Critters Attack! (2019) - full transcript

Follows 20-year-old Drea, who reluctantly takes a job babysitting for a professor of a college she hopes to attend. Struggling to entertain the professor's children Trissy and Jake, along ...

Drea, did you see that?


What is it?

I think
it was an alien spaceship.

Don't be weird, Phillip.

I'm not being weird.
Come down here and see.

'It was headed
towards the park.'

It was probably just like
a plane flying low or something.

Oh, I think there may be two.

What the?



Turn that thing down right now.

Uncle Lou.

Hey, Phillip. Hi.

Did the UFO pass by your office
last night?


Unidentified Flying Object?

Y-yeah, I-I know what UFO means.

You do know
aliens don't exist, right?

Yes, they do. And they're here.

- Really?
- Yeah. Look.

The UFO started on its way
to the park.

Well, actually,
I think there's two of them.

Two? What, two little green guys
or, uh, two ships?

Were they butt-naked?

Uh, you know, if they're
butt-naked, it's quite funny.

I.. Phillip,
I'm just messing with you, man.

Phillip, I'm just messing.


Come on, you gotta keep
the music down in the mornings.

- I mean, I work night shifts...
- Yup, got it.

- Hey, what's wrong?
- Everything's fine.

- I just gotta get to work.
- Drea..

What's wrong?

I thought I got into Leroy,
but I didn't, so..

- Aw, geez.
- I got waitlisted again.

So I thought this is it.

But, nope, not happening, so..

Hey. Who needs those
fancy colleges anyways, eh?

I mean,
I-I didn't go to any college.

Yeah. You always say that.

You know,
I'm only trying to help you.

- 'Sometimes you get so...'
- Please, Uncle Lewis.

I'm not in the mood
to argue with you right now.

I really gotta get to work.

I'll try again next year,
it'll be fine. Please.

Okay, before you go to work,
can I give you some advice?

You can get
into any college you want.

I know you wanna go to Leroy
'cause your mom went there.

No. Nope, nope, that is not
the only reason I want...

Let me finish, alright?

Your mom was very smart,
you are very smart.

And, you know, she was able
to get a scholarship

to go to Leroy and you weren't.

smart just is not enough.

Sometimes it's like, you know,
people you know in the world.


Okay, well,
thanks for the pep talk.

- You can drive safe.
- Thanks.

Please move back, officer.

I don't wanna roll over
your foot.

- Step away from the car.
- Yeah. That.

Whatever you guys say.


where did you learn to do that?'

Uh, I just, um

just kinda figured it out,
I guess.

Plus, we have the best blades
in the business.

- Best blades, huh?
- Oh, and YouTube videos.

Oh. You know,
I got my own YouTube channel.

That's cool. I'll try
to check it out sometime.

I just got some new merch
for my online store.

OutdoorDougie stress ball.

- Hey, Drea.
- Hey.

I need you to deliver this.

What happened to Kevin?

He took off
with a delivery last night

and I never heard from him.

Sounds like Kevin.

Hey, I thought you might enjoy
this delivery, Drea.

It's your dream place.

Yeah, where is that?

Oh, boy.


- Hi, Shawn.
- Wow!

Uh, you're finally taking me up
on that personalized tour?

We can get in a-any building
on campus you want.

Oh, wow, I mean, I'd love to,
but I'm just here to make

a delivery and then I gotta
head back to work, so, bummer.

Yeah. Ha-ha.

I don't have to sign in, do I?

Oh. Um, uh, no, no, it's fine.

Yeah. I know you. You..

Oh, hey, did you, uh,
get a chance

to listen to that cassette?

Oh. Yes, I love it.

Uh, uh, I don't know how
it's not in my player right now.

That's crazy. I've been..

Got it!


You, you're hittin' it.
You're really hittin' it.

You're really hitting
those notes.

I can't believe
you really love it. I mean..

You know,
I wrote all those pieces myself.

Wow! Yeah, it-it,
it is something.

Do you wanna hear it live?

- I'm sorry, what?
- Yeah!

I always come prepared.

Wow! Okay.

You know, I'm, I'm good
with this one right here.

I, I gotta go
drop this food off, though.

Like, I don't wanna keep
the customer waiting, so..

- Drive safe now, alright?
- Alright, thanks.

- Have a great one.
- You, too.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Oh, my God.

Hi, mommy.

What is this?


Leroy Hall?

♪ Leroy University
we stand tall ♪

♪ Leroy University
won't let fall ♪

♪ There's no adversity that
we can't handle and that's ♪♪

And that's the Leroy way.

- Oh, my God.
- Ah, don't be embarrassed.

That was a lovely rendition
of the "Leroy Fight Song."


- Hello.
- Hey.

- Hi. Okay, uh, sorry.
- Yeah.

Uh, I have some sushi here for...

- Gregory Sax.
- Yeah, that's you.

I believe you're looking for me.

- I've been looking for you.
- You take card, right?


Okay. Cash?

Mm-hmm, that's all we take.

Okay, well,
then if you come with me

I can get some cash from inside
and we can...

I'd love to come with you.

Okay. Just this way.

You know, my mom actually
went to this school.

- Really?
- Yeah, but..

Only for one semester 'cause

then she got pregnant with me.

So I guess you can kinda say
I ruined her plans.

Oh, come on. I'm sure
you didn't ruin anything.

Yeah, I'm just messing.

Well, she should come
back and finish up, though.

I saw older people in a few
of my classes last year, so..

She'll be fine.

She died two years ago, so..

- Oh, God.
- Oh, no, no, no.

- I'm so sorry, I didn't...
- It's fine.

I'm gonna go to school here
one day.

It's just, I just got
my second rejection letter.

But you know what they say,
third time's the charm.

- Yeah, I bet it will be.
- Sorry.

Uh, sorry, we got
a few more flights to go

and then I'm sure somebody's
gonna have cash for you, so..

Oh, yeah, for sure, no worries.

Hey. What do you think, Mandy?

Mm, yeah, looks good.

You didn't even look at it.

Wait, what is this font?

- I thought you liked it.
- Hey, Mandy!

You got any cash for, um..

I'm sorry,
what was your name, again?

- 'It's, uh..'
- Drea.

Oh. What, you've ordered
from this place before or...

- No.
- That'll be, uh, 16.40.

Okay. Great.

Well, you two can, um,
do your little..

You do have cash on you, right?

- Yeah.
- Thank you. Thank you.


Geez, I feel like I haven't
seen you in a long time.

So I'm just gonna give a..

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Well, you got into
our dream school and I didn't.

So there's that.

- Are you and, like..
- Oh, yeah. We're..

- Oh. Cool.
- Yeah.

Yeah, it's cool.

Um, did you hear back about
your admissions for this year?

Yeah, i-it's a no for me, again.

- So..
- Well..

The head
of the history department

is looking to fill
a job position.

You-you think getting a job here

would really help me
with admissions?

Yeah. Totally.


Her name is Professor Lacy.

You'd have to start tomorrow,

That's perfect.
I'm off tomorrow. Let's..

- Yes, please.
- Okay.


I'll give her a call
and let her know

that she'll see you tomorrow.

Thanks, Mandy. This is really,
really, really nice of you.

Oh, um..

I appreciate it
more than you know, like..

Yeah, the, um, uh,
the job, it's..

Well, it's babysitting her kids.


- Yeah, but Professor Lace...
- Yeah, no.

I'm, I'm too old
to be babysitting.

What, is this a joke?

She's on
the board of admissions, though.

She could seriously help you.
It's all about who you know.


'And we've Fred from New Jersey.
Fred, you're on the line.'

'Uh, hey.
I'm a big fan of the show.'

'Yeah, listen,
I-I-I've been getting..'

Hey, kiddo. Time for bed.


It's fine, I like this spot.

I know,
but this is Uncle Lewis' favorite chair

and I don't want him
yelling at me about it.

So please, just go to your room.

Can you get me mom's blanket?


'Goodnight, weirdo.'

Oh. What is that?

Oh, my! What is that?

I can't believe I'm seeing this.

Wow, amazing!

Aren't you a beautiful bird?



- 'Did you read this, um..'
- 'Mm?'

- 'This thing here about, uh..'
- 'About what?'

What the hell happened to you,

I don't wanna talk about it.

No disrespect, Bob,
but you kind of stink.

My apologies.

I didn't have a napkin on me

and I-I didn't wanna ruin
my uniform.

On the plus side,
I read somewhere that, uh

it's a sign of good luck
if a bird poops on you.

- Really?
- That's what I read.


Well, then, things are
looking up for me for a change.

Still, you should shower.

Copy that.

Ooh, I wonder if that's
my little porcupine friend.


Daryl the porcupine, is that you
out there, little buddy?

No, sir.

What the hell is that?

What the hell is that?

Oh, my God!

Well, guys, that was
my babysitting 101 video.

Just remember, your main job
is to take care of those kids.

So if you're constantly
anticipating potential problems

you'll always be prepared.

Please, don't forget to have fun
and subscribe to my channel.

It's easy now. Got it.

Come on, we gotta go. I am late.


Oh. Sorry,
I was listening to a podcast.

God. Was it about aliens again?

Yeah. What if it was?

Okay, loser,
well, please hurry up

because I have to go babysit.
We discussed this.

Yeah, but you agreed to babysit,
not me.

Well, you know, the Lacys
do have a really big house.

Maybe you could, like, bring
your telescope or whatever.

'Or, you know, stay here,
listen to your podcast.'

Wait. Lacy?

- Like, like, Trissy Lacy?
- Yeah.

You're-you're babysitting
Trissy Lacy.

I am.

Oh, my gosh. My-my hair,
is my hair messed up?

will you please hurry up?

Yeah, I know.

- What's taking you so long?
- Nothing, nothing.

Oh, my gosh.
Did you fix your hair?

- Yes.
- You still got a little...

- Don't. Don't touch it.
- Okay, fine, fine.

- Thank you.
- What were you doing?

Like, putting cologne on
in the car or something?

Don't-don't worry about
what I was doing.

Let me see. You look cool.

The door's open.

I love you.

Be good
and do what Drea says, okay?

- Hi, Drea.
- Hi, Professor Lacy.

You're a lifesaver.
Thank you for babysitting.

- 'On such short notice.'
- 'Yes, of course.'

so the low-down on my kids.

Trissy, smart, but sometimes
too smart for her own good.

So be prepared.
I gave Jake your number.

He insists
on only communicating by text.

I know, it's weird,
I was hoping it was just a phase

but maybe that's just how

the next generation
communicate, huh?

Who knows?

Okay, taxi's here, gotta go.

Thank you again so much, Drea.

Actually, I, um..


Anybody know any good jokes?

I've got one.

What does sushi A
say to sushi B?


Like, what's up, B? You know?

Okay, um, uh,
anybody wanna play a card game?

A card game?

What is this, 1986?

Yeah, what is this, 1986?

Okay. No card games,
no jokes, um..

How about we watch a movie?
Everybody loves movies, right?

We could do a movie night,
order pizza.

Do you like scary movies?
I love scary movies.

No, they're too violent.


Oh, my God, Jake.
This meme is so funny.

Ooh, another text coming in
from Jake.

Oh. You wanna go to the park?

That's a great idea!

Actually, that idea
doesn't sound half bad.

I mean, I can pack us a picnic.

Nice. What do you think?
Picnic, yes?

Well, yeah,
if, uh, Trissy wants to do that

a picnic sounds great.

Should we reconfirm here
with Jake?

Yeah? Ah, blow it up?
No, put the pin back in.

It's not time.
Okay. Let's do this.

I can't believe all the
plant life we've seen so far.

Can anyone else believe it?

- No, I-I can't believe it.
- Me either.

Jake, look! Cloudberries.

They have very distinct lobes.

Do you see the distinct lobes,

Licorice fern.

Guys, come on, check this out!

Wow, this cannot be real.

Someone pinch me.

She sure is, uh, talkative.

Hey. What you thinking about?


You nervous
about talking to her?

I don't know. I guess. I just..

I just feel like an idiot
every time

I think of something
to say to her.

You're not an idiot.

More of a moron, really.

- Wow, thanks.
- I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Come on, don't be nervous.

What was that?

I think it's some wildlife.

Come on.

Hey, kids, wait up! Uh..

What is that?

I think it's some sort of animal
or something.

Hey! Don't get too close
to that thing.

Did you get your, you know,
rabies shot?

We have our shots.

- Don't worry so much.
- Okay..


Aw.. She's so cute.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Here. Come take a look.



What do you think it is?

I don't really know, which
is kind of troubling to me.

What if it was an alien?

'That would be cool.'

Wait-wait a second.
I think she's hurt.

Drea, what do we do?

Just leave it there.

Leave it there?
We're not leaving her there.

Okay, Trissy.
That's-that's a wild animal.

You don't take
wild animals home.

You don't know
where that thing has been.

But she's cute, and-and
she really needs our help.

C-come on, please.

Please, Drea.


You know what, actually, let's
take her to the park ranger.

They'll know what to do with her

and then maybe they can, like

donate her to a zoo.

Uh, be careful, guys. She'll..

Okay. She's cute, right?


'Come on, guys.
Let's get out of here.'

Aunt Dee,
you still haven't told me

how long
you're gonna be gone for.

Oh, not too long, I don't think.

'Which one needs
the insulin shot?'

- Little Herrick.
- 'And which one's Herrick?'

Wrote it all down for you,
and there's pictures.


Oh, you need any help?
That looks heavy.

Got it.

Oh, if you don't hear from me
for a little while

just know I'm okay.

- 'Okay?'
- Okay.

Bye, babies.

Have fun with your friends.

Here we go.

Come on, guys.

Oh, Phillip, how's she doing?

Oh, um..

Yeah, she-she seems fine,
I guess.

Thanks for checking.
Come on, Jake!

No, no problem.


Maybe no one's here.

Hello? Is anyone inside?

we have an injured animal.

'A really weird-looking animal
that we've never seen before.'

'Someone, open the door!'

'Can you help us out, please?'

So weird.

Hey, um, Phillip, is she okay?

Is she doing something weird?

Looks like she's
sniffing at something.


Oh, she is not happy.

Yeah, maybe we should just
take it to a vet or something.


So Shawn is still giving you
these mix-tapes, huh?

Hey, can you roll down
your window for a sec?

Sure. Why?

That's why.

- That was rude.
- You like bagpipe music?

'Hi, you've reached
the Clark County Veterinary Office.'

'Our hours are 10 a.m. to
6 p.m., Monday through Friday'

'10 a.m. to 2 p.m..'

The vet is closed.

Actually, we have
a first-aid kit at our place.

What was that?


I think there's something
under the car.

Okay, how about
we lock the doors

and, uh, we'll fix her up
at your place, okay?


So, Trissy, I was thinking

maybe after we get her

all cleaned up and everything

'and she's feeling better,
she could, I don't know'

'we could let her out
in the backyard'

or put her in a cage or..

A cage?
We're not putting her in a cage.

Yeah, but she's a wild animal.
I don't..

'I don't wanna leave her
in your-your house'

'and she, I don't know,
you could go to sleep'

'and she tears up everything.

'I think we all want her here.'


Hey, Jake. What's the matter?

No signal.
Hold on, let me check.

Yeah, I-I don't have
a signal either.


Okay. Whatever.
Let's get this over with.

I don't think she's gonna like
that iodine very much.

What if she, like, freaks out
and bites one of us?

- She's not going to.
- 'Maybe Phillip's right.'

I mean,
those teeth do look sharp.

can you two hold her down

and I guess I'll do the honors?

Yeah. Okay, girl.

Okay, okay, okay.


Be careful, Drea.

why would you do that?

You're making me nervous. Stop.

Okay, let's try this again.

Please don't bite me.

Oh, thank God.

You're a tough little girl,
aren't you?

- Alright.
- We should name her.

How about Snowball?

- That's not very original.
- Yeah.

Okay, well,
let's see what you come up with.

What about Bianca?

- I like that.
- Yeah.

Bianca it is, then.

Alright, let me get my phone
so we can take a picture

with us and Bianca.

- Okay, hurry up.
- Mm-hmm.

- I think she likes it.
- 'Yeah.'

Is that another one?

Look, look, look, look.

There's, uh, there's, uh,
there's something in your trunk.

Uh, it's blurry,
but I-I think it's an alien.



You scared me.

Do you wanna come in here
with us? We named her B..

'Oh, my God. What is that?'

- Wait, wait, we forgot Bianca.
- What? Are you kidding me?

That thing just tried to rip
your brother's foot off.

Are you okay?

He's fine. We have to get her.

Uh, yeah, no.
What if she tries to eat us?

She's clearly not gonna eat us.

She loves us.

Here, Phillip,
take my key, go to the car

lock the door behind you.
Go, go, go.

I'll be back in a, in a second.

'Oh, and, Drea.'

'Grab the iodine for Jake!'


Hey, Bianca.

You didn't do that, did you?

Um, well, girl,
you made some fans

so I'm gonna just
put you in this bag

and you're gonna go
with us, okay?

Little road trip, yeah?

'You're so cute.'

Love your highlights, it's..

Please don't kill me.

Who's that, Phillip?


Oh, that's our mom.

Those are the Leroy steps,

So what's she doing now?

She, uh, she died
in a car accident.

Drea thinks it's her fault.

She snuck out to a party

and, well, mom wanted to go pi..

- Let's go.
- Uh..

I have one Bianca,
one first-aid kit.

Professor Lacy's
gonna need a cleaner.

- What?
- What?

Keys, keys, where are my keys?

- What did you do with my keys?
- Right there.


Oh, my God.

- What?
- What?

Just give me a second,
just let me check one thing.

We're gonna have to walk.

Walk? Walk where?

To Uncle Lewis.

Hello, your highness.

Uncle Lewis?

Uncle Lewis? Uncle Lewis?

Drea, what's going on?

Hey, Phillip.

Huh, what's wrong
with your friend?

He got bit by an alien.

- An alien?
- Yeah.

Are you okay, son? Huh?

What's your name?

Kid's a mute, right?

Um, not necessarily,
he's just..

Listen, I'd just, uh,
like to take a look at that...

Yeah, no, no, no,
don't worry about it, we already

cleaned it up
with iodine back at the house.

What is going on? Phillip..

Have you got these people
on some wild alien chase?

just show him your phone.


Thank you.
Think I'll keep that. Drea...

You didn't even look
at the picture.

No, no, Drea.
Just come to the office.

- A minute.
- Huh. Great.

Drea, you cannot bring
those kids into this office

talking all that nonsense.

You want me to help that kid,
I'll help him.

But otherwise,
what is he trying to prove?

I'm trying to tell you that
something attacked Jake, okay?

Something chewed its way
through my car.

I had to walk here
from Professor Lacy's house!

- You walked here?
- Yes!

Well, what did you walk here
to say?

That aliens are real!

Come on, Drea.

I understand Phillip.

He's a kid,
he's got imagination.

You know? It's okay.

But you, I don't understand.

- You're too old for this.
- No.

We have one in Trissy's bag,
if you would just

go out there and look at it

it's a good one, I think, but..

Drea, I don't have time
for this. Well, man, you, uh..

I got a lot of things
on my mind, you know?

I got a lot of things to do.
I don't have time.

I see you do.

Hey, kids,
we're just gonna go see Chef.

I'm sure
he'll be able to help us.


Thank you.

Please come again.

Uh, excuse me, Lan.

Have you seen my nephew, Kevin?


Chef. Chef.

Hey, Drea. How's babysitting?

Uh... it's goin' great.

Listen, I need to talk to you
about something

and you have to promise
that you'll take me seriously.

And also, we need your van,
'cause we gotta get out of town.

Wait a minute.
What is this all about?

Can you show him the..

- Oh!
- No. No, no, no.

It's-it's okay. It's okay.

'But we seriously need to take
your van.'


What the hell is that?


Jesus, Joseph and Mary.

What is going on?

No.. No.


So you're telling me
there are a bunch of evil aliens

and this one sitting here
is good?

'Well, how do you know
he's good?'

She saved us from a bad one.

It's a she?


So, what's the plan?

Where are you gonna go?

State police.

That's quite a drive.

And that van is pretty beat
to you-know-what.

I know,
but we have to try something.

Wait a second. My mom has
a satellite phone in her office.

- Really?
- Yeah.

She uses it to communicate
with her researchers.

I totally forgot about it.

Well there you have it,
we'll just use that phone

to call for help,
and Leroy's not too far away

so that's perfect.

What the?

'Uncle Lewis?'

He's here?

'I have to go out there.'

Just lock the door behind me
and watch the kids, okay?

I'll be back.

No! No! No!

That is gross.

Kevin's sneaker.

Hey. You okay?

You can drive, can't you?

- I'm 12.
- Exactly.

Go. Get out of here.

But what are you gonna do?

I know they killed my nephew.

I'm gonna make them pay.

Uncle Lewis?

Uncle Lewis, what happened?

Drea, listen to me.

Sound. They can't take it.

It'd kill them.

Loud, high-pitched sound.

You understand me?

Okay. Um..

We gotta get you to a hospital.

There's no time.

Your mother called me
that night.

She asked me to go and get you
at your friend's party.

I was in a bar.

That's why she came to get you.

It should've been me.

Drea, I know you blame yourself
for your mom, but it's not you.

It's not your fault.

It's okay, Uncle Lewis.
I forgive you, okay?

I-I just, I just gotta get
Chef's truck

and I, and I, and I gotta get
the kids and then..

You hear me, Uncle Lewis?

Uncle Lewis!

You bastards.

Drea, we have the keys!

Move, move!

- Where's Chef?
- Not coming.

- Okay.
- What about Uncle Lewis?

He okay? Drea?

Um, remember something for me.

- What?
- High pitched-sounds.

They hate high-pitched sounds,

Hey! Wait. Get up, get up!

Taste my steel,
you rat bastards.

I have the best blades
in the business.


You want some?

'Huh? Huh?'

Never there when I need him.

- Who? Shawn?
- Yes.

Shawn has the keys
to every building on campus.

We find Shawn, we get the keys,
we get to the satellite phone.

- But Shawn is not here.
- Nope.

I-I hear him.

I-I-I-I hear him.

- Are you sure?
- Yes. Um..

Everybody out of the car.


Quickly, please.

Hey, Jake, you okay?
Good to walk?

Well, at least
he's playing a lot better.

Hey, Shawn?



Oh, my God.

Guys, um, Shawn is busy.

Run, run.
Don't look back, just run.

'Keep running! Keep.. Trissy?'

'You're lagging behind,
come on!'

How did they get here so fast?

I don't know. Just, please,
just give me a second to think.

This is hopeless.

They-they must have spread
all across town by now.


I think they keep finding us
because of Bianca.

Jake, did you
just say something?

You know, you got a deep-ass
voice for a nine-year-old.

Wait, wait a second.
You think they're after her?

I think they can smell her.

Okay. You know what?
We can't stay here.

Let's um.. Mandy and Gregory.

Let's go see if they have keys
to your mom's office.

- Well, what about this gate?
- What gate?



Is anyone there?
Please let us in. Hello?

Mandy! Oh, Mandy, Mandy, hi. Hi!

It's an emergency.
Please open, please..

- Thank you.
- Okay, go, go!

Mandy, there are, there are
creatures, monsters outside

from outer space,
and they're trying to kill us.

I'm sorry,
did you just say monsters?

- Yes.
- Drea.

Don't screw up this gig
with some elaborate prank.

These kids should
probably be in bed by now.

No, this is,
this is not a prank.

This-this is serious.

Listen, I know that this isn't
the campus job that you wanted

but I really was doing you
a favor.

Okay, well,
you know what, bitch?

Do me a favor and don't do me
anymore favors, okay?

- We need help!
- Oh, okay.

Yeah, because you were doing
perfectly fine on your own

getting into the school?

You know what, Mandy?

Eat shit.

Yeah, real mature.

No, you know what's real mature?

You not answering
your best friend's calls

once you got accepted
into this fancy-ass college.

That's what's real mature.

Okay, I'm sorry, but... yeah.

No. I'm-I'm not doing this
right now.


But good luck with your aliens.

So, uh, what is going on

and why are you back here?

Okay, so listen.

We need the keys
to the history department.

My mom has a satellite phone
in her office

and we need to call for help.

Okay, I don't have the keys

to the history department.

Just to the great hall
that we're decorating

for the freshmen.

Ugh! Okay. New plan.

We have to, uh, go back
to the security shed

and-and get Shawn's keys.

Oh, no, no,
I do not love that plan.

Okay, hold on just a second.

If that's all you need to do,
then, I mean, I can do that.

- Uh, it's kind of complicated.
- No, it's gonna be fine.

- It's fine.
- No. Uh..

What are you doing, bro?

I don't believe in monsters.

But I do believe in one thing.

- Oh, uh..
- I can run incredibly fast.

Okay, but you don't understand.

- Shawn was actually just...
- Shh!

I took States
in the 800 and 1600 last year.

I'll go get those keys

and then I'll be back here
in 2.7 minutes.

- Don't miss me.
- Wait.

But-but you-you really need
to be careful

because I-I was trying
to tell you that..

...Shawn was actually killed.

Dammit! Come on!



What's that sound?

I don't know.



We gotta get
to your mom's office.

We gotta get
to your mom's office.

I'm sorry you had to see that.

Come on, come on, we gotta get

to your mom's office.

We're all gonna die tonight.

Aren't we?

No. No one's dying.

But a huge ball of those things
just devoured Greg.

- Yeah, well, we're not Greg.
- Yeah, but..

But nothing.
No one's dying tonight.

- You know why?
- Why?

Because.. one's coming to save us

and we need to stop thinking
that someone will

because it's not happening.

You're not making us feel
any better.

No, you're not.

My point is,
we don't need saving.

We don't need some fancy-ass

Leroy University students
to help us.

We don't need Uncle Lewis
and we don't need Chef.

We don't need anyone.

Just each other.


C-come on.

No one else is dying tonight.

I promise.

And if anyone's dying,
it's gonna be

one of those little turds,
you feel me?

Now let's find
your mom's office.

I don't care if we have
to kick down her damn door.

Guys, i-it's a keypad.

We can't get through
without a password.

Okay, well, try something.

I mean,
how many numbers could it be?

How many numbers can it be?

I-it can be so many numbers.
Too many numbers.

I mean, mathematically,
this is impossible.

- We can't...
- Okay, just-just hold on.

It's not impossible,
just think of some numbers

that would be important
to your mom.

I mean, I-I can try my birthday.

Yeah. Try that.

It worked.

- Let's go through the door.
- Yeah.

Um, my mom's office is just

is just right through
this room, okay?


We'll make it there.

What is that smell?

Doesn't smell good.

Wait a second.


Go! Go!



She's upset.

I think she has some unfinished
business with the other ones.

Look, I'm sorry, kiddo,
but we gotta leave her here.

- But...
- Trissy..

It's the right thing to do.
Leave her here.

She can handle herself.

She already proved she can.

Come on.

I'm gonna miss you, Bianca.

Trissy, we gotta go.

Okay, I'm coming.


What the?


I'm so sorry.

Mm. Okay.

Did I leave the car on?

No! No!

Hey, guys,
I-I don't see 'em anymore.

Just keep running.

Whoa! Shh...

- Hey.
- Hi.

I-I'm sorry
I didn't believe you.

Yeah, you should've.

Have you seen Gregory?


Can we talk about that later?


- Drea?
- What?

- Oh, my God.
- He's back.

Why is he just staring at us
like that?

Who cares? Get in!

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, right here.

- Okay.
- Okay?

'My car is in the parking lot.'

We just gotta get there

and get out
of this shitty campus.

Shitty campus?

Yeah. Sucks here.

Hold up! Why are we running
from these fur balls?

'Cause we don't wanna die?

You don't have anything in your
bag like a, like a sharp weapon

or a knife or, I don't,
I don't know, like a...

No. I mean, next
to the nunchucks and axe, maybe.


What's in that shed?



Okay, everybody out,
go, go, go! Go!

You guys got all the good stuff.

I don't know.

Here, you can have
this leaf blower.

What am I supposed to do
with that?

Blow them away, like, literally?

- I don't know.
- Okay, listen.

All we got is a stupid air horn
and a paintbrush?

- Wait. Drea.
- What?

High-pitched sounds.


Right. Uncle Lewis said
high-pitched sounds.

They, they hate
high-pitched sounds.

Okay. Alright, guys.

I'm, I'm gonna see
if Uncle Lewis was right.

Uh, just..

Be careful.

- 'Why isn't it working?'
- I don't know!

- 'Is it empty?'
- I don't know.

It doesn't sound empty.

'It doesn't sound like
anything, actually.'

Come on, please, please, please.


Take that, you little dickhead!

Okay, okay.

Now, where's that
other little shit?

This is for my Uncle Lewis

the only family I had,
you asshole!

Oh, no.


Oh, shit.

Let's not wait for someone
to come and save us, right?


We got this.

Are you..

I'm... fine?

'I got it, just stay back.'

Ah! Ah!

Best blades in the business,

Wow! Oh!

- You good, bro?
- Yeah, I'm good.

Trissy, I saw you
kickin' butt and taking names.

Jake, he was kickin' em
like soccer.

Mandy, it was alright.

You did that, Philly
cheesesteak, alright? Whoo!

Drea, behind you!

Who the hell is that?

I don't know,
but that's a really big gun.

Everybody get your weapons.

- Okay.
- Uh..

Five against one?
We can fight that bitch.

Hey, guys, I'm Aunt Dee.

- Whose aunt are you, exactly?
- Uh..

I'm a bounty hunter,
I'm looking for the queen

and I'm pretty sure
she's inside.

Protect yourselves.

What just happened?


There you are.

You saved me.

You travelled all this way
to keep the male crites

from taking over the Earth,
didn't you?

A peaceful leader.

Cover me.

Hey, when the phone lines
are back

I'm gonna give
Professor Lacy a call.

You should be
her teacher's assistant

not this babysitting crap.

No offence.

If you become
a teacher's assistant for a year

make a lot of friends in admin

I think you'd have a real shot.

A year, huh?

You know, on second thought

I never really saw myself
as, like, a teacher's assistant.

Wait, are you serious?

Hell, yeah.

Um, does your neck hurt?

Oh. Uh, no.

How about now?


Yeah. Now, now it hurts.

You guys are gross.

Alright, kids.

Let's get on the road.

State police is a long drive.

- What the hell is that?
- Hey!

Look alive, guys.

You know how to use that?

- Not a damn clue.
- Follow me.

Drea, are you crazy?

'Watch the kids!'

Okay, here we go.

Turn that switch on the side.


Stay calm.

Phillip, help me aim.

On my count.




Kill crites!

Told you aliens were real.