All the Wrong Clues for the Right Solution (1981) - full transcript

Who sent you?

People

- Nobody you know
- Yes

The odds on No. 1 Smartass is 14 to 1

17 to 1 for No. 3 Red Leopard

And for No. 9 Freakout

It has gone up to 50 to 1

What a payout that'll be!

$10 on Smartass!

W ait! Better bet on No. 5

Hurry! The race is about to start!



It's only a race, you're not picking a wife

Mind your own business!

Come on!

Make that another $10

Freeze!

Don't worry! We are well connected

Even the Big Eight leave us alone

How dare you barge in here!

We're with the Four Families

Who's your boss?

King George V

Who are you?

Police!

So am ll!



Same here!

Don't move or I'll shoot. Get down!

Do you know who I am?

Take them downtown!

Move!

Come back!

You! Stay here!

How much?

$60

$30

$50

$30

$40 at least!

Pay him!

This joint is so small

It's not worth $40

You're wrong, Chief!

Think of the money you have confiscated

So you noticed!

Make him cough up what he took!

Don't!

Give me a break!

No way!

Wait! I have a sure thing for you!

This man is going to kill someone

when he gets out of jail

Who is he?

That's all I know

Who does he want to kill?

No idea

This is an half-assed tip

And you only have the back of his head!

Take his money!

It's true!

I know what to do

I'll pay you 1-sided notes

Who is it?

Chief!

3 bald inmates are recently released

Perhaps he was right!

Let's take a look!

Roll it!

The one on the left is from the snitch

Let's match it

with the mug shots from the file

Here's the first one!

Next!

Don't you want to see his face?

Any jerk can see that this jerk

is not the jerk we're looking for!

Next!

Next!

That's it. Let me see his face!

I want his face!

There isn't one!

Nonsense! Why not!

He never let people take his picture!

Could he be...

The big gangster Capone!

Capone?

What? A blackout?

This can't happen to a police station!

Turn on the lights!

What's wrong with you?

He arrested Capone!

Where's the Chief?

Right here

Now I know!

3 men have taken his picture before

The first guy ran a studio

He took Capone's wedding picture

Then...

When Capone wanted the negatives back

The guy said he couldn't find them

No one has been able to find him since!

The second guy was a reporter

He photographed Capone at a party

And then...

Capone stared at him

He was so scared

He killed himself by swallowing flash bulbs

The third is a private eye who put Capone in jail

He took an unusual picture of Capone

with a girl under the age of consent

What does that mean?

Go home and ask your mother!

You arrested Capone!

Yoyo asked me to do it!

So Capone is not after you

He's after that private eye

"THE NIGHTHAWK BILLIARD ROOM"

Yoyo, you're licked!

Don't be so sure!

Whoever gets 3 blue balls in will win

Even a blind man won't miss this!

You missed! Dock 5 points

Step aside, asshole! Watch this!

Any one can get this in!

Here's $20

Run along!

That was easy!

Here's $10 for you

Have you paid your rent?

Yes! And you?

No!

Then you better take this!

If I get a break, I'll take you out!

You didn't take me out for Christmas!

Who'd believe you?

Yoyo! Some schmuck is in your office!

Here's the break! We'll go out for the New Year

I hope so

"PRIVATE EYE AGENCY"

Tell Chief Inspector Robin

I'm not interested in his case

and tell Mr. Chan

I'm not taking his case either

Don't bother me unless it's urgent!

I don't work for just anyone

That's the trouble with this business

Everyone is a referral

Who referred you? Sorry about that

You should say sorry to my Boss!

Who's your Boss?

You don't know him?

I don't even know you, let alone your Boss!

My Boss is...

Capone!

Capone?

And you are...

I'm his No.1 killer

You don't deserve my card

What do you want with me?

My Boss' mistress is missing

You want me to find her?

No! I know she'll come looking for you!

She wants me to find someone?

She doesn't want to hire you, she wants you!

For what?

She wants to elope with you

Elope? With her?
That's right!

I didn't believe it at first

But now I heard it from you

Don't bother to deny it!

Who said I would?

I did!

I'm warning you

If you elope with her

Don't do that...

You'll end up like this room

Hey...

I don't even know what she looks like!

But I do. So if you elope

I'll know about it!

What happened?

How can I elope with someone I haven't met?

What are you doing here?

Waiting for you

Who are you?

Capone's mistress!

Look out for that fat guy!

Tell me if he comes back!

What's with the luggage?

I'm eloping with you

But I don't even know you

You do now

Get this straight!

I did!

A morning flight to Bombay tomorrow

Then a boat to Yemen

then to Africa to watch the elephants

If it works out

we'll be in Venice tomorrow

And if it doesn't?

We're doomed!

Can you get my bags?

Why are you looking at me like that?

Cover up your legs!

You have fleas!

Of all the private eyes

Why me?

You're the cheapest

She's right, you know

My name is Mimi

Mimi...

What will they say if they catch us like this?

There you are! You're dead!

Watch it!

You're really dead!

Please get out of my way!

Excuse me!

Don't come over!

Run for it!

Don't even try!

Run for it!

You need a license for acrobatics in the street

No, Chief!

I had a blackout, I'm fixing the wires

I don't think so

You're trying to kill yourself!

Get lost! I don't want to see you again!

You're in?

A lot of traffic today

Are you moving?

Just renovating!

Are you off?

Not until I wrap up a case!

Need any help?

You have no choice! Move it!

Why am I under arrest?

Do you want the real reason

or the excuse?

Both

Capone will kill you when he gets out

It's for your own safety

And the excuse?

Your private eye license has expired

You haven't paid your dues!

Let's go!

Wait! Close the door!

"DELUXE PRISON"

Boss!

Is there cholera at the farm?

The steaks taste awful!

You're wrong, Boss

Cholera has nothing to do with steaks

Fix him!

I know what to do

I'll take care of the chef!

Have you notified the 4 families?

Yes!

I have kept them waiting for 2 hours

Get that man!

Here's Capone!

No wonder they need more taxes,
it must be nice in jail

He's looking good

And you better look out

Long time no see! You look great!

Not really!

But after the shooting

I feel much better!

What? Someone tried to kill you?

Don't you know?

I don't know what you mean

You know damn well what I mean

You're being unreasonable

If I were unreasonable, you'd all be dead

I always know

what you are up to

You took my business when I was in jail

10 joints on Maple Street

And 2 more at the junction

2 more?

The funeral homes!

It's all a misunderstanding

You bust 1 joint, that's a misunderstanding

But not 18

Not to mention the brothels

Those are dead end business anyway!

Then why did you take them?

You got it all wrong

The cops busted your joints

How do you know? Did you tip them off?

You know damn well

I used to be a police chief

but not anymore

the police is interested in me

That's why they locked you up!

If they do that again

you're all dead

But relax! You're here today

not to discuss the past

but the future

Whatever happened before

will be forgotten

What about everything we took from you?

Keep them

What are your conditions?

Simple! I want peace

I'm not kidding you

Is that possible?

If I say so

You wouldn't dare do anything to me!

Remember! I'm not afraid of you

I have to fix someone more annoying

Bring him in

Where is he now?

At the police station

Kill him!

You're dead!

Really?

You have no more moves

Checkmate! I told you!

Don't point that thing at me!

I'm just cleaning it

Point it at him!

Don't cheat!

You have never beaten me

Playing marbles, you lost

You grades at school are worse than mine

Even the police academy

I got in and you didn't

Shut up and let me think

There!

Forget it!

Checkmate again!

I beat you at everything

No! I'm better with girls!

That reminds me...

You stole my childhood sweetheart

I'm still mad about that

So this is personal!

And you're locking me up!

I don't want you to get killed!

Capone is out

I don't need your help! Let me go!

No!

Why not?

You don't have $5,000 for the bail

He does, Chief!

Someone is putting up his bail!

Who?

Me!

I don't know her

- Do you have a light?
- Yes!

Here!

Cigarette?

Which one of you is the Chief Inspector?

Who do you think?

"CHIEF INSPECTOR ROBIN"

- May I have a chair?
- Yes...

You're putting up his bail?

Yes

What's he to you?

Nothing yet

$5,000 is a lot of money

Where is it from?

The printer

I want to know how!

By selling

Lady, prostitution is illegal

I meant by selling a diamond ring

I'll believe you even if you're lying

But, I'll soon find out the truth

Really?

Everyone knows about Chief Inspector Robin

Not me!

You're looking at the man himself

What school did you go to?

Hong Kong Police Academy

- How long have you served?
- 12 years

- Before that?
- 1 was a teacher

- Which subject?
- Music

- Where are you from?
- Tai Shan

- Where's your wife?
- In Shanghai

Any children?

I won't answer that

- I want to know
- None

- Why not?
- What's this?

Who's doing the questioning here?

You answered my questions!

Why should 1?

I have one more!

Forget it! I won't answer you

But you will

Is it illegal for me to bail him out?

Can he come with me?

My car's waiting outside

Can he go now?

Chief, this you have to answer!

Get lost!

How dare she question me on my turf!

This is ridiculous!

Why did you answer her?

Get lost!

What are you doing?

Nothing, sir!

Is Yoyo inside?

Yes!

Thank you

You attacked a police officer!

I want to get arrested

I'll get you, Yoyo

What are you doing here?

To see you!

I'm just on my way out

Why is he getting out?

Someone put up his bail

Can you get me out?

No. But we can get you in!

I live right here

Sugar is added

Toothpaste?

Do you know why you're here?

When I'm with a woman

I don't care about the past

I only look to the future

Let me get into something more comfortable

What are you doing down there?

Checking the quality of wood

You're quick!

Nice big sofa. Nice big house

You live alone?

Almost!

Are you scared at night?

That's why we want you here

We?

My husband and I

What? Where is he?

He's stroking your face as we speak!

You have guts. I've been watching you!

You have my respect! You started to strip!

And your knowledge of wood

I'm impressed!

Get him some coffee that
doesn't taste like toothpaste

And one for me too

Toilet?

The toilet

You need to go? I'll show you

Sorry, I didn't know she's your wife

Take away my gun

I'll shoot when I'm nervous

It's my nerves and I'm diabetic

Can't sleep without the gun

Someone wants to kill me

Who?

Coffee's ready!

It's her!

Her?

She's after my money!

Your money?

She has a lover

That's outrageous!

But I have no proof

Fine!

Where are you going?

Get you your proof!

So it's you...

This is for you

- Did you put sugar?
- 3 teaspoonfuls

Add 3 more!

You're right

I sniffied her out!

Already?

3 teaspoonfuls of sugar in your coffee

No wonder you're diabetic!

Have you seen my denture?

Your denture?

[t's in the coffee!

Phone call for you

For me?

Are you Yoyo?

Yes!

Take it on the extension upstairs

Who is it?

It's Mimi!

Where are you?

I'm next door

No, look across the window

He knew about you and me in bed!

Who?

Run! You're surrounded!

Don't move!

Get in!

What's the matter?

Go!

Smile!

You're shivering!

I have that effect on people when they betray me

I didn't. Why am I shaking?

You didn't! Nobody would dare either!

I'm interested in your husband's stocks

You're a tough one, bitch!

You walked right into my trap!

What do you want?

I wanted to be knighted

but my background failed me

Then I wanted to become a film star

but I'm not handsome enough

So I finally figured out

I want your husband's stocks from Shanghai

to help me expand

Don't crave for what you can't have!

I want you dead more than anything

but I can let you off

See? I told you!

We're old friends

Shut up!

The old geezer trusts you

I want you to help me get his stocks

Your nose is bigger than mine

Your moustache is longer than mine

but your brains are not as good as mine!

Why?

We still have an old score to settle

Even if I help you, you'll still kill me!

Good for you, smartass!

Do you know why you're here?

You want us dead?

Bingo! And you?

I don't know

Good guys go to heaven, bad guys go to hell

But you'll end up in the North Pole

and be Santa Claus in your next life!

You know

You must die

Otherwise, I'm dead

Hold still! I'm working on the rope!

Let me undo the knot

We'll bust the door open

You're busting me!

Now you're busting me!

Come on!

This doesn't work! We're doomed!

I have an idea! Come on!

Slow down! I can't walk that fast!

Push the block towards the door

Anymore?

No!

Not so fast!

These blocks are no use either!

We're dead

It's freezing in here

This is too much!

"Hong Kong Hotel"

Who are all those people?

Let's go this way!

What is it?

His denture!

Damn! Your old man is finished!

What is she doing here?

Come in!

What is it?

Capone wants me to be his mistress

Don't worry!

I'm real close to him now

You do everything he tells you?

What have you done to the old man?

Hands up!

Someone will fix you for me!

Me?

I'm impressed, old man!

That could be poisonous!

You've broken my heirloom

Forget that! You're in grave danger now!

I know

We came back to tell you

Don't come near me!

What are you doing?

You tell me!

I'll kill you, you adulterers!

Don't shoot!

Don't...

Let me explain!

I'll kill you

I thought you meant me!

There's nothing between us!

No? Why is she wearing your pants?

Run!

It's too quiet outside! This isn't right!

What shall we do?

Simple

You go check it out

Me?

Where do you think you're going?

Don't move or I'll shoot

It's just a telephone!

Long distance call for you

Stop!

"Fascinating charisma"

"Those hot lips”

"Your unforgettable caress...”

- Come back!
- Stop!

What are you doing?

Who are you?

Who are you?

This is my car!

I need to borrow this, they're after me!

How exciting!

There's a car behind us! Hurry!

Hurry!

Sister, how do you go to Heaven?

You must go around in circles...

Turn! Change gear! Step on it!

Move your leg!

What? Why?

I need to get something

This is fun!

We ditched them! This is so much fun!

Why did you help me?

You seem nice, they must be the bad guys

You're right!

Wait! We haven't been introduced!

Let's leave that to fate!

What do you mean?

By perchance we'll meet again

I'm sure of it!

Don't go!

When you gotta go, you gotta go

I was trying to tell you

Your jacket is caught in the car door!

If only you'd listen to me

It won't be torn!

You're driving me crazy!

Can you sing? I'll make you a star

You're crazy

A glass of milk

Better make me a star!

Drinking milk all by your lonesome?

What's wrong with that?

Nothing! We do it all the time!

Happy New Year!

What do you want now?

No business today! Cheers!

Hello!

I have something for you!

You're the best private eye in town

I have something for you too

You're the kindest Chief Inspector in town

You mean I'm a clown!

I don't like compliments either

Fine! Here's something else for you!

A boat ticket to Africa?

Private eyes are scarce over there

Your wife has left you anyway

Might as well take a chance

It's for your own good! Capone wants you!

You said no business!

Must we always be rivals?

Can't we team up for once?

Maybe!

We used to be real chums

Remember that fight?

Yes!

That big bully...

We fixed him good!

I punched him first, remember?

If I didn't get him from behind

you'd be creamed!

Put me down!

Help!

Let me go!

I'm not Chief Inspector for nothing!

What's the matter? Keep playing!

Don't fight! Stop it...

Don't fight...

Get them!

Come on!

I was looking for you! Let's go!

It's you!

It's you!

Why you?

I'll come again to hear you play!

Don't bother!

Let's go!

Freeze!

I'm the Chief Inspector

So am...

Who else is a Chief Inspector?

We all are!

Good! Take them downtown!

I'm on the second floor

What is it? Someone after you again?

No!

Why are you so scared?

Reflex!

Relax! It's just a skeleton!

What is it doing here?

I found it in flea market

Beats keeping a watch dog!

You live alone?

2 if you count him!

Does it hurt?

Do you have ice? Let me put some on that!

I think so

The fridge is in the kitchen

The door is stuck!

Haven't opened it in a long time!

What are you doing here?

What's going on in there?

There's a rat in there

Help!

What? I'm terrified of rats

Don't worry, I'll catch it

Just don't come in here

What are you doing here?

I'm cooking for you

Cooking?

Why?

You asked me to dinner after the New Year

I meant the lunar New Year

Did you get it? What's taking so long?

Almost!

Listen! Don't come out until I'm gone!

How will I know you're gone?

You'll hear the bell on the door!

Understand?

Did you get it?

How did you get in?

That girl in your bedroom let me in

There's a girl in my bedroom!

Yes!

You...

I took care of it

Don't go in there! I smashed it!

I'll go change! Don't come in!

I need to talk to you!

Don't!

If you do

I'll knock your teeth out

Stay right here! Don't go out there!

Don't come out until I leave!

Listen for the bell on the door

Understand?

I thought you were changing!

Right!

No peeping!

Such bad timing!

Tonight of all nights

Every one of them shows up!

How did you get in?

The girl in your toilet let me in

There's a girl in my toilet!

Sorry, I have to go!

Just don't come in!

It's you!

Where did you get my key?

I didn't

What?

A woman in the bath tub let me in

- Someone is taking a bath?
- Yes!

Who has my key?

Who can it be?

The landlady!

You're 3 months behind in rent

So I took your keys

Fine!

Just stay here until I'm gone

How will I know when?

You'll hear the bell on the door

She knows!

I beg of you don't come out

or I won't pay the rent

You wouldn't dare!

Let's go see a movie!

A bit late, isn't it?

We'll catch the late late show

Hurry up!

The radio's still on!

Don't worry! Someone will turn it off

Long time no see, Yoyo

I came for a bath

Who is he?

The landlord

Who are they?

The landlady and her daughters

What about this place?

This place?

I don't live here

Let's go. We're late!

This way please

What are these?

Shanghai Bank is a big bank, so are the stocks

Pretty!

I'll give you one...some day

The old man really trusts me

He took me to look at the stocks

Excellent!

I'm dedicating my full attention to this

You know what to do?

Not you!

Yes, Boss! Get him to marry me!

Then I'll get the stocks when he's dead!

When are you marrying him?

We got married today!

Well done!

When will he be dead?

Soon, I guess

Why?

Because he's listening in on this call

You won't get the stocks, I still have a daughter

She's the sole successor in my will

Boss, he has a daughter

Really?

Yes, ask him yourself!

Yes, I have a daughter

Find me the girl!

Here I am!

Not you!

You're his daughter!

That's right!

What a small world!

I really need help now. My father...

Say no more

Thanks for your help!

I didn't say I'll help you

Why? He's my father

So what?

He pointed a gun at me!

I wouldn't help him if he was my father

Yoyo

This is Robin

What is it?

Is the old man's daughter with you?

Yes!

Tell her

The old man is in the hospital for heart attack!

What?

Robin said your father is in the hospital

My father...

Wait...

Wait for me...

You don't even know which one!

Which one?

Which hospital?

The Riverside hospital

The Riverside!

Thank you!

Is there a patient by the name Hu?

Room 103! He sure has many visitors!

Were there many people looking for him?

Those 2 over there

Capone's men are outside

He's in grave danger

I took down the room number they won't find us

If you just take this one down

They can still count from next door

Right!

Where is 1037

What number are you looking for?

What about you?

What about it?

Get in!

It's dangerous outside

We have to move him

How?

He...

Chief, he's still out

Try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation

What are you doing?

Sorry to wake you

Where's the old man?

Where's the daughter?

What's he saying?

He's cursing me

for not watching over his daughter

Who took her?

Not us

We didn't do it!

I've been eating this cake all by myself

But now I have indigestion

So I'm sharing it with you

How would you like to split this?

We'll let you decide

You want Kowloon or Hong Kong?

Alright, I'll give you the water

That is yours, this is mine!

Fair enough?

Depends on how you look at it

What do you say?
Fair, Boss!

And you?

Fair enough

Boss...Chief Inspector Robin

That's me!

What do you want?

To see how you cut the cake

Good! I'll cut you a slice!

Why are you barging in like this?

I want to search this place

Do you have a search warrant?

Would I come here without one?

What are you looking for?

Missing person

Who?

Mr. Hu's daughter

She's been kidnapped

Nonsense!

Boss, look what you've done...

I would never sink this low

I have reasons to suspect you

Let me show you something

Bring them in

They're caught at the scene, are they your men?

Look at them! Do they look like my men?

My men don't get caught

Do you work for me?

No!

And you?
No!

Don't admit it

even if you are beaten to death

Otherwise you'll implicate the Boss!

Right, Boss?

You all should know

it's not easy to share his cake

If he gets the old man's stocks

he'll own the docks and the go downs

Your cargo will have nowhere to go
but the police station

Nothing, Sir!

Nothing?

Let me see your warrant?

I don't have one, let's go!

You can't leave just like that!

You want to take me on?

Capone, watch your back!

Let's go!

We don't want your cake either!

Let's go!

Boss, phone call!

Take a message!

It's a woman

Capone, I know you don't have the girl

because she's right here

If you want the stocks

you'll have to pay

Bring 1 million to Ever bad go down

tomorrow night at 8

You don't know me if you want my money

Prepare an empty suitcase

Don't try to fool me with an empty suitcase

I won't let her go for a penny less

I know all your moves

How do you know?

Your most trusted man works for me!

Who's my most trusted man?

That would be me, Boss!

He should be here anytime now

Dad!

Uncle!

How is everything?

They're bringing the money

Along with guns, I'm sure

What shall we do?

His guns are no match for my brains

Your lighter is out of gas, Mr. Yan

Your match won't last either

How do you know who I am?

I have a very bad habit

I always do a background check on my client

Unfortunately, I found out the truth

You're a con man from Shanghai

One of the notorious 7 Masters

I'd recognize you anywhere

Why didn't you expose me?

Because I want to know

what you are doing here

- Now you know!
- Yes!

You're conning a con man

It's a dangerous game

But you're in greater danger!

You wouldn't shoot me

after what we've been through

We don't make friends in our line of work

Don't shoot!

If you're a con man

You won't shoot me

because I'm still useful to you

Put the gun away

This is no time for guns!

It's time for champagne

Tell me why you are useful to me

I can get you another big catch

Which is?

The 4 families

Excellent!

Here we are

sailing in the sunset...

You have the girl?

You sure about the place and time?

You should have double checked

You want 1 million for the girl?

We can save 1 million if we have you

If I don't leave in 15 minutes

My men will hand her over to Capone

And you'll have nothing

Even if it's true, I don't trust you

If you don't trust me, kill me

If you won't kill me, trust me

Bring me the money personally

I don't deal with sidekicks

We want the girl

so we must bring the money

We'll trade for the girl

Then we'll get the money back

We'll get it back with guns

The private eye is on Capone's side

Boss, we've been had! They have the girl!

- Don't hit me!
- Did you bring it?

All here! And you?

How do you want to do this?

Just like this!

Fine!

Where's the girl?

It's set-up

We're all dead if we open fire

We'll back away...

Count our men...

1,2,3,4,5,6,6%

Who are you?

Me?

Boss! Where are you?

Boss!

How dare you surrender?

I didn't!

I was spying on them!

What did you find out?

Everything!

They outnumber us, we're doomed!

Numbers don't count! This is not a boat race!

Clever!

Boss, too many people will sink the boat!

Split up! Tarzan!

Yes, Boss?

- Take the left!
- Yes, Boss!

- Superman, take the right!
- Yes, Boss!

Popeye!

Take the back

What about me, Boss?

You take the front alone

I have them surrounded, they're dead!

Who will protect me?

I will!

Get lost!

Are we alright?

We're alright!

Who are you?

Capone

It's a mannequin

Another one!

Don't move!

It's us!

You're dead

Capone, I have been waiting for this!

You're dead!

Don't move!

Get up!

Get up!

Get up!

If somebody shoots now

we're all dead!

Did you hear that?

I heard you!

Don't shoot! Understand?

Yes!

Damn! He's deaf!

Boss!

Freeze! This is Chief Inspector Robin

Get in!

You are surrounded!

Put down your weapons!

Hands up! Squat down!

Collect the guns and look around

What a catch!

Chief, we found 2 suitcases of money

Put them in the jeep

Don't move!

Line up against wall!

- Take them downtown!
- Yes!

Let's go!

Chief, the money is gone!

What?

Gone...

Don't move!

Don't move!

Stop!

Stop, Yoyo!

Stop the car!

What is it?

Mind your own business!

We have Capone!

Yoyo will be here soon

What's next?

He'll be useless to us

Give him a bullet!

Don't kill him, he's good man!

Listen, you're still new at this

Anyone who threatens your interest is your enemy

Some day you'll understand

Here's the money!

The boat is here

We'll board a liner from this boat

And we'll leave Hong Kong! Get aboard!

Uncle

Don't move!

I knew you'd leave by boat

You can't run from Chief Inspector Robin

You're no millionaire

you're just a con man from Shanghai

You're too late! I knew that already!

It's never too late

I must escort them to safety!

Go on!

Let's go!

Uncle...

- Yoyo!
- You idiot!

Start the boat!

They're gone!

This is what you get for teaming up with me!

I bought 2 tickets to Brazil

Go ahead! I'm going to Paris!

What about our coffee ranch in Brazil?

This is the first and last time we work together

Why?

You get the limelight, I get the dirty work

How about this?

Get in!

The plane is leaving in 2 hours

Hurry!