Das Wirtshaus im Spessart (1958) - full transcript

THE SPESSART INN.

Buongiorno and good day,
our esteemed public.

Are your nerves in good order? You'll
need them to be, as I'm going to sing.

I sing of an awful event,

that happened in the countryside:

The ballad of the terrible robbers
in the dark forest.

If you don't mind,
I ask for a small gift.

Eats for my animals...

And for myself.

Only with fear and horror
Goes the traveller through the wood

Evil robbers there inhabit
There the devil's gun it sounds



A poor soul is easy caught
Wicked hands grab round the throat

Gather round, you people, beware
In the night the robbers watch

Now fear's sweeping the country
Today me, tomorrow you

For the captain of the robbers
seems a great arch-demon, who

From three hundred paces flat
Can shoot a hole right through your hat

Gather round, you people, beware
In the night the robbers watch

Now, what about the Spessart gang?
- Yes, what about the robbers?

Last night they attacked the estate
of Count Sandau.

Pity about the glue.
They don't have any.

They don't like those Counts.
This is the third time already.

It couldn't happen to a nicer miser.

This time His Lordship the Count
has offered a reward.

20 guilders? For 20 guilders
I'm not catching the Spessart robbers.

For 1,000 guilders,
would you catch them?



Me? Ten horses couldn't drag me
into the woods.

Is it so dangerous? We must get
through the Spessart. - To W?rzburg.

See that you have a roof
over your heads by nightfall.

Shall we wait until tomorrow morning?
- Why are you so afraid of the dark?

You've graduated as a chimney sweep.
Come on. Mr. Wirt!

In the deep and darkest forest

Where the owls with horror cry

There the robber's blade is sharpened
So to stab you like some swine

No surprise your nerves are jangling
Oh, from a tree you will be hanging

Gather round, you people, beware
In the night the robbers watch

Quiet!

You're putting me on edge
with your fear.

He who puts on courage is merely
too cowardly to show his fear.

All this was Anno Domini 1710,
Anton Bundschuh

brought two robbers
from life to death.

Revenge is mine,
sayeth the Lord.

They'll do nothing to us.

They attack only wealthy travelers.

He who has nothing,
has nothing to lose.

Felix?
- Yes?

I still owe you two Gulders.
- There's no hurry.

But I don't like to carry
foreign money around with me.

There they are.

Peter?

Hey, Peter. Come out.

They're gone.
- I think I'd better stay here.

Then have a good night's sleep.
I'm going to look for a hostel.

Felix, take me with you!

Damn you, sleepyheads.

Do you fancy doing a little work?

If not I'll shoot you instead.
You know what depends on this.

Avanti, ragazzi.

Those guys have a way of talking.
- How did you expect him to talk?

He could ask politely,
and not threaten to shoot us.

You always have to quibble.

At least as a pickpocket,
I had my independence.

There's no romance these days,
not even with robbers.

Instead of money,
you get blisters on the hands.

It's still going too far,
getting a regular job.

How do you want to live?
- From the monastery's silver.

The things they have would make
even a toad jump.

With that you could start an honest life.

Believe it or not,
I sometimes get crazy ideas.

I have such a nice voice.

Ha ha ha ha.
- Yes.

The future holds much more
The pastor hears me

A soloist
in the church choir

I'd no more rob and steal
Or plunder, I'll give you my word

Well, only now and then

Otherwise, you lose the knack

Oh, it would be so nice
as a peaceable citizen

And then I could savour
some honourable living

Oh, it would be so nice
as a peaceable citizen

Where the pistols
and cartridges are rusting

A woman I do know
who would be the right bride for me

She has a farm
Very well built

The only little problem
Her husband spoils the plan

Let's see if there's a humane way
To make her single again

Oh, it would be so nice
as a peaceable citizen

Respectable living
In a house one has chosen

Oh, that would so be nice
a cottage with garden...

With the little woman,
We water the roses

Nice!

Nice!

When is the carriage due to come by?
- Supposedly in the evening.

What time is it now?
- No idea.

There you are, an educated robber
and you don't even have a watch.

Sorry, sweetie.

Did you dream of beautiful things?
- Yes.

What was it?
- I can't tell you.

I never have dreams like that.

What was that?
- A little owl.

Hopefully.

What was that?
Ow, my head.

Countess.

Eminence.

Are you hurt, dear?

This looks like a pit.
- That's what it is.

What are you saying?
- Proverbs Salomonis, 26.

Who diggeth a pit, shall fall therein.

What are the robbers going to do now?

Robbers! Where is my pistol?

At once, Herr Baron.

Here, Herr Baron.
- Careful!

Dearest Franziska,
your groom has thought of everything.

Now the scoundrels can come.
- I hope that we won't need that.

How scary.
- Calm down.

I have ammunition for 12 people.
- But if there are more of them?

We are all destined for Eternity.

We shouldn't rush it.
I have a wedding in five days.

When will the wheel be fixed?
- I'd guess in an hour, Countess.

Either we'll all drive off in an hour,
or we'll all have been bumped off.

"Bumped off", darling?
You could put it differently...

For sure. But the result
would be the same.

And does the Countess believe that
such a thing could happen? - Yes, but...

The prophet Jonah was even saved
from the belly of a whale.

There were no robbers in the whale,
Reverend.

Oh, good heavens.
The gentlemen have had a mishap?

We have been caught in a trap.
- Can we be of some help?

Isn't that the coat of arms of Sandau,
that catches my eye?

It is, my friend.
You have very sharp eyes.

Have you heard any robbers on your way?

Oh yes. One hardly knows it,
but they are all about.

And they take it badly
if someone shoots at them.

Thank you. We have never
had any trouble with robbers.

If I can give
the gentleman some advice:

I would go to a tavern for
weary travelers.

But there isn't one here.
- Yes, that's why we're here.

We are concerned about your well-being.

How do we find it?
- Keep on going straight ahead.

But now, my friend, we must move on.
Time is short.

Many thanks.
We wish you a pleasant trip.

And good luck on your way,
dear travelers.

Even you, high priest.
- Our thanks to you.

You too, Highly-born.

I am so afraid.

There's nothing more,
it is closing time now.

Is this enough?
- Oh, thank you.

Everything's very abundant.

Will the gentlemen stay overnight?
- Why?

Yes, I think so.

I think so too.
Cheers, girl.

Don't you want to continue?
- Are you scared?

Not for myself.

Buona sera.

Good evening.

Do we know him?

Signorina.

Signora.
- No begging here.

I'm not a beggar.

I see a beautiful woman.
I see a nice wine.

What's missing is a beautiful song.
I will sing.

No singing here.

It's a nice story of robbers
and an attractive young count.

It's a true story. It happened
in this accursed great forest.

I experienced it myself.
- Now start singing.

You two were going to bed.
- Quiet, old bag.

Listen carefully to what happened
As I rode through the Spessart

My lords, the young Count
By the robbers he was took

They wanted ransom from him
I, his servant, did escape

I will pay you quite handsomely
If you prove that it's not true

More wine?
- Grazie, Signore.

No singing here.

So I searched in the forest
High and low for the young Count

None can tell me if he's living
Or is hanging from a tree

Wanting ransom for their raid
Threaten death if it's not paid

I will pay you quite handsomely
If you prove that it's not true

Grazie. As thanks I'll sing...

Watch out! Danger!

Oh. I won't sing.
I'll get on my feet.

I was in danger once and never again.

I'll go to the forest to my bear.
Bears are good against robbers.

At least drink your wine.

Damned place!
Are you letting people in?

How could we have kept them out?

With appropriate words.
- Or a club.

A carriage is coming along.
Those in there have to disappear.

And bring something to drink.

Arrivederci, Signore.
I wish you health and life.

A long life.

They must disappear.
- They won't go up.

Or I'd have had them
shut away long ago.

The sleeping draught?
- Empty.

It needs to be refilled.
- Indeed.

You're going to bed now.
For the last time.

That's ab... absolutely out
of the question.

We've only just started.
- I'm not saying it again.

We want to drink this.

We're just getting cosy.

Thank you.

But they look nice.

Pleasant room for the gentlemen?
Nice, big beds.

We would like to stay here.
- We have to.

Will the Lord and Lady
follow me?

Ah! Hands off, you old raven.

You, we had better sleep in the carriage.
Otherwise they'll take it apart.

This way please.

If the accommodation is like this,
like the landlady appears...

Give it here.

I'll show the Lord and Lady
the rooms at once.

My poor feet.

Miss, can I be of service to you?

I'm called Felix
and I'm a goldsmith.

My friend is in the black arts.

He's a chimney sweep.
- Very interesting.

I'm pleased,
that you find it interesting.

Are we really in danger?
What should we do?

Just hang on to your fine heads.

Who knows if
you'll still have them tomorrow?

Look at the pretty family jewelry.

An heirloom from his grandmother.
Given to me by my fianc?.

Take your fancy?
- Yes.

A bit old, but looks very nice.

I'm not talking about the Baron,
but the jewelry.

Me too, Countess.

Here come the robbers.

Do you think they'd knock?

"Caution! Danger!"

Who's there?

Please open up.
Your lives are in danger.

You are in a robber's den.
- Come in.

Pastor!

There's somebody
in there with the Countess.

Franziska?

Two strangers here?
I think this goes too far.

We cannot have enough men here!

But Countess!
- Not so loud!

We are here in a robber's den.

Who says so?
- Shush!

Who says so?
- Those two there.

We are now certain of it.
We even have it in writing.

We have to get Gottfried and Anton
out of the barn.

That we must.

One would have to cross
that dark yard.

That you must.
- I will be ready to help.

Me too.
- I...

...will form the rearguard.

Will you come too, Pastor?
- Go alone, dear friends.

Many are called,
but few are chosen.

I will, however
protect the threshold of the ladies.

Courage.

Careful.

Come on.
- Who?

You!
- Him.

Me?

No!
- Shush!

Courage!

Stop!

There.
- I can't see anything.

There was something.

No.
- Really.

Come on.

Courage.

Courage.

What was that?
- My head.

Never mind. Carry on!

Step.

Courage.
- Courage?

Courage.

Mr. Gottfried, there is...

Sorry to bother you.

Can someone tell us what time it is?

Mine is somewhat slow.
- Let me see. Funny, mine too.

Could you say something, Countess?
- What can I say?

If only we knew
what they are planning for us.

This watch's isn't working.
- It was old when you got it.

According to the watch
they should be here.

Everything is in order, Captain.
The carriage and its contents are here.

The woman is in there.
- You guard the door.

Nobody is to escape.
But no violence.

Not even a fly is to be hurt,
understand? Dismount.

They are in the dining room.

We can try to get out now.

Quiet please.
- Bring the suitcase.

We must rely on our guardian angel.

Couldn't we have
a quieter guardian angel?

Halt! Not a step further.
We are all armed and unafraid.

Beat it, or I'll pop you off
like a poxy crow.

Hell's bells,
will you put that away!

If you are reasonable,
nothing will happen to you.

But Countess! Who puts themself
in danger, will die from it.

You hear,
let the people talk.

May we learn
what the gentlemen want from us?

We want the Countess Sandau.

Orders from the captain. You pay
20,000 guilders, you'll get her back.

Will you give her up voluntarily?

It's unthinkable.
- Then we will smoke you out.

Think about it.
Half an hour thinking time.

Corporal!

Why are you doing it like this?

If you catch a goose,
you slaughter it

and don't wait for it to lay
a golden egg?

Tell the captain.
If it were up to him,

we wouldn't even be able
to pluck the goose.

119, 120... and 5.

I have 325 Gulden with me.

I can contribute 12.
- Useless.

This king's ransom will to be enough.

King's ransom?

If I'm to remain with the robbers, I feel
like I'm being sold at a giveaway price.

You can't stay here.
- They'll set us alight.

Would you hand yourself over
to this rabble?

There is no other option.
Or do you know one?

I'm afraid our time is up.

Half an hour can pass very quickly.

Please. If the ladies and gentlemen
would move closer...

Countess. From your appearance
I see you are a smart woman.

You won't cause any difficulties.

Sir, or Mister Robber, how would
you prefer to be addressed?

He's the captain, you fathead.

I am Baron Sperling.

I receive income
from more than 50 villages.

I know, Mr. Baron.
I am a robber too.

By what right do you demand
money for my bride?

By the same right as Count Sandau.

He gives you his daughter for money.

I'll give you his daughter for money.

Countess, do you see a difference?

Answer when you're spoken to.

Recently we also had a stout Countess
who didn't want to talk

until she was hanging from a tree.

Leave her be, corporal.
A chair for the miss...

Move it! Come on!

Here.

Sign this.

A small message to your dad.
You're staying with me,

until he sends 20,000 guilders.
- We're giving him 48 hours.

Then the money will be received
or you. There, sign.

This is extortion, my son.

You have to force man to good deeds,
vicar.

I threaten with the gallows,
you with purgatory.

If they were not afraid,
we would both be without jobs.

This catechism has been taught to you
by the devil. - Will you sign now?

You're making the child confused!
She hardly knows her own name anymore.

Just write down: "Franziska,
Countess of Sandau".

I keep hearing about this ransom.

We used to plunder ones like that
and then bury them under the turnips.

That's not how our captain sees it.

The man is too soft.
- How's that?

I think he's still to bump someone off.
- He has too much brains for that.

Where's it getting us?
We've never had such a bad season.

When I think of our last leader...

he was a madman,
but we gained much more.

Listen, what was that?

These scoundrels!
They lured us here.

Take this letter to Count Sandau
and get the ransom. - And if I won't?

I thought you wanted to see
your bride free?

Where should I bring the money?
- Here, to the inn.

Countess, would you like someone
to keep you company?

La Bella Signorina, you stay here.

No, that doesn't go.
- What doesn't go?

The miss together with
this young... young teenager.

In these circumstances,
I must stay too.

I can't stop you, Monsieur Le Cure.

So you know:
if the old count does not pay

or if the police arrive, then...

What do you mean by...?

To the tree with your bride,
you muttonhead.

Come on, you little devil.

They were trying to leg it.
- Why?

You overestimate the pleasure
of your company.

People have died for speaking
like that.

People!
Who are you trying to kid?

Come here, lad.

Leave him.

Here.

Closer.

Closer still.
Porca miseria!

What's you name?
- Fran...

Franz.

Franz, aha. You have
a very loose mouth.

I don't know where, but we've met before.

You seem to have your heart
in the right place.

Somebody like you needs it to be so.

That will not be possible.
I don't like heat.

What do you mean, heat?

Anyone with you will certainly
end up in Hell or on the gallows.

And that's too much for me.

I like you.
You're coming with us. Va bene?

How did this happen, people?

Even robbers aren't safe from thieves!

Everyone out!

Sebastian!

Hey, open up!

Sebastian!

Sebastian!

What are you thinking of,
making so much noise!

Go on, open up!
- Countess!

Open up!

A mounted chimney sweep I'll never be.

I want to see my father immediately.

You can have something to eat.
Sit yourself down in the kitchen.

I don't think that I can sit down.

Hey, father, wake up!

Hurry up!
- What's this?

Ah! Get off, you lout. Help, robbers!
- Father, it's me.

You? Yes, have you gone crazy?
In men's clothes?

Where did you come from?
I thought you were in W?rzburg?

We were attacked by robbers.

You too?
Yesterday they were on the estate.

They stole 600 guilders from me.
And how much from you?

Nothing.
- Thank God.

You have to find 20,000 guilders.
- For what?

For me.
- For you?

Why do you need so much money?
- For the robbers.

Otherwise, they'll hang everyone.

Why wouldn't they anyway?
- Because the Pastor is with them.

The pastor? With the robbers?

He wanted to stay.
- With the robbers?

Yes, with Felix
and to protect Barbara.

Your bridegroom's name is Eberhard?
- Felix has done us a big favour.

I promised him you'd give 20,000 Guilders.

To Felix?
- No, to Eberhard.

I thought there were robbers?
- Eberhard should go with the money

to the robbers to free me.
- And yet you're here?

But for the robbers I am with the
robbers, don't you understand this?

No.
- If you don't hand over the money,

it's doubtful that my friends will
be alive tomorrow.

Is it really that doubtful?
- Yes!

I can't get involved
in any shady business.

20,000 Guilders?

The Count will never pay,
the old miser.

He turns every penny over so often
that his hands are sore.

Then their fate is sealed?

What will the robbers do with them?

Will you try some fresh Blutwurst?
- No thanks. I couldn't eat a thing.

Do you think you are doing your friends
a favour, starving yourself?

You must at least drink something.
There, some fresh milk.

And then get some sleep.

Take him up to my bed.
- In yours?

Well, certainly not in yours...
He needs rest.

His meanness is a disgrace

This miser of a father
is drowning in money!

I started with begging
and tried being nice

I tried being good and horrible too

I started to cry
and all kinds of acting

And then I scolded and cursed

I just can't let my word be broken

I need all the money, not just a token

I should be ashamed

The three of them are sitting
surrounded by robbers and waiting for me

The bandits won't wait,
the final insult

They'll string them all up
and I'll face the guilt

But all my father can say is "No! No!".

Where the heart should be,
all he has is a stone

Such a penny-pinching,
shabby, stingy, fussy miser

And a tightwad to boot

Unfortunately, a horse is not a coach,
Countess.

For you, we have reserved the best
lodging, our luxury villa.

Is this for both the ladies?

The Countess will certainly
want to have her maid nearby.

Oh yes, please.

Such a ridiculous fuss
around the female skirts.

If it was up to me,
they'd soon lose their heads.

You have no say in it.
- Unfortunately not.

Here you can sleep with your maid.

The two of you together
will be just fine

That is impossible.
I'll spend the night with the Countess.

I don't think the Countess needs help
with her spiritual enlightenment.

Come along and tell me
what hell looks like.

You are an expert? - Yes.
- I wish you a good night.

I hope that you can resist all invasions.

Remember: the spirit is willing,
but the flesh is weak.

We will soon adapt ourselves
to the circumstances, darling.

I'm not your darling. In these
conditions it's out of the question.

Can you help me with this dress?

Robbing and stealing makes you very tired.
You will soon learn about this.

What, robbing and stealing?
- No, tiredness.

Come into my palace.

Here's where you can sleep.

What are you doing here
and who allowed you to be here?

I thought you wouldn't mind.
- Out.

He should probably give us his blessing.

You are most punctilious.

You won't even kiss
without a wedding ring. - Out!

Have you found someone better?

Andiamo!

So you know once and for all,
you are my bride.

I love you, and nobody else.

The morals they have.
I must talk about it to our bishop.

You are my heroes!

You have made the poor Baron
almost seasick.

He should be glad
we've brought him here alive.

Don't ruffle his feathers, you.
- You haven't seen the robbers yet.

We can sing a song about it...

Suddenly robbers, 20, 30...
- 30, 40 and yet more

High on horseback, clutching muskets
- All with pistols, awful gear

Then I hit them, black and blue
- Someone hit them, wasn't you?

I upon an oak did pounce
and made a club big as a house

How I beat them with such full force
The captain fled upon his horse

Tommy rot!
- What a louse!

He couldn't even hit a mouse

As for me, I went and grabbed one
By the legs like this, so!

In a circle spun him round
and the first one fell down dead

Where are you going?
- On behalf of the Count to Bentheim.

Are there robbers?
- No, there's the Military.

And the ransom?
- There is no ransom.

The Count is sending soldiers out.

The Count is sending soldiers out.

What?!

The Count is sending soldiers out.
- What?

You've sent soldiers out?
- Yes.

You won't pay the money?
- No.

It is immoral to finance these bandits.

Yesterday they wanted 600 guilders,
today 20,000.

This is the end!
- You're wrong...

now it's the beginning.

You go to my father
and tell him if he feels like it

he can come and rescue me.
- Where are you going?

Where? To the inn at Spessart.

Three sixes.
- 20.

20,000 Guilders.
- Oh yes.

If the one with the 20,000 guilders
appears and asks for us...

He won't come
- I know

That's why I said "if" to you

There would be 10,000 for you

And there'd be 10,000 for you

With no accounting.
- And tax-free.

Yes, he won't come

Yes, it would be so nice

A peaceable citizen

Respectable living
in a house one has chosen

Oh, it would be so nice

A cottage with garden

In which we would both then

Go and water our missus

Shut up.
- I didn't say anything.

Stop the dice then.

Man, our horses! The blackguard!

Just wait.

Good evening.

Well?
- Well?

Well!

You didn't expect us
still to be here, eh?

Obviously.
Otherwise I wouldn't be here.

And you stole our horses?

I needed them because of
this thing with the stagecoach.

A double brandy.

Hey!
- What stagecoach?

An express mail from Aschaffenburg.

The jeweler Scheible was in it.
- So what?

I ambushed it.

19.

You ambushed it?
- Of course.

Shut up, you silly goose.

You robbed the express mail single-handed?

With the coachman and Mr. Scheible?
- Of course.

To prove to your captain
what I'm capable of.

I want to be a member of your gang.

I have some useful knowledge,
but it's something I can't do alone.

But you did the thing
with the stagecoach alone?

Obviously.
- How was that?

That was the horn of the postillion

It was last Friday afternoon at four

There came Scheible, the rich jeweler

On a trip from W?rzburg
with the mail coach to his house

And I thought,
I'll fleece you, you louse

Just past the sunken path on the road

I swung myself up into a tree

As the coach passed by the tree,
with a cry...

In a mask I jumped onto the roof

And then the dumb postillion
after a clonk on the noggin

Found his loaded pistols were gone

To pull this off
you need a little bit of brains

Well, something you two seem to lack

Come on, sit down and listen,
otherwise march to the wall

So, now I can continue my tale

The Postillion resisted,
it nearly killed him

And when the coach stopped,
I shouted "Everything out!"

There came trembling and moaning
Scheible and wife

and their son and daughter too

I looked for four nice trees

And tied them to them one-by-one

Then a gag in the mouth,
as it should be

Because whining
gets in the way of work

I availed myself of a good look
at the bodice of the daughter

Because what am I if not a man?

There you sit, you're astonished,
what am I going to do?...

In your heads are all sorts of ideas

I'm batty, you're thinking eh?
Mistaken men

For I'm full of devil within

The jeweler stood there
in his undershirt

as I'd tied him up
with his Sunday pants

Then I helped myself
to his money, jewels and wealth

Well, as you can see,
learned is learned

Well, what do you say now?

You've had a lot to say. - But does
our captain believe in fairy tales?

Show us that you left the jeweler
lighter than he was.

I'll gave each of you a ring,
if you'll take me to your captain.

First we want to see the rings.

Felix, I'm so scared.

How nice.

I heard a story once about the savages.

They also organized a feast
and roasted their prisoners.

But darling, why would anyone roast
you? You are so scrumptious.

Get off, you're scratchy.
- You're right.

Not very lady-like.

What's this?
You have the ransom already?

No, but we have
recruited a new member.

He wants to join us.
- What?

That cunning rascal?

And that's why you left
your post? Go back immediately!

Since new blood's
so scarce...

He attacked the stagecoach single-handed.

What?

The Countess is surely
bringing the ransom.

Good evening, Captain. I'm back.

Watch out!
- Well, well, well, well.

I would have stayed here yesterday

but I made an exception for the
fat jeweler..

You?
- He was like the Christmas goose, Captain.

But don't let me interrupt,
you were having a party.

First work, then pleasure.

Would you care to
join the celebrations?

Partners in crime?
You bet.

Aren't you hungry?

Don't get in a huff, take it.

Come, sit next to me.

You! Keep your hands off her,
she's mine.

I know, I know.

Can you sing?
- Sing, me?

No. My voice is just about to break.
- Aha.

I could need a guy, for myself.

Grooming horses, cleaning boots,
polishing guns

and whatever comes up.
- What else could come up?

You'll be the first to know.

Take off my boot.

Not like that! Turn around.

Open your legs. Like that.

Pull!

Did that hurt? Show me.

You rob stagecoaches with such
delicate fingers?

No, I always wear gloves.

Aha. Come on, get undressed!

No, that I won't.

Undress me then.

But no! Have you never
stripped a man?

Of course. Every night.

So? Who was it?

Me, obviously!

Brush that for tomorrow morning.

What about me?

I'd rather sleep over there.
- You sleep here, basta.

Don't you want at least to
take off the cap? - No.

Why not?
Do you have sparrows under it?

No, but a bump. Such a thing!

It's where the postillion of Scheible
caught me with the whip's handle.

Povero ragazzo.

Good night.

Felix! Are you asleep?

Yes. Very deeply.

Me too.

Countess!

What do you want?

Priests in the morning
bring sorrow and worry.

Should I chase him out?
- Yes...

You treat him better than your jeweler.

It's necessary to play the game,
or we won't get the ransom.

Out, fatso! Sorry...

Out I say!

You're as prudish as if
you grew up in a monastery.

I did too.

When were you in cloisters, big robber?

Everyone here probably had
a better life once, even you.

Here is my razor.
Sharpen it up.

Mamma Mia, no!

Have you never shaved?
- No.

No, you're like a girl.
- What can I do about it?

When I was your age,
I shaved every day.

All at once my beard sprouted.
Feel it.

It sprouts.
- Get yourself washed.

Where?
- There's a bucket out front.

Hell's bells,
what sort of washing is that?

What about it?
- You know what you are?

A little pig, I know.
That's why I became a robber.

Because you can be pretty dirty.
- You look like it too.

Dirty and degenerate!
- What, degenerate?

Jacket off, shirt off, everything off.
- No!

I'll count to three.
- Please don't.

Now you cry like a real little girl.

Yes.

Franziska,
Countess to and from Sandau.

How did you know?

I like to act bad,
but my eyes are good.

Who is the fake countess?
- A goldsmith's journeyman.

But you must not be angry with him,
I instigated it

so that you get your ransom.
Please don't do anything to him.

Me no. But my people
won't take it lying down,

when they find out they've been tricked.

How are they to know?

I clean boots better than any stable boy.

Men! His Royal Highness, the Grand Duke,

has graciously assured me

that his best wishes
are with his troops today.

The battle plan is:

Chop chop!

Call it off! Call it off!

You must call it all off, Herr Obrist!

But Count Sandau,
what do you mean "call it off"?

The company is already on the move.
Don't interfere. I'm in the middle of acting.

First squadron to assemble
at the fire station.

Second squadron to join up tightly
with the Third.

Order to the field kitchen:
Heat up! Chop chop!

Stop, stop, Herr Obrist! Listen to me.
My daughter is with the robbers.

That's unfortunate, but that's why
I cannot turn everything upside-down.

It remains unchanged. Chop chop!

This is going to cost me 20,000 Guilders
and my daughter on top.

Why 20,000 Guilders?
- I have decided

to send Baron Sperling with the ransom.

Where to?
- The inn in Spessart.

That's great!
This is called Commander's Luck!

My soldiers can observe
the delivery of the ransom.

My troops will be close behind you

and will soon be in the robbers' camp.
Battle plan changed!

Wait with the "chop chop",
until I have my daughter back.

If generals could wait,
we wouldn't need a military.

Long live the Grand Duke!
- He lives anyway,

but what about my Franziska! Have you
no sympathy with my poor daughter?

Sorry, not my department.
Chop chop!

Money like peas!

Don't pour yet,
I have to stir it first.

So, it's time again.

A little for the good knoll,
a little for the good lamp...

And a little for the Baron.

Some of it fell.
- Let it lie, there's enough.

When can I expect my fiance restored?

You can see we're busy.

We don't want to be jinxed.
- I would like to know.

As soon as we have the money delivered,
you will get your bride back.

So, little Baron,
the good uncles are leaving now.

In a quarter of an hour
we'll be back.

And we'll have the lady with us.
- I want to come with you.

Are we men of honour or not? Yes!

Another red wine for the baron.
The money's down there, the rest for you.

You stay here! Soldiers are all over.
The house is surrounded.

Now we're in it.

How's this happened?
Has someone informed on us?

Well, that one there.
- We'll leave him in the boozer

and let him drink his fill,
until he doesn't know where he is.

I wonder,
where your bridegroom is?

Can't you think of anything else
but the ransom?

Hand on heart, I wasn't thinking of
the ransom. I was thinking of you.

Of me?
- You must have some hankering

for the man you are due to marry.

In our class, we have our obligations.

Everything isn't as mixed up
as it is with you robbers.

I'm very confused.

Stand in front of the window.
They're too curious. - At your command.

Do you know it or not?
- What?

The Countess is a man!
- A man?

Who says so?
- Bettina saw him.

If this is true, I'll wring his neck.

Nonsense! You've drunk so much you
couldn't even tell the chicken from a cock.

Shut up, you greenhorn.

Captain, I will convince you.

If this is true,
I'll bring the man myself.

It's not a bad idea. Go, go.

Now talk. What's all this?

Have you ever seen a countess,
who scrapes her beard?

Let me in, Captain's orders!
- Anyone could say that.

Open up!
- Watch out, there's gunpowder in there.

If I find it, then...

Finally, someone here the right idea.

Come on, come on!
- Why so much hurry?

We want to know what's going on here.

Nothing's going on here,
including acting the wild man.

I'm the captain, I'm in charge.

If the woman in that hut is a man,

what will the captain say then?
Come on, come on!

They're coming, hurry!
- For heaven's sake!

Now we will expose the truth.

Countess, there's talk
you are not a woman but a man.

Ach, let's see...
- Watch out!

Leave the coat,
nakedness should be covered.

Babble! We want facts!
Naked facts!

Hell's bells!

How can you do this to her...?

Out! Out!

And me?
- Come to my cabin.

Countess?
- I want no more to do with you!

In an hour...
- What's in an hour?

The ransom should be here.
- I don't understand why it's taking so long

If I were my groom, I would have
sent my fastest riders.

Will we be there soon? - You must
follow us, boy, or you'll get lost.

We must ride till morning.
- I've already ridden too much.

Dear Herr Obrist,
a flagon of red wine?

This is unbelievable!

So this is how you worry about
the life of your bride, Baron?

Besides, you're wrecking my strategy.

Where are these two fellows
with whom you've been drinking?

Crikey! They've fallen off their horse.

We were riding very quickly,
Herr Obrist.

How am I now going to find
the robbers' nest?

Where have you put the 20,000 Guilders?
- Yes, where have they gone?

They must be somewhere.

We saved our friend
from a great deal of misfortune.

So his to-be didn't fall into the wrong hands.

You can't be too careful around here.

It's good to act decisively.

You could win another medal!
- Now, now.

Man, if you could just
put in a good word for us.

You can't go calling a General "man".

Don't worry about it.
You two pick up the money...

Yes sir!
- ...and bring it to Castle Sandau.

Yes sir.
- Take the Baron with you.

Can't we have one last little drinkie?

There is still something in here.
- Sorry, duty calls.

I'll get this gang tonight.
Chop chop!

Come, my friend.
Now we will zigzag.

Now we'll zigzag to the castle
of my father-in-law.

We'll continue celebrating there.
- And you can get us a position.

This is what I promised.
- Lord Chamberlain would suit me best...

or do you already have one?
- I think so.

No problem. A quick crack on the skull
and he's gone.

Where is the captain?
- In there. What's up?

We are surrounded. Soldiers everywhere.
I just got through.

It looks like we're in a tight spot.

But we mustn't lose our heads,
or we will lose our heads.

Tell the corporal, we're leaving.

You can't tell him anything.
- We'll see about that. Move it!

There you have it:
Who sows the wind reaps the whirlwind.

I'm afraid this whirlwind will result
in you swinging from a tree.

There's nothing I can do about it.

If at least the women could be got out
before the balloon goes up....

Shall I see if there's a way of getting
through? - No, I need you here.

But maybe the pastor can.
Go to the soldiers

and tell them not to shoot
until the Countess is safe.

I'm not a long distance walker.

Are you a good rider?
- I don't know...

I've never had the chance to try.

It'll hang well here. - Are we using the
old rope again or shall we use a new one?

What's going on here?
I told you to go.

Your Countess will be the first
to swing from the branch.

The Pastor!

Halt! Stop him!

Shoot that guy in black
out of his saddle!

Shut up!
- Who's the captain here? You or me?

You're about to find out.
Come on! Grab him!

Tie him to the wheel. Come on!

My master was right:
you learn much on such a journey.

Report, Herr Obrist: the Second Squadron
heard shots too.

Where did they come from?
- We couldn't tell, Herr Obrist.

Incredible! There is shooting
and no one knows from where.

Presumably from the forest, Herr Obrist.
- The forest is huge.

I want to know exactly from where,
from there or there or from...

Someone's coming.

God's reward, dear friends,
I come straight from the robbers.

Where have you come you from?
- From the robbers' camp.

Pull your troops back at once!

Follow that horse!
It knows exactly where to go.

Charge!

Stop! Don't!

Get out, hup!

Victory!

Victory!

Soldiers!

You must disappear!

Countess, you are free.

Go on, scram. Quick!

Comrades! With one bold stroke we have
succeeded in totally destroying the enemy.

Typical.

Men! The gratitude of our Grand Duke
is sure to be ours.

Oh, Countess!

I don't just come as your liberator...

I know, you come
with egg on your face.

What was that?
- Franziska!

Who was that?
- I'll give you three guesses.

That was the captain?
- Jawohl, Herr Oberst.

Men!

Chop chop.

You're seriously saying,

that the Countess has run off
with the robber captain? - Yes.

We saw it.
- I knew it,

that's 20,000 Guilders
down the drain.

Count, dinner is served.

In view of the sad events

there is black pudding
with a dark sauce.

Plus gray bread.

To drink, there is Feuchtwanger
Tr?nenacker or a cloudy beer.

I can't eat anything
after this terrible loss!

My nice money and my poor child.

Mamma Mia.

You don't have to worry about the bats.
they only eat insects.

This is our junk room.

We put all the stuff here
that's no longer needed.

Like me?

That's a nice swine!
- It's a swan.

We had that at a garden party.
It was lit from the inside

This is where our grandfather
was shot.

But he was so old, we could hardly
get him down. - Your grandfather?

No!

All the guests felt bad afterwards.

My God, you must have something to eat.
- Far niente.

Well, how am I going to do this?

I'm afraid I'm going to cause you
a great deal of exconvenience.

No, unconvenience.

Inconvenience.

I'm afraid of that too.

Why did you bring me here?

Because...

I'll get you something to eat.

Que Bella!

Stop gawping, helping would be better.

Very difficult.

I had a real struggle.
- You mean... ?

No, I'll do that.

You would have made a good robber.

Shame it's all over.

But for you too. It's good this way.

One moment!

It's better like that.
- Now I'm your prisoner?

Oh, I hadn't thought of that.

How much ransom could I get for you?
- Nothing.

Poor thing.

Is there nobody who would
pay for you?

Nobody.
- And no woman?

Not even a woman.

Now you must have something to eat.

What will you do as a lone robber?

Flee. As soon as possible.

You can't, I have the key.

You mean I have to stay here,

while you're downstairs getting married
to that nutcracker?

Is this what you're planning?

You don't know what to do now.

But I do.

That is more than enough!

The wine seems to have
completely befuddled you.

Pastor, I am deeply disappointed.
I thought you were bringing my daughter.

Instead you drag these two drunkards here?

Vice versa.
- The other way around.

It's us who've brought the Pastor here.

He was in a ditch.
The man could go no further.

We thought... let's pick him up.

Pastor, is this right?

In wine there is truth, my dear friend.

Without them, I would have
experienced my last hour.

And who are they?
- Two respectable citizens.

We come from the best families.
- We want nothing more than a position

at your headquarters.
- Mine? You're not up to it.

It might be a good idea
to have a higher opinion of us.

We saved the Count from paying the ransom.

This dosh probably belongs to you.

My 20,000 Guilders!
- Hopefully it's all there.

We only just noticed
there's a hole in it.

You good people!

Now the Count can be happy
with the Countess.

Of course I will hire you.

Halfpint here had already agreed.
- Who is halfpint?

He's sitting in there in a stupor.
- Baron Sperling!

I'm shocked!

How so?
As a Baron he is allowed to do that.

The day after tomorrow
he'll marry my daughter.

Now you have the sack.
- Yes.

This is a nice story.
- What?

A real Countess falls in love
with a real robber.

Yes, it's a nice story.

I also know one.
- Tell me.

Once upon a time there was an old Count,

he lived in Italy
and was very good and kind.

He had lent all his money
to another Count...

In Germany.

Unfortunately he never got
his money back.

One day he was poor
and died of grief.

Did he have a son?
- Yes.

His name was Antonio Patrizio Bibione.

He took his
faithful servant Parucchio

and went looking for the man responsible.

Was it my father?

Don't ask questions, listen.

He was riding with his servant
through the sinister Spessart wood

Then upon them came wild robbers
who brought him to a halt

Just his servant had the luck
To escape the band of crooks

To the Count said the gang
"Give us money, or you'll hang!"

And what happened then?

He was dangling in the branches

When with "Boom!",
the lightning struck

The robbers shouted, "That's the devil
He should be our captain"

He accepted their offer
As in his distress he thought:

Be a robber fine and living
Or a Count with slitted throat

And that's why he wanted
catch the Countess Sandau?

Yes, but now she's caught him.

Here is the key.

You want to send me out of your life?

No.

Soldiers!
- Soldiers!

What's all this about?

I must protest
My daughter needs rest.

I'm sorry. We have reliable information:

the bandit chief is here.

With me?
- Or someone in your family.

I don't believe it!
- Everywhere is to be searched...

and thoroughly. Chop chop!

Here he could be. - Here he must be.
- Here hides that poor wretch.

Behind the door, under the bed.
- Sorry, he is not here.

Here he could be. - Here he must be.
- Here hides that poor wretch.

Behind the table, under the skirt.
- Sorry, he is not here.

Here he could be. - Here he must be.
- Here hides that poor wretch.

Here in the sack, in there maybe.
He is not here.

Here he must be,
here he is.

Finally, this wretch will meet justice.
Go on, chop chop.

Now also, here he is...

... not.
Oh pardon, Countess.

Is there some news?
- Yes, they have...

They have him?
- Let me finish.

They have let him escape,
he's truly in league with the devil.

Or don't you think so?

You're not from around here?
- No.

Right. I thought so right away.

Highly esteemed audience,
I have the honour,

to give you a gala performance
of my circus.

If you like it, I ask for a small gift,
eats for my animals... and for myself.

In the first act,
see a great, wild bear.

He eats honey and people.

But only people,
if he has no money for honey.

Attenzione!

He is doing a little dance.

Perucchio!

Count Patrizio!

You're pulling a face as if
you're going to your own execution.

That's how I feel.

The mayor is already here.
You have to show yourself, Countess.

You should wave, Countess.

You must smile.

Go on, you must help
the people dismount..

Are you doing the long fingers again?
- Yours are not that short either.

Neighbour, your bag.

My pompadour with
the diamond ring in it.

Nice stupidity. - When will
you start leading a better life?

After the wedding, like all men.

Here you will stand, Baron,
and wait for your dear bride,

who will be brought to you by her father.
Let's rehearse it.

Buongiorno, Signore e Signori.

I have the honor to
give you a little gala performance

to introduce my circus.

If you like it, I ask for
a small gift for my animals.

I have a big surprise
for the wedding guests.

Run tell the Countess.
Bibione is here to rescue her.

Attenzione!
You will hear in the first act

the Ballad of the Wild Robbers,
recited by Maestro Patrizio.

Hell's bells, our captain!

Come and hear the story
of the robber captain

Who really was a Count
not a real robberman.

He didn't want to lose his head...

You have to keep still.
- Who's that singing?

Countess!

Quick, he wants you.
- Who?

I forget his name, but it's him.

Franziska?
You have no business being here.

No, Count.
- How long are you going to be?

Everyone's waiting.

You know that everything for me
depends on your marriage.

Everything.
- Is it time?

Yes, now it is time.

Finally!
God be praised.

Don't get too close,
you'll step on my train.

Franziska!

Where is the groom?
- In there with the pastor.

What are you doing?

Private party.
Come with me.

I really do not know
what I should think about it.

I do, reverend.

Hold him!
Robbers, thieves, murderers!

What are you doing?
Who are you?

The son of Count Bibione.

Who? You'll get your money,
I swear.

I'll give you my entire treasure chest.

Keep your chest,
I'll take a bigger treasure.

Run after him! Go!

Up!

And our story now is ended
For the young couple, joy

For the bad guys all have scarpered
Only good has overcome

My moral tale is done
Sleep quite easy in your house

Because I can assure you
There's no robbers any more

I ask for a small gift,
eats for my animals...

and for myself.

Thank you.