Cannibal! The Musical (1993) - full transcript
Alferd Packer was a mountain guide and sole survivor of a party of pioneers that got lost in the mountains in winter. Accused and convicted of murdering and eating his travelling companions, he was to be executed by hanging. The movie begins at his trial, where he pleads his innocence to an unsympathetic audience. Only reporter Polly Pry will listen to his story, which is then related to the viewers in the form of flashbacks. As Packer and his gold-prospecting clients make their way through the forests and mountains, they encounter bemused Japanese Indians, an unimpressed group of mountain men and the brutal Rocky Mountain winter, all of which inspire the travellers to break out into song and dance.
The sky is blue and all the leaves are green.
The sun's as warm as a baked potato.
I think I know precisely what I mean,
When I say it's a shpadoinkle day.
And as I ride with my girl,
She's my best friend in the whole world!
We'll move along, set our goals high
With eyes full of hope as we aim for the...
Sky is blue and all the leaves are green.
My heart's as full as a baked potato.
I think I know precisely what I mean,
When I say it's a shpadoinkle day!
When I say it's a happy-go-moinkaly
lucky shpadoinklely...dayyyyyy.
It's a long, long way for us to go,
But if we don't try we'll never know.
Stay optimistic, set our goals high,
There's nothing we can't do if we aim for the...
Sky is blue and all the leaves are green.
The air's as pure as a baked potato.
We think we know exactly what we mean,
When we say it's a shpadoinkle day.
When we say it's a shpadoinkle day!
I know that there's more to life than women.
I just can't seem to figure out what else there is.
I don't need it every night,
every morning would be just fine.
A little sex, that's all I'm askin' for.
That's all I'm askin' for!
That's all he's askin' for!
Something I can test,
a gal would suit me best.
I got a thing to use,
I know what to use it for.
A girl I can love, and kiss,
and hold, and fu...
That's all I'm askin' for!
Now I don't wanna be rich
for the sake of women.
I wanna be rich for the sake of our lord.
Enough to build a church
where everyone can come.
Enough for the lord,
that's all I'm askin' for.
That's all I'm askin' for!
That's all he's askin' for!
It ain't a lot to ask.
I'm sure we'll get it fast.
A friend of mine was mining
and he made a lot of cash.
He made a gazillion dollars, how is that!
That's all I'm askin' for!
He did not make a gazillion dollars!
You wanna ask him?!
I'll tell you where he lives!
That's all he's askin' for.
That's all I'm askin' for.
We're tired of being sick.
We're sick of being poor.
We've had a little luck,
Now we want a little more.
Enough so we'd never do anything anymore.
That's all we're askin' for!
Hey, what about you Mr. Miller,
what are you askin' for?
No, no, I don't sing.
Aw come on, if you can talk, you can sing.
I just wanna make enough so
I can open up a shop of my own
and go on with my family trade.
Well there, that's great. What is it you do?
I'm a butcher.
You're a butcher?!
Yeah.
I've never had much in the
way of friends or fam'ly.
My horse is the only pal
I've ever known.
I'd like to build a ranch
in the Rocky Mountain air.
A home for us,
that's all I'm askin' for!
That's all we're askin' for!
That's all we're askin' for!
We're tired of being sick.
We're sick of being poor.
We've had a little luck,
now we want a little more.
A girl I can love! A church!
A ranch! A store.
That's all we're askin',
that's all we're askin',
that's all we're askin' for!
Ahahahaa!!...Shpadoinkle!!..hahahaa!!
She'll never know
what she meant to me.
Whenever I was with her
I was always as gentle
as I could be.
And now I don't know why,
but she's gone away.
And I'll just have to stand
on my own two legs.
Your eyes, your smile
Made my little life worthwhile.
There's was nothing I couldn't do
When I was on top of you.
I'd pull her hair,
and she'd know to stop.
And when she'd look behind her,
I'd always be there.
And now I don't know why, but she,
she's gone.
And all I can do is try
to carry on.
Your eyes, your smile
Made my little life worthwhile.
The sky was a lot more blue,
When I was on top of you.
When I was on top of you.
I can catch a helpless animal,
skin it with my bare hands.
I wake up muddy, and I go to bed bloody,
'cause I'm a trappin' man.
I can brave the nastiest weather.
Weather!
Even if it's 80 below.
Below!
My pa was an elephant, but that's irrelevant.
My ma was an Eskimo.
I eat rabbits' heads for breakfast.
Breakfast!
With beaver butt on the side.
The side!
My mind's magnificent and my body no different.
I'm full of trapper pride!
Yo-ho!
Yo-ho! Yo-ho!
Rip their fur, cut their skin with my knife.
Yo-ho!
Yo-ho! Yo-ho!
One thing's for sure,
there's nothing like a trappin' life!
I'm badder than the baddest sailor!
Sailor!
I make love to women to 10 feet tall.
Good lord!
I've got a chest of wonder and balls of thunder.
I can break right through a wall.
I love the sound of metal,
Metal!
Snapping on an animal's head.
Ka-chink!
Sometimes they scamper, sometimes they whimper,
but they always end up dead.
I've always wanted to be somebody
who didn't get pushed around.
Now that I'm a trapper,
I'm the meanest guy around.
Second meanest!
The blood of a fresh-cut rodent
is as sweet as brandy wine.
And the brain of an antelope
tastes like cantaloupe.
What a yummy life!
Yo-ho!
Yo-ho! Yo-ho!
Rip their fur, cut their eyes out with my knife.
Yo-ho!
Yo-ho! Yo-ho!
Oh, stop!
That's sick!
I agree!
Nutter was singing in the wrong key!
No I wasn't!
It was Loutzenheiser!
I was singing in E flat minor.
The SONG'S in F sharp major!
I think they're the same thing.
I mean, E flat is the relative minor of F sharp.
No it isn't! The relative minor is
three half-tones DOWN from the major, not up!
No, it's three down.
Like A is the relative minor of C major.
But isn't A sharp in C major?
Wait, are you singing mixolydian scales or something?
A sharp is tonic to C major! It's the sixth!
No it isn't!
Well, it would be like a raised 13th if anything.
What is this magic I feel?
Seems no matter where I am,
it finds me.
Puts the memories of hope inside me.
Makes me warm once more.
He's just a quiet man,
But his eyes can see right through me.
Is it only that I feel pity?
Could it be something more?
Safe as an island,
Far off to sea.
I'd almost forgotten
This side of me.
What is this magic I feel?
Thought this mushy stuff was below me.
Could it be he is the one to show me
What compassion is for?
Safe as an island,
Far off to sea.
I'd almost forgotten
This side of me.
Perhaps I'm not the cold bitch
I pretended to be.
I'd almost forgotten this side of me.
Let's build a snowman!
We can make him our best friend.
We can name him Tom or
we can name him George!
We can make him tall,
or we can make him not so tall.
Snowman!
He'll have a happy face, a happy smile,
a happy point of view.
If you build me a snowman,
then I'll build one for you.
So, let's build a snowman!
We can make him our best friend.
We can name him Bob or
we can name him Beowulf!
We can make him tall,
or we can make him not so tall.
Snowman!
He'll have a happy face, a happy smile,
a happy point of view.
If you build me a snowman,
then I'll build one for you.
Snowman!
Snowman! Snowman!
Hang the bastard, hang him high.
Hoist his body to the sky.
It's as nice as a day can be.
Won't you come to the hanging with me?
Hang the bastard, hang him high.
Hoist his body to the sky.
It's as nice as a day can be.
Won't you come to the hanging with me?
Hang the bastard, hang him well.
Send his sorry soul to hell.
When his neckbone snaps we'll know.
When the cannibal won't be killing anymore.
His face will turn red,
Then purple, then blue.
We'll watch from up here
To get a good view.
And when his eyes bug out we'll know,
It's the end of him
And the end of the show!
So hang the bastard, hang him with cheer.
We'll make some hot dogs
And drink a few beers.
And when his tongue rolls out we'll know,
It's the end of the show
And we all can go home!
But not till we hang the bastard, hang him here.
The most exciting thing this town has seen in years.
When his body stops jerking we'll know,
It's the end of him, it's the end of him,
It's the end of him,
And the end of the show.
[Cowbell solo]
So hang the bastard, hang him high.
Kiss his guilty butt goodbye.
It's as nice as a day can be.
Won't you come to the hanging with me?
His veins will pop out all over his head.
We'll tickle his armpits to make sure he's dead.
And when his tongue rolls out we'll know,
It's the end of him and we all can go home!
But not till we
Hang the bastard, hang him high.
Hoist his body to the sky.
When his body stops jerking we'll know,
It's the end of him, it's the end of him,
It's the end of him!
Let's get on with the show!
Hooray!
The sky is blue and all the leaves are green.
My heart's as full as a baked potato.
I'm sure you know exactly what I mean,
When I say it's a shpadoinkle day.
When we say it's a shpadoinkle day!
Subtitles by
Kidrah
The sun's as warm as a baked potato.
I think I know precisely what I mean,
When I say it's a shpadoinkle day.
And as I ride with my girl,
She's my best friend in the whole world!
We'll move along, set our goals high
With eyes full of hope as we aim for the...
Sky is blue and all the leaves are green.
My heart's as full as a baked potato.
I think I know precisely what I mean,
When I say it's a shpadoinkle day!
When I say it's a happy-go-moinkaly
lucky shpadoinklely...dayyyyyy.
It's a long, long way for us to go,
But if we don't try we'll never know.
Stay optimistic, set our goals high,
There's nothing we can't do if we aim for the...
Sky is blue and all the leaves are green.
The air's as pure as a baked potato.
We think we know exactly what we mean,
When we say it's a shpadoinkle day.
When we say it's a shpadoinkle day!
I know that there's more to life than women.
I just can't seem to figure out what else there is.
I don't need it every night,
every morning would be just fine.
A little sex, that's all I'm askin' for.
That's all I'm askin' for!
That's all he's askin' for!
Something I can test,
a gal would suit me best.
I got a thing to use,
I know what to use it for.
A girl I can love, and kiss,
and hold, and fu...
That's all I'm askin' for!
Now I don't wanna be rich
for the sake of women.
I wanna be rich for the sake of our lord.
Enough to build a church
where everyone can come.
Enough for the lord,
that's all I'm askin' for.
That's all I'm askin' for!
That's all he's askin' for!
It ain't a lot to ask.
I'm sure we'll get it fast.
A friend of mine was mining
and he made a lot of cash.
He made a gazillion dollars, how is that!
That's all I'm askin' for!
He did not make a gazillion dollars!
You wanna ask him?!
I'll tell you where he lives!
That's all he's askin' for.
That's all I'm askin' for.
We're tired of being sick.
We're sick of being poor.
We've had a little luck,
Now we want a little more.
Enough so we'd never do anything anymore.
That's all we're askin' for!
Hey, what about you Mr. Miller,
what are you askin' for?
No, no, I don't sing.
Aw come on, if you can talk, you can sing.
I just wanna make enough so
I can open up a shop of my own
and go on with my family trade.
Well there, that's great. What is it you do?
I'm a butcher.
You're a butcher?!
Yeah.
I've never had much in the
way of friends or fam'ly.
My horse is the only pal
I've ever known.
I'd like to build a ranch
in the Rocky Mountain air.
A home for us,
that's all I'm askin' for!
That's all we're askin' for!
That's all we're askin' for!
We're tired of being sick.
We're sick of being poor.
We've had a little luck,
now we want a little more.
A girl I can love! A church!
A ranch! A store.
That's all we're askin',
that's all we're askin',
that's all we're askin' for!
Ahahahaa!!...Shpadoinkle!!..hahahaa!!
She'll never know
what she meant to me.
Whenever I was with her
I was always as gentle
as I could be.
And now I don't know why,
but she's gone away.
And I'll just have to stand
on my own two legs.
Your eyes, your smile
Made my little life worthwhile.
There's was nothing I couldn't do
When I was on top of you.
I'd pull her hair,
and she'd know to stop.
And when she'd look behind her,
I'd always be there.
And now I don't know why, but she,
she's gone.
And all I can do is try
to carry on.
Your eyes, your smile
Made my little life worthwhile.
The sky was a lot more blue,
When I was on top of you.
When I was on top of you.
I can catch a helpless animal,
skin it with my bare hands.
I wake up muddy, and I go to bed bloody,
'cause I'm a trappin' man.
I can brave the nastiest weather.
Weather!
Even if it's 80 below.
Below!
My pa was an elephant, but that's irrelevant.
My ma was an Eskimo.
I eat rabbits' heads for breakfast.
Breakfast!
With beaver butt on the side.
The side!
My mind's magnificent and my body no different.
I'm full of trapper pride!
Yo-ho!
Yo-ho! Yo-ho!
Rip their fur, cut their skin with my knife.
Yo-ho!
Yo-ho! Yo-ho!
One thing's for sure,
there's nothing like a trappin' life!
I'm badder than the baddest sailor!
Sailor!
I make love to women to 10 feet tall.
Good lord!
I've got a chest of wonder and balls of thunder.
I can break right through a wall.
I love the sound of metal,
Metal!
Snapping on an animal's head.
Ka-chink!
Sometimes they scamper, sometimes they whimper,
but they always end up dead.
I've always wanted to be somebody
who didn't get pushed around.
Now that I'm a trapper,
I'm the meanest guy around.
Second meanest!
The blood of a fresh-cut rodent
is as sweet as brandy wine.
And the brain of an antelope
tastes like cantaloupe.
What a yummy life!
Yo-ho!
Yo-ho! Yo-ho!
Rip their fur, cut their eyes out with my knife.
Yo-ho!
Yo-ho! Yo-ho!
Oh, stop!
That's sick!
I agree!
Nutter was singing in the wrong key!
No I wasn't!
It was Loutzenheiser!
I was singing in E flat minor.
The SONG'S in F sharp major!
I think they're the same thing.
I mean, E flat is the relative minor of F sharp.
No it isn't! The relative minor is
three half-tones DOWN from the major, not up!
No, it's three down.
Like A is the relative minor of C major.
But isn't A sharp in C major?
Wait, are you singing mixolydian scales or something?
A sharp is tonic to C major! It's the sixth!
No it isn't!
Well, it would be like a raised 13th if anything.
What is this magic I feel?
Seems no matter where I am,
it finds me.
Puts the memories of hope inside me.
Makes me warm once more.
He's just a quiet man,
But his eyes can see right through me.
Is it only that I feel pity?
Could it be something more?
Safe as an island,
Far off to sea.
I'd almost forgotten
This side of me.
What is this magic I feel?
Thought this mushy stuff was below me.
Could it be he is the one to show me
What compassion is for?
Safe as an island,
Far off to sea.
I'd almost forgotten
This side of me.
Perhaps I'm not the cold bitch
I pretended to be.
I'd almost forgotten this side of me.
Let's build a snowman!
We can make him our best friend.
We can name him Tom or
we can name him George!
We can make him tall,
or we can make him not so tall.
Snowman!
He'll have a happy face, a happy smile,
a happy point of view.
If you build me a snowman,
then I'll build one for you.
So, let's build a snowman!
We can make him our best friend.
We can name him Bob or
we can name him Beowulf!
We can make him tall,
or we can make him not so tall.
Snowman!
He'll have a happy face, a happy smile,
a happy point of view.
If you build me a snowman,
then I'll build one for you.
Snowman!
Snowman! Snowman!
Hang the bastard, hang him high.
Hoist his body to the sky.
It's as nice as a day can be.
Won't you come to the hanging with me?
Hang the bastard, hang him high.
Hoist his body to the sky.
It's as nice as a day can be.
Won't you come to the hanging with me?
Hang the bastard, hang him well.
Send his sorry soul to hell.
When his neckbone snaps we'll know.
When the cannibal won't be killing anymore.
His face will turn red,
Then purple, then blue.
We'll watch from up here
To get a good view.
And when his eyes bug out we'll know,
It's the end of him
And the end of the show!
So hang the bastard, hang him with cheer.
We'll make some hot dogs
And drink a few beers.
And when his tongue rolls out we'll know,
It's the end of the show
And we all can go home!
But not till we hang the bastard, hang him here.
The most exciting thing this town has seen in years.
When his body stops jerking we'll know,
It's the end of him, it's the end of him,
It's the end of him,
And the end of the show.
[Cowbell solo]
So hang the bastard, hang him high.
Kiss his guilty butt goodbye.
It's as nice as a day can be.
Won't you come to the hanging with me?
His veins will pop out all over his head.
We'll tickle his armpits to make sure he's dead.
And when his tongue rolls out we'll know,
It's the end of him and we all can go home!
But not till we
Hang the bastard, hang him high.
Hoist his body to the sky.
When his body stops jerking we'll know,
It's the end of him, it's the end of him,
It's the end of him!
Let's get on with the show!
Hooray!
The sky is blue and all the leaves are green.
My heart's as full as a baked potato.
I'm sure you know exactly what I mean,
When I say it's a shpadoinkle day.
When we say it's a shpadoinkle day!
Subtitles by
Kidrah