Death at a Funeral (2007) - full transcript

foodval.com - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
---
Subbed and Timed By darkskythe
edited and synced to nedivx release by rogard

Straight through there and
to the left.

Would you like to...

- Who's this?
- Pardon me?

That's not my father.

Shit, we've taken the wrong one.

We're really sorry for this.
We'll go back and get him.

Jesus...

They brought the wrong coffin.

You're joking.

Can you believe that?
Good thing I checked.



We could be running the service for
some random member of the public.

What kind of business are these people
running anyway?

My God.

There's just so much to worry about
you know. And mom's in such a state...

Robert is clear he'll not do anything to
help, assuming he gets here at all.

Even the funeral speech is awful.

I'm sure it's not that awful.

Yeah, it is.

I was thinking that maybe Robert...

..should write the speech.
He's such a good writer.

Maybe we should
let him do it.

You're every bit as good a writer as
your brother Daniel, if not better,...

...you just have to let somebody
else read your novel.

Everything is gonna be okay.



When the funeral is over...

...we just have to focus on
moving out of here

...and starting our own
lives properly.

You called them?

Didn't you, Daniel?

You did put the deposit
on the flat?

I'll sort it out.
I promise.

God, I hate funerals.
Don't you?

They're just so depressing.

It's just the death and
everything...

...know what I mean?
Do you agree, Justin?

Justin?

Yeah, it's alright.

Alright? How can you possibly think
of that as alright?

Why are you even coming to this?
You don't even know Daniel.

I do know Daniel.
I met him a couple of times.

A couple of times. Well he's not
a friend, is he?

No, not a friend

If you're gonna smoke will you please
put that out the window?

I'd rather not get your cancer,
thank you very much.

I got my own problems to be
worrying about.

Yeah, like what?

The discoloration on my wrist
I keep telling you about

Look at it.

It's fucked.

I'm fucked.

Why are we even coming, eh?

Cause of Martha, isn't it?

Justin...

Are you okay?

Not too bad, thanks Martha.

I'm a bit nervous.

About seeing my Dad?

I just don't think I've been so
openly hated by anyone before.

He just hates everyone.
You mustn't take it to heart.

You need to relax with him.

I can't help it.
He puts me on edge.

He'll be more concerned his sister
husband just died.

He's not gonna be focused
on you.

Anyway, I'm sure when I tell him
that we're getting married...

...He'll start to learn
to accept you.

Are you sure about that?

Of course.

I can't really see Victor
as the accepting type.

We're on our way to a funeral you wanker!
Haven't you got any respect?

Okay, calm down.

It's all right, breathe.

Through your nose.
Okay?

Deep breaths.

You alright?

That fucking tosser...

Alright, I'm gonna go down.

Hope they brought the right
coffin this time.

I'll come with you.

It's okay, I can do it.

I know, I know you can.

I'm just gonna check on
the seating.

To make sure there's enough room
for uncle Alfie.

Shit.

Hello?

Hey mate. How are you?
You alright?

Yeah.

Of course I remember
uncle Alfie.

Absolutely fine.
Yeah, not a problem at all.

No. Of course I don't mind.

Alright. Yeah, don't worry.

It's fine.
I promise.

See you soon.
Okay, bye.

Shit.

Is this...your father sir?

Yes, it is. Yes.

Hey mum.
Yoy allright?

I just don't know what I'm
going to do without him.

What do I have to live for now?

Don't be silly.
You got your friends, family...

You got me and Jane and Robert...

Where is Robert?
Have you heard from him?

His plane will land at 10:00

But he'll be here.
Don't worry.

If there's anything I can do, Sandra...?

Don't put your hand there, dear...

...you'll leave smudge marks.

I'll get 'em to you this evening.

No, can't do it this afternoon.
I got a funeral.

Yeah, my uncle died.

Yeah, tragic.

I'm telling you mate.
This is really powerful stuff.

You really only need to take half

Trust me. You're gonna
bite your fucking head off.

I gotta go.
My sister's in.

I'll tell you if I get to the bar
after the funeral.

Bye.

Hang on!

Hi. How's it going?

Troy you're not ready?
Come on, we're gonna be late.

I put on my trousers and
I'm done.

Are you guys okay?

Simon is a bit freaked out.

Some asshole almost drove us
off the road.

Fucking bastards. Make yourselves comfy.
I'll be out in 2 minutes.

Look at these pills all
over the place.

Troy is studying to be
a pharmacist.

Are you okay?

I'm a bit shaky...

Not much, just a little...

Take one of these.

It will calm you down.

You sure?

Absolutely.
It's just Valium.

I used to take them all the time.

It will make you feel better.
Honestly.

Come on. Open wide.

I'm ready.

Hello?

Hello?

Robert?

Robert.

Hi, mom.

Darling.

Happy to see you.

- How are you doing?
- Okay.

Hi Robert.

How are you?

Good.

How was your flight?

Great... There was a lot of turbulence
that was a bit worrying...

That's the thing about 1st class.
It doesn't matter how much you pay

for the ticket. If the plane crashes we're
all gonna end up dead.

Sorry.

No, no, I'll go.

Don't worry.

Shit.

That's him.

Jesus Howard. You didn't say he was
gonna be in a fucking wheelchair

Uncle Alfie, hello.

We're here to take you
to the funeral.

Where the fuck have you been?
You're late.

This is bloody grim, isn't it?

It's not supposed to be fun.

I know, but Jesus...

I feel like my heart has been wrenched
out of my ribcase.

It's awful.

Well, that's grief for you.

That's why I don't like
close relationships with people.

Too much emotion involved.

I'm just glad you're
gonna be here with mom.

Yeah, well, not for long.

Jane and I are moving out.

What about mom?

Actually I was thinking
maybe she'd like to...

...to come with you to New York
for a bit.

Don't be ridiculus.
I can't take her to New York.

What am I gonna do with her?
Take her to parties?

We've already decided.

We're putting a deposit
on a flat.

- I'm gonna need the money.
- What money?

Money for all this.
For the funeral.

You agreed to pay for half.

- Did I?
- Yeah.

Yeah, so...

Yeah, I don't have it on me, Daniel.

I can get it to you in a few... months.

A few months?
Robert, I need it now.

That's not gonna happen.
I'm totally skinned.

What do you mean, you're skinned?

You're a succesful novelist,
you live in New York...

...and you have a penthouse apartment there.
What do you mean?

Do you have any idea how
much it costs for the upkeeping?

And besides which, I payed a fortune
to fly over here.

Do you know how much they charge for
1st class nowdays?

It's a fucking disgrace.

So, poor old uncle Eddie, eh?

Yes.

Did you ever meet uncle Eddie, Simon?

Simon?

Was there a dog in here
just now?

What?

I'm sure there was a dog in here.

What the hell are you talking about?

There's nowhere to park.

This is ridiculus.

How about over there?

The guy is coming out.

Take it!

Alright!

What are you doing?

Are you mental?

Sorry.

Excuse me.

Sorry...
Oh, hi Martha.

I was just about to park there
actually.

Are you a relative, Howard?

No, I'm not.
But...

Hey Martha.

Who's that?

What's happening?

Did you see that?
She barely even looked at me.

I said what's happening?
Are we there?

Oh, my God. We got
uncle Alfie in the car.

I can't believe I forgot to say
we've got uncle Alfie in the car.

Alright, keep your hair on!

What the hell is going on?

She barely even looked.

Very green here. Isn't it...?

Very green...

Simon, what the hell is
the matter with you?

What do you mean?

You're talking about phantom dogs
and things beeing green...

What's going on?

I don't know...

Martha.

Is Simon normally like this?

Of course he's not normally
like this.

Something's not right.

Hello...

I think it must be the valium.

The valium?

Yes.

I gave a valium
from your flat.

I think he's just not
used to it...

Right.

Are you gonna get any closer?

You're going the wrong way.

Stop the car. I need to
speak to Martha.

What?

I need to speak to Martha.

What about Alfie?
I need help with uncle Alfie.

We're gonna be late!

Please, stop doing that.

Thank you for coming.
So lovely to see you.

It's so weird to be back here.
I feel so out of it.

That's because you live in a different
country. You lose touch.

Who are all these people?
I don't recognise any of them.

Who's that guy?

I've no idea. Probably some friend
from dad's work.

Are you telling me I have to pay for
this entire funeral on my own?

Well, I can't draw money out of
thin air, Daniel.

Jesus fucking Christ!

Daniel. How's everything going?

Fine, thanks Reverend Davis.

We're just waiting for everyone to
arrive and then we can start.

Great, thank you.

Have you met my brother Robert?

The writer, of course.
It's a pleasure to meet you.

I have read several of
your novels.

Really?

You must be very
proud of your brother.

Yeah, very proud.

Will you be making the
eulogy today?

No, Daniel is going to do it.

Great.

I'll just make sure I have
everything I need.

Listen, I think you
should do the eulogy.

...everyone's expecting you to do it,
I'll just make a mess of it anyways.

Don't be silly.
You do it.

You'll be fine.

All these can go through now.

How's my little sister?

That's very sad.

He was a wonderful husband,
wasn't he?

So attentive, so devoted.

Can I get you a cup of tea, Sandra?

Tea can do many things, Jane.

But it can't bring back the dead.

"My father was an
exceptional man"...

"My father was an
exceptional man"...

Daniel, have you called yet
about the deposit?

No, I haven't.

Why don't you give me the number
and I can do it?

Jane, don't make a fuss

Do you see that guy standing by
the table?

Do you recognise him at all?

He's really staring at me.

Are you listening to me at all?

We have to put the deposit on the
flat, before it's too late.

I know.

Understand?

You'll break it!

Hurry up, we're late.

Oh God...

"My father was an
exceptional man"...

..."My father was an
exceptional man"...

Kate has grown up a bit
isn't she?

What?

Katey.

She was a little girl
when I left and now...

...she's fit.

I'm going to chat with her.

Yeah, why don't you?

"My father was an
exceptional man"...

Hello there.

Oh, hello.

I was really sorry to hear
about your father.

He always talked about you.

Said you were a good son.

Thank you.

Did he ever mention me?

I'm Peter.

Peter... I don't think so.
Were you friends with dad?

Nice to meet you and
thank you for coming.

Push the bloody thing...

I am, damn it...

You're useless...

"My father was an
exceptional man"...

Daniel.

I think we should be calling
everyone in, now...

...to start the service.

Sure.

Really I'm only supposed to be
here until 3.

Sure. Do you mind if we wait
5 minutes for my uncle Alfie?

We shouldn't start without
him, if possible.

Sure.

Look.

Isn't it beautiful?

Martha. Can I have a word?

Excuse me.

Why?
What is it?

I have to tell you something.

I'm warning you in advance
you're not gonna like it.

Nice to see you.
Thank you for coming.

Daniel.

Uncle Victor.

Hello, Robert.

Uncle Victor.
How are you?

I'm, well--

Sad day.

I understand.

So, how are things in
New York?

Great. Really good.

What's with this nonsense about you
not doing the eulogy?

That's right. Daniel is gonna
do the eulogy.

Well that's a damn shame.

I mean, I'm sure Daniel will
be fine but...

...after all you're the
writer in the family.

Will you just excuse me a second?

So...

...any new books coming out?

I'll get my things together.

Sure.

You alright?

Every single bloody person
wants Robert to do the eulogy.

He was my father too, wasn't he?

I'm entitled to the bloody eulogy.

Of course.

And it's gonna be the best bloody
eulogy anybody has ever heard.

Alright?

Apparently Robert won't
be doing the eulogy.

What did you just say?

I said the valium you gave to Simon
wasn't actually valium.

It's an hallucinogenic concoction.

You know, stuff like acid, mescalin,
a little tougher though...

This isn't funny, Troy.

I'm not being funny.
Look at him.

You're absolutely stupid.

How can you leave stuff like
that in your flat?

I didn't think that
someone would take it.

Who goes into someone else's flat
and take anything?

It was a valium bottle.

Fuck, Troy.

What am I to do?

Should I tell him?

No! Don't do that.

You'll freak him out completely.

We should keep a
very close eye on him.

Make sure he doesn't get
out of control.

And don't let him spend too long
talking to one person.

Damn.

Hey Dad.
How are you doing?

You're late.

Hi Dad.

Hi Troy.

You're missing university today?

Nothing to worry.
I'll catch up.

I know.
I'm not worried about you.

I see you brought
your friend along.

His name is Simon.
Simon?

Of course I brought him along,
he's my boyfriend.

Martha, so good to see you.

I'm so sorry aunt Sandra.
We'll miss uncle Edward terribly.

Yeah, he was a great guy.

Yes he was.

Simon, this is my...

Yeah absolutely...

So sorry about the death.

So sorry...

Thank you.

...everything.

What are you gonna do?

No idea.

I can't leave. Aunt Sandra will
never speak to me again.

Shit.

Hey Martha.

You look nice.

I'm dressed for a funeral.

Yeah, but still...

I heard about the engagement.
What's that about?

Who told you that?
I haven't even told my dad.

Is that the guy you're gonna marry?

You're gonna spend the rest of
your life with him?

Yup, that's him.

Simon?

Martha...

Come on!

Can you give me a hand, Justin?

Hi...Daniel.

There's something I'd like to talk to
you about when you have a moment.

Great, do you mind
if we do it later?

Because my uncle Alfie
just arrived.

Sure.

Thank you Justin.
Thank so much mate.

I hope it wasn't too
much hustle.

How are you uncle Alfie?

Terrible.

Ladies and gentlemen.

If you could all
kindly take your seats...

We're about to begin the service.

Simon, please.

Move.

Don't start yet.

Don't start. Move.

Jesus Howard.
You stink.

Family and friends.

Maybe because you left me to
deal with uncle Alfie on my own...

...not to mention you
taking all the credit.

Can you please be quiet?

I'd like to start with a favorite
passage of Edward's...

...from the King James' bible...

...it's the 1st book of Samuel
chapter 18.

Martha, just so you know:

We had uncle Alfie in the car with us.

And you took my parking space.

And I had to push him half a mile
up the hill by myself

We almost missed the service.

That was MY parking space.

If you don't stop this...

...I'll take you out and kick
the living shit out of you.

Do you understand?

What's going on?

She stole my
parking space.

What do you mean she stole
your parking space?

This is a funeral
Behave yourself.

Then, Jonathan and David made
a covenant.

Because he loved him
as his own soul.

And so it came to pass
that the soul of Jonathan...

...was knit with
the soul of David.

And Jonathan stripped himself
of the robe that was upon him...

...and gave it to David.

And his garments,
even his sword...

...and his bow...

...and his belt.

Now, we'll have a few words from
Edward's son, Daniel.

Hi, everyone.

Thanks for so many of
you coming.

I never realised Dad was
so popular.

In fact, it seems he has more
friends now...

...that he's dead, from
when he was alive.

My father was an exceptional man.

He was born in 1938
just a year before the war.

I'll never forget the time when
Dad took us...

...to the place where
he grew up.

Near a town called Crowley
at Sussex.

It's changed a lot
over the years...

...with the expansion
of Gatwick airport.

Actually, it's something of
a commuter town now...

...partly because of it's
proximity to London.

When my father was young it
had pastures

And fields and greenery.

An Dad would run around
the countryside for hours...

...with his close boyhood friend, Bob.

He told how they spend summer days
riding bikes...

Did you see that?

The coffin just moved.

...and swimming in the lake.

Dad's...

Dad's first job was working
after school...

...as an apprentice...

...for an electrician
named Mr. Thompson

It happened again!

I'm telling you, the
coffin is moving!

Simon, please calm down.

The coffin is moving, I tell you!

There's someone alive in there!

Simon, where are you going?

What the hell is wrong with you all?

Look at it!

Can't you see?

Open your eyes!

It's moving around in there.

Can't you see?

Simon, please.

What are you doing there?

Stop it!

Don't touch that!

I've got to let him out!

God!

Calm down mom.

Unbelievable, wasn't it?

If you like you can have some
tea and cake...

...and we'll get back to you as
soon as we can.

What the fuck was all that about?

Daniel, I'm so sorry.

The coffin was moving...

Just go back inside
and I'll explain it.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sure I heard scratching noise...

Please...

Are you alright?

No.

And I haven't made the call
about the deposit yet.

Kill him.

I'm going to kill him.

Dad, leave it.

Leave it?!

He wrecked the funeral.

It wasn't his fault

What do you mean it
wasn't his fault?

Your aunt Sandra is in tatters.

I want him out of here, this moment.
Is that clear?

Tell me you will have nothing
to do with that...

...ridiculous man, ever again.

I'm sorry.

No, I can't do that.

Why not?

Because we're moving in together.

Dear God.

Have you completely
lost your senses?

He's not actually like this.
He took some drugs and...

...and made him act like this.

Drugs? What drugs?

He took some valium and had
a bad reaction.

Valium?

Yes.

That's it.

We'll talk about this later.

Simon?

Martha...

Okay...
Come and sit down.

Alright Janet.
I appreciate that.

Are you alright mate?

That was awful, wasn't it?

He fell in front of your your mom like
a dead trout...

Howard, please...

Yeah sorry. It's just...

...you never know when it's
gonna happen to you.

Like me.
I've got this...

...weird patch of skin

I've had that a
couple of weeks...

...with no idea what it is...

Why not show it to my uncle Victor?
He's a doctor.

Yes.

I swear I saw it moving.

I swear I saw it moving.
No one else saw it?

I swear I saw it moving.
I must be going mad.

Why are my hands so big?

Simon. listen to me.
I need to tell you something.

You know I gave you some
valium earlier?

Yes.

Well...

...it turns out...

...it wasn't actually valium
at all.

Can you hear me?

Hello?

You think we can start now?

I believe yes.

How do you feel Sandra?

Hello doctor.

I've had this skin discoloration for
a couple of weeks now...

It's not going anywhere.
I know it's just a small patch...

...but it's weird.
It does look weird, doesn't it?

Victor, I'm going
back now.

You should probably go see
a dermatologist.

What do you think it is?

It looks like some kind
of pigment mutation.

Pigment mutation?

Probably some allergic
reaction to...

...shellfish, nuts.

What kind of nuts?

Don't know. Peanuts, almonds...
Excuse me.

Do you see now?

Yes?

It's hallucinogenic

My advice is to relax...

...and just go with the flow.

Try and enjoy it.

You!

Simon!

How long does it last?

I don't know.

Simon!

About 8 hours?

8 hours of this?

Simon, let go.

You!

Simon?

Let me go.
I'm going to be sick.

Simon, get back.

Simon.

A word with you Martha...

I'm sorry, excuse me...

Oh God, he's gonna be sick!

Is it okay in there?

Simon are you okay?

Simon.

Simon, let me in.

Simon.

Martha?

Did you happen to see
a pill bottle?

Shit.

Simon?

Right!

Keep it together!

Keep it together...

You can do this.

You're Simon Smith.

You're a solicitor.

8 hours...

No problem.

8 hours is at...

Where's my watch?

It's already been...

Simon, open the door.

7 hours to go.
God, Jesus!

Fuck!

Fuck!

It's nothing to worry about.

Jesus!
Fuck!

Grief does strange things to
people, doesn't it?

Yeah.

If you remember, I have something
to talk to you about.

Oh yes, yes.

Is there some place quiet
we can go?

Sure.

Are you writing a book?

Yes.

Like your brother.

Well yes, but I write different.

He's a great writer, isn't he?

Yes, he is.

Anyway...

Yes, actually...

...I have some photos
I wanted to show you.

Okay.

- May I?
- Sure.

We became quite close,
your father and I...

...in the last few months.

Ended up spending quite a
lot of time together.

Right.

Here's me and your father
in Regent's Park.

Ah, yes.

And here we are on top of
one of those London buses.

Terrible picture of me.

Where did you and my dad meet?

Just around.

Simon.

Are you alright?

Yes, yes...

Keep coming, you...

...and join the others.

Join the others and...

Here we are at a fancy
costume party...

...in Kensington

That's your dad dressed up
as a Roman centurion

In what capacity were you
actually friends with my dad?

I mean no offense...

...but he never mentioned
you to me...

...and you have all these
pictures with him...

...as if you were...

"Screen Goddesses"

Oh God

Oh my God!

I know this might come as
quite a shock to you

I'm sure he would have told you
himself...

...but he wasn't sure how
you'd react.

Does my mother know of this?

No.

And there's no reason
she should find out.

As long as I get what's
owed to me.

What?

Well, I think I deserve something.

Your father and I were lovers.

He left me absolutely nothing in
his will.

How do you think that makes
me feel?

I'll tell you how it makes
me feel.

Cheap.

Like a cheap slut.

Don't you think
I deserve something?

What do you want?

Well I think 15.000 pounds
should do it.

15.000 pounds?

I'm supposed to be bying a flat.

Well that's up to you.

Wait a minute...

You think you can come in here
and show me...

...pictures of you and my dad...

...on a bus, and that counts as proof?

That's no fucking proof.

What's that?

Jesus

Now, I don't want to

But I'll go out there and I'll show
these photos to every single person.

Do you really want me
to do that?

You wait here.

Wait here.

Daniel.

I was telling George here
how when we were boys,...

...your dad loved to make us all bathe naked.

Simon, open the door.

Anything I can do to help?

Not really. Thanks

Everything under control?

Simon?

So what are you doing next weekend?

I've got a couple of tickets
and backstage passes...

Look Justin. I've got
a lot on my plate right now...

...and I can't deal with
your shit.

Can you please just go away?

Please.

Simon?

Can I talk to you?

Not now.

It's important.

It's okay.

Excuse us.

What are you doing?

Remember the little guy
from before that we didn't know...

...the short guy.

Yeah.

I was just being with him
in the study.

And?

He showed me these pictures.

Yeah.

- Of him and dad.
- Right.

Of him and dad together.

Right.

Him and dad together at parties
in Kensington...

Is this going anywhere?
'Cause...

He was shacking dad.

Fuck off.

Are you shitting me?

I'm not shitting you.
I'm telling you.

He showed me the pictures.
I feel sick.

What are you saying?

Dad was a gay?

That's what I'm saying.

And he was cheating on mom?

Evidentely.

With that little...

Yes.

I know it's a bombshell...

...but the concern right now
is that he wants money.

What do you mean?

He wants money.
He wants 15.000 pounds.

Tell him to go fuck himself.

Don't you understand?
He's got the pictures.

If we don't give him the money
he's gonna tell everybody here...

...the most intimate details
of their sex life.

Well I don't want to hear
those intimate details.

Exactly.

What 're we gonna do?

Shit.

Think then.

Well okay, alright...

What a fucking waste of time.

I don't know why I even
bothered.

I dressed up and everything...

And she's more interested
in that idiot...

...than she's in me.

I tell you, this world is
severely fucked.

Sounds serious.
Doesn't it?

- What?
- Pigment mutation.

Can you taste this?
I think it has almonds in it.

Yeah?

So, Daniel's uncle said I'm
allergic to almonds.

Don't eat it then.

Be a friend. Taste it.
Tell me what you think.

No.

Come on, taste it.

I won't.

Come on, please. Can't you
just do me a favor?

Will you please fuck off.

Have you seen a pill bottle
lying around?

It looked like a valium bottle.

No.

Shit.

It won't be long now.

Shall we go inside?

In a minute.

Doctor, could you...?

Hello.

I'm sorry about...you know.

Thank you.

It must me terrible losing
a husband.

You're still so young...relatively.

Are you gonna get married again?

It's probably too soon to
say, isn't it?

It's just terrible isn't it, that
People die...?

How awful is that?

There was a guy that I know...

...someone stabbed him to death
because he called his mother "moose".

And the guy just...

...stabbed him right in the neck.

He cut a major artery.

And you wouldn't believe how
much blood...

was spurting absolutely
everywhere...

And the ridiculus thing is that
the guy who did it...

...told the police later, he didn't
even know what a "moose" was.

Does that cake have almonds in it?

It's not important.
Doesn't matter.

Excuse me.

Nice talking to you.

Let me rephrase the question.

What do you mean it's best that
I pay the money?

Well you've been living off
mom and dad. You must have--

I haven't been...

I payed for this entire funeral, Robert.

Wait a second.

How do you know this guy isn't
bullshitting you?

Oh my God!

Simon?

Simon?

Simon?

Simon?

Simon? Simon?

Simon?

Simon!

Si?

...mon!

I think we're just about ready to
resume the ceremony...

Would you mind giving us 5 minutes?

- Of course.
- Thanks.

What's going on?

I'm really sorry but I think
our moving out plans...

...will have to be put on hold.
Just for a little while.

What do you mean?
Why?

I don't have time to explain
right now.

I wouldn't do this unless
I really had to.

What's the reason?

I can't explain right now, okay?

So you're the blackmailing prick.

What're you doing with that?

It's my manuscript.
It's not to be read by anyone.

You shouldn't leave it
lying around Daniel...

...if you don't want people to
read it.

This is my office.

Guys!
Can we just get to the point?

Fine by me.

I'll write you this check and that's
the end of it. Yes?

You give us the photos and you stay
out of our lives for ever.

- Yeah?
- That's the deal.

Is that your first attempt?

What?

That's your first novel,
isn't it?

Yeah.

So?

No, nothing.

I tried writing once.
It didn't work for me.

I think it's like a gift.
You either have it or you don't.

It must be hard for you
though, Daniel...

...living up to your brother's
reputation.

Always living in the shadow
of a sibling like that.

By the way...

...I read your latest novel.

Really good stuff.

Thanks.

Alright. That's it.

Daniel, what the hell
are you doing?

There's no way I'm giving this twat
a penny of my money.

Don't be ridiculus.

Why should I?

He comes in here on the day
of our father's fuberal...

...he tries to blackmail us
and badmouths my novel.

Who does he think he is?

He has the photos.

Let him show the photos.
I don't care.

Daniel.

No Robert.
I give up, okay?

I give up.
I can't take anymore.

If that's what he's going to do,
fine, let him do it.

- Fine.
- Goodbye.

What?

Wait, wait...

Please, get out of my way.

Let's discuss this
a minute.

There's nothing to discuss.

Get out of my way.

Get up and help, Daniel!

What are you doing, Robert?

Get a rope or something!

We don't have any rope.

Get something...

There, from the curtain.

Take it.

Tie his legs.

Jesus, Robert.
This is a really bad idea.

Fucking men.

Tell me about it.

Daniel, get that tie.

Why?

Just get it.

What are we gonna
do with it?

- Do whatever is necessary now.
- But I don't know.

Stuff it in his mouth.

This is ridiculous.

Daniel?

- Jesus.
- Shut the door!

Why? What's going on?
Who's that?

It's a seizure.

God...really?

I just found some valium.

Bring them here.

How many?

I don't know.

A handful.

Really? Okay.

Wait, you dropped one.

Open his mouth.

Okay.

It will be alright.

Have you seen a little bottle?

Jesus, Howard...

...I told you to lock the
fucking door.

You said to shut the
fucking door.

What's going on?

- He's having a fit.
- It's a seizure.

Seizure?

Why is he all tied up?

Hello.

He's blackmailing you?
Over what?

It doesn't matter now.

What do you mean,
it's not important?

It's personal.

Why?

He said it's personal.

But why?

Just trust us.

This is not a good guy.

So, what are we gonna
do with him?

- What're we gonna do?
- I don't know.

What do you mean
you don't know?

Shut up Daniel.
I've had enough.

How long is the valium
gonna last?

What is it?

- Valium?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I found those valium.

We gave him a few to calm him
down. Thank you.

Oh fuck.

What is it?

What's wrong?

Fuck!

What?

Thing is...

...it's not really valium.

It's mostly acid.

What?!

Simon took one by mistake, that's
why he's acting like this.

And what are you doing with this?

They're for a friend.

Wait a minute.

You're telling us that..

Martha's boyfriend who knocked over
dad's coffin had just 1 of these things?

And you gave him how many?

5.

You can't blame me for this.

Poor bastard.

We should call an ambulance.

Can't do that.
You'll be screwed.

They're gonna find out he's been
force-fed hard drugs.

What's gonna happen?
Is he gonna die?

No.

That is, I don't think so.

Daniel?

Robert?

We'll be out in a
minute, mom.

We need to go outside.

You two stay here
and look after him.

Look after him?

What do you mean?
What're we supposed to do?

Make sure he doesn't escape.

Lock the door behind us.

Hi mom.
How's it going?

Revenant Davis needs to
speak to you.

Can we resume the service now?

I need to leave until 3.

Yes, that's great.
But we need to have a chat.

So can we take 5 more minutes?

- Of course.
- Is there a problem?

Christ.

Why didn't you just pay him
the fucking money?

Where's my tea?

What's your problem?

Women.

Women, women...

Let me tell you something
about women.

When I was a young man...

...I used to go out with the most
beautiful woman in the village.

She'd walk into the room
and everyone's eyes would turn.

Everyone wanted to fuck her.

And of course she
liked the attention...

I have to take a shit.

I can't believe you gave him 5 pills.

Who can we blame for this?

Even if it was valium, you should never
give him 5. Don't you know anything?

No, I don't know about
giving pills.

Hello?

Yes?

I need the toilet.

Could you use the one upstairs?

I'm in a wheelchair you fucking idiot.

How am I supposed to get upstairs?

Open the door.

Wait a minute.

God.

What do we do?

Put him behind the couch.

We're looking for the key.

Hurry.

Shut up!

Hurry up!

Coming.

Hello.

What the hell is wrong
with you people?

I'm about to shit in my trousers.

Come on.

Justin, what is it now?

Just want to talk to you.

Please don't make me go
through this again.

What are you so afraid of, Martha?

I know you feel the same way.

You can't fight what
we had together.

Justin, it was one night,
it was a massive mistake.

I was drunk and out of my mind.
It could have been a donkey.

What's he got that I don't have?

Okay.

For one thing, he's responsible...

...he's thoughtful,
he's intelligent...

...he's stable...
Is that enough for you?

Stop acting as if this was all my fault.

I'm not the one who attacked the guy
and tied him up.

Someone had to look out for mom.

I've been looking out for mom
since you disappeared...

...and went to New York...

...to fool around with your
celebrity friends.

You're really unbelievable.

You can't get over it,
can you?

Get over what?

You're burning with jealousy...

...because you spend 3 years
working on a novel...

...and you won't even let
anyone see it.

And why should I?

What will you do?
Wait until you're dead?

And hope that it gets published?

You just write common crap.

It's not crap.

You're a hypocrite.

And you're the most selfish...

Daniel, what's going on?

This is your father's funeral.

Not now, Jane.

Why are you acting like this?

Jane, not now...

It's about the flat, isn't it?

What?

Because you don't want to go, do you?

Jane...

Tell her, Daniel.

Tell me what?

Jane, do you remember
that short man...

...that I pointed out earlier?

- You remember?
- Yes.

It turns out, he had an affair
with dad.

And now he's blackmailing us
into giving him 15.000 pounds...

...or else he's going to show the
pictures where they're doing...stuff.

- Sex stuff.
- Yeah.

Is this some short of a sick joke?

Of course it's not a sick joke.

Your father was gay?

- Hurry up.
- I am...

Hurry up.

It's touch and go!
Hurry up!

- Quick.
- Give me that.

Lift me.
Help me.

I am.

Put your arms around me.

Lift me.

Jesus Christ!

You weigh a ton.

- You got me?
- Yes I've got you.

Of course I got you.

Quickly!

Alright. I'm trying to see
where the toilet is.

Get my trousers down.

Shit...

No, you do it.
I'll hold you.

How can I do it?
I'm handicapped.

Get it down!

Fuck

- Hurry up.
- I am.

Alright, do it.

Underpants, underpants...

Move it, come on.

Quick, quick...

Touch and go,
touch and go...

It's down.
Everything is down!

- Over there?
- I don't know.

Over there?

Yes.

- Are you sure?
- Yes sit down!

- Sure?
- Sit down!

Sit down!

Wait!
Wait a moment!

Oh, that's better.

Oh my God.

Oh my God!

What's with all the noise?

Oh God!

Howard?

Howard?

Please. Clean up!

Howard?

What?

You missed a bit.

The shit in your mouth will be the least
to worry about if we get caught.

I've got shit in my mouth?

Check him. Touch him.

Are you alright mate?

Try again.

Mate?

Mate?

Wake him up.

Mate.

What's his name?

I don't know.

Try Philip.

Philip?

Philip?
Wake up mate.

Are you okay?

Shit.

Philip?

Maybe it's not Philip.

Maybe it's something else.

Pinch him.

Please.
Pinch him.

Mate?

I think he's breathing.

What?

He must be breathing.

Shit.

- Is he okay?
- No.

He's fucking dead.

If that's the way it is,
we have to give him the money.

It's not that simple.

Why not?

Daniel refused to pay, so...

...we're completely fucked.

Just shut up.

Sorry.

Hi, sorry, may I come through?

Just getting through.
Thank you.

Why are you smiling like that,
Howard?

I wonder if I could ask you to...

...come to the study for a second?

We'll be back soon.

Alright.

It's Howard.

Jesus.
What is this?

It's...
Call uncle Victor.

No point.

What do you mean?

Look at him.
He's stone dead.

What the hell did you do to him?!

We didn't do anything.

He hit his head on the corner.

Hit his head on the corner?

He hit his head. That's what happened.
Why? What do you think?

This is really bad.

This is really, really bad.

What're we gonna do?

Actually, I really got to go.

You're not going anywhere.

I can't go to prison.

You have any idea what they do to
blokes like me in prison?

I can't go to prison

Howard. Just calm down.

Now...

Nobody here knows who this
guy is, right?

They don't even know his name.

Probably didn't even notice him.

Didn't notice him?
He's 4 fucking feet tall.

Alright. We'll just get rid of the body
as if he came and left.

Get rid of the body?

What are you talking about?

What do we know about
getting rid of bodies?

What are you gonna do? Will you
throw him out in the rubbish?

Any of you happened to notice...

...the size of uncle Eddie's coffin?

Are you suggesting that we bury
him with my father?

Why not?

It's not like he's gonna
know, is he?

That's not the point.

It makes sense, Daniel.

The coffin is there, the hole in the
ground is there...

...they go, and that's all.
End of story.

Unless you got
a better suggestion.

I mean, come on. Look...

...you got to do whatever it
is in life

...that fires you up the most.

Yeah.

But maybe I don't consider my life
anymore as being me, me, me...

...maybe I've discovered something out
of myself that I care about.

And maybe you should do it too, Justin.

That's a bit harsh, 'cause
I really care about you.

No Justin. You care about you.

You care about me in relation
to how I affect you.

There's a difference.

No. That's not true.

Martha.

I love you, Martha.

No Justin, you don't...

Jesus fucking Christ!

Simon!

Simon.

Simon?

Simon, what the hell
are you doing?

Come back in here and put your clothes
on this instant!

I saw you kissing him.

I wasn't kissing him.
I promise you.

What're you doing?
We're in a bloody funeral.

I'll jump.

- Don't be silly.
- I'll jump right now!

I swear to you.

Simon, don't be silly.

Do you remember? Drugs.
You got drugs in you.

Just calm down.

Simon, look at me.

Justin, will you get
the fuck out of here?!

I'm going to do it.

I will jump.

- Simon look at me!
- I swear I am.

Please calm down.

- Simon, please.
- I'm gonna jump!

I'm going to jump...
I'm going to jump...

This is impossible, we cannot do it.

Howard?

Is that you?

Shit.

Are you in there?

Yeah.

Hurry, get him in the bathroom.

Howard?

- Oh shit.
- What's that?

Howard, what the fuck is uncle Alfie
doing on the toilet?

I forgot him.

How could you forget?

What's wrong with you?

Open the door

What is it?

Hi, Daniel.
Where's Howard?

I'm here.

Howard, come see this.

Simon has totally fucking lost it.

- What's going on?
- Nothing.

Simon is on the roof.
He's totally fucking naked.

He's threatening to jump.

Oh Christ.

Where are you going?

I have to go out there.

If he jumps, I'm fucked.

Wait here.

Simon, you're not going to jump.

I'll jump.
I'm not listening to you.

Simon, get back in here.

Simon come inside and
we'll have a cup of tea.

No.

Simon.

Simon!

Simon.

Martha.

What the hell are you doing?

Simon.

Martha!

Get down from there.

What's happening?

I think I can get rid of this guy...

...but I need you to stay outside...

...and make sure no one comes in.

Okay.

Martha.

Who is it?

It's Daniel

Everyone's in the garden, we have
to get rid of the body now.

Brilliant.

Okay.
Quick.

Howard.

Stay here and make sure
no one comes in.

Okay.

Hello Reverend.
How are you?

How is God doing...today?

God is a funny one, isn't he?

Excuse me.

Yeah, okay

Daniel, we have to do this, right?

Yeah.

I wanted to ask you
about religion...

...and how could I become a priest
if I wanted to...

...because I've seen you today,
and you're amazing.

I'm glad to hear that.

God, we can't leave them like that.

You know, in a strange way, maybe this
is what dad would have wanted.

For God's sake, Robert.
Can't you take anything seriously?

Sundays, is it true...

...the wine is sweeter...

...or not?

Listen, we'll deal with this later.

I need to get to the phone.

Why do you say I can't take
anything seriously?

I'll tell you why.

Because you disappear half way
around the world...

...and you hardly ever come back
to see your parents.

Because you spend the last of
your money on a 1st class ticket...

...when you know you're supposed
to give me the half for the funeral.

Because you live your life as if you're
on a fairground

...and 'cause you never ever, gave
a shit about anyone but yourself.

I didn't know anything about this
disturbed young man on the roof.

I have a confession to make.
I have these thoughts about...

...pushing a pen up my bum.

You're what?

Simon, this is really dangerous.

Please.

Leave me alone.

Stay there.

I'll never been good enough.

Not for your dad, not for you.
I'll never be rich enough...

...I'll never be cool enough.

Simon, stop talking this nonsense
and just come inside.

No, you go back inside.

Come with me.

No. Why?

'Cause we're gonna have a baby.

What?

We'll have a child together.

You're pregnant?

How would I be able to do it without you?

- What's that? Excuse me.
- I don't know...Now look

Bye dad.

We're gonna have a baby!

Jesus Christ.

Listen to me everyone.
Simon is off the roof.

I will kill him.

Is he gone?

Yeah.

Thank God.

Thank you.

Martha!

Martha, open the door.

Thank God, you're safe.

You idiot.
What were you thinking?!

I want you to stay away
from my daughter.

Look dad...

Martha, stay out of this.

Dad, we're getting married.

What?

We're getting married.

Martha.

You don't have to marry this man
just because you're pregnant.

We can deal with this, Martha.

I'm marrying him because
I love him.

- You can't
- Yes, I can.

It's my life and this
is my choice.

And I'm sorry if you don't like it
but that's just tough.

And I will tell you something else.

If you don't sort out your attitude...

...you're gonna end up a very lonely
bitter old man.

Dad.

Darling, we really must
start again now.

Daniel, have you seen uncle Alfie?

Shit.

What the hell is going on in there?

Sorry we forgot you.

Never mind that. What about that dead
body you were dragging over there?

What dead body?

Don't fuck with me.
I saw a dead body!

Get me the hell off this
fucking toilet!

Did you hear that?
She's having a kid.

I would have done it, if I didn't
know she was having a kid.

I thought you were in love with her.

Yeah, but can you imagine me
bringing up a kid?

No.

Exactly.

How's your skin thing?

Oh, that...

It's probably nothing.
To be honest I'm more concerned about

...about having uncle Alfie's shit
in my mouth.

He was dead.

Why don't you listen, I tell
you, I saw the guy.

He was dead.

I know you did uncle Alfie.
We all did.

No, in the bathroom. The door
opened and I saw him.

What a nightmare today's been.

Pretty exciting, isn't it?

- What?
- For a funeral I mean.

About the flat, I promised to make the call.

And I will.

We'll work it out.

We really have to whizz
through this now.

Alright. Let's go.

You want to have the casket open
for people...

No.

Alright. That's fine.

Sit down everybody, as quick as
you can. We're ready to go.

Come along. Come on.

That's it.

Quickly!

Come on, come on...

Come on!

Come on!
Come on!

I'd like to apologise on behalf of the
family for all of the distractions...

...and that everyone is ready to
continue with the service...

...and Daniel would like to say a few
words about his father.

Go on Daniel. quickly.

My father was an
exceptional man.

My father was an
exceptional man.

He was born in 1938
just a year before the war.

And I'll never forget...

What the hell is going on?

There's someone in there.

I knew it!

What the hell are you doing
in my dad's coffin?

Edward.

No, no...

Edward.

Edward!

No.

You little bastard!

Oh God.

My father was an exceptional man!

He may not have been
a perfect man

but he was a good man.

And he loved us.

All I wanted to do today
was to give him a dignified...

...send-off.
Is that really so much to ask?

So...

Maybe...

Maybe he had some things
he liked to do.

Life isn't simple.
It's complicated.

We're all just thrown in
here together...

...in a world full of chaos and
confusion.

A world full of questions and
no answers.

With Death always lingering
around the corner.

And we do our best.

We can only do our best.

My dad did his best.

He always tried to tell me that you
have to go for what you want in life...

...because you never know how long
you're gonna be here.

And whether you succeed
or you fail...

...the most important thing
is to have tried.

A parent can only guide you in the
right direction. In the end though...

...you've got to learn for yourself.

You have to grow up yourself.

So when you leave here today...

...I'd like you to remember my father
for who he really was.

A decent and loving man.

If only we could be as
giving and as generous..

...and as understanding
as my father was.

Then the world would be a far
better place.

How's mom?

She'll survive.

The positive side is...

...that she knows why she and dad
haven't had sex for so long.

I asked her to come to New Yo rk
with me, for a while.

So that you and Jane have a chance...
to breathe a bit.

Get a flat...

Pretty good speech you gave,
by the way.

It was really...

...impressive.

Thanks.

Maybe when you got time
you wouldn't mind...

...taking a look at my novel.

I'd love too, yeah.

I'm exausted actually.

Uncle Alfie keeps going on
about the body in the bathroom.

It's best if he stays here tonight.

You think he'll be okay?

Yeah, he'll be fine. I found him a
couple of valium and put him to bed.

Everything's so
fucking green...

Subbed and Timed By darkskythe
edited and synced to nedivx release by rogard