Cobain: Montage of Heck (2015) - full transcript

The following film is based on art,
music, journals, super 8 films,

and audio montages provided
by the family of Kurt Cobain.

Whoa, testing, one, two...

Go-go juice,
or motion-notion.

Beaver. Female.

Welcome to manned space exploration!

...Mercury spacecraft
is six feet in diameter

and nine feet tall.

'Cause I don't like your face.

Hey.

Hey, come here.



I want...

I want you to see something.

Kurt's brain
was just constantly going.

He was always thinking
about something.

I mean, there was always
something going on.

You could just see it.

Party on, Wayne!

It was awe-inspiring,
but it was like,

"Oh, well, I guess I'm not...
You know, I guess I'm not all that special."

But, you know...
But then, as I grew up,

I'm like,
I'm so glad I don't...

I never got that genius brain.

Maybe he just felt praise
was hard for him to take, maybe?

And he didn't know
how to handle that.



So he would downplay it
all the time.

But that was his goal,
was to get to as perfect as he could,

as good as he could get.

Write as well as he could,
sing as well as he could,

play as well as he could.

And then when it all
came together...

It's so...
- I can't say... It's too painful.

This is too painful.

You're gonna make it, man.

With the support
of his friends and family,

he's gonna make it.

And you read...
See the art, I mean,

a lot of his messages
are as plain as day.

You just...
I'm not even going to say what they are,

but you can see it.

And it's all there, and...
20/20 hindsight,

you're like, "Oh, my God,
why didn't I see that?"

or "I should have said something",
but, you know, it's like...

# Some say love

# It is a river...

# When I was an alien

# Cultures weren't opinions

# Gotta find a way,
to find a way

# When I'm there

# Gotta find a way,
a better way

# I had better wait

# Never met a wise man

# If so, it's a woman

# Gotta find a way, to find a way
Cobain

# When I'm there

# Gotta find a way, a better way

# I had better wait
MONTAGE OF HECK

# Gotta find a way,
to find a way

# When I'm there

# Gotta find a way,
a better way

# I had better wait

# Gotta find a way,
to find a way...

# When I'm there

# Gotta find a way,
a way, way!

Yeah!

Well, America was booming
after the war,

and everybody had everything.

Even if you didn't have much,

you still had enough.

Wendy O'Connor
Kurt's mother

Aberdeen was a logging town
and a mill town.

And it was booming.

# Wake up,
little Susie...

You saw everybody downtown

paying their bills or shopping.

It was a lovely,
awesome place to raise children.

My kids loved that town.

# Wake up, little Susie,
and weep

# The movie's over, it's 4:00

# And we're in trouble deep

# Wake up, little Susie

# Wake up, little Susie...

So Don was working
at a gas station

over in Hoquiam.

You know, he had the black,
horn-rimmed glasses

and his ears
kind of stuck out a little,

and he had the crew cut

and that's not good on anybody.

I kind of helped him
with everything.

He didn't really know
what he was doing with style.

# Well, I told you, Mama...

I guess, like,
we were more friends.

I didn't know
what falling in love was,

so I had never experienced it.

So I just thought because I liked him,
I loved him.

And so he got me an engagement ring,
and we got engaged.

You know, it was fun.

I mean, it was like,
"Okay, all those problems are behind me now.

I'm going to have babies."

And I just couldn't wait
to get pregnant.

I mean, that was the goal.

And so I went to Dr. Ehrhart.
He said, "You're so young.

You just need to get on your
feet with being a housewife."

And, you know,

I just didn't listen
to anybody.

I used to think,
"Why did I marry Don Cobain?"

And it's like, "No, everything really
did happen for a reason."

Kurt had to be born.

It was... it was a must.

Cobain, Master Kurt
Dr. Ehrhart 70-3387

Family history

Grays Harbor Community Hospital

He was the first grandchild
on both sides.

Everybody was coming over
constantly.

I can't even describe
what a magnet he was.

People just came to him.

I was head over heels
in love with that child.

He was so kind and so
worried about people.

You know, if they were okay
or if somebody got hurt.

And then, on top of that,

he started singing
and playing guitar.

And once he could draw,
he drew all the time.

my 3 rd Birthay

Let's sing now, Mom!

Okay, say who you are.

Who are you?

Who are you, Kurt?

Who are you?

Who are you?
Good-bye!

I'm Kurt Cobain!

Yay!
- Yay!

Go! Go!

Kurt, he was full of energy,
always busy.

I had this old rocking chair

in the corner
of the front room.

He'd be upside down
with his head hanging off

where your legs would be

and his feet up on the back
of the rocking chair,

going 90 miles an hour in it,
going so fast,

and it would be hitting
the back of the wall.

And he'd be repeating
everything verbatim

off "Sesame Street."

# Would you like to hear
my voice

# Sprinkled with emotion?

And I thought,
before I have this next baby,

we've gotta try to get this
calmed down.

So I take him to the pediatrician,
Dr. Fulton.

He did a rapid eye
movement test

with a flashlight in his eyes,
and he went,

"Okay, we've got trouble here."

# I cannot see...

And he said,
"Okay, I'm gonna give you this tablet."

And I believe it was
something like Ritalin.

So I gave it to him that night and...
Oh, my God.

He just went off the rails.

# If I had to lose a mile

# If I had to touch feelings

# I would lose my soul

# The way I do

# I don't have to think

# I only have to do it

# The results are always perfect

# But that's old news

# Would you like
to hear my voice

# sprinkled with emotion?

Kurt, he was hyper,

full of energy, always busy.

You know, jumping off of things,
knocking things over...

Anything that had to do
with being a normal child.

And Don, he didn't know
how to handle that.

He was one of those
kind of people

that just thought that children
should be seen and not heard

and shouldn't cause any trouble.

I mean, he belittled and ridiculed Kurt

and Kurt would be shamed.

# Inside me...

I mean, it really hurt him
to be embarrassed.

Then, I don't know.

I just...
I started to mature.

You know,
I started getting older

and kind of looking back at...
Kind of the song...

It may have even stirred this in me,
"Is this all there is?"

You know, is this my life?

I haven't done anything
with my life.

In those days,
people didn't get divorced.

I mean, I didn't know
anybody that was divorced.

You just...
You were in the soup.

You didn't think about divorce.

Kurt was nine at the time,

and everybody
was talking about it.

It just embarrassed
him to death

that we had gotten divorced.

He took light bulbs
out of all the lights

and would lock the babysitter in,
came outside

and just became really unruly.

And I said,
"This is not going to happen anymore."

And so I took him over
to his dad's house.

She couldn't handle him...

So I took him.

I liked it, really,
you know, having him,

him and I together like that.

Don Cobain
Kurt's father

And I think there's one thing
that I said at one time,

that I was never gonna
get married again.

And I think he took that
for a word.

Then I met Jennifer
and we got married,

and, you know, he had
a stepbrother and sister

and then our son Chad.

He wanted to be in a family,
period.

And I felt that
just from the beginning.

Jenny Cobain
Kurt's stepmother

The game nights that we had,

that was really
important to him.

You know, we didn't want to
do it on a Wednesday night.

You know, he'd say,
"Nope, we have to. That's what we..."

Just I could feel that he
really liked that time,

but he always wanted to win.

And if he didn't win,
he was mad.

He wanted to be the most loved,

and it just wasn't
the ideal world

that he thought
a family should be.

So he just decide

he wasn't going to do
anything anybody said.

He'd just lay on the couch
and watch TV,

go down in his room
and play the guitar.

And then he started just doing
really mean things to the kids,

and then it just got so...

I think it was kind of
my fault in a way,

because I couldn't
deal with it anymore.

And I told Don

he's going to have to get out
of the house.

He went to Wendy's
brother's for a while,

then with my mom and dad.

He lived with them for a while.

You know, then come back to us

and still have problems.

It was like nobody...
After a couple weeks,

they wanted him out.

I think the sad part
of the whole thing

is that Kurt just really
wanted to be with his mom.

Monsters from beneath
by Kurt Cobain

# Underneath the bridge

# Tarp has sprung a leak

# And the animals are trapped

# They've all become my pets

# And I'm living off of grass

# And the drippings
from my ceiling

# It's okay to eat fish

# 'Cause they don't have
any feelings

# Something in the way

# Mmm-mmm

# Something in the way, yeah

# Mmm-mmm

# Something in the way

# Mmm-mmm

# Something in the way, yeah

# Mmm-mmm.

He just was in so much pain

that he, you know,
took it out on his mom

and took it out on his dad

and took it out
on his siblings.

But it's almost like
he didn't...

He didn't feel worthy because

he was rejected, basically.

And I don't know how anybody
deals with having

your whole family reject you.

# Like most babies smell like butter

# His smell smelled
like no other...

# He was born scentless and senseless

# He was born a scentless apprentice...

Ah!

In a community that stresses
macho male sexual stories

as a highlight of all conversation,

I was an underdeveloped,
immature little dude

that never got laid and was
constantly razzed.

Oh, poor little kid.

It bothered me, probably more
so because I was horny,

and frequently had
to make up stories like,

"When I went on vacation,
I met this chick

and we fucked
and she loved it."

Et cetera, et cetera.

This typical pubescent problem

was in effect during the
height of my problems

with my father and stepmom,

you know, the typical wicked
stepmom story.

And so I moved
to both grandparents'

and four sets
of aunts and uncles

and so forth and so on
within the year.

And in eighth grade,
my mom had no choice to take me in

because my dad packed my stuff

and drove me to her house in the
morning and left me there.

She was pissed.

I accumulated
quite a healthy complex,

not to mention a complexion.

Then one day I discovered the most
ultimate form of expression ever...

Marijuana.

Oh, boy, pot.

I could escape all day long

and not have routine
nervous breakdowns.

Trevor was a guy I hated,
but resorted to becoming friends with

because he was the only person
I could get pot from.

He was the kingpin.

Trevor "Ace" John Dernan...

All white trash, lowlife scum of the Earth
according to the jocks...

Had been going to this
girl's house after school

and they invited me.

We got to the door
and a very fat girl let us in.

It wasn't obvious to me
for over an hour

that this girl
seemed kind of quiet

until one of the guys
pointed out

that she was in
a special ed class.

I'm sure a lot of kids would call her
a "retard" and some just "slow."

And at the time and
still to this day,

I would call her "quiet and illiterate",
but not retarded.

The object of the guys
who'd been going there

for the past month
was to steal booze

from the downstairs
basement den of her house.

While others distracted her,

one would go down
and take a fifth

and then exit out
the downstairs.

So we did this routine
every other day

and got away with it for,
oh, about a month.

And during that month

happened to be the epitome of my
mental abuse from my mother.

It turned out that pot
didn't help me

escape my troubles
too well anymore

and I was actually enjoying
doing rebellious things

like stealing booze
and busting store windows.

And nothing ever mattered.

I decided within
the next month,

I'll not sit on my roof
and think about jumping,

but I'll actually kill myself.

And I wasn't going
out of this worl

without actually knowing
what it was like to get laid.

So one day after school,
I went to the girl's house alone

and invited myself in.

And she offered me
some Twinkies,

and I sat on her lap and I said,
"Let's fuck."

And I touched her tits
and she went into her bedroom

and got undressed
in front of me.

And I watched and realized
that it was actually happening.

So I tried to fuck her,
but didn't know how,

and asked her if she had
ever done this before.

And she said a lot of times,
mainly with her cousin.

I got grossed out very heavily with how her
vagina smelled when her sweat reeked,

so I left.

My conscience grew to where I
couldn't go to school for a week.

And when I went back,
I got in-house suspension for skipping.

And that day,
the girl's father came in,

screaming and accusing someone of
taking advantage of his daughter.

And so during lunch,
a rumor started,

and by the next day,
everyone was waiting for me,

to yell and cuss
and spit at me,

calling me
"the retard fucker."

I couldn't handle the ridicule,

so I got high and drunk
and walked down

to the train tracks
and laid down

and put two big pieces of
cement on my chest and legs,

and I waited
for the 11:00 train.

The train came closer
and closer and closer,

and it went on the
next track besides me

instead of over me.

The tension from school
had an effect on me.

And the train scared me enough
to try to rehabilitate myself,

and my...
My lifting weights

and mathematics
seemed to be improving,

so I became less manically depresse

but still never had
any friends because I...

I hated everyone,
for they were so phony.

When Kurt was about 15,

he moved back in with Mom and I,

and it was a struggle.

You know,
it was still him wanting to rebel

and getting stoned and going
out with his friends,

and not wanting to,
you know, do chores,

and, you know,
he was always wanting

to, like,
just do his own thing.

Kim Cobain
Kurt's sister

He wanted normalcy...
He wanted the mom, the dad,

and the kids and everything happy.

But then he didn't,

'cause he kind of fought
against it.

So he fought against
what he really wanted.

Hello?

Hello?
- You still there?

Yeah.
- I put you on speakerphone now.

Okay.

Are you recording this
or writing it down?

Yeah,
I'm recording and writing.

People don't realize

where we really came from,
you know?

What an isolated hellhole
it really is.

You know, man,
if the witch burnings

would've been, like, legal,
we'd all be dead now, you know?

Fuck, yeah.

Did you ever see that movie
"Over the Edge"?

Yeah!
- I mean, God.

That movie had
such an effect on me.

Okay, you guys,
you're to take these home to your parents.

It's to let them know about
a special emergency meeting

to discuss the problems about you people.
- I love that movie.

I always wanted to do that at Monte.
- Me, too.

I tried, you know.

I wanted to be a vandal

and I wanted to hold everyone
captive in the school.

Everybody that's ever
messed with me in one room.

That'd be just about
everybody in town.

We should go down there and
tell them all to go to hell.

Come on!

I don't know how many of
us are willing to admit

just how deep in trouble

some of the kids
in this city are.

Has anyone ever sat down
and talked to these kids?

I talk to them six hours a day
until I'm blue in the face.

I spend more time with your
kids than you people do.

You think those kids
are interested in learning?

You ought to come in and see
what goes on in the classroom!

# Won't you believe it?
Just my luck

# Won't you believe it?
Just my luck...

# No recess...

# No recess...

Most of the teachers, God...

The last couple of years of
school in the mid-eighties,

there was so much
Reagan propaganda going on.

This teacher would
just go off on it.

Everything...
- It ruined... Oh!

Practice your piano!

You need practice on it!

Go to hell!

Burn the place to the fucking ground.
- Yeah.

# No recess...

# No recess...

High school's such
a worthless fucking nothing.

God, what torture, you know?

No, I quit the last two months
of school.

I was so withdrawn by that time

and I was so antisocial
that I was almost insane.

You know,
I felt so different and so crazy

that people just left me alone.

# No recess!

Did Kurt find the undergroun

or did the underground
find him?

I think he went
in search of it,

and I think
they found each other.

He was searching
for whatever made him feel

like he wasn't alone

and that he wasn't
so different.

When did you first hear punk rock?

You know, I wanted to hear
punk rock forever.

Of course, they didn't have it
in our record shop in Aberdeen.

Then, finally, Buzz Osborne,

who had been a friend
of mine off and on,

made me a couple
compilation tapes.

And I was completely
blown away.

I would lip-sync to those
tapes and I wore them out,

and I'd play them every day,
you know?

It's the greatest thing.

It expressed the way I felt
socially and politically,

and it was the anger
that I felt,

the alienation.

And I realized that
this is what

I've always wanted to do.

# Fill me in on your new vision

# Wake me up with indecision

# Help me trust
your mighty wisdom...

# I'm new, I'm new,
I'm who, I'm you

Just the fact that we were

actually playing music live in a room,
it was amazing.

It was, like, the most incredible
thing I've ever done.

# Easy in an easy chair

# Poop as hard as rock

# I don't like you anyway

# Seal it in a box...

If we played
together in the house

for a couple of hours
and if two people stopped by,

we considered that a gig,
you know, a show.

That was good enough.

We had an audience of two people,
you know?

Locals who hated our guts and
thought it was terrible music.

I think I was 18 or 19 years old,
and Kurt was like 17.

But he liked punk rock music,

and so that piqued my interest.

Krist Novoselic
Kurt's friend

And then I noticed
what a good artist he was.

And so he was working
at the time as a janitor,

but he'd always have to,
like, do some kind of art,

you know,
usually defacing something.

He never had, like, idle hands.

It just came out of him.
He had to express himself.

"Heavy Metal", take three.

Well, who taught you how
to play guitar anyway?

All right.

Brilliant.

Brilliant improvisational.

Wow, Jerry Garcia would really
like this.

I'm gonna send him a tape.
- Send it to Jerry.

I'll just have to sprinkle
it with patchouli or something.

Dig right into it.

Whoa!

Wait, wait, wait. Ready?

You alcoholics!
- Film in the dark, dick!

# Hey

# Pick me, pick me, yeah

# Let alone your signal

# At least, at least, yeah

# Everyone is hollow

# You're last on last, yeah

# Everyone is playing

# Pick me, pick me, yeah

# You can eat my marrow

# Hey

# Dive, dive, dive

# Dive in me

# Dive, dive, dive

# Dive in me

# On me

# Nothing else

# Nothing else.

He really didn't want to
live with his mom or his dad.

He wanted to be on his own.
And at that time...

So he moves into this dump.

He wasn't making
a lot of money,

and I think he was scared,

not being able
to pay his own way.

He didn't know what he
was going to do.

And in the hallway
outside the apartment,

it was completely graffitie

with Scooby-Doo,
Rocky and Bullwinkle.

When it was part
of the bathroom...

There was just no way
he was going to be

the 9:00-to-5:00 work guy
that comes home

with a briefcase
and wife cooks him dinner.

I mean, this just wasn't ever
going to happen.

But he wanted some type
of connection.

This is love.
- This is love.

This is shitting, pissing,
fucking all over each other,

licking and spitting up
Gerber baby food,

not worrying if the plastic
tarp is on the floor,

'cause, baby, this is love.

Well, I know some people
will say that...

That I treated Kurt maternally,
took care of him,

but I'd like to think it was
more I was trying to nurture him

rather than take care of him.

Tried to nurture who he was
and get him to...

Let him do his art,
let him do his music

and encourage him
to get better at it

as opposed to trying
to stifle it.

But also not try to be the mom,

but trying to be
a nurturing girlfriend...

or friend.

Tracy Marander
Kurt's girlfriend

We met at a party,
and, you know, I liked him.

I had a crush on him.

And then finally
somebody told him,

"Don't you get that she
likes you or something?"

'Cause he was just kind of
clueless about it, you know?

Hey!

I liked that he was funny.
- He made me laugh.

He wasn't afraid to be,
you know, goofy or silly.

But mostly we just had
a good time hanging out.

I think he might
have been a bit angry

at the way he was
treated at school

and angry with his mom
and with his dad.

I think it was not so much it was
hard for him to accept love,

but the fact that maybe he
was afraid of getting hurt.

He was living at this tiny
little house in Aberdeen.

I just said,
"Why don't you just move in with me

and be in Olympia?"

So we moved in together.

It was nice to have
someone to share

the evening with
as well as the daytime.

Sitting on the couch at the same time,
each reading a book.

It was just...
You kind of felt grown-up

as opposed to just being still,
you know, a teenager.

KURT:
I decided this worning (again)

that I LOVE you LOTS+
Am so happy you love me to.

Tracy

I LOVE YOU

Don't read my diary when I'm gone

when you wake up, please read
my diary.

Look trought my things,
and figure me out.

I'd like to think he was happy.

We were very much in love
with each other.

And I decided I'd just try
to support him

because he wanted
to be a musician,

he wanted to, you know,
get his band going.

He was ambitious.

He didn't want to just be...

Play in a bar band, you know,
and play music that way.

He wanted to be a success.

Good luck. Good luck. Good luck.
- Shh!

Part the Red Seas!

What the fuck? Go on, boy!

# Bell on door clanks,
come on in

# Floyd observes
my hairy chin

# Sit down chair,
don't be afraid

# Steamed hot towel
on my face

# I'm ashamed

# Barney ties me to a chair

# I can't see,
I'm really scared

# Floyd breathes hard,
I hear a zip

# Pee-pee pressed
against my lips

# I was shamed

# Oh, I was shamed

# I was shamed.

Hey, thanks, everybody,
for coming.

Yeah!

When I met him,
he was a handyman

and then,
he got a job as a janitor

cleaning, like, you know,
doctors' offices

and dentists' offices
and things like that.

But, yeah, he just ended up
not having another job

after that, so...

So, who would support him?

Me.

And what would he do all
day while you were at work?

It was kinda funny,
'cause sometimes

he'd just sit there
and watch TV for four hours.

And you'd think
he wasn't creating,

but he'd be playing guitar while he was
doing that or think up stuff later,

and then you'd go out for a few hours,
and you'd come back,

and there was
a painting on the wall,

or there was a big comic
strip or whatever.

He wrote a song.
You know, recorded it.

...finds them arriving at this scene...

This is like fucking rad,
you know?

Cool.

Where's the...

# Hey, a girl,
she could bring me

# I can be more,
she could be free

# I don't even care,
we could be on free

# She said, she said...

Babies on my cold feet,

at the end of my bed.

It is easy.

Shh, they're in the house.

They're in the house.

Some highlights follow,

but we warn that viewers may find
parts of the footage disturbing.

The object of the exercise

is to observe the monster
for as long as possible.

# Think I'll go for a walk
outside now

# The summer sun's
calling my name...

It is sucking dry

all the resin from the bong water...

# I hear you now

# I just can't stay inside all day...

A person who is success-minde

has a success consciousness...

...and success awareness...
- # Everybody's smiling

# Into the sunshine...

Why is that so groovy?

# She could have soared
with pleasant dreams

# She could evolve
with what I've seen

# She could have been a son

# She could have sung a song

# She could have

# Sung a song...

Hello?

No, she's not.

She went to work.

All right.

# She could have

# Sung a song...

Bass part.

# You can't change me

# Change me

# Burn a note in

# Under nighted valley

# Then imagine

# Under dark of the trees...

Mr Moustache
by Kurdt Kobane

# She said

# Sorry, man

# Silence

# Trippin'

# Sorry, man

# Sigh

# Die

# Die, man

# Silent

# Mama

# Mama

# Mama

# Mama

# Hey, man

# Sorry, man

# Sigh

# Die

# Die, man

# Sorry, man.

That's why there's no other...

A person who is success-minded
has a success consciousness

and suc...

Boy, am I gonna wake you up!

...success awareness.
- Now come on!

You know this is really the
best way to start your day.

Now don't think about
anything else

but getting that body in shape,
because you deserve it.

Now hold the stomach in.
Come on.

Give me some good posture.

Hold your head up high.

Tighten those butts!

Get ready, because this is for...

# She said she'd take me anywhere

# She'd take me anywhere
as long as she stays with me

# She said she'd take me anywhere

# She'd take me anywhere
as long as I stay clean

# Kiss, kiss Molly's lips

# Kiss, kiss Molly's lips...

This song has two notes.

That's it.

This note... and this note.

# She said
she'd take me anywhere

# She'd take me anywhere
as long as she stays with me

# She said she'd take me anywhere

# She'd take me anywhere
as long as I stay clean

# Kiss, kiss Molly's lips

# Kiss, kiss Molly's lips...

# Kiss, kiss Molly's lips

# Kiss, kiss Molly's lips.

Look at these losers.
- Ha, ha, ha.

A bunch of long-haired
fucking sissies, man.

Hi, my name's Dana.

I caught Nirvana
in their dressing room

on their recent tour.

At what point are you
on this tour right now?

We're at the point
of kicking each other's ass.

I would imagine that the
constant party atmosphere on the road

would create a great deal
of physical and mental stress.

How do you deal with it?

We've prepared for the
rock 'n' roll lifestyle.

We can kick it, man.

You know what?

We should move in our stuff
before it starts raining.

Yeah.

100% humidity here
in Fort Worth, Texas.

...um, just excessive
or frightening?

Go in the van.
- Hey, whoo!

No, because we actually want
to become more successful

so we can have
a comfortable life.

Neato.

Okay, man, take it away, buddy.
- Don't worry about me.

I know this is kind of a strange angle,
but it'll work.

Yes.

That's a big camera, man.
That's not your...

How would you describe the
music you play and the things you do?

Well, the things we do
is just we play

a very powerful, high-energy type
of rock 'n' roll.

We move around onstage a lot

and just scream with an abandon,
I guess.

What makes you
want to be Nirvana?

What makes us
want to be Nirvana?

We're Nirvana because we're not
Aerosmith or something

or "The Vegetables" or...

What's the future of Nirvana?

The future of Nirvana?
I don't know.

Hopefully try to write
some more good songs.

That's all we care about
is writing good music.

If we get popular or not,
it doesn't matter.

The music's more important.

...one song, and it's the last one.

# Would you believe me
if I told you

# You're the queen
of my heart?

# Please don't deceive me
when I hurt you

# Just ain't the way you seem

# Can you feel my love buzz?

Whoo!

I remember the first
review Nirvana ever got

was for "The Love Buzz/Big Cheese"
single we did.

And it was in this hip
magazine out of Michigan

these scenesters were doing,
and they gave us a bad review,

and they said it was like Lynyrd Skynyrd,
but without the flares.

Kurt was really hurt with that,
and he was telling me that.

He goes... And I'd said,
"Don't worry about it.

They're just scenesters.
They're hipsters."

Or, you know,
"Screw them" or whatever.

But, you know,

Kurt hated being humiliated.

He hated it.

If he ever thought
he was humiliated,

then you'd see
the rage come out.

And so he was also
very careful and stubborn

about how the way the art
and the work was presented,

because he didn't want
to be humiliated.

I can be humiliated or, like,
humiliate myself or whatever,

but not Kurt, no.

He had really
violent dreams a lot.

People would be breaking
into his house,

trying to kill him,
and he'd have to stab them.

I mean once in a while,
it might be his family who was trying to kill him,

but that was just really rare.

Usually it was someone else coming
after him that he didn't know.

I asked... I thought he should
try to talk to someone,

but without much money,
that really wasn't going to happen.

Kurt would get
stomachaches a lot

and say his stomach hurt.

You know, he'd be feeling fine,
and then he'd get out of the car

and just be like,
"I gotta throw up."

I know he went to the doctor

once or twice,
but it didn't really work.

Most of the time,
it's sitting right in my stomach.

Like where my stomach pain is.

Every time I've had
an endoscope,

they'd find a red irritation.

I would sing
and cough up blood.

It's like this is no way
to live a life.

I love to play music,
but something's not right.

So I decided to medicate myself.

I tried heroine the first time in 1987
in aberdeen and proceeded to

to use it about 10 (more) times
from 87 to 90.

For five years every single day
an ongoins stomach eilment had

literally taken me to the point
of won try to kill myself.

The pain became even more
severe due to luck of a proper

and rejimented eating schedule

and diet.

How much of that
pain would you say

actually fuels what you're
writing and playing?

See, that's a scary question,

because I think it probably helps,
you know?

But I would give up everything
to have good health.

But then again,
I'm always afraid

that if I lost the stomach problem,

I might not be as creative.

There's a journal entry where
Kurt mentions

#oing heroin for the first time in
1987 when he was living with you.

See, he never told me that.

He totally had kept that from me,

because I totally would have
talked him out of it.

In fact, he used to make fun
of some of the people

in Seattle that were using that

and say it was really stupid.

Because I've been told before that
he was doing it when we were dating,

but I'm like,
"He didn't do it around me, ever."

I never found anything, so...

... I'm so so sorry You're sick.
I hope you feel better

soon start eating good.

I can't really say
exactly why we broke up.

I just know that we were
fighting more

and he was staying away
from the house more.

I think he just pretty much

didn't love me
as much as he used to

or felt...
He just felt like maybe

he was moving ahead
and I wasn't.

Kurt Cobain's here.

You know,
Kurt Cobain from Aberdeen?

What's going on, baby?
- Not a damn thing.

You called up and said,
"I want to play some songs."

So I said, "Rockin' good news."
- This is the truth.

"Bloody brilliant."

Um, I just wrote most of
the lyrics this evening.

In the car on the way up here?

While I was driving
with one foot.

Uh-huh.

Um, yeah, that's what I did,

and I just thought I would
just come here, say hi.

Well, let her rip.

Okay, is there any major
label interest

in you at the present?

Can you say?

Anybody not affiliated with CBS.

Would you consider changing?

We're considering AMA

because we want to get
as much as we can.

But you're sort of
this interesting mix of...

As you say, you're one of
the laziest people you know,

but you're also ambitious
for a lazy person.

You think so?

How does it feel to be surrounded
by so many people

that are telling you that you'll
soon be doing very well?

I think it's embarrassing
to have so many expectations

and a totally superficial label
to put on a ban

to state that
they're the next big thing,

because, you know,
that's not our goal in the first place.

People are putting
that tag on us

without us really wanting to do that,
you know?

You're not prepared for that?

Not prepared? Nope.

Because we're not going to be.

We're prepared to destroy
our careers if it happens.

# I'm so happy

# 'Cause today I found my friends

# They're in my head

# I'm so ugly

# That's okay,
'cause so are you

# We broke our mirrors

# Sunday morning is every day

# For all I care
and I'm not scared

# Light my candles in a daze

# 'Cause I found God

# Yeah, yeah

# Yeah, yeah

# Yeah, yeah

# Yeah

# I'm so lonely

# That's okay,
I shaved my head

# And I'm not sad

# And just maybe I'm to blame

# For all I've heard,
but I'm not sure

# I'm so excited...

I am Kurt.
I play guitar and I sing.

And I am Dave,
and I play drums,

and I sing sometimes,
but not that often.

I'm Krist, and I play bass
and I don't sing, thank God.

# Yeah, yeah

# Yeah...

All right, Nirvana's joined us
in the studio tonight.

A new music hour.

We got Krist Novoselic,
got Kurt Cobain and Dave Grohl.

Their upcoming release
"Nevermind"

comes out the 24th
of this month.

And you guys will be doing
an in-store

by the Beehive Music & Video
on University District.

So go out and meet the band.
That's at 7:00 to 9:00.

# I like it, I'm not gonna crack

# I miss you,
I'm not gonna crack

# I love you,
I'm not gonna crack

# I killed you,
I'm not gonna crack

# I like it,
I'm not gonna crack

# I'll miss you, I'm not gonna crack

# I love you, I'm not gonna crack

# I killed you, I'm not gonna crack.

End of July or August,

he's home.

And he comes downstairs and he's
in his little whitey-tighties,

no shirt, barefoot,

no pants other than his undies,

and, uh...
Very Don Cobain.

That's another thing
I got sick of looking at.

And he's standing there
with this tape in his hand.

I go, "What's that?"

And he goes,
"It's the master cut to my new album.

Can I put it on the stereo?"

And I go,
"Yeah. And turn it up! Up, up, up!"

'Cause I listen to music really loud.

And I look at him and I go,
"Oh, my God."

"Oh, my God."
And I almost started crying.

I mean, not from happiness,
from fear.

It was fear.

And I just went,

"This is going
to change everything."

And I said,
"You better buckle up,

'cause you are not ready for this."

For someone like yourself,
when you're sort of...

Say your dreams come true,

all the worst aspects of them
come true as well.

It's like, be careful
what you wish for.

You're gonna get it.

Yeah.

How are you sort of
dealing with the pull-apart?

You know, being pulled apart
by stuff like that?

I don't know if I expressed
that the right way.

Well, um...

# Load up on guns

# Bring your friends

# It's fun to lose
into pretend

# She's overboard

# And self-assured

# Oh, no, I know

# A dirty word

# Hello, hello

# Hello, hello

# With the lights out

# It's less dangerous

# Here we are now

# Entertain us

# I feel stupid

# And contagious

# Here we are now

# Entertain us

# A mulatto

# An albino

# A mosquito

# My libido

# A denial

# A denial.

Cool, and cut!

Cut.
- Let's wrap!

Hey, man!

If this bird goes down,
this is the safest place to be...

Right in the tail
where the bathroom is.

As soon you
walked on this plane,

I took one gander at you
and I saw nothing but trouble.

Hah. Bah!
- Peh!

See if you can try and do it.

Me and my sidekick,
"Treefrog Johnson" here,

is gonna rip you
a new butthole.

And is this time our time?

What a sensitive man.

'Cause it says it's almost
like 3:00 in the morning.

Time flies when you're having fun.

# I don't care, I don't care,
I don't care, I don't care

# Care, care if it's old

# I don't mind, I don't mind,
I don't mind, I don't mind

# Mind, don't have a mind

# Get away, get away,
get away, get away

# Way, way from your home

# I'm afraid, I'm afraid,
I'm afraid

# I'm afraid, 'fraid

# Oh

# Even if you have,
even if you need

# I don't mean to stare,
we don't have to breed

# We could plant a house,
we could plant a tree

# I don't mean to stare,
we don't have to breed...

99 X...

That Nirvana stuff that y'all
played us last night,

if I wanted to request one of those songs right now,
could you play it?

Do y'all have any bootleg CDs of Nirvana?
- Can you play Nirvana?

Can you play that song by Nirvana?
- Can you play some Nirvana?

Right here,
a world premiere video from Nirvana.

"Smells Like Teen Spirit."

# Oh

# Even if you have,
even if you need

# I don't mean to stare,
we don't have to breed...

They told you the line to say?
- What do we say? This is...

We're Nirvana,
and this is "The Week in Rock."

# We could have all three,
she said...

Hey, all you people
staying up late on a Sunday night,

slack off,
you don't need your job!

Don't say, "Yes, sir",
"Yes, ma'am."

Say, "Cram it!"

Don't show up tomorrow,
call in sick.

And this is Nirvana,
and you're watching...

"120 Minutes."

...on...

M-T-T-V.

# Yeah

# Even if you have,
even if you need

# I don't mean to stare,
we don't have to breed

# We can plant a house,
we can plant a tree

# I don't even care,
we can have all three

# She said, she said

# She said, she said,
she said...

The hottest new rock band in the
country right now may well be Nirvana.

The hottest band
around at the moment.

The band that it seems
like everybody's talking about.

People, like, really seem to be
getting into Nirvana right now.

Do you see when you go out and play shows,
the crowds are getting different?

I mean, isn't it
pretty overwhelming?

Everybody wants to be hip.

And so that's what it is...

Everyone wants to be accepted.

#...said!

Yeah? Okay. Gold.

I just heard that you sold

600.000 albums in the United States.

Does that make it, like,
platinum or something like that?

It makes it gold.

It makes it a free gift
to my mother for Christmas.

Exactly.
- I don't have to pay for a gift now.

What's Mom getting
for Christmas?

Oh, I guess she's
getting a gold record.

Does that mean you guys are,
like, rich now?

Hell, no.

We're so far
from having any money.

I mean we get per diem,
I guess.

Do you care what critics think?
- Oh, we...

You know, I think...
- I've never sort of heard as many glowing criticisms.

Oh, glowing.
- Doesn't that make you feel good?

Well...

I mean, it's better than being slammed,
that's for sure.

But, you know, if I was reading

the same thing about another band,
I wouldn't believe it.

No way.

I'm not gonna believe
some journalist

that's just spewing
about some band

that he thinks, whatever,
changed his life or...

Yeah.
- You know, can't believe everything you read.

I mean,
all you have to do is...

The music is
a personal experience.

You put the music on and
whatever you get out of it...

You know, if it's good or bad.

If it's bad, you don't like it,
you just walk away from it.

You know?
And if it's good, it works for you...

You know, this lighter...
- What the hell? Instead of...

There are
probably a lot of kids

who would hear a song and actually feel,
like, kinship...

Whether you're having
trouble with parents

or school or, you know,
the usual dysfunctional stuff that happens.

But when you're up there,

do you have any sense of
who you're playing to?

I'm playing to kids in general.

I mean, it doesn't matter
where they come from.

We have the same problems,

and we all basically have the same thoughts,
you know?

# One baby to another says

# I'm lucky to have met you

# I don't care what you think

# Unless it is about me

# It is now my duty
to completely drain you

# I travel through a tube

# And end up in your infection

#...meat for you

# Pass it back and forth

# In a private kiss

# From my mouth to yours

# I like you...

You guys don't like explaining
anything to do with your music,

but what's the problem
with going on camera and just...

There's nothing to be said.
It's all in the music, man!

It's all in the music.
It's all in the meat.

You don't think that
people that are fans of you

would like to hear what you had in mind,
maybe?

Or what you were...
- I'd rather hear what they have in mind, you know?

And how they interpret it.

In "Teen Spirit"
you seem to complain

about the apathy
of our generation.

And do you share this lack
of engagement yourself?

What, being apathetic?

Yeah.
- Sure.

Why?

Why?

Because we sleep too much.

No, I mean, just say the...
- Do the first part only.

Just read it.

Hello.
Stay tuned for more...

Nirvana on "ABC in Concert"!

You wanna do it again?
- One more?

Yeah, do one more...

# With eyes so dilated,
I've become your pupil

# You tell me
everything about...

Probably the biggest
band in the world right now,

please welcome Nirvana!

Nirvana are real.

There's nothing pretentious about
them or anything like that.

They're world famous, you know?

Maybe I'll watch this
in the bar.

Kurt Cobain, he's so beautiful.

# Sloppy lips to lips

# You're my vitamins

# I like you...

Interviews are worthless.

Let's go.

What do you think
about interviews?

It's a pretty good magazine.
- What do I think?

Did you hear my reaction when he
asked me if I wanted to do one?

Yeah.
- I said, *** no.

Cobain has been mislabeled as a
"spokesman for a disaffeced generation."

He's not interested in the job.
His lyrics have a sheen of naivet?

that just barely contains his anger-
but gems like "I fell stupid and...

Hey, I'm a hardcore Nirvana
fan myself.

Yeah?
- Is this a disease that you've had long?

Any cure for it?
- He's talking from his experiences.

He's talking from his experience.

Well, he's got lousy experience, sir.

Well, it's not his goal
to make millions of dollars

when he made the stuff.
He's writing about his life.

Well, his life needs to see
a therapist or a minister,

and it doesn't need to be
on millions of CDs

for kids to listen to
and identify with

and have more of their despair and
their hopelessness emphasize

by the tragedy
of this man's life.

I feel like i'm being evaluated
en' his A day **** is hardwork

and the acclaim isn't worth it

unless you still like playing

God how I love plyings live.

But I'd be better off if I kept
my mouth shut.

There's a cool breeze chappig my lips
As my jaw hangs open discharging,

waterfalls of guilty drool.

opening my mouth for the disaffected
youth to ask them a question.

Are you kinda mad sometimes at
your mom or dad kinda, in a way?

Pissy little self appointel
judge-curmudgean

oh the Guilt!
the Guilt!

the autographs
the fame

the lights
the flash

the Glitter
the Guilt

the Guilt

I guess each individual's
going to deal with it

the way they're going
to deal with it.

I get... You know,
it was kind of traumatic

to be famous all of a sudden,

especially coming
from this complete obscurity

and just being the number
one band in the world.

So I did things like
withdraw or drink.

You know, I'm lucky.

I had beer and wine, you know?

Kurt had heroin.

Given how volatile
and complicate

things were for Kurt
around that time,

why do you think he chose that moment to,
um,

start his relationship
with Courtney?

I went...
I had this relationship

with this person, this woman.

And I just kind of wanted
to build this home for myself,

because my home growing up
had fallen apart.

So I wanted to build a home.

And I think that Kurt
wanted to do that, too.

He wanted to build a home,

because his home
and his family fell apart.

So when Courtney
came into his life,

they had...
She was interesting,

she was artistic, intellectual,

and, you know,
she did drugs, too,

but that was all
part of the package

of building a home.

Check, check, check,
check, check, check, check.

Let's watch their sound check,
shall we?

Sure.

Maybe that will bug them
and they'll play really bad.

I don't have the answer.

So you're having a relationship

with the guitar player?

No?

I don't know what it was.

Honestly.

It's over?

I think, yeah.

What happened?

I don't care.

Dude, we're making a movie.

Wow, did you curl your hair?

You don't like it?
- It's nicer when it's straight

because it doesn't make
your face look so round.

Oh, my God!
- Uh...

Hello.

How is it onstage?
Is it... Is it clear onstage?

Message
For: mr. Cobain Room: 154

Time: 18:22
Courtney called her number is

212 7775544

To
Kurt Cobain

i want to be somewhere above ya with
all the candy in my hands.

you smell like waffles and milk.

Kim said we were the hottest ROCKCOUPLE

since sean i Maddona.
Acne superstar.

Spill ice cream dawn my dress with
your Efes Wide aeN

and be my best girlfriend.

I love and miss your body *

# If she ever comes down now

# If she ever comes now

# Now,
if she ever comes down now

# If she ever comes down now

# If she ever comes now

# Oh, she looks so good

# Oh, she's made out of wood

# She seems so...

He was super cute,

but he carried himself like
someone who didn't know that.

And that was part of the charm.
Courtney Love, Kurt's wife

He didn't know that he was a
better-looking guy than Brad Pitt.

We got on like a house
on fuckin' fire.

One caveat...
I had already done heroin,

beat the thing,

had a rule, I loved it still,

but I didn't have
a fantasy that he had.

He had a fantasy.
His fantasy was

I'm going to get to 3 million $,

and then I'm going
to be a junkie.

That was his...
Those are his words.

# Come as you are

# As you were

# As I want you to be...

# As a friend

# As a known enemy...

# Take your time, hurry up

# The choice is yours,
don't be late...

There he is.
- He's against the wall.

Oh, my God!

He's totally trapped
back there.

# Memoria...

Is it fun to be famous?

People who are really famous

end up total reclusives,

and then they
don't do anything.

That sucks.

# And I swear that I don't
have a gun

# No, I don't have a gun

Go! Go! Go! Go...

#...ria

# Memoria

# Memoria

# And I swear
that I don't have a gun

# No, I don't have a gun

# No, I don't have a gun

# No, I don't have a gun.

Nirvana!

The money, the attention,
the hype, the hysteria...

Kurt Cobain,
an overnight spokesman

for many disaffected
young people...

...is spokesman for a generation.

For his generation,
he's the closest to having a John Lennon.

It's not my fault.

I never wanted the fame.

You suck!

Seattle's own Nirvana
finds itself

at the very top of
"Billboard's" pop albums chart

with its album "Nevermind",

while guitarist Kurt Cobain

just got engaged
to Courtney Love,

front woman of an L.A.
band called Hole.

According to "Rolling Stone",
Cobain fell ill with a stomach problem

during their tour
of four continents

and had to cancel a number
of dates in England.

There's been speculation
of summer tour plans,

but so far, only the next
Reading Festival in August.

Nirvana is now retreating
from doing interviews.

Whether it's a reaction
to "too much, too soon, "

the band would rather
their music speak for itself

than be knighted as spokesmen
for a generation.

Right after you
guys got married,

they were the biggest band
in the world,

and Kurt decided
to take six months off.

So, officially,
in the story that's out in the world,

he took six months off
of their touring schedule?

He could have toured the world at that
point and made a shitload of money.

Oh, I see.

To me,
it seemed like he wanted to stay

in an apartment with you
and do heroin.

Yeah, he wanted to stay in an
apartment and do heroin and paint.

And play his guitar.
That's what he wanted to do.

Hi.

Hi.

This is our house.
- This is where we live.

I know it looks disgusting now,

but sometimes it's nice,
I mean after when I clean it,

'cause no one else
fucking does.

Okay, this is the toilet.

This is, um...

This is me.
- Hey.

Hello.
- Do we have a turkey baster?

What?

Right. Why do you think
that everyone thinks

you're the good one
and I'm the bad one?

Because I know how
to "use my illusion."

Where are you going?

I'm going into my other room.

I paid for this.

Put on the "dancing
merry chimp"!

So is this the living room
that that guy describe

in "Rolling Stone" magazine?

With nothing
but a Twin Reverb amp

and teddy bears to keep him company.
- And the Cosmic Psychos.

The "Cosmo Psychos."

There's Eric.
- The champ.

Hi, honey.

Hi.
- I love you a lot. You are so cute.

Here, Eric, you fill in for a while.
- Here.

This is the Kurt Cobain
action figure.

Secret coded message in his guitar.

Kurt, I think he looks
remarkably a lot like you.

Look at that.
- That's a bachata.

And he's playing a...
What looks to be

a sort of Mosrite-y
vintage...

Come into the breakfast nook.

Are you filming us?

Mm-hmm.

# She gives me everything

# And tenderly

# The kiss my lover brings

# She brings to me

# And I love her

# Bright are the stars
that shine

# Dark is the sky

# I know this love of mine

# Will never die

# And I love her...

Courtney, when I say I ove you
I am not ashamed,

nor will anyone ever come close
to intimidetis me into think otherwise.

# A love like ours

# Will never die

# As long as I hold you
near me...

Greatest Fuck of all Rucks
let me live forever with you

I ove you more than my mother
I'll Abort christ for you

I'll make myself miserable
to make you happy

Did you guys
want to have a baby?

Oh, God, yes.

Yes, we wanted to have a baby,

and I conceived Frances
in December.

So, I was pregnant
when I got married, yes.

We were all we had,

so making a family
as fast as possible

was, you know, important.

You know, so, I mean,
if I had had more time,

I'm telling you I'd have had
more kids with him.

Why do you feel so bad?

Why?
Uh-huh.

Because I want to.

It's my fault.

All my fault.

You're beautiful.
- I think you're really cute.

Thank you very much.

So do a lot of "Sassy" readers.

I married Bobby Sherman.

Do you think they do this to me?
- What?

Do you think they do this to me
when they read "Sassy"?

Girls don't masturbate
over their teen idols.

They don't?

No, they make up much more
intricate schematic plans.

Girls are a lot more
complex than boys.

You don't know what girls
do to each other.

Yes, I do.
- No, you don't.

They're vicious.
- I mean, you can know about crafty girls all you want,

but I wouldn't
let you go on tour

with crafty girls
because fuckin'...

It doesn't fuckin' matter, man.

They... They...

They diss me.

They diss me all the time.

I'd be fat.

I can't... I know it's not
even like I can't trust you,

it's just you can't
trust men in general,

even if they're new men
and they're you.

And even if they're like you,
you still can't trust them.

I understand what you're trying to say,
but I don't agree.

Just because you...
- I'm a new man. I'm a man for the '90s.

I'm Ward Cleaver.

And then, you being you,
you'd be all sensitive

and you'd go...

"How are we gonna
tell Courtney?"

Meanwhile, I've ruined my career,
I've ruined my life,

become the most hated woman in America,
because I'm 200 pounds.

But you're already the most hated woman in America.
- What?

You and Roseanne Barr are tied for
being the most hated woman in America.

Okay, I married Bobby Sherman,
I'm the most hated...

Ruined my body,
not play the Reading Festival this year

when I could have
kicked your ass.

Just...
- You could... You should still play the Reading...

Oh, yes, I should just
play the Reading Festival.

Dive into the crowd...
- Right. That's right.

Shoot off a gun,
light yourself on fire.

Let everyone see this.
- And give birth.

And this is only half of it.

The rest is yet to come.
- Look. Moustache.

Hmm, I like that.
- Wait, wait.

Free moustache rides!

It's a "womb broom."

Keep it, please?
- Okay! Ha!

Just keep it for the night.
- No way!

Please, Kurt, you need...

This is the...
- # Outshined, outshined

# Outshined!

This is the look of Aberdeen.

Come on, look at the camera.

I was in Vietnam.

You weren't in Vietnam.

I was in Vietnam.

Look at my large breasts.

"Dearest 'Sassy'

and whoever else is responsible

for the Kurt Cobain,
Courtney 'Pig' story,

Your story in April's 'Sassy'
about Kurt Cobain

and that Courtney hag
truly made me want to vomit.

First of all,
what could have been

a beautiful interview
experience with Kurt Cobain,

the god of love in human form,

was totally ruined
by nasty old dirty Miss Love

running her big, fat mouth.

Who cares about her stupid
Victorian house or her sucky ban

or how she was
so obnoxious and pushy

that she scared poor Kurt
into going out with her?

Secondly, you guys are
supposed to be

so understanding and all that,

so what possessed you
to be so insensitive

to those of us who would lick the
ground that Kurt Cobain walked on?

You could have just mentioned
the vile Courtney,

but, oh, no, you went so far
as to show her kissing Kurt.

Blech!

I will never forgive you.
Never, never, never!

Sincerely disillusioned
with life,

Stacy the Kurt slave."

And there's a little happy
face on the bottom.

Happy face...
"This is not currently me, thanks to you."

Why don't...
Why don't you interview us?

Kurt and Courtney?

This is slow. It's too slow.
- "Sassy 2."

How does it feel to be fast?

Life in the fast lane.

At the height
of their drug abuse...

Damn, if I wasn't so needle-sick,

I'd be on tour
with Guns N' Roses right now.

Me and Axl would be
whooping it up,

snake-dancing
across the universe.

Snake-dancing across
the stage together

singing Nazareth songs.

But I'm too goddamn needle-sick,
man.

Are you fucked up, baby?

Hack, hack.

# You love me, you love me

# Pretty please

# I wanna be your girlfriend

# Let me just be your girlfriend...

# Let me just be
your girlfriend

# Well, then put it in my anus

# And it kinda was heinous...

# But put it in my anus
and it kinda was heinous

# But put it in my anus
and it kinda was smelly

# And I wanna be
your girlfriend

# I wanna be your girlfriend

# I wanna ride your Bratmobile,
baby

# I wanna know how you really feel,
yeah

# I wanna ride
in your Bratmobile

# I wanna shoot up
in your Bratmobile

# 'Cause put it in my butt
- # I feel insane

# And I'll feel sexy, but...
# Put it in my baby...

I did do heroin
when I was pregnant,

and then I stopped.

And I knew she would be fine.

Come on!

So, he was never concerned
that our child would have...

I assured him that I was
built like an oxen

and could carry this pregnancy to
term and not have any problems.

But, you know,
I was a young woman.

The pregnancy
isn't the problem.

It's the being around
a junkie while I'm pregnant

when I'm a junkie, too,

and I know the minute
that baby's out,

I'm going to go shoot up
in celebratory fashion.

You know what I mean?
Like, that was our lifestyle.

the male Seahorse
carries the children

and gives them Birth.

Pain will dissolve
the sea monkeys at present.

Sea monkeys
will hatch and reproduce.

We say, "Adieu", little girl.

They found the little girl's skin

under his yellow,
cigarette-stained fingernails.

# And if you say your prayers

# You will make God happy

# And if you do what's told

# You will make me happy

# I'll keep you in a jar

# And you will seem happy

# I'll give you breathing holes

# You will think you're happy...

CRACK BABIES

micro embryonic Fluids

Abort christ

Strange Love

Sources maintain that the Cobains
have been heavily into heroin.

"Courtney was pregnant and she
was shooting up.

Kurt was throwing up on
people in the cab.

They were both out of it."

It's a sick scene in that apartment
says a close friend.

Persistent drug rumors,

"We went on a binge" she says,

"We did a lot of drugs.

...we copped some dope.

"It's appalling to think that she'd be
taking drugs when she knew shewas pregnant,"

says one close friend.
"We're all worried about that baby."

Kurt seems fragile.

He looks as if he might break.

I feel violeted

Dear Emoty TU
The Entity of all Corporte Gods

how fucking dare you embrase
such trash journalism from

en overweight Cow who severely
needs her Karma Broken.

... I've heard so many exaggerated
stories or reports from my friends

how I'm A notoriosly sucked up

Heroin addict, self destructive,
alcoholic yet overly sensitive frail, fragile,

Neurotic, little piss Ant who At
any minute is going to O.D.

# Am surly
Jump off a roof

# Dea...
Blow my head

# Death...
Or All 3 t once.

Does that get to you?

To read things
like you're dying

of smack addiction
and shit like...

Yeah, it makes you feel
like the kid in school

who gets picked on
all the time.

Or it makes you feel like
the school slut.

Party on, Wayne.

I feel like people
want me to die,

because it would be the
classic rock 'n' roll story.

# Dea... Death

# Dea... Death...

I would like to professionally
and publicly announce

that this is our last show.

There's been some pretty extreme
things written about us,

especially my wife,

'cause she thinks
everybody hates her now.

So, um...

I wanted to give her
a message and say,

Courtney, we love you.

Okay, ready?

On the count of three.

One, two, three.

Courtney, we love you!

Thanks.

# Oh

# When I was an alien

# Cultures weren't opinions

# Gotta find a way,
a better way

# When I'm there

# Gotta find a way,
a better way

# I had better wait

# Gotta find a way,
a better way

# When I'm there

# Gotta find a way,
a better way

# I had better wait

# Just because you're paranoid

# Don't mean they're
not after you

# Gotta find a way,
a better way

# When I'm there

# Gotta find a way,
a better way

# When I'm there

# Gotta find a way,
a better way

# I had better wait

# Gotta find a way,
a better way

# I had better wait.

Nirvana star Kurt's baby
born a drug addict

Hooked
An insider at the Cedars Sinai Hopital

in Los Angeles revealed yesterday:
"The baby was high on methadone

when she was born.
She was fed the drug in the womb

via her mother who was still
hooked when she was born.

"The quickest way to get her off
the drug was to let her go cold turkey.

She suffered cold sweats, shivering
cramps and muscle spasms but she should live"

Shame
"Courtney was a real handful.

She was so spaced out she had
no idea what the was doing.

Pals say Kurt, whose hits with Nirvana
include Smells Like Teen Spirit,

was "very relieved" fer the birth.

One added: "He's happy that
the baby has relieved...

An article in Vanity Fair implied that Ms. Love had taken heroin well into the pregnancy.

Two weeks after the baby wa born,
using the article as evidence,

the Los Angeles County Department of
Children's Services

force the couple to surrender the child
to Ms. Love's sister.

Although the Cobains soon regained custody,
county officias continued to monitor them.

Hi.

How you doing?

You're getting suspicious with this
electronic device in your face, huh?

Staring right at it.

What...
What do you see in there?

Nothing.

Would you show your butt for the cam...
Oh, a little wet, okay.

A little pee.
- That is most definitely amphibian.

Don't look at me. Don't...

Frances,
this is your real problem.

Everywhere Daddy looks,
you won't look.

Hi, hi.
- Look at that.

Bah!

This is the happiest
day I've ever seen.

Don't you think?
- She knows.

She's... Now she's got lots
of things in store for her.

You wanna be a star
for a while and I'll film?

Wanna be the star?

Fly.
Want to fly?

Fly? Fly?

Ah? Nose?

Taste good?

Ha!

Wanna barf in my mouth again?

Three times the charm!

Ah!
- Are you getting all this?

Yes!
- Oh, aren't we lucky?

Oh, I know.

Seven months ago, I shose to put myself
in position which requires

the highest form of responsibility
a person can have.

... Everytime I see a teevision show that
has duing children or seeing testimony

by a parents who recently ost
their child I can't help but cry.

The thought of losing my baby
haunts me every day.

... I will fight to my death to keep the right
to provide for my child.

I'll go out of my way to remind her
that I love her more than I love myself.

Not because it's a fathers duty, but
because I want to out of love.

Are you worried
about the kind of mistakes

that might have been made
in your growing up

that sort of impacts how you
deal with her situation?

No.

My father and I are
completely different people.

I know that
I'm capable of showing

a lot more affection
than my dad was.

I mean, even if Court and I
were to get a divorce,

I would never allow us
to be in a situation

where there are bad vibes
between us in front of her.

If there's anything
that we're determined to do,

it's to give Frances
as much love as we can.

I mean, if anything,
it's going to stop me

from pursuing
this rock 'n' roll thing.

It's going to be her
because I don't want her

to be screwed up because of it.

I don't know what's going to
happen in the next few years.

It's...
It's kind of scary.

I'm been blessed with little person

I can't let myself be much closer

I'm afraid of her life
when she gets older

I dropped it.

Mommy's loud.

I'm loud.
- Oh, who's a big crybaby?

Oh, look at this, she's...
She's kind of upset.

Okay, let's get her naked.

That's what I want.
I want you naked.

"Nirvana!

Who the fuck do you think you are?
- Ew!

Seeing your
interviews makes me think

you guys are the most immature
pieces of trash ever made.

If you assholes
could ever write anything

that could come close to anything
Guns N' Roses has written,

maybe you could talk,

but until you sell
a few billion more albums,

take your head out of your
asses and smell the air.

It smells like Guns N' Roses!
- Guns N' Roses!

Shy Sue, nine years old."
- Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Okay, enough with the cute voices.

Leave me alone.
I have to read this now.

Especially you.

Don't look at me.
Don't look at me.

Hey!

Nirvana tot bounces back
from drug fear

SHOCK rocker Kurt Cobain of Nirvana
has a healty new baby daughter-

despite his wife going on a drugs
bings during her pregnancy.

Dady Kurt quits drugs

Kurt Cobain-whose daughter Frences

was born ast month addicted
to heroin-has quit drugs.

The Nirvana singer says: "Holding
my baby is the best drug in the world."

The public didn't know it, but
the battle to have free and clear

custody of Frances still raged on.
Frances now lived with Kurt and Courtney,

but the couple had to submit to regular
urine tests and a socia worker had to check up

on them periodicaly to make sure they were
raising their child in an acceptable manner.

In an isolation tank,

on 50 hits of Demerol,

as New Age music poisons

the scarce, humid air.

# Well, congratulations

# You have won

# It's a year's subscription

# Of bad puns

# And a makeshift story

# Of concern...

Bog you down.

Tonight from Hollywood,
we bring you

a most unusual broadcast,
starring a famous radio couple

who have never before appeared
in a story of this kind.

This is Kurt Cobain.

I have a lot of things
to say to you.

A lot of fucking things
to say to you,

you parasitic
little fucking cunt.

You're not writing
about my band.

You're writing about how
jealous you are of my wife.

You have absolutely
no fucking idea

what you're doing.

You will find out.

I don't care if this
is a recorded threat.

I'm at the end of my rope.

Never been more fucking
serious in my life.

Everything we do...
Develop personal courage,

confidence and belief
in our own abilities...

Make your determination
so strong

that it will eliminate
any situation or circumstance

which stands in the way
of your goal.

Check, check, check, check, check.

Uh-huh, this looks just like
the Metallica video.

This is part of your
rock-u-mentary.

I think the problem...
- Come on, now.

It really expresses
the way you guys...

You can't just do
what you do onstage.

You can't.
You're making an album.

Frances.

Frances, Frances, Frances!

Ha!

Okay, okay.

I have to... Now they're calling me.
I have to work now.

Take the baby.
- Well, rock on.

Daddy's gotta go rock!

# Teenage angst
has paid off well

# Now I'm bored and old

# Self-appointed judges judge

# More than they have sold

# If she floats,
then she is not

# A witch like we had thought

# A down payment on another

# One at Salem's lot...

You said before, let's make
a record to use most of your writing.

I was in the beginning,
about a year and a half ago.

I was completely fed up
with the whole thing.

I didn't want to be
a rock star at all.

It was just...
It was freaking me out, you know.

But I've had two years to recuperate.

# That legendary divorce
is such a bore

# As my bones grew,
they did hurt

# They hurt really bad

# I tried hard
to have a father

# But instead I have a dad

# I just want
you to know that I

# I don't hate you anymore

# There is nothing
I could say

# I haven't thought before

# Serve the servants

# Oh, no, serve the servants

# Oh, no

# That legendary divorce
is such a bore.

Nirvana's third
album "In Utero, "

a record with a decidedly
hard-edged sound,

courtesy of maverick
producer Steve Albini,

will make its debut at number one on
Monday's new "Billboard" pop chart.

Nirvana will be starting a
U.S. tour...

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday,
dear Frances

# Whoo
- Happy birthday to you.

You're one! You're one!

One year old!

Fred?
- The whole night.

Okay with this.

But we've got something to do.

Oh, a parade.
Nice.

Kurt, you can't leave!
Come back!

Big Bird parade.

Would you like some cake?
- What are you doing?

I'm not opening this
till you come back.

Kurt?

What do you want?
- Kurt, it's Frances' first haircut.

All right?

I'm gonna take the chair out,
put her on her throne.

Yeah, do that.

Should I do it right here?

Kurt, sit her on her throne.

Where's the scissors?
You got them?

Yeah, somebody's gotta hold...
- I can do it.

No, I'm doing the haircut.

Mmm...
- So... Yes, I am.

You're not very skilled at using scissors.
- Yes, I am.

I'm doing the haircut.

I don't have to be
conscious... Oh!

Jesus Christ.

Okay. Oh.
- You are such a good baby.

Shall I go down and get a bowl?
- Hey, Brit?

Will you try and find
the classical station on there?

Hey, Kurt... Okay.

This is her Cartier comb.

Mahna.

Mahna.
- That's right.

# Mahna mahna, do do do do do

# Mahna mahna, do do do do

# Mahna mahna,
do do do do do...

You haven't been eating a lot.

You don't feel like
a bloated child.

Yeah, you got to force her
to eat lately.

She's been sick.

Well, you really have to force her
to eat.

She's not...
She's not motivated to...

We don't have any luck
with it at all.

This is, like, a big deal.
- I'm so tired.

I am sorry.
- I can't keep my eyes open.

Stop it.
- Kurt, you don't want our daughter

to see you behaving
like you're...

on drugs.

I'm not on drugs, I'm tired.

Do you have more teeth?
You have more teeth?

Please?
- Your teeth were so as a kid.

See? See?
Wife beating.

Here we go.

No, no. Oh, I'll hold her.

"Ow, my pretty golden locks.

It was going to be as long as Brenda's from '90210.'"
- You look so gorgeous.

You won't be able to believe it.
Ooh, pancake.

You won't be able
to believe it.

# Amazing grace

# How sweet the sound...

# That saved a wretch

# Like me

# I once was lost

# But now am found

# Was blind

# But now I see...

It just...
Every week it got worse.

And sometimes
he would come home,

I think to hide,
and it was really bad.

He started getting sores
and he was losing weight

and nodding out and...

I was pretty sure
he knew I knew.

But I decided one time
to just confront him.

And so I went up
to his bedroom.

He was sitting on
the side of the bed,

and he was crying,

because I had just arrived and he
knew it was breaking my heart.

And I talked to him about it

and everything that I had
learned about heroin.

And I asked him
if he was at the stage

of where he was addicted
to also the needle prick.

And he burst into tears.

And he was just ashamed.

One of the songs that,
actually,

I really liked on "In Utero"

but which you took off was

"I Hate Myself
and I Wanna Die."

How literal was that song
in terms of the title?

As literal as a joke could be.

I mean,
nothing more than a joke.

And what kind of...
- Who were you playing the joke on?

'Cause I have to admit,
my first reaction was,

you know,
either this is really intensely satirical

or there's some really
dark shit happening here.

I'm really thankful
for a lot of things...

My family, my child.

And every month,

I come to more optimistic
conclusions.

Do you find that you're
getting happier in general?

Yeah.
- I hope I don't become so blissful

that I lose...
- Become boring.

Yeah, I become boring
or I lose my edge

or whatever it is, you know.

And who knows?

I don't have
any new songs right now,

so I'm starting from scratch
for the first time.

Tabula rasa, that'll be interesting.
- Yeah.

Is there a little
fear of the unknown?

Yeah, definitely.

Check, check, check.

Check, check, check.

Turn both guitars down.

Turn both guitars down now.
- They're too loud.

Scott, you know that
goofy-ass stuff

that they have at music
stores called "Finger-ease"?

That's a lot better.
- Thanks.

It's like an anal gel.

If I could just put some
on this string...

"Finger-ease"?

It's called
"Finger-ease"

that your...
Yeah, it's like a roll-on.

I just need it on one string.

God, I'm being picky today.

Baby.

Will you guys, like...
Will you and Janet

and everybody that I know
sit in the front

so I can look at you?

'Cause I hate strangers.

One, two, three.

Thank you.

Any requests?

"Teen Spirit"!
- "Sliver"!

"Drain You"!

"Been A Son"!
- "Serve the Servants"!

Remember the little black
bird on "Davey and Goliath"?

The little what?
- Black bird on "Davey and Goliath, "

sing, "Kumbaya"?

No, I don't remember
the little bird.

Remember that
really evil episode

where he was really mad
at this kid,

and he had all these visions
of how he's going to...

First I'm going to take him
up to a hill

and tie him to a tree
and tar and feather him!

It was evil.
That wasn't Christian at all.

# What else should I be?

# All apologies

# What else should I say?

# Everyone is gay

# What else should I write?

# I don't have the right

# What else should I be?

# All apologies

# In the sun

# In the sun I feel as one

# In the sun

# Married

# Buried

# Married

# Buried

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

# All in all is all we are

# All in all is all we are...

# All in all is all we are...
- I'm a ham ham.

# All in all is all we are.

What do you want?
- I don't know.

Do you want to go play
someplace?

Yeah.
- What do you want to do?

I'm going to play
tape recorders.

Frances?
- Christmas Day, 1993, Frances Bean Cobain.

Mmm, I'm thirsty.

Ah!

Yabba-dabba-doob!

Ooh, this is nice.

Johnny Rotten, Larry Cohen,
Led Zeppelin, and the Beatles, that's you.

Did you say Bob Dylan?

You don't tell stories the way he does,
but, I mean...

You mean like this?

Seen it, done it.

I feel kind of happy right now.

Yeah, I do, too.

We're all sensitive
to ridicule and shame,

but it seemed to me,
having gone through his materials,

that he was hypersensitive...

Felt criticism, felt praise,

felt things
a little more intensely.

Probably.

You know, he was so sensitive

that the one time that I
thought about cheating on him,

he fuckin' must have been
psychic or something.

I thought about it.

I didn't do it,
but I thought about it.

You never cheated on Kurt?

No, but I almost did one time,
and he knew it,

and I don't know
how he knew it.

I have no idea how he knew it.

I mean, I didn't...
Because the plan didn't ever go anywhere.

So, it was just...
Nothing happened,

but I was tired and I...

I'm not...
I wasn't as monogamous as he is...

I'm a big flirt,
so I flirt with chairs.

But I never,
never cheated on him,

but I certainly thought about
it one time in London.

And I could have done it.

And the response to it was...

he took 67 Rohypnols
and ended up in a coma

because I thought about
cheating on him.

I mean, fuck.
You're kidding.

I didn't even make
the phone call to do it.

So why do you think
he chose that night

to try to take his life?

Was it because
he felt rejected?

I think he would see it more as, like,
severe betrayal than rejection.

You know what I mean?

# My girl, my girl

# Don't lie to me

# Tell me where did you sleep
last night?

# In the pines, in the pines

# Where the sun
don't ever shine

# I would shiver
the whole night through

# My girl, my girl,
where will you go?

# I'm going where
the cold wind blows

# In the pines, in the pines

# Where the sun
don't ever shine

# I would shiver
the whole night through

# Her husband was
a hardworking man

# Just about a mile from here

# His head was found
in a driving wheel

# But his body
never was found

# My girl, my girl

# Don't lie to me

# Tell me where did you sleep
last night?

# In the pines, in the pines

# Where the sun
don't ever shine

# I would shiver
the whole night through

# My girl, my girl

# Where will you go?

# I'm going where
the cold wind blows

# In the pines, the pines

# The sun, shine

# I'd shiver

# The whole

# Night through.

Thank you.

One month after returning from Rome,
Kurt Cobain took his own life.

He was 27 years old.

# Ain't it a shame
to go fishing on a Sunday?

# Ain't it a shame?

# Ain't it a shame
to go fishing on a Sunday?

# Ain't it a shame?

# Ain't it a shame
to go fishing on a Sunday

# When you got Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday

# Or Thursday, Friday, Saturday?

# Ain't it a shame?

# Ain't it a shame to have
a drink on a Sunday?

# Ain't it a shame?

# Ain't it a shame to have
a drink on a Sunday?

# Ain't it a shame?

# Ain't it a shame to have
a drink on a Sunday

# When you got Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday

# Or Thursday, Friday, Saturday?

# Ain't it a shame?

# Shame, shame, shame?

# Load up on guns,
bring your friends

# It's fun to lose into pretend

# She's overboard
and self-assured

# Oh, no, a dirty word

# Hello, hello, hello, hello

# Hello, hello, hello

# With the lights out,
it's less dangerous

# Here we are now,
entertain us

# Acting stupid
and contagious

# Here we are now,
entertain us

# A mulatto, an albino

# A mosquito, my libido

# Yeah

# Hey

# Yay

# With the lights out,
it's less dangerous

# Here we are now,
entertain us

# Acting stupid
and contagious

# Here we are now,
entertain us

# A mulatto, an albino

# A mosquito, my libido

# A denial

# A denial.

Corrected by: suadnovic