Coming Soon (1999) - full transcript

♪ Hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Hey-hey-yeh, hey, yeh

Yeah!

♪ Well, I've been chasing you
around night and day ♪

♪ Spending a fortune
on makeup and hair spray ♪

♪ 'Cause I know that you're
the perfect one for me ♪

♪ And all I want

♪ Is that you show me
how good love can be ♪

♪ Hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Hit me with your lovething ♪

♪ Hey, hey-yeh, hey, yeh



♪ Oh, whoa, whoa, ha

♪ Hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Hit me with your lovething ♪

♪ Hey, hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Mm-hmm-hmm

Do you think they're done yet?

God, already?
I hope not.

♪ Hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Hit me with your lovething ♪

Oh! Oh! Nnn! Oh...

Ohh!

♪ Hit me with your lovething ♪

♪ Hey, hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Mm-hmm-hmm



Oh, my God.

I don't know. Maybe
we should check it out.

Okay.

Yeah!

♪ Hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Hit me with your lovething ♪

♪ Hey, hey-yeh, hey-yeh
How do I get this thing out?

Stream, are we 18 or what?

Just hook it from the inside,
bear down, and pull.

Thanks.
Not now.

You have to keep it in
for six hours.

I thought you needed it back.

Stream, she can wait.
Go put it back in.

Fast.

She reminds me
of when I was a girl.

You used a condom, too, right?

Of course.
I'm not suicidal.

♪ When my head starts
turning 'round and 'round ♪

♪ And I start to growl
like a mad bloodhound ♪

♪ Well, don't get scared
or angry with me ♪

♪ A cure of soothing love

♪ That's the secret recipe

♪ Hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Hit me with your lovething ♪

♪ Hey, hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Hit me with your lovething ♪

♪ Hey, hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Oh, whoa, whoa, now

So how was it?

It was great.

God, you must be so relieved.

Yeah, I was terrified

I'd be the last virgin
in the senior class.

Well, you definitely
picked the right guy.

I mean, Chad is a hottie,
and God knows he's connected.

Mm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!

Oogh.

Ohh...

♪ ...the rhythm
coming o-on ♪

♪ Seize the moment

♪ Make use of it
before it's gone ♪

So did it hurt?

I felt like I had a
porcupine shoved up me

after the first time.

It hurt a little...

but I loved it.

Welcome to being a woman.

♪ Hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Hit me with your lovething ♪

♪ Hey, hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Oh, whoa, whoa, now

♪ Hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Hit me with your lovething ♪

♪ Hey, hey-yeh, hey-yeh

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Wake up, party girl.
It's noon.

So are pajamas passé now?

Yeah, I'm a real trendsetter.

I brought you some coffee.

Oh, I can't.
I'm off caffeine, remember?

That's right.
Caffeine is so toxic.

Sorry, honey.
I forgot.

That's okay.

Can I have a therapist?

Honey, you know we've
talked about this.

Just because all the
other kids are in therapy

does not mean you need to be.

I know, but I...

I think...

you are just as well-adjusted...

as anyone else your age.

Maybe more so.

Unless there's something
you haven't told me.

I mean, is there?

No.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

I mean...

you just don't understand

how hard it is to be
a senior these days, Mom.

So you think I should
pull a Frida Kahlo

over the fact
that he didn't call me?

Maybe he felt too vulnerable.

What the... Can you believe this?

How bad are my circles?

Very Kate Moss
during heroin chic.

My mother kept me up
all night last night

obsessing over whether
she should marry Irving

now that he asked her
to sign a prenup.

What did you advise?

I told her to hold out for more.

Marrying money is the only
thing she does well.

Why should she
sell herself short?

Curiously strong mint?

So now that you
and Chad have hooked up,

do you think you're going out

or just having sex?

I don't know.
I guess I should ask him.

What about you and Louie,
or you and Petrus?

Are you... going out
or just having sex?

We're definitely going out.

We're going way out.

Are you sure Petrus isn't a fag?

Yes, I'm sure.
He's just European.

Oh, crap, you guys.
We should go.

I respect your opinion, sir,

and I just can't fathom

why you would give me
such a low grade.

An A-minus?

Well, yeah. It totally
brings down my average,

and I fully intend on
getting into Yale, sir.

Hey, Nell.
Yeah, whatever.

"Yeah, whatever"?

Nell, every guy in this
school is hot for you.

Hey.
Darling.

And Petrus here
is missing a chromosome.

Why are you such a freak?

I'm not into beefcake.

Time management, girls.
Time management.

All right, let's wipe our minds

clear of fantasy,
if that's possible,

and get down to reality.

Jennifer Simon,

what did you do
to get into college today?

Well, I explored
cross-culture communication

with my maid, Maria Josefa.

Hmm. Good try, but, uh,
a bit transparent.

College admission committees
are trained

to sniff out bullshit.

Not that we couldn't blow
smoke in that direction,

that's what I'm here for,

but we have to start
with the basis of reality.

Anyone else?

Yeah, uh... well,

Senator Dimatto had dinner

at my parents' house last night,

and, uh, I got him to
write me a recommendation.

Ah. Now that's more like it.

Now, that's using your assets.

You mean your father's assets,

right? Yeah? Hmm?

Uh, what about you,
Mr. Rockefeller?

Rockefeller?

Do you plan to take
the SATs again?

I've told you.

I don't use
the name Rockefeller.

I go by Lipschitz.

Well, Henry D.
Rockefeller is a legacy.

Uh, Henry Lipschitz is, uh, not.

So I hope when the time comes,

there'll be no confusion what
name you put on your application.

He changed his name
freshman year.

So Emilio Estevez.

All right. Now let's begin

by reading the introduction
to my book,

warm off the press,

and I think it's an easy read

and very easy to understand,
I assure you.

And please take note
of the title:

Getting In.
Shall we begin?

Stream Hodsell.

"In my 15 years of experience

"as a college counselor

"in the finest prep schools
on the East Coast,

"I am increasingly amazed
at the level of competition

"to get into good colleges
and universities.

"For every one spot, there are
100 qualified applicants,

"and yet last year
I got 40% of my seniors

"into Harvard, Yale,
or Princeton,

"and 70% into the Ivy League.

How do I do it?
Marketing."

Hey, gorgeous.

Hi.

Why don't you meet me
in the equipment closet

in a couple of minutes?

But I have calculus.

I know.
Why?

I know, but, uh...

I really need to talk to you.

Yeah... Ohh...

Nn-nn-nn-nn er-er-er-er!

Rrrr!

Ohh! Ohh!

Aah!

Ohh!

Aah!

♪ He's a heartbreaker

♪ A mover and a shaker

♪ The magic piper of love

♪ It's kinda hard to swallow ♪

♪ You know
you've got to follow ♪

♪ The magic piper of love

♪ 'Cause he's a city slicker ♪

♪ An expert politicker

♪ The magic piper of love

Oh, God.

That was great.

Yeah.

♪ Of love

♪ Of love

So how's Chad?

I don't know.

He's the bomb, but...

I don't know. Maybe
I'm doing something wrong.

The whole sex thing
is kind of a drag.

A drag? I thought you were
in a total state of bliss.

Well, it's novel.

But I think I like
third base better.

Well, I mean, sure,
third base is great.

I mean, really doing it

takes a while to get used to.

But then you'll love it.

Really?

You guys love it?

Yeah.

It's sex.

Jennifer, darling.

I couldn't help but overhear.

The intercom was on.

Mother, privacy, please.

You're not respecting
my boundaries.

Oh, darling, I think
it's just adorable

that you're exploring
your sexuality.

Really, I just love it.

Could you not be
so fucking patronizing?

Well, there's nothing to be ashamed
of, Jennifer.

Plenty of women don't enjoy sex,

and I'll tell you why right now.

Because they're not climaxing.

They've never experienced
the deepest female pleasure.

We don't need your
insight, Dr. Ruth.

I had countless lovers

who thought that female orgasm

was some sort of Chinese
paper folding.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I mean, utterly without a clue.

What do you mean?

Look, it's the '90s, okay?

There's an article in Cosmo,
like, every month

about female orgasm, so...

Cosmo.

How do you expect
to learn anything

from those bony girls
with breast implants?

Okay, out.
Out, out, out, out.

Oh, oh, Jennifer...

You're such a freak.

I'm sorry.

♪ I've got
no more time for you ♪

♪ Your deception I've outgrew ♪

♪ But I'm sure there's still
some unsuspecting ears ♪

♪ Well, it's a good thing
that you get around ♪

♪ 'Cause you're just too big
for this small town ♪

♪ And knowing you, you'd
bring 'em all to tears ♪

♪ Low

♪ Real

♪ Low down

♪ Low

♪ Real

♪ Low down

J'adore le croissant...

mais je préférée la baguette.

Maintenant en français.

Maintenant, parlez.

Parlez en français.

Allez-y. Allez-y.

Est-que vous avais jamais
voyager en France?

Listen, Jen, I think
your mom's right.

I'm not orgasming.

What? No.

How can you have sex
without orgasming?

I don't think this is
appropriate conversation.

Non, non, non! En français!

We must be with the French.

Je veux l'orgasme.

That means I want an orgasm.

No shit.

Oh, là là!
Qu'est-ce que c'est, ça?

Maintenant...

Stream.

Oui, Renée, je suis
allé en France.

Très bien.

Maintenant...

Nell?

Moi aussi.

J'ai visité la France,

et je l'ai beaucoup aimée.

Bon.

Jenny.

Oui.

Uh...

Oui.

Foie gras.

Non.

Non.

Pas bien.

Pas bien.

I don't know why I do
so badly in this class.

I have a real connection
with the French.

I mean, come on.

All my favorite shirts
are from Agnes B.

How can you be sure you do?

Stream, we've been having sex
a lot longer than you have.

We've been doing it
since we were 15.

When you were going
on hayrides in Vermont,

we were busy getting laid.

You mean every time
you guys have sex,

you experience "increased
heat and tingliness

"that leads to a feeling
of inevitability,

"and then a dam-breaking burst

"of piercing pleasure
and muscle spasms,

followed by trembling
and diminishing shudders"?

That about sums it up.

More or less.

I guess it's just me, then.

Don't feel inadequate.

You just need to loosen up.

Right. Well, according
to the experts,

I should increase my
relationships for my sensuality,

develop my fantasy life,

and more fully communicate
my needs to my partner.

Don't be too bossy and make
your partner lose his erection.

Mmm.

Dick, I know I'm just
a shareholder now,

but I love this company,

and you're running it
into the ground.

You got to be kidding
if you think

people are gonna buy
avocado-flavored toothpaste.

No. Yeah. I know
we're all-natural,

but this is disgusting.

No, I'm not wigging out.

I'm trying
to communicate with you

from a very centered place,

and save us all
from financial ruin.

Oh, really?

Well, you can just kiss my ass

if that's what I get
for trying to help.

He hung up.

Can you believe that?

Well, you did tell him
to kiss your ass.

Yeah. As if no one ever
told him that before.

Well, you're the one who's so
committed to communication.

Why don't you try
to be more diplomatic?

We don't negotiate
with terrorists.

All right. I have rage.
Sorry. I have rage.

Mom, you seem stressed out.

Maybe we should take a vacation,

go to Vermont for the weekend.

I can't be in the same
state as your father.

I'm sorry. No. Vermont is
a nest of bad memories.

Look at you.
You look so pretty.

Are you going out with that boy

whose father made
all those Mafia movies?

Yeah, Chad.
Chad.

Who's your date with?

A most cultured
and sophisticated man.

A potter from South Africa.

For an amateur, your mother
has a very good eye.

She was immediately
drawn to my work.

Bartholomew's quite
a successful artist.

I saw his show at MOMA,

and I just immediately... I felt,

I don't know. You just
have so much to teach me.

Oh, thank you.

But you want to be
a photographer.

Well, of course, Stream.

That's what's
so fascinating about it.

Yes. Very few people
understand

how difficult it is

to express human suffering
in ceramics.

That is true.

Very, very true.

Really, that's so true.

Extremely true.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Really true.

Yeah.

So, honey, what do you and Chad
have planned for tonight?

I'm not sure.

We might be going for drinks

with his dad
and Barbra Streisand.

Barbra Streisand.
Ooh!

I wonder if she
might sing a song.

You never know.

Chad?

♪ Walkin' is a way out

♪ Drivin' is a way out

♪ Flyin' is a way out...

Okay.

Right, then.

What must we never ever forget?

The people who write the SATs

are not as smart as I am.

Correct.

Instead of panicking,

choose B or D.

Yes.

And remember,

it's almost never E.

Exactly.

Thanks, man.

Thank me after
you get your scores.

Hey, baby.

Is that the thousand-dollar-
an-hour guy?

Afshin. Yeah.
He's fucking worth it, though.

My brother's scores went
up 200 points last year.

I wish I could get
my parents to pay for him.

I'm taking them again, too.

Why? You got a 1450.

Yeah. My dad wants me
to break 1500.

He's got this fantasy

that somehow
I'll get a scholarship

if I can hit
some magical percentile.

Whoa.

Cruel world.

Well, I do want to get
into the best school I can,

so I might as well try, right?

Nell's parents are making her
take them again,

and she got a... 1510, right?

They'll have her committed
if she doesn't get into Yale.

That's so sick.

You want wine?

Sure.

Barbra had to cancel.

My dad went to a screening,

so, uh, we have all night

to, uh... hang out.

Great.

You know...

I've been thinking a lot

about myself as a woman.

So have I.

Oh. Thanks.

Well, anyway,

I feel like, um...

it'd be good...

I'd... I'd like to communicate...

Us to communicate.

Sure. Sure.

What is it?

It's sort of about sex.

Hold on a sec.

That's Dial-a-Weed.

I called before you came.

Dial-a-Weed?

So what was that you
were saying about sex?

Well...

it's no big deal or anything.

Well...

it's just, you know...

I feel like... I notice...

I just want...

I love you.

♪ Deadly sniper
You do?

♪ The magic piper of love

Wow.

♪ The magic piper of love

♪ Of love

♪ Of love

♪ My girlfriend, she go blotto ♪
Mmm...

♪ Of cunnings and his grotto ♪

♪ It turns out
he's a dirty old man ♪

♪ The nice place
that I want to be ♪

♪ Is set upon
his Christmas tree ♪

♪ While playing these games
of catch as catch can ♪

Mmm.

♪ 'Cause he's a sweet talker ♪

♪ A silent stalker

Um...
Okay, okay.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh, Louie!

Ah.
Oh!

Oh!

Maybe we should fool around.

Why? Do you want to?

Me?

You brought it up.

No, I... I just...

I just didn't want to be rude.

I'm not really
in the mood right now.

Don't you want to see
my new iguana?

Yeah. Yeah. Sure.

Okay.

♪ Our lives she
rearranged forever... ♪

I swear to God,

aloe vera soap was my idea.

Now he won't even let me be
part of running the company.

So now, you know,
when people go to buy Dick and Judy's,

all they're really
getting is Dick.

It's a challenge
to stay positive.

Oh...
How's that?

Very good.

How's your kidney feel?

Oh, much better.

You know, an artist
must never descend

to the petty brouhaha
of real life.

When did you divorce?

Two years ago.
Mmm.

I came to New York
to live with Stream,

and he stayed up in Vermont

with his pin-headed
new girlfriend.

Mmm.

Of course, we're
still great friends.

That's good.
That's very mature. Mm.

Oh...

Ohh!

I'm sorry I took so long.

Oh, that's okay.

You know, I have
this friend Stream.

Oh, my heart goes out to her.

She's so sexually unfulfilled.

She just can't climax.
It's awful.

I do the best I can
to give her advice,

but... I don't know.

Sometimes I feel like...

some people
are innately sensual,

and some just aren't, you know?

Does your friend masturbate?

Masturbate?

Well, no. She's not
desperate or anything.

I mean, she does
have a boyfriend.

Each section is timed

at 30 minutes.

We will give you
a five-minute warning

before each section is finished.

Do not work on any section

other than the one you are
supposed to be working on.

Remember to breathe.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

All right.

You may now open
your test booklets.

Time's up.

Place your answer sheets
inside your test booklets

and pass them
to the end of the table

for a proctor to collect.

Do not leave your seat

until a proctor has collected
your test booklet.

I did not expect
Allen Ginsberg to show up

in Reading Comprehension.

It was my happiest moment.

The universe is a new flower.

The secrets
of individual imagination

are not for sale.

I love that.

Me, too.

Hey.

Let's celebrate.

Yeah, let's go.

Oh, you know, I think

that the thousand bucks
for Afshin

really paid off.

I just kicked ass in there.

What made you think you blew it?

I totally forgot
what "quiddity" meant.

I thought it was what
makes things the same,

not what makes a thing distinct.

Well, I've got something
that will cheer you up.

I got this
from a friend of mine.

Who?

You wouldn't believe me
if I told you.

What is it?

Is it ecstasy?

Yeah.

We take it now,

and we have a really
wild time later.

♪ I wanna love you, baby ♪

♪ All night long

♪ I want to hold you, baby ♪

♪ All night long

♪ I want to squeeze you, baby ♪

♪ All night long

♪ I want to please you, baby ♪

♪ All night long

♪ I want to love you, baby ♪

♪ All night long...

Whoa.

Oh...

We can't go home.

My... My dad is... Is
throwing a party for my mom.

It's what he does

every time she catches him
cheating on her.

Oops!

Oh, Dad!

So, uh, just, uh, drive around,

and we'll have some privacy now.

Yes, sir.

Ro-o-oap!

Well...

uh... this seems, uh,
pretty comfy.

Yes. This seat is...
so soft.

Feels fantastic.

Mmm...

Ohh...

Oh, listen.

That thing I wanted to tell you.

Oh, right. That thing.

I've never had an orgasm.

Ah!

I don't get it.
You're kidding, right?

Nope.

Whoa!

Whoa.

That's an ego blow.

No.

No, no, it's not your fault.

My... M...

Well, of course
it's not my fault.

Still, though, I think, uh...

I think maybe I should
do something about it.

♪ Let me love you, love you ♪

♪ All night long

♪ Let me hold you, hold you ♪

♪ All night long

♪ Let me squeeze you,
squeeze you ♪

♪ All night long

♪ Let me please you, baby ♪

♪ All night long

♪ I want to love you, baby ♪

♪ All night long

♪ Like it used to be

♪ All night long

Oh, yeah.

Oh...

How does it... feel?

Mmm, good.

This is the best...

carpet I've ever felt.

My ass is in heaven.
Yeah.

Ah! Ah! Ahh!

Ahhh!
Wait...

Don't stop!

What? I think I was getting
closer, but...

W-W-What are you talking about?

You totally came.

I did?

Congratulations.
Details.

How was it different?

Well, it was a totally
heightened sense

of female pleasure.
That's right. Exactly.

It's all about being relaxed.

We were definitely relaxed.

We did X.
Oh.

Yeah, well, drugs
always help, I guess.

I'm doing it.

I will allow my parents

to live vicariously through me.

I'm applying for early
admissions to Yale.

Ah.
Very nice, very nice.

Harvard. Early.

Ah.

Me, too.
Early to Brown.

Oh.

Is it against the rules

to have my stepfather's
secretary

type up my application form?

Uh, Jennifer, I don't think

your grades or your
scores on your SATs,

which you chose not to retake,

will get you in early to Brown.

It's okay. My father bought
me a learning disability.

What the hell is that?

It's an official statement

from a highly regarded
education specialist

that says my low SAT scores
and my mediocre grades

are in no way a reflection
of my intelligence.

I have Attention Deficit
Disorder.

Oh, so that's
what they call people

who get distracted at the
winter sale at Barney's

on the day of a physics test.

I saved thousands at that sale.

And what about you, sir, hmm?

What name have you
put on your application?

My name is Lipschitz.

Well, I appreciate
your integrity,

but don't you think
that's a bit rash,

considering the importance
of the situation?

Look, if I can't get
into Yale on my own merits,

then I...

I don't want to go.

Oh, well, I hope you're
happy with Sarah Lawrence.

Yeah, I hear they have a great
finger-painting department.

I don't have
to remind you, I hope,

that your early applications
are due November 15,

which means those of you
who get them in early

will have a month to brush up
on your weak areas.

Uh, Stream, what about, uh,

what about your extracurricular
activities, hmm?

Uh, well, um...

How you doing?
Can I get a hot soup?

Hey. So why did you
change your name?

I have a prison record.

You do?

No. I'm kidding.

I made it up.

Oh.

Actually, it's my mom's name.

I didn't want to ride my dad's
luxury train the rest of my life.

Barely know the guy.

Oh. I see.

I'll take a doughnut.
Do you want a doughnut?

No, thanks.

One doughnut.

Listen, uh...

do you want to go hear
some music sometime?

Uh, I don't think I should.

I'm kind of seeing Chad.

Why?

What?

Why would you want
to go out with that guy?

Well... I like him.

Do you?

Yeah.

Really?

I do.

But maybe all three of us

could go hear
some music sometime.

Only if you promise he won't
name-drop once all night.

I can't promise that.

See?

One coffee, black.

Here you go.

Where's your drink?

I don't like to waste
calories on beverages,

but I'll have a sip of yours.

It is so great
to finally be orgasmic.

Does it show?

Well, where exactly
should I be looking?

At my face, bitch.

Ooh, "bitch."

So urbane.

Well, you certainly
look self-satisfied,

if that's what you mean.

So when you were trying
to have an orgasm,

did you ever masturbate?

Masturbate?
Not really.

I didn't think so.

I mean, it's so weird.

Every time I try, I just
get bored and fall asleep.

Yeah.
It's just not my style.

I think it's mostly for
people who never get out.

Mmm.

Life is so unfair.

Oh, how can you stand

to be in the same Jacuzzi
as my cellulite?

You are so nuts.

Hello.

Who is it?

Yes, this is she.

Look, I'm not interested.

I just went
on a cruise last summer.

Mine went to Europe.

No, I'm not interested.

I'm in the middle of a Jacuzzi.

I am not interested.

I am gonna hang up on you.

I'm not interested.

Do you get paid
to be this obnoxious?

Oh, my God.

What the hell happened to you?

Guess what.

I was wrong.

Hi, baby.

Look, Chad, did you really think

I had an orgasm in your limo,

or were you just ready to come?

What the fuck kind of question is that?
Well, I didn't, and I think

it's very manipulative
of you to tell me I did.

Yeah? Well, fuck you.

Come on, Nell.

Don't you think
it's a little weird

that Stream needed aquatherapy

to have her breakthrough?

I mean, I go off like a rocket

the second Louie caresses me.

Ahem.

Excuse me.

Oh!

Listen, Jen,

I think maybe we should
stop seeing each other.

What? Why?

We're not connecting in bed.

It's like...
You know what I mean?

Our sex life's empty.

Empty?

So then I told him it was over.

I felt stifled.

Watch it!

Hey!

Anyway, so we were
just sitting there, and...

Stream, are you
even listening to me?

Yeah. I'm stunned.
I thought you were in love with Louie.

Well, I wasn't.

Could you please stop staring

at Mr. Fashion
Nightmare over there?

I think he's funny.

I think he smells.

I've got a confession to make.

What?

Okay, ladies, come on,
chop-chop.

Move it.

Sitting on your rumps
and yapping

ain't playing volleyball.

Urinary tract infections,
Mr. Neipris.

Urinary tract infection?

Sorry.

So what's the confession?

I got to face reality.
I don't like sex, either.

What? Oh, God, don't tell me
you're not climaxing, too.

It's just the sad truth.

Wow, Jen. You're
the only one of us

who's gotten off with a guy.

Well...

I've been having doubts, too.

I mean, to be honest,

sex with Louie
was kind of a drag.

Now that I think about it,

I think I spent most of coitus

figuring out what color I wanted

for my next manicure.

Oh, my God.

Prozac?

Wait.

If none of us has ever
had it with a guy,

then who has?

Well, those losers sure haven't.

♪ It's time to go

♪ It's time to blast off

♪ It's time to go, go, go ♪

♪ It's time to blast off

♪ It's time to go

♪ It's time to blast off

Not that I'm impressed,

but Keanu Reeves just
walked through the door.

Where?

By the bar.

Did we order that?

It's a two-bottle minimum
at each table.

$500?

Just put it on your dad's card.

It's only 200 each.

200... I really shouldn't.

Stream, you have
to live in the now.

We're here tonight
to find butter boys,

and the best butter boys
come here.

We have to upgrade
the level of sophistication

of the guys we're dealing with

if we want to be
sexually fulfilled.

We're wasting valuable energy
with these high school kids.

How come no buttery boys

are stopping by to visit us?

I know, and we look so hot.

Hey, go out there
and get us some.

Why me?

You're the skinniest.

You're the richest.

Oh, my God.

Keanu's friend's
coming over here.

Excuse me.
Do you model?

Well, actually, yes.

I have done some catalog work.

Swimsuits, mostly.

Actually, I was talking to you.

Call me.

What is this, a joke?

Elitist Models?
Wow.

Probably a fake.

Thanks.
Come back soon.

This is the best kind.

Actually,
I would have to disagree.

Macouns are the best.

Are they?

I like a little tartness
to my apple,

just like the next guy...

Not quite to the degree
of Granny Smith,

but something more subtle,
like Cortland or Empire.

Empire?
What about Fuji?

Love Fuji.

Hard to find, though.

Check this out.

Tell me this isn't the best
apple you've had all fall.

Delicious.

But try the Macoun.

Tame.

Tame?

Okay. It's...

it's playful...

zesty.

See? You know a lot about
apples for a city boy.

Well, I, uh...

I took Outward Bound...

twice.

Impressive.

Thanks.

Come on.

Sorry.

You ever go apple picking?

You mean, uh, outside
of the farmer's market?

Yeah. It's fun.

I missed it this year.

Well, there are still apples
on the trees, right?

Let's go.

What, you mean right now?

Yeah.
You and me, right now.

Let's get on a train.

Oh. Well...

What? You still got that
A-list boyfriend of yours?

No, I don't.

But I'm supposed
to meet my friends

in a half an hour.

They're waiting for me.

Oh, I forgot.

You do everything
by committee, right?

Then I'm gonna go
check out the squash.

As I'm sure you're aware,

this is the last week
before the holidays,

and we still haven't written
anything on Othello.

So I'm assigning an essay

to be handed in on Friday.

In five to ten pages,

present a careful exegesis
of the structure of the play

with an emphasis
on the dramatic tensions

that lead to the climax.

Another essay before Friday?

Doesn't she realize

we've got our own tensions
leading to climax?

Channel it.

All right.

Now you can use
the rest of the class

to prepare your positions.

What's this?

Random midmorning vanity?

I have an appointment.

That agent's
sending me on a go-see.

Agent?

A go-see?

You're kidding, right?

What, so now you're
dying to be a model?

I know it's weird.

It's just my parents
got all excited about it,

so whatever.

Studio.

Who's calling?

Let me check.

Sorry, sorry, baby dolls.

There's no time left.

I can only see one more.

Um... you.

Uh...

Can I have him call you back?

Look back and tell me if my
ass looks fat in this saddle.

I refuse to be your enabler.

Just look back and tell me

if my ass looks fat
in this saddle.

Whoa.

Jennifer Simon.

What?

Is it Nell?

You bitch.

Oh, my God.
You are such a bitch.

It's unbelievable.

Okay, bye.

She got a modeling job?

She's gonna be
on the cover of YM.

That bitch.

She's not even that pretty.

Giddyup.

Well, that's fine.
She'll never have an orgasm

with any of those male models.

They're way too self-involved.

Meow.

Well, it's not my fault
if I'm bitter.

My mother's in rehab.

Which reminds me,
her new sponsor Doug is so sexy.

Ethically,
he can't go out with me,

but he's perfect for you.

Really? Why?

He's older. He's single.

And I'm sure... Whoa.

I'm sure he has
a lot of knowledge

about female pleasure.

Great. How old is he?

40-ish, but very well-preserved.

Trust me,
he's really attractive.

Giddyup.

Okay.

Look, Dad, I'm really sorry

I didn't break 1500 on my SATs,

but I'm not sure getting a
scholarship was a realistic goal.

I mean, I'll be lucky

if I even get into
one of those schools.

What are you talking about?

You're a genius.

I'm not.

I'm just a good student

at a good high school.

I mean, I'm probably not
even eligible to get in.

They look at what
your parents make...

Let 'em look, okay?

After what I give your
mother every month,

I'm practically bankrupt.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, baby.
Oh, baby.

I thought it was
just gonna be us.

Oh. Do you mind if I just
put this on the floor?

That's Stream's
Christmas present.

Pretty good, huh?

Oh, yeah, I love it.

So, Stream, have you
seen the new box?

Huh? What do you think,
Stream?

A lot hipper than that stupid
old shiny toothed squirrel.

Well, uh, it's, uh, different.

Don't be shy.
I want your expertise.

We're targeting
a younger market.

Well, um...

to be honest, Dad,

I think it's
kind of... tacky.

Tacky?

Uh, she... she's a kid.
What does she know?

I, uh...

Why, I appreciate
your opinion, Stream. I do.

It's just... Well, you know,
I'm a little sensitive

because it's my design.

And it's beautiful.
It's so creative.

Look, I'm... I'm sorry.
Nobody told me.

No, it's okay.

It's really okay.

It's just...

It's just... Oh, it really
hurt my feelings!

Oh, who am I kidding?
What do I know about design?

Oh, everybody
misses that squirrel!

Not me. I hate
that fucking squirrel.

Sweetheart, sweetheart.

Count me out
of the older men idea.

Girls who go out
with older men are freaks.

No, they're not.

They're sophisticated.

Well, this chick Mimi has
obvious emotional problems,

and the whole thing made
my dad look like a letch.

Did you say Daddy's a letch?

Hold on.
Not really. Sort of.

Boy, I think so, too.

Where'd you get this?
It's so cute.

Stream...

Anyway, I just can't cope

with the whole
Doug the Sponsor strategy.

It's just too gross.

So how bald is your father?

On a scale of 1 to 10?

Did he say anything about me?

Is your mom yakking
about your dad again?

Okay, don't tell me.

I don't want to put you
in the middle.

Tell your mother
to get of there.

I hope you told him

I'm seeing
a South African potter.

Mom, please, I'm on the phone.

You're always on the phone.

I never get to see you anymore.

What about our relationship?

My mother's driving me crazy.

So what... What...

What did your father
give you for Christmas?

Well, no kidding!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

How old does he think
you are? 10?

Anyway, go ahead.

It's 11:30. Clearly,
we've made a tactical error.

I mean, none of the cool
people have arrived.

If I have to face the new year

with no prospects for a climax,

I'm gonna go post
naked pictures of myself

on the damn Internet.

Nell, didn't any of your
new male model friends

invite you
to a New Year's Eve party?

What new male model friends?

Yeah, Nell.

Where are Kate and Naomi going?

Look, let's just go
to Betsy Bradley's.

I mean, at least her
stepfather owns the Knicks.

I'm gonna go get a drink.

A low-tech party, huh?

Yeah.
How'd you end up here?

Uh, the guy's the bass
player in my band.

What band?

Oedipus Wreck.

Oh, I guess I got to go.

Why don't you stick around?

Rebel against
the committee for once.

They're not a committee.

They don't tell me what to do.

They're my friends.

Then let's go for a walk.

How do you know I want to?

Well, I'm asking.

Do you?

Fine.

Fine.

What the hell's she doing?

What?

Where are you going?

Great.

So... what's
your first choice?

Wouldn't it be great for once

to spend an evening with someone

and not talk about college?

Is that possible?

I mean, they make it seem

like the college you get into

determines the quality
of the rest of your life.

Well, it sort of does,
doesn't it?

No, not unless you see your life

like a line on a grid.

You can't plan out
the future anyway.

The future's a...
figment of your imagination.

Whatever happened to chaos?

Rolling in the mud,
for fuck's sake.

I'd like to roll in the mud.

Now, that is a fine idea.

Come on.

W-What are you doing?

Wait. Where are you going?

Raagh! Come on!

But what about my outfit?

Your outfit is just an illusion.

You see, the mud, that's real.

Aah!

Oh, God.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Oh, God!

Ha ha ha ha!

Do you want to kiss me?

Do you want to kiss me?

I don't know. I thought
you might want to kiss me.

Well, that wasn't what I was
thinking about right then.

Why the hell not?

It's the new year.

Don't you want to kiss
somebody for good luck?

I don't believe
in the traditional shit.

Do you want to always do
what everyone else does?

No. I don't,
as a matter of fact.

I went on this walk
with you, didn't I?

I mean, I have a lot
going on inside me

that you don't know about.

Just because I happen to have
two very close friends

doesn't mean
I can't think for myself.

Ohh...

Well, babe, that's what you get

for ditching your girlfriends

to go roll around in the mud

with some self-hating blueblood.

I guess you're right.

He wouldn't even come on to me.

That guy's a waste of your time.

Stream!

Guess what, guess what,
guess what, guess what!

Harvard! Ha ha ha ha!

What does it say?
What does it say?

Yes?

It's only a deferral.

I've spoken with the people
at admissions at Harvard,

and they assure me
there's a chance

she'll be accepted in April,

so she's still in the running.

But you saw her application.

Wasn't it really special?

Yes, but now she has
an opportunity

to try other schools.

Is Stream terribly disappointed?

Well, she claims to be fine,

but, you know,

how could she not feel
like a terrible failure?

Not that I think that.

Well, of course not.

But, you know, it wouldn't hurt

to have a talk with her

just to make sure
that she realizes

you're all right with this.

Mom, don't be so bummed out.

Even if I don't get in anywhere,

it doesn't determine the
quality of the rest of my life.

Oh, I know.

It's just that you're
so much better

than all those other kids.

I don't see how Nell
got in early

when you didn't.

Of course, I don't think
you should be competitive.

Well, Jenny didn't
get in early, either.

Well, Jenny's father can always

donate a library to Brown,

and trust me, she'll get in,

whereas your father...
We'll be lucky

if he buys you some sweaters
from L.L. Bean.

Maybe... Maybe I just
wasn't focused enough.

Maybe I... Whew...

Maybe I should have got you
more help, more support.

Maybe I should have done
your homework for you. I...

But you know?

I'm really fine
about the whole thing.

And I... I feel totally confident

about the way
I brought you up. I do.

It's no accident

that I sent you to a
Montessori kindergarten.

You're a very bright young girl

with a strong sense
of independence.

Condoms?

Oh, my God.

I need to sit down.

Oh...
I'm... I'm struggling.

Believe me, I'm struggling.

I hate sounding
like a conservative,

but I think it might be...

normal for... for...
For a loving parent

to have this reaction.

You're too young!
You're just a kid!

I'm sorry,

but I feel... I feel
100% judgmental.

Ow.

You're right.

I hate myself
for sounding judgmental.

I guess I just have
to accept the fact

that you're...
almost an adult,

and y-you have to take
responsibility

for your own decisions.

So why are you here?

My mother flipped her lid

when she found some condoms.

I'm investigating sex.
Isn't that normal?

Who can say what's normal?

I mean, 70% of American
teenagers do it.

What's wrong with girls
wanting to have sex

as much as guys do?

I mean, I'm not...
obsessed with sex.

Well, that's good.

But...

I wish I knew how to get a guy

to make me climax.

Like, how does that happen?

How do you think it happens?

It seems like you...

I don't know.

Is the guy supposed to...

You tell him your needs,

and he does stuff to you.

Is it, uh, possible

that Stream is being
a little bit passive?

Passive? Stream?

Where's Nell?

I thought she was coming over.

Like she needs to post
a personal ad.

Need I say more?

She's in the land
of hot young things.

I can't even get her
on the phone anymore.

Never mind.

Let's read yours.

Okay.

"Young, sexy single white female

"actively seeks sensitive lover

"for active mutual exploration.

Over 21
need not respond."

Yawn. Where are you gonna
post that, the Village Voice?

Yeah, actually.

Well, they have the
best response rate.

What were you thinking?

I don't know.

Doesn't Town & Country
have a web site?

Town & Country?

Jenny, you wrote...

"I like to scream and prance.

"Will you poke me
with your lance?

"To hell with lame romance.

I want
to cream my pants."

Perfect. I love it.

I don't know, Jen.

The shrink said to be
active, not obscene.

Scream, cream?

What could be more active?

All right, we cannot sit
at the same table.

Yeah, but I want
to see your guy.

Okay, you can sit there.

Is that a baseball cap?

Is that a head of tangled hair?

Hi.

So, uh...

So where do you study film?

NYU.

Oh, great.

So what are your films about?

Oh, you know,

"The prostitute
turns out to be my mother"

type of thing.

Whoa.

So you ready for a little...

mutual exploration, huh?

Sure.

Cool.

All right.

Let's get out of here.

Excuse me.

Meatman 703?

You know, hung like a horse,
born to ride?

Uh...

no.

No.

Hi. This is
Jennifer Simon.

Can I have Wahid come right
away, please?

Wahid.

Traffic is bad, ma'am.

Could you pull over, please?

Do you think I'm skinny?

Ma'am?

Do you think I'm skinny?

I mean, skinny enough
to be attractive?

You look too skinny
to me, ma'am.

Thank you.

♪ I wanna be Mr. Rodeo

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

You know, your message didn't
say anything about role-playing.

You want to have
an orgasm, don't you?

Exactly.

Concentrate...

Concentrate on that
spot right there.

But...

You know what?

That's funny.

You're in the right
place, but...

I guess you don't
have a Jacuzzi.

I have a better idea.

Wait, wait, wait.

♪ I wanna be fucking
all day long ♪

Sorry it didn't work out.

That usually does the trick.

Oh, it's not your fault.

Maybe I wasn't concentrating
hard enough, or...

Well...

Are you aware
of what time it is?

I... I had cab trouble.

I've been trying not to worry,

but who knows where you've been?

I don't even want to know.

Where have you been, Stream?

Maybe if you had a clue,
I might confide in you every now and then.

What the hell does that mean?

You're so obsessed
with being in touch with me,

but you're not
even in touch with yourself.

I am so in touch.

I'm in touch with both...
Both you and myself.

I'm totally in touch.

No, you're not.
I mean, what's up

with your so-called
photography career anyway?

Is that just a way
to convince yourself

you have a life beyond Dad?

That is so mean.

I can't believe you said that.

Bartholomew has a highly
celebrated aesthetic,

and he's totally
supportive of my work.

What work? You mean
these snapshots

you took of me
when we were in Jamaica?

You're grounded!

That's right!

I'm now totally
part of the Establishment.

You are not going anywhere,

for any reason, ever again.

Isn't this where the Freedom
for Tibet Club is meeting?

No, no. They, uh,

they moved that
down to Room 305.

Nick Drake Fan Club's
meeting here.

Oh.

Where are all
the Nick Drake fans, then?

Too cool to be
in a club, I guess.

I guess.

Hey, uh, my band's
playing next week

at Venus Lounge.

You should come by.

Is that an invitation?

Shouldn't you address it
to my personal trainers?

They can come, too.

♪ Bad leather

♪ Trend setter

♪ Bad leather

♪ Always...

Lovely.

Ah, lovely, lovely.

Lovely.

Show me your dark places.

Like this?

No, no, no, no, no.

I want you to imagine
the camera as...

as your first boyfriend.

What?

More natural, something.

Modeling's acting.

More neck.
Show me more neck.

Look at me like you want
to have sex with me.

What are you, a pervert?

I have to be.
It's my job.

Can you get your hand off me?

Are you frightened?

Good.
Look into the camera.

Fuck you.

Oh, I'd love to, but then
who'd take the photos?

What's that about?

Of course, I do have a tripod.

Hello.

It's for me.

What?

What credit card?

Dad, it... It was an emergency.

What's going on?
What's he talking about?

I thought you weren't
talking to me.

All right.
I'll rip it up.

Dad, I said I would
rip it up, okay?

Now?

Oh, come on.

All right, fine.

Is he abusing you emotionally?

Look, I'm destroying it, okay?

Look, Dad, I am
destroying the card, okay?

Do you hear that?
It's totally dead.

What? What do you mean
you can't pay for college?

No, I can't get a scholarship!

Why are you torturing her?

If you can spend thousands
on that new bimbo of yours,

then you can cough it up
for your daughter's education.

Mom, please don't fight.

You need to get
a hold of yourself, Dick.

You want her to have
to take out a loan

and be in debt for
the rest of her life,

just so you can buy
a new Range Rover?

Huh?

♪ It's all right

♪ If you don't
want me to leave ♪

♪ Some things in this life ♪

♪ Aren't meant to be seen

♪ If that sounds mean

♪ I'm thinkin' 'bout you

♪ 'Cause that's what I do

♪ Don't worry for me

♪ I'm gonna
take care of things, yeah ♪

♪ I'm thinking of you

♪ And that's why
I have to leave ♪

♪ Sometimes I feel

♪ Life is all in my head

♪ My eyes see it

♪ Passin' by

♪ Well, then I...

Nell, listen to me. Nell.

Nell, hold on. Nell.

Nell, stick your finger
down your throat.

Do it. I mean it.

I'm sneaking out
right now, okay?

Matisse's feelings for Loulou

are perfectly representing

his pure, naked emotion.

It's as if she's floating
in a yellow sea,

her large breasts undulating

in golden waves.

And then, on the right,

we have the angry
S-S-Soulio, who reminds me...

Good night.
I'm going to sleep now.

Good night.

Look at her heart,

which is like an angry,
meat-like globe.

This nun is so deep.

Jen, get in here!

You're the one who knows
all about throwing up.

Yeah, but I can't stand
watching anyone else doing it.

Anyway, shouldn't we take her

to the hospital or whatever?

No, my parents are gonna
be home any minute.

They'll kill me.

I thought that was the point.

Jen, can you be sensitive?

My life is fucking hell.

What happened?

I thought everything
was going really well for you.

Like when?

Like when you were
on the cover of YM.

You said you got free
drinks at every club.

Nell, you're, like, so beautiful

and so smart and...

and blasé.

Everyone wants to be like you.

Nobody really knows me.

Oh, Nelly.

How many Prozacs did you take?

I don't know.
Three.

Three?

I thought you took
the whole bottle.

That's all that was left.

Ahh...

I guess that's all of 'em, then.

Gross.

Uch, plus the bird just shat.

Get away from me, bunny.

Of course, I'm aware that you
snuck out last night.

But I want you to know

that I, uh, spent the whole
night meditating on it,

and I, uh, I understand

that you... You're probably upset

about your father's
so-called financial crisis.

So I've decided to move
beyond grounding

as a means of discipline.

I still feel that you have
not behaved responsibly,

but I... I can only advise you

and hope that you
respect my opinion.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

And now, for a special treat,

we're taking you
into the sweaty world

of high school rock 'n' roll.

Our first video comes

from that New York City group

called Oedipus Wreck.

This sexy crew
will be performing

tonight at The Bank

in that big rotten apple,
New York City.

Check it out.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

What?

♪ The universe
is like a new flower ♪

♪ Not as much as you are

♪ You wanted me to kiss you ♪

♪ For good luck, yeah

♪ But I wanted to kiss you ♪

♪ For other reasons

♪ Sometimes you rush
in my head like a dream ♪

♪ You are of water

♪ Runnin' down the stream

♪ Runnin' down the stream

♪ Runnin' down the stream

♪ You wanted me to kiss you ♪

♪ For good luck, yeah

I don't know if I'm really
in the mood for a nightclub.

I just tried to commit suicide.

I'm not ready to have fun.

Oh, come on, Nell.

Aren't you curious to see Henry?

We could care less about Henry.

We think he's a freak.

But we understand your need

to find out if he's
a stud on stage

since he was such
a dud in the mud.

I thought he was off your list.

You know, I've got
this awful feeling

I might kinda like him.

So? Like has nothing to
do with sexual ecstasy.

I'm starting to think it does.

Come on.

Three of us.

Thank you. Thanks.

Thank you. Raahr.

He looks really good.

Yeah, if you like grease.

That boy needs to take a shower.

So, uh...

I, uh, I know this girl.

Yeah.

You'll get her, man!

We, uh, we had all this...

chemistry.

Yeah!
Yeah!

But she's too hung up

on what other people think

to really... rock.

I wrote this song when I
thought I stood a chance.

All right, man!
Sing it!

♪ I know I'd love you

♪ If you give me the chance

♪ I'll make you
scream and moan ♪

♪ I'll make you wet your pants ♪

♪ 'Cause I know
how to love a woman ♪

♪ I know how to love
a woman, yeah ♪

Do you think...

Who do you think
he could be talking about?

♪ You know our love is hot

♪ You'll ovulate
on the spot... ♪

I bet you that drummer came up

with that "ovulating
on the spot" line.

Who is she?

Some dyke.

Why do you say that?

I heard she went to Brearley.

♪ Take it off

♪ Do it now

♪ Gonna make you quiver

♪ Make you scream and shout ♪

♪ So put away your inhibition ♪

♪ Start your engine

♪ Start your engine

♪ I know I'd love you

♪ If you'd give me the chance ♪

♪ I'll make you
scream and moan ♪

♪ I'll make you wet your pants ♪

♪ 'Cause I know
how to love a woman ♪

♪ I know how to love
a woman, yeah ♪

♪ And I'm in no hurry

Well, what's the deal
with him and that drummer?

Are you sure she's gay?

I don't know.

They do look kinda touchy-feely.

Whatever. All those
rock 'n' rollers are sluts.

Maybe she's bi.

What do you care anyway?

Look, whatever. Can we
just get out of this dive?

I'm gonna die of boredom.

Hey, where's Nell?

What are you doing a block away?

I told you to wait out front.

Well, I didn't say you could
go get a cup of coffee.

Yes. Now, please.

Let's wait for the band
to come out.

I can't wait any longer.

If I don't go home now,
my driver goes on overtime.

Well, they're
coming out any minute,

and besides, we can't
leave without Nell.

What if she tries
to kill herself again?

She's all out of Prozac.

What's she gonna do,
O.D. on St. John's Wort?

Look, that's my car, all right?

Let's just go.

Excuse me.

Yeah?

You guys were
really great tonight.

♪ Are you so
surprised to see me? ♪

Are you really a lesbian?

Wow. That's a weird way
to say hello.

I'm sorry.

I'm such a freak.

No, it's okay.

Yeah, I'm out.

Are you?

Me?

No.

♪ Who's
gettin' scared now? ♪

♪ Tell me, tell me,
how does it feel? ♪

I don't know why I wanted
to escape my life.

I just feel trapped
behind my face.

Sounds like you're
really depressed.

Yeah, I just feel
like a freak sometimes.

A freak from the inside
or a freak from the outside?

Inside. Outside,
people love me.

So... what do you think
is going on inside?

I don't know.

Well...

I'm sure you will someday.

It's pretty late.

I mean early.

I think I should
be heading home.

Wait.

♪ Engaged by your
obsession with me, yeah ♪

♪ Time for some mental
torture, and I... ♪

Oh, my God.

A breakthrough.

Thank you guys for coming over.

I have a pretty serious
news flash.

I had an orgasm.

What?

You're lying.
I don't believe this.

You were the laziest one
out of all of us.

How did you do it?

Who is it, Nell?
Who's the guy?

Well...

it's the drummer
from Oedipus Wreck.

The drummer?
You mean from Brearley?

You mean she's not
sleeping with Henry?

Nope.

The dyke?

Fantastic!

Her name is Liza,

and you know what, Stream?
You were right.

Like has everything
to do with sexual ecstasy.

I knew it.

At least it's totally
trendy, right?

I mean... you never know.

You could get your own sitcom.

Shut up, Jen.

I think it's great, Nell.

Congratulations.
Thanks.

Hey, Stream,
come check this out.

Papaya gingko energizing
cream with oatmeal.

How does it feel?

Huh?
It's tingly.

Energizing.
It's great.

It is, right?

God, I'm gifted with herbs.

You know, honey,

now that I've finally freed Judy

from Dick and Judy's,

I realize how
frustrated I've been.

It's really blocking
my spiritual progress.

I'm a born businesswoman.

Who was I trying to kid
with that photography idea?

A lot of your photos
are really good.

Thanks, but, you know,
I have to consider it, like, a hobby.

I mean, the minute I
start thinking about it

as a professional thing,

I get so... I get so,
um, claustrophobic.

I can't go near a darkroom.

Mom, you are so self-actualized.

Well, it's about time.

You know, I've been
so overwhelmed

with my own stuff,

I haven't really...
really understood

what you were going
through as a young woman,

and, you know, I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

And now...

Harvard.

Harvard Schmarvard.

This time, I'm not
even gonna watch.

You know I love you,
no matter what.

I can't believe it!

I just can't believe
I have to go to Vassar!

It's a nightmare!

You're gonna love it.

It's really low-pressure there.

Poughkeepsie's
a really good town.

Oh, come on!

Thank you, Daddy.
Brown.

It was really touch
and go for a while,

but he finally found the
right person to bribe.

Stream, you?

Yes, I got in,

and my mom finally released
her inner-entrepreneur,

so now she's sure
she can help me pay for it.

That's so good.
That's really nice.

You know, he got
into Harvard and Yale.

So he'll either be in
my class or yours, Nell.

Oh, not mine.
I'm not going.

What?
You've got to be kidding.

After all that work?

Oh, God, Nell,
your poor parents.

They're gonna commit hari-kari.

I'm not doing anything

that feels wrong anymore.

Maybe I'll join the Peace Corps

and go to school afterwards.

Or maybe I won't.
It's my life.

Peace Corps. Hmm.

That's awesome, Nell.

Thanks.

Go get him.

Congratulations,
Henry Lipschitz.

Thanks. Uh,
congratulations to you,

Stream Hodsell.

Will you go out with me?

I thought I wasn't your type.

You are. I... I just haven't
been listening to myself.

I understand
if you don't want to.

I was really, um...

I just wanted you to know

that I think
about you sometimes,

and I'm sorry
if I acted like a jerk.

I'll go out with you.

You will?

You want some time
to think about it?

No. I don't need time
to think about it.

I mean, is commitment
a bad thing, you know?

So how come you never kissed me

that night in the park?

I was nervous.

Really?

But you're a rocker.

Well, I don't...

I don't kiss people
I barely know.

Oh. Well,
that's a good policy.

Listen.

I've got some things
I want to show you, okay?

Okay.

I've got some things
to show you, too.

Me first.

Mmm...

Ohh...

Ahh...