Amici miei - Atto III° (1985) - full transcript
This time the "amici" (friends) are just four: Necchi, Meandri, Mascetti and Sassaroli. Nevertheless they are older they still love to spend their time mainly organizing irresistible jokes to everyone in every kind of situation. Mascetti is hospitalized in a geriatric clinic. Of course the place become immediately the main stage for all their jokes. After some jokes they decided to place an ultimate incredible and farcical joke to the clinic guests.
VOICES SINGING IN CHORUS
"THE BARBER OF SEVILLE
SINGING "THE BARBER OF SEVILLE"
(Necchi)
Puttana Eva, how they have aged!
It seems that Sassaroli has a ten kilos watermelon
ten kilos under his shirt.
Since Melandri is retired
it seems to me that he is even shorter.
After the scare of six years ago
and the death of his wife...
...Count Mascetti
could only get better.
I look like Fanfani!
If they see me as I see them...
...instead of "The Barber of Seville",
we should sing the "De profundis".
♪ A poor man died at the hospital...
♪ ...with the urinal he poured himself. ♪
♪ Citizens, run with the rope...
♪ ...a priest fell in the shit. ♪
♪ Everyone says this:
"Quant'è bella Mimì !"
♪ The wildest panties
in the village. ♪
♪ Twenty-one, thirty-one
twenty-one, thirty-one...♪
♪ The servant of our curate
Had a fly between her thighs...
♪ ...and the priest, a rather shady figure,
removed the fly and put the...
♪ ...twenty-one, thirty-one,
twenty-one, thirty-one... ♪
♪ My father, I have committed
a great sin...
♪ ...perhaps you will forgive me.
The other night we were alone
me and my beloved...
♪ ...he put his hand on my chest.
♪ With that other cheeky one,
while I didn't want to...
♪ ...he allowed himself to touch me...
LA YULA LA YULA THERE
♪ After a day's work
he was tired as a mule...
♪ ...and he put it three times in my...
LA YULA LA YULA LALLÀ ♪
LAUGHTER
(Necchi) Yes, but our friendship
does not grow old...
...because inside we continue
to be between 12 and 16 years old...
...with the same desire
to laugh and to be together.
In fact we are doing
a trip in honor of Mascetti...
...and we go around being silly.
- Where do I go? - We had to go
to visit Puccini's house.
- We could take a trip to the park.
- Puccini on the right and park on the left.
- Let the birthday boy decide.
- Mascetti, let's do what you want.
- Culture or ecology?
- Carousels.
Off to the rides !
Hey!
Push !
Push.
I'm not going in, too bad.
Here.
It's very wide !
- This car doesn't steer well.
- What are you doing?
- It looks like it fits and it doesn't.
- I know why !
You've been drinking again today !
Let me feel your breath !
- Let me try again.
- No, let's go home !
Thank you.
- Four carbines.
- For shooting.
- Here.
- All right.
(Necchi) I aim for the chalks.
- Here, to you.
- I aim at the balloon in the center !
Careful not to hit the presents.
Guys, don't pull on the presents.
High ball !
(Necchi)
High to the right chalks !
- Halt ! It's over, there's nothing left !
- And the prizes ?
Where do we go now ?
Stop, you can't go up.
- I'm sorry, but it's forbidden.
- To whom?
- To children and old people.
- Old will be your grandfather.
- And that slut of a grandmother of yours.
- What?
I am professor Sassaroli,
a well-known luminary of science.
The gentlemen are my patients,
this is my medical card.
I guarantee their heart system
and their psychophysical balance.
- Then have a seat.
- Thank you.
Fasten your seat belts.
Go, Charon!
COMPLAINTS
I told you so !
Call someone, the old people are sick.
Down.
Watch out for the wheel.
Don't make that face.
It is the best rest home in Florence
and it's also very expensive.
Alright, Count Mascetti
will end his life in an old people's home.
- Except if you have changed your mind.
- No.
Maybe you feel a little remorse,
a little shame.
- No.
- Of course, I had to imagine that.
At least you, Melandri.
We were good together.
- I used to keep you company.
- Too much.
- Living alone, I filled your house.
- With whores, that I had to pay for.
No, I can't.
Where do I make you sleep? In the bar?
What about me?
In the clinic mortuary ?
Mascetti, we have done
everything we could do.
Alright,
you are monstrously selfish...
...but I thank you all the same.
- Sure, we pay for everything.
- Your wheelchair costs more than a car
racing car! - Bravo, very delicate !
- We'll walk you in.
- No.
- And the suitcase?
- Here.
For you I don't exist anymore.
Send me the chrysanthemums on November 2nd.
I wonder if we did well.
Of course we did well,
he didn't have a home anymore.
He didn't eat,
everything was always dirty.
At least here they will take care of him.
(Necchi) We will respect his last will and
will, we will not look for him anymore.
Also because we don't want to know
how he lives in there.
It's too painful the idea
that Mascetti is closed in an old people's home.
- Melandri, what do you want at this hour?
- Coffee.
- It is closed. - It's 6:30,
the other cafes have been open for half an hour.
Then go get it at another bar,
or rather go get it in the ass!
Damn you!
- Madam, are we going to the market today?
- I went there yesterday.
I can accompany you today as well.
We do our shopping
every other day.
Tomorrow then?
- Do you want me to help you?
- To do what?
I can help you,
sweep the floor ?
No thanks, I do it myself.
I'm used to it.
And you don't have to unaccustom yourself.
- Go take a walk, architect.
- I've been around since 4:00.
So, if you don't need any help,
I'll read you my last poem.
- I'm going to go wash up.
- Wait, it won't be long.
- Dog.
- What? - It's the title.
"The poor old hound
Is prowling in the garden..."
"...dragging his shaky legs
and his camouflaged face."
Dogs don't have faces,
they have snouts.
- I know, but "muzzle-camuso" sounds bad.
- Poetic license...
I'm going to go wash up.
"Surely he searches in a hurry
for someone..."
"...who caresses him on the head
And under his bearded chin."
Do dogs have chins ?
- What do you call it ?
- At most, "bazza".
It's not poetic.
The shaved chin...
Dogs don't shave !
Shaved due to old age !
- There is a meaning, try to understand.
- What ?
Let him read this poem !
"Love, pity."
"With no more teeth or flair..."
"...poor old dog..."
"...poor old lost friend of mine."
- Did you understand?
- Yes, I understood that he is a dog...
...with a face, with a shaved chin
and that he also has mange!
It is a metaphor,
this dog is Mascetti!
It is a poem for Mascetti !
I wonder how he is, how he is reduced...
PHONE RINGING
The telephone...
Bar Restaurant Necchi.
It's you, how are you?
It's him... Tell me.
I also need a ten year old boy,
rent him from a gypsy girl.
I'll mark it down:
"ten-year-old boy for rent."
You'll see, it'll be something epic.
I'll call you, I don't pay anyway.
- You didn't tell me how you are.
- I'm fine here, bye.
I'm glad you're doing well here...
...but I remind you that for the guests
there is a pay phone in the hall.
- Yes, but the FILICUDA of the SBRINDELLONA
how did it do? - I beg your pardon?
I tried with SUPERCAZZORA
with SCAPPELLING, but it doesn't work.
- In what sense?
- In the ANAFESTIC sense.
- Maybe for ANDICAPO of altitude.
- Is the phone too high ?
No, he didn't understand.
I was saying that if it was with the finger,
going down and up...
Follow your finger, up and down.
If it goes down, it doesn't go up and vice versa.
- Ask the nun to help you.
- That's what I was saying.
- Don't call here anymore.
- Sure.
♪ How delicious it is to go
in the wheelchair...
♪ ...on the wheelchair
On the arm of my beauty. ♪
Sorry, the clutch is slipping.
It slips every morning,
at least not at my table !
- Coffee?
- Just milk. - Just coffee.
- There is no bread. Sister?
- I'll get it for you.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
IMITATES THE TRUMPET
OF THE FLAG RAISING
- Wake up, General ! Good morning !
- Good morning, Count.
Sorry if I woke you up,
but you're still dressed for breakfast.
- It's 10:00.
- 10:00? That's right, I'm late.
I have to go get dressed for "promenade".
Thank you very much, Mr. Count.
Respecting the rules
is my secret.
At our age,
if we let ourselves go, it's the end.
Sister, the sawdust !
You always hide the prosthesis,
I never find it.
Here it is, he has to keep it in his ear.
With just one, you don't hear anything.
SPEAK IN GERMAN
You don't hear when I call you
nor the lunch bell, understand?
- I understand.
(Mascetti) Mrs. Poggibollini!
The nuns don't understand anything.
Sound waves are best transmitted
through the body.
A recent scientific discovery
says to use the device...
...rectally, understand?
- No.
With respect, if you put it
In the asshole he feels better.
Try.
Mr. Mascetti !
I need to get the brakes serviced,
what's up?
I cut out the article
on the ancient legends of Casentino.
Interesting.
If you BLINK
the BREMATURATED SUPERCAZZOR...
...I care about SEGA.
- How?
Mr Lenzi !
Mr. Lenzi, have you seen Cecco?
I think he's back there,
but maybe it was yesterday.
You are terrible, Mr. Lenzi.
You make all the women fall in love.
For example, those two beautiful girls
they confessed it to me.
- They are both in love with her.
- Maybe!
When I was young,
I was with three women at once.
I was with ten women
In one day, I had it in granite.
Congratulations.
♪ I'll pick you up tonight
in my blue torpedo. ♪
Cecco, I've been looking for you for an hour.
I'm out of flies.
- I'm out of money.
- I want five ounces of it.
- And the camera?
- I put it in his room.
Mark that too,
by Saturday everything must be ready.
If the director notices,
she'll fire me.
What do you care?
Working is not the most important thing.
- And what is it?
- Laughing.
(Mascetti) Always laughing!
Laughing...
"You utter phrases
That make me smile."
(woman)
"Your smile is so contemptuous."
(man)
"You don't know the truth."
- "Then tell me, if you dare."
- "My secret is in my heart."
(woman)
"Why?"
"We both know the secret
Is in your uncle's dark heart..."
Enough.
Enough with these
anti-cultural.
How do you form yourselves?
You grow up as a bunch of ignorant people.
- Give me.
- Why? No!
There is a program just for us
about old age...
...that talks about our problems
social and human problems.
"Third Age Television
wishes you a good morning."
"Repeat for the arteriosclerotic,
have a nice day."
Our programs will begin
with a short space...
...for advertising.
"Time passes inexorably."
"In your bed you sleep
only some nights..."
"...In the coffin you will sleep forever."
- What is it?
- A new net, I've never seen it.
Shut up, silence!
"Choose our coffins with
padding proofed for eternal sleep."
Menagramo !
"Remember..."
"...Buonanima Brothers enterprise,
via del Purgatorio 17."
Interesting, did you get the address ?
"Trapassi Brothers,
viale dei Cipressi 47."
Let's put the interval.
Come.
IMITATES THE MUSIC OF THE INTERVAL
Hurry.
Come on !
Come on !
"My maternal grandfather's butt
concerns me greatly."
"It's always wet and inflamed."
"My paternal grandfather's butt
is always candied."
- What kind of television is this?
- Be quiet, it's a free network.
Free ass!
"My grandfather always uses Mingo,
the diaper for old pissers."
"You use it too."
"Now our programs continue
with a science column..."
"...given by the holder of the chair
of senescence and decomposition..."
"...of the university."
- It must be seen.
"The famous Professor Rambaldus."
"Today we will attempt an experiment
Of remote collective hypnosis."
"Of course not all of you
will be subjected to my fluid..."
"...but only certain subjects
more sensitive."
"Stare carefully into this mirror
And try not to think about anything."
That's just fibs !
I am refractory.
"Two, three, four...
"I feel the return fluid."
"Some of you have fallen asleep
And will obey me."
"Let no one try to wake him up,
it would be dangerous."
"Open your eyes, now you will take a journey
backwards in your life."
"Backwards, backwards, backwards.
You're 18 years old."
"For the first time you enter
into a brothel."
"You finally know lust."
Come here, beauty !
He's dangerous, he's been hypnotized.
You satisfy him, come back !
"You are now entering your
early childhood, you are four years old."
"You eat, but what you eat you don't like."
Poop !
"It's your birthday."
"You've been given a saber
to be a warrior."
Come on, Savoy !
"That's it, bravo !
Give vent to your instincts !"
"Very good !"
"So you won't have complexes when you grow up."
What's going on ?
- Mr. Mascetti!
- Don't wake him up, he's in trance!
(Mascetti) Shut up!
- "The experiment is successful."
"You will wake up
to the sound of the... gong !"
Oh my god, what happened ?
- What have you done to me?
- What did you do?
Nothing, I was watching TV.
"There will now be a bi-weekly broadcast
of senile sexology entitled..."
"...'Dry bush, moldy pea'."
What does it do ? This is
Mr. Mascetti's room!
"What is this?"
SPEAK IN GERMAN
Telefunken !
- Kamasutra.
- SCAPPELLATION to the right.
- SUKATO MELAI.
- Funeral, many funeral.
- They will hunt Mascetti!
- For goodness sake, he'll come back with us.
- But no, we'll send her flowers.
- Two crowns of scarlet roses.
- Will you accompany me?
- I can't, my niece is here.
Ivana, are you sleeping?
Wake up, Ivana.
- I'm hungry.
- Now let's go eat.
Sit forward.
- The granddaughter on whose side?
- "On the side of fava," goodbye to all.
- Shall I come with you? - Yes, I must also
bring the imbecile back to my cousin.
- At this hour there is traffic, get in.
- Sorry...
...I don't feel able to drive anymore,
I don't have the reflexes.
Don't worry, after a while
I'll stop breaking your balls.
Wake up ! "Who wants to see the dawn,
leave the soft feathers", Fogazzaro.
I don't want to see the dawn.
Damn you, Fogazzaro
and to whoever opens the door for you.
It's 6:30, we have a lot to do!
I miss work.
- I don't.
- Of course, you have never worked!
- Yes, I have this advantage.
- Lucky you, but I...
You don't know how hard it is
not to do anything all your life.
Mascetti, you were right,
now I feel good!
I looked everywhere !
- Good morning, gentlemen.
- Good morning.
- May I?
- Please do.
- Are you new? - No, I have been
in Naples to visit my nephews.
Bravo.
Nice day, isn't it?
- Yes, beautiful day.
- It looks nice, but it's going to rain tonight.
- Do you think it will rain?
- Yes, it will rain.
- We hope not.
- Instead it will rain.
I feel like we're having a
conversation like old farts.
That's exactly right, but I'm here
Because I do small services...
...to earn some money.
I offer first aid
against the rain.
Object recovery...
...forgotten in the garden: 1000 liras.
Watch an episode
lost on TV: 500 lire.
If one is cold, I offer heating
in the bed with human heat.
I also assume blame for indiscipline
for a price to be agreed upon.
VERSI
- Do you also do things not listed ?
- Sure, what should I do?
Follow the general...
...and without realizing it,
imitate the sound of the water.
- How many times?
- Four. - 1000 liras.
Give it to him, come on.
- Thank you.
- Go.
IMITATES THE SOUND OF WATER
(Necchi) Death is discreet,
almost gentle, in the rest homes.
One morning she looks out of a window
disguised as a slammed mattress.
Everyone sees her,
but they pretend not to see her.
- Are you sure he's dead?
- Sure, it's the room next to mine.
- Thank goodness. - How is it good?
- Better him than someone else...
...when he snored
he looked like an electric saw.
- I have to leave.
- You just arrived.
And now I'm leaving.
- Good morning, Mr. Mascetti.
- Good morning.
- What a beautiful day!
- Let's start again...
- It looks beautiful, but it's going to rain.
- But if there isn't a cloud !
Exactly, I like it when it rains.
No, she likes to be rude,
but I ask her anyway.
- There is a flowering lilac after the lawn.
- Long live the lilacs!
In the hen house
the chicks are born, are they coming ?
- I can't, the accumulators
are empty. - I'll push it.
I've been watching her for a while...
...and I have not yet understood
what kind of person you are.
A person
that it is better not to frequent.
RUSSING
- Sister, is 22 dead or not?
- Yes.
- Why does he keep snoring?
- I don't know. - Listen.
SNORING
- Did you hear that?
- Yes, it's a new guest.
Do you put them all next to me?
RUSSARE
Hey!
- Melandri?
- Yes.
- What are you doing here?
- What do you think I'm doing? Sleeping.
- I had been applying for a while.
- To come here ?
- The room opened up and I decided.
- Why didn't you tell me ?
- I wanted to surprise you.
- Yes, of course...
The truth is that you were ashamed.
Yeah.
- It happened to me too.
- I didn't want to go there.
I didn't either.
Outside I didn't know what to do,
I was breaking my balls.
- It's old age. - Old age is
When you break the balls of others.
You broke everyone's
even when you were young.
- Do you think you are old?
- Not at all!
I'm the same as before, even better.
But here we are.
There must be something wrong...
...or unfair.
Who knows?
- Do you want a cigarette?
- I quit.
I'll start again right away !
You didn't come here just to be
with your friend, did you ?
- What is it?
- The rules of the house.
No going out after 10pm,
no late lunches...
...complaints are made in writing,
etc. You learn it by heart
- Other ?
- These are the rules...
...then there are the tips.
Third age is a difficult time,
Mr. Melandri.
- Architect Melandri.
- Do you have phenomena of morning erections?
Yes, phenomenon is the right word.
In 99% of cases it's the prostate,
don't brag too much.
I recommend you get yourself examined.
Also for hygienic reasons...
...I recommend to all male guests
of a certain age...
...to pee sitting down like women.
- Do you pee standing up like a man?
- Mr. Melandri !
The architect Melandri pees
as he wants, even on one foot.
- Mr. Melandri !
- And I'll make her shake it off!
- And I never miss.
- Sister!
I hit a coin at seven yards,
like Buffalo Bill ! Look at all !
(Melandri) Hold on, I can't find it.
Don't run away,
I have it like a fire hydrant!
And I also have erections in the evening...
...in the afternoon and at noon,
before and after meals.
I use it to crush nuts !
Let's toast to our new guest,
the architect Melandri.
What a great idea, you eat
so bad with dentures.
RICE
- Sister, it's tough.
- Sister, it's not heifer !
- Sister, can you cut it ?
- Sister, can you chop it ?
(together) Sister, can you suck it ?
(together) Sister, it is not heifer !
- Complaints are only made in writing.
- We are old.
- This is a very dirty thing !
No, they are false teeth.
Look at the beautiful smile we have.
I'll throw them out right away.
I'll throw this one away too !
No, one moment !
That one is mine !
- The straws!
- Yes, do the snot!
One for me too.
- What are you doing, pig?
- Imbecile, what's wrong with you?
- We always have to be recognized !
- By whom?
By that lady, she is different.
You have to stop fooling around.
- What is the name of that lady?
- Amalia Pecci Bonetti.
- She has two surnames and blue eyes
like a fairy. - Let's start again.
No, for fuck's sake.
Do you fall in love here too?
- Then you have a chronic disease !
- Did you see her or not ?
- I am always at your disposal.
- Go ahead. General Mastrostefano.
Holy crap, I'm late.
Flowers.
If you allow,
I will show you the park.
- I am Stefano Lenzi.
- Architect Rambaldo Melandri.
(Necchi) There is a lot of competition,
but Melandri will prevail over all...
...because the others are suitors,
instead he is a suitor.
- Guess what he's telling her.
- "The Walk" by D'Annunzio.
I didn't think, he only felt.
Say, you were never convalescent
in a somewhat cloudy April?
No, I always get sick in November,
at the first cold.
Madam, these are verses by D'Annunzio.
They say that in the thick of the foliage...
...you have a red lock of hair
like a flame, is it true?
No, I have never been red.
- Madam, it's always D'Annunzio!
- Ah, yes.
You don't love me either,
and I don't love you.
- It's a little early.
- Amalia.
By now he has won, too bad.
What a woman!
If I were still 70 years old...
You know that until recently,
until a thousand...
- 1964 ?
- No. - 1968 ?
- No.
- 1970 ?
That's right, I was still riding a horse
as a...
- A Cossack?
- No, a...
- A cow-boy?
- No... it's an Italian name.
- A cowboy.
- Good, a cowboy.
What did he say about cowboys?
No, she said he rode
like a cowboy.
For a bet I used to attach myself
with my hands to a branch...
...I clenched my thighs
and pulled myself up together with the horse.
I was a perfect man, instead now
I have to make room for young people.
Old age...
It is better to kill yourself
if there is no remedy for old age.
(Necchi) I don't know how I get
I don't know how I come up with such divine, indeed diabolical ideas...
...but I tell him...
There is a remedy!
How old
do you think he is?
- 64, 65 years old.
- 65 years old...
95 years old.
Of course, he says it to brag!
He went to school with my father.
In 1920 he had an affair
with my mother, maybe I am her son.
What did he do?
Any new American cures ?
Yoga? Tibet ? Gerovital ?
What a cure !
LAUGHTER
- Excuse me if I laugh in a satanic way.
- Dr. LUCI rather FERO.
- Shut up! Are you crazy?
- Why are you telling him to shut up ?
Nothing.
Go away, don't try to know.
Stay away from us, we are cursed.
Are you crazy? I regret
I made you do the deal.
Sooner or later everyone will notice
I'm getting younger.
You're unconscious !
A black mass is a secret,
not to be talked about.
Never talk about the pact
with anyone.
- Good morning, looking very good today.
- Feeling really good.
Look.
Until a week ago
I was suffering from total paralysis.
Improvement is slow, but steady.
- Covenant says.
- What ?
The covenant says six months.
WHISPERS INCOMPREHENSIBLE WORDS
Continue.
Explain.
I can't...
I still feel good, yesterday you were talking about
Yesterday you were talking about pact, black mass...
...of Dr. Divago...
- What is your name?
- Doctor Faust.
Are you afraid of selling your soul
to the devil to become young again?
Don't make me laugh,
I want to kill myself!
Of course I would sell his soul,
but how can I believe it ?
Look at me, do you want me to try again ?
Damn.
- Who is that?
- The intermediary.
A rather HAPPY MEFIST guy.
She !
She is a chosen one.
When he is around someone,
you can't escape him.
You are surrounded by a black fluid.
Have you ever had paranormal phenomena,
impressive visions ?
- No.
- He will have them.
- Can I have a light?
- Right away.
CARÓ, CARAI, CARABAI...
Come on, Count.
I have some mediumistic news for you.
SHORTNESS OF BREATH
Here, I give you Florence.
I'll make a carpet out of it for you.
- D'annunzio.
- No, me.
Rambaldo.
...you wheeze.
For the passion.
I'm panting, too.
Yes, we pant together.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
How beautiful, how youthful tonight is.
Did he put makeup on his eyes
to please someone?
No need, for example
I prefer her without makeup.
- I put on makeup for just that reason.
- Thank you, you are always nicer.
Enjoy your meal.
Mr. Lenzi, excuse me,
can you bring me a knife?
- They forgot to put it in.
- Right away.
They never put them in for me.
Thank you.
Is it your presence, do you want to stop
with this black fluid of yours ?
So I can't even eat.
Go away, "vade retro".
- See you later, sweetheart.
- Thank you, dear.
Sister.
- Well?
- She is wonderful.
It's beautiful, it's... I don't know how to tell you.
It's like an alabaster urn.
It has a scent of purity,
a gentle mystery...
- Wonderful, wonderful.
- But have you had sex?
- Are you waiting for her to come of age?
- I'm waiting for my wedding night.
- Whose? - Ours, I want
ask her in marriage to her relatives.
- When ?
- Thursday.
Of course I'm coming.
Don't worry,
I'll warn Sassaroli.
- See you Thursday, bye.
- Where are you going on Thursday?
- At Mascetti's. - Again?
You are always in that hospice!
It is not a hospice,
but a beautiful mansion.
They have a princely garden,
they live like Popes and it's cheap.
It's okay, I don't care.
Carmen, I told you
so that you don't think wrong things.
Hello?
Professor Sassaroli, please.
It's urgent.
No, you disturb him.
It can't be a case
more urgent than mine.
Tell him "Melandri case" and you will see
the scalpel falls from his hand.
Thursday
is the closing day...
...of this cursed place.
- Why is it cursed?
I'm starting to hate it,
this club will kill us both.
- Especially you, how you are reduced !
- Me?
Look at the dark circles under your eyes!
What a destroyed face!
You work too much for your age,
look at those swollen legs.
- They don't.
- They look like sausages...
...inflated with a pump !
Sassaroli,
listen to the news about Melandri.
Yes.
Sis, what should we do on Thursday?
- That kidney transplant.
- Let's postpone it.
- It's a hopeless case.
- Exactly, let's be cautious.
Let's redo all the tests.
Alright, see you Thursday.
Hi.
I told you, it's like a hotel.
The rooms all have bathrooms.
- Come on!
- Go on, I'll catch up with you.
- Do you like it ?
- Yes, it's nice.
Come on, I'll show you the park.
Here are the ladies, some are knitting
knitting, others are playing cards...
- Do you want to make friends?
- Why do I have to make friends?
Come, I'll introduce you.
Ladies, let me introduce you to my wife.
I'll be right back.
(speaker) "The closing time
for visitors is 19:30."
Count Mascetti,
Professor Sassaroli...
...dear friends, almost brothers.
The lawyer Pecci Bonetti,
brother of Amalia, his wife...
Mrs. Arnaldi,
wife of the engineer Arnaldi...
...the son-in-law of Amalia,
her wonderful grandchildren...
...Miss Lilly...
- Milly.
- Milly, the granddaughter.
- "From fava."
- What ?
- Nothing, dear.
- Another friend, Mr. Necchi.
- Where are you going on your honeymoon?
To the caves of Monsummano?
Excellent for lumbar arthrosis.
Go to Lourdes, so I can come too.
We will honeymoon in the villa
of Amalia, in Forte dei Marmi.
- Rambaldo and I are going to live there.
- In the villa? You promised me!
Good, you came here because
you were sad and wanted company...
...and now you leave me alone
and go away with it.
- Between you and her there is no comparison, here.
- I don't drink with Judas, I'm going away.
Mascetti!
- Mascetti!
- Come on, stop it!
General, do something.
If you let it be stolen
from that old fart?
A gentleman must know how to lose.
The lady has chosen
and I respect her will.
May she be happy, at least.
- Mr. Count, come a moment.
- I'm coming, Miss.
- The gentleman who wants to marry
my grandmother a friend of yours? - He was.
- He seems like a good person
and that she loves him. - I hate him.
That's not true, that's why I'm telling her.
My grandmother is a whore, you see ?
- Sure.
- She had sex with everybody.
He did it everywhere, in the cabins
at the beach, in the phone booths...
...in the bushes, in the cellar...
- She was also with my boyfriend.
- Do you want to take revenge for the villa?
Sure, I'm mad about the mansion,
but also for the fiancé.
Try playing footsie with my grandmother.
Me?
Foot? It's not easy !
Love is born in the most unexpected
most unexpected.
It is a mystery, but it is always
extraordinary, always new.
I came here
to withdraw from the world...
...and instead I met love.
A great love and a great family.
For me you are already
as my children and my grandchildren.
To me you are already my brothers,
my cousins and my brothers-in-law...
...because I consider myself already
married to her.
Yay!
KISS
(Necchi) Here we have to make
a decision...
...tell Melandri what the reality is...
...or to keep silent pitifully?
What a problem!
(Necchi) And then we have to deal with
Lenzi and Beelzebub...
...how much work!
- Hi, Cecco.
- Good night. - Good night.
Now let's all go to sleep.
Good night, Mr. Lenzi.
- Good night.
- Happy dreams. - Same to you.
See you tomorrow.
URLA
Help!
Run, there is a goat!
Do you see a goat?
- Have you seen it?
- I didn't see anything.
What do you mean nothing?
Look at the smoke coming out !
- You materialize an ectoplasm,
in satanic terms. - What is happening ?
- Help!
- Another goat?
This is an owl.
- Do you see an owl? - No.
- We don't see any owl.
- It's here, on the armchair.
- Do you see an owl on the armchair ?
- No. - We don't see any owl.
- Look at it, it's here !
You are materializing too much.
It happened to us too.
Right, Melandri?
- Good night, Mr. Lenzi.
- Good night.
- What did you do?
- Nothing.
- Is an owl in the room normal?
- And paranormal.
But you don't understand anything
these days.
- We have the wrong room.
- No, it plays a little to fall asleep.
Since I suffer from insomnia...
It's not bad, is it ?
- Why don't you sleep at this hour ?
- I'd like to talk to you alone.
Mr. Capecelato, that's enough for tonight.
- Sure, but I came.
- Sign on my account.
Again?
Always at your disposal, good night.
Good night.
I received it today.
It's an anonymous letter.
"Amalia is easy-going, she gets fucked by dogs and
fucked by dogs and pigs. A friend."
- Really?
- What?
It is a slander, it is an infamous slander !
In your place,
I wouldn't be so peremptory.
- If he is a friend, he does it for your own good.
- What a friend, he's an accursed pig!
He is one of these old men,
an envious, or jealous or...
I know who did it.
His relatives
who want all his money !
But in your place, I would check.
I trust her
like she's my mom.
Look what I do
with this lousy letter...
...of these disgusting anonymous
That offend a madonna.
For me she is as pure as a madonna!
SWITCHBOARD RINGING
Hello, sister?
Please, can you give me number 46?
- At this time it is no longer allowed.
- Yes, but I found...
...an ancient prayer
of the Madonna del Petrolio.
I don't know.
The lady in 46 can't sleep
without that prayer...
...it would be like a repentance
For so-called incarnation...
It would be your maxima culpa.
- I pass you 46.
- Do you see that you understand?
CLASSICAL MUSIC FROM THE RADIO
TELEPHONE RINGING
- Hello?
- I am very ready.
- Is it you, Rambaldo?
- No.
- So you are the Honorable?
- No, wrong.
- The gardener Carlone?
- It's me, Mascetti.
- Count Mascetti.
- The paraplegic?
- Yes, the trumpeting paraplegic!
- What do you say?
Stop or I'll hang up,
what do you want from me ?
I want to do to you what Carlone does to you,
but a thousand times better.
I wonder, just you
who is a friend of my fiancé !
Better, isn't it ?
Think how exciting it would be
the two of us going wild on this bed...
...and him on the other side
of the wall blissfully sleeping.
- I close the phone.
- I want to explain in detail...
...what I will do to you.
- I would start with the left nipple.
- But what does it say?
- Do you prefer the right one ?
- I close...
Until you reach the navel
and then lower and lower...
(Necchi) The day after Mascetti
gives us the videotape...
...and we send it back to Melandri.
- A registered letter for you, architect.
- Thank you.
Mr. Mascetti.
- Mr. Mascetti?
- Yes?
- Is there anything wrong?
- No.
- Are you lonely?
- Yes.
- Come to my table.
- No.
- He prefers me to come.
- Yes.
- What is it ?
- Don't touch, leave it !
I'm sorry, my love.
I don't do that anymore.
Sorry, I'll be right back.
- What are you doing here?
- You invited me. - Me?
- I don't mind.
- I do.
"SUPERCAZZORA 69 presents.
'It's Never Too Late'"
"The Warm Nights of the Porn Woman
or 'Old hen makes good stock'."
"Starring: Amalia.
Costarring: Count Raphael."
Amalia...
Silence!
Silence.
This woman
is the greatest whore...
...of the whole millenary history
of whoredom.
Messalina and Taide are two amateurs
compared to this whore.
You have publicly offended
a gentlewoman.
Name your godparents.
Macchè godfathers!
I'll break your head!
Do you want to see how I'll smash it?
As far as you're concerned,
I'll tell you one thing.
One thing only I tell you !
Thank you, my friend.
Gentlemen godfathers, let us choose our weapons.
- I accepted for a hefty fee.
- Take the longest one.
This one.
- Cut !
- Of course, it's a blade.
- You could have chosen the gun
that doesn't cut. - But it pierces.
- Duelists, in the field.
- Come on.
- Go!
- If you don't stop, I'll stab you!
By agreement between the godfathers,
the duel will be to the death.
What?
Before the fight that can lead to
to the death of one of the opponents...
...I am obliged to attempt
an extreme reconciliation.
- I reconcile!
- I demand an apology.
- No way, you can't.
- One moment, I can.
I admit I went a little overboard yesterday.
- Not enough ! Read, director.
- "I, architect Melandri..."
"...I retract the slanderous insult..."
"...launched by me against
the gentlewoman Amalia Pecci Bonetti."
- If you delete "gentlewoman," I'll sign.
- Silence.
"I declare that I have offended you because
I am an ill-mannered waffler..."
"...and son of a slut."
- Me ?
- You have to say it out loud and sign it.
- I don't say it !
- Well done !
- I will slice you up !
On guard !
Quick !
To you.
Halt, suspension for acute diuresis
of a contender.
- Hurry up, are you done?
(Necchi) Give him time!
On guard, to you!
Let us make peace.
- Melandri, you better sign up.
- Are you afraid ? He is 86 years old !
Yes, but he looks like Sandokan !
Stop him, shoot him !
Guys, do something !
You wanted it !
Call the director !
- Oh God, the blood !
- My wife's shirt !
Stop ! What's going on?
Are you crazy ?
- I will report !
- I am fully satisfied.
Me too, very satisfied.
Ladies, gentlemen...
I am ready.
POP MUSIC FROM WALKMAN
Oplà !
He threw down his glasses
and began to read.
Of course, he sold his soul to the devil.
How does this ritual take place ?
How does he appear ?
- The blood attracts him.
- Which blood ?
The blood of a slaughtered virgin.
Did you really cut the throat of a virgin ?
Sure, to get back to the way I was.
You'll have to cut her throat, too.
Look !
Look at that tree !
This is a message.
If you don't decide,
the devil goes away.
The green plant of youth !
How good I feel,
I'm getting better by the second.
- Did you see it?
- Yes, do you know where you are going?
- No.
- She goes to...
Listen, but if I decide,
what should I do ?
Nothing, you have to tell the intermediary.
(Necchi) Full moon night,
Friday the 17th.
Everything is ready for a black mass
thanks to the help of Cecco...
...and of the award-winning Michelini Company,
our ancient supplier...
...of bowlers, mortars
and various powders...
...all the things we need
when we want to have fun.
(Melandri) We're here.
Aren't you getting off?
Yes, I'm coming.
A little patience.
- Anyway, don't call me by my name.
- By now, among the damned...
You are a damn,
I have not signed yet.
Still in a wheelchair ?
Yesterday you were running !
Jumping on the bus yesterday
I shouted "Thank God !".
Satan got pissed off
And punished me.
- Where is the victim?
- He's in the trunk.
- But is she alive?
- Yes, and you will have to slit her throat.
- Madonna Santa !
- Don't say "Madonna Santa"...
...or else he will get pissed off like a beast.
- Here is the victim.
- It's a chicken. - No, it's a chicken.
- A virgin was needed.
- And virgin, check the hole.
It's like when she was born.
Let's go.
It's three minutes to midnight.
SARDANAPALO,
TARAPIA TAPIOCA...
...SATAN, SATAN, Satanasso.
PAPE SATAN ALEPPE.
It is midnight.
(together)
PAPE SATAN ALEPPE.
The two assistants to the underworld !
You, come forward.
Kneel down...
...and crawl.
Worm, worship me.
- Adore me.
- He is worshiping you, my lord.
Who are these two priestesses?
The granddaughters "on the side of fava"
of Sassaroli.
Tear her heart out.
Come on, sacrifice it.
Grab the blades, worm.
- Strength.
- I can't do it.
The pledge can't do it,
I do.
- I'll grant it.
- Thank you, my lord.
IMITATE THE FACE
OF A SLAUGHTERED HEN
This female
is the symbol of lust...
...and of the virgins with whom you will be united
carnally and repeatedly...
...you pig!
And now your blood...
...for the signature !
- Name, surname and address.
- And fiscal code.
- What does it say ?
You don't trust,
who do you think you are dealing with ?
- I can't read without my glasses.
- You won't need them anymore.
You sell your soul
for a century of youth.
A century...
50 years is enough for me.
It is the same signed
by Doctor Faust, signature.
Give me your hand.
UNINTELLIGIBLE WORDS
Brush.
- Careful, you're tickling him.
- No.
Here.
- Brush.
- Slowly, otherwise you'll wake him up.
With Sassaroli's pills,
he'll sleep four days in a row.
Done.
- Successful operation.
- He looks like an Australian Aborigine.
Towel.
We're done, let's go.
- Rambaldo !
- What's up ?
- We forgot the dick.
- Ah, yeah.
Good morning ! Good day !
Thank you for everything.
Here, I don't need it anymore.
What about me?
Mr. Lenzi !
Please stop !
- Where are you going with the car ?
- I know where I'm going !
(Necchi) After one week,
we receive a photo of him...
...also signed by Eluana and Marisina
from the Club Mediterranée of Cefalù.
After 20 days a phone call arrived.
Count, a woman called.
She says to go urgently
to this address for Mr. Lenzi.
"Via del Girasole, 72.
Sorelle Cavaciocchi."
It's a brothel.
You're welcome.
Where are they taking him now ?
To the morgue.
Already.
- Do we have to give them to the family ?
- Which family ?
Lenzi didn't have anyone, otherwise
otherwise he wouldn't have called us.
Did you hear that woman?
They had told her...
... "Mr. Lenzi,
you are exaggerating, stop it."
He thought he was immortal.
Guys, it's our fault.
It's our fault !
He died sure of being immortal,
happy, with the will to live...
- Between the tits of those beautiful women !
- I wish it could happen to us.
Hey.
Guys, who can lend me 100,000 lire?
Lend... sure.
- Here.
- Thank you.
I'll risk it if I'm not back in an hour,
have the ambulance come back.
(Necchi)
Another mattress gets slammed...
...and left to take the air
on the windowsill of the room...
...which Carmen and I
are about to take possession of.
I finally managed to convince her
to sell everything and leave.
Sassaroli helped me,
gave her a fake checkup...
...from which it results affected by all the
senile diseases including prostate...
...and who needs
absolute and total rest.
(Melandri) Discoloured and ragged
billiards, friend of many evenings...
...goodbye.
Worn and stained walls,
limp chairs...
...old worn slats, goodbye.
I see the tears flowing
From your eyes as well as mine.
Imbecile, shut up.
Broken chairs, worn slats...
...if the person who bought it hears you,
he'll ask for his money back!
- Where do you want to move the counter ?
- What do you care? Let's go.
- The crates need to be put in storage.
- I'll take care of it tomorrow.
Have you come to play
or to help me ? Come on !
Help me carry the bags out !
Coming.
Carmen, come on, let's go.
The hardest thing is to pass the door
but then you will thank me.
Thank you.
What are you looking at ?
Have you never seen a girl ?
One was blonde, one was black,
this one is red... How many are there ?
- Three, perfect number.
- They are 60 years old in three...
...less than you alone.
- They have the Oedipus complex.
They need a father
And I rush to their bedside.
- To their nipple !
So you buy them the car. - Yes.
- The pearls. - Yes.
- And you rent him a house.
I can't let them sleep on the street.
They have the Oedipus complex,
but you have the dumb one !
I am not an old man in a nursing home,
I want to enjoy the life I have left.
I want to make love
as much as possible and with young people.
I don't care about the rest,
not even you.
Go, Sabrina.
Guys, I'm going.
See you at the hospice.
- You're leaving me here?
- Come with me, I'll take you.
You're cruel, you could have at least
let her sit at our table.
A woman is uncomfortable
With three men, she gets bored.
So she keeps Migliari company
and the Migliari doesn't bother me.
We've never eaten together.
I would sit and eat
and she would wait tables.
- The bread is missing.
- I'll take care of it, ma'am.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome, my pleasure.
Excuse me.
To you.
- Sorry again.
- Sorry, that's not a good fit for me.
Can I help you ?
I can peel potatoes, clean
vegetables, grate cheese...
I will cut the carrots ! Thank you.
(Necchi) We also have
existential problems...
...and so we take the advice
of a social worker...
...that every Thursday walks us
on our testicles with stiletto heels...
...saying that to live well you have to
do something socially useful.
Who wants to participate
to the initiatives just signalled ?
Me !
Go, I got this.
Come, children !
Out of the crosswalk,
on the crosswalk is danger !
Come, little twins,
I'll take care of you.
- You get on the bus and go home.
- All right.
- What about me?
- You get in that car...
...who knows where it will take you.
(Necchi) Unfortunately school ends
and summer arrives.
Many boarders will go to their families
for the vacations...
...and for those who stay like us
we are preparing something.
- Gran Canaria, there it is !
- It is no longer in fashion.
- Let's go to Bahamas.
- No, they are not in fashion.
Then let's go with something classic,
Monte Carlo, at least there's a casino.
- No, I am against it.
- Why ?
- I want to go to the casino.
- Think about the future...
...secure a peaceful old age.
- Do you like to play?
- Sure.
- I squandered two assets.
- Ah, now I understand.
Every time I went to play
I told myself...
... "If I win, I die within the year".
- I wasn't winning, but I was happy.
- To lose ?
Yes, I was left without a penny,
but I'm alive.
In my opinion, the truth
Is that she is afraid of her age...
...because she doesn't accept it,
she thinks she doesn't need help.
But old age can also be
a wonderful season, like autumn.
Guys, this is where we're going...
...to the North Pole.
- It's cold there.
- The better we preserve ourselves.
- It may be an idea.
- Yes, finally a non-trivial idea.
In my wardrobe I will be able
find the right equipment.
Visiting the North Pole once
can give meaning to a whole life.
- What is this nonsense ?
- And a proposal.
Look for another place.
I have the responsibility
of you elders.
I forbid you to make
this absurd journey.
Whoever promotes it
will suffer the consequences !
Then.
...I want to go to the North Pole !
- Me too !
I wanted to go to Egypt, but...
- Where are you going? - To phone
Sassaroli to pack his bags.
- Who wants to go to the North Pole ?
(together) Me!
THEY SING IN CHORUS
(Necchi) To this grandiose journey
Sassaroli has also joined in...
...less and less illustrious clinician
who confuses veins with arteries.
There is Russian salad !
- Who wants Russian salad ?
- Me, I like it very much.
- Melandri, pass it to him.
- Do you want mine too?
Sure, I know it hurts,
but I can't resist.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
I want to eat it right up.
- It's good.
- A little cold. - It's true.
I'm sick.
God, I'm so sick.
- I have the air sickness.
- The air pocket. - Yeah.
- I'm sick.
- What's wrong?
- I don't know, but I'm sick.
- Guys, Mascetti is sick.
- He has a gastric blockage.
- Sure, he's a glutton!
Hostess !
What hostess, she must vomit.
Come on, throw up.
- I don't want to throw up.
- Be a good boy. - Take the bag.
- I can't.
- You have to throw up.
I don't want to throw up...
- Bravo.
- The solution is to vomit.
Miss hostess, come!
That gentleman is sick.
Sir ?
- Are you better now?
- Yes, I'm much better, thank you.
In fact, I have an appetite again.
Maybe...
TONFO
Hostess, there is a hostess lying down !
- Can I have a taste ?
- Yes, me too !
You're welcome.
Guido, how disgusting!
- Good, maybe it's better than before.
- And true, hot is better.
Let me taste.
(Sassaroli) Good !
Look, the pack.
- I choose the postcard to the director.
- There's one with a walrus on it.
Runway !
Over there must be the Pole !
How beautiful it is !
Yes, it evokes legendary
figures of Noble and Amundsen.
Why did we come here?
To see the midnight sun...
...but it's 15:30
and at 17:30 we have to leave again.
If we came here,
there must be a reason.
Do you know what Eskimos do
when they are too old ?
They go alone on the pack,
they get out of the way.
You see that gray thing down there ?
Do you know what it is?
Death.
- White lady...
(Necchi) Gray !
White lady,
silent lady with green eyes...
...waiting for us on the pack.
What an imbecile, the pack
doesn't have green eyes !
- Guido, come in!
- Coming!
- Come on, otherwise you'll catch pneumonia.
- Coming!
Will you leave me alone ?
Valeria !
- Yes ?
- Valeria !
Coming.
Don't worry, I'll push you.
- Can you do it?
- Yes, are you very cold?
- Holy shit !
- I made a scarf for her.
- Why didn't you give it to me right away ?
- You are always so grumpy with me.
Is that better ?
"The board of directors
convened in disciplinary session..."
"...has examined
your uncivil behavior..."
"...and your repeated
indiscipline and insubordination..."
What insubordination ?
"...and for recurring disturbances..."
- Not true !
"The board peremptorily requests you
to leave the house within 30 days."
- Damn her !
- Have you read ?
- I call the mayor, the Region !
- And a viper!
- She's a bitch.
- I call the archbishop, the newspapers !
"Scandal in the third age, three poor
old people thrown out into the street..."
"...one of whom is paralyzed."
- I'm not moving from here.
- Try to move me !
- I'll call the lawyer.
- Carmen, get a paper and write.
- What shall I write? To whom?
Shame on you!
They kick us out and we are so undignified
dignified that we want to stay.
I'm going to take advantage of this, I'm going to leave right now.
In 30 minutes, not in 30 days !
- Do we have to suffer an injustice ?
- And an injustice.
- We are not idiots.
- Be reasonable, we don't know where to go.
Hotel.
Also, I've already seen three ads
Of premises to be taken over.
- Stop working.
- Remember that you are beautiful...
...but in poor health.
- I am very well !
- You are old, I am not.
- You are one year older than me.
It doesn't matter,
you want to be old, I don't.
Either come with me
Or stay with your friends, choose.
Carmen.
...I can't leave them in the moment
of the fight, it would be cowardly.
Very good, then I will come to see you
on Thursday if I have free time.
What about the tank tops ?
Remember you are leaving...
...after 35 years of marriage.
- 37.
(Necchi) 37.
- I'm going to go call a cab.
(Necchi) Go.
And now?
THEY SING THE ITALIAN ANTHEM
Valeria, I need your help.
You are an intellectual leftist...
...you cannot not take sides
against the exploitative masters.
That murderer wants to divide us,
she wants to drive us away from each other.
You in here...and me who knows where.
I have already decided
that if they send you away, I'll go with you.
- Where? How?
- We'll make do.
The important thing is to be together.
Eventually
we could also get married.
- Here, it's a perfume.
- For me ? An engagement gift !
- You have to put it in the soup.
- The perfume ?
Tomorrow you'll sneak it
in the soup tureen.
We can't, they're watching us.
Sabotage.
INDISTINCT BUZZING
I look forward to Thursday,
broth is so good for me.
It stinks!
- What is this slop ?
- I said that too.
A Japanese soup
with five scents?
Make that Lucrezia Borgia woman drink it!
director !
Take cover, quick !
We are invaded by frogs !
Melandri !
This crumbling shack
is too humid !
Here is full of eels !
This is not a mansion,
it's a frog factory !
STORM NOISES
ULULATES
Let's go.
It is the Apocalypse,
repent of your sins.
Order of the principal.
Dust you are and dust you shall return !
(Melandri) Pray and repent.
(Melandri) Remember that you have to die.
- Yes, at what time?
All on your knees, pray !
Comrades, who do we have to thank
for all these sufferings ?
(together) The director !
Yes, it is her, this torturer
who speculates on our pain.
- Who is the beast of Mathausen?
- The principal!
The principal will make a lampshade
with your skin, Mrs. Mattolini.
(Necchi) A little bit at a time,
let's turn everything into a nice game...
... "Sing Sing Revolt".
THEY SING "VA, PENSIERO"
Watch !
(Necchi) Look.
(Melandri) Go away !
(Necchi) Even the director.
They go away ! Finally !
Victory !
Savoy !
What a victory, we didn't win !
Count Mascetti !
They have sold,
the management has changed !
(Capecelato) Who are the new owners ?
- I don't know, there is a new manager.
He phoned and said
to expect him at seven o'clock all together.
Silence !
He said he wants to make a speech.
Listen to me, I'm warning you,
it could be terrible.
Leaving the director said:
"Poor you, you will regret me."
It will be worse than before.
BELL
It's him!
I'm ready to start fighting again
And to climb to the roof again.
BELL
Madonna, how it sounds !
BELL
It must be terrible !
- It's Sassaroli !
- What are you doing here ?
What does this mean ?
Gentlemen, I am Professor Sassaroli,
former surgeon...
...very well known.
Since I realized that I am
almost as dumb as you are...
...I have decided to sell
my clinic...
...and I bought this vile shack
of which I am the new owner...
...as well as director.
A lot of things have to change in here
and I will be inflexible.
I'm going to give the key to the front door to everybody...
...but nobody has to come back
before three o'clock in the morning.
Prohibition of getting drunk less
than three times a week...
...and to cease nocturnal shouting
before sunrise.
At least one dinner
or one masked party per month.
BRUSIO
Customer care will be entrusted to
to young and experienced nurses...
...with total exclusion
of nuns.
- Veruska, my right hand man.
- The one who masturbates him.
- Marisa, my left arm.
- She's left-handed. - Ah, she's left-handed.
(Necchi) So we're together again
and this time it seems like forever.
Gentlemen, excuse me, I ask
permission to go to sleep.
It has been a very tiring day.
Granted.
Me too,
if you don't need me anymore.
- You too.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- 10:45 and they already go to sleep.
- We are not in Las Vegas.
If I had known,
I wouldn't have bought this mortuary.
- Let's hope for new management.
- Yeah.
- You could buy a pool table.
- Have a skating rink put in.
Yes, but what are we doing tonight ?
You are the master, order.
- Do you trust me?
- Yes.
- We go out.
- Like we used to? - Yes.
Valeria wanted to teach me
to play chess, how do I do?
Do what you used to do with your wife,
it worked with her.
Good idea.
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
What happened?
You make me worry.
Can't you tell me?
(Necchi) How long has it been since we came here
to slap people in the face !
It's been years,
we are even excited.
I don't get it anymore !
Madonna !
What a blow !
They have also learned !
(Necchi) Look at Mascetti!
- Let's go and buy some more perette.
♪ To buy shit-spray! ♪
Let's hurry up, at midnight
the local for Empoli is leaving!
THEY SING
"THE BARBER OF SEVILLE
SINGING "THE BARBER OF SEVILLE"
(Necchi)
Puttana Eva, how they have aged!
It seems that Sassaroli has a ten kilos watermelon
ten kilos under his shirt.
Since Melandri is retired
it seems to me that he is even shorter.
After the scare of six years ago
and the death of his wife...
...Count Mascetti
could only get better.
I look like Fanfani!
If they see me as I see them...
...instead of "The Barber of Seville",
we should sing the "De profundis".
♪ A poor man died at the hospital...
♪ ...with the urinal he poured himself. ♪
♪ Citizens, run with the rope...
♪ ...a priest fell in the shit. ♪
♪ Everyone says this:
"Quant'è bella Mimì !"
♪ The wildest panties
in the village. ♪
♪ Twenty-one, thirty-one
twenty-one, thirty-one...♪
♪ The servant of our curate
Had a fly between her thighs...
♪ ...and the priest, a rather shady figure,
removed the fly and put the...
♪ ...twenty-one, thirty-one,
twenty-one, thirty-one... ♪
♪ My father, I have committed
a great sin...
♪ ...perhaps you will forgive me.
The other night we were alone
me and my beloved...
♪ ...he put his hand on my chest.
♪ With that other cheeky one,
while I didn't want to...
♪ ...he allowed himself to touch me...
LA YULA LA YULA THERE
♪ After a day's work
he was tired as a mule...
♪ ...and he put it three times in my...
LA YULA LA YULA LALLÀ ♪
LAUGHTER
(Necchi) Yes, but our friendship
does not grow old...
...because inside we continue
to be between 12 and 16 years old...
...with the same desire
to laugh and to be together.
In fact we are doing
a trip in honor of Mascetti...
...and we go around being silly.
- Where do I go? - We had to go
to visit Puccini's house.
- We could take a trip to the park.
- Puccini on the right and park on the left.
- Let the birthday boy decide.
- Mascetti, let's do what you want.
- Culture or ecology?
- Carousels.
Off to the rides !
Hey!
Push !
Push.
I'm not going in, too bad.
Here.
It's very wide !
- This car doesn't steer well.
- What are you doing?
- It looks like it fits and it doesn't.
- I know why !
You've been drinking again today !
Let me feel your breath !
- Let me try again.
- No, let's go home !
Thank you.
- Four carbines.
- For shooting.
- Here.
- All right.
(Necchi) I aim for the chalks.
- Here, to you.
- I aim at the balloon in the center !
Careful not to hit the presents.
Guys, don't pull on the presents.
High ball !
(Necchi)
High to the right chalks !
- Halt ! It's over, there's nothing left !
- And the prizes ?
Where do we go now ?
Stop, you can't go up.
- I'm sorry, but it's forbidden.
- To whom?
- To children and old people.
- Old will be your grandfather.
- And that slut of a grandmother of yours.
- What?
I am professor Sassaroli,
a well-known luminary of science.
The gentlemen are my patients,
this is my medical card.
I guarantee their heart system
and their psychophysical balance.
- Then have a seat.
- Thank you.
Fasten your seat belts.
Go, Charon!
COMPLAINTS
I told you so !
Call someone, the old people are sick.
Down.
Watch out for the wheel.
Don't make that face.
It is the best rest home in Florence
and it's also very expensive.
Alright, Count Mascetti
will end his life in an old people's home.
- Except if you have changed your mind.
- No.
Maybe you feel a little remorse,
a little shame.
- No.
- Of course, I had to imagine that.
At least you, Melandri.
We were good together.
- I used to keep you company.
- Too much.
- Living alone, I filled your house.
- With whores, that I had to pay for.
No, I can't.
Where do I make you sleep? In the bar?
What about me?
In the clinic mortuary ?
Mascetti, we have done
everything we could do.
Alright,
you are monstrously selfish...
...but I thank you all the same.
- Sure, we pay for everything.
- Your wheelchair costs more than a car
racing car! - Bravo, very delicate !
- We'll walk you in.
- No.
- And the suitcase?
- Here.
For you I don't exist anymore.
Send me the chrysanthemums on November 2nd.
I wonder if we did well.
Of course we did well,
he didn't have a home anymore.
He didn't eat,
everything was always dirty.
At least here they will take care of him.
(Necchi) We will respect his last will and
will, we will not look for him anymore.
Also because we don't want to know
how he lives in there.
It's too painful the idea
that Mascetti is closed in an old people's home.
- Melandri, what do you want at this hour?
- Coffee.
- It is closed. - It's 6:30,
the other cafes have been open for half an hour.
Then go get it at another bar,
or rather go get it in the ass!
Damn you!
- Madam, are we going to the market today?
- I went there yesterday.
I can accompany you today as well.
We do our shopping
every other day.
Tomorrow then?
- Do you want me to help you?
- To do what?
I can help you,
sweep the floor ?
No thanks, I do it myself.
I'm used to it.
And you don't have to unaccustom yourself.
- Go take a walk, architect.
- I've been around since 4:00.
So, if you don't need any help,
I'll read you my last poem.
- I'm going to go wash up.
- Wait, it won't be long.
- Dog.
- What? - It's the title.
"The poor old hound
Is prowling in the garden..."
"...dragging his shaky legs
and his camouflaged face."
Dogs don't have faces,
they have snouts.
- I know, but "muzzle-camuso" sounds bad.
- Poetic license...
I'm going to go wash up.
"Surely he searches in a hurry
for someone..."
"...who caresses him on the head
And under his bearded chin."
Do dogs have chins ?
- What do you call it ?
- At most, "bazza".
It's not poetic.
The shaved chin...
Dogs don't shave !
Shaved due to old age !
- There is a meaning, try to understand.
- What ?
Let him read this poem !
"Love, pity."
"With no more teeth or flair..."
"...poor old dog..."
"...poor old lost friend of mine."
- Did you understand?
- Yes, I understood that he is a dog...
...with a face, with a shaved chin
and that he also has mange!
It is a metaphor,
this dog is Mascetti!
It is a poem for Mascetti !
I wonder how he is, how he is reduced...
PHONE RINGING
The telephone...
Bar Restaurant Necchi.
It's you, how are you?
It's him... Tell me.
I also need a ten year old boy,
rent him from a gypsy girl.
I'll mark it down:
"ten-year-old boy for rent."
You'll see, it'll be something epic.
I'll call you, I don't pay anyway.
- You didn't tell me how you are.
- I'm fine here, bye.
I'm glad you're doing well here...
...but I remind you that for the guests
there is a pay phone in the hall.
- Yes, but the FILICUDA of the SBRINDELLONA
how did it do? - I beg your pardon?
I tried with SUPERCAZZORA
with SCAPPELLING, but it doesn't work.
- In what sense?
- In the ANAFESTIC sense.
- Maybe for ANDICAPO of altitude.
- Is the phone too high ?
No, he didn't understand.
I was saying that if it was with the finger,
going down and up...
Follow your finger, up and down.
If it goes down, it doesn't go up and vice versa.
- Ask the nun to help you.
- That's what I was saying.
- Don't call here anymore.
- Sure.
♪ How delicious it is to go
in the wheelchair...
♪ ...on the wheelchair
On the arm of my beauty. ♪
Sorry, the clutch is slipping.
It slips every morning,
at least not at my table !
- Coffee?
- Just milk. - Just coffee.
- There is no bread. Sister?
- I'll get it for you.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
IMITATES THE TRUMPET
OF THE FLAG RAISING
- Wake up, General ! Good morning !
- Good morning, Count.
Sorry if I woke you up,
but you're still dressed for breakfast.
- It's 10:00.
- 10:00? That's right, I'm late.
I have to go get dressed for "promenade".
Thank you very much, Mr. Count.
Respecting the rules
is my secret.
At our age,
if we let ourselves go, it's the end.
Sister, the sawdust !
You always hide the prosthesis,
I never find it.
Here it is, he has to keep it in his ear.
With just one, you don't hear anything.
SPEAK IN GERMAN
You don't hear when I call you
nor the lunch bell, understand?
- I understand.
(Mascetti) Mrs. Poggibollini!
The nuns don't understand anything.
Sound waves are best transmitted
through the body.
A recent scientific discovery
says to use the device...
...rectally, understand?
- No.
With respect, if you put it
In the asshole he feels better.
Try.
Mr. Mascetti !
I need to get the brakes serviced,
what's up?
I cut out the article
on the ancient legends of Casentino.
Interesting.
If you BLINK
the BREMATURATED SUPERCAZZOR...
...I care about SEGA.
- How?
Mr Lenzi !
Mr. Lenzi, have you seen Cecco?
I think he's back there,
but maybe it was yesterday.
You are terrible, Mr. Lenzi.
You make all the women fall in love.
For example, those two beautiful girls
they confessed it to me.
- They are both in love with her.
- Maybe!
When I was young,
I was with three women at once.
I was with ten women
In one day, I had it in granite.
Congratulations.
♪ I'll pick you up tonight
in my blue torpedo. ♪
Cecco, I've been looking for you for an hour.
I'm out of flies.
- I'm out of money.
- I want five ounces of it.
- And the camera?
- I put it in his room.
Mark that too,
by Saturday everything must be ready.
If the director notices,
she'll fire me.
What do you care?
Working is not the most important thing.
- And what is it?
- Laughing.
(Mascetti) Always laughing!
Laughing...
"You utter phrases
That make me smile."
(woman)
"Your smile is so contemptuous."
(man)
"You don't know the truth."
- "Then tell me, if you dare."
- "My secret is in my heart."
(woman)
"Why?"
"We both know the secret
Is in your uncle's dark heart..."
Enough.
Enough with these
anti-cultural.
How do you form yourselves?
You grow up as a bunch of ignorant people.
- Give me.
- Why? No!
There is a program just for us
about old age...
...that talks about our problems
social and human problems.
"Third Age Television
wishes you a good morning."
"Repeat for the arteriosclerotic,
have a nice day."
Our programs will begin
with a short space...
...for advertising.
"Time passes inexorably."
"In your bed you sleep
only some nights..."
"...In the coffin you will sleep forever."
- What is it?
- A new net, I've never seen it.
Shut up, silence!
"Choose our coffins with
padding proofed for eternal sleep."
Menagramo !
"Remember..."
"...Buonanima Brothers enterprise,
via del Purgatorio 17."
Interesting, did you get the address ?
"Trapassi Brothers,
viale dei Cipressi 47."
Let's put the interval.
Come.
IMITATES THE MUSIC OF THE INTERVAL
Hurry.
Come on !
Come on !
"My maternal grandfather's butt
concerns me greatly."
"It's always wet and inflamed."
"My paternal grandfather's butt
is always candied."
- What kind of television is this?
- Be quiet, it's a free network.
Free ass!
"My grandfather always uses Mingo,
the diaper for old pissers."
"You use it too."
"Now our programs continue
with a science column..."
"...given by the holder of the chair
of senescence and decomposition..."
"...of the university."
- It must be seen.
"The famous Professor Rambaldus."
"Today we will attempt an experiment
Of remote collective hypnosis."
"Of course not all of you
will be subjected to my fluid..."
"...but only certain subjects
more sensitive."
"Stare carefully into this mirror
And try not to think about anything."
That's just fibs !
I am refractory.
"Two, three, four...
"I feel the return fluid."
"Some of you have fallen asleep
And will obey me."
"Let no one try to wake him up,
it would be dangerous."
"Open your eyes, now you will take a journey
backwards in your life."
"Backwards, backwards, backwards.
You're 18 years old."
"For the first time you enter
into a brothel."
"You finally know lust."
Come here, beauty !
He's dangerous, he's been hypnotized.
You satisfy him, come back !
"You are now entering your
early childhood, you are four years old."
"You eat, but what you eat you don't like."
Poop !
"It's your birthday."
"You've been given a saber
to be a warrior."
Come on, Savoy !
"That's it, bravo !
Give vent to your instincts !"
"Very good !"
"So you won't have complexes when you grow up."
What's going on ?
- Mr. Mascetti!
- Don't wake him up, he's in trance!
(Mascetti) Shut up!
- "The experiment is successful."
"You will wake up
to the sound of the... gong !"
Oh my god, what happened ?
- What have you done to me?
- What did you do?
Nothing, I was watching TV.
"There will now be a bi-weekly broadcast
of senile sexology entitled..."
"...'Dry bush, moldy pea'."
What does it do ? This is
Mr. Mascetti's room!
"What is this?"
SPEAK IN GERMAN
Telefunken !
- Kamasutra.
- SCAPPELLATION to the right.
- SUKATO MELAI.
- Funeral, many funeral.
- They will hunt Mascetti!
- For goodness sake, he'll come back with us.
- But no, we'll send her flowers.
- Two crowns of scarlet roses.
- Will you accompany me?
- I can't, my niece is here.
Ivana, are you sleeping?
Wake up, Ivana.
- I'm hungry.
- Now let's go eat.
Sit forward.
- The granddaughter on whose side?
- "On the side of fava," goodbye to all.
- Shall I come with you? - Yes, I must also
bring the imbecile back to my cousin.
- At this hour there is traffic, get in.
- Sorry...
...I don't feel able to drive anymore,
I don't have the reflexes.
Don't worry, after a while
I'll stop breaking your balls.
Wake up ! "Who wants to see the dawn,
leave the soft feathers", Fogazzaro.
I don't want to see the dawn.
Damn you, Fogazzaro
and to whoever opens the door for you.
It's 6:30, we have a lot to do!
I miss work.
- I don't.
- Of course, you have never worked!
- Yes, I have this advantage.
- Lucky you, but I...
You don't know how hard it is
not to do anything all your life.
Mascetti, you were right,
now I feel good!
I looked everywhere !
- Good morning, gentlemen.
- Good morning.
- May I?
- Please do.
- Are you new? - No, I have been
in Naples to visit my nephews.
Bravo.
Nice day, isn't it?
- Yes, beautiful day.
- It looks nice, but it's going to rain tonight.
- Do you think it will rain?
- Yes, it will rain.
- We hope not.
- Instead it will rain.
I feel like we're having a
conversation like old farts.
That's exactly right, but I'm here
Because I do small services...
...to earn some money.
I offer first aid
against the rain.
Object recovery...
...forgotten in the garden: 1000 liras.
Watch an episode
lost on TV: 500 lire.
If one is cold, I offer heating
in the bed with human heat.
I also assume blame for indiscipline
for a price to be agreed upon.
VERSI
- Do you also do things not listed ?
- Sure, what should I do?
Follow the general...
...and without realizing it,
imitate the sound of the water.
- How many times?
- Four. - 1000 liras.
Give it to him, come on.
- Thank you.
- Go.
IMITATES THE SOUND OF WATER
(Necchi) Death is discreet,
almost gentle, in the rest homes.
One morning she looks out of a window
disguised as a slammed mattress.
Everyone sees her,
but they pretend not to see her.
- Are you sure he's dead?
- Sure, it's the room next to mine.
- Thank goodness. - How is it good?
- Better him than someone else...
...when he snored
he looked like an electric saw.
- I have to leave.
- You just arrived.
And now I'm leaving.
- Good morning, Mr. Mascetti.
- Good morning.
- What a beautiful day!
- Let's start again...
- It looks beautiful, but it's going to rain.
- But if there isn't a cloud !
Exactly, I like it when it rains.
No, she likes to be rude,
but I ask her anyway.
- There is a flowering lilac after the lawn.
- Long live the lilacs!
In the hen house
the chicks are born, are they coming ?
- I can't, the accumulators
are empty. - I'll push it.
I've been watching her for a while...
...and I have not yet understood
what kind of person you are.
A person
that it is better not to frequent.
RUSSING
- Sister, is 22 dead or not?
- Yes.
- Why does he keep snoring?
- I don't know. - Listen.
SNORING
- Did you hear that?
- Yes, it's a new guest.
Do you put them all next to me?
RUSSARE
Hey!
- Melandri?
- Yes.
- What are you doing here?
- What do you think I'm doing? Sleeping.
- I had been applying for a while.
- To come here ?
- The room opened up and I decided.
- Why didn't you tell me ?
- I wanted to surprise you.
- Yes, of course...
The truth is that you were ashamed.
Yeah.
- It happened to me too.
- I didn't want to go there.
I didn't either.
Outside I didn't know what to do,
I was breaking my balls.
- It's old age. - Old age is
When you break the balls of others.
You broke everyone's
even when you were young.
- Do you think you are old?
- Not at all!
I'm the same as before, even better.
But here we are.
There must be something wrong...
...or unfair.
Who knows?
- Do you want a cigarette?
- I quit.
I'll start again right away !
You didn't come here just to be
with your friend, did you ?
- What is it?
- The rules of the house.
No going out after 10pm,
no late lunches...
...complaints are made in writing,
etc. You learn it by heart
- Other ?
- These are the rules...
...then there are the tips.
Third age is a difficult time,
Mr. Melandri.
- Architect Melandri.
- Do you have phenomena of morning erections?
Yes, phenomenon is the right word.
In 99% of cases it's the prostate,
don't brag too much.
I recommend you get yourself examined.
Also for hygienic reasons...
...I recommend to all male guests
of a certain age...
...to pee sitting down like women.
- Do you pee standing up like a man?
- Mr. Melandri !
The architect Melandri pees
as he wants, even on one foot.
- Mr. Melandri !
- And I'll make her shake it off!
- And I never miss.
- Sister!
I hit a coin at seven yards,
like Buffalo Bill ! Look at all !
(Melandri) Hold on, I can't find it.
Don't run away,
I have it like a fire hydrant!
And I also have erections in the evening...
...in the afternoon and at noon,
before and after meals.
I use it to crush nuts !
Let's toast to our new guest,
the architect Melandri.
What a great idea, you eat
so bad with dentures.
RICE
- Sister, it's tough.
- Sister, it's not heifer !
- Sister, can you cut it ?
- Sister, can you chop it ?
(together) Sister, can you suck it ?
(together) Sister, it is not heifer !
- Complaints are only made in writing.
- We are old.
- This is a very dirty thing !
No, they are false teeth.
Look at the beautiful smile we have.
I'll throw them out right away.
I'll throw this one away too !
No, one moment !
That one is mine !
- The straws!
- Yes, do the snot!
One for me too.
- What are you doing, pig?
- Imbecile, what's wrong with you?
- We always have to be recognized !
- By whom?
By that lady, she is different.
You have to stop fooling around.
- What is the name of that lady?
- Amalia Pecci Bonetti.
- She has two surnames and blue eyes
like a fairy. - Let's start again.
No, for fuck's sake.
Do you fall in love here too?
- Then you have a chronic disease !
- Did you see her or not ?
- I am always at your disposal.
- Go ahead. General Mastrostefano.
Holy crap, I'm late.
Flowers.
If you allow,
I will show you the park.
- I am Stefano Lenzi.
- Architect Rambaldo Melandri.
(Necchi) There is a lot of competition,
but Melandri will prevail over all...
...because the others are suitors,
instead he is a suitor.
- Guess what he's telling her.
- "The Walk" by D'Annunzio.
I didn't think, he only felt.
Say, you were never convalescent
in a somewhat cloudy April?
No, I always get sick in November,
at the first cold.
Madam, these are verses by D'Annunzio.
They say that in the thick of the foliage...
...you have a red lock of hair
like a flame, is it true?
No, I have never been red.
- Madam, it's always D'Annunzio!
- Ah, yes.
You don't love me either,
and I don't love you.
- It's a little early.
- Amalia.
By now he has won, too bad.
What a woman!
If I were still 70 years old...
You know that until recently,
until a thousand...
- 1964 ?
- No. - 1968 ?
- No.
- 1970 ?
That's right, I was still riding a horse
as a...
- A Cossack?
- No, a...
- A cow-boy?
- No... it's an Italian name.
- A cowboy.
- Good, a cowboy.
What did he say about cowboys?
No, she said he rode
like a cowboy.
For a bet I used to attach myself
with my hands to a branch...
...I clenched my thighs
and pulled myself up together with the horse.
I was a perfect man, instead now
I have to make room for young people.
Old age...
It is better to kill yourself
if there is no remedy for old age.
(Necchi) I don't know how I get
I don't know how I come up with such divine, indeed diabolical ideas...
...but I tell him...
There is a remedy!
How old
do you think he is?
- 64, 65 years old.
- 65 years old...
95 years old.
Of course, he says it to brag!
He went to school with my father.
In 1920 he had an affair
with my mother, maybe I am her son.
What did he do?
Any new American cures ?
Yoga? Tibet ? Gerovital ?
What a cure !
LAUGHTER
- Excuse me if I laugh in a satanic way.
- Dr. LUCI rather FERO.
- Shut up! Are you crazy?
- Why are you telling him to shut up ?
Nothing.
Go away, don't try to know.
Stay away from us, we are cursed.
Are you crazy? I regret
I made you do the deal.
Sooner or later everyone will notice
I'm getting younger.
You're unconscious !
A black mass is a secret,
not to be talked about.
Never talk about the pact
with anyone.
- Good morning, looking very good today.
- Feeling really good.
Look.
Until a week ago
I was suffering from total paralysis.
Improvement is slow, but steady.
- Covenant says.
- What ?
The covenant says six months.
WHISPERS INCOMPREHENSIBLE WORDS
Continue.
Explain.
I can't...
I still feel good, yesterday you were talking about
Yesterday you were talking about pact, black mass...
...of Dr. Divago...
- What is your name?
- Doctor Faust.
Are you afraid of selling your soul
to the devil to become young again?
Don't make me laugh,
I want to kill myself!
Of course I would sell his soul,
but how can I believe it ?
Look at me, do you want me to try again ?
Damn.
- Who is that?
- The intermediary.
A rather HAPPY MEFIST guy.
She !
She is a chosen one.
When he is around someone,
you can't escape him.
You are surrounded by a black fluid.
Have you ever had paranormal phenomena,
impressive visions ?
- No.
- He will have them.
- Can I have a light?
- Right away.
CARÓ, CARAI, CARABAI...
Come on, Count.
I have some mediumistic news for you.
SHORTNESS OF BREATH
Here, I give you Florence.
I'll make a carpet out of it for you.
- D'annunzio.
- No, me.
Rambaldo.
...you wheeze.
For the passion.
I'm panting, too.
Yes, we pant together.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
How beautiful, how youthful tonight is.
Did he put makeup on his eyes
to please someone?
No need, for example
I prefer her without makeup.
- I put on makeup for just that reason.
- Thank you, you are always nicer.
Enjoy your meal.
Mr. Lenzi, excuse me,
can you bring me a knife?
- They forgot to put it in.
- Right away.
They never put them in for me.
Thank you.
Is it your presence, do you want to stop
with this black fluid of yours ?
So I can't even eat.
Go away, "vade retro".
- See you later, sweetheart.
- Thank you, dear.
Sister.
- Well?
- She is wonderful.
It's beautiful, it's... I don't know how to tell you.
It's like an alabaster urn.
It has a scent of purity,
a gentle mystery...
- Wonderful, wonderful.
- But have you had sex?
- Are you waiting for her to come of age?
- I'm waiting for my wedding night.
- Whose? - Ours, I want
ask her in marriage to her relatives.
- When ?
- Thursday.
Of course I'm coming.
Don't worry,
I'll warn Sassaroli.
- See you Thursday, bye.
- Where are you going on Thursday?
- At Mascetti's. - Again?
You are always in that hospice!
It is not a hospice,
but a beautiful mansion.
They have a princely garden,
they live like Popes and it's cheap.
It's okay, I don't care.
Carmen, I told you
so that you don't think wrong things.
Hello?
Professor Sassaroli, please.
It's urgent.
No, you disturb him.
It can't be a case
more urgent than mine.
Tell him "Melandri case" and you will see
the scalpel falls from his hand.
Thursday
is the closing day...
...of this cursed place.
- Why is it cursed?
I'm starting to hate it,
this club will kill us both.
- Especially you, how you are reduced !
- Me?
Look at the dark circles under your eyes!
What a destroyed face!
You work too much for your age,
look at those swollen legs.
- They don't.
- They look like sausages...
...inflated with a pump !
Sassaroli,
listen to the news about Melandri.
Yes.
Sis, what should we do on Thursday?
- That kidney transplant.
- Let's postpone it.
- It's a hopeless case.
- Exactly, let's be cautious.
Let's redo all the tests.
Alright, see you Thursday.
Hi.
I told you, it's like a hotel.
The rooms all have bathrooms.
- Come on!
- Go on, I'll catch up with you.
- Do you like it ?
- Yes, it's nice.
Come on, I'll show you the park.
Here are the ladies, some are knitting
knitting, others are playing cards...
- Do you want to make friends?
- Why do I have to make friends?
Come, I'll introduce you.
Ladies, let me introduce you to my wife.
I'll be right back.
(speaker) "The closing time
for visitors is 19:30."
Count Mascetti,
Professor Sassaroli...
...dear friends, almost brothers.
The lawyer Pecci Bonetti,
brother of Amalia, his wife...
Mrs. Arnaldi,
wife of the engineer Arnaldi...
...the son-in-law of Amalia,
her wonderful grandchildren...
...Miss Lilly...
- Milly.
- Milly, the granddaughter.
- "From fava."
- What ?
- Nothing, dear.
- Another friend, Mr. Necchi.
- Where are you going on your honeymoon?
To the caves of Monsummano?
Excellent for lumbar arthrosis.
Go to Lourdes, so I can come too.
We will honeymoon in the villa
of Amalia, in Forte dei Marmi.
- Rambaldo and I are going to live there.
- In the villa? You promised me!
Good, you came here because
you were sad and wanted company...
...and now you leave me alone
and go away with it.
- Between you and her there is no comparison, here.
- I don't drink with Judas, I'm going away.
Mascetti!
- Mascetti!
- Come on, stop it!
General, do something.
If you let it be stolen
from that old fart?
A gentleman must know how to lose.
The lady has chosen
and I respect her will.
May she be happy, at least.
- Mr. Count, come a moment.
- I'm coming, Miss.
- The gentleman who wants to marry
my grandmother a friend of yours? - He was.
- He seems like a good person
and that she loves him. - I hate him.
That's not true, that's why I'm telling her.
My grandmother is a whore, you see ?
- Sure.
- She had sex with everybody.
He did it everywhere, in the cabins
at the beach, in the phone booths...
...in the bushes, in the cellar...
- She was also with my boyfriend.
- Do you want to take revenge for the villa?
Sure, I'm mad about the mansion,
but also for the fiancé.
Try playing footsie with my grandmother.
Me?
Foot? It's not easy !
Love is born in the most unexpected
most unexpected.
It is a mystery, but it is always
extraordinary, always new.
I came here
to withdraw from the world...
...and instead I met love.
A great love and a great family.
For me you are already
as my children and my grandchildren.
To me you are already my brothers,
my cousins and my brothers-in-law...
...because I consider myself already
married to her.
Yay!
KISS
(Necchi) Here we have to make
a decision...
...tell Melandri what the reality is...
...or to keep silent pitifully?
What a problem!
(Necchi) And then we have to deal with
Lenzi and Beelzebub...
...how much work!
- Hi, Cecco.
- Good night. - Good night.
Now let's all go to sleep.
Good night, Mr. Lenzi.
- Good night.
- Happy dreams. - Same to you.
See you tomorrow.
URLA
Help!
Run, there is a goat!
Do you see a goat?
- Have you seen it?
- I didn't see anything.
What do you mean nothing?
Look at the smoke coming out !
- You materialize an ectoplasm,
in satanic terms. - What is happening ?
- Help!
- Another goat?
This is an owl.
- Do you see an owl? - No.
- We don't see any owl.
- It's here, on the armchair.
- Do you see an owl on the armchair ?
- No. - We don't see any owl.
- Look at it, it's here !
You are materializing too much.
It happened to us too.
Right, Melandri?
- Good night, Mr. Lenzi.
- Good night.
- What did you do?
- Nothing.
- Is an owl in the room normal?
- And paranormal.
But you don't understand anything
these days.
- We have the wrong room.
- No, it plays a little to fall asleep.
Since I suffer from insomnia...
It's not bad, is it ?
- Why don't you sleep at this hour ?
- I'd like to talk to you alone.
Mr. Capecelato, that's enough for tonight.
- Sure, but I came.
- Sign on my account.
Again?
Always at your disposal, good night.
Good night.
I received it today.
It's an anonymous letter.
"Amalia is easy-going, she gets fucked by dogs and
fucked by dogs and pigs. A friend."
- Really?
- What?
It is a slander, it is an infamous slander !
In your place,
I wouldn't be so peremptory.
- If he is a friend, he does it for your own good.
- What a friend, he's an accursed pig!
He is one of these old men,
an envious, or jealous or...
I know who did it.
His relatives
who want all his money !
But in your place, I would check.
I trust her
like she's my mom.
Look what I do
with this lousy letter...
...of these disgusting anonymous
That offend a madonna.
For me she is as pure as a madonna!
SWITCHBOARD RINGING
Hello, sister?
Please, can you give me number 46?
- At this time it is no longer allowed.
- Yes, but I found...
...an ancient prayer
of the Madonna del Petrolio.
I don't know.
The lady in 46 can't sleep
without that prayer...
...it would be like a repentance
For so-called incarnation...
It would be your maxima culpa.
- I pass you 46.
- Do you see that you understand?
CLASSICAL MUSIC FROM THE RADIO
TELEPHONE RINGING
- Hello?
- I am very ready.
- Is it you, Rambaldo?
- No.
- So you are the Honorable?
- No, wrong.
- The gardener Carlone?
- It's me, Mascetti.
- Count Mascetti.
- The paraplegic?
- Yes, the trumpeting paraplegic!
- What do you say?
Stop or I'll hang up,
what do you want from me ?
I want to do to you what Carlone does to you,
but a thousand times better.
I wonder, just you
who is a friend of my fiancé !
Better, isn't it ?
Think how exciting it would be
the two of us going wild on this bed...
...and him on the other side
of the wall blissfully sleeping.
- I close the phone.
- I want to explain in detail...
...what I will do to you.
- I would start with the left nipple.
- But what does it say?
- Do you prefer the right one ?
- I close...
Until you reach the navel
and then lower and lower...
(Necchi) The day after Mascetti
gives us the videotape...
...and we send it back to Melandri.
- A registered letter for you, architect.
- Thank you.
Mr. Mascetti.
- Mr. Mascetti?
- Yes?
- Is there anything wrong?
- No.
- Are you lonely?
- Yes.
- Come to my table.
- No.
- He prefers me to come.
- Yes.
- What is it ?
- Don't touch, leave it !
I'm sorry, my love.
I don't do that anymore.
Sorry, I'll be right back.
- What are you doing here?
- You invited me. - Me?
- I don't mind.
- I do.
"SUPERCAZZORA 69 presents.
'It's Never Too Late'"
"The Warm Nights of the Porn Woman
or 'Old hen makes good stock'."
"Starring: Amalia.
Costarring: Count Raphael."
Amalia...
Silence!
Silence.
This woman
is the greatest whore...
...of the whole millenary history
of whoredom.
Messalina and Taide are two amateurs
compared to this whore.
You have publicly offended
a gentlewoman.
Name your godparents.
Macchè godfathers!
I'll break your head!
Do you want to see how I'll smash it?
As far as you're concerned,
I'll tell you one thing.
One thing only I tell you !
Thank you, my friend.
Gentlemen godfathers, let us choose our weapons.
- I accepted for a hefty fee.
- Take the longest one.
This one.
- Cut !
- Of course, it's a blade.
- You could have chosen the gun
that doesn't cut. - But it pierces.
- Duelists, in the field.
- Come on.
- Go!
- If you don't stop, I'll stab you!
By agreement between the godfathers,
the duel will be to the death.
What?
Before the fight that can lead to
to the death of one of the opponents...
...I am obliged to attempt
an extreme reconciliation.
- I reconcile!
- I demand an apology.
- No way, you can't.
- One moment, I can.
I admit I went a little overboard yesterday.
- Not enough ! Read, director.
- "I, architect Melandri..."
"...I retract the slanderous insult..."
"...launched by me against
the gentlewoman Amalia Pecci Bonetti."
- If you delete "gentlewoman," I'll sign.
- Silence.
"I declare that I have offended you because
I am an ill-mannered waffler..."
"...and son of a slut."
- Me ?
- You have to say it out loud and sign it.
- I don't say it !
- Well done !
- I will slice you up !
On guard !
Quick !
To you.
Halt, suspension for acute diuresis
of a contender.
- Hurry up, are you done?
(Necchi) Give him time!
On guard, to you!
Let us make peace.
- Melandri, you better sign up.
- Are you afraid ? He is 86 years old !
Yes, but he looks like Sandokan !
Stop him, shoot him !
Guys, do something !
You wanted it !
Call the director !
- Oh God, the blood !
- My wife's shirt !
Stop ! What's going on?
Are you crazy ?
- I will report !
- I am fully satisfied.
Me too, very satisfied.
Ladies, gentlemen...
I am ready.
POP MUSIC FROM WALKMAN
Oplà !
He threw down his glasses
and began to read.
Of course, he sold his soul to the devil.
How does this ritual take place ?
How does he appear ?
- The blood attracts him.
- Which blood ?
The blood of a slaughtered virgin.
Did you really cut the throat of a virgin ?
Sure, to get back to the way I was.
You'll have to cut her throat, too.
Look !
Look at that tree !
This is a message.
If you don't decide,
the devil goes away.
The green plant of youth !
How good I feel,
I'm getting better by the second.
- Did you see it?
- Yes, do you know where you are going?
- No.
- She goes to...
Listen, but if I decide,
what should I do ?
Nothing, you have to tell the intermediary.
(Necchi) Full moon night,
Friday the 17th.
Everything is ready for a black mass
thanks to the help of Cecco...
...and of the award-winning Michelini Company,
our ancient supplier...
...of bowlers, mortars
and various powders...
...all the things we need
when we want to have fun.
(Melandri) We're here.
Aren't you getting off?
Yes, I'm coming.
A little patience.
- Anyway, don't call me by my name.
- By now, among the damned...
You are a damn,
I have not signed yet.
Still in a wheelchair ?
Yesterday you were running !
Jumping on the bus yesterday
I shouted "Thank God !".
Satan got pissed off
And punished me.
- Where is the victim?
- He's in the trunk.
- But is she alive?
- Yes, and you will have to slit her throat.
- Madonna Santa !
- Don't say "Madonna Santa"...
...or else he will get pissed off like a beast.
- Here is the victim.
- It's a chicken. - No, it's a chicken.
- A virgin was needed.
- And virgin, check the hole.
It's like when she was born.
Let's go.
It's three minutes to midnight.
SARDANAPALO,
TARAPIA TAPIOCA...
...SATAN, SATAN, Satanasso.
PAPE SATAN ALEPPE.
It is midnight.
(together)
PAPE SATAN ALEPPE.
The two assistants to the underworld !
You, come forward.
Kneel down...
...and crawl.
Worm, worship me.
- Adore me.
- He is worshiping you, my lord.
Who are these two priestesses?
The granddaughters "on the side of fava"
of Sassaroli.
Tear her heart out.
Come on, sacrifice it.
Grab the blades, worm.
- Strength.
- I can't do it.
The pledge can't do it,
I do.
- I'll grant it.
- Thank you, my lord.
IMITATE THE FACE
OF A SLAUGHTERED HEN
This female
is the symbol of lust...
...and of the virgins with whom you will be united
carnally and repeatedly...
...you pig!
And now your blood...
...for the signature !
- Name, surname and address.
- And fiscal code.
- What does it say ?
You don't trust,
who do you think you are dealing with ?
- I can't read without my glasses.
- You won't need them anymore.
You sell your soul
for a century of youth.
A century...
50 years is enough for me.
It is the same signed
by Doctor Faust, signature.
Give me your hand.
UNINTELLIGIBLE WORDS
Brush.
- Careful, you're tickling him.
- No.
Here.
- Brush.
- Slowly, otherwise you'll wake him up.
With Sassaroli's pills,
he'll sleep four days in a row.
Done.
- Successful operation.
- He looks like an Australian Aborigine.
Towel.
We're done, let's go.
- Rambaldo !
- What's up ?
- We forgot the dick.
- Ah, yeah.
Good morning ! Good day !
Thank you for everything.
Here, I don't need it anymore.
What about me?
Mr. Lenzi !
Please stop !
- Where are you going with the car ?
- I know where I'm going !
(Necchi) After one week,
we receive a photo of him...
...also signed by Eluana and Marisina
from the Club Mediterranée of Cefalù.
After 20 days a phone call arrived.
Count, a woman called.
She says to go urgently
to this address for Mr. Lenzi.
"Via del Girasole, 72.
Sorelle Cavaciocchi."
It's a brothel.
You're welcome.
Where are they taking him now ?
To the morgue.
Already.
- Do we have to give them to the family ?
- Which family ?
Lenzi didn't have anyone, otherwise
otherwise he wouldn't have called us.
Did you hear that woman?
They had told her...
... "Mr. Lenzi,
you are exaggerating, stop it."
He thought he was immortal.
Guys, it's our fault.
It's our fault !
He died sure of being immortal,
happy, with the will to live...
- Between the tits of those beautiful women !
- I wish it could happen to us.
Hey.
Guys, who can lend me 100,000 lire?
Lend... sure.
- Here.
- Thank you.
I'll risk it if I'm not back in an hour,
have the ambulance come back.
(Necchi)
Another mattress gets slammed...
...and left to take the air
on the windowsill of the room...
...which Carmen and I
are about to take possession of.
I finally managed to convince her
to sell everything and leave.
Sassaroli helped me,
gave her a fake checkup...
...from which it results affected by all the
senile diseases including prostate...
...and who needs
absolute and total rest.
(Melandri) Discoloured and ragged
billiards, friend of many evenings...
...goodbye.
Worn and stained walls,
limp chairs...
...old worn slats, goodbye.
I see the tears flowing
From your eyes as well as mine.
Imbecile, shut up.
Broken chairs, worn slats...
...if the person who bought it hears you,
he'll ask for his money back!
- Where do you want to move the counter ?
- What do you care? Let's go.
- The crates need to be put in storage.
- I'll take care of it tomorrow.
Have you come to play
or to help me ? Come on !
Help me carry the bags out !
Coming.
Carmen, come on, let's go.
The hardest thing is to pass the door
but then you will thank me.
Thank you.
What are you looking at ?
Have you never seen a girl ?
One was blonde, one was black,
this one is red... How many are there ?
- Three, perfect number.
- They are 60 years old in three...
...less than you alone.
- They have the Oedipus complex.
They need a father
And I rush to their bedside.
- To their nipple !
So you buy them the car. - Yes.
- The pearls. - Yes.
- And you rent him a house.
I can't let them sleep on the street.
They have the Oedipus complex,
but you have the dumb one !
I am not an old man in a nursing home,
I want to enjoy the life I have left.
I want to make love
as much as possible and with young people.
I don't care about the rest,
not even you.
Go, Sabrina.
Guys, I'm going.
See you at the hospice.
- You're leaving me here?
- Come with me, I'll take you.
You're cruel, you could have at least
let her sit at our table.
A woman is uncomfortable
With three men, she gets bored.
So she keeps Migliari company
and the Migliari doesn't bother me.
We've never eaten together.
I would sit and eat
and she would wait tables.
- The bread is missing.
- I'll take care of it, ma'am.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome, my pleasure.
Excuse me.
To you.
- Sorry again.
- Sorry, that's not a good fit for me.
Can I help you ?
I can peel potatoes, clean
vegetables, grate cheese...
I will cut the carrots ! Thank you.
(Necchi) We also have
existential problems...
...and so we take the advice
of a social worker...
...that every Thursday walks us
on our testicles with stiletto heels...
...saying that to live well you have to
do something socially useful.
Who wants to participate
to the initiatives just signalled ?
Me !
Go, I got this.
Come, children !
Out of the crosswalk,
on the crosswalk is danger !
Come, little twins,
I'll take care of you.
- You get on the bus and go home.
- All right.
- What about me?
- You get in that car...
...who knows where it will take you.
(Necchi) Unfortunately school ends
and summer arrives.
Many boarders will go to their families
for the vacations...
...and for those who stay like us
we are preparing something.
- Gran Canaria, there it is !
- It is no longer in fashion.
- Let's go to Bahamas.
- No, they are not in fashion.
Then let's go with something classic,
Monte Carlo, at least there's a casino.
- No, I am against it.
- Why ?
- I want to go to the casino.
- Think about the future...
...secure a peaceful old age.
- Do you like to play?
- Sure.
- I squandered two assets.
- Ah, now I understand.
Every time I went to play
I told myself...
... "If I win, I die within the year".
- I wasn't winning, but I was happy.
- To lose ?
Yes, I was left without a penny,
but I'm alive.
In my opinion, the truth
Is that she is afraid of her age...
...because she doesn't accept it,
she thinks she doesn't need help.
But old age can also be
a wonderful season, like autumn.
Guys, this is where we're going...
...to the North Pole.
- It's cold there.
- The better we preserve ourselves.
- It may be an idea.
- Yes, finally a non-trivial idea.
In my wardrobe I will be able
find the right equipment.
Visiting the North Pole once
can give meaning to a whole life.
- What is this nonsense ?
- And a proposal.
Look for another place.
I have the responsibility
of you elders.
I forbid you to make
this absurd journey.
Whoever promotes it
will suffer the consequences !
Then.
...I want to go to the North Pole !
- Me too !
I wanted to go to Egypt, but...
- Where are you going? - To phone
Sassaroli to pack his bags.
- Who wants to go to the North Pole ?
(together) Me!
THEY SING IN CHORUS
(Necchi) To this grandiose journey
Sassaroli has also joined in...
...less and less illustrious clinician
who confuses veins with arteries.
There is Russian salad !
- Who wants Russian salad ?
- Me, I like it very much.
- Melandri, pass it to him.
- Do you want mine too?
Sure, I know it hurts,
but I can't resist.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
I want to eat it right up.
- It's good.
- A little cold. - It's true.
I'm sick.
God, I'm so sick.
- I have the air sickness.
- The air pocket. - Yeah.
- I'm sick.
- What's wrong?
- I don't know, but I'm sick.
- Guys, Mascetti is sick.
- He has a gastric blockage.
- Sure, he's a glutton!
Hostess !
What hostess, she must vomit.
Come on, throw up.
- I don't want to throw up.
- Be a good boy. - Take the bag.
- I can't.
- You have to throw up.
I don't want to throw up...
- Bravo.
- The solution is to vomit.
Miss hostess, come!
That gentleman is sick.
Sir ?
- Are you better now?
- Yes, I'm much better, thank you.
In fact, I have an appetite again.
Maybe...
TONFO
Hostess, there is a hostess lying down !
- Can I have a taste ?
- Yes, me too !
You're welcome.
Guido, how disgusting!
- Good, maybe it's better than before.
- And true, hot is better.
Let me taste.
(Sassaroli) Good !
Look, the pack.
- I choose the postcard to the director.
- There's one with a walrus on it.
Runway !
Over there must be the Pole !
How beautiful it is !
Yes, it evokes legendary
figures of Noble and Amundsen.
Why did we come here?
To see the midnight sun...
...but it's 15:30
and at 17:30 we have to leave again.
If we came here,
there must be a reason.
Do you know what Eskimos do
when they are too old ?
They go alone on the pack,
they get out of the way.
You see that gray thing down there ?
Do you know what it is?
Death.
- White lady...
(Necchi) Gray !
White lady,
silent lady with green eyes...
...waiting for us on the pack.
What an imbecile, the pack
doesn't have green eyes !
- Guido, come in!
- Coming!
- Come on, otherwise you'll catch pneumonia.
- Coming!
Will you leave me alone ?
Valeria !
- Yes ?
- Valeria !
Coming.
Don't worry, I'll push you.
- Can you do it?
- Yes, are you very cold?
- Holy shit !
- I made a scarf for her.
- Why didn't you give it to me right away ?
- You are always so grumpy with me.
Is that better ?
"The board of directors
convened in disciplinary session..."
"...has examined
your uncivil behavior..."
"...and your repeated
indiscipline and insubordination..."
What insubordination ?
"...and for recurring disturbances..."
- Not true !
"The board peremptorily requests you
to leave the house within 30 days."
- Damn her !
- Have you read ?
- I call the mayor, the Region !
- And a viper!
- She's a bitch.
- I call the archbishop, the newspapers !
"Scandal in the third age, three poor
old people thrown out into the street..."
"...one of whom is paralyzed."
- I'm not moving from here.
- Try to move me !
- I'll call the lawyer.
- Carmen, get a paper and write.
- What shall I write? To whom?
Shame on you!
They kick us out and we are so undignified
dignified that we want to stay.
I'm going to take advantage of this, I'm going to leave right now.
In 30 minutes, not in 30 days !
- Do we have to suffer an injustice ?
- And an injustice.
- We are not idiots.
- Be reasonable, we don't know where to go.
Hotel.
Also, I've already seen three ads
Of premises to be taken over.
- Stop working.
- Remember that you are beautiful...
...but in poor health.
- I am very well !
- You are old, I am not.
- You are one year older than me.
It doesn't matter,
you want to be old, I don't.
Either come with me
Or stay with your friends, choose.
Carmen.
...I can't leave them in the moment
of the fight, it would be cowardly.
Very good, then I will come to see you
on Thursday if I have free time.
What about the tank tops ?
Remember you are leaving...
...after 35 years of marriage.
- 37.
(Necchi) 37.
- I'm going to go call a cab.
(Necchi) Go.
And now?
THEY SING THE ITALIAN ANTHEM
Valeria, I need your help.
You are an intellectual leftist...
...you cannot not take sides
against the exploitative masters.
That murderer wants to divide us,
she wants to drive us away from each other.
You in here...and me who knows where.
I have already decided
that if they send you away, I'll go with you.
- Where? How?
- We'll make do.
The important thing is to be together.
Eventually
we could also get married.
- Here, it's a perfume.
- For me ? An engagement gift !
- You have to put it in the soup.
- The perfume ?
Tomorrow you'll sneak it
in the soup tureen.
We can't, they're watching us.
Sabotage.
INDISTINCT BUZZING
I look forward to Thursday,
broth is so good for me.
It stinks!
- What is this slop ?
- I said that too.
A Japanese soup
with five scents?
Make that Lucrezia Borgia woman drink it!
director !
Take cover, quick !
We are invaded by frogs !
Melandri !
This crumbling shack
is too humid !
Here is full of eels !
This is not a mansion,
it's a frog factory !
STORM NOISES
ULULATES
Let's go.
It is the Apocalypse,
repent of your sins.
Order of the principal.
Dust you are and dust you shall return !
(Melandri) Pray and repent.
(Melandri) Remember that you have to die.
- Yes, at what time?
All on your knees, pray !
Comrades, who do we have to thank
for all these sufferings ?
(together) The director !
Yes, it is her, this torturer
who speculates on our pain.
- Who is the beast of Mathausen?
- The principal!
The principal will make a lampshade
with your skin, Mrs. Mattolini.
(Necchi) A little bit at a time,
let's turn everything into a nice game...
... "Sing Sing Revolt".
THEY SING "VA, PENSIERO"
Watch !
(Necchi) Look.
(Melandri) Go away !
(Necchi) Even the director.
They go away ! Finally !
Victory !
Savoy !
What a victory, we didn't win !
Count Mascetti !
They have sold,
the management has changed !
(Capecelato) Who are the new owners ?
- I don't know, there is a new manager.
He phoned and said
to expect him at seven o'clock all together.
Silence !
He said he wants to make a speech.
Listen to me, I'm warning you,
it could be terrible.
Leaving the director said:
"Poor you, you will regret me."
It will be worse than before.
BELL
It's him!
I'm ready to start fighting again
And to climb to the roof again.
BELL
Madonna, how it sounds !
BELL
It must be terrible !
- It's Sassaroli !
- What are you doing here ?
What does this mean ?
Gentlemen, I am Professor Sassaroli,
former surgeon...
...very well known.
Since I realized that I am
almost as dumb as you are...
...I have decided to sell
my clinic...
...and I bought this vile shack
of which I am the new owner...
...as well as director.
A lot of things have to change in here
and I will be inflexible.
I'm going to give the key to the front door to everybody...
...but nobody has to come back
before three o'clock in the morning.
Prohibition of getting drunk less
than three times a week...
...and to cease nocturnal shouting
before sunrise.
At least one dinner
or one masked party per month.
BRUSIO
Customer care will be entrusted to
to young and experienced nurses...
...with total exclusion
of nuns.
- Veruska, my right hand man.
- The one who masturbates him.
- Marisa, my left arm.
- She's left-handed. - Ah, she's left-handed.
(Necchi) So we're together again
and this time it seems like forever.
Gentlemen, excuse me, I ask
permission to go to sleep.
It has been a very tiring day.
Granted.
Me too,
if you don't need me anymore.
- You too.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- 10:45 and they already go to sleep.
- We are not in Las Vegas.
If I had known,
I wouldn't have bought this mortuary.
- Let's hope for new management.
- Yeah.
- You could buy a pool table.
- Have a skating rink put in.
Yes, but what are we doing tonight ?
You are the master, order.
- Do you trust me?
- Yes.
- We go out.
- Like we used to? - Yes.
Valeria wanted to teach me
to play chess, how do I do?
Do what you used to do with your wife,
it worked with her.
Good idea.
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
What happened?
You make me worry.
Can't you tell me?
(Necchi) How long has it been since we came here
to slap people in the face !
It's been years,
we are even excited.
I don't get it anymore !
Madonna !
What a blow !
They have also learned !
(Necchi) Look at Mascetti!
- Let's go and buy some more perette.
♪ To buy shit-spray! ♪
Let's hurry up, at midnight
the local for Empoli is leaving!
THEY SING