Chopping Mall (1986) - full transcript

Stop right there.

Stop right there,
and surrender your weapon.

The hell, you say.

Ladies and gentlemen,

that concludes the film portion
of our presentation.

Now, I'm sure
you all have questions,

so let me introduce you
to the Head of Development

for Secure-Tronics Unlimited,
Dr. Stan Simon.

Thank you very much.

Before I open the floor,
I'd like you all to meet...

- your brand-new security team,



the Protector 101 Series robots.

One week from tonight at closing,

the Protectors will begin
their patrol of the mall.

Paul, they look
like the Three Stooges.

Each assigned to one of
the three upper shopping levels.

I don't know, Mary.
The one in the middle

has an unpleasantly ethnic quality.

Now, are there any questions?

Yes, Dr. Carrington.

So what do your machines there
do besides kill criminals?

Well, first of all, Doctor,
the Protectors do not kill.

Wonder if they kill cockroaches.

They could probably
be programmed to.

They merely detain intruders
until the computer,



located on the roof,

can patch
into the mall phone system

and send an alarm to the police.

I don't know. That guy
looked awfully dead to me.

Just neutralized.

Protectors can achieve this function
in a number of ways.

At close range, sleep darts
fired from here and here

can knock a man out
in less than 30 seconds.

However, the likelihood
of an intruder gaining entry

is greatly minimized
by the steel security doors,

which are time-locked
from midnight till dawn.

Um, they seem so violent.

If they're called Protectors,
what do they protect?

Plenty. For starters,
as seen in the film,

the Protectors do their work
in the mall proper,

not in the stores themselves.

Maybe we could use one
at the restaurant,

get rid of people we don't like.

For instance, lasers positioned here
can cut through any sort of debris.

Well, that's all very well and good,

but what about those who work late?

And how can your things there

distinguish between
the good guys and the bad guys?

That's very simple.

Watch.

This is Simon.

Bring Number One online.

- Ho ho!
- Wow!

That's great stuff.

May I see your
identification badge, please?

It's scanning.

They remind me of your mother.

It's the laser eyes.

Thank you.
Have a nice day.

Same to you.

There. You see?

The system is absolutely foolproof.

Now, everyone connected with the mall
has been issued an I.D. badge

so that when the secure mechanism
goes online,

the Protectors will make Park Plaza
the safest mall in the state.

Trust me.

Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

- Ahh!
- My God. Are you alright?

- More coffee?
- Come on. Come on, sweetheart!

Give it to me! Give it to me!
What do you got? Andiamo!

Can I get
two Uncle Luigi belly-busters,

a double anchovy pizza,
and an order of garlic logs?

That's so gross.
What Mojave brain ordered that?

Guy over there.

Oh, God. I should have known.

That orca beaches here every night,

always trying to snag some skin.
Play it safe, Alison.

Serve at arm's length,
if you get my drift.

Thanks for the advice.

- Yeah.

That's one!
- Shit.

Oh, honey, you're breakin' my heart.

Look, Alison,
in about an hour and a half,

we bail this barbecue,
and it's good times to the max.

You've just got to show.

Suzie, you've got A one-track mind.

I already told you.
I don't know anybody.

Yeah, but you will after tonight.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Hey, would I set you up

with a slime dog or something?
No way, babe.

"It is babe, isn't it?"

Come on! Come on!
Take it while it's hot.

While it's hot! Girls, come on!

Yeah, alright, alright.

Waitress, more butter.

Ohh!

Attention, shoppers.

For the next half-hour,

everything in our drapery department
will be marked down 30%.

Your attention, please.
Your attention, please.

We have a lost child in lingerie

answering to the name of Steve.

My Uncle Sid finds out
I let you do this, I'm dead.

Ah, don't tell me, Ferdy.

Are you going chickenshit
on us again?

We already agreed.

He trusts me to take care
of the store while he's gone.

He ain't gonna know diddly
unless you tell him,

and you ain't gonna tell him,
are ya?

Hey, look,
don't force me to pull rank.

Oh, I'm shaking.

You know, Brennan,

you're becoming
a real candidate for prickhood.

What?

Look, guys.

This party is gonna happen,

but we need a little teamwork,
okay? Besides,

if the place looks like shit on Monday,
it's all our asses.

You got the beer?

Greg, come on.

Dude!

- The fridge is packed.
- Alright, good.

Rick and Linda
are bringing the food.

Clean sheets are definitely waiting.

And, uh, Suzie--

Suzie has a surprise for you.

I don't know, guys.

Come on, Ferdy. Forget about
your Uncle Sid for a while.

This is gonna work, okay?

Ferdy, you can't
back out on us now.

- Okay, okay, let's party.
- Alright.

But first I gotta find
Mrs. Flanagan's fuchsia. I--

Well, you find
Mrs. Flanagan's fuchsia.

You, you hold down the fort.

I will.

I'm gonna go find Leslie.

Ah heh. I'm sure you will.

Quack, quack.

- Greg, I--
- Ferdy,

don't worry.

It's not that.
I can't find the fuchsia.

Ah, fuck the fuchsia.
It's Friday.

Tell the old bag to wait.

Okay, hon. Give it a try.

Strike three, Walden.

You're out.

My turn.

It's okay.
I got it. I got it.

You know the rules, buster.
Into the cab.

Okay, Butch. You know I can't
resist it when you get tough.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just crank it when I tell ya.

Well? We're waiting.

Just a sec, huh?

Alright. Hit it.

Always the first time.

I don't want to hear it.
Not another word.

Me? No way.

I covered this whole deal

when I said,
"For better or worse," remember?

'Course I remember.
I mean, who could forget

that 40-weight stain
right there on your tux?

Should have been
"for better or weird."

And speaking about weird,

what about this furniture store thing--

Oh, come on, Walden.
Indulge me.

We haven't had any fun

since we sunk all our wedding money
into the business.

Besides, Suzie's counting on us.

- Honey, I don't care about--
- Okay. Okay, okay.

I guess I won't be needing this.

Or, um...

will I?

Attention, shoppers.

Attention, shoppers.

Park Plaza will be closed in 20 minutes.

The mall will be closing
in 20 minutes.

The lower parking levels
will be closed at 10:00.

Attention, please.

Mr. Brad Trevoy
to the information kiosk.

You horny bastard.

- Can't you wait?

No. No, I can't.

What can't you wait for, Michael?

Mr. Todd.

Uh, Well, I--

I--I was just telling Leslie here

that, uh, uh,

well, that, uh--

Daddy. He was just telling me

how he couldn't wait to take me
over to Suzie's house tonight

for her, um, birthday party.

I see.

Well, I'm running late.

You'll lock up?

Sure.
I'll take care of everything.

Yes.

I'm sure you will.

Okay, Daddy.

- I love you, too. Bye.

So, what'd he say?

He said, "Go out,
and have a good time.

Oh, alright!
That is bitchin'.

Boy, I wish I had it that easy.

My parents still think I'm a kid.

Why do I have the feeling

I'm gonna regret this in the morning?

Look, Alison, you've had yourself
a very rough first week.

You owe yourself a little blowout.

Come on. It'll be fun.

Okay, just so long
as I don't have to look

at any more pizza.

Oh, you won't. I promise.

Oh, great!
This is gonna be wonderful.

You won't regret this.

I bet.

Attention, shoppers.

Park Plaza will be closing
in 10 minutes.

- I am so nervous.
- Hairspray, my lovely.

I really hate blind dates.

Oh, yeah! Bodacious. Lipstick.

- Suzie--
- Oh, no.

This is a terrible color.
Give me another color.

What if he's not my type?

Oh, yeah, that's it.
Luscious lust.

Suzie, are you listening?

What are we gonna do all night?

Will you stop worrying?
Like I said, he's got...

- a great personality!
- A great personality!

- That's right!
- Right.

He does.
You're going to love him.

Trust me on this.

Hey, babe.

"It is babe, isn't it"?

- Let me see.
- What?

- Okay. No, you look good.
- What, what?

- Are you sure?
- Yeah. Sure.

- Really?
- Yeah!

Marty, I'm sorry I'm late,

but it was all-you-could-eat night
down at the Pit,

and I couldn't resist
the opportunity to pig out.

Marty?

Yo, Marty!

How's it hanging, guys?

Least he could do was clean up.

Waste not, want not.
You know what I mean?

No, I--I guess you wouldn't.

Hello.

What do you mean, "Who is this?"
You called me.

No, Marty's not here right--

Jerk.

- Happy motoring.
- You're so sentimental.

- Shoot.

Come on, you guys.
Give me a break.

I got a lot of bookkeeping
to catch up on.

Ferdy, it can wait.

Yeah. Tonight, you are gonna shake

that ultra-Wally image of yours
once and for all.

But I like my image.
I don't wanna shake it.

Look, you guys just have fun.
I'll just--

Look, this is not a democracy.

You have no choice.

But I got a lot of bookkeeping
to catch up on.

But nothing!

Ferdy Meisel,

meet Alison Parks.

Hi.

Hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Oh, hello.

Protector One going online,
level one.

Protector Two going online,
level two.

Protector Three going online,
level three.

Lady, you, uh,
got a license for that outfit?

Why, uh, no, Officer.

I guess you're
just gonna have to take me in.

You smell like pepperoni.

Well, if that's the way you feel--

Wait a minute.

What?

I like pepperoni.

Oh.

In that case...

Michael.

What now?

You know I don't allow that.

You allowed it last week, didn't you?

- Huh?
- What are you do--

- Huh?
- Michael.

I seem to recall it from last week.

Ohh!

Heh. I don't know
why I watch these things.

I scare so easily.

I'm sorry.
I should have told you about that.

I've seen this one a few times.

Could I get you some more wine?

Ferdy...

are you trying to get me drunk?

No, no. I--I just figured
maybe you might be thirsty.

You know, part of the reason
why Greg fixed me up here tonight

was so I--I wouldn't squeal
to my uncle.

I never thought that, uh--

What?

I never thought It would be so, uh...

you know, nice.

It's been nice for me, too, Ferdy.

Oh, God! Oh, God!

You're the king!

- You're the king!

Chalk one up
for the Furniture King.

They're having a nice time.

Yeah.

Well, look,
it's getting kind of late.

The mall's gonna seal up
in about an hour.

What do you say I take you home?

That's real sweet, Ferdy,

but if it's alright with you...

we can stay a little while longer.

Nice shot.

He gave his life.

I know.

Yo, Walter.
You havin' a good time?

Ty, you know Paisley.
He loves a challenge.

Go ahead and laugh, you guys,
but if I ever find

the little bastards that did this,
they're dead meat.

Right, Walter. Right.

Say, you better hustle it up.

You don't wanna get locked up
in here again, do you?

Hey, rub it in all you like.

I'll be out of here in 10 minutes.
You'll see.

Creeps.

That's gonna--

Bastards.

You clumsy son of a bitch.
Look what you did.

I ought to turn you
into scrap metal for this.

May I see your
identification badge, please?

Identification badge?

Do not make any sudden moves.

Sudden move? I'll give you
a sudden move upside your head.

What the hell is that?

What is this,
you worthless pile of junk, huh?

Hey, look,

I'm like you, you know?

I work here.
See? Huh? See that?

Ah, shit.

I knew you bastards
were gonna be trouble

when they first brought you in here.

Thank you. Have a nice day.

Hey,
smoking's bad for your health.

I have to have a cigarette,
and I have to have one now.

Are you for real?

Can't you think of anything

you'd rather have
besides a smoke?

No.

Okay. Okay.

Uh, I think Singleton

left a pack of Camels
under the register.

Camels? No way.

You know I only smoke
Virgin Lights.

What do you expect me to do?

Go out in the mall
and buy a pack?

There's a machine
right down by the phones.

You always get your way,
don't you?

When I'm happy,
everybody's happy.

That's for sure.

Hand me my badge, will you?

What's the magic word?

Hand me my badge, please.

Thank you.

Oh, Mike?

What, what, what, what, what?

Hurry back.

Count on it.

Buck and a quarter?

Leslie.

Yeah?

No, Jamal, there haven't been
any messages for you.

May I see your
identification badge, please?

Jeez, you little bastards are quiet.

Here.

Klaatu barada niktu, okay?

Hey.

I give up.

Mike.

Mike.

Brennan, you ass.

I'm not in the mood for games.

I got you,
and the only good rat...

What is it with those two, anyway?

Personally, I can't figure it out.

All they do is have sex and fight.

- Like most couples.
- Yeah.

Look, we've got about 15 minutes
before the whole place locks up.

Ferdy.

Yeah?

Thanks.

Mike?

Mike.

Mike.

Damn you.

Brennan, you don't come out now,
don't bother.

Alright, wake up.

Wake up!

I said wake up!

That's it!
I don't need this crap!

Oh, my--

Oh, my God!

Oh, God.

Thank you. Have a nice day.

Protector One, arming.

Detain intruders.

Oh, my God,
there's another one!

Protector Two, arming.
Assist Protector One.

The storeroom.
Quick, let's go.

Let's go. Let's go.

Go. Come on.

Go, go, go, go!

- Here.
- Use the box. Good.

Come on.

- Good.

This isn't gonna
hold them very long.

You got any better ideas?

What about the fire exit?

All that's
gonna do is put us

back out in the mall
with those machines.

Well, it beats
being trapped in here.

Who knows what they're
planning right now?

Linda's right.
We've gotta get out

somewhere we can run
and get some weapons.

What was that?

That's the sound of us
being locked in here all night.

Those security doors
don't open till 6:00.

Oh, no. We're never
gonna get out of here.

Yes, we are.

The phone's dead.

The computer
must have taken control.

Hey, what about that?

The air duct.

Wait. We take it

down to the parking levels,
we're outta here.

Let's go for it!

Go, baby!

What was that?

Go, Suzie. Go.

- Okay, I'm right behind you.
- As usual.

Prepare for detonation.

Proceeding to alternate access.

Come on, Alison. You're next.

Come on, keep going.
Keep going!

Come on! Let's get out of here!

Aah!

I thought this was
an air-conditioning duct.

Feels like the heat's
been turned on.

In the middle of summer?

They know we're in here.

They're trying to French fry us.

Come on, Suze.

You know who gives you twice
as much heat at the restaurant.

Unh.

Damn!

Wrap whatever you can
around your hands.

I can't stand this anymore.

I gotta get outta here.

I gotta get outta here.

- Come on, Suze.

Hang in there.

- What now?
- Find some way outta here.

We're gonna
have to defend ourselves.

This place got
a sporting goods store?

Peckinpah's.

- Let's go.
- Come on.

How are we gonna get in?

Don't worry. I got the keys.

Jesus.

Ferdy, propane tanks.

- Grab the biggest.
- Alright.

Let's see here.

- What about shells?
- 12 gauge.

Here.

Oh. Great. Thanks.

And some .223s.

Let's go send those fuckers
a Rambo-gram.

You sure you know
how to shoot that?

Yeah.
I saw "Dirty Harry" 24 times.

All set?

Yeah.

Good.

One of 'em
ought to have heard that.

Dead man could've heard that.

Hey, fellas, we got company.

That didn't take very long.

Steady.

Go for it.

Ferdy, now!

I gotta find Greg.

He needs me.

Let me outta here!

Suzie, please.

The guys told us to go down
to the parking levels.

- Come on, kiddo.

Greg wouldn't want you
to give up now.

Oh, go to hell, Linda!

You do what you want,
but I'm getting out of here.

Suzie, stop it! Please.

Greg needs me.
I know he does.

Jesus.

What's that?

Robot blood.

Not too shabby, huh?

Yeah. Well,
we're not finished yet.

We still got
two more of these suckers

- around here someplace.
- We gotta get some more tanks.

What are you thinking?

I got an idea.

Really, you guys,
this is not a good idea.

Bullshit!

Greg could be hurt.
They all could.

I'm gonna find them.

I've got to.

What do you think?

Well, if we gotta go,

let's not go empty-handed.

- Ahh. Oh.
- Shit.

I didn't think they'd work.

Never hurts to try.

- No, I guess not.
- Give me a hand, guys.

Let's pry this baby open.

Come on.

You know, I got a worry.

Report from the front--

- Ferdy's got a worry.
- Yeah.

Look, what if these things
can read our minds?

Then they'll be awful mad
when they get to me.

- Alright.
- Come on. Let's go.

- Let's go. Let's go.
- Give me the gun.

- Right.
- Give me the--Yeah.

Okay, shh!

Take the cap off,
and stuff the cloth in.

- That's it?
- That's it.

Light it, and throw it.

Sound like you've done this before.

Regular or unleaded,
it gets the job done.

I'm not sure I can do this.

It's okay, Susan.

You can do it.

Thanks.

Go on.

Protector One back online.

Hey, guys, how's it goin'?

Almost done, Ferdy.

You think Mike got out alright?

For his sake, I hope so,

but right now, I'm more concerned
about the girls.

Yeah, you and me both.

Hey, I almost forgot.

How much do I owe you
for the beer?

Heh. Forget it, man.

We get out of here,
you owe me a six-pack.

Just make sure that those cords
are good and tight.

Yeah. Are you sure
this is gonna work?

With those things, Greg,
I'm not sure of anything.

Hey, Ferdy,
how's the panel coming?

Well, the doors work now.
I bypassed the circuit.

But forget
about going up or down.

It's controlled by the computer.

Do you hear anything unusual?

Only my heartbeat.

It's not stopping!

Come on!

Help me! Help me up!

Suzie!

Help me!

We've gotta help her!

Thank you, and have a nice day.

Oh, God.

Come on!
- Fucking bastard.

Ferdy, get 'em to safety!

Forget it, man! It's no use!

Go! Go! Take it!

- Now!
- Rick!

Nice shot.

Dad's a marine.

According to my calculations,

provided we survive
the night of course...

we're gonna be
in hock to this place

for the next 85 years.

How many tune-ups is that?

Just a sec.

2,900,431.

Maybe we should raise our rates.

Hey, deadeye.

Yo.

Nice shootin'.

Thanks.

Tell me one thing, though, huh?

Why did you leave the air shaft?

I mean, you were safe there.

You were safe.

Greg, Suzie thought
you were in trouble.

She just wanted to help.

I'm telling you
you should've kept her there.

Look, she told you what happened.

Why don't you just leave her alone?

Shut up.

You just shut the fuck up!

Hey.

Do you guys mind keeping it down?

There's another one
of those things out there,

and you're gonna bring it right to us.

There's another one?

Why haven't we seen it?

Why? I'll tell you why.

'Cause the fucker's out there
waiting for us.

He's waiting
to pick us off one by one!

But I got news for you.

He ain't getting me.

Greg, you're not thinking, man.

We got this far by staying together.

And a lot of good
that did Suzie, right?

Wait.

Wait. I got an idea.

The master computer is
somewhere on the third level.

We shut it down,
it shuts the robots down.

Well?

It's worth a try.

Computer, huh?

Let's go trash the fucker.

Come on, guys!
Let's shake it!

Come on, buddy. Slow down.

Greg, will you wait?!

God, man, he's losin' it!

We'll be lucky
if he doesn't get us all killed.

Greg, stop! Greg, wait!

Greg, stop!

- Greg, wait!
- Greg, stop!

Come on, guys!
The coast is clear!

- Watch out!

- No!

Thank you. Have a nice day.

The first one.
You didn't kill it. Go!

Protector Three to level two.

Detain intruders.

Protector One to level two.

Detain intruders.

It's stuck.

Let's get it unstuck, fast.

Come on!

There's no time.
We're not gonna make it.

Come on.

Go.

Alison! Come on.

Alison, are you alright?

- I think so.
- Where to?

- Escalator, third level.
- What about the doors?

We can't lock them.
They'll get through.

Maybe so.

Maybe not.

Let's go! Come on.

Instructions--
attempt entry, level three.

Affirmative.

Hold it.

This way.

Up here.

Protector Three, level three.

Search proceeding.

Hold it, Ferdy!
They could be out there.

Yeah. At least
we're safe here for the moment.

Yeah, for the moment.

Those things
can go anywhere they want.

You know, maybe we'll all stand
a better chance if we split up.

Are you kidding?

The moment
any one of us go out there,

we're dead meat,
yesterday's news.

Damn it, Ferdy,
will you stop it?!

- Will you just stop it?!
- Linda.

Linda, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to upset you.

I...

It's alright.

It's not you, Ferdy.

I guess I'm just not used
to being chased around a mall

in the middle of the night
by killer robots.

- It's in!

Yeah, and it won't be long
before it comes our way.

- We've gotta get out of here.
- Not so fast.

One of them
could've doubled back.

We could get picked off out there.

Well, look, if those things
want some target practice,

why don't we give 'em some targets?

Get out of here!

Ferdy, now!

Rick, look out!

Linda!

You son of a bitch!

Rick, no!

Let's go find that computer.

Where the hell is it?

Probably off one
of these service corridors.

There's a million doors.
We'll never find it.

Okay, why don't you try over there?

- And I'll try over here.
- No, I don't want to split up.

- What can happen?
- You want a list?

- We're wasting time.
- Okay, look, if you even think

you see anything
or hear anything--

You'll hear me.

Okay.

Ferdy!

Ferdy!

Help! Ferdy!

Ferdy!

Help!

Ferdy!

Help!

Alison, move! Get out!

Laser malfunction.

Laser malfunction.
Detain intruder.

Detain intruder.

Laser malfunction.
Laser malfunction.

Detain intruder.
Detain intruder.

Stop right there.

- Ferdy!

Alison, get the hell out of here!

Oh.

Thank you. Have a nice day.

Come on, you little bastard!

- Hey!

Have a nice day!

Hey!

Nice shot.

Thank you. Have a nice day.