Dating Amber (2020) - full transcript

(Woman, VO) 'Let's see
what's behind the magic door.

(Man, VO)'Is she legalising sodomy?
Bestiality?'

'Is she legalising gross, indecent acts
between consenting people?'

(Man 2) 'If they vote yes for divorce,

they're rejecting
the teachings of Christ.'

(Man 3) 'If you're playing around,
the stakes are too high

because you're gambling...with AIDS.'

(Woman 2) 'Rumour has it
that he is a friend of Dorothy.'

(Audience laughter)

(Woman 3) '...are assuring citizens
that mad cow disease

will not make people mad.'



(Reporter) 'Celebrations
as the 57th Battalion returns

from a six-month tour of the Lebanon.'

'The team was led
by Commandant Ian Cotter.'

(Ian) 'We worked with the locals
in humanitarian issues, clean water...'

'Super, and I suppose you won't be
the man of the house anymore.'

(Hannah) 'Man of the house?'

'Are you going to join the army?'
- '100%, I've already enrolled.'

Jack, turn it off,
dinner's on the table.

(Eddie) 'I've been working out loads.'

Where's your brother?
- He's training.

(Male reporter) 'Another
military town boy for the slaughter.'

'Only joking.'

(Hannah) How many has he done?

Almost one.
- (Hannah) Hm.



(Grunting effort)

(# PULP: "Mile End")

# We didn't have nowhere to live

# We didn't have nowhere to go... #

(Man blows whistle) Come on, lads!

(Soldiers panting)

(Man) Faster! Come on, you pansies!

# It was on the 15th floor

# It had a board across the door

# It took an hour to prise it off
and get inside

# It smelled as if someone had died

# The living room was full of flies

# The kitchen sink was blocked

# The bathroom sink not there at all

# Ooh, it's a mess all right

# Yes, it's Mile End #

(Sheeps bleating)

(Distant gunshots)

(Soldier) Jesus Christ!

Stop!
- (Jack grunts)

(Soldier) Get down!
- (Soldier 2) Stop!

(Soldiers, shouting) Stop! Stop!

It's live ammo, you're gonna die!

(Indistinct shouting)

Fucking idiots.

(Song starts again, drowns out soldiers)
- (Soldier) Stop!

# I never thought I'd live so high... #
- (Soldier) Stop! Stop!

# If it didn't look like hell #

(Kev) Oh, she was too toothy.

It's like a sock of rotten strawberries
down there.

(All) Aw, yeah.
- Yeah.

Amber!

What's for lunch? Carpet?
- (Amber) Not today.

Your mam's getting it shampooed.

(Guys chuckle)
- Fucking lezzer.

Eddie, did you ever shift yet?

Uh... (Nervous chuckle) No.

I just haven't met the right--
- Are you a faggot?

(Guys chuckle)
- No.

No, no, no...

Come on, you have to like someone.

Yeah. No, I... Uh...

Uh... (Exhales)

(Mouthing) What?
- (Eddie) Uh...

Uh...
- (Kevin) Hurry up.

(Prolonged) Tracey...

Tracey.
Because she's super hot.

Waits up.

Where are you going?

K-Kev?

Kev?

Kevin!

(Eddie wants to shift with her,
sort it out.)

(Hushed voice) Come here.
Eddie wants to shift you.

(Indistinct hushed voice)

(Hushed voice) She said she wanted it.

She said yes!

(Guy) Nice one.
Go on, get some of that. Yeah.

Great. That's great.

(Quietly) Oh, fuck.

You look like a shit version
of that guy from Blur.

Thanks.

Ready?

(Eddie) Mm-hm.

(Quietly) OK... I... Sorry...

(Prolonged) Mwah...

Yeah... That's nice.
(Grunts)

(Muffled) Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, no, that is it.

Shut your damn mouth.
- OK. Yeah.

OK... OK.

Hey, did you see that show last night,
"My So-Called Life"?

It's good, she dyes her hair in the--
- Shut up.

OK... OK.

(Eddie groans)

(Eddie mumbles) No, no, no.

Are you kidding me?

Bwahhh... That was...

...great.

That was great. It was great.
Thank you for...for that. Uh...

(Bell rings)

Oh... Stupid...bell.

(Quietly) OK.

I'm just gonna...

Oh, thank you again for that.
Thank you.

(Sweeney writes on board)
Two or the same as.

Just remember that, at least.

So, the full bit is
a low standard deviation indicates

the value must be close to
or the same as...

the mean or expected value.
Got that?

Yeah, me neither. All right.
Give number four on page 60...

Hey, Eddie, how come
you didn't touch Tracey's boob?

(Tracey) Jesus, Kev!
- Kev, what is wrong with you?

What?
It's true, he didn't, they just said it.

(Kev) It's not my fault
he doesn't like girls.

(Student) I love boobs.
- (Sweeney) All right, yeah, thank you.

So, um, anyway...

(Soft tinkling music)

(Indistinct chatter)

What the fuck?
- Shit.

(Amber hums)

(Guy) You perving on us?
- I said 30 minutes.

What can I say?
We had to make it last.

Yeah, I wish.
That place is filthy.

I know,
you should really get a hotel (!)

(Girl) Hm.

Have you thought about
what you're going to do next year?

Fucking lesbian!

(Scoffs) Wha...?

I...I am NOT a lesbian.

(Door closes)

What were those two up to?

Dunno.
- Teen pregnancy waiting to happen.

You had me at 19.

It'd be an ugly bloody baby at that.

I'm going to do...

Remember, boys don't respect girls
that spread their legs.

Mam!

Your dad would be so proud of you.

Do you want to stay home tomorrow?

The school will understand.

We could light a candle
for his anniversary.

It's OK.

Thanks.

(Soft, slow instrumental)

Would you not try a bit of lipstick?

Jesus, mam,
make up your mind!

(Stomping footsteps)

(Door closes)
- (Amber sighs)

(Deep exhale)

(Hannah) You've got to be
fucking kidding me. Another six months?

No, you don't have to do it twice,
you applied for that!

(Ian) Hannah, I...
- (Hannah) Just open the door.

Ready for the first fitness test?
- Mm-hm.

Great.
Can you, um...do a chin-up yet?

Ian.
- What?

There's more to life than chin-ups.
- Not in the Cadets.

Uh... Eddie shifted a girl today.

Oh.

Word is he didn't touch her tits.
- Jack!

Who said that?
- A few people like, you know...

A few people in every class,
like everyone...

Everyone said it.
- Look. Sh. It's fine.

That's all right,
that's respectful, right?

No, no, I didn't have time!
The bell rang!

I was literally about to grab it.
- Jesus!

Is she your girlfriend?

W-We don't want to put a label on it.

But, yes.
- Good.

That's good,
you're becoming a man.

See? I knew
we didn't have to worry.

(Hannah sighs) Jesus, Ian.

(Kev) I just don't know if I can vote.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

(Quietly) Hey. Hey! Hey...

(Amber groans)

This place is such a hole.

Hello?

(Kev) Wahey, wanker!
State of him.

Hey, Tracey.

Uh, do you wanna go
to the cinema sometime?

Huh?

Or just like a milkshake.
Maybe?

No? OK. Uh...

Just meet my parents?

Fuck off.

(Quietly) OK.

(Indistinct)

It's fine.
I'm gonna go this way.

(Muttering) OK, OK, OK, OK...

(Guy) Homo!

# Feels like nothing

# And it looks like
you're nothing at all... #

(Eddie groans) Fuck!

Did you throw a rock at me?
- You didn't stop. Anyway...

I'll go out with you.

What?
- On a date!

Wanna go out or not?

(Kev) Benders!

(Laughter)

OK.

Oscar's Cinema. 7 PM.

(Man in film)
'The cancer, it's spread.'

(Woman in film) 'Oh... No.'
- (Teenagers moaning in pleasure)

(Woman) 'You can't just make me
fall in love with you and then die.'

(Man) 'Do you think
I wanna leave you, Karen?'

'I love you more than anything,

you and our unborn child.'

(Woman)
'I'll never let him forget you.'

(Teenagers orgasming)

(Man) 'It's a boy?'
- (Woman) 'Yes!'

(Man) 'Oh, Karen!'

(Amber) People are all over Oasis,
but fuck them,

it's all about Bikini Kill.

Kathleen Hanna is proper punk.

Have you heard them?

Of course not.

And what do you see?
Female bass players, that's it.

So, you think women shouldn't play bass?
- Of course they should be bass players!

(Man 1) Don't fucking...
- (Man 2) Don't touch me!

Fucking patriarchy!
Have you read Simone de Beauvoir?

Uh, it's, uh...
(Clears his throat)

It's on my list.

(Slurps drink)

So, why do you want to join
the fascist war machine?

What?
- The army.

I believe...
(Clears his throat)

...that the fire of war
turns one into a man.

It's the Irish army. They're more likely
to be filling in for bin men on strike.

What else can I do?

Besides, it's a family tradition.

Was your grandad in the army too?
- No, he was a farmer.

It needs to be more than one person
in order to be a tradition.

Yeah, well,
I'll make it a tradition, then!

Jesus.

(Indistinct hushed voices)

(Girl) She's holding his hand.

(Amber)
Jesus, Ireland's roads are so shit.

Did I give you my condolences
about your dad?

You probably muttered "I'm sorry
for your troubles" at some point.

Good.
That was good of me.

And I'm sorry for your troubles.

You didn't make him do it.

Or did you?

No, no, of course not!

Joking.
- Jesus, Amber.

Thanks.

I had fun.

Really?
- Yeah.

OK.

W-What the hell are you doing?!
- I don't know! I thought that...

You're gay!
- (Stammering) Gay for boobs!

I can see your hard-on
under the desk for Sweeney!

I like his clothes.

One, only a gay guy would say that.

And two, he dresses like shit,

which you would know because
gays have a great sense of fashion.

Well, there you go,
there you go, I'm not gay. So...

Yes, you are.

(Sighs)

So am I.

Aren't you tired
of being called a faggot?

Well, yes, because I'm not one.

We pretend to go out
just to get everyone to leave us alone.

Just until school is over
and we can get out of this dump.

Amber, I'm not...

...ready for a serious relationship.
- Eddie...

I just broke up with Tracey

and I need to play that field.

Play that field.
And I-I don't want to get tied...

down.

OK.

Jesus, just forget I said anything.
- I think that'd be best.

(Amber sighs)

(Birds chirping)

(Alarm ringing)

(Man) Faster! Come on, you pansies!

This isn't knitting club!

Faster!

Come on, Cotter!

I'll make a man out of you yet.

(Man in video) 'Hey.'
- (Woman) 'Hi, how are you?'

(Man) 'Good, you?'
- (Woman) 'Good. I like your bike.'

(Man) 'Cheers.'
- (Woman) 'It's cool.'

(VO on video) 'A guide to love-making.'

(Upbeat 80s music plays in video)

'Jesus will now
make the vagina slippery

to accept the man's love.'

Not Amber's.
- (Laughter)

(Sweeney) Kev.

(Nun) 'Remember, you have an audience.'

'God bless us all.'

(Slow synth music)

So sensitive.
I mean, it's not offensive, it's a fact.

(Boy 1) Obviously it's Oasis.
- (Boy 2) Blur!

(Boy 1) Oasis!
- (Boy 2) Blur!

(Indistinct background chatter)

What?

Do you want the shifts?

(All, gasp)- (Music stops)

Yes.
- (Music starts again)

Yes, I do.

Well?

Fine.

I'll be your boyfriend.

Pretend-boyfriend...

Pretend-real boyfriend.

Just till school is over.

Yeah.
- Yeah.

Or...
- Yeah.

Or longer. No?

OK.
- Sss...

Just because we are...

You know, uh...
- You can say it. Gay.

Well, just because...
- I'm gay, you're gay.

We're gay. Two big gays.
- OK...

A big, gay wall.
- Stop saying it.

Stop.
And there's nothing gay about the wall.

But it doesn't matter what we are,
but we don't have to be.

Sure.
- OK.

Ah, mm, ugh...
- If it's gonna work...

What, "ugh"?
It's a hand! So, just take it

because people need to think
that we like each other, so, take it.

(Muttering) See it's...
- We have to... Yeah, thank you.

This was your stupid plan.

X there...

OK, so, substitute your known values
into the...

Eddie, how far did you get?

(Amber) Mm...

Nice.

I always thought you two were benders.
- Kev!

That's it. Principal's office.
- What?

But...I'm being nice!
I'm saying they're not benders!

Now.

Oh, my...

Quicker.

I'm going...as fast...

(...as I can.)

(Door opens, then slams shut)

Guys, no touching.

(Bell rings)

Eddie, could you hang on a sec?

(Eddie) I'll, uh...

see you outside...

...sweetheart?

Sure thing, babe.

(Kissing sounds)

(Door closes)

Everything OK?

Yeah.

Just if the guys are giving you stick,
you can talk to me.

They're not.
They're not, it's just, um...

It's just...

High...jinks. High jinks.
It's high, high jinks.

OK.

Well, if you need to talk,
I'm here, all right?

(Eddie) Mm-hm.
- OK, cool. See you later.

OK.

(Slow electro beat)

(Amber) Did you confess
your love for Sweeney?

(Eddie) Shut up.

I don't get it,
he looks like a maths teacher.

Because you're a lesbian
and he is a maths teacher.

Speaking of which, you should act
a little less...you know...

...mannishly.

What?

Walk more feminine.

Feminine?
- Yes, fem... Just a bit of hip!

So, like you?
- (Scoffs)

Wait, what am I doing wrong?

Basically, walk like
you're repressing all of your emotions

and you have no joints.

OK.

No, no!
- (Amber chuckles)

By the way, if anyone asks,
I have already fingered you.

After one day?!

I want people to think I'm straight,
not a slut.

Wasn't slut
a patrarchal construct?

Patriarchal!

A patriarchal construct.
- Jesus!

This is what happens
when you teach men new words.

And they pay you ten quid?
- Yep.

Who?
- Everyone.

Your mam has no clue?
- No.

How much have you made?

Nearly 2,000.

Yeah, that's a lot of tenners.

Well, there are a lot of horny teens.

Plus, I need as much as I can get.

The minute school is over,
I am out of here.

This place will kill you.

Where are you gonna go?

London.

I'm going to open
an anarchist bookshop,

but with franchise potential.

It's a good idea.
- Yeah.

Anyway, I'd better go.

Some horny teens need me.

(Amber chuckles)

Come to my house
for dinner tomorrow?

OK.

Wear something girly!
- I will if you won't!

First girlfriend home for dinner.
- Second girlfriend.

I thought
the first one didn't count or...

No, she definitely does.

Oh.
- (Door closes)

You'd better get changed.
Amber's gonna be here.

Who?
- Eddie's Amber. Amber Keenan.

Oh, right, yes. Yeah, right.

Didn't she find her dad hanging--
- Not the time, Ian.

Right.

Uh, how did the fitness test go?
- Great.

Good.

Imagine if the Commandant's son
didn't make the cut.

I'd never live it down.

I mean, of course I would.

Of course I WOULD.
Of course you will.

(Doorbell rings)

Yeah, you should...go and get that.

(Eddie) Oh, my God.

You look beautiful.

Thanks.

You're welcome. So, can I...
- Mm...

Come here.

Right, OK.

Come in.
- (Hannah) Hi!

Hello.
- (Eddie) Come in, please.

(Mouthing)

Um... (Clears her throat)

Amber, Eddie was saying that you
help your mam out in the caravan park.

I hate it.

Right. It's-It's nice for her.

Do you, um... Or have you
decided what you'll do next year?

Probably study English
or History or Politics,

or maybe work for a zine.

It's a self-published magazine.

(Mouthing)

Um, is there much money
in the zine scene?

Tonnes.

Oh. That's interesting. Eddie,
you might consider that as a choice.

I'm joining the army.
- But it's just one option, isn't it?

It's a very solid option.

The army takes a lot of sacrifice,
that's all.

(Softly) So does marriage.
- Pardon?

So does marriage.
- What sacrifices have you made?

Do you want it in writing?
- Yeah, that'd be great.

Like a list?
- Yes, a list.

How long have we got?
- A very tiny list.

Get your A4 pad.

I think that Eddie
would look really manly and hot

in uniform.

I mean, morally, I don't agree with
national armies, but still...

Super sexy!
- (Eddie grunts) Mm-hm.

Thank you, babe.
- Yeah.

We're gonna go to my room.

Oh. Uh, yeah, of course.

Oh, do you want some, um...trifle?
Do you want...?

I-I can bring it up in...

in two cups.

Leave your door open.
- (Door closes)

Don't worry, they haven't had sex yet.
- Jesus Christ.

He's only just fingered her.

Your parents don't seem happy.
- They're fine!

Jesus.

This must be what the inside
of your gay brain looks like.

No. No, there's nothing gay
about my room!

Those are bullet shells.

Bullets.

Ow! What was that for?

Sorry.

Wanted to distract you
from your parents' shit marriage.

You're gonna die a virgin.
- No, I'm not.

Hm, yes, you are.

No.

I mean...

I'm not a virgin.

Really?

(Stammering) With a guy, girl...?

Guy.
- A girl? Guy? It was a guy.

He was staying
at the caravan park.

Just wanted to see
what all the fuss was about.

What was it like?

Awful.

He looked like
he was having a stroke.

(Eddie groans)

(Amber makes orgasm noises)

(Laughs)

I don't think we're missing anything.

Not really.

Me neither.

See you tomorrow?
- Mm-hm.

(Both) We should...
- Yeah. We should...

(Exaggerated kissing noises)

(Eddie winces) Don't bite me!

Evidence!

(Slow music)

(Hannah) Don't-Don't move.

(Indistinct chatter)

(Kev) Go on, Eddie, good man.

What?

No one's saying
Thatcher wasn't horrendous,

but think of the arch.

(Music builds)

(Grunting effort)

(Eddie) Oh, my God!

(Sex noises in caravan)
- Done your maths?

Yeah.
- Same.

(Mutters) I did my maths.
- (Boy in caravan) Oh, yeah.

I'm going to live near Camden.

It's where all the punks live.

Maybe Hackney.
It's on the Victoria line.

Maybe Soho.

Probably Soho.

Nice.

(Music continues)

(Music fades)
- No more popping sweets, ladies.

This is it. It's now...

...or never.

You can be men
or you can be...telephonists.

(Grunting efforts)
- (Man) This isn't knitting club!

Come on, Cotter!

Come on, Cian!

(Man 2)Fucking let's go, let's go!

(Man) Faster, faster!
- (Man 2) Get up that hill!

(Whistle blowing)
- (Man) Come on, Cotter, move it!

This isn't...crochet for beginners!

(Eddie grunting and panting)

Come on. Don't give up yet.

Money.

Have you got any?

(Both) Are you serious?

I am not Mother fucking Theresa
for Kildare's hard-up teens!

With fucking hard-ons!

OK, relax.

Jesus.
- I bet Eddie isn't like this.

(Softly) No.
- (Guy) Um...

Here. Take these.

No, they're good, I promise.

They actually are pretty good.

You're barred for a month.

We're not doing it in the bushes again.
- What's wrong with them?

(Amber sighs)

(Slow sombre music)

Uh, do you have a fake ID?
- No.

Well, uh, get one.

Don't forget to vote, sir.
Thank you.

(Sweeney) What the fuck is this?

You know...

...this is the longest that no one's
called me a lesbian since my dad died.

A good week after that
there was just...

silence.

Almost made it worth it.

Do you miss him?

People think he must've been miserable,

but he wasn't.

He always laughed with me and mam.

This place killed him.

If it makes you feel any better,
I think I'm gonna fail the Cadets.

Yeah, it's not dead-dad bad,
but still...

(Amber chuckles)

For what it's worth,
I think you're fascist enough.

Thanks.

Come on, let's go.

We have school.

Oh, fuck it!
We're going to Dublin.

Don't touch me.
- Totally fair.

(Upbeat synth music)

(Tannoy) 'Next station is Dublin.'

(Seagulls squawking)

(Music builds)

Why don't you just skip the Commandos
and come away with me?

(Distant laughter)

What?

(Distant singing)

# I'll always love you

# And you can be there

# To hug me
# (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)

# Though someone

# That you've met

# Has made you forget
# (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)... #

We should probably
stick together so that we...

Wha...?
- # You can count

# On me

# (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

(Miming) # Well, I wish

# I wish you success

# And loads

# Loads of happiness

# But baby

# I got to confess

(Muffled) # I'll be lonely

# If you ever

# Oh, if you ever need a friend... #

You OK, baby gay?

Do you know me?

No.

# Until the end

(Miming) # And you

# Can depend

# On me
# (Do-doo, doo)... #

Hi.
- Hi.

I'm Sarah.

I'm not a lesbian.

Yeah.
- Yeah.

Sorry, I didn't... I wasn't saying that.
- No, no...

I-I'm here with my boyfriend...

...who is usually straighter than that.
- (Sarah) OK.

(Miming)
#But, darling, I've gotta confess

# I'm gonna be lonely... #

(Eddie, quietly) Oh, shit.

# Oh, if you ever

# Oh, if you ever need a friend... #
- (Laughter)

Come on, we have to go.

Eddie, this is Sarah.

She studies German
at Trinity.

Well, what's the German for
"We're going to miss the last train"?

Um...Wir werden den letzten Zug verpassen.

Wow.

You know, but, you know, you both know
who else spoke German, though.

Hitler.

I...

(Song ends)
- (Applause)

(Performer) Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.

Was that just a...

Just a fact or an insult?

Uh, honestly, he's not great at either.

Fuck.

I know it looks like
I'm "obeying my man", but...

we really WILL miss the train
and my mam really WILL kill me.

Well... Well...

I'm gonna be at this

on Saturday
if you...happen to be around.

No stress either way, just...

Yeah.
- Yeah.

(Both, awkward laughter)

(Ian grunts) Hey.

Uh, your mum just needed some space,
I was...

...snoring too loud again.

Were you with Amber?
- Yeah.

Hey, don't worry,
I won't give you a hard time.

My dad used to give me
such a bollocking.

Jesus...

He was stern, you know?

Didn't show emotion.

But...that's what
men were like back then.

You know, cold. They...

...never showed their love.

(Whimpering)

(Jill) Where the hell were you?

Nowhere.
- Were you drinking?

I may have had
a little glass of something.

What would your father say?

Well, you don't get an opinion
if you kill yourself!

(Slow sombre music)

(Footsteps walking away)

It's simple, the thing with girls
is that it's all about eye contact.

You just...stare at them?

Y-You, yeah. Well, no.

Y-You look at them
until you...get their attention.

Just keep looking.
- That's exactly what I do.

(Stammers) Yeah, OK.

So, you've never fucked yet?
- Uh...

No.

Waiting for the right time.
- What's the matter, can't get it up?

At least I have a girlfriend.

Ohhh.
- Well, I've had loads of sex, so...

With who?

Ohhh.

Well, it was on...
It was on holiday! So...

Course it was.
- Yeah, it was, actually.

Spain, 1993, you heard of it?
No, you wouldn't.

It was great. Shut up! Leave me alone.
Don't look at me like that.

(Eddie)
I was thinking about what you said.

About how the state
just wants to control vaginas?

No, the other, uh, thing.

About me coming to London with you.

Shit, Cotter!
Are you going to defect?

No. No, I'm just...thinking out loud.

I mean,
I suppose I can make room, but...

you'd have to pull your weight.
- Fine.

And I don't think
a punk zine is going to pay two wages.

Will it pay one?
- Jesus.

London will eat
your country arse alive.

We've grown up
a quarter of a mile away.

Yeah, but I have a city mentality.

(Sighs)
These two are the worst.

You know, I...

We should tell people
that we've slept together.

What?! Why?

Because when you're as passionate
as we are,

it's the most
natural thing in the world.

They were saying it this morning.

On one condition.

We go to this...on Saturday.

(Eddie sighs)
- Please.

I'll give you the best pretend-orgasm
you've ever had.

And wasn't it cool?

Being TOTALLY anonymous?

Will your mam even let you out?
- Leave that to me.

Do you want to make fun
of their sex noises?

Hey, what the fuck?
- I can't, I have training.

I thought
that you were conscientiously objecting?

I promised my dad.
- Ugh.

Bye!

Bye!

(Electro beat)

This is it, son.

No TVs, no VHS, no CDs.

Just man time.
- (Eddie groans)

(Eddie grunts)

(Indistinct mumbling)

Remember, if I wasn't your father,
you'd be dead right now.

Why?
- Remember, food is everywhere.

Remember,
if you lose your clothes,

you can make clothes.

Remember,
fish are nature's Pot Noodles.

OK.

(Squish)

(Slow sombre song)

# She's my wild rose

# My dark-haired lover

# Dipping her feet

# In Sunday seas... #

(Song continues in distance)

(Hannah) Hm.

(Exhales)

Oh, right.

We need to see the play for school.

Is that so?

Well...

It's the difference between an A and a B
and I want an A.

I want to make dad proud.
- Oh, Jesus.

OK.

Be back by midnight.

I promise.

(Door opens)
- (Footsteps climbing upstairs)

You have a lovely home.

And now I know you're a liar.

Well...

(Amber) Come on!
- I...I'm gonna go.

(Uplifting music)

Here.

I got these
instead of a tenner.

I dunno, I...

I-I don't think
soldiers can take drugs, so...

Yeah.

You're thinking of the police.
- (Softly) Am I?

(Tapping on window)

Hurry the fuck up!

(Sighs) OK.

(Techno music)

(Animated chatter and whooping)

(# LE GALAXIE: "Love System")

# Love system, love system

# Gotta get that love system

# Love system, love system... #

We're going to take over
the fucking world!

Yeah!
- Yeah!

# Love system, love system

# Gotta get that love system... #

(Laughter)

(Sarah) Amber.
- (Amber screams excitedly)

(Sarah) Are you OK?
- (Amber) Yeah!

I didn't know if you'd come.
- Mm...

Well, here I am.

I need to make a confession.

I don't actually have a boyfriend.

Not really.

The whole penis thing
kind of makes me vom.

No, I'm not a fan either.

Good.

That's good.
- (Both laugh)

(Man) Sorry.

(Dance music)

Hi.

What?

Hi!

Hi.
- You a student?

Uh...

No, no.

No, I'm not.
I'm here with my girlfriend.

She's out there,
we're moving to London.

Right. So...

(Music becomes distorted)

(Slow stringed music
drowns out dance music)

(Slow music fades)
- (Dance music fades back in)

Cian?

Get the fuck off me!
- Jesus, what the fuck is your problem?

Eddie, wait, please.
Eddie. Eddie!

Don't fucking touch me!
- (All) Whoa!

(Eddie) Get the fuck off me!

Shit. Eddie!

(Eddie) Get the fuck off me!
- Leave him alone!

(Bouncer) Jesus! What the...?
- (Amber shouting indistinctly)

(Amber) Hate crime!

Fuck!

I am SO sorry.

(Out of breath) Fuck, fuck, fuck...

(Groaning) Fuck!

(Softly) OK, OK, OK, OK...

OK. OK...

(Amber) Eddie!

What the hell was that?!
- Where did you go?!

I was in the other room!

Well, no! No, you weren't!
You just left me alone in there!

What happened?!
- (Eddie whimpers)

Hey. Hey. Hey.

It's OK.

(Softly) It's OK. It's OK.

I have you now.

I have you now.

I mean, this isn't so bad.

You know, maybe...

Maybe it could be nice.

And maybe...

Maybe it could work.

Like...

Like properly.

(Slow sombre music)

(Church bell rings)
- (Seagulls squawking)

What happened last night?

You scared the shit out of me.

It was just the drugs.

(Sombre music continues, then fades)

Maybe they didn't even notice.

(Sighing) Fuck.

Double fuck.

(Jill) Get out of the car. Now!

Mam, I--
- Don't you dare speak!

I don't want your delinquent son
anywhere near my daughter!

Well, I don't want your weird daughter
near my son.

Yeah! I mean, she's actually lovely,
but still, fuck you.

Fuck you!
- Fuck you!

Fuck you!
- Fuck off!

(Ian, quietly) Hannah!
- She started it.

Good luck.
- You too.

(Jill) Get in!

(Amber) Sorry, mam.
- (Car starts)

You are in for it now,
young man.

Can I go to my room?

Sure.

Good boy.

Are we not going to punish him?

When you're not absent half of the year
then you can have a say.

Do you want a...
Do you want a Winkle?

(Parents shouting in the distance)

Eddie?

What?

Did you, uh, did you use protection?

Lots of it.

Good. Good.

Cos, uh, you wouldn't want
to get a girl pregnant,

then have to get married too young,
and then get divorced

cos you're fighting,
cos you're away working all the time.

What?

Y-You see,
love is like a flame,

it burns you when it's hot.

Where's that from?

I, uh, I heard it in a song.

(Slow guitar instrumental)

# Our love's gone wrong again

# Our love's gone wrong again

# It seemed so true

# But now I say to you

# Our love's gone wrong again... #
- (Song drowns out argument)

# You shone a light in my eye... #

(Eddie) Hey.
- (Song fades)

My mam will kill you
if she sees us.

I don't care.

We should take some time.

Just to let my mam cool down.

OK.

But just like a few days.

Something like that.

OK.

Let's say two days, then.

See you in two days!

(All singing)
# You say you want

# Diamonds on a ring of gold

# You say you want

# Your story to remain untold

# All the promises we made

# From the cradle to the grave

(Harmonising)
# When all I want

# Is you

# You say you'll give me

(Harmonising)
# A highway with no one on it

(Harmonising)
# Treasure just to look upon it

# All the riches in the night #

I heard you and Eddie
are going through a rough patch.

Just hang in there.
You two are so in love.

Thanks.
- Come on, babe.

Don't call me babe.
- Fair.

Brian Dermody.
- Here.

Rory O'Connor.
- Here.

Essa O'Riley.
- Here.

Amber Keenan.

Eddie, where's Amber?

I... Uh, she's not feeling well.

Is she OK or...?

Period stuff.
- OK, thank you very much for that.

Kevin Burn.
- Here.

Tracey Brennan.
- Here.

Woody Ferguson.
- Here.

Eddie Cotter.
- Here.

We're just pretending to go out.

Just until school is over
and I can get out.

So, he's your beard.

Basically.

Makes sense, I guess.

Does your mam know?

(Chuckles) Christ, no. God...

She'd order an exorcism.

So, what now?
- Well, let's get out of here.

(Eddie panting)
- (Synth music)

(High-pitched grunt)

Hey, Ms Keenan.

Mrs.

Really?

I thought cos your husband's dead...

You can keep the Mrs.
- Keep the Mrs. OK.

It's a thing.
- Mm-hm, OK.

Uh, is Amber home?
- No.

She must be off seeing a PLAY
with someone else.

(# GIRLPOOL: "Cut Your Bangs)

# I just stood there bathed in the quiet, no

# You say you'll cut your bangs
I'm calling your bluff

# When you lie to me
it's in the small stuff

# You say you'll cut your bangs
I'm calling your bluff

# When you lie to me
it's in the small stuff

# Now your mouth is foaming
like a rabid dog

# And where the river flowed
is now a clouded fog

# Your teeth are gnashing louder
than your monologue

# And I just stood there
bathed in the quiet, no

# You say you'll cut your bangs
I'm calling your bluff

# When you lie to me
it's in the small stuff

# You say you'll cut your bangs
I'm calling your bluff

# When you lie to me
it's in the small stuff #

So...just remember to pace yourself.

And never push too hard at the start.

Remember the rabbit and the tortoise.
- And the hare!

The tortoise and the hare.

Yeah, and don't worry about
who's passing you, it's a long game.

Eddie, you...

You know you don't have to do this.
I mean, not...

Not everyone is made for the army.

I can do it.

Yes. No, I mean,
I didn't mean it like...

OK, yeah.
- (Pats Eddie's lap)

You'll be great.
- (Car door opens)

(Car door closes)

(Ian sighs)

(Man) Five minutes!

Eddie, stop. We need to talk.
- There's nothing to talk about.

Just don't tell anybody, all right?
- (Amber) Eddie!

Jesus, I'm gone one day
and you're back to the war machine.

Where were you?

I was sick.

Period stuff.

Once your mam calms down,
we can go back to normal.

To the way it was.

Let's talk later.

About?

Not now.

Good luck.

(Softly) I love you.

No one can hear you.

(Whistle blows)

(Man) That's good, Kelly. Keep it going.
- (Man 2) Faggot.

How far up the hole
do you want it?

Move!
- Come on, Cotter.

Come on, move it!

Get up!

(Intriguing music)

(Distant animated chatter)

Hi. Uh...

(Stammering)
Look, I was thinking and...I...

I think that maybe we should just...

We should just start
going out properly.

What?

No!

Like Jesus, no!
- (Whispering) What? Sh! Why not?

Th-This works, OK, it's perfect.

Eddie, it's not real.
- But it is. It is. No, it is real.

We just... We just...
Yeah, OK, we skip the sex part, OK?

But most couples stop that anyway.

I don't want to skip it!
Like, we shouldn't have to skip it.

Amber, please.

Don't ruin this.

I'm sorry, Eddie.

It's over.

If you want,
you can tell people you ended it.

That makes sense.

Sh. Hey!

Why don't we put on some potato waffles?

Amber dumped him.
- No, I-I dumped her!

(Mouthing)

I'm sorry, love.

Look, just remember,
it doesn't matter either way.

(Opens envelope)

I got in.

That's great, honey, that's great.
- (Ian) Wow. Hey!

Well done.
- Well done.

That's great.
That's good news.

Mam.

Please say something.

That you're...

Gay.

I don't know
what your father would say.

He's not here.

It's just us.

I'm not going anywhere.

(Jack) You're voting for Jesus.
Hey, Eddie, hey! Hey.

Eddie.
- What?

Amber... Amber... She's a lesbian.

What?
- Yeah.

B-But nobody's saying, nobody...

Nobody's saying you made her one.
- Who? Who's saying that?

A few of... Every... That guy.
- He said it?

Yeah.
- Why would he say it?

Like, a lot of people as well.

Were you... What?
- But I...

(Sighing) OK. Oh, Jesus.

There, there.

No, no, OK.

OK, OK, OK! Let's go.

(Jack) Eddie...
- (Girls indistinct)

(Tutting)

(Tracey sighs)

(Tutting)

(Muttering) Oh, God.

(Tutting)

Did you know?

(Quietly) No.

I think she might've
tried it on with me once.

Like...100% did.

I'm a good listener.

Thanks.

(Tutting)

(Guy) Jesus,
that's the lesbian one, isn't it?

Jesus, am I glad to see you.

My mam told Father Jermidy,

but apparently it needs to be
in the actual box

in order to be a confession.

Arsehole.

Eddie.
- Just get the hell out of my way, dyke!

Amber...

Hey, man,
you should really be more sensitive.

Oh, I should really be more sensitive?
You think that?

You, Kev, think that
I should really be more sensitive?!

What the actual fuck?

Don't tell me to be more sensitive!

Who, whoa, whoa, whoa.

(Sweeney) Kev, you OK?
- (Kev scoffs)

My office now.

(Eddie huffing)

All right, sit down.

What has gotten into you?
This is not like you.

All right, look...

I know how you must feel.

You do?
- Yeah. Yeah, sure I do.

W-What the hell?

Y-You said that you knew how I feel!
- To be a teenager.

(Sighing) Shit, I...
- No, I've got a fiancée, I'm straight.

(Stammering) I didn't mean it. I didn't.
- Oh, fuck.

OK, was the door open?
The code says it has to be open.

It was, but I was joking!

You're nearest to the door, I'm not
blocking you. This is a safe space.

The safest. Real safe, so safe.
- A safe place.

But it was a joke, though. I was joking!
- Shit, Eddie!

Why did you do that?

I've got a 30-year mortgage
with a lady!

With a lady, Eddie. With a lady!
- Just don't tell anyone.

Why did you do that? Why?
- I know, I'm sorry.

Oh, fuck!

(Eddie cries out) Fuck!

Who the fuck
are you calling a dyke?

Why did you have to ruin this?

It was never going to last forever!
- But why not?

Because!

I want pussy and you want cock,
it is a fundamental obstacle!

Shit!

You can come out too.
- (Softly) No.

No, I'm happy as I am.

So, what,
you just join the regiment

and stay here and be miserable?!

It's better than being a faggot.

It's not about other people, Eddie.

It's about you.

(Church bell rings)
- (Indistinct chatter)

I'm ready to talk.

I assumed you would.

She broke my heart.

She was the first girl
that I ever slept with.

My God.

Lesbians are fierce sluts.

I don't know
if I'll ever love again.

(Heavy breathing)

(Distorted) Eddie.

(Clears his throat)

(Door closes)

Mam.

This is Sarah.
- Hello, Sarah, nice to meet you.

You too.

Oh!
- (Nervous laughter)

Right, so, that's that.
(Nervous chuckle)

I hope you like chicken Kiev.
- (Awkward laughter)

I'm... I'm actually vegetarian.

(Bell rings)
- (Students cheering)

Amber! Sign my shirt.

Sorry for all the stick,
but it's in the past now.

It was last week.
- Ah.

Exactly.

(Sombre instrumental)

(Music continues)

(Music fades)

Oh...
- (Soft rock song playing)

Shit.

Was it OK?

My turn.

(Song stops)

(Kev) Sex, have you heard of it?
Be open about it.

Will you stop talking about
our sex life?!

(Kev) You must be open
about these things.

You were open when I stuck my finger
up your arsehole!

(Kev) Oh my God, that was one time!

That was one time!
- Is that even good, though?

(Kev) It was actually quite nice,
but that's not the point!

She shouldn't bring that up!

(Intriguing music)

Drink?
- (Softly) Uh, yeah...

Do you want something?

(Sniffles)

Just because we feel...

You know...

It doesn't mean
that we have to be.

Right.

We can just move on.

And live a normal life.

We can be happy.

How's the couch?

It's OK.

A bit tough on my back.

Ian, are we shit parents?

No.

No, I mean...

I'd say we're in the top 50% maybe.

It's not that bad, actually.
- No, it's fine.

I'd say there's...much worse.

Yeah. Yeah...

(Softly) OK.

I'm going to turn down the station.

I'm not gonna go.

Hannah, are we gonna get through this?

I dunno.

I hope so.

I really do.

(Sombre music)

How long is Eddie going away for?
- Six weeks.

(Janet) He'll be all buff and sexy.

Once he's done, we can get
a place in the barracks for nothing.

Jesus, a soldier's wife.

Has he gone already?
- Can you shampoo Mr Keller.

Did you just...?

You missed your shot.
- Exactly.

When's he going?

Today.
- None of your bus...

None of your business.
- I need help here.

(Both) We're on a smoke break.
- Fucking idiot.

(Knocking on door)

How are you getting on?

Nearly done.

I remember when you were tiny.

I used to have to sit here all night

and watch you fall asleep.

It couldn't be your dad,
it had to be me.

Your dad brought up
this old armchair

so I could be a bit more comfortable
and...I would just...

...watch you sleep.

Night after night.

You were so beautiful.

You know
you can tell me...anything.

Right?

And I will love you
no matter what.

(Sombre music)
- I know.

OK.

Well, you ready?

(Music builds)

OK. (Sniffles)

OK, you have everything?
- Yeah.

Phone card?
- Yeah.

Make sure to ring us, yeah?
- Promise.

I'm so proud of you.

Forty minutes.
- Yeah, I'm sure.

(Indistinct chatter)
- (Music continues)

(Girl) So...
Are you gonna let us in or...?

No.

(Music builds)

(Man, distant) Sign your name.
Take your bag. Get on the truck.

Have you signed your name?

Sign your name.
Take your bag. Get on the truck.

Bus is moving in five minutes!

Everybody, get on the trucks
right behind me!

Stop throwing rocks at people!

Here.

Why?
- Take it!

It's over 2,000,
it is enough to get out of here.

Out of Ireland.

No, I don't want it.
- Yes, you do!

I'm happy here.
- You're not!

I am.
- No, you're not!

And you're not going to be!

This place will kill you.

Please, Eddie, just take it.

You can't be
who you need to be here.

Where am I supposed to go?

Anywhere.

You should come with me.

I can't.

You have to do this
on your own.

I'm scared.

You should be.

Fucking scary.

You'll be great.

I taught you well.

(Voice breaking) I can't.

I can't.

(Truck starts)

(Man, distant) Come on, move!
The truck is leaving!

Last call!

Amber...

(Sniffles)

I'm gay.

No shit (!)

I'm sorry
I was such a prick to you.

No.

You are the ONLY boy in the world
I'm glad I dated.

Go.

(Slow, uplifting music)

(Music continues)

(Music fades away)

(# 202s: "Shoot you Down")

# Do you remember when it seemed

# That your dreams could be so real

# Do you remember when you believed

# In everything that you could achieve

# Now you've lost that look in your eye

# And you don't hold your head so high

# Precious memory all around

# Don't let them shoot you,
shoot you down

# Don't let them shoot you,
shoot you down

# Don't let them shoot you,
shoot you down... #

(Song ends)