Bearskin: An Urban Fairytale (1989) - full transcript
On the run from a couple of hit-men, young Johnny Fortune escapes from a life in basement poolrooms to become a dancing bear with the strangest Punch and Judy man in the business.
[music playing]
[chatter]
I don't believe it.
You won all the wealth.
Come on, mate, give
us another game.
You must be crazy, man.
[interposing voices]
- You're out of your league.
- Who is, man?
No, man.
You've already et
all your chips.
That's it.
I feel seriously
lucky this time.
[interposing voices]
Feeling lucky this time.
Johnny Fortune is going
to win some serious money.
[interposing voices]
What are you doing?
Gambling again, Johnny?
What's this then?
Peanuts?
A bit of a downturn, innit?
So how much you lost this time?
Peanuts, man.
Right.
That's it.
You know the rules.
So shift it.
What?
Out!
Go on.
Right out.
Right out.
Go on.
Out.
Yeah, see you some
time, Johnny, man.
What's happening?
What's up, Kate?
You're bad news, Johnny.
What do you mean?
You know damn
well what I mean.
Why do you play for money
when you're no good?
I ain't that bad.
You're a joke.
Things could be better.
But they might be worse.
I might surprise you
once of these days.
That is some charm.
No, I'm serious.
Look, you wouldn't touch my
winnings, would you, Johnny?
Oh why, what would
you do about it?
I'd kill you.
Yeah, I thought you might.
Leave it there, that's enough.
Leave it.
Come on, let's go
back to the girl.
Great, eh?
You don't even know what
I'm on about, do you?
No, not really.
Work, son.
Work.
The click of your
locker at work, get it?
No [inaudible] no
past, no bloody future.
Come on mate.
Come on, eh?
Have a day's work.
Oh, keep your money, son.
- No, go on.
- Winter's coming.
Go on, have it.
Hang on, come here.
Look at this, see?
There you go.
Entertainer
requires assistant.
Thanks.
Thanks, mate.
Jesus.
What'd you do that for?
Where's my money?
Jesus, look at my hand.
My nail will fall off.
I don't give a shit, Johnny.
What have you done
with my money?
Done nothing with it.
Bloody liar.
Look, it's all right.
It's cool.
Don't worry about it.
Where is my money?
It's all there.
I swear on my life.
Well, nearly all.
Except this bloke I met--
Shut up, Johnny.
I've heard enough bullshit.
You went fucking gambling
with my winnings, didn't you?
How'd you find out?
I know what you did.
You lost a lot.
And then you bloody well
grabbed it back and ran.
You know, you must
be soft in the head.
I play better than
those miserable bastards.
I just kept losing.
Then I saw your face.
It scared me shitless.
So I grabbed the lot, and run.
That's it.
Yeah, you grabbed
[inaudible] a lot don't you?
I'm sorry.
Does it hurt much?
Doesn't matter.
Sorry, Kate.
Do you know what I've got here?
It's my future.
Better give it back.
What?
The money, you
better give it back.
Jesus, I can't just go back to
those guys and say sorry, man.
Here's your money.
You could try.
[inaudible] they'd kill me.
Well, they will anyway.
No, not with this.
They won't find me.
What, entertainer
requires assistant?
And you think you're
going to get this, do you?
Johnny those jobs are just
as stitched up as any other.
Anyway, it makes no difference.
They're still going to find you.
What's so big about them?
I've got away from worse.
Oh, yeah.
But who do they fall on?
People like me.
JOHNNY FORTUNE: No,
of course not, Kate.
Come on, think about it.
Everything's going to be sweet.
I'll get the job.
You'll be rich.
[piano playing]
[chatter]
What'll it be?
It's about the job.
CHARLIE: What is this, a joke?
JOHNNY FORTUNE: What?
What do you mean?
It says apply here.
CHARLIE: Where'd
you get that thing?
JOHNNY FORTUNE: From "The Mail."
That's a year old, that is.
[inaudible] man, you got
something against me, or what?
I only got this thing yesterday.
Listen, son.
I don't know who
your mate is, but he
reads year-old newspapers, OK?
Now you take it up with him.
I'm sorry, but I'm busy.
Come on, please.
I've got to get this--
WOMAN IN BAR: Whoo,
there he goes!
[interposing voices]
WOMAN IN BAR: Well done!
Hey, hey!
Take it easy.
Easy, fella.
No harm meant.
It's over.
Why after all this time?
I dunno.
Maybe he's a slow reader.
I wouldn't trust that
one with my girl anyway.
Yeah.
Laura's smart.
She's bloody marvelous.
I've never seen her
in such good nick.
Maybe that old witch taught her
a thing or two after all, eh?
Looks like the kid's upset her.
What's that?
Nah.
She's on the side of the angels.
You're worried about
the kid, aren't you?
Huh?
Go on.
Well, forget him.
He's going to be all right.
Sure he will.
GOLD CUFFLINKS: So what are
you trying to say, Harry?
HARRY: Well, we
tracked him down.
We found out where he lived.
GOLD CUFFLINKS: Is that all?
GEORGE: Don't understand
why we didn't jump in here.
For God's sake, George.
Do I have to spell
it out to you?
This is an unlicensed house.
That means guaranteed
discretion.
Now it's my job to
cover bad debts.
And it's your job,
George, Harold,
to take care of any rough
stuff off the premises.
[chatter]
Yes?
I want to check
out some costumes.
And who are you?
An entertainer?
- Yeah, I am.
I don't hire out anymore.
How comes?
I mean, how comes you
don't hire out anymore?
That is my business.
Sorry.
Wait.
Do you want a job?
What?
Do you want a job?
Doing what?
Helping me.
Yeah, definitely.
Good.
I don't pay much.
But if you want to live in,
you can sleep over there.
Oh, brilliant.
So come tomorrow.
Roll call at 9:00 sharp.
Roll call?
Yes, roll call.
All right, fair enough.
Sorry, but what do I call you?
J. Mrs. J.
Fuck yes!
Yes!
Johnny Fortune is pulling
away from the pack.
He's definitely
shrugging 'em off.
Johnny--
- Get off my table.
- What's happening?
- Go on, get off.
Johnny Fortune [inaudible].
You're not still
thinking of doing a runner?
They won't find me now.
Oh, grow up, Johnny.
They'll find you just like that.
Nah, we'll be gone before
they even turn 'round.
We?
You leave me out,
Johnny Fucking Fortune.
I'm not going anywhere with you.
It's cool.
It's cool, man.
You just stay here
and wait for nothing.
I'm done.
[inaudible] it's over and done.
If you ever need me.
[music playing]
[applause]
SILVA: (AS PUNCH) I've
got such a lovely wife.
She's all fancy painted, her.
She's dolled up.
She's marvelous.
She's a knockout.
She's a sweetheart.
She's fine.
She's fine.
She's lovely.
She's divine.
Judy!
Judy, Judy, my duck
of several diamonds.
(IMITATES HORN PLAYING)
Take that!
[screams and giggles]
SILVA: (AS JUDY) Ow!
(AS PUNCH) And that!
(AS JUDY) Ow!
Ow!
[laughter]
Medieval pages.
Medieval pages, 25.
Courtesans and knights?
JOHNNY FORTUNE:
Courtesans and nights, 53.
Jesuits?
Jesuits, 18.
MRS. J.: Saracens.
JOHNNY FORTUNE: Saracens, 27.
MRS. J.: Swords and shields.
Johnny, I've got
something to do.
Yes, Mrs. J.
Come on, Mrs. J. Couldn't
we make an exception?
No.
[inaudible] forget money
in return for your costume.
You'll what?
How the fuck do you think
I can live without my gear?
That's your problem.
Don't worry.
I don't hire out anymore.
Oh, that's great.
That's great.
What do you do,
play circus in here?
Hey, listen, please.
Please, give me a
couple of weeks.
OK?
I'm sorry.
You know my terms.
Johnny?
Put these in circus.
You shellfish bastard.
Selfish bastard?
Shellfish.
You shellfish bastard.
What's funny about that?
It's a shellfish, innit?
What's a shellfish?
The crab is.
Crab is a shellfish, innit?
Yeah, what's that
got to do with the job?
It's what I said,
it's a family of crabs.
You said there
was a Crabbe family.
It's the same thing, innit?
A shellfish--
- No, it's not.
--is a crab.
Yeah, I know
that, I know that.
Fucking-- you winding me?
You think I'm stupid?
Don't be stupid, a
four-year-old would get that.
Look, you said there was
a Crabbe family, right?
Right at the seaside?
- No, don't wind me up.
- Now--
Leave it.
Don't matter.
Don't matter, does it?
- No, it's Crabbe, C-R-A-B-B-E.
(LAUGHS) I don't believe you.
You prat.
He was there again, right?
Well, it doesn't
mean he has trouble.
Can we just run
through this, please?
OK, you go down in
front, beat the drum.
Then we have movement
one, then two.
Takes care of the
domestic and the social,
and then we got movement three.
Justice, jail, the hanging,
and finally, the devil.
And that's it.
The end.
I repeat, the end.
And we pack our gear, and we go.
We don't need anybody else.
We can't afford anybody else.
Look, I didn't come
halfway around the world
to play pied piper, all right?
And I don't want
a goddamn family.
And another thing, I'd have
to add a whole new routine.
I don't like coming
out in front.
You don't know me.
Maybe I got my own reasons
for staying in the box.
I mean, you got the job.
And you're a damn sight better
than any other dumb kid.
Hey, I'm sorry, honey.
Snip, you know what I mean.
What does he know how to do?
Nothing.
I don't know.
Then I gotta go down in front.
Well, OK.
If you can find
him we'll have him.
And so, on it's track,
the little clockwork
train we call the
heart goes spinning
to entertain the brain.
[chatter]
HARRY: Straighten up, kid.
Don't call me kid.
HARRY: You didn't
mention your name.
That's right, I didn't.
What do you want?
Where is he?
How should I know?
We were told he
shacked up with you.
Yeah, well you
were told wrong.
It's funny, that.
You don't look the sort
for temporary bedmates.
Still, you never can tell.
Anyway, Makes no odds.
We're looking at you now, kid.
I've got nothing
to do with it.
Aye, you did,
and I'll bet you.
Here, that's good, innit?
Aye, you did, and I'll bet you.
(LAUGHS) Tell your little friend
that if he tries to skip out
we will take him.
Do you know what I'm saying?
He's young.
He might have a future.
But I doubt it.
Have one on us, before we
dance on your knuckles.
Be a shame if something
happened to those hands.
Still, maybe we can
find softer places.
I slashed his tires.
Bloody idiot!
Someone's been
playing silly buggers.
Call a cab.
[music playing]
[applause]
[laughter]
(GRUNTS)
[laughter]
(GRUNTS)
[alarm clock rings]
[farts]
[laughter]
(GROWLS)
[laughter]
[screams]
[laughter]
[yelling]
(GROWLS)
[interposing voices]
AUDIENCE: Round the back!
[interposing voices]
[interposing voices]
AUDIENCE: There he is!
There he is!
[interposing voices]
[yelling]
Come on, Laura,
let's get out of here.
(SCAT SINGING) (LAUGHS) Whee!
(LAUGHS)
So how's it going?
You mean Punch and Judy?
Like a handful of tacks.
I can't stand that bear.
Well, I never cared
much for him myself.
They come along
with the fittings.
Yeah.
I did warn you, old son.
Yeah.
It never pays to mix it.
Well, it made Laura happy.
Well, there's no
accounting for taste.
It's a lonely sort, isn't she?
Yeah.
Well, she build a home
inside of herself, you know?
And everything else
is just background.
It took me almost a year to
get her to come out sometimes.
[radio squeals]
RADIO ANNOUNCER: He jabs left,
right, a great combination.
He's [inaudible] left hand.
One of the most devastating
punches I've ever seen.
[inaudible] right to the
body, uppercut to the head.
Oh my god, there's
blood everywhere.
[radio squeals]
Courtesans and knights, 25.
MRS. J.: Legionnaires
and officers?
Legionnaires and officers, 53.
MRS. J.: Jesuits?
Jesuits, 18.
MRS. J.: Saracens?
Saracens 12.
- Something wrong, Johnny?
- Shit.
MRS. J.: Check again.
I hear you're not
in business anymore,
Mrs. J. Do I hear right?
Yes, you hear right.
Well, you surprise me,
Mrs. J. Entertainment's
a lucrative business these days.
Almost as lucrative
as information.
What's this about, Broker?
Do you think I know
something you don't?
Oh, I don't know
what you know,
Mrs. J. It's what you might have
known, or might come to know.
I'm interested in the American.
You ever hear from
him these days?
No.
Pity.
Might a been a bite, there.
What are we talking about?
Trouble and power, Mrs.
J. You do them a favor,
chances are they'll
do you one back.
He didn't tell me any secrets.
I don't expect he did.
If he's the one
they think he is.
Do you know where he is?
No.
I rather thought you might.
Now, you've been in
this business 30 years.
I can't believe you don't
know what's going on.
All that's wanted is well-paid,
well-protected information.
I told you, I've closed down.
I'm not interested.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
It's going around, that problem.
But suit yourself, Mrs. J. I
was asked to put the question,
and I did.
[clatter]
[louder clatter]
You know, I don't know
whether you love these things,
or you hate 'em.
I guess old habits die hard, hm?
Hm?
[ship horn]
Hey, I'm sorry.
Hey, I'm sorry.
What's happening?
You have to come in like that?
Sorry, man.
Listen, I've got this new
idea for a brilliant routine.
It's on stilts.
Not now.
Shit.
Man, it's always not now.
Write it down.
[piano playing]
What's bugging you?
Does she ever talk?
Sure she talks.
Yeah, she never says
nothing, though, does she?
She doesn't make
a lot of noise.
But she's usually
a few steps ahead.
She says you're always late.
Yeah, well, I don't
have an alarm clock now,
but I swear I'll
get one soon, eh?
Yeah, right.
I got a better idea.
Well, it's not
what it used to be?
What do you mean?
Well, you ever hear the one
about the old man and the sack?
No.
Well, there was this old
man, used to cross a small
border every morning,
between Transylvania
and Alsace-Lorraine, see?
And every morning he
had a bicycle with him
and he had a sack slung
up over his shoulder.
Every evening he'd cross
back through the same border
on his bicycle.
And he always had something
in that sack, see?
[cat yowls]
So every evening, that
border guard would
get him to dump that sack out.
And all they ever found
in that sack was dirt.
Nothing but dirt.
Well, come time for the
border guard to retire.
On his last day, sure
enough, the old-timer
came across the
border on his bicycle,
that sack over his shoulder.
Border guard said listen,
you gotta tell me.
You gotta tell me what you
been smuggling all these years.
And after a couple of drinks,
he finally got his answer.
So what was it?
Bicycles.
[laughter]
[police radio chatter]
(MOANS)
What happened, lad?
Ah, hit and run.
Hit and run?
Did you see a car?
No.
Funny, nor did I. OK,
lad, this your bike?
I'm telling you,
it was hit and run.
The guy riding the
bike hit me and ran.
Oh, dear.
My fault, officers.
My fault, entirely.
Oh, god, will you look--
would you look at these?
Oh, god.
I guess I wasn't
navigating so well.
I'm sorry, son.
Is there any broken bones?
It's all my fault, officer.
No, no problem.
I'm terribly, sorry.
I don't know.
I think this man needs
medical attention.
I think we should be thinking
about calling an ambulance.
No, no, no.
It's no problem.
It's no problem.
I hope you get your
glasses fixed, OK, sir?
[interposing voices]
Well, I-I-I you gotta to
promise me, if you have any
problems, to call a specialist.
Good night.
God, I tell you, you know,
my-my-my cousin Ephraim is--
What about you, sir?
I mean, can you ride all right?
SILVA: I'll be fine.
I'll be fine, thank you.
You're doing a marvelous job.
State of the art.
Looking beautiful.
I'll just be moving
right along, sir.
I have law enforcement
in my family as well.
(IMITATES HORN PLAYING)
(AS PUNCH) I dreamt I
dwelt in marble halls,
right next door
to the Taj Mahal.
With a hairdresser,
and a limo driver,
and a tailor, and my own chef.
Plenty of action all the
time, and plenty of dough,
plenty of dough.
[laughter]
(AS FRIDAY) My name's Friday.
I carry a badge.
Step out of the car, please.
Can I see some identification?
I'm with the LAPD.
(AS PUNCH) Yeah, so am I.
[laughter]
(AS FRIDAY) Did you
see my badge, sir?
(AS PUNCH) Do you feel mine?
[squeals]
(AS FRIDAY) I'm the police,
and the church warden,
the overseer, the street keeper,
the [inaudible] the magistrate,
the policeman of the parish.
Listen, babe.
I'm the long arm of the law.
[laughter]
(AS PUNCH) Ah, you're the poodle
in the church warming pan,
the street sweeper,
the turnip top,
the [inaudible] the magistrate,
and the poodle of the parish.
[laughter]
(AS FRIDAY) I am the law.
(AS PUNCH) Yeah, and so am I.
(AS FRIDAY) Where's
your authority?
Where's your registration?
(AS PUNCH) There it is.
[laughter]
Take that!
That's the way we do it!
AUDIENCE: Yay!
JOHNNY FORTUNE: So
years pass, right?
And this old border guard
is desperate to find
out what the bloke's
been smuggling
in the sack all these years.
And he says look, you got
to tell me, what is it?
Do you know what it was, Mrs. J?
No.
Bikes.
Pushbikes, Mrs. J.
I swear, you should
have heard the guy who told me.
The man is funny.
Do you know what I mean?
he's got this sort of
laid-back American voice.
This friend of yours--
is he in the bicycle business?
No, no, he's a Punch and--
And Judy man?
JOHNNY FORTUNE: No,
I mean he's a boxer.
A puncher.
A hard man.
I swear, this guy
don't mess about.
It's wham, straight to the
point, do you know what I mean?
Yes.
Pull up, a little
bit [inaudible].
Jab, jab, cross.
Good, good.
Hit it when you want to.
Good, good.
OK, good, good, good.
Good, OK.
All right, all right.
OK, now keep your
wrist straight, right?
All right?
Lean in with shoulders and hips.
It's a swivel.
Dance into it.
You're leading with
your right hand,
you're leading with
your right foot.
If you're leading
with your left hand,
you're leading with
your left foot.
Good, good.
Good.
Kid Snip, she's a killer.
[inaudible] And El Diablo.
That's it.
Good.
All right, we'll grab the bag.
Beautiful.
Ah, good, out of the way.
She's out of the way.
Yeah, I don't believe
you thought that.
I did.
Yes, I did.
Crap.
Just forget it.
It don't matter, does it?
It was crap.
It was a crap joke.
Total crap.
You're crap at telling jokes.
A four-year-old, would
have got that, right?
[interposing voices]
My kid got that.
I think my kid told me that.
Crap family.
Kate?
Kate?
It's me, Johnny.
So did you find her, then?
Not really, no.
What do you mean, not really?
It's bad news, Johnny.
So where is she, then?
They've hurt her.
Yeah, you said that last time.
Yeah, well--
Yeah, well what?
So where is she?
What's the matter
with you, right?
Nothing's the matter with me.
So just tell me
where she is, then.
I can't.
I promised her.
- What'd you promise?
- Not to tell you where she was.
What the fuck do
you do that for?
Just tell me.
You don't understand.
They've hurt her.
- Stop saying that.
- They've hurt her!
Johnny, man, they've raped her.
What?
They raped her.
Shit, shit, shit.
[inaudible].
That's an awful lot of shit.
Shh.
They'll get you
in the end, boy.
About to.
For fuck's sake, shut up.
There's only one way out.
I'll take the bike.
You'll what?
Oh, yeah.
Ssh, listen.
A bike is like a disguise.
It makes an old man look older,
a young man look younger,
get it?
What are you talking about?
So I pedal off,
and they follow me.
How could you looking older
look like me looking younger?
Because it works
the other way around.
[bicycle bell]
HARRY: Stay away from the
kid, or we'll bury ya.
Shit, looks like rain.
And who wants to get
buried in the rain?
Where is this place, Johnny?
It's just up here on the left.
Well, where?
Sure you know
where you're going?
Yeah, of course I do.
Here, it's just this one here.
Don't stop now.
Just drive past slowly.
You must be mad, man.
What are you saying?
We're saying forget it.
What do you mean, forget it?
How could I forget
she was raped?
That's not what
I'm saying, man.
But you can't just
go steaming in there.
So just chill, all right?
Just chill!
FRIEND: [inaudible].
Is that all you can say, man?
That's my girlfriend that's
been raped by those guys.
So don't tell me
to fucking chill.
EDISON: Johnny, cut the shit.
- Just relax.
You already took half
the bleeding neighborhood.
But you don't even know
what you're dealing with.
What happened to
your bike, Johnny?
I had an accident.
That's too bad.
Don't believe me?
No, I believe you.
So what's up, Johnny?
If there was someone
you knew, and someone
did something to them,
something really bad,
would you do nothing?
No.
So you'd pile in.
Yeah, I'd pile in.
But I'd make sure I
didn't burn my fingers.
[inaudible]
[explosion]
[yelling]
Do you know,
there was something
else going on out there today.
I don't know what.
But you know, he reminds me
of myself when I was a kid.
But he's clocking it up
too young and too fast.
You talk too much.
[knock at door]
Who is it?
JOHNNY FORTUNE: It's me, Johnny.
What do you want?
JOHNNY FORTUNE: I want to
see you, just for a minute.
It's open.
Been looking
everywhere for you.
I'm so sorry, Kate.
Forget it, it's done.
Kate--
What?
I have to talk about it.
Nobody does.
Please come with
me, where it's safe.
Please, Johnny, please
just leave me alone, OK?
For the rest of my life I just
want to be left on my own.
Don't say that.
I came to tell you
I've dealt with them.
What are you talking about?
The guys who hurt you.
I dealt with 'em.
What do you mean?
I burnt the place down.
What?
I burnt their place down.
If they ain't burnt
to death by now,
they'll be running
around in dead trouble.
You bloody fool.
You bloody fucking fool.
They'll probably
kill me this time.
What?
What's it got to do with you?
It didn't have to anything
to do with me last time.
If you'd stayed with me,
you would have been safe,
I know you would.
That's bullshit, Johnny.
It's bullshit.
Nobody's safe with you.
Why don't you just piss off?
Just piss off.
Leave me alone.
JOHNNY FORTUNE:
Courtesans and knights.
Jesuits.
[out of tune piano]
What do you want
this time, Broker?
I told you, I'm out
of the business.
But for how long, Mrs. J?
Listen.
I'll tell you a story.
A couple of years ago, a Las
Vegas gym went up in smoke.
$20 million worth of smoke.
Sifting through the
debris, they found a body.
An unidentifiable body.
Now about the same time,
one of the best fighters
in the business went missing.
His contract had
five years to run.
He was their hottest property.
Anyway, to cut a
long story short,
they did a bit of
the old two and two,
and came up with
one dead fighter.
So why disturb the dead?
Because the dead was
sighted a week ago.
And not in the States.
But over here.
So?
So the people who paid
for the classy memorial
service don't like it, Mrs. J.
You mean they want
him to stay dead?
Something like that.
But from you, they
just want information,
Mrs. J. And who knows?
You might get your
daughter back.
He's not boxing anymore.
Ah-hah.
So what's he doing?
Punch and Judy.
Punch and Judy?
Funny place to a hide,
squawking in a box.
They use a swazzle
in the mouth.
It disguises the voice.
(CHUCKLES) Still
sounds unlikely.
Me, You'd better
check again, Mrs. J.
[drumming]
SILVA: (SINGING) By the sea, by
the sea, by the beautiful sea.
(SCATTING) By the sea, by the
sea, by the beautiful sea.
[laughter]
(SCATTING)
Come on, Laura, let's
get out of here.
[tires screeching]
Well, I guess it was
just a tryout, anyway.
But I don't like
attempted assassinations.
So let's have it, kid.
I wanna know.
You wouldn't understand.
You don't know the run-ins.
That's where you're wrong.
See, I put five or six
little things together,
and I come up with
one big thing, you.
Now let's take it
from the top, huh?
I want to know where you live.
I want to know who you know.
And I want to know where you go.
I look out for myself.
Yeah, don't we all.
Now where do you live?
It's nothing to do
with where I live.
Then what it's got
to do with, then?
Can't explain that.
The hell you can't.
I've got a reason.
Yeah, I don't
doubt that you do.
So what's the reason?
A girl, stuff like that.
Yeah, I don't buy it.
I asked you, where do you live?
She told me not
to talk about it.
Who, the girl?
No, my landlady,
where I hang out.
She made me promise
not to talk about it.
Why not?
I don't know.
You said the same
thing to me when
I started working with you.
Hey, take it easy.
Yeah, take it easy.
I tell you everything.
But I don't know
nothing about you.
Take it hard, then.
I don't like this either.
You don't like it?
You're all the fucking same.
Who, we?
Who's we?
You, Laura, Mrs. J.
Ah, well, well.
So that it, then.
Mrs. J. Jackdaw.
I didn't know you knew here.
There's a lot of things
you don't know, kid.
Take spiders, for one.
Spiders?
Yeah, spiders.
They work slow,
careful, and smart.
So what then?
What do you
mean-- so what then?
What?
Hello, Snip.
Don't you ever mention
Mrs. J to Laura.
Don't understand you, man.
What are you saying?
Are you telling
me to go, or what?
Why don't you ask Laura?
She's the one that
almost got killed.
Jackdaw.
So you're still around.
Yeah, I'm still around.
I wonder why.
I should that be pretty
obvious, don't you?
No.
You could have left us alone.
I don't think so.
[non-english speech]
Stop bullshitting, Jackdaw.
(LAUGHS)
Speak English.
You may change your mind.
You're up to something,
aren't you, Jackdaw?
Let me tell you something.
I don't scatter pennies for
people who make trouble.
But if you want trouble, I
come from where they make it.
So I believe.
[out of tune piano]
You trying to make
a point, Jackdaw?
Do you think nobody
knows about you?
What's that supposed to mean?
People are asking questions.
SILVA: Oh yeah?
About what?
$20 million smokescreen.
Where did you get that?
Never mind.
So what do you want, Jackdaw?
Not you.
You're a dead man.
Which makes things
very easy for some,
and very painful for others.
How's Laura?
That sounds like a threat.
Yes.
[piano playing]
We gotta talk, Laura.
Something's come up.
It's something from way back,
way back when I still boxing.
Trouble is, Snip, they
finally caught up with me.
I'm gonna have to move on.
And I'm going to move on alone.
You see, I just don't know
how to protect you from these
people, Snip, I really don't.
Sweet Laura.
Soft as an angel's wing.
Snip, don't cry.
Don't cry.
You gotta be strong,
stronger than all of this.
And I'm gonna need your
help if I'm gonna make it.
And after I'm gone,
things should settle down,
and I think you and Johnny
would be OK together.
(AS PUNCH) Oh dear, I'm
down in the coal hole.
[yells]
(AS JACK KETCH) No, Mr. Punch
you are in a maximum security
penitentiary.
You are in the slammer.
You are in the glass house.
You are in the joint.
(AS PUNCH) Oh yeah, what for?
(AS JACK KETCH)
For having broken
all the laws of the land.
(AS PUNCH) I never touched them.
I never laid a hand on them.
(AS JACK KETCH) Now, Mr.
Punch, you are ordered
for immediate execution.
(AS PUNCH) Oh yeah, what's that?
(AS JACK KETCH) You are
to be hanged by the neck
until you are dead, dead, dead.
(AS PUNCH) Yeah, what?
Three times over?
[laughter]
(AS JACK KETCH) Come
on, now, Mr. Punch.
Justice can't wait.
Put your head in there.
(AS PUNCH) Yeah, over there?
[laughter]
(AS JACK KETCH) No, higher.
(AS PUNCH) There?
(AS JACK KETCH) No,
you blockhead, lower.
(AS PUNCH) Well, I was
never hanged before,
and I don't know how to do it.
(AS JACK KETCH) Now,
Mr. Punch, observe me.
In the first place, I put my
head in the noose, just so.
When I've got your head in,
I pull the end of the rope.
(AS PUNCH) So?
(AS JACK KETCH) Yeah,
but only tighter.
[laughter]
(AS PUNCH) Very good.
I think I know how to do it now.
I think I understand
all about it.
[screams]
(AS PUNCH) Here's a man
who tumbled into a ditch,
and hung himself up to dry.
Good night.
Good night.
Punch is right.
And all his enemies
put to flight
[screams]
[gunshot]
[chatter]
MRS. J.: Johnny,
where are you going?
I'm going.
What have you got in your bag?
Nothing of yours.
I'm just going.
Yes, but where are you going?
I don't know.
I'm leaving.
It's him, isn't it, Johnny?
You're no different.
You'd [inaudible] catch
it if he told you to.
Go, go.
Go to him.
He's dead.
And Laura?
[laughter]
HARRY: Shut it, will you?
[laughter]
HARRY: Mad.
If he ain't here,
where the hell is he?
(SCREAMS)
Yeah, we got him.
So do you want us to
[inaudible] about here or what?
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
He wants him in his bear skin.
In the nuddy?
What?
You said he wanted
him in his bare skin.
You winding me up?
Well, he's a
pretty boy, isn't he?
Don't be a prat.
He just wants to play one
of his stupid bloody games.
I don't believe this.
Darling, does he do anything?
Or is he just a bear [inaudible]
No, he's a dancing bear.
WOMAN IN BAR: Come on, bear!
Dance!
What's the news on Bulstrode?
[interposing voices]
[laughter]
BUSINESS ASSOCIATE: This
isn't a two-bit crap game.
I know that.
WOMAN IN BAR: I
want the bear, baby.
Come on!
[interposing voices]
By the way, sorry to
hear about your fire.
Hmm.
What's up?
Somebody muscling in?
No.
Do you want to
kill [inaudible].
I'm aware of that.
[interposing voices]
WOMAN IN BAR: Don't
let it get away.
[interposing voices]
[breaking glass]
(GROANS)
[phone rings]
GOLD CUFFLINKS: Harry?
He's all yours.
No, he won't be going anywhere.
He turned up?
Yeah.
[screech of tires]
HARRY: You check behind.
I'll go out the front.
(GROANING AND SHIVERING)
This is a heavy storm
we're flying through.
He must have known it
was me they were after.
I mean, that they were
trying to kill me, not Silva.
He thought it was Mrs.
J.'s fault. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
You got any money?
A place like this don't
come cheap. (CHUCKLES) Well?
No, but I can get
some tomorrow busking.
I've got a bear.
Don't try that.
Get off, go on.
Give us a break, Captain.
You must have room for one more.
No one.
Not anything.
So on your way, lad.
Out!
Move on, boy.
Move on.
Sad fortune?
You look rough.
Better come and rest your legs.
Bit naive, aren't you?
Thanks.
Well, it makes a change.
Anything for a change.
Sheep, that's the problem today.
Everybody thinking
the bloody same, which
means nobody's bloody thinking.
What we need is a
lot of lunatics.
I knew one once
But he's dead now.
Sorry to hear about it.
When a good man dies,
it's reason to weep.
Funny I never read about it.
You'll get around to it.
How's the girl?
Laura?
The one with the cue?
Kate?
I don't see her no more.
I didn't think that you did.
Well, she gave me
something for you.
At least I reckon that
was her intention.
I had to take something
out to pay for the box,
but otherwise, it's all there.
I don't want it.
I don't want it, kid.
It's not mine.
Throw it away, then.
You sure?
There you go, then.
LAURA: (YELLING) Johnny!
Johnny!
Johnny!
[screams]
[screeching tires]
Well, well.
Is that really you?
So Banshee's dead, and poor
little Laura is all alone.
And where is Johnny?
Left you, has he?
Never mind.
They'll get him in the end.
You don't like that, do you?
It was OK to do it to me,
but not to poor little Laura.
You know something, Laura?
You not only dumb, you stupid.
You could have had
all this one day.
Look.
Go on, look!
Well?
You're not coming back without
saying I am sorry, Mother.
I want to hear you
saying I'm very sorry.
I'm very sorry, Mother.
Come on.
Say it.
I'm waiting.
Courtesans.
Knights.
Saracens.
Jesuits.
Kings.
Queens.
Knights.
Romans.
[inaudible]
[screeching tires]
Jesus, Silva!
[screeching tires]
I'm not a ghost.
On the other hand, you
haven't seen me tonight.
I'm nobody you know
anymore, do you understand?
Nothing personal.
You gotta stop running, kid.
You never should've left Laura.
I should?
What the fuck about you?
Why did you do that?
I don't understand.
What happened there?
I worked it all
out with Laura.
I had to stage my
own death, so you'd
tell Mrs. J. That
woman's got enough powder
to blow me straight to hell.
Why'd you do that?
I don't have time to
explain that right now.
Now quick, you
get back to Laura.
Just give me your bearskin.
And be careful.
Oi!
Got him!
[screeching tires]
[out of tune piano]
SILVA: (AS PUNCH)
Hey, who are you?
(AS THE DEVIL) Why, I'm
the Devil, young man.
(AS PUNCH) Oh my!
What the hell do you want?
(AS THE DEVIL) To carry you off,
down to the belly of the beast.
(AS PUNCH) Hey, wait a minute.
Who were you to ask for, anyway?
(THE DEVIL) Punch, the
man who was to be hanged.
(AS PUNCH) Well,
then there he is.
(AS THE DEVIL) Oh, is that him?
Thank you, And good night.
(AS PUNCH) Take that!
(AS THE DEVIL) Ow!
(AS PUNCH) Now that's
the way we do it!
[MUSIC PLAYING - TOM WAITS,
"SINGAPORE"]
(SINGING) We sail
tonight for Singapore.
We're all as mad
as hatters here.
I've fallen for a tawny moor,
took of to the Land of Nod.
Drank with all the Chinamen.
Walked the sewers of Paris.
I danced along a colored wind,
dangled from a rope of sand.
You must say goodbye to me.
We sail tonight for Singapore.
Don't fall asleep
while you're ashore.
Cross your heart
and hope to die,
when you hear the children cry.
Let marrow bone and cleaver
choose, while making feet
for children's shoes.
Through the alley,
back from Hell.
When you hear that steeple bell,
you must say goodbye to me.
Wipe him down with gasoline,
till his arms are hard
and mean.
From now on, boy, this
iron boat's your home.
So heave away, boys.
We sail tonight for Singapore.
Take your blankets
from the floor.
Wash your mouth out by the door.
The whole town's
made of iron ore.
Every witness turns to steam,
they all become Italian dreams.
Fill your pockets up with earth.
Get yourself a dollar's worth.
Away, boys.
Away, boys, heave away.
The captain is a
one-armed dwarf.
He's throwing dice
along the wharf.
In the land of the blind,
the one-eyed man is king.
So take this ring.
We sail tonight for Singapore.
We're all as mad
as hatters here.
I've fallen for a tawny moor,
took of to the Land of Nod.
Drank with all the Chinamen.
Walked the sewers of Paris.
I drank along a colored wind.
I dangled from a rope of sand.
You must say goodbye to me.
[chatter]
I don't believe it.
You won all the wealth.
Come on, mate, give
us another game.
You must be crazy, man.
[interposing voices]
- You're out of your league.
- Who is, man?
No, man.
You've already et
all your chips.
That's it.
I feel seriously
lucky this time.
[interposing voices]
Feeling lucky this time.
Johnny Fortune is going
to win some serious money.
[interposing voices]
What are you doing?
Gambling again, Johnny?
What's this then?
Peanuts?
A bit of a downturn, innit?
So how much you lost this time?
Peanuts, man.
Right.
That's it.
You know the rules.
So shift it.
What?
Out!
Go on.
Right out.
Right out.
Go on.
Out.
Yeah, see you some
time, Johnny, man.
What's happening?
What's up, Kate?
You're bad news, Johnny.
What do you mean?
You know damn
well what I mean.
Why do you play for money
when you're no good?
I ain't that bad.
You're a joke.
Things could be better.
But they might be worse.
I might surprise you
once of these days.
That is some charm.
No, I'm serious.
Look, you wouldn't touch my
winnings, would you, Johnny?
Oh why, what would
you do about it?
I'd kill you.
Yeah, I thought you might.
Leave it there, that's enough.
Leave it.
Come on, let's go
back to the girl.
Great, eh?
You don't even know what
I'm on about, do you?
No, not really.
Work, son.
Work.
The click of your
locker at work, get it?
No [inaudible] no
past, no bloody future.
Come on mate.
Come on, eh?
Have a day's work.
Oh, keep your money, son.
- No, go on.
- Winter's coming.
Go on, have it.
Hang on, come here.
Look at this, see?
There you go.
Entertainer
requires assistant.
Thanks.
Thanks, mate.
Jesus.
What'd you do that for?
Where's my money?
Jesus, look at my hand.
My nail will fall off.
I don't give a shit, Johnny.
What have you done
with my money?
Done nothing with it.
Bloody liar.
Look, it's all right.
It's cool.
Don't worry about it.
Where is my money?
It's all there.
I swear on my life.
Well, nearly all.
Except this bloke I met--
Shut up, Johnny.
I've heard enough bullshit.
You went fucking gambling
with my winnings, didn't you?
How'd you find out?
I know what you did.
You lost a lot.
And then you bloody well
grabbed it back and ran.
You know, you must
be soft in the head.
I play better than
those miserable bastards.
I just kept losing.
Then I saw your face.
It scared me shitless.
So I grabbed the lot, and run.
That's it.
Yeah, you grabbed
[inaudible] a lot don't you?
I'm sorry.
Does it hurt much?
Doesn't matter.
Sorry, Kate.
Do you know what I've got here?
It's my future.
Better give it back.
What?
The money, you
better give it back.
Jesus, I can't just go back to
those guys and say sorry, man.
Here's your money.
You could try.
[inaudible] they'd kill me.
Well, they will anyway.
No, not with this.
They won't find me.
What, entertainer
requires assistant?
And you think you're
going to get this, do you?
Johnny those jobs are just
as stitched up as any other.
Anyway, it makes no difference.
They're still going to find you.
What's so big about them?
I've got away from worse.
Oh, yeah.
But who do they fall on?
People like me.
JOHNNY FORTUNE: No,
of course not, Kate.
Come on, think about it.
Everything's going to be sweet.
I'll get the job.
You'll be rich.
[piano playing]
[chatter]
What'll it be?
It's about the job.
CHARLIE: What is this, a joke?
JOHNNY FORTUNE: What?
What do you mean?
It says apply here.
CHARLIE: Where'd
you get that thing?
JOHNNY FORTUNE: From "The Mail."
That's a year old, that is.
[inaudible] man, you got
something against me, or what?
I only got this thing yesterday.
Listen, son.
I don't know who
your mate is, but he
reads year-old newspapers, OK?
Now you take it up with him.
I'm sorry, but I'm busy.
Come on, please.
I've got to get this--
WOMAN IN BAR: Whoo,
there he goes!
[interposing voices]
WOMAN IN BAR: Well done!
Hey, hey!
Take it easy.
Easy, fella.
No harm meant.
It's over.
Why after all this time?
I dunno.
Maybe he's a slow reader.
I wouldn't trust that
one with my girl anyway.
Yeah.
Laura's smart.
She's bloody marvelous.
I've never seen her
in such good nick.
Maybe that old witch taught her
a thing or two after all, eh?
Looks like the kid's upset her.
What's that?
Nah.
She's on the side of the angels.
You're worried about
the kid, aren't you?
Huh?
Go on.
Well, forget him.
He's going to be all right.
Sure he will.
GOLD CUFFLINKS: So what are
you trying to say, Harry?
HARRY: Well, we
tracked him down.
We found out where he lived.
GOLD CUFFLINKS: Is that all?
GEORGE: Don't understand
why we didn't jump in here.
For God's sake, George.
Do I have to spell
it out to you?
This is an unlicensed house.
That means guaranteed
discretion.
Now it's my job to
cover bad debts.
And it's your job,
George, Harold,
to take care of any rough
stuff off the premises.
[chatter]
Yes?
I want to check
out some costumes.
And who are you?
An entertainer?
- Yeah, I am.
I don't hire out anymore.
How comes?
I mean, how comes you
don't hire out anymore?
That is my business.
Sorry.
Wait.
Do you want a job?
What?
Do you want a job?
Doing what?
Helping me.
Yeah, definitely.
Good.
I don't pay much.
But if you want to live in,
you can sleep over there.
Oh, brilliant.
So come tomorrow.
Roll call at 9:00 sharp.
Roll call?
Yes, roll call.
All right, fair enough.
Sorry, but what do I call you?
J. Mrs. J.
Fuck yes!
Yes!
Johnny Fortune is pulling
away from the pack.
He's definitely
shrugging 'em off.
Johnny--
- Get off my table.
- What's happening?
- Go on, get off.
Johnny Fortune [inaudible].
You're not still
thinking of doing a runner?
They won't find me now.
Oh, grow up, Johnny.
They'll find you just like that.
Nah, we'll be gone before
they even turn 'round.
We?
You leave me out,
Johnny Fucking Fortune.
I'm not going anywhere with you.
It's cool.
It's cool, man.
You just stay here
and wait for nothing.
I'm done.
[inaudible] it's over and done.
If you ever need me.
[music playing]
[applause]
SILVA: (AS PUNCH) I've
got such a lovely wife.
She's all fancy painted, her.
She's dolled up.
She's marvelous.
She's a knockout.
She's a sweetheart.
She's fine.
She's fine.
She's lovely.
She's divine.
Judy!
Judy, Judy, my duck
of several diamonds.
(IMITATES HORN PLAYING)
Take that!
[screams and giggles]
SILVA: (AS JUDY) Ow!
(AS PUNCH) And that!
(AS JUDY) Ow!
Ow!
[laughter]
Medieval pages.
Medieval pages, 25.
Courtesans and knights?
JOHNNY FORTUNE:
Courtesans and nights, 53.
Jesuits?
Jesuits, 18.
MRS. J.: Saracens.
JOHNNY FORTUNE: Saracens, 27.
MRS. J.: Swords and shields.
Johnny, I've got
something to do.
Yes, Mrs. J.
Come on, Mrs. J. Couldn't
we make an exception?
No.
[inaudible] forget money
in return for your costume.
You'll what?
How the fuck do you think
I can live without my gear?
That's your problem.
Don't worry.
I don't hire out anymore.
Oh, that's great.
That's great.
What do you do,
play circus in here?
Hey, listen, please.
Please, give me a
couple of weeks.
OK?
I'm sorry.
You know my terms.
Johnny?
Put these in circus.
You shellfish bastard.
Selfish bastard?
Shellfish.
You shellfish bastard.
What's funny about that?
It's a shellfish, innit?
What's a shellfish?
The crab is.
Crab is a shellfish, innit?
Yeah, what's that
got to do with the job?
It's what I said,
it's a family of crabs.
You said there
was a Crabbe family.
It's the same thing, innit?
A shellfish--
- No, it's not.
--is a crab.
Yeah, I know
that, I know that.
Fucking-- you winding me?
You think I'm stupid?
Don't be stupid, a
four-year-old would get that.
Look, you said there was
a Crabbe family, right?
Right at the seaside?
- No, don't wind me up.
- Now--
Leave it.
Don't matter.
Don't matter, does it?
- No, it's Crabbe, C-R-A-B-B-E.
(LAUGHS) I don't believe you.
You prat.
He was there again, right?
Well, it doesn't
mean he has trouble.
Can we just run
through this, please?
OK, you go down in
front, beat the drum.
Then we have movement
one, then two.
Takes care of the
domestic and the social,
and then we got movement three.
Justice, jail, the hanging,
and finally, the devil.
And that's it.
The end.
I repeat, the end.
And we pack our gear, and we go.
We don't need anybody else.
We can't afford anybody else.
Look, I didn't come
halfway around the world
to play pied piper, all right?
And I don't want
a goddamn family.
And another thing, I'd have
to add a whole new routine.
I don't like coming
out in front.
You don't know me.
Maybe I got my own reasons
for staying in the box.
I mean, you got the job.
And you're a damn sight better
than any other dumb kid.
Hey, I'm sorry, honey.
Snip, you know what I mean.
What does he know how to do?
Nothing.
I don't know.
Then I gotta go down in front.
Well, OK.
If you can find
him we'll have him.
And so, on it's track,
the little clockwork
train we call the
heart goes spinning
to entertain the brain.
[chatter]
HARRY: Straighten up, kid.
Don't call me kid.
HARRY: You didn't
mention your name.
That's right, I didn't.
What do you want?
Where is he?
How should I know?
We were told he
shacked up with you.
Yeah, well you
were told wrong.
It's funny, that.
You don't look the sort
for temporary bedmates.
Still, you never can tell.
Anyway, Makes no odds.
We're looking at you now, kid.
I've got nothing
to do with it.
Aye, you did,
and I'll bet you.
Here, that's good, innit?
Aye, you did, and I'll bet you.
(LAUGHS) Tell your little friend
that if he tries to skip out
we will take him.
Do you know what I'm saying?
He's young.
He might have a future.
But I doubt it.
Have one on us, before we
dance on your knuckles.
Be a shame if something
happened to those hands.
Still, maybe we can
find softer places.
I slashed his tires.
Bloody idiot!
Someone's been
playing silly buggers.
Call a cab.
[music playing]
[applause]
[laughter]
(GRUNTS)
[laughter]
(GRUNTS)
[alarm clock rings]
[farts]
[laughter]
(GROWLS)
[laughter]
[screams]
[laughter]
[yelling]
(GROWLS)
[interposing voices]
AUDIENCE: Round the back!
[interposing voices]
[interposing voices]
AUDIENCE: There he is!
There he is!
[interposing voices]
[yelling]
Come on, Laura,
let's get out of here.
(SCAT SINGING) (LAUGHS) Whee!
(LAUGHS)
So how's it going?
You mean Punch and Judy?
Like a handful of tacks.
I can't stand that bear.
Well, I never cared
much for him myself.
They come along
with the fittings.
Yeah.
I did warn you, old son.
Yeah.
It never pays to mix it.
Well, it made Laura happy.
Well, there's no
accounting for taste.
It's a lonely sort, isn't she?
Yeah.
Well, she build a home
inside of herself, you know?
And everything else
is just background.
It took me almost a year to
get her to come out sometimes.
[radio squeals]
RADIO ANNOUNCER: He jabs left,
right, a great combination.
He's [inaudible] left hand.
One of the most devastating
punches I've ever seen.
[inaudible] right to the
body, uppercut to the head.
Oh my god, there's
blood everywhere.
[radio squeals]
Courtesans and knights, 25.
MRS. J.: Legionnaires
and officers?
Legionnaires and officers, 53.
MRS. J.: Jesuits?
Jesuits, 18.
MRS. J.: Saracens?
Saracens 12.
- Something wrong, Johnny?
- Shit.
MRS. J.: Check again.
I hear you're not
in business anymore,
Mrs. J. Do I hear right?
Yes, you hear right.
Well, you surprise me,
Mrs. J. Entertainment's
a lucrative business these days.
Almost as lucrative
as information.
What's this about, Broker?
Do you think I know
something you don't?
Oh, I don't know
what you know,
Mrs. J. It's what you might have
known, or might come to know.
I'm interested in the American.
You ever hear from
him these days?
No.
Pity.
Might a been a bite, there.
What are we talking about?
Trouble and power, Mrs.
J. You do them a favor,
chances are they'll
do you one back.
He didn't tell me any secrets.
I don't expect he did.
If he's the one
they think he is.
Do you know where he is?
No.
I rather thought you might.
Now, you've been in
this business 30 years.
I can't believe you don't
know what's going on.
All that's wanted is well-paid,
well-protected information.
I told you, I've closed down.
I'm not interested.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
It's going around, that problem.
But suit yourself, Mrs. J. I
was asked to put the question,
and I did.
[clatter]
[louder clatter]
You know, I don't know
whether you love these things,
or you hate 'em.
I guess old habits die hard, hm?
Hm?
[ship horn]
Hey, I'm sorry.
Hey, I'm sorry.
What's happening?
You have to come in like that?
Sorry, man.
Listen, I've got this new
idea for a brilliant routine.
It's on stilts.
Not now.
Shit.
Man, it's always not now.
Write it down.
[piano playing]
What's bugging you?
Does she ever talk?
Sure she talks.
Yeah, she never says
nothing, though, does she?
She doesn't make
a lot of noise.
But she's usually
a few steps ahead.
She says you're always late.
Yeah, well, I don't
have an alarm clock now,
but I swear I'll
get one soon, eh?
Yeah, right.
I got a better idea.
Well, it's not
what it used to be?
What do you mean?
Well, you ever hear the one
about the old man and the sack?
No.
Well, there was this old
man, used to cross a small
border every morning,
between Transylvania
and Alsace-Lorraine, see?
And every morning he
had a bicycle with him
and he had a sack slung
up over his shoulder.
Every evening he'd cross
back through the same border
on his bicycle.
And he always had something
in that sack, see?
[cat yowls]
So every evening, that
border guard would
get him to dump that sack out.
And all they ever found
in that sack was dirt.
Nothing but dirt.
Well, come time for the
border guard to retire.
On his last day, sure
enough, the old-timer
came across the
border on his bicycle,
that sack over his shoulder.
Border guard said listen,
you gotta tell me.
You gotta tell me what you
been smuggling all these years.
And after a couple of drinks,
he finally got his answer.
So what was it?
Bicycles.
[laughter]
[police radio chatter]
(MOANS)
What happened, lad?
Ah, hit and run.
Hit and run?
Did you see a car?
No.
Funny, nor did I. OK,
lad, this your bike?
I'm telling you,
it was hit and run.
The guy riding the
bike hit me and ran.
Oh, dear.
My fault, officers.
My fault, entirely.
Oh, god, will you look--
would you look at these?
Oh, god.
I guess I wasn't
navigating so well.
I'm sorry, son.
Is there any broken bones?
It's all my fault, officer.
No, no problem.
I'm terribly, sorry.
I don't know.
I think this man needs
medical attention.
I think we should be thinking
about calling an ambulance.
No, no, no.
It's no problem.
It's no problem.
I hope you get your
glasses fixed, OK, sir?
[interposing voices]
Well, I-I-I you gotta to
promise me, if you have any
problems, to call a specialist.
Good night.
God, I tell you, you know,
my-my-my cousin Ephraim is--
What about you, sir?
I mean, can you ride all right?
SILVA: I'll be fine.
I'll be fine, thank you.
You're doing a marvelous job.
State of the art.
Looking beautiful.
I'll just be moving
right along, sir.
I have law enforcement
in my family as well.
(IMITATES HORN PLAYING)
(AS PUNCH) I dreamt I
dwelt in marble halls,
right next door
to the Taj Mahal.
With a hairdresser,
and a limo driver,
and a tailor, and my own chef.
Plenty of action all the
time, and plenty of dough,
plenty of dough.
[laughter]
(AS FRIDAY) My name's Friday.
I carry a badge.
Step out of the car, please.
Can I see some identification?
I'm with the LAPD.
(AS PUNCH) Yeah, so am I.
[laughter]
(AS FRIDAY) Did you
see my badge, sir?
(AS PUNCH) Do you feel mine?
[squeals]
(AS FRIDAY) I'm the police,
and the church warden,
the overseer, the street keeper,
the [inaudible] the magistrate,
the policeman of the parish.
Listen, babe.
I'm the long arm of the law.
[laughter]
(AS PUNCH) Ah, you're the poodle
in the church warming pan,
the street sweeper,
the turnip top,
the [inaudible] the magistrate,
and the poodle of the parish.
[laughter]
(AS FRIDAY) I am the law.
(AS PUNCH) Yeah, and so am I.
(AS FRIDAY) Where's
your authority?
Where's your registration?
(AS PUNCH) There it is.
[laughter]
Take that!
That's the way we do it!
AUDIENCE: Yay!
JOHNNY FORTUNE: So
years pass, right?
And this old border guard
is desperate to find
out what the bloke's
been smuggling
in the sack all these years.
And he says look, you got
to tell me, what is it?
Do you know what it was, Mrs. J?
No.
Bikes.
Pushbikes, Mrs. J.
I swear, you should
have heard the guy who told me.
The man is funny.
Do you know what I mean?
he's got this sort of
laid-back American voice.
This friend of yours--
is he in the bicycle business?
No, no, he's a Punch and--
And Judy man?
JOHNNY FORTUNE: No,
I mean he's a boxer.
A puncher.
A hard man.
I swear, this guy
don't mess about.
It's wham, straight to the
point, do you know what I mean?
Yes.
Pull up, a little
bit [inaudible].
Jab, jab, cross.
Good, good.
Hit it when you want to.
Good, good.
OK, good, good, good.
Good, OK.
All right, all right.
OK, now keep your
wrist straight, right?
All right?
Lean in with shoulders and hips.
It's a swivel.
Dance into it.
You're leading with
your right hand,
you're leading with
your right foot.
If you're leading
with your left hand,
you're leading with
your left foot.
Good, good.
Good.
Kid Snip, she's a killer.
[inaudible] And El Diablo.
That's it.
Good.
All right, we'll grab the bag.
Beautiful.
Ah, good, out of the way.
She's out of the way.
Yeah, I don't believe
you thought that.
I did.
Yes, I did.
Crap.
Just forget it.
It don't matter, does it?
It was crap.
It was a crap joke.
Total crap.
You're crap at telling jokes.
A four-year-old, would
have got that, right?
[interposing voices]
My kid got that.
I think my kid told me that.
Crap family.
Kate?
Kate?
It's me, Johnny.
So did you find her, then?
Not really, no.
What do you mean, not really?
It's bad news, Johnny.
So where is she, then?
They've hurt her.
Yeah, you said that last time.
Yeah, well--
Yeah, well what?
So where is she?
What's the matter
with you, right?
Nothing's the matter with me.
So just tell me
where she is, then.
I can't.
I promised her.
- What'd you promise?
- Not to tell you where she was.
What the fuck do
you do that for?
Just tell me.
You don't understand.
They've hurt her.
- Stop saying that.
- They've hurt her!
Johnny, man, they've raped her.
What?
They raped her.
Shit, shit, shit.
[inaudible].
That's an awful lot of shit.
Shh.
They'll get you
in the end, boy.
About to.
For fuck's sake, shut up.
There's only one way out.
I'll take the bike.
You'll what?
Oh, yeah.
Ssh, listen.
A bike is like a disguise.
It makes an old man look older,
a young man look younger,
get it?
What are you talking about?
So I pedal off,
and they follow me.
How could you looking older
look like me looking younger?
Because it works
the other way around.
[bicycle bell]
HARRY: Stay away from the
kid, or we'll bury ya.
Shit, looks like rain.
And who wants to get
buried in the rain?
Where is this place, Johnny?
It's just up here on the left.
Well, where?
Sure you know
where you're going?
Yeah, of course I do.
Here, it's just this one here.
Don't stop now.
Just drive past slowly.
You must be mad, man.
What are you saying?
We're saying forget it.
What do you mean, forget it?
How could I forget
she was raped?
That's not what
I'm saying, man.
But you can't just
go steaming in there.
So just chill, all right?
Just chill!
FRIEND: [inaudible].
Is that all you can say, man?
That's my girlfriend that's
been raped by those guys.
So don't tell me
to fucking chill.
EDISON: Johnny, cut the shit.
- Just relax.
You already took half
the bleeding neighborhood.
But you don't even know
what you're dealing with.
What happened to
your bike, Johnny?
I had an accident.
That's too bad.
Don't believe me?
No, I believe you.
So what's up, Johnny?
If there was someone
you knew, and someone
did something to them,
something really bad,
would you do nothing?
No.
So you'd pile in.
Yeah, I'd pile in.
But I'd make sure I
didn't burn my fingers.
[inaudible]
[explosion]
[yelling]
Do you know,
there was something
else going on out there today.
I don't know what.
But you know, he reminds me
of myself when I was a kid.
But he's clocking it up
too young and too fast.
You talk too much.
[knock at door]
Who is it?
JOHNNY FORTUNE: It's me, Johnny.
What do you want?
JOHNNY FORTUNE: I want to
see you, just for a minute.
It's open.
Been looking
everywhere for you.
I'm so sorry, Kate.
Forget it, it's done.
Kate--
What?
I have to talk about it.
Nobody does.
Please come with
me, where it's safe.
Please, Johnny, please
just leave me alone, OK?
For the rest of my life I just
want to be left on my own.
Don't say that.
I came to tell you
I've dealt with them.
What are you talking about?
The guys who hurt you.
I dealt with 'em.
What do you mean?
I burnt the place down.
What?
I burnt their place down.
If they ain't burnt
to death by now,
they'll be running
around in dead trouble.
You bloody fool.
You bloody fucking fool.
They'll probably
kill me this time.
What?
What's it got to do with you?
It didn't have to anything
to do with me last time.
If you'd stayed with me,
you would have been safe,
I know you would.
That's bullshit, Johnny.
It's bullshit.
Nobody's safe with you.
Why don't you just piss off?
Just piss off.
Leave me alone.
JOHNNY FORTUNE:
Courtesans and knights.
Jesuits.
[out of tune piano]
What do you want
this time, Broker?
I told you, I'm out
of the business.
But for how long, Mrs. J?
Listen.
I'll tell you a story.
A couple of years ago, a Las
Vegas gym went up in smoke.
$20 million worth of smoke.
Sifting through the
debris, they found a body.
An unidentifiable body.
Now about the same time,
one of the best fighters
in the business went missing.
His contract had
five years to run.
He was their hottest property.
Anyway, to cut a
long story short,
they did a bit of
the old two and two,
and came up with
one dead fighter.
So why disturb the dead?
Because the dead was
sighted a week ago.
And not in the States.
But over here.
So?
So the people who paid
for the classy memorial
service don't like it, Mrs. J.
You mean they want
him to stay dead?
Something like that.
But from you, they
just want information,
Mrs. J. And who knows?
You might get your
daughter back.
He's not boxing anymore.
Ah-hah.
So what's he doing?
Punch and Judy.
Punch and Judy?
Funny place to a hide,
squawking in a box.
They use a swazzle
in the mouth.
It disguises the voice.
(CHUCKLES) Still
sounds unlikely.
Me, You'd better
check again, Mrs. J.
[drumming]
SILVA: (SINGING) By the sea, by
the sea, by the beautiful sea.
(SCATTING) By the sea, by the
sea, by the beautiful sea.
[laughter]
(SCATTING)
Come on, Laura, let's
get out of here.
[tires screeching]
Well, I guess it was
just a tryout, anyway.
But I don't like
attempted assassinations.
So let's have it, kid.
I wanna know.
You wouldn't understand.
You don't know the run-ins.
That's where you're wrong.
See, I put five or six
little things together,
and I come up with
one big thing, you.
Now let's take it
from the top, huh?
I want to know where you live.
I want to know who you know.
And I want to know where you go.
I look out for myself.
Yeah, don't we all.
Now where do you live?
It's nothing to do
with where I live.
Then what it's got
to do with, then?
Can't explain that.
The hell you can't.
I've got a reason.
Yeah, I don't
doubt that you do.
So what's the reason?
A girl, stuff like that.
Yeah, I don't buy it.
I asked you, where do you live?
She told me not
to talk about it.
Who, the girl?
No, my landlady,
where I hang out.
She made me promise
not to talk about it.
Why not?
I don't know.
You said the same
thing to me when
I started working with you.
Hey, take it easy.
Yeah, take it easy.
I tell you everything.
But I don't know
nothing about you.
Take it hard, then.
I don't like this either.
You don't like it?
You're all the fucking same.
Who, we?
Who's we?
You, Laura, Mrs. J.
Ah, well, well.
So that it, then.
Mrs. J. Jackdaw.
I didn't know you knew here.
There's a lot of things
you don't know, kid.
Take spiders, for one.
Spiders?
Yeah, spiders.
They work slow,
careful, and smart.
So what then?
What do you
mean-- so what then?
What?
Hello, Snip.
Don't you ever mention
Mrs. J to Laura.
Don't understand you, man.
What are you saying?
Are you telling
me to go, or what?
Why don't you ask Laura?
She's the one that
almost got killed.
Jackdaw.
So you're still around.
Yeah, I'm still around.
I wonder why.
I should that be pretty
obvious, don't you?
No.
You could have left us alone.
I don't think so.
[non-english speech]
Stop bullshitting, Jackdaw.
(LAUGHS)
Speak English.
You may change your mind.
You're up to something,
aren't you, Jackdaw?
Let me tell you something.
I don't scatter pennies for
people who make trouble.
But if you want trouble, I
come from where they make it.
So I believe.
[out of tune piano]
You trying to make
a point, Jackdaw?
Do you think nobody
knows about you?
What's that supposed to mean?
People are asking questions.
SILVA: Oh yeah?
About what?
$20 million smokescreen.
Where did you get that?
Never mind.
So what do you want, Jackdaw?
Not you.
You're a dead man.
Which makes things
very easy for some,
and very painful for others.
How's Laura?
That sounds like a threat.
Yes.
[piano playing]
We gotta talk, Laura.
Something's come up.
It's something from way back,
way back when I still boxing.
Trouble is, Snip, they
finally caught up with me.
I'm gonna have to move on.
And I'm going to move on alone.
You see, I just don't know
how to protect you from these
people, Snip, I really don't.
Sweet Laura.
Soft as an angel's wing.
Snip, don't cry.
Don't cry.
You gotta be strong,
stronger than all of this.
And I'm gonna need your
help if I'm gonna make it.
And after I'm gone,
things should settle down,
and I think you and Johnny
would be OK together.
(AS PUNCH) Oh dear, I'm
down in the coal hole.
[yells]
(AS JACK KETCH) No, Mr. Punch
you are in a maximum security
penitentiary.
You are in the slammer.
You are in the glass house.
You are in the joint.
(AS PUNCH) Oh yeah, what for?
(AS JACK KETCH)
For having broken
all the laws of the land.
(AS PUNCH) I never touched them.
I never laid a hand on them.
(AS JACK KETCH) Now, Mr.
Punch, you are ordered
for immediate execution.
(AS PUNCH) Oh yeah, what's that?
(AS JACK KETCH) You are
to be hanged by the neck
until you are dead, dead, dead.
(AS PUNCH) Yeah, what?
Three times over?
[laughter]
(AS JACK KETCH) Come
on, now, Mr. Punch.
Justice can't wait.
Put your head in there.
(AS PUNCH) Yeah, over there?
[laughter]
(AS JACK KETCH) No, higher.
(AS PUNCH) There?
(AS JACK KETCH) No,
you blockhead, lower.
(AS PUNCH) Well, I was
never hanged before,
and I don't know how to do it.
(AS JACK KETCH) Now,
Mr. Punch, observe me.
In the first place, I put my
head in the noose, just so.
When I've got your head in,
I pull the end of the rope.
(AS PUNCH) So?
(AS JACK KETCH) Yeah,
but only tighter.
[laughter]
(AS PUNCH) Very good.
I think I know how to do it now.
I think I understand
all about it.
[screams]
(AS PUNCH) Here's a man
who tumbled into a ditch,
and hung himself up to dry.
Good night.
Good night.
Punch is right.
And all his enemies
put to flight
[screams]
[gunshot]
[chatter]
MRS. J.: Johnny,
where are you going?
I'm going.
What have you got in your bag?
Nothing of yours.
I'm just going.
Yes, but where are you going?
I don't know.
I'm leaving.
It's him, isn't it, Johnny?
You're no different.
You'd [inaudible] catch
it if he told you to.
Go, go.
Go to him.
He's dead.
And Laura?
[laughter]
HARRY: Shut it, will you?
[laughter]
HARRY: Mad.
If he ain't here,
where the hell is he?
(SCREAMS)
Yeah, we got him.
So do you want us to
[inaudible] about here or what?
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
He wants him in his bear skin.
In the nuddy?
What?
You said he wanted
him in his bare skin.
You winding me up?
Well, he's a
pretty boy, isn't he?
Don't be a prat.
He just wants to play one
of his stupid bloody games.
I don't believe this.
Darling, does he do anything?
Or is he just a bear [inaudible]
No, he's a dancing bear.
WOMAN IN BAR: Come on, bear!
Dance!
What's the news on Bulstrode?
[interposing voices]
[laughter]
BUSINESS ASSOCIATE: This
isn't a two-bit crap game.
I know that.
WOMAN IN BAR: I
want the bear, baby.
Come on!
[interposing voices]
By the way, sorry to
hear about your fire.
Hmm.
What's up?
Somebody muscling in?
No.
Do you want to
kill [inaudible].
I'm aware of that.
[interposing voices]
WOMAN IN BAR: Don't
let it get away.
[interposing voices]
[breaking glass]
(GROANS)
[phone rings]
GOLD CUFFLINKS: Harry?
He's all yours.
No, he won't be going anywhere.
He turned up?
Yeah.
[screech of tires]
HARRY: You check behind.
I'll go out the front.
(GROANING AND SHIVERING)
This is a heavy storm
we're flying through.
He must have known it
was me they were after.
I mean, that they were
trying to kill me, not Silva.
He thought it was Mrs.
J.'s fault. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
You got any money?
A place like this don't
come cheap. (CHUCKLES) Well?
No, but I can get
some tomorrow busking.
I've got a bear.
Don't try that.
Get off, go on.
Give us a break, Captain.
You must have room for one more.
No one.
Not anything.
So on your way, lad.
Out!
Move on, boy.
Move on.
Sad fortune?
You look rough.
Better come and rest your legs.
Bit naive, aren't you?
Thanks.
Well, it makes a change.
Anything for a change.
Sheep, that's the problem today.
Everybody thinking
the bloody same, which
means nobody's bloody thinking.
What we need is a
lot of lunatics.
I knew one once
But he's dead now.
Sorry to hear about it.
When a good man dies,
it's reason to weep.
Funny I never read about it.
You'll get around to it.
How's the girl?
Laura?
The one with the cue?
Kate?
I don't see her no more.
I didn't think that you did.
Well, she gave me
something for you.
At least I reckon that
was her intention.
I had to take something
out to pay for the box,
but otherwise, it's all there.
I don't want it.
I don't want it, kid.
It's not mine.
Throw it away, then.
You sure?
There you go, then.
LAURA: (YELLING) Johnny!
Johnny!
Johnny!
[screams]
[screeching tires]
Well, well.
Is that really you?
So Banshee's dead, and poor
little Laura is all alone.
And where is Johnny?
Left you, has he?
Never mind.
They'll get him in the end.
You don't like that, do you?
It was OK to do it to me,
but not to poor little Laura.
You know something, Laura?
You not only dumb, you stupid.
You could have had
all this one day.
Look.
Go on, look!
Well?
You're not coming back without
saying I am sorry, Mother.
I want to hear you
saying I'm very sorry.
I'm very sorry, Mother.
Come on.
Say it.
I'm waiting.
Courtesans.
Knights.
Saracens.
Jesuits.
Kings.
Queens.
Knights.
Romans.
[inaudible]
[screeching tires]
Jesus, Silva!
[screeching tires]
I'm not a ghost.
On the other hand, you
haven't seen me tonight.
I'm nobody you know
anymore, do you understand?
Nothing personal.
You gotta stop running, kid.
You never should've left Laura.
I should?
What the fuck about you?
Why did you do that?
I don't understand.
What happened there?
I worked it all
out with Laura.
I had to stage my
own death, so you'd
tell Mrs. J. That
woman's got enough powder
to blow me straight to hell.
Why'd you do that?
I don't have time to
explain that right now.
Now quick, you
get back to Laura.
Just give me your bearskin.
And be careful.
Oi!
Got him!
[screeching tires]
[out of tune piano]
SILVA: (AS PUNCH)
Hey, who are you?
(AS THE DEVIL) Why, I'm
the Devil, young man.
(AS PUNCH) Oh my!
What the hell do you want?
(AS THE DEVIL) To carry you off,
down to the belly of the beast.
(AS PUNCH) Hey, wait a minute.
Who were you to ask for, anyway?
(THE DEVIL) Punch, the
man who was to be hanged.
(AS PUNCH) Well,
then there he is.
(AS THE DEVIL) Oh, is that him?
Thank you, And good night.
(AS PUNCH) Take that!
(AS THE DEVIL) Ow!
(AS PUNCH) Now that's
the way we do it!
[MUSIC PLAYING - TOM WAITS,
"SINGAPORE"]
(SINGING) We sail
tonight for Singapore.
We're all as mad
as hatters here.
I've fallen for a tawny moor,
took of to the Land of Nod.
Drank with all the Chinamen.
Walked the sewers of Paris.
I danced along a colored wind,
dangled from a rope of sand.
You must say goodbye to me.
We sail tonight for Singapore.
Don't fall asleep
while you're ashore.
Cross your heart
and hope to die,
when you hear the children cry.
Let marrow bone and cleaver
choose, while making feet
for children's shoes.
Through the alley,
back from Hell.
When you hear that steeple bell,
you must say goodbye to me.
Wipe him down with gasoline,
till his arms are hard
and mean.
From now on, boy, this
iron boat's your home.
So heave away, boys.
We sail tonight for Singapore.
Take your blankets
from the floor.
Wash your mouth out by the door.
The whole town's
made of iron ore.
Every witness turns to steam,
they all become Italian dreams.
Fill your pockets up with earth.
Get yourself a dollar's worth.
Away, boys.
Away, boys, heave away.
The captain is a
one-armed dwarf.
He's throwing dice
along the wharf.
In the land of the blind,
the one-eyed man is king.
So take this ring.
We sail tonight for Singapore.
We're all as mad
as hatters here.
I've fallen for a tawny moor,
took of to the Land of Nod.
Drank with all the Chinamen.
Walked the sewers of Paris.
I drank along a colored wind.
I dangled from a rope of sand.
You must say goodbye to me.