Crime Busters (1977) - full transcript

Through an improbable series of events and an impossibly bungled supermarket hold-up, down on their luck con men Matt and Wilbur find themselves working with the Miami police force. As they patrol the streets of the city, their main job becomes trying to break the hold of the city's street gangs, including one group of teens in old movie-gangster style clothes, led by a kid named Geronimo who dresses in full Indian warrior regalia.

Thanks Sam.

Out of the way.

Any chance of yours truly
pickin' up some change?

Nothin' doin'

What do you mean
nothin' doin'?

The tubs just come in.

You got all your
guys out on jobs.

I can unload it all
by myself if you want.

I told ya no way.

Why not?

Eh, it's nothin' personal.

I'm just followin'
the boss's orders.

And who is the
boss around here?

Ask them.


No I was just askin'
him if there's any chance

of pickin' up a job, you dig?

Sure, just kick back 20%.

Yeah but if we
give you the 30%

there won't be nothin' left.

We gotta eat.

Already you're
too fat, keep slim.

It's better for your
health, now get movin'.

Alright, if I don't eat,
I can't go to the toilet.

And if I can't go to the toilet,

it makes me nervous and
unhappy and that aint so good.

Aww it's a flat.

Hey dummy!

Now, why didn't you tell me
there was a cart of junk, huh?

Have a nice day.

I oughta take care
of that bastard.

Not now!

We got other fish to fry.

You, get another car.

Yes boss, right away.

Come back here
you spaghetti head!

You ain't jumpin' ship
you owe me five bucks!

So long suckers!

Get that son of a bitch!

Sorry friend!

Hey did you see
where that guy went?

Yeah he was runnin'
towards the exit of the port.

Lost him.

Hey you okay?

I've been better.

I don't know why you
did it but thanks anyway.

You're a buddy.

I prefer to help somebody
who considers me a friend

and not just another chop suey.

Is there anything
I can do for you?

Don't worry it's a small world

and sooner or later
one meets again.

Out of the way.

Hey chief, I got my
stomach glued to my backbone.

Got any work for me?

Join the union.

Give me a break, there's
a freighter out there

waiting to be unloaded.

Get lost.

Something wrong?

This greaser wants work.

Listen sparrow, you flap
your wings on outta here

unless you wanna
wear 'em in a sling.

Did you call me a sparrow?


Hmm, did you say you're
gonna break my wings?


That's what I thought.

Let's see you do it.

Sorry boss.

You asked for it Holly.

Sorry boss!

Sorry boss.

Oh no.

So long.

Get another car.

Yes boss.

Beat it.

Right away.

Look Mac, you're
on the wrong side.

Trucks to the right.

Put your blinker on,
back up, and make way.

Hey, you're just
gonna walk away?

Oh, you're chicken.

I hate that when a guy chickens
out, you big yellow belly.

You trying to scare me?

Go on take a walk
you big banana.


Get out of my way
you little gas bag.

What do you mean
get out of your way?

It's me they're after.

You stay here.


hey, hey!

Hey, hey!

Where's your boss?

In the office.

Okay let's go move.

Sorry boss.

forget the doors.

They're doing a
pretty good job.


Should I get another car boss?

No, call a taxi.

You know buddy, we
got a lot in common.

I'm Matt Kirby.

I'm not.

That's a nice name.

A little short maybe.

Why did you bust up their car?

It's a question
of toilet bowls.

Oh that makes a lot of sense.

You can't fool
around with toilets.

And now that I told
you the story of my life,

go take a walk.

I'll be seeing you big banana.

Do you have any reason
for hanging around here?


Shove off then.

District Police, Sergeant
Adams, how may I help you?

Oh you sure can.

There's a bum just
about to commit suicide.

The Rochester
Street Canal Bridge.

Thanks, I'll
notify the morgue.

But he hasn't done it yet.

Oh well then
I'll call the psycho boys.

Meanwhile try to
distract him okay?

With what a lollipop?

This guy is a regular bulldozer.

Okay, I'll
send an ambulance.

But if he hears it
coming he'll jump.

Don't worry,
we use a two-door sedan

in these cases, unmarked
and it doesn't come

with a siren okay?

Yeah that's perfect.


Got some business
for the loony bin.

There he is, pull over.

Hi there.


How's it goin'?


Kind of a nice day isn't it?

Very nice, pretty hot though.

He's right, hot as hell.

If you're hot in that jacket,

why don't you try on this one?

It's the last word.

Hey are you from the
loony bin by any chance?

No, no.

Wait a minute, I'm the
guy who called the police.

The crazy guy is over there.

He's an 18-wheeler.

Is he dangerous?

Nah, he's like a lamb.

He's just got this thing
about toilet bowls.

Toilet bowls?


He says you can't trust
the ones they make today.

He wants to end it all.

Mysterious of
the human psyche.


The gas?


What's that?

Sleeping gas.

One whiff and he'll be
drowsing off like a bear

in hibernation.

Ha, great.

Stay here.

He might be dangerous.



Nice town huh?

It sure is.

You call this a town?

It's a big toilet bowl.

The gentleman said it.

It's a toilet bowl.

I don't get that comparison.

Modern toilet bowls are
masterpieces of engineering

which this town sure isn't.

They may be masterpieces
but where's the joy

of answering the call
of nature at sunrise

in the country or by a
flowing stream at sunset?

Oh well times have changed.

I have nothing against
the toilet bowls of today.

How about you Mr. ?

Either are fine.

What I can't stand
is turds like you.

You're rude and antisocial.

Hey what's that a
can of mountain air?

Well not exactly.

Would you like to try this on?

Grab him!

Let's go
you big banana!


Hey Bernie,
how long does it take

to cook two hamburgers?

Man they're ready now
if you want them raw.

What were you saying?

I'm tired of
looking for a job.

Well it wouldn't take much
to change our lives like that.

What do you mean?

An armored car delivers the
payroll to the supermarket

every week and they
go in the service door

not the main entrance and,

Hey, hey Bernie.

God it's hot today.

Nice cold beer boys?

Nah nothing alcoholic.

We're on duty, a coke.

Oh when you're on duty
you don't drink huh?

No, where are you from?

Haha, I was born
in Venice, Italy.

Then what are you doin' here?

You on vacation?

No sir, I'm a
naturalized U. S. citizen.

This makes 16.

How about that, 16?

They sure don't
eat like canaries.

What's your top speed?

Well if you can stay on,
about 130 miles per hour.


I don't suppose you
could let me try one out.

Afraid not.

Enlist in the police
force, you'll get a chance.

We've been thinking
on that haven't we?

We need guys who
are on the ball.

Eat up we gotta go.


It's late, they're
waitin' for us.


Forget already.


Attention all
units, 16th district,

we have a robbery at the
pawn shop at 40516th Street.

Units 2112 and 2111
throw road blocks.

Oh boy.

They took off like
a couple of rockets.

How many employees are
there in a supermarket?


And in the office?

A pair of old maids.

What we actually need
is a couple of guns.

All we need is a
couple of fingers.

Huh, oh I got those.

Okay friend, I'll see
you on Friday morning.

Not so fast burner.

From now on we're gonna
cast one big shadow.

Is that so?

As my old man always
said, if you have a friend

you can trust don't trust him

but if it's one you can trust
blindly, then watch out.

Well I mean, if you've
got the blind friend,

well my old man had the
whole thing down pat.

Just what we need.

Let's keep going and make
believe we don't know them.

Hey boys.

Oh hi.


Well has the
great day come yet?

Well, maybe.

See he isn't quite sure yet.

Well you'll never regret it.

You'll well off with the police.

By the way, did
you catch those boys

who robbed the pawn shop?


You bet, 15 minutes
after we got the call,

they were lyin' on the
table down at the morgue

and by afternoon their
rotten brains were floatin'

in formaldehyde in
the criminal museum.

Serves them right.

That'll teach 'em.


Yeah, they don't
get no pity from us.

Well so long.

So, so long.

So long yeah take
care, see ya later.

Nice guys.

They'll remember this
Friday for a long time.

You bet.

Let's put it off
until next Friday.

No, you got a dime?

Just watch how your partner
fixes things partner.

What are you gonna do?

Keep cool.

If they bite we go
through with it.

The armored car will
be here in two minutes.

I called the police
and told them

there's a suspicious
looking guy hanging

around the jeweler
shop on 24th Street.



Hey, you're smarter
than I thought.

I've crime in my blood.

This is it.

Keep calm, it'll all
go smooth don't worry.

As soon as the jobs done, we'll
go have some fun in Florida.

We're already in Florida.

We're really in Florida?


Hey, it's coming.

Your gun, ready, ready?


This is a holdup,
reach for the ceiling.

You better say it.

Your voice is stronger.

Keep cool this is a,

A real nice day isn't it?

May I use the phone?

Get the door.

Yes sir.

Well boys, did
you come to join up?

Actually it's an
important step we're taking

so we wanted to check out
the situation first before.

Well you're in
the wrong place.

This is the
administration office.

Oh, this is administration.


Yeah the recruiting
office is in back of us

in Atlantic Street.

In back of us?

I told you so.

I told him it was on
Atlantic Street, didn't I?


Well if you hurry around there
you'll find Captain McBride

in person.

So long.


Hi fellas how are ya?

Well look who's here.

So you've made up your
minds finally huh?

We wanted to be sure.

Where are you goin'?

To see Captain McBride.

You can go through the
office, it's quicker.

Oh we can?


He says it's quicker.

Yeah it's quicker.

Hey, what's baldy
here been up to?

Armed robbery.

Some honest citizen
called us and told us

about a suspicious looking
character on 24th Street.

We nabbed him on the spot.


You do the report.

I'll show these boys
the way to the boss.

Don't worry, we'll find it.

No bother come on.

I'll take you to
old Papa McBride.

Come on let's go.

So long, see you around.

Papa McBride, he must
be a real nice guy.

After you.

Come in.

Morning Captain.


Where'd you catch them?

Actually they
came by themselves.

Uh huh, well if you thinkin'
that turning yourselves in

is gonna help you, it's not.

I'll tell the judge
to forget that

and throw the book at ya.

There's a
misunderstanding Captain.

These boys are here to
enroll in the police force.

Here's their application forms
and the files we have on them.

Uh huh.

So you wanna be policemen do ya?

First thing you're gonna
have to do is shave.



Because I don't like whiskers.

Now, you're Wilbur Walsh?

Oh no, that's him.

I've got nothing
to do with that.

I just met him.

Ahh, it says here that,

it says here that you wan kicked
out of Canada for fightin'

destroying property,
and resisting arrest.

Did you say Canada sir?

That's what it says, Canada.

Oh yeah, I remember now I
was working as a lumberjack.

Rough and ready, the only
friend you have is your ax.

Always isolated in the
woods with the wolves.

Nothing, well we work.

So on Saturday nights you went
into town and raised hell.

Between the booze and
the chicks, you know,

a fight starts up and you
know where these things go,

don't ya?


I'm a baptist.

I don't drink.

Yeah I knew it.

Now, You're Matthew Kirby.

You can call me Matt, Captain.

Appreciate it.

Now, what is this mean?

It says here that
you were disqualified
for being aggressive

disqualified from what?

From baseball.

I was playing with
Red Foxes then.

Red Foxes of Ogichobee?

Yeah and it was
a great team too.

I knew that team.

Captain, do you wanna
know my side of the story?

Yeah, there was this
real blind umpire

who called me out on base.

I protested but he wouldn't
listen so I punched him

in the mouth.

Who knows where
that bastard is now.

It's a good thing he aint
around anymore because

if only I could get
my hands on him I'd,

Would you like his address?

You know where he is?

He lives with me.

He's my brother-in-law.

No kidding?

Gee I'd like to
apologize to him.

He was right after all.

He's got a great eye
and nothing got by him.

What do you think?

Boys will be boys.

Who hasn't tied one on
one time or another?

And besides, everybody calls
your brother-in-law names.


Hey partner, how
do I look best?

Like this or

like this?

Thank you.


Not for me thanks.

Come on, what
size do you take?

Oh size.

XXXX Large.


14 and a half.

14 and a half?

Tell me them gunboats
are full of feet.

Try these and if they don't go

I'll get some pontoons for you.


Crime in my blood huh?

Can't win them all can you?

Anyway, we flunk the final exam

and scoot them out on 20
weeks of training pay.

Do you think this
training's gonna be a picnic?

You got another thought comin'.

In 20 weeks time, I'm
gonna teach you how to

make a proper arrest,
how to drive a car

at 200 miles an hour, how
to tell the difference

between marijuana and parsley.

In short, I'm gonna turn
you into super goddamn cops.

In exchange for that, the
taxpayers are gonna give you

250 dollars a week.

They're gonna give
you a paid vacation,

a Christmas bonus, beautiful
uniform, a lot of respect

and esteem.

In addition to that, at
the end of 20 weeks time,

you're gonna love me
like your own father.


Now move your ass!

so, these should be
here instead of here.

Hands out of the window.

Step out of the car,
step aways from the car.

Face me down on your knees.

Lie down on your stomach.

Arms out to the sides, palms up.

Turn your head to the side.

Good job Fred.

Now, that was the correct
procedure for makin' an arrest.


Come on, let's go.

I taught him that one.

Very good Kirby, very good.

Let's go.

You ever shoot before?

Who me?

Ready on the firing line.


Ahh, don't shoot at me!

Shoot at the target you bastard.

Ha, not one bullseye.

Okay wiseguy, you do better.

Where did you learn
to shoot like that?

I've got bullets in my blood.

Bullets in the blood?

Now boys, for good or for bad,

Your training is almost over.

Naturally we have left
the best for the last.

Now we're really gonna
see if you got the guts

to be policeman.

Are you ready Doc?

Any time you are.

Want some gum?

What flavor?


I hate formaldehyde.

And now boys, I
would like to show you.

You forgot to thaw him out.

He's as hard as a rock.

Last night I moved him
myself from the freezer

to the humidifier.

Think the thermostats broken?

I'm sorry Captain.

We'll have to postpone it.

Sorry boys, the party is off.

The Chinaman declined
our invitation.

Is he Chinese Captain?

I would say so.

What happened to him?

Well we really don't know.

We found him by Dock 16
last night full of lead.

I knew that guy.

Oh yeah, from where?

Down at Pier 16
just before I met you.

Hmm, was he
already horizontal?

No, vertical,
actually diagonal.

He was bent over
carrying a big box.

He acted like he was
afraid of something.

He helped me out though.

Maybe he was a wharf rat.

Did he have
any identification sir?

No he's just
wearin' a dirty shirt

and a greasy pair of pants.

Should I tell the Captain?

Nah, it's better to stay
outside of these things.

I'm sorry about that.

Ahh bullshit, I ask you
to do one little thing

and you can't do it.

Oh you're a pain in the ass.

Get the hell out
of here, asshole!

Is the homicide squad
dealing with this Captain?

No, no the whole force and
if any of you have any ideas

you're free to work on them.

And don't forget if
you need my advice,

my door is always open.

I like to help the young.

Hey were you two cell mates?

Well at the time
I was

You were what?

A truck driver.

He brought the lumber
into the penitentiary

and one time I asked
him for a ride.

And I got the picture.

It don't work.

It's been busted a couple years.

Why don't you have a
sign saying out-of-order.

If I say it's broken,
who will put money in it?

Do you mind if I take a ride?

Go ahead.

Awkward huh?

No watch.

you're a
real turkey on crutches.

Oh no.

Shut up!

Hands up cripple.

If I raise my hands,
I'll go down like a rock.

You don't say?

Well well.

Crawl for the chair,
you can do it.

Up you go, up you go.

Get away.

No, no no, no.

One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven, eight.

Thank you good man.

Hands up Yogi.

Hands up Yogi

I said hands up!

Hey Mr. He can't hear you.

He's a deaf mute.

Deaf mute?

Let's see.

Hey this guy really
is deaf .

He's probably as
dumb as he looks too.

Leave him in peace poor guy.

He's a halfwit.

Shut up you.

Hands up.

Let me tell him.

I know their sign language.

Okay but make it snappy, gimp.

Hey you, what'd he say?

He said, you'd
better take off.

Otherwise he's gonna shove
your head up your ass.

Can't he see I've
got him covered?

Sure, I ain't blind.

You think you oughta help me?


Get your ass over here.

Oh yeah.

Come on!

What's your hurry?

He's hitting you with a stool.

Yeah, come on kid
do yourself a favor.

Hey watch out.

What can I do now?

They wrecked the place.


Donation for the damages.

There you go.

Come on come on, oh that's nice.

Thank you.

This is our territory now,
so get out and stay out.

It's all yours Darrell.

I don't know what to say.

Oh a hamburger and french fries.

We ordered them an hour ago.

Hey that's right.

Hurry up.

Who's missing?

Walsh is missing sir.

Here he comes now Captain.

Take your time
Walsh, take your time.

We've got all day.

Thank you sir.

Hurry up!

Didn't I tell you to shave?

No sir.

Well I'm telling you now!

Yes sir!

He did tell you, I heard him.

Thank you Kirby.

Put your glasses away.

Get a haircut.

Alright men, I have good
news, I have bad news.

The good news is
you've all passed.

You're on the police force.

The bad news is I will
accept no resignations

for at least six months.

I will make exceptions of
course for those killed

in the line of duty.

Now, for your assignments.

Nelson and White, Car 75.

White's in charge.

McGovern and O'Hara Car 64.

O'Hara in charge.

Kirby and Walsh, Car 33.

Kirby in charge.

I didn't tell him
to put us together.

Shut up and chauffeur.

Pope and Humiger Car 54.

You saw what he
did, he cut me off.

This is a police car idiot!

What'd you do Walsh?

Kirby what happened?

What happened?

What happened was
as I was coming out,

those two jerks cut me off.

Walsh saw it too.

Is that right?

Captain, look
what we've got here.

Jim McCoy and Tom Crane.

We've been looking for
these guys for months.

See that.

When I saw who was in
the car, I rammed it.

I thought better that than
a shootout in the middle

of the street.

Good thinking
Kirby, good thinking.

You alright Walsh?

Take a lesson from your partner.

Quick thinking always pays off.

Take Car 11, go back to work.

Talk about beginner's luck.

Beginner's luck?

I call it good training.

Get this mess
cleaned up Sergeant.

Things are kind of slow.

What would you say to
a burger and fries?

Right on brother.

Headquarters calling 3211,

Headquarter calling 3211.

Wouldn't you know it.

You got 3211 come on back.

We have
a disturbance reported

on the corner or James and 10th.

Swing by and check it out.

Ten four.

Hey knock it off, break it up.

What's going on here?

My old man dropped dead
on the stairs from a stroke.

This lousy creep
stole the false teeth

right out of his mouth and
sold them for nine dollars.

All this fuss if for a
little thing like that?

Well seeing as
how we're brothers,

he oughta split it with me.

Ahh he's got a point.

It's not right,
I found 'em first.

That's enough,
give him his share.

There you go.

Oh by the way, is it
true that the university

pays 20 bucks for a stiff?

Yeah but it's got to be fresh.

Nahh, we'll just have
to call an ambulance.

But who's gonna pay for it?

They are our guests.

Hey you know what?

I got 35 bucks stashed away.


3211 calling headquarters.

got headquarters 3211.

Send an ambulance
over to James Street.

There's a customer
for the morgue.

Ten four.

Hey, look at that.

3211 calling headquarters.

You got
headquarters go ahead.

Check this plate
for me, 1WW23681.

Check if it's on the hot
sheet and give me the owner.

Ten four stand by.

How much does a
timekeeper make?

Sure aint enough to go
around with a beautiful babe

in a car like that.

Where does he get his money?

Headquarters calling 3211.

Suspect vehicle registered
in the name of Fred Shine,

2016 Palm Beach Drive, not
reported stolen, Ten four.

Ten four.

I'm gonna follow him.

Fine mess you made.

Get your driver's
license ready lady.

Now who's gonna
tell the old man?

Kirby in charge.

I'm sorry Captain, I don't
know what the hell was going on.

How can you be so dumb?

That's what I want to know, how?

I wasn't watching.

You'd better shape up
or you're gonna be back

walking a beat.

Get the hell outta here!

Isn't there supposed to
be a door on both sides?

You don't miss
a trick eh chief?

I couldn't help noticing.

What happened?

I had just given
this lady a ticket

and we're getting back in our
car when these two big cars

came right at us.

I just managed to jump
on the hood in time.

Who could be
wanting to get you?

Friends of the
Chinaman, or better yet,

enemies of the
Chinaman, obviously.

Obviously, do you
happen to know umm,

do you think you could?

Better keep an eye on Pier 16.

Pier 16, exactly my
thought, exactly my thought.

Very good Kirby.

Thanks Captain, can we move
on with our investigation?

Of course, I'm
handling this personally.

But don't forget if
you have any problems.

The door is always open.

Just knock.

You say this is a hog
but yours is scrawnier.

Well, things worked
out anyway if you ask me.

For the worse.

Give me a stick of gum.


I chewed it all.

Can I help you?

Yes you can.

I'm looking for 601
Pacific Street please.

Did you say Pacific Street?

Uh huh.

It's on the
other side of town.

But they told me
it was near here.

Oh they were all
wrong believe me.

Is there a bus that
goes to Pacific Street?

No I'm sorry, but
I can take you there.

I was just going that way myself

and besides it's
part of our duty.

If a taxpayer has to go
to the other side of town,

a police officer is
obliged to give her a lift.

May I?

yeah, it's a very interesting
job, sometimes very dangerous,

but we're ready to make
sacrifices to help the taxpayer.

That's very
honorable what you do.

What's life in exchange
for helping others?


You policemen have the
chivalry of the ancient samurai.

More or less, only we don't
go around carrying swords.

What did you say?

Oh I was just
saying you're right.

It's lovely here.

Yes, you're very beautiful.

If you don't mind my
asking, what are you doing

here in Miami?

Now where was I?

Oh, I said to myself, if
I don't intervene now,

I won't stand a chance.

So I smashed through
the wall with the car

and jumped out with my gun drawn

and arrested all 36 of them.


Why sure.

Who is it?

It's me, Suzy Lee.


Come in.

Please come in.

Thank you.

Did you finish your joyride?

Look this is a very
interesting case.

I'll make it interesting if
you don't come back to work.

Come on, come on!

Please come in, please.


Honorable grandfather.

These honorable
gentlemen are police.

Why's he looking
at me like that?

My honorable grandfather
says it's difficult to read

your cow-like eyes but he feels

that the great dragon is good

and that the tiger cub is
sharp and quick-witted.

Thank you.

Tiger cubs sure
know their stuff.

Please sit down.

Thank the old bishop
but the big dragon

and the alley cat have to
get back to the street.

Please, please sit down.

I guess you don't know
but the young lady's uncle,

Better say the bread
winner of this family.


He left a month
ago for Shanghai

and since then not a word.


He always sent word the
moment he arrived but this time,


Nothing, well when do
you expect your uncle back?


In a few days but my
honorable grandfather says

that the moon is not lasting
and that's a bad sign.

Well, we'll see what we
can do but we need something

to go on.

I'll give you his picture.

That's a good idea.

We're in business.

That way the moon lasts.

This is a picture of my uncle.

Yeah, this will help us.

We'll see what we can do.

See you soon.


They've screwed us.

No they didn't have
nothin' with them.

Maybe we're still
on time, let's go.

I must have been
born on Friday.

Always of yourself huh?

Yeah, if you'd given
me a job and a doctor

I'd tell you I'd never
have met you chump.

He who finds a friend
finds a treasure.

Yeah but he who finds
you finds himself a cop.

Six months go by like nothin'.

Why that ugly son of a bitch.

You were speeding Ed.

Don't worry, I'll
take care of everything.

They're under my jurisdiction.

Hey we got ourselves a VIP.

Did you say VIP?

If we give him a rough
time, we'll be bounced

off the force in
two minutes flat.

Officer, I admit we
were going a little fast

but we're in an awful hurry.

You see we were going to,

Put your hands
out of the window.

Don't make any sudden moves.

Come out facing me.

Come on.

Over there.

Down on your knees.

Down on your stomach.

Stretch out your arms.

Palms up.

Turn your head the other way.

Legs up.

Now what?

I can't remember.


Shut up!

Stand up you bums.

What's the meaning of this?

Make one more move and
you'll be pushing up daisies.

Let's smell your breath.

You smell like a brewery.

You're in big trouble
pal, real big.

It's you who are in trouble,
I'll guarantee you that.

You shut up.

Give me your driver's license.

Miami club, rotary club,
country club, golf club.

You're big on the
country clubs eh pimp?


I'll have you kicked off the
force for this, you'll see.

Haha, kicked off the force!

I'll buy you a drink if you can.

What is this?

That's the pass to
the governor's mansion.

Oh yeah, and what do you
do there, empty garbage?

No, I'm the
lieutenant governor.

Do you hear that?

He's the lieutenant governor.

Oh is that so?

Terrific huh?

Speeding and drunken driving.

You'll have some talking to
do with the district attorney

when I haul your ass in.

I hold that office.

I'm the district attorney and
I'll see that you are ruined

for this.

Oh he's the district
attorney, congratulations.

Now I'll keep this.

At five o'clock you come
to the 16th District

with a couple of good lawyers.

You don't want to spend the
rest of your days behind bars.


Oh it'll give me such pleasure
to see you guys thrown out

in the street.

I hope so, I sure hope so.

Oh I promise you that.

Now don't move
until I drive off.

This is a disgrace!

Nice going partner.

We'll be off the force
in next to no time.

You say it so.

Monsieur Scarface is here sir.

Tell him to come in.

Hi Boss.

Your foot.

Got back all of them.

Oh good.

One more thing, we saw
them two cops from the docks

coming out of the chinks
house just before we went in.

That's funny.

Why chief?

Oh it's not a job
for a cop on the beat.

This one smells of the
narcotics bureau to me.

Want us to take care of 'em?

And have the entire state
police force on our tails?

Nah, six months in the
hospital will be enough.

Okay boss.

What do you say Geronimo?

200 dollars to bust up a
couple of cops in uniform

seems stingy to me.

It'll be our first
offense you understand?

You heard the judge.

What if we throw in some
good stuff with the 200 bucks?

What do we do to 'em huh?

Just put 'em in a
wheelchair for six months.

He's on the war path.

Headquarters calling 3211,

headquarters calling
3211, 3211 come in please.

3211 is all ears.

Hold on boys,
McBride wants to speak to you.

Hey, yes Chief.

McBride here, was it
you two who was hassling

the lieutenant governor?

The laws the same for
everybody or am I wrong?

That's just what I told them.

They called me a few minutes ago

and said they were treated
like a couple of delinquents.

They wanted me to suspend
you from the force.

That's what they promised us.

Let them try.

I'll raise so much hell,
they'll have to resign.

You did exactly the right thing.

Is it worth it to go against
two big ass politicians?

I told them you
did exactly the right thing.

Now who's in the wrong is gonna,

You don't understand.

We were in the wrong.

McBride out.

You and your great ideas.

Ice cream.

I only have vanilla left.

Hey chief, nobody makes
vanilla like he does.


Give him a taste.

You like it?

It's easy for you copper.

You take advantage
of your uniform.

Okay, four o'clock
parking lot, Orange Bowl.

You see, one of them
has already split.

100 bucks for me and
you keep the rest okay?





Right 32 power.

Right 32 power.

Okay, this time
we'll show 'em.



Remember the Alamo!

Come here you!

Get up!

What's your real
name Geronimo?

John Phillips Forsythe.

An unusual name for an Indian.

Okay John Phillip Forsythe,
why don't you tell us

who sent you?

I can't think of
anything I'd rather do.

Well now.

Yeah, sure boss, I think so.

He'll be here any minute.

Yeah I'll call you
when he comes okay?

Hey he's crazy.

Come on.

Hey what the?

Hold it.

Sit down.



Geronimo spilled the beans.

Who's Geronimo?

You don't know him?


either they're pretty dumb or
they're smarter than we think.

Did you hear
that noise it made?

Those two are trying to
pull off something big.

That's why they didn't arrest
Geronimo or any of you.

When's our next load coming in?


Yeah we gotta distract
their attention.

Keep them busy until
Saturday night.

I'll find a way.

Nah, she'll find a way.

What can I do?

Phone your sisters, I
have a little job for them.

Oh that's nice Curly.

Oh it's you.

Hey what's happened?

What's wrong with
the old geyser?

They've been robbed.


Last night a
little after we left.

What did they steal, the mice?

The kids' rag dolls.

Rag dolls?

Yes, all of them.

Then they turned the
house upside down.

They said there should
have been another one.

My uncle brought
them from Shanghai.

He would always bring
something when he came back

from a trip.

Do you remember the name
of the ship he was on?


He says, if the great dragon
follows the tiger cub,

he'll find the truth.

Tell the bishop that
the big dragon followed

this tomcat once and he
got screwed for doin' it,

your honor.

I can't understand.

He says he agrees
with grandfather.

Bye, I have to keep
an eye on the dragon.

You know something funny?

No what?

That chinaman's
following us around.

That's funny.

First I see him in the
port, then in the morgue,

then by pure chance
we go to his house.

I get a feeling he's taking a
personal interest in the case.

Okay, so all he;'s gotta
do now is let us know

who killed him and why.

Oh that's asking too much.


High times.

You in a hurry to
see your mother-in-law?

Wise ass.

Hey where are my french fries?

In France.

calling 3211, come in 3211.

3211 is all ears.

There's a
car stalled on Cedar Street,

check it out.

Ten four, you'd
better get going.

Hmm, you better get going.

Why me?

Kirby in charge.

Yeah and don't you forget it.

Oh wow!

Shut up you big banana.

Move your ass.

What's up?

Two beautiful blondes.

Hey wait for me!

Wow, he's beautiful.

You take the boy.

I'll look after the big hunk.

I'd like you to meet our
specialist, Mr. Wilbur Walsh.


Uh Miss?

Angie, Angie Crawford.

Miss Angie Angie Crawford.

Hello Angie.

And Miss?

Galina Kochilova.

Hello Galina.

And that's their car, do
you think you can fix it?

I think the
trouble is over here.

Trouble, okay,
let's take a look.

I see you know just
where to put your hands.

You aint seen
nothin' yet Galina.

I love your uniform.

Oh thank you.

Yeah, pretty tough being a
policeman, even dangerous,

but exciting at the same time.

I'm sure.

Yeah, do you live around here?

Oh no, I'm from Philadelphia.

You see, I'm the
Countess's guest.

The Countess?

Yes my friend
Galina is a countess.

No kiddin' a countess?

Yes, she's Russian and
she has a lovely place

here in Miami.


It was the cable
to the battery.

See how good he is?

He's wonderful.

You're just too much Wilbur.

He's a good dancer too.

Well thank you so
much for helping us.

We don't know how
to show our gratitude.

Do you think we can
have you as our guest

at the villa this weekend?

The address?


Palm Beach Drive.

It will be an
unforgettable weekend.

You can count on it Galina.

Until Friday afternoon then.

Until Friday Angie.



Bye now.

What class.


How the hell those
Russian countesses can smoke

with one of the these
things is beyond me.

Oh here they come!

Hey Whiskers go answer
the door will you?

Oui Mademoiselle.

If the gentlemen will come in.

That's why we came.

May I have your hats?


Well I should say
that in the house.

Think again.

If the gentlemen will
come this way please.

Hey, we gotta
date with two seals,

not with a penguin, buddy.


So I advised Princess
Valet to buy this castle.


Oh how nice to see you.

Excuse us if we're not dressed

but it was just so hot
outside that we felt

we just had to take
a dip in the pool.

- We don't mind.
- No.

Oh these are for you.

Oh thank you very much.

They're lovely.


You know they're plastic?


You don't have to water them.

They last for years.

This is gonna
last two minutes.


Well we'll get into
something more comfortable

and meanwhile make
yourselves at home.

Thank you.

Don't worry, take all
the time you want.

But don't be long huh?

Oh isn't he cute?

- Hey look at this.
- What?

This picture.

We've seen here
before somewhere.

Hey you remember
Fred the timekeeper?


It was his girl.

That's right.

And this is his house.

2016 Palm Beach Drive.

Yeah but why?

Because they don't want
us nosing around that's why.

And now what?

Now listen, I'm hungry.

First we eat dinner
and then we'll see.

You got a point there.

You rang Mademoiselle?

Listen Whiskers, cut
out the French crap

and loosen your garter.

Now I want you to bring
some booze, lots of booze,

and during dinner keep
the wine flowing get it?

Got it.


In an hour, they'll
be drunk as skunks.

Hey did you catch that?


They want to get us drunk.

Yeah so?

How do you hold your liquor?

Well the first
two gallons is okay

but after that I could
get rambunctious.

What about you?

Are you kidding?

I was weened on whiskey.

My blood is 86 proof.

Hey here they come.

Well are we forgiven?

You two could get
away with murder.

You're a real peach.

Wilbur is a poet at heart.

Well should we
drink to our meeting?

I'm with you.

Well in there then.

No, no, no let's just
hang on the feed bag.

That's a good
idea, let's go huh?

Alright then.

This way please.

Sit down.

Hey come on, sit down.

It's a lovely
evening isn't it?


Call for the feed bag please.


The penguin.


How about that?

The Countess rang?

She sure did.

You may serve
dinner now Pierre.

- Hold it.
- Hold it?

Oui Monsieur?

Oh yeah.

He bought it at the
convenience store

but it's good
whiskey anyway right?


Oh but that's enough no no.

Come on.

Merci Monsieur
but I don't drink.

Shut up and drink.

Oui Monsieur.

To our meeting.

To our meeting!

To their meeting.

Come on girls

down the hatch.

- Very good girly!
- Get us another one.

In Russia we drink vodka.

about that, vodka.

Hey who's that
sophisticated broad over there

in that picture?

Over there?

Oh there yes that is my
sister Princess Alexia.

She lives in Paris.

She's married to a
prince, Prince Molotov.

Ivan Molotov.

Oh the guy who invented
the Molotov cocktail?

Yes that's the one.

That's a great,
that's a terrific drink.

Really helps you
to keep you warm.

Now, here's to Molotov.

- To Molotov!
- Molotov!

I don't drink Monsieur.

Shut up and drink.

I don't drink Monsieur.

That's the way slosh it down.

Come on Galina very
good, very good.

Okay okay.

Give me a small piece.

There you are sweetie.

Oh sorry!

Here she comes chief.

Are you sure it's
the White Lady?


Give them the signal.

By the time the shitfaced
cops are in circulation again,

the goods will be stashed
and shipped out to sea again.

Want to take it
to the usual place?

No, I found a
much better place.

You see that.

They got some stuff
through customs.

I don't see
anything suspicious.

Everything here is suspicious.

Let's go.

They're unloading bowling pins.

Yeah, let's follow Fred's car.

Hey it's in there he's parked.

Now what?

We wait.

What are you doing here?

We're on duty.

Well with the beard and all
you looked kind of suspicious.

I've been following you.

Can I help you in any way?

Well if you hang around
here, do us a favor.

Let's go.

About face.

Twice, once, twice.

Twice once twice what?

Open sesame.

Should we go have some fun?

Hey look, the bowling pins.

Open it.

Hey rag dolls.

Yeah, you were right.

The chinaman was a wharf rat.

He stole them but he didn't
know what was in them.

You got the picture?


Let's go.

There's only five of them.




Yeah I know.

You say hands up because
your voice is stronger.


Hands up!

I thought you said
there was only five.

Now there's 18.

Get over behind your boss.

Come on, come on, come on.

Check the buyer's pockets.

Hands up!

There must be at
least 100 grand.

Keep them covered.

Couldn't we talk this over?

No Fred, there's
a dead man involved.

What's so funny?

Your guns are unloaded.

Hey, didn't you load them?

No you just told me to
clean them, not load them.

And I'm supposed
to follow his orders?

May I use the phone please?


Hey boss, I think I
spotted two guys coming in!

It's closed.

Hold it, catch.

Wilbur, Wilbur.

Hey look what I got for you.

Punch him in the belly
it slows him down.

I told him he should've
punched you in the belly.

Hey boss, there were these
two guys hanging around outside

No no, hey Wilbur,
Wilbur give me a hand.

What's your hurry I'm busy.

And now, you're
gonna break my wings.

That's right sparrow.

Hold it!

This I gotta see.

Okay, let him have it.

Give it here.

Hit me in the belly
it slows me down.


Alright round them up boys.

Here's some more.

You still like the old Saturday
night brawls huh Walsh?

What happened here son?

Have a look in the office.

In that office?


I mean it boss.

I seen these two creeps
hangin' around out back.

I knew something was wrong
the minute I seen them.

Our little thing with
the police force is over.

We're rich.

No, no, I'm rich.

What do you mean you're rich?

Well, you did a wonderful
job Kirby, wonderful job.

It was nothing Chief.

Take care of this
Sergeant, it's evidence.

Yes sir.

You know Walsh in the
beginning I didn't think you

were gonna amount to a damn.

That's why we're gonna
hand in our resignation.

Haha, the only thing
you're gonna hand in

is a complete report
tonight in my office.

Kirby, did I tell him to shave?

More than once sir.

I thought so.

Oh please come in.

Hi, hi.

It's a pleasure
to see you again.

Please sit down.

No thanks we're on duty.

This is for the kids.

Thank you.

Thank you, it's good to see
the children smile again.

My honorable aunt asks if you
have any good news for her.


You know in life, things
don't always go as we like.


it was an accident.

Yeah it was an
accident in Hong Kong.

He fell off a gangplank
but the captain of the ship

gave us the insurance
money to bring to you.

Oh yeah but it's
not too much you know?

What do you mean?

There's enough to
bring them up well.

My honorable grandfather
says, that only good men

don't know how to lie.

Well, we're on duty.

We'd better go now, bye.

So long you kind
generous dragon.

So long you good tiger cub.

So long.

The tiger cub is a real
SOB and the good dragon

is a sucker.

That's it.

Now that we finished casting
one big shadow, I'm splitting.

Too bad, we made a good team.

What about the
car, do I keep it?

Oh no, we sell it.

We go half and half.

all units 16th District,

Attention all units 16th
District, Captain McBride

wants to speak to you.

Boys this is
McBride, Pearson and O'Hara

have been seriously
wounded in a gunfight.

We need special blood
donors right away.

RH Negative.

Now I'm countin' on the
old police force spirit

if any of you got it.

Thank you boys, McBride out.

What kind of
blood do you have?

RH negative.

You think you have
enough for both of them?

Shut up and step on it.