A Walk on the Moon (1999) - full transcript

Good morning, Mrs. Levin.

Where have you been?
I was getting bubble gum.

Okay, good.
Get the bag. Get the bag.

Instead of spending all that money on
space travel, they could just end the war.

Alison, can we talk politics after we pack
the car? Feel like I'm gonna give birth.

Marty, could you help your
mother with the kitchen things?

Mom, this is a process, a scientific
process, okay? I'm gonna start to pack-

Ma, what is the point of me
having a plan for the backseat-

Here you go, Daddy.
Come on. This is serious.

I need my record player! You can
live without it for two weeks.

It's bigger
than last year!



Stop it!
You stop it!

Okay, okay! Knock it
off! He's pushing me!

Be good to each other. Alison, move
over. Give your brother some room.

Why do I always have to
move? We're too crowded!

That's the beauty of
the whole thing, darling.

Crowded is good.
Ow!

Enough already!
She started it.

There's nothing to do up there. Why do we always
have to do the same stupid thing every summer?

Ow!
Children, please!

That's a good question. Pearl, why do
we do the same stupid thing every summer?

Because we do.

Can I have my sandwich now? Danny, one
hour, eleven minutes to the Red Apple sign.

Are you paying attention?
That's a record, Daddy.

Sing! Sing!
Daddy!



Sing or I'm gonna crash! If
you don't sing, I'm gonna crash!

Keep your eyes on the road!

- That's better. - Let's do Chuck.
- No Chuck. We don't do Chuck.

You never let me do Chuck.

When you're married, you
can do Chuck. Right, baby?

Ma! Hippies!

Some feckuckteh hairdos
they have.

Ow! Get off!

Welcome back to Dr. Fogler's,
everyone.

The Fourth of July barbecue will
be held by the lake at 6:00.

At 6:00 for
the Fourth of July barbecue.

Let's see how fast you can put the hoop down
and get the pot inside the bungalow, ready?

On your mark, get set, go!
Go. Go, go, go, go, go!

Daddy, tell me how fast
we got here.

Three hours and 42 minutes with a
corned beef on rye at the Red Apple.

Two hours and 23 minutes with
salami and eggs at the Red Apple.

Bullshit.

One hour and 57 minutes with two hot dogs
and mustard and sauerkraut at the Red Apple.

Bullshit!

Stop saying that word,
Daddy. I'm sorry, Danny.

But Fogler is such a liar.
Come on. An hour and 57 minutes?

Who can do it in an hour
and 57 minutes? Nobody.

Let's go swimming! Let's go
swimming! Let's go swimming!

Did we forget the onions?
Look in the A&P bag.

I am not sharing a room with him.
You're not wearing that shirt.

What's wrong with it? Just
change it before you go out.

These onions are mushy.
Mother, I have to have privacy.

Where's my wooden bowl? I'm not
sleeping in the same room with his guns!

Cap guns, Alison. I think
Joan Baez will forgive you.

Enough, enough. I'll sleep
with you in the bedroom.

Daniel, you sleep in the kitchen. No!

Don't give me no.
Not too much salt.

Daniel, let your sister
get changed.

Get changed. Go ahead. Why
did I even have to come here?

Attention, everyone. The ice
cream man is on the premises.

The ice cream man
is on the premises.

Can I look like that
when I grow up?

You looked like that,
I wouldn't be your friend.

Hi, sweetheart. Oh, my
goodness, why, thank you.

How many calories
in this again?

You're gorgeous, too, Pearl, but
you hide your light under a bushel.

Alison! What? You asked me
to change, and I changed.

- I see Alison's nipples.
- Shut up!

Just make sure you're back in
time for the barbecue, young lady.

I don't believe in July 4th.
It's patriotic puke.

This is Daddy's last chance to be with
us. He's gonna be working all week.

Well, it's not my fault he's
a slave to the establishment.

Could you just for one
afternoon put aside your beliefs?

It's easy for you to say,
'cause you don't have any!

I can't believe
we have a teenager.

We're old.
Not old. She's old.

She's almost the age I was
when I had her.

I just don't want her
to wind up like us.

What's wrong with us?

Marty.

This whole decade's gone by, and the most
important decision I make during any week...

is whether or not to go
to the A&P or Waldbaum's.

That's easy, A&P.
Their Wing Dings are fresher.

Ow.
I'm serious.

I know.

You're lettin' her
get you crazy, Pearl.

Don't let her
get you crazy.

Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah.

Attention, everyone.
At 2:00 in the casino,

Bernie and Shirley Pike will be
showing slides of Reuben's bar mitzvah.

That's 2:00.
How does your week look?

Same as always. Anything
new happening at the shop?

Nothing new happens
at the shop ever.

I was just asking.

- I wish you could stay longer.
- I know, so do I.

Why won't you talk with Sid? Just-

Please, don't start
with that now, okay?

Just ask for a few days.

Neil gets a whole week off
in August. A whole week.

Yeah, well, Neil doesn't
have a boss like Sid,

and Neil doesn't have two
kids to feed, all right?

Attention, everyone.
The schedule for tomorrow:

10:00 a. m.-
You have enough cash?

I'm fine.

Your mother's wooden bowl, the scratchy
blue blanket. That's the heavy one.

We need the big thermos.
And Alison wants her shampoo.

Bye, Neil.

See ya, sweetie.
Miss us.

Bye, Marty.
I wrote it down.

Neil, what time you got?
7:35.

Set. Go.
Bye, Dad.

Bye, sweetie.
Give me a kiss.

Call me, okay?
All right.

Six dot. Come on, Pearl. You
remember what it was like.

It was never like that.
What? You weren't a teenager?

For about two weeks.
East.

It's the marijuana
you have to watch out for.

Sooner or later,
they all smoke marijuana.

You get ants in your pants. You
wanna screw everything in sight.

Oh, that's beautiful.
Green.

Is that supposed to comfort me?
The Blouse Man is on the premises.

- Here we go.
- The Blouse Man is on the premises.

This make me look too busty?
There's no such thing as too busty.

Give me a bigger size.

Here's your bigger size.

Very funny.
Oh!

I'm sorry.

It's just blouses.
Don't worry about it.

Let me help. I got it. Can
I help you find something?

No, thanks. Wait, Lillian.
That's the one I wanted.

Excuse me.
You got another one of these?

No, ladies.
I'm sorry. I don't.

You gonna hold on to this
the rest of the afternoon?

Ma'am, what's your name?

Selma.

- You want my honest opinion, Selma?
- Yeah.

With those sea-green eyes, I think you're
better off with a lighter color anyway.

Excuse me.
Check this out.

See this?

Look. Look at that.

With that shade of green,
you're practically sparklin'.

All right?

Oh, yeah.
They sparkle, Selma.

Since you ladies have been such good sports
about this, consider these blouses a gift.

Thank you.
You're a very nice young man.

You're welcome.

Thank you, but I don't need a gift. However,
this blouse is not worth more than $5.

That's cool.

- You want the hanger?
- Do you need it?

No. You take it.

I hope you like the blouse.

That's a strange way
of doing business.

A little promotion.
It'll even out in the end.

Excuse me, mister.
You got this in red?

Only in a 16. Yellow
looks pretty good to me.

I'm not really a yellow
kind of a girl. No?

What kind of girl are ya?
How about that yellow?

What happened
to the old Blouse Man?

Oh, he retired.

I bought his bus
and his route.

He had more variety.

Did he? Carried a little
something extra each time.

Jewelry or sunglasses.

Think so, huh?

Well, all right.
Thanks for the tip.

Tadpoles!

Tadpoles over here right now.
Salamanders, stop the noise.

Hurry up.
Go right over here.

Tadpoles, you're behaving
very, very well.

Danny!
Put away the guns!

Jeffrey, would you
take his guns away?

Danny, you're not supposed
to bring guns to camp.

It'll just be
another minute, okay?

Do orthodox girls have to
wear wigs? It looks like a wig.

Hey.
What's up, Myra?

This is my friend Carl.
How ya doin'?

You a counselor over
here? Yeah, as always.

I gotta go. Nice meetin'
ya. Nice meeting you.

I gotta go too. I'll see you
later. All right. I'll see ya.

Butterflies. Okay,
butterflies, time to go.

Does anybody know who that
little girl is over there?

Is there anybody's
mother around?

What group do you have?
I have the chipmunks.

What's the
lifeguard's name?

Ow! Sorry. Just checking
to see if it's a wig.

We didn't mean
anything by it.

You shouldn't make fun of
other people. I'm sorry.

Over here.
Right over here.

Okay.

It's Ross Epstein.
Skunks.

All right, skunks. Come
on. Let's go. It's us.

Come on. Come on.

It's not a good morning,
Colonel. There's a radio hidden.

A radio is against the orders
of the Imperial Nipponese Army.

There is a radio in this hut.

What?

This is so boring.

I order those responsible
to hand it over immediately.

Asking you just once more,
where is it hidden?

Where is what hidden, sir? I
know nothing about a wireless.

Then, by God, you should! I'll have you
court-martialed, and it'll show on your record.

Ralph, what do you know
about this? Nothing.

I just feel like we're
always doing the same thing,

and all the girls are doing
something different now.

So, I just think
maybe I should frost it.

You ever feel trapped
by your life, Rhoda?

Oh, sure.
I mean, I'm stuck with it.

You know, I wonder how
I would look as a redhead.

Why are you
stuck with it?

What
- What should I do, Pearl? Become an astronaut?

You don't have kids, and you
still got a lot of freedom.

Yeah, I'm free to sit around and
watch everybody else with their kids.

You know, I swear, every
single time I go to Poppy's,

and I have a pickle while I'm waiting for
my ice cream, Neil asks me if I'm pregnant.

I say to him, "When are you gonna
get it through your thick skull?

I love pickles. You put a free
bowl in front of me, I eat them."

You gonna try again?
I don't know.

Then Neil and I wouldn't be able to
take our annual trips to the Riviera.

Sometimes I try
to picture my life...

if I hadn't had
Alison so young.

Maybe my life wouldn't be
that different. I don't know.

Sometimes I just wish
I was a whole other person.

Yuck.

Attention, campers.

Please report to the casino for a
meeting with Dr. Fogler after lunch.

All campers are to report
directly to the casino after lunch.

You ready for lunch, cowboy?
Yep.

Where'd you get that?
What?

That licorice.
The Blouse Man.

Honey, what'd I tell you about
taking candy from strangers?

He's not a stranger.
He's the Blouse Man.

- Is he a friend of the family?
- You should have been more specific.

Don't be fresh. Is he a
friend of the family now?

Go to your room.
This is my room.

I asked you to watch out for your brother,
and you just let anyone give him candy?

It wasn't anyone.
It was the Blouse Man.

All right, both of you,
just eat your lunch.

You shouldn't be giving
candy to children.

Oh, hey.
Which ones are yours?

Just keep your
licorice sticks to yourself.

No, I'll try to be
more conscientious.

I didn't mean any harm.
I just, uh-

I quit cigarettes, you know, so I need
something to help me with the craving.

Oh.

I took your advice.
The, uh, shades.

Jewelry, all this stuff,
goin' like hotcakes.

I made a killin' today.
You're a smart lady.

Oh, well, I just figured, you
know, women would buy them, and-

They did.
They did. Good.

Hey, thanks. You know, I got the perfect
blouse for you. Wait till you see this.

No, no, I'm not here
to buy a blouse.

No, no, no, check this out. A friend
of mine makes them up in Kingston.

It's a new line I'm carrying.

Yeah, it's- it's a tie-dye.
It's not bad.

No one will buy these. They
will if they see you in one.

Want to try it on? What do you
think? Maybe the purple one.

Which one?
That one.

This one? Yeah. It's not
bad either. It's pretty good.

You want to try it?
What have you got to lose?

All right.

Jesus Christ. Here.

Thank you.

Hey, what's your name?
Pearl.

Want a beer or somethin'? A beer? No
- No.

How's that fit?

My husband's gonna hate it.

Are you kiddin' me?
He's gonna love you in it.

Look how sexy you look.

Check it out.
Back up a little.

See? I mean,
it fits really well.

Keep it a couple of days, you know?
You don't like it, you give it back.

If you do, pay me later.

Or don't. I mean, you're doing
me a favor just wearing it.

All right.

Wait a second.
Come here.

You don't want to go
around with that thing.

Okay? Yep. There you go.

Really looks good. I'm
not kidding. Thank you.

When do you come
back here anyway?

I mean, what's your schedule,
if I wanted to return it?

My schedule? I don't have a
- I don't have a schedule.

But, uh, I'll tell you what.

I'll give you my number.

I live right in town.

And, uh, call me
anytime you want.

Okay.

Pinkies.

It's tie-dyed.

Stop it.

How can you not love it here? Look at
this. An army barracks with lawn furniture.

This is unbelievable.

I was over at Grossingers, as I was in
the lobby there. That's where I'm staying.

In the lobby at Grossingers.

They gave me a room. I walked in.
There was no ceiling on the room.

I called down to the clerk. I said,
"There's no ceiling on my room."

He said, "Don't worry. The fellow
upstairs don't walk around much."

And now I want to invite you all
up here on the floor to dance,

Do you think you could stop
looking at her for a minute?

I don't know.
Ahh.

That's my girl.

That's it. Get a little cozy,
a little sexy here.

Come on, everybody.

I was thinking,

maybe we could do
Chuck a different way.

What do you mean?
I don't know.

I thought maybe
we could, um, experiment.

Okay.

We don't have to.
No, no, it's okay.

No, it's all right. We were doing
Chuck pretty good the old way.

We are. We do.
Yeah?

I just thought
it might be fun.

What did you have in mind?

I don't know. I don't
know. I don't know.

I'm sorry. I just-
No. No, no.

That's all right.

Marty.

Okay, pretty lady.

There's a posse on my tail,
so I ain't got much time.

Reach for the sky. Shh. Come
here. You're gonna hurt yourself.

I know. They're loaded.
I'll put them down.

Is that different enough?

Drive safe.
I will.

I'll see ya. Hold this for me. Oh.

See ya, cowboy.
Bye, Daddy.

Good-bye. Here, darling.
Take your jacket.

Thank you. Drive safe. Don't speed.

Thanks.

Sh- Oh!

Hey, hop in. I'll give you a ride. What?

Get in, and
I'll give you a ride.

No, thank you.
I'm fine.

I'm going your way.
Come on!

Well, if you're sure
it's no trouble.

It's no trouble. Get out of the
rain, for Christ sake. Come on.

Here. Here's a towel.
Thank you.

All right?
Yeah.

Oh.
Here we go.

Here's another towel.

Looks like that's
all she wrote.

Those things
look kind of painful.

Bet it looks good curly.

Attention, the knish man
is on the premises.

The knish man
is on the premises.

So?

No.
No?

That's what I pay you for,
"no"? The cards don't lie.

Maybe they're subject
to interpretation.

Selma, does this look like
a vacation card?

You wanna go to Miami?
Go to Miami, but-

Bubbie? Just a minute, sweetheart.
I'm finishing up a reading.

Could you come now?
All right.

Come back tomorrow. We'll ask
the tea leaves. Don't touch that.

Coming, love.

What is it?

What is it, my shainehkuh, huh?
What is it, darling?

Oh, my God.

Mazel tov.

Why'd you hit me?

It's a tradition.

My mother, your great-grandmother,
Sonia- may she rest in peace-

She did the same thing to
me. It's a stupid tradition.

It's the stupidest
goddamn tradition.

It's true. You know what I
did? I slapped her right back.

Ow! Bandeet!

What's going on in here?
Pearl.

What?
I got news.

Today Alison
became a woman.

Oh. Oh.

How do you feel?

What kind should I get?

Well, you know, these are
pretty good. What about tampons?

You've already had a big
enough shock. Just get these-

Hey, girls.
Hi.

Hi.

What? What was that?
Nothing.

How are you?

Attention, everyone.

Will the person who took Eleanor Gelfand's
thongs, please return them to the main house?

She's been hiding away
for an hour.

She didn't even
eat any supper.

I bet she has cramps.
Poor thing.

Whoa.

I have... my first date.

What?

Ross is taking me to Fun Fair,
the go-carts.

Go-carts?

Mother, this is the most exciting night of
my life. You're not gonna ruin it for me.

No! Of course not. I was just worried.
Maybe you weren't feeling up to it.

I'm fine.

You look so... womanly.

You see, my shainehkuh. You become
a woman, the world looks brighter.

Don't tell Daddy
I got my period.

Long-distance telephone call
for Alison Kantrowitz.

It's your father!
You're a woman now, Alison.

Mazel tov, darling.

And may you be blessed with a happy
marriage and many, many beautiful children.

Sometime today. How long
are we gonna wait here?

I'll be right
with you, Bill.

Oh, Marty.
The whole weekend's shot.

Everybody and their brother wants their TV to
be working so they can watch the moon landing.

Sid, I am depending on you. I
have to see the man on the moon.

Sid's even gonna keep
the shop open on Sunday.

There's shmuts
all over the wire!

Honey, we were counting on you.

I know, sweetie. I'm so
sorry. I really am. It's Sanka.

I forgot I put it
on top of the set.

I'll be thinking of you while I'm
watching. I'll be thinking of you too.

- I wanna talk to him.
- You explain this to Danny.

Okay. Hey, cowboy.
Daddy.

Why can't you come?

Danny, I gotta work, okay? I'm
sorry. You watch your mom for me?

I wanted you to come.
¶ Summertime ¶

Four dot.

Hello?

Hello. Can I talk with
the man who sells the blouses?

Who's this?
Pearl.

Hey! How ya doin',
Pearl?

I wasn't sure if you'd
remember who- who I was.

I remember who you are. Hey,
that tie-dye work out all right?

Oh, um-
He liked it, didn't he?

Yeah.

What's up?
I- I was wondering-

I wondered if you had plans for
watching the, um, the moon walk.

Fogler, you outdid yourself.
Terrific. It's a masterpiece.

Hi, hon.

Can I go to a concert?

Which ones look
better with this?

- The black ones.
- Yeah?

It's near White Lake. All the
counselors are getting tickets.

- Is it cool out?
- Medium.

Here.

It was supposed to be in
Woodstock, and they changed it,

and now it's so close by.

Nobody ever liked this dress.

So can I?
When is it again?

August 15 through 17.
People are gonna camp out.

What?

Everyone's gonna be there.
Alison.

You're 14 years old.
You're not camping out.

Why are you getting all dressed up to
watch some stupid guys walk on the moon?

It's not stupid.
It's important.

Please, Mom.
I mean, I have to go!

Honey, I'm sorry.
You're not old enough.

First, everyone tells me
I'm a woman now.

Then I'm not old enough?

I hate you!

Lights on.

Down two and a half.
Give me some.

Forward. Forward.

Come on. Give me some.
Shh!

Three feet down, two and a half.
Pickin' up some dust.

Three feet,
two and a half down.

Faint shadow.
Four forward.

Four forward.
Drifting to the right a little.

Six, down a half.
Thirty seconds.

Contact light.
Okay, engines stop.

A.P.A. out of descent.

Command override off.
Engine arm off.

Houston, uh,
Tranquility Base here.

- The Eagle has landed.
- Yes!

Unbelievable.

It will be several hours before the
astronauts don their space suits...

and Neil Armstrong
takes his first step.

Are they walking
on the moon yet?

Not yet, sweetheart. Shh. Sweetheart.

Lillian, I've got
such a headache.

I need to get some air,
or maybe I should lie down.

You're gonna
miss the best part.

I knew this one guy who
worked in Moishe's Butcher Shop.

He cut the tip of
his finger off on purpose.

I thought I'd get myself
into a car accident.

Just burn your draft card.

And go to jail?

Joan Baez's husband
didn't cut off his fingertip.

Oh!

It's a French kiss.
You have to open your mouth.

Where are we?

Come on in back.
I wanna show you something.

I never saw one so small.

It's cool, isn't it?

My kid brother
picked it up over in Asia.

What was he
doing over there?

Killin' people.
Oh.

Is he still over there?

I don't know.

Maybe.

He's been missing
for four years.

Oh, I'm sorry. I-

I should tell my husband
about these. He fixes TVs.

Usually he's here
on the weekends,

but he had to fix
a lot of sets.

No one wanted
to miss the, um-

the, uh-

moon landing.

I wish they'd step
outside already.

Want me to stop, Pearl?

Oh, God.

What is your name?
Walker.

Is that your last name?

My last name is Jerome.

You're backwards.

It seems to me I'm
exactly where I should be.

I have to sit down.

That's one small step
for man,

one giant leap
for mankind.

What are you doing?

Are you sure you want-

One, two.

Three.

Concentrate.

What happened to Pearl last
night? She had a headache.

You got a chair
right next to the house.

What chair?
What house?

Are you allowed
to kiss guys?

Guys I can kiss.
Bacon is a different story.

Did you ever tongue kiss?

That's disgusting.

It wasn't.

You and Ross?

Yeah!

Did you do anything else?

Not yet.

Attention, ladies. The
Blouse Man is on the premises.

The Blouse Man
is on the premises.

How are you doing? You want to try
this one? It looked good last week.

I'll try it. It'll
look good this week too.

Take your time.
I'm waiting.

How about you,
Mrs. Kantrowitz?

Can I help you
find something?

I'm not sure.

That looks nice.

How about this?
Try this on.

Attention, ladies.

Will everyone who signed up for the mah-jongg
tournament please report to the casino now?

All right. Let's go. Let's save a
little money. We begin in five minutes.

That's five minutes, ladies.

The count of three.
No way!

Come on, Pearl!
Fly! Come on!

Pearl?

Pearl. Get up.

We're goin'
blueberry pickin'.

Come.

Pearl?

You believe in fate?

I'm not sure
what that means.

It means that there are certain things that no
matter what you do that they're meant to happen.

They're in the stars.

They're bashert, destined.

But even if
they're in the stars,

a person, a grown-up
responsible person, a mensch,

can make a different choice.

They can make
the right choice.

You're shtupping someone.

What?

The Blouse Man.

I am not.

You're shtupping the goddamn Blouse Man,
Pearl. How could you do such a thing?

Are you gonna tell Marty?

So it's true.

I'm right.
I'm always right.

It's- It's a curse.

Why, Pearly?

Have you forgotten
who you married?

When your husband was 12 years old, you
know what he dreamed of being? A scientist.

So he entered
the school science fair...

in the hopes of
winning a microscope.

Such a doorbell he made, I don't
even want to tell you about it.

It not only rang, it lit up.

It chopped liver.
It made matzo balls.

First prize.

He was so proud, Pearl.

And when that son-of-a-bitch
husband of mine ran out on us,

you know what my boy did?

Came to me with $10.

And he says to me, "Mama,
you don't ever have to worry.

I will take care of you."

Sold the microscope.

I never heard that story.

Something else
you didn't know.

The summer that you two met, summer
he was waiting on tables at Kramer's.

Kramer knew that Marty and I didn't
have two nickels to rub together,

so he offered to pay for
Marty to go to college.

But when he got
a girl pregnant-

no less a guest
at the hotel-

good-for-nothing Kramer
slammed the door in our face.

He- He turned his back
on my boy.

What?

You think you're the only one
with dreams that didn't come true?

What time are we
playing tomorrow?

I wondered where you were.

I can't do this.

I'm married.

I have children.

I understand.

Hey, Marty. How ya doin'? Hey, Joe!

Daddy!
Hey, cowboy!

- How long did it take you this time?
- Two hours and 41 minutes,

not including the six minutes
it took me to put my shorts on.

Neil said it took him
two, 20.

What'd I tell you about
Neil? He's a stinkin' liar.

That's right.

Yuck!

You guys, don't use up
all the hot water!

Eighteen days in quarantine.

What? The astronauts. God,
I hope they like each other.

Here you go.

Mmm!

Ooh. That's strong, Marty.

Mm-hmm.

I have waited all week
for this moment.

Hey, hey, hey.
Where you goin'?

Out!

- Where's my kiss?
- I have a date, Daddy.

A date?

Ross is taking me to the Pines.
There's a rock band there.

- Ro- Who's Ross?
- I'm late!

Who's Ross? I miss one week
and already there's a Ross?

He's a nice boy.

How old is he?
Sixteen, I think.

Pearl, oh, God, Pearl!

There is no such thing
as a nice 16-year-old boy.

You can't keep her locked in
the bungalow all summer long.

No, I can't. That's
your job, darling. Oh.

Besides, it's the principle
of the thing.

I mean, if we can't go out on dates,
she shouldn't be able to either.

So take me
on a date, Marty.

So who's at the Brickman?
Hmm, Sandy Solo.

Shirley Bassey is
playing at the Concord.

Honey, now see, this is something
I would climb a fence to go see.

Shh.
What?

Listen.

What do you hear?
Nothing.

Exactly.

No kids. No Bubbie.

Mmm. Just you
and me, Pearl.

Ain't it great?

Ow. Oh, shit. Ow.
What?

My leg. I gotta-
I'll get it, honey.

Don't- Yeah.
I'm okay. I'm okay.

I think I'm getting
too old for this. Ooh!

At least it went down.
Come here.

You all right?
I'm good. I'm good.

Aah. All right. It's the steering wheel.

You wanna get in the back? Yeah.

You okay?

No.

You wanna go home?

No.

Do you want me
to do a John Wayne?

Maybe.

All right.
We'll miss you, sonny.

Okay. Bye, sweetheart.
Drive safe.

I will. Tell Neil 7:28.

Bye-bye, love!
Bye, Daddy! Bye!

Attention, everyone. The ice
cream man is on the premises.

The ice cream man
is on the premise.

Alison.

Alison.

How will you know
if your kids are drowning?

Great legs, man!

What the hell is this? Hey! Hey!
Come on. Get out of the water.

Come out of the water.
Come on!

Go away!

There are children here.

Get away! Come on. Come
on. Come on. Get over here.

Get away from this lake!
It's a private lake!

This is private property!
Get out!

Everybody, out of the lake.

Everyone, get out of the lake!

Get outta here!

The police have been notified.

Put your clothes on, and you get out
of this lake now. It's a private lake.

I can't go to Woodstock.

It's on Shabbes.
We'll leave before Shabbes.

I won't be able to touch
money. I'll buy things for you.

I can't rip toilet paper.
I'll rip it for you!

That's all
I have to do, right?

I thought you weren't allowed to go. So?

My mother says that you're corrupting
me. That's what friends are for.

"On this hook,
he had a book.

On this book
was how to cook."

Telephone call
for Pearl Kantrowitz.

Telephone call for Pearl
Kantrowitz. It's for you, Mom.

It's like a parking lot. I heard
they're gonna close the thruway.

Are you gonna
try again tomorrow?

No, it's just gonna get worse. They'll be
coming up to this Woodstock thing all weekend.

Geez, I never knew there
was so many hippies, Pearl.

Look, I'm gonna head back. I'm sorry.
Tell Danny and Alison I said good night.

Okay, bye.

Oh.

Pearl?

Don't do it, Pearly.

Oy veh.

- Hello. - We were in Swan
Lake and you said to me-

Hello, Ma, how are you?
You said to me, "Ma,

- me and Arnie and Stewie, we're going swimming."
- Ma, is everything all right?

Suddenly-
You saw Stewie drowning,

so you told us not to go
swimming under any circumstances.

Right. Did you listen? No.

- And what happened?
- Stewie was swimming underwater...

and he hit his head
on a rock but I saved him.

And why did you save him?
Because I was extra careful.

- And why were you extra careful?
- Because of your vision.

And why is your cousin
Stewie alive today?

Because I saved him.
No!

Because of your vision.

Correct.

All right, Ma,
who's going to drown?

You are.

I promise I won't
go swimming, okay?

Get your tuchis up here, Marty.
I don't care what you got to do.

What's goin' on, Ma?

Good morning!
What we have in mind...

is breakfast in bed
for 400,000.

We're all
feeding each other.

We must be
in heaven, man!

There's always a little bit
of heaven in a disaster area.

My God!

We apologize for the noise
of the choppity-choppity,

but there are
a few cars blocking the road.

So we're
flying everybody in.

Give me that.

Alison?

Alison-
Come on, Alison.

Alison!

- Alison, what's wrong?

What happened back there?

We can't have a party now. You
can't walk all the way to Woodridge.

Watch!

What's that spell?
What's that spell?

Attention Irv Gelfand.

Could you please remember to bring the
pickled herring to the casino tonight?

Marty.

How did you get up here?

Uh, 13 hours and 26 minutes.

That was
with the back roads.

Where were you?

I thought
you weren't coming.

What the hell
is going on, Pearl?

I went to Woodstock.

You went to Woodstock?

Um-

Was it groovy?

Was it far-out?
Out-of-sight?

Yeah.

Tell me something, Pearl.

Are you screwing someone?

We'll talk about this
when you're not upset.

I'm not that upset yet. If you tell me
you're screwing someone, then I'll be upset.

So... are you?

Yes.

Who is he?

You don't know him.

What's his name?

Walker.

What's his first name?
That is his first name.

What's his last name?

Jerome.

Walker Jerome.
That's his name?

Does he realize
it's backwards?

- Where'd you meet him?
- He's a salesman.

Truff! This is great.

It's like
a Johnny Yune routine.

So is he
a traveling salesman?

Sort of.
What's he sell?

Blouses.

Blouses.

He's the Blouse Man.
You're screwing the Blouse Man.

Jesus, Pearl, why didn't
you screw the Dress Man?

At least that way you get
a whole outfit, you know?

What the fuck were
you thinking, huh?

What are
you doing, Pearl?

Did you think about this
for even a- a second?

Did it ever occur to you
what this might do to us?

What
- What this might do to Danny? What it might do to Alison?

I want to know what you think about
that. Did it cross your fuckin' mind?

Tell me. I want to know if
you fuckin' thought about it!

Tell me, Pearl, I want to know. I
want to know if you thought about it.

Tell me.

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

You're sorry?

- You're sorry.
- Yeah.

What am I supposed
to say to you, Pearl?

Am I supposed to say I forgive
you? Is that what you want?

Tell me. I wanna say what
you want me to say right here.

'Cause right now I don't
know what the fuck I'm doin'.

I don't know-
I don't know what to-

Okay.

So, uh-
What are your plans?

You and the Blouse Man.

- I don't know.
- What the hell is that supposed to mean?

It means I don't know.

You don't know?

Okay. Okay.

Well, I'll tell you what.

You take all
the time you need.

It doesn't matter.

'Cause, to me,

you don't exist anymore.

Hi. Uh-

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey.
What is that?

You out of your
fuckin' mind?

You all right?
Do you believe that?

Calm down. Calm down.

What was he thinking?

Marty. You okay? Oh, my God.

Marty?

I love you, darling.

You went away.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to worry you.

I wasn't worried. Bubbie let me
have Cocoa Puffs for dinner. Yeah?

I want Cocoa Puffs
for dinner. Mmm.

How come no one's
yelled at me yet?

Because I didn't tell
anybody that you went.

That's for you to do.

Katzileh, do me a favor.

Don't sneak out on your
Bubbie like that again.

I'm sorry.
Okay.

Marty, easy!

What is it, darling?
Sonny, what is it?

Marty!

What is it, love?

Marty, don't! Come on, Daniel.
Let's go. Wake up. Here we go, kiddo.

Come on. Let's go.
What are you doing?

Marty. Please, son! Marty.

Stop, Daddy!
Let go of him!

What are you doing?
It's okay.

Marty, let him go. Marty,
please, let him go. Don't do this.

Don't do it! Get in the car. Stop it!

You're coming too. No, no
- Let go of me!

- Wanna be free, Pearl?
- Let her go!

- Wanna be free? Okay. - No.
No. - Don't do this, Marty.

No kids, no husband, no family.
You're free. Go! Be free! Alison.

- Come back here!
- No!

Alison! Alison!

- Marty, stop it!
- Hold on to me. Hold on.

Okay. All right!

It's okay, Pearl. You stay
- You stay and be a whore.

I'll go. You're not going
anywhere. Give me those keys!

Give me those keys, sonny.
You're not going anywhere-

Mom, get off the car! Stay
out of it! It's too dangerous.

Goddamn it, son.
Goddamn it.

Ross? Ross.

I hate Daddy.
Shh, shh, shh.

He's just upset, honey.
He's mad at Mommy.

He wanted you with him
because he loves you so much.

Why is he mad at you? Oh-

Sometimes grown-ups have
fights just the way kids do.

And sometimes
they have to...

think things over
before they can make up.

Do you understand, huh?

Good.

What's a "whore"?

Everything is fucked up.

I hate it here.
I hate it.

I hate them so much.
It's okay.

I just want to be away
from them. It's okay.

Make them go away.

I want to do it. What?

Let's go all the way. Alison.

Don't you want to?
I don't know.

Y- You don't want me.
No- No, that's not it.

Alison, I mean
it would be great but-

Alison, please.
Please.

Forget it. Alison, I didn't say that.

Just
- Just forget the whole thing! Alison. Alison!

Fuck.

I'm sorry about
what happened with Daddy.

Forget it.

Where were you?

It's none
of your business.

- Alison.
- You don't always tell us where you are.

I'm a grown-up.

Are you?

What's that
supposed to mean?

I went all the way
with Ross.

You are to be in this
bungalow by 9:00 p. m.,

every night between
now and Labor Day.

- You hear me?
- Fuck you.

What?
Fuck you.

I never have to listen
to you ever again.

I saw you.

I was there. You should
have seen yourself!

You looked disgusting!

I'm the teenager, not you!
You had your chance.

- No. I didn't.
- Well, then why do the rest of us...

have to suffer just because
you fucked up your life?

I did not fuck up
my life, Alison!

Things happen. Things happen
that you don't plan for.

Do you know how old I was when
I got pregnant with you, huh?

I was 17, just three years older
than you are right now, honey.

Do you know how many boyfriends
I had before I met your father?

None.

Do you know how many times I slept with
your father before I got pregnant with you?

Once. That's
all it takes, Alison.

- I was an accident.
- Oh. Honey.

Don't think that.

Listen to me. That doesn't
mean we don't love you.

We love you so much. We loved
you from the moment we saw you.

Are you and Daddy
going to get a divorce?

I don't know.

You love the Blouse Man
more than all of us? No!

Sometimes
it's easier...

to be different
with a different person.

Can't you just try and be
different but still stay with us?

Oh, baby.

Daddy's just a big
square, you know that.

But, I mean, he's Daddy.
How could you leave him?

I thought you hated us.

I do. But that
doesn't mean anything.

Alison-

When you went
all the way with Ross,

did you use
any protection?

We didn't-

We didn't go
all the way.

We've only gone
to first base.

Ohh.

Save the home run for
somebody really special, okay?

What's going
to happen?

I don't know.
I don't know.

Hello.

Hi. Did you get home all right?

- Yeah.
- I was worried.

Marty?

We have to talk.

How am I supposed
to talk to you, Pearl?

I thought
you were my family.

I got to go to work.

I'm sorry.

A lot of maps.

Been to all
these places?

Not all of them.

Not yet.

You ever been
out West, Pearl?

No.

You want to go with me?

We don't have to wait. We- We-
We can just- pack up the bus.

Um, we'll just
- We'll just camp out all the way across the country,

and we'll sleep
under the stars every night.

Come on.

Take your kids?

What do you think?

Uhh-

I think-

I need you
to take me home.

Attention Pearl Kantrowitz.

Return to your
bungalow immediately.

Pearl Kantrowitz, please return
to your bungalow immediately!

Pearl, stop!
Stop the bus!

Hey! Hey!

Stop!

Pearl. Pearl, it's Daniel.
He's been stung by wasps.

What? What?
He's in the kitchen. Go!

What happened
to him?

No! These hurt!

Tateleh, Grandma has
to pull out the stings.

There's Mama.
There's your mama.

Mommy! Mommy's here, honey.
You're going to be all right.

Wait, ma'am, don't do that. You
don't want to break off the stingers.

I need some,
uh, kind of card.

You got some playing cards?
Get that and I need, uh, Yeah.

meat tenderizer. Well,
what is he, a pot roast?

You're going to be all right, honey. Alison
- Help him. Help him!

Take.

Give me some warm water. Put
it in a bowl. Mommy's here.

And mix that stuff in there.
Let's see. Got of lot of them.

Mommy, it hurts! I know.
You're going to be fine.

Here.
Thank you.

I hate wasps!
I know, honey.

Look how much
they like you, huh?

- They covered you with kisses.
- Take a deep breath.

Take a deep breath.
All right. Let it out.

He's doing okay.

Gave you so many kisses.
You're Daniel, right?

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Here, katzi.

Daddy!

Hey, cowboy!

How's my big boy, huh?
Got stung by wasps!

I know, your Bubbie called me.

She told me she
couldn't find your mommy.

Look, I brought
you calamine lotion.

The Blouse Man fixed
me up with Adolf's.

Adolf's, huh?

You put
meat tenderizer on him?

It's the
- There's a protein compound in it, uh...

neutralizes the venom.

- You tweeze out the stingers?
- The Blouse Man said that would make it worse.

He scraped the stingers out
with Bubbie's cards.

Oh, yeah?
Is that what he said?

Well, I guess that's
how it is then, huh?

How long did it
take you to get here?

You're not going
to believe this, Danny.

One hour
and 38 minutes.

Wow! That's
the fastest ever!

You know, my cowboy
was in trouble, so-

Thank you.

Are you still
mad at me, Daddy?

I'm not mad at you, Danny.
I could never be mad at you.

You know
that, right?

No, no, no, no!

No, what?
Could I do Chuck?

Sure!

He's asleep.

It wasn't you, Marty.

It was me.

There were things I
wanted to do with my life.

I don't even remember
what some of them were.

Somewhere
along the line,

I disappeared.

I stopped being the person
you fell in love with.

And I wanted-

I wanted to be that
way again with you.

But I couldn't.

I wanted things too, Pearl.

Think I like fixin' TVs?

Think I said, "Gee, that's what
I want to be when I grow up"?

I mean, who knows what I could've been
if I had a chance to go to college.

But I didn't.

And you know what?

I was okay.

Because I figured no matter
what I screwed up in my life,

no matted what
I felt gypped out of,

I had the most
important thing right.

I had you.

Now, I don't.

But I still have
one question, Pearl.

Who stopped you?

Who stopped you
from doing these things?

Did I stop you?
I mean, did-did-

Did you ever once come to me and say,
"Marty, I want to make a change in my life"?

And did I say,
"No, Pearl, you can't"?

Marty, it's
not that simple.

I tried. I couldn't always find
the right words, you know, but I-

Y- You-
You didn't hear me.

You make jokes.

It's true.
I'm a bad listener.

Not such
a good talker, either.

And I make jokes.

But who stopped
you, Pearl?

Hey.

Mommy told me
I was an accident.

She told you that?
She didn't mean to.

It just
kind of happened.

Huh.

Man. Well-

That's what I told your Bubbie
when your mommy got pregnant.

Alison.

When I met
your mother at the Kramer,

she was the most gorgeous
thing I'd ever seen.

I couldn't believe
she liked me.

She laughed at my jokes. She
laughed in the dining room...

at what a lousy waiter I was,
and I was a lousy waiter.

Anyway, we, uh-

We decided to take a drive.

It was a gorgeous,
clear August night.

Pearl wanted to go
see this meteor shower.

Alison, it was incredible.

It was like fireworks
but no noise.

That was
the night we made you.

Maybe it was an accident. I don't know.

But, to me,
it was and still is...

the most important
moment in my life.

Okay?

Okay?

How could you
just break up then?

If it was
so important to you,

doesn't that make you
want to stay with her?

Yeah.

You know what?
You know, sweetie?

Sometimes things
happen between people...

that make it impossible
for them to stay together.

I'm sorry, baby.
I'm so sorry about this.

Hi.

How's Daniel?

He's better. He's okay.

I can't go.

I saw.

You going to fix it or you're
going to kill it? What's that?

How the hell
should I know?

The pitch.
It'll be a base hit...

as it remains fair
down the third baseline.

Ryan holds up at first base.

We'll start the new inning at the
top of the Mets' batting order.

This capacity crowd at Shea
is starting to come to life.

Come on. Strike him out!

Haven't seen
him in years.

I can
jump higher.

Are you breaking up with me?

Were we going steady?

- Why are you mad at me?
- I just feel stupid.

The other night
and Woodstock.

I feel like you saw me
dancing without a shirt.

That wouldn't
be so bad, would it?

Look, I'm not going
to tell anyone anything.

I know you want me to be
a pacifist, but I told Fogler...

if he blabbed his big metal mouth
I'd beat the shit out of him.

Okay?

Yeah.

Attention. The knish man
is on the premises.

The knish man
is on the premises.

Sonny.

Marty.

So, Mr. Hershel comes
into the shop and he says,

"I only get good reception
if Mrs. Hershel stands...

diagonally in front
of the television set."

The only problem is...

Mrs. Hershel, she doesn't want to stand
diagonally in front of the television set.

She's- She's got better
things to do with her life.

"Mr. Hershel," I say,

"you need an antenna
or a marriage counselor?"

Thank you.

You wanted me to tell you
what was new at the shop, so-

Thank you.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

You didn't deserve
to get hurt.

Can I ask
you one question?

Did I want a microscope?

Once.

Dance with me.

I'm not
very good at this.

Me neither.