All in My Family (2019) - full transcript

- ™? Baby, daddy! Baby, daddy! ™?
- Yeah?

- Daddy!
- What was your question?

You can ask Hao.

- What are you gonna name your baby?
- Clayton.

- Oh...
- Oh!

Whose baby is in Mommy's tummy?

- Uh, Kelly.
- Whose baby is it? Is it our baby?

- No.
- No.

Where's the baby gonna go after he's born?

Um, I don't know.

- You don't remember?
- No.



- Goodbye.
- Daddy, where are you going?

I'm the person behind the camera.

And this wonderful woman
is pregnant with my baby.

But this is not my family.

I grew up in Chengdu,
in Southwest China,

where my mother's side
of the family lives.

In most aspects, my family's average,

indistinguishable from the city's
other 14 million residents.

So true! Even for us first cousins,

if we bump into each other,
we won't recognize each other.

Luckily I survived the Great Famine.

I would've died
if I'd stayed in the village.

So many died in the countryside.

Here's my mom,
at my grandpa's birthday party.



Back then, I was stupid.

I didn't test into college
because I didn't study hard.

So I focused on educating
my son and daugher from a young age.

They had to do better academically.

And this is my dad.

In my family,
I was the only one who went to college.

The two of you went
to even better schools.

I feel my life
hasn't been a complete waste.

I didn't...

let my ancestors down.

And this my grandpa with my step-grandma.

My grandpa, with his three daughters.

And many other relatives
whose relation to me

I no longer remember.

Hurry and come over.
Damn, stop acting coy.

Grandpa, we wish you good health...

And this is me
and my sister in the family video.

You were always a model good boy.

As the only boy in the clan,

you were expected
to have children and get a good job.

So I can continue to...

- Make the ancestors proud.
- ...make the ancestors proud.

Yes.

Having moved to the US 20 years ago,

for a long time, I rarely
went back to China to visit my family.

Happy birthday to you.

For my grandpa's big 90th birthday,

I felt obligated to return.

Mostly, I hid
behind the camera to avoid any attention.

But my grandpa's biggest concern
was about me, his only grandson.

See you all in another ten years.

Yes, at your 100th birthday.

You all have to come back
for my 100th birthday.

- Of course.
- Absolutely.

You must bring back a wife
for my birthday.

Not a girlfriend. A wife.

A grandkid would be even better.

No need to be cute?

Doesn't matter.
As long as they're your own.

Not adopted.

You already have two great grandkids.

They are your sister's.
I want to see yours.

So, I asked your mom
why she's not worried.

I said, "Tell your son to come back
to get on those dating shows,

such as Saturday Rendezvous."

There's so many new shows now,
- China Style.

In that show, there are so many girls
with both beauty and talent.

I don't remember anyone
ever having to worry about me

when I was little.

My parents worked for
a State-owned car company

so I do remember
lots of chimneys and gray skies.

I also remember my parents
constantly telling me to be obedient

and to excel at school,

which I did.
And that made them very, very proud.

But that was a long, long time ago.

Get out of my way.
Why are you filming this mess?

Enough, enough! So annoying!

I'll never allow you
to come home again!

You say that every time.

Neither of you picks up after yourself
or goes to bed on time.

We sleep at normal hours.
It's you who always stays up late.

I have to wait for you to go to bed first,

so I can bleach
your white laundry at night!

I think for your mom...

her family is her focus.

Her hobby is to make her family

ever cleaner and more perfect.

As soon as you get up,
you yell and I wake up.

If I don't yell to wake up your dad,

no one in this family would get up!

Who'd do the work? Your dad--

- I don't do any work.
- I have to wake him up every day.

Your mom says
the only thing I do is mop the floor.

Get to it. Get it done already!

I don't have energy like before.

I feel very tired every day.

- You will all tire me to death!
- Mom is the spine of this family.

Mom loves to nag.

She has tamed Dad into a "good" dad.

So she wants to use the same method

to tame us into model "good" kids.

I want comfort, too!
If you made a lot of money...

- But you haven't.
- I've made money.

If you made a lot of money,

I'd buy whatever I want

and travel wherever I want.

The only discomfort now is
your mom's high demand for daily cleaning.

Total bullshit!

My demand for cleaning? Bullshit.

So sometimes I wonder--

am I lucky to have been
born into this family?

Sometimes I feel happy.

And then...

for me personally...

I'd say a speedy death
is the ultimate happiness.

For old people, the faster the happier.

As far back as I could remember,

I always wanted to have
a different family.

I don't want to talk about my daughter!

Wait, let me tell you about my daughter!

A family
not full of yelling and screaming.

The two of them
want to be together!

A family
less controlling of its young generation.

The boy Zhao Jing likes...

Let's meet him to see if we like him.

If not, we'll break them up.

You all think that's control, but I...

I feel that
we have a good education model.

I admit I have a bad temper.

But why did I end up
with this bad temper?

For Mom, she has...

always treated us as little kids.

So she would never let go of control.

So in high school, I rebelled.

When disco came to China, I did disco.

When break dance came, I did that too.

My friends and I were frowned upon.
But China was changing.

And it felt exhilarating
to be able to be different...

...finally.

But I was still keeping a big secret
of how different I truly was.

Because the only Western psychology book
I could find told me I was mentally ill.

I know. I'll never forget it.

I remember you wrote me a letter
at that time.

I... I read it for a long time.

And I remember clearly
I cried for a long time.

Did you ever suspect anything?

I'd never heard of such a thing!
For our generation,

the concept of homosexuality
was nonexistent.

I knew nothing about it.

And those colleagues
of your dad's and mine,

no one knew anything either!

Have you researched online
to understand what this is about?

This I know. This I know, it's a...

what's it called...

It's called... the issue of orientation.

This I know. I know.

Only that-- when this happened to you,

it dealt my dreams...

a devastating blow.

When I turned 20,

I ran away to America.

America,

the land to forget one's past,

to reinvent oneself.

To search for the promise of a happy life
that remains forever elusive,

yet forever inviting
and seemingly within reach.

Look at Empire State,
the tallest building ahead.

But the son of a Chinese family

can never run away from his past.

At least not from his parents.

You told me it's very prosperous,

but it doesn't look that way.

Eric, are you nervous meeting my parents?

Not really.
I only cleaned the apartment three times.

What a mess!

No place to hang a bag.

Such a simple place costs so much money...

This is New York!

Finish it soon so you can rest.

It's so dirty!

Look, the grease has hardened.

Son, can I wash your sneakers?

Son, look how clean your mom made it.

When we finally
ventured out for sight-seeing, unlike Dad,

Mom was not someone easily impressed.

Mom, this is the famous
clam chowder. Do you like it?

Um, how should I put it?

To my great relief, Mom really liked Eric.

A Chinese-American with a stable job
and far better manners than mine.

So, one day I shared with her something
to make her even happier.

Or so I thought.

I adamantly object
to people like you having kids.

If you had a normal family
like your sister's,

I wouldn't object to you having kids.

I imagined that you would remain single,

have a good job and save some money.

So that when you are old
you could afford quality senior care.

If you could die that way,
with enough money,

only that would ease my mind.

Don't you ask yourself
why you went to college and got an MBA?

What do you hope to achieve
in filmmaking?

Even if you do achieve something,
since you're making documentaries,

it won't amount to much.

You guys worry too much.

- My son...
- Worrying is...

a great tradition for us Chinese.

He can't see things

from our standpoint.

You're not in our shoes.

I won't mention your being gay, okay?
Now I can forgive you.

I simply love you too much,
So I have to...

accept what you chose, right?

I think you're exactly like your mom.

In what way?

You are short-tempered.

You refuse to acknowledge
your own shortcomings.

And you have a big heart.

The more my mom objects,

the more I'm determined
to have the life I want.

To build my own family
and give my kids

something I don't think
I ever had from my parents--

the support for being who I am.

We would be-- We never--
This house with me now...

It's Brian. He and Matt
are thinking about having kids.

Hi, Brian.
Everybody's having babies.

Was it, like, complicated to figure out
the logistics of making that happen?

It was quite complicated, so--
so once we found the egg donor agency

we then had to find an IVF clinic

and then once we decided on that,
it was finding surrogates--

Sorry, can you tell me how you guys

reached the first decision
about surrogacy versus other types of--

Oh. Hao's response.

Your approach would be

that the world is already filled
with all these kids

that don't have great families
that in an ideal world

we would wanna adopt but--

Yeah. It's just, like,
my parents are really into

having genetically-related children.

So, I think at some level
I kind of wanna make them happy as well.

Best to find a Chinese egg donor.

I'd prefer our offspring be pureblood.

Absolutely no kids!

If you insist,
I'll divorce your dad for sure!

The egg donor is Chinese,
but the one pregnant is a foreigner?

Big Aunt is Mom's favorite sister

and the only relative Mom has confided in
about my situation.

How old is the egg donor?
What's her education level?

She has to be smart, pretty
and nice-tempered. Where do I find one?

It's not like I'm looking for dates.

- How many weeks along are we?
- Thirty-three and a half.

Down the home stretch.

Do we already know the gender?

- Yes. It's a boy.
- Don't want to ruin the surprise.

I've been praying for this day to come.

Is Shuang Shuang different
from sister's kids?

Very different. Yours is the male line.
Male line or not,

for us old traditional folks,

there is a difference.

Okay.
So, all the this little fuzz is hair.

- Look at that hair!
- Oh!

Are babies usually born with hair?

Oh, and look at that belly.

- Show-off!
- What is he showing off? Sorry.

His practice breathing.

I really have
no other choice, my son.

You think I want this?

I really have no choice,
ever though it still bugs me.

But the kids are on their way, so I can
only encourage you to raise them well.

You think I can accept you now?
I really can't.

I'm happy as long as I have a grandson.

- It's a girl.
- It's a girl.

So give me an update.

How did this all start and how did you do?

Any things going on that
I should be brought up to speed about.

I know. I mean, I--

Let me fill you in here. Okay.

- So, this is Hao.
- Hao.

- And his partner Eric.
- Okay.

- Wanted to go through surrogacy.
- Okay.

They wanted to have two babies,

but they didn't wanna go
through the twin pregnancy.

- Okay.
- So, myself...

and Cortnie, that's also here,
are carrying for them.

So, that's how
our little wonderful story comes together.

- Cortnie and I have been friends forever.
- How are you--

The number is still zero?

- Yeah, right now--
- You-- Right now it's still zero.

You haven't brought a baby home yet.

So, this is all brand new for you still?

I know, so that's why I'm like,

"What questions should I ask?"

It's like, "Where do I go?"

How are you going from zero to two?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

So, let's see what that--

His mom is coming up.

Oh, that's awesome.

They met him in April.

Yes, and everything--
Obviously you're still alive

so everything went well.

Because I was like, "Ooh."

The baby!

Now we have all these friends
who want to do the same thing as us.

Everything looks all set
on the American front

for us to welcome our two kids.

But problems occur
whenever I travel back to China for work.

Whenever I see my parents who now
live with my sister's family in Shanghai.

Son, take a nibble at this.
You won't find this in America.

- This tastes good.
- I don't like chicken feet.

In the future, when the kids are grown,

how will you explain it to them?

Just tell them they have two dads.

What about their mother?

No mother. Only surrogate mothers.

Why bother telling them that?

Keep this a secret forever.

I think we should try our best to...

hide this from friends and relatives.

Then how will I explain it
when we bring the kids back?

I'd say their mother...

- Left him?
- Not that.

- Don't say she left you.
- So, she's dead?

That wouldn't do.

How would you explain it then?
I don't know how.

We can say she's an...
illegal immigrant.

Completely illegal.
So, she dare not leave the U.S.

Just tell the truth.
What's the big deal?

- Say she's dead?
- Let's tell the truth!

No way. Absolutely not in China.

Wu Hao, that really won't work.

After having lived
openly and proudly in America

for over 20 years,

I find it frustrating to have to go back
into the closet

whenever I see grandpa in Chengdu.

But that's what my parents want.

And I don't want to create any more drama
before the kids arrive.

Will grandpa be able to understand this?

Grandpa is more stubborn than Mom.

But you never know...

Grandpa, in some ways,
is more open and hip than Mom.

What?

Do you worry like my parents
about me doing films?

- Doing films?
- Yeah.

That's fine. The problem I see...

You should find...

a girlfriend.

Better someone who can work with you.
Right?

For my latest film project

on China's internet celebrities,

I visit my hometown a lot for filming.

Every time I'm back in town,

Grandpa insists on treating me and whoever
is there helping me to a fancy meal.

Hey, where's your companion?

- My assistant is coming soon.
- Oh.

Hello.

How are you?

Sorry for being late.

Grandpa, how old are you?

Over 92 years old.

You are in great health.

- His dad is from Guang'an region.
- Oh.

He was born there.

I'm introducing our family background.

He may skip details.

You live in the U.S.?

Yes. We both live in New York.

Hey! When you come back next year,
bring one more person home.

Why are we talking about this?

She's here to help me film.

Bring back a little rascal.

Next year he will skip the middle steps
and directly bring a kid home.

Do you want a boy or a girl?

It's entirely up to you.

It's not about what I want,
but what you want.

What the two of you want.

Me and her?

How would I know?

Only you would know.

Then,
not knowing what I'm getting myself into,

I become a father.

I'll start to review this...

- Hello!
- Hello.

Did you hear me screaming, huh?

Oh!

Wu Hao,

how come my grandson is so ugly?

As long as he has double eyelids.

I'm worried about single eyelids.

Do you have an outlet outside?

Where's your-- Let me see your teeth.
There's your cute smile.

Brennan, where's your smile?

There, another go. Okay.

Remember to pull his nose.

Do it often, during nap time
or when you play with him. Got it?

There we go.

That was a lot of work wasn't it? I know.

- Hi.
- So different from Clayton's. Nuts.

For over 40 years,

I've had to suffer through
my parents nagging

about how much work parenting is.
How much they've sacrificed to raise us.

Now I'm a father,

I'm finally starting to see
that they were not exaggerating.

As time passes,

as the kids continue...

to grow and mature,

you'll begin to understand

what it takes to be a parent,

and the thoughts and actions
that go with it.

You'll understand it better. Right?

Parenthood changes you.

Jump.

What's so special about the sippy cup?

I'm not gonna tell you on camera.
Just look at this.

Why not?

It makes me wonder
what it means to have a family.

And how much help you need
to build a family.

You are just so sweet. Who is that?

And it makes me miss my family
a continent and an ocean away

regardless of how noisy and nutty it is.

Can you see me, Leni?

Now that you have kids
and I can't give you any help,

I feel very guilty.
Your life has been so tough already.

Mom, why on Earth
are you talking about this?

Happy birthday, little one.
Look how happy you are!

We'll visit grandparents
in February, okay?

A few more months
and our Leni will turn one.

We'll go home then, okay?

Clayton, where are we?

We are in Shanghai now.

Before I take the kids
to see my family for Chinese New Year,

we meet with my sister
and my brother-in-law to strategize.

I come here today to discuss

if I should go tell grandpa first.

Don't tell him.

Don't tell him?

It'd confuse the old guy
and cause a lot of trouble.

It's true.

But my grandpa is hipper than most.

I've been observing Grandpa.

He's all about fighting
the Japanese and the Americans.

He's been totally brainwashed
by the Communist Party.

Don't expect him to be able to change.

Just give him what he wants.
Like he's pissed at Trump.

He wants to fight him.
I said we couldn't win.

So he considered me a loser.

We've told him
that you are bringing two kids home.

He didn't ask any questions.

He didn't?

Nope. How do you want to handle this?

I'd planned to think about this,

but I've been too exhausted by the kids
and the jet lag.

What if we just tell him the truth?

To minimize complication,

Eric decides not to show up

when the family meets the kids
for the first time.

This is Grandma.

Let Grandma hold you.

Let me hold you, Grandma's precious.

Let Grandma hold you. It is okay.

Don't cry. Don't cry.

Good boy.

- Where's Grandpa?
- Grandpa?

Grandpa is here.

Say hi to your great-grandpa.

Hello.

The little one is on the floor.

This one is more outgoing.

Come sit down, Grandpa.

This one is outgoing,
the other one clingy.

- This here.
- Yeah?

Remember to pull it.

- Why the nose?
- Do it often.

- Then he won't have a flat nose.
- Okay, a flat nose.

Especially during...

the first few months after birth,

if you do it then,
the result will be even better.

- Clayton.
- Hello.

I know the question's definitely coming,

so I look for my mother to offer her
version of the truth before I'm ready.

Oh...

But Mom, as usual,
is busy working in the kitchen.

His mother didn't come?

- Huh?
- She is not here?

No, she didn't.

- You brought both back by yourself.
- Well...

Hey, Emma, be careful!

So heavy.

Where's his mother from?

Huh?

Where's she from?

Where is her hometown?

America.

Hometown? Both kids are American.

American?

They are American
because they were born there.

He's American,

but I was asking
where your wife's hometown is.

America.

- She's American, too?
- Yeah.

- She was born in America.
- Born in America?

So, an American-born Chinese.

- Let Mom tell him.
- Eh?

- Let Mom explain.
- Let her explain?

- Let her do whatever...
- It's exhausting?

- What?
- Is it exhausting?

I don't know where to start.
Raising kids is not as hard.

Wow, you can eat this by yourself!

Mom said to ask Eric
to come over for lunch.

Wouldn't that be even more awkward?

Let's bring this out in
the open so Hao doesn't have to struggle.

It's already a done deal.
Why would it matter?

So, we'll go ahead and tell Grandpa?

Okay.

I don't know what's holding me back.

I don't remember being this indecisive
when I came out for the first time.

Mom.

Just say Hao...

How should we explain Eric to Grandpa?

Just say he's a colleague.

But they look so intimate together.

Ugh, it's not a big deal.
They are good friends.

A close colleague and a good friend.

It doesn't look right.

You Grandpa
doesn't pay attention to details.

Let's talk later.

Grandpa has been asking
both Big Aunt and me.

- He asked me and Big Aunt.
- He asked you, too?

Oh, yeah.

The mother is busy with work in America.

Grandpa, this is Eric.

Happy New Year.

You sit. You sit.
I'll sit on the floor. You sit.

- Sit over here.
- You sit, Grandpa.

Eric, are you bothered by all this?

No. I think
it's all part of being in a family.

Little Aunt is here.

Say hi to your Great Aunt.

- Is this for real?
- Of course it is.

- Then where is her mother?
- Huh?

Her mother. I've never met her.
You have to introduce us.

You must be joking!

How on Earth could it be possible?

Even a shotgun wedding
wouldn't be this fast.

Sis, whose kid is this?

Both are my son's.

- Both? How many are there?
- Two.

- Both.
- The other one is napping.

There are two!

I feel like I'm being struck by thunder!

I pulled her into the bathroom
and told her.

It's time to tell her.
It's already an irreversible fact.

I was shocked out of my mind.

That night I couldn't sleep all night.

Oh, dear...

It's irreversible, right?

You probably don't know this,
so let me tell you,

our Zhang family has Hao as the only son.

My father is especially nice to him.

- Is that right?
- Oh, yeah.

He heard Hao's coming to Shanghai,
so he came all the way...

Okay, let's do another toast.

Great fortune, everyone!

Cheers.

Great fortune, everyone!

- Sound check.
- Hello, hello.

- Okay, good.
- Does it sound good?

Well, what's there to talk about?

I'm getting close to expiring already.

It's all pointless.

How long did it take you
to get through that?

It took me two to three years.

At least.

The first six months
were extremely painful.

I couldn't make any sense of it.

I couldn't get over it.
That precious son of mine,

what happened to him?

When I had my son,
I loved and treasured him.

Plus I had a son and a daughter.
I was so happy.

On top of that, both were great kids.
So, to tell you the truth...

I was happy and satisfied
through and through.

But I never imagined that...

my son would change into that.

I couldn't accept it.

Very painful.

So, I never dared to tell your grandpa.

Your grandpa used to say that our family
finally had a son, a descendant.

So, even now your grandpa doesn't know.

Ah!

Chinese New Year used to represent

everything I disliked about being Chinese.

Everyone sit down.
Grandpa wants to eat.

Come on!

The absolute respect for elders.

The face-saving lies and pretenses.

Their inability to communicate
unless around food.

And being forced to eat
because it's all for your own good.

Enough! Enough!

Give them to me! I'll feed him.

You think you can make him eat!

Come, my precious.

Come, Grandma loves you.

In my Chinese family, love means worries.

Which leads to control
to allay those worries.

All of which
I couldn't wait to run away from.

Grandma welcomes you to stay.

Why don't you ditch your dad
and live with Grandma?

I'll get a nanny.

He's like, "I don't understand
your Sichuan dialect."

Yes. It is true.

But once I decided to make a film

about my struggles with this control,

once I interviewed my family and learned
how my coming out had hurt them,

I no longer have the heart
to come out to my grandpa,

which would hurt them all over again.

Now as a parent myself.

Everyone get on! Hurry!

Mom still objects.
She talked about it again last night.

- She did?
- Yeah.

She still said not to tell Grandpa.

Then we don't tell Grandpa.

I argued with her for a long time.

It's okay. Everyone knows now,
except Grandpa.

Grandpa is actually getting it, a little.

- You think so?
- A little bit.

Notice he's stopped asking?

Indeed, he's stopped.

He stopped asking
once he met Eric yesterday.

Grandpa, do you want to ride bicycles?

Grandpa, this makes you happy, right?

Being surrounded
by family and kids. Right?

Sure, I'm happy.

I'm happy.

Do you still object
to my having kids?

I still feel uncomfortable inside.

What's uncomfortable?
We have such a good life now.

- The four of us.
- I still feel it's not normal.

But isn't my family
happier than your family?

- What family?
- Happier than your "normal" family.

Mine is not normal?

I mean your family is normal,
but is it happy?

- Why not?
- You and dad quarrel every day.

You sometimes quarrel with Eric, too.

It's natural. All families have conflicts.
They are unavoidable.

- But you and Dad quarrel every single day.
- That's not true.

With you two, I worry about the future.

- What do you mean?
- Can you two stay together

and raise the kids well?

Why not?

The divorce rate is high

even for straight couples,
not to mention your type of relationship.

Plus, when the kids grow older,

what if they ask about their mother?

No mother. They have two dads.

"But where is my mother?

All other kids have a mom and a dad.

Why do I only have dads?"
How will you explain it then?

I'll pity my grandchildren
whenever I see them

because they lack the love of a mother.

To be honest, you are my son,

so it pains me...

So, you decide what you do.

Her-- Her way of thinking... I get it.

I get what she's thinking.

Mom.

It's funny how,
when you were young...

the truth is more important
than anything else.

Now as you get older, you feel that...

what's important
is not just truth,

but also there are other things
that are as important.

For example, other people's feelings.

As long as I don't--

I don't have--
I don't have to live in a lie,

and also as long as...

I'm not being denied to live the way
I want to live my life.

Soon enough, my kids will grow up

and want to run away from me.

I only hope they know
they have a family to return to

regardless of our differences.

What's making you so happy, Clayton?

Ready, ready. Yay!

Okay, let's all get together
for a photo.

All together, for a family portrait.