Deal of the Century (1983) - full transcript
Arms dealers from several companies vie to sell the most expensive and highest tech weapons to a South American dictator. There are complications; understanding the exact nature of how 'gifts' are used to grease the wheels of a sale, a religious conversion from one of the salesman and a romance that begins to grow between two competitors, not to mention the imminient financial collapse of one of the companies if they don't make this sale.
Peacemaker, the world's
most advanced pilotless aircraft.
Basically, that represents
the overall scheme of things.
Now, in print, you might wanna go
with something like this...
...for the developed nations,
namely NATO and the European markets.
Headline here, tag and logo over there.
Now, for the third world
or the emerging nations...
...you could tailor-make the campaign
to look something like this.
Or again, using the headline
"If not for you, for them"...
...but follow with the tag
"Your partner in freedom."
Which would give us the greatest
flexible leverage for mixed markets.
Frank, what we're looking for
is an emotional impact...
...so the average guy
will look at these images...
...and say, "Yeah, that's something
I'd like to protect, like to preserve.
That's my life,
and no one's gonna mess with it."
I might add that research showed
that 85 percent of those surveyed...
...would protect these images...
...while 45 percent would
actually go to war over them.
We discarded
anything that scored lower.
Right. Furthermore, the ad scored
an overall 59 points...
...which is three points higher
than Hertz's O.J. Simpson spots...
...or Purina's "chow-chow-chows."
Two very hot items.
I'm very impressed, Frank.
It's soft.
It's rough.
- We could play with it.
- Yeah.
Well, Frank, I'm sure you can see...
...that we're trying for
an institutional approach here...
...to underplay the idea
that we're selling weapons of death...
...even though that is
the business we're in.
Let's understand something
before we go any further.
We sell to dictators, military juntas,
generals, presidents, premiers...
...who don't rent automobiles,
eat cat food or get headaches.
Now, what they do is buy weapons.
Ostensibly those weapons
that shoot the fastest and the farthest...
...and kill more for less.
We're in a battle
to sell this plane, gentlemen.
And the enemy is not Moscow.
The enemy is Rockwell,
Northrop, Lockheed...
...McDonnell Douglas, Grumman...
...and the rest of our worthy
competitors, foreign and domestic.
And what you're proposing is nothing
more than a public service message.
I'm Col. Jack Seamens,
and I'm here to tell you...
...about the good folks from Fairchild
who make the A- 10 Tankbuster.
Its devastating firepower, outstanding
search-and-strike capability...
...and unmatched penetration...
...make it more effective
than any high-speed fighter plane.
The A- 10 is a multi-mission defender...
...that can be launched from
a tiny airstrip or even a highway.
When you're flying close support...
...you need all the maneuverability
and survivability you can get.
So why do I fly the A- 10?
On account of it kills.
And that's the name of that tune.
Well, that's more like it.
Take that institutional stuff
and put it where the sun never shines.
Do you feel comfortable?
That's fine? No problem?
- I need some approval.
- Just do it, Pete.
- They're lovely. Wonderful. Sherm?
- Yeah, Frank?
What's the story on San Miguel?
We cabled De Voto Friday,
told him to come back.
- So?
- He wants to stick it out further.
- No more time.
- He's put three years into it, Frank.
The guy can't take the pressure.
He hasn't closed.
Get somebody there who can.
Where's Martin?
- Kuwait.
- Lindsay?
With Rockwell.
You fired him months ago.
Oh, Christ, I forgot.
Where have all
the good salesmen gone?
- Don't answer that. Management.
- Management.
Do it. Okay, let's go.
It's only my second day in San Miguel,
and I'll tell you...
...I'm ready to hitchhike to Jonestown
for a few laughs and a cool drink.
This place is hotter
than Dolly Parton 's mini-pad.
My job takes me all over the world.
Lebanon, Nicaragua, Newark,
you name it, I'm in there.
Always where the action is.
Oh my, oh my.
What's a place like this
doing around a girl like that?
Either I'm spotting
or my cigar's starting to sweat.
Oh, yeah, I saw her
in the lobby before.
Bellhop said she checked in with a guy
half her size and twice her age.
Must be taller on his back.
Maybe he married her for the view.
No, she can 't be married.
Hold your stomach in, Ed.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Jesus, that's about the deadliest
"Merry Christmas" I ever got.
- Sorry.
- Don't be sorry, be happy.
It's Christmas Eve.
What are you doing down here?
I won a contest.
I'm impressed.
What about you?
Ten minutes ago,
I was in Vermont at a wishing well.
I dropped a quarter in, here I am.
You forgot your snowshoes.
You know, it's a beautiful world.
It really is.
Is it?
Se?or Muntz, your clients are waiting.
Clients.
If you're still awake when I get back,
let's go somewhere.
I have other plans.
Thank you, Juan.
So, gentlemen, how goes the war?
Eddie Muntz.
Nice to see you. Nice to see you.
Okay, let's get started.
Now, what we have here
is an HK91, 7.62 NATO rifle...
...made by H & K Industries
of West Germany.
Used only once,
in the '68 Yemen rebellion.
Given the way things went, I doubt
they got off more than a few rounds.
It looks new. It is new.
I would not recommend this maneuver in
the field of combat for obvious reasons.
You got your 20-round mags...
...900 rounds per minute firepower
when fully automatic.
This is a quality weapon all around.
Optical sights here,
telescopic, of course.
Built-in wire cutters. You got a wire,
you wanna cut it, it's built right in here.
Here's something I enjoy. Say you've
had a rough day of guerilla warfare.
The revolution's bogged down,
you're hot, you're tired...
...you smell like you smell now,
you need a little refreshment.
This bottle opener on the side here
will open bottles of all nationalities.
Merry Christmas.
My friends, I believe that
this is the weapon that'll allow you...
...to achieve your political objectives.
Here's an item I think
you might go for in a big way.
Dragon-teeth mines.
Made in the U.S. And used successfully
in Vietnam, I might add.
They won't kill you, but they're
guaranteed to take a foot off.
Take a couple of samples.
Take them home, see if you like them,
let me know how many you need.
- It goes "boom."
- Boom?
Big boom. Keep them wet with Freon.
They're armed and shouldn't be moved.
Boom, that's right.
Now, this here
is a shoulder-length tank buster...
...with infrared capability
for unexcelled night vision.
Juan, come here.
Now, simply hold it like this.
It's very light, no problem.
You sight through here.
See anything out there?
You should be able to read the serial
numbers without much of a problem.
No, not the moon, not the moon.
Down there.
As you can see, gentlemen,
this is very simple to operate.
You simply lock the target in the sight,
and the rest is, well...
...easy.
Order forms are in the catalog.
I hope we can do business together.
When the going gets tough...
...I learned never to underestimate
the power of a demonstration.
- Please do not harm me.
- Give me money or I kill you.
Don't harm me.
Give me your wallet.
What's in the box?
- Nothing of value.
- Open it.
- I think I made a mistake.
- Yes, you have.
I'm sorry for
the unnecessary inconvenience.
Sir, give me your gun.
You want my gun?
But your gun is bigger.
Give me your gun.
It is a pleasure for me
to give you my gun.
Merry Christmas.
Sir.
Give me your money.
You take my gun,
now you want my money too?
Give me your money.
- I only have a few coins.
- I'll take them.
Gesundheit.
This is nothing more
than a nickel-plated.38 made in Italy.
It's worth maybe 50 bucks wholesale.
You know, the amateurs have
taken over the streets everywhere.
It's really a sorry world when this
kind of thing happens on Christmas Eve.
I'll just take this grenade.
- The suitcase. Get the money!
- Are you crazy?
Get the money. Get it now!
Hey!
Son of a bitch.
Let go.
Let go, you son of a bitch.
Jesus, I'm hit. I'm hit!
The money.
God damn it, get the money.
Christ, the money!
Something tells me I'm out of cash flow
for the next fiscal year.
Hey.
- What time is it?
- What?
What time is it?
- It's 10: 15.
- 10: 15?
Well, what day is it?
It's Monday. The day after Sunday?
Lt'll be followed by Tuesday
if all goes well.
It's Monday and it's 10: 15.
I just busted my hand.
- You just get the bill?
- I wanna show you something.
Hey, now what do you think of this?
It's okay, isn't it?
I sent a kid out with a C-note,
he comes back with this...
...I'm trying to blow my brains out,
I don't even know how to work it.
Do you know anything about guns?
I'm afraid I don't.
I think you just
put the bullet in like that.
And then you just turn that thing.
Just like that.
- It shouldn't be a problem, should it?
- I didn't catch your name.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Harold De Voto.
- Ed Muntz.
Sorry.
You see, Ed, you see,
I can't leave the room here...
...because I happen
to be waiting for a phone call.
It's been six weeks now,
and I haven't left once.
Now, do you know what that is?
Now, this is what we call
the Peacemaker.
And I am trying to sell 50 of these
with instructions and maintenance...
...and ground and air control.
That's a $300,000,000 contract, Ed,
and it's right there.
You're with Luckup.
You know that is 250 pages,
and that is three years work...
...and this is a lifetime!
And now they're saying, "Everything's
approved, just one more phone call.
One more approval,
and then we'll call you."
You see? "We'll call you."
You get it?
And it's been six weeks,
right through Christmas.
And you see now
my bride is telling me:
"Oh, I'm leaving you.
Well, you can't blame me."
You see, I still cannot leave the room
because I am waiting for the phone call!
Because they only call once.
And if I'm not here, well, then
they just go with the French Mirages...
...or they just go with the Eagles.
I really don't know...
...because I'm just getting so tired.
And I just wanna know,
why don't they call?!
You see, Ed, the thing is,
I don't wanna lose her.
I just wanna go home.
I just wanna go home now.
Harold?
Hey, Harold. Harold.
- Harold, listen to me.
- Yeah?
Harold, Harold, the important thing...
- Yeah?
- Here's what I'm getting at.
- The important thing is to make the sale.
- Yeah.
Okay? This is why
you came here, Harold.
- You understand?
- Oh, yeah.
This is why you came here.
That's what you're here for.
This is your mission.
You gotta complete your mission.
And when you do...
Odds on, you will.
- When the phone rings...
- Yeah?
When you bring home the contracts,
300,000,000 bucks...
...your associates will be proud,
your country will be proud...
...balance of payments,
jobs, all that crap.
Your wife, very proud of you, Harold.
I really... I really need...
I really need it.
I know. I know that.
And listen to me, even you...
You know what I'm saying?
Even you will be proud of you, Harold.
Bless you, Ed. Thank you.
Thank you.
I don't think
you'll be needing these anymore.
Oh, no.
Yeah?
Yeah, thank you.
Yes, sir. Fine, and yourself?
No, my name is Eddie Muntz.
Mr. De Voto had to leave
for personal reasons.
I'll be assuming
his responsibilities here.
Eddie Muntz.
Yes, I have the contracts
right here in front of me.
Who are you with?
Luckup.
The drones?
Nice plane.
I am with Dassault.
Air-to-ground designated missiles.
He said, "It was a pleasure
doing business.
When you come to Moscow,
come and visit us."
Se?or Muntz?
Se?or Muntz!
We're all sorry that Harold
could not be with us at this time...
...and hope that he will return to visit.
I'm sure he will, general.
- An accident?
- Just a scratch.
Thank you, thank you.
Se?or Muntz, a question
and an observation.
The Peacemaker system
is untested in combat.
Yes, that's a true fact.
But if I'm not mistaken, we don't
have a major conflict anywhere...
...where we could demonstrate
the effectiveness of the Peacemaker.
I mean, it's state of the art,
if you see my meaning.
One item that would be
of extreme importance...
...would be the transfer
of technology to San Miguel.
The transfer of technology?
As we discussed with Harold...
...we would insist that
our purchase take the form of...
Soft money, general.
Yes. Soft money.
Luckup Corporation would provide
the consulting expertise...
...and the prototype,
in sections, of course.
We will build the planes
here in San Miguel.
You've discussed this with Harold?
Then I see no cloud on the horizon.
Se?or Muntz. Colonel...
While I'm at it, can you use any
short arms? Handguns, grenades?
We have all we need.
Incidentally, general, when I first
came in here, nobody searched me.
I mean, a guy can walk in here
with a bomb in his briefcase...
...and blow you all away.
- Watch out!
- Easy, easy.
Radio transistor!
You have a good sense of humor.
These little babies go
for $400 over the counter.
My price to you,
if you'll take a thousand: $315.
General, my compliments.
In the spirit of true friendship...
...we wish to thank you and
your company for your cooperation...
...and hope you will accept
this small gift on our behalf.
Completely unnecessary.
These links are ten-carat gold.
They're made in Taiwan.
Total garbage.
Wouldn 't wear them to a pig's bris.
But I'm sitting
with a $300,000,000 contract...
...which I figure has to be worth
at least a couple of mil to yours truly.
Hey, it's a hell of a way to make a living,
but somebody's gotta do it.
Well, hello.
Hey, what are we waiting for?
I got a plane to catch.
You enjoy your stay?
Mr. Muntz, please.
I lost my husband yesterday.
Well, we got a few minutes,
maybe we can find him.
- Eddie.
- Raymond.
- How are you?
- Good, man.
- Welcome back.
- Thanks.
So, what happened?
In San Miguel, women believe
that pleasure begins with your feet.
- So they broke your foot?
- Broke my heart.
- Hey, you look good.
- Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Know anything about a new plane
called the Peacemaker?
- Why?
- I think I just sold 50 of them.
Western Defense.
Yeah, Colonel Dabudo,
nice to hear you again.
Yes, I believe
we have you down for...?
Five hundred Claymore mines.
Yeah, you got your folding legs,
push-button controls, 50-meter kill zone.
It's a beautiful item.
Colonel, listen, can I interest you...
...in some M217s with
combination impact and time-delay fuse?
Not today, huh? Pardon?
You need 500 anti-tank weapons?
Expecting an invasion, colonel?
What?
The whales are coming
too close to your coastline?
Okay, we'll see
what we can do about it.
Right. I'm sorry, what?
A Trinitron?
I believe they're the best for color.
Allow me to check with my associate.
Colonel, good news,
we're gonna include it in the package.
That's right, a 19-incher.
And a VCR recorder.
Yeah, you need any tape?
A tape of what?
Deep Throat?
No problem. We'll include it.
Thank you very much.
Say hello to your wives.
- Ed?
- Yeah?
I think you should
know something, man.
What's that, Ray?
I'm thinking of giving my life
to Jesus Christ.
- What?
- I'm very serious about this.
Whatever you do with your Sundays
is your own private concern.
I gotta get out, Ed.
I gotta get out, man.
I just feel like it's destructive to my soul.
I'll be blunt.
We're flirting
with bankruptcy here, Ray.
It's desperation time.
This is definitely not a sane response.
Eddie, where do you keep
the salad dressing?
Corner shelf, behind the pancake mix.
What a beautiful boy. Yeah.
Looks just like his Uncle Eddie.
Here it is. Here it is.
Chow time.
I never ask you about your work,
you know this.
I know, Freddie.
As far as I'm concerned, you have
your privacy, and I respect that.
I appreciate that.
All I know is, you go on these trips...
...you say you're going here
and here and here.
I turn on the news, and there's trouble
here and here and here.
You come home, show some slides...
...these places don't exist anymore.
I worry about you.
You're my brother.
- There's no point in worrying, Freddie.
- No?
No, not in the long run.
- Why don't you come in with me, Eddie?
- Oh, come on.
Come on, you'll make good dough,
you'll have a life.
What you're doing now, it's no life.
Freddie, I think the kid's
having an activity here.
- Yeah. Great.
- I think maybe you scare him.
Barb?
You got a pail?
It's okay. Yeah, I know.
Testing, one, two, three.
Is this mike on?
Testing. Testing, one, two, three.
Are we all right, guys?
You don't need a pilot.
Cockpit instrumentation, armor,
ejection system, pressure controls.
All you gotta do is turn it on
and pull the trigger.
Add that to the saving of $ 1,000,000
it costs to train a single pilot.
You'll see why the Peacemaker's the
most cost-effective aircraft ever offered.
How much for operation
and maintenance?
A billion here, a billion there.
But just think what it'll cost
the Russkies to defend against it.
Million-dollar view.
Computer display activated.
- Positive.
- Comm antenna selector activated.
Positive.
What the hell's that?
Hum in the air conditioner.
I understand General Huddleston gave up
a foursome at Pebble Beach to be here.
So I guess that means our ass
is really on the line.
Up to now, drones have been used
primarily...
...for surface-to-air missile training...
...day and night surveillance,
and target purposes.
The Peacemaker is a computer-controlled
deterrent deployer...
...boasting a navigational system
without error to the target.
Deterrent delivery
with pinpoint accuracy.
A lightweight plane
with a heavyweight punch.
Virtually undetectable by enemy radar.
I've got a red flag on 83-four-Charlie.
Will, give us an
RF spectrum scan on four-Charlie.
I don't see anything.
What do you think?
Run a fault-isolation scan.
What did we forget?
All the bells and whistles
they put in this thing...
...you'd think they could do better
than a surplus air conditioner.
And please keep this in mind...
...an unmanned vehicle, a drone,
does not bleed, die...
...get addicted to drugs,
shoot its officers...
...or refuse to fight.
With Peacemaker,
you don't need a hangar.
You don't need a runway.
Why, you can launch one of
these babies right out of your garage.
That's a two-car garage,
isn't it, Frank?
You've got that right, Senator Bryce.
Senator, General Huddleston,
distinguished guests...
...may I present the Peacemaker.
And now, to christen the Peacemaker
on its maiden public voyage...
...is the lovely star of
the hit television series One is a Crowd...
...Miss Gloria Della Rosa.
Okay, that's it, take the bottle.
Now look over here.
Now give it a good crack.
- Now, what's wrong?
- How about this?
This damn Army reject.
Oh, God, it's in this board back here.
Hold on.
What the hell are they doing?
What's going on? Let's go.
- Frank...
- What?
- We've run into a small snag.
- What?
A voltage drop in an encoder circuit.
I think it's the high temperature.
The air conditioner isn't
up to the load and...
Well, what do you want?
- Pardon?
- What are you telling me?
For safety's sake,
we'd like to trace this bugger down.
Dr. Rechtin, I got half the Pentagon
cooking in a goddamn oven out there.
- How serious is this?
- It's not serious now.
- Then launch the plane.
- In other words, you wanna go as is?
I don't consider 250,000,000
in cost overruns alone in R&D...
...to be "as is."
Now, launch the goddamn plane!
Launch it.
Switching to demonstration
maneuver software.
Effective heading, two-five-nine.
We're still on a course heading
of one-three-five?
That's awry. Better try manual control.
I'm not reading a response
to the demonstration software.
This is a glorious
and momentous occasion.
As an ex-fighter pilot
engaged in the struggle...
...for the liberation
of Southeast Asia...
...I can tell you that we had faith...
...we had a sense of mission...
...but we did not have airplanes
that were survivable.
You have the screw?
That screw down there.
- Where's the plane, Rechtin?
- That's a good question.
Best we can tell, it took a heading
of two-six-zero towards Long Beach.
- Long Beach?
- That's a rog.
- The plane went to Long Beach?
- That's what it looks like.
- Why don't we turn it around?
- Well, we're working on that right now.
Can somebody tell me
what's going on?
- We think it could be the water.
- Water?
Because of the demo we washed it down.
The water must've fouled the electronics.
First the air conditioning, now the water.
Are you guys pulling my tit?
- Washing it was sheer stupidity.
- Should do great tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
- After it dries.
There is no tomorrow, you assholes!
Have you ever heard of rain?
Northbound on the Harbor
we've got a small fender-bender...
...going on at the Slauson off-ramp
that's got things tied up a bit.
Traffic's backed up maybe a mile.
If you can find an alternate route,
I would definitely do so.
Southbound on the Harbor, things
are pretty smooth for this time of day.
Christ, he's shooting at us!
What the hell's going on up here?
Please be advised, general.
- Systems check. Preparations systems.
- Why is it on...?
Ted, I got no display.
Frank, should we abort?
Abort? You imbecile!
I've got all my customers out there!
- Everything's fine. It's fine.
- Where's your plane, Frank?
Gentleman, I'm afraid
we owe you a little apology.
Some unexpected problems
have developed...
...but I'm informed that we have
everything under control.
This is a great day
for the Air Force, senator.
- Why is that, general?
- The Navy ordered 20 of those disasters.
Son of a bitch!
Duck and cover!
Response still negative.
I don't believe it.
Oh, no! Shit!
- It's getting ready to fire!
- We're in deep shit.
When Luckup Industries '
remote aircraft...
...the Peacemaker...
- You're where? Great.
Listen, I've got this Luckup deal
all figured out, man.
They blew the Navy sale,
so they gotta go foreign.
We're talking about pulling off
the deal of the century here.
I mean, if that sort of thing
interests you.
If he wills what, Ray? Lt?
I don 't see any problem...
- Mr. Muntz?
- Yes?
Do you remember me?
We met in San Miguel.
Oh, yes, of course.
You suffered a loss.
Yes. My husband.
- I'm sorry.
- Could we go inside?
I'd like to be frank with you.
Frank as the situation demands.
My husband didn't leave
his affairs in order. In fact, he...
Well, he left his mother and me
in a great deal of debt...
...and she hasn't been feeling very well,
poor thing.
And I had to put her in a nursing home,
and I thought that...
It's a cruel world, Mrs. De Voto.
That's what keeps us
from getting fat and lazy.
Mr. Muntz, I believe my husband...
...was working on
some very important contracts.
Contracts that may be worth
a great deal of money.
Would you care for some wine?
Thank you.
What'd your husband do?
He was a salesman
for an aerospace firm.
- Any particular one?
- Luckup Industries.
You'd like me to check out
these contracts...
...obtain your late husband's
rightful commission...
...which you will gratefully
split with me?
- The whole nation is tense right now.
- Sounds good.
Straighten up. Keep your thoughts
straight, honey. Here it comes.
Is your husband's mother doing well?
Is she what?
Is she doing well?
She's in a nursing home.
She is. It's really expensive,
but I think it's doing some good.
Why don't you tell me
why you're really here.
Well, I just did.
You come in looking like a million bucks,
and you're talking penny-ante.
You're playing with me.
Well, maybe I haven't been clear.
You've been clear about everything
except why you're here.
Here. Now, I'm just dying to know.
- I didn't know where else to go.
- Mrs. De Voto.
- I mean, I thought you could help.
- Getting warmer.
I've been so confused
and so alone.
I mean, Mr. Muntz, maybe
you don't know what it's like...
...to lose a loved one.
Here you go, try one of these.
I'm going now.
Sorry to have disturbed you.
Catherine, sit down. I believe you.
Will you help me? Yes or no?
Hey, I can understand how you feel.
You're in a tough spot.
And I'm really sorry...
...but there's nothing I can do for you.
Mr. Muntz, there is something
I wasn't going to bring up...
...but I think perhaps under
these circumstances it's necessary.
And a man like you would understand
what I'm about to say.
You see, Ed...
...I know you killed my husband,
I know you stole his contracts.
- Is that loaded?
- I have an itchy finger, Ed.
Harold?
- My God, what have you done?
- Jesus, you shot my foot!
- I'm sorry, you pushed my hand...
- It was healing and you shot it.
- Look at this!
- I'm sorry, it was an accident.
- Look at the carpet! I'm bleeding all over.
- Where are the towels?
- Oh, Christ!
- I get so crazy sometimes.
Oh, Jesus! Look at this!
Oh, Christ! Hurry up! Look at my rug!
I don't believe this. Look at the rug!
Look at my foot! Jesus! Crap!
- Oh, it's not stopping.
- What do you want me to do?
Stop the bleeding.
I don't know, cut the cast off. Come on.
- I really hate emergencies.
- Come on, will you?
Do something.
What is that, a cork?
- Just temporarily.
- No, no!
- What do you say, Ed?
- God, it's a burglar!
- It's my partner.
- Lf you're busy, I can come back.
I'm not busy, Ray.
Come in. You gotta get in.
Listen, is something
happening here, Ed?
- She shot me, man.
- Oh, you shot him?
- Yes. In the foot.
- Where'd you shoot him?
- It's too kinky for me, Ed.
- This is not kinky.
- This isn't kinky.
- Not at all.
- Have I met you?
- Catherine De Voto.
- Ray Kasternak.
- Great. Sit down and have some wine.
Hey, what's this cork doing?
- Don't touch that cork!
- Don't touch that cork!
I'm going out.
I'm losing it. I'm losing it.
He's going out. He's losing it.
I'm gonna vomit on the carpet.
Oh, God. Jesus.
All right, Ed.
We're getting you to the hospital.
I'm finished. Don't. Don't mess up...
- Can you get his other arm, please?
- Don't mess up my carpet, Ray.
- We're going back this way.
- Get my coat. Gotta get my jacket.
Don't worry about it.
You let this woman shoot you?
- You're my friend. Don't let them take it.
- No way, Ed.
- Don't let them take it off.
- No way.
- Easy, slow down.
- Listen to me, Ray.
- What?
- The contracts.
Don't worry about that, Ed.
I got them right here with me.
- All right, over here. Over this way.
- I'm gonna throw up, Ray.
Mr. Muntz, let me come
right to the point.
We have the contracts.
Mrs. De Voto delivered them to us.
But they're not worth the paper
they're printed on.
Oh, really? Why not?
The Cordosa government
canceled last night.
Now, I don't know what you did
or who you dealt with...
...and I'm sure I don't wanna know...
...but you succeeded in days
where we failed in years.
We'd like you to do it again.
Mrs. De Voto has told us
a good deal about you.
Particularly, your close ties
with the Cordosa family.
Yes, I also told him about
your tank deal with the Sudanese...
...the Honduran submarine sale...
...and the heavy artillery transfer
to the Rhodesians.
Ed, General Cordosa will be
in town tomorrow.
Starting Wednesday, every major
arms manufacturer in the world...
...and every buyer of importance
from 45 countries...
...will be at the
West Coast Arms Show.
I want the Peacemaker sold
before the end of the show, Ed.
Think of what you'd be doing
if you're successful.
You'll be putting bread on the tables
of 20,000 families at Luckup alone...
...plus the families
of 10,000 or so subcontractors.
This one sale will mean
jobs and prosperity.
An oasis of employment.
This is not just a sale, Ed...
...it's a struggle for the livelihood
of your community and your country.
It's a hell of a responsibility, Ed.
But I get the feeling
you're one hell of a guy.
What's my end, Hank?
All I'm saying is,
we're in the ballpark.
Let's go one more inning,
see what happens.
How's the leg, Ed?
It's agony, Ray.
If I never got shot in that leg again,
it'll be too soon.
- I could kill that broad.
- That woman is poison, man.
What time do we pick up the torch?
Six.
It's Anaheim,
you think you can make it?
I can't, man. I can't. I got a meeting.
- A meeting, Ray?
- Yeah, a prayer meeting.
Right now this is trouble,
and I don't need it, and here it is.
I don't think so.
Ever hear of the separation
of church and business?
The country was founded on it.
I'm going through
some changes. I can't.
You wanna drop out of the business?
Go back to the service as a test pilot?
They won't hire you, Ray.
You know this.
I was really good.
You weren't just good, Ray.
You were the best.
Somebody, anybody, asks me,
I tell them you were the best.
You know, when I flew, Ed,
it was just... It was beautiful.
I just... I felt like I was
at one with the universe.
Play it any way you want. What
I'm saying is, you're not a rich man.
You can't afford to be
spiritual full-time, Ray.
While I work out the particulars
of the Peacemaker deal...
...cover Simbo's for me?
- I can't.
He's sitting on a wad of flamethrowers
at a decent price.
If they're good, we could have
a shot at Angola, Mozambique.
Any number of places, given the right
breaks. One more time. For me.
Come on.
This is your basic M2A1.
You got your tank group here,
you got your gun group here.
Fuel tank, pressure tank, connector...
...valve hose, ignition lever,
nozzle shield, the enchilada.
You got some rust here.
Rust on my equipment, Ray?
No. Where?
Here in the valve section.
Oh, it's just a little rust, Ray.
It's the dampness.
Get a kid in with an S.O.S. Pad,
this'll clean up real nice.
Look, this is not a new weapon, Ray.
You want new, go to the manufacturer.
This hose looks split.
The hose will outlive the both of us.
We're talking a small item here.
Two bits, any hardware store.
It's a great buy, Ray.
Rick just got back from Rhodesia.
Didn't you, Rick?
You know I did, Charlie.
It's a beautiful weapon, Ray.
We take the house-warmer with us when
we chase the boogies to Mozambique.
Because when they're sitting
in them thatched huts...
...you don't wanna go knocking on doors
to find out who's who.
So we just get out
the house-warmer...
...light him up,
and out they run, just like ants.
Then we pick and choose,
pick and choose, pick and choose.
You don't just walk up
to a world figure and say:
"General, how are you, the kids?
I'm here to make all
of your political dreams come true."
These meetings take preparation.
They could get technical.
Like?
What does the plane look like?
I've never seen it.
I have a trunk full
of Harold's technical papers.
That's why we need Ray.
Ray was a test pilot in the Air Force.
He's one of the best technical men
in the trade.
No disrespect, but I don't think
Ray's heart is really in this.
Look, don't you worry about Ray.
When it comes to business, he's all pro.
For I do not do
the good that I want...
...but the evil I do not want
is what I do.
Now, if I do what I do not want,
it is no longer I that do it...
...but sin which dwells within me.
- That's a beautiful thought, Ray.
- Romans 7: 19 through 20.
Nineteen through 20.
Isn't that beautiful, Mrs. De Voto?
Too deep for me.
I was standing here thinking how
much I'd love to spend...
...the afternoon discussing theology...
- I'm not just talking about the...
We could dust off the old Bible...
...and dig in and find a few revelations
that could be handy in our lives.
Unfortunately, Wild Kingdom
comes on in a half an hour...
...and you know me, Ray,
I never miss an episode.
You drive me nuts.
You know that, don't you, Ray?
- Tony, don't start this with me.
- I don't want you coming inside.
I want you to wait out here
when you come pick me up.
I don't want you standing around drinking
soda letting guys look at your ass.
Fine, fine.
I don't wanna hear it, all right?
Tony, watch out!
- You see!
- Hey, what's the matter with you?
- Stay out of this, I'll handle this.
- Don't yell at me, Tony!
Get back in the car.
Hey! Hey, man, you hit my car.
- I hit your car, man?
- Yeah, you hit my car.
- You hit the back of my... I'm sorry.
- What are you talking about, sorry?
You hit my bumper.
You smashed... Look at this thing!
Man, get out of here!
- Look, there's hardly any damage.
- What are you, some kind of an asshole?
It's nice to have met you both.
Have a nice evening.
Hey, I'm talking to you.
Hey, fancy pants, I'm talking to you.
How would you like
if I hit your car, huh?
If I went like this?
You like that, huh?
- You like that, asshole?
- Jerk!
- You get back in that car.
- Stop screaming at me, goddamn it.
You know, that was
completely unnecessary and not right.
Look, I apologized, I said I was sorry.
Miss, could you excuse us
for a second?
You don't talk to her, man.
You talk to me.
- I'm trying to talk to you.
- You got that, nigger?
Look, I said I was sorry.
I'm apologizing to you.
Any damage that you feel I did,
I'd be happy to pay for it. Let's not...
You know, you're getting
too worked up, man.
- Just lighten up.
- Worked up?
- Come on.
- I'll show you worked up.
Oh, man.
I don't believe it.
I don't believe this is happening.
You like that, boy?
I don't believe this, man.
You know,
I don't understand this, man.
- What is your problem?
- I got a problem, man?
- It seems like you got a problem.
- No. You got a problem right here, man.
Come on, man. What's your problem?
- Right here.
- You feel this is necess...?
You want a problem?
You got a problem.
Here's a little problem for you, right?
- A problem for you!
- You idiot! You goddamn idiot!
What's the matter with you, man?
- I'm your problem!
- Tony, calm down, will you?
You want a problem? You got it!
Tony, be careful.
- What the hell is that?
- Where you going?
Come on back, I see you got
a nice flame job here.
I'm gonna give you a little touch-up.
A little touch-up.
Just a little touch-up for you.
You met him in the service?
Yeah, Ray was a flyer.
I was in the PX.
Why did Ray quit the service?
He didn't. They took a dim view
of his unauthorized flights.
How many?
Twenty-seven. Ray loves to fly.
Man, I am so screwed up.
Yes, you are, Ray. I'll grant you that.
We've been friends a long time, man.
Best friends. Goes without saying.
I just don't want anything
to get between us, man.
I'll never let that happen, man.
- Light good enough for you?
- Yeah, fine.
- Anything else we can get for you?
- No, I'm good.
Take a couple of these.
It'll help activate the coffee.
What's the "meridian subdividing
into the Mercator solution"?
Well, he's going so fast,
how can he absorb anything?
Do you think you're dealing
with amateurs here?
You really want me to answer that?
Ray, what is the
"negative static margin...
...of the longitudinal axis of the
Peacemaker's air-combat configuration"?
- Could you heat this up for me, please?
- Surely.
Thank you.
Thank you, Muntz.
You sure you wouldn't be
more comfortable in there?
Where will you be?
I'll be where it's more comfortable.
I'm fine here.
- Good night, Mrs. De Voto.
- Good night, Muntz.
It's refreshing to meet
a professional gentleman.
Professional schmuck.
Mrs. De Voto?
One thing. I forgot to mention I keep
some items stored under the couch...
...which needn't alarm you,
because they've been defused...
...and there's almost no chance
of them going off.
Muntz? Duck and cover.
Idiot, bring the ball up here.
Come on, let's go.
- Se?or Muntz.
- Hey, general.
Good to see you again.
You remember Colonel Oswaldo Salgado?
Of course, allow me to introduce
my associates.
- Ray Kasternak, Catherine De Voto.
- Oh, now I am in trouble.
I am so easily swayed
by a beautiful woman.
Now, Se?or Muntz...
...please tell me why it is that my
country should deploy this Peacemaker...
...when your country does not?
General, I'd like to clear up
a misconception, if I may.
The Pentagon cancelled the Peacemaker
after one small mishap.
Why? Because of a couple
lousy defective parts...
...from some contemptible
subcontractor? I don't believe this.
I believe that from day one the Air Force
never intended to use the Peacemaker.
Why is that, Se?or Muntz?
Why, general? Why is that?
Because it's a pilotless vehicle.
The Air Force is full of pilots.
No one wants to be replaced
by a machine.
Where would they go?
How would they support their families?
What is your assessment
of the variable camera wing at this time?
At this time? Ray?
Our tests have shown conclusively
that the variable camera wing...
...provides improved lift coefficients
at high angle of attack...
...Iower drag at a given lift...
...and significantly improved
buffet characteristics.
I understand that the transfer of certain
technologies incorporated in this design...
...were at one time restricted
by your government.
Are you referring
to directional solidification?
Yeah, well, this process of longitudinally
aligning metal grains...
...is no longer restricted.
It should pose no problem.
I'd have to concur with that.
Look, can we get
to the bottom line here?
We got a plane,
we call it the Peacemaker.
You don't need any pilots,
a hangar, an airstrip.
You can keep it in your garage
and fire it out of your backyard.
One, possibly two technicians in a trailer
can control an entire squadron.
Each one of these things
can out-fly any manned aircraft going.
If I may be a little bit frank, colonel...
...you can buy your F-18s all day long,
but where you gonna find pilots?
Look at Iran. It's rust city down there.
If I'm not out of line here.
By the way, what sort of battery do
you recommend for the missile system?
- What kind do you want?
- What kind do you have?
- What do you want them to do?
- What can they do?
- Ray?
- You can use a thermal battery.
They sit and won't activate
until you need them.
- How much is the cost?
- How many can you use?
- How many will I need?
- I can get you 500 at cost.
- Your country can have them first.
- I am looking forward...
...to the demonstration.
I don't think we should have
any problem.
Please accept this small gift...
...as a token of true friendship.
Well, thank you.
Ray, you were terrific.
Here, take these
in the spirit of true friendship.
I think they just bought a drone.
Guy gives you two sets of links,
he's either real forgetful...
...or trying to tell you something.
After the arms show,
you're gonna be a wealthy man, Ray.
You could buy your own church.
You can start your own religion.
We're not building missiles
to fight a war.
We're building missiles
to preserve the peace.
Superweapons,
the newest weapons of the world.
Fighting mechanisms
representing a crystallization...
...of the cream of contemporary science
and man 's intellect.
Every single one of them is alive and
on-station today throughout the world...
...taking a dramatic step forward
towards tomorrow.
Yeah, that's a Mirage 2000, general.
That's a prototype.
The way they're going, they won't even
be in production for two years.
Tigershark, the F-20...
...boasting the world's
fastest-thinking avionics.
The best dogfighter in the world.
The Mirage,
an interceptor-attack aircraft...
...that combines power
with smart looks.
Available in a choice of colorings.
Invulnerable to all enemy defenses.
Providing superior range...
...speed, accuracy and kill power.
The range on these missiles can be
extended with variable depth.
The B- 1 A, the world's newest bomber.
Manufactured by
Rockwell International.
Can a nuclear war be won?
The answer is yes.
The United States can survive
a Soviet first strike...
...and retaliate, inflicting more damage
on them than they inflict on us.
With proper shelter and preparation...
...our leadership will survive intact...
...our industry will
function reasonably...
...and, as Vice President Bush
has stated...
...far more than five percent
of our population will survive.
But if only one man and one woman
are left on this earth...
...it is my deep desire
that they be Americans.
This is a miniature for demonstration, but
you can rig this up to any full-size urinal.
Now, this hot-wire here is hidden
if it's painted the color of the back wall.
When your enemy comes
to take a leak...
...his own piss will activate
this little contact here.
So he comes in, he takes a piss and...
Pisses himself to infinity.
Pretty good, huh?
The next live-ammunition
demonstration...
...will take place
on the firing range at 2 p.m.
See anything you need, general?
Maybe I can beat the price.
I love these cuff links.
Those are trainers. You couldn't even
get an Israeli to fly one of those.
- You need a pilotless vehicle.
- Pilotless.
A drone.
Peacemaker, from Luckup Industries...
...promising bigger bangs
for less bucks.
- Se?or Muntz?
- Yeah?
The general has expressed a wish...
...to see some cultural aspects
of your city.
Any particular one?
I believe there is an activity called...
..."female mud wrestling"?
- Female mud wrestling?
- That's right.
Females, in the mud, wrestling?
Think you can do something about it?
We can try. How about hot oatmeal?
After firing, the gunner has only
to keep the crosshairs...
...trained on the target.
Tonight I'm gonna take you to see
the finest mariachi band in L.A.
After we go to dinner
at a Mexican restaurant.
- You like Mexican food?
- Will Catherine be joining us?
Catherine? She's planning cocktails
at her place first. 7:00 good?
What do you mean,
General Cordosa's not taking any calls?
He was supposed to meet me
two hours ago.
I know you'll take a message.
The message is,
"Look at the last six messages," lady.
Ed Muntz, Muntz.
M-U-N-T-Z.
Sounds pleasurable, but you'll
have to show me how sometime.
Sheesh, the future
of the free world's at stake...
...and I get Don Rickles'
answering service.
Hello, you're on the air.
Sorry, the laundry's closed.
Mr. Muntz, I have an invitation
for you from Mr. Kayhim Masaggi.
What the hell? What are you
talking about? What invitation?
Mr. Masaggi would be pleased
if you'd come to his private office...
...in one half-hour.
Come where? Who the hell are you?
His car is at your disposal.
Kayhim Masaggi.
The richest arms dealer in the world.
What the hell is he doing here
in the Burbank airport?
What the hell does he want with me?
- Mr. Muntz.
- Yeah?
Kayhim Masaggi.
Pleased to know you.
Please.
I understand you have a sale to make.
I also understand
you're having some difficulty.
Perhaps I could be
of some benefit to you.
I'm not sure I follow you.
Mr. Muntz, General Cordosa
needs the Peacemaker.
It will give him the capacity to hit
rebel bases wherever he chooses...
...particularly in those sanctuaries
across the Costa Rican border.
Of course, this will threaten
the Costa Ricans...
...and with good reason,
making them absolutely crazy with fear.
How will they defend themselves?
Charged particles, Mr. Muntz?
Pardon?
Charged particles, the death beam.
Zero time-of-flight weaponry.
The ideal Peacemaker-killer.
They're here, they're for sale,
and they're very expensive.
And in time, the Costa Ricans
will have to buy them.
Now, we can expect
some border tension.
And if my thinking is accurate,
as it always has been...
...the major powers will eagerly
enter the fray...
...creating an enormous demand
for replacements, spare parts.
Whoever wins, we win.
Whoever loses, we win.
Mr. Muntz, I believe
that your one small sale...
...will help make limited global warfare
a reality well into the '90s.
And we will all prosper accordingly.
That's some very fine thinking there,
Mr. Masaggi, and a great motivator...
...but right now, General Cordosa's
not even taking my calls.
When you were with the general,
did you receive a gift?
A gift? Yeah.
- A couple pairs of these links.
- In the spirit of true friendship?
And as a true friend,
what did you offer the general?
Mr. Muntz, may I suggest
a charitable contribution...
...through which the general's
wife and sister...
...can further their
humanitarian pursuits?
With all due respect, Mr. Masaggi...
...you are aware of the
Foreign Corrupt Practices Act of 1977?
No, no, that is no problem.
Thanks to your president,
your treasury and an obliging Congress...
...your new tax bill makes
these contributions...
...both legal and tax-deductible.
- How much?
- 1.7 million.
I see.
I'm gonna give you
a phone number, Ed.
I know nothing about this matter.
We've never had this conversation.
And, Ed, we'll need a receipt
for tax purposes.
Look, Cath, I...
Well, here's a little something
to remember this by.
- Muntz.
- Go ahead, open it.
It's a souvenir.
- A Timex.
- Yeah.
It's lovely.
Look at the back.
"The deal of the century.
Edward Muntz."
It's quartz. Never needs winding.
- What the hell?
- I'm sorry to bother you.
- We're making a connection.
- I know.
- What the hell?
- We gotta stop this sale.
There's gonna be a lot of bloodshed.
I talked to the Costa Rican Embassy.
- Talked to who?
- Their embassy.
- About this?
- Since he's been in power...
...Cordosa has increased the San Miguel
defense budget 400 percent.
He wants to start building
Peacemakers.
This man can't spell,
and he wants to build and export...
...the world's most lethal fighter plane.
- Who'd you talk to?
I talked to their ambassador.
- He's here, let me get him.
- You brought him here?
Don't look at me like I'm a religious
fanatic. I just want you to talk to him.
Ed, we can't go through with this.
Everybody's using these countries as a
dumping ground for junk nobody wants.
Then we act surprised
when a war breaks out?
I don't wanna be a part
of that anymore, Ed.
- Now, just one second.
- Ray.
Ray, please. Please, man, come here.
Ray, all we're doing is selling
a commodity, Ray, like Coca-Cola.
They sell to everybody, Ray.
They sell to the British, to the IRA.
They sell to the Arabs, to the Israelis.
They sell to Castro,
they sell to Rockefeller.
What it boils down to, Ray,
is who makes the sale.
If they don't, Pepsi will.
If we don't make this sale
to Cordosa, somebody will.
As far as we're concerned,
things go better with Coke.
So do me a favor and get off my ass.
Ray, Ray, lose this guy. Dump him.
One moment, Ed.
Before you go, Ed...
...there is one more thing.
What's that, colonel?
The general wishes to meet a woman.
A woman?
Yes.
Look, let's get something
straight here, okay?
I'm not a bagman,
and I'm not a pimp.
I'm a businessman.
And I hope you can see the difference.
- You were insulted, se?or?
- Yeah.
Frankly, I am. I'm insulted.
What's he looking for?
I mean, a pro? A semi-pro?
- One of the girls from the show? What?
- I believe you know this woman.
What did you say?
What could I say?
You'd think these people
would have some class.
None whatsoever.
None whatsoever.
Goes without saying.
What time is it?
Four-thirty.
- Four-thirty?
- It must've stopped.
It can't stop, it's quartz.
What should I do?
You're smart. Finesse him.
Muntz, I think you should
know something.
You're not giving your life
to Jesus Christ?
I've never been able to finesse anyone
in my whole life.
Look, Cath, whatever you want.
Really, I'm serious.
Whatever I want?
You wanna go up there,
you don't wanna go up there...
What do you want?
Whatever. It's 1118.
The Bob and Dolores Hope suite.
You're sure?
Jesus, I don't know.
Yeah, I think it's 1118.
1118.
Bob and Dolores Hope.
Oh, what an hombre you are.
You think so?
These films are a great idea.
Wonderful.
- You like them?
- You're such a brave boy.
I love you.
No, mi general, you'll hurt yourself.
I don't know what's wrong.
What is this?
You don't have to apologize to me.
How can I make
this up to you, baby? How?
Just sign the contract, Arturo...
...and you'll always be
el magnifico to me.
Okay, okay.
- Then shall we pray for Raymond?
- Yes, let's pray for Raymond.
- He's truly a miracle.
- Yes.
In obedience to the command
of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ...
...I baptize thee
in the name of the Father...
...and of the Son
and of the Holy Ghost.
Buried in the likeness of his death.
Raised to walk in the newness of life.
- Hallelujah!
- Amen.
Cath, listen, last night at the hotel...
...I think I really went over the line,
and I'm sorry, I swear.
I'd rather sell used cars than
have you do something like that again.
- So did you...?
- Well, I appreciate the sentiment, Muntz.
The United States...
...is no longer the most powerful
military force on earth.
We're outnumbered in our Navy surface
ships and submarines two to one...
...we're outgunned
in artillery three to one...
...we're outmanned in tanks
four to one.
They have more missiles, bigger missiles,
more powerful missiles than we have.
We're no longer negotiating
from strength.
I'm happy to report that the F-19X
is right on schedule and on budget.
You know, one distinguished senator
who shall remain nameless...
...has called the money
spent building the F-19X...
...a waste of taxpayer's funds.
Well, reasonable men may differ...
...but this aircraft will do more
to deter a future war...
...than any other existing technology.
Why do we spend more
to make the F-19X better...
...when it's already the best there is?
The answer is that our enemies
are building better aircraft too.
If we don't keep up,
they're just liable to catch up.
- Excuse me?
- Yes, sir?
- This going up today?
- No, I'm sorry, it's not.
Beautiful plane, man.
You are looking at
the most versatile aircraft in the world.
Both a fighter and a bomber.
Navy and Marines
just ordered a hundred.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
How much?
About 35 million apiece
if you figure overruns.
- Sidewinders and Sparrows?
- That's correct.
What's the transonic acceleration?
Lt'll get up to about Mach 1.2
faster than the F-18.
- What's the envelope?
- Varies with the maneuver.
But it'll do the job more than nine.
You can start the engines...
...and run a complete systems check
with no external power.
All right.
- How much thrust?
- Thirty-two thousand pounds.
Change an engine in about 20 minutes.
Are you a pilot?
Only on weekends.
The Sea Harrier, renowned and victorious
in the Falklands conflict...
...manufactured by
British Aerospace...
...for fighter reconnaissance
and strike rolls.
Two Sidewinder AIMs,
two thirty-millimeter guns.
How do you call these, "Whoriers"?
No, that's a Harrier, general.
Harrier, yesterday's news.
Brits lost seven in the Falklands.
Argentines were using them
for target practice.
Lost pilots too. Don't need that.
What are you drinking?
Rum and Coke.
Four rum and Cokes.
I'm sure you know this
so there's no reason to bring it up...
...but Ray is here.
- Ray's here? Where?
Looking at the F-19X.
Can I have a Scotch and water?
Carrying his flight helmet.
- Hold the water.
- Stay with the general.
Ray!
Ray!
Ray!
The F- 19X is flying
without authorization.
Repeat, the F- 19X is flying...
Guess what. Your friend says
he's gonna blow up the arms show.
- What?
- He wants to talk to you.
- That you, Ray?
- Hey!
- Is that you, Ed?
- Is this for real?
- You gonna blow up the arms show?
- That's right, Ed.
- Anything I can do to change your mind?
- I have no choice.
We're letting
a million bucks slide here.
You can't find
that kind of money in the streets.
Hey, listen, Ed, no matter what happens,
I love you, man.
- There's other people in the trailer here.
- I love them too.
I'll tell them.
Is that you, Ray?
What's that? I didn't catch that.
You won't blow up the arms show...
...if everybody joins together
in a moment of prayer.
Yeah, you don't want anybody hurt.
This is great, Ray.
We have an unauthorized flight
on our hands...
...and we're gonna have to
evacuate the premises until we get...
- Wait a minute, wait a minute!
- Who is this joker anyway?
An ex-Air Force, ex-Marine pilot.
I'm not sure.
I say let's send up an l-Hawk
and bring the bastard down.
With all due respect
to my colleague from Raytheon...
...who is to be congratulated
on his fine notion...
...the record shows that his missile
couldn't hit the broadside of a barn...
- Bullshit!
- Hold it! Hold it!
I don't wanna toot Grumman's horn...
...but we got an F-14 Tomcat
out there...
...that's ready, willing and able
to get the job done!
You couldn't hit it
if it was sitting on the ground.
It's beautiful, Joe. We've got
all the buyers in the world out there...
...and all we have to do is bring down
one crazy spade in an F-19X.
- We'll be combat-proven.
- I like it, Frank.
He'll come down.
Trust me, I know Ray like a brother.
You believe in the power
of the demonstration?
You're about to see the state of the art
in advanced weaponry in action.
The next best thing to a war.
- All right.
- Give him hell.
God bless.
- Everybody ready?
- Let's do it.
All visitors must abandon
the area immediately.
Repeat, all visitors must abandon
the area immediately.
- Weapons selector activated.
- Positive.
Attitude control system activated.
- Positive.
- Stand by to launch.
Seven, six...
...five, four...
Jesus, Frank.
- Two, one.
Blast away, mother.
Radar locked on target.
- Computer in attack module.
- Missiles ready. Fire at will.
Ray, this is Ed.
Get that plane out of here.
You're not gonna stop me, Ed.
Fire.
Hey.
- Dead from the neck up, Meathead.
- What's wrong? What is it?
- All right, there he is.
- Okay, get set.
Fire.
All right, let's play with the bastard.
Show what we can do.
- Watch your angle-of-attack vector.
- Right.
- Climb. Climb.
- I'm on him.
Fire everything.
They're lined up.
You're worth more dead.
Get him out of here. Get him out.
- Come on.
- No.
Come on and get it.
Tell Stryker I'll kick his ass.
I'll be right over you.
You can 't miss me.
But if you do miss,
you'll hit every damn plane...
...in your damn arms show.
Come on up and get me.
Over and out.
All visitors must abandon
the area immediately.
- He's dropping right over us, Frank.
- Fire all you've got.
You want me to destroy
the arms show?
You candy ass. We don't build it
to destroy, we build it to protect.
Protect what?
State of the art.
Our technology against theirs.
We're gonna show the Pentagon.
We'll show the world.
Get out of there, boy.
Congratulations, nigger,
you're about to become history!
State of the art!
Hold it, Frank.
No!
Go get them, Ray!
I'm gonna give you a little touch-up.
Just a little touch-up for you.
State of the art? My ass!
Ray was right.
You gotta take a stand.
I don 't see him anymore.
He's in Africa now,
flying for the Missionary Air Force.
He's converting headhunters
into Christians.
I see where Frank Stryker's
no longer with Luckup.
He took a leave of absence
to do public relations for the NAACP.
Probably still combs his hair
with buttered toast.
What do I know? He never writes.
Me? I'm still where the action is.
The product's different,
but the principle's the same:
Give the people what they want.
It's good to be working with my brother.
He knows the business.
You know something?
He's not out to screw anybody.
On the other hand, there's Catherine.
Yeah, Catherine.
She's become like one of the family.
And I'll tell you...
...she can finesse a buyer
better than me or my brother.
How about dinner?
When?
Tonight.
Where?
How about
the Bob and Dolores Hope suite?
We make a really good team.
I think I'll ask her to marry me tonight.
Together I don 't see
how we can miss.
most advanced pilotless aircraft.
Basically, that represents
the overall scheme of things.
Now, in print, you might wanna go
with something like this...
...for the developed nations,
namely NATO and the European markets.
Headline here, tag and logo over there.
Now, for the third world
or the emerging nations...
...you could tailor-make the campaign
to look something like this.
Or again, using the headline
"If not for you, for them"...
...but follow with the tag
"Your partner in freedom."
Which would give us the greatest
flexible leverage for mixed markets.
Frank, what we're looking for
is an emotional impact...
...so the average guy
will look at these images...
...and say, "Yeah, that's something
I'd like to protect, like to preserve.
That's my life,
and no one's gonna mess with it."
I might add that research showed
that 85 percent of those surveyed...
...would protect these images...
...while 45 percent would
actually go to war over them.
We discarded
anything that scored lower.
Right. Furthermore, the ad scored
an overall 59 points...
...which is three points higher
than Hertz's O.J. Simpson spots...
...or Purina's "chow-chow-chows."
Two very hot items.
I'm very impressed, Frank.
It's soft.
It's rough.
- We could play with it.
- Yeah.
Well, Frank, I'm sure you can see...
...that we're trying for
an institutional approach here...
...to underplay the idea
that we're selling weapons of death...
...even though that is
the business we're in.
Let's understand something
before we go any further.
We sell to dictators, military juntas,
generals, presidents, premiers...
...who don't rent automobiles,
eat cat food or get headaches.
Now, what they do is buy weapons.
Ostensibly those weapons
that shoot the fastest and the farthest...
...and kill more for less.
We're in a battle
to sell this plane, gentlemen.
And the enemy is not Moscow.
The enemy is Rockwell,
Northrop, Lockheed...
...McDonnell Douglas, Grumman...
...and the rest of our worthy
competitors, foreign and domestic.
And what you're proposing is nothing
more than a public service message.
I'm Col. Jack Seamens,
and I'm here to tell you...
...about the good folks from Fairchild
who make the A- 10 Tankbuster.
Its devastating firepower, outstanding
search-and-strike capability...
...and unmatched penetration...
...make it more effective
than any high-speed fighter plane.
The A- 10 is a multi-mission defender...
...that can be launched from
a tiny airstrip or even a highway.
When you're flying close support...
...you need all the maneuverability
and survivability you can get.
So why do I fly the A- 10?
On account of it kills.
And that's the name of that tune.
Well, that's more like it.
Take that institutional stuff
and put it where the sun never shines.
Do you feel comfortable?
That's fine? No problem?
- I need some approval.
- Just do it, Pete.
- They're lovely. Wonderful. Sherm?
- Yeah, Frank?
What's the story on San Miguel?
We cabled De Voto Friday,
told him to come back.
- So?
- He wants to stick it out further.
- No more time.
- He's put three years into it, Frank.
The guy can't take the pressure.
He hasn't closed.
Get somebody there who can.
Where's Martin?
- Kuwait.
- Lindsay?
With Rockwell.
You fired him months ago.
Oh, Christ, I forgot.
Where have all
the good salesmen gone?
- Don't answer that. Management.
- Management.
Do it. Okay, let's go.
It's only my second day in San Miguel,
and I'll tell you...
...I'm ready to hitchhike to Jonestown
for a few laughs and a cool drink.
This place is hotter
than Dolly Parton 's mini-pad.
My job takes me all over the world.
Lebanon, Nicaragua, Newark,
you name it, I'm in there.
Always where the action is.
Oh my, oh my.
What's a place like this
doing around a girl like that?
Either I'm spotting
or my cigar's starting to sweat.
Oh, yeah, I saw her
in the lobby before.
Bellhop said she checked in with a guy
half her size and twice her age.
Must be taller on his back.
Maybe he married her for the view.
No, she can 't be married.
Hold your stomach in, Ed.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Jesus, that's about the deadliest
"Merry Christmas" I ever got.
- Sorry.
- Don't be sorry, be happy.
It's Christmas Eve.
What are you doing down here?
I won a contest.
I'm impressed.
What about you?
Ten minutes ago,
I was in Vermont at a wishing well.
I dropped a quarter in, here I am.
You forgot your snowshoes.
You know, it's a beautiful world.
It really is.
Is it?
Se?or Muntz, your clients are waiting.
Clients.
If you're still awake when I get back,
let's go somewhere.
I have other plans.
Thank you, Juan.
So, gentlemen, how goes the war?
Eddie Muntz.
Nice to see you. Nice to see you.
Okay, let's get started.
Now, what we have here
is an HK91, 7.62 NATO rifle...
...made by H & K Industries
of West Germany.
Used only once,
in the '68 Yemen rebellion.
Given the way things went, I doubt
they got off more than a few rounds.
It looks new. It is new.
I would not recommend this maneuver in
the field of combat for obvious reasons.
You got your 20-round mags...
...900 rounds per minute firepower
when fully automatic.
This is a quality weapon all around.
Optical sights here,
telescopic, of course.
Built-in wire cutters. You got a wire,
you wanna cut it, it's built right in here.
Here's something I enjoy. Say you've
had a rough day of guerilla warfare.
The revolution's bogged down,
you're hot, you're tired...
...you smell like you smell now,
you need a little refreshment.
This bottle opener on the side here
will open bottles of all nationalities.
Merry Christmas.
My friends, I believe that
this is the weapon that'll allow you...
...to achieve your political objectives.
Here's an item I think
you might go for in a big way.
Dragon-teeth mines.
Made in the U.S. And used successfully
in Vietnam, I might add.
They won't kill you, but they're
guaranteed to take a foot off.
Take a couple of samples.
Take them home, see if you like them,
let me know how many you need.
- It goes "boom."
- Boom?
Big boom. Keep them wet with Freon.
They're armed and shouldn't be moved.
Boom, that's right.
Now, this here
is a shoulder-length tank buster...
...with infrared capability
for unexcelled night vision.
Juan, come here.
Now, simply hold it like this.
It's very light, no problem.
You sight through here.
See anything out there?
You should be able to read the serial
numbers without much of a problem.
No, not the moon, not the moon.
Down there.
As you can see, gentlemen,
this is very simple to operate.
You simply lock the target in the sight,
and the rest is, well...
...easy.
Order forms are in the catalog.
I hope we can do business together.
When the going gets tough...
...I learned never to underestimate
the power of a demonstration.
- Please do not harm me.
- Give me money or I kill you.
Don't harm me.
Give me your wallet.
What's in the box?
- Nothing of value.
- Open it.
- I think I made a mistake.
- Yes, you have.
I'm sorry for
the unnecessary inconvenience.
Sir, give me your gun.
You want my gun?
But your gun is bigger.
Give me your gun.
It is a pleasure for me
to give you my gun.
Merry Christmas.
Sir.
Give me your money.
You take my gun,
now you want my money too?
Give me your money.
- I only have a few coins.
- I'll take them.
Gesundheit.
This is nothing more
than a nickel-plated.38 made in Italy.
It's worth maybe 50 bucks wholesale.
You know, the amateurs have
taken over the streets everywhere.
It's really a sorry world when this
kind of thing happens on Christmas Eve.
I'll just take this grenade.
- The suitcase. Get the money!
- Are you crazy?
Get the money. Get it now!
Hey!
Son of a bitch.
Let go.
Let go, you son of a bitch.
Jesus, I'm hit. I'm hit!
The money.
God damn it, get the money.
Christ, the money!
Something tells me I'm out of cash flow
for the next fiscal year.
Hey.
- What time is it?
- What?
What time is it?
- It's 10: 15.
- 10: 15?
Well, what day is it?
It's Monday. The day after Sunday?
Lt'll be followed by Tuesday
if all goes well.
It's Monday and it's 10: 15.
I just busted my hand.
- You just get the bill?
- I wanna show you something.
Hey, now what do you think of this?
It's okay, isn't it?
I sent a kid out with a C-note,
he comes back with this...
...I'm trying to blow my brains out,
I don't even know how to work it.
Do you know anything about guns?
I'm afraid I don't.
I think you just
put the bullet in like that.
And then you just turn that thing.
Just like that.
- It shouldn't be a problem, should it?
- I didn't catch your name.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Harold De Voto.
- Ed Muntz.
Sorry.
You see, Ed, you see,
I can't leave the room here...
...because I happen
to be waiting for a phone call.
It's been six weeks now,
and I haven't left once.
Now, do you know what that is?
Now, this is what we call
the Peacemaker.
And I am trying to sell 50 of these
with instructions and maintenance...
...and ground and air control.
That's a $300,000,000 contract, Ed,
and it's right there.
You're with Luckup.
You know that is 250 pages,
and that is three years work...
...and this is a lifetime!
And now they're saying, "Everything's
approved, just one more phone call.
One more approval,
and then we'll call you."
You see? "We'll call you."
You get it?
And it's been six weeks,
right through Christmas.
And you see now
my bride is telling me:
"Oh, I'm leaving you.
Well, you can't blame me."
You see, I still cannot leave the room
because I am waiting for the phone call!
Because they only call once.
And if I'm not here, well, then
they just go with the French Mirages...
...or they just go with the Eagles.
I really don't know...
...because I'm just getting so tired.
And I just wanna know,
why don't they call?!
You see, Ed, the thing is,
I don't wanna lose her.
I just wanna go home.
I just wanna go home now.
Harold?
Hey, Harold. Harold.
- Harold, listen to me.
- Yeah?
Harold, Harold, the important thing...
- Yeah?
- Here's what I'm getting at.
- The important thing is to make the sale.
- Yeah.
Okay? This is why
you came here, Harold.
- You understand?
- Oh, yeah.
This is why you came here.
That's what you're here for.
This is your mission.
You gotta complete your mission.
And when you do...
Odds on, you will.
- When the phone rings...
- Yeah?
When you bring home the contracts,
300,000,000 bucks...
...your associates will be proud,
your country will be proud...
...balance of payments,
jobs, all that crap.
Your wife, very proud of you, Harold.
I really... I really need...
I really need it.
I know. I know that.
And listen to me, even you...
You know what I'm saying?
Even you will be proud of you, Harold.
Bless you, Ed. Thank you.
Thank you.
I don't think
you'll be needing these anymore.
Oh, no.
Yeah?
Yeah, thank you.
Yes, sir. Fine, and yourself?
No, my name is Eddie Muntz.
Mr. De Voto had to leave
for personal reasons.
I'll be assuming
his responsibilities here.
Eddie Muntz.
Yes, I have the contracts
right here in front of me.
Who are you with?
Luckup.
The drones?
Nice plane.
I am with Dassault.
Air-to-ground designated missiles.
He said, "It was a pleasure
doing business.
When you come to Moscow,
come and visit us."
Se?or Muntz?
Se?or Muntz!
We're all sorry that Harold
could not be with us at this time...
...and hope that he will return to visit.
I'm sure he will, general.
- An accident?
- Just a scratch.
Thank you, thank you.
Se?or Muntz, a question
and an observation.
The Peacemaker system
is untested in combat.
Yes, that's a true fact.
But if I'm not mistaken, we don't
have a major conflict anywhere...
...where we could demonstrate
the effectiveness of the Peacemaker.
I mean, it's state of the art,
if you see my meaning.
One item that would be
of extreme importance...
...would be the transfer
of technology to San Miguel.
The transfer of technology?
As we discussed with Harold...
...we would insist that
our purchase take the form of...
Soft money, general.
Yes. Soft money.
Luckup Corporation would provide
the consulting expertise...
...and the prototype,
in sections, of course.
We will build the planes
here in San Miguel.
You've discussed this with Harold?
Then I see no cloud on the horizon.
Se?or Muntz. Colonel...
While I'm at it, can you use any
short arms? Handguns, grenades?
We have all we need.
Incidentally, general, when I first
came in here, nobody searched me.
I mean, a guy can walk in here
with a bomb in his briefcase...
...and blow you all away.
- Watch out!
- Easy, easy.
Radio transistor!
You have a good sense of humor.
These little babies go
for $400 over the counter.
My price to you,
if you'll take a thousand: $315.
General, my compliments.
In the spirit of true friendship...
...we wish to thank you and
your company for your cooperation...
...and hope you will accept
this small gift on our behalf.
Completely unnecessary.
These links are ten-carat gold.
They're made in Taiwan.
Total garbage.
Wouldn 't wear them to a pig's bris.
But I'm sitting
with a $300,000,000 contract...
...which I figure has to be worth
at least a couple of mil to yours truly.
Hey, it's a hell of a way to make a living,
but somebody's gotta do it.
Well, hello.
Hey, what are we waiting for?
I got a plane to catch.
You enjoy your stay?
Mr. Muntz, please.
I lost my husband yesterday.
Well, we got a few minutes,
maybe we can find him.
- Eddie.
- Raymond.
- How are you?
- Good, man.
- Welcome back.
- Thanks.
So, what happened?
In San Miguel, women believe
that pleasure begins with your feet.
- So they broke your foot?
- Broke my heart.
- Hey, you look good.
- Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Know anything about a new plane
called the Peacemaker?
- Why?
- I think I just sold 50 of them.
Western Defense.
Yeah, Colonel Dabudo,
nice to hear you again.
Yes, I believe
we have you down for...?
Five hundred Claymore mines.
Yeah, you got your folding legs,
push-button controls, 50-meter kill zone.
It's a beautiful item.
Colonel, listen, can I interest you...
...in some M217s with
combination impact and time-delay fuse?
Not today, huh? Pardon?
You need 500 anti-tank weapons?
Expecting an invasion, colonel?
What?
The whales are coming
too close to your coastline?
Okay, we'll see
what we can do about it.
Right. I'm sorry, what?
A Trinitron?
I believe they're the best for color.
Allow me to check with my associate.
Colonel, good news,
we're gonna include it in the package.
That's right, a 19-incher.
And a VCR recorder.
Yeah, you need any tape?
A tape of what?
Deep Throat?
No problem. We'll include it.
Thank you very much.
Say hello to your wives.
- Ed?
- Yeah?
I think you should
know something, man.
What's that, Ray?
I'm thinking of giving my life
to Jesus Christ.
- What?
- I'm very serious about this.
Whatever you do with your Sundays
is your own private concern.
I gotta get out, Ed.
I gotta get out, man.
I just feel like it's destructive to my soul.
I'll be blunt.
We're flirting
with bankruptcy here, Ray.
It's desperation time.
This is definitely not a sane response.
Eddie, where do you keep
the salad dressing?
Corner shelf, behind the pancake mix.
What a beautiful boy. Yeah.
Looks just like his Uncle Eddie.
Here it is. Here it is.
Chow time.
I never ask you about your work,
you know this.
I know, Freddie.
As far as I'm concerned, you have
your privacy, and I respect that.
I appreciate that.
All I know is, you go on these trips...
...you say you're going here
and here and here.
I turn on the news, and there's trouble
here and here and here.
You come home, show some slides...
...these places don't exist anymore.
I worry about you.
You're my brother.
- There's no point in worrying, Freddie.
- No?
No, not in the long run.
- Why don't you come in with me, Eddie?
- Oh, come on.
Come on, you'll make good dough,
you'll have a life.
What you're doing now, it's no life.
Freddie, I think the kid's
having an activity here.
- Yeah. Great.
- I think maybe you scare him.
Barb?
You got a pail?
It's okay. Yeah, I know.
Testing, one, two, three.
Is this mike on?
Testing. Testing, one, two, three.
Are we all right, guys?
You don't need a pilot.
Cockpit instrumentation, armor,
ejection system, pressure controls.
All you gotta do is turn it on
and pull the trigger.
Add that to the saving of $ 1,000,000
it costs to train a single pilot.
You'll see why the Peacemaker's the
most cost-effective aircraft ever offered.
How much for operation
and maintenance?
A billion here, a billion there.
But just think what it'll cost
the Russkies to defend against it.
Million-dollar view.
Computer display activated.
- Positive.
- Comm antenna selector activated.
Positive.
What the hell's that?
Hum in the air conditioner.
I understand General Huddleston gave up
a foursome at Pebble Beach to be here.
So I guess that means our ass
is really on the line.
Up to now, drones have been used
primarily...
...for surface-to-air missile training...
...day and night surveillance,
and target purposes.
The Peacemaker is a computer-controlled
deterrent deployer...
...boasting a navigational system
without error to the target.
Deterrent delivery
with pinpoint accuracy.
A lightweight plane
with a heavyweight punch.
Virtually undetectable by enemy radar.
I've got a red flag on 83-four-Charlie.
Will, give us an
RF spectrum scan on four-Charlie.
I don't see anything.
What do you think?
Run a fault-isolation scan.
What did we forget?
All the bells and whistles
they put in this thing...
...you'd think they could do better
than a surplus air conditioner.
And please keep this in mind...
...an unmanned vehicle, a drone,
does not bleed, die...
...get addicted to drugs,
shoot its officers...
...or refuse to fight.
With Peacemaker,
you don't need a hangar.
You don't need a runway.
Why, you can launch one of
these babies right out of your garage.
That's a two-car garage,
isn't it, Frank?
You've got that right, Senator Bryce.
Senator, General Huddleston,
distinguished guests...
...may I present the Peacemaker.
And now, to christen the Peacemaker
on its maiden public voyage...
...is the lovely star of
the hit television series One is a Crowd...
...Miss Gloria Della Rosa.
Okay, that's it, take the bottle.
Now look over here.
Now give it a good crack.
- Now, what's wrong?
- How about this?
This damn Army reject.
Oh, God, it's in this board back here.
Hold on.
What the hell are they doing?
What's going on? Let's go.
- Frank...
- What?
- We've run into a small snag.
- What?
A voltage drop in an encoder circuit.
I think it's the high temperature.
The air conditioner isn't
up to the load and...
Well, what do you want?
- Pardon?
- What are you telling me?
For safety's sake,
we'd like to trace this bugger down.
Dr. Rechtin, I got half the Pentagon
cooking in a goddamn oven out there.
- How serious is this?
- It's not serious now.
- Then launch the plane.
- In other words, you wanna go as is?
I don't consider 250,000,000
in cost overruns alone in R&D...
...to be "as is."
Now, launch the goddamn plane!
Launch it.
Switching to demonstration
maneuver software.
Effective heading, two-five-nine.
We're still on a course heading
of one-three-five?
That's awry. Better try manual control.
I'm not reading a response
to the demonstration software.
This is a glorious
and momentous occasion.
As an ex-fighter pilot
engaged in the struggle...
...for the liberation
of Southeast Asia...
...I can tell you that we had faith...
...we had a sense of mission...
...but we did not have airplanes
that were survivable.
You have the screw?
That screw down there.
- Where's the plane, Rechtin?
- That's a good question.
Best we can tell, it took a heading
of two-six-zero towards Long Beach.
- Long Beach?
- That's a rog.
- The plane went to Long Beach?
- That's what it looks like.
- Why don't we turn it around?
- Well, we're working on that right now.
Can somebody tell me
what's going on?
- We think it could be the water.
- Water?
Because of the demo we washed it down.
The water must've fouled the electronics.
First the air conditioning, now the water.
Are you guys pulling my tit?
- Washing it was sheer stupidity.
- Should do great tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?
- After it dries.
There is no tomorrow, you assholes!
Have you ever heard of rain?
Northbound on the Harbor
we've got a small fender-bender...
...going on at the Slauson off-ramp
that's got things tied up a bit.
Traffic's backed up maybe a mile.
If you can find an alternate route,
I would definitely do so.
Southbound on the Harbor, things
are pretty smooth for this time of day.
Christ, he's shooting at us!
What the hell's going on up here?
Please be advised, general.
- Systems check. Preparations systems.
- Why is it on...?
Ted, I got no display.
Frank, should we abort?
Abort? You imbecile!
I've got all my customers out there!
- Everything's fine. It's fine.
- Where's your plane, Frank?
Gentleman, I'm afraid
we owe you a little apology.
Some unexpected problems
have developed...
...but I'm informed that we have
everything under control.
This is a great day
for the Air Force, senator.
- Why is that, general?
- The Navy ordered 20 of those disasters.
Son of a bitch!
Duck and cover!
Response still negative.
I don't believe it.
Oh, no! Shit!
- It's getting ready to fire!
- We're in deep shit.
When Luckup Industries '
remote aircraft...
...the Peacemaker...
- You're where? Great.
Listen, I've got this Luckup deal
all figured out, man.
They blew the Navy sale,
so they gotta go foreign.
We're talking about pulling off
the deal of the century here.
I mean, if that sort of thing
interests you.
If he wills what, Ray? Lt?
I don 't see any problem...
- Mr. Muntz?
- Yes?
Do you remember me?
We met in San Miguel.
Oh, yes, of course.
You suffered a loss.
Yes. My husband.
- I'm sorry.
- Could we go inside?
I'd like to be frank with you.
Frank as the situation demands.
My husband didn't leave
his affairs in order. In fact, he...
Well, he left his mother and me
in a great deal of debt...
...and she hasn't been feeling very well,
poor thing.
And I had to put her in a nursing home,
and I thought that...
It's a cruel world, Mrs. De Voto.
That's what keeps us
from getting fat and lazy.
Mr. Muntz, I believe my husband...
...was working on
some very important contracts.
Contracts that may be worth
a great deal of money.
Would you care for some wine?
Thank you.
What'd your husband do?
He was a salesman
for an aerospace firm.
- Any particular one?
- Luckup Industries.
You'd like me to check out
these contracts...
...obtain your late husband's
rightful commission...
...which you will gratefully
split with me?
- The whole nation is tense right now.
- Sounds good.
Straighten up. Keep your thoughts
straight, honey. Here it comes.
Is your husband's mother doing well?
Is she what?
Is she doing well?
She's in a nursing home.
She is. It's really expensive,
but I think it's doing some good.
Why don't you tell me
why you're really here.
Well, I just did.
You come in looking like a million bucks,
and you're talking penny-ante.
You're playing with me.
Well, maybe I haven't been clear.
You've been clear about everything
except why you're here.
Here. Now, I'm just dying to know.
- I didn't know where else to go.
- Mrs. De Voto.
- I mean, I thought you could help.
- Getting warmer.
I've been so confused
and so alone.
I mean, Mr. Muntz, maybe
you don't know what it's like...
...to lose a loved one.
Here you go, try one of these.
I'm going now.
Sorry to have disturbed you.
Catherine, sit down. I believe you.
Will you help me? Yes or no?
Hey, I can understand how you feel.
You're in a tough spot.
And I'm really sorry...
...but there's nothing I can do for you.
Mr. Muntz, there is something
I wasn't going to bring up...
...but I think perhaps under
these circumstances it's necessary.
And a man like you would understand
what I'm about to say.
You see, Ed...
...I know you killed my husband,
I know you stole his contracts.
- Is that loaded?
- I have an itchy finger, Ed.
Harold?
- My God, what have you done?
- Jesus, you shot my foot!
- I'm sorry, you pushed my hand...
- It was healing and you shot it.
- Look at this!
- I'm sorry, it was an accident.
- Look at the carpet! I'm bleeding all over.
- Where are the towels?
- Oh, Christ!
- I get so crazy sometimes.
Oh, Jesus! Look at this!
Oh, Christ! Hurry up! Look at my rug!
I don't believe this. Look at the rug!
Look at my foot! Jesus! Crap!
- Oh, it's not stopping.
- What do you want me to do?
Stop the bleeding.
I don't know, cut the cast off. Come on.
- I really hate emergencies.
- Come on, will you?
Do something.
What is that, a cork?
- Just temporarily.
- No, no!
- What do you say, Ed?
- God, it's a burglar!
- It's my partner.
- Lf you're busy, I can come back.
I'm not busy, Ray.
Come in. You gotta get in.
Listen, is something
happening here, Ed?
- She shot me, man.
- Oh, you shot him?
- Yes. In the foot.
- Where'd you shoot him?
- It's too kinky for me, Ed.
- This is not kinky.
- This isn't kinky.
- Not at all.
- Have I met you?
- Catherine De Voto.
- Ray Kasternak.
- Great. Sit down and have some wine.
Hey, what's this cork doing?
- Don't touch that cork!
- Don't touch that cork!
I'm going out.
I'm losing it. I'm losing it.
He's going out. He's losing it.
I'm gonna vomit on the carpet.
Oh, God. Jesus.
All right, Ed.
We're getting you to the hospital.
I'm finished. Don't. Don't mess up...
- Can you get his other arm, please?
- Don't mess up my carpet, Ray.
- We're going back this way.
- Get my coat. Gotta get my jacket.
Don't worry about it.
You let this woman shoot you?
- You're my friend. Don't let them take it.
- No way, Ed.
- Don't let them take it off.
- No way.
- Easy, slow down.
- Listen to me, Ray.
- What?
- The contracts.
Don't worry about that, Ed.
I got them right here with me.
- All right, over here. Over this way.
- I'm gonna throw up, Ray.
Mr. Muntz, let me come
right to the point.
We have the contracts.
Mrs. De Voto delivered them to us.
But they're not worth the paper
they're printed on.
Oh, really? Why not?
The Cordosa government
canceled last night.
Now, I don't know what you did
or who you dealt with...
...and I'm sure I don't wanna know...
...but you succeeded in days
where we failed in years.
We'd like you to do it again.
Mrs. De Voto has told us
a good deal about you.
Particularly, your close ties
with the Cordosa family.
Yes, I also told him about
your tank deal with the Sudanese...
...the Honduran submarine sale...
...and the heavy artillery transfer
to the Rhodesians.
Ed, General Cordosa will be
in town tomorrow.
Starting Wednesday, every major
arms manufacturer in the world...
...and every buyer of importance
from 45 countries...
...will be at the
West Coast Arms Show.
I want the Peacemaker sold
before the end of the show, Ed.
Think of what you'd be doing
if you're successful.
You'll be putting bread on the tables
of 20,000 families at Luckup alone...
...plus the families
of 10,000 or so subcontractors.
This one sale will mean
jobs and prosperity.
An oasis of employment.
This is not just a sale, Ed...
...it's a struggle for the livelihood
of your community and your country.
It's a hell of a responsibility, Ed.
But I get the feeling
you're one hell of a guy.
What's my end, Hank?
All I'm saying is,
we're in the ballpark.
Let's go one more inning,
see what happens.
How's the leg, Ed?
It's agony, Ray.
If I never got shot in that leg again,
it'll be too soon.
- I could kill that broad.
- That woman is poison, man.
What time do we pick up the torch?
Six.
It's Anaheim,
you think you can make it?
I can't, man. I can't. I got a meeting.
- A meeting, Ray?
- Yeah, a prayer meeting.
Right now this is trouble,
and I don't need it, and here it is.
I don't think so.
Ever hear of the separation
of church and business?
The country was founded on it.
I'm going through
some changes. I can't.
You wanna drop out of the business?
Go back to the service as a test pilot?
They won't hire you, Ray.
You know this.
I was really good.
You weren't just good, Ray.
You were the best.
Somebody, anybody, asks me,
I tell them you were the best.
You know, when I flew, Ed,
it was just... It was beautiful.
I just... I felt like I was
at one with the universe.
Play it any way you want. What
I'm saying is, you're not a rich man.
You can't afford to be
spiritual full-time, Ray.
While I work out the particulars
of the Peacemaker deal...
...cover Simbo's for me?
- I can't.
He's sitting on a wad of flamethrowers
at a decent price.
If they're good, we could have
a shot at Angola, Mozambique.
Any number of places, given the right
breaks. One more time. For me.
Come on.
This is your basic M2A1.
You got your tank group here,
you got your gun group here.
Fuel tank, pressure tank, connector...
...valve hose, ignition lever,
nozzle shield, the enchilada.
You got some rust here.
Rust on my equipment, Ray?
No. Where?
Here in the valve section.
Oh, it's just a little rust, Ray.
It's the dampness.
Get a kid in with an S.O.S. Pad,
this'll clean up real nice.
Look, this is not a new weapon, Ray.
You want new, go to the manufacturer.
This hose looks split.
The hose will outlive the both of us.
We're talking a small item here.
Two bits, any hardware store.
It's a great buy, Ray.
Rick just got back from Rhodesia.
Didn't you, Rick?
You know I did, Charlie.
It's a beautiful weapon, Ray.
We take the house-warmer with us when
we chase the boogies to Mozambique.
Because when they're sitting
in them thatched huts...
...you don't wanna go knocking on doors
to find out who's who.
So we just get out
the house-warmer...
...light him up,
and out they run, just like ants.
Then we pick and choose,
pick and choose, pick and choose.
You don't just walk up
to a world figure and say:
"General, how are you, the kids?
I'm here to make all
of your political dreams come true."
These meetings take preparation.
They could get technical.
Like?
What does the plane look like?
I've never seen it.
I have a trunk full
of Harold's technical papers.
That's why we need Ray.
Ray was a test pilot in the Air Force.
He's one of the best technical men
in the trade.
No disrespect, but I don't think
Ray's heart is really in this.
Look, don't you worry about Ray.
When it comes to business, he's all pro.
For I do not do
the good that I want...
...but the evil I do not want
is what I do.
Now, if I do what I do not want,
it is no longer I that do it...
...but sin which dwells within me.
- That's a beautiful thought, Ray.
- Romans 7: 19 through 20.
Nineteen through 20.
Isn't that beautiful, Mrs. De Voto?
Too deep for me.
I was standing here thinking how
much I'd love to spend...
...the afternoon discussing theology...
- I'm not just talking about the...
We could dust off the old Bible...
...and dig in and find a few revelations
that could be handy in our lives.
Unfortunately, Wild Kingdom
comes on in a half an hour...
...and you know me, Ray,
I never miss an episode.
You drive me nuts.
You know that, don't you, Ray?
- Tony, don't start this with me.
- I don't want you coming inside.
I want you to wait out here
when you come pick me up.
I don't want you standing around drinking
soda letting guys look at your ass.
Fine, fine.
I don't wanna hear it, all right?
Tony, watch out!
- You see!
- Hey, what's the matter with you?
- Stay out of this, I'll handle this.
- Don't yell at me, Tony!
Get back in the car.
Hey! Hey, man, you hit my car.
- I hit your car, man?
- Yeah, you hit my car.
- You hit the back of my... I'm sorry.
- What are you talking about, sorry?
You hit my bumper.
You smashed... Look at this thing!
Man, get out of here!
- Look, there's hardly any damage.
- What are you, some kind of an asshole?
It's nice to have met you both.
Have a nice evening.
Hey, I'm talking to you.
Hey, fancy pants, I'm talking to you.
How would you like
if I hit your car, huh?
If I went like this?
You like that, huh?
- You like that, asshole?
- Jerk!
- You get back in that car.
- Stop screaming at me, goddamn it.
You know, that was
completely unnecessary and not right.
Look, I apologized, I said I was sorry.
Miss, could you excuse us
for a second?
You don't talk to her, man.
You talk to me.
- I'm trying to talk to you.
- You got that, nigger?
Look, I said I was sorry.
I'm apologizing to you.
Any damage that you feel I did,
I'd be happy to pay for it. Let's not...
You know, you're getting
too worked up, man.
- Just lighten up.
- Worked up?
- Come on.
- I'll show you worked up.
Oh, man.
I don't believe it.
I don't believe this is happening.
You like that, boy?
I don't believe this, man.
You know,
I don't understand this, man.
- What is your problem?
- I got a problem, man?
- It seems like you got a problem.
- No. You got a problem right here, man.
Come on, man. What's your problem?
- Right here.
- You feel this is necess...?
You want a problem?
You got a problem.
Here's a little problem for you, right?
- A problem for you!
- You idiot! You goddamn idiot!
What's the matter with you, man?
- I'm your problem!
- Tony, calm down, will you?
You want a problem? You got it!
Tony, be careful.
- What the hell is that?
- Where you going?
Come on back, I see you got
a nice flame job here.
I'm gonna give you a little touch-up.
A little touch-up.
Just a little touch-up for you.
You met him in the service?
Yeah, Ray was a flyer.
I was in the PX.
Why did Ray quit the service?
He didn't. They took a dim view
of his unauthorized flights.
How many?
Twenty-seven. Ray loves to fly.
Man, I am so screwed up.
Yes, you are, Ray. I'll grant you that.
We've been friends a long time, man.
Best friends. Goes without saying.
I just don't want anything
to get between us, man.
I'll never let that happen, man.
- Light good enough for you?
- Yeah, fine.
- Anything else we can get for you?
- No, I'm good.
Take a couple of these.
It'll help activate the coffee.
What's the "meridian subdividing
into the Mercator solution"?
Well, he's going so fast,
how can he absorb anything?
Do you think you're dealing
with amateurs here?
You really want me to answer that?
Ray, what is the
"negative static margin...
...of the longitudinal axis of the
Peacemaker's air-combat configuration"?
- Could you heat this up for me, please?
- Surely.
Thank you.
Thank you, Muntz.
You sure you wouldn't be
more comfortable in there?
Where will you be?
I'll be where it's more comfortable.
I'm fine here.
- Good night, Mrs. De Voto.
- Good night, Muntz.
It's refreshing to meet
a professional gentleman.
Professional schmuck.
Mrs. De Voto?
One thing. I forgot to mention I keep
some items stored under the couch...
...which needn't alarm you,
because they've been defused...
...and there's almost no chance
of them going off.
Muntz? Duck and cover.
Idiot, bring the ball up here.
Come on, let's go.
- Se?or Muntz.
- Hey, general.
Good to see you again.
You remember Colonel Oswaldo Salgado?
Of course, allow me to introduce
my associates.
- Ray Kasternak, Catherine De Voto.
- Oh, now I am in trouble.
I am so easily swayed
by a beautiful woman.
Now, Se?or Muntz...
...please tell me why it is that my
country should deploy this Peacemaker...
...when your country does not?
General, I'd like to clear up
a misconception, if I may.
The Pentagon cancelled the Peacemaker
after one small mishap.
Why? Because of a couple
lousy defective parts...
...from some contemptible
subcontractor? I don't believe this.
I believe that from day one the Air Force
never intended to use the Peacemaker.
Why is that, Se?or Muntz?
Why, general? Why is that?
Because it's a pilotless vehicle.
The Air Force is full of pilots.
No one wants to be replaced
by a machine.
Where would they go?
How would they support their families?
What is your assessment
of the variable camera wing at this time?
At this time? Ray?
Our tests have shown conclusively
that the variable camera wing...
...provides improved lift coefficients
at high angle of attack...
...Iower drag at a given lift...
...and significantly improved
buffet characteristics.
I understand that the transfer of certain
technologies incorporated in this design...
...were at one time restricted
by your government.
Are you referring
to directional solidification?
Yeah, well, this process of longitudinally
aligning metal grains...
...is no longer restricted.
It should pose no problem.
I'd have to concur with that.
Look, can we get
to the bottom line here?
We got a plane,
we call it the Peacemaker.
You don't need any pilots,
a hangar, an airstrip.
You can keep it in your garage
and fire it out of your backyard.
One, possibly two technicians in a trailer
can control an entire squadron.
Each one of these things
can out-fly any manned aircraft going.
If I may be a little bit frank, colonel...
...you can buy your F-18s all day long,
but where you gonna find pilots?
Look at Iran. It's rust city down there.
If I'm not out of line here.
By the way, what sort of battery do
you recommend for the missile system?
- What kind do you want?
- What kind do you have?
- What do you want them to do?
- What can they do?
- Ray?
- You can use a thermal battery.
They sit and won't activate
until you need them.
- How much is the cost?
- How many can you use?
- How many will I need?
- I can get you 500 at cost.
- Your country can have them first.
- I am looking forward...
...to the demonstration.
I don't think we should have
any problem.
Please accept this small gift...
...as a token of true friendship.
Well, thank you.
Ray, you were terrific.
Here, take these
in the spirit of true friendship.
I think they just bought a drone.
Guy gives you two sets of links,
he's either real forgetful...
...or trying to tell you something.
After the arms show,
you're gonna be a wealthy man, Ray.
You could buy your own church.
You can start your own religion.
We're not building missiles
to fight a war.
We're building missiles
to preserve the peace.
Superweapons,
the newest weapons of the world.
Fighting mechanisms
representing a crystallization...
...of the cream of contemporary science
and man 's intellect.
Every single one of them is alive and
on-station today throughout the world...
...taking a dramatic step forward
towards tomorrow.
Yeah, that's a Mirage 2000, general.
That's a prototype.
The way they're going, they won't even
be in production for two years.
Tigershark, the F-20...
...boasting the world's
fastest-thinking avionics.
The best dogfighter in the world.
The Mirage,
an interceptor-attack aircraft...
...that combines power
with smart looks.
Available in a choice of colorings.
Invulnerable to all enemy defenses.
Providing superior range...
...speed, accuracy and kill power.
The range on these missiles can be
extended with variable depth.
The B- 1 A, the world's newest bomber.
Manufactured by
Rockwell International.
Can a nuclear war be won?
The answer is yes.
The United States can survive
a Soviet first strike...
...and retaliate, inflicting more damage
on them than they inflict on us.
With proper shelter and preparation...
...our leadership will survive intact...
...our industry will
function reasonably...
...and, as Vice President Bush
has stated...
...far more than five percent
of our population will survive.
But if only one man and one woman
are left on this earth...
...it is my deep desire
that they be Americans.
This is a miniature for demonstration, but
you can rig this up to any full-size urinal.
Now, this hot-wire here is hidden
if it's painted the color of the back wall.
When your enemy comes
to take a leak...
...his own piss will activate
this little contact here.
So he comes in, he takes a piss and...
Pisses himself to infinity.
Pretty good, huh?
The next live-ammunition
demonstration...
...will take place
on the firing range at 2 p.m.
See anything you need, general?
Maybe I can beat the price.
I love these cuff links.
Those are trainers. You couldn't even
get an Israeli to fly one of those.
- You need a pilotless vehicle.
- Pilotless.
A drone.
Peacemaker, from Luckup Industries...
...promising bigger bangs
for less bucks.
- Se?or Muntz?
- Yeah?
The general has expressed a wish...
...to see some cultural aspects
of your city.
Any particular one?
I believe there is an activity called...
..."female mud wrestling"?
- Female mud wrestling?
- That's right.
Females, in the mud, wrestling?
Think you can do something about it?
We can try. How about hot oatmeal?
After firing, the gunner has only
to keep the crosshairs...
...trained on the target.
Tonight I'm gonna take you to see
the finest mariachi band in L.A.
After we go to dinner
at a Mexican restaurant.
- You like Mexican food?
- Will Catherine be joining us?
Catherine? She's planning cocktails
at her place first. 7:00 good?
What do you mean,
General Cordosa's not taking any calls?
He was supposed to meet me
two hours ago.
I know you'll take a message.
The message is,
"Look at the last six messages," lady.
Ed Muntz, Muntz.
M-U-N-T-Z.
Sounds pleasurable, but you'll
have to show me how sometime.
Sheesh, the future
of the free world's at stake...
...and I get Don Rickles'
answering service.
Hello, you're on the air.
Sorry, the laundry's closed.
Mr. Muntz, I have an invitation
for you from Mr. Kayhim Masaggi.
What the hell? What are you
talking about? What invitation?
Mr. Masaggi would be pleased
if you'd come to his private office...
...in one half-hour.
Come where? Who the hell are you?
His car is at your disposal.
Kayhim Masaggi.
The richest arms dealer in the world.
What the hell is he doing here
in the Burbank airport?
What the hell does he want with me?
- Mr. Muntz.
- Yeah?
Kayhim Masaggi.
Pleased to know you.
Please.
I understand you have a sale to make.
I also understand
you're having some difficulty.
Perhaps I could be
of some benefit to you.
I'm not sure I follow you.
Mr. Muntz, General Cordosa
needs the Peacemaker.
It will give him the capacity to hit
rebel bases wherever he chooses...
...particularly in those sanctuaries
across the Costa Rican border.
Of course, this will threaten
the Costa Ricans...
...and with good reason,
making them absolutely crazy with fear.
How will they defend themselves?
Charged particles, Mr. Muntz?
Pardon?
Charged particles, the death beam.
Zero time-of-flight weaponry.
The ideal Peacemaker-killer.
They're here, they're for sale,
and they're very expensive.
And in time, the Costa Ricans
will have to buy them.
Now, we can expect
some border tension.
And if my thinking is accurate,
as it always has been...
...the major powers will eagerly
enter the fray...
...creating an enormous demand
for replacements, spare parts.
Whoever wins, we win.
Whoever loses, we win.
Mr. Muntz, I believe
that your one small sale...
...will help make limited global warfare
a reality well into the '90s.
And we will all prosper accordingly.
That's some very fine thinking there,
Mr. Masaggi, and a great motivator...
...but right now, General Cordosa's
not even taking my calls.
When you were with the general,
did you receive a gift?
A gift? Yeah.
- A couple pairs of these links.
- In the spirit of true friendship?
And as a true friend,
what did you offer the general?
Mr. Muntz, may I suggest
a charitable contribution...
...through which the general's
wife and sister...
...can further their
humanitarian pursuits?
With all due respect, Mr. Masaggi...
...you are aware of the
Foreign Corrupt Practices Act of 1977?
No, no, that is no problem.
Thanks to your president,
your treasury and an obliging Congress...
...your new tax bill makes
these contributions...
...both legal and tax-deductible.
- How much?
- 1.7 million.
I see.
I'm gonna give you
a phone number, Ed.
I know nothing about this matter.
We've never had this conversation.
And, Ed, we'll need a receipt
for tax purposes.
Look, Cath, I...
Well, here's a little something
to remember this by.
- Muntz.
- Go ahead, open it.
It's a souvenir.
- A Timex.
- Yeah.
It's lovely.
Look at the back.
"The deal of the century.
Edward Muntz."
It's quartz. Never needs winding.
- What the hell?
- I'm sorry to bother you.
- We're making a connection.
- I know.
- What the hell?
- We gotta stop this sale.
There's gonna be a lot of bloodshed.
I talked to the Costa Rican Embassy.
- Talked to who?
- Their embassy.
- About this?
- Since he's been in power...
...Cordosa has increased the San Miguel
defense budget 400 percent.
He wants to start building
Peacemakers.
This man can't spell,
and he wants to build and export...
...the world's most lethal fighter plane.
- Who'd you talk to?
I talked to their ambassador.
- He's here, let me get him.
- You brought him here?
Don't look at me like I'm a religious
fanatic. I just want you to talk to him.
Ed, we can't go through with this.
Everybody's using these countries as a
dumping ground for junk nobody wants.
Then we act surprised
when a war breaks out?
I don't wanna be a part
of that anymore, Ed.
- Now, just one second.
- Ray.
Ray, please. Please, man, come here.
Ray, all we're doing is selling
a commodity, Ray, like Coca-Cola.
They sell to everybody, Ray.
They sell to the British, to the IRA.
They sell to the Arabs, to the Israelis.
They sell to Castro,
they sell to Rockefeller.
What it boils down to, Ray,
is who makes the sale.
If they don't, Pepsi will.
If we don't make this sale
to Cordosa, somebody will.
As far as we're concerned,
things go better with Coke.
So do me a favor and get off my ass.
Ray, Ray, lose this guy. Dump him.
One moment, Ed.
Before you go, Ed...
...there is one more thing.
What's that, colonel?
The general wishes to meet a woman.
A woman?
Yes.
Look, let's get something
straight here, okay?
I'm not a bagman,
and I'm not a pimp.
I'm a businessman.
And I hope you can see the difference.
- You were insulted, se?or?
- Yeah.
Frankly, I am. I'm insulted.
What's he looking for?
I mean, a pro? A semi-pro?
- One of the girls from the show? What?
- I believe you know this woman.
What did you say?
What could I say?
You'd think these people
would have some class.
None whatsoever.
None whatsoever.
Goes without saying.
What time is it?
Four-thirty.
- Four-thirty?
- It must've stopped.
It can't stop, it's quartz.
What should I do?
You're smart. Finesse him.
Muntz, I think you should
know something.
You're not giving your life
to Jesus Christ?
I've never been able to finesse anyone
in my whole life.
Look, Cath, whatever you want.
Really, I'm serious.
Whatever I want?
You wanna go up there,
you don't wanna go up there...
What do you want?
Whatever. It's 1118.
The Bob and Dolores Hope suite.
You're sure?
Jesus, I don't know.
Yeah, I think it's 1118.
1118.
Bob and Dolores Hope.
Oh, what an hombre you are.
You think so?
These films are a great idea.
Wonderful.
- You like them?
- You're such a brave boy.
I love you.
No, mi general, you'll hurt yourself.
I don't know what's wrong.
What is this?
You don't have to apologize to me.
How can I make
this up to you, baby? How?
Just sign the contract, Arturo...
...and you'll always be
el magnifico to me.
Okay, okay.
- Then shall we pray for Raymond?
- Yes, let's pray for Raymond.
- He's truly a miracle.
- Yes.
In obedience to the command
of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ...
...I baptize thee
in the name of the Father...
...and of the Son
and of the Holy Ghost.
Buried in the likeness of his death.
Raised to walk in the newness of life.
- Hallelujah!
- Amen.
Cath, listen, last night at the hotel...
...I think I really went over the line,
and I'm sorry, I swear.
I'd rather sell used cars than
have you do something like that again.
- So did you...?
- Well, I appreciate the sentiment, Muntz.
The United States...
...is no longer the most powerful
military force on earth.
We're outnumbered in our Navy surface
ships and submarines two to one...
...we're outgunned
in artillery three to one...
...we're outmanned in tanks
four to one.
They have more missiles, bigger missiles,
more powerful missiles than we have.
We're no longer negotiating
from strength.
I'm happy to report that the F-19X
is right on schedule and on budget.
You know, one distinguished senator
who shall remain nameless...
...has called the money
spent building the F-19X...
...a waste of taxpayer's funds.
Well, reasonable men may differ...
...but this aircraft will do more
to deter a future war...
...than any other existing technology.
Why do we spend more
to make the F-19X better...
...when it's already the best there is?
The answer is that our enemies
are building better aircraft too.
If we don't keep up,
they're just liable to catch up.
- Excuse me?
- Yes, sir?
- This going up today?
- No, I'm sorry, it's not.
Beautiful plane, man.
You are looking at
the most versatile aircraft in the world.
Both a fighter and a bomber.
Navy and Marines
just ordered a hundred.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
How much?
About 35 million apiece
if you figure overruns.
- Sidewinders and Sparrows?
- That's correct.
What's the transonic acceleration?
Lt'll get up to about Mach 1.2
faster than the F-18.
- What's the envelope?
- Varies with the maneuver.
But it'll do the job more than nine.
You can start the engines...
...and run a complete systems check
with no external power.
All right.
- How much thrust?
- Thirty-two thousand pounds.
Change an engine in about 20 minutes.
Are you a pilot?
Only on weekends.
The Sea Harrier, renowned and victorious
in the Falklands conflict...
...manufactured by
British Aerospace...
...for fighter reconnaissance
and strike rolls.
Two Sidewinder AIMs,
two thirty-millimeter guns.
How do you call these, "Whoriers"?
No, that's a Harrier, general.
Harrier, yesterday's news.
Brits lost seven in the Falklands.
Argentines were using them
for target practice.
Lost pilots too. Don't need that.
What are you drinking?
Rum and Coke.
Four rum and Cokes.
I'm sure you know this
so there's no reason to bring it up...
...but Ray is here.
- Ray's here? Where?
Looking at the F-19X.
Can I have a Scotch and water?
Carrying his flight helmet.
- Hold the water.
- Stay with the general.
Ray!
Ray!
Ray!
The F- 19X is flying
without authorization.
Repeat, the F- 19X is flying...
Guess what. Your friend says
he's gonna blow up the arms show.
- What?
- He wants to talk to you.
- That you, Ray?
- Hey!
- Is that you, Ed?
- Is this for real?
- You gonna blow up the arms show?
- That's right, Ed.
- Anything I can do to change your mind?
- I have no choice.
We're letting
a million bucks slide here.
You can't find
that kind of money in the streets.
Hey, listen, Ed, no matter what happens,
I love you, man.
- There's other people in the trailer here.
- I love them too.
I'll tell them.
Is that you, Ray?
What's that? I didn't catch that.
You won't blow up the arms show...
...if everybody joins together
in a moment of prayer.
Yeah, you don't want anybody hurt.
This is great, Ray.
We have an unauthorized flight
on our hands...
...and we're gonna have to
evacuate the premises until we get...
- Wait a minute, wait a minute!
- Who is this joker anyway?
An ex-Air Force, ex-Marine pilot.
I'm not sure.
I say let's send up an l-Hawk
and bring the bastard down.
With all due respect
to my colleague from Raytheon...
...who is to be congratulated
on his fine notion...
...the record shows that his missile
couldn't hit the broadside of a barn...
- Bullshit!
- Hold it! Hold it!
I don't wanna toot Grumman's horn...
...but we got an F-14 Tomcat
out there...
...that's ready, willing and able
to get the job done!
You couldn't hit it
if it was sitting on the ground.
It's beautiful, Joe. We've got
all the buyers in the world out there...
...and all we have to do is bring down
one crazy spade in an F-19X.
- We'll be combat-proven.
- I like it, Frank.
He'll come down.
Trust me, I know Ray like a brother.
You believe in the power
of the demonstration?
You're about to see the state of the art
in advanced weaponry in action.
The next best thing to a war.
- All right.
- Give him hell.
God bless.
- Everybody ready?
- Let's do it.
All visitors must abandon
the area immediately.
Repeat, all visitors must abandon
the area immediately.
- Weapons selector activated.
- Positive.
Attitude control system activated.
- Positive.
- Stand by to launch.
Seven, six...
...five, four...
Jesus, Frank.
- Two, one.
Blast away, mother.
Radar locked on target.
- Computer in attack module.
- Missiles ready. Fire at will.
Ray, this is Ed.
Get that plane out of here.
You're not gonna stop me, Ed.
Fire.
Hey.
- Dead from the neck up, Meathead.
- What's wrong? What is it?
- All right, there he is.
- Okay, get set.
Fire.
All right, let's play with the bastard.
Show what we can do.
- Watch your angle-of-attack vector.
- Right.
- Climb. Climb.
- I'm on him.
Fire everything.
They're lined up.
You're worth more dead.
Get him out of here. Get him out.
- Come on.
- No.
Come on and get it.
Tell Stryker I'll kick his ass.
I'll be right over you.
You can 't miss me.
But if you do miss,
you'll hit every damn plane...
...in your damn arms show.
Come on up and get me.
Over and out.
All visitors must abandon
the area immediately.
- He's dropping right over us, Frank.
- Fire all you've got.
You want me to destroy
the arms show?
You candy ass. We don't build it
to destroy, we build it to protect.
Protect what?
State of the art.
Our technology against theirs.
We're gonna show the Pentagon.
We'll show the world.
Get out of there, boy.
Congratulations, nigger,
you're about to become history!
State of the art!
Hold it, Frank.
No!
Go get them, Ray!
I'm gonna give you a little touch-up.
Just a little touch-up for you.
State of the art? My ass!
Ray was right.
You gotta take a stand.
I don 't see him anymore.
He's in Africa now,
flying for the Missionary Air Force.
He's converting headhunters
into Christians.
I see where Frank Stryker's
no longer with Luckup.
He took a leave of absence
to do public relations for the NAACP.
Probably still combs his hair
with buttered toast.
What do I know? He never writes.
Me? I'm still where the action is.
The product's different,
but the principle's the same:
Give the people what they want.
It's good to be working with my brother.
He knows the business.
You know something?
He's not out to screw anybody.
On the other hand, there's Catherine.
Yeah, Catherine.
She's become like one of the family.
And I'll tell you...
...she can finesse a buyer
better than me or my brother.
How about dinner?
When?
Tonight.
Where?
How about
the Bob and Dolores Hope suite?
We make a really good team.
I think I'll ask her to marry me tonight.
Together I don 't see
how we can miss.