Ambulance Girl (2005) - full transcript

♪

You know Michael and I
are on an eternal quest

for many perfect things.

One of them is perfect
corned beef hash in a diner.

We have found something about
as close to perfect

as I've eaten
in the last ten years,

not far from our house in
Grafton, Connecticut

at the Laurel Diner.

I think there's something
to be said about Zen

and the art of
the perfect corned beef hash.

(laughing)
Oh, there's a lot to be said.



Because so many
gourmet-style restaurants

screw up corned beef hash
by adding

the most god-awful
ingredients.

The Laurel Diner serves
the classic workman-style

corned beef hash
made from scratch.

And it's fantastic.
In fact...

(woman narrating)
That's us,
Jane and Michael Stern.

You may know us from
the magazine column we write

or from the books
we've written together--

35 and counting-- or from
our radio show, or from TV.

Everywhere we went,
people would always say,

"God, I wish I had your life.

"You got a great job,
a great-looking husband.

"You get to eat what you want.



"You get to travel
to all these fabulous places.

You've got the perfect life."

And I did.

Would you like
to sign the book?
I would love to.

Kind of... but not exactly.

(woman on TV)
And I let you in
because, well,

housewives can get
awfully bored sometimes.

(man on TV)
You're too smooth, honey.

(phone ringing)
You're much too smooth.

Of all the primates...

(Michael)
Jane?

(parrot squawking)

Jane!

...wide variety of habitats...

(Jane)
The fact was that I was having

a sort of midlife event.

That was the producer
in Minneapolis on the phone.

We fly out there
on the 10th,

in case you're interested.

And the flames quickly spread,

burning the entire house
to the ground.

You know, the station's
arranged a bus trip

for us with listeners
to a little restaurant

that's about three hours
into the country.

So, uh, what have
you been doing?

Watching TV.

(parrot squawks)
Oh, Jane!

(man on TV)
Don't go away,
we'll be taking your calls

as our canine fashion show
continues.

Hm.

Well, I'm going to the barn.

(Jane narrating)
Michael had been sober
for a little over a year,

and now he had started spending

more and more time
at AA meetings

or out at High Lonesome Stables
with his horse.

I didn't have to take
care of him anymore,

not the way I had.

After you ride, are you
coming straight home?

I think.

Kirby, come.

Well, be careful.

If K.T. starts
acting spooked...

Jane, I'll be okay.

(door closes)

(horse whinnies)

Easy! Whoa! Whoa!

Michael, wear a helmet!

What's that Jane girl
up to today?

Sitting in front of the TV
in her bathrobe.

She sick?

Not exactly.

More like impossible
to be around right now.

You know, there's--
there's a saying in AA, Pete.

Spouses get better
much slower than we do.

(Jane narrating)
I knew Michael
had reached a point

where he was frustrated
with me and my phobias.

I've always had fears about
just about everything.

You name it.

Now, fear was taking
hold of my life

and I just couldn't
do anything about it.

Jane?

Oh!
Hi!

I haven't seen you in a while.
What have you been up to?

Oh, work. Working.
Some new projects.

Have you seen
the display?

Well, make sure you do.

Ha-ha!

Working?

You're working on trying to get
out of bed in the mornings.

Why don't you tell her that?

(man)
Can I get a picture, please?

(overlapping chatter)

Welcome to Minneapolis!

Bye!
We're really glad to be here!

Michael, I can't do this.

Jane, Jane.
The idea of being trapped

with a group of strangers
for three hours

on a bus going
who knows where

driven by somebody
I don't even know.

Hi.
I mean, does he look like

the kind of bus driver
that would stop the bus

if I asked him to?
Jane.

These people paid 100 bucks
apiece to meet us.

You think they'd
let me drive the bus?

No.

You?
No.

Jane, you said you might
wanna ride in the car with me.

Yes!

It'll be okay.

I'll talk to all the listeners
when we get to the restaurant.

Let's go.

(man on PA)
This is the final boarding call

for Flight 387...

They loved the food.

Excuse me.

They loved the tote bags.

I don't know why
we couldn't have eaten

someplace in Minneapolis.

They live in Minneapolis.

Well, there are plenty of
great restaurants in town

we wouldn't have
to take a bus to.

Well, the point
for them was to go

on an adventure
somewhere new.

I think that's stupid.

(Jane narrating)
Some days I'd be
so down in the dumps,

I could barely leave the house.

Michael told me about
the sign that was always up

at his AA meetings--
"You are not alone."

But I was.

(groans, grunts)

(bell dings)

Being a writer was not like
having a job-job.

It's a weird,
unstructured life.

Stretches of time went by now
when I saw no one but Michael.

It was hard to find the energy
to get dressed.

Why get dressed?
There was no pressing need to.

No pun intended.

Oh.

Oh, oh.

Jane?

Jane, what's the matter?

No... I'm okay.

(sighing)

Okay.

Oh, oh, oh!

(whimpering)

I don't know what's with me.

I got all panicky
and couldn't do it,

I couldn't ride.

So, you got off
and you walked.

It's no big deal.

Pete, you know me,
I love to ride.

I've ridden since
I was a little girl.

Michael's changed.

Every day, he gets up,
works two hours,

goes to his meeting at 7:00.

Some days he goes
to three meetings.

And then he comes out here,
just to get away from me.

I know it.

Oh... I don't think
that that's the case.

Has he said anything to you?

No, I guess he wouldn't.

Michael's still Michael.

Look, if you want,
I'll go out there with you

on the trail next time.

I'll walk ahead of you
and Piegan, I'll lead you.

You would, wouldn't you?

Well, I said I would.

(woman)
I'm just thrilled to be
working with you guys.

Us too.

You know, we really like
the region by region idea

for the new edition.

Aren't you in Chicago
next week?

Uh, yeah, we're gonna try
that new steak place

that you mentioned.

You will love it!
Oh, you'll love it.

Anyway, the book.

Yeah, it just seems
to make more sense

to break it down that way

in case somebody's
using it on a road trip,

you know, instead of
state by state.

Mm, this meatloaf rocks.

So, how do you guys work?

Well, in the old days
we'd sit down together.

Mm, in the old days,
we did everything together.

But now, I pretty much
do a draft,

and then Jane takes it
and she does a draft,

and then we--
we look at it together.

Mm.

Because we'd like to have
this for our spring list.

Shouldn't be a problem.

Shouldn't be.

Michael, where are you going?

I'm just gonna get
something to drink.

Jane, please.

Please what?
You just...

You're so needy.

I am not!

You know, you've become
this anxiety-riddled recluse

because you don't have anybody
to micromanage anymore.

Okay, let's just...

Can you get me
a Danish or something?

You know, you've micromanaged
me all these years,

you wanna know the truth.
Would you stop it

with that word?
I hate those words,

it's like "empower"
or "proactive".

Jane, it sucks
being the center

of somebody else's life.

I'll be right back.

(man)
Ladies and gentlemen,
the tower has just directed us

to a different runway.

Please remain seated
with your seatbelts fastened.

We should be airborne shortly.

Are you okay?

Yeah...

as long as it's moving
in the direction

it's supposed to be going.

(ding)

(man)
Well, ladies and gentlemen,

it looks we're gonna be
sitting here for a while.

The tower seems to be having
some traffic control problems.

I'll let you know when
we're cleared for takeoff.

(scoffs)

This thing is like
an MRI machine with wings.

(breathing deeply)

Why isn't there
an update from the pilot?

It's been, like, two hours.

(sighing)
Oh, God.

(boy)
Do you have any snacks?

Sorry, there's nothing
to eat on this plane.

I need something
to eat, man.

(boy)
I don't know
what we're gonna do.

Last time, he passed out.

It's an emergency.

Would you like this?
It might help.

Thanks.

(boys chuckling)

You should've...
No, seriously, seriously.

You should have seen
your face, man.

Oh, man.

It looks like
you saved the day.

I guess I did.

(Jane narrating)
I couldn't stop thinking
about the boy on the plane.

It made me look at everything
I knew about myself

that I wanted to be different.

So, right then and there,
I made a decision.

I decided to take
control of my life.

You?

Lady, I don't think
this is for you.

Oh, well, I sure would
like to give it a try, yeah.

You're talking
car accidents.

You have to be
prepared to deal

with all sorts of
unpleasant sights.

And I mean some pretty damn
grisly ones.

Oh, oof, well, I--
I would imagine.

Death and disfigurement?

I mean, some of us end up
heaving our guts out.

You can't help it.

Oh, I hate vomit.

Loads of vomit.

I try-- I try
never to vomit.

They'll vomit all over you,
I guarantee you.

Cooped up in the back
of an ambulance.

Cooped?

Racing down some bumpy road.

If you haven't
kept in shape...

I understand.

Thanks, though,
for your time.

(chuckles)
Yeah, sure.

Hey.
(car starting up)

(banging)

Oh.

Just trying to get
a feel for it in here.

What it feels like
for the horses.

You know, all cooped up?

Is this a writer's thing?

R-right.
Research.

(horse whinnies in distance)

Piece of... cake.

Can I look inside
the ambulance?

Do these doors open
from the inside?

Yeah.

Oh.

What is it exactly that
you're, uh, looking for?

Oh, nothing.

Really, I've just never been
inside an ambulance before.

Huh.

(sighing)

Good.

I mean, you're not
trapped in here...

with the sick
vomiting person.

You know what?

I really wanna sign up
for that class.

Brother.

Hey.
Where were you?

The Grafton firehouse.
Mm!

Guess what?
What?

I'm gonna be an EMT.

(chuckling)

I'm not kidding, Michael!

Who said you were?
What do you do as an EMT?

Well, you pull dying people
from car wrecks,

stuff like that.

Jane, you're 52 years old,

you're not gonna be
a fireman.

EMT.
EMT.

You know, the other day,
helping that kid on the plane,

that was one time in my life
when I didn't feel

like the whole world
was collapsing around me.

Yeah, but come on, Jane,

I mean, you're not
gonna be an EMT.

Every twinge you get is like
a brain tumor or MS.

Well...
Or stroke.

Look at my family, I mean,
every one of 'em, they...

they wouldn't fly,
they wouldn't take boats,

they wouldn't talk on
public telephones.

They wouldn't eat in restaurants

'cause they were afraid
they would be poisoned.

I mean, I'm just like 'em.

My whole life, I've just been
paralyzed by my fears.

Well, number one is admitting
that you're powerless.

I know, I know.
12 steps.

But this is not like that.

(sighs)
I've done powerless.

Just doesn't cut it.
Not anymore.

(microphone feedback)
Don't loiter in the lobby!

Don't park in the spaces
in the parking lot

reserved for police cars.

Okay, people!
Listen up.

Let's get started.

Now, you will be volunteers.

Your training will be the same
as the paid professionals.

(man whispering)
I'd like to assist her.

You will know how
to insert airways

to allow the patient
to breathe.

You will assist paramedics.

You must insert needles
into chest cavities.

If the patient's
lungs collapse...

(whispering)
Hi, I'm Jane.

Dot.

When the paramedic has to
administer morphine,

you will spike the bag
and set it up,

so that instead of
a bone-jarring ride

to the hospital,

the patient will feel
like they're a baby...

in its mother's arms.

As an EMT-B, you will
be smack in the middle

of the emergency care
hierarchy.

This is the most
stressful job of all.

Know the warning signs
of stress, people.

Anxiety, guilt,
indecisiveness, insomnia.

I already have
all of those.

How will I know when
the job's getting to me?

(woman chuckle)

BSI-- Body Substance Isolation.

BSI,
I'm number one!

(all)
BSI, I'm number one!

You are an EMT.

You do not even think
about touching a patient

without at least
a barrier of rubber

between you and them.

I'm number one!

(all)
I'm number one!

You are important
to yourself

and to the rescue unit!

If you arrive
on a scene and someone

is pointing a gun at you,
the house is burning down,

toxic fumes are
clouding the air,

or some psychotic is telling
you the Martians

have ordered him
to kill you now,

you do not
attempt to be a hero.

You run for cover
and get help.

That's what being
number one is all about.

BSI! I'm number one!

(all)
BSI! I'm number one!

Louder!

(all)
BSI! I'm number one!

Louder!

(all)
BSI! I'm number one!

(sighs)

Jane?

Are you all right?

Michael, this is it.

This is the other side
of what happens

if you ever
have to call 911.

I won't ever have to.

Yeah, but if you do.

Ed-- he's our teacher--

he's this professional EMT
from over in Bridgeport.

You wouldn't believe
some of the stuff he's seen.

And next time,
he's gonna teach us

how to cut people's clothing
off really fast

and look 'em over
for bullet wounds

that have entered
and exited.

Honey, are you
gonna get undressed?

When there's an emergency,
you gotta be able to jump

in your clothes
and get out the door

in a split second,
day or night.

Oh, boy.

(groans)
Mwah!

This stuff is amazing!

Good, good, let's just--
let's go to sleep.

Scapula, maxilla--
I love these words.

"Cyanotic" means blue
from lack of oxygen.

Huh, I didn't know that.

Oh, my God.

You have to look at this.
I'll pass, thanks.

No, you-- you have
to look at this.

His-- his...

The skin's been
peeled off like a glove.

I can't do this.

Oh, they're probably just
showing the worst case scenario.

Huh.

(Ed)
Save it from choking.

(doll head popping)

You killed him.

Maybe mine's defective.

Mm-hmm.

(air pumping)

And go.

Oh!

Wait a minute.
Lift!

Oh!

(women laughing)

(Jane)
Lift, lift.

(gasps)

Stern?

You've killed him.

He had a heart attack
and now...

he has fatal head trauma.

Stern?

Huh?

Rescue Randy is not
a bean-bag chair.

(panting)

Michael, slow down!

This is a metal cage
waiting to kill us

in a dozen ways
I never even knew about.

Oh, great.

You can get trapped
inside underwater,

seat belt could crush
my intestines.

Oh, here we go.
A little bit of knowledge

of something else
to get nuts about.

You can hit your head
on the dashboard,

send your brain bouncing
around inside your skull.

You know, it's not
just cars, Jane.

Dogs have big teeth and cause
severe puncture wounds.

(Michael laughs)
Oh, just shut up.

Bees can sting ya,

you can go into
anaphylactic shock.

Stop!

I take this horse
and I walk him around back,

and I stand there for a minute.

(chuckling)

And then I bring him out again.

Same horse?
Oh, sure.

Same damn horse.

(laughter)

And he looks it up and down.

"How much?"
I tell him 20,000.

And Joey starts
peeling off the bills.

(laughter)

Ahh. I gotta go.

I'm gonna be late.

You go get 'em,
ambulance girl.

(horse whinnying)

See you guys.

Hey, Pete, listen.
I told Jane

that the next time we
go out to Wyoming

or the Dakotas
on a research trip,

I want you to come
with us too.

Oh, I'd love to see
that country.

Yeah.
Yeah, just the two of us,

we'd, uh... we'd go out
there for a couple days

and ride out
and get lost.

You remind me to tell Jane
about the mare in heat,

and my stallion
going right at it

with me hanging on
for dear life.

Yeah, that's her
kind of story.

That Jane's a great girl.

(Ed)
Listen up, people.

We need to walk
through this together.

One out of 20 of you
has a main artery

that is congenitally faulty,

and will at some time
hemorrhage.

If you're lucky
and it is found in time,

you will not die.

Stern, take your hand off
your carotid artery.

You are stopping
blood supply to the brain.

Ah... ah-ah.

O-o-ow! Ow! Ow!
Stop it, you're hurting me.

Ah!

Machinery's not my strong suit.

Clearly.

Your... your blood pressure's
very high.

It's true.

(woman on TV)
"P" is for provocation--

what makes the condition
better or worse.

I can't for the life of me
remember how many liters

of oxygen are in
an M-sized O2 tank.

That's important?
Yes!

Sometimes I think
I'm too stupid

for this class,
and other times...

Some of the lectures
are like,

"Do not try to replace
someone's organs

if they are hanging
from their body."

They say this
with a straight face.

Who would do these things?
(laughing)

What's that?

It's called "Pass EMT".

(man)
If there is an impaled object
in the neck, do not remove it.

I'm gonna watch it twice
a day until it soaks in

and I pass my boards.
Well, just be careful.

You're not exactly
Lance Armstrong.

I have to start
working out every day.

I'm gonna do this, Michael.
I think it's good, Jane.

You do?
Well, yeah.

You're doing your own thing,
it's good to see.

(man on TV)
Looking at the eyes,
do they respond to light?

Are they equal?
Do they move symmetrically?

Without moving his head,
we'll have the patient

follow our index finger
as we move it side to side

and up and down.

If eye movement
is restricted...

On almost every call,
you will be responsible

for lifting and moving patients
without aggravating...

I may be more than twice
his age, but I don't care.

...knowledgeable about proper
methods of lifting and moving

to prevent injury to yourself.

So, flex at the knees,
using your legs like this

to save your back.

Straight up.
And right back down.

Well, who wants to help
me out up here?

Uh...

(Ed)
Spencer and I will now
hoist the patient in the air

and place her in
the stair chair.

How much
do you weigh, Stern?

I never volunteer that.

(chuckles)

You're unconscious, Stern.

(sighs)

(tango music playing)

Hi. I'm Jane.

I'm an EMT.

Hi, Jane.

(tango music continues)

(radio chatter)

Do not touch anything.

Do not talk
to the firemen.

Do not ask them questions.

I feel like a second grader
going to a museum.

Stern!

Yes, sir!

Stair chair-- a folding chair
used for carrying someone

in a sitting position
down the stairs.

You be the patient.

(sighs)
Come on.

Yeah.

Don't worry,
I'm really strong.

On my count of three.
One, two, three.

(Jane panting)

I have to stop.

Stern, maybe you should take

the foot part,
it's a little lighter.

I don't do backward,
even at home.

Stern!

(Ed)
I'll tell you
when to step off.

Lift.
(straining)

Step.

Step, just don't
let him hang in the air.

Uh...

(grunts)

Keep both hands on the chair
or you will drop him.

(grunting)

(people groaning)

(man)
Oh, that hurt.

Fail.

Stern?
Huh?

See me after class.

(panting)

Can't call 911.
You're all here.

(laughs)

I couldn't even walk
down a flight of stairs

without holding on.

I'd trust you
to carry me.

Well, you'd really
have to be out of it.

Besides, that's what the cops
and firemen are there for,

to help you lift people.

Ooh, big hunky men
at my command?

Now, I feel better.

(both chuckle,
cat meows)

You're sure you don't mind
if I use you as a guinea pig?

I love playing
doctor with you.

(both chuckle,
horse whinnying)

Normal.

(cat meows)

That's a gorgeous saddle.

There's nothing
you can't do.

Michael and I wish
you had been our father.

That would've made you
some kind of perverts.

(chuckles)
Okay, then.

You can be Michael's father.

My father... my father had
a steel plate in his skull.

Did I ever tell you that?
No.

He... he'd just
go off, you know,

on these uncontrollable rages.
It was something about him

playing on the trolley tracks
when he was a kid.

His forehead caved in
and then came out again

kinda weird I guess
where the plate was.

I used to have
these nightmares

about Frankenstein's
monster chasing me.

When I was eight,
my mother packed me up

and ran away with me while
he was out walking our dog.

She studied to be
a concert pianist,

and when we finally
found a place,

the only thing she brought
was her grand piano.

So, we ate our meals on top
and then we slept underneath.

That's a vision.
Yeah.

Well, he never
forgave her for leaving.

He threatened
to kill us both.

I was-- I was afraid
to leave the house.

(clears throat)
When was this?

How long ago?

Well, it was when I...

it was a long time ago.

Yeah.
Long time ago.

Let me see if I can find
my old binoculars

so I can see back that far.

Suppose I should wait
until I even pass my boards.

Of course, I'm gonna
pass my boards.

They have all these
cool websites

where you can order
this EMT stuff.

(glass breaking)
Oh! Damn it!

Apply pressure!
I'll call 911.

No, you won't.
It's not that bad.

What are you so happy about?
I'm not!

Well, you don't exactly
inspire confidence.

Apply more pressure!
Yeah, I got it.

Do you want me to do that?
No.

Here.
No-- Jane.

Jane, please, stop.

Elevate it.
Look, easy.

I'm not exactly
Rescue Randy.

I know, Rescue Randy
lets me help him.

Please.

Oh... ooh, I think
you should go to the ER.

Let me drive you.

No, I'm gonna go out
to see K.T.

What?

Keep applying pressure!

(Michael)
Heel.

Michael, at least let me
take a look at it!

No, this EMT stuff
is making you

even more of a control freak!

Kirby, up!

(car starting up)

(horses whinnying)

Hey.

You should get some
stitches in that, boy.

You need to get
to a doctor.

What...

What?

(woman on PA)
Dr. Leeds, please report
to Physical Therapy.

Oh...
(winces)

Ooh!
Shh.

Oof!
(whimpering)

Jane, why don't you
just go wait outside?

Oh...
Just go wait outside.

Okay.
You gonna be okay?

I'll be fine.
Okay.

(exhales sharply)

(breathing deeply)

(Jane narrating)
Sometimes life
is a waiting game.

Now, all I had to do
was pass my boards.

I'd have to wait
six long, agonizing weeks

until the National Registry
of EMTs

gave me a thumbs up or down.

Those weeks crawled by,
and then one day, I heard.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, God.

"Congratulations!"
I got it!

Michael?
Hey.

I passed!
Michael!

Way to go, Jane!

I passed the National Board!

I more than passed,
I did exceptionally well.

Look!
My EMT certification.

And my wallet cards and...

Look, patches
I can sew on.

Aw, I'm-- I'm proud
of you, honey.

(sighing)

Wow.

I'm an EMT.

(people chattering)

(music playing,
sirens blaring)

♪

Hi, Jane?
I'm Audrey.

Hi.
Congratulations.

Thanks.
This is for you.

Wow.
See?

It flashes the date
and hour in military time.

You're gonna need that
when you fill out

the ambulance run sheets.

This is so terrific.

Do you know Vince Milnik from
the gas station, our chief?

And his brothers Frank,
and Joey, Walter.

And this is Grant.
He is gonna give you

your radios and your pager.

Nice to meet you.
Hey.

You're gonna come with me.
Okay.

♪ Let's don't take no chance

(Jane singing along)
♪ Let's not be L-7

♪ Come and learn to dance

♪ Wooly bully
wooly bully ♪

♪ Wooly bully, wooly bully...

There's a... a huge decal
on the hood of your car.

It's the Star of Life.
I put it there.

I'm in love with my sticker!

It's like this great bonanza
of stuff they give you.

To keep the blood
and debris out of my eyes.

They gave you
all this stuff?

Some of it.

Some of it I ordered
off the Internet.

I am G-65.

That's my number.
Huh.

Is this too much?

I don't care.
I love it.

Okay, I wanna know something.

What's that?

I'm gonna put this
in my ear.

Where is your heart?
I don't know.

I have to check your heart
to see if you have a heartbeat.

(both laughing)

♪ Wooly bully, wooly bully
wooly bully ♪

♪ Watch it now,
watch it, watch it, watch it ♪

(walkie-talkie chimes, dings)

(woman)
Grafton ambulance personnel,

number six, Perkins Road.

Elderly woman fallen,
possible broken hip.

Come in.

Um... um...
she...

Ooh-- ow.

G-56 responding, G-56.

Jane, G-56 is already
assigned on the call.

You're G-65.

I mean, G-65.

So paranoid I was gonna
do that, and I did it.

You're supposed to be like
Joe Friday over the radio,

not some...

...yenta on the telephone.
(groans)

(car starting up)

(tires screeching)

She tripped.

I think she may have
broken her hip.

What is your mother's name?

Muriel Bergman.

(whispering)
Muriel...

Hi, I'm Jane with
the Grafton ambulance.

(groans lightly)

Don't worry, Missus...
we're gonna fix you right up.

Okay.

Missus, on a scale
of one to ten,

how bad is the pain?

Ten.

Um... I'm gonna take
a quick peek,

and I'll try to be
as gentle as I can.

Oh!

I'm so sorry.

Um... I'm gonna take
your blood pressure.

My mother's had
a mastectomy.

Which side?

I can't take a reading on
the side that's had the surgery.

On both sides.

(sighs)

(woman groans)

Sorry.

Let's get a pulse, okay?

(woman whimpers)

Okay...

(door closes)

What happened?
She fell.

Did you get a pulse
and a BP?

No.

Jane, do you wanna
ride with us?

Not now.

I have, uh,
company at my house.

(ambulance starting up)

I wanna thank you
for all your help.

(siren turning on)
Good night.

I got lucky
I didn't kill her.

Kept calling her "missus"
like I was the cleaning lady.

(sighs)

That Audrey, boy,
she's the real deal.

I mean, she knows what to do
in an emergency.

I only know
what to do on paper.

Jane...
Then I couldn't even get

in the back of the ambulance.

But if I had, they would've had
another patient on their hands.

This whole thing
has been a huge mistake.

(sighs)

I'm going back to bed.

I gotta get out of this
before I do some real damage.

(men chattering)

Hey, Jane.
Hi.

(Walter)
You're late, young lady.

Work detail
every Saturday morning,

10:00 sharp.

Um, I... I went on
a call last night.

I read your report.

I came down here to resign.

I don't think I have
what it takes to handle this.

What can't you handle?

Dead people.

Um... puke, feces.

Amputations.

Nobody can...

until you have to do it.

(walkie chiming)

(woman)
Grafton ambulance personnel...

(sirens blaring)

Okay, Jane, go to the rig
and get the frac pack.

Frac pack.
(man groaning)

Frac pack, frac pack.

Frac pack, frac pack,
where's the... fracture pack.

Here you go. Easy.
It'll be okay.

His leg.
You want me to?

Splint the guy, yeah.

His right leg's twisted
badly, it's broken.

Didn't have any strength left.

(Walter)
Set it next to his leg.

Right. Right.

Get the shoe off first.

(man groaning)

It's stuck.
I don't know if I...

(man groaning)

(Walter)
You're doing good.

That's it, that's it.
(man screaming)

Is this okay?
Should I keep going?

(man continues groaning)

(Walter)
Just keep going.

Cut his pant leg high enough
so you can get the splint on.

(radio chatter)
You're all right.

Two, three, up we go.

(man)
All right, he's good.

Go!
What?

Let's go!

Clear!

(siren blaring)

Cut his jacket off.

Okay!

By the way, my name is Jane.

Newtown, this is paramedic
unit 787, do you copy?

(man)
Get away from me, you bitch!

Don't touch my leathers!

Get the jacket off!
Okay.

Male patient,
36 years of age,

involved in a motorcycle
collision.

Obvious fractured
right tib-fib,

fully immobilized.
My leathers.

My leathers!

Don't do that!
Don't cut his leathers!

(woman)
Get back.

Blood pressure
has not been obtained.

Respiration's 16.

(woman on walkie)
Copy, 787,
waiting your arrival.

(siren continues blaring)

Good job, Jane.

Double delta
or burgers, ladies?

Donuts?
Donuts.

How scary can this be if you
get to have donuts afterwards?

(laughing)

These guys!
I love them.

It's like their favorite
things to do are smoke, drink.

Eat pizza.
Curse.

Put out fires.
What else is there?

What else is there?

(laughs)
And they have no idea

what I do in my other life.

Yeah, they do,
in a vague sort of way.

But they don't care!

(both laugh)

I never used to pay attention
to the Milnik brothers.

They were always
just mechanics.

Filled my gas tank,
took my credit card.

Well, on a one-to-ten scale
of gregarious,

they're about a two.

But they're the best.

(sighs)

It's so soothing here.

(laughs loudly)

What?

(Jane)
I did it.

I was able to sit in the back
of an ambulance and not freak.

That's great.
It was really good.

'Cause his leg was, like,
snapped like a chicken leg,

and twisted.
I got it.

But I was so busy with what
I was supposed to do,

I-- I didn't have time
to utz about my own stuff.

Well, I stopped by
the vet's today

to pick up Kirby's pills.

Oh.

Jim Maguire says
the Milnik brothers like you.

They do?

God, Vince Milnik.
He's incredible.

You should've seen the way
he got the area secured,

the two of 'em
off to the hospital.

Guess I'm not
your type anymore, huh?

Oh, silly!

The book.

Remember our book
"Roadfood"?

Great. Great.

They like me?

When it comes to fried chicken,

which might be the universal
all-American food,

Stroud's Restaurant in
Kansas City, Missouri is truly

head and shoulders
above the rest.

Here's why it's great.

Basically, you can't screw up
fried chicken that much.

I mean, even the worst
fast food fried chicken,

I can eat a bucketful of,
no problem.

However, what makes Stroud's
fried chicken perfect

is that the crust is...

(air hissing,
Jane gasps)

Don't worry.
You can't hurt him now.

(Michael)
See, this is my idea
of chicken heaven.

It started as an old roadhouse
dating back to the 1930s.

Helen Stroud started it
as a fireworks stand.

Then she decided
the fireworks business

isn't so good, "I'm gonna
start frying chicken."

(Jane)
God bless her.
God bless her, she did.

And since the '30s,
Stroud's has been known

as the
fried chicken place
in Kansas City,

which is a very serious
fried chicken town in general.

(sirens blaring)

(men shouting)

Have a look at Blanche
and Bill's Pancake House.

I made a couple of changes
in that one too.

(walkie chiming)

(woman)
Grafton ambulance personnel,

crisis intervention,
2946 Ridgefield Avenue.

Please respond.

G-65, G-65 responding.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are--
whoa, Jane, Jane.

What are-- what are you doing?

I'll be right back.
We'll finish.

We have a deadline, we got--
we got a trip coming up.

You resent this, don't you?

Oh, okay.
No, you do.

The intrusion of other
people's emergencies.

Well, yeah... when we sort of
have one of our own, right.

This isn't just about
you anymore, Michael.

Thank God.

No, it's about our work,
which is us,

which you aren't
doing anymore,

because being an EMT is...

I mean, how can saving lives
even begin to compare

with writing about chili?

Go ahead.
Go ahead, Jane.

Go be a hero.

This is so idiotic.

What are you
even talking about?

I can't even tell what
you're talking about!

I know you can't.

(Jane groans)
God!

(parrot)
Oh, Jane!

(tweets)

(Jane narrating)
In the beginning,
when the radio tone

would go off,
I'd get terrified

before I'd pull it together
and say, "I'm okay, it's okay,"

because you never know
what horrors you'll find

behind those strange doors.

This time,
it was my own guest room.

Michael?

Think I'm coming down
with something.

Well, I'll keep
the radio on low.

No, I just need to...

I just need
a good night's sleep.

I'll be okay.

(Michael sighs)

♪

(whimpers lightly)

Are you feeling any better?

Yeah.

I'm gonna go
to my meeting.

See you around noon.

(door opens and closes)

(parrot)
Oh, Jane.

(horse neighing)

Has Michael been here?

He came and he went.
You missed him.

You two haven't been
around here much lately.

Not together.

Whoa!

I haven't been able to keep
much of a schedule these days.

Yeah, horses need that.

Yeah, people too.

Well, everybody's different.
They need different things.

Sometimes, they just
don't know it.

Seems like you lucked out.

(chuckles)
Yeah.

I always dreamed
of having a big family.

Now, I feel like I do.

Whole firehouse
full of 'em.

Vince, hey!

There's Vince and Rosemary.
Hi.

Jules, this was
pretty terrific.

I'm glad I saw you.

Grant and Audrey
say they'll take care

of the photocopying for
the training session on Monday

if we buy the pizza.

Sounds good to me.

Jane.
Hm?

The fish stew was perfection,
I loved it.

Oh...
She really did like it.

I mean, the mussels
and the clams

and the shrimp
and the scallops,

I mean, there was, like,
every kind of fish in there.

It was absolutely amazing.
And the stock!

It's an old family recipe.

Its secret... at the end,
a stir of brandy.

Brandy?
Ah.

I am in the restaurant
business all my life,

and I believe our fish stew
beats any fish stew anywhere.

Great with French bread
there, Jules.

Michael's a big dunker.

(chuckles)
Thanks.

Merci.

(ship horn blowing)

Great place, huh?

I'd like to stop
at that firehouse

we passed coming into town.

Why, do you know them?
No.

I just wanna get
a picture out front.

Wherever we travel to
across the country,

you always have to
check out all the AA meetings.

That's different.
Yeah?

How?
Look, we have some revisions

we have to make
this afternoon.

Jane, we're seeing Sarah
in New York on Thursday.

We need to reschedule that.

She thinks
she's getting the book.

You-- you've been working
on it, haven't you?

It's gonna be ready, isn't it?
I hope.

Wait, wait, wait.
Jane, look.

Why don't you just
give me what you've done

and I'll finish the rest?

No!
I'm doing all the work anyway

while you're out
on the fire truck.

That's not exactly fair.

You bet it isn't.

I can do this, Jane.
Let me just do this,

and let's just stop
all this pretending.

You pompous...

I don't need you anymore.

Not like this.

It's like pulling teeth
to get you to pay attention.

Oh, get over yourself.
You are so full of yourself.

Oh, I... where do you
think you're going?

I'm not getting
in the car with you.
Oh, come on, come on, Jane.

Poor Michael.

All these years
I've been on your back.

(scoffs)
Nothing but this
huge neurotic weight

around your neck.
No, no, not all these years.

Just since I've been sober.

And now that I'm not,
you can't handle it.

Now you know
what it feels like.

This is about
getting back at me?

You can't handle that I don't
need you like that anymore.

No! What I can't handle
is the fact

that I've lost
my partner,

and not just
my writing partner.

You're right,
I can't handle that.

(walkie chiming)

(woman)
Grafton ambulance personnel,

woman needs transport
to hospital,

number six,
Gordon Road.

(parrot)
Oh, Jane!

The AIDS hospice.
I have to go.

Yeah, I guess you do.

(doorbell ringing)

She had a seizure?

You don't need that,
nobody here is gonna hurt you.

Well, it's for the protection
of the patients as well as us.

Whatever.

AIDS, TB, thrush, hepatitis.

Brain surgery?

She should be dead
ten times over.

Up here.

(Jane)
Mavis, Mavis Cotter, 33.

(chuckles)

It's just, uh...
they put hobbies on here.

(sighs)
Sewing, gospel singing.

I really like Shirley Caesar.

I like her too.

My husband, he likes
the Clark Sisters.

His name is Michael.
We're writers.

Both of you are?

We write together, yeah.

What about?
Food.

We've always loved food.

Discussing it is like
this primal thing with us.

He's the smartest man
I've ever met.

I'm very fortunate.

One of my top-ten wishes
would be to sing

like Mahalia Jackson.

(chuckles, coughs)

(singing)
♪ Soon it will be done

♪ Trouble of the world

♪ Trouble of
the world ♪

♪ Trouble of the world

I know, I suck.
(laughs)

♪ Soon we will done

♪ With the trouble
of the world ♪

♪ Trouble of the world

♪ Trouble of the world

♪ How soon
we will be done ♪

♪ With the trouble
of the world ♪

♪ I'm going home to live

♪ With God

(door opens)

You were up late.

I, uh, left the sections
I finished on your desk.

I'll wrap up the Great Plains
this afternoon.

They called from Nicky Rivers.

They want us in Chicago
on the Fifth for the taping.

What?

So, what's the deal?

Are you staying in there?

Uh... for now.

I really think
we should see someone...

talk to somebody professional.

Michael.

This is important.

I think we should too.

Here, sweet boy.

You want a little something?
There you go.

(walkie chimes)

(woman)
Grafton ambulance personnel,

baby floating face-down
in swimming pool,

145 Columbia Heights.

G-65, G-65 responding.

Baby floating
in swimming pool.

(parrot)
Oh, Jane.

(man)
It's terrible.

(splashing)

My baby.

What the hell?
A dog?

Please save him!

Called 911, said his baby
fell in the pool.

This mutt weighs a ton.

When we got here,
he was floundering around.

He probably had a heart attack.

I don't know what
we're supposed to do with it.

We're not gonna put him
in the ambulance.

Jane, come on,
we called the animal warden.

(Jane grunts)
Aah!

(laughs)
You okay?

Winston!

What's wrong
with the doggy?

He's asleep.
He's dead.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Jane, what are you doing?

He's alive.

He's alive.

He's alive!

(man)
My baby!

Winston!

(dog panting)

(man)
Oh, no, it's Rhonda
from animal control.

False alarm.

You sure you don't want
to put something else on?

No, I'm fine.
It's drying.

Quite an episode.

Yeah, there have been many.
Jane saves lives.

My own.

I saved my own life
when I became an EMT.

Michael's angry because
I don't need him

to prop me up anymore.

(woman)
Is that right, Michael?

Well, I don't really
have this need to have

someone to take care of,
I never have,

if that's where
you're headed.

Where are you headed?

He doesn't need me anymore.
He thinks I don't need him.

That's not exactly
how I'd put it.

Don't you begin
to hate the person

that you cling to the most,
isn't that true?

Go to hell!

You go to hell!

I hate you so much.

(sighs)

You know something?

You would never talk
to Vince Milnik like that.

You'd treat him with respect.

And just because we're married,
it doesn't give us license

to muck all over
each other.

I first saw Michael
when we were in college.

I said, "Are you a Scorpio?"

I knew he was
a Scorpio too.

We were born one day apart.

We went to Kenosha,
Wisconsin once

and had matching Scorpios
tattooed on our legs

by these Hells Angels guys.

We've been incredibly close.

(Jane)
Married 33 years.

We're acting like we don't
know each other.

Incredibly close.

Ever since we started
writing together,

we've always been a foot away
from each other in the car,

we have a double byline.

That constant...

Michael.

We don't have any kids,

and uh... we just have
each other, and the animals.

And the work...
and I love that.

I love it too.

But I don't love it now.

I don't love it now.

I got an extra room here.

(sighs)

I'm just saying,
in a pinch.

For either of you.

Yeah.
Thanks, Pete.

Just might take
you up on that.

(horse neighing)

I don't know, Pete.

I try to be...

you know, encouraging about
all this EMT stuff.

I just keep coming off
looking like the bad guy.

If I was you, I'd be
into the scotch by now.

(Michael laughs)

Yeah, well, that's just it.

It was good
for all those years.

It was good for her too 'cause
she knew exactly where I was--

passed out in the chair.

But then, I got sober,

and I wasn't
in the chair anymore.

I wake up every morning,
I wonder where I've been

for the last 30 years.

Jane?
Huh?

Let me.

(man)
Got enough room?

(man)
Yeah, I got it.

You're gonna be fine.

Take it easy.

That's it,
you'll be fine.

Here we go,
you'll be fine.
You're all right.

(man)
Yeah, we're gonna
get you to the hospital.

Sir, I'm just gonna
buckle you in here, okay?

Okay.

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Jane, it's Audrey.

You seemed a little
out of it.

I'm sorry, I just had
to come home and lie down.

I was feeling
a little w-weird.

Jane, are you okay?

No.

Careful...
'cause I will burn you.

I know a good EMT.

I cry all the time.

In the car,
Michael drives and I cry.

I cry every time I see
couples our age together.

Every restaurant we go into,
every motel room...

I'm crying.

Every couple
goes through this.

I mean, you stay together
this long...

Yeah, yeah,
I know all that.

I've seen those movies too.

It's just that
Michael and I...

I love him, and he says
he loves me too.

We just don't like each other.

God, I hope this is nerves
and not Parkinson's.

(applause)

And we're back with Jane
and Michael Stern.

Okay, Jane, Michael, tell me,
do you ever have time

to just stay home and cook?

Yeah, people think we live
out of doggy bags,

but when we're not on the road,
we're very passionate cooks,

and we're passionate
about kitchenware as well.

Oh, are there pieces
you just can't live without?

Well, my favorite thing
I have to have

is a really good
cheese grater.

Okay, tell me,
what kind do you like?

Well, Jane and I actually
have a battle royal

going on about cheese graters,
we each have our own.

Yeah, Michael hides
his cheese grater.

That's because you don't
clean yours properly.

Really?

Jane prefers
the boxy type.

(laughter)
I'm so humiliated!

I have this great
fabulous flat one.

It's old, I love it, I know
exactly how to hold the cheese.

Yeah, Michael is anal retentive.

He hides
his cheese grater.

He thinks I don't know this,

but the cheese grater
and his coffee beans...
Uh-uh, not true.

...are hidden somewhere where
he thinks I don't know

where they are.

Oh, I think I've struck
a nerve here!

Yeah, this naturally
leads me to talking

about the knives that we own.

Yes, well, I don't
like you thinking

about knives, Michael,
when you're annoyed

with my kitchen habits.

I think I'm gonna have to see
about getting a group rate

on a marriage counselor.

I think so too.

(chef)
Oh!

(crowd gasps, applause)

Whoo!

(Michael)
Nicky?
(Jane)
Tristan...

That was great.
You're terrific.

(Tristan)
I had a ball.
I know.

Thank you very much.
Good to see you.

Appreciate it.

God, that was...
that was amazing.

I know.
Yeah.

Even now, hm?

(man)
Michael?
Hi.

I've got the information
on that barbecue place.

What time is the flight?

3:16.

Why can't they just call it
3:15 or 3:20?

Is there a stop?
Non-stop.

What time do we get home?

5:30.

What did you mean
when you said "even now?"

It was amazing, "even now."

With everything falling apart.

I'm so afraid.

Jane, we're only gonna
be in the air for an hour.

(sighs)

I'm afraid nothing
can be the same again...

that we aren't gonna be Jane
and Michael Stern anymore.

♪

With everything that gets
splattered or sneezed on me,

I could get AIDS or
SARS or the flu or...

This is 24 hours a day,
seven days a week.

There are times
when I ask myself why,

why am I doing this?

I mean, I became an EMT
because I thought

it would be a way
to get out of my head

and force me to think about
other people's problems.

But it's not working anymore,

and-- and I'm--
I'm letting Michael down.

The better I get at this...

I don't know what
to do except quit.

You exhaust the hell
out of me.

Mm.

I exhaust me too sometimes.

Just ease up.

You don't have to go out
on every call.

(sighs)

You know, when I first
met you, I thought, oh,

here we go,
another damn do-gooder.

I was so scared of you.

You mean,
you're not anymore?

I thought that you'd be
the last person on Earth

to stick it out.
Me too.

But you did.
I know one thing.

If I was ever trapped
in a burning building,

I could count on you to run
in there and get me.

(footsteps approaching)

Did I wake you?

No, no.
No, I was awake.

What you're saying is you don't
wanna be married to me anymore.

I love you, Jane.

I'll always love you.

But you don't wanna be
married to me anymore.

Okay.

Jane.
Enough.

What do we do?

I mean, I know what we do,

but what do we do
about our work?

Michael... if we're
that miserable...

I don't know
what I am anymore.

We're incredibly miserable
with each other,

and we both know
that this is it for us.

We both know.

Pete has a spare room.

I know.

There's an apartment for rent
behind Milnik's garage.

I know that too.

We worked so hard
for this place.

I hate the thought
of leaving it.

Well, you know, we...

we have, uh,
certain obligations to work,

and I-- you know, I don't--
I don't see that...

I'm sorry.

You know... maybe...

maybe we can get little houses
next to each other, huh?

(both chuckle lightly)

I wonder what it would take
to wall this place in half.

Well, we, uh...

we don't have to figure
everything out tonight.

(sighs)

I know what's gonna happen.

You're gonna end up
out back of Milnik's garage.

♪

(sighs)

Motion was passed
that the 75th anniversary

of the Grafton Volunteer
Fire Company

would be held on June 23rd.

That's Greg's birthday for any
of you who don't know already.

(laughter)

Parade at 3:00 following
the chili cook-off

with celebrity judges.

Listen, I hope we don't have
any unfortunate incidents

like last year.

I mean, who would've known
that a gas barbecue

could cause that much damage.

(laughter)

Young lady?
I wanna talk to you.

Two things.

What did I do?

Uh, we were wondering
about asking Michael

to be a celebrity judge
at the chili cook-off.

What do you think?
Oh.

Audrey says that the two of you
wrote a book about chili.

Yeah, we did.
It's called "Chili Nation".

Ah.
Um...

I could ask him.

Good, good.

Uh, now, second thing.

You're not still considering
quitting, are you?

Every day.

We were wondering
if you'd take over

as firehouse secretary.

Ken Rapp's term is up.

Me?

You write every damn thing
down anyway,

you never miss a meeting.

Might as well
put you to work.

(sighs)

Now, don't start up on me.

Yes. Absolutely.

I would be
deeply honored.

All right, then.
I'll talk to the chief.

Oh!

(phone ringing)

Michael?

I'm on my way now.

Michael, what happened?

He was, uh...
he was in the barn

and he was cleaning out
the stalls.

And, uh...
his brain hemorrhaged.

(sighs)
He had a massive stroke.

♪

(horse whinnying)

(horse nickering)

(Michael sighs)

People have shown up
all morning just to help out.

I keep expecting to see
him sitting there

like he always is when
you come in from the ride.

He's always there.

(sighs)

Taught me everything
I know about riding.

About everything.

I know he did.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know
what to do for him.

(horses neighing)

You know, the other day,

we were talking about
what we were gonna do

and our-- our logistics.

I couldn't stand
the thought of losing you.

I went upstairs, and I had
this picture of you

in my head
as a little girl.

(chuckles)

No, I didn't
mean it like that.

That-- that sounds stupid.

No, it doesn't.

No, it...
what I meant was...

I saw myself as the same,
as not a bad person.

And... I know that
you're not a bad person.

And I know that you wanna be
a good person with me too.

And I... I want that too.

Michael...

I felt the same way too.
I don't wanna lose you.

You know, I-- I guess
what I had...

were these feelings
for our relationship.

And, uh...

when you looked at me,

I knew I could
never leave you.

As horrible as it's been?

Yeah, as horrible
as it's been.

It's not worth
throwing away.

There's something
really worth saving here.

We've been eating at Mom's.

Actually,
it's called Mother's.

It's one of our favorite
restaurants in New Orleans.

Well, it sure ain't
my mother's home cooking.

I wish my mother
had cooked like this.

My mother unfortunately
was not a soul food cook,

and this is great New Orleans
soul food at its best.

Which means
red beans and rice,

a length of really,
wonderfully-taut sausage...

(Jane narrating)
Since I was a little girl,

I'd been afraid
of losing people.

The fact is,
one way or the other,

eventually, you just do.

As a working person's café...

The thought of losing Michael
frightened me so much

that I almost did lose him.

But in the end,
figuring out how to be together

and still allow each other
our own separate lives

made us even closer.

At the last meeting for the
Grafton Volunteer Fire Company,

the meeting came to order...

I also learned
something else.

Becoming part of
a firehouse and working

side-by-side with
the men and women

of the Grafton Volunteer
Fire Department

was the hardest thing
I've ever done,

and the most rewarding.

And it helped me figure out

something really interesting
about fear.

Fear is like a hologram.

It seems real,
filled with substance.

And then, when you go
beyond it,

you realize
it's just an illusion.

♪

♪