Adventure for Two (1943) - full transcript

Come on. Put your best leg forward.
You've got solid ground to tread on.

Dear, oh, dear. Join the navy
and see the world.

- Don't you like it, mate ?
- Like it ?

- Give me Sauchiehall Street every time.
- Makes a change, any old how.

- Doctora ?
- Aye, aye. Doctor.

'Ere we are, look.
'Ere we are. Ritz Hotel.

Here we are. By the stove.

Hup.

What's that ?

No, no. No, thank you.

What I want's a doctor,
not a sweetheart.



- Me, doctor.
- You a doctor. Well, I never.

Minute.

- She's a bit of all right, boy.
- Good, is she ?

- She no speak-a da English.
- That doesn't matter, mate.

I met a girl once. Spanish.
She couldn't speak a word.

We got along fine.

Don't stare, mate. It's rude.

What's the matter with him ?

What they want to send us
to Russia for, I don't know.

Look at it. Snow and ice.
Ice and snow.

And what a language. I dinnae ken
why they cannae speak English, like us.

That's the trouble with foreigners.
They're not like us.

Here in Russia, you are the foreigners.

- Thank you.
- Blimey. He speaks English.



- Calling us foreigners.
- But you are.

- I never thought of that.
- How's it come you speak English ?

- I like it.
- Have you been to England ?

- Yes. I have seen it all.
- Southend on a bank holiday ?

Whelks that big.
Jellied eels, beer...

- Blimey. Makes you feel homesick ?
- I did not go to Southend.

- Then you don't know England, mate.
- No foreigner knows about England.

But you in England
do not know much about us.

- That's true.
- But you're a funny lot, you know,

if you don't mind me saying so.

That's just what I used to think
about the English.

- How was that ?
- It's a long story.

- Come on. Don't be shy.
- I have an hour before the ship docks.

It all started early in 1939.

- I was stahanovite.
- What's that ?

Stahanavite ? In New Russia, a workman
who invents new methods of production

is called stahanaviet

and his achievement
is brought to public knowledge.

I am an engineer

and I had invented a new kind
of propeller for use on icebreakers

and my government had ordered
one to be made in England

and I was instructed
to proceed there in all haste.

On my way there, eveyone I met
had something to tell me

about England and the English.

There are lords and ladies

and they think the whole world
belongs to them.

- The English have no sense of humour.
- They are a nation of shopkeepers.

The cooking will ruin your digestion.

The English climate will kill you.

I knew it would be raining.
I knew the peoples would be unfriendly.

And when I got to England,
everything was just as I expected.

British passport ?
British passports only.

British passports this way.

British passport only.

ln the train on the way to London,
I sat and shivered

and gazed with revulsion at the dismal
scene and depressing faces around me.

So these are the peoples
on whose empire the sun never sets.

My first impression of London
did not help to improve matters.

- Well ?
- Mrs Flannel ?

Flann-el.

I am Ivan Mitrovic Kouznetsov
from Nijni-Petrovsk.

You mean you're Mr Kournikov ?

No. I am Ivan Mitrovic Kouznetsov
from Nijni-Petrovsk.

How do you do ?
I am very well, thank you.

We only got your letter yesterday,
Mr Kournikov.

You'd... better come in.

I'll show you your room.

Nice and cosy, as you can see.
Home from home.

All modern conveniences.
Good, plain, English cooking.

None of your fancy stuff.
And...

And... the bathroom is
on the next floor. Not for foreigners.

And... for gas,
you put a shilling in the slot.

No music is permitted after 10 o'clock.

Supper is at seven.
It will be ready in a moment.

This is your room.

We don't like our lodgers being late.

This is a respectable house.
We don't allow any goings-on.

After reporting to our trade delegation,

I found my way
to the shipbuilders oflice.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Excuse me, you are
the big shipbuilding firm ?

People say so.

Then why is your office
so small and so dusty ?

I suppose it's always been like that.

- I see.
- What can I do for you, sir ?

I am Ivan Mitrovic Kouznetsov
from Nijni-Petrovsk.

- I have come about the ship.
- What ship ?

- The one we have ordered.
- You'd better drop us a line.

But is there nobody I can see ?

- No. Not now. No.
- But I want to see Mr... The manager.

I have letter of introduction.

Mr Tisdall was expected here today,
sir. I don't think he'll be coming now.

Don't managers work in your country ?

- Morning, Mr George.
- Good morning, Miss Ann.

Good morning, Percy.
How's the boxing ?

- Fine, thank you.
- Isn't it a wonderful morning ?

And the office looks... I suppose
all offices look much the same.

I can't understand how anybody
manages to stay in them.

- And you've been here for 20 years.
- 23, Miss Ann.

23 ? Look, would you post this for me ?

I haven't got the address right.
It's the Girls' Friendly Society.

- Oh, yes.
- Would you let the Stepney

slum clearance people know I'll be along
some time this morning ?

And... I must get some flowers
sent to this hospital.

Mrs Finnegan.

Excuse me. I am urgent.

Are you ? How urgent ?

- I am Russian.
- I see. Here's the address.

- Yes. - Here are the tickets
for the flower show.

- So kind. My wife will be delighted.
- I will come back tomorrow.

- Good. How is she ?
- I will come back tomorrow.

Very good, sir.

Thank you for laughing, miss.

What do you mean ?

Eight million peoples in London

and for two days, nobody smile at me,

except one man,
who want to sell me insurance.

You Russians like to be miserable.
How do you spell Piccadilly ?

- Two Cs, two Ls, miss.
- What you say is not true.

Russians like to laugh very loud
and very often.

- Do they ?
- But in London, everybody is sad.

Nobody smile and everything is tearful.

- It isn't.
- It is.

Nobody even speak to me, except
to say, "No, yes, thank you, sorry."

What a shame. Tell me,
how are your meetings going ?

We're holding one today
in Hyde Park. I was wondering...

Certainly. I'll come along
and support you.

- Wouldn't your father mind ?
- He probably would.

- We'll protest to the government.
- Marvellous. I'll carry a banner.

- Miss Ann, don't you...
- No. I'd love to.

You come, too. Hyde Park,
lunch time. I must rush.

A nicer person, you couldn't meet.

Tell me, please,
how far is this Hyde Park ?

About two miles, as the crow flies.

Thank you.

How far, please, as the feet walk ?

I'm against it.

You ask me why I'm against it ?
I'll tell you.

Because our government's
composed of nincompoops,

lunatics, muddlers, soppy kids.

Now then, I've got a good solution.

Yes, you have. Put a sock in it.

...than the snow

Whiter than the snow

Wash me in the blood of the Lamb...

And we don't all shave any more.

But you can't buy a razor blade
after 6 o'clock

unless it's for medicinal purposes.

Why not ?
Because it's the law.

But no one worries about the law
as it applies to international affairs.

We've been meeting here ever
since 1928 and we'll go on doing it

until the government takes action
over Manchukuo.

- Over what ?
- Manchukuo.

Think what Japan is allowed to do to it.

What is it to do with you anyway ?

It isn't right that one country
should take another.

- He's quite right.
- It's nothing to do with us.

Why meddle
in other people's business ?

- It's your sort that start the wars.
- That's right.

- Mind Britain's business.
- I prefer to mind Britain's honour.

Get down, get down,
get down, get down

You ought all to be ashamed
of yourselves.

As soon as anybody tries
to talk sense to you,

you close your minds and become
like stupid schoolchildren.

Hold your hand out naughty boy,
hold your hand out...

It's people like you that cause
all the trouble in every country.

You don't care what happens anywhere,
so long as you're all right.

This is a free country

and everyone is free to say
what they like.

Yes, but you haven't said
anything we like yet.

Our position in the world
makes it our duty to help the weak.

That's what foreigners think.

That's right. That's the cause
of all the trouble.

Yes, the ruddy foreigners. That's right,
ain't it ? What's the matter with you ?

I am ruddy foreigner.

That's torn it.

There, now. You've had
the unique opportunity

of standing next to a foreigner
whom you despise. Is he not like...

I say.

- Thank you very much.
- Yes ?

Well, yes.

I'm afraid you must find all this
very puzzling.

- Yes.
- What would you like to do now ?

- See the manager.
- Yes, of course.

Then, you must come home with me.

- Yes ?
- Yes. You see, he's my father.

He won't be at the office now,
at least I don't think so.

Dear, I'm in such a hurry.

I'll meet you at Victoria Station,
4:18, platform 3.

Put some things in a bag.
Goodbye.

That is my mother.

That is my Uncle Petya.

And that is my Uncle Boris.

- Who's that ?
- That is not nobody...

That is the church at Nijni-Petrovsk.

And that is Natasha.

- Is she your wife ?
- No, thank you. I am not married.

No, she is my sister.

I have very strong view
about marriage.

- Have you ?
- Yes.

Marriage is very serious business.

Somebodies marry girl
because she has pretty face

or pretty carries on, carry ons.

But not me. I am not deceived.

- Are you a woman-hater, then ?
- No. I am woman-liker.

But it is our duty to the state
to make a success of our lives.

I would not marry girl unless
I discover her good partner.

Very sensible.

Let's hope you find
a good partner over here.

No. I am here only for work.
Beside, I already am in love.

- Are you ?
- Yes. And she is here with me.

- Who is ?
- The one I am in love with.

She is beautiful.

Look.

My propeller.

"Barchester." Yes ? "An ancient
town dating from pre-Roman days."

- I never knew that.
- "The cathedral dates mainly

"from the 12th century.

"It has double transepts,
a raised choir and presbytery."

- I never noticed.
- You do not know anything.

I know everyone in the High Street.
Look.

Here comes Admiral Woolcott. He's
a darling and runs the British Legion.

- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

- Give my love to your mother.
- I will.

And here's Mr Fuggle, the butcher. He's
wonderful. He never sends you bills.

- Hello, Mr Fuggle.
- Good afternoon, Miss Tisdall.

There's Mrs Elliston
who runs the literary society.

She's perfectly poisonous.

I wonder who that is.
Do you know ?

That's Mrs Tolleybecky.
You should see her playing bridge.

- Ann, dear.
- Hello.

There's Mrs Paulson.

What Is truth ? The Bishop.
Don't forget. Friday.

I won't. A lecture.
She will organise them.

Hello, Ann.
Any nice new books ?

I want something
that won't make me think.

I don't think
there's much danger of that.

- Got your daisy ?
- Hello, Miss Ventnor.

- Thank you.
- You should have one, too, you know.

- No, I do not wish daisies.
- But you must. It's daisy day.

Give a mite to save a mite.
Thank you.

That was Miss Rowena Ventnor.

She's...
You've seen for yourself.

- Mummy.
- Ann, dear, I'm so glad you're back.

Mummy, this is Mr Ivan...

Mr Ivan. He's staying to dinner.

- To dinner.
- He's Russian.

- That's all right, dear.
- Come on. Say how do you do ?

I am Ivan Mitrovic Kouznetsov
from Nijni-Petrovsk.

How do you do ?
I am very well, thank you.

- That is nice.
- I'm going to change.

Yes. Well... I expect
you'd like to wash your hands.

No. I am quite clean.

You can wash in there.

Excuse me one moment. Mrs Frost ?

Mrs Frost ?

- Agnes.
- Yes, dear ?

- Who's the young man ?
- All I know is he's Russian

and he's staying to dinner. I only hope
he won't expect any special dishes.

Some of these foreigners do, I believe.

I once heard of Siamese
who'd never touch rice unless...

- What's the matter ? Aren't you well ?
- Did you say Russian ?

- Yes. At least that's what Ann said.
- It's not safe to let him in the house.

- Why not ?
- Well, my dear,

Russian, they spread things.

Winnie, you alarm me.

Kissy cat.

Kissy cat.

Kissy cat.

They know. They know.

- Tired ?
- Very. Had a hard day.

- What are your hours of work ?
- I have no hours. Never stop working.

- But your trade union ?
- Don't belong to one.

But you must, otherwise
they exploit you.

They exploit me, all right.

- And you do not mind ?
- Only got a few months before I retire.

Then I can spend all my time
working in the garden.

But if you retire, then you do not
have to work in the garden any more.

On the contrary. If I retire,
it's because of the garden.

- But that's silly.
- I beg your pardon ?

- Granted.
- Hello, Daddy.

I'm glad you two
have made friends already.

- He is your daddy ?
- But of course.

- And who is this gentleman ?
- Daddy, I'm so sorry.

This is Mr Ivan. He's Russian.

- That's no excuse for being rude.
- What have you said ?

I thought he was the gardener
in your house, not the manager.

- He does not look like a manager, so...
- You don't, you know, Daddy.

Let's have a glass of sherry,
that's what you two want.

Dinner's nearly ready.
Herbert, dear,

you have to hurry
if you're going to get tidy.

Who's that queer fish, Mother ?

- One of Ann's lame dogs, I suppose.
- I suppose so.

Ann said he'd come to dinner
but I think that's an understatement.

It was a very large bag.

And how many children
to you plan to have ?

- 15 at least.
- You mustn't ask things like that.

- Why not ?
- Because it isn't done.

- It is not done ? - No.
This is my mother-in-law, Mr Ivan...

lvan Mitrovic Kouznetsov
from Nijni-Petrovsk.

- From Osk, really ?
- How do you do ? I am well, thank you.

- How do you do ?
- And this is my son, George.

- He's going to be a sailor.
- I am a sailor, Mother.

And this is my daughter, Ann.
But of course, you've met.

How do you do ?
I am very well, sank you ?

- Thank you.
- This is Mr Darkie.

Mr Darkie, yes, we have acquainted.

- Dinner is served, madam.
- Very well. We won't wait for Herbert.

I hope you're hungry, Mr Ivan.
Go along, Mother.

- I haven't had my sherry.
- Never mind. You shall have mine.

I wonder where Aunt Winnie is.

Mrs Frost.

Mrs Frost, I think I'd like something
in my room on a tray.

Why, whatever's the matter,
Miss Winnie ?

There's a Russian in there.

People say the English
are selfish. Are you ?

Yes, I suppose I am selfish.

They say, also, you are narrow minded.

- Do you think so ?
- Yes, I am in some things.

Yes, but you must admit we're tolerant
of other people's criticisms.

We're willing to admit that everything's
done much better in other countries.

But do you believe it ?

We're always criticising ourselves.

In fact, we spend
most of our time doing it.

But my dear pretty girl, that is just
why peoples accuse you of hypocrisy.

It's no good arguing about it.

Foreigners take our self-criticism
at their face value.

They forget we've done it for centuries,
so they think we're degenerate.

- They do it at their own peril.
- Tum ta-ra !

- George. Father's making a speech.
- I'm not making a speech, Agnes.

I'm merely saying we don't like rows.
We'll do anything to avoid them.

Put up with insults and everything.

But you can go so far and no further.
And then, when our patience breaks...

- And we see the whites of their eyes.
- There. You want to fight.

No, no.
We don't want to fight anybody.

So you don't want to fight
for England ?

When we think of England,
we don't think of fights or armies.

What do you think of ?

I suppose the sorts of things
everyone likes. A field, a garden.

- I like the sea.
- But you have conquered half the world.

Conquer ? We've never conquered
anyone. We just got there first.

But your purpose in going there
was conquest.

It wasn't. The men who built our empire
weren't doing it as conquerors.

They were explorers,
romantics, individualists.

Nearly everything we've got is the
result of a private adventurer or other.

They were profitable adventures.

The lands that are part of the empire
haven't done too badly out of them.

- No. Be fair.
- We've had a pretty good idea

- of our duties towards them, I think.
- And when we were in the West Indies...

Hush, dear. You're talking too much.
Your pudding will get cold

- The pudding is cold.
- It's meant to be cold, Mother.

- What's he doing now ? - He's
in the dining room with Mr Tisdall,

- showing him something in a box.
- Does it, does it tick ?

You see, as the duty of the forward
propeller is to cause suction

and thereby disrupt the pack ice
by washing asunder the lowest layers

of the frozen mass,
I could solve my problem

only by departing from the orthodox
proper... propeller action

and apply to it the principle
of turbine action

in which the stream of water,

ejected by the screw
will have directional stability.

It has, of course, vague similarity
with beam wireless

but it is, essentially, hydrodyd...
hydrodynamic.

- It's certainly very revolutionary.
- Yes. Do you think you could make it ?

- I'd like to study your drawings.
- Good. I will leave you to do it now.

No, no. Not now.
I want to hear the news.

The news.

Not so loud, dear.

George.

- ...today's cricket scores.
- There you are, Daddy.

Middlesex 127 for one. Surrey 212...

That's better. That's something
we can all understand, eh ?

- Oh, yes.
- At Old Trafford,

the match between Lancashire and
Yorkshire was stopped owing to rain.

Yorkshire 274, Lancashire 50
for no wicket.

Gloucestershire 426,
Nottinghamshire 213 for five.

The Army 306, the MCC 202 for eight.

Derbyshire 308 and 92 for three wickets,
Glamorgan 127.

What's the matter ?

I do not know.

There is something, something...

I feel as if somethings
has happened to me.

What can it be ?

I do not know.

There is revolution in my head.

Mr Ivan, your room's
quite ready now. I'll take you up.

I found some of Herbert's pyjamas
for you.

Maybe be a little large
but they're pure wool.

Last night I kiss your daughter.

I must explain. It was not serious.

Please forgive me.
She is most pretty girl I have seen.

And she is nice girl but my heart
is only interest in my work.

Tell me now, what you think
of the designs ?

I've arranged for you to meet
my father-in-law at 12:30.

- Your father-in-law ?
- Mr Runalow, the managing director.

- Good. Not earlier ?
- Not earlier.

But please don't be late.
Mr Runalow is a very punctual man.

Don't worry, Daddy.
I'll see Mr Ivan's on time.

- How do you feel this morning ?
- I'm fine. Fine.

What are your plans ?

- I'm going to take care of you.
- Me ?

I'm going to show you
a few things. Come on.

Go away.

Get out, you young devils.
Come on, hop it.

- Good morning, Miss M.
- Morning, Tom.

The committee want you to give away
the prizes at our benevolent fund dance

- on 16th. Will you ?
- Tom, I'd love to.

One bloke suggested Miss Prestwick.
You should have heard the bird he got.

How's work ?

Work's fine, if you call clocking in
at 9 and clocking out at 6 work.

I know I'm lucky, with so many blokes
out, but what's the good of training

- if you can't use it ?
- It's a shame.

- Hey, hop it.
- It's all right.

It's the whole system that's wrong.
In Russia, this couldn't happen

because there's no private ownership.
Do you know that in Russia,

88.7 % of the population
is fully employed and in Russia...

Tom, I want to introduce you
to Mr Ivan Kouznetsov.

From Russia.

I've gotta get along.

- Don't forget the 16th.
- I won't.

- I like that young man.
- Because of Russia ?

No, because he is enthusiast.

I'll come and pick you up later on.

Now listen. You must be very careful.

I'm told my grandfather's a very hard
businessman.

Do not worry. I know how to deal
with hard businessmen.

- Can we have a ride, miss. Can we ?
- Yes. Come on, get in.

Thank you.

Excuse me. Do you know
where is Mr Runalow ?

I'm Runalow.

My dear sir, I beg your pardon.
Mr Kusintsky ?

lvan Mitrovic Kouznetsov
from Nijni-Petrovsk.

How do you do ?
I am very well, thank you.

How do you do ?

Are you sure you are
the Mr Runalow I have to see ?

I suppose I must be. Am I ?

- Would you care for a pinch ?
- No, thank you.

Quite right. It's a dreadful habit
but I rather like it.

- How do you like being in England ?
- I don't, thank you.

The climate is rather
dreadful, isn't it ?

Did you come down on the 10:21,

stopping at Berridge, Steinbridge,
Longsford and Medleycote ?

- No.
- Then you probably caught the 10:40,

changing at Croydon and stopping
at Wormbridge, Stockford,

Langisham, Didley and Fiddlechurch ?

No. This is an English joke ?

Joke ? My dear fellow,
I wouldn't dream of such a thing.

Then why do you talk about trains ?

I see. I beg your pardon.

To tell you the truth,
trains are rather a hobby of mine.

- D'you ever hear of Bradshaw ?
- Bradshaw ?

- Yes. A great man.
- Engineer ?

No, no. He compiled this book.

All the timetables
of all the trains in England.

I don't want to brag
but I know it by heart.

Excuse me. You are what is called
big businessman ?

I suppose so.

You have inherited your position
from your father ?

No. As a matter of fact, my father
was a parson. Hadn't a penny.

So I'm that terrible thing
they call a self-made man.

I don't understand the English.

My dear fellow, who does ?

Anyway, I have to see you
because of the ship.

The ship. Yes. Splendid.
You must tell me about that sometime.

I will tell you about it now.

Now ? No, not now.
My dear fellow, it's lunch time.

Come and meet my fellow directors.

- Hello !
- This is Mr Christy.

How do you do ?
I am very well, thank you.

- How do you do ?
- Mr Kousnikov and Mr Walford.

- How do you do ? I...
- How do you do ?

How do you do ?

- How do you do ? I am very...
- Luncheon is served, sir.

- Thank you, sir.
- In you go.

- Look here, about the ship...
- Do you play golf, Mr Kutrisky ?

Come and have a game
at Banstead on Saturday.

I think golf is silly.

You hit ball as hard as you can

and then walk miles and miles,
trying to find it in the bushes.

- And about the ship...
- Yes, yes, the ship, of course.

Now, I suggest that you
and I adjourn to my room.

You must let me teach you some time.
It's a remarkable game. Quite easy.

- It's all a matter of swing.
- Great sportsmen, those two.

Yes, I see.
And now, to business.

Oh, yes.

- Care for a pinch ?
- No, thank you.

Quite right. Dreadful habit.

- I hate business, don't you ?
- No. I like work.

I used to once. I'm afraid
I'm getting too old for it.

- But you still make lot money.
- Money ? My dear fellow.

Money doesn't mean very much
to me. Never has done.

- But you are millionaire ?
- I never wanted to be one.

- Why did you work then ?
- I don't know.

Yes, I suppose I do though.

There were certain things
that I wanted rather badly.

- What things ?
- Independence, a garden,

- piano, books.
- Well then,

if that is all you wanted,
why did you not stop

when you had enough to buy
the things you talk about ?

I always wanted to but one has
certain responsibilities, you know ?

To one's employees, for instance.

They would do just as well without you.

You think so ?
You may be right.

No, Mr Runalow, what you want
is more money. Always more money.

And you make it by exploiting others.

There are good employers
and bad employers, you know.

There should be no employers.

You should work for the good of other
peoples, not for the good of yourself.

Do you know
what the motto of this firm is ?

- No.
- Duty and service.

- It might almost be a communist slogan.
- It might.

Ah, tea.

I love tea, don't you ?

It is at once a beverage and a poem.

I come here to talk about a ship
and all we have done is eat and drink.

Hello, Grandpapa.

My dear, I'm speechless.

- Isn't it marvellous ?
- Do you like my dress ?

It looks...old-fashioned ?

I'm wearing it at the pageant.
I think it suits me.

Even in a rag, you'd look marvellous.
I mean...

You never know what you do mean.
Run along and get my bag, please.

- I left it in the car.
- All right, old girl.

He'll make a very good husband
one of these days.

Who, Dick ? Yes, perhaps he will
but not to me, darling.

Now don't tell me you're one of those
women who don't believe in marriage ?

- Marriage is a very serious business.
- Is it ?

I've got some work to do.

Kusnitsky, you leave your plans

and you'll hear full details
from us in the morning.

But you don't know, even,
about my propeller.

Yes, I do.
Mr Tisdall told me all about it.

Why did you waste
the afternoon with me then ?

But it wasn't wasted. I have found
out the sort of fellow I'm dealing with.

Goodbye.

Grandpapa, I'm bringing Ivan to
your house tonight. That's all right ?

Of course, of course.

Ann, come here.

Yes, Grandpapa ?

What are you up to ?

Nothing, Grandpapa.
Absolutely nothing.

Tell me, is it true that Russia
now produces 20 %

of the world output of steel ?

23,5 %.

Really ? And... what about coal ?

17 %.

And the problem of electrification ?

We have built the Niepostroy dam

which supplies all the Ukraine.

- Wonderful.
- There you are.

I hope you don't mind, but I've got
one or two things I want to talk over

with Mr Kostrovsky.
I've got your drawings in the study.

- How were you doing ?
- All right.

- Did he propose ?
- No.

But he will. Won't be long now.

Poetry and engineering.

The perfect combination.

Do you really know anything
about engineering ?

I know something about ships.

"Thou wast not born for death,
immortal bird !"

My gardens are famous
for their nightingales.

They've even been broadcast from here.

So nightingales even broadcast
in England.

- Sometimes I feel I can talk to you.
- Thank you.

And the next minute, I know I cannot.

But we have many things in common.
Ships, ice current, propellers.

There is one Englishman
who know about propellers.

- Is there ?
- Excuse... No.

Run-alow.

That's funny. Runalow, Run-alow.

Not so very funny.

- You are the great Runalow ?
- I suppose I must be.

How do you do ? How do you do ?

I am very well, thank you.

- And you have seen my drawings.
- I have.

And you are going to make my propeller.

- No.
- No ?

Not in its present form.

I'm afraid you'll have
to make certain modifications.

Modifications ?

You haven't allowed for the different
rates of cooling of the two blades.

- You're bound to get distortion.
- But of course.

There's considerable difference
in weight between them

and the internal stresses set up

will produce an inherent
weakness in the screw.

But the tensile strengths
of the metals will take it.

The, the stresses... set up
in manufacture are relatively small.

Quite. But what about
the effect of metal fatigue ?

You'll wake the family up.

I cannot help feeling happy.

Mr Runalow knows what he is talking
about and I...

- am happy.
- I'm glad.

I also am glad.

- We understand each other.
- Yes.

That is very important if...

Yes ?

Marriage...

Marriage is very serious business.

Very serious.

Before I came to England, I...

Yes ?

And now...

Yes ?

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Crime And Punishment, dear.
All about a young Russian

who split open an old woman's skull
with a hatchet. Good night, dear.

Good night.

or the next three weeks,
I work hard on the model with Tom.

And at the end of that time...

Here y'are, governor.

It could not be better done.

Even in Russia ?

No, even in Russia, Tom.

- I still say it's very revolutionary.
- Of course.

We may have to machine
the parts to be welded together.

They may not meet
if the distortion is too great.

We'll take that risk.

lf it's humanly possible to do it,
we'll do it.

Good. Tonight I will report to the trade
delegation that my work is finished

and I can go back to Russia.

Aren't you going to stay
and see the propeller made ?

No. I must go back.

You know best.
What about a glass of sherry ?

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Here's to the ship.
- And may she turn out a beauty.

She must. For years my peoples
had to export many things.

It was hard for them
to pay for ships like her.

Heavy drinking at this hour ?

Yes. That is how we do business
in England.

You know, if we are going to London,
we'll have to hurry.

- Catching the 12:15 ?
- Yes.

Stops at Banstead and Croydon.
You'd much...

Don't be tiresome, Grandpapa.
Come on, Ivan.

Miss Ann, I hope you haven't
forgotten about tonight.

- Tonight ?
- The dance. Everyone hopes to see you.

Tom, I'm terrible sorry but I'm afraid
I shan't be able to come. I...

I've discovered I've got
a very important meeting

in London with the RSPCA,

- so will you tell them I'm sorry ?
- They'll all be very disappointed.

- I am disappointed, too.
- Why ?

I thought we were going to the theatre.

We'll go to the theatre another time.
You come to the meeting instead.

Have a good time.

- Have courage.
- What do you mean ?

You will suffer a little
then you will forget.

But what kind of a meeting is this ?

It isn't a meeting. It's a review.

- But you told Tom...
- Yes, of course I did.

I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

- I see.
- Come on. Get our seats.

- Two seats, please. - There are
only stalls left. 12 and six.

- Nothing cheaper ?
- No, sir.

Here you are.

- I thought you wanted two seats ?
- Yes, I do.

- That'll be 25 shillings.
- 25 shillings for two theatre seats ?

ln Moscow, you get good seat
for two shillings.

Yes, well people come here to enjoy
themselves, sir. Round to the left.

You're the sweetest angel
heaven has sent

You're the thrill of my life

Take a look at my heart and you'll see

You're the wonder of wonders to me

- And forever you'll be...
- 25 shillings for this.

- Excuse me. Thank you.
- That great thrill of my life

Ladies and gentlemen,
I have the opportunity tonight

to exploit a dormant or latent talent

that has been very dormant
and very latent

with me for many years.

- Who is that man ?
- Leslie Henson. He's terribly funny.

He'd better be funny. 25 shillings.

Now here is the pianoforte
I'm about to play

and I'm going to play it
to you willy-nilly.

Why do people dress like this
to laugh ?

The little composition I have chosen

to execute is a piece
of classical chamber music

which, I'm sure, will be highly,
highly appreciated

by such a very intelligent audience
as I am facing this evening.

Having got you partially on my side,
I shall now break the bad news

that I'm about to play
Rachmaninoff's Prelude,

better known to the intelligentsia,
as the prelude of Rachmaninoff,

written, as you may well guess,
by Rachmaninoff.

Rachmaninoff's Prelude...

in Asia minor.

He does not play the piano very well.

- Haven't you got a sense of humour ?
- Yes, thank you.

Tell me, these peoples are happy ?

- Yes.
- Are you sure ?

Yes.

Look at that woman.

Anyway, she looks as if
she is taking her dog for a walk.

- I think she's a very good dancer.
- That's not the way to dance.

- Good evening, sir.
- Good evening.

- Two bitters, please.
- Very good, sir.

I'm afraid we only have lager, sir.
What would you like to eat, sir ?

- We do not want anything, thank you.
- I'm sorry, sir, but you must, sir.

Why do we must, sir ?

You must have something to eat, sir.
That is, if you want to drink, sir.

Must have something to eat, sir,
if we want... I don't see why, sir ?

- It's the law, sir.
- We'll have some sandwiches.

Thank you, miss.

- Funny laws you have in England.
- I shouldn't let it worry you.

- But it does worry me.
- Why ?

Why ? Because of the effect
the laws have on you.

- Me ?
- Yes.

You see, I have been considering you.

- Considering me ?
- Yes.

Thinking of your good points
and your bad points.

And what's your verdict ?

My verdict, on the whole,
is in your favour.

- And I...
- Yes.

I am now making proposal to you.

Yes, Ivan ?

But, before I do,
I must tell you something.

What you did with Tom tonight
was very wrong.

But they can do quite well
without me at the dance.

Perhaps but I think different

and my proposal is subject
to certain conditions.

First, that you tell Tom the truth about
tonight and never do such thing again.

Second, that you promise me
to use less make-up.

It does not go with your face.

And third, that I have my teeth seen to.

You suffer from toothache ?

And from brainstorms.

- You are making fun at me.
- No.

I wouldn't dream of it.

How could I possibly do such a thing ?
After all, remember who I'm with.

- And who are you with ?
- The most priggish, conceited,

egotistical man I have ever come across.

- I see.
- You don't see anything.

lf you think I'll ever marry,
with or without conditions,

a pompous bore like you,
you're very, very much mistaken.

I am mistaken.
I thought you were wonderful girl.

But now my eyes have opened
and I see what you really are.

All this kindness, all this generosity
of yours means nothing.

You have never done kind thing
in your life.

You have only enjoyed being big lady
distributing her charity to the poor.

Look at the way you let down all those
peoples who expect you tonight.

No, no. You are heartless,
hypocritical and hysterical.

At least I'm not smug,
humourless and, and, and mean.

- You're selfish.
- You're...

- You're a bore.
- You're shouting.

Your beer.

And how did you enjoy yourself
last night ?

Very much, thank you.

Grandpapa, why do I always do
the opposite

of what I really want to do ?

Because, darling, you sometimes let
yourself be governed by your vanity

and not your heart.

That's all over now.

- This way, sir.
- What is happening ?

- It's the pageant, sir.
- The what ?

The pageant, sir.
Do you know what a pageant is ?

Pageant. Oh, no.

It's when a lot of people
get dressed up in fancy costumes,

Lady Godiva and such like,
and they play-act historical happenings.

- Why do they do that ?
- I don't know, I'm sure, sir.

There's Mr Runalow, sir.

Konitsky, glad to see you.
Come along.

I have come to talk
about the metal for the propeller.

Delighted, my dear fellow, delighted.
But not just at this moment.

We are in the midst
of cataclysmic events.

- Come and join us. Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

No, please. Thank you.
I am not very happy.

None of us are, my dear fellow.
This is a pageant.

But why do you have it
if you do not like it ?

We English, my dear fella,
have a regrettable tendency

to indulge in matters historical
and so, this afternoon,

we will see
the Roman occupation of Britain,

the Black Danes, an old English fair,
a welcome to Queen Elizabeth

and the stage coach bringing
the news of Waterloo,

followed by a tableau
of spirits of peace and harmony

at the District Nursing Association
and the Women's Institute.

All devised, written
and produced by Rowena Ventnor.

Quiet, quiet please.
I will not have this chatter.

Now,

kindly remember ballad singers,
tale tellers, jongleurs,

dancers, fortune tellers,
puppet showmen to the left.

Mr Fisher,
please try and look natural.

You're a soldier of Rome, now,
not an income tax collector.

The raven. The raven.
Where's the raven ?

- Coming, Miss Ventnor.
- Thank you.

Now remember, all of you,

when you speak, I want
your speech to be dynamic.

- Is that quite clear ?
- Yes.

All right, then, tell the master
of music we are ready.

Look, there's Ann.
What is she doing ?

Chastity and the Graces, Apollo and
the Muses welcome Queen Elizabeth.

Why ?

Pardon.

Shut up.

All hail, Apollo and ye Muses nine

Shoot forth thy beams
and let thy radiance shine

Hell... All hail, fair Chastity
and welcome be

Thou and thy sisters to our revelry

- Have a good time with the boyfriend ?
- Charming.

I'm sorry. I always thought
he looked a bit of a cad.

- Don't be silly. He's not like that.
- Isn't he ? Course not. I mean...

But lo, but lo,
the great Gloriana comes.

Come, Muses, let us raise a paean
in honour of the virgin Queen.

One, two, three, four.

Now is the month of May

When merry lads are playing

Now is the month of May

When merry lads are playing

Each with his bonny lass

Upon the greeny grass

The spring clad all in gladness...
- Dear, thank you.

And to a bagpipe's sound

The nymphs tread out their ground

My loyal people...
Oh, my horse.

Back, horse, back.

Back.

Shame on you.

Please, I have had enough.

- It's as good an excuse as any.
- Thank you.

Now remember,
the moment you hear the news

that the battle of Waterloo has been
won, I want you all to rejoice.

Crowd on.

Mr Kostikovsky, there you are.

Ann told about the lovely time
you had in town, you lucky dog.

I am not a lucky dog
and I had a most horrible time.

- What's that ?
- Don't let's get insulting again.

- It's really too silly.
- Lady Blanche,

kindly get into the carriage.
We are not here to enjoy ourselves.

- Who's been insulting who ?
- She is the most insulting woman

- I have ever met.
- Will you repeat that ?

Yes. She is the most
insulting woman I have ever met.

- Will you repeat that ?
- Is it that you are deaf

or that you cannot hear ?
She is like all English women,

cold, unsincere with no heart.

I'm gonna punch you on the nose.

- I have news for you.
- What news ?

- Glorious news. The battle of Waterloo.
- Yes, yes. Who won ?

- We did !
- Hurray !

For one amul moment,
I thought we'd lost.

Good gracious.

- Stranger, what have you done ?
- I have pushed him into the water.

- That's not cricket.
- We were not playing cricket.

The trouble with your peoples is that
you are hidebound, convention-filled.

You shelter with phrases and habits and
you don't know even what they mean.

No done, not cricket. You say them
only because your father said them.

This pageant, why do you make it ?
Because you make one every year.

It does not matter if it's all piffles.

You are living in the past.
It is more easier, more comfortable,

so more attractive.

- But you are losing the present.
- Hear ! Hear !

I have come to make formal apology.

No matter what my personal views are,
I had no right to express them publicly.

But, my dear fellow,
I was delighted, delighted.

I haven't enjoyed myself
so much for years.

I will report myself for my behaviour
to our trade delegation.

- No, don't do that.
- Yes. I must.

Good, Soviet citizen
always admit his mistake.

I have written letters of apology
to all peoples concerned, except...

except Ann.

I see.

You know, my dear boy,
you did make a mistake about her.

Two, in fact. You began
by taking her at her face value,

which, of course,
was just what she wanted

And then, when you found
that she wasn't what you thought,

you jumped to the conclusion
that she was the exact opposite.

Whereas, in point of fact,
Ann is a mixture,

like you or me or any other human being.

And I wonder if you're not making
the same mistake about England.

Anyhow, it is all finished now.

Next week, I will be back in Russia.

I'm sorry you're going away.

I leave the propeller in your hands,
good hands.

If you must go,
I suppose you must.

We've got some very good trains
from here to the south coast.

There's the 10:21 for Dover,
stopping at...

Anyway, you'll find it.

- Yes. Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Ivan, I just popped along
to say goodbye.

I wish I was coming with you.
Sorry you're going.

I am not sorry.

There have been good things.

Our work together was good.

But it is dead here.

Whereas, in Russia...

ln Russia, I think the heart is alive.

It's not as bad as you think,
you know. Sleepy, perhaps, but...

Maybe something will happen soon
to wake you up.

- Yes.
- But will you wake up ?

I dunno.

We might.

So long, Russia.

Hello, hello. So there you are.

Thought I'd come and wish you
a pleasant journey.

- No hard feelings, I hope ?
- I appreciate it.

- You are sportsman.
- Not at all, old boy.

Look here, your train's not due yet.
Got time for a quick one.

Thank you.

Two bitters, please.

Make it two teas then.

The law's an ass. Won't be a jiffy.
Get you something to read.

Thank you.

Hello, old girl. Won't be long.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Grandfather asked me
to come and see you off.

He's very sorry he couldn't come
himself and... I thought...

- Anyway, I wanted to say goodbye.
- Yes, and I, too.

his belongs to Mr Christy, really.

The whole world's
in such a mess, isn't it ?

Looks as if we're going to have a war.

Yes.

Still, you'll be a long way away,
won't you ?

Yes. Very long way.

It's a pity you can't stay in Barchester
till your ship's built.

Yes, it's a pity.

There are compensations.

You haven't been very happy
in England, have you ?

No.

- It's partly my fault.
- Why do you say that ?

You have been very nice.

It is simply that I did not understand.

I hope you will excuse me.

Course. We need never
refer to it again, Ivan.

No.

I suppose we will not have
much opportunity.

No, I suppose we shan't.

Mr Darkie, come to say goodbye.

My dear boy.

I shall miss you, you know ?

- What did you say ?
- Nothing.

Here you are. Punch.
Keep you laughing all the way.

- Hey, we're off. I'll get your luggage.
- Thank you very much.

- There you are, old boy.
- Thank you.

Have a good trip.

Goodbye. Take care of yourself.

I will. Goodbye.

During the months that followed,
there was plenty of work to do.

Stalin said we had to be ready.

War had broken out.

Everybody expected the English
to back out at the last moment

but, somehow, the strange English
did not back out.

A year later, when I received a telegram
ordering me to return to England,

as the ship was nearly ready
and the propeller was giving trouble,

all Europe was in the hands of Germany.

All of it except England.

But, in the first days
of September, 1940,

as I was passing through Germany
on my way to England,

- it seemed as if...
- England is finished.

The F?hrer says we will be in London...

on the 15th of September.

It's only a matter of days.

Reports from England confirm

that the starving population
is panic-stricken.

Hello.

Do you remember me ?

Yes, I think I remember you.

You did not think I would come back ?

I didn't really know.

- Are you married yet ?
- No.

You had better hurry up
or you will remain maiden.

- Yes.
- Where are you going ?

- Where are you ?
- To my hotel.

What nonsense.
You're coming to stay with us.

Your room's still there.

You will come, won't you ?

You are very kind. Thank you.

War has not changed
the high street very much.

- What's that ?
- That's a dog fight.

- They are enemy planes ?
- Yes.

They come over every afternoon.

Here's Admiral Woolcott.
Good afternoon, Admiral.

Glad to see you back, Kournikov.
Bit of a do on up there.

- Yes.
- I'm just off to the post.

- He's in charge of the ARP.
- Yes.

- Good afternoon, Mr Fuggle.
- Good afternoon, Miss Tisdall.

He's had none to easy a time.

- And Mrs Paulson.
- Hello. Back again ?

- Yes. - She never stops
organising canteens.

- I work in one at the shipyards.
- Do you ?

Come on. If we hurry up,
we'll just be in time for tea.

- You still drink tea ?
- Yes. Quarts.

Are they noughts or crosses ?

They're spits
on their way to the Channel.

- What does he say ?
- Spits, dear.

- Disgusting, child.
- Mummy.

- Yes, dear ?
- Mummy, look.

- Hello.
- Mr Ivan.

- Mr Darkie !
- How delightful to see you.

- He remember me.
- Where have you sprung from ?

- From Germany.
- What sort of weather have you had ?

Not bad.

ls it true that the Jerries
make sausages out of dogs ?

There is a rumour.

I never believe a rumour
unless it's official.

- Come and have some tea.
- Yes. You must be starving.

- No. You are starving.
- Are we ?

Dr Goebbels must have told you that.
There's lots of things we can't have

- but we're not starving,
thank goodness. - I am.

- Are you ?
- How is the family ?

George is in the navy, Ann does
canteen work and we grow vegetables.

Are you not frightened
of the air raids ?

- We're terrified.
- Sugar ?

- No, thank you.
- We haven't any lemon. Do have some.

- No.
- Don't let him have my ration.

You two, you've had your tea.
You run away and play.

I know, let's pretend we're Hitler
and annoy everybody. Aye !

Yes, but not here, not here.

And mind my cabbages.

- Who are those children ?
- Ann's evacuees.

And, oh, yes.
And where is Mr Tisdall ?

- He's at the yard.
- But he always comes home for tea.

- No, not any more. Not now.
- I must see the ship.

She's turned out such a beauty.
I'll take you down to the shipyard

- after tea to have a look at her.
- Good.

When war was declared, I really did not
think you would go on with the job.

Things were a bit awkward at first.

All the railway timetables
were upset for one thing.

Trains stopping all over the place.
Still, a contract's a contract

and Britain always delivers the goods,
you know ? Dreadful phrase.

- The Germans will try to invade you.
- Let's hope so.

- But you are alone against them.
- We know where we stand.

And don't forget we've certain things
on our side, too.

- Tradition ?
- Yes. It's a living thing.

- Duty and service.
- The communist slogan.

Exactly. If only we had more arms.

lf some of these fellows
in the government had their way,

we'd still be fighting
with bows and arrows.

- You are against the government ?
- No. I'm with 'em, all right.

But it doesn't do to let 'em know it.
We've got to keep after them constantly.

Look at income tax, for instance. Ten
shillings in the pound. It's outrageous.

- But it is to defend your country.
- Exactly.

- Ought to be 12 and 6 pence at least.
- Fire away there.

- You are building many ships ?
- Yes. We're working overtime.

But it is too late.
The war is nearly lost for you.

No. That isn't what we think
in Barchester.

Come along to my house tonight
and I'll show you what we think.

- If it isn't Ivan. You're just in time.
- Tom.

Good evening.
How's everything in...

In Russia.
Still dreaming about Russia ?

As a matter of fact, I've been too busy
to dream about anything

except your propeller.

You see, here's our spot of trouble.

The blades have distorted too much.

The gap between the webs is too big.
Whirling's impossible.

I always said the design
was too revolutionary.

You do not think you can make it ?

Don't worry.
We'll go on trying till we do.

The English never know
when they are beaten.

Exactly.

Sorry.

- Are those your planes ?
- Theirs, I think.

- It sounds like a raid.
- What did you say ?

A raid.

I'll double a spade.

Blast. There go the sirens.
I must go. I'm on duty.

- Sorry to break up the game.
- Excuse, please ?

- I will come with you.
- No, no, no. You stay here

and help Mr Runalow
entertain the ladies.

The microphone's in position, sir.
We tested it out and it's all OK.

Thank you. Will you let Miss Harrison
know they're ready for her now ?

Very good, sir.

Should the raid continue, sir,
and Miss Beatrice Harrison

and the gentlemen from Broadcasting
House have to spend the night,

will they sleep under the staircase,
sir, or under the billiard table ?

I leave that
to your judgment, too.

Very good, sir.

I still do not understand
what all this is about.

They're broadcasting
the nightingales from the garden.

Miss Harrison's going
to play her cello to them.

Thereupon, all being well,
the nightingales will sing.

- Here I am. Quite ready.
- Let me take that for you.

No, thank you.

Don't you think the guns
will disturb the birds ?

- No, not a bit.
- Toomes, turn the lights out.

Very good, sir.

Hello. Control ?
Everything's OK now. It's all yours.

Yes, you probably will get interference.
There's a blitz on down here.

I hope it won't stop the birds
from doing their stuff.

- Miss Harrison's just going to begin.
- But surely, with a raid on...

My dear fellow, the radio public

must never be disappointed,
blitz or no blitz.

We're interrupting
the programme

to take you over to hear
the song of the nightingale.

They've dropped incendiaries
on the shipyard. I'm going down.

- I will come.
- Grandpapa.

- No, no. You stay here.
- No. I will not stay here.

- Hurt your foot, mate ?
- Jim trod on my corn.

It looks bad, very bad.

Fortunately, the main structure
of the ship's undamaged.

- Are you hurt ?
- No, no. It's only a scratch.

- All part of the game ?
- Game ?

Call it what you like.
How many fire bombs d'you put out ?

29. It's a question of approach. Course,
you concentrate too much on sand.

That's funny cos I got 38.
Trouble with you is, you know,

that you don't keep your eye
on the bomb.

I'm amully sorry. This means we shall
be late with the delivery of the ship.

Such a thing's never happened before.
You see for yourself.

Yes. I have seen.

However, we'll get right down to it.

Don't you worry.
We'll do our best for you.

I'm dying for a cup of tea.
Sybil, working you overtime.

- Yes, thank you.
- Now, a nice cup of tea for me, please.

- Care for a pinch ?
- Thanks, governor. Don't mind if I do.

Thanks.

- Are you all right, Grandpapa ?
- Yes, yes. It's nothing.

- No milk, I know. What about sugar ?
- No, thank you.

- Do you know, you are a nice girl ?
- Yes, I do.

I can't think why nobody
has married you.

Plenty of time.

He has money, position.

Why don't you ?

Because I happen to love someone else.

Do you really ?

And does he love you ?

- No.
- That's bad.

Never mind. I will take you back
to Russia with me.

But I couldn't come. Not now.

- I know.
- I mean...

He will love you in the end
and everything will be all right.

I will come and be best man
at your wedding.

Darling, don't you think
you ought to go home now ?

It's 7.
Your mother'll be looking for you.

Oh, yes.

- Can I have more milk, please ?
- Yes, dear.

- This OK by you, Auntie ?
- Yes, that's OK by me.

Outside.

- I've been accepted, Mother.
- Of course you've been accepted, dear.

- Who by ?
- The Wrens.

- The Wrens ? Ann.
- What's that ?

Yes, Mother. It means I shall be
Ieaving home for a little while.

- Speak clearly, Ann.
- I've joined up, Grandmama.

She's sickening for something.

In the months that followed,
it was work, hard work, all the time.

By June, work on the ship
was nearing completion.

Only the propeller
was still giving problem.

Let's hope they finish it
before Jerry invades us.

They won't try.
You take my word for it.

Little old Hitler'll go for Russia.

Maybe.

Then, one beautiful Sunday morning,
as I walked back from the yard

where I had been working all night...

Thank you.

Good morning, Mrs Jones.

Good morning. Good morning.

- Good morning, Mrs Beckett.
- Good morning.

- Did you hear the 7 o'clock ?
- No. Why ?

Nothing. That is, I mean...

It's a lovely morning, isn't it ?

Damned sorry. Shocking business.

My poor boy.
I knew it. I knew it all along.

What has happened ?
Has everyone gone mad ?

"Germany attacked Russia
at dawn today."

Thank you.

We're terribly sorry.

You need not be sorry.

We shall defend ourselves.

- Won't Ann be pleased ?
- Really, Winnie, what do you mean ?

Aren't the Russians
going to be our allies now ?

Oh, no.

Not that.

You do not like our way of life.

Churchill's making a speech tonight.
We shall see.

He will say he is very sorry.

But no,

you cannot help us.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr Winston Churchill.

It follows, therefore,
that we shall give whatever help we can

to Russia and to the Russian people.

We shall appeal to all our friends
and allies in evey part of the world

to take the same course
and pursue it, as we shall,

faithfully and steadfastly to the end.

We have offered
to the government of Soviet Russia

any technical or economic assistance
which is in our power

and which is likely to be
of service to them.

We shall bomb Germany
by day as well as by night

in ever increasing measure,

casting upon them, month by month,
a heavier discharge of bombs

and making the German people
taste and gulp each month...

I hope they heard that
in Nijni-Petrovsk.

...miseries they have
showered upon mankind.

It's my home town, you know ?

And, therefore, what we need
is more guns,

more planes, more tanks
and more ships.

All right, boys. Thank you.

Here in this shipyard,
we've only one desire.

To make as many ships
as quickly as possible.

And we hope
that our new production committees

will help us to avoid bottlenecks.

May I hope that this ship will be built
by the 15th of the next month ?

Yes, I can safely promise you that.

It is very important.
We need icebreakers

to keep our northern route open.

I consider the services
should come first.

- But the Red Cross. - We always
give to the cottage hospital.

- There is a war on, you know, dear.
- I'm aware of that, my dear.

- But the Red Cross...
- I say charity should begin at home.

- I know you do, dear, I know you do.
- It's by far...

You all seem to have forgotten
that this is my pageant.

I think the money should be given
towards the little Russian boat

that's being built here
in our own Barchester.

What a delicious scheme.

Quiet, please.
I've given birth to an idea.

We have all got to know
and like Mr Ivan, haven't we ?

- Yes.
- We look upon him as our friend

and now he is more
than a friend, he is an ally.

Don't you think it would be a good idea
if we adopt his town, Nijni-Petrovsk ?

Good morning. It is time to get up.

Kornitsky, I thought you'd escaped.

Oh, no.

What have we this time ?

We've had the Roman occupation
of Britain, the Black Danes,

Welcome to Queen Elizabeth and
you're just going to see the stagecoach

bringing the news of Waterloo.

I expect you'll find we've won.
We usually manage to.

- But we had all this last time.
- We always have it.

However, this time
the finale's quite different.

- The battle of Waterloo.
- Yes, yes. Who won it ?

- We did !
- Hurray !

It'll be your turn next.
You'd better be getting round behind.

Yes, yes.

Quiet. Quiet, please. Thank you.

Now, kindly remember that you are
now transferred to my command.

Czechs, Norwegians, Belgians.
Where are the Free French ?

Free French ici ? Francais ici ?

- Yez ?
- Bon.

- Mr Paulson.
- Yes, Mrs Ventnor.

- What are you doing with the Poles ?
- Organising them.

I am here to do that.

Kindly stop smoking.

You are not in the army now.

Hello.

Ann. How marvellous.
Did you run away, like Cinderella ?

- Believe it or not, a week's leave.
- How wonderful.

- The uniform suits you.
- I'm glad.

And I admire you
for sticking to your job.

Victory, Freedom, to your rostrum.

Now, everyone, positions.

You know, the last time I saw you,
it was like I had never seen you before.

With all the superficial things
gone away. A very nice person.

I do wish you'd stop calling me
a very nice person. I'm not.

- But you are a very nice person.
- Not a bit.

And what does the man you love
think about it ?

- He doesn't think at all.
- He must be a fool.

He is.

- How are you ?
- I am fine. Tomorrow we test propeller

for the last time and everything,
I know, will be all right.

- Ivan, you must be so happy.
- Yes, I am. You know, I wonder.

I have to go tomorrow
to the trade delegation to report

and if you could come up
it would not be much fun for you

but we could spend the evening together
and come back here by last train.

All right.
If you can't, you can't.

But I can. I can.

Unfurl banners.

Turn about.

Forward march.

- Miss Ventnor.
- Yes ?

Miss Ventnor, what shall I play
when Mr Kournikov comes on ?

- The Russian national anthem.
- But I don't know it.

Don't be absurd, man. Everyone
knows the Russian national anthem.

- What is it ?
- What is it ? What is it ?

You ask me ?
Mr Fuggle, kindly tell this man

- what the Russian national anthem is.
- The International.

- There. What did I tell you ?
- You can't play The International.

- Can't we ? Why not ?
- The bishop might not like it.

He told me so explicitly.
He said, "I might not like it."

Anyhow, I don't know it.

- I know a little Russian song.
- Who's running this pageant ?

- Are you or am I ?
- Miss Ventnor, what shall I play ?

If you don't know the anthem
and the bishop doesn't like it,

- play the next best thing to it.
- Very well, Miss Ventnor.

Now, let Victory be unveiled.

Silence. Silence.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we have here today a friend.

Nay, more than a friend, a citizen
of the town of Nijni-Petrovsk,

the town that the citizens
of Barchester have adopted.

Mr Ivan Kournikov.

Welcome.

And now I have much pleasure
in announcing

that the total sum collected amounts
to 820 pounds, 16 shillings and 4 pence.

But an anonymous donor,
whom we all know as a lover of birdlife,

has kindly made a further donation
to bring the sum to the round figure

of 1 000 pounds.

As you see, here it is, all in one note.

And now, I'm going to ask
Mr Kouznetsov

to accept it on behalf of Nijni-Petrovsk

with the brotherly and, may I add,
sisterly good wishes

of the citizens of Barchester.

Thank you.

Thank you.

The next day, the test was on.

- It'll be all right this time, Russia.
- Morning, Mr Ivan.

- Hello.
- If it don't work this time,

we'll take them a toy model
and drive it with a bit of elastic.

All right. Carry on, Tom.

Five.

Seven. Ten.

12.

14.

16.

Well, that's that.

lf the launching is on 15th,

you will have to fit
an old-type propeller.

I'm afraid so.

Bit of a blow to you, old fellow,
I'm afraid.

Yes.

Goodbye.

- But you're not going now ?
- Yes. I must go immediately

to report to the trade delegation
and... there is war.

I must go back at once to Russia.

Come and have dinner
with me tonight, anyway.

Thank you. I have tonight
to go to the theatre

and laugh like a pussycat.

- I'm so happy. I can't tell you.
- Yes. Yes.

This must be a very happy evening.

- Is anything the matter ?
- No, no. Why should there be ?

Ladies and gentlemen,
Rachmaninoff's Prelude,

still in Asia minor.

Your beer, sir.

And your sandwiches.

Oh, yes.

I'm afraid the English
take their pleasures very sadly.

They seem to.

But the English melancholy, I think,

does not arise out of
an aversion from life.

They appreciate its value
but they ever feel its, erm...

- Transience.
- Yes ?

Golden boys and girls all must
As chimney sweepers, come to dust

Yes.

But there's so much, so much
to enjoy if only one knows how.

Yes.

How shall I act and why ?

All mankind asks this question

and the solution the English have found
is a sort of religion of their own.

- Religion ? - Yes.
It's a practical religion, really.

It's a kind of compromise.

The religion of making
the best of things.

To them, it is a duty.

Such an ordinary word, duty.

And yet it means so much.

So much.

Ann.

Yes ?

- I...
- Yes, Ivan ?

Nothing.

Very well then.
I'll tell you something.

I'm in love with you, Ivan.

Just like that ?

Yes.

Just like that.

You should not be.

Why not ?

You must forget all about me.

So, you see, I am a failure.

What you would call a flop.

I know it's horribly disappointing
for you

but you mustn't make
a tragedy out of it.

I do not make it.
For me, it is one.

You see, I am not supposed to fail.

I am stahanovite

and here I represent my country.

What are you going to do ?

There is a ship sailing for Russia
from Gravesend soon.

Aren't you coming down
for the launching ?

No, my dear. What for ?
I did not help the ship.

They have to install a...
old-type propeller.

I am glad I will not see it.

All the people involved
just have been so kind to me.

I've always thought of you
as a person who'd never give up.

Please promise me you'll go on trying.

I know it'll take courage,
real courage, to do that

but you will, won't you ?

Please ?

All right. I will.

I'll have to hurry. Goodbye
and thank you for a lovely evening.

I'll get special leave for the launching
so you will come down, won't you ?

- Yes.
- Goodbye.

And don't give up.

Tea, please.

Please promise me
you'll go on tying.

I know it'll take courage
but you will, won't you ?

That is vey important

because we must have icebreakers
to keep our northern routes open.

The blades
have distorted too much.

I said the design
was too revolutionay.

The gap between the webs
is too great.

I've always thought of you
as a person who'd, who'd never give up.

One more tea, please.

But you can't go on drinking tea
all night. It's rationed, you know ?

- I'm sorry. It is so important.
- You're telling me.

Hello. Who ?

What ? Kouznetsov.

Yes, well, bless my soul...

What ?

Yes.

Yes.

No.

What, catch a train ?
Yes, there's one at 4 o'clock.

4:05 to be precise.

But it's a milk train, I'm afraid,
it stops at every station.

Berridge, Steinbridge, Longsford,
Medleycote, Langsham, Fiddlechurch...

Very pretty and perfectly simple.

But then, of course, the simplest things
are always the hardest to think of.

It is also hard
that it should come too late.

- Too late ? What do you mean ?
- The launching is on 15th.

- What of it ?
- The other propeller is already fitted.

Don't go into that now. Let's get our
drawings straight, see that it works.

Here, Tom, bring me those
specifications. Bob, some paper.

Now then.

Let's get down to it.

Well, that's that.

Get Prince out from the machine shop,
Arthur Jenkins and the others.

- Yes, sir.
- Haven't had so much fun in years.

- This calls for a celebration.
- The benevolent fund dance is on.

- You can hear the band from here.
- So you can.

- And Ann is giving away the prizes.
- Yes.

- What's all this about ? - We've
got that propeller right at last.

- Put it in hand, will you ?
- Impossible.

lmpossible always takes a little longer.

You seem to forget the launching's
on the 15th. It's out of the question.

My dear Herbert, I happen
to be chairman of this company.

And I still tell you
it's out of the question.

The other propeller's
practically installed.

All that work'd have to be undone.
To say nothing of the casting.

Every job we've got now's for the
Admiralty. You know what that means ?

The men have been working
without a break for months now.

It simply wouldn't be fair
to ask them to do it.

Course, if they'd got six hands each.

Sorry, Ivan.

Sorry, Kouznetsov.

Will you be wanting me
any more tonight, Mr Runalow ?

- No, Tom. You can go to bed.
- To bed ? Yes, sir.

Ladies and gentleman,
the last prize tonight, the spot waltz,

- Mr and Mrs Jim Webb.
- Good old Jim.

- Good old Jim.
- Lucky old Jim ?

- Well done, Jim. Congratulations.
- Thank you very much.

- Can I see you home, Jim ?
- You're welcome, Pat.

Boys ! The gentleman's excuse me dance.

Thank you.

Listen, everybody, I'm very sorry
to stop the dance

but Tom Sellers has just arrived

with something very important
to say to you all.

Now, come on, Tom.

It's like this.

You all know the trouble we've have
casting the propeller for the icebreaker

and you all know that when
the last test was unsuccessful,

they decided to scrap it
and fit an old one.

Now, Mr Ivan has hit on a solution
and the governor

and the rest of us
think it's the right one, at last.

Now, the ship's gotta be launched
by 15th. We've built her for Russia

and we don't wanna send her
an old-fashioned thing, do we ?

- No.
- We wanna send the newest and best.

- Sure.
- Now, it's gonna mean a lot of work

if we're gonna refit it in time.
Do you think we can do it ?

What are you waiting for ?

My girls'll do it, I know.

Where the girls are,
my boys won't be far behind.

Yeah. You bet we won't.

- My boys'll do their bit.
- So will mine.

- And mine.
- Don't you worry, Tom.

- We'll get the ship done.
- Ernie.

Tom !

Five.

Seven.

Ten.

Eleven.

Twelve.

Thirteen.

Fourteen.

Fifteen.

Sixteen.

Eighteen.

That's good enough.

It's done the trick.

- Nice work.
- Very good, Ivan.

We said we'd get the job through
by the 15th,

and, thanks to you all,
your loyalty and enthusiasm,

we've done it !

It's only another proof
of this country's determination

to do everything possible
to help our friends and allies,

the brave Russian people.

And now, I know you'd like
to hear a few words

from a man who came to us as a stranger

but who is leaving us as a friend.

Ivan Kouznetsov.

For he's a jolly good fellow,
for he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

And so say all of us

And so say all of us,
and so say all of us

For he's a jolly good fellow,
for he's a jolly good fellow

For he's a jolly good fellow

And so say all of us

My friends,
and you really are my friends,

all of you,

when I came to your country,

I was filled with misconceptions
and prejudices.

But now that I have got to know you,

I know that you are a grand,
a great people.

Don't blush now.

Don't look embarrassed.

I must tell you,

much of the world thinks
that you care only about money.

And you care much more about cricket

or nightingales
or a good job, well done.

Much of the world thinks that you are
perfidious and hypocritical.

And you are warm and kindly.

And do you know why the world
thinks these things ?

Because you want it to.
It amuses you.

It pleases that dreadful
sense of humour of yours.

And that, that sense of humour is,
perhaps,

the guiding factor of your lives.

lf you can laugh at life
and at yourselves,

you can be tolerant.

lf you can laugh,
you must hate persecution,

you must love decency.

Above all, you must love freedom

for there is no laughter
where there is no freedom.

Now, my people,

the people of Russia,

they also love to laugh.

And they will fight to the death

rather than surrender
their right to laugh.

Today, we are allies, friends.

Let us remain friends.

Let us fight together
in the years to come

and then laugh together
in the years afterwards.

Fight selfishness and greed and violence

and then laugh them out of existence.

Will you please name the ship ?

I name you Druzhba.

Friendship. In honour
of our Anglo-Soviet friendship.

Long may you sail.

And there she is.

- The Druzhba.
- We're pals now.

I reckon we should stay pals
when this blinking war's over.

- I reckon so, too.
- There's a lot we can learn

from each other and a lot
we can do, working together.

For the good of ourselves
and the rest of mankind.

So long, comrade.

So long, mate.