Companion Wanted (1932) - full transcript
Paris - Mediterranee
Two in a car
Every little girl, in her imagination
creates marvelous images.
And since in life, every dream
of her prince charming,
as handsome as a god
Fairy tales, always so appealing
and will appeal for ever and ever
For the man in our life
has always been
swept away by love.
Our story begins
in a big department store.
Thousands of people crowd in
every day.
- Charming, eh?
- Yes, charming.
- I was talking about the dance music.
- Ah, yes... That is, too.
Here's the tango you requested, Madam...
from "You Are Not the First".
Thank you. Do you have the Fox-trot
from "When do You Kill Yourself?"
Yes, Madame.
I'll find it for you.
- There you are, Madam.
- Thank you very much.
- Anything else, Madam?
- No, that's all. Give me the bill.
Will you come to the cashier, please.
You simply must listen
to this one, Madam.
This is our latest model.
There are none better.
It's a lovely instrument.
Comes with an excellent
one-step tutorial.
I'll have our pianist
play it for you.
Mr Mirasol?
Mr Mirasol?
Mademoiselle,
do you know where Mr Mirasol is?
Just one moment, Madam.
But Mr Mirasol,
the department manager wants you!
What?
Eh? Nothing!
Where have you been,
Mr Mirasol?
Quickly! Start playing that one.
And cheerful. Very damned cheerful!
24... 32... 46...
... 57... 62...
That's smart of you...
You've made me make a mistake.
So have I.
24... 32... 46...
I was mad about Melanie...
Last night she was gone
She who had every comfort
spent the night outdoors"
She just came home to our place
relaxed and joyful as always
and gave me some silly excuse
No matter, tomorrow we'll dance.
Is there anything else, Sir?
Mademoiselle, I'd be very happy
if I could have a Rendez-vous.
Ah... "A Rendez-vous"
the tango by Christine Aimee...
I'd like to meet you alone.
"I'd Like to Meet You Alone",
the Boston that's a hit.
Are you avoiding
understanding me?
On the contrary, I understand you very well.
Goodbye, Sir.
We're closing, ladies.
Jacqueline, I can't bear your
being so nice to all customers...
and that you let all the men
make a pass at you.
What business is it of yours,
Mr Mirasol?
- Are you my husband or my lover?
- No.
But actually, I'd like to
become one or the other.
- Of course, you don't care,
- That's right.
Watch out! I'll end up
committing suicide yet again!
Oh Mr Mirasol,
what's the matter?
Be nice to me...
console me!
No. No!
Miss Jacqueline,
is that your final word?
Yes.
Alright, we'll talk about it tomorrow.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Oh, how unhappy I am!
- Nearly finished, Jacqueline?
-Not quite. If I hurry I will be.
What are you doing tonight?
I'm meeting someone in the foyer
of the Carlton.
The Carlton!
That's very chic!
It's chic and not dear.
- Not dear?!
- That's right.
You sit in a nice armchair.
It's entertaining and costs nothing.
And you listen to lovely music..
You're so lucky.
'Bye. Have fun.
Thanks. 'Bye.
Inside of me I feel
pleasant excitement
whenever I'm listening to music.
It fills my heart
with the scent of happiness
and I listen to music all the time.
What will happen to me?
I just can't resist it.
It's so good, it's so sweet,
that music.
It's charming, it's disturbing,
intoxicating.
It has a magical effect
to find music in one's heart.
- Thank you very much, Sir.
- My pleasure, Madam.
Excuse me, Sir...
I'm waiting for someone here...
...who doesn't know me,
and who I don't know.
I'll be recognised by clearly
carrying in my hand...
...this automobile horn.
Perfect.
What table are you at, Sir?
I'll be over there in that chair,
near the column.
The person you are waiting for,
may be in the music or reading rooms.
Yes. A very good point.
I'll go and see.
Many thanks.
- Your mail, sir.
- Thank you.
Have them left in my room.
- Very well, Sir...
Bellboy!
Sir?
Get me a scotch and soda
Waiter!
A hot-milk coffee.
Excuse me, Sir.
I forgot to ask you Sir,
if you still needed the car today.
No, you can leave it in the garage.
I also have an automobile, Sir.
What is the marque
of your car, Sir?
I have a Lincoln and a Mercedes.
I have a Rosengart.
- Good car.
- Very good.
- And not cumbersome.
- Oh yes... very practical!
I won it in a raffle
at a charity ball
It was second prize.
First prize was a Citroen.
No better.
Non.
So during the holidays,
I'll take a trip to the Riviera.
Nice, Cannes, Menton...
- In a Rosengart?
- Of course... Excuse me.
Tell me, what is it you're doing
with that horn?
It's to identify myself to someone.
I'm waiting for someone
who's coming with me on my trip.
You see, I... Sorry.
I put an ad in Th paper.
Listen to it and you'll see.
"Auto owner..."
"Auto owner..."
"looking for someone to accompany him
to the Riviera during holidays"
"and pay for petrol and tyres."
"Write to Anatole Biscotte,
accountant at Chamorel & Co "
"Wholesale Hosiery.
12 rue de Provence, Paris. "
- And someone replied?
- Within 24 hours.
Just a moment...
Here it is!
I had it this morning.
Here it is.
Bellboy!
Do you see that man over there
with the horn in his hand?
- Yes, Miss.
- Ask him to come over here.
My sister was employed at Saint-Didier,
Thanks to her I can get pet...
...petrol and tyres very cheaply.
Tell me as soon as possible
where we can meet.
J.P.
A lady asked to see you.
Me?
You asked to see me?
You were so courteous as to ask
to see me, using the bellboy?
How can I be of service
to you?
But... I wrote to you.
- I don't recall.
- That's my letter.
You're the petrol and Tyre lady?
- Oh, I remember very well!
- That's good!
I'm truly delighted.
So you're Mr Biscotte?
Yes, Biscotte in person.
- Anatole Biscotte.
- Jacqueline Pascaud.
That's right...
J. P. Jacqueline Pascaud.
I am absolutely delighted!
But you have an English accent?
Yes. My mother was English.
My father is old man Biscotte...
at our establishment. We do
a lot of business with England.
I'm in charge of correspondence
in the business which is...
Would you come through here?
...Chamorel and Company.
Hosiery wholesalers,
12 rue de Provence.
I'll give this J.P.
another 10 minutes...
Waiter, another milk coffee.
- So, you have a fortnight's holiday?
- Yes, and you?
Me? The same.
How much are you allowing
for this little trip?
How much...? Yes...
- How much are you allowing?
- 60 francs a day.
I have 1200 francs in savings.
I have to take 300 for shopping.
That leaves 900 for food
and accommodation.
How much do you have saved?
Nothing... no I mean
not much at all.
Let's see... around 2,000.
That's terrific.
It makes 2,900 francs, all up.
That's quite enough
to go to the Riviera...
...Cannes, Nice...
Perhaps we could make a short visit
to Monte-Carlo?
Play a little.
Win a bit at roulette.
Mr Biscotte, you're not
a gambler are you?
Oh no!
Just the occasional flutter.
Very well...
I think it would be sensible
if I were cashier for the trip.
- Alright?
- Agreed!
You are definitely a very practical
and lovely young woman.
You are very kind, but...
There is one point that
I would like to clarify.
We'd only use our joint fund.
I quite understand.
A strong and open friendship.
- Agreed?
- Agreed.
I'm sorry, that was accidental.
There's my 2000 francs.
And here are my vouchers
for petrol... 68 litres.
- Will that be enough for out trip?
- 68 litres?
That's enough to do
3 times around the world!
I don't ask for much.
I want to see the sea, Cannes, palm trees...
I've never seen the sea.
Provided that nothing happens
that keeps us from leaving.
Why?
If you were to pull out of it
tomorrow...
Me? What do you take me for?!
Besides, you have my 2000 francs.
All my savings.
Oh, that's true!
- So all agreed?
- All agreed.
Saturday at 3 o'clock on the dot,
don't be late.
I'll be there at 2.
And I'll be ready at 1.
And I hear music all the time..
It's charming, it's disturbing,
intoxicating.
It has a magical effect
to find music in one's hear
Jean, put my bags in the car.
I'm going on holiday.
A real holiday!
Give me the Interior Minister.
No, Foreign Affairs.
Yes, the minister himself, of course
Hello? Foreign Affairs Minister?
That's you, Minister?
This is Harry Kingsdale.
Minister, you were kind enough
to invite me for the weekend.
Yes... Can you imagine... How?
No, unfortunately,
I cannot allow myself the pleasure.
Yes, I'm very sorry, Minister.
But it's an official mission
and quite urgent...
Minister, I'm very sorry.
Word's can't express
how sorry am.
Yes... very, very sorry.
Goodbye, Minister.
We're off to the Riviera!
We're going!
- You met him? What's he like?
- He's a sweetheart!
I never thought a petty accountant
could be so elegant.
- So tell me about it.
- Well, I turned up...
My trip has fallen through, Rosalie.
And why don't you go,
Mr Biscotte?
I don't have tyres or petrol.
Where's my hat?
- Your hat?
- Yes, my hat.
I can't go out without a hat!
Give me my hat.
I ask you where my hat is.
You don't know. Get me my hat!
I want my hat.
I can't go out without it!
No... That's not my hat...
I'm sorry, Rosalie,
I'm a bit upset.
That's alright, Mr Biscotte.
Rosalie...
take my basket up to the attic.
I won't be long.
I'm just going to the garage...
...to check on my little car.
It's a beautiful little car.
Back soon, Rosalie.
Where's Mr Biscotte's car?
Isn't it delightful?
Splendid!
A magnificent car.
Can I sit in it?
Any time.
When will you be leaving,
Mr Biscotte?
I'm not going anymore.
Mr Biscotte,
you're wanted on the phone.
What? I'm coming.
Yes, Rosalie, it's me.
A messenger with a registered letter?
3,000... for me?
Who's the sender?
Gibet?
My dear,
I can go anyway!
This Gibet can't accompany me,
so he sends me something
so i can go alone.
We're leaving, my pet.
Listen, Rosalie.
Lock the doors.
Don't let the messenger leave
under any circumstances.
And get the suitcase down
and close everything.
No, not the doors... the suitcase.
Wait there, I'll be right back!
- Look, leave me alone!
- How jumpy you are today.
You don't know what it is,
to take a big trip by car.
Two o'clock.
There he is!
Mr Biscotte, I'm coming.
Panapou...
Help me.
- You're leaving already?
- He's there.
- He looks an important guy!
- No, he's a petty accountant.
Here is a beautiful necklace.
And another one.
- That's all?
- Yes. Hurry up!
Listen as soon as we get there
I'll send you a long letter.
So you'd best give me
some stamps.
- Hello there, how are you?
- Well thank you.
Is this the car
you won in a raffle?
Yes. You can see
I was pretty lucky, eh?
Oh, you can say that again!
Hop in.
Hell of a lot nice
than a bus!
Sure is!
Josephine, bring it all here.
- What's this?
- The tyres, as agreed.
Where shall I put them?
In the back.
Here you are, Miss.
My dog!
Put it in the boot.
Put it in there.
- Your bag, Miss.
- Thank you, Josephine.
- You ready, Mr Biscotte?
- Yes, coming.
- Goodbye, Miss.
- Goodbye, Josephine. Thank you.
Off we go...
1... 2... 3.
Bon voyage!
The tyres! Stop!
My helmet?
Rosalie, my pith helmet?
Give me my pith helmet..
Thank you, Rosalie.
How do I look, Rosalie?
Very handsome, Mr Biscotte...
Though very unusual.
Rosalie, you don't seem
to understand...
I'm going to Cannes, down south...
sub tropical.
I'm dressed for the occasion.
You understand?
Come on, step back.
You haven't seen anything yet!
To the lucky lottery winner
BON VOYAGE!
Smile, please!.
Smile!
Look a bit more sporty, Mr Biscotte.
Very good...
Hold it...!
Here, keep that from me
as a souvenir.
The editor's going to be happy.
Goodbye, Mr Biscotte!
Yes, I'm off to everywhere
and nowhere at all
Yes I'm off to happiness
and chance
I'm on my way
Farewell to every dark concern
So everything now is only good
Yes, I'm off to everywhere
and nowhere at all
Where are we going?
To the hotel, to have
something to eat.
In such a fancy hotel?
But I'm hungry.
We have to watch
what we spend.
We will go to a more
modest place later.
I'm the one who holds
the purse strings!
Come on, get out.
You really want to stop here?
But this all you need,
Mister Accountant!
Alright.
Go on, scram!
Get the hell out!
Cheat! Scoundrel!
Bugger off!
I'm boss in this place!
And I want peace, goddammit!
Good evening.
- What's the name of your inn?
- Can't you read?!
"Au Bon vigneron"
Are you the good vigneron?
Who would you think it is?
Damn me if it's not a dumb question!
Lovely little doggie!
But please come in.
You're most welcome.
Charming...
What do you know about politics.
Nothing at all
Whadda you mean
I know nothing?!
What would you like?
Give us something
first-rate to eat.
Here you can have
anything you want.
I recommend these.
Oh no, we never eat them.
What do you mean?
You wanted to eat here.
Come on...
What do you want to eat?
Trout - Pigs' trotters - Beef stew
Bacon omelet.
We'll have a bacon omelet for two.
- That's not top-class.
- No, but it's healthy.
What do you want to drink?
For me... a glass of water.
For me a bottle of white wine.
A half-bottle of white wine.
You want me to die of hunger.
And a half of white wine.
And they drive a car!
How far are we
from the next petrol station?
About twenty kilometres.
How far?!
20 kilometres!
Or so, old chap.
I can offer you a large room.
With a wonderful, comfortable bed
for two people.
Unfortunately, we're not married.
Pity.
The room is always
enjoyed by couples...
...both the legal ones
and the others.
But we aren't "others" either.
That's a shame.
Put dinner on the bill.
I'll pay it all in the morning.
That sound like
you ARE married
Lulu!
Yes.
What is it?
That guy and his wife
are sleeping separately.
What?!
Believe me,
they want separate rooms.
Go now and prepare
the attic room for them.
Separate bedrooms...
That's shameful! Disgusting!
All it does is give me extra work.
I'm fed up with these Parisian pigs!
Slaving away all the time
I'm tired of working like this.
Never eating. Never sleeping.
Who invented tourists?!
I think I'll go look for
a job in Paris Paris.
That's surely the best thing
I can do.
Here's your room.
- Good night, Miss Jacqueline.
- Goodnight.
- Pleasant dreams.
- Thank you.
Tell me...
Shall we be eating bacon omelet
again tomorrow?
No. Tomorrow I'll allow you
something else.
You can have a cheese omelet.
That's what's called
a varied menu, is it?
- Good evening.
- Good night.
My friend, I need you to make
a phone connection to Paris.
- Maillot 2951
- Maillot 29... 51.
Tell me, do you have
anything left to eat?
I'm still a bit hungry.
The stove is turned off.
Can't you turn it on again?
Yes... Tomorrow morning.
Do you have anything cold?
Yes... tap water.
Hello, give me Paris.
Maillot 29... 51.
Yes, it's urgent. Thank you.
Hurry up, my girl.
Get a move on!
Sir, you have Paris
on the line.
-This is the chauffeur,
Joseph Benoit.
This is, Lord Kingsdale.
Listen carefully.
You'll get dressed right away,
in plain clothes, and as smart as possible.
You'll go buy something to eat.
The very best you can find.
- Alright?
- As you wish, Sir.
After which,
you'll take the Mercedes...
...and you'll find me on the road
to Lyon, at Grenoble.
Very good, Sir.
I'm not alone.
I'm travelling with a lady.
You'll introduce yourself
as if you were Mr Benoit, banker.
One of my best friends.
And you'll invite us both to eat,
the lady and I.
The lady and I...
Very good, Sir.
And I'm not Lord Kingsdale to you.
From now on,
I'm Mr Biscotte to you.
- Understood?
- Very good, Sir.
That's all... Now off you go
and be quick about it!
...and be quick about it!
Hands up!
I adore you!
Oh sorry, I made a mistake.
Who did you want?
Miss Jacqueline Pascaud.
She's gone on a trip.
- Since when?
- Since yesterday.
- Where's she gone?
- To Monte-Carlo.
- How?
- By car.
Madre Mia...!
No, that's not the name...
She left with a Mr... Biscotte.
To Mont-Carlo, by car,
with a man?!
I suspected it...
Yes, I saw it coming!
Ah, but I'll catch up
with them, you know.
I will catch up with them!
But how shall I get
to Monte-Carlo?
How shall I get
to Monte-Carlo? How?
I've got it!
MIGNONNET'S AGENCY - IMPRESARIO
Organisers of parties and social evenings
It has nothing to do with me,
my friend.
None of my business
Yes, but what does concern you
is to send me to Monte Carlo right away.
- To do what?
- To kill one or two people...
...and then, myself.
Still not our business.
Just what are you?
I am a miserable, wounded desperate.
I'm asking you what is your job.
What you can do.
I can do anything, Sir.
Shorthand typist, private secretary,
...chef, trick cyclist, piano player.
Two in one sedan,
two people in a car,
Two out in the countryside,
that is what I need.
If the road is rough,
we bounce at every bump.
A motor car, a motor car,
I know nothing that's more grand.
It's charming, exciting,
it's really a delight.
Enjoy the thrill, that it gives,
when your doing over a ton!
Two out in a motor car,
that is what I need.
A motor car, a motor car,
I know nothing that's more grand.
And that's not all...
There's more to come.
- Bravo!
- Wonderful!
My friends, what can I offer you?
Grapes, melon, pineapple, figs,
peaches, candied fruit...
...bananas, oranges, choc-ice,
acid drops, mints...
I'd like an orange and a banana.
Your friend Benoit
is delightful.
Oh yes.
- How lucky to have met him.
- It was, wasn't it.
And we save so much
with him inviting us to eat.
Of course, I prefer lobster
and caviar, to a cheese omelet.
So do I, when we're not paying for it.
Of course.
Joseph, give me a cigar!
Really!
My dear friend Joseph Benoit,
please give me a cigar!
With pleasure, my dear Biscotte!
This is Radio Paris.
The latest morning news...
Yesterday in Dijon the 50th birthday
of Mr Imac was celebrated.
He is president of the
Federation of Mustard Manufacturers
A flash from Grenoble...
Savoy is currently infested
by a gang of criminals...
...who, armed with machine guns
are attacking motorists on the roads.
The Grenoble Chief of Police
calls for the help of anyone
with information
which will help track down
these criminals.
And now a 10 minute intermission
after which we'll have
the latest sports news
Don't be afraid Miss Jacqueline,
as long as Joseph Benoit is here...
That really could be the sound
of a machine gun.
Quiet! Take cover!
CONTRACT
We engage Mr Antonio Mirasol
as a jazz musician at the Grand Hotel
This Grand Hotel at Cannes...
Is it a good hotel?
- It's the best in Cannes.
- Thank you, Miss.
Besides...
Please stop reading.
Besides, I don't care,
since she left for Monte-Carlo...
and the contract is for Cannes.
But I shall catch her!
I'll find her in Monte-Carlo.
Please don't read,
while I'm so miserable!
- When do we reach Cannes?
- In 2 hours.
2 hours?!
What did I do to the good Lord
to be a martyr on this earth?
Must you read that book?!
You can't read when I'm unhappy!
Be nice, console me!
Console me, Miss.
Poor boy!
Console me!
Do you have anything
to eat in your bag?
- Yes.
- Where?
Excuse me.
Just a moment.
You're too romantic, Miss.
All the same,
I have to stay somewhere.
This is the tenth hotel
with no vacancies.
I'm sorry Sir,
we're also booked out.
Why don't you go across the road,
to the Grand Hotel?
Well, it's Mr Joseph!
Out of uniform.
It is. How are you?
- No longer with Lord Kingsdale?
- Oh I still am.
He sent me to reserve 2 suites.
One for Miss Jacqueline Pascaud
and the other for Mr Biscotte.
I can give you 112
for Miss Pascaud...
and 120 for Mr Biscotte.
112 and 120. I'll make a note.
Thank you.
By the way...
It is essential that Mr Anatole Biscotte
...be treated as if he were
Lord Kingsdale himself.
We'll do our best to satisfy
Lord Kingsdale as always.
I think they'll be very happy
to receive you.
You think they'll be happy?
I say!
What the hell is wrong with you?!
You allow yourself to block the way.
The footpath is not made for dogs!
You crackpot!
Prepare Suite 120
for Mr Biscotte.
Make sure everything is perfect.
Get rid that fellow!
- Excuse me, Sir...
- I'd just like to...
- I'm sorry, there are no vacancies.
- But...
I'm telling you,
all our rooms are taken.
All our rooms are taken,
including the bathrooms.
But I don't want to take a bath!
You've been told that
everything's been taken!
Yes, but I don't want
to take a bath!
- Toilets over there.
- That's not what I want!
- My name is Biscotte.
- Biscotte? - Yes.
- Mr Biscotte!
- Mr Biscotte!
- We were waiting for you, Sir.
- Everything is prepared, Sir.
We've reserved Suite 120 for you.
- Why 120?
- I don't know. - Me neither.
- A splendid room.
- Would you come this way...
The lift is waiting.
- My luggage!
- We'll bring it up.
A splendid view of the sea...
And now, Miss Jacqueline,
close your eyes.
Why?
Don't ask.
Close your eyes.
And now, Miss Jacqueline,
open your eyes.
Jacqueline... are you crying?
It's so beautiful.
Awesome!
It's only now that I see
how beautiful it is.
And so blue...
And so blue!
Yes, it's all very nice.
But for a petty accountant...
I'm looking for
a small simple room.
One moment, Sir.
Mr Biscotte also needs a small room
for his accountant.
Give me Room 300
on the 4th floor.
If I may...
Not free, you say?
Don't talk rubbish!
- You're mistaken...
- Wait... you'll see.
I'll go down myself
and fix it for you.
No, Sir...
You don't understand.
I can't get a word in edgeways!
Too bad for him...
I'll stay here.
Porter, take Miss Pascaud's bags to 112.
Right away, Mr Benoit.
Mr Biscotte will be arriving
a little later.
How come "later?
Is there another Biscotte?
Good day to you Milord.
From now on, don't call me "Milord",
but "Mr Biscotte".
- Understood?
- Very well Milord.
Biscotte!
What room is Miss Jacqueline Pascaud in?
Suite 112.
My hopes arose
throughout the warm, soft evening
I let myself be surprised
and that's since I believe in you.
But without offending you,
here is how I truly feel
In secret I'll whisper...
you can't ever hurt me.
I want to put my heart
in your white hands.
There's no better shelter, my dear,
here is my heart.
When you come to look
right down upon me..
If longing for pleasure,
you want to make me suffer.
Tonight I want to dream forth
a lovely poem
All I want from you,
my dear, is love.
For me, my dear,
it would be supreme joy.
I want to put my heart
in your little hands.
Well, Miss Jacqueline,
what are you dreaming about?
It's such a wonderful country.
And everything is so cheap here.
Come to see.
What's this all about?
Just a little surprise for you.
A little surprise? But this
must have cost an arm and a leg.
These dresses would be
thousands of francs.
No, all second-hand.
100 francs each.
- What about the silver-fox?
- No, it's alley-cat.
How much would that be
in your shop?
I don't know, I only sell
gramophone records.
I don't know where I am, any more.
My head's spinning.
- I'll never be able to account for it.
- So much the better.
Oh you...!
- And this ring?
- It's a good imitation, isn't it?
It's pretty.
A simple piece of cut glass.
Looks like a real diamond.
See you later, at dinner.
You'll wear that dress? OK?
Whats the number of my suite?
Number 120, Sir.
I ordered a superb beach robe
for you today, Joseph.
- It's worthy of my new friend Benoit.
- Thank you sir.
- Where should I go to get it?
- It'll be delivered here.
- And my new name: Mr Biscotte.
- Yes, Mr Biscotte.
Sorry, thank you Sir.
Biscotte! Wake up!
Listen...
I just want a small room.
You put me in a big room,
and don't listen to me, when...
That's not the question.
What are you doing here?
Me? Nothing yet.
I just got here...
And would you be so good
as to leave immediately.
Leave... why?
You don't have a small room.
It's not a question
of a small room.
Listen, I'll give you 5000 francs
if you leave immediately.
Why?
We know each other!
How are you?
I've no time to answer you!
Listen, I'll give you 10,000 francs,
if you leave right away. OK?
We are not so well acquainted...
...that I can allow you
to joke at my expense.
- I'm just waiting for my small room.
- But this is not a joke.
It's not about a room.
Biscotte, I'll give you 20,000 francs,
if you leave now.
20,000? I'll take it!
- Listen... no... I can't.
- Go! Take it!
- No, it's too much.
- Take it!
It's too much.
I can't.
Go!
- No. Please..
- Go! - I'm going.
- Where's the door?
- Right in front of you!
I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
Where's my money?
I'm leaving.
- Where are you going, Mr Biscotte?
- I'm leaving.
- But why?
- I don't know.
Someone gave me 3,000 francs
to come here.
And now I've been given
20,000 francs to leave.
But where are you going, Mr Biscotte?
- And the small room you booked?
- I did?
A small room on the 3rd floor.
Room 300.
300? The 20,000 perhaps?
No...! Room 300,
on the 3rd floor.
Yes... a room.
I'm tired.
Is there a bed in the room?
Yes, a bed and a sofa.
Take me there now...
...to the 20,000 rooms
with 300 sofas.
- It's upstairs, Sir!
- Upstairs...
Mr Anatole Biscotte
is now in Room 300.
Come in.
For Mr Biscotte.
- What?
- Sir...
It's for me...
Yes.... Mr Biscotte.
A pay-off?
A silk-lined jacket!
The first time I've had
a silk-lined jacket.
I'll try it on.
Why not?
So you're Biscotte?
The scoundrel Biscotte!
Sir, I am Mr Biscotte
but I won't permit you...
I am Antonio Mirasol.
- Well, M. Mifasol...
- Mi-RA-sol !
I came to tell you
that you're a scoundrel!
I only have 5 minutes.
I have to go back down.
Well, go.
I'm not stopping you.
- Come here!
- Let go of my foot!
Where's the girl?
What girl?
Fetch her right away!
What girl are you talking about?
I'm talking about Jacqueline.
What Jacqueline?
Don't deny it.
The sister told me everything.
- A nurse?
- No.
- From a convent?
- No... Her very own sister.
- So who is she?
- Don't be stupid.
- You know very well she has a sister.
- No, I don't know.
You don't know Jacqueline's sister?
I don't know Jacqueline,
for that matter.
- You don't know Jacqueline either?
- No I don't.
- Jacqueline Pascaud.
- I don't know her.
- You don't know Jacqueline Pascaud?
- I don't know her.
- You watch yourself!
- I don't know a Jacqueline or a Pascaud.
You crook, thug, scoundrel!
Let go of it!
Where is it?
Where did I put it?
What have I done with it?
- What are you looking for?
- My revolver. I want my revolver.
- What? Do you want to kill me?
- My revolver!
Let go of my cushion.
Let go of my cushion.
Unfortunately I only have 5 minutes,
I have to go back down.
But I'll be back later.
- What for?
- For Jacqueline.
And if you don't give her back,
I'll rip your head off!
You... scoundrel!
Always something!
This time, a spitting Spaniard.
Miss! Hello?
Get me the police!
I was robbed, get the police!
Help! Get the police!
That bastard...
Miss. No, he's an honest man.
Send the police back!
Yes, Miss... thank you!
What's the matter, Sir?
No.
Where were you?
Go into the salon.
Attention.
Could I have Mr Biscotte's room, please.
Hello? What is it? What?
Sorry, Sir,
must be a wrong number.
Miss, would you put me through
to Mr Anatole Biscotte.
What's this again?!
Where the hell did
I put my suspenders?
I don't care about
your suspenders, Sir.
Listen, Miss, you've connected me
to the wrong number, twice now.
Would you please tell Mr Biscotte
that I'll meet him in the garden.
Thank you.
What is it, now?
A lady?
In the garden?
For me?
Tell her I'm sorry, but she may
have to wait a few minutes.
I can't come down,
before I've found my...
There they are! I've found them!
I'll come right away.
Bellboy, would you please check
if Mr Biscotte is still in his room.
Here I am. Biscotte.
This is me, in person.
No, I'm waiting for
Mr Anatole Biscotte.
But actually, Miss....
I am actually Anatole Biscotte,
accountant.
What? Your name is
Anatole Biscotte, also?
And you're also
an accountant?
Here's my photograph in Omnia.
And you also won a car?
Why do you keep saying "also"?
I'm the only Anatole Biscotte,
accountant.
The only one who won a car.
So the other one then?
What about the other one?
That's the the Rosengart.
No, I mean the other man.
You mean the spitting Spaniard?
No, the one with whom I...
How do I know
with whom you have...?
Sir, it's intermission...
I'll just be 5 minutes....
No, not just yet.
Tango.
Sir... Are you sure
your name is Biscotte?
Has been for 40 years
and 5 months.
So, there's another gentleman
named Biscotte...
...who also won a car,
who's also an accountant.
- Who also works for Chamorel and Co?
- That's right.
It's amazing!
He's an imposter, a schemer!
Show him to me...
I want to see him!
Where is he? Where are we?
Where are you?
There he is!
...under another's name.
That's not on!
He's taken my name! The thief!
I'll give him a piece of my mind!
- Stay here!
- No... Yes, I'll stay.
I'll do the talking.
I've a good mind to throw
his 20,000 francs in his face!
No. I'll contain myself...
and keep my dignity.
Ans where have you been
all this time?
Trying on my dresses.
Looking at all
your little surprises.
All your second-hand things.
- Happy with them all?
- Very.
Particularly the bathing costume...
Chosen with great taste.
But of course you'd be used to it.
Why?
Chamorel and Company.
Hosiery wholesalers.
Yes, that's right of course.
By the way, do you sell any
good-quality tights at your firm?
Good tights...
Yes, one of our specialties.
- How much do you sell them for?
- How much do we... Oh...
We have very good ones...
Very inexpensive,
from 2,000 francs.
What?!
We also have some
from 1,000 francs.
Are they hard-wearing?
Yes, very very hard-wearing.
You can pull them all you want,
they're triple thickness.
Tights in boiled leather?
Chamorel and Co
is a tannery.
Miss Jacqueline, I don't know
what good-quality tights are.
So you deceived me?
You're not an accountant.
And your name is not Biscotte.
So who are you?
Please, don't be mad at me.
Just answer me.
Who are you?.
Yes... but you won't be angry?
I am Lord Harry Kingsdale.
Don't be angry.
Are you angry?
No.
- Mr Biscotte, I know who he is.
- Who?
- Must be upper class.
- Yes.
A count... a duke...
- A prince...
- No, a lord.
Why not grand duke or emperor
while he was about it?
You think he's still lying to me?
My poor child, we're in Cannes,
in the roses and con-men season.
Where are you going?
Why are you running?
Wait for me!
Porter, do you know
Lord Kingsdale?
Yes, Madam.
- Is he staying in the hotel?
- No, Madam.
- He's not here?
- No, Madam.
- But he's in Cannes!
- No, Madam!
I told you!
So who is that man over there
talking to the head waiter?
That's a Mr Biscotte from Paris.
It's like banging my head
against a wall!
Come on, Miss,
don't let it upset you.
To be lied to... deceived...
by HIM!
One must be very careful
getting into such relations.
But all I was asking for was
a few days holiday in the sun!
And now... now...
Now let me give you
some good advice.
Come back to Paris with me.
Yes, you're right.
It may be the best thing to do.
When will we leave?
Meet me at 9.30 at the garage?
Yes. I'll be there.
Sir, it's intermission...
I'd like to...
Later! We'll go together.
Slow waltz.
What is it?
It's me, Jacqueline.
I've arranged a little supper
for us downstairs.
Yes, I'll be right down.
- I'll wait for you in the dining-room.
- Yes, I'm coming.
Let me get this straight...
You're registering with us
a sum of 20,000 francs
that you got from some fellow...
No, he's not "some fellow", Inspector...
He's a gentleman.
A very likeable gentleman.
And it's only because I am
of scrupulous integrity...
In short, you don't want
to keep this money...
Yes, I want to keep it.
Only my integrity...
That's fine...
And you're registering a complaint?
I'm not registering a complaint.
I'm registering the 20,000 francs
And if I may be so bold,
I suggest you arrest him quickly.
But to arrest him,
we have to find him first.
That's easy.
Even I could find him.
- Here's your party, Inspector.
- Thank you.
Hello? Grand Hotel?
Duval, the porter?
This is Police Inspector Tremois.
Could you tell me who
is staying in Suite 120?
Suite 120?
Well, Inspector...
Officially, it's a Mr Biscotte.
But actually, and in confidence...
...it's one of our oldest clients,
Lord Kingsdale...
...who has adopted an alias
on account of a young lady.
Yes, yes...
I quite understand.
Thank you.
Well, now I've got the picture.
You're going to arrest him?
Of course.
- Today?
- Sure!
Forgive me Inspector...
...but I'm interested as to
how you'll catch him...
..as there are 8 ways
out of the hotel.
We'll send 12 officers
to cover each exit!
So that makes 8x12, equals 96...
96 plus 20,000 equals...
- Take back your 20,000 francs.
- No, I won't touch that money.
I take responsibility.
No, that money
would burn my fingers.
- Very well...!
- Stop!
Please speak to me politely,
Sir.
My name is Biscotte.
And please put on file...
...that the police have obliged me
to look after that money.
- Where's the way out?
- Through there, Sir.
- What is it?
- Miss Jacqueline, open quickly!
I need to talk to you urgently.
They're going to arrest him.
- Who? - Lord Biscotte.
The hotel will be surrounded
by police.
12 officers to each exit.
That makes 20,000 officers.
- 20,000?!
- 47... er 96...
- But what will we do?
- We'll fill up on petrol...
...slip around the corner and disappear.
I'll meet you at...
- At the garage, I know.
- Oh, my head!
- Hurry up!
- Yes, I'll be right down.
Intermission.
- Hey, Sir!
- Oh no! Not the "spitting Spaniard!?"
Where's Jacqueline?
In my care.
She's leaving for Paris with me.
- She's not to go!
- She'll go!
- No. she won't go!
- She WILL go!
- No. No...!
- Yes! Yes!
Hello, Miss Jacqueline.
What is it?! You want to go out?
No way. We're leaving.
You're being arrested.
Me? Why?
Don't play innocent.
The porter told me. You're no lord.
So who am I?
I don't care.
But you have to flee now.
The two of us? Leave together?
That's wonderful!
Boy! My hat, quickly!
- Where are we going?
- No matter. Just come!
Together... wonderful!
Let's scram!
Leave that alone!
- You're not leaving!
- I AM leaving!
My finger!
Imbecile!
It's not loaded.
Now you're getting me mad!
- You know...
- What?
Stop them!
Stop them!
My car! Get out of my car!
Give me back my car!
Stop!
Let go of it!
Let go of the wheel!
...or I'll let you have it!
Look to see if
we're being followed.
Yes! I see two headlights.
Sure to be the police.
Let go!
We have to get ahead of them.
We'll head for the forest...
...and we'll "give them the slip",
as we bandits say.
And now, if you'd like to step out.
- Are we going to stay here?
- Why not?
It's a wonderful spot.
Look at all the trees...
and so quiet.
The weather's good now.
But my coat is all wet.
My top-hat is sodden.
You are a scary man...
You're even happy!
My heart is thumping...
I'm afraid...
No... why do you need
to be afraid?
I'll fix you up with
a wonderful bedroom.
Two handles ... One bed.
What a wonderful invention.
Good, eh?
Now you'll change
out of that damp dress.
I'll give you some dry pyjamas.
Put them on while I have
a look around the forest.
It's getting cold...!
And black as the ace of spades.
Get out!
You're never satisfied.
Where are we now?
Look out!
It's a cliff!
Wait. I think I have some matches.
Mr Biscotte, you saved my life!
I didn't mean to
Are you comfortable,
Miss Jacqueline?
Very! And you?
Fine as far as width goes.
Lengthwise, it's a bit short.
Wait...
I have an idea.
There... you can come in the back.
- Me?
- Yes.
What's this?
This is my idea...
A small partition.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Dear God...
send me an earthquake.
Beddy-byes...
Beddy-byes...
Colin my little brother...
- What are you doing?
- Taking my shoes off.
Sleepy-byes, you'll get some cake.
There it is!
I see it!
- Where?
- There!
- Where?
- There!
- I see nothing.
- There!
Yes, I see it!
Thug! ... 62 francs 50!
What's going on?
Get dressed quickly.
The police are after us.
Go on... gently...
Keep going...
Stop!
- Hold on tight!
- I'm holding on.
- Don't let go!
- I'm not letting go. I'm holding on.
Milord.
May I present...
Lady Kingsdale.
Watch out!
And when I say "release the brake",
you step on the gas...
...and you reverse.
Watch out!
Put it in reverse!
Step on the gas!
Release the brake!
I said put it in reverse...
Imbecile!
Thug! Moron!
I dare you say that to my face!
Fin
Subtitles by FatPlank for KG
Two in a car
Every little girl, in her imagination
creates marvelous images.
And since in life, every dream
of her prince charming,
as handsome as a god
Fairy tales, always so appealing
and will appeal for ever and ever
For the man in our life
has always been
swept away by love.
Our story begins
in a big department store.
Thousands of people crowd in
every day.
- Charming, eh?
- Yes, charming.
- I was talking about the dance music.
- Ah, yes... That is, too.
Here's the tango you requested, Madam...
from "You Are Not the First".
Thank you. Do you have the Fox-trot
from "When do You Kill Yourself?"
Yes, Madame.
I'll find it for you.
- There you are, Madam.
- Thank you very much.
- Anything else, Madam?
- No, that's all. Give me the bill.
Will you come to the cashier, please.
You simply must listen
to this one, Madam.
This is our latest model.
There are none better.
It's a lovely instrument.
Comes with an excellent
one-step tutorial.
I'll have our pianist
play it for you.
Mr Mirasol?
Mr Mirasol?
Mademoiselle,
do you know where Mr Mirasol is?
Just one moment, Madam.
But Mr Mirasol,
the department manager wants you!
What?
Eh? Nothing!
Where have you been,
Mr Mirasol?
Quickly! Start playing that one.
And cheerful. Very damned cheerful!
24... 32... 46...
... 57... 62...
That's smart of you...
You've made me make a mistake.
So have I.
24... 32... 46...
I was mad about Melanie...
Last night she was gone
She who had every comfort
spent the night outdoors"
She just came home to our place
relaxed and joyful as always
and gave me some silly excuse
No matter, tomorrow we'll dance.
Is there anything else, Sir?
Mademoiselle, I'd be very happy
if I could have a Rendez-vous.
Ah... "A Rendez-vous"
the tango by Christine Aimee...
I'd like to meet you alone.
"I'd Like to Meet You Alone",
the Boston that's a hit.
Are you avoiding
understanding me?
On the contrary, I understand you very well.
Goodbye, Sir.
We're closing, ladies.
Jacqueline, I can't bear your
being so nice to all customers...
and that you let all the men
make a pass at you.
What business is it of yours,
Mr Mirasol?
- Are you my husband or my lover?
- No.
But actually, I'd like to
become one or the other.
- Of course, you don't care,
- That's right.
Watch out! I'll end up
committing suicide yet again!
Oh Mr Mirasol,
what's the matter?
Be nice to me...
console me!
No. No!
Miss Jacqueline,
is that your final word?
Yes.
Alright, we'll talk about it tomorrow.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Oh, how unhappy I am!
- Nearly finished, Jacqueline?
-Not quite. If I hurry I will be.
What are you doing tonight?
I'm meeting someone in the foyer
of the Carlton.
The Carlton!
That's very chic!
It's chic and not dear.
- Not dear?!
- That's right.
You sit in a nice armchair.
It's entertaining and costs nothing.
And you listen to lovely music..
You're so lucky.
'Bye. Have fun.
Thanks. 'Bye.
Inside of me I feel
pleasant excitement
whenever I'm listening to music.
It fills my heart
with the scent of happiness
and I listen to music all the time.
What will happen to me?
I just can't resist it.
It's so good, it's so sweet,
that music.
It's charming, it's disturbing,
intoxicating.
It has a magical effect
to find music in one's heart.
- Thank you very much, Sir.
- My pleasure, Madam.
Excuse me, Sir...
I'm waiting for someone here...
...who doesn't know me,
and who I don't know.
I'll be recognised by clearly
carrying in my hand...
...this automobile horn.
Perfect.
What table are you at, Sir?
I'll be over there in that chair,
near the column.
The person you are waiting for,
may be in the music or reading rooms.
Yes. A very good point.
I'll go and see.
Many thanks.
- Your mail, sir.
- Thank you.
Have them left in my room.
- Very well, Sir...
Bellboy!
Sir?
Get me a scotch and soda
Waiter!
A hot-milk coffee.
Excuse me, Sir.
I forgot to ask you Sir,
if you still needed the car today.
No, you can leave it in the garage.
I also have an automobile, Sir.
What is the marque
of your car, Sir?
I have a Lincoln and a Mercedes.
I have a Rosengart.
- Good car.
- Very good.
- And not cumbersome.
- Oh yes... very practical!
I won it in a raffle
at a charity ball
It was second prize.
First prize was a Citroen.
No better.
Non.
So during the holidays,
I'll take a trip to the Riviera.
Nice, Cannes, Menton...
- In a Rosengart?
- Of course... Excuse me.
Tell me, what is it you're doing
with that horn?
It's to identify myself to someone.
I'm waiting for someone
who's coming with me on my trip.
You see, I... Sorry.
I put an ad in Th paper.
Listen to it and you'll see.
"Auto owner..."
"Auto owner..."
"looking for someone to accompany him
to the Riviera during holidays"
"and pay for petrol and tyres."
"Write to Anatole Biscotte,
accountant at Chamorel & Co "
"Wholesale Hosiery.
12 rue de Provence, Paris. "
- And someone replied?
- Within 24 hours.
Just a moment...
Here it is!
I had it this morning.
Here it is.
Bellboy!
Do you see that man over there
with the horn in his hand?
- Yes, Miss.
- Ask him to come over here.
My sister was employed at Saint-Didier,
Thanks to her I can get pet...
...petrol and tyres very cheaply.
Tell me as soon as possible
where we can meet.
J.P.
A lady asked to see you.
Me?
You asked to see me?
You were so courteous as to ask
to see me, using the bellboy?
How can I be of service
to you?
But... I wrote to you.
- I don't recall.
- That's my letter.
You're the petrol and Tyre lady?
- Oh, I remember very well!
- That's good!
I'm truly delighted.
So you're Mr Biscotte?
Yes, Biscotte in person.
- Anatole Biscotte.
- Jacqueline Pascaud.
That's right...
J. P. Jacqueline Pascaud.
I am absolutely delighted!
But you have an English accent?
Yes. My mother was English.
My father is old man Biscotte...
at our establishment. We do
a lot of business with England.
I'm in charge of correspondence
in the business which is...
Would you come through here?
...Chamorel and Company.
Hosiery wholesalers,
12 rue de Provence.
I'll give this J.P.
another 10 minutes...
Waiter, another milk coffee.
- So, you have a fortnight's holiday?
- Yes, and you?
Me? The same.
How much are you allowing
for this little trip?
How much...? Yes...
- How much are you allowing?
- 60 francs a day.
I have 1200 francs in savings.
I have to take 300 for shopping.
That leaves 900 for food
and accommodation.
How much do you have saved?
Nothing... no I mean
not much at all.
Let's see... around 2,000.
That's terrific.
It makes 2,900 francs, all up.
That's quite enough
to go to the Riviera...
...Cannes, Nice...
Perhaps we could make a short visit
to Monte-Carlo?
Play a little.
Win a bit at roulette.
Mr Biscotte, you're not
a gambler are you?
Oh no!
Just the occasional flutter.
Very well...
I think it would be sensible
if I were cashier for the trip.
- Alright?
- Agreed!
You are definitely a very practical
and lovely young woman.
You are very kind, but...
There is one point that
I would like to clarify.
We'd only use our joint fund.
I quite understand.
A strong and open friendship.
- Agreed?
- Agreed.
I'm sorry, that was accidental.
There's my 2000 francs.
And here are my vouchers
for petrol... 68 litres.
- Will that be enough for out trip?
- 68 litres?
That's enough to do
3 times around the world!
I don't ask for much.
I want to see the sea, Cannes, palm trees...
I've never seen the sea.
Provided that nothing happens
that keeps us from leaving.
Why?
If you were to pull out of it
tomorrow...
Me? What do you take me for?!
Besides, you have my 2000 francs.
All my savings.
Oh, that's true!
- So all agreed?
- All agreed.
Saturday at 3 o'clock on the dot,
don't be late.
I'll be there at 2.
And I'll be ready at 1.
And I hear music all the time..
It's charming, it's disturbing,
intoxicating.
It has a magical effect
to find music in one's hear
Jean, put my bags in the car.
I'm going on holiday.
A real holiday!
Give me the Interior Minister.
No, Foreign Affairs.
Yes, the minister himself, of course
Hello? Foreign Affairs Minister?
That's you, Minister?
This is Harry Kingsdale.
Minister, you were kind enough
to invite me for the weekend.
Yes... Can you imagine... How?
No, unfortunately,
I cannot allow myself the pleasure.
Yes, I'm very sorry, Minister.
But it's an official mission
and quite urgent...
Minister, I'm very sorry.
Word's can't express
how sorry am.
Yes... very, very sorry.
Goodbye, Minister.
We're off to the Riviera!
We're going!
- You met him? What's he like?
- He's a sweetheart!
I never thought a petty accountant
could be so elegant.
- So tell me about it.
- Well, I turned up...
My trip has fallen through, Rosalie.
And why don't you go,
Mr Biscotte?
I don't have tyres or petrol.
Where's my hat?
- Your hat?
- Yes, my hat.
I can't go out without a hat!
Give me my hat.
I ask you where my hat is.
You don't know. Get me my hat!
I want my hat.
I can't go out without it!
No... That's not my hat...
I'm sorry, Rosalie,
I'm a bit upset.
That's alright, Mr Biscotte.
Rosalie...
take my basket up to the attic.
I won't be long.
I'm just going to the garage...
...to check on my little car.
It's a beautiful little car.
Back soon, Rosalie.
Where's Mr Biscotte's car?
Isn't it delightful?
Splendid!
A magnificent car.
Can I sit in it?
Any time.
When will you be leaving,
Mr Biscotte?
I'm not going anymore.
Mr Biscotte,
you're wanted on the phone.
What? I'm coming.
Yes, Rosalie, it's me.
A messenger with a registered letter?
3,000... for me?
Who's the sender?
Gibet?
My dear,
I can go anyway!
This Gibet can't accompany me,
so he sends me something
so i can go alone.
We're leaving, my pet.
Listen, Rosalie.
Lock the doors.
Don't let the messenger leave
under any circumstances.
And get the suitcase down
and close everything.
No, not the doors... the suitcase.
Wait there, I'll be right back!
- Look, leave me alone!
- How jumpy you are today.
You don't know what it is,
to take a big trip by car.
Two o'clock.
There he is!
Mr Biscotte, I'm coming.
Panapou...
Help me.
- You're leaving already?
- He's there.
- He looks an important guy!
- No, he's a petty accountant.
Here is a beautiful necklace.
And another one.
- That's all?
- Yes. Hurry up!
Listen as soon as we get there
I'll send you a long letter.
So you'd best give me
some stamps.
- Hello there, how are you?
- Well thank you.
Is this the car
you won in a raffle?
Yes. You can see
I was pretty lucky, eh?
Oh, you can say that again!
Hop in.
Hell of a lot nice
than a bus!
Sure is!
Josephine, bring it all here.
- What's this?
- The tyres, as agreed.
Where shall I put them?
In the back.
Here you are, Miss.
My dog!
Put it in the boot.
Put it in there.
- Your bag, Miss.
- Thank you, Josephine.
- You ready, Mr Biscotte?
- Yes, coming.
- Goodbye, Miss.
- Goodbye, Josephine. Thank you.
Off we go...
1... 2... 3.
Bon voyage!
The tyres! Stop!
My helmet?
Rosalie, my pith helmet?
Give me my pith helmet..
Thank you, Rosalie.
How do I look, Rosalie?
Very handsome, Mr Biscotte...
Though very unusual.
Rosalie, you don't seem
to understand...
I'm going to Cannes, down south...
sub tropical.
I'm dressed for the occasion.
You understand?
Come on, step back.
You haven't seen anything yet!
To the lucky lottery winner
BON VOYAGE!
Smile, please!.
Smile!
Look a bit more sporty, Mr Biscotte.
Very good...
Hold it...!
Here, keep that from me
as a souvenir.
The editor's going to be happy.
Goodbye, Mr Biscotte!
Yes, I'm off to everywhere
and nowhere at all
Yes I'm off to happiness
and chance
I'm on my way
Farewell to every dark concern
So everything now is only good
Yes, I'm off to everywhere
and nowhere at all
Where are we going?
To the hotel, to have
something to eat.
In such a fancy hotel?
But I'm hungry.
We have to watch
what we spend.
We will go to a more
modest place later.
I'm the one who holds
the purse strings!
Come on, get out.
You really want to stop here?
But this all you need,
Mister Accountant!
Alright.
Go on, scram!
Get the hell out!
Cheat! Scoundrel!
Bugger off!
I'm boss in this place!
And I want peace, goddammit!
Good evening.
- What's the name of your inn?
- Can't you read?!
"Au Bon vigneron"
Are you the good vigneron?
Who would you think it is?
Damn me if it's not a dumb question!
Lovely little doggie!
But please come in.
You're most welcome.
Charming...
What do you know about politics.
Nothing at all
Whadda you mean
I know nothing?!
What would you like?
Give us something
first-rate to eat.
Here you can have
anything you want.
I recommend these.
Oh no, we never eat them.
What do you mean?
You wanted to eat here.
Come on...
What do you want to eat?
Trout - Pigs' trotters - Beef stew
Bacon omelet.
We'll have a bacon omelet for two.
- That's not top-class.
- No, but it's healthy.
What do you want to drink?
For me... a glass of water.
For me a bottle of white wine.
A half-bottle of white wine.
You want me to die of hunger.
And a half of white wine.
And they drive a car!
How far are we
from the next petrol station?
About twenty kilometres.
How far?!
20 kilometres!
Or so, old chap.
I can offer you a large room.
With a wonderful, comfortable bed
for two people.
Unfortunately, we're not married.
Pity.
The room is always
enjoyed by couples...
...both the legal ones
and the others.
But we aren't "others" either.
That's a shame.
Put dinner on the bill.
I'll pay it all in the morning.
That sound like
you ARE married
Lulu!
Yes.
What is it?
That guy and his wife
are sleeping separately.
What?!
Believe me,
they want separate rooms.
Go now and prepare
the attic room for them.
Separate bedrooms...
That's shameful! Disgusting!
All it does is give me extra work.
I'm fed up with these Parisian pigs!
Slaving away all the time
I'm tired of working like this.
Never eating. Never sleeping.
Who invented tourists?!
I think I'll go look for
a job in Paris Paris.
That's surely the best thing
I can do.
Here's your room.
- Good night, Miss Jacqueline.
- Goodnight.
- Pleasant dreams.
- Thank you.
Tell me...
Shall we be eating bacon omelet
again tomorrow?
No. Tomorrow I'll allow you
something else.
You can have a cheese omelet.
That's what's called
a varied menu, is it?
- Good evening.
- Good night.
My friend, I need you to make
a phone connection to Paris.
- Maillot 2951
- Maillot 29... 51.
Tell me, do you have
anything left to eat?
I'm still a bit hungry.
The stove is turned off.
Can't you turn it on again?
Yes... Tomorrow morning.
Do you have anything cold?
Yes... tap water.
Hello, give me Paris.
Maillot 29... 51.
Yes, it's urgent. Thank you.
Hurry up, my girl.
Get a move on!
Sir, you have Paris
on the line.
-This is the chauffeur,
Joseph Benoit.
This is, Lord Kingsdale.
Listen carefully.
You'll get dressed right away,
in plain clothes, and as smart as possible.
You'll go buy something to eat.
The very best you can find.
- Alright?
- As you wish, Sir.
After which,
you'll take the Mercedes...
...and you'll find me on the road
to Lyon, at Grenoble.
Very good, Sir.
I'm not alone.
I'm travelling with a lady.
You'll introduce yourself
as if you were Mr Benoit, banker.
One of my best friends.
And you'll invite us both to eat,
the lady and I.
The lady and I...
Very good, Sir.
And I'm not Lord Kingsdale to you.
From now on,
I'm Mr Biscotte to you.
- Understood?
- Very good, Sir.
That's all... Now off you go
and be quick about it!
...and be quick about it!
Hands up!
I adore you!
Oh sorry, I made a mistake.
Who did you want?
Miss Jacqueline Pascaud.
She's gone on a trip.
- Since when?
- Since yesterday.
- Where's she gone?
- To Monte-Carlo.
- How?
- By car.
Madre Mia...!
No, that's not the name...
She left with a Mr... Biscotte.
To Mont-Carlo, by car,
with a man?!
I suspected it...
Yes, I saw it coming!
Ah, but I'll catch up
with them, you know.
I will catch up with them!
But how shall I get
to Monte-Carlo?
How shall I get
to Monte-Carlo? How?
I've got it!
MIGNONNET'S AGENCY - IMPRESARIO
Organisers of parties and social evenings
It has nothing to do with me,
my friend.
None of my business
Yes, but what does concern you
is to send me to Monte Carlo right away.
- To do what?
- To kill one or two people...
...and then, myself.
Still not our business.
Just what are you?
I am a miserable, wounded desperate.
I'm asking you what is your job.
What you can do.
I can do anything, Sir.
Shorthand typist, private secretary,
...chef, trick cyclist, piano player.
Two in one sedan,
two people in a car,
Two out in the countryside,
that is what I need.
If the road is rough,
we bounce at every bump.
A motor car, a motor car,
I know nothing that's more grand.
It's charming, exciting,
it's really a delight.
Enjoy the thrill, that it gives,
when your doing over a ton!
Two out in a motor car,
that is what I need.
A motor car, a motor car,
I know nothing that's more grand.
And that's not all...
There's more to come.
- Bravo!
- Wonderful!
My friends, what can I offer you?
Grapes, melon, pineapple, figs,
peaches, candied fruit...
...bananas, oranges, choc-ice,
acid drops, mints...
I'd like an orange and a banana.
Your friend Benoit
is delightful.
Oh yes.
- How lucky to have met him.
- It was, wasn't it.
And we save so much
with him inviting us to eat.
Of course, I prefer lobster
and caviar, to a cheese omelet.
So do I, when we're not paying for it.
Of course.
Joseph, give me a cigar!
Really!
My dear friend Joseph Benoit,
please give me a cigar!
With pleasure, my dear Biscotte!
This is Radio Paris.
The latest morning news...
Yesterday in Dijon the 50th birthday
of Mr Imac was celebrated.
He is president of the
Federation of Mustard Manufacturers
A flash from Grenoble...
Savoy is currently infested
by a gang of criminals...
...who, armed with machine guns
are attacking motorists on the roads.
The Grenoble Chief of Police
calls for the help of anyone
with information
which will help track down
these criminals.
And now a 10 minute intermission
after which we'll have
the latest sports news
Don't be afraid Miss Jacqueline,
as long as Joseph Benoit is here...
That really could be the sound
of a machine gun.
Quiet! Take cover!
CONTRACT
We engage Mr Antonio Mirasol
as a jazz musician at the Grand Hotel
This Grand Hotel at Cannes...
Is it a good hotel?
- It's the best in Cannes.
- Thank you, Miss.
Besides...
Please stop reading.
Besides, I don't care,
since she left for Monte-Carlo...
and the contract is for Cannes.
But I shall catch her!
I'll find her in Monte-Carlo.
Please don't read,
while I'm so miserable!
- When do we reach Cannes?
- In 2 hours.
2 hours?!
What did I do to the good Lord
to be a martyr on this earth?
Must you read that book?!
You can't read when I'm unhappy!
Be nice, console me!
Console me, Miss.
Poor boy!
Console me!
Do you have anything
to eat in your bag?
- Yes.
- Where?
Excuse me.
Just a moment.
You're too romantic, Miss.
All the same,
I have to stay somewhere.
This is the tenth hotel
with no vacancies.
I'm sorry Sir,
we're also booked out.
Why don't you go across the road,
to the Grand Hotel?
Well, it's Mr Joseph!
Out of uniform.
It is. How are you?
- No longer with Lord Kingsdale?
- Oh I still am.
He sent me to reserve 2 suites.
One for Miss Jacqueline Pascaud
and the other for Mr Biscotte.
I can give you 112
for Miss Pascaud...
and 120 for Mr Biscotte.
112 and 120. I'll make a note.
Thank you.
By the way...
It is essential that Mr Anatole Biscotte
...be treated as if he were
Lord Kingsdale himself.
We'll do our best to satisfy
Lord Kingsdale as always.
I think they'll be very happy
to receive you.
You think they'll be happy?
I say!
What the hell is wrong with you?!
You allow yourself to block the way.
The footpath is not made for dogs!
You crackpot!
Prepare Suite 120
for Mr Biscotte.
Make sure everything is perfect.
Get rid that fellow!
- Excuse me, Sir...
- I'd just like to...
- I'm sorry, there are no vacancies.
- But...
I'm telling you,
all our rooms are taken.
All our rooms are taken,
including the bathrooms.
But I don't want to take a bath!
You've been told that
everything's been taken!
Yes, but I don't want
to take a bath!
- Toilets over there.
- That's not what I want!
- My name is Biscotte.
- Biscotte? - Yes.
- Mr Biscotte!
- Mr Biscotte!
- We were waiting for you, Sir.
- Everything is prepared, Sir.
We've reserved Suite 120 for you.
- Why 120?
- I don't know. - Me neither.
- A splendid room.
- Would you come this way...
The lift is waiting.
- My luggage!
- We'll bring it up.
A splendid view of the sea...
And now, Miss Jacqueline,
close your eyes.
Why?
Don't ask.
Close your eyes.
And now, Miss Jacqueline,
open your eyes.
Jacqueline... are you crying?
It's so beautiful.
Awesome!
It's only now that I see
how beautiful it is.
And so blue...
And so blue!
Yes, it's all very nice.
But for a petty accountant...
I'm looking for
a small simple room.
One moment, Sir.
Mr Biscotte also needs a small room
for his accountant.
Give me Room 300
on the 4th floor.
If I may...
Not free, you say?
Don't talk rubbish!
- You're mistaken...
- Wait... you'll see.
I'll go down myself
and fix it for you.
No, Sir...
You don't understand.
I can't get a word in edgeways!
Too bad for him...
I'll stay here.
Porter, take Miss Pascaud's bags to 112.
Right away, Mr Benoit.
Mr Biscotte will be arriving
a little later.
How come "later?
Is there another Biscotte?
Good day to you Milord.
From now on, don't call me "Milord",
but "Mr Biscotte".
- Understood?
- Very well Milord.
Biscotte!
What room is Miss Jacqueline Pascaud in?
Suite 112.
My hopes arose
throughout the warm, soft evening
I let myself be surprised
and that's since I believe in you.
But without offending you,
here is how I truly feel
In secret I'll whisper...
you can't ever hurt me.
I want to put my heart
in your white hands.
There's no better shelter, my dear,
here is my heart.
When you come to look
right down upon me..
If longing for pleasure,
you want to make me suffer.
Tonight I want to dream forth
a lovely poem
All I want from you,
my dear, is love.
For me, my dear,
it would be supreme joy.
I want to put my heart
in your little hands.
Well, Miss Jacqueline,
what are you dreaming about?
It's such a wonderful country.
And everything is so cheap here.
Come to see.
What's this all about?
Just a little surprise for you.
A little surprise? But this
must have cost an arm and a leg.
These dresses would be
thousands of francs.
No, all second-hand.
100 francs each.
- What about the silver-fox?
- No, it's alley-cat.
How much would that be
in your shop?
I don't know, I only sell
gramophone records.
I don't know where I am, any more.
My head's spinning.
- I'll never be able to account for it.
- So much the better.
Oh you...!
- And this ring?
- It's a good imitation, isn't it?
It's pretty.
A simple piece of cut glass.
Looks like a real diamond.
See you later, at dinner.
You'll wear that dress? OK?
Whats the number of my suite?
Number 120, Sir.
I ordered a superb beach robe
for you today, Joseph.
- It's worthy of my new friend Benoit.
- Thank you sir.
- Where should I go to get it?
- It'll be delivered here.
- And my new name: Mr Biscotte.
- Yes, Mr Biscotte.
Sorry, thank you Sir.
Biscotte! Wake up!
Listen...
I just want a small room.
You put me in a big room,
and don't listen to me, when...
That's not the question.
What are you doing here?
Me? Nothing yet.
I just got here...
And would you be so good
as to leave immediately.
Leave... why?
You don't have a small room.
It's not a question
of a small room.
Listen, I'll give you 5000 francs
if you leave immediately.
Why?
We know each other!
How are you?
I've no time to answer you!
Listen, I'll give you 10,000 francs,
if you leave right away. OK?
We are not so well acquainted...
...that I can allow you
to joke at my expense.
- I'm just waiting for my small room.
- But this is not a joke.
It's not about a room.
Biscotte, I'll give you 20,000 francs,
if you leave now.
20,000? I'll take it!
- Listen... no... I can't.
- Go! Take it!
- No, it's too much.
- Take it!
It's too much.
I can't.
Go!
- No. Please..
- Go! - I'm going.
- Where's the door?
- Right in front of you!
I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
Where's my money?
I'm leaving.
- Where are you going, Mr Biscotte?
- I'm leaving.
- But why?
- I don't know.
Someone gave me 3,000 francs
to come here.
And now I've been given
20,000 francs to leave.
But where are you going, Mr Biscotte?
- And the small room you booked?
- I did?
A small room on the 3rd floor.
Room 300.
300? The 20,000 perhaps?
No...! Room 300,
on the 3rd floor.
Yes... a room.
I'm tired.
Is there a bed in the room?
Yes, a bed and a sofa.
Take me there now...
...to the 20,000 rooms
with 300 sofas.
- It's upstairs, Sir!
- Upstairs...
Mr Anatole Biscotte
is now in Room 300.
Come in.
For Mr Biscotte.
- What?
- Sir...
It's for me...
Yes.... Mr Biscotte.
A pay-off?
A silk-lined jacket!
The first time I've had
a silk-lined jacket.
I'll try it on.
Why not?
So you're Biscotte?
The scoundrel Biscotte!
Sir, I am Mr Biscotte
but I won't permit you...
I am Antonio Mirasol.
- Well, M. Mifasol...
- Mi-RA-sol !
I came to tell you
that you're a scoundrel!
I only have 5 minutes.
I have to go back down.
Well, go.
I'm not stopping you.
- Come here!
- Let go of my foot!
Where's the girl?
What girl?
Fetch her right away!
What girl are you talking about?
I'm talking about Jacqueline.
What Jacqueline?
Don't deny it.
The sister told me everything.
- A nurse?
- No.
- From a convent?
- No... Her very own sister.
- So who is she?
- Don't be stupid.
- You know very well she has a sister.
- No, I don't know.
You don't know Jacqueline's sister?
I don't know Jacqueline,
for that matter.
- You don't know Jacqueline either?
- No I don't.
- Jacqueline Pascaud.
- I don't know her.
- You don't know Jacqueline Pascaud?
- I don't know her.
- You watch yourself!
- I don't know a Jacqueline or a Pascaud.
You crook, thug, scoundrel!
Let go of it!
Where is it?
Where did I put it?
What have I done with it?
- What are you looking for?
- My revolver. I want my revolver.
- What? Do you want to kill me?
- My revolver!
Let go of my cushion.
Let go of my cushion.
Unfortunately I only have 5 minutes,
I have to go back down.
But I'll be back later.
- What for?
- For Jacqueline.
And if you don't give her back,
I'll rip your head off!
You... scoundrel!
Always something!
This time, a spitting Spaniard.
Miss! Hello?
Get me the police!
I was robbed, get the police!
Help! Get the police!
That bastard...
Miss. No, he's an honest man.
Send the police back!
Yes, Miss... thank you!
What's the matter, Sir?
No.
Where were you?
Go into the salon.
Attention.
Could I have Mr Biscotte's room, please.
Hello? What is it? What?
Sorry, Sir,
must be a wrong number.
Miss, would you put me through
to Mr Anatole Biscotte.
What's this again?!
Where the hell did
I put my suspenders?
I don't care about
your suspenders, Sir.
Listen, Miss, you've connected me
to the wrong number, twice now.
Would you please tell Mr Biscotte
that I'll meet him in the garden.
Thank you.
What is it, now?
A lady?
In the garden?
For me?
Tell her I'm sorry, but she may
have to wait a few minutes.
I can't come down,
before I've found my...
There they are! I've found them!
I'll come right away.
Bellboy, would you please check
if Mr Biscotte is still in his room.
Here I am. Biscotte.
This is me, in person.
No, I'm waiting for
Mr Anatole Biscotte.
But actually, Miss....
I am actually Anatole Biscotte,
accountant.
What? Your name is
Anatole Biscotte, also?
And you're also
an accountant?
Here's my photograph in Omnia.
And you also won a car?
Why do you keep saying "also"?
I'm the only Anatole Biscotte,
accountant.
The only one who won a car.
So the other one then?
What about the other one?
That's the the Rosengart.
No, I mean the other man.
You mean the spitting Spaniard?
No, the one with whom I...
How do I know
with whom you have...?
Sir, it's intermission...
I'll just be 5 minutes....
No, not just yet.
Tango.
Sir... Are you sure
your name is Biscotte?
Has been for 40 years
and 5 months.
So, there's another gentleman
named Biscotte...
...who also won a car,
who's also an accountant.
- Who also works for Chamorel and Co?
- That's right.
It's amazing!
He's an imposter, a schemer!
Show him to me...
I want to see him!
Where is he? Where are we?
Where are you?
There he is!
...under another's name.
That's not on!
He's taken my name! The thief!
I'll give him a piece of my mind!
- Stay here!
- No... Yes, I'll stay.
I'll do the talking.
I've a good mind to throw
his 20,000 francs in his face!
No. I'll contain myself...
and keep my dignity.
Ans where have you been
all this time?
Trying on my dresses.
Looking at all
your little surprises.
All your second-hand things.
- Happy with them all?
- Very.
Particularly the bathing costume...
Chosen with great taste.
But of course you'd be used to it.
Why?
Chamorel and Company.
Hosiery wholesalers.
Yes, that's right of course.
By the way, do you sell any
good-quality tights at your firm?
Good tights...
Yes, one of our specialties.
- How much do you sell them for?
- How much do we... Oh...
We have very good ones...
Very inexpensive,
from 2,000 francs.
What?!
We also have some
from 1,000 francs.
Are they hard-wearing?
Yes, very very hard-wearing.
You can pull them all you want,
they're triple thickness.
Tights in boiled leather?
Chamorel and Co
is a tannery.
Miss Jacqueline, I don't know
what good-quality tights are.
So you deceived me?
You're not an accountant.
And your name is not Biscotte.
So who are you?
Please, don't be mad at me.
Just answer me.
Who are you?.
Yes... but you won't be angry?
I am Lord Harry Kingsdale.
Don't be angry.
Are you angry?
No.
- Mr Biscotte, I know who he is.
- Who?
- Must be upper class.
- Yes.
A count... a duke...
- A prince...
- No, a lord.
Why not grand duke or emperor
while he was about it?
You think he's still lying to me?
My poor child, we're in Cannes,
in the roses and con-men season.
Where are you going?
Why are you running?
Wait for me!
Porter, do you know
Lord Kingsdale?
Yes, Madam.
- Is he staying in the hotel?
- No, Madam.
- He's not here?
- No, Madam.
- But he's in Cannes!
- No, Madam!
I told you!
So who is that man over there
talking to the head waiter?
That's a Mr Biscotte from Paris.
It's like banging my head
against a wall!
Come on, Miss,
don't let it upset you.
To be lied to... deceived...
by HIM!
One must be very careful
getting into such relations.
But all I was asking for was
a few days holiday in the sun!
And now... now...
Now let me give you
some good advice.
Come back to Paris with me.
Yes, you're right.
It may be the best thing to do.
When will we leave?
Meet me at 9.30 at the garage?
Yes. I'll be there.
Sir, it's intermission...
I'd like to...
Later! We'll go together.
Slow waltz.
What is it?
It's me, Jacqueline.
I've arranged a little supper
for us downstairs.
Yes, I'll be right down.
- I'll wait for you in the dining-room.
- Yes, I'm coming.
Let me get this straight...
You're registering with us
a sum of 20,000 francs
that you got from some fellow...
No, he's not "some fellow", Inspector...
He's a gentleman.
A very likeable gentleman.
And it's only because I am
of scrupulous integrity...
In short, you don't want
to keep this money...
Yes, I want to keep it.
Only my integrity...
That's fine...
And you're registering a complaint?
I'm not registering a complaint.
I'm registering the 20,000 francs
And if I may be so bold,
I suggest you arrest him quickly.
But to arrest him,
we have to find him first.
That's easy.
Even I could find him.
- Here's your party, Inspector.
- Thank you.
Hello? Grand Hotel?
Duval, the porter?
This is Police Inspector Tremois.
Could you tell me who
is staying in Suite 120?
Suite 120?
Well, Inspector...
Officially, it's a Mr Biscotte.
But actually, and in confidence...
...it's one of our oldest clients,
Lord Kingsdale...
...who has adopted an alias
on account of a young lady.
Yes, yes...
I quite understand.
Thank you.
Well, now I've got the picture.
You're going to arrest him?
Of course.
- Today?
- Sure!
Forgive me Inspector...
...but I'm interested as to
how you'll catch him...
..as there are 8 ways
out of the hotel.
We'll send 12 officers
to cover each exit!
So that makes 8x12, equals 96...
96 plus 20,000 equals...
- Take back your 20,000 francs.
- No, I won't touch that money.
I take responsibility.
No, that money
would burn my fingers.
- Very well...!
- Stop!
Please speak to me politely,
Sir.
My name is Biscotte.
And please put on file...
...that the police have obliged me
to look after that money.
- Where's the way out?
- Through there, Sir.
- What is it?
- Miss Jacqueline, open quickly!
I need to talk to you urgently.
They're going to arrest him.
- Who? - Lord Biscotte.
The hotel will be surrounded
by police.
12 officers to each exit.
That makes 20,000 officers.
- 20,000?!
- 47... er 96...
- But what will we do?
- We'll fill up on petrol...
...slip around the corner and disappear.
I'll meet you at...
- At the garage, I know.
- Oh, my head!
- Hurry up!
- Yes, I'll be right down.
Intermission.
- Hey, Sir!
- Oh no! Not the "spitting Spaniard!?"
Where's Jacqueline?
In my care.
She's leaving for Paris with me.
- She's not to go!
- She'll go!
- No. she won't go!
- She WILL go!
- No. No...!
- Yes! Yes!
Hello, Miss Jacqueline.
What is it?! You want to go out?
No way. We're leaving.
You're being arrested.
Me? Why?
Don't play innocent.
The porter told me. You're no lord.
So who am I?
I don't care.
But you have to flee now.
The two of us? Leave together?
That's wonderful!
Boy! My hat, quickly!
- Where are we going?
- No matter. Just come!
Together... wonderful!
Let's scram!
Leave that alone!
- You're not leaving!
- I AM leaving!
My finger!
Imbecile!
It's not loaded.
Now you're getting me mad!
- You know...
- What?
Stop them!
Stop them!
My car! Get out of my car!
Give me back my car!
Stop!
Let go of it!
Let go of the wheel!
...or I'll let you have it!
Look to see if
we're being followed.
Yes! I see two headlights.
Sure to be the police.
Let go!
We have to get ahead of them.
We'll head for the forest...
...and we'll "give them the slip",
as we bandits say.
And now, if you'd like to step out.
- Are we going to stay here?
- Why not?
It's a wonderful spot.
Look at all the trees...
and so quiet.
The weather's good now.
But my coat is all wet.
My top-hat is sodden.
You are a scary man...
You're even happy!
My heart is thumping...
I'm afraid...
No... why do you need
to be afraid?
I'll fix you up with
a wonderful bedroom.
Two handles ... One bed.
What a wonderful invention.
Good, eh?
Now you'll change
out of that damp dress.
I'll give you some dry pyjamas.
Put them on while I have
a look around the forest.
It's getting cold...!
And black as the ace of spades.
Get out!
You're never satisfied.
Where are we now?
Look out!
It's a cliff!
Wait. I think I have some matches.
Mr Biscotte, you saved my life!
I didn't mean to
Are you comfortable,
Miss Jacqueline?
Very! And you?
Fine as far as width goes.
Lengthwise, it's a bit short.
Wait...
I have an idea.
There... you can come in the back.
- Me?
- Yes.
What's this?
This is my idea...
A small partition.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Dear God...
send me an earthquake.
Beddy-byes...
Beddy-byes...
Colin my little brother...
- What are you doing?
- Taking my shoes off.
Sleepy-byes, you'll get some cake.
There it is!
I see it!
- Where?
- There!
- Where?
- There!
- I see nothing.
- There!
Yes, I see it!
Thug! ... 62 francs 50!
What's going on?
Get dressed quickly.
The police are after us.
Go on... gently...
Keep going...
Stop!
- Hold on tight!
- I'm holding on.
- Don't let go!
- I'm not letting go. I'm holding on.
Milord.
May I present...
Lady Kingsdale.
Watch out!
And when I say "release the brake",
you step on the gas...
...and you reverse.
Watch out!
Put it in reverse!
Step on the gas!
Release the brake!
I said put it in reverse...
Imbecile!
Thug! Moron!
I dare you say that to my face!
Fin
Subtitles by FatPlank for KG