Commando Ninja (2018) - full transcript

Hey guys! I got a good one,
do you want to hear it?

Shut up Hopkins!

What do you say to a
black man in a uniform?

Excuse me Sir, I’ll have a Big Mac with
cheese and a coke please!

You're a fucking Hillbilly Hopkins!

Say that again snow White!?

[Say that again snow White!?]

[You’re just jealous of my
big black dick that’s all!]

Shut Up!

Hey guys, I've got another one!

Do you know why black people...



NINJAAAAAAAAAS!!!!

GET SOMEEEEEEE!!!

Jenny! Stop playing those stupid
video games and go outside!

Yes mom!

One minute!
I’m coming!

Your pepperoni mam

I didn’t order any pizza!

With extra 9 millimeter

Mooooom?!

Darling! Breakfast is ready!

Do you know Why Americans
don’t have hemorrhoids?

Because all the assholes live in Canada!

Hopkins” You old sack of shit”

Did they give you bionic balls too?



You know I’ve already got balls of steel!

Okay, let’s not break your new toy!!

It’s good to see you again, John!

Shit, you look like somebody’s secretary”

An Air Force Uniform,
and you get all the pussy, dude...

So I left the Army!! You
want me to hook you up?

I’m good pussy-Wise, man. And
you can keep your desk job.

Holy Shit Hopkins, for all those years
I thought you were rotting in a rice paddy!

How did you survive this shit?

The usual routine...

It all started when those fucking
gooks unleashed Raptors on my ass...

Fuck off bastard!

Fuck off bastard!

Hey Hopkins, Need a Hand??

Come on, you fucking bastard
commie lizards swingers...

Come on Kowalsky!!!
Get to the chopper!!!

Yes, we are gonna have a little party,
oh yes a nice little party just you and me

A party, a little party,
a nice little party...

That was the last time I saw Kowalsky...

He was a nice guy...
For a Polack!

Fucking mess...

I wonder What became of Snow White...

So! What brings you to
the boondocks, Hopkins?

I’ve got good news and bad news John

Good News First

They murdered your ex-Wife

Shit...

No more alimony!!!

And they took your kid!

Don't mess John!
It's up to the police to handle this!!

Tell me everything you know, Hopkins!
Spill it!

We’re not in Vietnam anymore John,
there are laws here!

I can’t say anything!

Now you listen to me, you son of a bitch!

You've never been able to put your
dick in anything but fat-mama San!!

You don’t know What it’s like
to have a kid!

That’s fucking cold, John...
there was that girl in high school...

Where, When, How!!??

You have no clue about the shitstorm
you’re about to walk into...

Walking in is the easy part

it’s walking out Without your
dick in a sling that’s rough...

A joint operation between
the FBI and the Air Force

has been set-up to nail
a big weapons dealer.

As of yet we don't know who he
is or where he operates from.

What’s the deal with my daughter?

You will not believe me John,
but his men... They are Ninjas!

Shit!
Those fuckers again!

I’ve gone undercover into a gang of bikers,
and I’ve set up a deal in a few days.

We are gonna nail them John, don’t worry!

On time, as promised

Do you know Why your ancestors
roamed the desert for 40 years?

Because an asshole lost a coin!!

Freeze motherfucker FBI!!!

Surprises!

I love surprises”

I LOVE SURPRISES!!

Hey Hopkins”

How is your arm doing?

Shit!

Freeze!

Greetings from Smith and Wesson!

John...

You!!!

Come Closer... I'll speak...

Where is my daughter you motherfucker”

It’s not a way to treat an old friend...

Reunions, I love reunions!

Hey John! I almost forgot!

If you want your kid back,
I’ve got a job for you!

Fuck” If I’d known I was going to
die today I would have got laid...

Hold on Hopkins it’s gonna be OK!
Hold on!

You know, there is something
I never told you John...

You know, all that racist bullshit...

My old man...

He died in a concentration camp...

Shit Hopkins, I didn’t know

He fell from the guard tower!

Colonel, the American is here,
the American is in Val Verde

Thank you Bernardo

Don’t worry...

I’ll keep an eye on him...

It will have cost you an arm!

And a leg!

Beautiful! Bravo John!

I hope my little warm-up...
Pleased you!

Where is my daughter motherfucker!

Jenny!

Sargent Kowalsky was part of my experiments
when I was working for the Soviet Union...

Like your friend... “Snow White”.

Unfortunately, he didn’t survive

You could have been a
wonderful guinea pig John!

If only that... goddamn Colonel Yin
didn’t let you go...

Well, let’s get to the point...

John, you are known to be the best
warrior in the world, and I need you,

to train my Ninja Army

and set-up a new world order,
thanks to my new organization...

THE PENTANGLE!

Kowalsky let her go, it’s me John!

Don’t sweat it!

His brain has been replaced by a powerful
4Mhz microprocessor, to make him

a Perfect - Little - Soldier!

So... What do you think of
my proposal John?

If you want your kid back,
then you gonna cooperate, right?

Kiddy wants to say something?

Kill all these bastards
until the last one dad!!

That's my girl!

To the helicopter, quick!

Daddyyyyy!

Sargent Kowlaksy stop! This is an order!

No no no no no Noooo!

Yes!

Lower! Lower!

Lower! Come on! Lower!

Farewell John!

I think our little deal is off!

But don’t worry, I will
take care of your daughter!

I can look after myself,
you creepy bastard!

[Kowalsky it's over!]

It's me, John, Remember?

[Let her go]

I told you to let her go!

[I told you to let her go!]

What are you doing Kowalsky, don't mess!
I told you to let her go!

Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Jennyyyyyyyy!

Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Noooooooooo!

You are an American”

But in your blood must flow
Ninja Blood”

As says the Ninja Code,

Me must teach you Art of Ninjitsu!!

Teach me!

A true ninja knows how to
master the 4 elements,

but you need to master
the Fifth Element!

Air...

Fire...

Water...

Earth...

and Time!

Focus!

Forget all What you knew...

Don’t walk into the past...

Don’t dream of the future...

FOCUS!

And what will be...

WILL BE!

Remember, my American disciple...

Only a Commando Ninja,
can kill another Commando Ninja!

Their can be only one true Ninja!

But Sensei, did you train any other
Commando Ninja before me?

I’ve had another disciple before you,

very strong,

Formidable!

But that person strayed from the path

and was lost into the dark side!

Now they are... A Red Ninja”

The day will come, my American Disciple

you’ll know!

And you’ll have to cross the fire
of destiny alone!

Now GO!

Commando Ninja!

No!

Wait John!

Lori is that you?

Yes it’s me John...

Lori, your Wife, remember?

But you’re dead!
How is this possible?

The Colonel Kinsky time travel device...

The Lori who was murdered
was a Lori from another space and time...

So this is Why those fucking Ninjas were
always one step ahead of us back in Nam!

When Kinsky first discovered
that technology...

He first hired out his
services to the Soviet Union

Then...

as he became richer

his thirst for power grew and grew!

Jenny? Where is she?

Into the future John, in 1998...

Where the colonel is secretly training
his Great army...

Send me into the future!

Do it, for Jenny!

Bring her back John...

Everything could be back like when
we were a family,

You, me and Jenny!

I don't like your new pajamas!

There can be only one Ninja!

Holy Shit... the democrats must
have taken over...

I’m looking for my daughter,
have you seen her?

I... HATE... PUNKS!!

Hey Dad, it’s been a While!!

Jenny?

I missed you so much Dad!

How is that possible?

We left each other 20 minutes ago!

I think we’ve got a lot to tell
each other dad!

Jenny watch out!!!

Daaad!!!

Kowalsky!!

You fucking commie toaster”

Wait Dad”

I reprogrammed Kowalsky,

He helped me survive all those
years Without you dad!!

He is with us now”

Nice to see you again buddy!

There may have been some glitches on
the language pack when I rebooted him!

Did I ever tell you about the Irish man
who didn’t want to die?

Hopkins!

Uncle Hopkins!