Der Liebling von Wien (1930) - full transcript
Superfilm AG presents
the musical burlesque
The Gentleman Who Can Be Booked
Festive Speaker
for weddings, baptisms,
engagement parties,
consecrations of flags, jubilees,
funerals and similar occasions
Give me your card -
I'll make a house call
Carry Klips - Hallenstr. 4
# At baptisms, weddings
and other festivities
# one usually makes a festive speech.
# Unfortunately what is lacking
most of the time are the talents
# who could make such speeches.
# Therefore one invites,
apart from the other guests
# also the festive speaker
to such festivities.
# I'll make the required
speech for everyone
# who gets engaged, married,
or gives a lecture
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call
# I am the man who can do anything,
don't begin anything without me
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call
# I am the man who fixes anything
in an exemplary manner
# If you need my humble talents
# I'm ready, any time.
# Whatever you want I'll keep it rolling
clay or night, it'll be clone.
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call.
# I am the man who can do anything,
don't begin anything without me
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call,
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
But the advertisement must be taken off.
Nobody must know that the
festive speaker isn't of the family.
Distillation
Coffee Tea Sandwiches Beer
Carry Klips.
# Festive speaker for all weddings,
baptisms, engagements,
# funerals, consecrations of flags,
# with or without piano accompaniment.
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call,
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
What about the little Miss?
But you ordered the wedding speech
with piano accompaniment.
That's right.
The lady is the piano accompaniment.
Excellent.
Right now they're in the right mood
for a beautiful speech.
If I may ask for
a few personal details first.
The bridegroom:
Little Franz Krug,
20 years, not a blemish
on his record so far.
The bride:
my daughter,
little Marie,
about 41 years.
A marriage of love or of convenience?
A loving marriage of convenience.
How long has the
bridal couple known each other?
Six weeks.
How many children?
- I beg your pardon?
- That's enough.
Another question:
How shall I introduce you, Herr Klips?
Not at all.
The bride's family should think
I'm from the bridegroom's side,
and the others that
I'm from the bride's side.
Dear co-eaters:
[Mit-Esser, meaning also "pimples"]
I have been honoured with
the pleasure of making the festive speech.
I avail myself of this pleasure
by welcoming you all.
You all have come
to watch the young couple's happiness,
because you'll never again see them
as happy as they are today.
Because what'll follow after
this beautiful feast
isn't beautiful, but "feisty".
[fest = 1. feast 2. stable, steady]
Because I mean, marriage.
Because the most beautiful thing
about marriage is the wedding,
and this wedding party is a special
wedding party.[Hoch-zeit = high time]
Because it was high time
that the thing became steady. [fest]
Because, look at the dear bride,
our beloved little Marie.
She saw many springs
till at last beloved Franz came along.
Poor Franz!
Poor, because he only met
his little Marie so late in life.
We know, dear Franz,
what awaits you now...
But we don't envy you, no, we're
happy you've got your little Marie.
And now the dear parents!
Little Marie's parents,
they mustn't be forgotten,
who spared neither efforts nor money to
get rid of their daughter ["los-werden"]
Eh, to embellish
their daughter's fate ["Los"] on earth.
And now she's got her Franz,
and Franz may be calm now.
Nobody will take her away from him.
And so I'll raise this cup of joy
at this feast of joy
in this house of joy.
[Freuden-Haus : brothel]
May the young couple celebrate
very soon their golden wedding
and always bear the patriotic
poet's lines in mind:
# Marriage is no great evil,
# one paints the yoke of marriage in
far too black colours.
# Marriage is like an onion:
# one cries over it
but swallows it all the same.
The young couple,
long may they live, high!
High - high - high!
Come along.
The baptism is without
piano accompaniment.
Ah yes.
Don't forget, you're the Deputy Upper
Ministerial Official von Zickendorf!
Upper Zickendorfer Mineral Special...
Upper Zickendorfer Specialist for...
Mineral Deputy of...
Upper Deputy Mineral...
Upper Official...
Upper Zickendorfer Special Mineral
Upper Deputy...
One moment, come with me!
Oh dear.
Come along.
- Please, speak on the telephone!
- I?
Yes, I'll tell you what to say.
Hello, this is the Deputy
Upper Ministrant of Upper-Zicke
What, a Zicke [goat]?
Which Zicke?
No, you're Professor Wielander!
But I'm not a Professor!
Ah, Professor.
No, this is Dr. Cajetan,
General Secretary
of the "Modern Club".
I am happy to have finally
reached the Professor in person.
No, I'm speaking on behalf
of our esteemed president,
the Baroness Lindenw?rth.
I have the honourable task
of informing you
that the committee has awarded
this year's first prize to your book.
I'm getting a prize!
Marvellous!
- How much is the prize?
- For God's sake!
The club's prize is of course
purely idealistic. [idealer]
How many thalers?
I see, idealistic.
But that's very little.
- What does he say?
- He doesn't want to pay.
Dear Professor, that I finally got hold
of the eternally invisible man.
Now there's a lady speaking.
May the ladies of the club ask of you
to present us with the honour...
A present? But that's insolent!
The prize doesn't earn me anything, and
l am to make them a present as well!
Hello, Madame General!
Madame Baron!
Stop it, stop it!
We've been cut off.
Didn't you understand
what the lady wanted?
Not a word.
But we can call them back.
- No no, thank you, thank you.
- You're welcome.
I don't want to keep you
any longer, Herr...eh...
Carry Klips.
# Festive speaker for all weddings,
baptisms, engagement parties
# funerals, consecrations of flags,
# with our without piano accompaniment.
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
What? You're a professional speaker?
I take the liberty.
May I ask for the meaning
of this telephone call?
Oh, that was... a little joke.
A little joke, very well.
If you ever need me again for a joke -
my address!
#Take my card,
I'll make a house call,
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
The Deputy Upper Ministerial Official
von Zickendorf will honour us
with his visit, on the occasion
of our little daughter's baptism.
Allow me, von Zickendorf.
Madame.
Herr Henkelmann.
Esteemed...
Esteemed guests, present or absent,
dear parents,
dear young man!
Man, that's a girl!
Pardon. Esteemed young Miss!
I have been awarded the rare honour to
hold the festive speech at this feast,
the festive speech
for our little baptizee.
Because the world is beautiful,
wonderfully beautiful.
Let us remember the day
when we first saw the light
of the bedside table lamp
in mother's bedroom.
We all were younger then,
more carefree,
not so dry, not so...
We all were younger then,
more carefree, not so sober,
not so dry as we are today.
But more like you,
you little baptizee.
Well yes... that's what
I was going to say,
not so...
not so dry, but rather...
jolly, I'd even say...
"wet"-jolly,
[feucht-fr?hlich" - boozy]
Just like this little child
in white linen.
What joys such a small child will
bring home in later years,
that I cannot describe in so many words
and that's why I end my speech
with a vivat for the little drunkard
[S?ufling]
For the little baptizee. [T?ufling]
High high high!
Hurry up!
What's next?
Consecration of the flag
with the boy scouts.
Ah yes, of course.
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call,
# I am the man who can do anything,
don't begin without me
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call,
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
It won't last forever,
that lousy speaking at feasts.
A few hundred more of those weddings
and baptisms like those today...
And we can become engaged.
What about the baptism?
What's going on here?
The door's open.
But I'm positive I locked it.
- Evening.
- Evening.
The doorman was
as kind as to let me wait here,
because I absolutely
had to speak to you today.
Really? Am I to make
another phone call?
May I speak to you alone?
Lillebil...
If you please.
How did you get into this uniform?
I held the festive speech for the
firemen brigade's memorial service.
I see.
I've made you participate
in a little fraud today.
I am still at your disposition.
Professor Wielander, whom you've
impersonated, is my boss, you know.
I'm his secretary.
And surely you must have
heard of him. Emanuel Wielander!
Cyclists Club "Puncture"
I don't know any Emanuel.
But you must know his book,
his famous book on marriage
which was crowned with a prize today.
Why crowned?
He won't get a crown [penny]
for the prize.
Oh!
Wrestlers Club "Jump On Him"
Oh, that's not interesting.
- Listen to me.
- With pleasure.
The condition is that each prize holder
must make a big speech in public.
What have I got to do with this?
You must make the speech for him.
- I?
- Yes.
Why doesn't he make
the speech himself?
Because he can't.
Is he dumb?
Worse.
He has a speech impediment,
that's the trouble.
Dumb would be interesting,
but a famous writer with
a speech impediment is ridiculous.
So, what's the problem exactly?
He has a lisp,
and he stammers a bit,
gets stuck with his tongue,
has breathing problems
when speaking,
suffers from loss of memory,
attacks of anxiety,
he gets hoarse,
and he spatters on top of it.
But otherwise he's fine?
- Yes, thank God.
- That's good to hear.
See, nobody knows about
his speech impediment.
So far, he's lived quite a solitary life.
But now he's to be
introduced to high society.
And I'm to speak for him?
Yes, his inaugural speech in public.
But how shall I do that?
Listen.
His lecture in the "Modern Club"
is scheduled for next week...
MODERN CLUB
TODAY: LECTURE Prof. E. WIELANDER
# We are the audience,
the great audience
# we demand gaudium for our money
# because honour, value, and fame
is awarded by the audience
# it all depends on
whether we like it or not.
# We bend forward and sit cold and silent
# a great audience in a big house
# So jump to the beat of the music,
show your mumbo-jumbo
# because the audience
has requested it.
Ladies and gentlemen!
My God, if only everything eh...
works out all right, I feel so...
terr...ibly worried.
Whether it'll be all right
about the speech.
It'll work out fine.
The festive speaker will see to it.
Will he? And you know,
I can so beautifully...
make a speech,
so enrapturing, so... so... so...
fascinating,
if nobody's listening.
Unfortunately you cannot talk in
monologue all your life.
Unfortunately.
And now I have the honour
to introduce to you
the author of the book "Marriage",
Professor Wielander.
It's the first time the prize-winning
author is speaking in public.
Like this! I beg your pardon,
but it's all been arranged
as you wished.
Nobody may enter
the space behind the stage.
Esteemed audience,
esteemed Madame President!
The topic has the title
"Marriage and its prevention".
An old Arabian proverb says:
marriage is like a town under siege.
Those outside want to get in,
those inside want to get out.
In fact, this sums up pretty much
everything one could say about marriage.
Because, esteemed ladies and gentlemen,
marriage is nothing else
but a terrible misunderstanding.
Most marriages are made in the belief
that happiness begins with marriage,
whereas nothing else begins
but a terrible misunderstanding.
But this is the voice of...
In fact, each marriage is on
the one hand a res consuetudinis,
on the other hand
a res unius quis.... damned...
unius quisque.
Which means,
it may be regarded biologically
or sociologically.
And since it is a co...
copulatio damned...
fortunae aquae vitae
of wife and husband,
one must look at it
from two sides.
That is, on the one hand,
from the status virilis,
on the other hand,
from the status mulibris.
Muliebris.
Muliebris.
Already in paradise, Adam and Eve...
Radio Germany K?nigs Wusterhausen
at 7 p.m.:
transmission from the "Moderner Klub"
lecture: Prof. Emanuel Wielander
Man and woman and the whole world...
Esteemed listeners,
because now the matter gets ticklish,
all the questionis matrimoni
are of an altitudo
cuius est magna auctoritas.
Rabridrana...
Rabridranath Tragore...
Rabindranath Tagore,
the Indian scholar,
has already remarked:
[now in fancy Bengali]
krihis hastopi...
cria iucto
nagriena
drihas rami
naki
nakliva
nakliva putra
nakaliva ava khan pari baldis
pari baida
dam dalma
daiva kayyam
dakalusta fe
hasmi hasmi
Bless you!
I proceed:
hasmineva prejunianus
himamineva tujate
Exactly my opinion!
I gather you've understood me correctly,
ladies and gentlemen,
each marriage is nothing
but an egocentric necessitas
summae potestates...
in alias.
But this egotism is a
valitudo minus commoda
and as long as...
this autocratic egotism
secrotantly exists at all,
there is no possibility
for a good marriage.
Sit! Sit!
Which phenomenon suddenly appears then,
ladies and gentlemen?
Ladies and Gentlemen...
Where on earth do you come from?
Sonja, quiet!
...has its foundation on mutual...
Get into the corner!
Which after mutual help...
Will you go into the corner!
Silent!
Will you sit still!
The vita maccaroni
must be a school
of the caritas hominum...
Look here, the little kitten!
We have happily
taken care of this passus now.
Sonja, come here!
And thus I close my statement:
everything is destiny,
marriages are made in heaven,
that's why, as Nestroy remarks,
a heavenly patience is needed
to be able to bear them on earth.
My dear Professor,
it has been enrapturing.
I thank you on behalf of the club,
and especially on behalf of myself.
Of course we must get
acquainted more closely.
But certainly, as close as possible.
You must come and see me.
I'd be delighted to
welcome you as my guest.
I'm afraid that's impossible, Baroness.
But it's very possible!
You see.
But...
Agreed, Professor.
May I count on your visit?
Of course, Madame, we'll come
and we'll be overjoyed.
So goodbye then,
tomorrow at my place!
Well, thank you again
for the enjoyable evening.
Isn't she delightful!
You insolent person!
How dare you accept the invitation!
Listen to me, when a nice woman
invites me to coffee I never say no.
You don't have a say in anything!
All at once?
Till now you needed me,
but not when I'm invited for coffee
Anyway...
- You're not invited.
- Why not?
- Only the professor.
- That's the same, the professor and I.
What do you say to that, Professor?
What do you say to that, Professor?
The mic mic...
The whole world may hear it
for all I care!
I don't like it that you go
and see that Baroness.
I... eh...
Come with me!
In any case, your services
are no longer required,
Mr. Festive Speaker.
Well, Madame Baroness,
what about the two of us?
What was that?
What were you saying?
You're afraid of me?
# Already Madame Eve
said to her husband
# Dear Adam, get started!
# I'm already sick and tired of paradise
so kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!
# And Paris with the tunic
# said to his beautiful Helen:
# Your Menelaus is sitting at home,
so kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!
# To beautiful Romeo, little Juliet
sends all her love longings
# and K?the has long ago come to an
agreement with her Karlheinz.
# Don't be afraid of the first kiss
# because it's bound
to happen one day.
# Don't be afraid,
I'd love to teach you,
# kissing is again
quite fashionable nowadays.
# Nobody needs to know
anything about it, except the two of us,
# don't be afraid when it happens,
there's nothing to it.
# You'd better be afraid
of the last kiss
# because it's bound to happen, too.
The transmission of Prof. Wielander's
lecture was a splendid success.
After the lecture,
the scholar sang a little song
which had nothing to do
with the theme of marriage,
but which will surely be
a smash hit very soon.
Tell me, did you listen
to the radio last night?
Yes, some learned
rubbish about marriage.
So so...
By the way, Mother has been
writing to me again.
She asks when the two of us
will finally get married.
It's high time, she says.
My dear child,
one mustn't rush into a marriage.
It's a far too important matter,
so to speak, a res consuetudinis,
on the one hand
on the other hand,
a res us unius quisque.
That is, it may be looked at
from two sides,
either sociologically,
or biologically.
You see, this is
what mother says, too.
It's logical for the two of us
to get married,
since for such a
long time we've been...
Your eternal talk about your mother!
# Mother doesn't have
to know about it
# if we stand beneath
the house gate at night.
# That two people kiss each other
without wedding rings,
# today, mother cannot
understand it anymore.
# In the nightly alley,
the two of us, all alone,
# darkness favours secret dealings,
# by the light of the gas lantern.
# Mother doesn't have
to know about it
# if we stand beneath
the house gate at night.
# Almost all men shudder
when one speaks of marriage
# they have hardly heard one word of it
and they are gone forever.
# Men are criminals
# and are getting cheekier every day.
# They have no conscience at all,
all they say is:
# Mother doesn't have
to know about it
# if we stand beneath
the house gate at night.
# That two people kiss each other
without wedding rings
# today, mother cannot
understand it anymore.
# In the nightly alley,
the two of us, all alone,
# darkness favours secret dealings,
# by the light of the gas lantern.
# Mother doesn't have to know about it
# if we stand beneath
the house gate at night.
And the Professor must sit next to me.
Then I'll have him all to myself.
Yes, Madame Baroness.
I'm totally overworked.
And Miss Titi?
Oh, that meddlesome person!
Place her right at
the end of the table.
Yes, Madame Baroness.
Prof. Wielander on the phone!
Dear Professor,
how kind of you to call me.
What are you saying?
You've dreamt about
the dress I'll be wearing?
Well?
What?
A gown with silver lace?
In my hair a diadem?
How did you guess this?
How l know about it?
I'm a psychic.
But that's not why I'm calling you,
but to hear once more
your beloved voice, Madame Baroness.
For who knows when and if at all
we'll ever see each other again.
But why?
But we'll be seeing each other tonight.
Unfortunately I cannot come, no.
Oh, yes, yes...
I'm coming! Of course!
I'm already there!
I'm looking forward
to seeing you, dear Professor.
But Professor, how did you
manage to be here already?
And you've really predicted my gown?
Or have you bribed my dressmaker,
you you...
Excuse me.
But we can still turn back and leave.
No!
As you please,
let's stay then.
But what will the beautiful baroness say
when she hears how you really speak?
That'll be just great!
Today you belong to me, you must
tell me everything, Professor.
Oh dear!
Come with me.
Oh dear!
Ladies and Gentlemen!
We have the great honour
to greet Herr Wielander,
who until now
has never been seen in society,
as our guest.
Oh dear.
Esteemed hostess,
honoured guests!
If the servant annoys you
during your speech, I'll send him away.
No!
We're sitting at a rich table, and
we've been invited by a beautiful woman.
But...
we'd still be sitting in paradise today
if God hadn't told Eve:
"I forbid you to eat apples
from the tree of knowledge".
But if He had told her instead
"I think eating apples
doesn't become you, Eve",
and since this little faux-pas
made by a beautiful woman,
eating became fashionable,
and since beautiful women
always follow fashion
they see to it
that we'll always sit at rich tables.
Already the immortal
Brillat-Savarin knew it:
"Tell me what you eat,
and I tell you who you are".
I look around in this company
and I see a classical table service,
heavenly dishes, refined food.
And I know who our host is:
a classical, heavenly,
refinedly beautiful woman.
Prosit!
Prosit, Professor.
Prosit.
You're not only a great scholar,
but also a great Casanova.
Yes.
Come with me, Professor,
let's have a quiet chat.
Oh dear.
Take a seat.
We're alone here.
Isn't it nice here?
Are you looking for something?
I see, help yourself.
Do you know
what I like best about you?
Your voice.
Hoppla.
You have such a melodious...
I'd even say...
erotic voice.
Say something, Professor.
Speak to me now!
I think it's adorable of you:
only when you speak of your work
you get carried away,
otherwise you like to keep silent,
like all great men.
But now you must tell me
what's on your mind.
I know, you want to tell me something,
isn't that so, Professor?
I want to know
whether you can make a woman happy.
I say! and how!
Right from the first
moment I thought...
What did you think?
Golly! I thought.
She's my kind of woman.
Oh dear
I held the lecture only for you.
I could sense it.
I also noticed that you lost your
composure each time you looked at me.
But that wasn't because of you,
it was because of the poodle.
What poodle?
I mean, pudelatio persilia...
Because of the chapter on marriage.
I see
And you don't want to get married?
But I do!
Ouch! [Au]
What was that?
[Auf] If it were the case,
only with a woman like you.
Why me?
Because you have charm, chic,
esprit, money [Geld]
Eh, a reputation [Gelt-ung]
in the world.
Oh dear.
You seem so strange to me.
When one looks at you
one must love you dearly,
but when you speak
I feel afraid of you.
#All beginnings are hard in life,
# even more so in love.
# so start practicing early, or else you'll
never learn kissing, kissing, kissing
# Young people, whether rich or poor,
in love they're all alike,
# at first happy,
and then madly in love, love love.
# That's why it's important
to get it right in the beginning,
# when one finally has a rendezvous
then you say...
# Don't be afraid of the first kiss
# because it's bound
to happen one day.
# Don't be afraid, I love to teach you
# kissing is quite
fashionable nowadays.
# Nobody's to know anything about it,
just the two of us
# only I'm afraid, perhaps something
will happen to me while I'm doing it.
# You'd better be afraid
of the last kiss
# because it's bound
to happen one day, too.
No, l!
You!
Ouch!
I'm not afraid.
How powerful you are,
as if you held me with iron arms.
Come with me, Professor,
we must get back to the party.
Oh dear.
# It has been very beautiful,
I've been so pleased
# the guests have
greatly amused themselves
# The evening is over,
I don't regret it
# but it would have even
been better without the guests.
# The dinner was superb,
the wines exquisite,
# the ??? were cleaned and patient
# The guests took
the very best impression home,
# and didn't give any tips!
The Professor?
What are you doing here?
And you?
I... I wanted...
So do I.
So we both want the same.
Yes.
You must make to the Baroness...
from me a...
a declaration of love, will you?
And she should the...
The key.
Key, yes, thank you,
throw down the key,
and whether I can come up
and have with her a... a...
a cup of tea... yes?
I am to tell her that?
Yes, you're to tell her that, yes?
But I don't want to have tea.
Not you!
I!
Ah, you want to have tea.
- Yes.
- You're a fine gentleman.
Having tea in the middle of the night.
You must tell her...
that I...
love her. Yes?
- I won't do it.
- Why not?
Because I like her myself.
- You?
- Yes.
And?
And now I'll go upstairs
and tell her the truth.
Oh dear! Hoppla!
Not not... tell her...
I'm fed up playing the tinpot Cyrano.
Get your act together alone!
All right, I'll get my eh...
- Act...
- Act together alone.
Is there anything you want from me?
Tea.
But what is it you want, Professor?
I just wanted to tell you
that I never have tea.
And that's why you've come back?
Yes, that's why.
I never have tea, neither
with rum, nor lemon, nor cream,
and I don't want to have tea,
I don't want anything.
I just want to have peace.
Go to bed and dream about
whomever you like, only not about me!
That's unheard-of!
What insolence!
Good night and good riddance!
You you
...dog!
But you're crazy!
Why are you shouting
in the middle of the night?
Why are you demolishing
the garden facilities?
None of your business.
You look after your own inclinations.
Inclinations?
You!
Don't shout at me,
or I'll arrest you!
Arrest me then, you grease drop
["grease-eye"] of the law!
Grease drop?
No, not eye. I!
Nine-eyes? You're under arrest!
# One falls in love here and there
# and doesn't know how it happened.
# Suddenly it begins,
and you only notice
# when you can't change it anymore.
# And one stands in front of her house,
# looks up to her windows,
# and one sighs heavily
and wanders up and down
# in front of the window.
# Your nightshirt is made
of cr?pe de chine,
# your heart is made of stone,
# you've no idea how much I'm in love,
# only I alone know about it.
# If you only knew
how nice I can be to women
# then you wouldn't say no any longer,
# then your heart would be
made of crepe de chine
# and not, like it is now, of stone.
# Did you really say no?
# Did you only say it
without meaning it?
# tell me, are you only shamming
or are you making fun of me?
# Yesterday you were blazing hot,
# today you're as cold as ice,
# sometimes quiet, sometimes passionate,
# child, you're a riddle to me.
# Your shirt is made of cr?pe de chine,
# your heart is made of stone,
# you've no idea how much I'm in love
# only I alone know about it.
# If you only knew
how nice I can be to women,
# then you wouldn't say no any longer,
# then your heart would be
made of cr?pe de chine
# and not, like it is now, of stone.
You know, Adam,
such an elegant woman has her charms.
Believe me, a cozy bedroom,
a bed with silk cushions,
and Madame in
a shirt of cr?pe de chine.
Well? What do you think?
You know,
I really like Lillebil a lot,
but it's always the same.
What do you think?
Should I go to that baroness
and tell her that I like her?
Calm down.
I didn't want to know that much
You too would rather be a Rolls Royce
with luxury body and triad horn.
Or should I stay with Lillebil?
What do you say?
Of course, you two,
Lillebil and you,
you always stick together.
Now it's enough, do you hear!
Don't get excited!
I'll stay with Lillebil.
I'll even marry her,
so that the mother
doesn't complain anymore.
But not right now.
I'd like to stay
a bachelor for a while.
# Mother doesn't have to know about it
# if we stand beneath
the house gate at night.
Oh, the festive speaker!
What else do you want from us?
I behaved badly
with the Professor yesterday.
I'd like to make up for it today,
and again... eh...
make speeches for him.
The Professor has a visitor,
and he'll hardly have use
for your services after that visitor.
Because the baroness is with him.
Alone with him?
Indeed, all alone,
and in a room without folding screens
or curtains or Japanese armour.
In a word: no hiding place for you.
I got your letter, Professor.
You wrote that you
had to see me urgently.
You were going to explain
your behaviour last night.
Oh dear.
I have arranged it.
In two minutes she'll learn that
her adored Professor can't even speak.
In three minutes she'll be gone.
In four minutes,
my Professor will belong to me again.
I think this is an outrage!
Betraying the poor Professor that way!
Adieu, Mr. Festive Speaker,
it has been festive.
You remain silent
because you're embarrassed.
I must say, last night at my window
you were much more talkative.
Well?
I'm listening, Professor.
So formal?
I'm quite curious.
Well, what do you have to say to me?
That I love you.
Now this is a surprise!
I didn't expect that!
Me neith... er.
You make me feel abashed.
Now I'm stuck.
So am I.
I beg your pardon?
Let's get comfortable now.
Let's light the fireplace.
Good Heavens, no!
As you like.
You were talking so nicely, go on.
How am I to reconcile your declaration
of love with last night's incident?
Eh... eh...
Baroness, don't think of last night.
Only think of this hour,
only this moment matters.
I love you wickedly!
[ver-rucht - Rauch = smoke]
Baroness!
- I love you...
- Your voice is so fiery,
so flaming.
Yes, fiery and flaming,
that is exactly how I feel.
Don't you like the cognac?
I think it's excellent.
Oh dear.
The way the wind
howls in the chimney,
and there's not even
a breeze outside.
But what do we care
about that storm!
What do we care
about the whole world!
Tell me what's on your heart.
Baroness,
Baroness, I have the honour
to ask for your hand in marriage.
If only I could get a grasp
for my hand in here.
Oh dear.
Oh dear.
But what on earth
were you looking for in there?
You'll laugh,
I've been looking for this one.
But how strange you speak!
You have the same voice
as the professor!
Yes.
In Heaven's name,
tell me who you are!
Carry Klips,
# Festive speaker for all weddings,
baptisms, engagement parties
# funerals, consecrations of flags,
# with our without
piano accompaniment.
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
Pardon.
And your voice?
Was the professor's.
And the professor?
Has several effective
speech impediments.
- And you have...
- Spoken for him.
- And the declaration of love?
- Was my own.
- And the kiss?
- Mine, too.
Why?
The "iron" embrace.
Insolence!
That's right.
But then I've fallen
in love with your voice!
So it seems.
Terrible!
A festive speaker!
You have... you have...
Told her everything.
- Told everything?
- Yes.
- Do you know what you are?
- Well?
You're a... a fraud!
A crook, a robber, a murderer,
a thief, a forger, a church robber.
- But Professor!
- What is it?
So you can speak!
- I can what?
- Speak!
Oh dear.
Firmly walled in earth and steady,
stands the mould of well-burnt clay.
Go away, silly goose!
Again.
Firmly walled in earth and steady,
stands the mould of well-burnt clay.
Quick, now, workmen, be ye ready !
Forth must come the bell to-day !
Should the master praise be given ;
Yet the blessing comes...
from Heaven.
One moment.
One moment.
Just one moment:
Firmly walled in earth and steady,
stands the mould of
of clay... of well-burnt clay.
Today...
- You! It is I who's speaking!
- Yes.
- So I can speak again!
- Yes.
- I can speak fluently again!
- Yes!
- You're a...
- I know, a fraud.
No, no, no, no!
You're an angel,
a magician, a genius!
# Two hearts in 3/4-time,
# the May has united them,
# two hearts in 3/4-time
Madame Baroness.
How dare you show yourself in here,
you fraud!
- Baroness!
- You crook! You impostor!
Baroness!
You've let another man
babble in your place.
Baroness!
You've let another man kiss me.
Baroness!
And you call this love?
Baroness!
You've tricked me
into giving you my sympathy,
but you can't even speak!
Oh yes, I can speak!
But they don't let me!
- You can speak?
- Yes, I can speak.
I can speak like a filibuster,
like a festive speaker,
like a speaker at an election.
One moment.
One moment.
What are you looking for?
The festive speaker.
But that's me, the festive speaker!
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
One moment.
Say: Fisher's Fritze fishes fresh fish.
Oh dear.
Fisher's Fritze fishes fresh fish.
- So you really can...
- Speak.
- Without the other man?
- Without the other man.
Thank God!
Then we can get married.
Oh dear. Why?
Well, now you're finally able
to speak up and say "yes".
# Don't be afraid of the
marriage license office,
# because from here are issued
some beautiful things.
# Don't be afraid
of the marriage license,
# one day each man
falls into the trap.
# Please speak up and say "yes",
#then you'll be soon a mama
and you the papa.
# Now she belongs to him
and will remain his forever.
# If you're fortunate she'll say "no".
Madame Baroness von Lindenw?rth,
are you determined,
of your own free will
to enter into matrimony
with Herr Professor Emanuel Wielander?
Then answer "yes".
Yes.
Yes.
Herr Professor Emanuel Wielander,
are you determined,
of your own free will
to enter into matrimony
with Madame Baroness von Lindenw?rth?
Then answer "yes".
I'm asking you for the last time:
answer with a loud and,
if possible, articulate "yes".
Will you really say "yes" when we stand
before the marriage registrar?
Yes.
So I declare you man and wife.
Or rather "no".
Listen darling,
we've gotten on so well up to now.
But I've promised Mother
that we'll get married at last.
Oh, you and your mother...
# Mother doesn't have to know about it
# we'll get married
another time, I promise.
I know all about that other time,
it's now or never!
# That two kiss each other
without wedding rings
And I've got the rings, too.
# that I cannot understand, alas
You'll understand all right.
# In the nightly alley,
the two of us, all alone
And the marriage registrar in there!
# darkness favours secret dealings,
No more secret dealings now!
Now we'll get married!
# by the light of the gas lantern
Gas or electric, day or night...
# The whole world may know about it,
# that I'm your spouse from today on.
The End
subtitles: serdar202 & Tommaso
the musical burlesque
The Gentleman Who Can Be Booked
Festive Speaker
for weddings, baptisms,
engagement parties,
consecrations of flags, jubilees,
funerals and similar occasions
Give me your card -
I'll make a house call
Carry Klips - Hallenstr. 4
# At baptisms, weddings
and other festivities
# one usually makes a festive speech.
# Unfortunately what is lacking
most of the time are the talents
# who could make such speeches.
# Therefore one invites,
apart from the other guests
# also the festive speaker
to such festivities.
# I'll make the required
speech for everyone
# who gets engaged, married,
or gives a lecture
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call
# I am the man who can do anything,
don't begin anything without me
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call
# I am the man who fixes anything
in an exemplary manner
# If you need my humble talents
# I'm ready, any time.
# Whatever you want I'll keep it rolling
clay or night, it'll be clone.
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call.
# I am the man who can do anything,
don't begin anything without me
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call,
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
But the advertisement must be taken off.
Nobody must know that the
festive speaker isn't of the family.
Distillation
Coffee Tea Sandwiches Beer
Carry Klips.
# Festive speaker for all weddings,
baptisms, engagements,
# funerals, consecrations of flags,
# with or without piano accompaniment.
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call,
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
What about the little Miss?
But you ordered the wedding speech
with piano accompaniment.
That's right.
The lady is the piano accompaniment.
Excellent.
Right now they're in the right mood
for a beautiful speech.
If I may ask for
a few personal details first.
The bridegroom:
Little Franz Krug,
20 years, not a blemish
on his record so far.
The bride:
my daughter,
little Marie,
about 41 years.
A marriage of love or of convenience?
A loving marriage of convenience.
How long has the
bridal couple known each other?
Six weeks.
How many children?
- I beg your pardon?
- That's enough.
Another question:
How shall I introduce you, Herr Klips?
Not at all.
The bride's family should think
I'm from the bridegroom's side,
and the others that
I'm from the bride's side.
Dear co-eaters:
[Mit-Esser, meaning also "pimples"]
I have been honoured with
the pleasure of making the festive speech.
I avail myself of this pleasure
by welcoming you all.
You all have come
to watch the young couple's happiness,
because you'll never again see them
as happy as they are today.
Because what'll follow after
this beautiful feast
isn't beautiful, but "feisty".
[fest = 1. feast 2. stable, steady]
Because I mean, marriage.
Because the most beautiful thing
about marriage is the wedding,
and this wedding party is a special
wedding party.[Hoch-zeit = high time]
Because it was high time
that the thing became steady. [fest]
Because, look at the dear bride,
our beloved little Marie.
She saw many springs
till at last beloved Franz came along.
Poor Franz!
Poor, because he only met
his little Marie so late in life.
We know, dear Franz,
what awaits you now...
But we don't envy you, no, we're
happy you've got your little Marie.
And now the dear parents!
Little Marie's parents,
they mustn't be forgotten,
who spared neither efforts nor money to
get rid of their daughter ["los-werden"]
Eh, to embellish
their daughter's fate ["Los"] on earth.
And now she's got her Franz,
and Franz may be calm now.
Nobody will take her away from him.
And so I'll raise this cup of joy
at this feast of joy
in this house of joy.
[Freuden-Haus : brothel]
May the young couple celebrate
very soon their golden wedding
and always bear the patriotic
poet's lines in mind:
# Marriage is no great evil,
# one paints the yoke of marriage in
far too black colours.
# Marriage is like an onion:
# one cries over it
but swallows it all the same.
The young couple,
long may they live, high!
High - high - high!
Come along.
The baptism is without
piano accompaniment.
Ah yes.
Don't forget, you're the Deputy Upper
Ministerial Official von Zickendorf!
Upper Zickendorfer Mineral Special...
Upper Zickendorfer Specialist for...
Mineral Deputy of...
Upper Deputy Mineral...
Upper Official...
Upper Zickendorfer Special Mineral
Upper Deputy...
One moment, come with me!
Oh dear.
Come along.
- Please, speak on the telephone!
- I?
Yes, I'll tell you what to say.
Hello, this is the Deputy
Upper Ministrant of Upper-Zicke
What, a Zicke [goat]?
Which Zicke?
No, you're Professor Wielander!
But I'm not a Professor!
Ah, Professor.
No, this is Dr. Cajetan,
General Secretary
of the "Modern Club".
I am happy to have finally
reached the Professor in person.
No, I'm speaking on behalf
of our esteemed president,
the Baroness Lindenw?rth.
I have the honourable task
of informing you
that the committee has awarded
this year's first prize to your book.
I'm getting a prize!
Marvellous!
- How much is the prize?
- For God's sake!
The club's prize is of course
purely idealistic. [idealer]
How many thalers?
I see, idealistic.
But that's very little.
- What does he say?
- He doesn't want to pay.
Dear Professor, that I finally got hold
of the eternally invisible man.
Now there's a lady speaking.
May the ladies of the club ask of you
to present us with the honour...
A present? But that's insolent!
The prize doesn't earn me anything, and
l am to make them a present as well!
Hello, Madame General!
Madame Baron!
Stop it, stop it!
We've been cut off.
Didn't you understand
what the lady wanted?
Not a word.
But we can call them back.
- No no, thank you, thank you.
- You're welcome.
I don't want to keep you
any longer, Herr...eh...
Carry Klips.
# Festive speaker for all weddings,
baptisms, engagement parties
# funerals, consecrations of flags,
# with our without piano accompaniment.
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
What? You're a professional speaker?
I take the liberty.
May I ask for the meaning
of this telephone call?
Oh, that was... a little joke.
A little joke, very well.
If you ever need me again for a joke -
my address!
#Take my card,
I'll make a house call,
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
The Deputy Upper Ministerial Official
von Zickendorf will honour us
with his visit, on the occasion
of our little daughter's baptism.
Allow me, von Zickendorf.
Madame.
Herr Henkelmann.
Esteemed...
Esteemed guests, present or absent,
dear parents,
dear young man!
Man, that's a girl!
Pardon. Esteemed young Miss!
I have been awarded the rare honour to
hold the festive speech at this feast,
the festive speech
for our little baptizee.
Because the world is beautiful,
wonderfully beautiful.
Let us remember the day
when we first saw the light
of the bedside table lamp
in mother's bedroom.
We all were younger then,
more carefree,
not so dry, not so...
We all were younger then,
more carefree, not so sober,
not so dry as we are today.
But more like you,
you little baptizee.
Well yes... that's what
I was going to say,
not so...
not so dry, but rather...
jolly, I'd even say...
"wet"-jolly,
[feucht-fr?hlich" - boozy]
Just like this little child
in white linen.
What joys such a small child will
bring home in later years,
that I cannot describe in so many words
and that's why I end my speech
with a vivat for the little drunkard
[S?ufling]
For the little baptizee. [T?ufling]
High high high!
Hurry up!
What's next?
Consecration of the flag
with the boy scouts.
Ah yes, of course.
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call,
# I am the man who can do anything,
don't begin without me
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call,
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
It won't last forever,
that lousy speaking at feasts.
A few hundred more of those weddings
and baptisms like those today...
And we can become engaged.
What about the baptism?
What's going on here?
The door's open.
But I'm positive I locked it.
- Evening.
- Evening.
The doorman was
as kind as to let me wait here,
because I absolutely
had to speak to you today.
Really? Am I to make
another phone call?
May I speak to you alone?
Lillebil...
If you please.
How did you get into this uniform?
I held the festive speech for the
firemen brigade's memorial service.
I see.
I've made you participate
in a little fraud today.
I am still at your disposition.
Professor Wielander, whom you've
impersonated, is my boss, you know.
I'm his secretary.
And surely you must have
heard of him. Emanuel Wielander!
Cyclists Club "Puncture"
I don't know any Emanuel.
But you must know his book,
his famous book on marriage
which was crowned with a prize today.
Why crowned?
He won't get a crown [penny]
for the prize.
Oh!
Wrestlers Club "Jump On Him"
Oh, that's not interesting.
- Listen to me.
- With pleasure.
The condition is that each prize holder
must make a big speech in public.
What have I got to do with this?
You must make the speech for him.
- I?
- Yes.
Why doesn't he make
the speech himself?
Because he can't.
Is he dumb?
Worse.
He has a speech impediment,
that's the trouble.
Dumb would be interesting,
but a famous writer with
a speech impediment is ridiculous.
So, what's the problem exactly?
He has a lisp,
and he stammers a bit,
gets stuck with his tongue,
has breathing problems
when speaking,
suffers from loss of memory,
attacks of anxiety,
he gets hoarse,
and he spatters on top of it.
But otherwise he's fine?
- Yes, thank God.
- That's good to hear.
See, nobody knows about
his speech impediment.
So far, he's lived quite a solitary life.
But now he's to be
introduced to high society.
And I'm to speak for him?
Yes, his inaugural speech in public.
But how shall I do that?
Listen.
His lecture in the "Modern Club"
is scheduled for next week...
MODERN CLUB
TODAY: LECTURE Prof. E. WIELANDER
# We are the audience,
the great audience
# we demand gaudium for our money
# because honour, value, and fame
is awarded by the audience
# it all depends on
whether we like it or not.
# We bend forward and sit cold and silent
# a great audience in a big house
# So jump to the beat of the music,
show your mumbo-jumbo
# because the audience
has requested it.
Ladies and gentlemen!
My God, if only everything eh...
works out all right, I feel so...
terr...ibly worried.
Whether it'll be all right
about the speech.
It'll work out fine.
The festive speaker will see to it.
Will he? And you know,
I can so beautifully...
make a speech,
so enrapturing, so... so... so...
fascinating,
if nobody's listening.
Unfortunately you cannot talk in
monologue all your life.
Unfortunately.
And now I have the honour
to introduce to you
the author of the book "Marriage",
Professor Wielander.
It's the first time the prize-winning
author is speaking in public.
Like this! I beg your pardon,
but it's all been arranged
as you wished.
Nobody may enter
the space behind the stage.
Esteemed audience,
esteemed Madame President!
The topic has the title
"Marriage and its prevention".
An old Arabian proverb says:
marriage is like a town under siege.
Those outside want to get in,
those inside want to get out.
In fact, this sums up pretty much
everything one could say about marriage.
Because, esteemed ladies and gentlemen,
marriage is nothing else
but a terrible misunderstanding.
Most marriages are made in the belief
that happiness begins with marriage,
whereas nothing else begins
but a terrible misunderstanding.
But this is the voice of...
In fact, each marriage is on
the one hand a res consuetudinis,
on the other hand
a res unius quis.... damned...
unius quisque.
Which means,
it may be regarded biologically
or sociologically.
And since it is a co...
copulatio damned...
fortunae aquae vitae
of wife and husband,
one must look at it
from two sides.
That is, on the one hand,
from the status virilis,
on the other hand,
from the status mulibris.
Muliebris.
Muliebris.
Already in paradise, Adam and Eve...
Radio Germany K?nigs Wusterhausen
at 7 p.m.:
transmission from the "Moderner Klub"
lecture: Prof. Emanuel Wielander
Man and woman and the whole world...
Esteemed listeners,
because now the matter gets ticklish,
all the questionis matrimoni
are of an altitudo
cuius est magna auctoritas.
Rabridrana...
Rabridranath Tragore...
Rabindranath Tagore,
the Indian scholar,
has already remarked:
[now in fancy Bengali]
krihis hastopi...
cria iucto
nagriena
drihas rami
naki
nakliva
nakliva putra
nakaliva ava khan pari baldis
pari baida
dam dalma
daiva kayyam
dakalusta fe
hasmi hasmi
Bless you!
I proceed:
hasmineva prejunianus
himamineva tujate
Exactly my opinion!
I gather you've understood me correctly,
ladies and gentlemen,
each marriage is nothing
but an egocentric necessitas
summae potestates...
in alias.
But this egotism is a
valitudo minus commoda
and as long as...
this autocratic egotism
secrotantly exists at all,
there is no possibility
for a good marriage.
Sit! Sit!
Which phenomenon suddenly appears then,
ladies and gentlemen?
Ladies and Gentlemen...
Where on earth do you come from?
Sonja, quiet!
...has its foundation on mutual...
Get into the corner!
Which after mutual help...
Will you go into the corner!
Silent!
Will you sit still!
The vita maccaroni
must be a school
of the caritas hominum...
Look here, the little kitten!
We have happily
taken care of this passus now.
Sonja, come here!
And thus I close my statement:
everything is destiny,
marriages are made in heaven,
that's why, as Nestroy remarks,
a heavenly patience is needed
to be able to bear them on earth.
My dear Professor,
it has been enrapturing.
I thank you on behalf of the club,
and especially on behalf of myself.
Of course we must get
acquainted more closely.
But certainly, as close as possible.
You must come and see me.
I'd be delighted to
welcome you as my guest.
I'm afraid that's impossible, Baroness.
But it's very possible!
You see.
But...
Agreed, Professor.
May I count on your visit?
Of course, Madame, we'll come
and we'll be overjoyed.
So goodbye then,
tomorrow at my place!
Well, thank you again
for the enjoyable evening.
Isn't she delightful!
You insolent person!
How dare you accept the invitation!
Listen to me, when a nice woman
invites me to coffee I never say no.
You don't have a say in anything!
All at once?
Till now you needed me,
but not when I'm invited for coffee
Anyway...
- You're not invited.
- Why not?
- Only the professor.
- That's the same, the professor and I.
What do you say to that, Professor?
What do you say to that, Professor?
The mic mic...
The whole world may hear it
for all I care!
I don't like it that you go
and see that Baroness.
I... eh...
Come with me!
In any case, your services
are no longer required,
Mr. Festive Speaker.
Well, Madame Baroness,
what about the two of us?
What was that?
What were you saying?
You're afraid of me?
# Already Madame Eve
said to her husband
# Dear Adam, get started!
# I'm already sick and tired of paradise
so kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!
# And Paris with the tunic
# said to his beautiful Helen:
# Your Menelaus is sitting at home,
so kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!
# To beautiful Romeo, little Juliet
sends all her love longings
# and K?the has long ago come to an
agreement with her Karlheinz.
# Don't be afraid of the first kiss
# because it's bound
to happen one day.
# Don't be afraid,
I'd love to teach you,
# kissing is again
quite fashionable nowadays.
# Nobody needs to know
anything about it, except the two of us,
# don't be afraid when it happens,
there's nothing to it.
# You'd better be afraid
of the last kiss
# because it's bound to happen, too.
The transmission of Prof. Wielander's
lecture was a splendid success.
After the lecture,
the scholar sang a little song
which had nothing to do
with the theme of marriage,
but which will surely be
a smash hit very soon.
Tell me, did you listen
to the radio last night?
Yes, some learned
rubbish about marriage.
So so...
By the way, Mother has been
writing to me again.
She asks when the two of us
will finally get married.
It's high time, she says.
My dear child,
one mustn't rush into a marriage.
It's a far too important matter,
so to speak, a res consuetudinis,
on the one hand
on the other hand,
a res us unius quisque.
That is, it may be looked at
from two sides,
either sociologically,
or biologically.
You see, this is
what mother says, too.
It's logical for the two of us
to get married,
since for such a
long time we've been...
Your eternal talk about your mother!
# Mother doesn't have
to know about it
# if we stand beneath
the house gate at night.
# That two people kiss each other
without wedding rings,
# today, mother cannot
understand it anymore.
# In the nightly alley,
the two of us, all alone,
# darkness favours secret dealings,
# by the light of the gas lantern.
# Mother doesn't have
to know about it
# if we stand beneath
the house gate at night.
# Almost all men shudder
when one speaks of marriage
# they have hardly heard one word of it
and they are gone forever.
# Men are criminals
# and are getting cheekier every day.
# They have no conscience at all,
all they say is:
# Mother doesn't have
to know about it
# if we stand beneath
the house gate at night.
# That two people kiss each other
without wedding rings
# today, mother cannot
understand it anymore.
# In the nightly alley,
the two of us, all alone,
# darkness favours secret dealings,
# by the light of the gas lantern.
# Mother doesn't have to know about it
# if we stand beneath
the house gate at night.
And the Professor must sit next to me.
Then I'll have him all to myself.
Yes, Madame Baroness.
I'm totally overworked.
And Miss Titi?
Oh, that meddlesome person!
Place her right at
the end of the table.
Yes, Madame Baroness.
Prof. Wielander on the phone!
Dear Professor,
how kind of you to call me.
What are you saying?
You've dreamt about
the dress I'll be wearing?
Well?
What?
A gown with silver lace?
In my hair a diadem?
How did you guess this?
How l know about it?
I'm a psychic.
But that's not why I'm calling you,
but to hear once more
your beloved voice, Madame Baroness.
For who knows when and if at all
we'll ever see each other again.
But why?
But we'll be seeing each other tonight.
Unfortunately I cannot come, no.
Oh, yes, yes...
I'm coming! Of course!
I'm already there!
I'm looking forward
to seeing you, dear Professor.
But Professor, how did you
manage to be here already?
And you've really predicted my gown?
Or have you bribed my dressmaker,
you you...
Excuse me.
But we can still turn back and leave.
No!
As you please,
let's stay then.
But what will the beautiful baroness say
when she hears how you really speak?
That'll be just great!
Today you belong to me, you must
tell me everything, Professor.
Oh dear!
Come with me.
Oh dear!
Ladies and Gentlemen!
We have the great honour
to greet Herr Wielander,
who until now
has never been seen in society,
as our guest.
Oh dear.
Esteemed hostess,
honoured guests!
If the servant annoys you
during your speech, I'll send him away.
No!
We're sitting at a rich table, and
we've been invited by a beautiful woman.
But...
we'd still be sitting in paradise today
if God hadn't told Eve:
"I forbid you to eat apples
from the tree of knowledge".
But if He had told her instead
"I think eating apples
doesn't become you, Eve",
and since this little faux-pas
made by a beautiful woman,
eating became fashionable,
and since beautiful women
always follow fashion
they see to it
that we'll always sit at rich tables.
Already the immortal
Brillat-Savarin knew it:
"Tell me what you eat,
and I tell you who you are".
I look around in this company
and I see a classical table service,
heavenly dishes, refined food.
And I know who our host is:
a classical, heavenly,
refinedly beautiful woman.
Prosit!
Prosit, Professor.
Prosit.
You're not only a great scholar,
but also a great Casanova.
Yes.
Come with me, Professor,
let's have a quiet chat.
Oh dear.
Take a seat.
We're alone here.
Isn't it nice here?
Are you looking for something?
I see, help yourself.
Do you know
what I like best about you?
Your voice.
Hoppla.
You have such a melodious...
I'd even say...
erotic voice.
Say something, Professor.
Speak to me now!
I think it's adorable of you:
only when you speak of your work
you get carried away,
otherwise you like to keep silent,
like all great men.
But now you must tell me
what's on your mind.
I know, you want to tell me something,
isn't that so, Professor?
I want to know
whether you can make a woman happy.
I say! and how!
Right from the first
moment I thought...
What did you think?
Golly! I thought.
She's my kind of woman.
Oh dear
I held the lecture only for you.
I could sense it.
I also noticed that you lost your
composure each time you looked at me.
But that wasn't because of you,
it was because of the poodle.
What poodle?
I mean, pudelatio persilia...
Because of the chapter on marriage.
I see
And you don't want to get married?
But I do!
Ouch! [Au]
What was that?
[Auf] If it were the case,
only with a woman like you.
Why me?
Because you have charm, chic,
esprit, money [Geld]
Eh, a reputation [Gelt-ung]
in the world.
Oh dear.
You seem so strange to me.
When one looks at you
one must love you dearly,
but when you speak
I feel afraid of you.
#All beginnings are hard in life,
# even more so in love.
# so start practicing early, or else you'll
never learn kissing, kissing, kissing
# Young people, whether rich or poor,
in love they're all alike,
# at first happy,
and then madly in love, love love.
# That's why it's important
to get it right in the beginning,
# when one finally has a rendezvous
then you say...
# Don't be afraid of the first kiss
# because it's bound
to happen one day.
# Don't be afraid, I love to teach you
# kissing is quite
fashionable nowadays.
# Nobody's to know anything about it,
just the two of us
# only I'm afraid, perhaps something
will happen to me while I'm doing it.
# You'd better be afraid
of the last kiss
# because it's bound
to happen one day, too.
No, l!
You!
Ouch!
I'm not afraid.
How powerful you are,
as if you held me with iron arms.
Come with me, Professor,
we must get back to the party.
Oh dear.
# It has been very beautiful,
I've been so pleased
# the guests have
greatly amused themselves
# The evening is over,
I don't regret it
# but it would have even
been better without the guests.
# The dinner was superb,
the wines exquisite,
# the ??? were cleaned and patient
# The guests took
the very best impression home,
# and didn't give any tips!
The Professor?
What are you doing here?
And you?
I... I wanted...
So do I.
So we both want the same.
Yes.
You must make to the Baroness...
from me a...
a declaration of love, will you?
And she should the...
The key.
Key, yes, thank you,
throw down the key,
and whether I can come up
and have with her a... a...
a cup of tea... yes?
I am to tell her that?
Yes, you're to tell her that, yes?
But I don't want to have tea.
Not you!
I!
Ah, you want to have tea.
- Yes.
- You're a fine gentleman.
Having tea in the middle of the night.
You must tell her...
that I...
love her. Yes?
- I won't do it.
- Why not?
Because I like her myself.
- You?
- Yes.
And?
And now I'll go upstairs
and tell her the truth.
Oh dear! Hoppla!
Not not... tell her...
I'm fed up playing the tinpot Cyrano.
Get your act together alone!
All right, I'll get my eh...
- Act...
- Act together alone.
Is there anything you want from me?
Tea.
But what is it you want, Professor?
I just wanted to tell you
that I never have tea.
And that's why you've come back?
Yes, that's why.
I never have tea, neither
with rum, nor lemon, nor cream,
and I don't want to have tea,
I don't want anything.
I just want to have peace.
Go to bed and dream about
whomever you like, only not about me!
That's unheard-of!
What insolence!
Good night and good riddance!
You you
...dog!
But you're crazy!
Why are you shouting
in the middle of the night?
Why are you demolishing
the garden facilities?
None of your business.
You look after your own inclinations.
Inclinations?
You!
Don't shout at me,
or I'll arrest you!
Arrest me then, you grease drop
["grease-eye"] of the law!
Grease drop?
No, not eye. I!
Nine-eyes? You're under arrest!
# One falls in love here and there
# and doesn't know how it happened.
# Suddenly it begins,
and you only notice
# when you can't change it anymore.
# And one stands in front of her house,
# looks up to her windows,
# and one sighs heavily
and wanders up and down
# in front of the window.
# Your nightshirt is made
of cr?pe de chine,
# your heart is made of stone,
# you've no idea how much I'm in love,
# only I alone know about it.
# If you only knew
how nice I can be to women
# then you wouldn't say no any longer,
# then your heart would be
made of crepe de chine
# and not, like it is now, of stone.
# Did you really say no?
# Did you only say it
without meaning it?
# tell me, are you only shamming
or are you making fun of me?
# Yesterday you were blazing hot,
# today you're as cold as ice,
# sometimes quiet, sometimes passionate,
# child, you're a riddle to me.
# Your shirt is made of cr?pe de chine,
# your heart is made of stone,
# you've no idea how much I'm in love
# only I alone know about it.
# If you only knew
how nice I can be to women,
# then you wouldn't say no any longer,
# then your heart would be
made of cr?pe de chine
# and not, like it is now, of stone.
You know, Adam,
such an elegant woman has her charms.
Believe me, a cozy bedroom,
a bed with silk cushions,
and Madame in
a shirt of cr?pe de chine.
Well? What do you think?
You know,
I really like Lillebil a lot,
but it's always the same.
What do you think?
Should I go to that baroness
and tell her that I like her?
Calm down.
I didn't want to know that much
You too would rather be a Rolls Royce
with luxury body and triad horn.
Or should I stay with Lillebil?
What do you say?
Of course, you two,
Lillebil and you,
you always stick together.
Now it's enough, do you hear!
Don't get excited!
I'll stay with Lillebil.
I'll even marry her,
so that the mother
doesn't complain anymore.
But not right now.
I'd like to stay
a bachelor for a while.
# Mother doesn't have to know about it
# if we stand beneath
the house gate at night.
Oh, the festive speaker!
What else do you want from us?
I behaved badly
with the Professor yesterday.
I'd like to make up for it today,
and again... eh...
make speeches for him.
The Professor has a visitor,
and he'll hardly have use
for your services after that visitor.
Because the baroness is with him.
Alone with him?
Indeed, all alone,
and in a room without folding screens
or curtains or Japanese armour.
In a word: no hiding place for you.
I got your letter, Professor.
You wrote that you
had to see me urgently.
You were going to explain
your behaviour last night.
Oh dear.
I have arranged it.
In two minutes she'll learn that
her adored Professor can't even speak.
In three minutes she'll be gone.
In four minutes,
my Professor will belong to me again.
I think this is an outrage!
Betraying the poor Professor that way!
Adieu, Mr. Festive Speaker,
it has been festive.
You remain silent
because you're embarrassed.
I must say, last night at my window
you were much more talkative.
Well?
I'm listening, Professor.
So formal?
I'm quite curious.
Well, what do you have to say to me?
That I love you.
Now this is a surprise!
I didn't expect that!
Me neith... er.
You make me feel abashed.
Now I'm stuck.
So am I.
I beg your pardon?
Let's get comfortable now.
Let's light the fireplace.
Good Heavens, no!
As you like.
You were talking so nicely, go on.
How am I to reconcile your declaration
of love with last night's incident?
Eh... eh...
Baroness, don't think of last night.
Only think of this hour,
only this moment matters.
I love you wickedly!
[ver-rucht - Rauch = smoke]
Baroness!
- I love you...
- Your voice is so fiery,
so flaming.
Yes, fiery and flaming,
that is exactly how I feel.
Don't you like the cognac?
I think it's excellent.
Oh dear.
The way the wind
howls in the chimney,
and there's not even
a breeze outside.
But what do we care
about that storm!
What do we care
about the whole world!
Tell me what's on your heart.
Baroness,
Baroness, I have the honour
to ask for your hand in marriage.
If only I could get a grasp
for my hand in here.
Oh dear.
Oh dear.
But what on earth
were you looking for in there?
You'll laugh,
I've been looking for this one.
But how strange you speak!
You have the same voice
as the professor!
Yes.
In Heaven's name,
tell me who you are!
Carry Klips,
# Festive speaker for all weddings,
baptisms, engagement parties
# funerals, consecrations of flags,
# with our without
piano accompaniment.
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
Pardon.
And your voice?
Was the professor's.
And the professor?
Has several effective
speech impediments.
- And you have...
- Spoken for him.
- And the declaration of love?
- Was my own.
- And the kiss?
- Mine, too.
Why?
The "iron" embrace.
Insolence!
That's right.
But then I've fallen
in love with your voice!
So it seems.
Terrible!
A festive speaker!
You have... you have...
Told her everything.
- Told everything?
- Yes.
- Do you know what you are?
- Well?
You're a... a fraud!
A crook, a robber, a murderer,
a thief, a forger, a church robber.
- But Professor!
- What is it?
So you can speak!
- I can what?
- Speak!
Oh dear.
Firmly walled in earth and steady,
stands the mould of well-burnt clay.
Go away, silly goose!
Again.
Firmly walled in earth and steady,
stands the mould of well-burnt clay.
Quick, now, workmen, be ye ready !
Forth must come the bell to-day !
Should the master praise be given ;
Yet the blessing comes...
from Heaven.
One moment.
One moment.
Just one moment:
Firmly walled in earth and steady,
stands the mould of
of clay... of well-burnt clay.
Today...
- You! It is I who's speaking!
- Yes.
- So I can speak again!
- Yes.
- I can speak fluently again!
- Yes!
- You're a...
- I know, a fraud.
No, no, no, no!
You're an angel,
a magician, a genius!
# Two hearts in 3/4-time,
# the May has united them,
# two hearts in 3/4-time
Madame Baroness.
How dare you show yourself in here,
you fraud!
- Baroness!
- You crook! You impostor!
Baroness!
You've let another man
babble in your place.
Baroness!
You've let another man kiss me.
Baroness!
And you call this love?
Baroness!
You've tricked me
into giving you my sympathy,
but you can't even speak!
Oh yes, I can speak!
But they don't let me!
- You can speak?
- Yes, I can speak.
I can speak like a filibuster,
like a festive speaker,
like a speaker at an election.
One moment.
One moment.
What are you looking for?
The festive speaker.
But that's me, the festive speaker!
# Give me your card,
I'll make a house call
# nowadays nobody can do without me.
One moment.
Say: Fisher's Fritze fishes fresh fish.
Oh dear.
Fisher's Fritze fishes fresh fish.
- So you really can...
- Speak.
- Without the other man?
- Without the other man.
Thank God!
Then we can get married.
Oh dear. Why?
Well, now you're finally able
to speak up and say "yes".
# Don't be afraid of the
marriage license office,
# because from here are issued
some beautiful things.
# Don't be afraid
of the marriage license,
# one day each man
falls into the trap.
# Please speak up and say "yes",
#then you'll be soon a mama
and you the papa.
# Now she belongs to him
and will remain his forever.
# If you're fortunate she'll say "no".
Madame Baroness von Lindenw?rth,
are you determined,
of your own free will
to enter into matrimony
with Herr Professor Emanuel Wielander?
Then answer "yes".
Yes.
Yes.
Herr Professor Emanuel Wielander,
are you determined,
of your own free will
to enter into matrimony
with Madame Baroness von Lindenw?rth?
Then answer "yes".
I'm asking you for the last time:
answer with a loud and,
if possible, articulate "yes".
Will you really say "yes" when we stand
before the marriage registrar?
Yes.
So I declare you man and wife.
Or rather "no".
Listen darling,
we've gotten on so well up to now.
But I've promised Mother
that we'll get married at last.
Oh, you and your mother...
# Mother doesn't have to know about it
# we'll get married
another time, I promise.
I know all about that other time,
it's now or never!
# That two kiss each other
without wedding rings
And I've got the rings, too.
# that I cannot understand, alas
You'll understand all right.
# In the nightly alley,
the two of us, all alone
And the marriage registrar in there!
# darkness favours secret dealings,
No more secret dealings now!
Now we'll get married!
# by the light of the gas lantern
Gas or electric, day or night...
# The whole world may know about it,
# that I'm your spouse from today on.
The End
subtitles: serdar202 & Tommaso