Blasted (2022) - full transcript

[low rumbling]

[rumbling fades]

- [people screaming]
- [soft thrumming]

[guy] Run! Hurry, let's run!
Let's run! Come on!

[panting and grunting]

[suspenseful music playing]

- [gun fires]
- [guy grunts]

[gun fires]

[guy groans]

[music fades]

[guy panting]



[energy thrumming]

[music resumes]

Oh fuck!

[energy thrums]

[guy yelps]

[suspenseful music fades]

[soft thrumming]

HESSDALEN WAS A COMPLETELY ORDINARY
NORWEGIAN MOUNTAIN VALLEY

[eerie orchestral music playing]

[static crackling softly]

UNTIL THE INHABITANTS DISCOVERED
INEXPLICABLE LIGHTS IN THE SKY

[static crackling]

[energy thrumming]

- [woman] Do you see that?
- [man] Oh my gosh!



- [woman screams]
- [man] I'm filming it!

I got it on tape.

SCIENTISTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD
HAVE SOUGHT OUT THIS VALLEY,

BUT THE LIGHTS REMAIN A MYSTERY...

[eerie orchestral music fades]

NETFLIX PRESENTS

[bird calling]

So, my name is Stine Lyongo.

I operate
the Hessdalen Observatory, which...

[interviewer] Yeah, Stine? That's great.

But, like, what's really going on here?

[sighs]

I need something, uh...

- [Stine] Yes?
- Little more...

Maybe we should mention

that I'm the first female administrator
at the observatory?

Maybe that could be an... interesting angle?

Angle.

Yeah. Let's change the angle,
and we'll go right at it.

Sources say science
has apparently fallen flat

here at Hessdalen.

- No, we're right at the epicenter of...
- Despite theories on the Internet.

Even including aliens.

So, tell us your favorite theory.

The bioluminescent reaction
for microorganisms...

Cool. You hear that, guys?

Super exciting.

So keep on watching.

Learn something new every time
with Smartweek.

Uh, promo code
is "MysteryLady," in one word.

You know that. [exhales]

Keepin' it fun.

[Mystery Lady] Okay,
guys, this is it. The cave.

[Stine] We're going in.

[device beeping steadily]

[Mystery Lady] We're goin' in.
Yeah? [chuckles] Yeah.

I'm down.

Very exciting stuff.

[beeping grows faster]

[static crackling]

[beeping rapidly]

- [ominous music playing]
- [Stine] Hmm. That's weird.

[Mystery Lady] Huh?

Uh, what's weird?

- [fast-paced beeping]
- What the hell?

- [device beeps, shuts down]
- Hold this.

Okay.

Yeah. So we're looking at some stones.

Ooh. What's that?

[camcorder whirs]

- [gasps]
- [metal clangs]

[Stine gasps]

[quietly] Fuck.

[ominous music building]

[Mystery Lady] Like and subscribe, guys.

Uh, Mystery Lady is here...
investigating a mystery.

Uh, maybe we should go.

Go... further in.

Yeah. So, um, guys,
we found some kind of... room.

Oh fuck.

This keeps getting better and better.

Green goop.

Here's some green goop.

Maybe it's...

[sniffs]

Could be spider goop.

[Stine gasps softly]

[electricity crackles]

[device powers up]

[energy thrumming]

[Stine yells, thuds]

- [music fades]
- [Mystery Lady gasps]

- [thrumming continues]
- [Mystery Lady] Stine. Stine?

Hello?

Hi?

Okay.

How many fingers?

[Stine mutters softly]

[Mystery Lady] Five? Good.

- Really good.
- [Stine groans]

[Mystery Lady] Oh my God. Okay.

Okay, guys.

This is an insane fucking mystery, man.
I don't know what's happening.

[energy thrumming]

Stine?

[roars, echoes]

- [dramatic orchestral music playing]
- [electronic chirring]

[laser blasts]

- [laser blasts]
- [music fades out]

["Halloi" playing]

[car horn blaring in distance]

[back-up alarm beeping]

[deliveryman] Bam!

Can I have...?

[deliveryman] For you. Don't panic.

For you too.

- [man] Oh, hi.
- [deliveryman] Hey. Hi, chief.

["Halloi" ends]

So why exactly are you here today,
Kasper Kielland?

You... feel that I am... unique.

That I have the scoop on ideas... Shit!

Oh, fuck. Sorry. [clears throat]

Fuckin' shit. [sighs]

"Scoop. Scoop." [inhales sharply]

Does "scoop" excite you?

"Coup," maybe. Only with a voice. Pfft.

[inhales sharply, softly] Hey.

Uh, "coup," "occupation,"
"annexation," uh, "through force,"

"forcefully taking control."

When you hear the masterstroke...

[high-pitched] ...of genius
I teed up for you...

[quietly] Not so high.

Today we're teaming up
on an investment opportunity...

- Here's the deck, double-stapled.
- Great. That's lovely.

And here.

- Green tea, agave syrup.
- Ooh.

[exhales] A fab system.

Has to be perfect.

- It will. It'll be perfect.
- [guy exhales]

Okay, bro.

[coworker breathing heavily]

[tense music playing]

[pen scratches]

Do you wanna say something?

[laughs awkwardly]
I'm not supposed to, but...

[sighs, chuckles] ...okay.

There's something else
that's gonna be perfect.

Okay.

[snickers] Your bachelor party.

[guy gasps]

Tomorrow, you and your best buds
head to a cabin in...

[drumming on desk]

[tense music building]

[music fades]

...Hessdalen.

[guy] Uh, but...

- [coworker] Hmm?
- Uh...

Board games, buddies,
sing-alongs, lots of toys, quizzes...

- Tomorrow? Uh, you mean...
- Yeah. It's for the weekend.

You'll love it. It's where I spend
every single summer.

And of course,
there are the famous Hessdalen lights.

- Hessdalen lights?
- Yeah. Hmm?

Maybe we'll solve the mystery, hmm?

Huh?

[guy] Ah...

- How's it goin'?
- Hello.

- Hi, Pelle.
- [Pelle] Hi.

- [coworker laughs]
- The topic?

This guy's bachelor party.

- Yep.
- [Pelle] Yeah?

- Huh? [chuckles]
- Oh, yeah. You can't wait?

Uh, I can't go outta town
this weekend, Audun.

I just can't.

Really? Are you sure?

So, it'll... be you and me, huh?

Look, I've been working on this deal
for how many years now?

- Six.
- [guy] Six years.

So, come on. I can't just go out partying
right now. I mean...

Look, I really appreciate the idea.
I love it.

But for the first time,
I'm trying something on my own.

- Something that I...
- Yeah.

If I could land Kasper Kielland,
it would change...

Kasper... Kasper's here. He's here.

- [guy] Hmm?
- [Audun] Him.

[unsettling music playing]

[chewing] Who's that?

Satan. Okay, this is... It's happening.

- It's happening.
- [Audun] You got this.

- [guy] Yeah.
- So got this.

Okay. Pulse. Wow.

- My pulse?
- You got this. You've got this.

Go on. Stick it to him.

[colleagues chattering indistinctly]

[guy takes a deep breath]

[exhales deeply]

Okay.

It's time to kick ass.

[takes a deep breath]

[Pelle] Stick it to him!

- [music swells, fades]
- [guy exhales]

So, basically, by relying
on our proprietary Sharp

for quantitative methods,

we generally can outperform
conventional investing metrics.

Especially with...

- Yeah, uh...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Buddy.

Take a little time out.

- You are way deep under the bloody hood.
- Yes.

So, pull out your tiny head
and try to see the whole vehicle.

Vehicle. Yes, uh,
of course, Kasper Kielland.

You're referring to, uh...

Isn't it obvious? Whole thing.

- With more. With more snap, flash.
- Yep.

With more sex. Wet sex.

- In the face. 'Cause this is dry.
- Okay.

[chuckling] I, uh... Oh, right. I, uh...

- Carry on.
- Turn around for two minutes, buddy.

- And plug your ears, will ya?
- 'Kay.

- [woman] Kasper?
- Hush. I want Tom Cruise.

Not bloody Rain Man. This guy's limited.

- [woman] Two minutes.
- [Kasper] You see it? Ten seconds.

'Kay, buddy. Carry on.

- Huh?
- [Kasper] Go.

Go? More, uh, flash.

You want flash? I've got flash. [sighs]

[sound effect whistles, dings]

Boom. Um, so...

Whoo! Okay. Thank you.

Sir? There's still more.
It's the good part.

- [woman sighs]
- [door closes]

- Uh, should I go after him?
- What do you think?

Yep. Better do just that.

[tense music playing]

Uh, Kasper Kielland. Uh, so sorry.

- Hi.
- Oh, it's you again.

- Sorry. Um...
- Yeah?

- So... So that was a little basic and...
- Unbearably basic.

- Providing all the numbers...
- Yeah, I saw.

- Look, you want to play with the big boys?
- [guy] Absolutely.

Little problem. I don't know you.
Am I right?

- [guy] Right.
- Why would I give you my money?

- Wait. I, uh...
- Surely, you see that would be ridiculous.

No. Yes, of course. I, uh...

Watching PowerPoints in hell? Forget it.

The last time I was pitched,
guess who walked through the door.

- Oh, uh... [splutters]
- Huh?

Kygo. The DJ.

He's there to have shots with us.

- You get it?
- Ah.

That tickles the balls.
Far-out experiences.

- Experiences.
- Has to be something.

- Okay.
- Not just air.

- No?
- Then I know they won't mess with me.

And by not messing with me,

it means
they're not messin' with my money.

- Get it, Herman?
- Yeah. Sebastian.

Yeah, that's what I said.
It's as easy as pie.

- Pie.
- No messing around.

- Absolutely.
- Farewell.

- I have an experience!
- [music fades]

For you. [sighs]

[Kasper sniffles]

- [typing]
- [Sebastian panting]

Audun?

How'd it go?

I need the best bachelor party ever.

[softly] Yeah!

[breathing heavily, grunts excitedly]

[Sebastian, under breath]
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh...

[tense music playing]

- [music fades]
- [mysterious music playing]

- [shoes clatter]
- [birds singing outside]

[TV droning]

[groans] Fuck. Shit.

- [sighs]
- [dramatic sting]

- [horn blows]
- [Sebastian yelps]

[giggling] Chill.

- Okay. How'd it go? How'd it go?
- It went fantastic!

- [fiancée squeals]
- [Sebastian laughs]

It went great.

Okay. Okay.

It's not landed... Mm.

[gently] Oh no. No, honey.

- You said...
- No. It's normal.

I've got a plan. Don't worry.

Imagine you're on a flight,
and maybe there's some turbulence.

- So you take a dive.
- Turbulence? Okay, yeah.

But it's all fine.

- I'm at the stick.
- Killer flight plan.

Yeah, I'm on it.

Uh, Josefine?

- What's that? That box.
- [gasps]

- What is it?
- Yeah.

Just you wait.

Come here. Come on.

So, your mom came by with a bunch of stuff

to inspire our wedding

and our... nuptial bed.

How awkward.

- Tit squeak.
- Oh fuck.

And there's... this.

Yeah. Oh yeah.

Look, I really can't deal
with that right now.

Okay. Listen to this. Wait. Here.

"With their unique
'what time is it?' tactic,

qualifiers and best friends Mikkel Stegger
and Sebastian Borgnes..."

Who's that?

- That's me.
- That's you.

"...are going to the Laser Tag World Cup."

Pfft. Why haven't I heard of this?

Why haven't I heard of him?

- Where is he? Hmm?
- [toy squeaks]

He, uh...

- [somber music playing]
- [Sebastian chuckles]

He's still hanging around laser tag clubs,
I guess.

For all I know.

And, uh... Yeah.

[door opens, closes]

[Sebastian sighs softly]

[scoffs, under breath] God.

- [sniffles]
- [somber music fades]

[clears throat]

BACHELOR PARTY + ACTIVITY

Whatcha doin'?

Uh, I didn't tell you, uh,
the bachelor party's this weekend.

- Huh?
- Yeah.

- Nah. For real?
- Sure. Yeah.

Yay! Fantastic!

This is exactly what you need.

Hanging out, drinking with friends,
and partying.

- Just gathering my thoughts.
- Thoughts?

- Um?
- Hmm?

For your own bachelor party?

Yeah, well, you know.

[spluttering] Coming up with a,
uh, small plan, preparing...

We sure don't want any weekend surprises.

That is for sure.

Planning for fun. Sounds great.

It will be. So much fun. Very fun.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[chuckles softly] Okay.

- [chuckles]
- [Sebastian sighs]

So much fun.

That's the plan, so...

- [typing]
- [Sebastian grunts]

[mysterious music playing]

[Sebastian] So much fun.

[sighs, under breath] Fuck.

[sniffles, sighs]

[energetic music playing]

[Sebastian] And you got the list
of the things we need?

- Yeah.
- So you brought the cock balloons?

- Jell-O shots?
- Yeah.

- Tikka masala?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Don't worry about it.

- Everything is under control.
- Okay.

Just sit right back and relax.
It's in the bag.

He wants ball tickling. You understand?

We need it. Ball tickling, whatever it is.

You know, I'm not a novice ball guy
when it comes to tickling.

- [Sebastian] Mm-hmm.
- These fingers know how.

Balls are always defenseless.

Say... Mm.

You just point me
in the right direction, and I go in.

The guy will never experience tickling
like mine.

- Yeah, okay. Yeah.
- Just relax. It's all in hand.

[engine sputters]

- Hey, man.
- [door creaks shut]

[jaunty music playing]

- [Audun] Oh!
- Look at you.

- [Audun] My man.
- [Pelle] Hey.

- [Audun] What's happenin'? Yeah.
- Good to see you. Hi.

Hi, Pelle. You know the plan, right?

Yeah, chief.

We're gonna party like hell
till the guy buys a subscription from you.

Well, no. Not... [hesitates]

Okay. Well, it's... close enough.

Look, I'm trying to win his trust, okay?

- [Pelle] Yeah?
- So try saying some nice things about me.

You know? So he thinks,
"Yeah, that guy's, uh, hey, hey, hey!"

- Hey. Absolutely.
- Yeah.

- Very clear.
- Yeah, yeah.

- [Sebastian grunts]
- Yeah.

- To success, on three.
- Okay.

- One, two, three.
- Get in here.

[Sebastian] Huh? What? No.

[car approaching]

- [energetic hip-hop playing]
- [tires squealing]

[headlights whir]

- Huh? [laughs]
- [song ends abruptly]

If I'm not mistaken,
it's bachelor party time.

Just look at you cock rockets.
This'll be fun.

[clattering]

Uh, yeah. Kasper.

- Audun.
- [Kasper] Audun.

- Pelle.
- People are still called Pelle?

- Yeah.
- Cool ride.

Thanks a lot.

Of course, it's, uh,
custom bodywork, A to Z.

But the sickest part
is what you see under her.

- Okay.
- [Kasper] Yeah.

[Pelle grunts] Under?

- Under here.
- Yeah.

Hey, pal.

Inside is an insane merging

of really brilliant engineering
and some metal.

All designed for one purpose,

which is to fist-fuck Tesla off the road!

- Oh?
- Activate fucknuts!

[automated voice] Fucknuts activated.

[hood whirs]

- [epic choir music playing]
- [engine humming]

- [music fades]
- Tickles, right?

Gets me every time.

Look at it. One of a fucking kind.

- [Sebastian] Ah.
- Is that a flux repeater?

- [slaps hand]
- Yeah. Fingers to yourself.

- Never seen one for real.
- And it's all mine.

Now I'm happy. Okay.

[rustling]

- [Sebastian grunts]
- See how that fits.

- Yeah?
- Whoosh, whoosh. That's my contribution.

- It's for me?
- Sure. Of course it is.

- No one else got one.
- Okay. Um, uh...

- So nice.
- Yeah.

- [exhales] Okay. Shots?
- [bell rings]

Shots?

Yeah, thanks.

Shots! Are... Are you alive, guys?

Oh! Okay, uh...

This is going well, hmm?

He brought you a gift. [exhales]

[bag rustles]

[inhales sharply] Ah.

- [dramatic sting]
- [bell rings]

[indistinct chatter]

[somber music playing]

[Sebastian takes a deep breath]

- [gasps]
- [sounds distort]

[dramatic violin crescendo]

- Mikkel?
- [music fades]

- Chicks must go crazy, right?
- Yeah.

[Kasper] Not bad. Not bad.

It turns some heads.

[sighs] No, no, no, no, no.

- [Kasper] Check this out.
- Sebbe!

- [weakly] Yay.
- [Mikkel] Buddy.

- Yes. Yeah. So nice.
- [Mikkel] Surprise.

- Yeah.
- [Sebastian] So nice.

- [Pelle] A bear.
- Come.

- Yeah. [grunts]
- [Mikkel chuckles]

- So...
- [Kasper] Looks good.

- This guy wants to party.
- In his baby bear suit.

- Not bad.
- So good.

- Beware of the boner, right?
- Ooh.

- Uh...
- Oh, yeah?

What does that... mean?

What's that about?

Uh... don't you know the story?

[Kasper] A boner story?

No, I haven't shared that one.
It's kinda...

You haven't told the story?

- No, that's right.
- [Kasper] You holding out on me?

Hey, y'know what? I'm convinced
our boy, uh, Sebastian has a great boner.

Okay. Yes.

- Let's see it.
- Yep.

- [Kasper] Can we get the story?
- Maybe. Let's go.

- Coming?
- I expect that story.

- For sure.
- Yeah. We'll tell it later.

Mikkel. C'mon, ride with me.

The story sounds somewhat... interesting.

- You can tell me on the way. Hop in.
- [Mikkel sighs]

- Is that all right?
- Yeah, yeah.

[door whirs]

- See ya.
- [both] We will.

- Sebbe used to wear...
- [Sebastian groans]

Hey. I've written new words
for some classics, so tonight we can sing?

Why'd you invite Mikkel?

[scoffs] How do you even know about him?

- Josefine said you'd...
- Josefine? Josefine?

- Josefine said what?
- [Pelle laughs]

- That buddy of yours?
- Huh?

Great old pal. Very fun.

Heh.

[Audun] We're off!

Very fun.

["Hyttetur (In the Summertime)" playing]

- [quietly] Hey. Fuck.
- [van engine sputters]

- [clicks]
- [engine cranks]

[car engine humming]

[guys singing along]

[Audun] All together now.

- [Pelle] Yeah.
- [Pelle and Audun] Hessdalen!

[Pelle laughs]

[horn honks]

[car engine humming]

- ["Hyttetur (In the Summertime)" fades]
- [wind whipping]

[somber orchestral music playing]

[eerie theremin music playing]

CAFÉ

[indistinct chatter]

[dramatic sting]

[somber music continues]

[somber music fades]

[man 1 sighs]

I really hope you like this.

It's... It's Norwegian.

It's a traditional Norwegian dish.

- It's good. Really good.
- Yes? [chuckles]

- What do you call it?
- It's called "raspeballer."

Ooh!

[man 1] I think you can say
"raspy balls" in English.

- [rustling]
- [branch snaps]

[tense music playing]

[man 1] Stine?

[menacing orchestral music playing]

[man 2] Oh my!

[energy thrumming]

[man 1 gasps]

- [both screaming]
- [menacing orchestral music swells]

- [cracks up]
- [upbeat folk music playing on radio]

[sighs]

Very well done.

- Moving on to... question 27.
- [Sebastian sniffles]

What's the only thing Sebastian orders
at McDonald's?

Pelle?

Ooh. Uh, double wiener in a... bun.

- [splutters] Roll. Bun.
- Huh?

- Kasper?
- [Kasper] A McSuperfist.

Straight up your asshole.

Ah...

- [Audun] Mm-hmm. Mikkel?
- Must be the McFlurry, huh?

But he picks out the yellow M&M's, right?

- Yeah.
- Ah. Still does it, huh?

Sorta. Uh, yep.

[Audun] All righty. Let's push on.

Question 28 is next.

Okay! So let's play ludo.
Or bingo, if you'd prefer.

- And then maybe some shots?
- I'm down with that.

- Ooh!
- [gulps]

[glass clatters]

- How 'bout some funky music, huh?
- Yeah. That too.

Okay. I've made a special playlist
of songs

that were important
in Seb's formative years...

Hey, hang on. Wait, guys.
I know what to play.

- Huh?
- Boner, this is for you.

[speakers chime]

[energetic EDM playing]

[Kasper] Hell yeah, Boner!

[laughs] Now we're talkin'.
This guy gets it, huh?

- [Pelle] Whoo!
- [Mikkel] All right! Yeah!

[Kasper] Okay.

- [song stops abruptly]
- [owl hooting]

[gentle instrumental music playing]

[Sebastian sighs]

[sniffles]

[exhales]

[music building]

[grunts softly]

Do you know
what I like to do when I'm sad?

- Fuck!
- [music fades]

- Sometimes, I get sad.
- Huh?

[Pelle] It's true.

But I have a little trick.

I tell myself... I say,

"Beep boop."

- "Beep boop"?
- Yeah.

- "Beep boop"?
- Yeah. You'll find it helps.

Uh...

I repeat it over and over
and over until the sadness disappears.

[whistles]

[pops lips] All gone.

[gentle music resumes]

[Kasper] How's it hangin'?

[Pelle] Hey, chief!

- Good.
- [Kasper] Glad to hear it.

I wanna show you something.

[Sebastian] Hmm?

M'kay.

- [latch clicks]
- [Sebastian] Mm.

- Ready?
- [latch snaps]

[takes a deep breath] Yeah.

- I, uh...
- [Mikkel blows]

[majestic orchestral music playing]

[whistles] Isn't it sick?

Just look at it.

Straight from Japan.
I haven't even had time to test it.

Impressive, huh?

It's hella, hella next level.

I'll show ya. It's right here.

Flip the switch,
then sync it to your vest,

then you're good to go.

- [pistol clicks]
- Yeah. See what I'm sayin'?

[laser blasts]

Yeah, okay.

So you still play?

- Yeah, every week.
- Ah.

Keepin' up my skills.

[chuckles] Of course,
the competition's gotten a lot younger,

but I feel I have a responsibility to, uh...

Why'd you bring this?

[pistol chimes]

Well, thought maybe we could have
a few rounds, huh?

- Yeah. No, I don't think we should.
- Play with them?

I can tell
there's something off, sidekick.

Okay! Uh, Mikkel?
Can ya... Can ya do me a favor?

Yeah. Sure, Sebe.

Can you take it down a bit?

You know, stop with the awkward stories.

Think. Kasper's callin' me Boner
every time he talks to me.

- I didn't expect this.
- [mutters] Look.

- You know?
- Boner, listen. We're all buddies here.

- Kasper's not a buddy. He's...
- He's not your bud? Who is he?

Forget about it. Forget about it.

Can ya tone it down maybe a little,
you know, a bit, hey?

- Tone it down a smidge.
- Yeah, yeah.

- [Sebastian] Okay?
- Yeah.

For sure. Yeah. I know what you're sayin'.

- Yeah.
- [Mikkel] No problem. [clicks tongue]

- [Sebastian] Great.
- Yeah. [sighs]

- [Kasper] Hey! Boner Bear's back!
- [Audun] There he is.

[Kasper] Hell yeah!
The best-lookin' Boner Bear in Norway!

[Audun] ♪ Bachelor Boy is Boner Bear! ♪

[Audun and Kasper]
♪ Bachelor Boy is Boner Bear! ♪

♪ Bachelor Boy is Boner Bear! ♪

[Kasper] More shots! Who wants shots?

[ominous orchestral music playing]

[beam blasts]

- [ominous music fades]
- [rooster crows]

[upbeat music playing]

[laughs] I wish
I could join you girls so bad.

Please say hi to everyone.

[chuckles] Yeah.
But I need to hang up now, dear.

I'm here at Georg's.

Yeah.

- Bye.
- [call disconnects]

[Georg on recording]
Welcome to Hessdalen UFO Tours.

[man] All right, guys! Back on the bus!

[exhales] Pfft.

[Georg on recording] Be sure to come back.
They're still among us.

POLICE

[teens chattering]

Ow. I'm sorry, buddy.

[group snickers]

Ugh. Teenagers suck.

They're unbelievable.

Bunch of UFO-tourist morons.

[Georg on recording]
Purchase tickets at the counter.

[Georg] Hi.

Aha. So you're building a fortress?

Yeah. I told you I need security.

Flexi 2000 Super Protection.

Get it?

With this shutter,
no one will be getting in.

Right.

Let me see you, Sheriff!

Positively glowing, you are, huh?
Is it almost time?

Surely you didn't call the cops
to find out when I'm due.

No, no, no. In here...
is the sickest thing you've ever seen.

- [bottles clink]
- [sheriff] Beer fridge is missing?

Beer fridge is gone, damn right.

They've gone too far.

[takes a deep breath]
You can't accuse the Gullhellas

for everything that happens around here.

It's not just me.
They steal all over the place.

They took a tumble dryer
from the campground.

- Tumble dryer?
- Yeah. Yes.

And a waffle iron.

Those twins work the area.

Villagers are talking.

- We discuss things.
- Yeah, you do blabber.

Why'd they leave the beer, do you think?

Ugh, that's just a diversion.

[sheriff] Diversion?

Please tell me you're not serious.

- [Georg] I am.
- You really think they're that smart?

I was really scared
they'd steal my new shortwave.

Yeah, that's the latest model, huh?

It's an oldie, but they don't build 'em
like this anymore.

She has a range
of maybe 50 kilometers at least.

You know it's illegal
to listen to emergency channels, right?

- Who says that's why I got it?
- [man on radio] Hello? Hello?

Uh, Hjørdis? Hjørdis? Hello? Over.

- [radio beeps]
- Alpha two-four, responding.

Alpha three-one, come on.
We practiced this.

Use your call signals. Over.

Yeah, sorry. Um...

Alpha, Alpha, calling you.

Uh, Alpha. Over.

- [radio beeps]
- What's this about, Benjamin?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Uh, there's some kind of disturbance
at the Gullhella boys' place.

Yeah. Hear that?

Maybe I should check it out?

- You know, I've almost completed my, uh...
- [sighs] Yeah. That'll be good training.

Some fieldwork,
and I'll head back to the station.

- Over.
- Thanks.

[radio beeps]

[arcade-like sound effect playing]

Why the fuck is that up there?

[Georg chuckles]

That picture cheers everybody up.

Folks ask,
"Who's the beautiful baton twirler?"

They all look
'cause of the blinking lights.

"My brilliant daughter," I say.
It makes me smile.

Yeah. [sighs]

["Glade dager" playing]

- But it makes me happy, sweetheart.
- [bell chimes]

Oh boy, oh boy.
Good morning, you sexy ladies.

- [group laughs]
- Hi.

- [Kasper] In form, Mikkel-meister?
- Yeah, Kasp-meister.

- Oh!
- [Kasper] Yeah!

- [group laughs]
- Oh!

Kasp. Kasp on the, uh...

- Kaspy... slide it over.
- This is weird.

- [Sebastian] It can...
- Finding it?

- Sorta. And over...
- Sebster!

- [Kasper] That was crazy. Crazy shit.
- Yes.

Oh. [laughs]

He gives the best-ever high fives.

He's the best.

- It's true.
- Okay, ladies.

So, what's the fucked-up agenda?
Let's get wasted, huh?

- Yeah.
- [Audun] No, no.

- Listen to this.
- Yeah?

We're going on a private guided tour...

[Sebastian chuckles]

...to the

Hessdalen Observatory.

Mm! [chuckles]

Hessdalen Observatory.

The what observatory, Audun? What's that?

The... unexplained lights.

The mystery that's intrigued us for years?

The Hessdalen phenomenon?
You've heard of it?

- Aliens?
- [Pelle] Huh?

[sighs] Yeah.

Uh, that's too simplistic.

Uh, sure, the lights appear to behave
with purpose, but it... it... it's...

There are other explanations, Mikkel.

Stine Lyongo, lead scientist,
she has a really fun theory.

It's the one I like the most.

Uh, she thinks bioluminescent reactions
are actually what we're seeing as light.

- And reactions...
- [Sebastian laughs]

Yeah. [chuckles]

Oh, you got us. You got us good, Audun.

Uh, do you think
I could talk to you outside, buddy, huh?

- Just for a sec? Yeah.
- Yeah.

[Sebastian] What're you doing?

What happened to the list I sent
with cock balloons, Jell-O shots?

UFOs? What's wrong with you?

Well, look. [laughs]
It's not UFOs, all right?

Seb, relax.

- It's legit, real science. 'Kay?
- Okay.

- You're gonna love it.
- This weekend isn't about me.

I promised Kasper a party
with solid ball tickling.

You were on board. Balls would be tickled.

We need to come up with something drastic,
or he's gonna jump

in his one-of-a-kind supercar
and drive away.

Then I'm fucked, dude. I'm fucked.

[dramatic music plays]

- I'm sorry. I...
- No, it's fine, man. C'mon.

We have to find something
more macho, right?

[dramatic music playing]

Paintball? Paintball, yeah.

We are playing paintball, I think.

- Yeah? Huh.
- [Sebastian] Yeah.

- That's not dumb.
- [Sebastian] Yeah.

Paintball. Paintball, paintball.

Yeah, I remember
the time I played paintball.

- [music fades]
- Yeah?

[birds singing outside]

[birds calling loudly nearby]

- Okay. Shall we?
- Yeah.

[alarm chirps]

[door whirs]

[Kasper] Now we're talkin', Boner.

- [alarm beeping]
- [automated voice] System failure.

System failure.

- [spluttering] System failure.
- [Kasper] Fucking hell!

- What now? Oh no.
- [Kasper screams]

- System failure.
- [groans]

- Piece of shit!
- No, no, no.

- Spawn of the devil!
- System failure.

- "Supercar," my ass!
- Ah, fuck.

- [automated voice] Fragile.
- [Kasper grunts]

Hi there. You all right?

- You okay?
- Am I all right?

- No, I mean...
- You're asking that?

- No.
- That's a little stupid.

- Yes, you're right.
- You know what that car cost?

Motherfucker!

I bet it cost a whole lot.

- Other side, other side.
- [grunts]

No, no, no. How could this happen?

Well, you said we needed
something drastic.

Yeah.

[van engine sputters]

- [dramatic orchestral music playing]
- [engine turns over]

[quietly] Fuck.

[engine pops]

[wind whistling]

Shit, it's like The Walking Dead here.

[echoing] Hello?
We're here, and we wanna play!

Spill some paint!

Uh, play paintball! [chuckles slightly]

We're a short drive to the observatory
if we wanna go on that tour later.

- Uh...
- In case anybody changes their mind.

Can we get started?

They'll come eventually.

- [Kasper] Yep.
- The supply booth is open.

Uh, shouldn't we pay first, guys?

[Mikkel exhales]

And he's in the hut in one jump.

- Kasper-roo.
- [Kasper] Whoo!

- Seb!
- Yeah.

[groans] Fuck.

[sighs]

[Mikkel grunts]

Oh, sorry. That's it.

We'll have to share.

No worries. You boys go ahead.

I'm not good with pain.

- [Pelle screams]
- Oh! Sorry.

[Pelle] Oh! [laughs, inhales sharply]

Ah. Whoo!

[chuckles] That was fun.

[laughs] Wow.

- Okay, I'm fine.
- You okay?

Yeah, I get it,
why people like doing this.

So, am I the only one
who's never played before?

It's not the same,

but Seb and I used to be Europe's
laser tag champs back in the day.

You're kidding, huh?

- Natural born taggers, baby!
- Yeah. That's right.

- [Kasper] You don't say.
- Yeah, we were.

- Wow.
- Yeah, we were. It's true.

Um, that was a while back.
Long, long time ago.

What do you say? Get this going?

Definitely, dude.
So, me, Kasper, and Audun?

Hey. National team against the rest?
How's that fair?

- We can be first and second picks.
- First and second?

What, are we in school?

All right, boys.
Let's keep all our phones locked in here,

so we'll be fully focused on having fun.

[softly] Wow.

[gun clicks]

[exhales] This is so fucking cool.

Okay. Cover for me from here.
I'll move to right flank.

You, you, you.
What about me? I wanna kill someone.

I'll do my own thing,
and we'll catch up later, okay?

Not a good move, uh...

[loud splatting]

[Kasper sighs]

Shit. Well, that fucking sucked.

Okay, okay. So what do I do?
Am I out of the game?

Yeah.

[tense music playing]

I shot Kasper.

Huh? What?

Yeah, I did.
I didn't mean to, but I just fired.

- There was so much action!
- Oh my God, Audun. How could you?

[yells] Fuck this shit!

[grunts]

Okay.

I'll shoot Mikkel,
and we'll reset and start again.

Next time, you let Kasper shoot you.
You got that?

- [Kasper] Sit down! Just sit down!
- Copy that.

- [Kasper] What?
- Good God.

Don't draw attention to the fact I'm out.

- Yep.
- Sit down. That's right. Good.

Okay, follow me.

[dramatic orchestral music playing]

[shots firing]

[Sebastian panting]

- [Audun yelps]
- [Sebastian] Oh shit.

[Pelle exhales]

Ah, that's what you should've done.

You should've hidden.

- [gun firing]
- [Audun grunts]

Shit! How can he shoot
at both of us at once?

[Sebastian] He's a sneaky son of a bitch,
but he has no strategy.

So you take the flank
and meet me at the pit.

- [Audun] What?
- [Sebastian] Shoot. I'll run around.

[Audun] Okay.

[dramatic music continues]

[Pelle] Oh yeah!

[gun firing]

[Sebastian panting]

[groan, thud]

[music fades]

[Sebastian exhales]

- [Audun moaning]
- [gun firing]

[Mikkel yelling]

[Audun] Ow!

[groaning continues]

[ominous music playing]

- [Audun] Ooh! Ow! Ow!
- [quietly] Fuck.

[gunfire stops]

I think I shot someone!

Great! You're supposed to!

No, I might've actually shot someone.

Huh?

[Sebastian] Holy shit. Shit.

Why'd you shoot him?

I thought it was Mikkel.
I thought it was one of you.

He has bleached hair.

- How's he look like me?
- Sun was in my eyes!

It wasn't that sunny.

- So is he dead?
- Paint bullets can't kill.

If you hit him in the eye, you could kill.

- You shot him in the eye?
- The guy's not dead.

He's moving.

Is he breathing? Eh.

[ominous music building]

Nah, he's dead.

- [Gullhella 1 gasps]
- [guys yell]

- [tense music playing]
- [Gullhella 1 groans, yells]

[group screams]

[Sebastian yelps]

Uh, I didn't mean it!

[Gullhella 1 grunts, roars]

[both straining]

[Pelle yells]

- [chomps loudly]
- [Pelle shrieks]

- [groans]
- [Gullhella 1 yells]

- [Audun groans]
- [Mikkel grunts]

[Kasper screams]

[tense music fades]

Whoa, fuckface!

- [dramatic sting]
- Fuckin' guy came right at me.

- You okay, Pelle?
- Oh yeah. Sure, I'm fine.

That was some fuckin' zombie shit, dudes.

- Will I turn into a zombie?
- No, zombies aren't real.

- Okay.
- So how do you explain the glowing eyes?

Some kind of reflection.

Reflection? Seriously? Come on.

- Kasper, back me up, will you?
- [Kasper] Huh?

No? Pelle, you saw it, right?

I feel weird. Something's happening.

It was fuckin' freaky.

- [tense music playing]
- [Sebastian breathing shakily]

We'll go back to the cabin,
and we'll never mention this again.

Everything here did not happen.

Anyone asks, we were here all day.
We were here all...

I'm repeating myself.

[clangs]

- Hey.
- What's wrong?

It won't start.

There a button I'm supposed to push?

- Just turn the key.
- Yep. That's how it works.

Well, it won't start.

Hey, Pelle. Where's the motor?

[tense music fades]

Okay.

What's wrong?

The motor's missing.

Oh yeah. So that makes sense.

Um, how does it make sense?

Uh, because it won't start
without a motor.

[Sebastian sighs]

An engine doesn't just walk away.
It weighs a ton. And...

- Whatever. This is the last straw for me.
- Uh...

Great bachelor party,
or at least an attempt at one.

So just give me my phone,
and I'll call a cab

because I'm done here.

My phone.

- Um, sorry. Uh, it's also gone.
- [Kasper] What?

Shut up.
What the fuck are you talking about?

Well, the box
we put all our phones in is missing,

but the cases are still here.

No, no, no, no, no.

[ominous music playing]

[quietly] Fuck.

Hey, uh, Audun. Audun.

You said the observatory
was around here, didn't you?

Yeah, yeah. Maybe a mile.

Okay. I strongly suggest
that we walk there right now

because it's closer than the cabin.

My first priority is taking care of you.

Of course, I want everyone to be safe.

- Yeah.
- But you're first. You're top priority.

Hush, Boner.

- Priorities.
- You're mine.

Stop acting like a babysitter,
and let's get the hell outta here.

- So, which way?
- Yep.

- Yes.
- [Kasper] Okay.

[Mikkel] Hold on.

I'm not going
into the forest without a gun.

Whoa, what do you have there?

[pistol whirs]

I see. It's a toy. Okay.

[dramatic orchestral music playing]

[birds singing]

[Sebastian] I, uh, read the cover story
about your father.

Pretty impressive.

He, and you too, of course,
are obviously doing great things.

Yeah.

- Me too? Yeah.
- You, yes. I think so.

Gotta surround yourself
with the right people.

- Okay.
- That's the key.

- Kids know about that.
- In what way? How so?

- There are two kinds of people.
- Yeah?

- Taking notes?
- Yes, for sure.

There's candy and vegetables.

Mikkel, for example? Typical cotton candy.

- Get it?
- Yeah.

- Huh?
- Really? I thought you liked Mikkel.

Oh, I do. I love cotton candy.

Could dive right into it. Bang that shit.

- I'm not sure that I...
- Some people are like cotton candy.

They have no nutritional value
but taste good.

You gorge on 'em, and you spit 'em out.

- You with me?
- Yep.

The key here, Boner,
if you wanna be a big, strong bear...

[both growl]

...you need a balanced diet.

Yes.

You are what you eat.

- That's right, Boner! Yes.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Now you get it.

- Of course.
- But...

- Yes?
- There's more than boiled potatoes.

- Sure.
- What else is there?

- Uh, bo... Hot sauce?
- Hot sauce.

Yeah, absolutely. Hot and spicy.

I can be hot and spicy.

[Kasper] Yeah, but you don't want to put
too much hot sauce on your candy, do ya?

Yeah, I, uh...

Uh...

[dramatic orchestral music playing]

We're here.

[music swells]

[Kasper] Wow.
The place is hoppin', Boner. [laughs]

But, uh, we're supposed to get a tour,
so someone should come soon, I think.

[Mikkel] We could be waiting forever.
[sighs]

Great, so we're going straight
to break and enter? That the idea?

[Mikkel] Long as we don't break anything,

it's not technically breaking
and entering.

There. That's logic for you.

HESSDALEN OBSERVATORY

See? We're allowed in.

Who's coming? Kasper?

Nah. Hard pass on that.

- But Boner here, he'll come with ya.
- Huh? Yeah.

- Sure, of course I'll come. Yeah.
- All right.

I'll hang on to this
so Pelle can protect himself.

- [Pelle] Uh-uh.
- [Mikkel] Great. Perfect.

You guys keep a watch
out here while we check inside.

- Yep.
- And let us know if anyone's coming.

[door squeaks]

[Mikkel gasps]

Hang on.

What's the plan? Uh, is there a plan?

- Anything?
- Find a telephone?

Call for help? Then...

That is... an okay plan.

- Uh-huh.
- Uh, be careful.

We don't know what's in here, so...

[Mikkel scoffs]

Don't be a wuss.
We're grown men, aren't we?

[pistol whirs]

[Sebastian] Uh-huh.

[suspenseful music playing]

- Whoa. I have déjà vu. For real, I do.
- [Sebastian hushes]

European qualifiers. Helsinki.

- Remember?
- Yeah.

- That was so fuckin' cool.
- Mikkel?

Can you... forget
all the... cotton candy for two seconds?

We've gotta focus here.

Cotton candy?

[Audun] You know,

it's fascinating, really.

This was the largest building project
in Trøndelag at the time,

and it wasn't built
just to observe the phenomenon.

All telecommunication in this whole area
goes... goes through that dome.

Great, Audun. I'll remember that.

Now, shut up, will ya?

[Sebastian sighs]

[tense music playing]

[Sebastian exhales]

[Mikkel] What is this place?

[Sebastian] Try to find a phone.

Yep.

Weren't you gonna let Pelle
have one of them?

One of what? These?

- [gun clicks]
- Oh! No. [laughs]

No. No, no. No worries. Oh. [chuckles]

- [Kasper] Yeah.
- I'm fine.

He said he was fine. I'm goin' with that.

- [car approaching]
- [Pelle grunts]

- [groans] Oh God.
- [suspenseful music playing]

- [Audun] Hey, maybe that...
- [Kasper] Shh. Let's see who it is.

[Pelle sighs]

[car door closes]

[Mikkel sighs]

[Mikkel] No dial tone. Dead.

This might be for communications.

This thing. You think? Ah.

Nah. Doesn't work.

[exhales] What's that?

A map of the light phenomena
Auden talked about.

- It's Stine Lyongo!
- Shh!

Yeah. Shh. Just tell us.

You don't need to scream at her.

- [Mikkel] Bingo. Telephone.
- [Sebastian] Huh? Great.

- [grunts]
- [Sebastian] Yeah.

[bar clatters]

"If we don't break anything,

then technically,
it's not breaking and entering," right?

Doesn't look broken.

- [whooshing]
- [dial tone]

- [rotary dial whirs]
- [dramatic sting]

- [phone rings]
- [receiver clatters]

- Hessdalen Sheriff's Office.
- Yeah, hi. This is Mikkel Stegger.

[takes a deep breath]
We are in the forest at the observatory.

The observatory. Okay.

How can I help you?
Has some stuff been stolen?

No, no. We... We met this weird guy.

Uh, I don't know what his deal was.

If he was an extraterrestrial
or something supernatural...

An extraterrestrial, I understand.

- And what else?
- Yeah, yeah.

- It was so sick. His eyes were glowing.
- Okay.

[Mikkel] Incredible. It was sick!

Okay. Hi. Hello, hello.

Uh, just forget what he said

about the... the glowing eyes and all that.

My buddy wants to prove...

- Hang on a sec, okay?
- [Sebastian] Mm-hmm?

You think it's funny to make false reports
to the cops? How old are you?

- Uh...
- Let me speak to Stine.

Stine?

Stine isn't here right now.

[ominous orchestral music playing]

- Mullet guy from paintball?
- What's he doing?

Look at that ugly mullet.

- He looks like that zombie guy.
- We better warn them.

No, no, no, no.

All we have to do is stay hidden
and just keep quiet.

[Hjørdis] I am sick and tired of hearing
about Martians in Hessdalen.

News flash. They don't exist.

- I'm hanging up.
- Wait!

[line beeps]

[Sebastian sighs]

- We've got to go tell them.
- No, no, no. We stay here.

[Pelle growls, barks]

- [barking echoes]
- [dramatic sting]

What was that?

That was stupid.

- Shit! Shit!
- [Sebastian] What?

- Someone's here.
- [Sebastian] To help?

No, it's the guy you shot.

I didn't mean to shoot him.

- The sun was in my eyes.
- Right.

- He's here to get his fucking revenge.
- No!

- [energy thrums]
- [Gullhella 2] Huh?

[Mikkel and Sebastian panting]

- [Sebastian] What the hell?
- [Mikkel] Shit!

[Mikkel] Let's hide in there.

No, I checked. It's locked.

We need to, uh...

[metal clatters]

[Mikkel] Come on. Go.

Wait. I'm not... [yelps]

[both groaning]

[both moan]

- Fuck.
- I'm sorry.

Fucking hell, Mikkel.

- [both groan]
- [Sebastian sighs]

- Shh. Shh.
- [door opens upstairs]

[Stine] Throw him
in the basement with the others.

[Mikkel panting]

What the fuck is that?

- [tense music playing]
- [Sebastian panting]

- [grunts]
- What is it?

[Sebastian yelps]

[Stine] You're sure he was dead, right?

[Gullhella 2] He seemed dead.

[Stine] Go and check.

- Quick. Hide.
- I'm coming.

- No. There's no room.
- These are dead bodies.

You can pretend to be one.

- No!
- Pretend.

[door opens]

Fuck.

- [rat squeals]
- Ugh.

What the fuck?!

[door closes]

[Gullhella 2 breathing heavily]

[rat squeaking softly]

[Gullhella 2 sniffing]

[rat continues squeaking]

[Sebastian gasps]

[Mikkel gasps]

[footsteps approaching]

It was just a rat.

[menacing orchestral music playing]

So, you, uh, check that cabin?

Yeah.

It was empty.

Did you search anywhere else?

[Gullhella 2] Why are they so important?
We have plenty.

- No. Fuck me.
- Check with the others. I want them found.

- [energy thrumming]
- [Gullhella 2 exclaiming]

Oh, what the fuck?

[Gullhella 2 splutters, gasps]

[panting, takes a deep breath,
clears throat]

They were at the paintball park,
knocked one of us out, and ran off.

[energy thrumming]

- [sinister music playing]
- [Gullhella 2 groans]

Search the valley.

- Find them.
- [Gullhella 2 exhales]

- [Mikkel splutters, gasps]
- [footsteps going upstairs]

[sinister music fades]

[rat squeaking]

[Sebastian gasps]

- [door opens]
- Seb?

[footsteps overhead]

Oh my God.

This is fucked-up shit.

- [suspenseful music playing]
- [Sebastian grunts, panting]

[Kasper] Whoa. What are they doing?

- Running?
- Not the best running.

So, what's going on?

- What happened? Are you okay?
- The guy from paintball was there.

And his eyes were glowing,
just like I said.

This is definitely some weird alien shit.

- So, not zombies?
- No.

- Yeah, okay, great.
- Yes!

I don't buy it.
I mean, why would they show up here?

How would I know?

But seriously,

it was like they communicated

through a form of, pfft, telepathy.

- Yeah. Weird.
- It was... It was weird.

- Seb saw it.
- Huh?

Back me up here.

It was... C'mon, tell 'em.

[tense music playing]

[sighs] No, I didn't see any of that.

- No?
- Uh, what?

We got through to the police,
but he starts talkin' about aliens,

so they're not coming.

So, we'll have to make our way on foot

and, uh, hope
we'll find someone to help us. [sighs]

Okay.

[music fades]

- [crows cawing]
- [eerie music playing]

- Hey. What was that, Seb?
- [Sebastian] Don't mess this up.

Okay? We can still salvage this.
I promised Kasper a good time.

- Let's have one.
- What are you talking about?

Never mind. Let's just...

Let's keep calm and carry on.
Please, okay?

Seriously, how can you go on
with your bachelor party

after seeing a basement full of corpses?

- Shh!
- Huh? Corpses?

Corpses, yeah. Dead folks.

Thank you. I know what corpses are.
Boner, what's with that?

Audun, you believe me, right?

- Uh, I don't wanna take any sides here.
- Oh, Jesus Christ!

That true, Boner?
A basement full of corpses?

- No!
- No?

- Well, it wasn't full of them.
- No, okay. Half full? Little full? C'mon.

- Yeah.
- [Kasper] Yeah?

What the hell is going on
with this place, huh?

It's aliens.

Hey, can you keep quiet?

- Shit's going on. Grown-ups are talking.
- [Pelle] Hang on.

Guys, if I got bitten
by an alien, what happens?

- Do I become... an alien, or...
- [group] No.

- [car approaching]
- [all gasp]

[Mikkel grunting]

- [car door closes]
- [engine stops]

[driver] Hello, Stine.
I don't know what happened.

The engine just gave out
halfway up the hill.

[Stine] Oh. Let me take a look?

- I know a bit about engines.
- [driver] Great, thanks.

Okay, back onto the bus, everybody.

C'mon, chop-chop.

[Sebastian exhales]

- New plan.
- No, wait, wait.

[menacing music playing]

[energy thrumming]

- [aliens growling]
- [passengers screaming]

Jesus H. Christ.

[energy thrumming]

[screaming fades]

- [Kasper] What the fuck was that?
- Aliens.

- [tense music playing]
- [Pelle groans] Holy shit.

[Mikkel] See? I told you. Aliens.

Yeah, but that's too much

to wrap my head around
right now, Mikkel, man.

- Oh, I have serious déjà vu.
- No, that's something else, Pelle.

[Mikkel] Oh my God.

[crow cawing]

- [branch snaps]
- [all gasp]

[dramatic sting]

- [Mikkel] Right!
- [all yelp]

- [Sebastian gasps]
- [branches snap]

- [Mikkel] Behind you!
- How many are there?!

[ominous music playing]

[Pelle breathing heavily]

[music building, fades]

[speaking Norwegian in a thick accent]

[laughs]

- Does anyone understand this guy?
- No.

You speaking Norwegian gibberish?

We don't understand
the language you're using.

[music resumes]

- Hey. Stay right there.
- [pistol whirs]

[continues speaking Norwegian]

I'll shoot off your dick.

- [Mikkel] Watch.
- Careful. Back up.

- Fuck.
- Wait.

- Wait. Wait.
- [Kasper grunts]

- [gasps]
- Get back!

Okay, Audun. Shoot!

[music fades]

[both panting]

[tense music playing]

[energy thrumming]

[roars]

- [Audun shrieks]
- We should run! Let's go!

[group roaring]

- [growls]
- [alien 1 grunts]

- [both panting]
- [fires gun]

- [Audun yelps]
- [Sebastian grunts]

- [panting]
- [Audun whimpers]

- [gun fires]
- [alien 2 grunting]

[aliens growling]

[Sebastian] Oh shit!

[groans]

[inhales sharply, grunts]

Shit.

[aliens grunting]

Ah, oh yes!

- [alien 3 yells]
- [groans]

[both straining]

[laser blasts]

- [alien 3 grunts]
- [energy thrumming]

[ominous music playing]

[Sebastian groans] Ugh.

[energy thrumming]

[Sebastian yells]

- [splats loudly]
- [music stops]

[Sebastian exhales]

[shudders]

[panting, coughs softly]

[eerie music playing]

Okay.

They are aliens.

- Told ya.
- [rustling]

[Sebastian] Okay. Run, run! Run!

[menacing orchestral music playing]

[woman on TV]
The last number is number eight.

There you have it.

All of the winning numbers
have been announced.

As you will see on the back
of your raffle ticket, if you have...

Mysterious.

Four coffee makers.

- [tense music playing]
- [Hjørdis] Hmm.

[Mikkel] They were aliens.

- You wouldn't believe us. Aliens.
- Yeah.

[Mikkel] We saw aliens.

Hello. Good day. Or good afternoon.

[panting, grunts]

I know this sounds... [laughs]

We sound totally mental,
but this whole thing is true.

- Completely true.
- Yeah, it is.

[clicks tongue] Yeah,
I assume you're the dumbasses

who telephoned earlier.

- [Sebastian] Uh...
- [Mikkel] Mm-hmm.

You saw aliens at the observatory, right?

- [both] Yeah.
- Everywhere.

Saw 'em first at the paintball park.

Then we saw them
at the observatory, then in the forest.

And, uh... Twice in the forest.

Yeah, they're everywhere.

It's a full-on space invasion.

Paintball? At Gullhella Paintball?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

Yeah, so were either of the twins there?

Ah, twins.

- Oh yeah. [laughs]
- [Mikkel] They were twins.

I was sure
the guy we hit had a different color...

- Who'd you hit?
- Sebastian shot the guy with a paintball.

- It was sunny. I couldn't see.
- [Mikkel] The guy went ballistic.

He attacked us, all crazy.

He was all rabies,
monster style, you know?

Rabies, monster style...

Do I have that right?

- No.
- Yeah.

- [Sebastian] Why...?
- [Mikkel] What? He was.

You don't get it. She's writing.

But it was like that.
That's what happened.

I can still hear you if you whisper.
Sit down, guys.

[Sebastian takes a deep breath]

Look, I understand...
that life can get a little tough.

- [Sebastian chuckles]
- But you are heading down the wrong road.

Drugs, they lead into a black hole.

Hallucinations, no sense of reality...

- That's not... Hang on a second...
- [Mikkel] Listen, lady.

This is not a joke.
It's sick but very real.

It's the thing with the Hessdalen lights.

[splutters] The phenomenon
that only happens in your stupid city.

We're actually not a stupid city.
We're a valley, all right?

Here's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna contact my colleague

who is on his way to the Gullhella's
to check on something else.

I'll ask if he's seen anything.

Uh, or, uh... Wait, wait.
Maybe that's, uh, not a great idea.

Like... [sighs] What if he's possessed?

I don't think we have to worry about it.

[laser blasts]

- Are you outta your mind?
- Checkin' if she's one of them.

[Sebastian] She's pregnant. You don't know
what that'll do to an unborn child.

[Mikkel] Why do you...

Alpha three-one,
this is Alpha two-four. Over.

[Benjamin] Alpha three-one,
go ahead. Over.

- [Sebastian and Mikkel arguing]
- Wow.

Uh, yeah. Hi.

I have a couple of knuckleheads over here

who say they had an encounter
and shot one of the Gullhella twins

with a paintball gun.

Does that match
with what you found over there earlier?

- [Mikkel] I know about consequences.
- And...

- Technically, they're armed...
- [both shouting]

...ish. Over.

Yeah, that sounds like them.

You should hold 'em till I get back. Over.

If you were an alien, you would've
blown up with that shit all over.

Yeah. [sighs] I think I can do that.

Over and out.

- Nothing happens unless you're an alien!
- Goop! All over my face!

And you don't even care, do you?

Would either of you like
a cup of hot cocoa?

- So, it's in here, boys.
- [Sebastian grunts]

Go ahead and help yourselves.
There's cookies too.

- [Sebastian] Yeah.
- Here?

- Yeah.
- [Sebastian] In a...?

- [gasps] Huh?
- [door locks]

- [Mikkel] Uh?
- [door rattles]

Hey. What the fuck's going on?

[Hjørdis] Sorry. You have to stay here
till my colleague gets back.

- We'll talk later, okay?
- [Sebastian] Huh?

Can we still get hot cocoa?

[Kasper] I don't like being all alone
in the forest.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

- [Audun screams]
- [both panting]

- Ah, fuck. They following you?
- No, no. I don't think so.

Goddammit, Audun.

- You see their eyes? They were green.
- [Audun] Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.
- [Kasper] Bright green.

They lit up.

You said there were no aliens.
That they didn't exist.

I said there's no real evidence
that they exist.

But yeah, we saw something that...

But it coulda been something else.

Like a parasite. Some... Some...

- I don't know what it was.
- Okay, now. Hey.

You gotta calm down.

We gotta stay together.

- We're gonna stay low to the ground.
- Yeah.

That's how we'll... we'll avoid being found.

Oh God.

Okay. So, let's go... that way.

[Pelle, Kasper scream]

- [Audun] Holy shit!
- Go! Run!

- No, no, no, no, no, no!
- They're after me!

- [Kasper yells]
- [energy thrumming]

- [aliens grunting]
- [Pelle whines]

Fuck outta here! [groans] Fuck this.

[pistol sound effects playing]

Think the others got away?

Dunno.

Maybe. Hope so.

What are you doing?

[sighs] I'm tryin' to tune the settings.

- See if I can increase the beam intensity.
- [sighs]

- [pistol chimes]
- What?

Your whole... action-hero thing.

Don't you get sick of it?

No, I'm just dealing
with the situation we're in.

Okay, but
what do you think'll happen here?

Do you think you're just gonna run around
in the forest like John Wick or something?

[scoffs, sighs] No.

How should I know, Seb?

Maybe I will.
Um, who knows. Maybe we will.

As soon as you show up,
then it's all about boners and fucking...

Space invasions. [chuckles]
Are you gonna blame me for that too?

Fine. But you could try
to not have so much fun.

Think about it, Seb.
I mean, all that laser tag training,

and we get the chance
to fend off a fucking alien invasion.

15-year-old Seb would've pissed himself
if we got to do this.

Why are you so obsessed with those days?

[scoffs] I'm not obsessed with those days.
And what's your deal, anyway?

I thought I'd come up here
and celebrate with my old buddy.

Cruise down memory lane, have fun.

Boy, was I wrong.
You've turned into a grumpy fart.

What's up with that?

You're damn right, I'm grumpy!

Do you even know
about the hoops I jumped through

to get this guy Kasper
to come to this thing?

And all I needed, all I needed
was to try and make a good impression.

But no. [imitates fanfare]

Here comes Mikkel fuckin' Steger.
Great. Just fucking great.

[laughs] You're kidding, right?

- What?
- This is all because of Kasper?

This whole... weekend is about your job?

Yeah, it is.

And I'm very sorry
for being at the center of my own life

and taking responsibility
for it instead of running around

like some damn kindergarten wannabe.

[laughs] Nice.

For your information,
I'm havin' a great bloody life.

- You know what? I'm living a dream, Seb.
- Okay.

I can play laser tag any day,
as much as I want.

- Ooh.
- And slush? I drink it all the time.

I get it free, mix the colors.
As much as I can drink.

And guess what? People look up to me
and admire me for who I am.

I looked you up on Facebook.
You were at a birthday party?

Yeah, so what? A dude's party.

- He's 12.
- Yeah. Twelve and cool as fuck.

Preben's a total boss.

He lives in the here and now.
He loves life.

You could learn something.

You think you're so great,
that you know how to live.

Look at you. You're sucking dick
for your bachelor party.

I got no problem sucking dick.

If Kasper had three dicks,
I'd line them up...

[through door] ...and I'd work my way
down the line.

- [typing]
- [Hjørdis clears throat]

It only took you three fucking seconds
before you stole my spotlight.

Oh, the big spotlight on history's
most pathetic bachelor party ever?

- That?
- Know what?

You can just fuck off.
No one wants you here.

[sentimental music playing]

Except for your girlfriend,

who pretty much begged me to come.

Because she knows
you are fucked in the head.

Okay. You know what? Fuck you!

Fuck you right back at your rat-ass face.

[door unlocks, opens]

Yeah, my, uh, colleague's back.

You might wanna come out
if this is a good time.

Out you go.

We don't want to be blamed.

- My report will show that you...
- Fuck. There they are.

- [quietly] Fuck.
- [Gullhella 1] That's the guy who shot me.

- Take it easy!
- He's one of them.

Arrest them!

Back off. Back the fuck off!

Let's all relax,

and you boys will come with me
and tell me what happened.

- [laser blasts]
- [Gullhella 1 gasps]

[suspenseful music playing]

[Gullhella 1 roars]

Not again! [grunts]

[Gullhella 1 groans]

- Stop coming on me, you oaf!
- [both grunting]

- [Gullhella 1 gasps]
- Hey, Joe Exotic. Just chill.

- [cuffs ratchet]
- [Gullhella 1 sighs]

[shakily] What the hell is happening?

I already told you.

Yeah, that nonsense about lights
and UFOs and all that?

- Yep.
- [Hjørdis sighs]

Yeah, but you said
you were being chased by monsters.

Well, it seems some people
react differently to the lights.

- We haven't figured it out yet.
- Hey, I'm... I'm totally normal.

[Gullhella 1 gasps] Fuck.

Could you please try to keep the shooting
down to a minimum, please?

- I wanna ask the guy some questions.
- Okay, Seb.

- Are you gonna talk the guy to death?
- I wanna ask him a few things.

- Do you mind?
- Will you just shut up?

And you, not another word.

This is actually my sheriff's office,
and I do the interrogating here.

Is there light...

[softly] ...inside?

- [whispers] Yup.
- Inside you?

Yep.

That's freaky.

The light in us is a signal...

[takes a deep breath]

...from an intergalactic light pulse.

Okay, bullshit.

Light pulses don't kill,
so that makes no sense at all.

Technically, you could kill with one.

- Nah.
- Okay. That's not the point I'm making.

You don't know what you're talking about.

- I've seen people use them, so yeah.
- Yeah? Oh?

[Hjørdis groans]

Uh, what do you mean by "kill"?

The observatory's full of bodies.

[tense music playing]

And you're only telling me this now?!

- Yeah, I guess I should've mentioned it.
- Yeah, you should have.

- I was tired. I wasn't thinking.
- Yeah, poor you.

It's not an excuse.

- [Sebastian scoffs]
- [line ringing]

- Who you calling?
- [Hjørdis] Police.

You're the police.

Bigger police.

[energy thrumming, buzzing]

[energy thrumming, buzzing]

[dramatic music playing]

[alien 1 grunts]

[alien 2 snarls]

[all gasp]

[Mikkel exhales] Whoa.

- [distant rumbling]
- [quietly] Oh shit.

There's no signal.

Dammit.

- [line beeping]
- [Hjørdis sighs]

- It's dead too.
- [Sebastian grunts]

- Game over.
- That's enough outta you.

- [splats]
- [Hjørdis gasps]

[spluttering] Okay. What do we do now?

- Huh?
- [Benjamin moans]

- [Sebastian screams]
- Hjørdis?

Hjørdis?

- Put it down.
- [Benjamin] Uh, Hjørdis?

[grunting softly]

- [Hjørdis] Is that you, Benjamin?
- Yeah.

- Are you feeling okay?
- [Benjamin] How did I get back here?

[eerie music playing]

[spluttering] We were speaking
on the radio, uh...

- I was going to the paintball...
- I shouldn't have sent you up there.

You've been a little... [sighs]

...out of it.

I vaguely... sort of remember.

[Benjamin sighs]

There was a roadblock, and...

We... We stopped the vehicles
that were exiting the valley.

And Hjørdis, they're getting everybody.

[eerie music building]

[Benjamin] They're grabbing everybody.

[dramatic orchestral music playing]

Where are you taking us?

I'd say we're driving up a hill.

[scoffs] Why are you talking
when nobody here asked for your opinion?

Butthead.

- [groans]
- Kasper, he's just tryin' to help.

Yeah, but I can't take his help.
Okay, Audun?

And he can shove it hard
up his puny little asshole.

Because this is his fault!

If he hadn't been prancing

all around the forest
like some deranged porcupine,

screaming and luring
those fucking green lumps,

we'd all be fine, wouldn't we?

Everything would be fine.

- [Audun] It's not his fault.
- [slams, yells]

- [thuds]
- Ow!

[groaning] For fuck's sake.

- Oh.
- Don't touch me. Don't!

- Ow.
- It's my pain.

- Yeah.
- Not yours.

- No. Absolutely right.
- [Kasper sighs]

Ow, it hurts.

- That thing was heavy.
- [Kasper] I give up.

- I'm fucking giving up.
- It's okay.

- It'll be fine.
- [groans] It won't be fine, Pelle.

How stupid can you be to say that it will?

Hey. We'll get through this fine.

- [Kasper sighs]
- [Pelle] We will, right?

We owe it to everyone, everyone back home,

everyone we love.

Your best friend.

All your best friends,
if you have more than one.

I don't have friends, Pelle.

[gentle music playing]

Huh? Of course you do.

- [Kasper sighs]
- We're your friends.

It'll be okay.

We're gonna get out of this.

I've been in worse situations.

[crying] In worse situations?
How could that be?

[Pelle grunts softly] You'll be fine.

- [Kasper sighs]
- [Pelle] You'll see.

[Kasper sobbing]

[tense music playing]

[Mikkel] Seb, I brought a bag
full of laser tag equipment.

There are vests, guns, all kinds of stuff.

It's in the back of Pelle's van.

Let's fight back.

Mikkel, we've gotta come up with a plan.

We need to save the boys, okay?

But we've got to assume
they've been caught by now

and taken to the place
where they turn you into one of those

things.

Yeah.

But we can't do anything
until we know where they are, right?

[exhales] Okay, okay, uh... Hmm.

A plan. [sighs] Hmm.

Hang on.

We need a plan.

[tense music playing]

What's up?

It's right here.

It was marked up at the observatory.

Yeah, there's an abandoned mine up there.

It's right next to
the Gullhella paintball park.

Got a plan?

It's sort of a plan.

Uh, do you know a safe place?

Where it's, you know...

Like, a fortress
or a compound or... something?

Uh, suppose I do.

- [energetic music playing]
- [sighs] Yep.

[engine revs]

- [siren wails]
- [brakes squeak]

[tense music playing]

[Georg] Hi, honey.

[pistol whirs]

- He's good.
- [Hjørdis] Ah, thank God.

- What's goin' on?
- We need help.

- People in the valley...
- Were taken by aliens.

[laughs] No kidding. Seriously?

- Seriously?
- Does your gate work?

- Of course. Installed it myself.
- [Hjørdis] Your shortwave is working?

[Georg] Of course. Who we calling?

The police, the army, the Salvation Army,

anyone who will answer.

- [Georg] Okay.
- Be careful.

[Georg] Yeah.

It's my duty
to try to convince you not to do this.

It's too dangerous.

Can't you just stay here,
and we can all wait for help?

We can't. Kasper and Auden need us.

Yeah. And Pelle.

And Pelle. Yeah.

- [pistol whirs]
- In case they come.

Yeah, shoot. Shoot them.

Yeah. You can turn it off here.

Think I can't manage a laser pistol?

[chuckles softly]

Now, I order you guys to stay alive.

- That the plan?
- That's the plan.

I mean it.

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah. Absolutely.

- [Hjørdis takes a deep breath]
- Promise.

- [Hjørdis clicks tongue]
- [doors open, close]

[Hjørdis sighs]

Uh, dude...

Um, I, um... was...

- Uh, ugh. What I said, uh...
- Yeah.

- [Sebastian] Uh, well, it was, y'know...
- Yeah, man. I...

- It was weird.
- Big expression of lots of emotions.

And, you know...

- It was a buildup of emotions...
- [sighs] Yeah, sure was.

- It was emotions.
- [Mikkel] I know, man. But... [sighs]

Can we just take a minute
to reflect on the fact

that we're sitting
in a fucking police cruiser,

on our way to shoot aliens
with laser weapons?!

- Yeah, it's good.
- It's fuckin' good!

[laughs] Let's remember seat belts, right?

- [Mikkel] Seat belts on.
- [belts click]

["Rett opp og ned" playing]

[siren wailing]

[tires squeal]

[engine revving]

[brakes squeak]

[exhales] Okay. So, the bag
with the guns and vests is in Pelle's car

or minivan or whatever.

- Yeah. Whatever it is.
- Yeah.

Okay, we need a plan. Need a plan.

Here's my idea. I'll distract them.

- [Sebastian] Mm-hmm.
- So you can run to the car, find the bag.

[splutters] You want me to go?

Yeah. You run outside, find the bag.

- What the fuck?
- It's your party, man.

- Oh, so I need to die? Is that the point?
- No, I'm tryin' to give you the spotlight.

Okay, but how will you distract them?

C'mon. Be specific for once in your life.

Whoop, whoop!

- [high-pitched] The sound of the police.
- Ah.

- Not bad.
- Good one.

Let's do this.

Boom, bitches.

- [siren wailing]
- [engine revving]

[Sebastian] Fuck.

[tires squeal]

- [laughs]
- [wailing continues]

[laughs]

- [tense music playing]
- [Sebastian panting]

[grunts] Ah, no. Fuck. No. Fuck.

- [grunts]
- [toy squeaks]

[strains] Fuck.

[groans]

[grunts]

[unzips bag]

[gasps, softly] Yes.

- [vest chimes] Laser tag warrior!
- [Sebastian groans]

[vest powers down] Laser tag...

- [energy thrumming]
- [footsteps approaching]

[dramatic sting]

- Fuck.
- [menacing music playing]

[alien 1 yells]

- [Sebastian grunts] Fuck.
- [aliens panting]

- [Sebastian grunts]
- [clicks]

[engine revving]

- [siren wailing]
- [Sebastian yelps]

- [brake clicks]
- [tires squeal]

[aliens scream]

- [car door closes]
- [Mikkel laughs]

Huh? That's how it's done.

You can't plow people over like that.
They're real people, just possessed.

For fuck's sake.

They don't look so bad, do they?

- [alien 2 coughs]
- [energy thrums]

- Okay.
- [pistol chimes]

- [pistol whirs, blasts]
- [splatting]

- [laser blasts]
- [splatting]

Okay.

[heroic music playing]

Suit up.

[vests power up]

- This user guide's a piece of shit.
- [Mikkel] Like Starship Troopers, right?

- [vest beeps] Danger!
- It's in Japanese.

- You'll understand something.
- Okay. The round knob marked "lights out"...

Yeah?

- Don't touch it.
- How come?

- Oh fuck.
- [Sebastian] Yup.

Okay, so we go through the paintball park,
then up the hill.

[sighs] All right. Let's go.

[pistol whirs]

- [music fades]
- [bell tolls]

[wind whistling]

[Sebastian sighs]

[clattering]

[pistols whir]

- [ominous music playing]
- [energy thrumming]

He's pretty confident.

With good reason.

[energy thrumming]

[Sebastian exhales]

It's the welcoming committee.

- [pistols chime]
- [vest] Let's go!

- [aliens groaning]
- [Gullhella 2 grunts]

[alien 1 strains]

- [aliens shouting]
- [Mikkel] Seb?

- They're throwing shit.
- Huh?

[gasps] Oh shit.

- [alien 2 screams]
- Fuck.

- [alien 3 yelling]
- [Sebastian] Oh! [grunts]

[vest exclaims]

- [lasers blast]
- [alien 4 screams]

[yells] Oh fuck!

- You okay?
- We're outnumbered.

[Mikkel] Oh shit.

[sighs] We got this.
Goddamn glowies, right?

- Glowies?
- You noticed? Their eyes are glowing.

[alien 5 growls]

[clamoring]

- [pistol whirs]
- [Mikkel grunts]

- [vest whirs] Knockout!
- Huh?

[chimes] One power-up.

- [Mikkel groans]
- [alien 5 growling]

- Seb?
- [energy thrumming]

- [alien 5 shudders]
- [Sebastian grunts]

- [alien 5 groans]
- Ugh.

[Sebastian panting]

Fuck. [groans]

[Sebastian] C'mon. Go.

- [Mikkel] Seb, it's in my mouth.
- [Sebastian] Don't swallow.

- [alien 6 growling]
- [Sebastian grunts]

Mikkel. [groaning]

- The guns aren't working.
- Oh, for fuck's sake!

- [energy thrumming]
- [Sebastian grunts]

[yelps]

[alien 6 grunts]

- [Sebastian sighs]
- [Mikkel] Whoo-hoo. Nice!

- [vest] Let's go!
- Whoo. About time. Heh.

- [vest whirs] Knockout!
- Oh my God. Seb?

[vest] Two power-up.

It looks like a kill streak
or something like that.

- [rattling]
- Oh shit.

Okay, let's go.

- Go!
- [rattling]

- [firing]
- [Mikkel groans]

[rapid firing]

[Mikkel moans]

Oh shit!

- [alien 7 yells]
- [vest] Let's go!

- Okay, I got a plan. I got a plan.
- Yeah, what is it?

- Keep shooting. C'mon.
- Huh? That's not a plan.

That's not a plan! Fuck!

[Sebastian] Why'd you do that?

- Why'd you take off on me like that?
- [Mikkel] It was a diversion.

What? We're a team, Mikkel.
Stop doing that.

- You're always leaving me.
- Adapting to the situation.

- [door opens]
- Ah, shit.

[energy thrumming]

[Sebastian] Shit.

[door opens]

- We're so fucked.
- [door opens]

- [aliens growling]
- There's too many of 'em.

We're surrounded.

Fuck. We have no plan.

We need a plan.
Right now. Time's running out.

Huh?

- Time. What time is it?
- What the fuck?! How should I know?

Seb, you do know.

Oh, get real, Mikkel!
That was 15 years ago.

We're not playing games. We're not kids.

Quarter to three!

Oh shit.

- [Mikkel] Ten to three!
- [upbeat rap playing]

- [lasers blasting]
- 2:30!

[Sebastian] 2:30 again.

[sounds distort]

[song continues]

[alien 8 yowls]

[alien 9 growls]

[alien 10 gasps]

[speaking inaudibly]

[bullet clangs]

- [gun cocks]
- Oh shit.

- [tense music playing]
- [Mikkel grunts]

Oh this sucks.

Those guns are real, Seb.

Oh shit! What the fuck?

Oh shit!

Oh my God!

- Fuck. [grunts]
- [glass shatters]

[vest chiming]

- [device] Danger!
- What is that?

- I don't know.
- What do you do with it?

- How do I know?
- Throw it!

[device] Danger!

[device beeping]

- Huh?
- [device] Laser boom!

Oh shit. [laughs]

Fuck yeah!

Yeah.

- That was so badass!
- [Sebastian] Yeah! Whoo!

- Pew Jackman.
- Yeah, and you're fuckin' Sean Beam!

[Mikkel chuckles]

[both grunt]

[both] Nice to meet you.

[both grunt]

- Aragon.
- [groans] Legolas.

[groans] Gimli.

[both grunting]

- [both] Yeah!
- [door opens]

[pistols whir]

Hey, guys, let's dial it down a notch

and act like the grown-ups we are.

The fuck?

Wait.

[footsteps fading]

I got a better plan.

[energy thrumming]

[suspenseful music playing]

Let's not make any mistakes, guys.

[Pelle] All these washing machines.

[Kasper sighs] Let's try not to panic.

- [alien 1 gasps]
- [gasps] No! Let go!

Was that... Was that person dead?

- No. No.
- No?

- No. Shit.
- [alien 2] Another one got fried in here!

We need more!

- [alien 3] This way.
- Thank you, no.

[thudding]

No, no, no, no, no. Hey, fucknut.

- My car.
- [automated voice] Fucknuts activated.

[grunting] Let me go.
Hey, that's my car. Let me go.

You disgusting, common thieves.

How dare you take my car?

[static crackling on radio]

[Hjørdis] Hello?

- [distorted voice]
- Hello?

[man 1] ...weren't really going...

Hello?

- Hertzberg War Academy?
- [man 2] Yes. How can I help you?

Oh, thank you for answering.

This is Hjørdis Skolem, over here
at the Hessdalen Sheriff's Office.

We need immediate assistance.
Please bring weapons.

- Hessdalen, you say?
- Hessdalen, yeah.

Yeah. Uh, so are you guys
under attack by aliens?

Now, listen here, mister.

There's more going on in Hessdalen

than all the baloney
about aliens and UFOs, y'know?

[Benjamin inhales sharply]

But, uh, let... let's say we were, in fact,
actually surrounded, um, by aliens.

Do you think you would be able to come?

- [man 2 laughs]
- [static crackles]

Hello?

Hello?

- [gasps] Hello?
- [indistinct radio chatter]

[grunts] Fuck all this alien shit!

Honey, try not to get so upset.
You want some warm milk?

No, I don't want any warm milk!

When you were little,
that's what you drank.

Look, lose the perfect dad shit.

I needed a papa when I was five

or six, seven, eight, nine,
ten, eleven, twelve, and thirteen.

Right now I don't need a dad!

- [upbeat music playing]
- [Georg sighs, smacks lips]

- [Hjørdis sighs]
- He's trying to help you, right?

Oh no. Please don't start lecturing me.

You have no idea
what you're talking about.

You don't know
how many chances I've given him.

The only thing he ever cared about
when I was a kid

was flying to every corner of the earth,
setting up idiotic businesses.

Then, out of nowhere,
"Hi, dear. I'm coming."

"It's gonna be me and you and the baby."

And what does he do?

Just look.

He's setting the world record
for cuckoo businesses.

I like this store. It's cool.

It's the same thing all over again.

Ow.

- The radio was a sweet thought though.
- Huh? What radio?

Uh, Georg radios every day.

He calls me because you hardly ever
answer the telephone

when he calls you, so he...

he bought the radio
so he can make sure you're safe.

Um...

[Hjørdis sighs deeply]

[vehicle approaching]

[tense music playing]

[Georg] That's the big group
I've been waiting for.

They were due here hours ago.

I wonder what happened.

Do they expect me to be open at this hour?

We're closed.

[slams door]

What? What is it?

Can we lower
those security shutters of yours?

[energy thrumming]

Yeah. All right.

That's a smart idea.

[keys jingling]

[electricity powers down]

Guess the fuse must have blown.

If you'd just hire someone,
things might work.

There's nothing wrong
with the way I do things.

This is an old building.
I'll be right back.

[Hjørdis] Looks like a kiddie party.

You're ready, I hope?

Oh God.

[tense music playing]

[Georg] Oh, for fuck's sake.

[grunts]

Turn on, goddammit. Now.

Please, God.

[energy thrumming]

[aliens groaning]

Georg!

[Georg on recording]
Welcome to Hessdalen UFO Tours.

Turn the key. Quick.

- [electricity pops]
- [Hjørdis gasps]

[energy thrumming]

[Hjørdis] Goddammit!

[energy thrumming]

[goop splats]

[device beeps, whirring]

What is this, huh?

It looks like an

abandoned coal mine or something.

This is a weird fuckin' smell.

It's a spaceship.

No, this can't be a spaceship.

It's a dryer. A huge clothes dryer.

Hi. Pelle.

[Kasper] Hey. Curly. What's up with you?

Can you talk, weirdo?

[sighs] Ah, the guy's catatonic.

[menacing music playing]

Stine.

Stine? Stine?

[electricity crackles]

[man whines, mutters]

[sobs]

[electricity crackling]

[energy thrumming]

It's not fair.

[energy blasts]

- No!
- [Audun gasps]

Oh... Oh God.

[energy thrumming]

- [Audun gasps]
- [Kasper inhales sharply]

- [Mikkel] Did you see where he went?
- [Sebastian] No.

- [Mikkel] This place is nuts.
- [Sebastian shushes]

Let's go this way.

[Kasper] That's my engine.

That's my fucking engine.
Audun, from my car.

They took the engine out.

Another.

- No! No! No! No!
- Whoa. Whoa. Hey!

- [Kasper] Let go!
- [Gullhella 2] Boss.

Hell no. Don't do this.
Don't do this. Ow. [groans]

We have a problem.

[device powers up]

[engine humming]

[loud rattling]

[Mikkel] Whoa, whoa!

[Stine gasps]

[Pelle gasps, sighs]

[Gullhella 2] I've never seen an engine
put out that much energy.

[engine humming]

It's not enough.
We need a lot more. Take that guy.

Wait. I can get you more.

I'll get more for you.

I'll get more. Please! I can get more.

Oh my God. Okay.

That thing? My engine, okay?

It is actually mine, just so we're clear.

The engine's mine.

Okay. You want energy, that right?

Mega energy.

Let's try a little experiment here
for a moment.

How much power
can my little engine generate?

A lot, right?

Thing is, I can get you ten.

- Ten more.
- [Stine sighs]

I can get you 20.
You can have a whole fleet.

You'll get so much energy,
you're gonna go totally bananas.

The only thing you

must do, or really should do...

is let us go.

[tense music playing]

What makes you think
I'd release a single skin suit?

[Kasper] No. That's a good point.

Uh, we can negotiate a different deal.

[breathing shakily]

Why don't you take them
and just let me go?

[energy thrums]

- Wha... What?
- What's he mean?

[Kasper scoffs]

[gasps, exhales]

Does he mean us?

Okay. Here's what's gonna happen now.

I'm gonna call my peeps.

Is there a phone booth in this, uh, cave?

[Stine sighs]

Ah, sweet.

Kind of old school of you.

If you don't get the motors, you die.

[Kasper shudders]

Yep, duly noted.

[Sebastian panting]

Ready? One, two...

No. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

He... He has a plan,
so he should work his plan.

- Seb, the guy's gonna let the others die.
- No, he's calling for help.

Will you get your head out of Kasper's ass
and blast some aliens?

- Okay? I'm going on three.
- Okay.

Are you with me, or are you out?

- Okay. Wait. Okay.
- They don't know we're coming.

- One...
- [both] Two, three.

[both yell]

You guys are so fuckin' loud.

- Well...
- Yeah? Uh, sorry.

- [grunts] What the fuck?
- Ouch.

- You okay? You're okay, right?
- We came to rescue you.

Yeah, we heard. That was nice.

Sebastian?

- No, no, no!
- No, no, no! Let him go! Hey!

No, no! Don't take him!

Please let him go!

Don't take him!

[energy whirring]

- [switch clicks]
- [electricity crackles]

Don't take him. Don't.

[energy thrumming]

Audun.

Sebastian.

No. [sighs]

[Audun panting]

- [energy blasts]
- [Audun thuds]

[energy thrumming]

- [Pelle sighs]
- [quietly] Fuck.

[unsettling music playing]

Audun?

Audun, you okay?

[Mikkel sighs]

We shoulda stayed with Hjørdis.

[Benjamin screaming]

- [beeping]
- How do you use this thing?

- Hjørdis!
- I can't get it to work!

Shoot!

- [pistol chimes]
- [Hjørdis groans, gasps]

Hjørdis? What's wrong? Hjørdis?

- [Hjørdis panting]
- [dripping]

You gotta be kidding me.

[Georg yells]

[growls]

- Hjørdis.
- [Georg grunting]

[glass shatters]

[Benjamin straining]

- Hjørdis!
- [Georg snarling]

[Benjamin grunting]

Hjørdis!

[Georg groans]

- [snarls]
- Go! Fuck.

[gasps] Hey.

- [scanner beeps]
- [automated voice] Item not found.

- [Hjørdis grunts]
- [Georg groans]

[Hjørdis gasps]

- [grunts]
- [energy crackles]

[Hjørdis straining]

[yelling]

[spits, exhales]

[Benjamin wailing]

- Hjørdis!
- [doors rattling]

- [Benjamin screams]
- [Western music playing]

[Benjamin] Ow.

[grunting]

Wanna know something?

I have swollen feet and acid reflux.

And I've been nauseous
for nine goddamn months.

And now my water's broken.

[electricity crackles]

So bring it on.

[energy thrumming]

[Hjørdis grunts]

Hello?

Still no reception.

If we could get to the laser pistols,
we could shoot our way outta here.

[sighs] Should we try rushing them?

Seb, you there?

It's all my fault.

No, no, no. It's not, bro.

Let's go and get those laser pistols.

It's all my fault.

It's not your fault.

Now, fight.

I know what you can do.

Mikkel, I can't do it.

I don't have a plan.

No tactics, nothing.

It's over.

I've failed.

It's all over. I can't.

Sorry.

It's over.

Oh man.

[Sebastian sighs]

[sniffles]

I get why you ditched me.

[gentle music playing]

When we were young.

[Mikkel sighs]

What you said just hit me. I...

I'm a wannabe kindergarten kid.

[sighs] Running around
without a care in the world.

[scoffs] Drinking slushies all day.

[Mikkel sighs, sniffles]

When I heard
that you were getting hitched...

that you'd found your soul mate
and all that...

and I got an invitation to this weekend...

[sighs] I don't know.

Kinda thought things

would be like before.

That I'd get my best friend back.

[Sebastian sighs]

You just... disappeared from my life.

I was the invisible one, Mikkel.

I couldn't compete with you... ever.

Nah.

I wanted to...

be seen as well.

[Mikkel grunts softly]

[sighs] Fuck, Seb, man.

I wish you'd said something.

Do you still piss blue?

[Mikkel chuckles slightly]

[both chuckle]

- [softly] Oh yeah.
- [scoffs]

- I do, man.
- [Sebastian chuckles]

Fuck, I miss you, buddy.

[Sebastian sighs]

You too.

[Mikkel sighs deeply]

Beep boop.

- Beep boop.
- Yeah. Say it.

- Beep boop.
- Beep boop.

- Beep boop.
- Yeah, that's it.

- Beep boop.
- Again.

- Um... are you okay?
- Beep boop. Beep boop.

- [laughs] Yeah.
- Beep boop.

- Are we good?
- Beep boop.

- Guys? Okay.
- Beep boop.

- Beep boop.
- Uh...

- Huh?
- [Sebastian and Pele chuckle]

[gentle music fades]

[Sebastian gasps]

What is it? Do you have a plan?

[tense music playing]

[Mikkel] Huh? A plan?

Think so.

- Hey, Kasper?
- Little busy. 'Kay, Boner?

Uh, it's about what you said at the pub.

- About the engine.
- Yep. [tuts]

Uh, miss, I need a word with him.

Yes? Thank you.

Okay, thanks.

- Yeah, hi.
- [Kasper hushes]

Remember yesterday you said
that the motor was one of a kind?

Quiet about that.

Let's say we keep that between us.

- Yeah.
- Just keep it under wraps.

And I'll find a way
for you and me to go free.

I'll tell them you're my expert,
and I need your help fixing the motor,

so it runs hot and charges up.

And then I'll improvise the rest.

- All right?
- And my friends?

- Are you serious?
- [Sebastian] Yeah.

You realize you and I might not even
get out of this shithole.

You understand that?

Okay. Let's begin again.

Uh, fine.

So, your little fund.

You're a great investor.
Why don't you come and work in-house?

What do you think? Come and work with me.

- Are you for real?
- I am.

The Kielland Corp needs more spice,
and right now, you're sriracha.

So what do you say?

[Sebastian sighs]

[Kasper] Huh?

Boner, you with me?

[Sebastian sighs]

It's a great offer.

Super. So we're good to go.

There's just one problem.

[Kasper] What? We'll fix it.

I prefer cotton candy.

[Sebastian grunts]

[devices powering up]

[rumbling]

- [electricity crackling, pops]
- [phone dialing]

What did you do?

[energy thrumming]

[ominous music playing]

[low growling]

[dramatic sting]

The fuck?

Fuck me.

[haunting choral music playing]

[creature growling]

[snarls]

Master.

We're going home.

[creature growls]

[Kasper retches]

[console whirring and beeping]

[energy thrumming loudly]

[mouthing, sighs]

[inhales sharply]

[tense music playing]

[creature growls]

Uh... [exhales sharply]

[creature roaring]

[aliens shrieking]

[gasps, screams] Holy shit!

[yelling frantically]

[Mikkel gasps]

- What's the plan, Seb?
- Uh, lights out.

- You said not to press it.
- I know.

- Will it work?
- I have no idea.

But we have to try something.
I'm going for the vest.

- I'll distract him.
- Yes. Go.

- No. Fuck. That way.
- Ah. Yep.

Hey, hey. Whoo-hoo!

Flubber! Ugly slime demon! Whoo.

[grunts]

[groans]

[panting] Ah, shit. Fuck.

Can we talk about it?

[Stine grunts]

[Kasper panting]

[Stine grunts]

[creature growls]

[Mikkel grunting]

- [zaps]
- [yelps] Shit!

Satan sucking shit.

[Stine yells]

[Sebastian grunts]

[Stine groans]

[panting] Right.

[Mikkel groans]

[Audun grunts]

[Sebastian grunts, yelps] Fuck.

- [Audun groans]
- [energy thrums]

[straining] Why's it so fuckin' heavy?

- [Kasper grunts]
- [bell dings]

[Stine groans]

- [yelps]
- [Sebastian] Oh. [moans]

[choking] Seb, press the button.

Hurry, press the button.

[vest beeps]

It doesn't work!

[Mikkel choking]

- Kill streak.
- [Stine yells]

[vest chimes]

[Stine grunts]

[pistol whirs]

- [blasts]
- [vest chimes]

[vest] Nine, eight,

seven,

six, five,

four,

three, two, one.

Lights out! [chimes]

[blasts loudly]

[creature wails, groans]

[Mikkel coughs, gasping]

Mikkel.

[Mikkel coughs, groans]

- [gentle music playing]
- Oh.

[footsteps approaching]

- Oh shit.
- You all right?

- [Mikkel gasping]
- Okay. Oh God.

[Mikkel coughs]

You shoulda closed your eyes.

- Those things can't be safe for kids.
- Yeah.

[rumbling]

- What the...?
- Come on, let's... Ah.

[epic music playing]

[both grunt]

[Mikkel groans]

[energy thrumming]

[creature growls]

- [laser blasts]
- [creature grunts]

[heroic music playing]

[Audun panting]

Come and get it, you fat fuckin' clump.

[creature roars]

Audun?

Run for it. Go.

Go. Go!

[creature snarling]

He's not coming. Audun! Audun!

Audun, come!

[creature roars]

- Someone's gotta stop it.
- Hey! Just come!

- Hurry! Get out!
- Please!

Run!

[Sebastian yells]

[creature roars]

[Audun screams]

[scream echoing]

- [birds singing]
- [wind whistling]

[low rumbling]

[dramatic music playing]

[both groan]

[Mikkel yells]

[energy thrumming]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- The fuck was that?
- What was that?

Go!

- [energy thrumming]
- [engines blasting]

[dramatic music building]

[both panting]

[both scream, grunt]

- [Sebastian coughing]
- [energy thrumming overhead]

[Sebastian groans weakly]

[screams, gasps]

[device chirps]

[Sebastian sighs]

[Kasper groans] I'm okay.

Focus now, okay?

[sighs]

[rustling]

Boner?

[rustling continues]

That's you there, isn't it?
No fooling around now.

Don't mess with me.

[shakily] Job's at stake.

[sighs]

- [sloshing]
- [yelps]

- [tense music playing]
- [energy thrumming]

[Kasper screams]

[music fades]

[upbeat folk music playing on radio]

[Hjørdis panting]

[coughs]

[sighs]

[exhales]

[grunts softly]

[groans]

[pained gasp]

Papa?

[gentle music playing]

Would you like to drive me
to the hospital?

[Georg sighs]

- You'll behave?
- Of course.

[Benjamin] Go on then.

Best of luck.

Don't worry. I'm fine.

Maybe I'll clean the joint.

[Sebastian] Pelle, you okay?

What happened?

Lights. Then,

whoosh, the spaceship blasted off.

[imitates zooming]

That way.

Then... collapsed.

Man.

So is it over?

Oh God, I hope so.

[takes a deep breath]

[Mikkel groans]

[sighs]

[energy thrumming in distance]

[ship powers up]

[blasts]

[gentle music fades]

3 MONTHS LATER

[wedding bells ringing]

[birds singing]

- [Sebastian] Are you ready for this?
- I'm ready.

It'll be intense, very intense.

I love intense.

Okay.

[pistol powers up]

[upbeat music playing]

[Josefine gasps]

You take right, I'll take left?

[Josefine laughs]

JOSEFINE & SEBASTIAN
THANK YOU FOR CELEBRATING WITH US

Okay. Listen.

- What's important is teamwork, boys.
- [boy] Mm-hmm.

You get it? So don't go in there
acting like you're a hotshot hero.

Because workin' together,
you can achieve anything.

Right. And have a plan.

- [boy 1] All right! Let's get 'em!
- [group laughs]

[Mikkel chuckles]

Good to teach 'em early.

- Yep. Never too late.
- Yeah.

- [Mikkel chuckles]
- [gentle music playing]

[guests chattering]

Not a bad start for our business.

Even though I'm technically
our first customer.

So, can we deduct all the costs?

Can I finish my wedding,

and we'll discuss the laser tag business
on Monday? Huh?

- Partner?
- Partner.

- [Josefine laughs] Hey there. Hi.
- Ah.

- This is so fun!
- You like?

- Yeah!
- It is fun.

I never knew
that weddings had laser weapons.

It's really great.
You teach me stuff every day.

[Sebastian] Uh...

I shot a boy
right in the face earlier. [chuckles]

- Uh, I don't think that...
- Uh, no, dear. Not now.

[sighs] So, do you think
that Audun would approve?

[gentle music playing]

Absolutely.

To Audun?

To Audun.

- [both] To Audun.
- [Josefine] Cheers.

[Sebastian sighs]

[Josefine] Mm.

But, guys. One thing.

Uh, there are some dudes in there

saying they're the best laser tag team
here at this wedding.

- What?
- [Josefine] Mm-hmm.

Okay.

- So... [laughs]
- We can't have that.

- [Josefine chuckles]
- No, we really cannot.

- [Josefine] Huh?
- Sean Beam?

Pew Jackman?

[pistols power up, chime]

- Let's go.
- [Mikkel grunts]

[Josefine giggles]

[laughs]

[energetic hip-hop playing]

- [music fades]
- [energy thrumming]

[Stine gasps]

[grunts softly]

[sighs]

[groans]

[door opens]

[tense music playing]

[pistol whirs]

[heroic music playing]

Audun?

What folks say about aliens at Hessdalen?

They were telling the truth.

We're aboard their spaceship,
on our way to their home planet.

Do you know what time it is?

It's time to kill.

Uh, I don't mean that we're gonna kill.

I really shoulda said
that we'll be killing time

because we have time, right? Right.

[dramatic orchestral music playing]

[gentle music playing]

[tense music playing]

[epic music playing]

[heroic music playing]

[dramatic music playing]

[gentle music playing]

[menacing music playing]

[music fades]

[dramatic crescendo]

[music fades]