Bikini a Go Go (2004) - full transcript

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[HEART BEATING]

This is the heartbeat of
an average American male,

ages 16 to 38.

[HEARTBEAT ACCELERATES]
And this is the heartbeat

of an average American male
when placed in close proximity

to the average American female.

Now, we're going
to be seeing a lot

of this in the next hour or two,
so please pay close attention.

[MUSIC - THE FABULOUS CHECKS,
"TEARING UP THE TOWN"]

(SINGING) Kick it in.



I've been thinking
about my older days.

And I'm wondering if I'm
wasting my life away.

Will I get anywhere with you?

What will I do?

Oh, well.

So I'm trying
harder every night.

I've been working.

I've been practicing.

I've been putting overtime.

But I gotta know.

And I've been thinking about
you with your hair hanging down.

And I've been thinking about
how I want to tear up the town.

Whoa, oh, oh.

Tear up the town.



Whoa, oh, oh.

Tear up the town.

Tear up the town.

So I'm saying it
straight on to you girl.

And I'm hoping you're
gonna tell me what to do.

Because I gotta know.

So I'm trying
harder every night.

I've been working.

I've been practicing.

I've been putting overtime.

And I gotta know.

And I've been thinking about
you with your hair hanging down.

And I've been thinking about
how I want to tear up the town.

Whoa, oh, oh.

Tear up the town.

Whoa, oh, oh.

Tear up the town.

Tear up the town.

Tear it up.

WOMAN (ON TV): --and
sometimes forgets himself.

If you'll behave yourselves,
he'll not hurt you.

MAN 1 (ON TV): Well, what
are you going to with us?

BOTH: Huh?

WOMAN (ON TV): I'll first
answer your other question.

We've taken care of your
boat, and none of you

will leave here.

BOTH: Hm.

WOMAN (ON TV):
Instead, you will help

me in some very important work.

No one asked you here.

But your curious nature will,
in turn, aid me very much.

Another average night in
the lives of Brad and Janet,

two swell kids without a
thought in their minds,

each living a dishwater life
of mediocrity without laughter,

without passion, without danger.

Every day is just as
the day before that,

as is the day before that,
every day until today.

MAN 1 (ON TV): Well, what
kind of a creep joint is this?

WOMAN (ON TV): A place of
research and discovery, a place

where science is free
from the interference

of stupid politicians.

MAN 1 (ON TV): Oh, yeah?

[BIRDS SQUAWKING]

What time did Brad say
he was going to be here?

I don't remember.

I know he was supposed
to go to the airport

and pick up a new
shipment of swimwear.

Great.

With traffic, he'll be
here, like, tomorrow.

If we're lucky.

I can't wait to
see the new styles.

That's right.

It's a new company.

Isn't it?

Exactly.

I hope they have
awesome swimwear.

I need a change.

Me too.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Good morning, everyone.

Brad, that was quick.

Where do you want this?

Um, just put it
on the counter.

Great, Hawaiian shirts.

Put these on the rack, please.

OK.

Wow, look at this.

Fabbo.

Check this one out.

Let's go try these on.

You've got it.

Brad, watch the store.

We're going in back.

OK, untie me.

OK.

OK, me too.

Wow, great tan.

[MELLOW SURF GUITAR]

[ELECTRIC HUMMING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Bikini A Go-Go,
may I help you?

Hi, Brad.

It's Janet.

Can we have lunch today?

Let me see.

Well, business is slow anyway.

And the girls are
in the back having

a tizzy over their new bikinis.

OK, so the cafe at 12:30?

I'll be there, snuggles.

Brad, don't talk to me
like that on the phone.

Sorry, Janet.

You know how I get carried away.

OK, bye.

Hm.

[GIRLS MOANING]

[GIGGLING]

Janet?

Ooh, Mr. Rogers.

You got a minute?

Sure.

You know, I've been
watching you work today.

And I really think it
shows a lot of potential.

Thank you.

I know I've only
been here a few days,

but I'm trying really
hard to fit in.

Yeah, me too.

And I wanted to ask
you about this dress.

It's very, uh, kinky.

Kinky, Mr. Rogers?

My mother gave this to
me for my 16th birthday.

I don't think there's
anything kinky about that.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

You're not 16 now.

Are you?

No.

Good.

I guess what I'm
trying to say, Janet,

is I'd like to
see just how kinky

a little girl you really are.

Mr. Rogers!

Come on, Janet.

I am not that kind of girl.

Let me have a look
under that hood, baby.

Come on.
- No.

I'll let you spank me.

Never!

Hm.

A new job for Janet
means getting along

with fellow coworkers in a
productive and cooperative

environment.

One generally goes
with the other.

And success in a
workplace depends

on a combination of
perspiration and inspiration.

In fact, the only
place where you'll find

success before work
is in a little book

I like to call "Webster's."

[CHUCKLES]

Hi.

Janet, you're late.

I know.

I'm sorry.

BRAD: I got your usual.

Yeah, thanks.

I ran into a little
problem at work today.

Already?

Mhm.

It's, um-- I really don't
want to talk about it.

Does it have to do
with [WHISPERS] S-E-X?

Brad, that is not
conversation for polite company.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

[SIGHS] You are
so understanding.

Why can't all boys be like you?

I don't know.

Here.

Thanks.

What is it?

It's an anniversary
card, silly goose.

Today?

Of course, it's today.

Oh.

Thanks, honey.

Brad, you're embarrassing me.

We've only been going
steady for a month.

Now where's my prezi?

Where is it?

Where is it?

I want-- Brad.

Happy anniversary, Janet.

It's, um--

[ELECTRIC BUZZING]

It's-- it's the
coolest thing ever.

I knew you'd like it.

Like it?

I love it.

Ooh.

Whew.

Oh.

Is it getting hot in here, Brad?

Whoa, my-- whoa.

Whew.

It's hot, Brad.

Whew.

Oh, this can't be.

Wow.

[BONGOS]

What?

This is disastrous.

How could this happen?

You give people one,
tiny, simple assignment,

and they manage to
screw it up royally.

Yeah, well, you better
hope you find it

and soon, or I'll have
you all annihilated.

[SIGHS]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Oh, I want my tiki necklace.

Send in Vargas.

BUTLER (ON INTERCOM):
Vargas, ma'am?

You heard me.

Now be quick about it.

Yes, madam.

There you are.

What kept you?

I was delayed.

Well, save your excuses.

I have a job for you.

I am ready.

The mystic tiki of
Wayamaya has been lost.

Even now, it's in the
hands of some infidel dog

who has no idea of the
power it possesses.

You must retrieve it at any
cost, and bring it back to me.

What do I need to do?

The tiki was mistakenly
placed in a shipment of Hawaiian

shirts and sent to a little
boutique called the Bikini

A Go-Go on East Beach.

Do not fail me.

Is there any other
service you require?

Well, there is that
little thing you do

for me every once in a while.

Oh.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Janet?

JANET: Just a minute.

Go ahead and make
yourself at home.

Hi.

Hey, how did your day end up?

Fine, after I
locked my office door.

Here, I want to
wear this tonight.

Can you help me with it?

There you go.

Ready to do the hula?

Oh, Brad.

[ELECTRIC HUMMING]

Actually, it makes me
feel kind of exotic.

Oh.

Is it hot in here?

No.

I think it's quite comfortable.

No.

It's hot.

All of a sudden, I'm just--

I'm burning up.

Oh, I gotta--

I gotta get these
clothes off of me, Brad.

It's so hot in here.

Oh.

Janet, well, I thought we
were watching TV tonight.

No, Brad.

You've got to make love
to me tonight, now.

No.

You don't know
what you're saying.

Oh, yes I do.

Brad, you've got to pound
me like a tough steak.

Janet.

Don't make me beg for it.

Janet, this is
not like you at all.

OK, fine.

I'll beg.

Drill me like the
North Dallas 40.

Come on, Brad.

There's one simple rule
to follow when you are not

sure how to behave yourself.

Simply, don't do a
don't, and do do a do.

Don't do a don't.

Do do a do.

It's kind of catchy.

Isn't it?

Don't, don't.

Do, do.

Do, do.

Don't, don't.

I'm going home.

Oh.

Huh.

When you return to your
senses, you can call me.

Goodnight, Janet.

[SIGHS] What the
fuck is his problem?

Hm.

MAN 2 (ON TV):
You're sacrificing

our civilization for the
resurrection of your own.

No.

[GUNS FIRING]

[SENSUAL MUSIC]

Hm.

Pay per view, now
that's more like it.

[MOANING]

Ew.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, my god.

I've got to wash my hands.

Ew.

Oh.

Where did I put that bleach?

Bleach.

[BUZZING]

That will be $39.95, please.

[CHATTER]

Have you seen this necklace?

No.

But you might want to try Tiki
A Go-Go down the next block.

That way.

Yeah.

Have you seen this necklace?

What makes you
think we've got it?

It was delivered
here by mistake,

and the owner wants it back.

Well, we did get a shipment
yesterday from Hawaii.

Did you want to look
at the box in the back?

Take me to it.

Take me to it, please?

Take me to it, please.

OK.

Follow me.

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]

Hm.

One thing young people
should always remember

is never go anywhere
with strangers or people

you don't know.

Come to think of it, strangers
are people you don't know.

So next time a
stranger approaches you

and acts in a
suspicious manner, why,

alert your parents right away.

Or better yet, call out for
the local policeman just

down the block, and he'll
come running in no time flat.

Otherwise, what is about
to happen to Cheryl

could happen to you.

Go ahead and look.

It's not here.

I told you so.

But did you look here?

Do you require servicing?

You're the one who looks like
you need a lube job, and this

is a full-service station.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

Have you seen this necklace?

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]

Well, no.

No, I haven't.

Is it lost?

Yes.

Well, I haven't seen it.

Excuse me.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

[PHONE RINGING]

Jolly Rogers Industrial.

Is Janet there?

No.
I'm sorry.

She's not in yet.

Can I take a message?

No.

That's OK.

Is this her boyfriend?

Sort of.

Tell me something, kid.

Does she have any tattoos?

Excuse me?

Never mind, kid.

I'll find out myself.

Sorry I'm late, Mr. Rogers.

You feeling OK, Janet?

The sex impulse is
like a fiery horse.

Uncontrolled, it may be
destructive and dangerous.

But controlled, the sex
impulse, like a horse,

can be the source of
power and service.

I feel OK.

You feel OK?

Yes, yes.

But you do look different.

What am I supposed to do,
wear the same thing each

and every day?

No, of course not.

But this is a new look for you.

Oh.

I wanted something that
would be easy to get out of.

Oh, it's a little hot in here.

Isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Yes, it is.

Oh, my.

[JAZZ MUSIC]

Oh, there you are.

Report.

The necklace, it has
not been recovered.

You've had no luck?

I believe I know where
the tiki is hidden.

Tell me.

A man, Brad Linaweaver,
I'm certain he has it.

Well, where can we find
this Brad Linaweaver?

I followed him
to this address.

Get out.

Janet?

Not quite.

Do you know where she is?

Who are you?

Who I am is unimportant.

I've come to help you.

Well, I think
you'd better leave.

That's not impossible,
not until I get my necklace.

So that's what
this is all about.

Well, it belongs to me.

Somehow it got mixed up in a
shipment of Hawaiian shirts

and became lost.

And I think you
know where it is.

Why do you think
I know where it is?

Trust me.

It has more power than any
average human can control.

It's best you return
it to me and save

yourself a lot of trouble.

Now tell me where it is.

I don't know where it is.

Well, perhaps
you've forgotten.

Now do you remember where it is?

No.

Hm.

Soon you'll remember things you
didn't even know you forgot.

[GLASS SHATTERING]

Oh.

Is Brad here?

Oh, no.

He left early.

I think he was worried
about something.

Oh, it's all my fault. I never
should've put that necklace

on for a second time.

Necklace?

Yeah, the one he gave
me for our anniversary.

Let me see it.

See.

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]

That's the cursed
necklace, all right.

KAREN: Sure is.

Cursed?

Far as we can tell.

Yeah, some big guy's been
coming around asking about it.

I don't think you
want to run into him.

Oh, whatever am I going to do?

Well, you can come and stay
with us for a couple of days,

and we can figure something out.

Sure.

OK.

Let me call Brad first
though, so he doesn't worry.

It only takes one
thin dime to call home

when you know you're
going to be out late,

particularly when
it's past your curfew.

But how many times have
we sat at those crossroads

not making the right decision?

Well, if Janet had
called Brad earlier,

she may have avoided all this.

So proper planning
and letting people

know where you are all
the time is absolutely

essential for a clean, healthy,
and, above all, safe lifestyle.

Hey, Brad.

It's Janet.

I'm sorry for the way I've
been treating you lately.

That necklace made me do it.

I'm going to go over
to Karen and Cheryl's

for the next few days so I
can figure out what to do.

Why don't you meet me at
1313 Mockingbird Lane?

OK?

Ciao.

I've located the tiki.

Put Vargas on the line.

[SNORING]

So how do I look?

Fabulous.

I still can't believe you only
owned a one-piece bathing suit.

Well, I never thought it
was appropriate for a lady

to wear a bikini.

Oh, I get it.

So tell us about
this necklace.

Well, it seemed really
innocent at first.

But then when I put it on, it
made me feel hot and tingly.

Hot?

Tingly?

It made my private
parts throb with desire.

I couldn't control myself.

I did very wicked things.

Well, put it on, and
let's see what happens.

No, no.

I wouldn't dare.

Come on.

We're the only ones here.

Nothing bad is going to happen.

Well, OK.

But this is just
to show you guys

that I'm telling the truth.

All right?

KAREN: Feel anything yet?

Mm, I'm starting to.

[BUZZING]

Is there anything we could do?

Ooh, yeah.

You've got to make
love to me right now.

Wow.

That's a hard
invitation to pass up.

What do you think?

I'll take the top.

And you take the bottom.

And we'll meet in the middle.

I feel like I am going
to burst into flame.

[SNORING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

JANET (ON RECORDING): Hey, Brad.

It's Janet.

I'm sorry for the way I've
been treating you lately.

That necklace made me do it.

I decided to go over to Karen
and Cheryl's for a few days

so I can figure out
what to do next.

Why don't you meet me at
1313 Mockingbird Lane?

Oh, god.

Oh.

Well, isn't this
a pretty scene?

Everybody up.

Where's my necklace?

Ah, at last.

Hand it over.

Finally, the mystic
tiki of Wayamaya

is back where it belongs.

Unfortunately, while
I know it's a cliche,

you all know far
too much to live.

Wait.

I have something
of extreme value

that you're going to be needing.

What's that?

20% off anything in the store?

Vargas, I think it's time
we eliminate these ladies.

No.

Oh.

Oh, no.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Not so fast, Tin Man.

[SHRIEKING]

[ZAPPING]

[BOOMING]

Ooh.

Oh.

Oh, oh, Brad.

Janet.

Hm.

Quick thinking, stud.

So how did you come
up with the water gag?

Well, when I first met this
guy, I knew he was a robot.

How did you know that?

He told me.

But who'd have believed him?

And you had sex with him?

And you didn't know
he was a robot?

Well, there was this
funny taste in my mouth.

Yeah, motor oil.

So what do we do now that
they're gone, call the cops?

Ah, the hell with that.

Let's dance.

Yeah.

[MUSIC - THE FABULOUS CHECKS,
"ROCK AND ROLL LOOK"]

(SINGING) I want a
girl that I can talk to.

I want a girl that knows what--

NARRATOR: So remember, when
faced with a tough decision,

whether at home, in
a social situation,

at school, or in a
gritty lesbian triangle,

always remember that
honesty, integrity,

and a sturdy set
of power tools will

always be your best friends.

Janet and Brad were lucky.

But what about the other kids,
the ones who used, and abused,

and degraded themselves
that weren't so lucky?

Well, if you see one, please,
have them give me a call.

(SINGING) Because I really
kind of dig that hot rock, rock

and roll look.

Oh.

Hot rock, rock and roll look.

Oh.

Hot rock, rock and roll look.

Oh.

Hot rock, rock and roll look.

With her black leather jacket,
and her tight blue jeans, and

her wiggle that'll draw stares.

Well, I didn't know which
road I was going to be taking.

But I kind of do.

I was going to get there.

Woo!

Well, I knew that we were
destined for infamy the moment

she walked through that door.

Well, I kind of knew
that she was into me.

And I've never been
into anyone more.

I want a girl who
treats my mother right.

I want a girl who
knows how to cook.

I like my red beans and rice.

I want a girl who knows
how to be-bop and stroll.

And I really kind of dig that
hot rock, rock and roll look.

Hot rock, rock and roll look.

Hot rock, rock and roll look.

Oh, hot rock, rock
and roll look.

I dig that rock and roll.

Hot rock, rock and roll look.

Hot rock, rock and roll look.

I dig that rocking and a-rolling
and a-bopping and a-strolling.

Hot rock, rock and roll look.

[SURF MUSIC]

[REGGAE MUSIC]