Average Joe (2019) - full transcript
Go on, get him out of the van!
Angel! They're here.
Get down Mall cop.
Oh god please don't kill
me, I just started this job 3 days
ago. I'm just a driver!
I didn't ask for your resume.
Why did we take the driver?
You always want to take
more than one hostage, at least
two hostages. It's a good rule
of thumb, just in case you need
to shoot one of them.
I'll show you right now.
Hahaha, you look like
a hulked up Doogie Houser!
You got what you want!
You don't have to shoot anyone!
Is that so? Then this should
be pretty straightforward.
The code to the case!
Wait, you know
what's in the case right?
The code! Or I
ventilate your kneecaps.
You paint quite a
picture. 6-7-7-2.
Far out.
Call M.A.X. Let him
know we found what Lord
Menace requested.
Hahahaha. In a world so
filled with villainy, criminals who
think themselves above the law.
The only thing standing
valiantly in the shadows,
between this city and total
anarchy.
Heroes.
Is justice! We are the justice
Angel Gang, and when the
people cry 'Save us'!
We whisper 'no problem'.
Hahahaha.
Come on! Kill them all!
Kill them all!
It's ok! The name's
Blinx, come with me if you want to live.
There they are, over there!
You ok?
You should be out there.
It's uh,
it's too much gun fire!
That's what I thought.
Now don't start!
Brain!
Brain, we need you!
Oh thank god!
Oh thank you, thank you.
There, there ordinary
citizen, no need to thank me.
Villains know when they've
been out match...
I got this.
Hank wait!
You're just a neutral.
Fear center of the brain is at
maximum, you're not worthy.
But I sense another.
Now that I've finished the warm
up, who's next?
Who might you be?
Looking for me?
Could it be?
A worthy adversary?
Maybe.
But you're gonna
have to catch me first.
Hmmm. Interesting.
Is this what Lord
Menace was expecting?
We have the thorium compound.
You will be handsomely rewarded.
Move your men out.
I don't take no orders
from a god-damned
toaster in a straight-jacket.
Would you like to see what
this toaster is capable of?
This deal's getting
worse all the time.
Come on!
Thank you
for coming in Mr. Martin.
Your resume is,
adequate. We'll let you know.
Well, that's it?
I don't understand the question.
Don't you need more background?
No.
More experience?
No.
Cuz I can go get you-
Off the record, Mr. Martin...
this is not the type
of resume that's going to land
you a position with our company.
You haven't worked in 8 months.
It's not my fault,
the economy is rough.
Not for us.
We'll let you know.
Hey Carl.
Hey Joe, how are ya?
Muriel won't let me smoke in
the house anymore.
See ya Carl.
Have a good one.
Loser.
Slug.
Sarah!
Don't distract her, she's
making my sandwich.
"Don't distract her,
she's making my sandwich"
Weirdo.
Head Shot!
Oh!
Oh my god!
I'm sorry baby, I didn't see you.
It's ok, it's ok it's ok!
Is it ok?
I think so here, we don't
need you bleeding at interviews.
Let me see.
It couldn't be any rougher
than it was this morning.
It didn't go well?
No, it was horrible.
I feel like I'm Saran-Wrap
and they're just looking
right through me
on to the next guy.
Let me see,
Alright I think you're ok.
My hero.
I know.
You'll catch a break
on the next one, alright?
No, that's it for today.
No more-
Actually, I got you
another interview.
Muriel's son said that there's a
job opening where he works.
It's decent hours,
not great pay.
Where?
Just right around the corner.
Doing?
Hm?
Doing?
Management.
Of?
Tell him.
Waste.
Garbage?!
Joe, I know
that it's not ideal...
Baby, I got interviews!
Interviews don't pay mortgages.
I know.
I'm supposed to be the
man of the house and I can't
even buy a carton of eggs.
Joe has no huevos.
Look baby, I just don't think
right now's the time for me
to look at being a garbageman.
Waste management.
I deal with enough
garbage all day long.
Is my sandwich ready?
Speaking of wasted garbage.
Now's not the
time for pride Joe.
Yeah Joe, when you going to
stop leeching off my sister?
I don't leach off your sister!
Yes you do!
At least he tries, which is more
than I can say for you.
Did you know he spent
the last two days
watching Judge Judy marathons?
Baby I was exhausted!
- Seriously?!
- I got stress!
I've got stress!
Over what?!
Hearing you have sex
in the next room!
What?!
Yeah, you have thin walls!
And seriously, what is
up with the monkey noises?
- You can hear that?!
- Yes, I can hear that!
How thin are our walls?
Baby!
I hope you freaking
choke on that sandwich.
Baby!
Uh-oh! Sad Sarah!
Joe, no. no.
Need monkey?
Sad Sarah need sexy monkey?!
Stop seriously.
What? What?
This is serious!
I know it's serious.
Why are you so serious?
We're not kids anymore!
I know we're not kids.
But I took care of us then,
and I'll take care of us now.
I know babe, but I'm the one
with all the responsibility now.
Ok? And I know it's not easy,
but we have to do this together.
Ok, I can't do this by myself.
We're a whole.
Really?
'Cause I said whole?
Well, you're
the one who said it.
Oh, my god!
What is wrong with you?!
Look, I want to feel
like a man again, I do.
I mean, I remember
the stories you used to tell me
about when your dad left, and
how you took care of everyone.
And I want to do that for you.
I want to do that for us.
And you're right, you've carried
this burden way too long.
Ok, you need to just go into
those interviews,
and show them how amazing
and confident you are, and lie.
Lie?
Not lie, not lie.
Just show them how
important and good you are
because you deserve it.
Yeah, I can do that.
Couldn't do any worse could it?
My Hero.
I know.
You feel like a man to me.
Do I?
- Do I?
- Yes.
- Do I?
- Yes.
Yeah, do it again.
- Yes.
- Do it more.
Do it till milk comes out.
Are you thirsty?
There you go, just drink it.
Are you sure there's nothing
else in the paper from today?
Yes. No baby, I...
You looked at all the jobs?
I'm looking at it right now.
Well don't feel like you
have to hold back.
It's ok to exaggerate
a bit on your qualifications.
Get your foot in the door.
Yes, yes, yes.
Are you even listening Joe?
You know what, let me
give you a call right back.
Ok, let me know
how it goes. Love you!
Ok, you too.
Are you here
for the interview?
Oh, no. No.
Fourteenth floor.
Welcome to Heroics Incorporated.
Mind your step.
Heroics Inc. Yes sir,
we still have one position available.
Tomorrow
between 1 and 2?
Great, thank you.
We'll see you then.
Yes, how can I help you?
Hi, I'm Joe Martin, I called
about the ad in the paper?
The 3 o'clock appointment.
Yes!
I like your look.
It's different.
Very average citizen.
Thanks.
Mr. Simons to conference
room A. Mr. Simons to conference room A.
Hey man, should I have come
in a costume or something?
Oh, no man,
it's for the kiddos.
For the kiddos!
Now it makes sense.
So you guys do this stuff for
like, birthday parties and
Bar Mitzvahs and conventions
for like comic books and stuff?
Yeah. This job is a joke.
Really?
Yeah, there's no
crime left in the city.
All that's left is...
a bunch of yahoos and geeks
running around in spandex
trying to out-virgin
each other.
I mean, you at least look like
you might be normal.
Like you took your action
figures out of the package
and played with them
a little bit.
Maybe touched a boob.
Look at this guy.
Hey buddy what are you supposed
to be? A smurf at the prom?
Oh, come on Wallace. Don't act
like you don't know me man,
you think that costume fools me?
We went to elementary school
together, you used to cry every
day on the playground.
I don't think I would call you
for an emergency unless
you could use your super-sissy
tears to put out a fire.
Yeah go home! Go ahead man.
Go home and cry to Mom,
Betsy-Wetsy, I'll be over to
beat you up and take your
lunch money. Haha-Haha!
Well, I mean,
I guess its a paycheck.
My wife says
I should exaggerate.
Oh, hell man. Exaggerate,
put it all out there dude,
they'll eat it up. Oh yeah.
Mr. Garrett
to conference room A.
Mr. Garrett
to conference room A.
That's me.
Here, you want to finish those?
Alright, well hey,
good luck man.
You too!
My name is Dat-Man.
I am the defender of
old technology.
Next!
Do you have a 401-K?
Next!
I'm the Mag-Pie, and basically,
I'm like Aquaman, but for birds.
Do you guys want
to hear my bird calls?
Next.
I'm a Super. You need a Super.
Next!
I do own a massive
collection of goats.
I am the Mighty
Placeholder! The hero's hero.
Next.
I'm Captain
Kill Devil. Ahoy.
I am Captain Crow's-Feet.
Next!
I'm sorry, you are The Nudist?
Yeah, or I mean Glen.
But The Nudist is fine.
I just don't see how that's
a super power.
Oh wow! OK.
Very impressive.
Not bad yourself.
You can go now.
Huh?
Go Now.
- Did I get it?
- Go Now!
Mr. Martin to conference room A.
Mr. Martin, conference room A.
Your motivation is to
stay married.
What was your name again?
Joe.
Just average Joe?
Mm-hmm. Yep.
I like it.
Could you tell us a
little bit about yourself Joe?
Sure! I actually
have a passion against evil,
I actually just got back
from the east coast
where I was battling
my arch-nemesis The Crusher.
He threw me into a
building in Manhattan
and it crumbled
all around me.
I was able to fight my way
out and destroy
the two nuclear warheads
that were going to destroy
life as we know it.
Or as they know it.
Where's your costume?
Oh you see, that's my trick.
I like to blend in.
That way the villains,
they don't see me coming
and then BAM!
I zap them with
my eye lasers.
Could we get a demonstration?
Do you have a death wish?
How strong are you?
Oh, strong enough to lift
about 3 school buses
over my head at the same time.
As strong as Hercules?
I'd eat Hercules for breakfast.
Come on bro!
Wow, A+ for showmanship.
Could you tell me your
powers again?
Sure!
I can fly, of course,
I can shoot laser beams out of my eyes.
Oh yeah!
I'm bulletproof.
So we might as well just call
you the ultimate crimefighter?
Why wouldn't you?
- Why wouldn't we?
- I don't know!
Quite honestly, Joe, you're
the best candidate
we've seen all day.
Yeah, all day we've had...
"my dad sent me here
on a rocket ship" OR
"I got bit by a
radioactive whatever"
But this is bold, audacious.
Would you give me and my
colleague a moment to confer?
Sure, chat away.
Hey, how'd you do that?
Congratulations!
Really?!
Yep!
Welcome aboard!
No way! My wife is
gonna be so excited!
You don't even know!
Let's get you over to H.R. and
get everything squared away.
Ok.
Did you say you were married?
Yeah.
You don't hear about
that much in this field.
Except for the Parkers.
Well, all that's left
is to get you to H.R.,
get you fitted and get you out
on those streets fighting crime.
Thanks.
So was it an optical illusion?
The way you moved so fast?
Oh, that's my super power.
Oh.
Wait! Did you say
fighting crime?
Lift activated.
Transferring to
main headquarters.
Please watch your
hands.
Hello?
Phase 3 commencing.
Observe all safety
procedures.
Transporter separation.
I'm kinda in the dark here!
Low lights on.
Hello?
Hey, I'm looking for H.R.?
I am H.R.!
Heinrich Rammelstein.
But you can call me...
Dr. Mystico!
I apologize for the
state of my lab!
Let's get you changed.
Wait, so what's phase 3?
Blue, Average Joe,
blue collar. Makes sense yes?
We're going to go with
a very basic look this time.
There you go.
This will do.
So, do kids get to
see all this back here?
Kids?!
No, this is no
place for children!
Are you mad?
They could touch this and
particles and molecules
would get mixed up.
And this!
This hasn't been washed!
The children could come,
and they could flip this
and all hell would break loo ...!
...would break loose.
I thought I was filling
out paperwork, not briefs!
Oh, you're a funny one!
Now that you've got your suit
let's move on with the mission.
Mission?!
Now, exactly what do
you mean by mission?
Crime fighting!
Welcome to the party pal.
Oh boy.
Alright there's been
a chemical plant break-in
that just turned into
a hostage situation!
Hostages?!
Wait a minute.
There must be some mistake.
See you there Doc!
Are you guys
real super heroes?!
I'm a pacifist.
What?!
I'm a science officer.
I don't believe in violence.
It's icky.
Hold that thought!
All units in the
vicinity of Cash and Lincoln
10-89 in progress at
1988 Cash Avenue.
Be advised. Several armed
gunmen have taken hostages.
Suspects are considered
armed and extremely dangerous.
All units in the area respond.
Captain, they're here!
About time!
Hallenbeck!
I made the call, but
the captain is in charge.
Riggs, go
get 5 more coffees!
I'm not your secretary!
Hallenbeck! I'm waiting
on SWAT and you bring me
The Mighty Morphin
Powder Puff Rangers?!
Aw, someone's still bitter
cuz he didn't make the cut for hero.
Larry!
Not my fault
he has brittle bones!
I hate you Larry.
And who the hell are you?
My name is Average Joe.
He's new Captain, but he checked
out. He's bulletproof and
he's got lasers that
shoot out of his eyes.
Well then what the hell are you
letting him stare at me for?!
I'm sorry! Jesus they're
shooting at us!
There's a bunch of maniacs in
there with some hostages.
They've got the place rigged to
blow with a shitload of C-4.
Sounds like an A-6 scenario.
We're going to need someone
bulletproof to lead the charge.
No one knows
what you're saying!
Joe, you're the
only one qualified!
No, I'm not even
supposed to be here!
I'm not supposed
to be doing this!
Listen, fly in there,
disable it,
hell, blow it up
for all I care!
Just get it the hell out
of here so we can all go home!
Do what you were born to do.
Be a hero!
Hold your fire!
Hold your fire!
Ok.
Alright.
Aw... alright
WHY?!
Shit, shit shit!
Aaahhh!!!
That was weird.
I'm getting massive
power readings.
Who is this?
Angel gang.
Not his style.
Unless he's working
for someone else.
Let's move!
Someone wake up Larry!
Let's go!
Mary.
Mary. Come in Mary.
Mary answer your thing.
Mary it's Dr. Mystico, answer.
Doc what is it?
We found a machine down here.
On screen.
It doesn't look good.
Doc we don't have time
for this just find the bomb.
You find the bomb!
Oh God, please don't let me die.
Everything's going
to be alright, just wait.
Do what you were born to do.
I was born to run like hell.
How do you even
disarm this thing?
Is it the red one?
Is it the green one?!
You're not helping me!
In the movies it's
always the green one.
I'm sure it's
always the green one.
What are you doing?!
Are you touching the bomb?
Are you even qualified
to touch the bomb?!
Are you even a real hero?
You lied?!
You mean you hired a-
Shut it Hank!
I'm Nightwatchman.
Unbelievable!
Guys, if I could just
say something-
You think you could have
done a better job? Guys!
Oh, I think I could.
I think it's fairly obvious!
Oh, so you're saying
I made a mistake?!
It's VERY obvious.
I don't make mistakes!
Guys, just one second!
WHAT?!
This things
about to go off!
Balls!
What happened?
I agree with you Mrs.
Mayor. This is unacceptable!
But have faith, you
made the right decision.
Did I?
Your heroes cleaned up
the city 10 years ago.
They did it quietly,
no theatrics.
No spectacle.
I won't tolerate
any mistakes Mary.
I can send you back to that
crummy PR firm you came from.
Oh, and rethink the uniforms.
You look like Zoro's fat cousin.
Should we kill him?
We took an oath.
I ain't gonna say anything.
Mary, I recognized
that device today.
If Angel is working
with who I think.
We're all in great danger.
So what do I do now?
So you go back to your wife,
tell her you got the job,
we'll see you in the morning.
That's right
Maria, it was a massive explosion
that rocked the lower
east side...
Hey Babe!
Hey.
You've been
gone all day.
Yeah, the uh....
...the interview went long.
Is that good or bad?
Bad.
Bad enough to get the job.
What?!
Baby, I got the job!
You got the job?!
Baby I did!
You joking?
You're serious?
I love you!
I love you,
take your clothes off!
Ok!
It's just us.
Just, stay there.
Hey boss. How'd the test go?
Cops came.
We had to set off the bomb
and ditch the device.
That sucks.
Ok, listen here Iron-Dick.
We're risking our
lives out there.
We're putting our necks out
there every night
and you're going to pay me
three times my price
or I'm going to tear
your little ass apart.
Manners Angel.
M.A.X. is an indispensable
part of my plan,
whereas you have a rather
expendable quality about you.
Lord Menace, we're taking
all the risks and getting
almost none of the reward.
By all means, leave.
I'm sure there are plenty of
other vultures in this
city who would be happy to take
your place by my side.
However, if we fail to
execute my plans
these heroes won't leave you
with much of a feast.
You see, your business model is
based on profit, greed.
I pay you well.
My plans are result based,
and you haven't delivered.
My device could have been
tested properly today
had you not called
attention to yourselves.
Maybe, you're just feeling
a little BURNED OUT.
Whoa, whoa, ok.
Hey look, just put that
away, just...
there's no need for this ok?!
I'm going to be...
No, don't shoot me!!
Aaahhhh!!
Ok, I'm out.
When the machine
is capable of withstanding
the power surge,
M.A.X and I will
make our final move on
Heinrich and the heroes.
Soon not even time itself
will be able to stop me.
I'm going to do whatever it
takes to make this work.
Morning tushy.
Good Morning.
Did you make me cookies?
No, I did,
because someone kept me up last night.
Yeah, that's cuz
I was having sex!
I was thinking, I have
teacher in service day today,
so maybe I could stay home
for a little while before
you start your job.
That would be amazing.
Hey, I meant to ask you,
what's the job anyway?
Oh...
It's nothing really.
I just uh...
...working in a lab and...
Somebody's here.
Who?
A lady that looks like she's
pinching a dime between her ass
and a hunky scientist.
I'm so sorry! I'm sorry
baby, that's for me.
That's for me!
I gotta go, I forgot they
pick you up the first day.
I gotta go. Love you!
Love you. Good luck!
I'll take that, you
choke on that!
What the heck!
What are you guys even doing
here? This is my freaking house.
This is my house, what are
you doing here?
This is my temple of zen!
We carpool.
Oh, I guess you failed to
mention that yesterday.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I
fail to mention that?
I must have been distracted by a
massive explosion you caused!
That's a good point.
That's a good point.
So, it's usually just us.
Larry's the only one
that can fly.
Well I did offer to
rectify such things.
And I'm still hungry.
Here, go nuts.
Who's that?
Oh, that's my sister-in-law,
she's a handful.
I'll bet she is.
Hunky man's eating my cookie.
Who does she think she is?
Opening the door
for my husband.
Jealous?
I just don't like
fast women that's all.
Since you're clueless
about being a super hero,
here's the brief.
Heroics Inc has wiped out
crime over the last decade
and we only recently got
reactivated.
In the past 6 months,
crime has gone up over 62%.
If we go public, the mayor
thinks we won't have
the support we need.
It's my job to keep us
on track and covert.
Hey, so why'd you put the
ad in the newspaper then?
It was for heroes to read.
Is that why you put it in
the super secret
super hero newspaper?
I thought hiding in
plain sight was best.
Besides, who took
that ad seriously?
Yeah, the uh-
Most people thought it was for
kids parties and they were easy
enough to dismiss.
So, you're just saying
you just made a mistake?
Oh, would you look at that.
Hank is up early.
Does he live here?
He never leaves.
Both of his parents were heroes.
He has a lot to live up to.
The emergency beeper
please, yes? Thank you.
Always remember to bring an
extra change of clothes.
Hey, when do we get paid?
Every week.
Crime doesn't pay, but
being a hero sure does.
We'll send you out with Hank.
Learn the ropes.
Doc will be working
on your new suits.
So what are his powers?
Hank doesn't have any.
Both his parents were supers.
Yes,
when both parents are heroes
it usually doesn't get passed
down to the kiddos.
I apologize for being
rude, Good morning Joe Martin.
What is that?
That, my chubby friend is a
super computer mainframe.
My name is LEXII.
Hi, my name's Joe Martin.
It can do anything
that you ask it to. Ask it anything.
ANYTHING.
Well, I could use a tune up.
Ok, Joe.
That's it?
That's all you got?
A local towing
service has been dispatched.
Computer!
Yes Larry?
Give me a bloody mary.
Blood alcohol levels indicate
that you have already had 2.
I don't care if I've
already had 2.
Don't worry your AA sponsor
has already been alerted...
Are you a computer
or my mother?!
...as well as your court
appointed attorney.
Answer his question.
A towing service has been
dispatched to your residence,
No way!
Maintenance of your vehicle has
been assigned to Hank Horowitz.
I'm surprised it didn't respond
with your cars's a piece of crap
Because your car
is a piece of crap.
Welcome to the team.
So you're gonna be
teaching me the ropes huh?
I'm guessing there's
a lot to learn.
You know I really appreciate
all the help with this tune up
and everything.
I mean, I've just
been out of work for so long.
Sarah and I we just really
couldn't afford this.
Hey, so I guess you learned all
this stuff from your dad?
I mean he was
pretty good huh?
Hey did you ever think
about asking Doc for
a little help in the super
powers department?
He tried making me a suit once,
but I'd rather use
what god gave me.
That's noble.
You know what god gave me?
Thighs that rub.
So do you think Doc's gonna give
me a cool suit to wear?
I'm not gonna lie, I'm really
excited about this.
I know it's just a temporary
one, but it's gonna be awesome!
I mean, you know, I guess it's
just one of the perks right?
You get to say cool things, like
"Stop evil-doer!"
You get to wear cool outfits.
Swing from rooftops.
Hey have you guys ever
thought about
doing like a slow-mo walk,
like in Armageddon where you
all just kind of walk out...
You know you could die
from doing this.
All heroes
in the downtown corridor
please respond
to a 10-70.
Break in at refined
metals storage unit.
Proceed with caution.
First appearance in front of
your enemies is everything.
No fear.
Yeah, but I'm not ready.
No fear.
I'm not ready-
- No fear!
I'm not ready.
No fear.
Stop evil doers!
It is I, the Nightwatchman.
Sarah.
Sarah!
It is also I!
Average Joe!
Holy crap, it's the kid!
Let's get out of here!
Impressive.
Yeah? You think so?
Cuz when we first got out here,
I was kinda nervous.
Then my adrenaline was pumping
and everything...
Hello Hank.
Bobby?
I'm Nightwatchman.
No, I'm Nightwatchman.
We've been over this before.
Who's your friend?
My name's Joe, Average Joe.
Joe don't.
What, he's like 5.
A very dangerous 6.
AHHHHH!!!!!
AHHHHH!!!! AHHHH!!!!
AHHHHH!!!!!
You got whipped by a kid?!
He's no kid,
he's Satan's minion.
He's 6.
A very dangerous 6.
So much for getting your part
time job at Gymboree.
I knew I should have hired
that kid when I had the chance.
6AM! Tomorrow!
Whatever.
What's that?
What's that?
It's work, I got it.
It's 6am.
I know.
They're calling me, I gotta go.
Good morning.
I love you.
The heart of a
hero should never be in doubt.
We hold ourselves to a
higher standard.
We do not allow
ourselves to understand fear.
Over the next few weeks I will
be slowing myself down,
not for my benefit,
but for yours.
So that you can see what is
expected of a real hero.
If you make a great entrance,
in your enemies mind,
half the battle is
already won.
Make no mistake gentlemen.
My job is to break you.
To punish you.
To push you to your very limits
so that when you are
faced with certain death,
you will stand strong.
Proud.
Fearless.
Like a true hero.
Let's go!
Never, under any circumstances
reveal your secret identities.
Shut up Larry.
Why you always
tell me to shut up?
Baby catch.
Baby catch?
Yeah, baby catch.
I'm gonna fling babies at you.
In an emergency, know your
rallying points in the city.
Ready? Hut! Go! Go!
This one needs love,
she's adopted!
This one's a preemie!
Get your hands up!
Come on Joe!
NothinG like a
baby to get you motivated.
Don't drop me!
Babies are coming in hot Joe!
This one got thrown
out of a moving car!
She's covered in oil,
she's slippery!
This one's got parents
who are gonna miss her!
Whoo!
I'm a super hero!
Wait Joe, no wait!
Noooo!
Hello Heinrich, I decided to
make a video for you
with the outfit I was telling
you about.
Doctor, I wasn't
feeling very good today,
would you like to take my
temperature?
It's blue!
- Oh crap.
- Oh shit.
Oh my gosh,
that's so exciting!
Is it?
Yes, I'm going to be an aunt!
Is it?!
What am I going to do?
What am I going to tell Joe?
He's gonna be excited, won't he?
But he's never here Em.
I mean this whole job thing.
You think that I want to
raise this baby alone?
Wait, wait wait!
We are talking
about a baby right?
What are you wearing?
The test of the
machine was successful.
We've waited a long time for
this moment Lord Menace.
Time is a binding concept that
we no longer have any use for.
MAX, I believe we
should visit an old friend.
I'm sorry Heinrich.
My system shows that with the
current power source,
the new Average Joe suit
will not maintain plasma levels.
Suit failure at 93.7 percent.
So then why
am I getting power drains?
Would you like me to run
diagnostics again?
Heinrich, your wiring is bad.
The power
source is inadequate.
Maybe a flying
suit was too much.
Actually, it might not be.
Theoretically your flying
Average Joe suit could work.
It seems with the internal
wiring and plasma emitters,
the best power source for us
could be the remaining Terinium.
With the Terinium power source,
flight capability success
increases to 85.2 percent.
Well beyond our
acceptable 70/30 ratio.
Maybe Joe's suit is the reason
we've been holding on to the
Terinium all these
years, Heinrich.
Heinrich!
My systems show an unauthorized
access to northwest corner 3.
Unauthorized access to
main power panel.
Mary?
Hello Heinrich.
At last we meet.
Joe is that you?
Yeah, it's me.
Close your eyes.
I didn't forget our
anniversary did I?
Come with me.
Ok.
What are you doing?
Just a little surprise.
Ok, where's Emily?
At our mom's.
Oh, so a little surprise huh?
No peeking.
Ok, right here?
Ok, you ready?
Yeah.
I hope you like it.
Baby, I love everything you
do, you know that.
3...
2...
Oh shit, hold on.
Oh, Baby, I gotta go.
Joe, just 2 seconds!
Baby, I'm sorry, I would but
this is an emergency.
It's an emergency.
Joe that is all you
ever have anymore.
Baby, this is my job.
Oh, even when they call you out
at 3am, that's your job?
Sarah, I don't need this
from you right now.
Ok, I can't do
this by myself Joe.
You have gone from
one extreme to another.
I never see you anymore.
Sarah, you know that I love you,
But I have to go do this.
My hero.
I know.
All units, all units please
respond to a 10:33
Warehouse fire at city property
warehouse at 10100 Riverside.
Armed suspects
possibly on the scene.
Report of explosion,
proceed with caution.
What the hell?
What happened?
Looks like somebody
paid you guys a visit.
The only one that
was here was Mystico.
So,
you work here at these facilities?
Yes, my name is Dr. Mystico,
I'm part of a superhero team,
and this here is our main
headquarters.
Balls!
Sir can you tell us
what happened here tonight?
It was a firefight!
Ma'am can you tell us your name?
Do you work with this gentleman?
If you want a comment,
you'll have to go through
the mayor's office.
Did anyone call
Captain and Hallenbeck?
Yes, they're on their way.
So Doc, you're telling
us this has all been the same guy?
For a while now, we have
suspected a certain someone
at the heart of this crime wave.
His name...
Lord Menace.
Look Doc,
at first it was just theft
and gathering of
materials and resources.
But then at the
warehouse?
When I was first with you guys?
There was a machine.
A time portal, but it was
missing a very important
piece of the puzzle.
It required a power
source of extreme magnitude.
Just like the one in your suit.
Doc, what did you do?
I think you can fly now.
WHAT?!
What?!
You've got 30 seconds.
Mrs. Mayor.
And you,
who said you were fit to give interviews?
And to talk to my office for an
official statement?
Mrs. Mayor you have every right
to be upset with me.
Do I?
I left you in charge because
you said you could handle it.
And it turns out you're the
worst one out of
all these degenerates.
Mayor, I think these
guys might be on to something.
Johnson! You keep
him on a short leash or
I'll have him kicked
back to traffic duty.
Do you get me?
Yes Ma'am.
This crime wave is
only the beginning.
That's ominous.
I think this is all
just a shake down.
There is no threat.
The city doesn't need you, let
the real heroes handle this.
hiding behind desks in
whatever profession you had
before this.
This project is terminated.
You're an
embarrassment to women.
You did what you could.
There is no confirmation
from arson investigators yet,
but reporters did manage to
speak to a man calling himself
Dr. Mystico who may
have been involved.
Reports on the scene were
interrupted by a woman,
possibly implicating the
Mayor's office as well.
For now the scene has been
closed off by police
and arson investigators.
Neither the Mayor's office or
SAPD has made themselves
available for comment.
Well, it's certainly
not as large as your last office, but
it's nice to have you back.
From wherever you were.
Latte!
Monkey!
Take this nice lady's
car to the back would you?
It's what I do.
Go. Go.
Good news only MAX.
Otherwise, I'll turn you
into a bread warmer.
We still cannot find Mystico.
The Mayor's office has
disbanded the heroes.
Then that means
they'll be lost forever.
My frequency intercepted
a call to a tv station.
A woman named Emily
reporting that she knew
Mystico, but she does
not know his location.
She stated her
brother-in-law works with him.
It could be the hero
we've heard about,
Average Joe?
If that is
indeed her brother-in-law,
then I would very much like to
find out who is wife is.
And where we can find her.
But, why Average Joe?
Leverage MAX.
In times of crisis,
this city needs its heroes.
If we find Average Joe,
we find Mystico.
It's moving day!
Unfortunately we
have been politely asked to
dispose of my life's work.
That's ok.
That's ok.
I really wanted to
see this in action.
To see you in action.
Did you sleep here last night?
Sarah left.
It's no sweat Joe.
Do you know what the divorce
rate is for superheroes?
Me neither, I'm
sure its pretty high though.
Who wants pancakes?
Me!
I'm wearing the shirt.
Pick up, pick
up, pick up, pick up.
Ok, let's keep it
orderly please.
Single file line,
next to your bus buddy.
Quietly.
Hello?
Sarah?
You left before I had a chance
to talk to you this morning.
Let me call you back Em. Ok?
I'm getting kids
loaded for a field trip.
No, Sarah, look.
I think I know why Joe hasn't
been around lately.
I don't have
time for this.
And don't you dare take
Joe's side on this.
Ok, I'm the one who's pregnant
and going to have to
raise this baby on my own.
I am not taking Joe's side!
Oh, this gets better and better.
Heinrich's been real
secretive about what he's doing.
But then last night
on the news...
Ok, I'll call you back
after I'm done dealing with them.
Hey, you guys!
Sarah?
Damnit, I finally have
something important to say!
You guys, off the bus right
now and to the back of the line.
Sarah Martin?
AAAAhh!
Please put down your phone,
you have 20 seconds to comply.
Thank you.
All units,
all units respond to a 10-33,
armed suspect has
hijacked a school bus
heading west into the downtown
corridor along I-35 near BAMC.
5 hostages taken including 4
children and an adult female.
Suspect considered armed and
extremely dangerous.
Proceed with caution.
Hey!
Again,
all units respond to a 10-33.
Come on, we gotta go.
Here we go!
Big moment, big
moment. Here we go!
Ok Riggs, drive!
I'm not your secretary!
SAPD air support has
been dispatched and is en route.
Copy that central,
this is EagleEye.
We are airborne and
en route for air support, over.
Do ya'll need anything else?
Aspirin. Lots of aspirin.
So, you and Em?
Yeah, but she
doesn't know about us,
she definitely doesn't know
about Lord Menace,
so we're good.
Tell me more about
this Lord Menace guy.
Lord Menace, he was...
he was my mentor.
Austria, 1850.
He was a brilliant man.
Brilliant scientist named Hans.
Hans?
That makes sense.
You see Joe, I was Hans' lab
assistant for quite a few years.
We had been developing
our theories
on creating new
power sources,
and that's how we created these
things quite by accident.
What things?
The crystals. The crystals that
I use to teleport.
Well, it's not necessarily
teleportation, it's more of a
moving forward through
time just a few moments.
You see time
travel is very tricky.
It's quite easy to move forward,
but to move back...
is impossible.
But Hans was
convinced otherwise.
You see time travel
requires lots of energy,
so we obtained a
substance called Terinium.
Terinium?
Terinium.
And on our first experiments...
Hans wanted to keep
his hands clean.
Hans free.
So wanted
me to perform them.
Without telling me exactly how
dangerous this was.
What a jerk!
I know!
There was an explosion.
I was lucky,
but Hans was left deformed.
Changed.
Changed to what?
To something else.
What?
He decided to change
his name, to Lord Menace.
Which I agree with, it sounds
better, cooler, more evil...
Looks good on a poster.
It works, yes
it's more marketable.
You see now, as Lord Menace he
continues his reign.
Trying to go back
and change the mistakes
that we have made.
Like the mistakes
I made last night.
Recreate history in
his own image.
Well, what about
the Terinium?
The last known Terinium on earth
is contained in your suit.
These pancakes
look good don't they?
This is 20-William-12,
we have 10-6 in the area,
entering I-10 and Woodlawn,
joining pursuit of school bus.
"Hello Heinrich"
'Hello Heinrich"
It's Emily. Stay quiet.
Hello!
Hello Heinrich.
How are you my strawberry crepe?
I don't know, why don't
you look up and find out.
Shit.
What, you've never had
a woman mad at you before?
What's this?
Morning Joe.
How did you find us ...?
I tracked your phone.
You're not the only techie in
this relationship.
I want to know why you were on
the news last night.
And you have some
explaining to do!
Where's Sarah?
Are you what I think you are?
Superheroes?!
Ha ha, that's preposterous.
Is it?!
Yes.
Is it?
Dispatch,
we have a visual going east on I-10.
Standby.
This is 4-Victor-7,
we just spotted
an adult female in the bus.
It's ok you guys, it's ok.
They're crossing the I-35
interchange.
What the hell is that?
Aaaaaahhhhhhh!
We just lost 7,
we just lost unit 7.
Unit 12, be advised
shots fired. Shots fired.
Yeah, we saw that, thank you.
We're doomed!
It's ok you guys. It's ok.
Joe.
Oh my god.
Somebody turn that up.
A squad car has lost control.
Police are continuing
the pursuit,
but if the suspect at
the wheel is armed...
10 years ago I would
have been all over that.
Suits in the van right?
We're in just as
much shock as you are right now
at what just happened.
Joe.
Joe! No don't!
I gotta see this.
We're going to stay live
with this video as long as we can.
Joe, no what are you doing?
You can't do this!
Actually, you
look really good.
No, what am I saying,
you can't do this.
You're not ready.
We're not ready.
My wife's a school teacher, Doc.
What if it was her out there?
I won't get caught.
Trust me.
I mean, it's like you said,
Do what you were
born to do right?
Oh, now you listen to me.
Ok Joe, you have a new
advanced suit.
You just hold your
arms out to glide
and the thrusters will adjust
you automatically.
Alright, got it.
And the Terinium?
I'm actually kind of curious
myself to see what will happen.
Doc!
You're gonna get killed.
Yeah, why aren't you up there?
My suit's at the cleaners.
Right, Alright, back up,
everybody back up.
Here we go.
Ok Joe, just
ease into the controls and-
Aaahh!
Oh yeah, this should end well.
..the horrific
situation that our city-
Turn that up!
I say again,
suspect at the wheel
is armed and
extremely dangerous.
And probably a robot.
Too fast! Too fast, too fast!
Whoah!
Whoohoo!
All units be advised, a flying
man has entered the scene!
It's a flying man!
Really, what?
I can fix that.
Whoah!
Yes!
I thought your suit
was at the cleaners?
Hey, it was ready
a little early.
Alright, hang on.
We're going in!
All units,
2 flying men have now entered the pursuit.
Hold your fire.
It's Larry!
MAX,
pick up your visual scanning.
Everybody back off, let's give
these guys some room.
Bring it!
We're gonna crash!
Holy shit, we're gonna crash!
MISS!
Everybody down!
Joe! Get out!
This is the
best field trip ever!
We have to get
back to the office!
That was awesome!
Look, there he is!
Contact, rear!
Shots fired! Shots fired!
Backup units proceed with
caution, suspect is still armed!
I have Joe's wife Lord Menace.
Return to base.
I think it's time...
...for my grand entrance.
We're not supposed
to reveal our identities!
You told a news reporter!
Nobody ever wants to
talk to me!
Oh, you're so hot
when you're mad!
Scanning all frequencies.
Mrs Mayor! Mrs. Mayor!
Can you confirm a report of a
man flying over the freeway?
We are not ready to make an
official statement.
In light of today's
incident on the freeway,
we will be doing a
complete investigation.
Now, we are
committed to due process,
so please allow us
to do our jobs.
Any further questions can be
relayed to our media relations
Thank you.
Get Captain Johnson
on the phone, now!
Oh my gosh!
Ha ha ha!!
We can fly!
That was amazing!
That was awesome!
Hold on man, we aren't hugging.
No?
No, go ahead, bring it in.
I don't care what the mayor
says, she can take me to jail,
I don't even care!
Joe is that you?
Hey Doc, come in.
Yeah wasn't that awesome?
I just need to take a
look at your boosters.
Sometimes things work good,
sometimes they don't
work as good.
You just need to get out of that
and back into your
civilian clothes.
Is that a phone?
Wait, is it my cell?
Joe, it's Sarah!
Just patch it through!
Sarah?
Joe Martin?
Who is this?
I wanted to call and
tell you what a big fan I am,
after your splendid
performance today.
I made a great effort to get
your attention this morning,
but you flew off before we could
properly introduce ourselves.
How did you get Sarah's phone?
Is Heinrich with you?
I believe he calls himself
Dr. Mystico?
What you failed to notice Joe,
was who was on that bus you
saved today.
Turn to channel eight.
Mary,
did you see what's going on outside?
Again, breaking news.
Gunfire has erupted downtown,
as gunmen led
by two robotic looking
individuals have seized control
of the Westin Center.
We've also just received a
message from a man
calling himself Lord Menace,
taking responsibility for this
morning's bus chase.
I guess we're not going to have
time for a taco huh?
Thank you Ernie.
We are here live downtown where
it appears that a
mechanical device
has been taken onto the streets
at Pecan, directly in front of
the Westin Center.
It appears the device is
creating some sort of cloud
or disturbance in the sky
directly above us
Eyewitness on the ground are
reporting that it is made of
some sort of toxic
gas, but this is only a
suggestion at this point.
Neither the police office or the
mayor's office are
categorizing this as an act of
terrorism, but
it is confirmed that the
metallic figure spotted...
in today's highway
chase is involved.
It also appears that the young
school teacher kidnapped
this morning is with them, along
with another female hostage.
Police are issuing orders that
everyone evacuate the
downtown corridor
immediately.
Hallenbeck! You alright?
Well, we barely made
it off the freeway alive!
You're still alive and I
need a tactical response.
We don't have one yet sir.
Yes we do!
Captain, we've
seen this thing in action,
it's gonna take more than what
our SWAT team can do.
This thing wants what
Joe and Mystico have.
And I want a tactical response!
Well, I guess you made up your
mind about what you are going
to do Hallenbeck.
Don't let me stop you.
Let's get Average Joe!
We're gonna get fired!
Joe! It's Hallenbeck.
We need you.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, we'll back you up.
We'll give you
whatever you need.
I gotta go pick out a gun!
Ma'am, leave it. Come on, we
gotta go. This way!
Miss Maddox,
he says he knows you.
It's okay.
What are you doing here?
The team is gonna need us Mary.
Hank I don't have time to
discuss this...
So you're just going to
watch this whole thing
from four blocks away?
- There's nothing I can do!
- Yes there is!
Now, you can choose to sit on
your spoiled ass and do nothing,
or you can do what
you were born to do.
Be a hero.
I can't!
You're a coward.
This morning's
freeway chase seems to be just
the tip of the iceberg. As a man
calling himself Lord Menace has
taken over the streets in front
of the Westin Center.
Along with members
of the Angel gang,
they have taken two
female hostages
and moved a large mechanical
device onto the streets.
The device in question did fire
a beam into the skies above us
and a large cloud of light and
energy is currently hovering
over the city. The only question
is now, if there are in fact
superheroes in San Antonio, will
they come to the rescue and stop
this apparent super villain.
To the man who calls
himself Lord Menace,
I have a message for you.
For far too long...
this city's heroes have been
forced to sit in the shadows,
unsure of their place.
Not knowing whether or not this
city that they care for
would embrace them
or reject them.
Because of you,
our city now faces the greatest
danger it's ever known.
But I promise you this,
not one life will be lost today.
Because guarding over this
city...
...is this city's heroes.
We are your guardians.
We are
your protectors.
Because the heart of
a hero is never in doubt.
We do not understand fear.
And when faced
with certain death...
we will stand strong....
proud....
and fearless.
We will leave no one behind.
Evacuate everyone.
And as for you Lord Menace,
I'm speaking to you not
as a hero but as a husband.
You picked the
wrong wife to kidnap.
Because now...
I'm going to beat the
shit out of you.
It has been an
honor Lord Menace.
Yo Joe!
Here to save the city?
I'm here to save my marriage!
Heinrich, you coward!
You left me for dead!
You were just a head!
How was I supposed to know?
I can see that.
I can totally see that.
Do you
have any idea how long
it took me to crawl
out of that wreckage?
To rebuild a new body?
Try using an Alan wrench
when you're just a head!
Ok, I am genuinely
sorry about that!
You will be.
Give MAX the Terinium, Joe.
And your wife doesn't
have to suffer.
Much.
Alright, that's it!
Duck!
MAX, get me that Terinium!
With pleasure.
Can't you make
anything that works?
I said fifty-fifty.
I heard seventy-thirty.
Here comes MAX!
Doc, how vulnerable would he be
if he didn't have that Tin Man?
Extremely, he would have to fire
the Terinium himself.
It's rebooting.
Can't you just
teleport over there?
It's too close to the beam.
The field would neutralize and I
would be burned alive.
I have an idea.
Hank! Hank!
What'll happen
if we overload the grid?
I was afraid you'd say that.
That's not gonna work Joe!
If you've got a better idea
Larry, now's the time!
Hank, you and Mary just
worry about the hostage alright?
It's still buffering,
you'll be able to fly but you can't fire.
Yeah, but the suit will
still keep me protected right?
Seventy-thirty.
Yeah yeah right.
Alright, if we're doing this,
we're doing it as a team right?
Right.
Alright, cover fire!
Em! Em are you ok?
I'm fine!
Hey, hi Captain!
Take cover Hallenbeck.
Somebody call for backup?
Let 'em have it boys!
Sorry Hallenbeck, this was the
only hero I could find.
Stop evil doer!
It is I! The Nudist!
Prepare to meet your doom!
Get down here!
MAX!
Nice try, but you are no hero.
Your mother was a hero.
Your father was a hero.
But you?
You are nothing.
You are weak.
Any last words Neutral?
My name...
is Hank!
Nice entrance!
You're pregnant?
You're a superhero?
You're pregnant?!
You're a superhero?!
We have a lot to
talk about when we get home.
Yeah, we do.
God you look good
in that suit.
Go, go!
Get somewhere safe!
Come on!
Come on!
It's nice to finally
meet you Sarah!
One thing I've learned after all
these years, Joe...
Time is irrelevant.
What you are willing
to do for it...
means everything.
Holy!
Shit!
I can change it all.
Be who I was meant to be.
Change history,
rewrite every mistake.
No more world wars.
Right now I'm the
villain Joe,
but I change history
and I'm a savior knowing
what I know.
I can do it all over again,
the right way, the way
it was meant to be!
I'll be damned if
you're the end of me.
Now die a hero's death.
No!!!
Noooo!
The past is mine.
I can go back,
change everything!
Think of the future
we can make for ourselves.
I did think about the future
you son of a bitch!
And you're history!
AAAHH!
AHHHHH!!!!!!
AAAH!
AHHHHHH!!!!
Sarah!
Captain Richard Johnson.
Emily Ritter.
Mrs. Sarah Martin.
Larry Leija.
Heinrich
Rammelstein.
Mary Maddox.
Hank Horowitz.
And the man who
protected his family,
this city,
our newest superhero and
the greatest example
this city has that anyone
is capable of true heroism...
Joe Martin!
Average Joe.
My hero.
I know.
Angel! They're here.
Get down Mall cop.
Oh god please don't kill
me, I just started this job 3 days
ago. I'm just a driver!
I didn't ask for your resume.
Why did we take the driver?
You always want to take
more than one hostage, at least
two hostages. It's a good rule
of thumb, just in case you need
to shoot one of them.
I'll show you right now.
Hahaha, you look like
a hulked up Doogie Houser!
You got what you want!
You don't have to shoot anyone!
Is that so? Then this should
be pretty straightforward.
The code to the case!
Wait, you know
what's in the case right?
The code! Or I
ventilate your kneecaps.
You paint quite a
picture. 6-7-7-2.
Far out.
Call M.A.X. Let him
know we found what Lord
Menace requested.
Hahahaha. In a world so
filled with villainy, criminals who
think themselves above the law.
The only thing standing
valiantly in the shadows,
between this city and total
anarchy.
Heroes.
Is justice! We are the justice
Angel Gang, and when the
people cry 'Save us'!
We whisper 'no problem'.
Hahahaha.
Come on! Kill them all!
Kill them all!
It's ok! The name's
Blinx, come with me if you want to live.
There they are, over there!
You ok?
You should be out there.
It's uh,
it's too much gun fire!
That's what I thought.
Now don't start!
Brain!
Brain, we need you!
Oh thank god!
Oh thank you, thank you.
There, there ordinary
citizen, no need to thank me.
Villains know when they've
been out match...
I got this.
Hank wait!
You're just a neutral.
Fear center of the brain is at
maximum, you're not worthy.
But I sense another.
Now that I've finished the warm
up, who's next?
Who might you be?
Looking for me?
Could it be?
A worthy adversary?
Maybe.
But you're gonna
have to catch me first.
Hmmm. Interesting.
Is this what Lord
Menace was expecting?
We have the thorium compound.
You will be handsomely rewarded.
Move your men out.
I don't take no orders
from a god-damned
toaster in a straight-jacket.
Would you like to see what
this toaster is capable of?
This deal's getting
worse all the time.
Come on!
Thank you
for coming in Mr. Martin.
Your resume is,
adequate. We'll let you know.
Well, that's it?
I don't understand the question.
Don't you need more background?
No.
More experience?
No.
Cuz I can go get you-
Off the record, Mr. Martin...
this is not the type
of resume that's going to land
you a position with our company.
You haven't worked in 8 months.
It's not my fault,
the economy is rough.
Not for us.
We'll let you know.
Hey Carl.
Hey Joe, how are ya?
Muriel won't let me smoke in
the house anymore.
See ya Carl.
Have a good one.
Loser.
Slug.
Sarah!
Don't distract her, she's
making my sandwich.
"Don't distract her,
she's making my sandwich"
Weirdo.
Head Shot!
Oh!
Oh my god!
I'm sorry baby, I didn't see you.
It's ok, it's ok it's ok!
Is it ok?
I think so here, we don't
need you bleeding at interviews.
Let me see.
It couldn't be any rougher
than it was this morning.
It didn't go well?
No, it was horrible.
I feel like I'm Saran-Wrap
and they're just looking
right through me
on to the next guy.
Let me see,
Alright I think you're ok.
My hero.
I know.
You'll catch a break
on the next one, alright?
No, that's it for today.
No more-
Actually, I got you
another interview.
Muriel's son said that there's a
job opening where he works.
It's decent hours,
not great pay.
Where?
Just right around the corner.
Doing?
Hm?
Doing?
Management.
Of?
Tell him.
Waste.
Garbage?!
Joe, I know
that it's not ideal...
Baby, I got interviews!
Interviews don't pay mortgages.
I know.
I'm supposed to be the
man of the house and I can't
even buy a carton of eggs.
Joe has no huevos.
Look baby, I just don't think
right now's the time for me
to look at being a garbageman.
Waste management.
I deal with enough
garbage all day long.
Is my sandwich ready?
Speaking of wasted garbage.
Now's not the
time for pride Joe.
Yeah Joe, when you going to
stop leeching off my sister?
I don't leach off your sister!
Yes you do!
At least he tries, which is more
than I can say for you.
Did you know he spent
the last two days
watching Judge Judy marathons?
Baby I was exhausted!
- Seriously?!
- I got stress!
I've got stress!
Over what?!
Hearing you have sex
in the next room!
What?!
Yeah, you have thin walls!
And seriously, what is
up with the monkey noises?
- You can hear that?!
- Yes, I can hear that!
How thin are our walls?
Baby!
I hope you freaking
choke on that sandwich.
Baby!
Uh-oh! Sad Sarah!
Joe, no. no.
Need monkey?
Sad Sarah need sexy monkey?!
Stop seriously.
What? What?
This is serious!
I know it's serious.
Why are you so serious?
We're not kids anymore!
I know we're not kids.
But I took care of us then,
and I'll take care of us now.
I know babe, but I'm the one
with all the responsibility now.
Ok? And I know it's not easy,
but we have to do this together.
Ok, I can't do this by myself.
We're a whole.
Really?
'Cause I said whole?
Well, you're
the one who said it.
Oh, my god!
What is wrong with you?!
Look, I want to feel
like a man again, I do.
I mean, I remember
the stories you used to tell me
about when your dad left, and
how you took care of everyone.
And I want to do that for you.
I want to do that for us.
And you're right, you've carried
this burden way too long.
Ok, you need to just go into
those interviews,
and show them how amazing
and confident you are, and lie.
Lie?
Not lie, not lie.
Just show them how
important and good you are
because you deserve it.
Yeah, I can do that.
Couldn't do any worse could it?
My Hero.
I know.
You feel like a man to me.
Do I?
- Do I?
- Yes.
- Do I?
- Yes.
Yeah, do it again.
- Yes.
- Do it more.
Do it till milk comes out.
Are you thirsty?
There you go, just drink it.
Are you sure there's nothing
else in the paper from today?
Yes. No baby, I...
You looked at all the jobs?
I'm looking at it right now.
Well don't feel like you
have to hold back.
It's ok to exaggerate
a bit on your qualifications.
Get your foot in the door.
Yes, yes, yes.
Are you even listening Joe?
You know what, let me
give you a call right back.
Ok, let me know
how it goes. Love you!
Ok, you too.
Are you here
for the interview?
Oh, no. No.
Fourteenth floor.
Welcome to Heroics Incorporated.
Mind your step.
Heroics Inc. Yes sir,
we still have one position available.
Tomorrow
between 1 and 2?
Great, thank you.
We'll see you then.
Yes, how can I help you?
Hi, I'm Joe Martin, I called
about the ad in the paper?
The 3 o'clock appointment.
Yes!
I like your look.
It's different.
Very average citizen.
Thanks.
Mr. Simons to conference
room A. Mr. Simons to conference room A.
Hey man, should I have come
in a costume or something?
Oh, no man,
it's for the kiddos.
For the kiddos!
Now it makes sense.
So you guys do this stuff for
like, birthday parties and
Bar Mitzvahs and conventions
for like comic books and stuff?
Yeah. This job is a joke.
Really?
Yeah, there's no
crime left in the city.
All that's left is...
a bunch of yahoos and geeks
running around in spandex
trying to out-virgin
each other.
I mean, you at least look like
you might be normal.
Like you took your action
figures out of the package
and played with them
a little bit.
Maybe touched a boob.
Look at this guy.
Hey buddy what are you supposed
to be? A smurf at the prom?
Oh, come on Wallace. Don't act
like you don't know me man,
you think that costume fools me?
We went to elementary school
together, you used to cry every
day on the playground.
I don't think I would call you
for an emergency unless
you could use your super-sissy
tears to put out a fire.
Yeah go home! Go ahead man.
Go home and cry to Mom,
Betsy-Wetsy, I'll be over to
beat you up and take your
lunch money. Haha-Haha!
Well, I mean,
I guess its a paycheck.
My wife says
I should exaggerate.
Oh, hell man. Exaggerate,
put it all out there dude,
they'll eat it up. Oh yeah.
Mr. Garrett
to conference room A.
Mr. Garrett
to conference room A.
That's me.
Here, you want to finish those?
Alright, well hey,
good luck man.
You too!
My name is Dat-Man.
I am the defender of
old technology.
Next!
Do you have a 401-K?
Next!
I'm the Mag-Pie, and basically,
I'm like Aquaman, but for birds.
Do you guys want
to hear my bird calls?
Next.
I'm a Super. You need a Super.
Next!
I do own a massive
collection of goats.
I am the Mighty
Placeholder! The hero's hero.
Next.
I'm Captain
Kill Devil. Ahoy.
I am Captain Crow's-Feet.
Next!
I'm sorry, you are The Nudist?
Yeah, or I mean Glen.
But The Nudist is fine.
I just don't see how that's
a super power.
Oh wow! OK.
Very impressive.
Not bad yourself.
You can go now.
Huh?
Go Now.
- Did I get it?
- Go Now!
Mr. Martin to conference room A.
Mr. Martin, conference room A.
Your motivation is to
stay married.
What was your name again?
Joe.
Just average Joe?
Mm-hmm. Yep.
I like it.
Could you tell us a
little bit about yourself Joe?
Sure! I actually
have a passion against evil,
I actually just got back
from the east coast
where I was battling
my arch-nemesis The Crusher.
He threw me into a
building in Manhattan
and it crumbled
all around me.
I was able to fight my way
out and destroy
the two nuclear warheads
that were going to destroy
life as we know it.
Or as they know it.
Where's your costume?
Oh you see, that's my trick.
I like to blend in.
That way the villains,
they don't see me coming
and then BAM!
I zap them with
my eye lasers.
Could we get a demonstration?
Do you have a death wish?
How strong are you?
Oh, strong enough to lift
about 3 school buses
over my head at the same time.
As strong as Hercules?
I'd eat Hercules for breakfast.
Come on bro!
Wow, A+ for showmanship.
Could you tell me your
powers again?
Sure!
I can fly, of course,
I can shoot laser beams out of my eyes.
Oh yeah!
I'm bulletproof.
So we might as well just call
you the ultimate crimefighter?
Why wouldn't you?
- Why wouldn't we?
- I don't know!
Quite honestly, Joe, you're
the best candidate
we've seen all day.
Yeah, all day we've had...
"my dad sent me here
on a rocket ship" OR
"I got bit by a
radioactive whatever"
But this is bold, audacious.
Would you give me and my
colleague a moment to confer?
Sure, chat away.
Hey, how'd you do that?
Congratulations!
Really?!
Yep!
Welcome aboard!
No way! My wife is
gonna be so excited!
You don't even know!
Let's get you over to H.R. and
get everything squared away.
Ok.
Did you say you were married?
Yeah.
You don't hear about
that much in this field.
Except for the Parkers.
Well, all that's left
is to get you to H.R.,
get you fitted and get you out
on those streets fighting crime.
Thanks.
So was it an optical illusion?
The way you moved so fast?
Oh, that's my super power.
Oh.
Wait! Did you say
fighting crime?
Lift activated.
Transferring to
main headquarters.
Please watch your
hands.
Hello?
Phase 3 commencing.
Observe all safety
procedures.
Transporter separation.
I'm kinda in the dark here!
Low lights on.
Hello?
Hey, I'm looking for H.R.?
I am H.R.!
Heinrich Rammelstein.
But you can call me...
Dr. Mystico!
I apologize for the
state of my lab!
Let's get you changed.
Wait, so what's phase 3?
Blue, Average Joe,
blue collar. Makes sense yes?
We're going to go with
a very basic look this time.
There you go.
This will do.
So, do kids get to
see all this back here?
Kids?!
No, this is no
place for children!
Are you mad?
They could touch this and
particles and molecules
would get mixed up.
And this!
This hasn't been washed!
The children could come,
and they could flip this
and all hell would break loo ...!
...would break loose.
I thought I was filling
out paperwork, not briefs!
Oh, you're a funny one!
Now that you've got your suit
let's move on with the mission.
Mission?!
Now, exactly what do
you mean by mission?
Crime fighting!
Welcome to the party pal.
Oh boy.
Alright there's been
a chemical plant break-in
that just turned into
a hostage situation!
Hostages?!
Wait a minute.
There must be some mistake.
See you there Doc!
Are you guys
real super heroes?!
I'm a pacifist.
What?!
I'm a science officer.
I don't believe in violence.
It's icky.
Hold that thought!
All units in the
vicinity of Cash and Lincoln
10-89 in progress at
1988 Cash Avenue.
Be advised. Several armed
gunmen have taken hostages.
Suspects are considered
armed and extremely dangerous.
All units in the area respond.
Captain, they're here!
About time!
Hallenbeck!
I made the call, but
the captain is in charge.
Riggs, go
get 5 more coffees!
I'm not your secretary!
Hallenbeck! I'm waiting
on SWAT and you bring me
The Mighty Morphin
Powder Puff Rangers?!
Aw, someone's still bitter
cuz he didn't make the cut for hero.
Larry!
Not my fault
he has brittle bones!
I hate you Larry.
And who the hell are you?
My name is Average Joe.
He's new Captain, but he checked
out. He's bulletproof and
he's got lasers that
shoot out of his eyes.
Well then what the hell are you
letting him stare at me for?!
I'm sorry! Jesus they're
shooting at us!
There's a bunch of maniacs in
there with some hostages.
They've got the place rigged to
blow with a shitload of C-4.
Sounds like an A-6 scenario.
We're going to need someone
bulletproof to lead the charge.
No one knows
what you're saying!
Joe, you're the
only one qualified!
No, I'm not even
supposed to be here!
I'm not supposed
to be doing this!
Listen, fly in there,
disable it,
hell, blow it up
for all I care!
Just get it the hell out
of here so we can all go home!
Do what you were born to do.
Be a hero!
Hold your fire!
Hold your fire!
Ok.
Alright.
Aw... alright
WHY?!
Shit, shit shit!
Aaahhh!!!
That was weird.
I'm getting massive
power readings.
Who is this?
Angel gang.
Not his style.
Unless he's working
for someone else.
Let's move!
Someone wake up Larry!
Let's go!
Mary.
Mary. Come in Mary.
Mary answer your thing.
Mary it's Dr. Mystico, answer.
Doc what is it?
We found a machine down here.
On screen.
It doesn't look good.
Doc we don't have time
for this just find the bomb.
You find the bomb!
Oh God, please don't let me die.
Everything's going
to be alright, just wait.
Do what you were born to do.
I was born to run like hell.
How do you even
disarm this thing?
Is it the red one?
Is it the green one?!
You're not helping me!
In the movies it's
always the green one.
I'm sure it's
always the green one.
What are you doing?!
Are you touching the bomb?
Are you even qualified
to touch the bomb?!
Are you even a real hero?
You lied?!
You mean you hired a-
Shut it Hank!
I'm Nightwatchman.
Unbelievable!
Guys, if I could just
say something-
You think you could have
done a better job? Guys!
Oh, I think I could.
I think it's fairly obvious!
Oh, so you're saying
I made a mistake?!
It's VERY obvious.
I don't make mistakes!
Guys, just one second!
WHAT?!
This things
about to go off!
Balls!
What happened?
I agree with you Mrs.
Mayor. This is unacceptable!
But have faith, you
made the right decision.
Did I?
Your heroes cleaned up
the city 10 years ago.
They did it quietly,
no theatrics.
No spectacle.
I won't tolerate
any mistakes Mary.
I can send you back to that
crummy PR firm you came from.
Oh, and rethink the uniforms.
You look like Zoro's fat cousin.
Should we kill him?
We took an oath.
I ain't gonna say anything.
Mary, I recognized
that device today.
If Angel is working
with who I think.
We're all in great danger.
So what do I do now?
So you go back to your wife,
tell her you got the job,
we'll see you in the morning.
That's right
Maria, it was a massive explosion
that rocked the lower
east side...
Hey Babe!
Hey.
You've been
gone all day.
Yeah, the uh....
...the interview went long.
Is that good or bad?
Bad.
Bad enough to get the job.
What?!
Baby, I got the job!
You got the job?!
Baby I did!
You joking?
You're serious?
I love you!
I love you,
take your clothes off!
Ok!
It's just us.
Just, stay there.
Hey boss. How'd the test go?
Cops came.
We had to set off the bomb
and ditch the device.
That sucks.
Ok, listen here Iron-Dick.
We're risking our
lives out there.
We're putting our necks out
there every night
and you're going to pay me
three times my price
or I'm going to tear
your little ass apart.
Manners Angel.
M.A.X. is an indispensable
part of my plan,
whereas you have a rather
expendable quality about you.
Lord Menace, we're taking
all the risks and getting
almost none of the reward.
By all means, leave.
I'm sure there are plenty of
other vultures in this
city who would be happy to take
your place by my side.
However, if we fail to
execute my plans
these heroes won't leave you
with much of a feast.
You see, your business model is
based on profit, greed.
I pay you well.
My plans are result based,
and you haven't delivered.
My device could have been
tested properly today
had you not called
attention to yourselves.
Maybe, you're just feeling
a little BURNED OUT.
Whoa, whoa, ok.
Hey look, just put that
away, just...
there's no need for this ok?!
I'm going to be...
No, don't shoot me!!
Aaahhhh!!
Ok, I'm out.
When the machine
is capable of withstanding
the power surge,
M.A.X and I will
make our final move on
Heinrich and the heroes.
Soon not even time itself
will be able to stop me.
I'm going to do whatever it
takes to make this work.
Morning tushy.
Good Morning.
Did you make me cookies?
No, I did,
because someone kept me up last night.
Yeah, that's cuz
I was having sex!
I was thinking, I have
teacher in service day today,
so maybe I could stay home
for a little while before
you start your job.
That would be amazing.
Hey, I meant to ask you,
what's the job anyway?
Oh...
It's nothing really.
I just uh...
...working in a lab and...
Somebody's here.
Who?
A lady that looks like she's
pinching a dime between her ass
and a hunky scientist.
I'm so sorry! I'm sorry
baby, that's for me.
That's for me!
I gotta go, I forgot they
pick you up the first day.
I gotta go. Love you!
Love you. Good luck!
I'll take that, you
choke on that!
What the heck!
What are you guys even doing
here? This is my freaking house.
This is my house, what are
you doing here?
This is my temple of zen!
We carpool.
Oh, I guess you failed to
mention that yesterday.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I
fail to mention that?
I must have been distracted by a
massive explosion you caused!
That's a good point.
That's a good point.
So, it's usually just us.
Larry's the only one
that can fly.
Well I did offer to
rectify such things.
And I'm still hungry.
Here, go nuts.
Who's that?
Oh, that's my sister-in-law,
she's a handful.
I'll bet she is.
Hunky man's eating my cookie.
Who does she think she is?
Opening the door
for my husband.
Jealous?
I just don't like
fast women that's all.
Since you're clueless
about being a super hero,
here's the brief.
Heroics Inc has wiped out
crime over the last decade
and we only recently got
reactivated.
In the past 6 months,
crime has gone up over 62%.
If we go public, the mayor
thinks we won't have
the support we need.
It's my job to keep us
on track and covert.
Hey, so why'd you put the
ad in the newspaper then?
It was for heroes to read.
Is that why you put it in
the super secret
super hero newspaper?
I thought hiding in
plain sight was best.
Besides, who took
that ad seriously?
Yeah, the uh-
Most people thought it was for
kids parties and they were easy
enough to dismiss.
So, you're just saying
you just made a mistake?
Oh, would you look at that.
Hank is up early.
Does he live here?
He never leaves.
Both of his parents were heroes.
He has a lot to live up to.
The emergency beeper
please, yes? Thank you.
Always remember to bring an
extra change of clothes.
Hey, when do we get paid?
Every week.
Crime doesn't pay, but
being a hero sure does.
We'll send you out with Hank.
Learn the ropes.
Doc will be working
on your new suits.
So what are his powers?
Hank doesn't have any.
Both his parents were supers.
Yes,
when both parents are heroes
it usually doesn't get passed
down to the kiddos.
I apologize for being
rude, Good morning Joe Martin.
What is that?
That, my chubby friend is a
super computer mainframe.
My name is LEXII.
Hi, my name's Joe Martin.
It can do anything
that you ask it to. Ask it anything.
ANYTHING.
Well, I could use a tune up.
Ok, Joe.
That's it?
That's all you got?
A local towing
service has been dispatched.
Computer!
Yes Larry?
Give me a bloody mary.
Blood alcohol levels indicate
that you have already had 2.
I don't care if I've
already had 2.
Don't worry your AA sponsor
has already been alerted...
Are you a computer
or my mother?!
...as well as your court
appointed attorney.
Answer his question.
A towing service has been
dispatched to your residence,
No way!
Maintenance of your vehicle has
been assigned to Hank Horowitz.
I'm surprised it didn't respond
with your cars's a piece of crap
Because your car
is a piece of crap.
Welcome to the team.
So you're gonna be
teaching me the ropes huh?
I'm guessing there's
a lot to learn.
You know I really appreciate
all the help with this tune up
and everything.
I mean, I've just
been out of work for so long.
Sarah and I we just really
couldn't afford this.
Hey, so I guess you learned all
this stuff from your dad?
I mean he was
pretty good huh?
Hey did you ever think
about asking Doc for
a little help in the super
powers department?
He tried making me a suit once,
but I'd rather use
what god gave me.
That's noble.
You know what god gave me?
Thighs that rub.
So do you think Doc's gonna give
me a cool suit to wear?
I'm not gonna lie, I'm really
excited about this.
I know it's just a temporary
one, but it's gonna be awesome!
I mean, you know, I guess it's
just one of the perks right?
You get to say cool things, like
"Stop evil-doer!"
You get to wear cool outfits.
Swing from rooftops.
Hey have you guys ever
thought about
doing like a slow-mo walk,
like in Armageddon where you
all just kind of walk out...
You know you could die
from doing this.
All heroes
in the downtown corridor
please respond
to a 10-70.
Break in at refined
metals storage unit.
Proceed with caution.
First appearance in front of
your enemies is everything.
No fear.
Yeah, but I'm not ready.
No fear.
I'm not ready-
- No fear!
I'm not ready.
No fear.
Stop evil doers!
It is I, the Nightwatchman.
Sarah.
Sarah!
It is also I!
Average Joe!
Holy crap, it's the kid!
Let's get out of here!
Impressive.
Yeah? You think so?
Cuz when we first got out here,
I was kinda nervous.
Then my adrenaline was pumping
and everything...
Hello Hank.
Bobby?
I'm Nightwatchman.
No, I'm Nightwatchman.
We've been over this before.
Who's your friend?
My name's Joe, Average Joe.
Joe don't.
What, he's like 5.
A very dangerous 6.
AHHHHH!!!!!
AHHHHH!!!! AHHHH!!!!
AHHHHH!!!!!
You got whipped by a kid?!
He's no kid,
he's Satan's minion.
He's 6.
A very dangerous 6.
So much for getting your part
time job at Gymboree.
I knew I should have hired
that kid when I had the chance.
6AM! Tomorrow!
Whatever.
What's that?
What's that?
It's work, I got it.
It's 6am.
I know.
They're calling me, I gotta go.
Good morning.
I love you.
The heart of a
hero should never be in doubt.
We hold ourselves to a
higher standard.
We do not allow
ourselves to understand fear.
Over the next few weeks I will
be slowing myself down,
not for my benefit,
but for yours.
So that you can see what is
expected of a real hero.
If you make a great entrance,
in your enemies mind,
half the battle is
already won.
Make no mistake gentlemen.
My job is to break you.
To punish you.
To push you to your very limits
so that when you are
faced with certain death,
you will stand strong.
Proud.
Fearless.
Like a true hero.
Let's go!
Never, under any circumstances
reveal your secret identities.
Shut up Larry.
Why you always
tell me to shut up?
Baby catch.
Baby catch?
Yeah, baby catch.
I'm gonna fling babies at you.
In an emergency, know your
rallying points in the city.
Ready? Hut! Go! Go!
This one needs love,
she's adopted!
This one's a preemie!
Get your hands up!
Come on Joe!
NothinG like a
baby to get you motivated.
Don't drop me!
Babies are coming in hot Joe!
This one got thrown
out of a moving car!
She's covered in oil,
she's slippery!
This one's got parents
who are gonna miss her!
Whoo!
I'm a super hero!
Wait Joe, no wait!
Noooo!
Hello Heinrich, I decided to
make a video for you
with the outfit I was telling
you about.
Doctor, I wasn't
feeling very good today,
would you like to take my
temperature?
It's blue!
- Oh crap.
- Oh shit.
Oh my gosh,
that's so exciting!
Is it?
Yes, I'm going to be an aunt!
Is it?!
What am I going to do?
What am I going to tell Joe?
He's gonna be excited, won't he?
But he's never here Em.
I mean this whole job thing.
You think that I want to
raise this baby alone?
Wait, wait wait!
We are talking
about a baby right?
What are you wearing?
The test of the
machine was successful.
We've waited a long time for
this moment Lord Menace.
Time is a binding concept that
we no longer have any use for.
MAX, I believe we
should visit an old friend.
I'm sorry Heinrich.
My system shows that with the
current power source,
the new Average Joe suit
will not maintain plasma levels.
Suit failure at 93.7 percent.
So then why
am I getting power drains?
Would you like me to run
diagnostics again?
Heinrich, your wiring is bad.
The power
source is inadequate.
Maybe a flying
suit was too much.
Actually, it might not be.
Theoretically your flying
Average Joe suit could work.
It seems with the internal
wiring and plasma emitters,
the best power source for us
could be the remaining Terinium.
With the Terinium power source,
flight capability success
increases to 85.2 percent.
Well beyond our
acceptable 70/30 ratio.
Maybe Joe's suit is the reason
we've been holding on to the
Terinium all these
years, Heinrich.
Heinrich!
My systems show an unauthorized
access to northwest corner 3.
Unauthorized access to
main power panel.
Mary?
Hello Heinrich.
At last we meet.
Joe is that you?
Yeah, it's me.
Close your eyes.
I didn't forget our
anniversary did I?
Come with me.
Ok.
What are you doing?
Just a little surprise.
Ok, where's Emily?
At our mom's.
Oh, so a little surprise huh?
No peeking.
Ok, right here?
Ok, you ready?
Yeah.
I hope you like it.
Baby, I love everything you
do, you know that.
3...
2...
Oh shit, hold on.
Oh, Baby, I gotta go.
Joe, just 2 seconds!
Baby, I'm sorry, I would but
this is an emergency.
It's an emergency.
Joe that is all you
ever have anymore.
Baby, this is my job.
Oh, even when they call you out
at 3am, that's your job?
Sarah, I don't need this
from you right now.
Ok, I can't do
this by myself Joe.
You have gone from
one extreme to another.
I never see you anymore.
Sarah, you know that I love you,
But I have to go do this.
My hero.
I know.
All units, all units please
respond to a 10:33
Warehouse fire at city property
warehouse at 10100 Riverside.
Armed suspects
possibly on the scene.
Report of explosion,
proceed with caution.
What the hell?
What happened?
Looks like somebody
paid you guys a visit.
The only one that
was here was Mystico.
So,
you work here at these facilities?
Yes, my name is Dr. Mystico,
I'm part of a superhero team,
and this here is our main
headquarters.
Balls!
Sir can you tell us
what happened here tonight?
It was a firefight!
Ma'am can you tell us your name?
Do you work with this gentleman?
If you want a comment,
you'll have to go through
the mayor's office.
Did anyone call
Captain and Hallenbeck?
Yes, they're on their way.
So Doc, you're telling
us this has all been the same guy?
For a while now, we have
suspected a certain someone
at the heart of this crime wave.
His name...
Lord Menace.
Look Doc,
at first it was just theft
and gathering of
materials and resources.
But then at the
warehouse?
When I was first with you guys?
There was a machine.
A time portal, but it was
missing a very important
piece of the puzzle.
It required a power
source of extreme magnitude.
Just like the one in your suit.
Doc, what did you do?
I think you can fly now.
WHAT?!
What?!
You've got 30 seconds.
Mrs. Mayor.
And you,
who said you were fit to give interviews?
And to talk to my office for an
official statement?
Mrs. Mayor you have every right
to be upset with me.
Do I?
I left you in charge because
you said you could handle it.
And it turns out you're the
worst one out of
all these degenerates.
Mayor, I think these
guys might be on to something.
Johnson! You keep
him on a short leash or
I'll have him kicked
back to traffic duty.
Do you get me?
Yes Ma'am.
This crime wave is
only the beginning.
That's ominous.
I think this is all
just a shake down.
There is no threat.
The city doesn't need you, let
the real heroes handle this.
hiding behind desks in
whatever profession you had
before this.
This project is terminated.
You're an
embarrassment to women.
You did what you could.
There is no confirmation
from arson investigators yet,
but reporters did manage to
speak to a man calling himself
Dr. Mystico who may
have been involved.
Reports on the scene were
interrupted by a woman,
possibly implicating the
Mayor's office as well.
For now the scene has been
closed off by police
and arson investigators.
Neither the Mayor's office or
SAPD has made themselves
available for comment.
Well, it's certainly
not as large as your last office, but
it's nice to have you back.
From wherever you were.
Latte!
Monkey!
Take this nice lady's
car to the back would you?
It's what I do.
Go. Go.
Good news only MAX.
Otherwise, I'll turn you
into a bread warmer.
We still cannot find Mystico.
The Mayor's office has
disbanded the heroes.
Then that means
they'll be lost forever.
My frequency intercepted
a call to a tv station.
A woman named Emily
reporting that she knew
Mystico, but she does
not know his location.
She stated her
brother-in-law works with him.
It could be the hero
we've heard about,
Average Joe?
If that is
indeed her brother-in-law,
then I would very much like to
find out who is wife is.
And where we can find her.
But, why Average Joe?
Leverage MAX.
In times of crisis,
this city needs its heroes.
If we find Average Joe,
we find Mystico.
It's moving day!
Unfortunately we
have been politely asked to
dispose of my life's work.
That's ok.
That's ok.
I really wanted to
see this in action.
To see you in action.
Did you sleep here last night?
Sarah left.
It's no sweat Joe.
Do you know what the divorce
rate is for superheroes?
Me neither, I'm
sure its pretty high though.
Who wants pancakes?
Me!
I'm wearing the shirt.
Pick up, pick
up, pick up, pick up.
Ok, let's keep it
orderly please.
Single file line,
next to your bus buddy.
Quietly.
Hello?
Sarah?
You left before I had a chance
to talk to you this morning.
Let me call you back Em. Ok?
I'm getting kids
loaded for a field trip.
No, Sarah, look.
I think I know why Joe hasn't
been around lately.
I don't have
time for this.
And don't you dare take
Joe's side on this.
Ok, I'm the one who's pregnant
and going to have to
raise this baby on my own.
I am not taking Joe's side!
Oh, this gets better and better.
Heinrich's been real
secretive about what he's doing.
But then last night
on the news...
Ok, I'll call you back
after I'm done dealing with them.
Hey, you guys!
Sarah?
Damnit, I finally have
something important to say!
You guys, off the bus right
now and to the back of the line.
Sarah Martin?
AAAAhh!
Please put down your phone,
you have 20 seconds to comply.
Thank you.
All units,
all units respond to a 10-33,
armed suspect has
hijacked a school bus
heading west into the downtown
corridor along I-35 near BAMC.
5 hostages taken including 4
children and an adult female.
Suspect considered armed and
extremely dangerous.
Proceed with caution.
Hey!
Again,
all units respond to a 10-33.
Come on, we gotta go.
Here we go!
Big moment, big
moment. Here we go!
Ok Riggs, drive!
I'm not your secretary!
SAPD air support has
been dispatched and is en route.
Copy that central,
this is EagleEye.
We are airborne and
en route for air support, over.
Do ya'll need anything else?
Aspirin. Lots of aspirin.
So, you and Em?
Yeah, but she
doesn't know about us,
she definitely doesn't know
about Lord Menace,
so we're good.
Tell me more about
this Lord Menace guy.
Lord Menace, he was...
he was my mentor.
Austria, 1850.
He was a brilliant man.
Brilliant scientist named Hans.
Hans?
That makes sense.
You see Joe, I was Hans' lab
assistant for quite a few years.
We had been developing
our theories
on creating new
power sources,
and that's how we created these
things quite by accident.
What things?
The crystals. The crystals that
I use to teleport.
Well, it's not necessarily
teleportation, it's more of a
moving forward through
time just a few moments.
You see time
travel is very tricky.
It's quite easy to move forward,
but to move back...
is impossible.
But Hans was
convinced otherwise.
You see time travel
requires lots of energy,
so we obtained a
substance called Terinium.
Terinium?
Terinium.
And on our first experiments...
Hans wanted to keep
his hands clean.
Hans free.
So wanted
me to perform them.
Without telling me exactly how
dangerous this was.
What a jerk!
I know!
There was an explosion.
I was lucky,
but Hans was left deformed.
Changed.
Changed to what?
To something else.
What?
He decided to change
his name, to Lord Menace.
Which I agree with, it sounds
better, cooler, more evil...
Looks good on a poster.
It works, yes
it's more marketable.
You see now, as Lord Menace he
continues his reign.
Trying to go back
and change the mistakes
that we have made.
Like the mistakes
I made last night.
Recreate history in
his own image.
Well, what about
the Terinium?
The last known Terinium on earth
is contained in your suit.
These pancakes
look good don't they?
This is 20-William-12,
we have 10-6 in the area,
entering I-10 and Woodlawn,
joining pursuit of school bus.
"Hello Heinrich"
'Hello Heinrich"
It's Emily. Stay quiet.
Hello!
Hello Heinrich.
How are you my strawberry crepe?
I don't know, why don't
you look up and find out.
Shit.
What, you've never had
a woman mad at you before?
What's this?
Morning Joe.
How did you find us ...?
I tracked your phone.
You're not the only techie in
this relationship.
I want to know why you were on
the news last night.
And you have some
explaining to do!
Where's Sarah?
Are you what I think you are?
Superheroes?!
Ha ha, that's preposterous.
Is it?!
Yes.
Is it?
Dispatch,
we have a visual going east on I-10.
Standby.
This is 4-Victor-7,
we just spotted
an adult female in the bus.
It's ok you guys, it's ok.
They're crossing the I-35
interchange.
What the hell is that?
Aaaaaahhhhhhh!
We just lost 7,
we just lost unit 7.
Unit 12, be advised
shots fired. Shots fired.
Yeah, we saw that, thank you.
We're doomed!
It's ok you guys. It's ok.
Joe.
Oh my god.
Somebody turn that up.
A squad car has lost control.
Police are continuing
the pursuit,
but if the suspect at
the wheel is armed...
10 years ago I would
have been all over that.
Suits in the van right?
We're in just as
much shock as you are right now
at what just happened.
Joe.
Joe! No don't!
I gotta see this.
We're going to stay live
with this video as long as we can.
Joe, no what are you doing?
You can't do this!
Actually, you
look really good.
No, what am I saying,
you can't do this.
You're not ready.
We're not ready.
My wife's a school teacher, Doc.
What if it was her out there?
I won't get caught.
Trust me.
I mean, it's like you said,
Do what you were
born to do right?
Oh, now you listen to me.
Ok Joe, you have a new
advanced suit.
You just hold your
arms out to glide
and the thrusters will adjust
you automatically.
Alright, got it.
And the Terinium?
I'm actually kind of curious
myself to see what will happen.
Doc!
You're gonna get killed.
Yeah, why aren't you up there?
My suit's at the cleaners.
Right, Alright, back up,
everybody back up.
Here we go.
Ok Joe, just
ease into the controls and-
Aaahh!
Oh yeah, this should end well.
..the horrific
situation that our city-
Turn that up!
I say again,
suspect at the wheel
is armed and
extremely dangerous.
And probably a robot.
Too fast! Too fast, too fast!
Whoah!
Whoohoo!
All units be advised, a flying
man has entered the scene!
It's a flying man!
Really, what?
I can fix that.
Whoah!
Yes!
I thought your suit
was at the cleaners?
Hey, it was ready
a little early.
Alright, hang on.
We're going in!
All units,
2 flying men have now entered the pursuit.
Hold your fire.
It's Larry!
MAX,
pick up your visual scanning.
Everybody back off, let's give
these guys some room.
Bring it!
We're gonna crash!
Holy shit, we're gonna crash!
MISS!
Everybody down!
Joe! Get out!
This is the
best field trip ever!
We have to get
back to the office!
That was awesome!
Look, there he is!
Contact, rear!
Shots fired! Shots fired!
Backup units proceed with
caution, suspect is still armed!
I have Joe's wife Lord Menace.
Return to base.
I think it's time...
...for my grand entrance.
We're not supposed
to reveal our identities!
You told a news reporter!
Nobody ever wants to
talk to me!
Oh, you're so hot
when you're mad!
Scanning all frequencies.
Mrs Mayor! Mrs. Mayor!
Can you confirm a report of a
man flying over the freeway?
We are not ready to make an
official statement.
In light of today's
incident on the freeway,
we will be doing a
complete investigation.
Now, we are
committed to due process,
so please allow us
to do our jobs.
Any further questions can be
relayed to our media relations
Thank you.
Get Captain Johnson
on the phone, now!
Oh my gosh!
Ha ha ha!!
We can fly!
That was amazing!
That was awesome!
Hold on man, we aren't hugging.
No?
No, go ahead, bring it in.
I don't care what the mayor
says, she can take me to jail,
I don't even care!
Joe is that you?
Hey Doc, come in.
Yeah wasn't that awesome?
I just need to take a
look at your boosters.
Sometimes things work good,
sometimes they don't
work as good.
You just need to get out of that
and back into your
civilian clothes.
Is that a phone?
Wait, is it my cell?
Joe, it's Sarah!
Just patch it through!
Sarah?
Joe Martin?
Who is this?
I wanted to call and
tell you what a big fan I am,
after your splendid
performance today.
I made a great effort to get
your attention this morning,
but you flew off before we could
properly introduce ourselves.
How did you get Sarah's phone?
Is Heinrich with you?
I believe he calls himself
Dr. Mystico?
What you failed to notice Joe,
was who was on that bus you
saved today.
Turn to channel eight.
Mary,
did you see what's going on outside?
Again, breaking news.
Gunfire has erupted downtown,
as gunmen led
by two robotic looking
individuals have seized control
of the Westin Center.
We've also just received a
message from a man
calling himself Lord Menace,
taking responsibility for this
morning's bus chase.
I guess we're not going to have
time for a taco huh?
Thank you Ernie.
We are here live downtown where
it appears that a
mechanical device
has been taken onto the streets
at Pecan, directly in front of
the Westin Center.
It appears the device is
creating some sort of cloud
or disturbance in the sky
directly above us
Eyewitness on the ground are
reporting that it is made of
some sort of toxic
gas, but this is only a
suggestion at this point.
Neither the police office or the
mayor's office are
categorizing this as an act of
terrorism, but
it is confirmed that the
metallic figure spotted...
in today's highway
chase is involved.
It also appears that the young
school teacher kidnapped
this morning is with them, along
with another female hostage.
Police are issuing orders that
everyone evacuate the
downtown corridor
immediately.
Hallenbeck! You alright?
Well, we barely made
it off the freeway alive!
You're still alive and I
need a tactical response.
We don't have one yet sir.
Yes we do!
Captain, we've
seen this thing in action,
it's gonna take more than what
our SWAT team can do.
This thing wants what
Joe and Mystico have.
And I want a tactical response!
Well, I guess you made up your
mind about what you are going
to do Hallenbeck.
Don't let me stop you.
Let's get Average Joe!
We're gonna get fired!
Joe! It's Hallenbeck.
We need you.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, we'll back you up.
We'll give you
whatever you need.
I gotta go pick out a gun!
Ma'am, leave it. Come on, we
gotta go. This way!
Miss Maddox,
he says he knows you.
It's okay.
What are you doing here?
The team is gonna need us Mary.
Hank I don't have time to
discuss this...
So you're just going to
watch this whole thing
from four blocks away?
- There's nothing I can do!
- Yes there is!
Now, you can choose to sit on
your spoiled ass and do nothing,
or you can do what
you were born to do.
Be a hero.
I can't!
You're a coward.
This morning's
freeway chase seems to be just
the tip of the iceberg. As a man
calling himself Lord Menace has
taken over the streets in front
of the Westin Center.
Along with members
of the Angel gang,
they have taken two
female hostages
and moved a large mechanical
device onto the streets.
The device in question did fire
a beam into the skies above us
and a large cloud of light and
energy is currently hovering
over the city. The only question
is now, if there are in fact
superheroes in San Antonio, will
they come to the rescue and stop
this apparent super villain.
To the man who calls
himself Lord Menace,
I have a message for you.
For far too long...
this city's heroes have been
forced to sit in the shadows,
unsure of their place.
Not knowing whether or not this
city that they care for
would embrace them
or reject them.
Because of you,
our city now faces the greatest
danger it's ever known.
But I promise you this,
not one life will be lost today.
Because guarding over this
city...
...is this city's heroes.
We are your guardians.
We are
your protectors.
Because the heart of
a hero is never in doubt.
We do not understand fear.
And when faced
with certain death...
we will stand strong....
proud....
and fearless.
We will leave no one behind.
Evacuate everyone.
And as for you Lord Menace,
I'm speaking to you not
as a hero but as a husband.
You picked the
wrong wife to kidnap.
Because now...
I'm going to beat the
shit out of you.
It has been an
honor Lord Menace.
Yo Joe!
Here to save the city?
I'm here to save my marriage!
Heinrich, you coward!
You left me for dead!
You were just a head!
How was I supposed to know?
I can see that.
I can totally see that.
Do you
have any idea how long
it took me to crawl
out of that wreckage?
To rebuild a new body?
Try using an Alan wrench
when you're just a head!
Ok, I am genuinely
sorry about that!
You will be.
Give MAX the Terinium, Joe.
And your wife doesn't
have to suffer.
Much.
Alright, that's it!
Duck!
MAX, get me that Terinium!
With pleasure.
Can't you make
anything that works?
I said fifty-fifty.
I heard seventy-thirty.
Here comes MAX!
Doc, how vulnerable would he be
if he didn't have that Tin Man?
Extremely, he would have to fire
the Terinium himself.
It's rebooting.
Can't you just
teleport over there?
It's too close to the beam.
The field would neutralize and I
would be burned alive.
I have an idea.
Hank! Hank!
What'll happen
if we overload the grid?
I was afraid you'd say that.
That's not gonna work Joe!
If you've got a better idea
Larry, now's the time!
Hank, you and Mary just
worry about the hostage alright?
It's still buffering,
you'll be able to fly but you can't fire.
Yeah, but the suit will
still keep me protected right?
Seventy-thirty.
Yeah yeah right.
Alright, if we're doing this,
we're doing it as a team right?
Right.
Alright, cover fire!
Em! Em are you ok?
I'm fine!
Hey, hi Captain!
Take cover Hallenbeck.
Somebody call for backup?
Let 'em have it boys!
Sorry Hallenbeck, this was the
only hero I could find.
Stop evil doer!
It is I! The Nudist!
Prepare to meet your doom!
Get down here!
MAX!
Nice try, but you are no hero.
Your mother was a hero.
Your father was a hero.
But you?
You are nothing.
You are weak.
Any last words Neutral?
My name...
is Hank!
Nice entrance!
You're pregnant?
You're a superhero?
You're pregnant?!
You're a superhero?!
We have a lot to
talk about when we get home.
Yeah, we do.
God you look good
in that suit.
Go, go!
Get somewhere safe!
Come on!
Come on!
It's nice to finally
meet you Sarah!
One thing I've learned after all
these years, Joe...
Time is irrelevant.
What you are willing
to do for it...
means everything.
Holy!
Shit!
I can change it all.
Be who I was meant to be.
Change history,
rewrite every mistake.
No more world wars.
Right now I'm the
villain Joe,
but I change history
and I'm a savior knowing
what I know.
I can do it all over again,
the right way, the way
it was meant to be!
I'll be damned if
you're the end of me.
Now die a hero's death.
No!!!
Noooo!
The past is mine.
I can go back,
change everything!
Think of the future
we can make for ourselves.
I did think about the future
you son of a bitch!
And you're history!
AAAHH!
AHHHHH!!!!!!
AAAH!
AHHHHHH!!!!
Sarah!
Captain Richard Johnson.
Emily Ritter.
Mrs. Sarah Martin.
Larry Leija.
Heinrich
Rammelstein.
Mary Maddox.
Hank Horowitz.
And the man who
protected his family,
this city,
our newest superhero and
the greatest example
this city has that anyone
is capable of true heroism...
Joe Martin!
Average Joe.
My hero.
I know.