Aunt Mary (1979) - full transcript

(Multicom Jingle)

(crowd cheers)

("Take Me Out to the Ballgame")

- [Announcer] 1954,

Big League baseball has come to Baltimore.

The city of crab cakes and marble steps

has welcomed the summer game
to the land of Chesapeake Bay.

From St. Louis, the American League

has moved the Browns
franchise to Baltimore,

and the magic word is Oriole.

(upbeat music)



- [Radio Announcer] They'll be back

in the American League summit.

Well, here's Coan at the plate
again, stepping in there,

and the count on him is
two balls and two strikes.

It's high and inside, that's ball three,

now there's a full count on Gil Coan.

Gil digs in again.

The Yankee outfield is straight away,

Ford scraping around
out there on the mound.

Now he looks into Yogi for the sign.

Doesn't like that one.

He shakes it off and gets another.

Now Ford's ready to deliver.

Here's the pitch,



here's a line drive through
the middle of the diamond

and on out into center field.

Mantle grabs it on one hop

and fires it back into the infield.

Coan, after a big turn,
settles for a single.

Now with one out, the Orioles
have the tying run on base,

and that'll bring Vic Wertz to the plate.

- Bunt.

Lay one down the line.

- [Radio Announcer]
Wertz is stepping in now.

The big slugger's always a
threat to hit one outta here.

Vic's digging in.

He's batting .284.

- Don't listen to him, Vic.

Just get him into

scoring position.
- He has four home runs,

and 36 runs batted in.

Wertz is waiting, here's the pitch.

It's a line shot towards short,

Rizzuto spears it with a leap to his left,

Phil fires over to Skowron at first,

and Coan is doubled off.

The game's over, the Yankees win it 5-4.

The Yanks have swept the
series from the Orioles,

the totals:

New York, five runs, eight hits--

- Dumb fools.

(turns off radio)

(knock at door)

You'd think bunting had
been banned in Baltimore.

- [Billy] Aunt Mary?

- Hi, Billy.

- I thought they had it in the bag.

- Oh, oh well, not with
you know who at the helm.

- You mean Leonard--

- No, don't mention his
name in my apartment.

He's given me enough gray hairs.

- You got any trash you want
me to stick out for you?

- Oh, yeah, thanks, Billy.

You know where it is, under the sink,

and see what's in the cookie jar.

- You know who should manage the Birds?

- Sure, Leo Durocher.

The man's a genius.

You know, I don't think he was
even born like other people,

he was just sorta hatched
out of a baseball.

- Nah, I think they oughta hire you.

- Me?

To...

You mean me...

Oh, Billy. (chuckles)

Can't you just see it?

(Harry chuckles)

- You know, I wondered
where you disappeared,

I shoulda figured it out.

You're ruining your dinner again.

- Good afternoon, Mr. Strasberg.

- Oh, how are you, Ms. Dobkin?

- I'm fine, knock wood,
(knocks on door) and yourself?

- Well, don't ask.

You know, in a mad world, dear lady,

it's a terrible curse to be sane.

- I'm taking out her trash, Grandpa.

- All right, so take it.

- This time, put something into it.

Okay.

Now twist your wrist and fling
it, it's called a slider.

- Like this?

How does a lady know
so much about baseball?

- Oh, I used to play it sometimes

with the nurses at the hospital.

Come here, I'll show you how to hold it.

- What hospital?

- You know, Johns Hopkins, on Monument.

See? Just like that.

Two fingers.

- You worked there?

- No, I lived there.

You see, when I was six
years old, we were so poor,

I used to walk around
Baltimore all by myself,

in my rags, I didn't even have any shoes.

And then one night, they found me,

passed out in the snow.

Then they took me to the
hospital, saved my life.

I spent 33 years there.

Go on now, try to pitch
one of those sliders.

- 33 years? Holy cow.

How come?

- Operations.

- Well, you must've hated that place

more than I hate school.

- No, it was like home to me.

The doctors and the nurses
took such good care of me.

Here, here's a grounder,
keep your mitt down.

- Can I play catch with you guys?

- She ain't a guy, Tommy.

- Yeah, sorry, ma'am.

- Oh, it's okay, but
I'm not a ma'am either.

Why don't you call me Aunt Mary?

- That's okay with me,
I haven't got any aunts,

but I sure got a lot of uncles.

- Nice to come from such a large family.

- They're not really my uncles,

that's just what my mom calls
the guys she brings home.

This week, it's Uncle Fred.

- And your father?

(upbeat music)

Did you ever see a slider?

- No.

- Come here, I'll show
you how to throw it.

Thank you, Mr. Strasberg.

Franks and beans has always
been one of my favorite entrees.

- Oh, very tasty.

Very tasty,

but just don't ask what they
put in things these days,

that's all.

- There you go again,
don't you like anything?

- What's to like?

There's no quality.

I mean, up and down the
line, mediocrity flourishes.

Music today is godawful,

they haven't made a good
picture since Meet John Doe,

the books are all trash.

How dare they turn trees into paper

so they can print that nonsense.

You know, God should strike them all dead

for daring to look at a tree,

let alone cutting it down.

Here, Billy, get the
dishes, bring in the tea.

- All in one breath. (chuckles)

For a man your age, you
have very good lung power.

- Thank you.

- (chuckles) You shouldn't get so upset.

- The world has gone to
hell on roller skates,

Harry Strasberg shouldn't get
so upset, what are you saying?

- The world's not so terrible.

- Says you, you name me one
thing that hasn't gone to pot.

- The Orioles are only 4 1/2 out.

- Phooey.

Even baseball isn't what it used to be,

all they're interested in
today is a big, fat paycheck,

that's all.

- Not the guys on the Orioles, Grandpa.

Not Bob Turley or Clint Courtney.

- All right, all right,
Billy, there are exceptions.

- I'm gonna play the hot
corner when I grow up.

- Mazel tov.

See, my father wanted me to be a rabbi,

and Billy's father, God rest his soul,

when he was his age, I
dreamed he'd be president,

now, my grandson wants
to play the hot corner,

and that, in a nutshell, is
what the world calls progress.

Huh?

- Oh, fancy.

- [Harry] Mm-hmm.

- Being an Oriole is better
than being president,

if you ask me.

Baseball is what this country's all about.

- That's right, because
they've both gone to the dogs.

- No, because they're both
based on the rules of fair play.

They both give the little guy a chance.

There's room for everybody
on a baseball team,

no matter whey they
come from, right, Billy?

- Right.
- My dear lady,

it may have escaped your attention,

but on a baseball team,

the guy who hits the home runs is the star

and gets most of the money,

even though he eats children for breakfast

and treats his teammates like swine.

So perhaps you're right after all,

baseball is like America.

If you're Rockefeller, you bat cleanup,

and if you're poor,

you're on the outside with
your eye to the knothole.

- Um, some of the guys were talking about

trying to start a team and
get in the Little League.

- Oh, good, in this neighborhood,

that's just what we need, another gang.

- I think it's a wonderful idea, Billy.

- Does that mean you'll help us?

- How's she gonna help you?

- Coach us.

- You want her to coach you, huh? (laughs)

Well, that's crazy.

- Why is it crazy?

- You're an old woman.

- So, Casey Stengel's an old man.

- Come on now, simmer down now,

I wasn't stressing your
age, but your gender,

now women don't coach baseball teams.

- Why not?

- Yeah, why not?

- Why not?

I'll tell you why not,

because women don't
understand baseball strategy,

that's why not.

- But Mary knows baseball
better than anyone,

don't you, Aunt Mary?

- I wouldn't be surprised.

- All right, let's say you
can tell the difference

between the home run and the strikeout,

but what you don't understand

is that a baseball game
is like a little war,

and when's the last time
that you saw a lady general?

And besides,

you can't tell me
(upbeat music)

that these hoodlums in this neighborhood

are gonna take orders from an old woman.

I mean, don't make me laugh,

these mamzers, they mug old ladies,

they don't run around the bases for them.

- I think it'd be fun.

- You mean you'll do it?

- Wouldn't hurt to try.

- You'll definitely crack.

- You're right.

- I am?

- But you know,

sometimes a little crack
lets in a little light.

- If I knew I was having
Confucius for dinner,

I would've cooked Chinese.

Here.
(Mary chuckles)

Want some cream?
- No.

- Mr. Jones? (taps on glass)

Mr. Jones?

- Yeah, what is it?

- You got any work for me?

- Since when do you wanna work?

- [Nicholas] How about if
I bring back some empties?

- [Amos] The answer is no.

- All right, what about if you
pay me to protect your store?

- Come on, get outta here.

Hey!

Come back here, you...
(upbeat music)

- Come on!

Come on!

Quick!

(boys laugh)
- [Amos] Get back here!

- [Tony] That old man's a sucker.

- Yeah.
- Old Man Jones is crazy.

Come on, let's go down there, come on.

- Yeah, let's go play.

- Let's go and have some fun.

Hey, you guys, want a real bat?

- Sure, where?

- There's one in your mother's attic.

(boys laugh)
- Hardy-har-har.

- Give him the bat, Billy,
let him show how good he is.

- I don't have to prove
myself to no stickball punks.

- Forget stickball, we're
gonna be playing baseball soon.

- Yeah, we're getting
ourselves a team together.

- There ain't no Little League
in this part of the slums.

- Yeah?

Well, we're starting one.

- It's too late, the season's half over.

- Yeah, well,

the rules say any group of
nine players with a coach

can challenge a league team,

and if they play respectable,

they're on for the next season.

- Yeah?

Well, where are you gonna dig up a coach?

- Don't worry, we already got one.

Maybe you're afraid you
couldn't make the team?

- I could do it with one
arm tied behind my back.

Give me that stick.

(upbeat music)

- [Vernon] All right, hotshot.

- [Billy] Okay.

- Pitch it in.

- We meet tomorrow at Aunt Mary's house.

- Who's Aunt Mary?

- [Billy] The coach.

- The who?

(glass shatters)

- Uh-oh!
- Uh-oh!

(boys yell)

(boys yell)

(boys yell)

- I think we oughta call
ourselves the Tigers.

- The Tigers?

Heck, if we're gonna name
ourself after a real team,

it oughta be the Orioles.

After all, this isn't Detroit.

- Yeah, it's not Detroit.
- Yeah, really.

- Orioles are dumb, little birds.

- You know, we oughta
call the team the Killers.

- Lovely.
(indistinct chatter)

- [Nicholas] Our uniforms could all black,

real tough-looking.

- Well, Nicholas,

I'm afraid the other teams

would get the wrong idea about us.

- With a lady coach,

they're going to think
we're a bunch of sissies.

We're gonna have to bust some
heads before we're through.

- It's the way you play the game

that earns the other people's respect.

- I think my brother's right,

the Killers is a great name.

The word's gotta get out

that old lady coach or no old lady coach,

the Killers don't take diddly from nobody.

And if anyone opens his yap
or looks at us cross-eyed,

we bust his chops for him.

Understand?

- [Boy] Ooh. (chuckles)

- Sounds to me like a declaration of war.

- Yeah? Well, nothing personal, lady,

but what do you know
about baseball anyway?

- A lot more than you.

- Yeah?

Who were the only two-time
winners of the Triple Crown?

(dramatic music)

- Rogers Hornsby

and Ted Williams.

(indistinct chatter)

- Who struck out the most
batters in his career?

- Walter Johnson.

(indistinct chatter)
- Any other questions to ask?

- Yeah, I bet you don't know this one:

Who was the last American
League manager, besides Stengel,

to win the pennant?

- Lou Boudreau, Cleveland, 1948,

and do you know who they
played in the Series?

- Who?
- Who?

- I forgot.
- Yeah, who?

- I don't know.
- I forget.

- I forgot too.

(boys laugh)

(Mary chuckles)

- So gents, what do we call ourselves?

- Why not the Dynamites?

- Hey, yeah, how about
the Dobkin Dynamites?

- What's a Dobkin?

- Me, that's my name.

- It beats being called the Bluebirds.

- Not by a lot.

- Okay, then let's put it to a vote,

everybody in favor of
the Dobkin Dynamites,

raise their hands.

Okay, now, anybody against?

Dennis, you can't vote for and against.

- Ah, I wasn't voting against, Aunt Mary,

I wanted to know if I could use the...

The you-know-what.

(boys laugh)
- Oh, sure,

right through there.

- Oh, thanks, Aunt Mary.

(boys laugh)

- [Nicholas] Oh, boy, are we in trouble.

- Tell me something I don't know.

- Why'd you say that?

- It's not bad enough we've
got an old doll coaching us,

we've got a left fielder calls
the can the you-know-what.

(indistinct chatter)

- We gotta improve a
lot, those guys are good.

- Oh, okay, I know.

Well, we're all gonna bat
today, do a lot of batting,

then I'm gonna get the ball,
I'm gonna show you how to bunt.

- Hey, Aunt Mary, this could be a base.

- Oh, yeah, that's good.

- Hey, Aunt Mary, this could be first!

- All right, yeah, now we'll
find something for third.

Okay, everybody,

now you go out and take
the positions you want

and play ball.

- [Billy] I wanna be pitcher.

(Mary blows whistle)

(boys yell)

- Hey, you can't all be pitchers!

(boys yell)

(Mary chuckles)

Okay, Billy, come on in
here and bat 'em all out.

(upbeat music)

- Well, I guess I'll take third.

(indistinct chatter)

- [Nicholas] I got first.

- Okay, you got first.

- Good catch.
- All right, hit it out here.

Hit it out here.

(indistinct chatter)

(boys laugh)

- Hey, Tony, look! (laughs)

(Tony blows raspberry)

- [Boy] All right, hit it out.

Okay, hit it out, swing.

- Shortstop, Billy.

(boys laugh)

(indistinct chatter)

Okay, Billy, now put one into right field.

- Here it comes, here it comes.

- I got it!
- I got it!

I got it, I got it!

(Mary groans)

- Okay, boys, stay in the field,

we'll have a little batting practice.

Billy, you pitch,

Nicholas, you come in and hit a few.

- Hey, batter.
- Hey, batter.

- Hey, batter.
- Hey, batter.

- [Mary] That's a good hit, good.

Nicholas, you gotta touch every base!

- Throw it here, Jimmy,
he didn't step on first!

- What are you talking about?

Come on!

- No, you're out, side retired.

- Oh, yeah?

- No, no, hey, stop that.

Nicholas, come here, stop that, stop that.

Oh, it's okay, Officer, no trouble.

- With these kids, you got
nothing but trouble, lady.

- Oh, yeah?

You can go and take a flying--

- Nicholas!

Nicholas!

- See what I mean, lady?

Don't turn your back on 'em for a second.

- I have no intention of turning
my back on them, Officer,

too many people have done that already.

Nicholas, go back home and try that again.

Get on base, Tommy.

- [Nicholas] We stink.

- Oh, I wouldn't go that far.

- Then you must drink a lot.

- Well, I'm not suggesting there
isn't room for improvement,

the question is, how do we start?

- I start by tearing his heart out.

- No, you don't.

- Now wait a minute, now
listen, we're teammates,

teammates don't go around
tearing each other's heart out.

- Then trade him.

- Good thinking.

- [Vernon] You know why we stink?

- I didn't say we stunk.

- Well, I say it.

Didn't you see the easy little ground ball

that went between his legs?

- Well, at least I know
where first base is.

- You're a dead third baseman.

- Ah, ah, ah, ah, Nicholas!

- Knock it off.
- Sit down, sit down.

Billy, thank you.

Now listen, we're supposed
to be a baseball team,

not a kindergarten.

Feet off the couch.

- Anyway,

the main reason we stink is
because we don't have uniforms,

and uniforms are important.

- They never invented a
uniform make you look sharp.

- No, he's right though,
uniforms would be nice.

- Oh, well, uniforms cost money,

like bats, and balls, and gloves.

- Not if we knock over Old Man
Burr's sporting goods store.

- I'm not gonna stand
for any talk like that.

- If we don't steal it, it's
gonna get burned up, okay?

- When is it gonna get burned up?

- Next week, next month,

when Old Man Burr comes
up with the five G's.

- What five G's?

- The five G's that Tommy the Torch

gets for turning turkey
stores into vacant lots.

- [Tony] Yeah.

- Listen,

we're gonna raise money, but
we're gonna do it honestly.

- How?

- Well, come on, think
of something, think.

How do people raise money?

Legally?

- It's legal.

- Hm, I bet.

- The church does it, so it's
more than legal, it's holy.

- What is it?

- A raffle.

- A raffle.
(indistinct chatter)

Well, that's a good idea.

- What do we have that we can raffle off?

- How about all of these dolls?

- Oh, no, no, I couldn't.

See, they were all presents.

- How about a radio?

- Come on, who would
wanna buy an old radio?

- Wait a minute, that's a good idea.

Tony, give me that pad and pencil.

- How does a raffle work?

- Well, we buy a radio for $10,

and we sell a lotta chances,

and if we sell more chances
than the cost of the radio,

then we make a profit.

- So?

- So, wouldn't you risk 15
cents to win a $10 radio?

- I don't have 15 cents.

- Either way, if we sell
the chances for 25 cents,

everything over 40 chances would be gravy.

- Hey, you're very good at math.

- All right, yeah.

- But don't you think 25
cents would be too much?

- Leave it to me.

(upbeat music)

- Hi, Mickey.

Hi, Hank.

You wanna buy a chance to win a radio?

- Shove off, small fry.

- Don't be a cheapskate,
they're only 25 cents apiece.

- Take a hike, fish face.

- Come on, you might win!

- Hey, runt, you deaf?

Amscray!

- Hey, what's the problem?

- No problem, Nick.

We were just goofing around.

- They don't wanna buy any tickets.

- I find it really hard to believe

that anybody would pass up a chance

to win a $50 radio for a measly 25 cents.

- Yeah, you got a point there, Nick.

Here you go.

- Right, Mickey?

- Right.

- And listen, even if you guys don't win,

remember you gave it to a good cause.

- What cause?

(upbeat music)
- 'Cause if you guys

hadn't forked up,

I'll have to bust your lousy heads.

And listen, if you diss Tony again,

your brother's gonna
wind up the only child.

- Why'd you have to go and
give him the money for?

- You gave it to him too.

- Yeah, after you gave it to him.

(upbeat music)

- [Harry] Ms. Dobkin.

(car honks horn)

(tires squeal)

- Hey, what are you
trying to do, get killed?

- Ms. Dobkin.

- You call me crazy.

- Ms. Dobkin.

You think I'm afraid of cars?

Ah, you must be kidding.

Let me have your bag.

- You think Harry Strasberg
can't be run into by a car?

- Well, considering what
they make cars out of today,

they should be worrying about
running into Harry Strasberg.

- Oh, you wanna buy a chance on a radio?

- No.

Because on a radio,

all you hear is that bebop

and those telephone talk shows

where one idiot sounds
off to another idiot.

- They're only 25 cents apiece.

- Who, the idiots?

- No, the radio, it was Billy's idea.

- Billy?

- Yeah.
- I'll have one.

- Only one?

- Well, I feel lucky.

Here you go.

Uh-huh.

Oh, here, lady, you may win a radio.

- [Woman] Oh, thanks.

(Mary chuckles)

- You're funny. (chuckles)

- Yeah.

You're taking a bunch
of juvenile delinquents

and gonna make 'em into a
baseball team and I'm funny?

- They're not so bad.

- When did you get off the boat?

You know, I've lived here longer
than I care to think about,

and you gotta believe me,
they are half-pint hoodlums.

You're gonna be bringing
'em up to your apartment,

and the little gonifs
will steal you blind.

- I haven't got anything to rob.

- You got teeth, haven't you?

- So?
- So, they'll take your teeth,

and your gums, and your
nose, and your tongue.

In this neighborhood,
you nail something down,

the little bums steal the nails.

- Oh, you're crazy.

Calm down.
- I'm not crazy.

What, calm down?

You're an old woman, I don't
wanna see you get hurt.

- Hurt, listen, hurt is
something I already got.

Don't you know, I've
had over 130 operations.

My legs have been killing me
since I was eight years old.

And I've been alone, and
I've felt so useless,

and I didn't even know why I was born.

You think I'm a little
Mary Sunshine, don't you?

- Yes, but I--

- Well, I haven't finished,
let me tell you something.

When I was in the hospital, I made a vow,

I promised God that if he
ever got me out of there,

I'd do something sometime
that'd show how grateful I was.

Coaching the team is just
what I've been waiting for.

- Yes, but these kids, you
know, for half of them,

what passes for fathers
are drunken bullies,

and the other half, no fathers at all.

- I know, a lot of uncles.

- Yes, that's right,

but this is a major
breeding ground for rats,

and cockroaches, and uncles,

you'll never get away with
it in this neighborhood.

- Billy was raised here,
and he's a wonderful boy.

- Oh, Billy is the exception
that proves the rule.

- No, he's the rule that proves the rule.

You love that boy, you care for him,

that's what makes the difference.

- I'm his grandfather, you
are nothing to these kids.

- I beg to differ,
(upbeat music)

I'm their coach.

- What they need, my dear lady,

is an animal trainer, not a coach.

- Give me that.

Very good, okay.

Thank you, Vernon.

That's nice.

Okay, now Mike, you try it.

Okay, now I'm gonna
give you a little hint.

Now, if you watch the man's eyes,

you'll see where the ball is.

You see, you watch where he's looking

and then you slide away from him, see?

Now, Billy, you try it, go ahead.

See?

That's good, Billy.

Okay, now let's everybody go over there

and we'll do some calisthenics.

(boys groan)

- [Boy] I hate calisthenics.

- Hey, that's pretty good.

- Oh, you sound surprised, Nicholas.

- So you know a little
about playing baseball.

- (chuckles) Why shouldn't I?

Okay, that's right, a nice semicircle.

Now, we're gonna do jumping jacks.

Everybody ready?

And one, two, one, two, one, two.

- Well, who taught you?

- Nobody, I started on my own.

- Didn't you have a father to teach you?

- Nope.

- [Vernon] Or a brother?

- Nope.

- She ain't got no guy,
knucklehead, she's an old maid.

Ain't you?

- No, she ain't no old
maid, she's a bachelor girl.

- You're nuts.

- [Mike] Says you.

- Okay, you settle it,

are you an old maid or a bachelor girl?

- Enough of that now, um, touch your toes.

Ready and touch.

What's the difference between them?

- Well, a bachelor girl,
she has plenty of men.

She's not married, 'cause,
you know, her bus too hard.

- She's too much woman for one man.

- An old maid has ca-coa blood.

- [Tony] Your lips freeze
if you kiss an old maid,

- So, are you an old maid?

- No.

Somebody loved me once,

he said my kisses were sweeter than wine.

- Was it a long time ago?

- Yes, long time ago.

He was a soldier and young Army doctor.

He died, he was killed in
the war, First World War,

it was a long time ago.

- See? I told you she's a bachelor girl.

- That was then, now she's an old maid.

- Okay, that's enough of that,
now twice around the field.

- Hey, are we baseball players or runners?

- So far, the jury's still out.

Go on now, run.

(boys yell)

Hello.

- You're the warden around here?

- What?

- I figure you're either their warden

or you're a Ma Barker,

and I somehow can't quite
picture you with a machine gun.

- My name is Mary Dobkin.

- Amos Jones, I own a hot
dog shop in the neighborhood.

- On Green Mount Avenue,
yes, AJ's Doghouse.

- You know it?

- Oh, yes, the AJ Deluxe.

I've seen you, several times.

- Yeah, well,

I've seen some of your
boys somewhat more often,

I'm sorry to say.

- Why sorry?

- I'll put it to you straight,
your boys rob me blind.

- Well, how do you know it's them?

- Mainly, I can tell by
their faces, and hands.

In fact, if they're as
good with their gloves

as they are with their hands,

you oughta have a great season.

(upbeat music)

(boys yell)

Your sweet, little kids
are bleeding me dry.

One day, it's a candy bar,
a bag of potato chips,

next, it's a bottle of
soda pop and a pack of gum.

Probably doesn't sound like much,

but it's a nickel-and-dime business.

I know they're poor, but I'm poor too.

- I'll talk to them.

- You think that'll do any good?

- Well, I speak softly,
but I carry a big stick.

(Mary chuckles)

- We'll see.

Thanks.

- 922 and 284,

$28.43 profit.

(boys celebrate)

And Nicholas and Tony
sold six books of tickets.

(indistinct chatter)

- They made some of the kids buy 'em.

- Is that true?

- The Rocco brothers don't
make nobody do nothing.

- Did you threaten any of the children?

- It was a good cause.

- What am I gonna do with you boys?

- What's the big deal?

- The big deal is that we're
gonna have a hard enough time

getting a team together,

much less getting in the league,

and most of the other teams
don't wanna play us already.

They think we're a bunch of roughnecks.

- That's good, that means
that they're afraid of us.

- It is not a boxing match, Tony,

we don't want 'em to be afraid of us.

- How about a little nervous?

- No.

- And what are we gonna
do with all this money?

Spend it on uniforms, I hope.

- Well, this'll get us, um, bats,

and some balls, and maybe a
mitt or two, and that's it,

but before we spend a nickel,

I wanna lay down a few rules.

(boys groan)

Now, listen up, pay attention.

Being a member of this team
is gonna be a privilege,

not a right.

- What does that mean?

- It means you gotta earn it.

- How?

- For openers,

anybody that doesn't make a C+
on their report card is out.

- Out?

- Out?

- Out?
- Out.

Next, anybody uses profanity,
he can take a walk.

- Profanity?

- She means dirty words.

- No dirty words?

(boys groan)

- Hey, Nick, you know what that means?

- What?

- Means you won't be able to open your yap

until football season
comes around. (chuckles)

- Oh, yeah, you?

- Ow.

(boys yell)

- Also,

no Dynamite is ever to
argue a call with an umpire.

- Is that it?

- No, not quite.

(upbeat music)

The shoplifting has to stop.

- What shoplifting?

- Any shoplifting.

Mr. Jones spoke to me about it,

and I don't wanna have any
more reports like that.

- Old Man Jones is seeing things.

- You oughta know.

You just make sure that in the future,

you're not one of the things he sees,

or the Dobkin Dynamites

will just have to find
another cleanup hitter.

Capeesh?

- Capeesh.

- Is she Italian?

- I wouldn't be surprised.

- (scoffs) Any other rules?

- Yes.

If you wanna play ball on this team,

you gotta play my way.

(boys groan)

If you want a clown, find a circus.

If you wanna impress somebody, get a hit.

- You don't expect much, do you?

- You want us to go around
like a bunch of Boy Scouts

helping old dames cross the street?

- On behalf of all the old dames,

thank you very much, but no thanks.

Just let your conscience be your guide.

Except you, I'll be your conscience.

- Geez.

- [Boys] Out.

- Geez ain't a dirty word, is it?

- Not considering the alternatives.

- Thanks.

- Now for the good news,

the Jaguars have agreed to play

a practice game with us next week.

(boys celebrate)
(upbeat music)

All right, Peter, start it off.

(boys antagonize batter)

(bat cracks)

- [Umpire] You're out!

Strike two!

- Looking good, looking good.

(boys antagonize batter)

(bat cracks)

(fans cheer)

Just bunt, just bunt.

(boys yell)

Faster, faster, slide, slide!

Break it up, Jimmy, beat it out!

- [Umpire] You're out!

(boys groan)

(fans cheer)

- Now you know what to do.

- Strike!

(boys yell)

- [Mary] Back to third,
Tony, and stay there!

All right, Dynamites!

Tag up, Billy, wait til he catches it.

- He's safe!

- [Mary] Only one run down.

(indistinct chatter)

- Look 'em over.
- Nicholas,

you can hit one right outta here.

Knock wood. (knocks on bench)

(boys cheer)

Two outs.

(boys antagonize batter)

- Strike one.

- [Mary] Swing away now, green light.

(boys antagonize batter)

- Strike two.

- Come on, come on, you can do it!

(boys antagonize batter)

(boys cheer)

- It's going!

(boys cheer)

(dramatic music)

(boys groan)

- [Umpire] He's out!

- [Mary] Nicholas!

- Nice catch.

- Thanks.

- But you ever do that again,

you little creep, I'll kill you.

(boys cheer)

- I couldn't believe my eyes.

- To tell you the truth, neither could I.

- Too bad you came along too
late for Dillinger, Al Capone,

you would've turned them into choir boys.

(Mary chuckles)

- How are things going?

- Much better.

Thank you.

Last week, my earnings increased 15%.

Just goes to show you

what losing a few old
reliable customers can do.

In fact, I'm thinking of investing

some of my newfound
profits in advertising.

- Mm, you going on TV, like
some of those used-car dealers?

- No, not TV,

I've been thinking of going on shirts.

- Shirts?

Well, shirts are nice.

- Baseball shirts.

On the front, Dobkin's Dynamites,

on the back, AJ's Doghouse.

- Well, I don't get it.

- [Amos] I'm suggesting that
I buy uniforms for the team.

- You'd do that for the boys?

- Oh, nonsense, I'm not a charity.

It's just good business to advertise.

- But who'd see it?

Nobody comes to our games.

- Well, too much business, I don't want.

Then I'd have to hire more help.

- Well, that's terrific!

Somebody pinch me.

- Drink your coffee
before it gets cold, huh?

(Mary grimaces)

(knock at door)

- Who is it?

- [Harry] Strasberg.

- What do you want?

- What do I want?

Hello would be nice.

- Hello.

- What...

- Is anything the matter?

- Where were you?

I sent Billy over to
invite you for dinner,

I wanted you to try my
specialty, the tuna fish.

- Tuna ala Strasberg.

- Ah, you heard of it, huh?

- Yeah.

- Listen, when Strasberg
springs for dinner,

he goes all the way.

This is all white-meat tuna.

Where were you? I was getting
very concerned about you.

- Well, you needn't have
worried, I was with a friend.

- Listen, if I didn't worry,

I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

- So, exercise, come in.

- Thank you very much, I will.

So?

What is it?

- Oh, I'm just a little tired.

- Look, I know the difference

between a little tired
and the other thing.

- What other thing?

- The other thing that puts
lines here, and here, and here.

- Oh.

Didn't know you had such good eyes.

It's a blessing in a man your age.

- Not so much a blessing, I
see too much as it is now.

What is it?

- It's my leg again, the
one with the foot, it hurts.

- Come here, come here, come here.

Come on, sit down.

Come on.

Sit down.

Now, where does it hurt?

- So now you're a doctor?

- Ah.

- I'm sorry.

- Don't apologize, I recognize
the language of pain.

Now have you seen a doctor?

- I thought you didn't trust doctors?

- Thought you did?

Now I have a doctor for you--

- Oh, don't tell me about doctors,

I know the handsomest,
smartest doctor in Baltimore.

- Well, why don't you go see him?

- Whatever it is, I'm
sure it's only temporary.

Knock wood.

- Well, life, knock wood, is temporary,

now, you go see your handsome
doctor, what can it hurt?

- (sighs) Plenty.

(soft music)
(kettle whistles)

- Stay.

Just stay.

- Well, well, well, Mary Dobkin.

(chuckles) Hey, Mary.

Well, it's been quite a while,
(Mary chuckles)

hasn't it?

Well, 1950?

- Ah, ah, '52.

What have you been up to?

- (chuckles) Well, I've been, um,

I've been married once and divorced once.

- How many does that make?

- Six.

Yeah.

(chuckles) Six times down the aisle, Mary,

you are looking at an eternal optimist.

Or a damn fool.

- [Mary] Why do you keep doing it?

- Well, for survival, I think.

I'm a lunatic in love, Mary,

but then I get married, you see,

and it flushes that craziness
right out of my system.

- Why do you get divorced?

- I miss the craziness.

(door opens)
(Dr. Hoxley chuckles)

Oh, Cheryl.

Thank you.

Now, let's see what we've got here.

Number one,

and number two.

(dramatic music)

- Bad news, huh?

What is it?

- Well, we got a little trouble spot.

- Well, come on, Daniel, spit it out.

And remember who you're
talking to, skip the Latin.

- It's the hyperkeratosis again, Mary.

We have to remove the leg.

Oh, now, not all of it.

- Well, how much?

- Just below the knee.

Mary, Mary, if there were another way--

- Oh, hey, Doc, it's no big deal,

I mean, it's not like I'm
Ginger Rogers or Ann Miller,

right?
- Right.

Right.

Hey,

you wouldn't consider becoming

the seventh Mrs. Hoxley, would you?

Hmm?

- Not a chance, Doc.

- Huh?

- You can't get me outta
your system that easy.

But I would consider a hug.

- Guess what, Aunt Mary,

we beat the Cougars 8-5 yesterday.

- I knew we could do it.

How is the new coach?

- Definitely second string.

- The good news is that all we have to do

is show up for the first
game for next season

and we are in the league.

- That's great.

- Will it hurt much?

- Oh, no, no, it won't hurt.

Hurts now, but it won't hurt
later, so they say. (chuckles)

Knock wood.

- Are you scared?

- Billy.

- Oh, it's all right, Strasberg.

No, Billy, I'm not scared.

I've spent my whole life in a hospital,

waiting to be operated on. (chuckles)

I'm used to it.

(footsteps)

- You have some visitors.

(boys yell)
I tried to explain to them

that there were too many of them, but...

- What's that?

- Well, go check and see for yourself.

- Oh, you mustn't get
out of bed, Ms. Dobkin.

- Oh, listen, girlie,

as long as I've got it, I'm gonna use it.

- [Boys] Who do we appreciate?

Aunt Mary, Aunt Mary, yay!

(boys yell)

- There she is!

(boys yell)

- Hi, boys.

Hi, Amos.

(soft music)
(wind howls)

(classical music)

(knock at door)

Who is it?

(knock at door)

(knocks on door)

Who is it?

Who is it?

Well, what's the matter,
cat got your tongue?

- I just thought I could
get you to open the door

if I could arouse your curiosity.

- Oh.

Well, now my curiosity's satisfied.

- Mary,

while they were at it, did
they amputate your manners?

- You know, you have a lot of nerve.

- I know, I heard, so do you,

opening the door for who knows what.

You know, in this neighborhood,
in case you're interested,

every other person is a cuckoo.

- Oh, every other person
in this room is a cuckoo.

- Oh, cute, very cute.

- Well, what brings you here at this hour?

- Well, don't get your hopes up,

if it's a little heavy
breathing you're interested in,

forget it.

- Very funny, Strasberg.

- Here, this is for you.

- Thank you, it's very lovely.

- Mm-hmm.

I told the lady at the store
it was for my granddaughter.

- Oh, (chuckles) now we're related.

- You should get so lucky.

I didn't wanna explain to her

that it was for an old lady hermit.

- I'm not an old--

- Old lady?
- A hermit.

I've just been busy, that's all.

- Sure, you've been out
dancing at night, no doubt,

kicking up your heel.

(Mary gasps)

- You're terrible.

- Ah, come on, so you
lost a little weight,

all right, it's becoming.

(Mary scoffs)

(Harry chuckles)

Ah, I got a little smile.

- Lost a little weight. (Harry chuckles)

Thank you very much,

but next time, I think I'll
diet, like other people.

- You know, you should listen
to jazz and boogie-woogie,

Vivaldi's too melancholy.

- I like it.

- Well, they're very nervous violins.

- Is there any subject
you're not an expert on?

- Yes, Latin American politics and ducks,

two of the most boring
subjects in the world.

Listen, come on, let's quit
stalling, let's see it.

- See what?

- You know what.

- No.

It's too depressing.

- Listen, my dear young lady,

I will be the judge of that.

All I wanna do is see the latest
miracle of modern science.

(Harry claps)

(soft music)

What's so bad?

Betty Grable would eat her
heart out, that's terrific.

That's a knockout.

When are you gonna start coaching again?

("Little Darlin'" by The Diamonds)

♪ Ah, ya, ya, ya, ya ♪

♪ Ya, ya, ya, ya ♪

♪ Ya, ya, ya ♪

♪ Oh, little darlin' ♪

♪ Oh, little darlin' ♪

♪ Oh, where ♪

♪ Are you ♪

♪ My lover ♪

♪ I was wronger ♪

♪ To try ♪

♪ To love two ♪

♪ Ah, uha, uha, uha, uha ♪

♪ Knowing well ♪

♪ That my lover ♪

♪ Was just ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ My darlin' ♪

♪ I need you ♪

♪ To call my own ♪

♪ And never do wrong ♪

♪ To hold in mine ♪

♪ Your little hand ♪

♪ I'll know too soon ♪

♪ That all is so gray ♪

♪ Please, hold my hand ♪

♪ My dear ♪

(Mary stops record)

- Okay, that's great, fellas.

Why don't we have some cookies?

- There's no cookies.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.

- Hey, it's no big deal,
we should be in training.

Right, Coach?

- You're still gonna coach us, aren't you?

- [Billy] Sure, she is.

- I'm afraid not, Billy.

- But you taught us never to
give up until the last out.

- That was different,
Billy, this is no game.

- But you're our coach,

a coach doesn't have to show
us, a coach has to tell us.

- My coaching days are over, Nicholas.

Unless you wanna learn
how to ride a wheelchair.

- I never thought you'd be a quitter.

(door opens and closes)

- [Dr. Hoxley] Mary,
you're in tiptop shape.

- Oh, if this is tiptop,
I'd hate to see rock bottom.

(sighs) Oh, I'm so tired of being a loser.

- Oh, come on now, you're no loser.

- I'm not, huh?

I lost my mother, I lost my father,

somewhere along the
line, I lost half a foot,

and now I lost a leg.

- Will you stop talking that way?

You are not a loser!

- (chuckles) Well, then,

I guess you better just call
me very careless. (chuckles)

- Hey, hey, hey, you wanna hear a joke?

A terrific joke.

- No, I hate jokes.

- No, oh, listen, you'll love
this, you will love this joke.

This is about a German POW
camp during World War II.

- So far, it's a laugh riot.

- Look, will you just shut up
and let me tell this thing?

Okay, one day, into the camp hospital,

they bring this British lieutenant.

He's very badly shot up,
he's just in terrible shape.

Now, a couple of days later,

the doctor comes to the
lieutenant and says,

"We are gonna have to
amputate your left leg."

Well, the lieutenant's a
little upset, but he says,

"Well, if it's possible, would your chaps,

"on the next bombing mission over London,

"drop my leg over there?

"It would mean so much to me

"to have a part of me back
in jolly old England."

"Well, that is a very
extraordinary request,"

the doctor says, see,

"I'll have to convey your
request to the commandant."

Okay, the next day,

the doctor comes back to the lieutenant

and says the commandant
has okayed the request.

Now, a couple of weeks pass,

only the infection has
now unfortunately spread,

and the doctor has to tell the lieutenant

that his right leg has to be amputated.

Well, the lieutenant is a little upset,

but he makes the same request,

that his leg be dropped
over England, right?

And, again, doctor has to go
back to the commandant to,

you know, grant for permission.

And the doctor comes back and says

the commandant has granted permission.

Okay, now, a couple of months pass,

and the doctor has taken some tests,

and he finds out that the
right arm has to be amputated.

So he goes to the lieutenant

and he tells him that his right
arm has to be amputated now.

Well, the lieutenant
keeps a stiff upper lip,

and he makes the same request.

Well, again, the doctor says,

"I have to go back to the commandant

"and ask him for permission."

So, the next day,

the doctor comes back and
has to tell the lieutenant,

"Permission has been denied."

"Well, dash it all," the lieutenant says,

"dash it all, why not?"

"Because," the doctor says,

"the commandant thinks you are
trying to escape!" (laughs)

(upbeat music)

I thought it was funny. (laughs)

- The next time this
strange urge comes over you,

take two aspirin and go to bed.

(Dr. Hoxley chuckles)

- [Woman on PA] Dr. Ellis to Maternity.

- [Radio Announcer] Here's the pitch,

it's outside, ball one.

He laid the fastball in there that time.

- Oh, what's the score?

- [Andy] Orioles three, Red
Sox one, bottom of the eighth.

- Hi.

- Hi, you an Oriole fan?

- Am I an Oriole fan?

(chuckles) I'll say.

- Me too.

- [Mary] I never woulda guessed.

- Yeah.

You wanna listen to the game with me?

- Yeah, I'd love to, thank you.

My name is Mary Dobkin.

- My name's Andy Steinwald.

- Pleased to meet you, Andy.

- [Radio Announcer] Gus is digging in.

The pitch, outside, he
curved him all right,

but he couldn't find the corner.

- Southpaw, huh?

- [Radio Announcer] Two and two.

Sully picking up his sign.

Here's a high pop-up, over near third.

Stevens is under it,
he's in foul territory.

He's got it, and that's the ballgame.

- Yay!
- Yay!

(Andy turns off radio)

Bet they'll win the pennant this year.

- Well,

heaven knows they've got the
pitching and the defense,

now if Triandos and
Waitkus just stay healthy,

they'll have the long ball.

But the best thing is, they
got rid of that Leonard Ott,

and they got themselves a manager

that has a little imagination.

- [Andy] You really think the manager

makes that much difference?

- Are you kidding?

Why, a manager can turn a
mediocre sandwich into a hero.

(Andy chuckles)

- You know what?

- [Mary] What?

- Nah.

- What?

- If I tell you something,
promise not to laugh?

- Cross my heart and hope to die.

- Someday, I wish I could
be a big league manager.

- Great.

But first, you could
be a big league player.

- [Andy] No, I couldn't.

- [Mary] Why couldn't you?

- But how could I be a
baseball player with this?

- You could do anything you wanna do

if you want to hard enough.

- [Andy] No way.

- Did I ever lie to you?

- I never met you before.

- Oh, yeah.

Well, well, you can ask anybody,

they know me around here, I never lie.

- I wanna believe you,
but I just don't see how.

- You just never give up.

- But a baseball player needs two hands.

- Ah, hands are overrated, just like legs.

(upbeat music)

Yeah, all you need is what you got up here

and what you got here.

- There ever been a one-handed
baseball player before?

- Pete Gray, outfielder,
St. Louis Browns, 1945.

- Wow, a Major Leaguer.

- Sure.

Well, I guess I better get going.

- Will you be back?

- You bet.

You wanna hear a good joke?

- Yeah, sure.

- Okay,

it's World War II, it's
a German prison camp.

- Louise.

Louise?

What is it?

- It's that woman, Mary Dobkin,

I mean, she's in there with Andy Steinwald

trying to tell him he's gonna
be the next Ted Williams.

- Really? (chuckles)

Well, does that upset you?

- Yeah, I think he's
suffered enough, don't you?

- You think it's wrong
to raise his hopes, huh?

- I think to give a kid like
that false hopes is, uh,

is cruel, yeah, I do.

- Oh, Louise, life is cruel,

personally, I think we can
use all the hopes we can get.

(Louise scoffs)

(soft music)

- "Dash it all," the
lieutenant says, "why not?"

"Because," the doctor says,

"the commandant thinks you are
trying to escape." (laughs)

(Andy laughs)

(chuckles) Well, I'll
see you tomorrow, Andy.

- Goodnight, Ms. Dobkin.

- Oh, it's Aunt Mary to you, kiddo.

It's all in the delivery.

- Oh, sure, sure.

I understand you're gonna turn
Andy into a baseball player?

- I'm not, you are.

- What?

How do you figure that out?

- You're gonna design a baseball
mitt to fit over a hook.

- Hey, (chuckles) I'm not an inventor.

- Well, no, but you
can become an inventor,

you weren't always a doctor.

- Mary, I'm a doctor
now, I'm not an inventor.

- Oh, listen, Doc,

I'm not asking you to give up

your high-paying career, (chuckles)

I'm just suggesting

that when you have a few
moments between marriages,

you design a baseball glove for Andy.

- Look, I do not know how to invent.

- Since when has not knowing how

ever stopped you from trying?

You don't know how to stay
married, but you don't quit,

you don't know how to tell a joke,

but Lord help us, that
doesn't slow you down.

One lousy mitt, how hard can that be?

- Okay, okay.

I'll see what I can do.

- That's all I ask.

Of course, if you fail, Doc,

you can expect a visit
from the Rocco brothers.

(Mary hisses)
(upbeat music)

(Dr. Hoxley chuckles)

- The Rocco brothers?

(phone rings)

(phone rings)

(phone rings)

- Hello?

Yeah.

Do you have any idea what time it is?

(dramatic music)

Who?

When?

I'm not his real relative, you know?

Okay.

Yeah, I'll come down.

Yeah, bye.

(sighs)

Wonder if Casey Stengel gets
called at 1:43 in the morning?

Detective LaMonica?

- First door to your right.

- Thank you.

(siren wails)

- What was you planning
on doing with that car?

You plan on crossing the state line?

That's a federal offense, FBI!

(knocks on door)

Come on in!

That's Leavenworth, pal!

20, 30 years, they'll pack you away!

You understand me?

Yeah, what can I do for you?

- I'm Mary Dobkin.

- Oh.

Well, Ms. Dobkin, I take it
you know our little pal here?

- I thought I did, what happened?

- He borrowed a car without asking.

- Nicholas, is that true?

- I just wanted to know
how the engine worked.

- Yeah.

- [Mary] Didn't you call his parents?

- Yes, I tried to call
them, but they weren't home.

I reached an uncle who said he felt

that a couple of days in
jail might do him some good.

That's when Nicky here begged to call you.

He said that you were his aunt?

- I told you on the phone,
I'm not his real relative.

- Well, I didn't hear that.

It must've been a bad connection.

- Oh.

- Well, you want us to book him?

- Oh, I don't know.

You wanna go to jail?

- No, please, Aunt Mary.

- Then what did you do
a thing like that for?

It was stupid, and dangerous,
you could've gotten killed.

Then where would the Dynamites be?

What do we do now?

- That's up to you, Ms. Dobkin.

Can you guarantee me

that I'll never see his face
around here again, ever?

- I can't guarantee that.

- Well...

- You can, I won't ever steal another car.

- What will it be next time, a bus?

- No.
- An airplane?

- No, I swear, it won't be another thing.

- Okay.

Swear on Tony's eyes that you'll
never steal anything again.

- [Nicholas] On Tony's eyes?

- [Mary] Yes.

- All right, I swear on Tony's eyes.

- That I'll never steal anything again.

- That I'll never steal anything again.

- Okay, Mr. LaMonica, that's that.

You don't have to worry about him anymore.

- You're sure about that?

- [Mary] I'm sure.

- Well, all right then,
you better get home.

Go on, get outta here!

- You wouldn't happen to be
going our way, would you?

- Well, I hadn't planned to.

- Well, the buses stopped
running hours ago,

and a taxicab costs an arm and a leg.

That's a joke, folks.

- All right.

All right.

(Detective LaMonica chuckles)

- [Nicholas] Don't tell the guys, okay?

- [Mary] No.

- I don't mean about swiping the car,

I mean about crying.

- Of course not.

Tell me something, Nicholas,

how did you ever learn to drive a car?

- Well, it's not so hard,

I just watched how other people did it.

(soft music)

- Well, start watching
how other people bunt.

- Okay.

Thanks.

- [Boy] Nice catch.

- [Harry] Let's use both hands there, huh?

Come on, get to your positions.

Okay, is that your position over there?

You're on second base?

Who's second base? You second base?

- [Boy] I'm first.

- [Harry] That's it, go ahead.

Use both hands there,
both hands, both hands.

Okay, you little gonifs,
let's shape up or ship out.

Get under it, get under it!

(boy chuckles)
- [Boy] Brilliant, Tony.

(Harry groans)

- What a ballboy, let's hold onto it.

Here we go, go again.

Over to first, to first!

Not second!

(boys yell)

That's it, beat it a minute.

Okay, this time, hit one high but close.

- You mean an infield fly.

- That's what I said.

- [Boy] Come on, hit it up.

- Come on.
- Come on.

(kids yell)

- [Boy] I call it, I've got it.

- [Harry] Get under it!

- That was mine, you jerk!

- Then why didn't you catch it, wimp?

- Okay, calm down, calm down, you two!

It's nobody's fault,

it's just one of those things, that's all.

- [Mary] Bull!

- [Boy] Hey, Aunt Mary's here, guys.

- No doubt you wanted to
see an expert in action?

- You're a nice man, Strasberg,
and you set a nice table,

but what you don't know about baseball

would fill a very large book.

- For instance?

- For instance, what just
happened with that fly ball,

it was Vernon's play all the way.

- Ha, what'd I tell you, frog face?

- On the other hand, you're
supposed to call for it,

let the other guy know you're there.

- Exactly, numbskull.

- Here, this belongs to you.

- I thought Harry Strasberg
didn't believe in lady coaches?

- Must've been a
different Harry Strasberg.

- Very true, he was a lot
shorter and not as good-looking.

Okay, you gonifs,

let's see what you remember
(upbeat music)

from last season.

(Mary blows whistle)

Play ball!

Good grounder, run it out!

Look slide, Jimmy, watch
his eyes, watch his eyes!

Hit the deck!

Deck! Slide!

Good!

Over to first!

All right!

Nice catch, Nicholas.

Okay, now bounce one
between first and second.

Attaboy.

Looking good.

That a good catch, this is
getting to be a champ team.

All right now, this time,

save your swing and hit to the shortstop.

(bat cracks)

Attaboy.

Attaboy.

Looking good.

Hey, we're playing over here,
right here, I'll get it, boys.

Thank you.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- They're good, I've been watching.

- Well, they're not real
good, but we're getting there.

You play?

- Not too good.

- You wanna try?

- Sure, does that mean I'm on the team?

- You have to earn the right,
like every other new player.

But we won't know til you get out there.

Why don't you try right field,

and Sam will hit you some.

What's your name?

- Wally Hazel.

- Okay, Wally, I'm Mary Dobkin,

but the boys all call me Aunt Mary.

I'm pleased to meet you.

- Thanks.

- Okay, Sam, hit some to the new boy.

(dramatic music)

He's in right-center, Sam.

- You want him to play, you
hit 'em to him, but not me.

My daddy would whip my butt.

- Where are you going?

- [Vernon] Why you leaving?

- [Mary] Boys, come back here.

- [Billy] Hey, Sam, come
on back, we need you.

- Where are you going?

- Ah, the world doesn't make any sense.

- What now?

- Social Security, they expect
us to live on it, it's crazy.

I mean, you can't get it unless you're 65,

and you can't survive
on it unless you're 25.

- I never got Social Security,

I've been on welfare all my life.

(phone rings)

- I'll get it.

- I'll get it.

(phone rings)

- [Harry] Backwards too, huh?

(phone rings)

- Hello?

Who is this?

Shut up.

- What was that?

Huh?

An obscene phone call?

- Yeah, it was a man, he said--

- Don't tell me what he said, forget it.

You know, at our age, it's a compliment.

- No, it wasn't that kind of obscene,

he said he'd kill me

if I didn't kick that
little nigger off the team.

- Oh, for crying out loud.

Oh, people--

- [Mary] What are you gonna do?

- I'm gonna call the police.

- No, it's just a phone call,
it's not worth thinking about.

Drink your coffee.

- Don't push me around.

(dramatic music)

- Did you ever see the
one with the big cans?

- Clyde, look.

That's her.

- Hey, hey, hey, you're
the one, ain't you?

Hey, ain't you that nigger lover?

Hey, hey, I'm talking to you.

Or maybe I'm not good enough for you, huh?

I'm just Clyde Hopper, poor white trash.

- Well, you oughta know.

- (chuckles) That's one for her, Clyde.

- What do you want?

- I wanna know why you're
messing with things

that don't concern you?

Hey, the Lord doesn't want you

stirring things up this way, old lady.

- God sent you here to tell me that?

Next time, ask him to write me a letter.

- I bet you ain't so sassy
with the colored folks, huh?

- The children don't care
about color, why do you?

- The children don't know spit.

The children will play with fire,

unless you learn 'em not to.

- That's one for you, Clyde.

- I see,

and you were put on this earth

to teach the kids and the rest of us

how to hate each other, is that it?

- Old lady, ain't you heard?

There's a war on here.

Hey, it's them against us.

- What did they ever do to you

to make you hate them so much?

- They don't have to do nothing,

they should keep to their selves.

They're not like us.

- Well, then they do have
something to be grateful for.

- Oh, man.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- My right fielder needs
a baseball uniform.

- I'm sorry,

but I'm afraid we don't
have any his size in stock.

- You don't know his size.

- We've run out of baseball
uniforms, in all sizes.

- What would you call that?

- Oh, that's only for display.

- Bull.

- Please, don't holler at me.

I only work here.

- Well, who am I supposed to holler at?

Somebody that doesn't work here?

(boys laugh)

Where's Berwick?

- (sighs) He's out.

- Well, you get him in, pronto.

(Chester sighs)

(Chester sighs)

- I don't really need a uniform.

- All the greatest men wore a uniform,

so Wally Hazel can wear a uniform too.

- [Berwick] I told you, Chester,

I didn't want to be disturbed.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Berwick,
but she insisted.

- Oh, what's the problem, lady?

The man told you we got
no baseball uniforms,

we got no baseball uniforms.

- Cut the comedy act, this
boy needs a uniform, size 12.

- Well, we got no uniforms today,

we're going to have no uniforms
tomorrow or the day after,

so why don't you and Jackie Robinson

just roll on back where you came from?

(Chester chuckles)

- Don't worry, come on.

- [Tommy] Yeah, Wally, stay.
(upbeat music)

- There's something I think
you oughta know, Mr. Berwick.

You know, certain old
people don't sleep a lot,

and they have a lot of
time on their hands.

- What are you talking about?

- I'm volunteering to protect
your store, Mr. Berwick.

- (chuckles) I don't need protection.

- Of course you do, why,
it's a jungle out there.

Every time you blink, there's a burglary.

- Well, I got burglar alarms.

- And the fires, why, every day,

I read in the paper two or
three businesses burned down.

- I got fire insurance.

- [Mary] Have you got enough, Mr. Berwick?

- I got enough!

- Well, maybe you have too much.

I mean, with me out there
watching every night,

for fires and sniffing for smoke,

why, maybe you wouldn't be able to cash in

on all that insurance,
you know what I mean?

- What in God's name
are you talking about?

- She's talking about Tommy the Torch.

(upbeat music)

- Size 12.

- You heard her, Chester.

Size 12, madame.

- Okay, Billy, hit one to third.

That a boy.

Use both hands, get down on the ball,

they're a matched pair, remember!

That a boy, good hit.

(car honks horn)

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Look at the mitt, ain't it neat?

- Oh, that's nice.

You ready to give it a whirl?

We could use you, we've been
a little shorthanded lately.

- (chuckles) Me too.

- Oh, Andy, I didn't mean--

- It's okay, Aunt Mary.

The commandant thinks
I'm trying to escape.

(Mary and Andy chuckle)

- Go on, get out there in right field.

- Now?

- Sure.

- Okay.

(Mary chuckles)

- He's some kid, huh?

- Yeah, you're some kid too, Doc.

That's a nice job you did on that glove.

- Oh, I didn't do it,

just presented it as a problem

to the good folks in
prosthetics, that's all.

- Who paid for it, Daniel?

- (sighs) Ah, it wasn't much.

- How much?

- Well, it was more than
a night on the town,

but less than a month's alimony.

(Mary chuckles)

- Come on, Billy, hit a grounder to Andy.

- [Boy] Headed to Andy.

(boys cheer)

(upbeat music)

- Attaboy, Andy!

- He caught it.

- [Boy] Good catch.

- Nice going, Doc.

- Well, the air's getting
bad out here. (sniffles)

- Oh, yes, getting just awful. (chuckles)

- [Radio Announcer] Now the pitch,

he swings and misses.

Well, they didn't have the
bunt sign on that time,

he took his full cut.

2-2, the count.

(glass shatters)

(tires squeal)

(dramatic music)

It's the seventh strikeout.

(Mary turn off radio)

- All right,

now what if one of those
idiots hit you in the head?

- But they didn't.

- Oh, and what about the next time?

- Oh.

- I think you should reconsider.

- Reconsider what?

- That boy doesn't necessarily
have to be on your team,

there are others.

- But he is on my team.

- Mary, my dear lady,

I want you to think about those people

who are threatening you.

- It's those people I am thinking about.

It's because nobody was there to help them

that they grew up to be so hateful.

- I give up, you know you're
a very stubborn woman?

- I'm stubborn because I'm right.

- Being right and a five-cent token

will get you a ride to the cemetery.

- Listen to me, Strasberg,

my life doesn't add up to a hill of beans.

Most of it, I've spent in the hospital.

I've never been anybody's
wife or anybody's mother.

Don't you see?

- I see that you're a
well-intentioned but naive person.

Now look, we all can't
be kings and queens,

but that doesn't mean that we don't count.

I am not gonna stand by

and wait for these cretins to
hurt somebody, especially you.

(Mary sighs)

- Do you know that I've been

a ward of this city all my life?

They've given everything to me.

This is my chance to
give 'em something back.

So do you think I'm gonna
be afraid of those crazies

that send bricks through the window

or those Nazis that make
obscene phone calls?

(Mary chuckles)

Of course I'm gonna be afraid

of those crazies that
throw bricks through...

Oh, you. (chuckles)

(Mary blows whistle)

Okay, everybody in, practice is over!

Now, our season starts tomorrow.

We don't have as many
players as we expected,

but what we lack in quantity,

we more than make up for in quality.

But, there's just one thing,

(dramatic music)

we have to field nine players
or we forfeit the game,

so if there's anybody here

who doesn't think he'll
be able to play tomorrow,

I wanna know about it now.

There's gonna be a lotta
people out there tomorrow

who wanna see us quit,

walk off with our tail between our legs,

and I don't wanna give
'em that satisfaction,

so if we're gonna give
up, let's do it now.

I just have to make a
phone call and that's that.

- Don't worry, they'll be there.

- Nicholas.

- I mean, you can count on
me and Tony being there,

and everybody else who isn't
a chicken-hearted creep.

- Thank you all.

Now I'll see you on the field tomorrow,

and get a good night's sleep.

- [All] Bye, Aunt Mary.

- Wait a minute, one more thing.

- What's that, Aunt Mary?

- I want you all to know
that I'm proud of you.

- But we haven't won yet.

(indistinct chatter)

- Yes, you have.

Go on now.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- Bye, Aunt Mary.
- Bye.

(phone rings)
(dramatic music)

(phone rings)

(blows whistle)

(upbeat music)

(Mary chuckles)

(indistinct chatter)
(fans cheer)

(fans cheer)

- They look good.

- No, we can beat 'em.

(fans cheer)

- [Randy] Yeah, all right, all right!

- That a team!

- Hey, you creeps are
gonna get slaughtered!

- Yeah, where you gonna get a team from?

(dramatic music)

- Look at those creeps.

I'll never forget what they
look like, and some day...

(pounds glove)

(Tony hisses)

(fans cheer)

- All right!

- There she is.

There she is.
- Oh.

- Hey, Aunt Mary!
- Hey, Aunt Mary! (chuckles)

- Hey, why don't you leave our kids alone?

- Hey, did you guys know you
got a cripple for a coach?

- Yeah, stop spoiling our community here.

- Hey, cripple coach!

- Hey!

- Oh, Aunt Mary!

(Chester laughs)

(indistinct chatter)

I don't believe it! (laughs)

- Ooh, I got her!

- What a shot!

- That'll teach you!

Hey!
- Hey!

- Nicholas!

Nicholas!

Nicholas.

(indistinct chatter)

Nicholas, were you saying some bad words?

Say a few for me too, will you?

(both chuckle)

Hi, Dynamites!

(upbeat music)
(indistinct chatter)

- Good luck.

- Good luck to you.

- Good luck to both of you.

Play ball!

- Okay, boys, go to it.

(boys cheer)

- [Umpire] Batter up.

(indistinct chatter)

Ball!
- No pitcher,

no pitcher out there.

He has no arm.

- [Umpire] Ball two.

(indistinct chatter)

Ball three.

- [Mary] Come on, Billy, don't rush it.

Tony, give him a target.

- [Umpire] Ball four, take your base.

(applause)

Batter up.

- [Mary] Infield, double-play
depth, make him hit it, Billy.

- Ball one.

(boys cheer)

- [Mary] Over to third!

- [Umpire] Safe!

- Infield, look alive!

Let's hear a little chatter!

Look for the sacrifice.

(indistinct chatter)
(boys cheer)

- Safe!
(boys cheer)

Ball three!

(indistinct chatter)

- Get rid of that pitcher,
put the old lady in!

Put the lady in!
- Ball four, take your base!

(fans cheer)

- Billy, just get it across,
you got the fielding,

let him hit it.

Come on, Billy, you can do it.

You can do it.

(bat cracks)

(fans cheer)

Okay, one out, bases
loaded, force at the plate!

(boys cheer)

Infield, on the ground!

(indistinct chatter)

- Come on, Billy, pitch
it right in there now,

you can do it.

(bat cracks)

(fans cheer)

- Force at home, Andy.

Block the plate, Tony, block the plate!

- Safe!

You're out!

(fans cheer)

- What do you mean?

- He's out!

- [Mary] Way to go, Dynamites, good play!

Dennis, just make contact.

- What a cream, seven to zilch.

- We're only down a few runs, guys.

- Well, maybe if you went and
pitched for the other side,

we'd get some.

- Come on, boys, cut the comedy,

this is baseball, not vaudeville.

- All right, next week
we'll play Vaudeville.

- I can see it now, Vaudeville
25, Dynamites nothing.

Walk, let them walk you, Dennis!

- Come on, Dennis, just make contact.

Good bunt, good bunt!
(boys cheer)

That's the way, Dennis!

Good going, looking good!

- Way to go, Den-Den, way to start it off!

- Okay, now, Nicky, you
can do it for us now.

- Go to it.

(boys cheer)

- Stay awake, Dennis, stay awake!

Attaboy, Dennis, run, slide!

(Dennis groans)

(Dennis groans)

(dramatic music)

Oh, no.
- Dennis.

- Hey, you'll be all right.

Is it your leg? Where is it?

Here?
- Over there.

- Does this hurt?

(Dennis groans)

Ms. Dobkin, I think it's a slight sprain.

I think he'll be all right,

but I don't think he should run anymore.

- Okay, Dennis,

I guess you better rest
on the bench for a while.

- Where are you going?

- They need me.

- Sit down, you ain't
playing with no burrhead.

- They can't play with only eight players!

- Well, that's tough.

- But I gotta!

- The hell you do.

- I gotta, Pop!

- You don't gotta!

Don't you know nothing, Sam?

Don't you know that at first,

they only wanna play ball with you,

and then next thing you know,
they wanna marry your sister.

- (chuckles) You're kidding?

- No, I'm not kidding, Sam.

- (chuckles) Heck, nobody's that hard up.

(upbeat music)

- [Mary] Nice steal, Dennis.

- Aunt Mary, can I play?

- Well, are you sure you want to?

- Yeah, I'm sure.

- Okay.

You stay here and run for Dennis.

- Oh, terrific, that's terrific.

- Come on, Nick.
- Come on, Nick.

Come on, Nick, you can do it.

- All right now, come
on, Nicky, hit me home.

(boys cheer)

(bat cracks)
(upbeat music)

(boys cheer)

- That's a boy, Nicky, that's a boy!

(boys cheer)

(boys cheer)

Bases loaded, Dynamites.

Come on, Billy, force at
any base, only one out.

- [Umpire] Ball two.

- Come on, Billy, you forgot
everything I taught you.

(bat cracks)

(boys cheer)

- [Mary] Okay, Billy, turn it around now!

- [Boy] Home run, Bill.

Home run, Bill.

(indistinct chatter)
(boys cheer)

- Come on, check-a-holster
could do something.

- Yeah, get a home run!

Get a home run this time.

- Billy's going on the first pitch,

I don't care where it is, hit it.

- Okay.

(boys cheer)

(drum roll)

(upbeat music)

(bat cracks)

- Go, Billy, all the
way, run, run, that's it!

That's one way to start it off!

Vernon, go to right.

- Well, why don't I just
kinda put it over the fence?

- No heroics, Vernon, we're down 7-3,

let's just keep the rally going.

(boys cheer)

Just a hit, Vernon, keep your eye on it!

(bat cracks)
(boys cheer)

- Come on, Vernon!

Run!

(boys cheer)

- I'm sorry, Aunt Mary, I'll
try and do better next time.

- Top of the seventh, full count, one out!

Come on, Dynamites!

- [Umpire] Strike three, you're out.

- Good boy, oh, good.

- Come on, you can do it.

(boys cheer)

(bat cracks)
(fans cheer)

Yeah, yeah!

- Come on, Wally, run!

Run, get it!

- Yeah!

- That a boy!

That's a kid for you.

- Way to go, Wally!

Yeah!

(boys cheer)

- All right, good baseball, good play.

Good play, kid.

- Not bad, not bad.

- Okay, boys, last licks,

all we need is two to
tie it, three to win.

- [Umpire] Batter up.

(boys cheer)

(dramatic music)

(bat cracks)

- Run it out, Wally, run it, run it!

- You're out!

(boys cheer)

- Beat it, swing through, you can do it!

A little single's all we need!

(bat cracks)

(boys cheer)

Nice try, Sam!

(boys cheer)

Come on, Andy, let it ride!

(bat cracks)
(boys cheer)

All right, good going!

That's the way, Dynamites!

Run, Andy!

- Nick, don't be nervous.
(indistinct chatter)

- Nicholas.

Now don't be nervous,

you know you represent the tying run.

- Don't worry, Mary, I
got ice water in my veins.

- Whatever you say. (chuckles)

(dramatic music)

(boys cheer)

Okay, Nick, okay, easy.

- Strike.

- Okay, let's do it this
time, come on, boys,

no kidding around anymore.

- [Umpire] Strike two.

- Come on, Nick, I know you can do it.

- Hit it to left.

- [Umpire] Ball one.

- Show your stuff.

- Man, you're our last chance.

- Come on, come on.

- [Umpire] Ball two.

- Come on, Nick.

- Keep it alive.

- Come on, do it for Aunt Mary.

(indistinct chatter)

- Ball three.

Full count.

- [Boy] Come on, Nick.

- [Mary] Watch for the changeup.

- All right, okay.

Come on, one more and let's
get outta here, come on now.

- Strike three, you're out!

(boys cheer)

- It's okay, Nick.

- Come on.

I shoulda swung at it.

- No, you shouldn't have, it
was way out of the strike zone.

- It was?

- Sure, here.

It's clean.

- Oh, thanks.

- You played a wonderful game today, boys.

- But we lost.

- No, honey, we played.

For today, that's enough.

- You know, she really believes that slop.

- Sure, why shouldn't she?

She didn't have a buck and
a half riding on the game.

- Nice game, fellas, really.

Ms. Dobkin, you got a fine team.

- Thank you.

- Welcome to the league, fellas.

(Mary gasps)
(boys cheer)

- We shoulda won today, that
really woulda shown them jerks.

- Listen, kiddo, it's just the
first game, we'll do better.

- You really think so?

- I know so.

- Nice game, boys, nice game.

- Hi, Strasberg.
- Hi.

- Where have you been?

- Ah, you missed me, huh?

Well, I was out working for the team.

- Doing what?

- Oh, oh, wait, come here, scouting.

- Oh, I get it, okay.

Hi, Susie.

- Hi, Aunt Mary.

- What do we got here, a mascot?

- A cheerleader.

(boys laugh)

- No, this is Susie Martin,
our new, um, left fielder.

- You gotta be kidding me?
(dramatic music)

- Lock it up or lose it, lover boy!

- [Boys] Oh!

- Okay, come on now,
(upbeat music)

everyone out at the field
tomorrow afternoon for practice.

You'll be there too, Susie.

Bye.

- [Narrator] On June 21st, 1975,

the city of Baltimore
dedicated a ballpark.

It was dedicated to a
lady named Mary Dobkin,

but to thousands of poor,

sometimes homeless Baltimore children,

she was always known simply as Aunt Mary,

and, knock wood, she still is.

(upbeat music)

(Multicom Jingle)