Ba bao qi bing (1989) - full transcript

Dong, you're up early today.

I bought you some porridge for breakfast.

Mrs Dong, this is for you.
Eat it while it's hot.

- Where are you going so early in the morning?
- I was just walking around.

Are you applying to join the police force?

You must be joking, Dong.

- You dress well lately.
- That's because you take good care of me.

Why throw the orange away
when it's still good?

It's rotten.

- Rotten?
- Yes.

Do you also throw a man away
because he's rotten?

Are you working as a mole
and squealing on us to the cops?

- Speak up!
- No, I didn't...!

You didn't?

Dong, pull me back up!

- What have you told them? Tell me!
- I didn't say anything.

- Speak up!
- To hell with your porridge!

Go to hell...

Are you going to tell me?

Our informant, Rat, had been killed by
Big Dong, the chief of Big Circle Gang.

We're seeking the help of
Chief Inspector Sheung Lok Hong...

to eliminate the Big Circle Gang.

This operation is extremely dangerous
so everyone be on high alert.

- Understand?
- Yes, ma'am!


Watch out!


Run, quick!

- Are you OK?
- Quick, go after them.

Don't leave me behind!

Don't leave me behind!

Go to hell!

The suspect might be seriously wounded.

I call upon all clinics to contact
the police if they see anyone suspicious.

Buddy, do you have Hong Kong dollars?
I'll give you one to one exchange.

We're all Chinese.
Why don't you work with me?

I'll introduce some pretty girls to you.
They're clean, I guarantee.

Go away and leave me alone.

Are you tired of living? My boss,
Pheasant, is a very powerful man.

You're rather well-informed.

Are you scared now?
My boss is a merciless guy.

He can butcher you anytime.

Do you know what he's known for?
He's worse than a beast...

Dong, have a seat.

Boss, he... he hit me.

Why are you so rude? Greet Dong now.

He took care of me
during the Cultural Revolution.

- So what if he beat you up?
- Dong.

- Please forgive me. I deserved it...
- Harder!

I failed to recognise that you're Dong.

If I've to pick on trivial things
like that, I'll be very busy.

Go jump out of the window.

Go, get lost!

Thank you, Dong. I'm leaving.

Dong, you've come at the right time.

You're our saviour indeed!

Buddies, stand up and greet Dong!


Dong, I handpicked this bunch of guys.

They're like revolutionary warriors...

and the western hero, Stal...


You mean Stallone!

Yes... Western names
are so difficult to remember.

I'm back this time
to look for people who are special.

Dong, you're coughing blood?

You're not infected with AIDS, are you?

I was kicked in the chest by
a darn policewoman!

- Are you OK?
- I'm fine.

You're in luck.
I know a famous Qigong master.

His Qigong can cure you,
no matter how sick you are.

He can deal with any sickness,
even your sexual performance.

After he treated me with his Qigong,
my performance in bed is awesome.

I made my wife very happy every night.
She wailed like a cat in heat.

Is he a swindler?

Absolutely not! I saw him yanking out
a heap of intestines with my own eyes.

If you don't believe me,
let's go see him together.

Greatest Qigong Master, Moh Yuen Zak

Go to hell.

Get up, rascal.
Where is my share of the money?

I'd deposited the money for you.

It's good to save up.
All good children save up.

Save my foot! I've never even seen
my bankbook before.

Bugger! I've gone through
thick and thin with you.

We talk the talk but don't walk the walk.
Don't you remember the old days?

Have you forgotten the rules
that we'd agreed on?

I didn't forget but you forgot to
give me my money.

You've forgotten big time!
What were you before?

If it weren't for me, how could you
become a famous Qigong master now?

Do you think I feel good
cheating people every day?

- You bugger...
- What?

I'll talk to you from here.
Don't be so haughty.

You're a bad egg. Whenever you mess up,
I'm always there to help you.

If it weren't for me, you'd still
be labouring in Ürümqi now!

Why did you hit me?

- Why can't I hit you?
- You heartless fella!

Don't let go!

Something is dripping onto my head.
Take a look. What's that?

- It's pomade.
- No, it's not.

- It smells fishy...
- The roof is leaking.

No, it's shampoo.
No, it's tears. No, it's sweat.

- Sweat?
- No...

- I'm bleeding...
- No, you're not.

Master Moh...!

Wake up, a customer is here.

Wake up.

I had a dream.
I dreamt I fell into a dunghill.

Go wash your face.
We have a customer. Hurry.

Doc, do you still remember me?
I'm Pheasant.

Yes, I remember you. Please come in.

Doc, he's my boss from Hong Kong.

He suffered an internal injury.
Please help to treat him.

- Your Hong Kong boss?
- Yes.

- So he'll use Hong Kong dollars?
- Of course.

Make yourself at home.

- Which style of Qigong do you practise?
- I practise Spontaneous Qigong.

Examine me and tell me where my injury is.


Miracle healer...

- Give me a moment.
- Miracle healer...

Miracle healer!

Miracle healer, you must help me.

Miracle healer, I crawled all the way
from Heilongjiang to see you.

You must cure my legs, miracle healer.

Come in first. Come in.

Miracle healer, no matter what,
you must cure my legs.

I'll overexert myself if I cure you.

Miracle healer,
there are never too many good deeds.

OK. Aren't you over-acting?

That way, we can make the money faster
and go play mahjong later.

Your skin's elasticity is still good,
which means you can be cured.

- That's great.
- Come in first.

Boss, he wasn't so powerful
when he treated me the last time.

His power has increased significantly!

Has he been possessed?

I can walk, I can walk now!

Not only that, I can dance too!

Miracle healer, are you OK?

Miracle healer, you're my saviour indeed!

Miracle healer, when is it my turn?

I can't do it today. I'm exhausted.

Why don't you put down five grand
as down payment, go home take a rest...

and come back tomorrow?
I promise to cure your injury tomorrow.

Miracle doctor...

How did you get crippled?

I was beaten up.

Is his Qigong really that amazing?

Your legs were crippled and he cured you?

Yes. Look, I'm fine now.
I can even dance.

If I break your legs now,
do you think he can cure you again?

You must be joking!

Do I look like I'm joking?

Boy Prays to Buddha!

Twin Dragons Flying Out of the Sea!

Boss, please stop...

Why should you be afraid?
Miracle healer can cure you again.

- No problem, right?
- No problem.

I can cure you so long you're still
breathing. Go ahead and beat him up.

You heartless fella!
We're in this together.

- Do you two know each other very well?
- No, we don't.

Thrash them!

- No!
- Don't...

I need these two guys for my plan.

- What do you need us for?
- What do you need us for?

- Go to Hong Kong and make big money!
- Hong Kong?

Let's welcome the crooner of Chaozhou,
Cheung Kan Weng!

That's right!

Hurling despair into the cold night,
colliding with every raindrop.

Opening my mouth like a life float,
savouring your sweetness and tartness.

Lighting up a cigarette,
fiddling with the padding on my shoes.

I'm drunk and heartbroken...

I didn't expect life here
to become so decadent.

Decadence is in vogue now.
Nobody has told you that?

Oh... my head is exploding!

I missed your old self.

The night is filled with past memories...

which I can't shake off.

If I can get to see you again tomorrow...

let me feel your warmth once again
in my arms.

Hurling despair into the cold night,
you're living in my heart.

You're the only one,
who can revive my broken heart.

Everyone, let me introduce you
to my good friend.

The star of Shanxi Martial Arts Team...

Hong Long Kit!

- Little girl, sit down!
- Shut up, old fart!

Hurling despair into the cold night,
colliding with every raindrop.

Opening my mouth like a life float,
savouring your sweetness and tartness.

- Lighting up a cigarette...
- Do you know what this place is?

Why are you performing martial arts here?

Master Seng, show him your dance moves!

Let's go!

Oh... sleepless night...

Oh... my head is exploding!

I missed your old self.

The night is filled with past memories...

which I can't shake off.

If I can get to see you again tomorrow...

Go to hell!

- Who threw the cake?
- I did!

That's enough...!

- What's happening?
- They're fighting.

Call the police now!

This is the crime scene, Comrade More See!

Is your mirror at home broken?

How do you know that?

You didn't button up properly.

Thank you.

Comrade Chong Keng, the next time
you attack me, don't scream first.

Even a deaf person could hear you.
Please take care of your chest.

You and I, dancing together...

What are you doing?

We're having a dance challenge.
Right, comrades?


You and I, dancing together...

Comrade, they were fighting just now...

We're the police.

We've received a report
that you were fighting here!

We're dancing, not fighting.

Don't try to be funny.
That means you were fighting.

Please don't say that.

Fine. If nothing is happening, let's go.


Comrade More, can't you see
that their faces are all swollen?

If I guess correctly, they'll begin
fighting again at the count of three.

You're right!

Chong Keng, quick, show them
your powerful Continuous Seven Kicks!

No! Master said that if I do that,
I'll have to kick seven people. No less.

There are over a hundred people here.
Can't you kick even seven?

You're right.

Chong Keng's Seven Kicks!

One... two... three...

four... five... six...


Comrade More!

I've brought everything under control.

Take them all back to the station.

How could you do this to me, Pheasant?

Do you know how hard it was for me
to get this job at the disco?

Now I've got nothing because of you.

- I tailored my costumes...
- You talk too much! Darn!

He's coughing so badly
yet he's still so powerful.

We're all Chinese.
We shouldn't fight each other.

If you want to fight,
fight the ignorant Hong Kongers.

Boss, you're absolutely right.

I can't agree more.

There's no use fighting here
but it's different in Hong Kong.

You can find pretty girls and
money there easily.

Conserve your energy
and we'll go to Hong Kong together...

to make lots of money.

One of you here is a murderer.

I knew you wouldn't confess.

Our Beijing Medical Centre
has invented a drug.

The urine of the murderer
will have a certain secretion.

When the urine and the drug
are mixed together, it will turn red.

- Give them a cup each.
- Yes.

Drink it!

Drink it!

Drink it!

- Will it really turn red?
- Drink it, quick.


Get ready to pee.


Will it really work?

I can't pee...

I have an idea.

Is he the suspect?

His urine is yellowish,
which means his body is "heaty."

His urine flow is coming out in drips.
It's not smooth.

He must have a kidney problem.

This one is very steady. It's not him.

This one is shaking all over
while peeing. It must be him!

- Get him out!
- Yes!

You're the murderer!

You're the prime suspect.

- Why did you kill him?
- I didn't...

Speak up!

- I didn't... I really didn't do it!
- You didn't?

Did you punch him like this and killed him?

- Is that right? Speak up!
- Speak up!

You didn't?

- Who beat me?
- Who beat you?

- A zombie!
- Zombie!

Zombie? Who's the zombie?

What's the matter?
Why is it so noisy here?


You've got it wrong!
Release him right away.

Everything is fine now.

- Come over here...
- Zombie...

Bureau Chief, he's the murderer.

He's Master Lei. Why did you arrest him?

If anything happens to him,
we'll be in trouble.

So you're the son of Lei Dai Tong?
I'm sorry...

You're turning a blind eye to his crime
because he's the son a top official?

Just do as you're told!
If not, I'll transfer you out!

Go ahead! I can't tolerate you any longer!

- Go!
- I'll go right now!

Did you steal my porn tapes?

How did you know?

Because you've got a stye!


Do I look like a ghost?

Can you say it again?
Do you mean to say I'm so pretty?

Chong Keng, no matter how you tease me,
I can't laugh...

More See, no matter what happens,
I'll always be by your side.

It's leaking water here.

I'm a detective genius...

with a truth-seeking spirit,
yet this has to happen to me.

How tragic!

More See, no matter what becomes of you,
I'll always love you.

That's even more tragic.
I want to drink some more. More!

Don't drink anymore.

- Fine!
- I insist!

All right, go on drinking.

Since ancient times, heroes are
good drinkers, so go ahead and drink.

When you're drunk,
you'll forget all your sorrows.

I'll drink with you!

There's no more? I'll get some more.

Here... let's talk after drinking this.


He's the most handsome man in this world.

Thank you, Buddha.
I can finally lose my virginity today...

to my dream lover, More See.

I hope we can bear a son like Jet Li...

or a daughter like Lau Hiew Heng.

So I can become the mother of a celebrity.

I'm drawing the curtain...

and sleeping with my man on the bed.


- I'm Teresa.
- I want Teresa Teng!

- That's me.
- You're not. Teresa Teng can sing.

I... I want you.

I want... I want to make love to you!

It's not this song.

This is a trap.
But I'm willing to fall into it.

That was sung by a man.

What are the songs sung by Teresa Teng?

- Story of a Little Town.
- Got it.

Little Town. Story of a Little Town...

Sorry to be a spoilsport.

What's happening?

You... aren't you
one of the suspects earlier on?

I admire your detective skills...

and your assistant's fighting skills.

Since you're not interested
to work for the police...

- Are you keen to work with me?
- To do what?

Go to Hong Kong and make big money.

Make big money?

If you can't be a cop, why not
be a crook? Isn't it better to enjoy...

the life of capitalism than suffering
under the bureaucracy of socialism?

Think it over.

It's fate that we're gathered here
to make a fortune together.

Offer three sticks of incense,
and draw blood from your finger...

and we'll become brothers.

If anyone betrays the group,
you should know what to do.

Say your vow now.

The ceremony begins!

Our blood is our promise!

Darn! We've to give blood.

- I'll faint at the sight of blood.
- It's only a few drops.

If I betray my brothers, I, Fook More See...

won't be able to sleep and eat.

I'll be pierced with a thousand arrows
and struck by lightning.

Bless that I, Chong Keng...

will be as pretty as Brigitte Lin
and Sandra Ng.

Bless that I, Cheung Kan Weng,
will never meet Leslie Cheung...

Cheung Kwok Keong,
Cheung Kwok Chee and Cheung Kwok Koi.

Bless that I, Hong Long Kit,
will fight without injury...

and will become more handsome
after I got beaten up.

Bless that I, Chan Kin Chee,
will pick up big notes on the ground...

sleep on other girls' beds
instead of my own...

have girls flocking to me and
get shark fin soup to eat every day.

- It's your turn.
- I can't... I can't prick my own finger.

Right, you can't stand the sight of blood.
All right, just close your eyes.

Give me your hand.
Hold the bowl and the needle.

Prick it.

- It's not painful at all.
- Of course, you pricked me!


Hey! Don't faint.

OK, everyone has burnt offerings
made a blood oath. We're brothers now.

I'll announce
the first part of the plan to you.

Wait! Don't say it, let me guess.

Don't tell us before I get
the correct answer. Give me one minute.

OK, go ahead.

Give me one minute. Just one minute.

OK. Say it.

Can you give me one more minute?

To hell with you!
We'd waited the entire night.

The first part of my plan is
to have you go to Shenzhen.

- What are we going to do?
- Yes, what are we going to do?

You'll be in the Guangdong Team, taking
part in the Shenzhen Sports Festival.

We don't even know how to handle a ball.

I've got it all arranged. You'll definitely
be chosen to be in the team.


Come in.

I'm not in a good mood today.

You either say yes or no.
I don't want to listen to anything else!


Someone sent me a gift?


Go Gone, I'm leaving.
This is your baby, at least I think so.

I've many boyfriends, but recently,
I've seen you the most times...

so you're probably the father.
Sincerely yours, Lei Ka Leng.

- Darn!
- Yes!

Go to hell!

- No.
- I thought you brought me good news.

- What is this?
- No.

Is there any more news?

I've heard that the government is
investigating your corruption charges...

and they've found valid evidence.
They'll take action within three days.

Then I'll be going into jail?

- No.
- I'm relieved then.

I heard they'll send you to the border
to fight the Vietnamese soldiers.

Getting blown up by the bombs
is an easier way to die.

Nonsense! Touch wood!

- I've another piece of news.
- What is it?

Our superior suspects that...

these six members of the Guangdong Team
were chosen by devious means.

You've been tasked to investigate them.

What's their motive?

Can you check if she has wet her diaper?

- No.
- That's good.

- She just pooped.
- Good grief!

It's already 3:35 am.
What are we waiting for?

Has Dong come early?

Hi everyone, I'm Go Gone.
(Sounds like a highly ranked official)

I can tell from the way you look.

You're not asleep yet?

- We're going to.
- We're about.

We're going to sleep now.

It's a beautiful night tonight.
Why don't we have a chat?

Beautiful night my foot.

You're so rude.

I'm here to welcome you
on behalf of our motherland.

I'd like to discuss with you
the economic reform of our country...

and how do we progress going forward...

We'd better be careful.
This guy here has ill intentions.

Why don't we talk it over in my office?


So we should open up more
special administrative regions...

and let more people enjoy special privileges.

This guy will keep on talking forever.
We've only seven and a half minutes left.

We've only seven and a half minutes left.

We've only seven and a half minutes left.

We've only seven and a half minutes left.

We've only seven and a half minutes left.

- We've...
- I know.

We've only seven and a half minutes left!

Where are you going
in seven and a half minutes?

We're going to have our morning walk.

I haven't been feeling well lately.
It will be good to go exercise with you.

Wait for me...

What should we do?

What should we do now?

- Kill him!
- What?

- Kill him?
- We can do that.

But we'd better strangle him
or you'll have to carry me if I see blood.

Yes... it's better to strangle him.

You go and seduce him!

- Do you think I can do it?
- Of course!

I'm clipping my nails...

You must be thirsty
after talking for so long.

My baby is thirsty too.

This is too strong for the baby.
Drink it while it's hot.

The doctor said I've a heart condition
so I can't drink this.

We've only two minutes left.

Settle this scumbag quickly.

Thrash him and tie him up.

If not, I'll kill him.

Stop singing and wasting time!

I don't believe
the six of us can't handle him!


I know you're going to kill me.

So I'd written a letter
and left it on the table.

If I don't turn up for work tomorrow,
they'll know what happen.


Tomorrow, we'll be already
be in Hong Kong having breakfast.

Go to hell...

- Is this your child?
- Yes.

If I die, she'll become an orphan.

I can't do it. You do it.

Finish him off quickly.

You're a good fighter. You do it.

I can't! I'd already killed too many.
I'll let you have the chance.

You're a doctor and you've the experience
of cutting up patients. You do it.

You're the worst scoundrel
among my friends. You do it.

If we kill him, what's going
to happen to the little girl?

- Kill her too!
- How do we do that?

You men like to rape and kill, don't you?

- She's only nine months old.
- Hold on to him.

- I'll get a nine-month-old boy to do it.
- Shut up!

- I'll think of a way!
- Speak up, quick.

Give me one minute.

All of you stay put!
If you want to go, we'll go together!

What's happening? Who is he?

He appeared out of nowhere
and said he wants to join us.

- No way!
- I'm going to be very useful.

Do you know how to get to Kowloon?

All of you will stay here for two days
and be trained under Coach Tong.

Is that Tong Fei?

No. She's Tong Chan.

Familiarise yourself with Hong Kong.
We'll go on the mission on the third day.

Dong, Coach Tong Chan is here!

- How are you?
- Good morning.

She's Coach Tong. She'll be your trainer.

- Do you like it?
- Of course!

Good morning, everyone.

- I don't like it! I said I don't like it!
- No, that's not true.

Pheasant, what's this?

I'm sorry, Boss, it's my fault.
I've made a small mistake.

I've forgotten to unlock the door.
Please teach me a lesson.

Dong, I've an idea.

- Can you guys back off?
- You're beautiful...

- Please hold this for me.
- Someone at the back, hold this.

What's the material of your dress?

Excuse me.


- Awesome...
- Everyone, please come in.

She's good...

Did you see how good Coach Tong is?
Learn from her well.

- I want to challenge you to a duel!
- Sure.

Forget it...

Forget it...

Forget it...

- Forget it...
- Forget it...


Be careful.

More See, come over here!

Go, go over...

- I fell and it really hurts.
- I see.

- Don't be so impulsive.
- That's right...

All of them are crucial for my plan.

All of you must obey Coach Tong
or you'll be sent back to the mainland!

First of all, you must be familiar
with the surrounding of Kowloon.

What are you looking at?

Tsim Sha Tsui is in the south
and Tai Kok Tsui is in the north.

Cheung Sha Wan is in the west,
and To Kwa Wan is in the east.

In the centre is Central and to the west
is Western District. What about the east?

You can go on sleeping.
Dinner is at seven o'clock sharp.


There will be a quiz before dinner.

The two with the lowest score
will get no dinner!

OK, I'll start the quiz now.

There are six questions.
Whoever answers fastest wins.

There are buttons under your feet.

Use your foot to press the button
and the light bulbs will light up.

Coach, can you demonstrate once to us?

OK, I'll demonstrate it for you.

- Why did only my light bulb light up?
- Because you're the most lecherous.

First question.
Where is the east of Central?

- Chai Wan!
- Wrong!

It's Wan Chai. Minus ten points.

- You didn't teach me that.
- I didn't teach you to eat either.

Question two.
Who is the Governor of Hong Kong?

I got it...

- Answer!
- Wilson...

Answer now!

- Ivan Ho.
- Wrong! It's Wilson. Minus ten points.

Question three.

Coach Tong, someone cut my wire.

Give me five minutes
and I'll find out who did it.

That's pointless.
What that guy did is correct.

The attitude we must have
is to use unscrupulous means...

to achieve our goals, no matter what.

If your light bulb is not working,
raise your hand.

Correct. Ten points for you.

Who's the champion jockey?

- Leisher.
- Correct. Ten points for you.

There are two questions left.

The correct answer gets twenty points;
the wrong one minus twenty.

I'll surely win!

What's the fastest way to get to Sha Tin
from Tsim Sha Tsui?

I know! The fastest way is to take
the subway to Kowloon Tong...

and then take a train.

That way we can avoid traffic jams
and the Lion Rock Tunnel. Thanks...

Wrong! Minus twenty points!
The answer is to take a helicopter.

- Smart aleck...
- You deserved it!

Last question. What do you do
if the police do a spot check on you?

Show him our IDs and talk to him about
things that Hong Kongers like to hear.

Such as how fantastic the show
hosted by Ivan Ho was last night.

Wrong. Your information is too outdated.

You should run like hell
to avoid being caught.

- So what now?
- No dinner for you!

You two got the same score. Do a guessing
game. The loser will get no dinner.

The two of you...

Get up!

Yuen Zak, we're good buddies, yes?


Do you remember when we were kids,
I always gave you the biggest apple?

Yes, the rotten one.

I gave up that girl
I met in the park to you.

She turned out to be a man.

Yuen Zak, we've been friends
for thirty years. Can I ask for a favour?

Let's hear it first.

You'll flash "scissors"
and I'll flash "paper."

You can have my dinner.

Why are you so good to me?

I'm always willing to sacrifice myself.

I'm a big guy. Skipping a meal or two
is nothing to me.

But you're weak and skinny,
you can't starve.

Kin Chee, you've been
such a scumbag all your life.

Little did I expect you to be so kind
at such a crucial moment.

We're good buddies.

Hurry up!

One, two...

Remember, you'll flash "scissors"
and I'll flash "paper."

Rascal! I told you to flash "scissors"!
Why did you flash "paper" instead?

How could you treat
a friend of thirty years like that?

I've known you for only
twenty nine and a half years, not thirty!

You cheated me because of half a year?

Of course!
I've to think for myself first.

So you're the one to go without dinner.

In the future, I'll do as you say
but I must have the dinner tonight.

Otherwise, I'll be letting you down.

I'm all right.

I'm imagining how full I am.

I'm so full I feel like throwing up
but I can't. So I'm waiting to defecate.

I'm waiting to defecate...

- But I can't.
- What's wrong with you?

- Have you gone crazy?
- Look at me.

I'm waiting to defecate. I'll poop...

I feel so relieved now.

You don't believe me?
Come and try it out. Come...


Try and imagine you're surrounded
by a lot of scrumptious food. Look...

Am I right?

Imagine that there are
many beautiful girls serving you...

and you're sleeping in the arms
of many well-endowed girls.

One is serving you grapes, another is
serving you wine and the other bananas.

There's even one beautiful girl
massaging your feet.

It feels great... so great!

It tastes so good...

Kin Chee!

More See!

Kin Chee...

What happened? Has he gone crazy?

What happened?

What happened to you? Are you nuts?

You guys are not good buddies!

You're finally back after your feast?

You said we aren't good buddies, Fatty?
Fine, let's go!


We're in the same boat
so we should face difficulties together.

What happened to you?
It doesn't sound like you.

I'm not an official anymore
so I'm speaking like a commoner now.

Buddies, let's show him
what we've brought for him!

Awesome! I'm going to gorge myself crazy.
I want to eat the lobsters...

No way!

You want lobsters?

Eat this... go to hell!

- If you're a man, go help him.
- OK.

- We're women!
- We're women!

Chong Keng's Seven Kicks!

Boy Bows to Buddha!

I missed!

Kin Chee!

Do you still want my lobsters now?

More See, where are you?

More See, you can have me.

Be careful.

Does it taste good?

Thanks... Monica

- Are you full already?
- Eat slowly...

Yes, I am.

I feel very warm too.

You're full and warm now.
What else do you want?

Carnal desires.

It's a pity Dong isn't taking us out
to have fun.

I heard that Hong Kong girls
are hot, open-minded...

and very liberal.

They're a wild lot.

He's not taking you there,
I'll take you there.


- You don't have Hong Kong dollars.
- Have you forgotten who I was before?

I was an official. I came from Shenzhen...

so of course I've Hong Kong dollars.
Otherwise, I wouldn't dare flee.

I came here several times
on official visits.

I'd been to all the famous clubs.

I'll take you there
after my daughter falls asleep.

- Great...
- I object!

More See will stay here with me,
otherwise I'll tell Dong!

It's very dangerous for a single man
and woman to be together alone.

You should know what to do, eh?

Turn around and look at me.


Look into my eyes...

Look carefully.

- What can you see in my eyes?
- Eye discharge.

Look at my eyes, not the discharge.

They're full of emotions...

Can you feel it?

The deep, deep love that's flowing...

from my body into yours.

Can you feel the warmth in your heart?


The deep affection between you and I
is surrounding us.

The passion consuming us.
You can feel the love in the air...

As the saying goes,
to be in love forever...

is the most wonderful thing in the world.

I'm willing to dedicate all my love to you.

For you to enjoy it slowly...

I can't forget.

I can't forget your love.

Neither can I forget your...

- Get up... let's go.
- We can go now?

- I can't forget.
- What happened to her?

She's as high as a kite now
and that will last till tomorrow morning.

- Let's go.
- Hang on. I want to ask you something.

Where did you learn
those cheesy dialogues from?

From the TV. Let's go.

I can't forget your love.

I'm going all out to enjoy myself tonight.

This place is so grand, so beautiful.

The décor is great...

Have a seat first.

- Sit down.
- How are you tonight?

- I'm ready to paint the town red!
- Hello, gentlemen.

- This is Lily.
- Have a seat...

- This is Monica.
- Hello.

- Thanks... Monica
- You can sit on my thigh.

- Am I pretty?
- Yes, very pretty.

The girls in Hong Kong are very pretty.

Do you know
you're very handsome, my dear?

And you're funny-looking.

- We're just here to take a look.
- Really?

What is it?

- Can we exchange seats?
- No way!

You're putting a woman before your friend.

You do that all the time!

Don't you like me?

I not only dislike you, I hate you.
You're unacceptable.

It's a nightmare!

I'm going to be put
on the shelf again tonight.

I'm sure you'll like me
if I stay here a little longer.

OK... cry as long as you like.

Mommy, can you get him another girl?

Boss, though Chi Chi may not
have the looks, she's pretty inside.

If you're patient enough,
you'll see her virtues.

Virtues? Are you kidding me?

I'm crazily in love with you!

I'm crazily in love with you!
Let's go to bed together...

What kind of song is that?
Get out of here!

I'm crazily in love with you!
Let's go to bed together...

- Get lost.
- Buddy, get up. Let's talk.

- Get up!
- What do you want?

I'll thrash the hell out of you...

He sings very well...

That's so barbaric.
How could they beat him up like that?

Sorry, I've got to go pee.


- Boss.
- Hold the microphone for me.

If anyone dares come up here to sing,
beat the hell out of him!

Yes, I know what to do.

This is ridiculous.

Tin Kow, do you feel relieved now?

- Yes...
- Is it smooth?

- Yes, it is.
- Thrash him!

Scumbag! How could you not
show respect to Tin Kow?

What are you doing?

Eat crap!

Who said to show respect to Tin Kow?

It was him!

You guys are not my buddies...

Who said to beat Tin Kow up?

You guys are heartless!

- Who beat me?
- He did!

- Me again?
- Boss, it wasn't him!

It was Big Hong's men who beat you up.

This shorty is good.
He took a few blows for you.

You're really good to me.
What a buddy indeed...

I'm so glad to have met you!

Let's open a bottle of brandy
and drink to our hearts' content!

Why is he so worked up?
I'll go and drink the brandy first.

Bottoms up!

Tin Kow,
I can't finish such a big bottle.

Just do what Boss says.

I'll drink first to show my respect!

Wait a minute...

One of my buddies here wants
to go up there and sing. Is it OK?

Your buddy is my buddy.
Go, Buddy, sing for us.


I ask you to sit down.

Sit there and enjoy yourself.

Hurry up, sit down...

and listen to what I say.

If Tin Kow wants to go vegetarian,
I'll give him ginseng.

He'll surely make a fortune.

Eat and drink for the rest of your life.

Nothing is a problem for you.

But if you want to eat chicken rice...

you'll have to go look for it.

Hong Kong and Huizhou
Three-day Family Visit Group.

Our plan is to rob this bank.

We're going to be rich!

Are you kidding?
How can the seven of us do that?

I'm not going to discuss this question.
You just need to obey the orders.

Obey the orders and nothing else.

I've something for you to do
these two days.

Dong, we'll do our very best.

What do you want us to do?

- To get firearms.
- Get firearms? From whom?

The guy who supplies us the firearms
will be at the bathhouse every afternoon.

He has a birthmark on his butt.

The song in this tape is our secret code.

Everyone, sing along.

Why do I like you?

Because you're beautiful.

Why do I like you?
Because you're really hot.

Fair and flawless.

Really pretty.


When you arrive at his house,
open this letter.

It will tell you what to do.

OK, I'll keep the letter.
Look, the letter is with me.

According to my sources, Big Dong is now
in Hong Kong with his Big Circle Gang.

They're disguised as tourists
and had even visited Hong Kong Bank.

Are they going to rob the bank?

It's very possible.
But I think they've other intentions.

What are their intentions?

He has gathered a motley crew.
They must be up to something.

Our superior hopes to wipe out
the gang as soon as possible.

My informant told me
they'll take action in three days.

- May, go and check it out tonight.
- Yes, ma'am.

- Look, the lights are beautiful.
- Yes.

This is a posh place. Don't embarrass us.

We'll split up.

- Do you still remember our secret code?
- Yes.

Why do I like you?

Because you're beautiful.

Who's that?

Why do I like you?

Because you're really hot.

If we keep on singing like this,
we'll get sore throats before we find him.

Everyone is under the water,
how can we see their butt?

I've an idea.

It doesn't work.

Fair and flawless...

Gosh! What a hairy butt!

- Why do I like you? Because...
- What are you two doing here?

- We're looking for a place to shower.
- It's over there.

One more thing, please don't stare
at other people's back.

- What? What do you mean?
- I mean the backside.

- What?
- What?

- The bottom...
- What bottom?

The butt!

That's crude, man!

Sir, I'll massage your head first.

No birthmark.

Whose turn is it now?

- His turn.
- Me?

Sir, I'll massage your back.


You bunch of gays!
I've been watching you!

Don't run!

Get out of my way!

That's a very big one!


Tin Kow?

Who are you?

I was the one who took a few punches
for you at the club that night.

At the night club...

Why do I like you?

Because you're beautiful.

Why do I like you?
Because you're really hot.

Fair and flawless...

Really pretty!

So it's you...

- What do you want from me?
- Yes, what do we want from him?

Don't you know what we want?

I do? Yes.
Get dressed and come with me.

Since you're Dong's buddies,
I'll show you some stuff.

This box is thirty thousand dollars.

This one is fifty thousand.
Bullets are a hundred per piece.

This box is more expensive.
What's the difference?

One is fake and the other is real.

I could spot it immediately.
The first box is fake.

Are you nuts? It's the second box
that contains the fake guns!

Why are the real guns
cheaper than the fake guns?

The real guns cost US$30,000.

The fake guns cost NT$50,000.

Do you want them?

- Wait, we have instructions.
- Where's the letter?

I'll read it to you.

To whom it may concern, when you see...
You read it instead!

Just a moment...

To whom it may concern...

You read it.

Kill Tin Kow at once
and take all the firearms.

What did your boss say?

- Nothing...
- Let me have a look.

It's written in English,
you won't understand.

You tell me then. Come on!

To whom it may concern...

Tin Kow is a righteous, smart,
handsome and powerful man.

- He's loyal to his buddies...
- Let me see!

Tin Kow...
Darn, I can't read a single word.

Your boss is absolutely right.
He has flattered me.

If you dare touch me,
I'll give you back double.

All right! I'll sell you the guns
at a ten percent discount!

Tin Kow, we're so touched by your generosity.

These guns are so expensive...

and you're willing
to sell them to us at a discount.

I'm sure these guns can kill, right?

- Of course!
- Then you'd better not move.

- Don't move...!
- What are you doing?

- My boss wants us to kill you.
- Try it!

Don't move!

All the guns in this house are fake
except mine.

Don't move! Sit down!

I'd guess your boss wanted to kill me.

But my boss has also instructed me
to kill each and every one of you.

I'm in control now.

I've got him!

- Where are the real guns?
- Speak up!

To tell you the truth,
there isn't a single real gun here.

How dare you sell fake guns!

What are we going to do without real guns?

- I've figured it out.
- What is it?

There must be something wrong with Dong.

Everyone knows that.

I know that too. Moron!

How dare you!

- Attack...!
- Come...

Boss, we've accomplished the mission.

We've eliminated Tin Kow and his gang,
and brought back all the weapons.

- Yes, we did.
- I chop...

- I chop...
- Stop it.

Boss, we'd killed all their men
but we haven't had enough.

Boss, we'd like to go kill some more.
Do we have any more guys to kill?

What happened to Tin Kow?

Tin Kow? Here he is!
We'd smashed his bones.

We killed too many people
so we couldn't bring their bodies back.

But we took all their undies back. Look.

Well done! Put all the guns in my room
and we'll go for dinner.

- OK.
- I chop, I kill...!

Have you gone crazy?

- So what now?
- More See, have you gone crazy?

You'll go crazy before me.

I think he'll be confused by us this time.

I'll give the baby back to you.

- See you at dinner.
- OK.

- Coach Tong is suspicious too.
- What is it?

I'd underestimated those guys.
They're smarter than I thought.

So what should we do, Dong?

It doesn't matter. They don't know
what my real intention is.

- How are things at your end?
- I did as you'd instructed.

I'm going to attend a meeting.
You keep an eye on those guys.

- Is that clear?
- No problem, Dong.

Sun Ngai Peking Opera Academy

- Why are you following me?
- Ma'am sent me to gather information.

You go back first.
I'll take full responsibility here.


- Let's not waste time.
- OK, let's gather information first.

- Dong!
- What happened to Tin Kow?

Dong, we'd gone there to check.

He was beaten up by those idiots
and was robbed of all the guns.

He's useless! I told him to
put up a show and he got beaten up?

Dong, we've checked out Fook Seng Village.

If we take action half an hour later
than those idiots...

all the police would've gone to the bank.

By then, we'll have no problem
abducting Chee Lin Tai.

But what's the use of abducting her?

Her husband is
chairman of a listed company...

with an estimated wealth
of about 1.7 billion.

I'm sure her husband will be very willing
to ransom her for a hundred million.

We'll be rich.

Little girls, you've heard enough.
Why don't you come down now?

Which academy did you come from?

- Royal Hong Kong Women's Police Force!
- Women's Police Force?

What should we do now?

His spy is still here. Let's hide first.

- What are you afraid of?
- No...

- You're so naughty.
- I want you...

I won't take bath with you again
the next time.

You, little slut.
Let me show you how good I am!

Quiet... do you want to suckle?

Let me turn around first.

How come Dong's bed is moving?

Is this an electric bed?

We're in trouble!

An electric bed?

Dong really knows how to enjoy life.

There is even a switch
to control the speed. Fast!

This is so comfortable.

Good grief, I'm going to faint...

Let me stir in an ecstasy pill
so we'll have more fun.

The one on the left is with the pill.
The one on the right without.

What are you mumbling to yourself?

Come on...

Come on, quick...

Come on...

Let's have some beer to cool down.

- Are you trying to get me drunk?
- Not at all.

I'll drink first.

Pill in the one on the left; no pill
in the one on the right. You're done!

I thought you said you're going to make
big money. When is that going to happen?

I'll be filthy rich in two days.

Where are you going to get the money from?

I can't tell you...

Tell me.

- The beer is really potent...
- You're good-for-nothing!


Let me spray some perfume first.

The ecstasy pill is really effective.

How Pore Lin, you're so weak.

You're down after a sneeze?

How Pore Lin, give me a massage.


Have you taken care of that slut?

Come on, tell me, tell me more.
Don't stop half way.

Don't be so petty.

Me? Petty? Quick, tell me.

All right... I'll tell you.

My boss recruited those idiots
as cannon fodder.

The police will arrest those idiots...

and we'll abduct the rich woman
and the policewoman.

We'll become filthy rich!

How Pore Lian, why are you getting
so excited giving me a massage?

That's enough. He has passed out.
Hit him some more and he'll conk off.

Go Gone!

It's so painful!

- Woman...
- Wake up...

- Woman... I saw a woman...
- Scumbag!

You're still thinking about women?
We'll be doomed soon.

What? Why?

The silly girl almost bit my nipple off.

- Massage it a little.
- Does it really hurt?

So Dong recruited us to be cannon fodder!

He's really despicable.

Why don't we report him
to the Public Security Bureau?

It's called "police station" in Hong Kong!

We can't do that.

We're illegal immigrants.
They may deport us back to China.


- Quiet! Let's think of something.
- Yes, let's think it over.

What should we do...?

- Who is she?
- Who is she?

It's Coach Tong!

- It's Coach Tong!
- Let's take her mask off first.

- I can do it myself.
- Let her do it herself.

- No, we'd better help her.
- Yes, let's help her.

What happened to her?

- That's a big wound!
- You've been shot.

I've suffered internal injury too.
Do you know what's happening?

What's happening?

I'm Inspector Tong Yi Chan from
the Royal Hong Kong Police Force.

You don't have to be afraid.

It's all right...

I infiltrated Big Circle Gang
to try and find out about your plan.

But I was discovered by Dong.

- Why did you come back?
- What do you know?

The closer you're to danger,
the further you're away from harm.

Dong wouldn't expect her to be here.
This is the safest place for her.

Call the police now.

We're going to be caught
if we call the police!

It's better to be deported than to be dead.

She's right. Quick, call the police.

We need to find her a doctor
to retrieve the bullet.

Yes but where can we find a doctor?

There's a Qigong doctor over there!


Who are you calling?

The phone rang so I answered
but it was a wrong number.

I'm going back up.

Have you seen Tong Chan?

Yes, we had dinner together just now.
Then she went to bed.

I'm going back up.

- Nobody uses the phone tonight.
- OK.

Don't go yet. I'll introduce
some old friends to you.

Bite on to this. Come, here...

- Dong, you'd better not go in.
- Why?

It's a little embarrassing. You hear that?

- Don't stop!
- Which woman is screaming?

- Sorry, we can't control ourselves.
- Sorry, we can't control ourselves.

- Join us, Kin.
- Join us, Kin.

It's all right. Enjoy yourselves.

All of you remain in your room tonight
and don't go out. Understand?

Close the door. He's gone.

- What should we do now?
- We can't stay here.

I got it... the bullet is out.


Get up! You didn't even know
that Tong Chan is a cop?

- Is she?
- Yes!

Boss, I'd made a big mistake!
Please teach me another lesson!

We'll be doomed
if Tong Chan goes to the police!

Boss... we found Coach Tong
dead inside the room.

- How?
- It's horrible!

Make way!

There's no pulse. She's dead.

Shall we dispose of her body?

Let her rot here. We're leaving at dawn
and the house is not occupied anyway.

I wonder if she'd informed the police.

She wouldn't have come back here if she did.

She'd have gone to the hospital.

There's another three hours before dawn.
Let's get some sleep.

You're really brave!

It's so painful that
I couldn't even make a sound.

Don't go rob the bank tomorrow.

Go to Fook Seng Village instead.
Go rescue Senator Chee Lin Tai.

Call the police and look
for Chief Inspector Sheung Lok Hong.

OK, stop talking. It will be dawn soon.

Let me check your wound.
Oh, that's a lot of blood.

All of you will follow Pheasant to rob
the bank today. He'll in charge.

Take those guns you'd taken from Tin Kow.
I've something else to attend to now.

We'll celebrate together tonight.

Come with me. Now that Boss
is not around, I'm in charge.

Weng, go report to the police now.

- We'll go to Dong's hideout right away.
- One more thing.

Remember to call an ambulance
to take Tong Chan away.

Let's settle this guy first.


Senator Chee is missing!

Hand this letter to Chief Inspector
Sheung Lok Hong. Read it slowly.

Go to hell!

So it's you!

Do you remember me now?

You kicked me down from the building
in full vigour the last time...

and tried to hunt me down!

If this is between the two of you,
why drag me into it?

You'd better be quiet
or he's going to give you a hard time.


Dong, take a good look at me.
This doesn't concern me.

She's the one
who kicked you down the building.

- I know.
- You're an understanding man.

- Right?
- Of course.

Then I'll leave first.

You can't because you're too bloody wealthy.

My wealth is none of your business.

You'd better keep quiet.
It's pointless to beg him.

But I want to leave. Shut up, shrew!

It's useless! He won't let you go
no matter how hard you beg him!

- Shut up!
- What do you want then?

What do I want?

I want to chop you up into pieces!

Good! Chop her up.

- And let me go.
- Keep quiet or he'll kill you too!

- Shut up, shrew! Tie them both up!
- It's none of my business...

Tie them to the waterwheel
and let them get electrocuted!

What happened?

My daughter is crying.

Why don't you give her some milk?

But my breast is swollen.

Cut the crap. Let's start searching.

Look for some weapons too.

- Are these weapons?
- Make do with these. Take one each.

OK, listen. We'll split up.
You three go that way. We'll go this way.

Wait! Go to hell!

- Scumbag!
- How does it feel?

Release me right now!
You can't get away with this!

Where are your manners, Senator Chee?

Son of a gun! You wouldn't have
manners too if you were in my position!

Stop it or he'll make you suffer more.

- Save your breath!
- Turn on the electricity!

Let her go!

Help! I'm going to die...

I'm the one you're after. Let her go!

The door is locked. Is everyone dead?

Hong Long Kit?

Hong Long Kit! Hong Long Kit!

- It sounds like Kan Weng.
- He's back so soon?

Hold this for me. I'll go take a look.

Have you reported to the police?

- Buddy, where is everyone?
- They're here. Let's join them.

Our buddies have come under attack.
Quick, let's go help them.

Kan Weng, you go.

Darn! The tip has come off.

Get up!

You're good!


Go to hell!

Get up! Quick, run!

Don't move! Monkey Fist!

Twin Dragons Flying Out of the Sea!

- Boy Bows to Buddha!
- Can't you aim properly?

It's all right.

You're killing me!

Don't cry...

They'll kill us if you continue crying.
OK, I'll feed you milk.

Bad girl!

You're only a few months old
but you've so many teeth.

Are you a vampire?

All right now. Stop crying...
You can have my other breast.

Quick, quickly!

More See, why are their weapons
more advanced than ours?

I don't know. Fight them anyway.

Hong Long Kit, this is the time
to show off your skills!

Let me take on these two!

Let's go, quick!


More See, I can't handle them anymore!
I'll leave them to you.

Darn! These weapons are useless!

I'm not going to be intimidated
by your muscles.

You're here too?

You still fight well despite your age.

Of course.

And you're full of youth vigour.

Do you still want to fight?


Where are my buddies?

You want to see them? Bring them here!

More See!

- Keng!
- You're finally calling me that.

Don't move!

- You two got caught too?
- Where are the others?

Give me back my daughter...

Hang on. Where is Kan Weng?

Help... I'm doomed...

Kan Weng... How are you?

- Don't touch me. My leg is broken!
- Are you OK?

I can't mimic Leslie Cheung's
"Stand Up" anymore.

It's all right. I can cut off my leg
and give it to you.

It's useless. Your leg is too bulky.

My legs won't look the same!

One, two, three, four, five...
There's one more guy.

Kin Chee? Kin Chee!

Bring him down!

Kin Chee!

Kin Chee.

Kin Chee...

What happened to you?

Kin Chee...

Kin Chee.

Kin Chee, look at me.
Do you recognise me?

- Kin Chee...
- Daddy...

Don't pretend to care for him.

We're in the same boat!
But you prefer to help them and not me?

Why did you use us as your scapegoats?

Are you talking to me?

- Come here!
- Keng!

This slut loves you very much
but how do you treat her in return?

And the two of you.

Don't think you can become celebrities
by coming to Hong Kong!

Do you think it's that easy?

You're worse than an animal!

- You've never loved your daughter!
- I do!

- You do?
- Yes, I do!

Give my daughter back to me...

Your daughter is crying.

I love my daughter very much!

- Do you have any proof?
- Look! This is the proof of my love!

- Look!
- Very nice...

Since you love your daughter so much,
cut your breasts off now!

Good! Quickly...

Don't cut my breasts off.
I don't have breast cancer.

Don't do it! I'm a woman. I know
how important the breasts are! Don't!

Do it!

Here comes my stick!

Don't move!

Don't move...!

Don't move... drop the gun!

Stand to the side!