Bingo (1991) - full transcript

All right! All right!

Don't they feed you

over there?

CLOWN 1:

Hey, lay off

the cold cream, Bingo.

Get to work.

Yes. Head up.

Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.

Such a good girl.

What is it, babycakes?



Oh, look at this.

It's been 30 minutes.

Oh, come on, Steve,

give him a break.

Thirty minutes.

What's he doing,

digging a well?

MAN:

Bingo! Yo!

WOMAN 1:

Hey, Bingo, what's happening?

WOMAN 2:

Bingo, how's it going?

Lovely color. Right?



And a touch of pink.

Absolutely smashing.

And the way that

outfit sets off your eyes,

now hold still, please.

I'm not finished.

You good-for-nothing,

flea-ridden, worm-carrying cyst!

Look what you've done.

Oh, you're hopeless.

Remember this?

You want to go back in this?

In the river,

where I found you.

GINGER:

Steve.

Something's

wrong with Lauren.

No wonder. Look

at the size of that thing!

Tenpenny.

Has Lauren been hanging around

the swami again?

Rhamjani.

When--

when I get my hands

on that guy,

I'm going to hammer him

to that stinking bed of his.

Slow down, Steve.

Lauren will be okay.

I'll just give her something

for the infection,

and she'll be ready to go

in a couple of days.

Couple of days?

I-I-I've got

network people coming.

Program development.

They're looking for a dog-

and-pony show for prime time.

Fine, just use

two dogs and a pony.

Oh, without Lauren,

we're dead.

Steve, look.

Why not use Bingo?

Bingo.

[UPBEAT THEME

PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

MALE ANNOUNCER:

And now, last, but not least,

poodle number three,

in her death-defying leap

through the perilous

ring of fire!

You're doing this

on purpose, huh?

You hate me, don't you?

You planned it.

You wanted to humiliate me.

Come on, you scumbucket mutt.

Jump!

Jump!

STEVE:

Jump!

FIREMAN 1:

Get as many as you can.

FIREMAN 2:

Right.

FIREMAN 1:

Not going to get them all.

FIREMAN 2:

It's spreading too fast!

We're losing it.

FIREMAN 1:

Let's get out of here!

FIREMAN 2:

Hang on! I'll get a couple more.

FIREMAN 1:

Don't worry, puppy.

I got you.

Jump!

Jump! Jump!

ANNOUNCER:

Uh, thank you, ladies and

gentlemen, boys and girls.

Coming right up,

the amazing Swami Rhamjani!

STEVE:

Damn dog deliberately

scuttled my act.

You're wrong, Steve.

He was afraid.

Something about that fire

scared him.

I've got the cure!

Steve, Steve, you don't

know what you're doing.

It's about time I did the world

and him a big favor.

So he's not a circus dog,

Steve. Is that a crime?

He just needs a family

that loves and cares for him.

A little boy

to play frisbee with.

Frisbee?

Yeah.

The only thing that dog's

gonna catch is a bullet.

No, run, Bingo!

Run for cover.

No, Bingo.

Not "covers." Escape!

Run for freedom.

Do whatever

makes you happiest.

Not "playful" happy.

"Fulfilling" happy.

Start a new life!

Find a family!

No, you idiot!

Your own family!

You're right.

Let's kill him.

BOY 1:

Yeah! Solid, Chickie!

BOY 2:

All right!

CHICKIE:

Yeah, hustle! Hustle!

Wait up, guys!

BOY 2:

Yeah, all the way!

BOY 1:

Yeah!

BOY 1:

Nice move, Chickie.

BOY 3:

Come on, hustle!

All right!

CHICKIE:

Oh, yeah!

Cowabunga!

Ah!

What are you

afraid of, dorkmeier?

Nothing!

Then what are

you waiting for?

Your farts to evaporate.

Come on, guys.

He choked.

BOY 1:

Hey, Chuckie,

get some training wheels.

Hey, Chickie, I don't

think he's coming.

That's the point. Do you want

him hanging around all day?

He's your brother.

Bingo.

Come on over here.

That's it. Don't be shy.

That a girl.

Oh, a boy.

Heh, heh, sorry.

No offense.

You saved my life,

didn't you, fella?

I don't know

where you came from,

but we're going

to be friends for life!

Hey!

Oh, you want to play.

Sorry, but I can't

right now.

I've got to get dressed,

and find something to eat.

Boy, I'm starved.

Wow, you really are something.

What's that?

Holy shit! Sic him, Bingo!

Bingo, where are you?

Bingo!

The fish. Right!

Move over, Bingo!

I'm coming up.

More, Chuckie?

I mean, chicken, Chuck?

No, chicken, chick.

Chicken, Chickie. There!

Well, I'm worried, Hal.

It's not like Chuckie

to be late for dinner.

He's just

manipulating us again!

Manipulating us? How?

May I be excused?

Because he knows

we'll be worried.

Then why should I

pretend I'm not worried

if he's thinking

I'm worried anyway,

since he's not here to see me

pretending I'm not worried?

CHICKIE:

Please may I be excused?

What do you have

to make everything

so difficult for,

Natalie? He'll show up.

And if he's locked himself

inside the pet store again?

Simple.

We leave him there.

No, no, no, I will not be

sandbagged on this!

CHICKIE:

I'm done, okay?

I hate animals!

And he knows that.

Can I please go upstairs?

All right. I don't need

that attitude, okay?

I've had a very tough day.

Listen, buster,

just lay off him, okay?

He's not the one who's missed

all the field goals lately.

Oh, great, great,

huh, great.

First the coach,

now it's you!

It just doesn't

feel right.

It hasn't

since Buffalo.

Hal, Hal! For god's sake,

leave your foot on the floor

and the game in the stadium.

Right now, I'm worried

about our son.

If we don't hear

something by morning--

Morning?

I'll call the police.

♪ There was a kid

Who had a dog ♪

♪ And Bingo was his name-o ♪

♪ B-I-N-G ♪

Woof!

♪ B-I-N-G ♪

Woof!

♪ B-I-N-G ♪

Woof!

♪ And Bingo was his ♪

Woof! Woof!

Help!

I don't care

what the paper says, Hal,

that is light out there,

honest to god daylight.

I'm calling the police.

Just-- Just hold it.

Just a few more seconds.

We both agreed.

3, 2, 1. There.

7:14, sunrise.

I'll call.

Hal, Hal,

it's Chuckie, it's Chuckie!

Look, right there!

Right there! Oh.

I told you

he'd show up.

I'm gonna rip

his arms off.

No, Hal. Remember?

You said no more

negative attention.

How about one arm?

Cool it, dude.

This is no time for girls.

Besides, she's way out of your

league. Pedigreed purebred.

Shh! Keep it down,

would you?

HAL:

Next!

NATALIE:

Chickie, that's you!

CHICKIE:

Me? No way. I followed

him yesterday.

NATALIE:

Right now!

Go!

HAL:

'Morning, son. Sleep well?

MALE ANNOUNCER:

And the broncos are

still denying rumors

that place-kicker, Hal Devlin,

is gonna be traded.

So give us a break,

will you, guys?

Somebody needs

to be quick on...

Doesn't anybody want to know

where I was?

Do I need to appear

on a milk carton first?

HAL:

Finish your breakfast, Chuckie.

I don't want you

late for school.

Take a shower first, honey.

You smell like wet dog.

NATALIE:

Chuckie.

What?

Just getting

the dirty laundry.

About your father, sweetie,

he's having

a very hard time right now.

CHUCKIE:

Tell me about it.

Regardless, it's

important that you know

how much he and I love you.

Can you keep a secret?

We were really

worried about you, honey.

That's off the record. I'll

deny it if you tell him.

But it's true.

Thanks, Mom.

Sweetie?

Yes?

Wash extra good

under those arms, okay?

Uh-huh.

Hey, mom, did you

get my bike?

NATALIE:

It's in the car, honey.

Okay, okay. Hold

your horses. I'm comin'.

CHUCKIE:

Take it easy, take it easy.

Just one more second.

Bingo.

Guess that's the best feeling

in the whole world, huh, boy?

"What is the

square root of 9?"

Woof! Woof! Woof!

Hold still, okay?

Whoa!

Goddamn it!

Bingo.

Bingo.

Where are you, Bingo?

Bingo!

Woof!

Don't you ever do

that to me again!

I'm sorry. I just...

I never want to lose

you, okay? Promise me.

Hey, everybody, I'm ho--

Something got

into my cold cream.

And something chewed

my citizenship award.

And something

soiled our driveway.

What are you guys saying?

That I'm hiding a...

dog or something?

Bingo.

CHICKIE:

Give it up, Chuckie.

'Cause we're

going to find it.

When we do--

All right!

That's enough, son.

I'll do the threatening

around here.

Just...

go to your room

and pack your bags.

Pack? Don't you think

you're overreacting a little?

Right now,

young man, okay?

Go on.

CHICKIE:

What about this bronco hat?

NATALIE:

Aw, chuck it, Chickie.

HAL:

Now, if it's orange and blue,

I never want

to see it again. Okay?

We've been traded

again, haven't we?

That's right. We leave first

thing in the morning.

Chickie, just toss those in here

with the rest of the stuff.

Green Bay! I knew it! Talk

about quick on the trigger.

Okay, let's not have

any of--

That will be just about enough!

Ow! You stepped on the foot!

Your dad needs

our support.

I'm sorry, Hal.

Not our criticism.

Now go upstairs and pack.

HAL:

It's not an injury, it's okay.

Sorry!

Don't step on the foot, Natalie.

Well, you shouldn't leave it

lying around like that.

Screw 'em.

Don't worry, fella,

you're comin' with me.

NATALIE:

Okay, Hal. This is it.

Chuckie!

You sure that boy

packed everything?

Bingo.

Bingo.

Bingo.

Bingo!

Buck up, son.

Wisconsin's got great cheese.

Bingo!

Bingo!

What the...

Oh, I should've

known. It's a dog!

Arrivederci, Rover.

So, there was a dog, huh?

Yes, there was a dog.

Now stop the damn car!

You watch your

mouth, young man!

This is not a locker room!

Speed up, dad! Ha!

Go!

MOTORIST 1:

What are you yelling at?

MOTORIST 2:

What am I supposed

to do about it?

POLICEMAN:

Shut up, all of you!

I'll take care of this.

Easy, pooch. Good boy.

What is that?

Champagne? What the...

You been drinking?

Okay, let me see you

walk that.

Uh, you seem like

a nice enough pooch,

so I'll let you off

this time with a warning.

But listen, I catch

you around here again,

I'm gonna run over

you myself.

Have a nice day.

Hey, 2 minute warning, huh?

Come on!

I don't know why that boy can't

hold it between gas stations.

NATALIE:

Honey, I had something

in mind besides stadium food.

HAL:

Truckers always know

the best spots to eat.

You guys are going to try

some good, old-fashioned

roadside cuisine

before it disappears forever.

Two American dogs.

All right.

One polish-style dog.

A Chinese dog for the lady.

You want soy sauce on that, hon?

No, thank you.

That's quite a selection,

huh, guys?

I have to take a leak.

"May I be excused?"

The boy has a bladder

the size of a walnut.

I haven't gone once.

He hasn't gone, have you?

Not once.

That's what he says.

Have you gone?

No.

Guaranteed fresh, partner.

Or Duke'll give

your money back.

HAL:

Oh, so it wasn't blessed

by Ronald McDonald.

So what? In France,

you know, they eat horses.

And venison,

that has kind of

a gamy taste, too.

Oh, it's nothing a little

mustard can't fix.

Thirsty, boy?

Another stray? This must be

your lucky day, Duke.

Give him some chow, darling.

Few more pounds

and he'll be perfect.

Get along,

little doggy.

Say howdy to the rest

of the herd.

Cocktail franks.

I'm comin', I'm comin'!

What the hell's the

problem, Emma Lois?

EMMA:

He's right there!

Over by the sink!

DUKE:

Where? I don't see anybody.

EMMA:

It's a roach!

We ain't got no roaches!

Big as your thumb, too.

Get him before

he gets to the baseboard.

Get back in there!

Nice doggy. You were

always my favorite.

Heh, heh. Calm down.

HAL:

Hut 1, hut 2.

Hup, hup, hup, hike!

MAN:

It's only a dog.

Getting a little

goosy, aren't you, Lennie?

Can you blame me?

Okay, okay.

Club him, and

let's get some sleep.

Club him? He's not a harp seal.

What's the matter with you?

Didn't you have a dog

when you were a kid?

What's next? Save the whales?

It wouldn't hurt you to sign a

petition every once in a while.

What for? We're felons!

We can't vote!

That doesn't mean we can't

contribute in other ways.

I bet you're hungry,

huh, guy?

Woof!

He's smart, too, huh.

Woof, woof! Ha-ha-ha.

What's smart about waking up

the whole damn countryside?

Come on, we'll get

you some chow, okay?

Don't mind Eli.

His bark's worse

than his bite.

That's okay. That's okay.

Hup!

Hup, ho!

ALL:

Yeah!

Yeah.

Three points for the big guy!

Once again.

Once again, yeah.

Where have you been?

It's your turn to snap.

CHICKIE:

I know. He's been

leaving a piss trail

for that stupid dog of his.

Bite my boxers!

Chuckie.

Suck my socks.

Chickie.

Could we get on

with the practice, please?

NATALIE:

Yes, dear, yes.

Come on.

I want you to put

that dog out of your mind.

Forget about him. Put him

totally out of your mind!

He doesn't have a mind.

Peed his brains out.

Hey, you should talk.

That dog is smarter than you.

In fact, he's smarter

than this whole family.

I've heard quite

enough from you.

I'm trying to

concentrate.

All right.

You figure it out. How far do

you think we've traveled by now?

Sixty miles an hour,

times 8, times 2,

minus 42 for lunch.

Okay, hundreds of miles.

So what?

So, pee-pee all you want,

but no dog can

track you that distance.

Hike, already.

Ugh!

NATALIE:

Oh, my God!

HAL:

Hell, Natalie, that's

a 60-yarder. Come on!

Minnesota's looking hot.

Oh, no, not again.

Wait a second,

we could double our take,

if you let me put it on the

Vikings against this spread.

That's what you

said last time,

and we had to pull another

job just to break even.

Which is why this

is perfect. It squares us.

It's a 4-point

spread, Lennie.

Nope.

On the night that we find

a dog with 4 legs.

No.

This is a lucky dog, Len!

Do what you want with your cut,

but leave me out of it.

Ah!

Velveeta.

Hey!

Hey, I was going

to use that for nachos.

Ha. Nachos?

You need chips for nachos.

You got any chips, lady?

That's okay.

Don't worry, folks.

We'll be gone

right after breakfast.

Forget the nachos.

Let's turn in.

Big day tomorrow.

Come on, fella.

You curl up on this.

Come on.

911. What's your problem?

Could you speak up?

All I can hear is your dog.

WOMAN:

We've locked in your number and

location. Are you in trouble?

I think I got a prankster call

from a pay phone on I-70.

Hello?

Hello?

Get me your pencil.

It's Morse code.

MAN:

Shh, shh, hurry up.

Where are you going?

ELI:

I'm gonna get you.

Come on. Let's go.

All right, you want

a piece of this?

I'll give you

a piece of this.

Lennie! Lennie!

ELI:

I'll give you rough.

I had the craziest dream.

Let go! Get this damn dog off of

me.

Hey, hey!

Down, boy!

That's enough!

I don't know which

one of you started this,

but you're both

gonna get us in big trouble.

Shitfire!

They've got us surrounded.

We're okay.

Why do you think

we got hostages?

What the hell

happened to them?

One move, and

the dog gets it!

All right! That's enough!

That's enough!

Ow, take it easy.

I'm going.

FEMALE REPORTER:

...to end this terrible ordeal.

And the Thompson family

credits this remarkable dog

with saving their lives.

What are your plans

now, Mr. Thompson?

We still have a few

days vacation left,

but we're going back to

dog-proof our house so we can

give this little fellow

the best home he's ever had.

FEMALE REPORTER:

And there you have it,

live from the scene.

Two ruthless

armored-car thieves

who had taken

this nice family hostage,

are now in custody,

thanks to the extraordinary

efforts of one brave dog.

This is Judy Marlin,

K.Y.A.P. Channel 9 News.

Back to you

in the studio now, Larry.

NATALIE:

Come on, let's go, Chuckie.

We don't have all day.

Bingo, I haven't

forgotten you, pal.

Don't give up, fella.

You'll find me.

Just blow off

those dumb girls.

What have you

done with Eugene?

You mean Cuddles.

You can call him what you want,

but his name's Eugene.

Cuddles.

Eugene.

Cuddles.

Ta-da!

Not again! You know how he

hates playing baby.

He's my dog, too, and you

don't get him all the time.

You'll both have

to wait to play with him.

You, uh, Bingo?

Woof!

It's a subpoena.

And do you swear

to tell the truth,

the whole truth and nothing but

the truth, so help you God?

Woof!

DEFENSE ATTORNEY:

Your honor, I object.

This is a court

of law, not a kennel.

Overruled! Didn't you ever have

a dog when you were a kid?

Proceed.

Thank you, your honor.

Were you present on the night

the Thompson camper was hijacked

by two ruthless armored-car

thieves who held

the family captive until

the following morning?

And are those two thieves

present in this courtroom?

Would you identify

them for us, please?

DEFENSE ATTORNEY:

That is not a legal point!

LENNIE:

Sit, boy, sit.

Traitor.

You're dog meat, pal.

Get out of my face, canine!

I'm going to get you,

if it's the last thing I do!

JUDGE:

Order!

Order!

No further questions,

your honor.

The prosecution rests.

The dog may be excused.

Your honor, just a moment.

I would like to cross-examine

this witness.

Get back up there, fleabag.

JUDGE:

The court would like

to remind the witness

that he is still under oath.

Your honor, could we have

the court reporter

read back

the dog's testimony

in response to his whereabouts

on the day in question?

Ahem, ahem.

Very well.

Now can you tell the court

where you were

during the armored-car robbery

earlier that day?

Objection, your honor.

Irrelevant.

Where are you headed

with this, counselor?

Your honor, I have witnesses

that can testify to seeing

this dog near a garbage can,

just before the robbery.

And I would like to introduce

exhibits Q and R.

A fecal sample

and a paw print...

that will substantiate that he

was at the scene of the crime.

PROSECUTOR:

Now wait just a minute.

Isn't it true

that you were the one

who robbed

the federal armored car?

And didn't you subsequently

frame my clients

in a clever scheme

to earn yourself

wealth, respect,

and a room of your own?

Objection, your honor, the

witness is not on trial here.

Your honor, now, unless this

witness can provide an alibi

as to his whereabouts during

the armored-car robbery

he should be bound over

until contrary evidence

can be brought forth!

This is absurd.

You introduced the witness

in the first place.

I think we ought to hear

what he has to say.

Please answer the question.

Do you have an alibi?

Don't answer that.

You have rights.

Answer, or I'll throw you

in the slammer for contempt.

What's the matter?

Cat got your tongue?

Take him away.

PRISONER 1:

Hey, Bruno, check out

the new guy.

Ay, Chihuahua.

PRISONER 2:

That ain't no Chihuahua.

PRISONER 3:

Hey, short stuff.

Keep your nose clean.

And no chewing

on the furniture.

Well, this looks

like my lucky day.

Hey, you're really good.

You done this before?

Someone's coming.

Just try to act natural.

You got mail.

It's about time.

Not you. You!

All right, all right,

all right. I'm opening it.

Here, I'm opening

the letter, Bingo. There.

There.

Says here...

"Dear Bingo...

"I'm writing so you'll know

I still think of you as my dog.

"And I want you to find me

So as we can resume

our happy life together."

Hm.

"If you do this and find me,

we will finally be happy

"Which I know you will like.

"See you soon, I hope.

"Your best friend...

Chuckie."

Ha, ha.

"P.S. All you have to do--"

Lie down with dogs,

and you'll wake up with fleas.

You talking to me?

No.

We're talking to

the hairwad you're with.

He wants

his letter back.

All right, let's

have the rest of it.

Come and get it

before it's gone.

You think you're so tough.

Take a bite of this!

MEN:

Whoa.

ELI:

Need a shave?

Huh, huh, huh.

Hey! Hey!

Come on, get back!

All right, who's doing

all that barking, huh?

Okay, that's the way

you want to play it?

Back to your cells.

Now! Move it!

Let's go!

Hey, hey!

What are you staring at?

Let's go, come on,

keep it moving,

keep it moving.

You're a bad dog.

See you

next time, mutt.

Bad dog!

Follow me.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS

IN DISTANCE]

Shh!

I hope you know

what you're doing.

You want to sniff your way

to Chuckie, here's his letter.

The post office isn't

much for direct routes.

So, uh...

good luck.

I'll never forget you.

♪ There was a con ♪

♪ Who had a dog ♪

♪ And bingo

Was his name-o ♪

♪ B-I-N-G-O ♪

Halt!

CHUCKIE:

Don't give up, Bingo.

WOMAN:

Oh! It's a cute doggy.

Oh, are you

hungry, fella?

What's this?

A letter.

You have the olfactory

receptors for the transplant?

They're from

a Doberman.

Doberman?

It's the best

I could do.

We have

no other choice.

Without a transplant,

his sense of smell is shot.

He's overworked

his own nose,

and his nasal membrane

looks like a worn-out shoe.

No wonder

he's exhausted.

I just pray

we're not too late.

All right,

knock him out,

and let's slap those babies

in his schnoz.

Don't worry, boy.

Doc's the best.

Now, I just want you to

count backwards, from 10.

Chuckie, sweetheart,

you all right?

It was a nightmare,

that's all.

No more chain-saw videos

before bedtime, okay?

Okay?

Okay.

Lie back down, honey.

Try and go back to sleep.

Here's your doggy.

Motel man said

they're in Green Bay.

It's in Wisconsin.

The bus will take you there,

but, then you're on your own.

Find that little boy.

And start your life again.

I'll be fine.

I, uh...

I knitted you

a little something.

Oh, it's a tail warmer.

And I packed you

a few travel goodies.

Dog biscuits,

puzzle, magazines,

cold-cream-and-jelly,

your favorite.

MALE ANNOUNCER:

The bus for Green Bay,

Wisconsin,

is now departing

from gate 19.

Come on, let's go. You want

to step to the rear?

Oh, you crazy mutt!

Keep your nose clean.

Cold-cream-and-jelly?

Well, at least he's eating

something. I'm starved!

Here.

We're getting warmer.

Damn it, Eli.

I did not break out of prison

to spend the rest of my life

tracking that damn mutt

from here to hell and gone!

Forget the dog!

Forget?

If you put me behind bars,

would I forget?

Well, I guess not.

Damn right! And if I put you

behind bars, would you forget?

No, no.

No, you'd never

forget. Never.

If word gets out

that we let a dog

get away with it,

we're finished!

Humiliated! We

are professionals!

MAN:

Watch your step, pal.

Hind legs, too.

HAL:

It's never been

better, Natalie.

I'm telling you, from heel to

toe, the foot feels lively.

NATALIE:

It sure does, Hal.

Kick the hell out

of Detroit, honey!

Make those playoffs!

Good luck, Dad!

Here's Frisker,

Mrs. Wallaby.

And here's your dollar bill.

Well, he's a good dog.

Of course, he's

not like Bingo.

But then again, no dog is.

Hey, you're new around

here, ain't you?

I don't care how

pathetic you are.

If you want food from old Vic,

you got to earn your keep.

I'll have more when

you finish with these.

Dave, here, will

show you the ropes.

Stay on your toes, Dave.

This mutt looks ambitious.

LENNIE:

Five hundred bucks

is not chicken feed.

What's he talking about?

If we're gonna

dole money out...

why don't we send something in

to protect the ozone layer?

That wouldn't get us the dog

back, now, would it?

I'm just saying, $500

is a lot for a reward.

Who says

we're gonna pay up?

You mean we don't pay up?

Lennie, we're scum.

We don't have to pay up.

Now quit your bellyaching.

We got a lot

of ground to cover.

"If you have any information

leading to our dog, Bingo...

"Contact room 557

at the Highway Motor Inn.

Ask for Mr. Smith."

I've got it.

Hi.

Hi, uh,

you Mr. Smith?

Eli, is there

a Mr. Smith here?

We're Mr. Smith.

Um, I think the dog

you're looking for

is working down at Vic's Cafe

as the assistant dishwasher.

Assistant dishwasher?

You sure?

Well, he hasn't been

promoted yet.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey!

What about

my reward, huh?

Oh, uh,

sell Old Blue.

What's going on here?

Wanna buy a dog?

Yeah, you're

a hard worker, Bingo.

Be here tomorrow at 6:00.

We'll talk more

about career opportunities

in the food-service industry.

Well, if it ain't

Mr. Whole-Truth-and-

Nothing-But-the-Truth,

Flea-Carrying,

Turncoat Snitch!

Hi, Bingo. Miss us?

Before we're finished,

you're gonna wish

you'd never been whelped.

Hey, you!

Let go of my dog!

Okay, okay!

LENNIE:

Okay. I got him!

CHUCKIE:

Let go! Run, Bingo!

No!

Run! Oh, you put me

down, you jerk!

Shut up, shut up!

You better

put me down, now!

Get in, get in!

Oh, let go!

Move it, move it!

I'm losing

my patience, boy.

He's your dog!

Now, you're gonna

tell us where he is.

How am I supposed

to know? E.S.P.?

Think real hard,

smart ass.

You don't scare me.

When my dad gets wind of this,

he'll beat the hair off you!

Yeah? Him

and who else?

How about the offensive line

of the Green Bay Packers?

What is Daddy? President

of the Booster Club?

Try Hal Devlin.

Hal? Oh, Hal!

Devlin, Devlin, Devlin, Hal

Devlin, the place kicker Devlin?

He stunk up the Denver stadium.

Cost me some big dollars.

Well, he's 8 for 8

with Green Bay.

And they're gonna make playoffs

after they hammer Detroit.

What is this, The N.F.L. Today?

Both of you, shut up.

Wait a second.

Lennie, how would you like

to score some real dough?

W-What about the dog?

We're after the dog.

Forget the dog.

If we're smart,

we can make enough dough

to hire us a battalion

of dogcatchers.

No, I'm not listening

to another word from you.

Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, my boy!

My boy!

ELI:

Lennie, it ain't gambling

when you mark the deck.

LENNIE:

I don't get it.

What does football

have to do with poker?

ELI:

Nothing. It's a metaphor.

LENNIE:

A what?

ELI:

All right,

never mind. Look,

here is your suitcase. Here is

your tape! Here are your wires!

This is your timer, right?

Right.

What is this?

LENNIE:

A screwdriver.

ELI:

Okay, good. Now you got

all the explosives you need

to do your job.

Now just let me do mine!

LENNIE:

Yeah, but Eli, everything

we have on one game?

You don't understand,

because you are a technocrat.

You build devices.

You work with your hands.

I, on the other hand, am a

visionary. I work with my mouth.

Now, I got to find a phone

and get the ball rolling

on this thing before kickoff.

But, Eli--

Lennie! You just worry about

the kid and rigging the device.

If this plan

doesn't work,

the next one I wire

to your shorts, partner.

Visionary, huh?

Bingo!

Go to my house.

Get somebody. Now!

Now!

What's going on

in here?

Shut up!

Shut up!

I hate that song.

Who are you?

What?

No, no, no.

We don't want any.

No, no, no!

Go away. Goodbye.

Go away. Goodbye.

ANNOUNCER:

Welcome to the Pontiac

Silverdome.

We got a capacity crowd

on hand to watch

the Green Bay Packers

battle the division-leading

Detroit Lions. At stake...

Where'd you get this?

Just a sec.

Who was that at

the door, honey?

A dog with a hat.

Looks like Chuckie's.

Don't be silly.

Do you know how many Packer

caps there are in this town?

Huh?

Excu-- Excuse--

Just a moment,

please. Hold on.

Uh, Chickie, could

you please get that?

You know what? I'm having

difficulty understanding you.

NATALIE:

What? What's that?

I said...

"We've got your kid, lady."

You again? Get out of here

before I call animal control.

What's wrong, Mom? You look

like you've seen a ghost.

Who was that

at the door?

Uh, it was that

dumb dog again.

The dog, the dog!

Mom! Wait!

PLAYER:

Hut, hut, hut!

Devlin!

For you.

Yeah. What? I--

I-I told you never to call me

here. What are you doing?

Hal, they've

got Chuckie.

HAL:

What? Who's got Chuckie?

Kidnappers.

Kidnappers, they said

that if we want to see

him alive again, we--

You pay them. You understand?

You pay them.

He's our son, for God's

sake, we'll pay anything.

NATALIE:

It's not exactly

that kind of ransom.

They uh, they want you to miss

all your field goals.

What?

Don't make any field goals

against the Tigers.

The lions.

Detroit. Whatever, Hal.

They're serious. Please!

You call

the police and you--

No, I can't do that.

What? Tough to hear.

I can't call police. They said

not to call the police, Hal.

Can-- Say again, please.

They said no police.

They're serious, Hal!

How can you be sure?

Because a dog dropped off

some of Chuckie's clothes.

They've got a dog

working for them?

Apparently.

What the--

Chickie's out trying

to track him down now.

Oh, Hal,

what are we going to do?

I got to go!

Look, just do what

you think is best.

It's probably just

a whole, stinking--

Chuckie's our son, Hal.

Look, I got to go.

There you are.

Everything okay,

Devlin?

Oh, yes, sir.

Just, uh, a little, uh,

little pep talk from the wife.

That's the ticket!

Yeah.

Hey coach,

you got a minute?

Tell me, what's more important

to you? Family or football?

Are you kidding?

Football's my life!

That's what I thought.

ANNOUNCER:

And with less than a minute

to go in the 3rd quarter,

Devlin will try

a 32-yard field goal

that could put

the Packers ahead.

There's the snap, the kick

is up, and it is wide!

Oh, hell!

Oh, he's done it!

What did I say?

LENNIE:

Another one?

ELI:

Shh!

ELI:

Ow! Oh, God!

LENNIE:

All right,

I got him, I got him!

I got him, Eli.

I got him.

No! Go, get off of me!

I'm gonna break his legs.

All right, I'll get him!

Okay, I'll get him. Okay, okay!

Oh, shit!

Yeah!

No, no! No, no!

Lennie, Lennie!

Get this damn

dog off of me!

ANNOUNCER:

And so, the Packers

go to Devlin again.

This time, it's a chip shot

from 22 yards out.

His 3rd attempt

of the day.

The Packer fans

have got to be wondering

what's wrong with their

field-goal ace, Gar.

And there it is, Mel.

The kick is up, it is--

Mom,

I found him!

Shh, shh, shh!

Long enough.

Wide left!

Yes! Yes, Hal, yes!

Oh, God!

Mother! I found Chuckie!

Oh, my God, where?

He's in an old warehouse! We've

got to call the police, now!

Oh, no, I can't do that.

I can't call the police.

But we got no choice!

They're gonna kill him!

LENNIE:

♪ B-I ♪

♪ G-O ♪

♪ B-I ♪

♪ G-O ♪

ELI:

Shut up with that song!

I can't get it

out of my head.

Boy, he really did

a number on your pants.

Yeah, my pants?

Yeah!

He almost made

a meal of my nuts.

Is this thing ready? I want

to push the button so bad.

Hey, I'm the technocrat.

I push the button!

Carry-on size. But, with enough

wallop to level a city block.

And we can

activate the timer...

With a simple...

...garage-door opener.

♪ There was a crook ♪

♪ That had a bomb ♪

♪ And ♪

Ka-blooey!

Let's get

out of here!

God!

Ah! Ow, ow!

Oh, oh, ow!

Oh, that mutt.

Eight minutes left in the game,

and then we are in fat city.

Guess what?

What?

No, go ahead,

guess.

I give up!

I synchronized

the bomb timer...

with the game clock.

Lennie...

I like it!

Uh-oh!

Hey, that's him,

right down there.

All right.

Right there.

ANNOUNCER:

...was superb! There wasn't

much more he could do to...

Faster,

Bingo! Hurry!

ANNOUNCER:

Ellsworth over

right tackle...

And that brings

up a 3rd down...

Look out!

...flag on the play...

I see it, I see it!

Sorry!

And the referee starts

the clock with 4 minutes left.

Detroit's gonna

have to hold here...

Come on, baby!

Go!

The Packers will

be nearing field...

Oh, go on!

Come on, Bingo.

Almost there.

But hold on, the Packers

quickly call for a time-out...

Voila!

Lennie, that's enough!

Quit screwing

around with that thing.

Shut up and drive!

It's time I had a little fun,

for a change.

Impressive drive, Gar.

Green Bay's best today.

Hey, can't you go

any faster?

You want me to

blow the engine?

You want my dad

to miss another field goal?

Come on!

Bingo, undo me!

I said it's no use.

Get to the fire alarm.

Over there, Bingo! Now!

Go on, boy. That's it.

There you go.

Jump! You got to!

What's wrong, boy?

Jump!

Jump.

CHUCKIE:

Jump!

Eli!

This is it!

Stop, stop!

...this would be a good time

for the free pass or draw.

Cover him.

They're there. The play to

Shepherd in Lion territory,

and the Packers stop

the clock again,

with 40 seconds

remaining.

Hey, the hell's

the matter with you?

We're trapped, and you're still

playing with that stupid remote!

You're not the boss of me!

♪ Now he's hamburger,

Now's he not! ♪

♪ Now he's hamburger,

Now's he not! ♪

It's a good thing he's

on artificial turf.

He's gonna have

to beat his personal best...

SHERIFF:

Let the boy go.

Nobody'll get hurt.

Yeah?

Make sure Devlin

misses this field goal,

and we won't

toast the kid!

...to keep his head clear. But,

with stakes this high, Gar,

even the most seasoned veteran

gets cotton mouth and...

I'll think about it!

Think about it? What's to think

about? What about my son?

Dispatch. Patch me through to

the Silverdome. Major emergency.

What are--

What are you doing?

First thing's first.

And with the score

tied, the Lions call

a time-out with 34 seconds

remaining. The Lions

apparently want Devlin to think

a bit more about his kick.

Devlin! For you.

Again?

Yeah?

This is Sheriff Clay

from Green Bay.

We got your boy, everything's

okay. So go out there

and nail this field goal

for Chuckie.

Give me that.

You bet!

Thank you, Sheriff.

Come on!

Hal! Hal, it's me,

Natalie, Hal! Hal?

Come on, lady,

calm down!

A lot of us have

money on this game.

Besides, I have

it all figured out.

Time's running out,

copper!

Now, let me see

the kid first.

He ain't here.

Well, then

where the hell is he?

What's with the dog?

Forget the dog,

call in the paramedics.

Wait! There's a suitcase in that

bin. There's a bomb in it!

Forget the paramedics.

Call in the bomb squad.

MAN:

Which one is it?

ANNOUNCER:

Devlin's coming back

onto the field.

The Packers, 52 yards away

from playoff berth.

The Lions, moving

back and forth, on the line.

Hoping to rattle

Devlin one more time.

Are you sure it's that one?

Come on, just get rid of it!

That's it, Bingo,

you got it!

Good dog! Good dog!

FIREMAN:

The bomb squad's on the way.

Let him go.

ANNOUNCER:

Devlin's ready. The kick.

Up, up, up,

and it's on its way.

Is it long enough?

NATALIE:

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

No, don't do that.

Lennie!

Yes, it's good! Incredible!

Hal Devlin has sent the Packers

into the playoffs!

Ladies and gentlemen,

this game is over!

Yo, kid.

PARAMEDICS:

Here we go. 1, 2, 3, lift.

Tell the sheriff that

the kid is in shock.

He's on his way

to the hospital.

We're still

looking for the dog.

Since the blast, we haven't

seen hide nor hair.

NATALIE:

Mommy's here. Hi, sunshine.

HAL:

Hey, partner.

It's your old man.

Dad?

That's the boy.

You know, they

found that dog, son.

How is Bingo?

CHUCKIE:

Who are all those dogs?

NATALIE:

They're Bingo's

friends, honey.

They've been here

all night.

Who are all these people?

They all heard Bingo's story

on the nightly news

and wanted to wish him well.

May

I get you anything?

I'm glad

he found a family.

DUKE:

Carrot stick, son?

Jeez, I hope your

dog doesn't die.

Good luck.

Bingo, you got

to pull through.

I need you, boy!

I think he's going to

be just fine, Chuckie.

Can I keep him, Dad?

Can I?

ALL:

Hmm?

Sure, son.

Just as soon as we

have him neutered.

[JOEY SCARBARI'S COUNTRY

VERSION OF "BINGO" PLAYING]

♪ There was a farmer

Who had a dog ♪

♪ And Bingo was his name ♪

♪ B-I-N-G-O ♪

♪ B-I-N-G-O ♪

♪ B-I-N-G-O ♪

♪ Bingo was his name ♪

♪ There was this farmer

Who had a dog ♪

♪ And Bingo was his name-o ♪

♪ I-N-G-O ♪

♪ I-N-G-O ♪

♪ I-N-G-O ♪

♪ And Bingo was his name-o ♪