Beethoven's Christmas Adventure (2011) - full transcript

'Twas three nights before
Christmas at the magical North Pole,

and all the new elves had gathered
round Santa to be given their roles.

"Toy-making elf!" Santa
decreed to the first one in line,

and to the next, and the
next, and the next 209.

But when Santa came to
the last elf standing there,

something very different
he was to declare!

"Stable elf!" He proclaimed,
expecting a cheer.

"You'll be the one in charge
of all things reindeer.

"You'll talk to them
and make them all fly.

"The sole keeper
of the magic berries

"that carry them
into the sky."



But a cheer he did not receive.

Nor a smile, nor a chuckle.

Instead, poor Henry's
knees started to buckle.

"I don't like reindeer," he
protested, "Or any animal, I mean,

"they slobber and shed
and are so very unclean."

But Santa's mind was made
up, that much was clear.

So that night, Henry
came up with a plan,

to change his career.

He would make a toy of
his own as a secret surprise.

One that will force the big
man to see him with new eyes!

But Henry's toy-making skills
were a long way from strong

and before he knew it, things
went wronger than wrong!

Now, reindeer are well-trained.

They can sit, stay and heel.



But that doesn't mean
they'll pass up a free meal.

Henry tried to stop
them from floating away,

but only succeeded in
falling into the sleigh.

It was a disaster, a
catastrophe, a tangled mess

that might never
have been unwoven,

that is, were it not for a big,
sloppy dog named Beethoven.

Hot chocolate,
get your hot chocolate!

It's low in fat
and 100 % organic.

At least... Not really.

Mason!

Hey, Mom.

Hot chocolate?
Goes to a good cause,

teenagers whose mom's won't buy
them what they want for Christmas.

Yeah, I think I'm going to
stick with my own cause,

moms who think there
are more productive uses

of teenager's time
than video games.

How's it going anyway?

Like Grandpa, after the divorce.

A big opportunity
just came up at work,

and I'm gonna need
your help with this.

Oh!

Oh, Jesus! Oh, no, no,
no! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Get off me!
Come here, come here.

Okay, okay.

Don't worry, I think that
just means he likes you.

Yeah? Well, the feeling
is definitely not mutual!

What's this drool machine
doing here anyway?

You don't recognize him?
This is Beethoven.

He stayed in town to
star in my commercial.

I need you to watch him while
I get everything else ready.

Watch him? But, Mom,
I don't even like dogs

and it's Christmas break,
I got my own stuff to do.

Can we talk about this later? I
really have a lot I've got to get done.

Yeah, whatever.

Okay!

Here is his bed.

It's in his contract, he has to
have it handy anytime he needs it.

Mom, really, I'm working here,

let it be handy at home.

Okay, sweetie.

Rapidly maturing son of mine.

Oh, sorry!

Don't look so glum!

How many other kids your age
get to hang out with a celebrity dog?

Celebrity dog?

Yeah, well, that's really gonna
help me sell hot chocolate.

Come, get your picture taken

with the world-famous
celebrity dog, Beethoven!

It makes a great Christmas gift.

Is that really Beethoven?

Wow. He looks so much
more slobbery in person.

Hi!

Here you go.

I have to give that to my
nephew, he just loves Beethoven!

Thank you.

Next, please!

Guess you can do a lot
more than just drool, can't you?

Beethoven, quiet down. You don't
want to scare off the customers.

Wait!

Beethoven, stop!
What's gotten into you?

Don't worry, we'll
be back. Beethoven!

I'm sorry.
God!

Ho, ho. Merry Christmas!
There you go.

Thank you.

Merry Christmas.

Ho, ho, ho... Uh-oh.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Was that Beethoven?

Ow!

Stupid mutt!

Hey, I think that's Beethoven!

Who?

Beethoven, the world-famous dog.

Come on, let's get
this stuff inside.

There's only two more
shopping days until Christmas

and I want to squeeze every
last penny out of this place.

Go, come on.

All right, I'm going.

Stop it! Stop doing that!
Stop! No, no. No, don't!

No!

Oh!

Hey, get back here!

Don't tell Santa, okay?

What in the...
Hey, hey!

Listen, dog, can
you, uh, go get help?

Can you go get your owner, or
anybody? Just do it quickly, okay?

Beethoven!

Wow. That actually worked!

Beethoven, what's gotten into

you?

Hey, um, do you think you
could, uh, help me out of this tree?

It's kind of an...

...emergency!

Um. What if I do something
to break your fall? What!

Break my fall? Maybe
we can find a solution

that doesn't involve the
words "break" and "fall!"

Um... Uh...

Uh, Mason.
Mason, okay.

Can I ask,

why are you dressed
like a Christmas elf

and what were you
doing in that tree?

Well, I'm dressed like
a Christmas elf because

I'm a Christmas elf!

And, um, as for the tree,

let's just say it had something to
do with reindeer, Santa's sleigh,

and the fact that I'm probably
never allowed in the North Pole again.

Okay, well, um, it was
really nice to meet you

and, uh, we really have
to get going, okay?

So, uh, come on, Beethoven.

Let's go. Let's go.
Great job, Beethoven.

Got me rescuing an insane
guy dressed like an elf.

Look, wait!

Wait!

This Christmas,
Beethoven wants you all to consider

giving the gift you
can't find in a store.

Rescue a pet from a shelter and
give someone a home for the holidays.

And please become a
monthly donor to the ASPCA.

Well, what do you think?

I think I like it.

Really?
Really!

Christine, I think you hit this
one right out of the dog park.

Thank you for this
opportunity. Hold on a second!

What if I was to tell you,

that I have another possible
promotional opportunity for Beethoven.

What are you talking about?

Well, I spoke with
the mayor this morning.

He told me that the town Christmas
parade this year is going to be televised.

Anyway, he wants Beethoven to
be the Grand Marshal of the parade.

Isn't that fantastic?

This could be an enormous
opportunity, for the firm and for you.

But Beethoven's expected home.

Don't you worry about that.

I've already made
arrangements with his owners

for all those details.

Cooper, if you do
a good job on this,

I think we can pretty much
guarantee that promotion is yours.

What do you say?
You up for it?

Absolutely, Mr. Rexford.
Thank you.

Wait. Wait. Look.

Look. Hey, I need your
help all right? Okay?

Um. Look, I don't know
anyone else here

and I really don't
know where "here" is!

And Santa's gonna be
really upset if I don't...

Okay, look. I'm not
a six-year-old kid anymore.

I know that there's no
such thing as Santa Claus.

Yes, there is!

And I have to get his magic
toy bag back before Christmas.

I think what you need to
find is a good psychiatrist.

Maybe a whole team of them.

What? No! No, no, no,
I'm telling the truth!

Ha! See, your dog
believes me.

He must've saw me fall out
of the sleigh, didn't you, boy?

Where did they get him?

What if I can prove
that I can understand

what this drool
machine is saying?

How are you gonna do that?

By talking to him.

All right.

Let's see what
we have here. Okay.

"Reindeer, Snow Bunny,
Polar Bear, Weasel,

"Bank Executive?
Oh, dog!" Here we go!

Talk about dog breath.

All right, so, Beethoven,

tell me something about
Mason that only you would know.

Okay, I'll play along, but you're
crazier than a calico on catnip

if you really think you're gonna be
able to understand what I'm saying!

I can understand you
perfectly, Beethoven.

You're kidding me, right?

Wait, wait, wait.

Am I on that Animal Planet show
where they play pranks on stupid...

No, no! You're not on any
show, Beethoven. All right?

Just tell me something
about Mason, will you?

Okay, okay. I've only been talking
to people for about 30 seconds,

so sorry if I'm
a little distracted!

By the way, you wouldn't
happen to have any

sugar cookies on you, would you?

Beethoven!

Sorry, sorry. Okay,
something about Mason.

Hmm.

I don't know too much
about him, but here goes.

That's a little exploitive.

Okay. What did he say?

Only that you were
selling his picture without his permission

and/or giving him a cut!

Yeah, he usually gets 25 %
of all ancillary income.

Paid in bones, of course.

So, you're telling me

there really is a Santa Claus?

Uh, duh.

Not just some dopes who act out
a fantasy for little kids every year?

That's right.

And you're a bonafide
Christmas elf?

Not just some whacko who
just got out of the nuthouse.

Tell you what,
just call me Henry.

This is surreal.

His jacket totally
clashes with his knickers.

Totally!

Come on, you got
to let me try it. No!

No, I am sorry, man. That's
one thing Santa is very clear on.

Christmas magic is not to be used
outside any non-North Pole employee.

Something to do with,
like, liability

or insurance,
something like that.

Look, forget that. We have
bigger problems, all right?

If I don't find Santa's toy bag
before 12:00 on Christmas Eve,

then he won't have enough time to
deliver the presents on Christmas morning!

And then I'll get
stripped of my bells.

Trust me, that's a really bad
thing up on the North Pole.

Midnight,
Christmas Eve, right?

That gives us just over 48
hours.

That should be plenty of time.

I hope so.

I would hate to see
what would happen

if that bag ended up
in the wrong hands!

Honey, they have Red Rover.

I can't believe it. All the
other stores are sold out!

Wait a second. Is
this right? $99.99?

Why, yes! I just
priced it myself.

We thought it was
supposed to be more

in the price-range of 20 bucks.

Pro-model, 25 extra sounds. Sings
with his very own online app-store.

It's the only thing
Charlie asked for this year.

Pro-model, highway robbery!

Keep the penny.

Suckers!

They couldn't
find it anywhere else

because we stole it from
everywhere else! Right, boss?

Ow!
Shut up!

This is our best scheme yet and I'm
not going to let your loose lips sink it.

And what the heck
are you wearing?

It's an elf costume. Like
they wear at the North Pole.

I know it's an elf
costume, half-wit.

What I want to know is
why are you wearing it?

I thought it would
help with business.

You know that cell phone
store down the street?

They've got a guy out front
dressed as a cell phone.

Only it's Christmas and
we don't sell cell phones.

So I figured...

Ow! Ah!

Shut up. First of all,
you're an idiot.

Second of all, you're an idiot.

Third of all, look around.
Business is doing just fine.

In fact, this might be my best
scam since "Most Wanted Mopeds."

Ooh! Or even "Most Wanted
Kitchen Appliances."

In fact, I think
it might be time

for another one of our
midnight shopping sprees.

Okay, you hit Toy
Bonanza on Route 30.

They should be restocked by now.

And I'll check out Oy What A
Toy on Nazareth Boulevard.

And take that
stupid costume off!

You look ridiculous.

The woman at
the Halloween store...

Who charged you $40.

...said I looked
fashionably festive.

Mmm.

No. A cheap
knock-off, at best.

Hey!

Sorry, everyone, we're
closing a bit early today.

Please take your purchases to the
check-out counter now.

That's right, move along.

Elves wear tights
and elves wear tunics

Elves are Santa's little eunuchs

Freaks of nature.

What the...

Inconsiderates!

Leaving their junk right
in the middle of the street.

That's twice in one day
with the same foot!

What the heck is in here anyway?

Toys.

What?

What the...

Groovy.

I'll be ho, ho, hoed!

Most Wanted Toys,
may I help you?

Yeah.

Cancel the toy ride!

Okay.

I think I just found a whole
new source of inventory.

Whatever you say, boss.

What are you looking at?

Finders, keepers!

Mmm.

So this is called pizza?

It's delicious! I mean, it could
use a little bit more nutmeg,

but, hey, everything could
use a little bit more nutmeg.

So, what do you guys
eat at the North Pole?

Well, mostly milk and cookies

'cause, you know, Santa
draws up the menu and...

Um, how about the Internet?
Do you guys have that?

We have the Winternet.
Freezes up a lot, though.

Uh, do you guys go to school?

We are supposed to,

but every day is a
snow day.

Holy...

You know, I have to admit I
thought you would be shorter.

Yeah, it's a common
misconception,

but I'm pretty average
as far as elf-sizes go.

I am member of
the National Association

for the Advancement
of Larger Elves.

What else do we have wrong?
Do elves really make toys?

Uh...

Well, yeah, all of us do like...

We wouldn't be elves if
we didn't make toys, right?

What about the whole talking-to-animals
thing? Do all elves do that?

Well, yeah.

Each and every one of us do.

Definitely not just the
stable elves. Stable elves.

What are stable elves?

Oh. Nothing special.

I mean, uh, nothing important.

Hello, Mason, Beethoven,
and Christmas elf.

Mason, is this
a friend of yours?

Uh, no, you actually had
it right the first time.

This is Henry and, well, he
is a real-life Christmas elf.

Greetings from the
North Pole, my lady.

Your son was kind enough to
help me look for Santa's toy bag.

Yeah, it fell off the sleigh while
we were passing over your town.

Santa's toy bag?

I know what you are
thinking, Mom, but it's true.

I mean, Beethoven must've
seen him fly across the sky.

And, well, let's just say that

nobody is going to get any
presents if we don't help him.

Ah!

Okay, I see what's going on.

Look, I appreciate you playing
along with my son's little game,

but I am very busy
tonight and I just

don't have the energy
to play along.

No, Mom, it's not a game.

Look, Mason.

I know you are still upset
that I'm not going to buy you

the MegaStation, but really,

getting somebody from
the Christmas setup

at the mall to play
a prank on me?

What? Mom,
this isn't a prank.

He really needs our help.

Look, I hate to be rude,

but hope you can find your
own way back to the North Pole.

Oh.

Oh, yes. Uh...

Well, merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Really, Mason?
Christmas elf?

Hey. I'm sorry about that. I don't
know why I thought she'd help.

You must be freezing out here.

Are you kidding me?

Man, compared to the North Pole,

this feels like the Caribbean!

Well, I think I got some place
you can stay until we find your bag.

Sweet.

So this is the best I could
do on such short notice.

I know it's not
like the Four Seasons.

There's four seasons?

Huh!

Hey, are those
Christmas decorations?

Uh, yeah.

My mom didn't really have time
to decorate the house this year.

Hmm.

I am highly offended by this.

No way!

Is this a toy workbench?
What?

Not exactly.

That's my dad's, but we
did build a toy or two on it.

Hey! Is this him?

Maybe he can help us look.

Um...

My dad died last year.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay. Anyway...

Here you go.

First thing tomorrow morning,
we'll start looking for Santa's toy bag.

"Santa's toy bag."

I can't believe those words
just came out of my mouth.

Sure hope being a
toy-making elf is worth all this.

Hmm? What's going on?

What's this?

Your special dog bed?

Okay.

What did you bring
it in here for?

You look like you could
use it more than me.

Besides no one likes
an ungrateful elf.

Okay, okay, I'll
try it out. Geez.

Attitude.

Oh...

Lay down with dogs, wake
up with angels.

This is actually more comfortable
than my bed at the North Pole.

Thank you, Beethoven.

No problem, kid.

Well, all right. Okay.

Want some cover?
All right, here we go.

Oh, come on, man.

It's endless.

Endless!

This Santa guy has got a
real good racket going on.

Wow.

Where did you get
all this great stuff?

I told you, from
Santa's magic toy bag.

Isn't that the new
place on Sycamore?

No. Santa's
magic toy bag.

His actual magic toy bag.

You know, it would
really be nice

if you could give me a
straight answer once in a while.

It's really insulting.

I am supposedly your partner.

If you want me to do your laundry
for you, why don't you just ask?

Would you like that
folded, or on hangers?

Would you please give me that?

And why don't you get
started pricing stuff?

And didn't I tell you to
take that stupid costume off?

Yeah, but I enjoy being an elf.

Plus it's kind of slimming,
don't you think?

No.

Wait a minute.

That costume might come
in handy tomorrow after all.

Tomorrow? What are
we doing tomorrow?

Advertising, Kenny.

A little good
old-fashioned advertising.

Miss Jingle, you didn't tell me
we are under a mistletoe. Come on.

Miss Jingle, have you been
snacking on some liver?

Morning, elf.

You know what? You really got
to stop doing things like that, dog.

All right? I know
it's time to wake up,

but you could've
just said something.

I'm a dog. I still like to lick.

Dog!

Do you mind?
Do you mind?

Ooh, tug-of-war.
I love this game.

Beethoven, we need
a plan, all right?

I mean, how am I
supposed to find a toy bag

in a whole town?
It could be anywhere.

I got a pretty good
sniffer you know.

You got anything I might be
able to catch a scent from?

Here.

Try this.

Got it. Let's roll.

Wait a minute.

Are you one of those FBI,
like, sniffer dogs?

Come on. What are
you waiting for?

Wait! Wait up!

Come on, elf. Don't they
do cardio in the North Pole?

Hey, Mason, good morning.

Morning, Mom.

You're up early.

Didn't exactly go to sleep.

Gotta get this model to
the builders by tomorrow

if I want Beethoven's float
ready for the parade.

Come here. Tell
me what you think.

Okay.

Okay, so, Beethoven
is going to sit

in this oversized
director's chair,

and then I have hired carolers
to stand around him and sing.

Got the Hollywood sign
in the background.

And then we're going
to have search lights

and flash bulbs go
off like paparazzi.

What do you think? Is it glitzy
enough for a star like Beethoven?

Uh...

I guess.

Come on, kiddo, I really
want to know what you think.

This is important.

If I do well on it,
I get that promotion.

And then you'll be
working even longer hours.

Mason, I know this
hasn't been easy on you,

but this promotion is really
important to our family.

Yeah, okay.

Uh, Mom, where are you going?

Well, the glue has to dry.

I'll stick it in the garage
till tomorrow morning.

Stop. You... You
can't go in there.

What? Mason, come on.

No, it's
your Christmas present.

What? Uh, yeah, I
put it there last night

so I don't want you to see it.

I was in there last night.
I didn't see anything.

That's because it got
delivered this morning.

No, not this morning. It
got delivered late last night.

Last night is when...

Mason, cut it out. Move.

Uh, Mom, I'm so... Okay.

Uh...

Mom, I think that
we should just, uh...

Uh, let's, uh...

Let's be in the garage. Uh...

Just us.

It's always hardest
around the holidays, huh?

Tell you what, why don't I see if I
can get out of work a little early tonight?

We can go have a nice dinner
together. How's that sound?

Yeah, it sounds great.

Now try to stay out of
here for the next 24 hours.

That goes double for Beethoven,

speaking of which,
where is he anyway?

Uh, he's, um, in my room.

He actually slept
in my bed last night.

Really? Thought you
didn't like dogs.

Yeah, but I think he is
kind of growing on me.

Didn't you have to
get to work, Mom?

Yeah. Yeah.

Got to pitch my float
idea to Mr. Rexford.

Hey, keep an eye on
Beethoven for me, will you?

Of course. I won't let
him out of my sight.

Thanks, Mason.

I'll just have
to find him first.

Merry Christmas.

Jingle, jingle and
a ho to the ho, ho, ho.

You know, Beethoven,
you must be really famous.

'Cause it seems
like every person

that lays eyes on you
is just left speechless.

Yeah, I've done a few things.

Hey, hey, you still
have the scent? Yep.

Okay, good.
Good, good, good.

You know, when I was
stuck in that tree,

I never expected I'd be
rescued by a dog, you know?

Especially not one like you, but
actually I'm glad that it happened.

Got it. Let's go.

Hey, Beethoven.

Oh! Hey, listen, if you let me
borrow this, I will make sure

Santa brings you one
twice as good for Christmas.

Please? Please? Please?
Please? No. No. No. No.

I said please!
Thank you.

Merry Christmas. Whoo!
I'll bring it back later.

Help! The elves
have turned on us.

Ho, ho, ho Ho, ho, ho

So come on down and
visit me, Sylvester Smirch

And Crazy Kenny

Here at Most Most

Wanted Wanted

Toys Mattresses

Where you will find...
Uh, boss?

What? We're right in the
middle of a commercial.

Yes, I know, but you sang,
"Most Wanted Mattresses."

I most certainly did not.

Actually, you did.

I... But...

All right, let's do it again.

Mattresses Toys

Mattresses Toys

Mattress... Toys
Toys

Mattresses Toys

What the...

A Christmas elf.

A Christmas elf.

Slow down.
Slow down.

Boss, where are you going?

Got you.
Come here.

That is the greatest
elf costume.

Where did you get it?
Oh, thank you.

You know, Mrs. Claus
made it, so, uh...

Hang on.

Excuse me!

Everybody, limbo!

Beethoven!

Kenny, shut up and listen. Meet
me on the west side of the pavilion.

The west side.
Look at a map!

Beethoven.
Beethoven, stop.

Slow it down.
Slow it down.

I'm scared. I'm scared.

Stop, slow down.
Slow it down. Beethoven.

Coming through.

Fresh kielbasa sausage.

Get it fresh here.
Try some.

Try some kielbasa sausage.

You okay?

Hey, boss. Hop in.

Drive, moron. Drive!

I don't know what's worse.

Looking for Beethoven.
Looking for a Christmas elf.

Hey, you stuck?

Here. Let me
help you with that.

There you go.

Got to be more
careful next time.

All right.
Go home. Go. Shoo!

Come on now, go. What,
don't you have a home?

You're not a stray, are you?

Well, even if you are, what
do you want me to do about it?

I already have one dog
that I don't want this week.

Go.

Whatever, pooch.

What?

What?

Oh, hey, boy.

Boy, it's not your fault.

Hey, I've
been looking all over for you.

Hey, when did you
get another dog?

What? Oh.

No, I didn't. It's just a stray
that won't stop following me.

A stray? Well,
what's a stray?

What? Don't you guys have
strays in the North Pole?

They are these dogs...

Actually, forget it.
Just tell me.

Did you guys find
the toy bag or not?

We tracked down
the guy who has the bag,

but it seems he doesn't
really want to give it up.

Does that mean you
actually saw his face?

'Cause then maybe we can get a
description. This is a pretty small town.

Maybe I can recognize him.

I didn't really get a good look.

But maybe Beethoven did.

No, sorry, amigo.

No?

Now this is just ridiculous.

I mean, someone had to see
a man pick up a magic toy bag.

I saw him. I saw him.
He barked at me.

What was that?
I got a good look at him.

He was a mean-looking dude.

Wait, what's he saying?

He's saying that he saw him.

Attaboy!

Ready for me,
Mr. Rexford?

Ready as a rooster.
Come on in, Cooper.

New hobby?

No, new client.

This is the new X-980 rocket.

You build it, you
paint it, you launch it.

I like to familiarize myself with
all the products that we promote.

How is our new
float coming along?

Oh, it's great.

I've got some really good
ideas I want to hit you with.

Good. You just float
'em right on by me.

Well, since Beethoven's
a big movie star,

I was thinking put him
on a Hollywood-themed float.

You know, with flavors
of Christmas naturally.

Christmas. Yes, yes, yes.

I see it in my mind's eye.

Peacocks and men in togas.

Or I was thinking, flash
bulbs and sprigs of holly.

Oh, that's even better.

That's a great idea.

Total win-win.
Great.

Only one problem.

What's that?

I want another win.
Excuse me?

That's right, Cooper. I wanna do
something that we've never done before.

I want a win-win-win.

Okay. How do we
get the third win?

We go nationwide with this.

We get every man, woman
and child and chipmunk alive

to watch that parade tomorrow.

You want chipmunks
to be watching?

Well, no, that's
just an expression.

I really don't think it is.

What I want you to do
is press-release that float

like you have never
press-released anything before.

You get it out to all the major
outlets by tomorrow morning.

You're gonna want to
word it just properly

so you're gonna have to put
in a few extra hours tonight.

You up for it?

Good, Cooper, because that
is how you get a win-win-win.

Oops.

We're not supposed
to be here again,

but I don't want to risk my mom

coming home before we
get the sketch done.

There should be a drawing
pad in here somewhere.

Okay.
Who's hungry?

I am. I am.

Hey, wait. So are you telling me

there's really animals
with no homes?

Yeah, a lot of them.

I don't get it. Why don't
people just take them in?

I don't know.

It is pretty crummy
if you think about it.

Don't you have stray
animals at the North Pole?

No. None.

In fact, as a stable
elf, it's my job...

Stable elf?

Oops.

I thought you said you
were a toy-making elf.

What I meant to say
was stable elves,

it's their job to make sure that the
animals in the North Pole have homes,

but, you know, I'm not one.

Nice recovery, elf.

Anyways, if this guy
didn't have a home,

then where did he come from?

I don't want to talk about it.

I don't know. He probably escaped
from the pound or something.

What's a pound?

It's where they put animals
who are lost or have no homes.

I don't think it's supposed to
be such a nice place either.

Trust me. It isn't.

Why? Don't worry, boy.
You're with us now. Yeah.

Hey, don't get his hopes
up. I can't adopt him.

What? But he chose you.

Chose me?

What do you mean chose me?

You better do some talking, bub.

Well, this one stable
elf I know told me

that, uh, people don't
really choose their animals.

It's the other way around.

And it looks to me as
if you've been chosen.

Well, I don't want to
be chosen, all right?

I don't understand.

I just don't want a dog, okay?

I mean, it'll probably just end
up getting sick, or run off anyway.

Oh.

I understand.

Um, that would be hard.

Hey, my mom's here.

Okay. I'm supposed to
go out to dinner with her.

So that should give you plenty
of time to get the sketch done.

Mason, I'm home!

Hey, Mom.

Honey.

Don't tell me you were
outside in the cold.

What? Uh, yeah, I was

going to shovel the back walk.

What are you up to?
Up to?

I'm not up to anything.

Can't a son just
shovel a sidewalk

for his mom without being asked?

Not usually.

But I appreciate it.

And have I thanked you yet
for your help with Beethoven?

Speaking of which, how is
our celebrity guest anyway?

He's great. Been a
real big help actually.

A help?
Help with what?

Making this the most
memorable Christmas ever.

Anyway, um, ready to go?

Go. Go where?

Uh...

You said we were going
out for dinner tonight.

Oh, sweetie, sorry.
Something came up.

Let me guess, at work?
Yeah.

Mr. Rexford liked
my float idea so much

that he wants me to
do a press release.

Maximize coverage, you know?

Yeah. I understand.
No problem.

Honey, when this all blows over,

I'll make it up
to you, I promise.

We'll do something fun for
the Martin Luther King weekend.

Swell. I'll break out the
civil rights decorations.

Tell you what?
How about we just get started?

His eyes. Can you
describe them to me?

Were they, uh, big
and round like...

Cookies.

Beethoven, you didn't
even see his face,

how do you know what
his eyes look like?

What? Oh, no, I was just
saying I'd like some treats.

Bet the little guy would,
too. Wouldn't you, pal?

I guess I'm a little hungry.

Listen, we don't have
time for treats right now.

Are you kidding? There's
always time for treats.

This is serious, okay?

So is this. We're hungry. Yeah.

I've been running around all day

and not once did anyone
offer me so much as a biscuit.

I may be a Saint Bernard, but
that doesn't mean I'm a saint.

And who knows when the
last time this little guy ate?

A week ago, Tuesday.

By the way, that's another
part about being a stray.

You skip a lot of meals.

He makes a very
good point, you know?

I think we just about got him.

Hey, you know what would
really put him over the edge?

What's that?
Puppy-dog eyes.

Okay. Come on.

On three.
One, two, three...

Okay. Okay.

Let me see what
I can do for you guys.

Okay. Let's see.

Ah, here we go.

Look. Okay. This
is all I got, okay?

All natural. Good for elves
and good for animals, too.

One for you and one for you.

Mmm.

Oh, boy. These are the
yummiest things I've ever eaten.

Guys.

You shouldn't
have got me started.

You see, Henry,
it's quite natural.

There are billions
of tiny bacterium

in our intestines
to help digestion.

Unfortunately, these bacteria
also release gases such as methane

which prompt the
expulsion, a.k.a. burps.

Put simply, the excess
gas in our stomach

can't all be taken
in and processed.

That's what she said.

So, it must ultimately
be released through the mouth.

Among other places.

Very classy, Beethoven.

Yeah, well, I'm studying to be a
doctor when the acting dries up.

Not me. I'm gonna be a
canine gas-expulsion expert.

Can we please just get started?

Sure thing, elf.

Geez.

All right.

Here we go. Ready?

Now, uh, can you
describe him to me?

Was his face round like a
snowman or thin like Jack Frost?

I don't really
know who Jack Frost is,

but he definitely didn't
look like a snowman.

Is something burning?

Is it getting a
little warm in here?

Every dog for himself!

Watch it.

My mom's model!
Henry, what did you do?

We didn't do anything.

Just get out of here.
I'll handle it.

Mason! Mason,
is something on fire?

Uh...

Oops.

Really, Mom, I
didn't mean to do it.

Really, then what were
you doing in the garage

when I specifically told
you not to go in there?

And don't bother telling me that my
Christmas present was out there this time.

Okay. Look,
I was out there,

because that Christmas elf
that I brought home yesterday

was here with Beethoven.

Mason, this again?

Mom, it's true.

It's not true.

Now I'm sorry that I
have to work so much,

but punishing me for that isn't
going to make things any easier

on either one of us.
Do you understand?

I'm not punishing you.

You know what, Mason? I don't
have time for this conversation

because thanks to you, I
have a press release to write

and an entire model to rebuild
before tomorrow morning.

I'm sorry to do this to you
this week, but you're grounded.

Means you're not going to be
leaving the house until New Year's.

What? I'm grounded?

I don't know what you
thought would happen,

you could've burned
the whole house down.

Well, Merry Christmas to me.

Hey, sorry. Um...

Was that my fault?

Was that your fault?

Oh, boy.
Oh, here we go.

Let's see. Did you
stupidly and irresponsibly

lose the toy bag?
Yes.

Did you idiotically land in that
tree and intrude on all our lives?

Yes.
Did you moronically set fire

to my mother's float model?
Yes.

Yes, it was your fault.

I just don't see it.

Oh!

What a dumb elf!

You know what?

Never mind. Don't
worry about it.

Just please tell me that
you got a good sketch.

Oh, actually, we just
finished it. Yeah.

Yeah, little guy over there,
he's got quite some memory.

Don't you?
Yes, you do.

All right.
So, check it out.

Do you recognize him?

Actually, no.

What? This is great.

I make one mistake, one
mistake, and all this happens.

"One little mistake."
What does that mean?

Look, at this point, I might
as well just tell you the truth.

I'm not really a toy-making elf.

You're not?

No.

I'm a stable elf.

And the whole reason I'm here
is because I was trying not to be.

Doesn't matter.

After this disaster,

I'll be lucky if Santa
lets me be an elf at all.

But wait, I don't get it.

Why don't you
wanna be a stable elf?

All of my other elf buddies,
they're all making toys.

And I'm just different.

What's so bad about
being different?

Anyone can buy
a toy from a store,

but being the one elf
who can talk to animals,

and help with Santa's
magic reindeer?

That seems pretty cool to me.

Hey, you can't sleep there.

Okay, I got to admit.
You're kind of cute.

And you look pretty comfy.

Don't get used to it, okay?

I meant what I said
yesterday. You can't stay here.

That's right, Santa.

You won't be able to deliver any
presents because of me. Right?

There's always next year, right?

Who am I kidding?
It's Coal City for me.

Hey, don't beat
yourself up, H-man.

You're still the coolest
elf I've ever met.

Of course, you're the
only elf I've ever met,

but you shouldn't let
that affect the compliment.

Well, thank you, Beethoven.

Hey. If there were more
animals like you at the North Pole,

I would be happy
to be a stable elf.

Oh, really? Come here.
Give me some sugar.

You still got to stop
doing that though.

You got to get used to it. It's a real
show of affection in the dog world.

We dogs love to lick.

Ho, ho, ho

Ho, ho, ho

Ho, ho, ho

Quiet! You'll wake up my mom.

Visit me, Sylvester Smirch

It's him.
It's him.

No, no, no, no, he's saying that

that's the guy that
stole Santa's toy bag.

Where all the hottest toys...

Will be in stock.

That's right. It's almost as if
we have an endless supply.

Oh! Oh!

That's Santa's toy bag.
We found it. Yes.

Good work, guys.

Rub my belly.
Rub my belly.

Hey, calm down, elf.

Come on, big fella,
move those big bones.

I'm coming. I'm coming.
Hold on to your whiskers.

Okay. So my mom would kill me if I
left the house while I was grounded.

So, you guys are gonna
take this one yourself.

No problemo.

You know, I'm thinking
these two fur balls

can handle it all by themselves.

You got that right, elf.

On our way.

Operation Red Bag, here we come.

Merry Christmas, shoppers.

Sylvester Smirch here.

Welcome to Most Wanted Toys.

Don't forget to stop by the
Shop Till You Drop Corner

for the hottest
and most wanted toys.

These prices,
ridiculous. Ridiculous!

But I've been to every other
store in town, they're all sold out.

This guy really does seem
to have an endless supply.

Everyone, wait. Okay? You
guys cannot buy these toys.

These toys are supposed to be
going to kids all around the world.

What are you talking about?

What I'm talking about
is these toys are stolen.

That's right. These toys do not
belong to the owner of this store.

Elf trouble.

You're saying these
toys are stolen?

They are stolen

directly from Santa himself.

That's right, everyone.
The prices are so low,

it's as if these toys are
stolen from Santa himself.

Just a little
viral marketing, folks!

That concludes
our 12:00 show.

Great show.

There will be additional
performances throughout the day.

What are you
talking about, Smirch?

Uh, folks, please ignore
Binky, the drunken elf here.

He's had a little too
much eggnog this morning.

Kenny, rip these
nice people off.

I mean, ring these nice
people up. I'll be right back.

Get out.

Hey, you listen
to me, all right?

I'm not leaving here
without Santa's toy bag.

If you're not gone in the next three
minutes, I'm gonna call the police.

And who do you think
they're going to believe?

A taxpaying merchant
with a lease and a permit

or little Mr. Fancy Pants
and his mangy-mutt parade?

Hey!

Chop-chop. Let's shop.

All right. We have
to get back in there.

I wonder if they sell
chewy toys in there.

Hey. You see that
small window in the back?

All right, here's the plan.

I can create a
diversion out here

and you guys can sneak
around and grab the bag.

I think I can handle that.
- But...

How am I gonna do that?

Hey, elf.

Not now, Beethoven.

Can't you hear that music?

Beethoven, seriously, all right?

This is no time for music, okay?

We're trying to
think of a plan here.

Music is the plan, silly.

What do you mean,
"Music is the plan"?

Come on, elf.
Get moving.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa.

Now, go.
Go. Go. Go. Go.

Whoa! Whoa!

All right, they call you
Beethoven for a reason, huh?

Come on.
Let's go, little guy.

Right behind you.

Hey, hey. Excuse me.
Excuse me. Hey, hey.

Um, I'm new in town and I would
love to be a part of your group.

Dude, do you ever wear
your regular clothes?

Who are you anyway?

The name's Presley.

Elfis Presley.

Anyways, um, would you guys be
interested in taking a new member?

Uh, not really.

Oh, come on.
Please. Please. Please.

Easy, Presley,

don't get your bells in a bunch.

Just stay in tune.

Don't frighten anyone, capisce?

Yeah.

Here you go, three more.

Oh, boy. Christmas carolers.

Don't even think about it.

Just one song. I mean, everybody
loves Christmas music, right?

Wrong. Besides,

it's probably just another
trick by that irritating elf.

Come on! An entire crowd
of Christmas carolers?

I'll make you a deal, we get
to listen to one Christmas carol

and you don't have to buy me
a Christmas present this year.

I wasn't going to get you a
Christmas present anyway.

Oh, please, boss, with
candy canes on top. Come on.

I just want to hear
the Christmas carolers!

Oh, all right.
If it'll shut you up.

It will.

No, no, no, boss.

One song.

For the memories.

Good thing I'm
comfortable around garbage.

I am in hell.

I wonder if this is considered
barking and entering.

Come on. Let me in.

What are you waiting for?

I'm freezing my jingle
bells off out here.

December is all work and no play

...hours of an
average working day

I'll try to make it
through Christmas day

Wait a second.
Those aren't the lyrics.

Oh, what?

You don't know that verse?
- Hey!

It's that insane elf.

Where?

Well, then, where is...

Santa's bag!

Get back here with that.

Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me!

Hold this.

Let go.

Give me that!

Give it to me,
you bloated flea bag!

Mommy!

Good boy, Beethoven.

I'll take it from here.

No!

I got it. I actually got it!

Officer.

I'd like to report a robbery

and a canine assault.

Listen, all right? I am not the
one who stole the toy bag, okay?

It was him. It was
that guy right there.

Uh-huh. Tell it to the
judge, Christmas elf.

In the mean time, you have
the right to remain silent.

Silent
night Holy night

All is calm All is bright

Cram it, carolers.

How rude!

All right, get in the cruiser.

Wait, no! Stop it!

You take that stray to
the shelter.

Tata.

Mr. Smirch, I'll meet you back at
the police station. You stay there.

No.
Thank you, Officer.

No, you are a grumpy,
grouchy, evil person.

They made me do it.

Uh, just needs more
Christmas stuff.

You know, like, do
you think we can get

some of those big
Christmas balls?

Christmas balls?
Yeah.

You know, those big,
colorful ornament balls?

Oh, and some sprigs of holly,
you know, for Holly-wood?

Big Christmas balls
and sprigs of holly?

Sure, I'll rustle
some up right now.

Wonder what's going on.

I heard some nut

dressed like a Christmas elf got
arrested for robbing a toy store.

Christine?

This is our float?

Hi, Mr. Rexford. Yes.

Um, listen, I know it's a little
different from what we discussed,

but there were some
problems with the model,

so we had to make
a few small changes.

Problem with the model?
What sort of problem?

Uh, it's kind of a long story.

Don't you worry,
float's gonna be great.

Needs balls.
Excuse me?

You know, those big,
colorful ornament balls.

You have some of those?

Of course,
Mr. Rexford.

And how about some
little wrapped presents, too?

I mean, for heaven's sakes,
that's what Christmas is about,

glitz and glamour and presents.

Lots and lots of presents.

Trouble.

Hello.

Inga!

My little
Swedish meatball.

I'm so glad you got my tweet.

Beethoven.

What happened?

Where is Henry
and the little guy?

Oh, man, I wish
I could understand you.

Hey, Mason. Mom, I need to
talk to you about something.

What? What's wrong?
It's the elf. I...

I think he may be in
trouble. Let me guess.

Your little elf friend
knocked over a toy store

and now you want
me to post bail?

No, Mom, listen. There's
really something wrong.

We are not having this
conversation, Mason,

because I need to get
Beethoven ready for the parade.

Oh!

See, Mom? Even Beethoven
is trying to tell you something.

Can't you just put
your stupid job aside

for one second and
just listen to me?

I do listen to you, Mason.

No, you don't.

Ever since Dad died it's like you
barely pay attention to me at all.

It's like you died, too.

And you know what?
If Dad was here,

he'd listen to me.

I just know he would.

Have I really been that absent?

What am I talking to
you for? You can't talk.

Beethoven!

Where you going?

Beethoven, what are you doing?

What have you got?

A candy cane?

I don't want a candy cane
right now, Beethoven.

Okay.

Okay. Okay, I'll
have a candy cane.

I'll have a candy cane.

Oh, that is horrible.

Oh, what kind of
candy cane is this?

The kind that turns this...

...into this, "Hey,
good-looking, how you doing?"

What's going on?

What's going on is
it's time for you

to get your nose
out of your butt

and listen to Mason.

He's telling the
truth, you know.

While you've been
out chasing your tail,

we've been trying to save
Christmas, doggone it.

But you

can't talk.

Oh, just get over it already.

It's elf magic, all right?

You know, from that real Christmas
elf who's living in your garage?

He's got a whole bag
of tricks out there.

Berries that make reindeer fly,

candy canes that
let us have this

cute little conversation
we're having.

I'm...

I'm talking to Beethoven.

No, I'm the one
doing all the talking

and you're just standing there
with the dopey look on your face.

Now, are you gonna help
Mason save Christmas, or what?

Hey.

If we're gonna get that magic
toy bag back to Santa in time,

we better get going.

You believe me?

Mason,

I am so sorry if I haven't
been there for you.

After your dad died, I was
just so scared, you know?

Scared of what?

Not being able to
be a mom and a dad.

I guess by trying to be both,
I stopped being either.

Well, I'm sorry, too.

Because I didn't think
about how hard it was for you.

I'll try to remember
that next time

you need me to help
you out with something.

But hey,

it's always hardest around
the holidays, right?

Yeah, that's right.

All right.

Let's get going.
What are we waiting for?

Beethoven told me that your
little elf friend really is in jail.

Jail?

You're not gonna get away
with this, whoever you are.

And when Santa finds
out who you are,

oh, you are gonna be in
so much trouble, mister.

I am talking
"naughty list" for life.

I want to press charges.

I want to throw the
book at him, or Kindle.

Whatever's available.
Hey!

Will you just give
me the bag back?

Look, where is your
Christmas spirit?

So, are we done here?

Uh, yes, sir, Mr. Smirch.

Merry Christmas.
What?

Oh. Uh...

Ditto.

Can you at least give it
back when it runs out?

What did you say?

The bag, will you consider
giving it back to me

after the toys run out?

Uh...

I'll just humor him, you know.

Perhaps he'll slip up and say
something we can use against him.

What's this all about, elfy?

When exactly will
the bag run out?

I don't know. But at the rate
you're going, probably soon.

The elves only made
enough toys for one year.

Only made enough?

Oh, that's right.

You little creeps actually
made all those toys.

Officer, I have decided
not to press charges.

What? You have?
Yes.

After all it is Christmas.

In fact, I think
I'd like to offer

this strangely dressed
young fellow a ride home.

Excuse me.

We need to bail out an, um...

Elf.
Sorry, he's already gone.

That guy who owns the toy store

decided not to press
charges after all.

Even gave him a ride home, too.

Mom, he's got to
be up to something.

Let's go.

Beethoven says, "Yes."
I know.

I don't get it, boss.
Why are we leaving again?

Because now that
we have the elf,

we have all we'll ever need to
make money for the rest of our lives.

No, no, no, no.

I don't actually
know how to make toys.

I explained this to you.
This is just a costume.

I picked it up at
the Halloween store...

I'm not talking about you.

I am talking about this elf.

This real Christmas elf.

You're saying that's
a real Christmas elf?

No wonder his
costume is so good.

But wait.
We're kidnapping him?

Yes. Don't you see?

He is even better than the bag.

That is going to run out.

But he will be able to make us all
the inventory we'll ever need forever.

Kenny,

give a man a bowl of rice
and you feed him for a day.

But give him an elf
who can make rice

and then we steal
the elf, we eat forever.

Look, I'm telling you, I don't
know how to make toys, okay?

The one time I tried,
it was a disaster.

Right. A Christmas elf who
does not know how to make toys.

That's a good one.

Santa was right.
Maybe I am better at...

But, boss, if that's
a real Christmas elf,

then that must be Santa's
actual magic toy bag.

Boss, this isn't right.
We shouldn't be doing this.

Kenny, haven't I
always steered you right?

Eat a good breakfast, Kenny.
Wear your warm hat, Kenny.

Don't eat the
yellow snow, Kenny.

Hold it right there, Smirch.

I believe you have some
things that don't belong to you.

Yes, I do.

And I'm not giving them back.

Cover me, Kenny.

Now you see him.

No, no, no, no.

Now you don't.

Henry!

Mom, I got it!

Come on, Kenny.

Okay, come on, we gotta get him.

I hate Christmas.

What are we gonna do?

Two words, run.

Come on!

Boss! Boss!

I don't wanna be a
part of this anymore.

Shut up.

Ha!

Oh, Santa, just what
I always wanted.

How did you...

No, I want the red one.

All right.

Look, we've gone
too far this time.

I mean, stealing old
mattresses is one thing,

but stealing
Christmas is another.

Kenny, you're fired!

Oh, yeah? Fine!

I'm going back to Boca Raton!

Only could you forward my
mail to my mother's house?

Move it, monkey. Out of
my way!

Coming through!

Look out!

Get away, kid, you bother me!

Move it or lose it!

Mommy!

Suspect Smirch
wanted for toy theft

last spotted near
the Beethoven float.

Be alert, suspect is
stupid and dangerous.

- Is he all right?
- Yeah.

You again?

Ha! Okay,
that was awesome.

It actually was.

There's the bag.

Anybody hurt?

Man, you know this thing has
a lot less room than you think.

Now I recognize you.

You're that thief who sold me an
overpriced mattress three months ago.

Uh, sorry, not me.

Must have been another,
uh, Christmas ball.

The guy is nuts.
Grab him.

Ha! We
finally got you, Smirch.

I gotta go.

This parade is really
starting to rain on my parade.

Sorry, Mom.

I know this float was
really important to your job.

And I'm
sorry, too, Mrs. Cooper. Um...

I really appreciate all
that you've done for me.

Christine, there you are.
I heard there was an accident.

Oh, good heavens, no.

Not the big ball.

I'm so sorry,
Mr. Rexford.

But I'm afraid
it's not gonna be...

Anything
you expected.

It's gonna be better.

Yeah it's a... My mom's
been working on a new idea

and it's gonna be cooler and
more appropriate for Beethoven.

Is that so?

Well then, Christine,
what have you been up to?

You're just gonna have to
wait and see the parade. Yep.

It's gonna be great.

And now, please give a
warm welcome to your Grand Marshal,

superstar dog, Beethoven.

In partnership with the ASPCA,

Beethoven would like to send
you all a message this Christmas.

Rescue a pet from a shelter and
give someone a home for the holidays.

And please become a monthly
donor to the ASPCA today.

Beethoven!

Ah! Another partnership between
Beethoven and the ASPCA.

Now that's what
I call a "Win-win-win."

Good work, Cooper.

I've said it once, I've
said it a thousand times,

Christmas isn't all about glitz
and glamour and presents.

It's about goodwill, and
helping your fellow man...

...and dog.
Thank you, Mr. Rexford.

But I can't take all the credit.

It's Mason's idea to include
the animals from the shelter.

Really? Apparently the talent
runs pretty deep in your family.

Well, I think it's
safe to say, Christine,

that you have
got that promotion.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Mr. Rexford.

I can't take it.

Unless it means that I can spend
more time at home with my son.

Well, now that you think of it,

that probably wouldn't be the
worst thing for our company either.

I tell you what, you tell me what
schedule you want to work on,

and I promise you,
we'll arrange it.

Thank you, Mr. Rexford.

Thank you.

Thank you so much
for your help on this.

Tell you what,

tomorrow why don't we go down and
pick you up one of those MegaStations?

Huh.

Actually, Mom,

I've decided that there are more
constructive uses of my time.

Like maybe taking care of a dog.

What do you say?
Keep him?

Thought you didn't like dogs.

I didn't think
so either, but he chose me.

Welcome to the family,
little guy.

Thanks, Mom.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, baby.

Hey, guys, do you think that we
can get me back to the North Pole?

My bells are still
on the line here.

Oh!
Yeah. Um...

Yeah.

You think you can
make it back in this?

Yeah, I mean it looks
fine, but one problem.

Who's supposed to fly
it?

Come on, elf.

The magic berries.

If they can make a reindeer fly,

then they can make a dog
fly.

Well, so long, Mason.

I just want to thank you so much

for helping me find
Santa's toy bag.

Couldn't have done
it without you, man.

And I wanna thank you
for something else, too.

What's that?

For helping me see that
Santa was right about me.

You know, I am a stable elf.

And different or not,

I wouldn't wanna
be anything else.

No problem, Henry.

And I guess I should thank
you for something, too.

Thanks for making me realize

that believing in Santa Claus

is definitely not
a little kid thing.

I am gonna need some time for the
tooth fairy and Easter Bunny, though.

Yeah, all right.

Merry Christmas.

All right. Merry Christmas.

You ready, Beethoven?

Onward.

Goodbye, big fella.

Goodbye!
Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Bye, Beethoven.

Hold on.

Coming home, here we go.

See you
later, Beethoven.

Merry Christmas, guys.

Merry Christmas.

So what are you gonna name him?

I think I'm gonna
name him after someone

who really helped us
out this Christmas.

Hey, what do you think of the
name Henry or Hank for short?

So long.

Merry Christmas!

In the end,
Santa made all his deliveries,

and the holiday
hit no further snag.

Though it's important
to point out

that the best gifts
received that year

came not from his bag.

For little Hank, it was a home,

and a happy one at that.

For Henry, it was a calling
he would never give back.

For Christine and Mason, it
was something enduring and true,

the gift of a healing
that was long overdue.

And as for our old
friend Beethoven,

it was the thanks of
one very grateful elf.

As well as a special ride home

from the big man himself.

Merry Christmas, one and all.

Humanity has been saved!

A helpless child's ski-board
is now back in his arms.

Oh, joy! Oh, rapture!
Merry Christmas!

I was wrong again!
People are crooks!

They took my new ski-board!

Oh, the inhumanity of it all!