Aviva (2020) - full transcript

Subtitles by explosiveskull

I wanna tell you about
my best friend in the world.

That's a Canon C 300.

It's being operated by Arsene,
our first camera operator.

They concurrently are being shot
by Alvira Lynne,

our B camera operator.

I'm an actress.

I mean, I'm acting right now.

Normally, I'm a dancer
and a choreographer.

I'm acting in this
because given all the dancing

that's going to be happening,



we thought it'd be more viable
for the dancers to pull off

the acting required,

than vice versa.

I didn't write these words.

They are written

by what we as species
commonly refer to as a man.

And the part I'll be playing,

or playing the part of,

is also,
for purposes of identification,

a man.

My name is Eden.

That's me on the bed.

And that...

is Aviva,



who wasn't aware all
these cameras would be here

when we were introduced
by our common friend Nissan.

Nissan is a man about town in
about a dozen different towns,

New York, London,
Berlin, Barcelona, Paris.

He speaks seven
or eight languages fluently,

and each one of them,

with whatever a loosh affected
accent is in that language.

He's flamboyant,
though straight, and that heart,

kind of a yenta who's always
looking to play matchmaker.

He was living in
Paris at the time

and was friends with Aviva,
who was a native there.

I'm a dancer, too.

Not exactly French, but...

an accent is an accent.

Nissan tried
to set Aviva up

with some of his friends there.

For whatever reason,

nothing clicked.

Then he thought of me.

Living in New York,

still reeling from
a devastating break up,

to which my suicidal response
had led me to understand

that I was dealing with
a deep and abiding depression

I had been carrying
my entire life.

And there's nothing
more depressing or lonely

than being alone
in New York City.

Nissan told me about
this amazing creature

I had to meet right away.

I was reluctant at first,
but after some convincing,

I sent an email off
in to the Ether.

It went like this:

"Hey there Aviva
across the ocean,

Eden here.

I'm a friend of Nissan's.

He told me I absolutely
must email you,

which I'm very happy to do.

I'm not sure what to say,

but Nissan, I don't know
what you did to him,

but it must have been something,

was so emphatic

that he almost got me
to get on a plane

and come to Paris for some
event or I don't know what,

this weekend.

Unfortunately, I have to finish
this project I'm working on.

I'm on a deadline so I really
can't do it right now.

However, one of these days
I'll be out there.

Do you ever leave Paris?

What are you up to anyway?

What do you do?

Who are you actually?

I'm a poor 76-year-old
Satmar Yeshiva student

with a dead wife
and 14 children.

The oldest of which
is already a grandfather.

I live in Ustedalen, Krakow,

if you are interested in
pursuing a correspondence,

please email me back, E."

And Aviva responded,

"Dear E,

Sounds good.

I'm a 60-year-old virgin.

Blind as a bat from a horrible
accident I had last year

while cleaning my cat's claws.

I have 61 cats.

One for every year
of disappointment.

I have a voice of a bird,

one great boob,

lost the other one
to cancer, and...

got two cats that year

and an appetite
for new experiences.

Nissan kindly offered his help
in ending my curiosity

and I guess you are his idea
of a perfect man for this job.

Unfortunately,
with every moment that passes,

my heart loses a little
bit of innocence,

so I cannot offer you the love
I had in me on Wednesday.

But

I think I'll still be
happy to meet you,

and your children.

And who knows,

maybe we'll fall in love

and learn that life
is full of surprises.

Waiting to hear more about you,

A."

♪ And oh ♪

♪ Baby I love you ♪

♪ I said oh ♪

♪ Baby I love you ♪

♪ Said oh ♪

♪ Baby I love you ♪

♪ I said oh ♪

♪ Baby I love you ♪

We quickly recognized
one another as kindred spirits

and our desire to explore
and express our deepest selves.

At least in words.

And so we created an
imaginary space together.

A space outside of time
and space, shared only by us.

Like two shipwrecked survivors
on a desert island,

in old-fashioned letter
writing romance,

propelled in to hyper speed by
the actuality of the internet.

After a few months
of correspondence

we graduated
to phone conversations.

These were somewhat
more problematic,

as elements of our personalities

that had been hidden
under the disguise

provided by the written word,

were exposed by the demands
of spoken communication.

Aviva's assertiveness
and impatience took me aback.

And my pessimism

and need to denigrate myself
in relationships in general

forced their way through
my better judgment

and on to my tongue.

But for all that

our digital romance
ran hot and strong

and Aviva decided
to pack a suitcase

and venture forth
to visit me for a week

and see what it would
be like to connect in person.

There we go.

Good, sweetie.

Aviva.

Oh, hi.

Yeah, baby. Oh!

Oh, that's it. Yes. Yes, oh.

Come on, Eden.
You're a big boy.

You can do it, come on.

Come on, give a small pee-pee.

You can do it.

Aviva!

No.

Well,
it's just frustrating...

Oh, my God.

Aviva!

Close the door Eden, come on.

Hello?

Hey.

Uh, it's Eden.

I know.

Well, hello.

You sound so different.

Than what?

Than I expected.

How so?

You sound so American.

I am so American,
what did you expect?

I don't know...

do I sound different?

You sound pretty
much the way I expected.

Is it a good
moment to talk?

Always a good
moment to talk to you.

The time difference
is killing me.

You have to meet my father.

I never get along
with fathers.

You will love him,
he's the smartest and funniest.

- I'm a romanticist.
- Yeah until now.

I think I'm a realist,
at least so far as...

Neither is
a philosophy, just an emotion.

I don't think
it's always smart

to talk about everything,

especially love,

or past lovers.

Why is that off limits?

It's just better
to start new things, new.

Tired of talking,
we need to meet.

Yeah, so I'm coming.

I already
bought the tickets.

You did?

Yes, I did.

- You're really coming?
- I'm coming,

I'm really coming.

Sweet Aviva
across the ocean,

I'm so excited to finally
see you face to face.

Though I admit
to equally being afraid of it.

It's all fun and games until
I actually have to be there.

Is this your usual place?

I don't know.

You don't know?

If I say it is,
and you're asking

because you don't like it,
then I lose points.

If you like it and I say
it isn't, I lose points.

If you like it and I say yes,

- I gain points...
- You're over thinking this.

You know,

I'm in town only for a few days

and I know that we've known
each other for a while

well, from across
the ocean anyway, but...

I think it's best if we

let the physical
take its own course.

Not to push things right away.

Where are you?

Why don't you look at me?

I'm looking at you.

You're not looking at me.

I'm looking at you.

Look at me, in my eyes.

Your eyes?

Can't you make eye contact?

Yeah, I mean...

sure.

Can I blink?

Forget it.

What?

I can't do it if you're
going to make fun of me.

I'm looking at your eyes.
That's what you asked me to do.

- Not like that.
- Not like what?

There's only one way to
look into someone's eyes.

No, there's not.

You think I don't see
what you're doing?

What am I doing?

I don't know.

Taking a little look
at me here, my shoulder

my neck, my foot maybe.

Taking pictures of
things that turn you on.

Fit in to some type of
pre-programmed sequence

of triggers you're used
to responding to,

making a pornographic
movie in your head

and playing it even when
I'm right here, with you.

Hey.

Take it easy, okay?

This is that moment when I
wonder

what really happened to you
when you were a child.

You know everything there
is to know about my childhood

and it has nothing
to do with this.

We really shouldn't have
written to each other so much

before meeting in person.

Do you regret getting
to know each other?

I regret that all those words

made us think we know
each other,

when we really don't.

So tell me I'm wrong.

That's what I'm saying.

No, look me in the eyes and...

Jesus, with the eyes, already.

Something I
never told Aviva,

once when I was a child,
maybe four years old,

my mother took me
to play in the park.

And in those days, you know,
the park was perfect.

A golden realm,

suspended between
innocence and knowledge.

A perfect place.

I met another kid there,
about my age.

We both had bikes
and we bonded instantly.

We made a connection
stronger than anything

I normally experienced
with someone I just met.

Our parents
must have sensed this,

because my mother,
who was usually in a rush,

let us play together
for a long time.

It was heaven.

But then, at some point,

I noticed something
that struck me as strange.

Your shoes are red.

Yeah.

Pretty weird for a boy.

I'm not a boy, I'm a girl.

I was stunned,

betrayed.

I felt like the bedrock
of reality

had shifted under my feet.

And that was that.

Paradise lost.

When will you be back?

I don't know, not too late.

I don't understand
why I can't come.

It's not that you can't,
it's just...

Aviva.

I moved here three months ago.

When I flew back to Paris
after my first visit,

I wasn't sure about things

but as soon as the space
between us opened up

our love poured back in
and filled it up.

So I closed my apartment

and moved to America, for love.

I feel the need to clarify that,
because, you know,

my friends at home
and people here, they're like,

"If you make it work
with Eden for three years

you'll get a green card."

And I'm like,

"I don't give a fuck about
the fucking green card!

I don't give a fuck about
this disgusting country,

I don't give a fuck about
becoming a fucking American."

I came here

for only one reason.

Aviva,

you know all my friends
and they all think you're great,

I just need some time out
with the guys sometimes.

Know what I mean?

No.

What do you mean, no?

I mean what can you talk about
with your friends alone,

that you can't talk
about with me there?

You, for starters.

What are you going
to say about me?

I'm not...

It's not like I have
anything planned.

I just need some
perspective sometimes.

Who's going to be there?

I don't know.

Mason, for sure.

Dave Mazolla, Aaron Butts,

Kieren, Tony Takata,

you know, Mason's usual gang.

You just don't want me
to come because you're in love

with Mason.

I'm not in love
with Mason,

he's my best friend

and sometimes I just need
some alone time with him.

Is that okay with you?

Go. Have fun.

Be gay with Mason
and your usual gang,

I'll stay home and watch
something on TV.

- Where's Mason at?
- Ah, fuck Mason.

You think Eden would hang
with us if Mason wasn't here?

Girl's got him
under lock and keys.

She's fine though.

Super powers.

X-Men, F.F.
were hit by cosmic rays.

- Mason!
- Mason!

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Like chisel and stone ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Like needle and bone ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Like a God loves his son ♪

♪ And I love you ♪

♪ Like my hand on a gun ♪

♪ I go bang, bang
Bang, bang, bang ♪

♪ Bang, bang, I'm back ♪

♪ Back again ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Bang, bang, bang Bang, bang. ♪

♪ Bang shebang I'm back ♪

♪ Back again ♪

♪ I can't think about
Anything but you ♪

♪ That's how I love, love, love
Love, love, love, love ♪

Aviva?

I'm home.

Hey.

I was just about to go to sleep.

Aviva, I'm sorry you could've
come, it's just the guys...

It's all right.

I'm sorry, too. I know you need
to breathe once in a while.

I actually got a lot done.

I made a lot of phone calls, set
up some things for this week.

I've been sitting
on my ass too long.

Waiting for things to happen.

You've been adjusting.

No, that's not it.

You don't know, you never
really saw me at home.

I'm always making things happen,
almost too much.

Go, go, go all the time.

You know my friends wouldn't
even recognize me.

Something happened
when I came here.

But enough is enough, no?

I'm back.

Pull me, pull me like this hard.

Coming.

That was fast.

Yeah.

That's how I am normally
when I'm happy.

It's amazing.

- Come on.
- What?

I want you to finish, too.
Come on.

Okay.

What are you doing?

- Can I get on top again?
- Why?

I...

- I just don't finish like this.
- Like what?

When I'm...

when I'm on the bottom.

You don't?

You can't or you don't want to?

Just, I won't, okay?

How do you know?

'Cos I know myself.

- You know yourself?
- Yeah.

Doesn't seem so to me.

You know for someone
who just had a nice orgasm

in record time and expressed
the desire to return the favor,

you have an odd
way of showing it.

- I'm sorry. You're right.
- No you're not.

I'm sorry, come here.

- Forget it.
- Come on, I'm sorry.

Look, it's not gonna happen,
okay?

Forget it.

I had
a perfect place once, too.

And not so long ago.

It was a room.

A white room.

Everything was white.

The walls, the bed,

the covering on the furniture.

The shades were white

and the light that came in
through the window was white.

The reason it
was perfect, though,

was that Phillippe was in it.

I met him in the Marais.

He was serving falafel
at this place called Che Habib.

People stand
in line for an hour.

He was so beautiful.

Black hair, black eyes.

He had just come from Morocco.

A Jew, like me.

I never thought he
would be interested in me,

but he was.

It's true, we didn't have
very much to talk about,

but we didn't need to talk.

He lived with his family

and I lived with a few
girlfriends in the Tenth.

So I found us
an apartment of our own,

just a room, really.

But it was ours,

our white room.

I had been hurting myself.

Cutting myself, for years.

And when he kissed me,

the scars in my flesh remained,

but the wounds in my heart
and soul were healed.

And I was filled with
a light more pure and white

than the light filling
our perfect room.

We lived for each other,
or at least

I lived for him.

I stopped almost everything.

I hardly saw my family,

my friends,

I worked just enough
to help us get by.

I cooked, I cleaned,

I made sure our
room was spotless.

I guess I lied,

when I say my friends wouldn't
recognize me here in New York.

They would recognize
me very well.

How I am when I'm trying to...

Trying to what?

Experience love.

You feel like you have to give
up who you are in order to love?

In order to experience
love in return, yeah.

You think no-one will love you,
if they know who you are?

I don't know.

Do you love me?

Aviva.

You okay?

I should be asking you that.

Me?

You were angry.

It's okay. Everything's back to
normal.

Sorry, I should open a window.

What are you thinking about?

Nothing, everything, you know?

I was thinking about Phillippe.

What about him?

Actually, I was thinking
more about me with him.

Why I'm always
the same when I'm...

- When you're what?
- In a relationship.

- Everything's a relationship.
- With men.

I'm glad to know I
inspire a generalized

Pavlovian reaction
to an entire gender.

And you think you're
different with me

than you are with any
other woman you attract?

You never said why you
and Phillippe broke up.

I told you.

No, you said you
were heartbroken,

you moved back
with your parents,

that you couldn't get out
of bed for more than a year,

but you never said why
the relationship ended.

It ended because he
became religious.

You're joking.

And he wanted me to be the same.

And I tried, too.

I tried to learn all the laws

and lit the candles on Shabbat,

and cooked only Kosher food...

What?

It's funny.

Did he grow payots?

Actually, he did.

Was he sexy?

Did he look hot?
Naked, with his payots?

Better than you do,
without them.

I tried.

But I couldn't.

I felt like a

terrible person.

A sinner.

I didn't eat,

I didn't sleep, I...

I was thin like this,
maybe 40 kilos.

Finally my friends had
to make an intervention

and they told me I was
going crazy

and I saw I was.

So I left him.

You left him?

I packed my
suitcase when he was at work

and went back to
my parents' house.

And I never saw
our white room again.

Your white room?

My own perfect place.

Like the park you
never told me about.

You see,

I lost paradise, too.

And now you're here.

Now I'm here.

But?

I'm happy
I'm here, but...

I hate this apartment.

So?

We'll move.

This is a great space.

and it's in a great
neighborhood.

Is it?

The best. Where are you from?

- Paris.
- Oh, Paris.

- What a beautiful city.
- Have you been there?

No, but I plan
on visiting someday.

These windows have a rare view
for this part of town.

Which I'm sure
your husband can tell you.

Oh, Eden's not my husband.

We're together, but not married.

- Not yet.
- Not yet.

You like
this neighborhood, baby?

Sure.

This apartment
is an absolute steal.

Now, it's a little cozy
but the light is fantastic,

southern exposure,

which you rarely get
in a place this cheap,

especially in the bedrooms.

Did you see the bedrooms, baby?

All the units in this building
are brand new.

Central heat and air,

all the appliances.

It's a great size,

it doesn't have
much character, but...

Eden likes things simple,
right baby?

Whatever.

Eden?

I'm sick of the way
you're acting, you hear me?

How am I acting?

Like you want to be
anywhere but here.

I didn't like the place,
what am I supposed to do?

Jump up and down and grin like a
fool until we walk out the door?

You know what?

You stay home,

I'll do it alone.

I'll talk to the realtors,
I'll make the appointments,

I'll go see all the places
until I find something amazing

to show you.

Think that might work?

Proud of yourself?

You talking to me?

Well, I'm the only one here,
you talking to me?

But you ain't in gay Paris.

Go grab a crepe
and your Suzette,

get your ass up
'cos it's about to get gritty.

I'm gonna remind you,
in case you forget,

this boy came up
in New York City.

Yeah boy, you're
in or house now,

so watch where you beef my dog,
know what I'm sayin'?

Mark Gold in the house.

Ran with this bad boy
from when we were six

'till we turned 13.

Dropped out
of each other's lives.

You know how it is,

but he's in my mind
and these streets are his.

Hey, yo guys
Left yo shit in the lunch room.

Get off me.

Adam Fink,
world's nerdiest, yet.

Not saying a lot, bust a move
kid, show 'em what you've got.

I thought you moved
out of town, to the country.

Man, you can take
the boy out of the city,

but you can't take
the city out of the boy.

That's what I'm saying.

That's what he's been sayin' yo.

- Shorty comes in my house,
- In your house!

Starts throwing her weight
around like I'm her bitch.

Man, she don't know
who she's fucking with.

Been taking the deed
and combing with crew

since I was like 10
years old, dog.

Been mugged on every
corner on the Upper West Side

between Central Park West
and Riverside drive.

Stole candy and comic books from
every news stand in the hood

since the day I started
whacking off, son.

And she gonna tell
you what to do?

- Man, show her how we do, dog.
- Man, show her how we do.

Let's go.

Oh yeah, Mark. Okay. Slow mo'.

Yeah. Get it Mark. Get it.

Get it.

Pass it, my turn.

Go Adam.

Oh!

Coney Island, baby.

You won't regret it.

It's by far the best place in
the entire city, for the price.

It's a done deal, Aviva.

Signed, sealed and delivered.

You sure you'll be all right?

I will be.

Things are just moving fast.

I've been here for
nearly half a year.

I'll be fine.

I just need things
to slow down, for a beat.

Marriage
is your only option.

I mean, if you want to
stay in the country

legally, of course.

I thought it was only
if I have to fly

out and back
until I get my green card.

New immigration
laws are in place.

If you want to stay here
legally, and work here legally,

you need a special dispensation

which takes months to file for

and might take years
to go through,

with no guarantee of success.

I can't do that.

I can only present the options
available to you.

Six months
ago, before I moved here,

Eden sent me an email that said

"My sweet Aviva
across the ocean,

I can't believe this thing
we're having between us.

Are you really leaving Paris
to be with me?

I never, ever expected
something like this to happen.

Not the way it has.

Not with someone like you.

I feel like a leaf in the wind,

like my life is a strange dream.

I'm the same actor
that I've always been,

playing the same role,

but there's no script anymore.

The play doesn't
have a structure I understand.

The way I fit into
the totality of it

is a complete mystery to me.

And I'm lost.

I'm totally lost.

I'm so grateful to you
for feeling for me.

But I can't believe that you're
willing to anchor yourself

to someone so lost

and blindly wandering
through the fog.

If there's anything that scares
me about our relationship,

is that I'm going
to have to adjust

to being a real person again,

if that makes any sense at all.

I'm trying not to allow my fear

to fuck up the most incredible
thing in my life,

which is you.

You are amazing.

You're wise and challenging and
open to adjusting and changing.

And you never fail to step up
when the situation calls for it.

I'm lucky to know you.

I want you in my life.

I'm on my knees,
begging you to be in my life.

You are life.

That's
what he said then.

- Now he's saying...
- I'm sorry.

- It's just papers Eden.
- Yeah, it's papers,

it's marriage and commitment.
It's marriage, Aviva.

It's marriage so that we can see
if we want to be married.

Are you saying that you
don't want to be with me?

No, that's not what I'm saying.

Then what are you saying?

Just that I'm not ready
to get married so fast.

Are you ready to come to
Paris to live with me there?

You know I can't do that.

You know, I didn't know
you were so fucking bourgeois

that you make such a
big deal out of marriage.

It's a legal exercise,
something that

allows us to be together so
that we can explore our love!

I can't believe you would allow
everything to end over

some bureaucratic bullshit,
you know.

Fuck it!

Hey, baby.

You're right.

Baby.

Let's do it.

Stop crying.

It's just papers. You're right.

Thank you.
I love you so much.

- I love you, too.
- Thank you.

Of course.

It's a beautiful night
in your city.

Hmm.

Want to take a walk in it?

Uh-huh.

Uhm...

Give me a moment
to recompose myself.

Of course.

Dear God, thank you.

Thank you for bringing
Aviva in to my life.

I know I've been so cut off

and how hard it's been for me to
connect to the gift of this life

in the present moment...

Stop.

I've been cut off from myself
for so long

that I've forgotten
what it's like to make

choices based on a positive
connection to this life...

Stop.

Aviva is so strong and alive

and brave... Please, stop!

She's brave and she' a fighter
and I thank you for this

opportunity, so that I
can move in the direction

that I wouldn't have been able
to if I was on... Just stop it!

Aviva is an example of courage

and spirit and I thank you
for this opportunity

to learn from her.

Thank you for presenting me
with constant beauty

when all I've done
is cast a pall of my own making

over the shimmering beauty
of creation.

Thank you for giving me a chance
so that I can have

love and connection
and growth and joy,

even when my every thought has
been turned against you

in anger and ingratitude.

Thank you for bringing Aviva
in to my life.

Thank you for giving me a chance
to say yes rather than no.

Thank you for someone
who'll actually

fight for me, someone who I

can fight for a yes.

Thank you for someone
who will fight for me...

Just stop it!

Thank you for someone who will
fight me for g...

Just stop it already!

Fucking shit! Just stop it.

For one God damn second!
Can you just sit still?

Put your fucking clothes on.

Please.

You ready?

Just go.

You go.

Dear mom,

we decided to have a real
New York City wedding.

We bought rings on 47th Street,

and then took the Metro
down to the City Hall.

Eden's friend Mason
was our first witness,

and Nissan flew from Berlin
to be our second,

because it was him
who introduced us after all.

The judge was
a strange little woman

- who reminded me of Nana.
- I, Eden.

- If Nana was insane.
- Take Aviva to be my wife.

I Eden,
take Aviva to be my wife...

But she
seemed really happy for us.

She must do this
100 times a week.

So maybe it's just my fantasy.

But when she married us,

I thought I saw
tears in her eyes.

- And I promise my love to you.
- And I promise my love to you.

- With this ring, I thee wed.
- With this ring, I thee wed.

I Aviva,

take Eden to be my husband.

I, Aviva,

take Eden to be my husband.

To have and to hold.

To have and to hold...

In sickness
and in health.

In sickness and in health,

For richer
and for poorer.

For richer and for poorer.

and I promise
my love to you.

And I promise my love to you.

With this ring,
I thee wed.

With this ring...

Just as two threads
woven in opposite directions,

can form a beautify tapestry,

so can your two lives
merge together

to form a beautify marriage.

Love is the reason you are here.

But it will
take trust to...

By these vows, I now
declare you husband and wife.

You may kiss your bride.

And that
was that.

Afterward Mason
organized a party

for our friends
at the restaurant he owns.

And we talked
and laughed all night.

It was beautiful.

♪ Don't you think ♪

♪ It's time you get
On over that? ♪

♪ Don't you think
You had enough? ♪

♪ I mean
I know you had it rough ♪

♪ But the pansy-fancy way
Of looking grim ♪

♪ All through
The day and night ♪

♪ Is something wrong my dear? ♪

♪ Have I said it
Way too clear? ♪

♪ Then let me whisper
In your ear ♪

♪ All these words
I know are wrong ♪

♪ But for the sake
Of writing song ♪

♪ Here is what I guess
You wanna hear ♪

♪ Somewhere up there ♪

♪ The sky is blue ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Somewhere out there ♪

♪ There's something New to do ♪

♪ Somebody loves you ♪

♪ Somebody loves you ♪

♪ Tell me do you think
You have some exclusivity ♪

♪ On every shadow of regret
That's lurking in proximity ♪

♪ To what you think
Your life should be ♪

♪ But if you close
Your eyes you'll see ♪

♪ That there is nothing
For you here still ♪

♪ The only words you hear ♪

♪ Are somewhere up there ♪

♪ The sky is blue ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Somewhere out there ♪

♪ There is something New to do ♪

♪ Somebody loves you ♪

♪ Somebody loves you ♪

- Hey, what's wrong?
- Nothing.

Why aren't you dancing?

- Are you having a good time?
- I'm trying to.

Go and have fun and stop
worrying about me, okay?

No, I can't when I see you
standing like this.

Sure you can.

You know I can't.

That's your choice.

If you want to make
my experience your experience

that's your responsibility.

I don't understand why
you're doing this right now.

These are your friends,
they're here for you.

They're happy for you.

You're doing fine without me.

In fact you're doing
a lot better without me.

I'm just ruining your night.
I'm gonna go.

- You're acting like a child.
- Hey. Let's not fight, okay?

I'm sorry I'm ruining your time.

You're better off
without me here.

I'll come with you.

Are you crazy?

That'll be a disaster.

It'll break Aviva's heart.

Just stay here
and have fun, okay?

No-one will notice a God damn
thing when I'm gone.

The whole party
will just liven up,

and no-one will even know why.

Somehow everything
will just have gotten better.

Hey.

You know what?

I'll see you later.

Hey.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

Hey?

No, it's...

seeing everyone here
for me, for us.

- It's...
- I know, I know.

I love you.

I love you.

Whoo whoo!

- I'm coming.
- Come.

Come.

My love,

sorry.

- No.
- So fast.

You're perfect.

Come here. Come here.

No.

- I want you to.
- Come here.

- I want you to be...
- Keep doing what you doing.

Are you sure?

I was thinking of trying out
a song at this juncture.

I know this isn't
really a musical,

I love musicals.

I love it when people
start to dance, but...

I kinda hate it

when people break out into song.

I thought it'd
be fun to have the kids

bust in to rap back there,

even if it's way outside of
the style of everything

that we're doing here, but...

I mean, fuck consistency
and tone, we did it.

I'm talking about when some

happy guy or some
melancholy guy with his

hands in his pocket suddenly
gets that faraway look

in his eye,

he looks somewhere
right above camera

or down at his shoes and
it's like it's coming to him.

This song that took
20 people months to create,

he's making it up right now.

He'll look up and...

well like I said, I hate it,
so I'm not gonna do it.

What I am gonna do is talk about
what I've been avoiding

talking about.

Which is Isadora.

Neither Aviva or I
have been here in a while.

But it's our space.

And ours alone.

I'm gonna talk about Isadora in
it, which is way fucked up, but

life is fucked up that way.

I'll meet Isadora
at a party which

I'm never gonna show here.

Because there are some things I
don't feel I can show correctly.

It's a birthday party
for Dave Mazolla

that I attend solo

during the brief period when
Aviva and I are back together.

Trying to work things
out after our first break up.

Kind of which has come to pass
in linear time.

I'm solo because
after everything

we will have gone through,
Aviva is comfortable

enough to generously allow me

some alone time with my friends
without kicking up a fuss.

That's the impression
I'm under, anyways.

I'm a little drunk.

A little more
forward than usual.

And Dave introduces me to his
friend, this young woman named

Isadora.

It's like...

electricity
is an inadequate word.

When her eyes look in to mine,
it's like I can see myself

reflected back at me, only...

more open,

more curious,

more... alive,

more... everything.

Recognition,

during this brief
chat that spans

an eternity.

She mentioned she's going to
Berlin to study for a semester.

So I tell her to call
Nissan while she's there,

making up for all the time
he's played matchmaker to me

with Aviva,
so I feel proud for doing this

and with Aviva so I feel sick,

for doing this.

Just as I expect,
Nissan falls hard for her

but she blows him off
after a week, I mean,

he's not for her.

I'm for her.

She calls or texts
me every few months

lets me know that she's done
with Berlin,

she's moved to Los Angeles.

I always respond cordially

without excess warmth because
I know if I open this door

there is no turning back.

None of this
has happened yet, but...

it will.

Hey this is Zeke,
you found me.

Express yourself.

Hey there Zeke,

your manager passed
me your number,

my name is Aviva Le Grange

I'm a video artist and
director from Paris,

I love your music,

especially your new song
"Love it or Leave it".

I think it's got magic.

I have an idea
for a video for it

that could be something
really special.

♪ Long are the days when
You're turning away ♪

♪ From the reasons You strung ♪

♪ Long is the way
When you're aching to say ♪

♪ But your teeth
Bite your tongue ♪

♪ Loud is the wind in your ears
When you spin ♪

♪ As you look for the sun ♪

♪ Loud are the skies as
You thunder your cries ♪

♪ When your prayers are sung ♪

♪ Hard is the floor
As the waves pound... ♪

- She's brilliant.
- Yeah?

Why didn't you
show me her work before?

Why hide it?

I wasn't hiding it,

I wanted to focus this thing
on our relationship,

on who we are
to each other first.

Or maybe you're just
intimidated by her.

I'm not.

I would be.

She's a genius.

I'm not intimidated.

I'm inspired.

♪ My oh my It hurts sometimes ♪

♪ Oh my oh my!
It hurts sometimes ♪

♪ I think I'm running
Out of time ♪

♪ Before I'm gonna
Lose my mind ♪

♪ My oh my! It hurts sometimes ♪

I finished my first record.

I'm surprised you
found the time.

Listen man, I'd love for her
to do something with me, too.

♪ Before I'm gonna
Lose my mind... ♪

So ask her.

It's just, you know, I don't
want your feelings hurt.

I'm fine.

Just ask her.

If she wants to do it,
she'll do it.

So what are you thinking?

I dunno,

it could be strange.

Do you like
Mason's music?

I do. I actually think
it's very special.

Then you should do it.

What do you think of this edit?

It's beautiful.

Yeah, but I think this
angle is better for him, no?

The other one's perfect though.

Captures something grounded
and spiritual at the same time.

Jesus Christ,
take it easy over there.

What are
you talking about?

- Just it's embarrassing okay?
- What is?

You know what I'm talking about.

Spell it out for me.

Aviva was right,

it's pathetic how you are
about anything to do with Mason.

He proposed the idea,
you could have said no.

Right. Like I was
gonna be the bad guy.

Great position to put me in.

What position?

Aviva doing something
nice for your friend

after moving here entire life
here for you? Is that so bad?

Nope.

I did it, see?

I'm nice. Mr. nice guy.

No, you've been an asshole
ever since...

Since what?

You're gone even when you're
here, which is hardly ever.

You're always off to the side,
angry all the time...

When you do say
something, it's mean.

Maybe because you've
acted like a total jealous

bitch since the moment
you saw me with Mason.

That's what you like to think.

But you're the one
who is jealous.

Me? Maybe she is.
I don't give a fuck.

I'm not jealous
of either of you.

You're the one telling people
where they can go,

when they should be there.

It's true, you've been jealous

and controlling
since the day I got here.

If you had any sense of
boundaries,

I wouldn't need to control you.

Maybe you should figure
out your own boundaries,

before you worry about
how others handle theirs.

You stay the fuck
out of this okay?

No-one asked you to
be here in the first place.

Shall I quote some of
those emails you sent me?

I never wrote you
a single fucking email.

No?

Who do you think all those
emails

you fell so in love with
were from?

I was reading letters from her.

You were reading
letters from me,

you idiot.

She barely has the patience

to put a coherent
sentence together.

Hey, you can go fuck
yourself too. I don't need

your fucking help, if you're
going to help me like this!

You know he didn't want
anything to do with you,

- I don't blame him.
- So now you're on his side?

- I'm not on anyone's side.
- You're taking his side.

You always take his side,
I'm fucking sick of it.

- Sick of it?
- Sick of it.

We've never fought about it.

Don't be stupid.
These fights, other fights,

if there's another side
available, you'll take it.

Hey calm down.

Don't fucking tell me
to calm down.

Chill out. Okay?

I talk how I fucking
want to talk, all right?

Don't tell me what to do.

I don't even know who
I am anymore

in this stupid fucking country.

Acting like some kind of
polite American all the time.

This is you polite?

Jesus, I'd hate to see
you in your native habitat.

Fuck you!

This is who I am now,
if you don't like it...

I can go home.

Come one, don't say that.

Do you even want me here?

Of course I want you here.

I'm not talking to you,

talking to him.

Do you even want me here?

Don't put your choices on me.

You're gonna
fuck this up.

You're gonna fuck everything up,

you always do.

Maybe if you didn't
keep getting me

into shit that
I don't want to be in,

I wouldn't have to
fuck anything up.

I see.

You don't want to be in this?

Come on, man.

Don't say things you
won't be able to take back.

Aviva's here, I'm here.

You're the one who needs
to decide what he wants to do.

This is the best thing that's
ever happened to me in my life.

You wanna take it away from me,

go ahead.

I can't stop you,

I never could.

I'm doing
something wrong.

You're not doing anything wrong.

Yes, I am.

You brought us all together,

you're not doing anything wrong.

I know I said earlier
that there's nothing more lonely

or more depressing than
being alone in New York City,

but that's not
empirically speaking, correct.

There's nothing more lonely

than being alone in Los Angeles.

- It's left, turn left.
- I got it.

- "Dear Aviva."
- "Dear?"

Are you seriously
letting go of sweet?

Is that really what you want
me to be focusing on right now?

I'll just write sweet.

"Dear Aviva,

I heard you were in
the desert somewhere.

I remember I promised myself

or you, that I would write
to you at least something

once a day for all the time
we would know each other.

I guess it took us breaking
up for me to honor it again.

You're an amazing person.

You always surprised me,

even though I'm so jaded
and often unengaged,

you told me I don't
know how to live,

it's true.

I don't know how to make
the most out of a simple day.

I don't know how to get
the most out of breakfast,

to enjoy a simple walk.

To get the most out
of work or creativity

in anything other
than sporadic bursts.

I don't know how to move
through time and space

with a sense of accepting that
I'm the vessel doing the moving.

Even as I understand
I'm doing myself

and God and injustice
by directing

such negativity toward a life
that I should be grateful for.

I imagine it's very confusing
being in a relationship

with someone like me.

I get angry sometimes
when I see how real

you are, how substantial.

And I'm in this stupid,
ugly place

floating around like a ghost.

But then I realize that
I'd rather be this way

or I wouldn't be here
doing what I'm doing.

Making one reality
after another and then

abandoning it, so that others
can inhabit it without me.

I'm running,

I don't ever wanna get caught
but I am tired of running.

Sorry I've been going
on and on here,

but you wanted to know
where I'm at.

So here you have it.

I admire you

and I love you.

E."

"Dear E,

it's both painful and moving
to read your words."

- Don't do that.
- What?

That stupid bopping to the music
in the car, sort of thing.

It's cutesy and ingratiating
and I fucking hate it.

If you wanna dance,
pull over, stop the car,

get out and make
a proper fucking dance.

- Who's cut off and mean now?
- I am.

Deal with it.

You wanna hear the rest of it?

Sure.

"It was so strange for me
to be alone in the city,

hard to go meet people for work
and put myself out there.

So confusing meeting men,
and the world in general,

with the knowledge
that we're separated.

So I got myself out of there
and headed in to the desert,

in New Mexico.

Spent a lot of time
there by myself,

one day I got kinda lost.

It was scary,

a story for another day.

Then I met these two people
who really saved my ass.

They were this couple who travel
to the most dangerous places

in the world

and they dance together there.

And they're not the only ones,

it's a thing.

Gave me an idea to make
a movie out of it.

Started filming them and
I'm putting together a teaser

to raise money
for the rest of it.

I'm DJ'ing for Zeke's club shows

and she's gonna do
the music for it.

It's a trip.

I'm lonelier than
I've ever been,

sadder and happier
than I've ever been all at once.

I love you

and I have no regrets,

but I don't wanna go through
something like this again.

I wanna be with somebody
who wants to be with me.

The way I am,

not the way he wants me to be.

I have so much love and passion
in me

and I don't want to feel
guilty about it.

Still, I miss us and I miss you.

A."

Nicole just texted you.

- Nicole?
- Yeah, from high school.

I know who she is.

Just surprised
to hear from here.

Well, she's here.

You mean in LA?

No, I mean in this car,
stashed in the trunk.

I always liked her.

I have nothing
to talk with her about.

- I do.
- We have no shared interests.

Nothing in common,

nothing.

Daredevil,
that's my guy.

Smart and blind,
just how I like my men.

I don't know,
I was strictly Kirby style.

Cosmic stuff,
worlds beyond imagination,

shit that actually
opens your mind.

Thor, F.F.,
The Eternals, The New Gods.

It was all street level for me.
Someone I could identify with.

Like, if I looked into an alley

on the way to school,

I might just catch a glimpse
in the shadows.

Punisher, Daredevil, Spiderman,

Spiderman is street level?

Compared to the New Gods, he is.

Look,
I liked those guys growing up,

it was fine if I couldn't get
my hands on anything else

but where is the imagination,
the aspiration?

Sometimes putting your fist
through some jerk's face,

is all the aspiration you need.

Good to know.

Can I refresh
anybody's drink?

We've already had thee.

One more and I'll be
at maximum suggestibility.

She'll have another one.

What about you?

I still have work to do tonight.

Really?

- You okay?
- I'm great.

But how can I make you,
you know?

You don't have to do anything,
I'm great.

- I want you to be happy.
- I'm happy.

I mean, really happy.

- I'm really happy.
- Jesus.

Come on, move over.

Where are you going?

Do it hard.

You can do it harder.

She said do it harder.

Yes. Yes.

Oh yes. Yes.

Oh, my gosh.

Unbelievable.

I'm gonna go make some coffee,
you guys want anything?

No, thank you.

I'm good.

Milk, two sugars.

♪ What I say when I
Say that I miss you ♪

♪ Is that I will
Always love me more ♪

♪ What I need when I bleed
Just to drown you ♪

♪ Is that some day
You'll become a shore ♪

♪ It's my wave that will
Crave and will pull you ♪

♪ And another that
Will push you back ♪

♪ We will be just a sea
They can sail through ♪

♪ They can split us
But we never crack ♪

♪ On occasions our
Sea will swallow ♪

♪ 613 shades of sad ♪

♪ And occasionally
We will be just shallow ♪

♪ Enough for them
To see the things we had... ♪

- Can you get it?
- Uh-huh.

- Hey?
- Hey.

- How are you?
- Good, I'm good.

Are you?

Yeah.

Better than I've
been in a while.

How are the shows going?

Uh, they're going.

I'm signing with Dream Shot.

That's a great agency.

Yeah, they just got me
the rest of the budget

to make my feature.

- Jesus.
- Yeah.

That's amazing.

Everyone I know
is talking about your work.

You know, I'm here in town.

Here?

Yeah,
it was a last minute thing.

I was going to tell you but...

I wasn't sure I should call.

Why wouldn't you call?

I don't know.

I'm editing this thing
after screening it here,

in a few days.

I was hoping you could
check it out,

maybe do a few things to it.

- but...
- I'll be there.

If it's not
a good time for you...

No, I'll be there,
I'll be there.

This is not a work place.

It's our space.

It was.

I miss you.

I missed you too.

We should get back together.

What?

Your timing is just...

After so many sleepless nights,
so many broken hearted days,

finally I get myself to a place
when I can...

And now...

I'm sorry, I...

I'm sorry.

It's exactly what we needed,

to get to a better
place that we couldn't

get to when
we were still together,

because of all the pressure

of long distance,
of constantly being rushed,

we can restart this
the right way now.

I don't think
this is the right time.

Please. Please come back.

I love you.

I don't wanna let you go.

Please come back.

Please come back.

I love you, too.

I'm here.

Let's do what we
came here to do. Okay.

Is it just the three of us?

She'll be back soon.

Hey, come on.

You do what you have
to do, I'm...

gonna sit here and wait for her
for a minute, okay?

He waited.

He had done what I
had asked him to do.

I have to give him that.

And he waited.

He waited for a lot
more than a minute.

There was no reason
to be in Los Angeles anymore

so it was back to
the New York apartment,

our old white room.

Only it wasn't so white anymore,

Aviva had decorated
the hell out of it

in the time we were apart.

New furniture everywhere,

posters, and even
paintings on the walls.

Bizarre chachkas on every shelf,

I hardly recognized it anymore.

But I was happy.

I mean, really happy.

Maybe for the first
time in my life.

And he waited.

But she had found something
he had never given her.

Something that
in her heart of hearts

she didn't believe he ever
would, or could give her.

And once having found it,

she was not about to
easily let it go.

No matter how good
everything else was.

And it was good,

as good as good can be.

And maybe she
would've come back,

eventually,

maybe she did come back.

I don't really know,

because by then...

there was no-one home.

You can do it harder.

You can do it much harder.

How much harder?

As hard as you want to.

We need a safe word.

I don't need a safe word.

Maybe I need a safe word.

We don't have to do it
if you don't want to.

Do you want me to do it?

I want you to want to do it.

Ow.

Come on.

Did you...

It was great.

Yeah, but you didn't...

There's always next time.

- Hey.
- Hey. Give me two seconds, okay?

Hey, can I
talk to you for a minute?

It can't wait, okay.

One camera please.

I just need a minute, okay?

I can't do this by myself.

No-one said you had to.

I don't wanna have to
rely on you anymore.

I have to be able to
do this on my own.

Do you have any idea how fucked
up and wrong you are? Do you?

You don't know how it feels.

To have never been able to
make one woman for one single

moment in your life.

- They like your jokes.
- Fuck you.

They're only pretending to laugh
to kill time, until you show up.

I've never even given
a woman an orgasm.

Not one single orgasm.

Not one, ever.

I'm over this.

Over your fear,

over your anger.

Go find someone who doesn't know
any better

and take the credit for it.

I can't and I don't want to.

I wanna be with someone who
I want, for once in my life.

Not who you want, who I want
and who wants me. Not you, me.

How the fuck is anyone
supposed to want you,

when you hate you
so God damn much?

I don't hate me.

I hate you. I've always
hated you, ever since...

Every single problem,
every issue I was having

with Aviva, was a problem
I was having with you.

I don't have
a problem with Aviva.

It's you.

So are you gonna get back on
your little bike and ride away?

Or are you gonna do
something about it?

Socks.

Thermal stuff is good.

I have thermal stuff.

I know how to pack.

Did you order a taxi?

I thought you...
I'll order, I got it.

Give me that.

Make sure you're with someone

who really
knows what they're doing.

I'll be fine.

Right.

You're about to go
follow some lunatics

up the side of
a mountain in Alaska.

Look, I'm making
a movie about couples

who inspire each other
to go to the edge.

Doesn't mean you have to
go there with them.

People are opening up
their lives to me.

If they're going there,
I've gotta go there too.

You gonna back me up here
or you just gonna sit there

staring at the door?

I'm not
staring at the door.

I'm making flight plans.

Flight plans?

I'm going to LA for a week.

This is news.

It's a last minute meeting.

Oh, before I go to Alaska?

Next morning.

Door closes.

Down three flights.
Picks up bag.

Goes outside. Looks for a taxi.

Taxi. Taxi. Taxi. Whoo.

Picks up bag.
"The airport please."

It's hot.

Ooh.

Gets money out. Pays. Kicks
the door open. Gets the bag.

Passport.

Security. Computer.

Beep. Shoes.

Beep, beep, beep.

Shoes.

Computer.

Bag. On the plane.

Looks for the seat.

32B.

Seat belt. Looks out the window.

Time for takeoff.

Cruising altitude is
30 thousand hundred feet.

Drink please.

Click.

Another drink.

Time for landing.

"Welcome to LA where the weather
is perfect all the time."

Catches the car keys.

Good day.

Picks up the phone. Ding. Ding.

"Hey."

"Isadora. It's Eden."

"Wow, what a surprise."

"Yeah. Even more of a surprise,
I'm in LA."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Uh, any chance you're around?"

"I'm around."

"Well, uh, can I see you?"

"You can see me."

"When?"

"How about... now?"

"Okay, where's your address?"

"I'll text you it.
It's a five story walk-up.

Think you can make it up?"

"I can make it up."

What is this feeling?

This feeling that he's
never had before

This feeling, this,
even before it happens,

he knows that there's
no going back.

Either this is gonna
be complete bullshit

or this is it.

Ping.

Found the edge, huh?

I guess I went over it.

I guess so.

I hope I didn't fuck up
your business trip too much.

Don't be stupid.

What's the damage?

I fractured

three vertebras in my spine.

The doctor said that...

I might be all right,
eventually.

But it's going to take
a lot of time and patience.

Can we go home now?

"What
unbelievable timing,"

he thinks to himself.

A joke.

A test too monstrous
even for a cruel

and capricious God to invent.

Leaving Aviva now
would be unforgivable.

He's gonna be like a character
in a Russian novel.

It
was said in his later days,

he could be seen

walking arm in arm
with his frail wife

in the park

of a Sunday,

taking in the air.

A faraway look in
his hollow eyes.

Like two ghosts.

Without purpose

or destination.

They've wondered
through the land of the living...

Please!

I can't do this anymore.

I know.

Did you meet someone?

Yes.

In Los Angeles?

Yes.

Will you stay with
me long enough

to help me go through some
of the doctor's appointments?

So I can figure out what's what?

He stays for
six weeks before he takes off.

As for his thing with Isadora,

pfft.

I end it in five.

Payback's a bitch!

He'll never forgive me for it.

Fuck him!

What's he ever
really done for me?

Other than a few brief misfires.

He and I are
in a relationship now.

Only with each other.

Not much of a relationship.

More like a détente,

a cold war.

No major blow ups

without any outside forces
to instigate discord or strife,

but a lot of lonely nights

and internet porn,

which weirdly enough,

I think I'm more
into than he is.

As for Aviva...

She finished her movie

after a slow and painful
year of rehab.

Achieved with an iron
will and courage,

and an immense tolerance
for suffering.

I've seen it a hundred times.

And Aviva's capacity for
acceptance and forgiveness

is as vast as the ocean
she once crossed

in order to share
her life with me.

And not a day will pass without
a message or a call between us.

And we will work together
and play together

and grow closer
than ever before.

And one day...

Where is she?

My girlfriend's
out there tonight.

Where?

There she is.

Bon jour, mon amour.

- Bonsoir.
- Bonsoir.

What?

Don't nothing rhyme
with soir, baby.

I don't know
what to call you now.

My girl is French. Crazy, too.

Got me dancing under
active volcanos

and all type of bridges
and whatnot...

She's charming as hell though,
got my heart like

She's complicated.

Not only is she French, she's
Jewish, got an attitude

and she feels guilty about it.

And I feel guilty too,

I drive a German car.

The Jewish and German people
have a history

I don't fully understand.

All I know is that
when she's in the car

I can't turn the heat on
without hearing shit

about her grandmother.

She gives me this look like...

And I'm like, "Sorry,
I didn't kill your family!

I'm just enjoying the
precision and cold-blooded

technical efficiency
of those who did."

Is that so wrong?

When she laughs at a guy's
jokes, she's not pretending.

Oh, he's amazing, right?

He loves you.

He does.

And he's the best.

It was a great show.

I need to tell you something.

Excuse me.

I'm going to have a baby.

When?

Seven months.

Everything's gonna change.

Everything is always changing.

Hello.

Hello.

You are my best friend

in the world.

Subtitles by explosiveskull

♪ Tears are clouding
Up a sunny day ♪

♪ And I wish I'd turn up ♪

♪ Any other way ♪

♪ But I don't think
That you'd care ♪

♪ If I stepped out
Of your hair ♪

♪ And you'd find me
Anywhere but here ♪

♪ I wish it wasn't so ♪

♪ I'll say it again I
Wish it wasn't so ♪

♪ But I don't think
That you'd mind ♪

♪ If I left this room behind ♪

♪ And I'd step outside to find ♪

♪ Some other place ♪

♪ Let's say that it's okay ♪

♪ And just leave it at that ♪

♪ Things are different
Than they seem ♪

♪ Everybody's looking
From the outside ♪

♪ But we're both Stuck within ♪

♪ And I wish that
You would say ♪

♪ That you wanted me to stay ♪

♪ And we'll find
Some other way ♪

♪ But this ♪

♪ Let's say that it's okay ♪

♪ And just leave it at that ♪

♪ Maybe I could wait ♪

♪ But I think that
It's too late ♪

♪ So let's just call it fate ♪

♪ From here ♪