Complex World (1991) - full transcript
The Heartbreak Hotel nightclub in Providence is having a busy night: the owner's politician father is trying to shut the club down, one of the bands is making phone calls to the afterworld, and a pathetic folk-singer/terrorist is planning to make this his night of flaming glory. Includes such musical numbers as "I Married a Tree" and "Why Do We Feed the Broads?"
I want to tell you about my twin brother
little Ralph. Maybe you've heard of him
(instrumental music) he's listed in the Guinness Book of
World Records as the youngest suicide in
recorded history.
It was a steamy July afternoon little
Ralph grabbed a Luger pistol put the
barrel to his head smiled at me
and blew his brains all over the incubator
(explosion)
and
all the while I was growing up my
parents kept asking me the same question.
Why can't you be more like your brother
Ralph?
- That's Morris Brock. Morris would do
anything to become more famous than his
twin brother Ralph. I found that out the
hard way.
My name is Jeff Burgess. I own a
rock and roll Club called The Heartbreak
Hotel
I met Morris on the night he launched
his career as a rock star
(rock music)
- "His brother got the headlines his
brother got the girls he lived in Jesus
shadow all his life"
- Last night I found
out about Morris's latest project
(instrumental music)
- Well I finally found a way to escape from
little Ralph's shadow. I became a terrorist.
(instrumental music)
(gunshot sound)
I joined an international
consortium that was planning to raise
the consciousness of 500 or so mindless
bourgeois rock-and-rollers
by blowing them up
There were four of us.
Gilda, our political officer, had grown up
next door to Hitler she recruited me
with promises of stranger European sex
Harpo, our driver, was a weapons expert.
Malcolm, our leader, was an asshole
(singing)
- Shut up!
- I'm playing tonight I gotta practice
- I haven't got the luxury of practice. One
mistake now and a whole block goes up
- This is the story of what happened last
night at the Heartbreak Hotel and I
guess it's also a story of how your
family can mess up your life. Morris had
to contend with his brother Ralph and I
had my father to deal with
- Hi, this is Clem Jefferson your public access Private Eye reporting from the Heartbreak Hotel that
notorious nightclub owned by Jeff
Burgess, son of presidential candidate
Robert Burgess
(rock music)
- I had led a pretty wild life before I
settled down at the Heartbreak Hotel
Unfortunately I was still the son of the
Honorable Robert Burgess, the United
States Senator, former CIA director,
presidential frontrunner and the last of
the cold warriors.
- Do you think there
might be something unnatural about
having my own son killed?
- Oh come on
Robert we've been through this
- Maybe he's not my son he doesn't look like me
and his mother was...
did I ever tell you about her?
- Is she the wife that killed
herself?
- According to the note she left
she was trying to swim across the
Atlantic Ocean
(rock music)
Just pull on it hard
- It's incredible these people
don't even lock their doors
Where you going?
I'm gonna go do my sound check
(music continues)
(instrumental music)
I've got no support there zilch. Why
should I suck up to them?
- Sir, you must
address the Black Caucus. If you don't
they'll call you a racist
- They already call me a racist
- No sir
they call you a fascist not a racist
it's okay to be a fascist people like
that.
- Hello Richard
- Holden and Miriam and I
have something to discuss
- 9:00 a.m. It's
on your schedule
- Your little package was
delivered about 30 minutes ago
- Any
problems?
- None.
Fuck the black caucus. Tomorrow I'll be a
national hero
- The bomb in my basement
wasn't the only problem.
Our mayor wanted to tear down the
Heartbreak Hotel to make room for a
shopping mall.
- Now don't get me wrong we
are not against rock and roll I mean I
like the Beatles and Dylan and the
stones as well as the next guy so does
the mayor, the mayor even plays guitar
but that is not what we're talking about
here. What's the expression sex and drugs
and rock and roll we are talking about
sex and drugs we are talking about the
blatant sex and promiscuous use of
illegal drugs that permeates that
establishment and which threatens the
moral fiber of our young people
(rock music)
- Tell me who that is and I'll do the job
for nothing
I gotta get killed by the Indians custer
custom my ass that's Thomas Jonathan
Jackson the greatest combat general in
American history and you're educated you
don't know shit
- I know there's a
thousand dollars in here there's a
thousand more when the job's done
- What do you need me for? Why don't you go ahead and raid the place?
- A police raid wouldn't be
enough to shut it down permanently so we
need a riot then we can move the cops in
and really nail 'em. Do we have a deal?
-There's Jackson, standing there like a stonewall
(singing)
- this is Reverend Tillman Gandhi jr. who
preaches from this corner just a block
from the Heartbreak Hotel. Reverend Gandhi do you think there's any
spiritual quality at all to the
Heartbreak Hotel?
- Clem there is an evil
spiritual quality yes the same kind of
spiritual quality that the Philistines had
- Philistines?
- Yes
I have never been
inside but when I walk past and look in
there I see nothing but Philistines in
there
- My companions were not exactly
state-of-the-art terrorists
If they
screwed up
I was poised to take control
- There's 100 pounds of plastique sittin
under the dance floor
- Where is he?
- At the club that's doing a sound test
- We should eliminate him now
- We need the
little asshole tonight
- I do not like
this ransom business we should proceed
as soon as the club fills up
- What you
like or dislike is none of my concern
did you make the tape?
(on tape) Last night a blow
was struck for the oppressed peoples of
the world. We have brought the struggle
to the home ground of the oppressor
America can no longer escape from the
outrage of the masses. The destruction of
the Great Satan has begun. We chose first
strike at the rotting underbelly of this
disease society at a dirty decadent
little bourgeois music club owned by a
son of the fascist Pig robots they're
just who knows where we will strike next
Sweet dreams, America
(Singing and playing guitar)
and the dead guy's arms are falling off
and the dead guy's face is blue and the
dead guys smells like someone's dirty feet
- God is going to smite the people
in Heartbreak Hotel's into fudge
caramel and will run all down all over
the place and then he'll put
hemorrhoids in their anus
- Hemorrhoids where?
- In their anus, rectum
(Instrumental music)
(Motorcycle sounds)
(Rock music)
- You're probably gonna get a lot of calls
tonight about disturbances at the
Heartbreak Hotel. No, more than usual.
I want you to ignore them until you get
a call from me. Yes, don't worry about
it, it's what the mayor wants
(crowd cheering)
- The young adults were the main act that
night. I was opening for them. That was
like having Mozart open for Wayne Newton
- You know the Americans had some pretty
tight security when they were making the
atomic bomb but the Germans and Russians
couldn't figured out where they were
making it. All they had to do is look at the
circulation records in galaxy magazine
because a circulation change from
Chicago to Tennessee to New Mexico for
the Russians and Germans have to do to
figure out where the Americans are
making the bomb was check the
circulation in galaxy magazine
(singing)
- Hey is this your motorcycle? Can I take it for a ride? Where are the keys how do you start it?
(laughter)
How fast will this go? I wanna pass some cops
(laughter)
- Do you know what a Philistine carries
in his pouch?
- Excuse me?
- You know what a Philistine carries in his pouch?
- No, I, I don't
- Camel's dung
How does a Philistine count to 25?
On both hands. Did
you know that Goliath is 9 feet tall and
9 is an insignificant number of the
devil. Let me tell you how
- Reverend Andy
- Yes
- Thank you
- I headed back to headquarters for the
last supper with my Terror colleagues
(Instrumental music)
- You must have heard of them.
You know, Guy Fawkes Day November 5th 1605
He was a terrorist like us. Tried to blow up the Parliament
building with gunpowder. He got caught
they tortured him then they hung him
- Alright let's go over this. Anything unusual
behind the bar at the front door
particularly new faces, you report it to
Gilda. Never lose contact with her
- Where are you gonna be?
- That is none of your
concern
- How come she gets to know and I don't?
- We all know precisely what we need to know.
Anything unusual you report it to Gilda
- Reynolds may be a flaming liberal but
he's no dope. He won't be easy to fool
- Don't worry I can handle myself
- I hope so
All right you come back in here after
the call. You're preoccupied, shaken, you
tell Reynolds that something has come up
and you can't complete the interview but
then and this is the tricky part you
change your mind because you need to
talk to someone.
So you confide in Reynolds
off-the-record, you lay the whole thing
out for him. You tell him that terrorists
have planted a bomb in your son's
nightclub. They want a million dollar
ransom but instead you propose a
commando raid. Well of course the
bleeding hearts won't follow your advice
and we'll try and negotiate and when the
bomb explodes on schedule at 1:00 a.m.
you come out the tragic hero willing to
stand up to terrorism even at the
expense of your son's life
- And I'll have a pinko reporter in place to verify it
all
- You know Gilda I sing much better if I
have a sexual release right before I go onstage
- All right on the count of three
I shoot off your scrub
One, two...
I like rough sex but if things went sour at the
club that night I didn't want to get
caught with a hole in my underwear
(up beat music)
- I don't have the luxury of practice
- All sorts of people came to the
Heartbreak Hotel they showed up for the
music, for the atmosphere, sometimes I got
the feeling that they were looking for
something more but I could never figure
out if they found it
- Hey where's my beer
- Hey that's my beer!
- I go to the can for a minute my beer is gone
Hey you, you took my beer. I had a full one right here I want
another one right here right now
- I didn't take your beer
- Right here and right now
- Fuck you
- Fuck me? I'm a paying customer
you say that to me I want to see the manager
- Excuse me?
- What's that drink called?
- Oh it's a Harvey Wallbanger
- Vodka, orange juice, with the
Galliano on top
- Why is it called a Harvey Wallbanger?
- Gee I don't know maybe it was named after the guy who invented it
- Here's the opening act folks, Morris
Bravo
(Fart noise)
- Does anybody here know where syphilis
came from?
- Your mother!
- What's the capital of New Mexico?
- Your mother!
(laughter)
- You know what's wrong with you people you're
ignorant you don't know anything.
I can't stand ignorance, it makes me angry
There's hope for all of you yet you're all gonna die...
someday. Death makes you smart
You can take a complete idiot and kill him or
her and then he knows more than the
smartest person alive.
He knows what death is. So don't worry
help is on the way
(Singing) I hear that we're caught in a major food
crisis famine is knocking at the world's
front door still we're wasting protein
on women and nobody knows what we're doing it for
why do we feed the broads
please tell me why do we feed the broads
we could feed the whole damn world if we didn't have to feed the broads
- You were wild, busting up the town
Remember that? It was great
You got old. You
join the mop.
You know, he had respect
If he had kept riding,
he just would have been some fat old guy in a t-shirt on a bike
- What?
-Make it simple for him
- Look what he's
trying to say is there's nothing more
pathetic than an old guy in a bike
- I'm not pathetic
- Not you, him
- In war you kill people in order to
change their minds. Remember that it's
fucking a pardon
- And the Lord God looked
down upon the face of the earth and
behold anguish and trouble and the Lord
God said there's nothing down here but
burglars rapists murderers drug pushers
pimps gamblers. Noah build me an ark
Yes lord
how do you want it done Lord?
Build it in the fashion that I tell you
make it as long as a football field.
Got it
Make it three stories tall-got it,
anything else Lord?
Yeah yeah I want you
to gather all the animals of the earth
and two by two and bring them and put
them into this Ark
Will do, Lord
(phone ringing)
- Look we paid 10 bucks to get in here can we have a couple beers
- Look, I'll serve you, not him
- Why not
- Look at him he's shitfaced
- He's fine
- I'm fine!
- He's just a little dizzy
- Yeah, dizzy
- It's his birthday
- Heartbreak Hotel
- I wish to speak with Mr. Burgess please
- Speaking
- Listen carefully Burgess
There's a very powerful bomb containing plastique
explosive hidden in your cellar now it's
set to go off at 1:00 a.m. but can be
detonated at any time by remote device
in my possession if there's a mass
exodus from the club or we detect any
indication of police action we shall
detonate the bomb at once
- Tell you what
I'll let you have a beer if you drink it out of this
- I'll take it
- I what to dedicate this next song to a
certain special someone in the audience tonight.
You know who you are
The song is about my favorite European
dictator before you
(Singing)
(Audience booing)
(Phone ringing)
- Heartbreak Hotel
- I assure you this is not a prank
Burgess I am deadly serious
-You know I really
can't be taking threats over the phone
come on down here threaten me in person
- All the animals came into the ark by
pairs except for the worms they came in apples
(laughs) now here comes the rain and
here comes the Senators knocking on the door
Hey Noah let us in
sorry I can't
let you in
come on it's me Thomas
Richards yeah open their doors Peter
Rogers see the Lord has taken away all
evil from me, you're no good. Away you
bastards
(laughs)
and the water rose and
lifted the ship up and you know what
happened to people in here they drowned
like trap rats and what was Noah doing
in his ark eating fried chicken potato
salad and pickles and Pepsi Cola
- Hey buddy! Over here!
- Hey Mr. microphone!
- Are you guys TV?
- Ladies and gentlemen we're
making the film about the Heartbreak
Hotel we'd like to ask you a few
questions
- We're making a film about this booth
oh yes
- You better make it fast
- I'm a sensual intuitive entertainer
in each performance I try to gradually
escalate the mood of mutual antipathy
until it reaches a state of negative
nirvana a state that I like to call
New Jersey
What an empty baron wasteland
a crass commercial Hell hole
what an ugly thought occurred down
New Jersey
what a desolate dominion
what a clammy
creepy cataclysmic bleak unhappy tomb
New Jersey
- I need to speak to the manager
- You wanna sleep with the manager?
- I want to speak to the manager
- Where's Jeff?
- Uh, girls' room
- This is the ladies' room
- The men's room is over there
- I didn't see the sign
I left my beer in there
- Burgess?
Yeah?
- I need to speak with you
- Yeah?
- We talked on the phone
- Oh yeah the bomb guy
okay I see you made it okay no
problems huh?
- You take a good look at the kick
the keg in the old refrigerator now you
take a good look at it you'll notice
some modifications you meet me back here
now don't touch it
Burgess?
there's 100 pounds plastic in that keg
now do you have any idea what that can do to this place?
I want you to contact
the mayor I want you to contact your
father and I want 1 million dollars cash
small bills out of sequence by 1:00 a.m.
- Well you've got your job to do I've got
mine
- What?
- I got to go get some toilet paper for the girls' room, excuse me
- You're not going anywhere
- You know, I used to offer guys
hundred bucks to shoot me
you know like at parties one guy finally
took me up on it
shot off the top of my skull
(banging)
Get off the stage!
(Booing)
(Audience cheers)
Hey, are those clads bugging you?
they could scream all night
I wasn't going to do an encore I am a
sick man a spiteful man an unattractive
man
- Hey Morris
what's fine ones mean?
- It means pig dog
-I'm out here in the parking lot with
Boris Lee president of the scum of the
earth motorcycle group
- Gimme the mic, I wanna talk
I'd like to ask
you a few questions
- Fuck the questions gimme the mic
- Of course we can't fuck the questions it's not the way it's done
I want to talk give me the mic
What I want to talk about is the Battle of
Gettysburg. Today is the 125th anniversary
of the end of the Battle of Gettysburg
the South lost the fucking Civil War and
I'm still pretty upset about it because
if the south would have won the war
this would have been an entire nation of bikers
And I'd have been running for fucking president instead of this old father
Why do I want to be President? Well let
me put it this way
we live in perilous times what with the communist conspiracy powder keg situation in the Middle East
breakdown of traditional values at home
we need a man of strength, experience, and character that can meet these problems
head-on
- There is a bomb planted at the
Heartbreak Hotel now that bomb will go
off unless I am paid 1 million dollars
by 1 AM
- Are you the guy with the cherry bombs?
- Cherry bombs? There is 100 pounds of plastique sitting under the dance floor
- Look, who do you work for?
- Do you think I'm joking?
Do you? Will you come on down here
and I'll rub your nose in it it's 100
pounds of plastique asshole
- good luck
yeah guys
these guys with me they're playing
here tomorrow night
Once the word got out that Morris had left the building
the crowd really started pouring in
- Alright you guys having fun?
Come on follow me, this way
- My parents have a beach house and um the next beach over is a nude beach and so I go
there you know go there with my friends
Really not crowded
our beach is so crowded
- Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the
young adult
(crowd cheering)
- There's no fucking way I'm gonna drink this
it's flat
How you expect to drink that, a buck and a half for that crap?
It looks like brown water
(bubbling)
I guess folks this is the age of safe
sexuality huh
but a lot of people
probably heard about heterosexuality
homosexuality bisexuality the song is
about hortisexuality relationship
between man and bush
(guitar playing)
- Look I figure a year at the outside we're gonna be playing civic centers
- I don't know
- You guys are hot for a clone band
- Civic center that's a big jump
- I don't like
that word clone pretty soon we're gonna
start writing our own songs
you know songs inspired by the Beatles
- We're a clone band
- Well well well
what's going on down here
- Didn't take you long to get down here
- Hey Ruby
- Oh are you guys in a band?
- These are the beat legends they're playing
here tomorrow
- Oh yeah the Beatles fan
- Look we're not
just a Beatles band
- Which one are you?
- Paul
- Paul's my favorite. You?
- That's John
(fingers tapping)
- Where's George?
- You say you want to go to hell because
that's where your friends are well look
where it got them. Your friend is bound
and gagged sitting in the chair you take
a bar shove it down his mouth and bring
it out his rear. Send him over two Forks
and slowly fricassee him over a burning
fire and run butter across him while at
tanagen yes the demons are doing that
- Do you know anything about an Englishman
with a bomb at the Heartbreak Hotel
no no Pearson was talking about a couple
of cherry bombs in the sewer line this
guy's talking about a hundred pounds of
plastic well what should I do
- I'll make some calls
It's probably just a 4th of July prank
(xylophone music)
You know, it's the atmosphere
it's a climate you know what I'm saying
I mean they could have done anything
they could have put out a record of
Ringo scratching his ass and everybody
would have loved it it is the atmosphere
that's what's key the Beatles had this
atmosphere where anything they did would
have been accepted anything so they
could try anything and that's creativity
the ability to try any-
(phone ringing)
I should write that down
Heartbreak Hotel
the ability to try anything
- That's heavy
- That's good
- Who is this?
What, an act?
- Who is it?
- Hey listen Elvis, if you want a gig call
back during the day
What?
I'm talking to the spirit of Elvis Presley
- Oh really
- He's got Hendrix and Joplin with him
- Let me talk to him
- Some party
- Hi, who are you guys?
Are you in a band?
Elvis is my favorite
I can't give you my name I'm the guy that planted the
bomb
- Now we get a lot of prank calls
this time of year and I need to have
this verified
- Is this the FBI or a fucking pizza parlor?
- Sir there is no reason to
use that sort of language now I'm not
used to dealing directly with criminals
we usually deal with the victims first
but if you would just give me a phone
number I can have somebody get back to
you
(singing)
There's no such thing as a balance of
power in any confrontation there's
always a fella who's stronger and a
fella who's weaker
I'm gonna make damn
sure this country is the stronger fella
- Does that mean you would withdraw
American negotiators from the Geneva talks?
- You know one of our strongest
presidents Teddy Roosevelt once said
speak softly and carry a big stick.
Well I think the people of this country
deserve a big stick and I intend to give
it to them
(fireworks)
(cheering)
(phone ringing)
The problem is that we put the fucking
bill
- I married a tree
what do you call that?
(phone ringing)
(music playing)
Excuse me
what seems to be the problem here
- Suck my dick asshole
- Suck my dick asshole
funky pot roast
(phone ringing)
I am going to put him on his knees!
(instrumental music)
The terrorist team was
in disarray. How a great leader was
losing control. No one cared about his
bomb.
- All the terrorists are gone down to hell with their weapons of war
- Harpal was stuck in the van absorbing the wit
and wisdom of the reverend Tilman Gandhi
Jr.
As for the prussian hussy
once she lost track of me she didn't
know what to do
That's the thing about Nazis they're
good at following orders but they don't
know how to improvise. I was the only
terrorist who hadn't lost control
I had my ear to the ground monitoring
the situation in the club.
- We're all gonna die soon
and they're calling to help us with our transition
- Jack let me talk
- Accept what?
- Jack give me the phone
- Who are you kidding I wouldn't work here
- Where's Lenin? Doesn't he hang out with
you guys
- It's weird it sounds just like them
-I don't believe this shit what is this
-Oh Lenin's reached a higher plane than
these guys they're still stuck down low
because they did so many drugs
- Man, who is this, Elvis?
Hey Elvis
ask Janice if she ever learned to sing
- I want to hear a Mercedes Benz
- No, no, purple haze
- Oh Lord, won't you buy me
a Mercedes Benz
- Okay time now for those intimate parts
of the show that I like an opportunity
that I can get down here and meet some
of the folks in the audience whoa hey
excuse me what's your name
- Ellen
- name is Ellen and where you from Ellen?
- Uh, Boston
- Boston Massachusetts all
right well Ellen now I think we've got
to know ourselves a little bit better
prepare to receive my sperm armada
I learned how to read palms from this gypsy named
Gladys
- Did she teach you that this is my palm
- She did yeah she did but but she says you have to start with the fingers and then you go to the palm
- Oh, I see
(Music playing)
Karma the balance of experiences in a
person's life
- Look at his eyes Randy
I think they're starting to glaze over
- How many lives do we have?
- That's your lifeline right there
- Hundreds of lives
incarnate that's when you have a body
discarded that's nobody let's get back
to this karma business. If you do lots of
drugs in one life does that mean you're
really screwed for the next life?
Worse?
Horace what are you doing out here?
- I'm awaiting the apocalypse
- Listen uh do
you know anything about this place being
blown up tonight
- The planet?
- No just the club
- Oh, the club
Sure, 1 o-clock
Boom!
(music resumes)
I can't say that I approve of my son's
lifestyle but you know that's one of the
things that makes this country great
we're all free to live as we choose to live
- For the time being
- I didn't catch that
- Um, do you think that publicity about
your son might adversely affect your
campaign for instance the photo in the
Daily News last week the one of your son
holding a chicken
- I don't think I want comment further on that subject
- Do the two of you keep in touch
- You're pushing it Reynolds
I don't know what this says about my
life but my father was trying to kill me
and my favorite folk singer was helping him.
(band playing)
Keep your hands off!
- Listen to me
- Who are you?
- It doesn't matter who I am
I need to talk to you
- Oh and I'd really love to talk to you
but you see all these guys at the bar?
I don't think they'd like it very much
- There is a bomb in the cellar
- What?
- There is a bomb in the cellar
- There's a bomb in the cellar
Hey Alex, there's a bomb in the basement
- Better warn the rats!
That man, what did he want?
- Oh he just said that there was a bomb in the cellar
Their bodies are like ideas they exist
but not in the physical world. Yeah Elvis
well let me ask you a question, El
is your body a big idea or a little idea? Is
it the thin version for the fat version?
- Ask him if he still can get a hard-on
both no no keep thinking nowhere they
execute the guy and everybody disappears
Elvis I've got another question for you
do you remember a Twilight Zone where
this guy gets executed and the whole
world disappears no Randy never saw them
you know folks we're writing ourselves a
song real stupid song got a contest so
you could write the stupidest song of
them all ladies and gentlemen I don't
have to tell you who won that contest
sportfishing
so are you Swedish nothing to worry
about they get Bob prettier all the time
yeah yeah they just pranks happens all
but please isn't blown up yet excuse me
what's this about a bomb threat
so long
how does he know the number of
Heartbreak Hotel phonebook in heaven how
do you know our number hey we're to get
out of her they don't know anything why
are we even talking God magic block men
and gods phonebook
continuing with the bomb threat story
I'm here with Bill a Heartbreak Hotel
regular who has some information
concerning the incident bill can you
tell us what happened yeah somebody an
aloud sure it went up to the barn and
claimed there was a bomb in the basement
a bomb in the basement
is anything being done about it oh no no
no place like this gets better all the
time
they never taken serious you know you
know what they say a coward dies a
thousand deaths a brave man dies foot
once a coward dies a thousand deaths a
brave man dies but once I was going to
miss the intimate company of all those
people who hated my guts
all of your bad people will be in hell
burning in fire and I'll be laughing at
you so will the rest of us then you'll
look up and you say hey what are you
laughing at us for you know what when
say God told us to laugh at you that's
right he told us the laugh at you God
told us to laugh at you that's right you
weren't supposed to call me here I deal
with a hundred pounds of plastic or dude
in this place chief what happened to
your accent
I don't need an accent talking you know
they're not talking about
life-threatening situations I'm talking
about little problems like warts warts
warts they're harmless but if we had
socialized medicine any slob could walk
into a doctor's office get a wart remove
and the taxpayers would have to foot the
bill I got him I got him but you just
want to admit it listen to me forget
about the ransom it's too late just blow
the place fuck the explosives
we gotta flick on more we gotta take him
by surprise
wait till the end of the night when they
think they're safe bringing we fuckin
our surprise is everything so I die what
I'm just a spirit with an idea for a
body what does happen God is blurring
what do you guys do for fun comedy
should a fella get something for nothing
I say no and I think the majority of the
American people would agree with mr.
Burgess I believe that you inherited a
substantial fortune in that case of
getting something for nothing you're
starting to sound like a commie you have
a call sir
we've got a problem
what apparently your son is ignoring the
ransom demands I should know they can't
count on him to act like a normal human
being well what about the city nobody
seems to be paying much attention blow
it up blow the fucking place up your
English friend won't do it what he's out
of control so what do we do now we bring
in our backup
mr. Burch would you comment on the rumor
of a bomb right here at the club
if the place explodes I don't want
anybody pointing a finger at us so call
off the dogs and find out what's going
on gonna take the place of 20 minutes
perhaps I didn't make myself clear you
see we have a new situation here we have
to ease up just a little we have to ease
up just a little shit
just for tonight nice tie thank you wait
a minute I wanna play a little tape for
you hi hi give him the fucking tie
okay so Moses goes first puts his hands
over his head and red sea parts exactly
like it partners in the plan all right
so now it's Jesus so Jesus gets out
there starts to walk across the water
immediately sinks to the bottom so he
walks over to Moses and he says I don't
understand it used to be so easy and
Moses says yeah but that was before you
had those holes in your feet
what you gonna do
each day whatchu gonna do
the bills that you can be
you
when you use
you're not responsible you never had one
come on everybody
who's your friend
hi I'm Larry Newman I work for the mayor
I think we taught him trick on the Miss
the Badgers phone isn't it a little late
for a ransom I thought the bomb is going
up at one bomb Justin
purchase I think you should do any sense
as director of the CIA did you authorize
the assassinations of any foreign
political leaders what are you really
doing here I'm a journalist doing an
interview who do you work for
communist conspiracy listen to me
sanitize the situation nobody gets out
alive I'm here with Alex the janitor at
the Heartbreak Hotel Alex can you
comment on the rumor of a bomb in the
club hey all I know about bombs some
clouds have been flushing cherry bombs
down the toilet
and tonight I'm ready
it was close to 1 o'clock and I figured
it was time to do something about that
bomb
well what do we have
oh shit Hey look look don't don't don't
kill me man I'm feeling much too good to
die what do you think you're doing I
gotta try to disarm that bomb there's a
man here with a gun is heavy I want you
on the phone right now they'll have to
wait ah well let's just try something
new hmm on the count of five if you're
not on the phone I blow his brains out
oh shit one
you stay here away from that
are you doing who's Randy
that's ready move away
The Voice is separate from the body all
right I think I'm beginning to get it
the secret to life is ventriloquism
Jesus Pinkston
complex world
Elvis is this the Heartbreak Hotel
drop the gun drop the gun
complex world
10,000
for you I'm a freedom fighter
CIA dog what are you laughing at God
told us to laugh at you he told us to
laugh at you look out so I guess I
should try okay okay yeah
give him all my support hey Bobby baby
it's just the publication
I'm here with Jeff Burgess the owner of
the Heartbreak Hotel Jeff is there any
truth to the rumor of a bomb at the club
the bomb exploded we're all dead
the bomb exploded we're all dead
dad listen I gotta go make a call moriss
moriss is there any truth to the rumor
that we're all dead my name's Rob as I
stared into those flames I realized that
I was finally free of my brother Ralph's
shadow it was only a matter of time
until I would take my rightful place in
the pantheon of great revolutionaries
and I'm the only one of the bunch who
can play guitar
so my father's gone off to the asylum
and the rest of us are dead more's was
wrong about death it doesn't make you
smart it doesn't give you the answers to
life but it's not that I don't quite
know how to describe it I guess you have
to be here
but for me it's sort of like going up in
an elevator I just wish I could change
this music
the truck is some leverage
little Ralph. Maybe you've heard of him
(instrumental music) he's listed in the Guinness Book of
World Records as the youngest suicide in
recorded history.
It was a steamy July afternoon little
Ralph grabbed a Luger pistol put the
barrel to his head smiled at me
and blew his brains all over the incubator
(explosion)
and
all the while I was growing up my
parents kept asking me the same question.
Why can't you be more like your brother
Ralph?
- That's Morris Brock. Morris would do
anything to become more famous than his
twin brother Ralph. I found that out the
hard way.
My name is Jeff Burgess. I own a
rock and roll Club called The Heartbreak
Hotel
I met Morris on the night he launched
his career as a rock star
(rock music)
- "His brother got the headlines his
brother got the girls he lived in Jesus
shadow all his life"
- Last night I found
out about Morris's latest project
(instrumental music)
- Well I finally found a way to escape from
little Ralph's shadow. I became a terrorist.
(instrumental music)
(gunshot sound)
I joined an international
consortium that was planning to raise
the consciousness of 500 or so mindless
bourgeois rock-and-rollers
by blowing them up
There were four of us.
Gilda, our political officer, had grown up
next door to Hitler she recruited me
with promises of stranger European sex
Harpo, our driver, was a weapons expert.
Malcolm, our leader, was an asshole
(singing)
- Shut up!
- I'm playing tonight I gotta practice
- I haven't got the luxury of practice. One
mistake now and a whole block goes up
- This is the story of what happened last
night at the Heartbreak Hotel and I
guess it's also a story of how your
family can mess up your life. Morris had
to contend with his brother Ralph and I
had my father to deal with
- Hi, this is Clem Jefferson your public access Private Eye reporting from the Heartbreak Hotel that
notorious nightclub owned by Jeff
Burgess, son of presidential candidate
Robert Burgess
(rock music)
- I had led a pretty wild life before I
settled down at the Heartbreak Hotel
Unfortunately I was still the son of the
Honorable Robert Burgess, the United
States Senator, former CIA director,
presidential frontrunner and the last of
the cold warriors.
- Do you think there
might be something unnatural about
having my own son killed?
- Oh come on
Robert we've been through this
- Maybe he's not my son he doesn't look like me
and his mother was...
did I ever tell you about her?
- Is she the wife that killed
herself?
- According to the note she left
she was trying to swim across the
Atlantic Ocean
(rock music)
Just pull on it hard
- It's incredible these people
don't even lock their doors
Where you going?
I'm gonna go do my sound check
(music continues)
(instrumental music)
I've got no support there zilch. Why
should I suck up to them?
- Sir, you must
address the Black Caucus. If you don't
they'll call you a racist
- They already call me a racist
- No sir
they call you a fascist not a racist
it's okay to be a fascist people like
that.
- Hello Richard
- Holden and Miriam and I
have something to discuss
- 9:00 a.m. It's
on your schedule
- Your little package was
delivered about 30 minutes ago
- Any
problems?
- None.
Fuck the black caucus. Tomorrow I'll be a
national hero
- The bomb in my basement
wasn't the only problem.
Our mayor wanted to tear down the
Heartbreak Hotel to make room for a
shopping mall.
- Now don't get me wrong we
are not against rock and roll I mean I
like the Beatles and Dylan and the
stones as well as the next guy so does
the mayor, the mayor even plays guitar
but that is not what we're talking about
here. What's the expression sex and drugs
and rock and roll we are talking about
sex and drugs we are talking about the
blatant sex and promiscuous use of
illegal drugs that permeates that
establishment and which threatens the
moral fiber of our young people
(rock music)
- Tell me who that is and I'll do the job
for nothing
I gotta get killed by the Indians custer
custom my ass that's Thomas Jonathan
Jackson the greatest combat general in
American history and you're educated you
don't know shit
- I know there's a
thousand dollars in here there's a
thousand more when the job's done
- What do you need me for? Why don't you go ahead and raid the place?
- A police raid wouldn't be
enough to shut it down permanently so we
need a riot then we can move the cops in
and really nail 'em. Do we have a deal?
-There's Jackson, standing there like a stonewall
(singing)
- this is Reverend Tillman Gandhi jr. who
preaches from this corner just a block
from the Heartbreak Hotel. Reverend Gandhi do you think there's any
spiritual quality at all to the
Heartbreak Hotel?
- Clem there is an evil
spiritual quality yes the same kind of
spiritual quality that the Philistines had
- Philistines?
- Yes
I have never been
inside but when I walk past and look in
there I see nothing but Philistines in
there
- My companions were not exactly
state-of-the-art terrorists
If they
screwed up
I was poised to take control
- There's 100 pounds of plastique sittin
under the dance floor
- Where is he?
- At the club that's doing a sound test
- We should eliminate him now
- We need the
little asshole tonight
- I do not like
this ransom business we should proceed
as soon as the club fills up
- What you
like or dislike is none of my concern
did you make the tape?
(on tape) Last night a blow
was struck for the oppressed peoples of
the world. We have brought the struggle
to the home ground of the oppressor
America can no longer escape from the
outrage of the masses. The destruction of
the Great Satan has begun. We chose first
strike at the rotting underbelly of this
disease society at a dirty decadent
little bourgeois music club owned by a
son of the fascist Pig robots they're
just who knows where we will strike next
Sweet dreams, America
(Singing and playing guitar)
and the dead guy's arms are falling off
and the dead guy's face is blue and the
dead guys smells like someone's dirty feet
- God is going to smite the people
in Heartbreak Hotel's into fudge
caramel and will run all down all over
the place and then he'll put
hemorrhoids in their anus
- Hemorrhoids where?
- In their anus, rectum
(Instrumental music)
(Motorcycle sounds)
(Rock music)
- You're probably gonna get a lot of calls
tonight about disturbances at the
Heartbreak Hotel. No, more than usual.
I want you to ignore them until you get
a call from me. Yes, don't worry about
it, it's what the mayor wants
(crowd cheering)
- The young adults were the main act that
night. I was opening for them. That was
like having Mozart open for Wayne Newton
- You know the Americans had some pretty
tight security when they were making the
atomic bomb but the Germans and Russians
couldn't figured out where they were
making it. All they had to do is look at the
circulation records in galaxy magazine
because a circulation change from
Chicago to Tennessee to New Mexico for
the Russians and Germans have to do to
figure out where the Americans are
making the bomb was check the
circulation in galaxy magazine
(singing)
- Hey is this your motorcycle? Can I take it for a ride? Where are the keys how do you start it?
(laughter)
How fast will this go? I wanna pass some cops
(laughter)
- Do you know what a Philistine carries
in his pouch?
- Excuse me?
- You know what a Philistine carries in his pouch?
- No, I, I don't
- Camel's dung
How does a Philistine count to 25?
On both hands. Did
you know that Goliath is 9 feet tall and
9 is an insignificant number of the
devil. Let me tell you how
- Reverend Andy
- Yes
- Thank you
- I headed back to headquarters for the
last supper with my Terror colleagues
(Instrumental music)
- You must have heard of them.
You know, Guy Fawkes Day November 5th 1605
He was a terrorist like us. Tried to blow up the Parliament
building with gunpowder. He got caught
they tortured him then they hung him
- Alright let's go over this. Anything unusual
behind the bar at the front door
particularly new faces, you report it to
Gilda. Never lose contact with her
- Where are you gonna be?
- That is none of your
concern
- How come she gets to know and I don't?
- We all know precisely what we need to know.
Anything unusual you report it to Gilda
- Reynolds may be a flaming liberal but
he's no dope. He won't be easy to fool
- Don't worry I can handle myself
- I hope so
All right you come back in here after
the call. You're preoccupied, shaken, you
tell Reynolds that something has come up
and you can't complete the interview but
then and this is the tricky part you
change your mind because you need to
talk to someone.
So you confide in Reynolds
off-the-record, you lay the whole thing
out for him. You tell him that terrorists
have planted a bomb in your son's
nightclub. They want a million dollar
ransom but instead you propose a
commando raid. Well of course the
bleeding hearts won't follow your advice
and we'll try and negotiate and when the
bomb explodes on schedule at 1:00 a.m.
you come out the tragic hero willing to
stand up to terrorism even at the
expense of your son's life
- And I'll have a pinko reporter in place to verify it
all
- You know Gilda I sing much better if I
have a sexual release right before I go onstage
- All right on the count of three
I shoot off your scrub
One, two...
I like rough sex but if things went sour at the
club that night I didn't want to get
caught with a hole in my underwear
(up beat music)
- I don't have the luxury of practice
- All sorts of people came to the
Heartbreak Hotel they showed up for the
music, for the atmosphere, sometimes I got
the feeling that they were looking for
something more but I could never figure
out if they found it
- Hey where's my beer
- Hey that's my beer!
- I go to the can for a minute my beer is gone
Hey you, you took my beer. I had a full one right here I want
another one right here right now
- I didn't take your beer
- Right here and right now
- Fuck you
- Fuck me? I'm a paying customer
you say that to me I want to see the manager
- Excuse me?
- What's that drink called?
- Oh it's a Harvey Wallbanger
- Vodka, orange juice, with the
Galliano on top
- Why is it called a Harvey Wallbanger?
- Gee I don't know maybe it was named after the guy who invented it
- Here's the opening act folks, Morris
Bravo
(Fart noise)
- Does anybody here know where syphilis
came from?
- Your mother!
- What's the capital of New Mexico?
- Your mother!
(laughter)
- You know what's wrong with you people you're
ignorant you don't know anything.
I can't stand ignorance, it makes me angry
There's hope for all of you yet you're all gonna die...
someday. Death makes you smart
You can take a complete idiot and kill him or
her and then he knows more than the
smartest person alive.
He knows what death is. So don't worry
help is on the way
(Singing) I hear that we're caught in a major food
crisis famine is knocking at the world's
front door still we're wasting protein
on women and nobody knows what we're doing it for
why do we feed the broads
please tell me why do we feed the broads
we could feed the whole damn world if we didn't have to feed the broads
- You were wild, busting up the town
Remember that? It was great
You got old. You
join the mop.
You know, he had respect
If he had kept riding,
he just would have been some fat old guy in a t-shirt on a bike
- What?
-Make it simple for him
- Look what he's
trying to say is there's nothing more
pathetic than an old guy in a bike
- I'm not pathetic
- Not you, him
- In war you kill people in order to
change their minds. Remember that it's
fucking a pardon
- And the Lord God looked
down upon the face of the earth and
behold anguish and trouble and the Lord
God said there's nothing down here but
burglars rapists murderers drug pushers
pimps gamblers. Noah build me an ark
Yes lord
how do you want it done Lord?
Build it in the fashion that I tell you
make it as long as a football field.
Got it
Make it three stories tall-got it,
anything else Lord?
Yeah yeah I want you
to gather all the animals of the earth
and two by two and bring them and put
them into this Ark
Will do, Lord
(phone ringing)
- Look we paid 10 bucks to get in here can we have a couple beers
- Look, I'll serve you, not him
- Why not
- Look at him he's shitfaced
- He's fine
- I'm fine!
- He's just a little dizzy
- Yeah, dizzy
- It's his birthday
- Heartbreak Hotel
- I wish to speak with Mr. Burgess please
- Speaking
- Listen carefully Burgess
There's a very powerful bomb containing plastique
explosive hidden in your cellar now it's
set to go off at 1:00 a.m. but can be
detonated at any time by remote device
in my possession if there's a mass
exodus from the club or we detect any
indication of police action we shall
detonate the bomb at once
- Tell you what
I'll let you have a beer if you drink it out of this
- I'll take it
- I what to dedicate this next song to a
certain special someone in the audience tonight.
You know who you are
The song is about my favorite European
dictator before you
(Singing)
(Audience booing)
(Phone ringing)
- Heartbreak Hotel
- I assure you this is not a prank
Burgess I am deadly serious
-You know I really
can't be taking threats over the phone
come on down here threaten me in person
- All the animals came into the ark by
pairs except for the worms they came in apples
(laughs) now here comes the rain and
here comes the Senators knocking on the door
Hey Noah let us in
sorry I can't
let you in
come on it's me Thomas
Richards yeah open their doors Peter
Rogers see the Lord has taken away all
evil from me, you're no good. Away you
bastards
(laughs)
and the water rose and
lifted the ship up and you know what
happened to people in here they drowned
like trap rats and what was Noah doing
in his ark eating fried chicken potato
salad and pickles and Pepsi Cola
- Hey buddy! Over here!
- Hey Mr. microphone!
- Are you guys TV?
- Ladies and gentlemen we're
making the film about the Heartbreak
Hotel we'd like to ask you a few
questions
- We're making a film about this booth
oh yes
- You better make it fast
- I'm a sensual intuitive entertainer
in each performance I try to gradually
escalate the mood of mutual antipathy
until it reaches a state of negative
nirvana a state that I like to call
New Jersey
What an empty baron wasteland
a crass commercial Hell hole
what an ugly thought occurred down
New Jersey
what a desolate dominion
what a clammy
creepy cataclysmic bleak unhappy tomb
New Jersey
- I need to speak to the manager
- You wanna sleep with the manager?
- I want to speak to the manager
- Where's Jeff?
- Uh, girls' room
- This is the ladies' room
- The men's room is over there
- I didn't see the sign
I left my beer in there
- Burgess?
Yeah?
- I need to speak with you
- Yeah?
- We talked on the phone
- Oh yeah the bomb guy
okay I see you made it okay no
problems huh?
- You take a good look at the kick
the keg in the old refrigerator now you
take a good look at it you'll notice
some modifications you meet me back here
now don't touch it
Burgess?
there's 100 pounds plastic in that keg
now do you have any idea what that can do to this place?
I want you to contact
the mayor I want you to contact your
father and I want 1 million dollars cash
small bills out of sequence by 1:00 a.m.
- Well you've got your job to do I've got
mine
- What?
- I got to go get some toilet paper for the girls' room, excuse me
- You're not going anywhere
- You know, I used to offer guys
hundred bucks to shoot me
you know like at parties one guy finally
took me up on it
shot off the top of my skull
(banging)
Get off the stage!
(Booing)
(Audience cheers)
Hey, are those clads bugging you?
they could scream all night
I wasn't going to do an encore I am a
sick man a spiteful man an unattractive
man
- Hey Morris
what's fine ones mean?
- It means pig dog
-I'm out here in the parking lot with
Boris Lee president of the scum of the
earth motorcycle group
- Gimme the mic, I wanna talk
I'd like to ask
you a few questions
- Fuck the questions gimme the mic
- Of course we can't fuck the questions it's not the way it's done
I want to talk give me the mic
What I want to talk about is the Battle of
Gettysburg. Today is the 125th anniversary
of the end of the Battle of Gettysburg
the South lost the fucking Civil War and
I'm still pretty upset about it because
if the south would have won the war
this would have been an entire nation of bikers
And I'd have been running for fucking president instead of this old father
Why do I want to be President? Well let
me put it this way
we live in perilous times what with the communist conspiracy powder keg situation in the Middle East
breakdown of traditional values at home
we need a man of strength, experience, and character that can meet these problems
head-on
- There is a bomb planted at the
Heartbreak Hotel now that bomb will go
off unless I am paid 1 million dollars
by 1 AM
- Are you the guy with the cherry bombs?
- Cherry bombs? There is 100 pounds of plastique sitting under the dance floor
- Look, who do you work for?
- Do you think I'm joking?
Do you? Will you come on down here
and I'll rub your nose in it it's 100
pounds of plastique asshole
- good luck
yeah guys
these guys with me they're playing
here tomorrow night
Once the word got out that Morris had left the building
the crowd really started pouring in
- Alright you guys having fun?
Come on follow me, this way
- My parents have a beach house and um the next beach over is a nude beach and so I go
there you know go there with my friends
Really not crowded
our beach is so crowded
- Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the
young adult
(crowd cheering)
- There's no fucking way I'm gonna drink this
it's flat
How you expect to drink that, a buck and a half for that crap?
It looks like brown water
(bubbling)
I guess folks this is the age of safe
sexuality huh
but a lot of people
probably heard about heterosexuality
homosexuality bisexuality the song is
about hortisexuality relationship
between man and bush
(guitar playing)
- Look I figure a year at the outside we're gonna be playing civic centers
- I don't know
- You guys are hot for a clone band
- Civic center that's a big jump
- I don't like
that word clone pretty soon we're gonna
start writing our own songs
you know songs inspired by the Beatles
- We're a clone band
- Well well well
what's going on down here
- Didn't take you long to get down here
- Hey Ruby
- Oh are you guys in a band?
- These are the beat legends they're playing
here tomorrow
- Oh yeah the Beatles fan
- Look we're not
just a Beatles band
- Which one are you?
- Paul
- Paul's my favorite. You?
- That's John
(fingers tapping)
- Where's George?
- You say you want to go to hell because
that's where your friends are well look
where it got them. Your friend is bound
and gagged sitting in the chair you take
a bar shove it down his mouth and bring
it out his rear. Send him over two Forks
and slowly fricassee him over a burning
fire and run butter across him while at
tanagen yes the demons are doing that
- Do you know anything about an Englishman
with a bomb at the Heartbreak Hotel
no no Pearson was talking about a couple
of cherry bombs in the sewer line this
guy's talking about a hundred pounds of
plastic well what should I do
- I'll make some calls
It's probably just a 4th of July prank
(xylophone music)
You know, it's the atmosphere
it's a climate you know what I'm saying
I mean they could have done anything
they could have put out a record of
Ringo scratching his ass and everybody
would have loved it it is the atmosphere
that's what's key the Beatles had this
atmosphere where anything they did would
have been accepted anything so they
could try anything and that's creativity
the ability to try any-
(phone ringing)
I should write that down
Heartbreak Hotel
the ability to try anything
- That's heavy
- That's good
- Who is this?
What, an act?
- Who is it?
- Hey listen Elvis, if you want a gig call
back during the day
What?
I'm talking to the spirit of Elvis Presley
- Oh really
- He's got Hendrix and Joplin with him
- Let me talk to him
- Some party
- Hi, who are you guys?
Are you in a band?
Elvis is my favorite
I can't give you my name I'm the guy that planted the
bomb
- Now we get a lot of prank calls
this time of year and I need to have
this verified
- Is this the FBI or a fucking pizza parlor?
- Sir there is no reason to
use that sort of language now I'm not
used to dealing directly with criminals
we usually deal with the victims first
but if you would just give me a phone
number I can have somebody get back to
you
(singing)
There's no such thing as a balance of
power in any confrontation there's
always a fella who's stronger and a
fella who's weaker
I'm gonna make damn
sure this country is the stronger fella
- Does that mean you would withdraw
American negotiators from the Geneva talks?
- You know one of our strongest
presidents Teddy Roosevelt once said
speak softly and carry a big stick.
Well I think the people of this country
deserve a big stick and I intend to give
it to them
(fireworks)
(cheering)
(phone ringing)
The problem is that we put the fucking
bill
- I married a tree
what do you call that?
(phone ringing)
(music playing)
Excuse me
what seems to be the problem here
- Suck my dick asshole
- Suck my dick asshole
funky pot roast
(phone ringing)
I am going to put him on his knees!
(instrumental music)
The terrorist team was
in disarray. How a great leader was
losing control. No one cared about his
bomb.
- All the terrorists are gone down to hell with their weapons of war
- Harpal was stuck in the van absorbing the wit
and wisdom of the reverend Tilman Gandhi
Jr.
As for the prussian hussy
once she lost track of me she didn't
know what to do
That's the thing about Nazis they're
good at following orders but they don't
know how to improvise. I was the only
terrorist who hadn't lost control
I had my ear to the ground monitoring
the situation in the club.
- We're all gonna die soon
and they're calling to help us with our transition
- Jack let me talk
- Accept what?
- Jack give me the phone
- Who are you kidding I wouldn't work here
- Where's Lenin? Doesn't he hang out with
you guys
- It's weird it sounds just like them
-I don't believe this shit what is this
-Oh Lenin's reached a higher plane than
these guys they're still stuck down low
because they did so many drugs
- Man, who is this, Elvis?
Hey Elvis
ask Janice if she ever learned to sing
- I want to hear a Mercedes Benz
- No, no, purple haze
- Oh Lord, won't you buy me
a Mercedes Benz
- Okay time now for those intimate parts
of the show that I like an opportunity
that I can get down here and meet some
of the folks in the audience whoa hey
excuse me what's your name
- Ellen
- name is Ellen and where you from Ellen?
- Uh, Boston
- Boston Massachusetts all
right well Ellen now I think we've got
to know ourselves a little bit better
prepare to receive my sperm armada
I learned how to read palms from this gypsy named
Gladys
- Did she teach you that this is my palm
- She did yeah she did but but she says you have to start with the fingers and then you go to the palm
- Oh, I see
(Music playing)
Karma the balance of experiences in a
person's life
- Look at his eyes Randy
I think they're starting to glaze over
- How many lives do we have?
- That's your lifeline right there
- Hundreds of lives
incarnate that's when you have a body
discarded that's nobody let's get back
to this karma business. If you do lots of
drugs in one life does that mean you're
really screwed for the next life?
Worse?
Horace what are you doing out here?
- I'm awaiting the apocalypse
- Listen uh do
you know anything about this place being
blown up tonight
- The planet?
- No just the club
- Oh, the club
Sure, 1 o-clock
Boom!
(music resumes)
I can't say that I approve of my son's
lifestyle but you know that's one of the
things that makes this country great
we're all free to live as we choose to live
- For the time being
- I didn't catch that
- Um, do you think that publicity about
your son might adversely affect your
campaign for instance the photo in the
Daily News last week the one of your son
holding a chicken
- I don't think I want comment further on that subject
- Do the two of you keep in touch
- You're pushing it Reynolds
I don't know what this says about my
life but my father was trying to kill me
and my favorite folk singer was helping him.
(band playing)
Keep your hands off!
- Listen to me
- Who are you?
- It doesn't matter who I am
I need to talk to you
- Oh and I'd really love to talk to you
but you see all these guys at the bar?
I don't think they'd like it very much
- There is a bomb in the cellar
- What?
- There is a bomb in the cellar
- There's a bomb in the cellar
Hey Alex, there's a bomb in the basement
- Better warn the rats!
That man, what did he want?
- Oh he just said that there was a bomb in the cellar
Their bodies are like ideas they exist
but not in the physical world. Yeah Elvis
well let me ask you a question, El
is your body a big idea or a little idea? Is
it the thin version for the fat version?
- Ask him if he still can get a hard-on
both no no keep thinking nowhere they
execute the guy and everybody disappears
Elvis I've got another question for you
do you remember a Twilight Zone where
this guy gets executed and the whole
world disappears no Randy never saw them
you know folks we're writing ourselves a
song real stupid song got a contest so
you could write the stupidest song of
them all ladies and gentlemen I don't
have to tell you who won that contest
sportfishing
so are you Swedish nothing to worry
about they get Bob prettier all the time
yeah yeah they just pranks happens all
but please isn't blown up yet excuse me
what's this about a bomb threat
so long
how does he know the number of
Heartbreak Hotel phonebook in heaven how
do you know our number hey we're to get
out of her they don't know anything why
are we even talking God magic block men
and gods phonebook
continuing with the bomb threat story
I'm here with Bill a Heartbreak Hotel
regular who has some information
concerning the incident bill can you
tell us what happened yeah somebody an
aloud sure it went up to the barn and
claimed there was a bomb in the basement
a bomb in the basement
is anything being done about it oh no no
no place like this gets better all the
time
they never taken serious you know you
know what they say a coward dies a
thousand deaths a brave man dies foot
once a coward dies a thousand deaths a
brave man dies but once I was going to
miss the intimate company of all those
people who hated my guts
all of your bad people will be in hell
burning in fire and I'll be laughing at
you so will the rest of us then you'll
look up and you say hey what are you
laughing at us for you know what when
say God told us to laugh at you that's
right he told us the laugh at you God
told us to laugh at you that's right you
weren't supposed to call me here I deal
with a hundred pounds of plastic or dude
in this place chief what happened to
your accent
I don't need an accent talking you know
they're not talking about
life-threatening situations I'm talking
about little problems like warts warts
warts they're harmless but if we had
socialized medicine any slob could walk
into a doctor's office get a wart remove
and the taxpayers would have to foot the
bill I got him I got him but you just
want to admit it listen to me forget
about the ransom it's too late just blow
the place fuck the explosives
we gotta flick on more we gotta take him
by surprise
wait till the end of the night when they
think they're safe bringing we fuckin
our surprise is everything so I die what
I'm just a spirit with an idea for a
body what does happen God is blurring
what do you guys do for fun comedy
should a fella get something for nothing
I say no and I think the majority of the
American people would agree with mr.
Burgess I believe that you inherited a
substantial fortune in that case of
getting something for nothing you're
starting to sound like a commie you have
a call sir
we've got a problem
what apparently your son is ignoring the
ransom demands I should know they can't
count on him to act like a normal human
being well what about the city nobody
seems to be paying much attention blow
it up blow the fucking place up your
English friend won't do it what he's out
of control so what do we do now we bring
in our backup
mr. Burch would you comment on the rumor
of a bomb right here at the club
if the place explodes I don't want
anybody pointing a finger at us so call
off the dogs and find out what's going
on gonna take the place of 20 minutes
perhaps I didn't make myself clear you
see we have a new situation here we have
to ease up just a little we have to ease
up just a little shit
just for tonight nice tie thank you wait
a minute I wanna play a little tape for
you hi hi give him the fucking tie
okay so Moses goes first puts his hands
over his head and red sea parts exactly
like it partners in the plan all right
so now it's Jesus so Jesus gets out
there starts to walk across the water
immediately sinks to the bottom so he
walks over to Moses and he says I don't
understand it used to be so easy and
Moses says yeah but that was before you
had those holes in your feet
what you gonna do
each day whatchu gonna do
the bills that you can be
you
when you use
you're not responsible you never had one
come on everybody
who's your friend
hi I'm Larry Newman I work for the mayor
I think we taught him trick on the Miss
the Badgers phone isn't it a little late
for a ransom I thought the bomb is going
up at one bomb Justin
purchase I think you should do any sense
as director of the CIA did you authorize
the assassinations of any foreign
political leaders what are you really
doing here I'm a journalist doing an
interview who do you work for
communist conspiracy listen to me
sanitize the situation nobody gets out
alive I'm here with Alex the janitor at
the Heartbreak Hotel Alex can you
comment on the rumor of a bomb in the
club hey all I know about bombs some
clouds have been flushing cherry bombs
down the toilet
and tonight I'm ready
it was close to 1 o'clock and I figured
it was time to do something about that
bomb
well what do we have
oh shit Hey look look don't don't don't
kill me man I'm feeling much too good to
die what do you think you're doing I
gotta try to disarm that bomb there's a
man here with a gun is heavy I want you
on the phone right now they'll have to
wait ah well let's just try something
new hmm on the count of five if you're
not on the phone I blow his brains out
oh shit one
you stay here away from that
are you doing who's Randy
that's ready move away
The Voice is separate from the body all
right I think I'm beginning to get it
the secret to life is ventriloquism
Jesus Pinkston
complex world
Elvis is this the Heartbreak Hotel
drop the gun drop the gun
complex world
10,000
for you I'm a freedom fighter
CIA dog what are you laughing at God
told us to laugh at you he told us to
laugh at you look out so I guess I
should try okay okay yeah
give him all my support hey Bobby baby
it's just the publication
I'm here with Jeff Burgess the owner of
the Heartbreak Hotel Jeff is there any
truth to the rumor of a bomb at the club
the bomb exploded we're all dead
the bomb exploded we're all dead
dad listen I gotta go make a call moriss
moriss is there any truth to the rumor
that we're all dead my name's Rob as I
stared into those flames I realized that
I was finally free of my brother Ralph's
shadow it was only a matter of time
until I would take my rightful place in
the pantheon of great revolutionaries
and I'm the only one of the bunch who
can play guitar
so my father's gone off to the asylum
and the rest of us are dead more's was
wrong about death it doesn't make you
smart it doesn't give you the answers to
life but it's not that I don't quite
know how to describe it I guess you have
to be here
but for me it's sort of like going up in
an elevator I just wish I could change
this music
the truck is some leverage