Comedy Queen (2022) - full transcript

You always told a joke
that went something like this:

"Why can't you
put up a boar for adoption?"

"Because you get a-boar-tion."

And you laughed out loud
even though no one found it funny.

And I laughed as well
because you were happy.

So the cliff was named after the person.
What the fuck does a Cliff look like?

And the worst part is
that my grandfather's name was Cliff.

But he looks like an Earl!
What the hell does he want?

Could you turn that off?

Thank you.

There's nothing wrong with going here.
It's perfectly normal.



Honey... You're completely normal.

You don't need to say
that you're going to the dentist.

OK?

Hey... What are you doing? Stop it.

I'm taking a selfie.

-Here at the psychologist's office?
-Yes.

-It's normal to take selfies at my age.
-Come on.

What? Everyone does that.
You just said I was normal.

Stop it.

-Sasha?
-Yes. Hello.

Tell me something about yourself.
What do you do in your spare time?

-I could start if you want to.
-No, I'll start.

I like to do...

...normal things. Like sing in a choir.



-Wait... You don't sing in a choir.
-No.

But I want to.

I've told you.
And you said I should try new things.

It's great!

-Sasha used to play basketball...
-I spend time with my best friend Märta.

-What do you like about Märta?
-She's nice and normal. Happy.

How would you describe yourself?

I'd say that I'm nice and normal,
just like Märta.

I think that's why
we're such good friends.

-So you want to sing in a choir?
-Maybe.

Cool.

You can drop me off at home.

Right... But I thought we'd go
to the grave and light a candle.

-But I have homework.
-Sasha...

It's a presentation.

You said you'd give me more data
if I went today.

-There. See you later.
-Yes, bye.

I'd just like to remind you
that there's lots of traffic

on the E20 going downtown.
Take it easy!

Speaking of roads, I think
John Denver has something to say.

Hi, honey! Are you home?

-So nice. Did you have a good day?
-Yes.

Give me a hug.

-But no tickling.
-OK, no tickling.

-Mom, don't!
-I don't tickle...ever.

-Come on, honey, let's hug.
-Mom...

Mom. If you quickly lie down
and stare at the ceiling without blinking

the tears will run back into your eyes.

It's a great tip
if you don't want to cry.

You always cried. And then you died.

Now everyone else cries.

But not me. I refuse to cry.

I don't want to be like you.
I don't want to be depressed and die.

I want to survive.

SURVIVAL LIST

I'm writing a list of things I need to do
to avoid becoming like you.

Number 1. Cut off all my hair.

Everyone says I look like you.

They mean it like a compliment,
as if it's a good thing.

But I don't want to look like you.

Number 2. Don't read books.

You were always reading.

Did that make you happier? No.

So I'll never read another book.

Number 3. Never take care of something
that's alive.

That's quite obvious.

You tried taking care of me,
but that went to hell.

Did you know
that dad hasn't laughed since you died?

You made him cry.

I need to make him laugh again.

It's the most important thing.

I'll become a comedian
if that's what it takes.

I just can't stand seeing him this sad.

Number 4. Become a comedy queen.

-Are you cutting it all off?
-Yes.

-She's so beautiful.
-Yes, it really suits her.

-Class is about to start.
-We know.

That's nice.

That's Buddha.

God!

-That's nice.
-Yes.

-Wait, do I have ears like that?
-No, no! Don't worry.

She doesn't have a shirt on.

-Are you sure you want to do it?
-Yes. It'll grow back.

-It's a big change.
-Yes.

1. CUT OFF ALL MY HAIR

Right...

-Are you sure? Your hair is so nice.
-Then you can have it. Do it!

Fine...

-Sure?
-Yes!

Right. On three.

One, two...

...three.

-Ow!
-Sorry!

-Is it working?
-I think so.

-Does it look good?
-Yes.

-What are you doing?
-I think it broke.

-What?
-It's broken. It doesn't work.

God, what have I done? I'm sorry!

-Your dad is going to kill me!
-Calm down.

-I'm sorry!
-Stop saying sorry.

Hi, Sasha! I'm home!

I'm gonna die...

-Hi, Märta.
-Hi...

What's going on?

Sasha?

-Honey, what did you do?
-Your machine is crap.

-We just wanted to cut my hair.
-The machine is for those with short hair.

Hey, Märta...

There...

-What do you think?
-It's great.

-It's nice. It suits you.
-Thank you.

I'm happy you like it.

Excuse me, I'll just get that.

1. CUT OFF ALL MY HAIR

-Do I look ugly?
-No, it's really nice.

It feels like velvet.

-I'm sorry about before.
-Stop it! I said it wasn't your fault.

Not that. About what I said
when your dad came home.

I said...

"I'm gonna die."

That's just something people say.
It's cool.

-Really?
-Yes.

You look gorgeous.

Come on, you're late!

I have a sore throat.

No, you're just nervous about your hair.
But you look great!

Hey! Come on!

Hey...

You look really cool.

Listen... You start with the set-up
to build up the joke.

Then the punchline is the funny part.

-So what's funny?
-It doesn't say.

If you do stand-up and everyone loves it,
then you kill it.

But if it goes to hell, you bomb.

So you want to be a comedian?

Yes, I think so.
I need to make my dad laugh.

Right, gather here!
Come down, Nils. We need to start.

We're going to play dodgeball today.
You all know the rules.

Sasha.

You're wearing a hat.
You need to take it off for PE. Come on.

Hurry, we need to start.

Come on.

Good.

Nice.

-It looks really great.
-Thank you.

-When did you do that?
-Yesterday. At home. Märta helped me out.

Very cool.

-I didn't mean to.
-Right.

-Nice haircut.
-Thanks.

No offense, but you kind of look
like a killer in a horror film.

Research shows...

2. READ NO BOOKS

...that there were neither continents
nor oceans

and there was only a weak atmosphere.

-We'll pause there.
-No!

We'll watch the rest tomorrow.
Open your books to page 30

and read the chapter
about the Earth's crust.

Remember to take notes
for the upcoming presentation.

Everyone will read quietly by themselves.
Do you hear that, Nils?

Cecilia... Can I talk to you?

I forgot to bring my book.
Can I look for info online?

You can share the same book.
Märta won't mind, right?

No.

There's so much more info online. And
I love reading about the Earth's crust.

That's great, Sasha.
But you know our mobile phone policy.

Just share one book, it'll be fine. OK?

-Cecilia? I need to use the bathroom.
-Fine.

Hi, everyone. Welcome. My name is Sasha.

My stomach really hurts,
because I just ate a giant crust...

The Earth's crust.

Hi, everyone! Great to see so many people.

My name is the Globe

and I get upset
when you call me a cheap rubber ball.

-What are you doing?
-Nothing.

-John?
-Don't tell her I'm here.

John!

-Hi, Sasha.
-Hi.

-Is there someone else in here?
-No.

-Really?
-Yes, it's just me.

Thanks.

Cool hair.

Hey!

-What's your name?
-Sasha.

-Could you close this behind me?
-Sure.

Great.

-Want to join?
-No.

Mom, I admit it.

This feels really strange.

But I can't keep reading books
if I say I don't want to be like you.

You were always reading.

You wallowed in people's misery.

People who weren't even real.

As soon as you finished one book
you started on the next.

It was like
you wanted to be somewhere else

rather than here with me.

2. READ NO BOOKS

-Hi. How's it going?
-Hi. Yeah, good.

What's all this?

What about the alcohol-free one
you had last week?

Wow! Look at you!

-Hi!
-Hi!

-What's it like at home?
-Fine.

Good.

What did my dear brother say
about your new haircut?

He was like: "What did you do?"

-How are you?
-Fine.

-I'm great.
-Good.

Me too. Thanks for asking.

How old is the youngest person
who's done stand-up here?

Maybe 20 years old.

Hi, Sasha! Nice to see you.

-Love your hair.
-Thanks.

Right... Do you think
I could be a comedian?

You? A comedian? No, that's impossible.

-You need a sense of humor for that.
-Really?

-I'm joking. Is that what you want?
-Yes.

-But I don't know if I can.
-Come on! You're hilarious.

-For a child.
-Shut up!

Come with me for a smoke
and I'll tell you my best jokes.

-Please... You know I'm trying to quit.
-See! You've got talent.

Come on.

-Dad...
-Yes?

Do you know why parents love their phones
more than their kids?

No...

Phones never forget to tidy their rooms

and if you bring them into the bathroom,
they never complain that you poop smells.

-Is that from YouTube?
-No, it's me.

-Thanks for dinner.
-Your plate.

I'll clear it later.
I need to work on my presentation.

The Earth's crust...

EARTH'S CRUST

SKATING RINK
PENIS

I was just thinking...

Wouldn't it be great
to have a warm Earth's crust

on a call wint...no.

I'm so happy that you're all here!
Thank you!

MAGNESIUM
CUCUMBER

Today, I'm a cucumber.

I'm a cucumber.

I am a cucumber.

Wouldn't it be absolutely great
to have a glass of ice-cold water

and a continental crust?

It might be too heavy.
Don't blow out the candles.

-Can you really carry it?
-Yes.

Happy birthday to you...

Four cheers for Sasha
who turns 13 today!

Hooray, hooray, hooray, hooray!

-Happy birthday!
-Thank you.

Now you can make a wish!

Here are your presents.
And grandma wants a hug.

-Happy birthday, honey.
-Thanks.

Your hair looks great!
Like a little hedgehog.

Open them.

-That's from Grandma.
-I know you're growing.

-So I'm not sure about the size.
-This is really nice!

-Do you think it'll fit?
-Yes. Thank you so much.

-Now that one.
-Yes.

-Are those the right ones?
-Yes. Thank you.

And then there's something else here...

Are you serious?

We're going to pick her up in six weeks.

-A dog, Sasha!
-That's the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

-Can I see it?
-Yes.

Such a sweetheart! She's so cute.

-Will she be housetrained?
-Of course not.

I'll come over all the time
to take care of her.

-I need to go to the bathroom.
-What will we name her?

-Grandma!
-No.

I need to go to the bathroom.

NEVER TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING
THAT'S ALIVE

Mom...

I can't take care of a dog.

Even if I've always wanted one.

Every Christmas, every birthday.

I asked for a dog last year as well.

But I was still happy
for the sweater you got me.

The sleeves are too short now,
but I saved it.

I keep it at the bottom of the closet,
by the knitted socks.

It was the last birthday present
you gave me.

-What are you listening to?
-Nothing.

-I want to be able to hear you.
-It's a nice color.

What else did you get?

Nothing much.

OK.

Oh, you have to look at this.
A guy had surgery to become a tomato.

-Why?
-He's a climate activist.

That doesn't help the climate.

-That's insane. It must be fake.
-I think it's real.

-I have a gift for you.
-OK...

-Here you go.
-Thank you.

-Is it a book?
-You'll see.

-It's a notebook for your jokes.
-That's great, Märta!

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

Here's something else.

-Hair color?
-Yes, pink.

-It washes out.
-OK...

Will you do it?

-Hello?
-Hi!

-Sorry I'm late.
-That's OK.

-Did you have a good time?
-Yes.

-Hi!
-Hi!

-Happy birthday.
-Thanks.

Here.

Nicely wrapped.

-I like the color.
-Thank you.

A dog leash!
Isn't that genius? The color matches.

-Thanks.
-You're welcome.

Pink?

-That's nice.
-Thanks.

-It washes out, right?
-Hi, Sasha!

Wow, that looks great!

Well, Sasha...
How does it feel to be a year older?

Nothing special.

Although time passes,
you feel the same inside.

One day, you look in the mirror and think:
"When did this happen?"

What did Märta say when you told her
you were getting a puppy?

Was she shocked?

-You don't want to talk about the puppy?
-No.

This tasted great!

-Did something happen?
-No.

But maybe you should ask me
if I want a dog before getting one.

-What do you mean?
-It's not like getting a sweater.

-What's wrong?
-Do you think it's the same?

I don't understand. Why are you so upset?
You've always wanted a dog.

Yes, I wanted one before. But not anymore.

-You've always loved dogs. What now?
-I can't take care of a dog.

Honey, we'll do it together. You and me.

I can come home on my lunch break.

-Ossie...?
-Yes, she can stay with me.

No, it's impossible! I don't want to!

Why the hell is there a chair here? Huh?

-No one's using it. Why won't you move it?
-Sasha...

You think you know what I need,
but you don't understand a thing!

I won't take care of a dog,
because I don't want one!

Stop it, please.

I can't talk to her. She won't go
to the grave and she won't cry.

3. NEVER TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING
THAT'S ALIVE

Yes, what the hell do you think I'm doing?

Dad was out looking for you all night.

Him, Ossie and all the police officers.

You'd been gone for 23 hours
and I was on my way to school.

Grandma said I should stay home,
but I wanted to go there.

To a place
where everything was like before.

When dad called, I could hardly hear
what he said even with maximal volume.

But I still understood.

Dad told me to stay where I was.
Ossie would come and pick me up.

So I stayed where I was.

And mom...

I sometimes feel like I'm still there.

Calm down! Nils!

Right, everyone!
Please be silent. Thank you.

It's Sasha's turn to tell us
about the Earth's crust. Go ahead.

Class 6C! I'm so excited to be here.

I actually turned down a great job
so I could be here for my presentation.

Yep. I was going to babysit.

Isn't that crazy?
Because I don't know anything.

I don't know how to cook
or how to change diapers and...

That's enough!

No, I don't know anything.

I only know what it's like to be a child,
since I am a child.

It's like saying: "You've been ill,
so you can be our doctor."

Sasha, will your presentation start soon?

6C!

Wouldn't it be great with some
ice-cold juice and crispy Earth's crust?

But you'd better watch out.

I once bought a package
that was past its use-by date.

It was 4,000 million years old.

Stop that!

Let's stop there for today, Sasha.
Hold your presentation another day

when you're better prepared.
Go back to your seat.

Right, Martina is next up.

4. BECOME A COMEDY QUEEN!

Sasha?

Sasha!

What were you doing in there?
Was it a bet or something?

I hope she's well paid.
I would have died if that was me.

Sasha! Wait!

We really need new tomatoes now.

Sasha, make a new salad. Come on!

-What are you doing?
-Valter! Out of the way!

Mom! Come get Valter!

Valter, pass the salt.

-This was good.
-You think so?

Valter.

-Hey...
-Valter, come on!

What is this dish called?

-It's palak paneer.
-Really?

-No, that's unfair!
-No, I told you it was good.

-Mom, tell Valter to stop!
-God, what are you doing?

Stop it! Don't do that, Valter.

I don't love you anymore.
You're not my mom!

That makes me sad to hear,
because I love you so much.

Valter, honey...

Are you OK? Valter...

I'm sorry.

I need to go home now. But this was great.

-But...there'll be ice-cream for dessert.
-No, dad is waiting for me.

-We can have the ice-cream right away.
-Yes, no problem.

No, I still need to leave.
See you tomorrow.

Tell your dad we said hi.

Bye!

-How do you feel today?
-Cranky and abnormal.

I told Sasha before
that I think it's important...

...that she talks about difficult things.

That she has nothing to prove
by being happy and normal, so to speak.

Do you know why dad dragged me here?

Tell me.

Because I don't want a dog
and I never cry.

But not everyone cries.
And if I'd been a guy, it would be fine.

-It would be perfectly normal.
-I'm a boy and I still cry.

-I just think...
-You fucking cry all the time.

You cry if there is
a plastic bag swirling around in the air.

How normal is that?

Maybe I can talk to Sasha in private?

Yes... That might be a good idea.

I'll be right outside if...

-What are you thinking about?
-Nothing.

Maybe you know what you're thinking,
but not how to say it.

I need to take this.

Hello?

No. What?

Seriously?

On the 13th and 14th in Örebro.

And on the 28th in Norrköping. Yes.

Hi. Do you recognize her?
You've seen her on YouTube, right?

Can I call you later?

No, e-mail me those dates. Yes.

Great. Thanks a lot, bye!

Hello! So you're Sasha? My name is Angela.

Can't you give us some pointers?
What's important to think about?

How do you come up with your jokes?

Listen... You need to be
extremely critical of yourself.

You need to be able to talk about
everything bad in your life. Just...

Get it? I...

I talk about everything that sucks
about my life. Like this, see?

I sweat so much!
If this place caught fire right now

I'd just be able to put out the fire.
Believe me!

Every piece of ember.
Not even a spark left. These armpits...

No fires are lit around these.

But... Yes, some pointers for you.

First: No one wants to hear
about successful people.

They want to hear
how everything goes to hell.

Start making a list
of all the bad things that have happened.

Let's give it a try right now. What's
the worst thing that happened to you?

Anything. Shoot.

-You didn't know that.
-No, but still.

I feel like a fucking idiot!

-Hi, girl.
-Hi.

-Hi. How did it go?
-With peeing?

It went great.

I was just thinking, Sasha...
I'm performing here in a couple of weeks.

I'll be on stage for 15 minutes.

I could give you 3 minutes of my time
to perform if you want to.

I really believe in you.

-Seriously?
-No.

Preferably funny.

But do you want to?

Yes! I can be your manager, right?

You're so sweet!

You'll be great.

Jump.

Good. Lie down.

Roll over. Roll over...

Lie down. Roll over.

Yes!

-What the hell?
-Sorry.

Very funny.

It almost hit you...

-Is that your dog?
-No, I stole it from outside the store.

-Do you want to see a trick?
-Sure.

Here... Up. Jump.

Good!

Dance... There, there.

Look, she's crazy.

Good girl! Come on, let's go.

Come on!

Yes, come on!

Yes, good girl!

-What kind of trick is that?
-Simon says.

-Isn't your name John?
-Yes, that's right.

Good girl!

Make me laugh.

-It's not easy to do on cue.
-What, isn't that the deal?

Fine...

-Do you write down your jokes?
-Yes.

-OK. Sorry.
-Right, be quiet.

I'm afraid of flying...

-Have you started?
-Yes! Do you want to hear it or not?

Sorry.

I'm afraid of flying, so...

that's why I love climate change.

Whenever I take the train
I'm considered an environmental hero.

Although I'm really a coward.

Right, nice! One more.

Right. Why can't you put up
a boar for adoption?

Why? Let's hear it.

Because you get a-boar-tion.

You're cool.

But I don't get it.

What the hell...

Hey! Do you have anger issues, or what?

-You get it back.
-Go to hell.

OK, mom. In my opinion
I'm quite good at not being like you.

I have no hair and I don't read books.

And I don't take care of anything
that's alive.

All I need to do now
is become a comedy queen.

Do you remember when you said
some people have funny bones?

They're just funny in themselves.

And some people are never funny
no matter how hard they try.

-Sasha... Are you still up?
-No! Good night.

-Honey... You're lying the wrong way.
-No! Good night!

-Hey...
-Bye!

I'm afraid
dad might be one of those people.

Good night, honey.

But I'm going to make him laugh.
I'm going to get funny bones.

There was vomit on that bench
this morning.

-I have some on me!
-Very funny, Sasha!

-Stop teasing.
-But why? Listen...

Do you know what I tell people
who think I have anger issues?

Shut up!

-Did you think of that now?
-No, yesterday.

OK, what about this?
I think that dad is imitating me.

When I shaved my hair
his hair suddenly went thinner.

Good!

-Promise you'll be there.
-Of course I will.

-Have you told your dad?
-No. It'll be a surprise.

Don't tell anyone.

-What are you doing?!
-Do you have anger issues, or what?

-Do you know him?
-No.

Friends, and especially rabbits,
do you know what social media is?

Hey...

No. But I do, and I hate it.

You might see posts like this:

"Feel sorry for me.
No one gets me, I'm so sad."

You start wondering
what the hell might have happened.

But when you ask, they say:
"I don't want to talk about it."

OK, so please don't.

What are you doing?

Talking to rabbits. What are you doing?

-Talking to rabbits?
-Yes. They're more intelligent than some.

That's so crazy!

We know you're see a psychologist,
but not that you're this crazy.

-Shut up.
-Is it normal to talk to rabbits?

-Shut up!
-Let's go.

Why are you always so nasty? It's not OK.

But no one tells you off,
because they feel sorry for you.

-Shut up!
-Come on, let's go.

Careful, so you don't go crazy
like your mom.

Help, she's crazy!

This way!

What's wrong with you? Ow! Seriously!

My jacket! Ow!

Ow, let me go!

-I fucking hate you!
-It really hurts!

-Say it again!
-Please, let go of my hair!

Stop it! Let her go!

Ow!

You're a fucking lunatic!

I've slept alright. I usually do.

I take a siesta every now and then.

I'll just talk to her first.
Yes, I understand.

Talk to you later. Great.
Thanks for calling. Bye.

Sasha!

Sasha, come here!

She must have said or done something.

Hey!

Fine...

I know you don't like Tyra.
You know what? Neither do I.

But this is different.

-You tore up her jacket. What did she do?
-Nothing.

Fine. Good.
In that case you can talk to her directly.

We'll go there
and you can tell her you're sorry.

-No way.
-Come on!

Honey...

Sweetheart... This just isn't working.

Cecilia wrote me an e-mail. She said
you refuse to read books in school.

-You need to start talking to me.
-I won't apologize.

Fine. Why not?

Sasha?

Hey! Come on, talk to me.

What the hell am I supposed to do?
You threatened her and tore up her jacket!

-It's serious!
-I don't want to!

I'll never apologize!
I'd rather kill myself!

Never say that again.

I'm going to get the jacket now,
so you can fix it.

Fuck!

I think you've been a real trooper, Sasha.

I want you to know that.

I'm just worried about the fact
that you won't read books.

-Does it feel difficult or...?
-No.

-You can tell us if it does.
-It's not difficult.

It's just pointless.

Everything is still available online.

-Don't say that.
-Why not?

You say that.

-Dad is addicted to the Internet.
-No, I'm not.

-It's not the same. It's work.
-Is it?

Do you get paid to play games
while taking a dump?

-Good for you.
-Stop it.

-What?
-I need my pens.

Fine, take them and leave.

-Can I leave?
-Definitely not.

-We need to talk about Tyra.
-That she's an idiot?

You know, that guy who had surgery
to look like a tomato?

Apparently, he's in a coma now.

Maybe he'll be a tomato for real then.

People who are just lying there
are called vegetables.

-That's a good joke.
-But it's really sad.

-He was only 22 years old.
-Don't you understand that it's fake?

You're such a jerk, Märta.

I'm about to perform,
but you dis my jokes.

-No, I don't.
-Sure you do.

You want jokes to be kind and cute.
That's not how humor works!

John, come here!

John! Come back down!

-It's dangerous!
-What's wrong with him?

What's wrong with you?

Sasha!

Sasha!

-John!
-Hi.

-Where are you going?
-I don't know.

Want to join? I have money. My treat.

-Wait!
-Where are we going?

Hornstull.

-I do think you're funny.
-Wait.

But you shouldn't joke
about a person in a coma.

Mom says you should joke about yourself,
and not about others.

My mom forgot to tell me that
before she killed herself.

-That's not what I meant.
-Then why did you say that?

You think you get it, but you don't!

And you're so fucking boring.

You don't get my jokes
and you have no sense of humor.

-We have math class now. I'm going back.
-Good.

-Is everything OK?
-I just can't deal with her right now.

Hurry!

Stop that, boys!

Look at those sneakers.
They're so nice! And very rare.

I'm sure they're expensive.

I'll get a pair if I stay with my dad
every other weekend. He has moved now.

-Where?
-I don't know.

-Do you want to make some money?
-OK.

-Hi.
-Hello.

There was this guy
who wanted to become a tomato.

But the surgery failed
and he ended up in a coma.

When his friend came to see him
in the hospital, he said:

"Come on, ketchup. Let's go."

That's the worst joke I've ever heard.

Walk behind those kids and do a dance.

-Dance behind the kids?
-Yes.

Easy.

Look, kids, I'm dancing!

Come on!

How long have you known
that your parents are getting a divorce?

I don't know.
But it's probably for the best.

At least it won't be worse.

-When did...?
-Last fall.

Here...

Throw a piece of candy
and I'll catch it in my mouth.

Throw one. I'll catch it.

OK...

-Oh!
-That wasn't fair.

Again. Focus.

Come on, I have an idea. Stand there.

Here?

What are you doing?

-Climb down.
-I have great balance. Throw one.

It's not funny! Climb down!

What the hell are you doing?
I'm going to leave.

-It's my candy!
-Goodbye!

John?

John!

-Admit it, I tricked you.
-Fuck you!

Sasha...

Sasha, stop!

Where are you going? Stop.

Don't touch me! You fucking idiot!

I thought you were funny!
You have no sense of humor.

It was a joke!

Mom...

This isn't working. It's just all a mess.

All those times
you were just lying in bed.

All those times you didn't come along.

To Grandma, to school.

To parties.

You were always sad.

You cried every day.

I couldn't bring friends over.

I was so embarrassed.

I didn't have the energy.

So once...

Once when you were at your worst
I thought it would be better if you died.

And then you did.

-Hi!
-Tyra.

I'm sorry I tore up your jacket.

I'm sorry
if I were mean to you or something.

Yes... Well done, girls.

You were brave to come here, Sasha.

Things haven't been easy for Tyra
in the past year.

We moved here from Gothenburg
after her dad and me separated.

Right, Tyra?

Are you also divorced?

Mom...

Oh... God, I'm sorry.

-I didn't realize that...
-It's really OK.

I think we need to leave to go...

Take care. Bye.

-That's so embarrassing!
-I didn't know.

Hey, does it fit? Let me see.

-Wow!
-I look crazy.

That's because you are crazy, Sasha!

-What about this?
-No, thanks.

-Did you tell dad?
-No, he doesn't suspect a thing.

This one!

-Seriously.
-It's so cool!

-And Grandma will be there.
-What?

-Did you invite her too?
-Yes.

It will be great.
You're the best and it will be a success.

-I'll find something on my own.
-Then I'll try this on.

Sasha! Look - stand-up!

Hi and welcome. I'm Märta
and I will teach you to play the banjo.

-What are you doing?
-Valter, get out.

-What are you doing?
-I said get out!

If you don't know what a banjo
sounds like, I'll play a song for you.

What's wrong?

Couldn't you just become thin-haired?

-What?
-No, nothing...

Mom...

It's all your fault.

It's your fault that dad is crying
and that Märta thinks I'm an idiot.

Even if I said sorry.

How will I make dad laugh?

I'm not even laughing anymore.

Hi, everyone. Welcome.
My name is Sasha, and...

-Are you sure you're not coming?
-Yes. I have a headache.

You could call Märta
if you want some company.

-You don't look well.
-What?

I'm fine. Really.

-I could just cancel.
-No, Grandma is waiting.

I know, but I don't want to leave you
when you're not well.

I'm fine. Really.

You need to leave. Or I'll be furious.

-Bye.
-Bye. I'm just going to...

-Yes.
-Bye.

See you soon. Love you.

Wait...

-Thanks.
-Tell Grandma and Ossie I said hi.

I will.

Bye.

4. BECOME A COMEDY QUEEN!

Sasha!

Here! Come on!

Come on.

You're about to go on.

How do you feel?

Come on, we need to get you backstage
before they arrive.

This will be epic!

-Look.
-Hi, Sasha! Welcome!

Listen... You will be great.

You're the best.

I need to go.

-You know Sally.
-Hi, Sasha.

Rico. This is Sasha.

This is The Sasha.

Sasha...
I almost thought you wouldn't come.

I've sweated like 2,000 extra litres!

Hey... Do you want some potato chips? No?

Do you want the volcano?

Give me an S. Give me an A.

Give me an S,
give me an H, give me an A.

-What is that?
-Sasha!

The only good thing about being short

is that if you fall over
you're very close to...

the ground!

Life is short!
Wonderful things are short! Thank you!

Great! Thank you very much.

It's time for our next guest,
someone I'm very jealous of.

She gets a weekly allowance
and doesn't need to wash her own clothes.

Our next guest is a child. Give
a warm welcome to our youngest comedian.

Come on up, Sasha!

Märta! Here.

Come here.

-Hi, I'm Sasha.
-Hello.

When I found out that I was going
to do stand-up in a bar for adults

I went to the hair salon and said:

"Give me a haircut so I can get in
at nightclubs without having to beg."

But she thought I said I wanted a haircut
that made me look like an egg.

Did you know that people get angry
if you scratch an eczema in public?

At least when it's not your own.

Oh, God!

Hey... You look like you have
really bad eczema.

Huh? Can I scratch it?

Just a little?

No? OK. That's fine, really.

Everyone's allowed to be
just the way they are.

And... My dad is here tonight. Over there.

A funny thing about my dad is
that he's obsessed with his hat.

-No!
-Yes, it's true.

He brings it everywhere. There it is!

He loves his hat
because he thinks it makes him look cool.

Jeez, just look
what I have to put up with.

But I'm sorry, dad...

You're good at a lot of things.
You really are.

But not at being cool.

Sometimes I ask you
when I don't know if something looks good.

If you say yes, then I know
that it's really, really...

...out of fashion.

And here's a last one.

Why can't you put a boar for adoption?

Because you'll get a-boar-tion.

Thank you, that's all I wanted to say.

4. BECOME A COMEDY QUEEN!

-She's always been funny.
-She's a natural.

-Märta, you must be proud.
-I am.

-Did you know?
-Yes.

-Did you suspect anything?
-No, I had no idea.

And that poor eczema woman.

You could tell that she had an eczema.

I miss Mom!

Me too.

Why isn't she here?

I miss her so much.

Yes.

That's not a problem.
I can do it this afternoon.

I can just send it by e-mail.

Mm...

Yes. Look, I need to go now.

I need to take care of my daughter.

Yes, of course. Take care. Bye.

-Hi, honey.
-Hi.

I mostly write jokes.

I MISS MY MOM

I get that.

Is this a bad day?

Come here!

How long have you had this place?

About ten years.
These are the breeds we keep.

Maybe... Billie?

-Lillemor?
-Are you insane?

That was the name
of my needlework teacher.

Is that an argument?
Then she might as well be called Mats.

Like your woodwork teacher?

Mom's favorite song.

Mom...

You know, Märta's banjo channel?

We run it together now.

Banjo Baby and The Egg.

Get it?

Our best video has 147 views.

But that's mostly from dad watching it.

This is Fuffe.

But her real name is Fudge.

You'd love her ears. They're so soft.

Right... I need to go now.

But I promise I'll be back soon.
I promise.

Come on, Fuffe.

Come!

Subtitles: Ellinor Larsen
TC:subtitling