A Rather English Marriage (1998) - full transcript
A squadron leader and a retired milkman decide to bury their differences and move in together after they are both widowed on the very same night. They become a companionable if odd couple, until their unlikely friendship is threatened by the arrival of an alluring woman with a hidden agenda.
(Aeroplane overhead)
(Birdsong)
5:47 pip-emma. Time to report.
♪ Da—da, da—da—da—dah
J“ La-Ia Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia
(Frantic hooting)
(Tyres squeal)
(Machine-gun fire)
Erm...Mr Conyngham-Jervis?
Squadron Leader Conyngham-Jervis
at your service.
Dr Swann would like a word with you
about your wife.
If you would step into
the waiting room with Mr Southgate.
- Mrs Southgate's in Carbury too.
- Fair enough. Right you are.
- Evening.
- Evening.
We've done all we can.
I think you should prepare yourself.
Oh.
- Right.
- I'm very sorry.
Fine.
- She's not in any pain?
- Not any more.
I'll sit with her. She knows I'm there.
She knows it's me.
(Doctor) I'm sure she does.
Shirts. Have you
plenty of clean shirts, dear?
(Conyngham-Jervis) Fine, fine.
Getting a bit low on fags. Hmph!
(Weakly) There'll be some at the pub.
What did you say? I can't hear.
I said there'll be some at the pub.
You... You go on, Reggie.
(Reggie) You sure?
Can't stand hospitals. Never could.
We met...
What?
In...h-hospita|.
Oh, yes. So we did.
(Man) Nurse!
Nurse Bagnall.
Nurse Bagnall.
- Draw the curtain round.
- Shall I get Sister?
No, no. Just draw the curtain.
- What is it?
- They're letting me out tomorrow.
Will you meet me?
White Hart, eight o'clock?
- No, I couldn't possibly.
- Why not?
- Another lucky beggar got there first?
- No.
All right, I'll be waiting.
I shan't leave till you come.
Well, er...
See you tomorrow, old girl.
Little Ashley next door,
he was showing me his new bike today.
Got me thinking
of that first holiday we had.
On the bikes. Before I got posted.
(Thunder rumbles and rain patters)
(Croaks and gasps)
(Low beep)
(Cries of distress)
(Frantic gasping and choking)
All right, Grace, love.
Hold on, I'll get the doctor.
Give her another five milligrams
of diamorphine.
(Winces softly)
(Frantic footsteps)
(Groans, stops breathing)
I'm ever so sorry.
- Pardon?
- About your wife.
Oh, right. Ah, yes.
My wife passed away as well. Within
a few minutes of yours, Sister said.
Sol know how you must be feeling.
Absolutely.
Yes.
Still, look on the bright side, what?
J“ Fight the good fight with all thy might
J“ Christ is thy strength
and Christ thy right
J“ Lay hold on life and it shall be
J“ Thy joy and crown eternally
J“ Cast care aside, lean on thy guide
J“ His boundless mercy will provide
J“ Trust and thy trusting soul shall prove
J“ Christ is its life and Christ its love
♪ Faint not not fear, his arms are near
♪ He changeth not and thou art dear
J“ Only believe and thou shalt see
J“ That Christ is all in all to thee J“
- A very moving service, Vicar.
- Thank you.
We were all so fond of Mary,
the girls especially.
Will you excuse me?
Vivian, go and ask your Uncle Reggie
what he's got laid on next, would you?
All right. Flick. Come and help me out.
OK.
Thank you for making such an effort.
Appreciate it very much.
Uncle Reg. Our deepest sympathy.
Went off splendidly, I thought.
Lovely church.
We're all so sorry.
We'll miss her so much.
Really?
So, er...what have you got in mind now?
- What do you mean?
- Well, drinks and so on.
- Anything planned?
- Good God, never thought about it.
That was all Mary's department,
that sort of thing.
No, nothing arranged. Sorry.
Ah. Well, erm...
Why don't you come up to London?
Join us for dinner, stay the night.
- We'd really like it if you felt you could.
- Please, Uncle Reggie.
Er, no. Thank you very much.
Better on my own.
Fine. If that's how you feel.
Reggie.
Erm...beautifu| service.
Thank you very much.
Look at that.
Lord myth-Gown}, that is.
Chairman of the family firm
and an arsehole of the first order.
Where have I seen you before?
- At the hospital. My wife...
- Oh, got it!
Never forget a face. What do you say?
- Fancy a sharpener?
- All right, yes.
Poor old thing.
It does seem a bit awful, leaving him.
He couldn't wait
to see the back of us.
I find the air of resentment hard to take.
As if he's been done down.
When in fact he's drawn 20,000 a year
from the firm doing damn all for 40 years.
How will he get on without Aunt Mary?
He took her completely for granted
when she was there,
so whether he'll miss her or not
is a moot point.
At least he stayed with her.
Best wife a chap ever had.
You know, we never had a cross word.
The things she turned a blind eye to.
Not even a black look. Not a dickie bird.
One in a million.
Fancy another?
Oh, no, thanks. I'm not
much of a drinking man. Not really.
- I'd better be off.
- Fair enough, fair enough.
A large one in there, my dear.
Oh. So you're off, then, are you?
It's my wife's funeral Thursday.
11 o'clock, St Thomas's, Priory Road,
if you'd care to come.
I don't quite see the point of that.
Oh, right. A quid pro quo.
Oh, fair enough, I suppose.
I'll be off, then.
- One day at a time, eh?
- Anything you say, old chap.
Ah, that's more like it.
What about you, my dear? Could
you handle a large one? (Chuckles)
(Humming drunkenly)
(Singing)
J“ Like lightning and thunder
♪ Da—da—da—dah...
♪ Lightning and thunder... :
Black as the Aga Khan's back passage.
(Hums)
Mary!
(Clock ticking)
(Revelry and singing)
♪ Bring back, bring back
♪ Bring back my bonnie to me...
Reggie! Reggie! Reggie, over here!
Another pint of tiger piss, Holmes.
- What kept you, Reggie?
- A bit of special ops.
- Enough said.
- Are we talking Jerry or Popsy?
- That little nurse, am I right?
- Possibly.
Here's to yours, Reggie.
- Never grow shorter.
- Hear, hear.
(Men in background)
Bring back, bring back
J“ Oh, bring back my bonnie to me
(Woman) Oh, bring back
my bonnie to me
♪ Bring back, bring back
J“ Oh, bring back my bonnie to me, to me
♪ Bring back, bring back
Oh, bring back my bonnie to me
You wouldn't have liked him.
All mouth and trousers.
I could tell how he was feeling, though.
Same as me.
I'll be all right, just you watch.
You'll be proud of me.
For as much as it hath pleased
Almighty God of His great mercy
to take unto Himself
the soul of our sister Grace Southgate,
we therefore commit her body
to the ground.
Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
In sure and certain hope
of the resurrection to eternal life
through our Lord Jesus Christ.
(Car door closes)
Hello. Mr Southgate?
I'm Mandy Hulme from Social Services.
- Did you get my letter?
- You said ten o'clock.
Yes, I'm sorry, I'm a bit early.
- Shall I come back later?
- No, it's all right.
- Since you're here.
- OK. Thank you.
Just doing a spot of housework.
So I see.
Oh, Mr Southgate.
That's beautiful.
Oh, yes. That big one was taken
on VE Day.
She paid a street photographer
half a crown
to get that picture taken for me.
- She looks very happy.
- She was.
- Cup of tea?
- Yes, please. If it's no trouble.
I've no need to ask if you're coping.
Some of my clients find it very hard.
You'd think they'd never set foot
in the kitchen.
We always shared, and the last few
months I was doing about everything.
So you can cross me off your list.
Were any of your family
able to attend the funeral?
No. Our daughter Vera's in Australia.
She would have come, but I told her
she needn't, so she didn't.
And your son?
No.
There was a lot of people there,
what with me being on the milk
and Grace doing school dinners.
But er...| wouldn't say we had
many friends. Not close friends.
(Grace) 'Roy.'
(Grace) “Roy.“
(Roy) “What?“
How many times do you think
we've done it now?
You tell me.
417.
Smashed the three-legged race record!
Roy! (Gasps)
Can you feel it?
Yeah.
It's little Alan.
Or Vera.
Did you know you can get lunch
at the community centre?
It's only 75 pence, and it's quite good.
Did you know that at The Feathers,
you can get a damn good lunch for £7.50
with wine thrown in?
I'll treat you if you like.
So you're saying
I don't need to worry about you?
Exactly.
- Well, I would still like to see you again.
- Delighted to hear it.
So, say...erm, two weeks from today
at about the same time?
Mmm... I've got a better idea.
What say I er...take you
to dinner tonight?
That's against regulations, I'm afraid,
but thank you for asking.
It's very kind of you.
So...two weeks from today.
Right, fair enough.
(Chatter)
So, how was it, then?
- The funeral.
- Much you care.
You'd have come
if you'd had any consideration.
Don't tell me you couldn't have got
a pass. I know you could have.
It's not as simple as that, Dad.
And well you know it.
- She would've wanted you there.
- She wouldn't.
She was ashamed of me.
Same as you are.
Your mother loved you, Alan.
Nothing changed that.
You were her son, and she loved you
till the day she died.
Yeah. You think that
if it makes you happy.
I can't taste these.
You always get it wrong, don't you?
- I don't know why you bother coming.
- Nor do I.
No...
I'm sorry, Son, I didn't mean that.
You know I'll always be here for you.
(Tyres squeal)
(Cabbie shouting)
May your balls wither
and drop like rotten figs, my friend.
Morning.
Beneficiaries aren't normally together
for the reading of the will,
but Mrs Conyngham-Jervis agreed
with me that it might be the best course.
The value of the stocks and shares
on the 2nd of June
amounted to...some £721,043.
Good God.
In addition, some unit trust funds
amounted to £141 ,000-odd.
And Mrs Conyngham-Jervis owned
the house, currently valued at £700,000.
That's a million and a half. You sure?
Quite sure, Squadron Leader.
Now, if you would allow me?
Oh, absolutely. Fire away!
"I desire that my husband,
if I should pre-decease him,
"be permitted to live in our home,
The Cedars, Neville Park,
"but that after his death, it be sold,
"the proceeds going to the British
Association for Adoption and Fostering,
"to aid those who are childless.
"I bequeath to my husband,
Reginald Vivian Conyngham-Jervis,
"£10,000 a year.
"The remainder of my property
I leave to my nieces, Celia and Felicity,
"to be divided between them in equal
shares and held in trust until they marry
"or they have attained the age of 30,
whichever is the sooner."
Roughly speaking, that means
400,000 for each of you,
after payment of estate duty.
Your wife asked me to hand you
this letter if she died before you.
Thank you.
Fine.
(Mary) 'Darling Reggie.
'I hope all this didn't come
as too much of a shock.
'I hope you won't miss
'what you never knew you might get,
if you see what I mean.
'As for Felicity and Celia,
they're dear girls
'and they had a rough time
when their father remarried.
'I don't think Susan
really cares for them much.
'I wanted them to have independence.
So don't be too cross, Reggie.
'I think I've left enough for you not to
have to pull your horns in too much.
'But after what happened...'
(Man shouts) No!
'I know I haven't been
a very exciting wife.
'But I have loved you.
'I wish I'd been able to say it more often.
Marriage is a funny thing, isn't it?
It isn't easy.
'It's not what you expect it's going to be.
'We've had a rather English marriage,
I think.'
Mr Southgate and
Squadron Leader Conyngham-Jervis.
Now, I've had a rather wild idea.
(Jervis) I'll show you what will be
your quarters.
Here we are.
This will be yours.
Very nice.
Big room, just for one.
Is it? Oh, I suppose
some people might think so.
Er, wardrobe, chest, usual gubbins,
your own bathroom next door.
When you think of the places
we slept in during the war.
Absolutely.
- Who were you with?
- Pioneer Corps.
Went over on D-Day,
right through to the end.
Jolly useful job you chaps did too.
Great days.
Best years of your life bar none.
Always wondered who they were, these
blokes who really enjoyed their war.
Oh, well, now you've met one.
Yeah.
(Chuckles)
Jolly good. Right, er...
shall we go downstairs
and have a bit of a confab?
Sure you won't?
Bit early for me, thanks.
Very wise, I'm sure.
Now, er, look here, Southgate,
this notion the little popsy
from the social services dreamt up
looked a bit strange at first blush,
but there might be something in it, eh?
The way she put it to me was that you
could do with help on the domestic side,
cooking and that, and we could both
do with a bit of company.
What I was thinking of
was more the practical arrangements.
I've been eating at the local, mostly,
Feathers. Getting a bit sick of it.
I'm not much of a cook.
I left all that to Mary.
I gather from that popsy
you're rather a whizz in that department.
There's not much I can't do.
I'm more inclined to traditional stuff,
roasts and three veg,
steak and kidney pie, steamed puds.
And I suppose, on your side,
what you get is the free accommodation.
- I've got a house of me own.
- Yes, yes.
But er...heating, etcetera, your
own rooms, run of the house, garden.
Er, you drive?
- Anything and everything.
- Including milk floats, I gather.
Well, you could use the old motor
for the supermarket run.
Yes, why not? Have the use of the car
yourself when I don't need it.
Really? Thanks. Very kind of you.
What do you say?
Give it a whirl, shall we?
All right. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, there is one thing.
What do we call each other?
Good point.
I suppose I call you Southgate, you call
me Squadron Leader. How'd that be?
Are you sure you wouldn't prefer sir?
Well...it's a bit formal, don't you think?
Move your stuff round
at the weekend
and I'll run you round in the Elvis.
Can't say fairer than that, what?
OK. You're on.
Jolly good.
He's a weird old stick.
If you don't like it, we don't have to stay.
We'll be popping back weekends,
make sure everything's all right at home.
(J' Glenn Miller band,
Reggie humming along)
J“ Pennsylvania six-five-thousand!
(Water running)
(Swing music continues)
(Hums along)
- Need any help?
- Er, if you could lay the table.
Right, roger, wilco.
J“ Pennsylvania six-five-oh-oh-oh!
(Chuckles)
Excellent, Southgate. Mmm.
- Well done.
- Not bad, was it?
Not bad at all.
Now, er, look here.
Er, I thought I might go down to the pub
for a couple or three.
I don't suppose you'd care to er...
No, you're not much of a drinking man.
Oh, well. Jolly good. Jolly good start.
I might be rather late back,
so you go up when you're ready.
Don't wait up.
Got me key, right?
Er, and I'm to clear the supper things
and wash up, am I?
Well, all in your own good time.
No urgency.
Er...damn fine dinner that, Southgate.
Appreciate it very much.
Cheerio!
Let's face it, in a dogfight, the tighter
you turn, the more chance you've got.
My God, the Spitfire
had one hell of a tight turn.
Just flipped over like that.
Jerry never knew what hit him.
Well, that's it, isn't it?
- What?
- Know-how.
Yes, damn right. Another one in there.
You see, the way I see it,
Squadron Leader,
you take your life in your hands
every time you step on a plane.
That's not so, Jimbo,
not if you know what you're doing.
Take the Messerschmitt, for instance.
- Fine aircraft...
- What a day!
Stocktaking, what a nightmare.
Scotch and sympathy required.
Allow me.
A Glenmorangie for the lady.
Make it a large one.
Well, I don't know you, but the way I feel,
that'd be a lifesaver.
That'd be lovely, thanks.
- Smoke?
- Oh, dear, I don't know.
Well, yeah, go on. Lead me astray.
Oh, I'm Elizabeth Franks, by the way.
Everyone calls me Liz.
I'm er...Reginald Conyngham-Jervis.
Everyone calls me Reggie.
Cheers, Reggie.
(Clock chiming)
(Mimics aeroplane droning
and machine-gun fire)
- Have you any children, Reggie?
- No. No.
Lucky man. I shouldn't say that -
mine are darlings.
- But one never stops worrying.
- Prep school, are they?
That's very gallant of you, Reggie.
They're a bit older.
Hugo's doing that round-the-world thing.
- And Alicia did a bit of modelling.
- Takes after her mother, then.
Thank you, kind sir.
And now she's trying out catering.
One just wishes they'd settle down
and get on with their lives.
Absolutely.
For me, it was straight out of the RAF
into the family firm. Still active there.
The chairman's my nephew,
Lord Blyth-Gowry.
I still think of him as young Vivian.
Could still do with a steadying hand.
- Yes, and I bet you're just the man.
- (Chuckles)
Might I ask what the family firm is?
Conyngham-Jervis, London,
Hong Kong, big trading company.
- I believe we started in opium.
- Ooh!
Well, that was well before my time.
All above board now.
And you?
Oh, very small beer compared to that.
I've a boutique in the Pantiles. Designer
labels for the discerning woman.
And though I say it as shouldn't,
I do think I'm a bit special.
I'll drink to that.
You're so sweet.
I don't believe you're real.
I'm real enough.
Large as life, twice as ugly.
- I wouldn't say that either.
- (Chuckles)
Tell me, Southgate.
What do you do for women?
Nothing now.
Hell of a problem, right?
Not for me. I never really wanted
anyone but Grace.
That so?
Right from the off.
We was both a bit shy to begin with.
Took us a while to get the hang of it.
- After that...
- I know what you mean.
Nothing to beat it, eh?
Every night of our married life.
- Really?
- More than that when we was younger.
You're right, I do miss it,
but...it's much more her I miss.
I can't imagine doing it with anyone else.
I expect you feel the same.
Not really, no.
Oh, there's more in you than
meets the eye, Sonny Jim! (Guffaws)
By the way, don't forget,
I've got the car tomorrow.
- I'm gonna see me son.
- Yep, fine.
- Are you sure?
- I said so, didn't I?
So, am, you're a beggar
and no mistake.
I'd heard of chaps who stuck to one
woman all their lives but never met one.
Strange world. I mean, I've had
more women than I can remember,
you've had just the one.
But if what you say is true,
then you must have had
a heck of a lot more jumps than I have.
- So who's the winner, eh?
- Didn't think it was a competition.
You are a prissy little tight-arsed bastard,
aren't you, Southgate?
If you say so, sir.
(Phone)
- Hello?
- Is that still the number for Sabrina?
'I'll just see if she's free, sir.
- 'Who should I say it is?'
- Er...
Tell her it's the Squadron Leader. Reggie.
It's been a while, but she'll remember.
I'm sure she will, sir.
- I remember you very well.
- Ah.
Lovely to hear from you again.
Just hold on a second, Squadron Leader.
(Receptionist) Squadron Leader Reggie.
Oh, yes. Hang on.
- Just hold on, sir. Thank you.
- Mm, mm. (Chuckles)
Yes. Here he is. Posh old geezer.
Straight sex.
Got it up last time
and he calls it the Big Bad Boy.
Sweeeeet.
Here she is, sir.
Reggie, darling! I thought
you'd forgotten all about me.
So how's that Big Bad Boy of yours?
A bit out of practice,
since you mention it.
Oh, I'm sure he'll be raring to go!
- So...when can you come?
- Wednesday. Day after tomorrow?
- Wednesday?
- Mm-mm.
Er...|'ve got a cancellation tomorrow,
at three.
Er, right. I'll see you then.
Ah, Southgate.
Look here, about tomorrow.
- Yeah. I've got to leave early.
- Well, that's just it.
All off. Operation scrubbed.
Need the car meself. Going to London.
You can't do that, Squadron Leader. You
promised. I've made the arrangements.
You'll just have to unmake them.
I need the car, you see.
- Tell him you'll make it the week after.
- No, that's no good.
Alan's expecting me.
I can't let him down.
- I've got to have that car.
- There's no "got to" about it.
It's my car. I said you could have it
when I didn't need it, and I do need it.
End of story. Any biscuits?
You promised me,
I asked you if it was definite
and you said yeah.
Now you're trying to go back on it.
Where I come from, a gentleman
is somebody who keeps his word.
You think I'm just an unpaid servant.
You think you can treat me
any way you like.
Either I have that car tomorrow
or that's it, I'm packing me bags.
Make your mind up.
Oomph. God, man, keep your hair on.
You can have the ruddy car
if it means so much to you.
I'll go up by train.
Suit me better, as a matter of fact.
London's a bit of a nightmare
these days.
Good.
Well, that's settled, then.
(Woman) Who's won the pools, then?
So you get to drive his Elvis,
and what does he get?
Well, he's like
a lot of these Neville Park types.
He's got no idea
how to look after himself.
I do the cooking,
things round the house. It works out.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. What's wrong with that?
And he gives the orders
and you take 'em?
Mum's dead and you don't feel right
unless someone's bossing you about.
It isn't like that at all, Alan.
So what's he like in bed, then?
- (Woman) 'Yes?'
- Squadron Leader.
'Up you come.'
(Rhythmic moaning and panting)
(Reggie's groaning
gets louder and faster)
(Reggie emits low guttural groan)
(Sabrina sighs)
(Sabrina) Oh, Reggie, darling!
- What a man!
- (Reggie groans)
- There you are, sir.
- Thank you.
Here you are. That's all right. Thank you.
Southgate! Southgate, are you home?
All present and correct.
Supper's sausages and mash.
Cup of tea?
Bugger tea. Let's have a pink gin.
Get that apron off.
Jolly good, jolly good. Good day out?
Not bad. Car went like a bird.
Thanks for letting me have it.
Any time, old chap, any time.
Just say the word.
You know what they say, Southgate,
about a man being as old as he feels?
Yeah?
Well, I'm here to tell you
- they are bloody well right! Here.
- Glad to hear it.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
(Reggie chuckles)
I've had such a lovely time, Reggie.
How about a nightcap,
back at my place?
You haven't seen it.
It's just round the corner.
That's sweet of you,
but I've got my car here.
- You're very sweet too, Liz.
- Bless you.
- You know I'd love to...
- It means a lot to me.
Meeting you has been the best thing
to happen to me since God knows when.
Say yes. Say you'll say yes.
All right. But only on condition
that we go there in my car.
Absolutely. Jolly good idea.
Chocks away!
Chocks away, Squadron Leader!
Lovely house.
Yes. Over the porch it says 1899.
So what do you say?
One more just for badness?
No, I mustn't.
I really should be going.
It's long past midnight.
You're a lovely girl.
- Oh, Reggie.
- Liz.
You're so exciting.
Oh...
Reggie...
Don't, I... I never meant...
I want to make love to you
more than anything in the world.
Oh, Reggie, I don't know.
It's much too soon.
We hardly know each other.
I think we do, you know.
Oh, dear.
Kiss me again.
(Toilet flushes)
- What was that?
- Oh, no one.
What do you mean?
It can't be no one.
- You told me you lived alone.
- I do. It's Southgate.
- Who's Southgate?
- Just a man.
Just a servant. My m-manservant.
Manservant?
Don't worry.
Come on, darling. Let's go upstairs.
No, it doesn't feel right,
not with someone else here.
- Come on!
- No.
I'm sorry, Reggie,
I should never have come.
- You can't leave me like this.
- No, let me go!
It is late and I've got
an early start tomorrow.
It's been a lovely evening, Reggie.
Thank you.
You'll phone me soon, won't you?
Promise.
Southgate! I suppose you realise
you've ruined my whole fucking evening.
Home and dry, and you've got to
cock it up with your weak bladder!
You're about as much bloody use
as a fart in a bottle!
- Good night!
- (Door slams)
No, I realise it wasn't your fault.
Bloody woman just panicked.
Strange creatures, women.
Like bloody antelopes.
One wrong sound and they panic.
- Want another?
- I don't mind if I do.
You're getting the hang
of whisky drinking.
It's your birthday.
I never thought I'd be spending it
like this. Still.
Good dinner, good whisky...
Who needs women?
Ever been to Scotland, Southgate?
Matter of fact, we were stationed
in Kinloss for a bit.
When I was a boy, we'd spend
a month up there every year.
- Just like royalty.
- Just like royalty.
They go to Balmoral,
we went to Roxburghshire.
- Blairgowrie Castle.
- You had a castle?
Course we had a castle.
Not any more.
Bloody Vivian, Lord BIyth-Gowry,
"can't justify the expense".
Bloody toerag.
(Scoffs) Ahh...
We had the best of times, Southgate.
Just once a year,
we had this bloody great party.
Everyone was equal, all pissed as rats,
all the family, guests, keepers,
kitchen maids - and there were
one or two of them, I tell you!
Mmm. And now I've got to
make do with you.
And vice versa.
Mm. So...we keep our peckers up.
We're not dismayed.
I know what we need.
A bit of music. Let's see what we've got
over here, shall we?
Heh! (Clears throat)
Aha! (Chuckles)
I remember this.
I remember this one. Mmm.
I think you'll remember this one,
Southgate.
(I Slow Boat To China)
J“ I'd love to get you
J“ On a slow boat to China
J“ All to myself
♪ Alone...
Ah!
Excellent. Southgate, on your feet.
What for?
Don't argue the toss with me.
Come on, get up.
Come on, turn round, now.
Put your arms there.
No, no. There.
J“ Leave all your lovers
J“ Weepin' on a faraway shore
♪ Out on the brim
♪ With the moon big and shiny
♪ mating your heart of stone
J“ I'd love to get you
J“ On a slow boat to China
J“ All to myself, alone J“
Thank you, Southgate.
God bless you, sir.
Happy birthday.
Italy? Why didn't you say before?
- Who are you going with?
- Just friends, Reggie.
I'm not giving you the run-around.
It's partly a buying trip for the shop.
I'll give you a ring
the moment I get back, promise.
(Mutters) I'll see you
when I see you, then.
- What is it?
- Just checking it's OK to have the car.
- I said so, didn't I?
- Well, have you got the keys?
Oh. Oh. Erm...
- Take it. There you are.
- Thank you.
No!
(Slams drawer shut)
Got a letter from June
to say she's found another bloke.
And, "I hope one day I'll be able
to forgive you for what you did to me."
Silly cow. It was nothing to do
with her, nothing.
And she never really cared.
It was never a proper marriage,
just going through the motions.
Soto speak.
She was terribly upset, Alan.
We all were.
She thought I had a girl on the side.
Got the shock of her life
when she found out.
Well, you could say we all did.
- Broke your mother's heart.
- Bollocks.
It was just another example
of me letting her down.
Nothing was good enough for her.
Vera went to Australia to escape.
I'm not listening.
You never did listen.
Always took her side.
You don't get it. You made me like this.
You wanna know why?
Because you and her
made me feel like nothing.
You disgust me.
I know.
I always did.
(Roy) Squadron Leader, I'm home!
On the terrace.
Hot enough for you?
Time flies, eh?
Sorry I'm a bit late. I'll get the supper on.
Oh, bugger that. I don't want
your long-suffering act. Come on, man.
Sit down, have a drink, enjoy life.
Dinner can wait a bit.
All right, I'll have a small one.
Oh, he'll have a small one. Splendid.
We'd drop dead of astonishment
if you asked for a large one.
Cheers.
What sort of day did you have?
I wouldn't say pleasant.
He's in jug, your son, isn't he?
- What makes you say that?
- Just guessed.
- Come on, am I right?
- Yeah, you're right.
It's all right, man. Not your fault.
Can't be responsible for him
all of your life.
What did he do?
No need to say if you don't want to.
- I'd rather not, if you don't mind.
- Fair enough.
These things happen
in the best of families, you know.
Nothing to be done about it.
Just get on with it.
That's it. I can't see
where we went wrong with him.
All we wanted was for him to be happy.
Of course you did.
It's just one of those things.
It's a damn shame.
But you're not to blame.
Bad show, end of story.
It isn't as if we didn't set him
a good example, his mum and me.
We was always happily married.
We had a wonderful marriage.
Darby and Joan, people called us.
So you say.
Hmph. I don't think anybody
ever said that about me and Mary.
I don't think I'd have liked it if they had.
We rubbed along all right.
I had a few flings.
Nothing serious.
She always forgave me.
If she found out, that is.
Never talked much.
Didn't see the need for it.
- Miss her, though.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
But, you know, it does get a bit easier,
as time passes.
Never thought it would, but it does.
She was very fond of dogs.
We used to have two of them. Labs.
They were called Huntley and Palmer.
Dead now, of course. Years ago.
Hmph!
She loved those dogs.
Hm.
Brrr!
Getting a bit chilly.
- Bit of supper?
- Oh... Dinner, Southgate, dinner.
Absolutely useless.
Talk to your bloody self. Come on!
(Ringing tone)
Chic To Chic. Buongiorno.
Could I speak to Mrs Franks,
if she's there?
Reggie, darling!
- Why didn't you tell me you were back?
- I was just about to when you phoned.
- I had a million things to do.
- More important than me?
Oh, darling, please don't be like that.
Who was that chap?
In your shop. Er...| happened
to be passing. Tuesday.
He was kissing you.
Oh!
(Laughs)
Darling, that was Colin.
He's got the art gallery across the way.
He's a mate.
And he's gay.
- He's a poofter?
- Yes.
Oh.
Then there isn't anyone else?
No, there isn't anybody else.
If there were someone else,
if you were giving me the run-around,
I don't think I could bear that.
Yes, I know. It's all right, Reggie,
but you have to understand
that I am a woman.
I had grasped that.
And I need to be quite sure
of my feelings.
- Please don't rush me, Reggie.
- Good Lord, no.
Not for the world.
This chap's looking a bit peaky.
Waiter!
What you said, I quite understand.
Absolutely. But er...on the other hand,
I'm a man. Can't hold out for ever.
(Phone)
Yes!
- 'Can I speak to Mr S...'
- What?
- 'Mr Southgate.'
- Southgate?
What the hell are you bothering me for?
Oh, all right, don't tell me.
Hold the line.
Southgate!
Phone!
(Groans)
Hold the line.
Southgate! Phone for you.
Take it downstairs and tell them
not to phone you here again.
Speaking.
Yeah.
Er...
Er... Yeah, yeah, I-I-I'll do that.
Yeah, right away.
Yeah. Er...thanks for letting me know.
Who the hell was that?
Bloody outrageous.
Er, it was the prison. My son's dead.
Is it all right if I take the car?
Good God.
What bloody rotten luck.
(Reggie) Er, yes, yes, of course
you can take the car, old chap.
A bloody awful thing.
I'll just er... I'll just get out of your way.
We are extremely sorry about this,
Mr Southgate.
It wasn't simply a cry for help.
He clearly wanted to end his own life.
There's always the possibility in these
circumstances as the release date looms.
But your son had no anxiety
that we could detect
about going back into society.
And he had people who cared about him.
Not many fathers would have stood by
their sons as you have, Mr Southgate.
- I want him to have a proper funeral.
- Of course.
And could I just say again
how sorry we are, Mr Southgate?
Yeah, I know. It wasn't your fault.
He's at peace now, Grace.
That's the way we've got to look at it.
We did our best for him.
32 separate offences.
And all with the same lad.
He said he was in love with him.
14-year-old boy.
He'd never admit
there was anything wrong in it.
Of course, they put
a restraining order on him.
He said, "If I can't see Gerry again,
"I don't want to live."
What makes somebody go wrong
like that? Was it my fault?
I was always hard on him, you know.
Strict. Maybe we both expected
too much of him.
Absolute bloody rubbish.
People make their own bloody messes.
It's not as if you beat him black and blue.
All you can do is tell them what's right
as you see it. The rest is up to them.
You loved that boy of yours.
Any fool can see that.
Not your fault.
Nothing to reproach yourself with.
Nothing at all.
No!
Are you suggesting I should sell up
to become a shop assistant?
Wouldn't be that different
from what you're doing now.
And you'll be taking home regular money
every week.
No worries. No sleepless nights.
We all have to swallow our pride
sometimes.
- How old are you, Mr Whittington?
- 32.
I can't help it. I have to work
to strict guidelines.
The bank will extend your business loan
for another 30 days.
After that, either we see reducing
payments, or we'll call in the loan.
I'll confirm this in writing.
(Phone)
Yes, what?
Reggie, darling, it's Liz.
Liz! How are you? Long time no see.
Whose fault was that?
I've been waiting by the phone.
Well, I thought I'd give you a bit of space.
Isn't that what they say nowadays?
- Anyway, what are you doing Friday?
- Nothing.
Or if I was, I've just cancelled it.
How about dinner here? Nothing
elaborate - my man can look after us.
There's nothing I'd like better.
Very good. Er...about eight?
- How's it going?
- Everything's under control.
- Strawbs.
- No. Go and sit on the terrace.
I'll bring you a drink.
Oh, jolly good. What's that - Pimm's?
Excellent. Pour away.
Have one yourself, take the weight off.
Calm before the storm, eh?
No, no, not in that glass.
Put yours in there, huh?
Mmm.
Jolly good Pimm's, that. Cheers.
Cheers.
Er...| wanted to say,
I know we've had our ups and downs,
but I-I'm glad I come here,
to help you out.
So am I, Southgate.
Never regretted it for a moment.
Will you be popping the question
tonight?
None of your damn business.
Well, er...| rather thought I would,
as a matter of fact.
How did you know?
Instinct. Got a nose for these things.
Now, don't take this wrong,
but if it was to go well for you tonight,
and Mrs Franks moves in,
what with Alan having passed away
and that,
I should want to move out.
Really?
Oh, I never thought of that.
I thought you'd remain here.
I've got used to you now.
You're part of the furniture.
- Part of the woodwork.
- I know.
I'm not saying it wouldn't be a wrench,
but it wouldn't work. She'd understand.
Damn silly. I need you here.
I won't leave you stranded.
I'll call in, do a spot of cleaning,
till you've found someone else.
It's not just a matter of going round
with a Hoover.
I know that. It's not easy for me either.
I've been happy here, looking back on it.
You took me out of myself
and I needed that.
You've looked after me
and I've looked after you.
We've been almost like a couple,
in a way.
What?
Well, like a kind of a marriage
sort of a thing.
Have you gone off your rocker,
Southgate?
I'll erm... I'll just go and check on things
in the kitchen.
(Car approaching)
That could be her car. Best of luck.
- You look lovely, Liz.
- Sweet man.
This is Southgate.
Southgate, this is Mrs Franks.
- Good evening, madam.
- Good evening.
I'll serve drinks on the terrace,
as it's warm, or would you prefer inside?
Will you be chilly in that dress?
Oh, I think the terrace sounds
wonderful. What a lovely idea.
Thank you, Southgate.
Oh, but your garden's glorious!
Should have seen it a few weeks ago.
Well...
I think you've got yourself
a little paradise here.
It can get a bit lonely.
Can it?
Care for a Pimm's?
Pimm's? Oh, Reggie, you are clever.
That's absolutely perfect.
(Indistinct)
Squadron Leader? Madam?
Dinner is served, whenever you're ready.
Well, quiet as a mouse, really.
She'd been playing
the stock market for 30 years
without saying a word to anybody.
Except her stockbroker. Extraordinary.
- Successfully, I hope.
- Mmm. Ran it up to nearly a million.
Never knew she had it in her.
She sounds the exact opposite
of my ex-husband.
He was much better at spending it.
I was left with two small children
and a pile of debts.
- What a bounder.
- That's what he was.
But still, here I am.
Yes, here you are, I'm very glad to say.
- Squadron Leader?
- Oh, yes. All done.
- Excuse me, madam.
- Thanks. That was delicious.
Thank you, madam.
The desserts and cheese
are on the sideboard.
Would you like me to serve or...
No, we'll be fine. You can
take yourself off for the night.
Thank you very much, Squadron Leader.
I'll call in in the morning.
Good night, madam.
Glad you enjoyed your dinner.
- Good night, Southgate.
- Good night, Squadron Leader.
Well done.
He goes off,
has another cup of tea,
some more sandwiches with the chaps
there, flies back to Biggin Hill.
Weren't you terrified on those missions?
You never had time.
You just got on with it.
You weren't alone.
Good chaps either side.
They look after you, you look after them.
And afterwards, when you landed,
Christ, you felt so alive.
Don't you wish you had children
to tell about it?
No, they wouldn't understand.
How could they?
"We made England safe for you."
"Oh, bugger off, you old fart!"
(Both laugh)
No!
We did have a child.
What?
We did have a child.
A little girl.
Lovely.
Lovely little thing.
Her name was Cecily.
We called her Tish or Tishy
for some reason.
Two years old.
Two and a half.
Good little walker.
Big for her age.
Always pulling on her reins.
I always remember that.
You don't see them now, do you?
Those er...little harness things
with long straps.
Yes, I remember them.
Anyway...
we were out, in the town.
Saturday shopping.
Just out.
Mary wanted to pop in somewhere,
haberdasher's, something.
Left me...
holding the reins.
'And I don't know,
something caught my attention.
- 'I looked back...'
- Tishy!
No!
(Thud)
'Died instantly.'
My fault, you see.
My darling, I'm so sorry.
I'm so dreadfully sorry.
Poor Reggie.
No, not poor Reggie.
It was my fault.
No good telling me any different.
But it was an accident.
How could you have known?
I should have looked after her,
and I didn't.
Cecily Mary.
Aged two and a half.
Beloved only child.
Killed by her father's carelessness.
I've never said that before.
Never admitted it.
Mary...never put it into words either.
It buggered our marriage, though.
She wouldn't let me in the bed for a year.
When she did, I couldn't.
Guilt, I suppose.
What do you think of me now, then?
Not er...
Not much of a man, eh?
Reggie, my poor darling,
you're quite enough of a man for me.
Come on, let's go upstairs.
You won't leave me?
I won't leave you, my darling.
And you'll marry me?
Will you marry me?
Of course I'll marry you.
Liz, I've...
I've been so awful.
But it...will be different with you.
Promise.
You're not awful at all.
You're a very dear old heffalump.
Come on.
Er...
I'm not sure the old hydraulics
will be in good working order tonight.
Don't worry.
I just want to be close to you.
Oh, good. I was hoping you'd say that.
I wouldn't er...rule it out altogether, mind.
J“ I wanna be loved by you
J“ Just you and nobody else but you J“
Undo me, please.
Mm.
Down in the forest, something stirred.
It's the Big Bad Boy.
Oh, Reggie, it's huge.
Be careful, darling.
(Winces)
(Sighs)
Oh, darling.
(Moans softly)
Mmm.
(Woman) J“ My bonnie lies over the ocean
♪ My bonnie “es over the sea
♪ My bonnie “es over the ocean
J“ Oh, bring back my bonnie to me
♪ Bring back, bring back
J“ Oh, bring back my bonnie to me, to me
♪ Bring back, bring back
Oh, bring back my bonnie to me...
(Engine juddering)
(Boom)
(Snores)
Darling?
I'm going to dash now.
I don't want the servants to find me.
Reggie?
I had a lovely time last night.
Give me a ring at the shop
when you're up and about.
Bye, darling.
Bye.
(Snores)
(Groaning)
Morning.
Brought you a cup of tea.
- Another lovely morning.
- (Wheezes)
Come on, then. Let's be having you.
(Groans)
What are you saying?
(Groans)
I can't... I can't make...
- Here, come on.
- (Groans and wheezes)
Bloody hell. I'll call an ambulance.
The social worker
come round yesterday.
We had a bit of a chat about what next.
Here he is, my pride and joy.
- (Groans)
- We're doing ever so well, eh, Reggie?
- We walked six steps yesterday.
- (Growls)
See you later.
I'll be off, then. Anything you want
bringing, next time I come?
(Aphasic speech)
Television?
(Struggling, aphasic speech)
Liz...Ann... Liz Franks?
Your lady friend.
Ain't she been to see you yet?
(Struggling) No...
- (Groans)
- Is that a fact?
I'll see what I can do.
He asks for you every time I go in,
Mrs Franks.
To be honest, I'm not awfully good
at hospitals.
Yes, tell him of course I'll go.
Thank you, Southgate.
(Slurred) Ah, Southgate, there you are.
This is my man, Southgate.
- My nephew, Lord Blyth-Gowry.
- Pleased to meet you, sir.
I gather you found him. Well done.
Pity you didn't get in touch sooner.
It's not as if he was in regular touch,
is it, sir?
I knew he had a nephew
called Lord something.
Glenmorangie, I thought,
but that's the Scotch, innit?
We are proud of the Squadron Leader.
He's making marvellous progress.
Can I have a cigarette, then, please?
I'm afraid not.
Fewer cigarettes in the first place
and you wouldn't be here.
(Groans)
Squadron Leader, I'll pop along
to the shop, get your Telegraph.
Good man!
Now, look here, I think it might be a
few weeks before I get down here again.
(Slurred) Good God!
Who erm... Who is that?
It's my fiancée.
Excuse me.
- Darling, how are you?
- Much better for seeing you.
You must be Lord Blyth-Gowry.
Liz Franks.
How do you do?
Delighted to meet you at last.
So sorry it's round his hospital bed.
Oh, poor Reggie. Such rotten luck.
Yes. Erm...am I to understand
that this is an official engagement?
It's very recent.
Though we have been together
for quite a while.
Yes!
Well, I'm sure you'd like
a little time to yourselves.
Southgate!
Could I have a word?
What do you know about Liz Franks?
She's a gold-digger.
Thinks she's onto a good thing.
- Hardly for me to say, sir.
- Sooner she knows she isn't, the better.
She sees a wealthy old man
liable to drop dead any moment.
She ought to know that as his widow,
she'd get nothing, not even the house.
If she sees herself as the merry widow,
and I've no doubt that she does,
she ought to be speedily enlightened.
Are you going to put her
in the picture or am I?
- I'll do it.
- Fair enough.
Refer her to me
if she needs any confirmation.
My uncle's going to need
long-term residential care.
I'll look after him. He'd rather be at home.
I'm happy to.
Really? Look here,
are you sure you're up to it?
I looked after my wife, best part of a year
before she died, did everything for her.
I'd want to look after
the Squadron Leader.
We've got used to each other.
And how much would you expect
to be paid for your services?
I don't want your money. I've got
me pension. We managed before.
Thanks very much.
- Thank you for telling me.
- I'm sorry, madam.
Oh, for Christ's sake,
do you mind not calling me madam?
- You needn't pretend you're sorry.
- I've nothing against you, Mrs Franks.
I never thought you was after his money.
The bloody awful thing is, though,
he was right in a way, that horrible man.
- I can't afford to be left with nothing.
- That's what I thought.
You will tell him, won't you?
You won't just...
Yes.
I'll tell him.
Darling!
There she is.
That's my fiancée.
My lovely girl.
Reggie...
Erm...
Reggie, sweetie...
Is there somewhere private
we can go and talk?
Er, day room. Bit of a hole.
We can smoke there, though.
Southgate smuggles them in.
He's a good egg, Southgate. OK?
There we are!
I'm pretty fit. What do you think?
I can do twice round the ward now.
They say I can go home in a week.
Not bad, eh?
Very good, Reggie.
You could come and live with me
when I come out.
We could get married right away.
Or wait, see how I turn out.
You don't have to.
Don't want to tie you down.
You're still young, my darling.
Reggie...
I've done wrong.
I can't marry you.
I should never have agreed.
I'm going away, abroad, almost at once.
- Where are you going?
- I'm going to Italy.
And which...chap...young chap...
No, it's not a chap.
Oh, Reggie, darling, you are very sweet.
But I am going to leave you.
There's no point in saying sorry
or anything.
I won't even say that I would never
have made you happy.
But I'm not a nice person.
I thought we could have children.
Reggie, darling, I'm 52.
That's extraordinary.
You're like a young girl to me.
Will I see you again?
No, I don't think so.
Though you never know.
It was that young bloody nephew
of mine, wasn't it? Sticking his nose in.
It was actually Southgate
who put me in the picture.
Did it quite tactfully.
Did he?
Well...
It's over now.
You do look lovely, Liz.
Please, Reggie, don't go on.
I can't bear it.
Don't see me out.
Been trying to rain all day.
Nothing come of it in the end.
What did you say to her?
Your nephew would have told her
if I hadn't.
She'd have had to find out sooner
or later. Only fair she should know.
It's true, isn't it? About the house.
Of course it's bloody well true,
you bloody idiot,
but you didn't have to spill the beans!
She's gone now.
Left me.
She's gone abroad,
my last chance of happiness.
Perhaps you're better off without her.
If she was only after you
because she thought you was rich.
Of course she thought I was rich,
you bloody idiot!
Why else do you think an attractive girl
like that would want me?
I never thought she loved me.
But by God, I loved her, Southgate.
What do you say to that?
- No need to shout, sir.
- (Coughs)
I'll shout if I like.
(Coughs)
(Slurred) Do you realise that thanks
to you I've had my last fuck on this earth!
- Just as well, by the look of you.
- What?
Well, er...I-I'd better be off.
He's...a little bit upset.
I'll be back tomorrow, sir.
(Clears throat)
Now, wait a minute.
I'll give you a hand.
Thank you, Southgate.
Home again, home again.
Diggety-dig.
Well?
- Missed your cooking, Southgate.
- Good of you to say so.
Though I don't remember it
being as good as this.
Special occasion,
pulled out all the stops.
- Found this wine in the cellar.
- Did you?
Very nice too.
Bloody hell, I've been saving that
for my 70th. Three score years and ten.
I think it's about time we started living
for today, don't you, sir?
(Chuckles)
Put like that, Southgate,
you're absolutely right.
Here's to us. Cheers.
The old firm back in business.
Except...we're not a firm,
and this is not a business.
No. Well, here's to us, then.
- How about a brandy?
- Better not.
- Not after the wine.
- You're the boss, Southgate.
Tell you what, we'll have a bit of music.
I was looking through your records,
just yesterday.
Remember this one?
(J' Glenn Miller: Moonlight Serenade)
Ahhh... (Laughs)
Moonlight Serenade, Glenn Miller,
remember?
I should say so.
We used to have a local hop
at Biggin Hill, every Tuesday.
- Come on, then.
- No, I'm not up to it!
Of course you are.
Like riding a bike.
Up you get. I'll lead.
Slow...quick...quick...slow.
(Both humming along)
(Birdsong)
5:47 pip-emma. Time to report.
♪ Da—da, da—da—da—dah
J“ La-Ia Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia
(Frantic hooting)
(Tyres squeal)
(Machine-gun fire)
Erm...Mr Conyngham-Jervis?
Squadron Leader Conyngham-Jervis
at your service.
Dr Swann would like a word with you
about your wife.
If you would step into
the waiting room with Mr Southgate.
- Mrs Southgate's in Carbury too.
- Fair enough. Right you are.
- Evening.
- Evening.
We've done all we can.
I think you should prepare yourself.
Oh.
- Right.
- I'm very sorry.
Fine.
- She's not in any pain?
- Not any more.
I'll sit with her. She knows I'm there.
She knows it's me.
(Doctor) I'm sure she does.
Shirts. Have you
plenty of clean shirts, dear?
(Conyngham-Jervis) Fine, fine.
Getting a bit low on fags. Hmph!
(Weakly) There'll be some at the pub.
What did you say? I can't hear.
I said there'll be some at the pub.
You... You go on, Reggie.
(Reggie) You sure?
Can't stand hospitals. Never could.
We met...
What?
In...h-hospita|.
Oh, yes. So we did.
(Man) Nurse!
Nurse Bagnall.
Nurse Bagnall.
- Draw the curtain round.
- Shall I get Sister?
No, no. Just draw the curtain.
- What is it?
- They're letting me out tomorrow.
Will you meet me?
White Hart, eight o'clock?
- No, I couldn't possibly.
- Why not?
- Another lucky beggar got there first?
- No.
All right, I'll be waiting.
I shan't leave till you come.
Well, er...
See you tomorrow, old girl.
Little Ashley next door,
he was showing me his new bike today.
Got me thinking
of that first holiday we had.
On the bikes. Before I got posted.
(Thunder rumbles and rain patters)
(Croaks and gasps)
(Low beep)
(Cries of distress)
(Frantic gasping and choking)
All right, Grace, love.
Hold on, I'll get the doctor.
Give her another five milligrams
of diamorphine.
(Winces softly)
(Frantic footsteps)
(Groans, stops breathing)
I'm ever so sorry.
- Pardon?
- About your wife.
Oh, right. Ah, yes.
My wife passed away as well. Within
a few minutes of yours, Sister said.
Sol know how you must be feeling.
Absolutely.
Yes.
Still, look on the bright side, what?
J“ Fight the good fight with all thy might
J“ Christ is thy strength
and Christ thy right
J“ Lay hold on life and it shall be
J“ Thy joy and crown eternally
J“ Cast care aside, lean on thy guide
J“ His boundless mercy will provide
J“ Trust and thy trusting soul shall prove
J“ Christ is its life and Christ its love
♪ Faint not not fear, his arms are near
♪ He changeth not and thou art dear
J“ Only believe and thou shalt see
J“ That Christ is all in all to thee J“
- A very moving service, Vicar.
- Thank you.
We were all so fond of Mary,
the girls especially.
Will you excuse me?
Vivian, go and ask your Uncle Reggie
what he's got laid on next, would you?
All right. Flick. Come and help me out.
OK.
Thank you for making such an effort.
Appreciate it very much.
Uncle Reg. Our deepest sympathy.
Went off splendidly, I thought.
Lovely church.
We're all so sorry.
We'll miss her so much.
Really?
So, er...what have you got in mind now?
- What do you mean?
- Well, drinks and so on.
- Anything planned?
- Good God, never thought about it.
That was all Mary's department,
that sort of thing.
No, nothing arranged. Sorry.
Ah. Well, erm...
Why don't you come up to London?
Join us for dinner, stay the night.
- We'd really like it if you felt you could.
- Please, Uncle Reggie.
Er, no. Thank you very much.
Better on my own.
Fine. If that's how you feel.
Reggie.
Erm...beautifu| service.
Thank you very much.
Look at that.
Lord myth-Gown}, that is.
Chairman of the family firm
and an arsehole of the first order.
Where have I seen you before?
- At the hospital. My wife...
- Oh, got it!
Never forget a face. What do you say?
- Fancy a sharpener?
- All right, yes.
Poor old thing.
It does seem a bit awful, leaving him.
He couldn't wait
to see the back of us.
I find the air of resentment hard to take.
As if he's been done down.
When in fact he's drawn 20,000 a year
from the firm doing damn all for 40 years.
How will he get on without Aunt Mary?
He took her completely for granted
when she was there,
so whether he'll miss her or not
is a moot point.
At least he stayed with her.
Best wife a chap ever had.
You know, we never had a cross word.
The things she turned a blind eye to.
Not even a black look. Not a dickie bird.
One in a million.
Fancy another?
Oh, no, thanks. I'm not
much of a drinking man. Not really.
- I'd better be off.
- Fair enough, fair enough.
A large one in there, my dear.
Oh. So you're off, then, are you?
It's my wife's funeral Thursday.
11 o'clock, St Thomas's, Priory Road,
if you'd care to come.
I don't quite see the point of that.
Oh, right. A quid pro quo.
Oh, fair enough, I suppose.
I'll be off, then.
- One day at a time, eh?
- Anything you say, old chap.
Ah, that's more like it.
What about you, my dear? Could
you handle a large one? (Chuckles)
(Humming drunkenly)
(Singing)
J“ Like lightning and thunder
♪ Da—da—da—dah...
♪ Lightning and thunder... :
Black as the Aga Khan's back passage.
(Hums)
Mary!
(Clock ticking)
(Revelry and singing)
♪ Bring back, bring back
♪ Bring back my bonnie to me...
Reggie! Reggie! Reggie, over here!
Another pint of tiger piss, Holmes.
- What kept you, Reggie?
- A bit of special ops.
- Enough said.
- Are we talking Jerry or Popsy?
- That little nurse, am I right?
- Possibly.
Here's to yours, Reggie.
- Never grow shorter.
- Hear, hear.
(Men in background)
Bring back, bring back
J“ Oh, bring back my bonnie to me
(Woman) Oh, bring back
my bonnie to me
♪ Bring back, bring back
J“ Oh, bring back my bonnie to me, to me
♪ Bring back, bring back
Oh, bring back my bonnie to me
You wouldn't have liked him.
All mouth and trousers.
I could tell how he was feeling, though.
Same as me.
I'll be all right, just you watch.
You'll be proud of me.
For as much as it hath pleased
Almighty God of His great mercy
to take unto Himself
the soul of our sister Grace Southgate,
we therefore commit her body
to the ground.
Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
In sure and certain hope
of the resurrection to eternal life
through our Lord Jesus Christ.
(Car door closes)
Hello. Mr Southgate?
I'm Mandy Hulme from Social Services.
- Did you get my letter?
- You said ten o'clock.
Yes, I'm sorry, I'm a bit early.
- Shall I come back later?
- No, it's all right.
- Since you're here.
- OK. Thank you.
Just doing a spot of housework.
So I see.
Oh, Mr Southgate.
That's beautiful.
Oh, yes. That big one was taken
on VE Day.
She paid a street photographer
half a crown
to get that picture taken for me.
- She looks very happy.
- She was.
- Cup of tea?
- Yes, please. If it's no trouble.
I've no need to ask if you're coping.
Some of my clients find it very hard.
You'd think they'd never set foot
in the kitchen.
We always shared, and the last few
months I was doing about everything.
So you can cross me off your list.
Were any of your family
able to attend the funeral?
No. Our daughter Vera's in Australia.
She would have come, but I told her
she needn't, so she didn't.
And your son?
No.
There was a lot of people there,
what with me being on the milk
and Grace doing school dinners.
But er...| wouldn't say we had
many friends. Not close friends.
(Grace) 'Roy.'
(Grace) “Roy.“
(Roy) “What?“
How many times do you think
we've done it now?
You tell me.
417.
Smashed the three-legged race record!
Roy! (Gasps)
Can you feel it?
Yeah.
It's little Alan.
Or Vera.
Did you know you can get lunch
at the community centre?
It's only 75 pence, and it's quite good.
Did you know that at The Feathers,
you can get a damn good lunch for £7.50
with wine thrown in?
I'll treat you if you like.
So you're saying
I don't need to worry about you?
Exactly.
- Well, I would still like to see you again.
- Delighted to hear it.
So, say...erm, two weeks from today
at about the same time?
Mmm... I've got a better idea.
What say I er...take you
to dinner tonight?
That's against regulations, I'm afraid,
but thank you for asking.
It's very kind of you.
So...two weeks from today.
Right, fair enough.
(Chatter)
So, how was it, then?
- The funeral.
- Much you care.
You'd have come
if you'd had any consideration.
Don't tell me you couldn't have got
a pass. I know you could have.
It's not as simple as that, Dad.
And well you know it.
- She would've wanted you there.
- She wouldn't.
She was ashamed of me.
Same as you are.
Your mother loved you, Alan.
Nothing changed that.
You were her son, and she loved you
till the day she died.
Yeah. You think that
if it makes you happy.
I can't taste these.
You always get it wrong, don't you?
- I don't know why you bother coming.
- Nor do I.
No...
I'm sorry, Son, I didn't mean that.
You know I'll always be here for you.
(Tyres squeal)
(Cabbie shouting)
May your balls wither
and drop like rotten figs, my friend.
Morning.
Beneficiaries aren't normally together
for the reading of the will,
but Mrs Conyngham-Jervis agreed
with me that it might be the best course.
The value of the stocks and shares
on the 2nd of June
amounted to...some £721,043.
Good God.
In addition, some unit trust funds
amounted to £141 ,000-odd.
And Mrs Conyngham-Jervis owned
the house, currently valued at £700,000.
That's a million and a half. You sure?
Quite sure, Squadron Leader.
Now, if you would allow me?
Oh, absolutely. Fire away!
"I desire that my husband,
if I should pre-decease him,
"be permitted to live in our home,
The Cedars, Neville Park,
"but that after his death, it be sold,
"the proceeds going to the British
Association for Adoption and Fostering,
"to aid those who are childless.
"I bequeath to my husband,
Reginald Vivian Conyngham-Jervis,
"£10,000 a year.
"The remainder of my property
I leave to my nieces, Celia and Felicity,
"to be divided between them in equal
shares and held in trust until they marry
"or they have attained the age of 30,
whichever is the sooner."
Roughly speaking, that means
400,000 for each of you,
after payment of estate duty.
Your wife asked me to hand you
this letter if she died before you.
Thank you.
Fine.
(Mary) 'Darling Reggie.
'I hope all this didn't come
as too much of a shock.
'I hope you won't miss
'what you never knew you might get,
if you see what I mean.
'As for Felicity and Celia,
they're dear girls
'and they had a rough time
when their father remarried.
'I don't think Susan
really cares for them much.
'I wanted them to have independence.
So don't be too cross, Reggie.
'I think I've left enough for you not to
have to pull your horns in too much.
'But after what happened...'
(Man shouts) No!
'I know I haven't been
a very exciting wife.
'But I have loved you.
'I wish I'd been able to say it more often.
Marriage is a funny thing, isn't it?
It isn't easy.
'It's not what you expect it's going to be.
'We've had a rather English marriage,
I think.'
Mr Southgate and
Squadron Leader Conyngham-Jervis.
Now, I've had a rather wild idea.
(Jervis) I'll show you what will be
your quarters.
Here we are.
This will be yours.
Very nice.
Big room, just for one.
Is it? Oh, I suppose
some people might think so.
Er, wardrobe, chest, usual gubbins,
your own bathroom next door.
When you think of the places
we slept in during the war.
Absolutely.
- Who were you with?
- Pioneer Corps.
Went over on D-Day,
right through to the end.
Jolly useful job you chaps did too.
Great days.
Best years of your life bar none.
Always wondered who they were, these
blokes who really enjoyed their war.
Oh, well, now you've met one.
Yeah.
(Chuckles)
Jolly good. Right, er...
shall we go downstairs
and have a bit of a confab?
Sure you won't?
Bit early for me, thanks.
Very wise, I'm sure.
Now, er, look here, Southgate,
this notion the little popsy
from the social services dreamt up
looked a bit strange at first blush,
but there might be something in it, eh?
The way she put it to me was that you
could do with help on the domestic side,
cooking and that, and we could both
do with a bit of company.
What I was thinking of
was more the practical arrangements.
I've been eating at the local, mostly,
Feathers. Getting a bit sick of it.
I'm not much of a cook.
I left all that to Mary.
I gather from that popsy
you're rather a whizz in that department.
There's not much I can't do.
I'm more inclined to traditional stuff,
roasts and three veg,
steak and kidney pie, steamed puds.
And I suppose, on your side,
what you get is the free accommodation.
- I've got a house of me own.
- Yes, yes.
But er...heating, etcetera, your
own rooms, run of the house, garden.
Er, you drive?
- Anything and everything.
- Including milk floats, I gather.
Well, you could use the old motor
for the supermarket run.
Yes, why not? Have the use of the car
yourself when I don't need it.
Really? Thanks. Very kind of you.
What do you say?
Give it a whirl, shall we?
All right. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, there is one thing.
What do we call each other?
Good point.
I suppose I call you Southgate, you call
me Squadron Leader. How'd that be?
Are you sure you wouldn't prefer sir?
Well...it's a bit formal, don't you think?
Move your stuff round
at the weekend
and I'll run you round in the Elvis.
Can't say fairer than that, what?
OK. You're on.
Jolly good.
He's a weird old stick.
If you don't like it, we don't have to stay.
We'll be popping back weekends,
make sure everything's all right at home.
(J' Glenn Miller band,
Reggie humming along)
J“ Pennsylvania six-five-thousand!
(Water running)
(Swing music continues)
(Hums along)
- Need any help?
- Er, if you could lay the table.
Right, roger, wilco.
J“ Pennsylvania six-five-oh-oh-oh!
(Chuckles)
Excellent, Southgate. Mmm.
- Well done.
- Not bad, was it?
Not bad at all.
Now, er, look here.
Er, I thought I might go down to the pub
for a couple or three.
I don't suppose you'd care to er...
No, you're not much of a drinking man.
Oh, well. Jolly good. Jolly good start.
I might be rather late back,
so you go up when you're ready.
Don't wait up.
Got me key, right?
Er, and I'm to clear the supper things
and wash up, am I?
Well, all in your own good time.
No urgency.
Er...damn fine dinner that, Southgate.
Appreciate it very much.
Cheerio!
Let's face it, in a dogfight, the tighter
you turn, the more chance you've got.
My God, the Spitfire
had one hell of a tight turn.
Just flipped over like that.
Jerry never knew what hit him.
Well, that's it, isn't it?
- What?
- Know-how.
Yes, damn right. Another one in there.
You see, the way I see it,
Squadron Leader,
you take your life in your hands
every time you step on a plane.
That's not so, Jimbo,
not if you know what you're doing.
Take the Messerschmitt, for instance.
- Fine aircraft...
- What a day!
Stocktaking, what a nightmare.
Scotch and sympathy required.
Allow me.
A Glenmorangie for the lady.
Make it a large one.
Well, I don't know you, but the way I feel,
that'd be a lifesaver.
That'd be lovely, thanks.
- Smoke?
- Oh, dear, I don't know.
Well, yeah, go on. Lead me astray.
Oh, I'm Elizabeth Franks, by the way.
Everyone calls me Liz.
I'm er...Reginald Conyngham-Jervis.
Everyone calls me Reggie.
Cheers, Reggie.
(Clock chiming)
(Mimics aeroplane droning
and machine-gun fire)
- Have you any children, Reggie?
- No. No.
Lucky man. I shouldn't say that -
mine are darlings.
- But one never stops worrying.
- Prep school, are they?
That's very gallant of you, Reggie.
They're a bit older.
Hugo's doing that round-the-world thing.
- And Alicia did a bit of modelling.
- Takes after her mother, then.
Thank you, kind sir.
And now she's trying out catering.
One just wishes they'd settle down
and get on with their lives.
Absolutely.
For me, it was straight out of the RAF
into the family firm. Still active there.
The chairman's my nephew,
Lord Blyth-Gowry.
I still think of him as young Vivian.
Could still do with a steadying hand.
- Yes, and I bet you're just the man.
- (Chuckles)
Might I ask what the family firm is?
Conyngham-Jervis, London,
Hong Kong, big trading company.
- I believe we started in opium.
- Ooh!
Well, that was well before my time.
All above board now.
And you?
Oh, very small beer compared to that.
I've a boutique in the Pantiles. Designer
labels for the discerning woman.
And though I say it as shouldn't,
I do think I'm a bit special.
I'll drink to that.
You're so sweet.
I don't believe you're real.
I'm real enough.
Large as life, twice as ugly.
- I wouldn't say that either.
- (Chuckles)
Tell me, Southgate.
What do you do for women?
Nothing now.
Hell of a problem, right?
Not for me. I never really wanted
anyone but Grace.
That so?
Right from the off.
We was both a bit shy to begin with.
Took us a while to get the hang of it.
- After that...
- I know what you mean.
Nothing to beat it, eh?
Every night of our married life.
- Really?
- More than that when we was younger.
You're right, I do miss it,
but...it's much more her I miss.
I can't imagine doing it with anyone else.
I expect you feel the same.
Not really, no.
Oh, there's more in you than
meets the eye, Sonny Jim! (Guffaws)
By the way, don't forget,
I've got the car tomorrow.
- I'm gonna see me son.
- Yep, fine.
- Are you sure?
- I said so, didn't I?
So, am, you're a beggar
and no mistake.
I'd heard of chaps who stuck to one
woman all their lives but never met one.
Strange world. I mean, I've had
more women than I can remember,
you've had just the one.
But if what you say is true,
then you must have had
a heck of a lot more jumps than I have.
- So who's the winner, eh?
- Didn't think it was a competition.
You are a prissy little tight-arsed bastard,
aren't you, Southgate?
If you say so, sir.
(Phone)
- Hello?
- Is that still the number for Sabrina?
'I'll just see if she's free, sir.
- 'Who should I say it is?'
- Er...
Tell her it's the Squadron Leader. Reggie.
It's been a while, but she'll remember.
I'm sure she will, sir.
- I remember you very well.
- Ah.
Lovely to hear from you again.
Just hold on a second, Squadron Leader.
(Receptionist) Squadron Leader Reggie.
Oh, yes. Hang on.
- Just hold on, sir. Thank you.
- Mm, mm. (Chuckles)
Yes. Here he is. Posh old geezer.
Straight sex.
Got it up last time
and he calls it the Big Bad Boy.
Sweeeeet.
Here she is, sir.
Reggie, darling! I thought
you'd forgotten all about me.
So how's that Big Bad Boy of yours?
A bit out of practice,
since you mention it.
Oh, I'm sure he'll be raring to go!
- So...when can you come?
- Wednesday. Day after tomorrow?
- Wednesday?
- Mm-mm.
Er...|'ve got a cancellation tomorrow,
at three.
Er, right. I'll see you then.
Ah, Southgate.
Look here, about tomorrow.
- Yeah. I've got to leave early.
- Well, that's just it.
All off. Operation scrubbed.
Need the car meself. Going to London.
You can't do that, Squadron Leader. You
promised. I've made the arrangements.
You'll just have to unmake them.
I need the car, you see.
- Tell him you'll make it the week after.
- No, that's no good.
Alan's expecting me.
I can't let him down.
- I've got to have that car.
- There's no "got to" about it.
It's my car. I said you could have it
when I didn't need it, and I do need it.
End of story. Any biscuits?
You promised me,
I asked you if it was definite
and you said yeah.
Now you're trying to go back on it.
Where I come from, a gentleman
is somebody who keeps his word.
You think I'm just an unpaid servant.
You think you can treat me
any way you like.
Either I have that car tomorrow
or that's it, I'm packing me bags.
Make your mind up.
Oomph. God, man, keep your hair on.
You can have the ruddy car
if it means so much to you.
I'll go up by train.
Suit me better, as a matter of fact.
London's a bit of a nightmare
these days.
Good.
Well, that's settled, then.
(Woman) Who's won the pools, then?
So you get to drive his Elvis,
and what does he get?
Well, he's like
a lot of these Neville Park types.
He's got no idea
how to look after himself.
I do the cooking,
things round the house. It works out.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. What's wrong with that?
And he gives the orders
and you take 'em?
Mum's dead and you don't feel right
unless someone's bossing you about.
It isn't like that at all, Alan.
So what's he like in bed, then?
- (Woman) 'Yes?'
- Squadron Leader.
'Up you come.'
(Rhythmic moaning and panting)
(Reggie's groaning
gets louder and faster)
(Reggie emits low guttural groan)
(Sabrina sighs)
(Sabrina) Oh, Reggie, darling!
- What a man!
- (Reggie groans)
- There you are, sir.
- Thank you.
Here you are. That's all right. Thank you.
Southgate! Southgate, are you home?
All present and correct.
Supper's sausages and mash.
Cup of tea?
Bugger tea. Let's have a pink gin.
Get that apron off.
Jolly good, jolly good. Good day out?
Not bad. Car went like a bird.
Thanks for letting me have it.
Any time, old chap, any time.
Just say the word.
You know what they say, Southgate,
about a man being as old as he feels?
Yeah?
Well, I'm here to tell you
- they are bloody well right! Here.
- Glad to hear it.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
(Reggie chuckles)
I've had such a lovely time, Reggie.
How about a nightcap,
back at my place?
You haven't seen it.
It's just round the corner.
That's sweet of you,
but I've got my car here.
- You're very sweet too, Liz.
- Bless you.
- You know I'd love to...
- It means a lot to me.
Meeting you has been the best thing
to happen to me since God knows when.
Say yes. Say you'll say yes.
All right. But only on condition
that we go there in my car.
Absolutely. Jolly good idea.
Chocks away!
Chocks away, Squadron Leader!
Lovely house.
Yes. Over the porch it says 1899.
So what do you say?
One more just for badness?
No, I mustn't.
I really should be going.
It's long past midnight.
You're a lovely girl.
- Oh, Reggie.
- Liz.
You're so exciting.
Oh...
Reggie...
Don't, I... I never meant...
I want to make love to you
more than anything in the world.
Oh, Reggie, I don't know.
It's much too soon.
We hardly know each other.
I think we do, you know.
Oh, dear.
Kiss me again.
(Toilet flushes)
- What was that?
- Oh, no one.
What do you mean?
It can't be no one.
- You told me you lived alone.
- I do. It's Southgate.
- Who's Southgate?
- Just a man.
Just a servant. My m-manservant.
Manservant?
Don't worry.
Come on, darling. Let's go upstairs.
No, it doesn't feel right,
not with someone else here.
- Come on!
- No.
I'm sorry, Reggie,
I should never have come.
- You can't leave me like this.
- No, let me go!
It is late and I've got
an early start tomorrow.
It's been a lovely evening, Reggie.
Thank you.
You'll phone me soon, won't you?
Promise.
Southgate! I suppose you realise
you've ruined my whole fucking evening.
Home and dry, and you've got to
cock it up with your weak bladder!
You're about as much bloody use
as a fart in a bottle!
- Good night!
- (Door slams)
No, I realise it wasn't your fault.
Bloody woman just panicked.
Strange creatures, women.
Like bloody antelopes.
One wrong sound and they panic.
- Want another?
- I don't mind if I do.
You're getting the hang
of whisky drinking.
It's your birthday.
I never thought I'd be spending it
like this. Still.
Good dinner, good whisky...
Who needs women?
Ever been to Scotland, Southgate?
Matter of fact, we were stationed
in Kinloss for a bit.
When I was a boy, we'd spend
a month up there every year.
- Just like royalty.
- Just like royalty.
They go to Balmoral,
we went to Roxburghshire.
- Blairgowrie Castle.
- You had a castle?
Course we had a castle.
Not any more.
Bloody Vivian, Lord BIyth-Gowry,
"can't justify the expense".
Bloody toerag.
(Scoffs) Ahh...
We had the best of times, Southgate.
Just once a year,
we had this bloody great party.
Everyone was equal, all pissed as rats,
all the family, guests, keepers,
kitchen maids - and there were
one or two of them, I tell you!
Mmm. And now I've got to
make do with you.
And vice versa.
Mm. So...we keep our peckers up.
We're not dismayed.
I know what we need.
A bit of music. Let's see what we've got
over here, shall we?
Heh! (Clears throat)
Aha! (Chuckles)
I remember this.
I remember this one. Mmm.
I think you'll remember this one,
Southgate.
(I Slow Boat To China)
J“ I'd love to get you
J“ On a slow boat to China
J“ All to myself
♪ Alone...
Ah!
Excellent. Southgate, on your feet.
What for?
Don't argue the toss with me.
Come on, get up.
Come on, turn round, now.
Put your arms there.
No, no. There.
J“ Leave all your lovers
J“ Weepin' on a faraway shore
♪ Out on the brim
♪ With the moon big and shiny
♪ mating your heart of stone
J“ I'd love to get you
J“ On a slow boat to China
J“ All to myself, alone J“
Thank you, Southgate.
God bless you, sir.
Happy birthday.
Italy? Why didn't you say before?
- Who are you going with?
- Just friends, Reggie.
I'm not giving you the run-around.
It's partly a buying trip for the shop.
I'll give you a ring
the moment I get back, promise.
(Mutters) I'll see you
when I see you, then.
- What is it?
- Just checking it's OK to have the car.
- I said so, didn't I?
- Well, have you got the keys?
Oh. Oh. Erm...
- Take it. There you are.
- Thank you.
No!
(Slams drawer shut)
Got a letter from June
to say she's found another bloke.
And, "I hope one day I'll be able
to forgive you for what you did to me."
Silly cow. It was nothing to do
with her, nothing.
And she never really cared.
It was never a proper marriage,
just going through the motions.
Soto speak.
She was terribly upset, Alan.
We all were.
She thought I had a girl on the side.
Got the shock of her life
when she found out.
Well, you could say we all did.
- Broke your mother's heart.
- Bollocks.
It was just another example
of me letting her down.
Nothing was good enough for her.
Vera went to Australia to escape.
I'm not listening.
You never did listen.
Always took her side.
You don't get it. You made me like this.
You wanna know why?
Because you and her
made me feel like nothing.
You disgust me.
I know.
I always did.
(Roy) Squadron Leader, I'm home!
On the terrace.
Hot enough for you?
Time flies, eh?
Sorry I'm a bit late. I'll get the supper on.
Oh, bugger that. I don't want
your long-suffering act. Come on, man.
Sit down, have a drink, enjoy life.
Dinner can wait a bit.
All right, I'll have a small one.
Oh, he'll have a small one. Splendid.
We'd drop dead of astonishment
if you asked for a large one.
Cheers.
What sort of day did you have?
I wouldn't say pleasant.
He's in jug, your son, isn't he?
- What makes you say that?
- Just guessed.
- Come on, am I right?
- Yeah, you're right.
It's all right, man. Not your fault.
Can't be responsible for him
all of your life.
What did he do?
No need to say if you don't want to.
- I'd rather not, if you don't mind.
- Fair enough.
These things happen
in the best of families, you know.
Nothing to be done about it.
Just get on with it.
That's it. I can't see
where we went wrong with him.
All we wanted was for him to be happy.
Of course you did.
It's just one of those things.
It's a damn shame.
But you're not to blame.
Bad show, end of story.
It isn't as if we didn't set him
a good example, his mum and me.
We was always happily married.
We had a wonderful marriage.
Darby and Joan, people called us.
So you say.
Hmph. I don't think anybody
ever said that about me and Mary.
I don't think I'd have liked it if they had.
We rubbed along all right.
I had a few flings.
Nothing serious.
She always forgave me.
If she found out, that is.
Never talked much.
Didn't see the need for it.
- Miss her, though.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
But, you know, it does get a bit easier,
as time passes.
Never thought it would, but it does.
She was very fond of dogs.
We used to have two of them. Labs.
They were called Huntley and Palmer.
Dead now, of course. Years ago.
Hmph!
She loved those dogs.
Hm.
Brrr!
Getting a bit chilly.
- Bit of supper?
- Oh... Dinner, Southgate, dinner.
Absolutely useless.
Talk to your bloody self. Come on!
(Ringing tone)
Chic To Chic. Buongiorno.
Could I speak to Mrs Franks,
if she's there?
Reggie, darling!
- Why didn't you tell me you were back?
- I was just about to when you phoned.
- I had a million things to do.
- More important than me?
Oh, darling, please don't be like that.
Who was that chap?
In your shop. Er...| happened
to be passing. Tuesday.
He was kissing you.
Oh!
(Laughs)
Darling, that was Colin.
He's got the art gallery across the way.
He's a mate.
And he's gay.
- He's a poofter?
- Yes.
Oh.
Then there isn't anyone else?
No, there isn't anybody else.
If there were someone else,
if you were giving me the run-around,
I don't think I could bear that.
Yes, I know. It's all right, Reggie,
but you have to understand
that I am a woman.
I had grasped that.
And I need to be quite sure
of my feelings.
- Please don't rush me, Reggie.
- Good Lord, no.
Not for the world.
This chap's looking a bit peaky.
Waiter!
What you said, I quite understand.
Absolutely. But er...on the other hand,
I'm a man. Can't hold out for ever.
(Phone)
Yes!
- 'Can I speak to Mr S...'
- What?
- 'Mr Southgate.'
- Southgate?
What the hell are you bothering me for?
Oh, all right, don't tell me.
Hold the line.
Southgate!
Phone!
(Groans)
Hold the line.
Southgate! Phone for you.
Take it downstairs and tell them
not to phone you here again.
Speaking.
Yeah.
Er...
Er... Yeah, yeah, I-I-I'll do that.
Yeah, right away.
Yeah. Er...thanks for letting me know.
Who the hell was that?
Bloody outrageous.
Er, it was the prison. My son's dead.
Is it all right if I take the car?
Good God.
What bloody rotten luck.
(Reggie) Er, yes, yes, of course
you can take the car, old chap.
A bloody awful thing.
I'll just er... I'll just get out of your way.
We are extremely sorry about this,
Mr Southgate.
It wasn't simply a cry for help.
He clearly wanted to end his own life.
There's always the possibility in these
circumstances as the release date looms.
But your son had no anxiety
that we could detect
about going back into society.
And he had people who cared about him.
Not many fathers would have stood by
their sons as you have, Mr Southgate.
- I want him to have a proper funeral.
- Of course.
And could I just say again
how sorry we are, Mr Southgate?
Yeah, I know. It wasn't your fault.
He's at peace now, Grace.
That's the way we've got to look at it.
We did our best for him.
32 separate offences.
And all with the same lad.
He said he was in love with him.
14-year-old boy.
He'd never admit
there was anything wrong in it.
Of course, they put
a restraining order on him.
He said, "If I can't see Gerry again,
"I don't want to live."
What makes somebody go wrong
like that? Was it my fault?
I was always hard on him, you know.
Strict. Maybe we both expected
too much of him.
Absolute bloody rubbish.
People make their own bloody messes.
It's not as if you beat him black and blue.
All you can do is tell them what's right
as you see it. The rest is up to them.
You loved that boy of yours.
Any fool can see that.
Not your fault.
Nothing to reproach yourself with.
Nothing at all.
No!
Are you suggesting I should sell up
to become a shop assistant?
Wouldn't be that different
from what you're doing now.
And you'll be taking home regular money
every week.
No worries. No sleepless nights.
We all have to swallow our pride
sometimes.
- How old are you, Mr Whittington?
- 32.
I can't help it. I have to work
to strict guidelines.
The bank will extend your business loan
for another 30 days.
After that, either we see reducing
payments, or we'll call in the loan.
I'll confirm this in writing.
(Phone)
Yes, what?
Reggie, darling, it's Liz.
Liz! How are you? Long time no see.
Whose fault was that?
I've been waiting by the phone.
Well, I thought I'd give you a bit of space.
Isn't that what they say nowadays?
- Anyway, what are you doing Friday?
- Nothing.
Or if I was, I've just cancelled it.
How about dinner here? Nothing
elaborate - my man can look after us.
There's nothing I'd like better.
Very good. Er...about eight?
- How's it going?
- Everything's under control.
- Strawbs.
- No. Go and sit on the terrace.
I'll bring you a drink.
Oh, jolly good. What's that - Pimm's?
Excellent. Pour away.
Have one yourself, take the weight off.
Calm before the storm, eh?
No, no, not in that glass.
Put yours in there, huh?
Mmm.
Jolly good Pimm's, that. Cheers.
Cheers.
Er...| wanted to say,
I know we've had our ups and downs,
but I-I'm glad I come here,
to help you out.
So am I, Southgate.
Never regretted it for a moment.
Will you be popping the question
tonight?
None of your damn business.
Well, er...| rather thought I would,
as a matter of fact.
How did you know?
Instinct. Got a nose for these things.
Now, don't take this wrong,
but if it was to go well for you tonight,
and Mrs Franks moves in,
what with Alan having passed away
and that,
I should want to move out.
Really?
Oh, I never thought of that.
I thought you'd remain here.
I've got used to you now.
You're part of the furniture.
- Part of the woodwork.
- I know.
I'm not saying it wouldn't be a wrench,
but it wouldn't work. She'd understand.
Damn silly. I need you here.
I won't leave you stranded.
I'll call in, do a spot of cleaning,
till you've found someone else.
It's not just a matter of going round
with a Hoover.
I know that. It's not easy for me either.
I've been happy here, looking back on it.
You took me out of myself
and I needed that.
You've looked after me
and I've looked after you.
We've been almost like a couple,
in a way.
What?
Well, like a kind of a marriage
sort of a thing.
Have you gone off your rocker,
Southgate?
I'll erm... I'll just go and check on things
in the kitchen.
(Car approaching)
That could be her car. Best of luck.
- You look lovely, Liz.
- Sweet man.
This is Southgate.
Southgate, this is Mrs Franks.
- Good evening, madam.
- Good evening.
I'll serve drinks on the terrace,
as it's warm, or would you prefer inside?
Will you be chilly in that dress?
Oh, I think the terrace sounds
wonderful. What a lovely idea.
Thank you, Southgate.
Oh, but your garden's glorious!
Should have seen it a few weeks ago.
Well...
I think you've got yourself
a little paradise here.
It can get a bit lonely.
Can it?
Care for a Pimm's?
Pimm's? Oh, Reggie, you are clever.
That's absolutely perfect.
(Indistinct)
Squadron Leader? Madam?
Dinner is served, whenever you're ready.
Well, quiet as a mouse, really.
She'd been playing
the stock market for 30 years
without saying a word to anybody.
Except her stockbroker. Extraordinary.
- Successfully, I hope.
- Mmm. Ran it up to nearly a million.
Never knew she had it in her.
She sounds the exact opposite
of my ex-husband.
He was much better at spending it.
I was left with two small children
and a pile of debts.
- What a bounder.
- That's what he was.
But still, here I am.
Yes, here you are, I'm very glad to say.
- Squadron Leader?
- Oh, yes. All done.
- Excuse me, madam.
- Thanks. That was delicious.
Thank you, madam.
The desserts and cheese
are on the sideboard.
Would you like me to serve or...
No, we'll be fine. You can
take yourself off for the night.
Thank you very much, Squadron Leader.
I'll call in in the morning.
Good night, madam.
Glad you enjoyed your dinner.
- Good night, Southgate.
- Good night, Squadron Leader.
Well done.
He goes off,
has another cup of tea,
some more sandwiches with the chaps
there, flies back to Biggin Hill.
Weren't you terrified on those missions?
You never had time.
You just got on with it.
You weren't alone.
Good chaps either side.
They look after you, you look after them.
And afterwards, when you landed,
Christ, you felt so alive.
Don't you wish you had children
to tell about it?
No, they wouldn't understand.
How could they?
"We made England safe for you."
"Oh, bugger off, you old fart!"
(Both laugh)
No!
We did have a child.
What?
We did have a child.
A little girl.
Lovely.
Lovely little thing.
Her name was Cecily.
We called her Tish or Tishy
for some reason.
Two years old.
Two and a half.
Good little walker.
Big for her age.
Always pulling on her reins.
I always remember that.
You don't see them now, do you?
Those er...little harness things
with long straps.
Yes, I remember them.
Anyway...
we were out, in the town.
Saturday shopping.
Just out.
Mary wanted to pop in somewhere,
haberdasher's, something.
Left me...
holding the reins.
'And I don't know,
something caught my attention.
- 'I looked back...'
- Tishy!
No!
(Thud)
'Died instantly.'
My fault, you see.
My darling, I'm so sorry.
I'm so dreadfully sorry.
Poor Reggie.
No, not poor Reggie.
It was my fault.
No good telling me any different.
But it was an accident.
How could you have known?
I should have looked after her,
and I didn't.
Cecily Mary.
Aged two and a half.
Beloved only child.
Killed by her father's carelessness.
I've never said that before.
Never admitted it.
Mary...never put it into words either.
It buggered our marriage, though.
She wouldn't let me in the bed for a year.
When she did, I couldn't.
Guilt, I suppose.
What do you think of me now, then?
Not er...
Not much of a man, eh?
Reggie, my poor darling,
you're quite enough of a man for me.
Come on, let's go upstairs.
You won't leave me?
I won't leave you, my darling.
And you'll marry me?
Will you marry me?
Of course I'll marry you.
Liz, I've...
I've been so awful.
But it...will be different with you.
Promise.
You're not awful at all.
You're a very dear old heffalump.
Come on.
Er...
I'm not sure the old hydraulics
will be in good working order tonight.
Don't worry.
I just want to be close to you.
Oh, good. I was hoping you'd say that.
I wouldn't er...rule it out altogether, mind.
J“ I wanna be loved by you
J“ Just you and nobody else but you J“
Undo me, please.
Mm.
Down in the forest, something stirred.
It's the Big Bad Boy.
Oh, Reggie, it's huge.
Be careful, darling.
(Winces)
(Sighs)
Oh, darling.
(Moans softly)
Mmm.
(Woman) J“ My bonnie lies over the ocean
♪ My bonnie “es over the sea
♪ My bonnie “es over the ocean
J“ Oh, bring back my bonnie to me
♪ Bring back, bring back
J“ Oh, bring back my bonnie to me, to me
♪ Bring back, bring back
Oh, bring back my bonnie to me...
(Engine juddering)
(Boom)
(Snores)
Darling?
I'm going to dash now.
I don't want the servants to find me.
Reggie?
I had a lovely time last night.
Give me a ring at the shop
when you're up and about.
Bye, darling.
Bye.
(Snores)
(Groaning)
Morning.
Brought you a cup of tea.
- Another lovely morning.
- (Wheezes)
Come on, then. Let's be having you.
(Groans)
What are you saying?
(Groans)
I can't... I can't make...
- Here, come on.
- (Groans and wheezes)
Bloody hell. I'll call an ambulance.
The social worker
come round yesterday.
We had a bit of a chat about what next.
Here he is, my pride and joy.
- (Groans)
- We're doing ever so well, eh, Reggie?
- We walked six steps yesterday.
- (Growls)
See you later.
I'll be off, then. Anything you want
bringing, next time I come?
(Aphasic speech)
Television?
(Struggling, aphasic speech)
Liz...Ann... Liz Franks?
Your lady friend.
Ain't she been to see you yet?
(Struggling) No...
- (Groans)
- Is that a fact?
I'll see what I can do.
He asks for you every time I go in,
Mrs Franks.
To be honest, I'm not awfully good
at hospitals.
Yes, tell him of course I'll go.
Thank you, Southgate.
(Slurred) Ah, Southgate, there you are.
This is my man, Southgate.
- My nephew, Lord Blyth-Gowry.
- Pleased to meet you, sir.
I gather you found him. Well done.
Pity you didn't get in touch sooner.
It's not as if he was in regular touch,
is it, sir?
I knew he had a nephew
called Lord something.
Glenmorangie, I thought,
but that's the Scotch, innit?
We are proud of the Squadron Leader.
He's making marvellous progress.
Can I have a cigarette, then, please?
I'm afraid not.
Fewer cigarettes in the first place
and you wouldn't be here.
(Groans)
Squadron Leader, I'll pop along
to the shop, get your Telegraph.
Good man!
Now, look here, I think it might be a
few weeks before I get down here again.
(Slurred) Good God!
Who erm... Who is that?
It's my fiancée.
Excuse me.
- Darling, how are you?
- Much better for seeing you.
You must be Lord Blyth-Gowry.
Liz Franks.
How do you do?
Delighted to meet you at last.
So sorry it's round his hospital bed.
Oh, poor Reggie. Such rotten luck.
Yes. Erm...am I to understand
that this is an official engagement?
It's very recent.
Though we have been together
for quite a while.
Yes!
Well, I'm sure you'd like
a little time to yourselves.
Southgate!
Could I have a word?
What do you know about Liz Franks?
She's a gold-digger.
Thinks she's onto a good thing.
- Hardly for me to say, sir.
- Sooner she knows she isn't, the better.
She sees a wealthy old man
liable to drop dead any moment.
She ought to know that as his widow,
she'd get nothing, not even the house.
If she sees herself as the merry widow,
and I've no doubt that she does,
she ought to be speedily enlightened.
Are you going to put her
in the picture or am I?
- I'll do it.
- Fair enough.
Refer her to me
if she needs any confirmation.
My uncle's going to need
long-term residential care.
I'll look after him. He'd rather be at home.
I'm happy to.
Really? Look here,
are you sure you're up to it?
I looked after my wife, best part of a year
before she died, did everything for her.
I'd want to look after
the Squadron Leader.
We've got used to each other.
And how much would you expect
to be paid for your services?
I don't want your money. I've got
me pension. We managed before.
Thanks very much.
- Thank you for telling me.
- I'm sorry, madam.
Oh, for Christ's sake,
do you mind not calling me madam?
- You needn't pretend you're sorry.
- I've nothing against you, Mrs Franks.
I never thought you was after his money.
The bloody awful thing is, though,
he was right in a way, that horrible man.
- I can't afford to be left with nothing.
- That's what I thought.
You will tell him, won't you?
You won't just...
Yes.
I'll tell him.
Darling!
There she is.
That's my fiancée.
My lovely girl.
Reggie...
Erm...
Reggie, sweetie...
Is there somewhere private
we can go and talk?
Er, day room. Bit of a hole.
We can smoke there, though.
Southgate smuggles them in.
He's a good egg, Southgate. OK?
There we are!
I'm pretty fit. What do you think?
I can do twice round the ward now.
They say I can go home in a week.
Not bad, eh?
Very good, Reggie.
You could come and live with me
when I come out.
We could get married right away.
Or wait, see how I turn out.
You don't have to.
Don't want to tie you down.
You're still young, my darling.
Reggie...
I've done wrong.
I can't marry you.
I should never have agreed.
I'm going away, abroad, almost at once.
- Where are you going?
- I'm going to Italy.
And which...chap...young chap...
No, it's not a chap.
Oh, Reggie, darling, you are very sweet.
But I am going to leave you.
There's no point in saying sorry
or anything.
I won't even say that I would never
have made you happy.
But I'm not a nice person.
I thought we could have children.
Reggie, darling, I'm 52.
That's extraordinary.
You're like a young girl to me.
Will I see you again?
No, I don't think so.
Though you never know.
It was that young bloody nephew
of mine, wasn't it? Sticking his nose in.
It was actually Southgate
who put me in the picture.
Did it quite tactfully.
Did he?
Well...
It's over now.
You do look lovely, Liz.
Please, Reggie, don't go on.
I can't bear it.
Don't see me out.
Been trying to rain all day.
Nothing come of it in the end.
What did you say to her?
Your nephew would have told her
if I hadn't.
She'd have had to find out sooner
or later. Only fair she should know.
It's true, isn't it? About the house.
Of course it's bloody well true,
you bloody idiot,
but you didn't have to spill the beans!
She's gone now.
Left me.
She's gone abroad,
my last chance of happiness.
Perhaps you're better off without her.
If she was only after you
because she thought you was rich.
Of course she thought I was rich,
you bloody idiot!
Why else do you think an attractive girl
like that would want me?
I never thought she loved me.
But by God, I loved her, Southgate.
What do you say to that?
- No need to shout, sir.
- (Coughs)
I'll shout if I like.
(Coughs)
(Slurred) Do you realise that thanks
to you I've had my last fuck on this earth!
- Just as well, by the look of you.
- What?
Well, er...I-I'd better be off.
He's...a little bit upset.
I'll be back tomorrow, sir.
(Clears throat)
Now, wait a minute.
I'll give you a hand.
Thank you, Southgate.
Home again, home again.
Diggety-dig.
Well?
- Missed your cooking, Southgate.
- Good of you to say so.
Though I don't remember it
being as good as this.
Special occasion,
pulled out all the stops.
- Found this wine in the cellar.
- Did you?
Very nice too.
Bloody hell, I've been saving that
for my 70th. Three score years and ten.
I think it's about time we started living
for today, don't you, sir?
(Chuckles)
Put like that, Southgate,
you're absolutely right.
Here's to us. Cheers.
The old firm back in business.
Except...we're not a firm,
and this is not a business.
No. Well, here's to us, then.
- How about a brandy?
- Better not.
- Not after the wine.
- You're the boss, Southgate.
Tell you what, we'll have a bit of music.
I was looking through your records,
just yesterday.
Remember this one?
(J' Glenn Miller: Moonlight Serenade)
Ahhh... (Laughs)
Moonlight Serenade, Glenn Miller,
remember?
I should say so.
We used to have a local hop
at Biggin Hill, every Tuesday.
- Come on, then.
- No, I'm not up to it!
Of course you are.
Like riding a bike.
Up you get. I'll lead.
Slow...quick...quick...slow.
(Both humming along)