are they?

But they're not that many.

That's just in the beginning.

Just between the two of us, okay?

Do you really use those products?

Just don't be too loud!

That's what I use on my feet.

[laughs]

-[in Taglish] Wait. I'll just get my bag.
-[Courtney in Taglish] Go get your bag!

[chuckles]

-You, really!
-[chuckling]

-[Isabella] Come on!
-[Courtney] Let's go!

[chuckles]

[in English] Hi, Courtney,
I saw you from the corridor.

Norman?

[in Taglish]
So you're here in the hotel too!

[in English] What a coincidence.

[comedic music playing]

[Isabella] Why?

[in Taglish] You know what?
I feel like he's really stalking me.

-[in Taglish] Who is he? Your stalker?
-Yes.

[Isabella] He's handsome.

[in Taglish]
If he's handsome, he's an admirer.

[in Taglish] But if he's ugly,
then he's a stalker.

Yes, but…

I'm getting scared.

[in English] Hi, handsome.

Who do you find more beautiful?

Me or Courtney?

I would say Courtney.

[in Taglish]
You know what? Stop stalking my sister!

You're so ugly. Let's go, Courtney!

[Courtney] What?

[Courtney in English] Excuse me.

[Courtney] Oh! Hey!

[Courtney in Taglish] I found out later
that Patrick visited Dave at his spa.

[Courtney in Taglish] And because Dave's
gender preference is a secret,

[Courtney in Taglish]
my hunky babes had no idea

that he has messed with a gay's emotions.

[shrieks]

-Are you okay?
-Hm-mm.

I said that's not what I came here for.

It seems like your problem is huge.

It's Courtney.

[in Taglish]
She doesn't want to have a baby.

[in Taglish] Especially now, you know,
my wife is even more famous than I am.

Why?

[in Taglish] Aren't you having sex?

[in Taglish] We're having sex,
but it's frustrating sex, dude!

[in Taglish]
I'm just ashamed to approach your wife,

but she really
has an influence on Courtney.

Please tell her that…

[in Taglish] Dude, she's my ex-wife now.

-Yes, I know, but…
-Yes, but…

[in Taglish]
We barely talk to each other since

[in Taglish] our annulment was granted.

[in Taglish] So it's really hopeless?

Yes, because we're already separated.

You know,
I don't have an influence on her anymore.

[in English] You guys,
you guys are still good friends, right?

[in Taglish] Yeah! We're still okay, but…

You know,
what you're saying is impossible, dude.

But you know what?

[in Taglish] I have an idea on how
to take away your stress.

-Hey! What is that?
-[moaning]

-[in English] Huh? It's Libyan Tibetan.
-[in English] Libyan Tibetan.

[in English] It's to stimu…,
to stimulate your blood, okay?

[in English] For your blood circulation.

[moaning]

[in English] Wow.

-I still have to go somewhere.
-[moaning]

[in English] I have to go now, huh?

[Dave] What?

[Patrick] I still have somewhere to go.

[in English] Are you sure?

[Patrick in Taglish]
Maybe next time, okay?

Alright.

[in English] Okay.

[Courtney in Taglish] You're still at war?

[in Taglish] Of course!
Imagine your maid being snatched!

[laughs]

[Courtney in Taglish]
But I don't have a maid.

[in Taglish] Oh, well,
my only maid is so loyal

because I've given her all my worn-out
Hermes and Louis Vuitton's!

[in English] She loves me so much.

-[Patricia] She's lucky!
-[Courtney] She's so classy!

Well, I already gave my maid a laptop,

but she still wants Wi-Fi!

Is that so?

Yes! What a thick face she has!

[Isabella] Why?

[Isabella in English]
Oh, wait. Look who's coming.

[Isabella] Oh!

[in English] Hello, girls.

[all] Lugaluda.

-[in Taglish] How are you?
-[in English] We're fine.

-[Courtney] We're okay.
-[Isabella] We're okay.

Oh.

[Isabella in English]
Is she really our sister?

Yes. Come on! She's a princess!

[Courtney] And she looks okay,
like Mom said.

[chanting in Kualali language]

[in English] What is she doing?

-[Patricia] What's that? A stone?
-Oh, maybe it's a scrub.

[in English]
Would you like to make borrow?

[in English] No, thank you.
I just came from Mikaela's salon.

[in Taglish] My hairdo might get ruined.

-[in Taglish] Thanks anyway!
-[in English] Okay.

[in English]
It's good for the skin and the hair.

-[speaking in Kualali language]
-[laughing]

[phone rings]

Wait a minute.

-[Patricia in English] Hello.
-[Fely in English] Babe.

[in Taglish] Can you see
that chopper flying over there?

-I'll drop something there.
-[Isabella in English] Oh! What's that?

[Patricia in English] It's so romantic.

[in English] That is quite a show.

-[in English] Very entertaining.
-[in English] Wow.

[Fely in Taglish]
If you girls are going to the mall later,

[in Taglish] you can go shopping
and charge it to my account.

[in Taglish] How sweet.

[in English] Thank you.

[laughs]

[in English] Okay, bye!

Hey, did you see that?

[in Taglish] Isn't he sweet?

[in Taglish] Hey, he said we can
go shopping. We can buy anything!

[in English] Charged to his account.

Really? But wait.

What about Stephanie?

Oh my! I don't want to.

I still won't talk to her.

[in Taglish] Oh, come on! I'll just invite
her. I'll just tell her it's my treat.

Come on! Let's bring her along.

I don't want to. We're not friends.

-[giggling]
-Huh?

-[in English] Wonderful.
-[Courtney] Lugaluda.

[Patricia] Lugaluda.

[gasping]

Lugaluda?

[in English] Blessing from our God.

[speaking in Kualali language]

[upbeat music playing]

[Courtney in English] Wow.

[Stephanie in English] Cute.

[in English] Hold, Sister.

[in English] Hold, Sister.

[in English] This is the best.

[in Taglish] Look. Perfect for my dress!

It's perfect for you! Totally!

[in Taglish] What do you think?
Would Congressman like this?

[laughing]

[in Taglish] You know what?
No, because he's conservative.

[in Taglish] Come on!
That's a granny panty!

-[in Taglish] Wow! You're so beautiful!
-[in English] You like?

-[in Taglish] But wait, she's next!
-Oh, sure!

[in English] Go, go, go, Lugaluda.
It's your turn.

[in English] Okay.

There you go!

-[Patricia in English] Shoes! So nice!
-[Courtney] What should I get?

[Courtney] Isn't it beautiful?

[Courtney in Taglish] It's cute!

[Patricia in English] Nice one.

[laughing]

-[upbeat music playing]
-[indistinct chattering]

-[in English] Oh, make-up.
-[both] Oh!

-[Stephanie in English] Hi.
-[Isabella in English] Hi.

[in English] Hello.

[in English] Shopping.

[Lugaluda in English] Nice.

[in English] Thank you.

[in English] Ah, no problem.

[in English] Oh, okay.

-[in English] There's Patricia.
-[all in English] Hi.

[indistinct chattering]

[all in English] Hi!

[indistinct chattering]

Who's this girl?

Why are you going through my stuff?

Answer my question.

-Who's that girl?
-This?

[in Taglish] My girlfriend.
Do you have a problem with that?

Didn't you tell me
that I'm the only one you love?

Why? Do I get anything from you?

Are you a woman?

[Paul] Will you get out of the way?

-[gasps]
-Don't you ever touch my things, okay?

Yes.

It hurts.

He should've beat me up.

[in English] Come on, Isabella.

[in Taglish] I am your manager.

[in English] You should obey me.

[in Taglish] Why did you hire me as a
manager, if you're not gonna listen to me?

I'm just going for the right one.

[in Taglish] The right one
is the producer I'm talking to.

That's who you should follow,
not that one!

I'll be ruined because of that!

Are you saying that I'm ruining you?

[in English] No, no, no, no.
I didn't mean it that way.

[in Taglish] But it seems
that's what you're trying to say.

Whatever I want,

[in Taglish] you contradict it.

Not all the time! [in English] God!

[in Taglish] You're even asking God
to be your ally?

[in English] Okay, okay.
Okay, you win, alright?

[in Taglish]
See? You're just doing me a favor.

[in Taglish] I won't manage you anymore!

Don't be like that.

[in Taglish]
Better yet. Let's just break up.

Why can't I say anything right?

We have nothing else to talk about.

[in English] It's over, the end, kaput!

-It's a good thing I'm not married to you.
-What?

[in English] What are you waiting for?
Go pack your bags and leave, now!

-[melancholic music playing]
-[sighs]

[Vito] Fine.

[sighs]

[indistinct talking]

[Norman in English] Hi, Courtney.

[in Taglish]
There really is no coincidence.

-You're here too?
-[Courtney in English] Mr. Blanco.

[in English] You should meet
this new group of distributors.

[in English] By the way,
Mr. Blanco, this is Patrick, my hus--

[in English] Can you hold this for me?

-Hey! Are you insulting me?
-Huh?

[in Taglish] She's my wife. Jerk!

[in English] Sorry, sorry.
Courtney, I'll see you again.

[in English] Have a nice day.

[in English] Bye.

[Patrick] What?

-That bastard!
-Patrick.

Who is that?

He's just offering a business to me.
Just don't mind him, okay?

-Come on.
-[in English] Let's go.

Let's go.

[Patrick in English]
We're not staying overnight?

[Courtney in Taglish] I forgot that I have
to settle something with my clients.

[in Taglish] Hey, you'll probably
meet up with the guy from earlier.

[in English] No, no, and never.

-[Courtney in English] Okay?
-[Patrick] Okay.

[lively music playing]

-[in Taglish] Here, babes.
-[in English] Oh, thanks.

[sighs]

[Patrick] Oh.

[in English] Look who's here.

What's he doing here?

He knows it, babes.

[in Taglish] I'm managing
this beach resort. What's the problem?

I'll just tell you some other time, okay?

[in English] Hi, guys.

-[Dave in English] Hey, bro.
-[Patrick in English] Hi, pal.

[Dave in English] What's up?

How are you two doing?

-[Patrick] We're fine!
-It's a miracle you dropped by here.

It's because…

[in Taglish] Babe, we'll just talk, okay?

Go ahead.

-Let's talk over there.
-[Dave] Okay.

[in Taglish] Alright. Nice body, pal.

[chuckles] Thank you.

Come on. Tell me. What do you need?

[sighs in Taglish]
You know, to tell you the truth…

Courtney,

-you're the only liberated girl I know.
-Hm.

-[in English] And, uh, generous.
-Hm.

[in English] And daring.

Okay. Enough with the flattering words.

What do you really need from me?

[sighs]

Courtney, I just want to have a new life.

And I need money.

How much?

[in English] Five hundred thousand.

For what?

Uh, never mind.

You know, I won't lend money

without knowing where
you're going to use it. Okay?

[in Taglish] Okay, fine.

[whispers in Taglish]
I will undergo a sex change.

-[Courtney] What?
-Yes.

Does Patricia know about that?

If she finds out, she won't allow me to!

Well, then, I'm not going to lend
you money unless Patricia knows about it.

[in Taglish] And 500,000?

I don't have that amount!

That's a very expensive cut!

[Patricia in English] Sex change?

What about our son?

What's that? He has two mothers?

[in Taglish] My goodness. Haven't I
allowed you to marry that congressman?

[in Taglish] So, he's going to have
a new daddy, right?

[in Taglish] Hey, I allowed you to be gay
but a transsexual?

Think about it, Pat.

My body is like this.

What kind of guy would like me?

No one! Right?

What? It's true, right?

You know what? I don't know anymore.

[in Taglish] Look. You asked my blessing
for your congressman, right?

[in English] Look at yourself now.

[in Taglish] You're filled with diamonds.

-Admit it.
-[in English] Well.

[in Taglish]
Diamonds are forever and ever and ever!

James Bond.

[in English] Correct.

[laughs]

Shirley Bassey.

-Carmen Pateña.
-[laughs]

[Patricia in English] Yes! You got it!

[Dave in English] Well, anyway.

[in Taglish] That's all I ask of you.
Your blessing. Give it to me so that…

I can do what I want and

-so that I can finally be a girl, right?
-[Patricia in Taglish] Let me think.

[singing]

[girl] Come on. Let's take a seat.

-[girl 1] It's not here yet.
-[girl 2 in Taglish] Ma'am! Please check.

[chanting "Vito"]

[Vito in English] Okay, listen up.
[chuckles]

[Alexis] Where are we going?

[chanting "Vito"]

Alexis!

[in English] Mommy, I invited Tito Vito
to speak in our class. He's cool!

[children in English] He rocks!

[Vito in English] Hey, Isabella.

-I really can't say no to Alexis.
-[children giggling]

[in English] She called me
about two days ago

[in English] to speak about singing.

[in English] So, here I am.

[in English] Another cheap try, Vito.

And you even used Alexis?

[in English] Let's go, Vito.
We still have another meeting.

[Vito in English] Okay, girls, thank you.

-[children in English] Bye!
-[Alexis in Taglish] Bye, Tito Vito.

-[chanting "Vito"]
-[in English] Bye.

[in English] Well, gotta go.

[in English] Alexis, come here.

-[Alexis in English] But Mommy.
-[in English] Let's go, let's go. Come on.

[playful music playing]

[in English] What's wrong?
But you like Tito Vito.

[in English]
You should have asked me first.

[in English] What's the problem?

[in English] Are you guys having an L.Q.?

[in English] Stop speaking like an adult!

[in Taglish] Come on, Mommy!

[in English] How do you want me to speak?

[in English] Mommy, give Alexis toy.
Mommy, me want wee-wee.

You know what? If you don't stop,

[in English] I swear I'm gonna send you
over to your daddy's house to live.

[in English] You won't do that.
You'll miss me.

[in English]
Stop acting like a spoiled brat!

[tires screeching]

[screaming]

[groaning]

[in English] Oh my God!

Did I hurt you?

-[Alexis in English] Mommy!
-[Isabella] Oh, mister! Did I hurt you?

Let's take him to the hospital!

Oh dear, no!

I have to take you home first!

And then I'll change clothes
so no one would recognize me!

Come on, come on! Help me!

[Isabella] My goodness, Richard!
Help me! I hit someone!

[Richard] Then take him to the hospital!

[Isabella] Oh no, I'm scared!

I can't take him to the hospital
because they might ask for my license!

[in Taglish] And I didn't bring anything,
then they might file a police report!

[Richard] Where are you?

[Isabella] At home!
I just changed my clothes!

[Richard] Where's the guy you hit?

He's inside the car!

-[woman] Isn't he handsome?
-[Richard] Bring him here right away!

-[Isabella] Okay, I'm on my way there!
-[Alexis] Come on, Nanny!

-[Isabella] Okay, bye!
-[woman] Look! He's flawless! Hm.

He smells so good! [inhales]

-[woman in Taglish] This is my type!
-Hey! Shh!

What are you doing there?

[woman] Ma'am! The guy
you hit is gorgeous! Look!

-What? What? Come here!
-Oh my!

Don't gossip and don't tell anyone
that I've hit someone, okay?

Or else…

Or else what, ma'am?

[in Taglish] I will have you cremated!

-Go away!
-[woman] I don't want to become ashes!

Oh my, Alexis! Will you look at him, dear?

Check if he's still alive!

[in English] I don't want to look, Mommy.

[in English] I'm scared.

[in English] What do you mean
you don't wanna look?

[in English] All you have to do
is check his pulse and see if he's alive.

-Come on!
-[in English] Why don't you?

[in English] What do you mean I don't?

[in English] Can you please
go and check and see if he's alive?

[in Taglish] What if he's already dead?

[in English] What will we do?

[in English] I don't know.

[Richard] Why are you here?
You should've taken him to the ER!

[Isabella] I don't have a license!
The police might look for it!

[in Taglish]
Isabella, the victim is the priority.

I'll just call the people from the ER.

[Richard in Taglish] Hello. Hello.

Yes. I have a patient here.

Wait.

Isabella!

Cita, I need your help.

-[Richard] Isabella has hit someone.
-What? Okay!

[jazz music playing]

[Isabella] There's no blood!
There are no wounds!

[in Taglish] He's probably
got internal bleeding.

[in Taglish] What internal bleeding?

[in Taglish] If it's internal bleeding,
then he should be jerking!

You're right.

Why did you have to bring him here?

[in Taglish] But aren't you
an undergraduate of veterinary medicine?

What?

[in Taglish] I shifted to fashion design
because I don't know all that stuff!

[in Taglish] I'm sure
you still remember something!

Oh my!

[in English]
Any animal is the same as, like,

[in English]
a human being, any living thing.

You'll just do the same to him!
Oh, Courtney!

-Help me!
-Fine!

-He has to wake up!
-Hey!

-I don't want to go to jail!
-[in English] Girls!

[in English] Sister.

[in Taglish] What's your problem?

Here! Here's the man I hit!

He has to wake up!

So young! Oh.

You know,
it's a good thing you're here now!

-[in Taglish] Actually, we have to go.
-But wait! He has to wake up!

[in Taglish]
You won't have a problem. I'll help you.

[in English] Walale alternative healing.

-So young.
-Hm?

So young!

Oh.

Is the doctor here?

[in Taglish] Oh, Ma'am. He left.

Did he say something? Is he coming back?

I don't think so. I think he went home.

[in Taglish] Okay, thank you.

[sensual chanting]

Lugaluda.

[in Taglish]
Don't eat him. He's not a dish!

[in English] And it's not dinner time yet.

[in English] Do not worry.
Me, vegetarian cannibal.

[in Taglish] Vegetarian cannibal?
There's no such thing!

[chanting]

[in English] All vegetarian cannibal.

[chanting]

[shrieks]

[ululating]

[in Taglish] I need boiled water.

[ululating]

[in Taglish] I need a casserole! Now.

-[Isabella in Taglish] Casserole. Okay!
-[Courtney] A casserole! A casserole!

[chanting]

What's that? A louse?

We don't have lice okay?

[in Taglish] Me too! Hello?
My wig doesn't have lice!

[in English] Yuck!

[in English] The ritual
will not work if you will not join.

-[Courtney in Taglish] Okay! We'll join!
-[Isabella] Fine, so this guy will live!

-[tribal music playing]
-[chanting]

[spitting, moaning]

[shrieks in English] Yuck!

[in Taglish] Okay, that is so gross.

[in English] If you not join,
ritual will not work. You not join?

-[tribal music playing]
-[chanting]

[ululating]

[comedic music playing]

[farts]

[mumbling and screaming]

[farts]

[ululating]

[man shouts]

[Courtney in English] Oh my God!
He's awake!

[in English] You see?

[in English] I put potion on root chakra.

The patient is handsome.

Awesome!

[Isabella cheering]

Thank goodness!

-[tribal music playing]
-[sensual moaning]

[erotic moaning]

Those shameless creatures!

[erotic moaning]

[in English] Oh my God!

They are animals!

[in English] Oh my God! [panting]

So that's why he came home early!

-You animals!
-[woman shrieks]

[shrieking, erotic groaning]

Nanny! Nanny! Hey!
You look like an orangutan!

Hey! Get out of here! Get out!

Nanny, what the…?
You're an animal! You're an animal!

[in Taglish] Ma'am, I'm a wild animal.
I wasn't able to resist it!

-[in English] Human nature.
-[in English] Oh, human nature?

[in Taglish] You want me
to teach you human nature?

Come! Come here!

Come here! I trusted you!

-I trusted you!
-[in Taglish] But the baby's asleep!

[Richard] I'll tell Stef first about
what happened to Isabella.

-Get out! Get out of here!
-[in Taglish] That's assault and battery!

[in Taglish] Assault and battery?
I can really kill you!

I'm going to kill you!

-Get out of here!
-[Richard] Stephanie!

What's this?

[Stephanie] You shameless people!

You even brought that girl here?

Hey, you!

Do you know that if I killed you here,
in my house, I can be acquitted?

-Stef! Stef!
-[fighting grunting]

[shrieking]

[Richard] Stef!

I haven't told you for a long time.

But I know Kung-Fu!

-Kung-Fu?
-[fighting grunting]

[shrieking]

What you're going to call him

once we get married

is Uncle.

[in English] He's a congressman.

[Peter in Taglish] But they
call Congressman a crocodile!

Hey! Will you stop it?

[in English] He's a good lawmaker.

[in English] Behave.

[Fely in English] Hey,
how are you doing, young man?

[in English] Okay.

[groans]

-[Fely in English] Hi.
-[Patricia in English] Hello.

[in English] By the way,

[in Taglish] this is the picture
of my half-sisters and I.

[Fely] Ooh.

[Patricia in Taglish]
Actually, there are five of us.

Oh.

[in English] I have an idea.

[in Taglish] Can I get the five of you
to pose for my calendar?

I'm willing to pay whatever it costs!

Oh?

[in Taglish]
I'm not used to organizing those things.

Isabella can.

[in English] Okay. Give me her number
and I'll ask her to organize it.

-[in English] And can you do me a favor?
-[in English] Yes?

Um…

[in English] Sir.

[Patricia] What is that?

[in Taglish] Can you take this home and
somebody will pick it up at your house?

It's heavy. What's this for?

[in Taglish] Oh, nothing.
It's just for my constituents.

[in Taglish] All my aids are busy, so they
will just pick it up at your house.

[in English] Sure.

[in English] Thanks.

-[Peter] Uncle?
-[in English] Yes?

-[in Taglish] Are you a trad'l politician?
-[in English] Behave

-[in English] Sorry.
-[chuckles]

[Stephanie] Are you all fooling me?

You're all behind it.

-[Cita in English] No. No.
-[Isabella in English] Sister.

[in Taglish] Sister, what you saw was
correct, but you got it the wrong way!

[in Taglish]
So what I was thinking was wrong?

[in English] Okay, I'm giving you all
two minutes to explain this to me.

[in Taglish] Or else,
someone will really get hurt!

[in English] Time starts now!

-[police] Your husband…
-[Isabella in Taglish] God! I hit someone!

[police] She brought him to the hospital.

So my daughter Cita called me.
I am Captain Abada.

[Cita] I was just helping!

[Richard] Isabella told me
she hit someone!

So we asked for help from the police!

[Isabella] And Cita here,
her father's in the police.

Your husband was asking for help
from my daughter.

[in Taglish] So what
if she's a sexy nurse?

-[Isabella] What's the matter with you?
-[Cita] Nothing's going on between us!

-[Richard in Taglish] Please believe me!
-Stop!

[shrieks]

[in English] Okay. Your two minutes is up.

You're all fooling me.

What are you going to say?
You're going to say he's a policeman?

-[in Taglish] He's a fake!
-[Richard] That's a real policeman!

-[Richard in Taglish] He's not fake!
-[police] Hey! Don't pull that!

[shouting and screaming]

-[screaming]
-Stef!

-[gun fires]
-Stef!

[Isabella] Oh my! She's crazy!

[police] I told you!

[in English] Oh my God.
It's powder from the ceiling.

[in Taglish] Sister,
that's because you're oily!

-[in English] Baby.
-[Stef sobbing]

Isabella, will you hold this?

-[shouts]
-[police] Hey! Give me that!

-[Isabella] Oh my! A gun!
-[Richard] Stef.

-[Isabella in English] My God!
-Stef.

[Isabella in Taglish]
Sir, what about my case?

[in Taglish] Please help me!

[in Taglish]
There's a name here on the I.D.

-[in English] Look. Cesar Bantug.
-Ah!

So what are you planning to do to him?

The young man stays here for now,

[in Taglish] here, in Mom's guest room

until he recovers!

[in Taglish] I will give him
the Kualali tender loving care.

[in English] "Kualali tender loving care"?

You might eat him.

[in English] Oh my gosh, Lugaluda.
Don't eat him, please!

[in Taglish] You two are perverts!

[in Taglish]
We can only eat after wedding.

-[mysterious music playing]
-Huh?

Do you understand each other?

[Isabella in English] Well…

[in Taglish] That's a promise, Courtney.
We'll be modeling your designs.

-[Patricia] All of us?
-[in English] Yes!

[in Taglish]
Of course, all of us will be modeling!

-How about Stephanie?
-[in Taglish] It's good if she joins!

[in Taglish] If not, then it's better!

-Really?
-Yes, whatever!

[in Taglish] Let's just
text each other! Bye!

-[in English] Mommy?
-[in English] Yes?

[in English] Mommy, Mommy, there's
a man outside. He said you should sign.

Oh. What's this?

Oh my!

It's an invitation
from the congress and the senate.

-[in Taglish] It's a bicameral meeting.
-[in English] Mommy!

What's that?

[in English] It's the joint meeting
in the upper house

-[in English] and lower house of Congress.
-[in English] Correct!

Let's high five, my dear!

[mysterious music playing]

[singing in Kualali language]

[laughing]

[sighs]

Don't be scared.

[in Taglish] They will treat you
as a research person there

[in Taglish] at the bicameral meeting.

[in Taglish] The topic is jueteng.

But I don't

play jueteng.

[in Taglish] I'm a sexologist.

I know nothing about gambling.
I don't even know how to play Kara Krus!

They're just making it look like

[in Taglish]
they're inviting you as a psychologist,

-[in English] but it's all about me.
-Hm?

-Really?
-A lot of people are just envious.

They just can't attack me

in a straightforward manner.

That's why they use the jueteng problem
in my district

[in Taglish] and in other places,
as a concern.

-[in Taglish] Actually, you may not go.
-Uh…

-No, I will show up.
-Hm-mm.

[in Taglish] Who knows? I might even
get them to buy my new sex book.

[in English] Good evening.

[Cesar in English] Good evening.

[stammering]

[in English]
I make Kualali delicacy for you.

[in English] So you'll be strong.

[in English] It's good.

[in English] Want more?

-[in English] Thank you. You're so kind.
-[stammering]

[in English] Thank you.

[in English] You are so beautiful.

[stammering]

[romantic music playing]

[in English] Thank you.

[upbeat music playing]

[chuckles]

[in English] I'm ready.

Courtney.

-[in English] Wake up.
-[moans]

What time is it?

-Is it morning already?
-Not yet.

[in English] It's our sex day today.

Come on!

[grunts]

-What's the matter?
-[in Taglish] Let's just do it next time!

[clicks tongue, moans]

[sighs]

[Dave] You know what, dudes?

[in Taglish] It's a good decision
that you came here, to the spa.

Especially if you have problems.

Dude, they all disappear here.

[in English] Stress-free! [chuckles]

[in English] Yeah. Well, I'm still upset.

[in Taglish] I'm still not sure
if Isabella's really capable of loving.

[chuckles]

-In my case, success overpowered love.
-Hm-mm.

You know what, dudes? To be honest,

you two are funny.

You're stressing yourselves over girls?

-Do you want girls now?
-[chuckles]

I'll call for them!

Just girls?

There are a lot of girls out there, dude!

-Come on! Let's get some!
-We envy you.

[in Taglish] At least you have
a clear status with Patricia.

[chuckles]

What happened?

[in Taglish] I mean are you over her now?
Or do you have a girlfriend?

[in English] Uh, girlfriend?

-A lot of them!
-[chuckling]

Dave is right.

-[chuckles]
-[in English] No need to worry about this.

Yes.

-Right?
-[in English] Come on. Let's go.

-[Patrick] Come on!
-[Dave] Sure!

[sensual music playing]

[Patrick in English] Come on, Dave!

[heavy breathing]

-[in English] The long and winding road.
-[Vito in English] Come on. Dave!

[both] Dave.

[Vito in English] Hey, that's
a Beatles song. I like that song.

[chuckles nervously]

[in English] Hey, where are you going?

[stammers]

I'm in a rush.

[in Taglish] It's flag-raising, dude. Uh…

[in Taglish] These are the uniform designs
for the cabin crew of your airline.

-[approving gasps]
-[woman in English] I like it.

-[woman] It's nice.
-[man] It's beautiful.

-[man 1] The other one is nicer.
-[man 2 in English] What do you think?

[indistinct chattering]

[in Taglish] Simple
but it has a smart appeal, okay?

[approving muttering]

-[in English] Thank you.
-[man in English] Good job.

[phone rings]

-[chuckles]
-[indistinct chattering]

[in English] Hello.

[in English] Babes.

Hey.

-Let's go.
-I'm not done yet.

What?

[in Taglish] But we agreed
you'll be free around this time, right?

[in Taglish] You know, I'm so tired
of explaining to my clients.

I just can't leave them like that, right?

Let's see each other tonight.

[in Taglish] This whole
day date thing was your idea, right?

-[in Taglish] I took leave for this!
-I understand you.

[in Taglish] That's why, babes, I'm sorry!

[melancholic music playing]

[in English] I can't even schedule
an appointment with my own wife now.

Hm? Come on. You're being
dramatic again! Don't act up now, okay?

Besides, we sleep together
every night. Right?

Suit yourself.

[in English] Babes? Babes!

-[in English] Babes! Patrick! Patrick!
-[engine revs]

-Doctor Patricia Llanes?
-[Patricia in English] Yes?

[in English] Um, may we know
what are the psychological reasons

why people gamble?

It's because they lack sex.

[laughing]

[man 1 in English] May
we remind our resource person

to use words
that are appropriate for this occasion?

[in English] I'm sorry, Your Honor.

But the thing is…

that's the only way

I will be understood by the masses
who are watching from their houses.

[in Taglish] I can also say
it's coital satisfaction,

[in Taglish] but then,
I would be needing subtitles.

-[chuckles] Okay. Okay.
-[people laughing]

So how can you say
that's really the reason?

[in English] You see?

[in Taglish] If you keep having sex,
you won't have time to gamble.

[in Taglish] Common sense, please.

[giggles]

But how about jueteng?
You don't need time for jueteng.

Once you have placed your bet, it's done!

[in Taglish] Sex is still the reason!

Once you have placed a bet,

isn't it so you can win
and have a better life?

You're just doing that
for your wife and kids.

Where does a child come from?

What's a wife for?

-[in English] That is all, Mr. Chairman.
-[people laughing]

[in English] Thank you, Senator Pedero.

[in English] The chair now would like
to recognize Senator Florence Regada.

[in English] Thank you, Mr. Chairman.

Doctor Llanes.

[in Taglish]
Of all the research that you've done,

is there anything important
in what we're discussing here?

[in English] Well, based on my research,

the size of a man's bet in gambling

[in Taglish]
is related to the size of his note.

[people laughing]

[in English] Are we
talking about music here?

[people chuckling]

[in English] May we request
the resource person

[in English]
to please use formal language?

[in English] This is a formal inquiry
in aid of legislation.

[in English] Sorry, Your Honor.

Maybe if I said it in English,
it'd be more pleasant to hear.

[in Taglish] Doctor Llanes,
do you know Congressman Fely Roces?

Oh, Fely?

[in English] Yes.

-He bets really small.
-[people laughing]

[in Taglish] Do you know a jueteng lord

called Mister Max?

Max?

[in English] No.

Why?

Does he place huge bets?

-[heavy drum beat, laughter]
-[sighs]

What time is it?

[in Taglish] I might be late
for my presentation.

[in English] Babe.

It's time for you to live alone.

Where are you going?

[in English] Out of this house
and out of your life.

[chuckles] Enough with the jokes!

[in Taglish] I'll be late
for my presentation.

[in English] It's not working.

[melancholic music playing]

[in Taglish] You know that's not allowed
because the bible says--

[in English] I'm not trying
to dissolve this marriage.

[in English]
I just know you need your space.

[chuckles in English] Perhaps forever.

-Huh?
-[in English] Goodbye, Courtney.

Patrick, let's talk about this.

[in Taglish]
Patrick, we can solve this, okay?

Patrick!

Patrick!

[door clicks open and shut]

-It really hurts here.
-[bright music playing]

What hurts?

What hurts? I thought your lump was gone?

[in Taglish] What? The lump on your boob
is gone, right?

That's not it.

Patrick left me.

He doesn't understand me.

I'm having a hard time.
He doesn't understand my dreams.

I'm not ready yet.

[in Taglish] I can't be a full-time mother
like you, but he doesn't understand me.

[sobbing]

[in Taglish] You know what?
That's exactly my problem.

[both sobbing]

Can we just talk about
my problem before yours?

I want to die! I want to die!

Me too! Let's do it together?

Stupid!

You took it seriously. I was just joking.

I'm really serious.

[sobbing]

Hey! I was just joking!

[in Taglish] This is my moment,
so don't steal my moment!

[sobbing]

[Richard] Stef, get down
from there. This isn't funny.

-[Courtney] Stef, come down now!
-[Richard] Please!

You might catch a cold!

[in Taglish] What cold? My God,

she's about to commit suicide
but you're thinking about colds.

-I don't want this.
-[Courtney] It's smoggy.

[sobbing]

[in English] I don't see
the point in living anyway.

[in English] What do you mean
"no point in living"?

Stef, we're here.
Your family, your husband.

We have a child. Come on!

[in Taglish] If you die, there's no ice
cream in the afterlife. There's no cake,

there's no sisig.

[in Taglish] What are you saying? My God,
she's about to commit suicide,

and she's not in her right mind!

[Richard in Taglish] I was distracting her
because her depression is getting worse.

[Lugaluda in Taglish] I'll find a way.
You! Come down from there!

[in Taglish] Or else I'll kill you!

What are you doing?

You can't scare her. Can't you see?
She's about to kill herself!

-[in English] I'm a psychology student.
-You know what?

Come down!

-You'll be on 24-oras or TV Patrol!
-I don't want to!

-[Courtney] Come on. Get down here.
-[tribal music playing]

-[in English] Stef, Stef, I love you.
-[tribal music playing]

Please come down from there.

[in English] Nobody loves me!
Nobody loves me!

-[in English] You guys don't love me!
-[chanting]

-[Richard] What are you doing?
-[Isabella] What are you doing?

-[Stephanie] I'm done!
-[Lugaluda in English] Rain dance!

-[in English] Goodbye!
-[Courtney] Stef, no!

-[Richard in Taglish] No, Stef. Please.
-[chanting]

[screams]

-[Isabella in English] God! It's raining.
-[Richard] Stef!

Stef, get inside! You might slip.

I'll kill myself tomorrow instead.

She already went in.

-[tribal music stops]
-[chuckles]

[in Taglish] That's how it is
if you have postpartum depression.

It'll pass.

[in English] In fact,
I think you're over it.

[in English] I know. [Stef sobs]

I think I don't want to
go out of the house.

[in English] Come on.

Stef, you have to forgive yourself.

[chuckles]

Imagine? Even my own sisters,

I went crazy in front of them.

-It's embarrassing!
-[in English] They'll understand.

They are your sisters.

Stef, they were the first ones
to sympathize!

But Patricia wasn't there.

[in Taglish] She's at the Senate Hearing.

Stef.

[in Taglish] Be the first one
to say sorry.

What if she snobs me?

["OPM" playing]

[Patricia] Even if Stef and I
aren't on good terms yet,

[in Taglish] she still joined us
in the calendar pictorial

[in Taglish] because it's our commitment
to my honey-bunch congressman.

[in Taglish] Of course, Isabella perfectly
organized everything.

See? Lugaluda is unstoppable!

[Courtney in Taglish]
It's good that you had time for this.

[Stephanie] I was able
to hire a dependable nanny.

-[Patricia] This one's nice!
-[man in English] Excuse me, Ms. Patricia?

[Stephanie] This one. This one.

[in English] Yes? Anything?

[in Taglish] I just have a concern.
It might ruin the concept. I'm so worried.

Oh, come on.

Do we really have to include her?

That one.

[in Taglish] Oh, come on. Of course.

-[in Taglish] She's our half-sister.
-[in English] Half-sister?

[in English] Half-sister, promise.

Patricia.

[in Taglish] You know what?
I did some research on the Internet.

-[in English] And…
-[in English] What?

[in Taglish] Lugaluda is really
from a little town called Kualali.

[Patricia] Lugaluda?

[in Taglish] Oh my! They are known
for beheading people.

You know, Isabella, you should stop that.

[in Taglish] You know what?
You are so racist.

[in English] I'm just stating a fact.

[in Taglish] She helped you with the guy
you hit with a car.

[scoffs]

[in Taglish] Oh my! My concept for
congressman's calendar will be ruined.

[in Taglish]
Wait a minute. My wrinkles might appear.

I'll go to the Doctor.

[man in English] Whatever.

Oh my.

[in Taglish] I know you're not
on good terms with Patricia.

[in Taglish] You two should make up.

[sighs]

I don't have a nanny anymore.

[sighs] Patricia.

[in English]
I came here to make peace with you.

-[in English] Okay.
-I've already fired nanny Gwyneth.

I know I was wrong.

[in Taglish] I'm sorry.

[in Taglish]
Okay. Fine. You might commit suicide.

[giggling]

[in Taglish] That's what I miss about you.

-[in Taglish] Your smile. Come here.
-[chuckles]

Of course.
You might kill yourself if I didn't.

[in Taglish] And my gown. I should always
look beautiful in my gown.

-[in Taglish] You really are so sexy.
-[in English] World peace.

[in English] I miss you, too.

-[in English] Girls, let's go.
-[Isabella in English] Okay.

[in English] Uh, excuse me, miss.

Only the sisters.
The maid is not included.

[in Taglish]
You want me out? Don't you know me?

-[in Taglish] Excuse me. She's our sister.
-[in Taglish] Sorry. She's at the side.

Oh no. What I want is… Come here.

She'll be in the middle.

[in English] Okay. Okay, girls.
Let's do this shoot. Let's go.

[R&B music playing]

[host in English] Please welcome
the 2009 Glamour Calendar Girls!

[in English] Presented to us
by Honorable Congressman Fely Rosas!

[in English] Thank you! Thanks!

[host in English] Featuring
the creations of Courtney Reyes!

[Stephanie in Taglish]
Patrick surprised Courtney

[in English] to show his support.

-[Courtney giggles]
-[Patrick in English] I'm proud of you.

[cameras clicking]

[host in English] January, February…

[in English] Nice!

[host in English] March, April…

[chuckles]

-[host in English] May, June…
-[Patricia] See?

-[Patricia in English] In fairness.
-[in English] Babe, look at you.

-[in English] Cute.
-[in English] Of course.

[host in English] July, August…

-[in English] You look great there.
-[in English] Thank you.

[host in English] September, October…

[giggles]

[host in English] November, December!

[R&B music playing]

[host in English] As an added treat,
we have the hottest singing sensation,

Vito!

♪ The first time I laid eyes on you ♪

♪ I couldn't catch my breath ♪

♪ The way the sun hits you ♪

♪ You pass the angel's test ♪

♪ A symphony ♪

♪ The way you spoke to me ♪

♪ You simply say ♪

-♪ Hello ♪
-[Patricia, in English] So smooth, huh?

♪ That was it for me, I couldn't believe ♪

♪ That I was talking to you ♪

♪ I remember the day you swept me away… ♪

[in English] Thank you.

♪ You're my everything ♪

[people cheering]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ You're my, you're my
You're my everything ♪

[Stephanie in English] It was a night
of reconciliation.

-[Alexis in Taglish] Hi, Tito Vito.
-[Stephanie in English] Courtney, Patrick,

-[Alexis in English] Sit beside Mom.
-[Stephanie in English] Isabella and Vito.

[Alexis giggles]

[in English] Nice song.

[in English] Thank you.

[in English] I meant every word.

[Stephanie in English] It was a night
of reconciliation.

[in English] Isabella and Vito,

[in Taglish]
and of course, Courtney and Patrick.

[in English] I miss you, babe.

[Patricia] Our youngest is really amazing.

There she goes.
Patrick really can't resist her.

[in Taglish] Even if she's busy,
it's okay with Patrick.

As long as they're together.

[Patricia sighs]

-[in English] I'm serious, babe.
-[Patricia in English] Love…

[in Taglish]
I'm not ready to have a baby yet.

[in English] I know. I know.

-[in English] But you're my baby.
-[chuckles]

I know. I know
you can't make it without me.

[Patricia in English] Happy endings.

[n Taglish] And me?
Well, everybody was expecting

that the congressman
would propose to me that night.

-Good, right?
-Are you Dr. Llanes?

[Patricia in English] Yes, of course.

-[in English] Hi.
-[woman in English] Hi.

[in English] Are you having fun?

-[woman] Of course.
-[Patricia] What's this?

I was asked to give this to you.

Oh, really? By whom?

[in Taglish] By the aid I was talking to.

Ah.

This is not mine.

-No, this is yours.
-No, this isn't mine.

-This is yours.
-You're irritating.

I said this is not mine!

[screams]

[Patricia] There's a lot of money!

-[woman] Oh my! Whose is this?
-[Patricia in English] Mister Max?

-What a jerk!
-[Stephanie] Who's Mister Max.

-[comedic music playing]
-[cameras clicking]

[in English] What's happening?

[huffing]

[in English] Where are you going, sister?

[shouts]

[in English] Honey,
you look beautiful tonight!

You thick-faced jerk!
You're just using me!

[in Taglish] You are a jueteng lord!

[in Taglish] You're even
making me a bag lady!

Well! Shove all your jewelry
down your throat!

-[grunts]
-[people gasp]

[in Taglish] Do you see these
5-carat diamonds you gave me?

-Well, shove it in your mouth!
-[man] Go on! Stop!

-Stop it!
-[shouting]

-I'll kill your boss!
-[man] You're not going to stop?

-[Isabella] Enough! There are guns!
-[Patricia] You thick-faced!

-[man] What? What?
-[Stephanie in English] Somebody!

-[shouting]
-[Fely choking]

[Richard] Let's get out! Let's get out!

-[Fely choking]
-[Patricia screaming]

[Stephanie] Oh wait! Patricia!

-[in English] Patricia, wait. Patricia.
-[Courtney] Patricia.

Patricia. Wait. Wait. Wait. You know,
what's important is we found out soon.

[in Taglish]
At least you were able to get back at him!

Just think that you were able
to feed him those!

He fooled me!

-[Patricia sobbing]
-[shushing]

-[Courtney] That's enough. That's enough.
-[in English] Be strong, okay?

That's enough, okay?

Patricia, are you okay now?

[Lugaluda in English] I will give you
Kualali assassin.

Let's have that crocodile killed!

[shrieking]

-[Isabella] Help her! Hurry!
-[Dave] I'll take care of this.

-Come on. Help me. Let's take her!
-[indistinct chattering]

-Take care of Peter.
-[in English] Hurry! Hurry!

[in English] Let's go.

-[Richard] Let's go.
-You? Where are you going?

[in English] On the other side!

-I'll go here. Let's just meet each other.
-[in English] Okay!

[Lugaluda whimpering]

[suspenseful music]

-[Norman] Are you really making me mad?
-[gasps]

Let me go. We'll crash! [shrieks]

[Courtney] Let me go!

-[Courtney] What the…?
-[Norman] You choose!

Do you want to die in an accident
or shall I cut your throat?

[giggling] Not there. It tickles me.

[laughs]

You like me, right?

-Admit it!
-[whimpering]

[in Taglish]
Our Father, who are in heaven…

-[tires screeching]
-[grunting]

[suspenseful music]

[grunting and groaning]

-[yelps]
-[tires screeching]

[grunting]

[Lugaluda in Taglish] Stop it!

-[in Taglish] Stop it!
-[tribal music playing]

[in Taglish] Sister, come here.

-[in Taglish] Come here.
-[grunts]

-[Lugaluda] Come on!
-[Courtney] Lugaluda!

[in Taglish] I'll take care of this.

[chanting in Kualali language]

[chanting]

What's that?

[chanting in Kualali language]

[grunting and groaning]

[tribal music playing]

[chanting in Kualali language]

[pained shouts]

[Courtney in Taglish] Lugaluda used
a tribal fight dance on Norman.

The one whom we usually take for granted

[in Taglish] became my hero and savior.

[Lugaluda screaming]

[screams]

[giggling]

Thank you, Dave.

[in English] For being around.

[chuckles]

[in Taglish] For you, anytime.

But you know what?

I would rather accept the truth about you

[in Taglish] instead of becoming
a jueteng bag lady without my permission.

[in Taglish] I can even take your
homosexuality rather than being corrupt.

-Oh, come on!
-Ouch!

-[in English] Oh, I'm sorry! [chuckles]
-[moans]

Hey. Are you really gay now?

Stop that. I'm getting goosebumps
from your question!

-[in Taglish] I'm getting a migraine.
-Seriously?

[both chuckling]

-[Patricia] What? Come on. Tell me.
-[Dr. Anton in English] Good evening.

[Patricia gasps in Taglish] Oh, he's cute.

[in Taglish] You know
it's nothing serious,

but it's important to rest.

[in English] Just keep on
taking your vitamins.

[in English] And you must avoid
stressful situations.

-[chuckles]
-[in English] And if possible…

to fix toxic relationships.

-[drum beating]
-Uh…

[Dave] Man! He's handsome.

[in Taglish] How can I stop thinking about
a sex change with that?

[Patricia in Taglish] He looks yummy.
Dammit.

[in Taglish]
Getting admitted here has a purpose.

[clears throat]

Let's watch.

[reporter sa Taglish] Congressman Fely
Rosas is undergoing an operation right now

[in Taglish] to remove the 5-carat diamond
that he swallowed by accident.

[in Taglish] According to the spokesperson
of the congressman,

Rosas accidentally swallowed the jewelry

[in Taglish] when he didn't see that it
fell on the food from one of his guests.

[chuckling]

-[Patricia] He's an idiot.
-[laughing]

-Karma.
-[laughing]

[Dave in English] Doc, thank you.

-[in English] Thank you.
-[Dr. Anton in English] You're welcome.

[romantic music playing]

[Vito in English] Isabella,
I hope you don't mind,

[in English] but I've been wanting
to give you this for a while now.

[in English]
What is that? Another contract?

CERTIFICATE OF MARRIAGE

[in English] I miss you and I miss Alexis.

Haven't I told you before?

[in Taglish]
That I'm not capable of loving?

[in English] Yes. I know.

But…

[in English] That doesn't apply to you.

[in English] Even if it's true.

[chuckles, moans]

-[chuckles]
-[woman in English] Excuse me, ma'am.

-Huh?
-Someone is looking for you.

Are you Isabella Veruna?

[in Taglish] That's correct,
but you pronounced it wrong.

[policeman] You're under arrest!

-Let's go.
-[Isabella shouts]

-[Vito] Wait. She'll get hurt.
-[Isabella, in English] Oh my God, Vito!

-[policeman] Go!
-[Isabella in English] I'm so sorry!

[Isabella] Bad luck is all around.

When it comes to our family,

[in English]
when it rains, it really pours.

-[woman 1]That woman!
-[woman 2] That's her!

She's the one who ruined our faces.

-[woman 1] Yes!
-[woman 2 in Taglish] Is this beauty?

[woman 3] My rash became worse.

My future is gone!

Pay for my ruined face!

-[woman] She really should!
-That's enough! That's enough!

You're wrong!

But what about me?
I'm using the product on my face

-but I'm still beautiful.
-[woman 1] Oh!

-No. You're not using it!
-Fake!

-Traitor!
-Cheater!

[woman 1] We'll not let you escape.

Maybe you didn't read
the back of the product.

-[woman 2] We did!
-You shouldn't put much.

You should put only a little.

I hope you'll get karma right away!

You ruined our faces!

Our faces are rotting,
so you'll have to rot in jail too!

-We will not stop until you are in jail!
-That's enough.

Wait a minute. That's enough.

-[policewoman] Let's go.
-[woman 3] Lock her up!

[woman 1] Look at my face!
It's irritating!

[women] Oh my! It's irritating!

[Lugaluda in English] Half-sister.

-[Patricia] Here you go again.
-[in Taglish] What now, sisters?

Every year, I have this kind of problem.

Don't worry. I've already
talked to the guards

to treat you well.

[in Taglish] Don't worry. I'll make you
a uniform so you'll look classy here.

[chuckles]

[in English] Isabella, I assure you

[in Taglish]
that you can bail out of jail.

[in Taglish] You have a BFAD approval.

[in Taglish]
Now, they must've bought the fake ones,

[in Taglish]
or your supplier should answer to this.

[in Taglish] Because you know,
you're just the distributor.

[in Taglish] It is still
negative publicity.

Even if I won't go to jail,
my name is already ruined.

[in Taglish] Actually, the complainants
are demanding millions!

But I don't have that much money.

[in English] Sister, don't worry.

[in Taglish] I'll pay the complainants.

[in English] I have Kualali dollars.

[in Taglish] What? Does that exist?
It has a higher value than the peso?

[in English] Yes. One Kualali dollar
equals 200 U.S. dollars,

-[in Taglish] so three bags of pesos
-[gasping]

[in English]
equals one Kualali dollar only.

[laughing]

-[in English] Thank you so much, Lugaluda.
-[Lugaluda in English] You're welcome.

[Stephanie] From that moment on,

we wholeheartedly accepted
Lugaluda as our sister.

-[bright music playing]
-[indistinct chattering]

[in Taglish] Will you
still accept me after all this?

Even if they'll accuse you
of being a terrorist.

[giggling]

-[Isabella] Thank you!
-[Lugaluda in English] Group hug!

[Courtney in Taglish]
Mama came back from the States

for Lugaluda's special day.

She really is amazing!

Come to think of it,
the one who's so different from us

even became our angel.

She saved me.

[Isabella] She found a way
to withdraw the complaints against me.

[Patricia in Taglish] And she was the one
who paid my hospital bills.

[Stephanie in English] She stopped me
from committing suicide.

And she was able to help someone else too.

[gentle music playing]

[indistinct chattering]

[in English] Oh, Doc,
it's so nice of you to join us.

[in English] I'd like you to meet
a very special friend.

-[in English] Hi.
-[Dave in English] Hello.

-Dave?
-[Dave in English] I'm sorry, darling.

Ten.

[gasps]

[stammering]

[in English] Guys,
I'd like you to meet D--

[stammers] Diana.

-[Diana in English] Hi, guys!
-[Patricia in English] A friend of mine.

[Richard] Is that Dave?

-Dave?
-[in Taglish] I'm sorry, Tita.

Diana.

-[Diana in English] Excuse us, guys.
-[Stephanie in English] Wait.

[Patrick in English] Oh my God.

[indistinct chattering]

[Richard in Taglish]
Did he undergo a sex change?

[Stephanie Taglish] There. Lugaluda also
helped Dave with his sex-change operation.

[Diana in English] Thank you.

[in English] I think I know her.
She looks familiar.

-[Alexis in English] Are you sure?
-[Peter in English] Yes.

[in English] She looks like
my grandmother.

[in English] In fairness, she's beautiful.

-[in English] I know.
-[in English] She looks like Marimar.

-[people applauding]
-[Lugaluda moans in English] So happy!

[tribal music playing]

[in Taglish] You can kiss me

[in English] after every sentence.

[in English] It's a Kualali tradition.

[chuckles in English] Okay.

[host in English] Love knows
no boundaries, no race, no space, no time.

[in English] Translation.

[speaking in Kualali language]

[gentle music playing]

♪ At times, couldn't see… ♪

[host in English] My brothers and sisters.

[in English] Translation.

-[tribal chant]
-[singing in the background]

♪ Always believe everything that I need ♪

♪ Starts with a dream… ♪

[host in English]
We are gathered here to witness

a love that best exemplifies all this.

[in English] Translation.

[speaking in Kualali language]

♪ I can achieve it ♪

-♪ Today, I'm going to follow my heart ♪
-[host in English] Lugaluda and Cesar.

♪ Reach for the stars ♪

♪ Soar through the clouds on the wings… ♪

[host in English] And
vow to love each other forever.

[in English] Translation.

-[tribal chant]
-[singing in the background]

♪ I can achieve anything on the wings ♪

♪ Of a dream ♪

[host in English] May this love see you
through the years of your marriage.

-[in English] Translation.
-[tribal chant]

♪ It's finally here… ♪

[in English] And I pronounce you
as husband and wife.

[in English] Translation.

[tribal chant]

♪ It's my destiny ♪

♪ All that I've hoped for is happening… ♪

[in English] You may now
kiss the bride. Translation.

[tribal chant]

♪ I can achieve it ♪

♪ Today ♪

♪ I'm gonna follow my heart ♪

♪ Reach for the stars ♪

-♪ Soar through the clouds… ♪
-[people shriek]

-[Stephanie] Lugaluda!
-[shrieking]

[people cheering]

[tribal chant]

♪ On the wings of a dream ♪

♪ Nothing's impossible… ♪

[Margot] At last!

Lugaluda was able to achieve her purpose

in coming here.

[in Taglish] She found her true love.

And you can really see
how much she loves him.

[in Taglish] After the wedding,
the couple had a global tour for 6 months

[in Taglish] for their honeymoon.

And because Lugaluda fell in love
with the Filipinos' personality,

[in Taglish] she's now thinking of
applying for Philippine citizenship.

And to be honest,

a lot of people were amazed by Lugaluda.

[in Taglish] Especially the politicians
who are interested in her Kualali dollars.

[applause and laughter]

[in English] Okay. Okay. We have to leave.

[in English] You know,
I need my daily vitamins.

-[laughter]
-And we're flying tomorrow.

[in English] Now,
I want you to behave, to be happy,

[in English] and always beautiful.

Oh!

-[Isabella] Mama.
-[Stephanie in Taglish] Ma, we love you.

[Isabella in Taglish]
Mama, what about me? Mama.

[chuckling]

[Margot in English] Bye!

-[in English] Bye!
-[in English] Bye-bye.

[indistinct chattering]

[woman] Happy day! Be happy!

[Margot] I am so happy
that my family is now complete.

My four children. I mean,
my five children are now complete.

My five Marias.

There are only five of them.

[in English] Promise.

[lively music playing]

♪ Love to you love you, baby ♪

♪ Love to love you, baby ♪

♪ Ooh! Love to love ♪

♪ Ooh! Love to love ♪

[song continues in Tagalog]

[song ends]