A Good Job: Stories of the FDNY (2014) - full transcript

WOMAN: Yes.
Thank you, Steve.

MAN: Camera speed.
David, you good?

Full speed.

OK. We're good.

♪

Hi, Charlie.
Hi, Steve.

How are you doing?

Good. Have a seat.

Thank you.

Thanks for coming.

Thank you
for having me.



Appreciate it.

Have a seat,
you old so and so.

Heh heh.

Oh, sorry.

I keep banging
into the camera.

How's my hair?

WOMAN: Perfect.

Great.

I had this urge
to just turn around

and go the other way,
just leave, you know?

It was weird,

and uh--but, you know,
you can't do that.

No. I had the exact
same experience.

The captain said,
"OK, Stevie,
we're going in."



And when he said,
"We're going in,"

I thought
he was crazy.

I was like why would
we go in there?

That was the first
thing I thought.

I thought,
"No. we should
be going out."

[Sirens]

All these people
that we see die,

it wasn't in their plan
for that morning.

People woke up,
they take their shower,

they have their coffee,
right, just like
we do every day,

and then something
tragic happens,

whether it's a fire
or an accident,
and you're dead,

or somebody who's
really important
to them is killed.

You know, one day, that's
gonna be our morning.

We're gonna all get up
one day,

and it's gonna be
our last day,

and we have no idea.

[Siren]

WOMAN: We need
the fire department

at 515 Rockaway Boulevard.

What happened,
ma'am?

Seems to be
a very thick fire

and flooding by 115th.

We'll have someone
one the way.

Oh, good.

It's rising.
The water's still rising.

♪

BUSCEMI: I was
a New York City firefighter

for only about 4 years back
in the 1980s.

What I didn't realize
then was how much the job

would stay with me
and be a part of my life.

Even today when
big events happen

like Hurricane Sandy,

when so many people
lost their homes,

including a lot
of firefighters,

we all come back together.

It's like a family.

♪

BUSCEMI: How are you
and your guys holding up?

Uh, we're doing--
we're hanging in there.

We'll all bounce back.

They will,
they will bounce back.

Good thing the shack
is there though,

it didn't get
washed away.

[Laughter]

All right, man.
Have a good
Thanksgiving, brother,

I'll see you
later on.

We'll see you.

MAN: I'll never forget,
right after 9/11,

looking over--
you were by yourself,

and you were digging,
and you had that

old scraffy helmet on
and an old jacket,

and I said,
"Man, that looks like
that guy from Con Air,"

I think it was. Right?

Was "Con Air" out?

And somebody goes,
"That is.

He was a fireman
at 55 Engine."

I said, "Get
the fuck out of here."

I had no idea.

[Siren]

[Laughter]

Hey, you guys. Hi.

There he is!
Oh, you brought dessert?

Oh.

What's up, buddy?
How you doing?

How you doing?

Good. Hey, Ken.

How you doing, Steve?

How are you?
Good to see you.

I'm not hugging you.

I know. He'll stick
his tongue in your ear.

You got to watch him!

I see him on the street.

I'm sorry, Joe.

Listen. I see him
on the street,

I go to hug him,
he gives me a kiss.

Yeah, you got
to get over it.

What we deal with now.

You regret your decision
not coming back, Steve?

I don't know. I'm still
thinking about it.

You get all
the medical benefits!

BUSCEMI, VOICE-OVER:
I had no designs on
being a firefighter.

I had some vague idea
about becoming an actor.

It just, uh,
you know--I was sort
of directionless.

Same way, I was
the same, way Steve.

I remember saying
to my dad,

"Oh, I never thought
about being a firefighter,"

and he said,
"Oh, it's a good job.

He said, "You should
take the test," so...

In my family,
I have 3 brothers.

Whatever civil service
test came up when
we turned 18,

we just had to take it,

and I was lucky
that for me it was
the fire department.

♪

MAN: All firemen are appointed
and promoted

under civil service.

Applicants are required to
pass a written examination,

strenuous
physical agility tests,

and are subject
to close medical scrutiny

before acceptance.

It all begins
at the probie school.

The probie, more
dignifiedly known as
a probation fireman.

[Sirens, whistle blows]

Here the probie is
introduced to all phases

of his chosen career.

MAN: Uncover.

Let's go.
Sometime today, men.

Chin up.

Yes, sir.

What is wrong
with this picture
right here, son?

I forgot to secure
my gear, sir.

You forgot to secure
your gear.

Yes, sir.
And why is that?

I didn't
double-check, sir.

You didn't
double-check.

No, sir.

I'll deal with you
later, son.

Yes, sir!

Aye, sir!

Yes, sir!

BUSCEMI: So
what was it about
the fire department

that made you
want to join?

I'm like the little kid
who said he wanted

to be a fireman
but actually meant it.

I've always wanted to
be a firefighter.

Uh, my school was right
down the block

from the firehouse that
I'm working in right now.

Get down!

Get down.
Heads up, heads up.

Heads up!

We are a team.

We are only as strong as
our weakest individual.

Down!
One!

Down!

MAN, VOICE-OVER: I was
on the police department list,

and I was the corrections list,
and the fire department,

and I just thought
about it.

I go like, "I'm not
really a gun person."

♪

MAN, VOICE-OVER:
I had seen a couple of fires

when I was a youngster,
and I was impressed,

impressed because
I'm standing

across the street and looking
at this volume of fire,

and then I said, "Wow!
They put all that fire out,

saved lives."

Very dramatic.

As a young, red-blooded
Brooklyn kid, I said to myself,

"Wow! That's
pretty exciting."

F-D-N-Y, strength,
honor, courage!

MAN, VOICE-OVER:
Well, my interest

in the fire department is
in my blood.

My father was
a firefighter,

my father in-law was
a firefighter,

my godfather was
a firefighter,

and I do think probably half
my cousins are firefighters.

I was encouraged to be
a firefighter myself,

but I'm not that brave.

MAN: I think it's
in our blood.

The itch is there.

I think my father kind of
planted a seed you know.

Two of his older
brothers were
firefighters,

and they kind of led him
into being a fireman.

It's in my blood. Heh heh.

My grandfather was
a firefighter

and then my father.

I don't know
if I had a choice.

My brother Tommy
had already been
a firefighter,

and my brother Timmy and I had

actually taken
the test together.

MAN: My father sent
the application

into the fire service.

I took the test,
one of the first tests

I ever passed.

But he made us--
you know, not forced us

to take the test,
he recommended me

"You should take
this written test.

Just in case,
use it as backup."

BUSCEMI: And I thank God
that my father steered me

in that direction because
I really had no idea

what the job was about
and what I was getting into.

[Alarm ringing]

MAN: Second alarm.

Second alarm.
We have a...

BUSCEMI: Do you remember
your first job?

I was terrified.

They say your knees knock.

physically, my knees
were knocking.

I said to myself,
"You made a gross error."

I was actually
praying that there
wouldn't be a job.

MAN ON RADIO: Box 935 at
the address 536 8th Avenue.

JONES: The call comes in,
the alarm goes off,

your adrenaline starts
right then and there,

cranked up to the max.

MAN ON RADIO: Fifth alarm has
been transmitted for Brooklyn.

MAN: Well, anybody that says
they're not scared,

they're full of shit,
OK, because, you know,

you should be scared,
and that's what keeps you alive.

MAN: To confirm, that's
6 engines and 2 tower ladders?

JONES: There's trucks,
and there's engines,

you know, which I really
didn't know the difference

till I was in probie school.

The truck is basically tools,
and there are ladders,

and they do search
and entry and ventilation.

Well, the engine is--
they have the hose.

They hook up to the hydrant,
stretch the line,

and bring the water
into the building.

♪

WOMAN: I like to say the engine
is the most important

because we have
the water,

and without the water,
you can't put the fire out.

Nozzle, the nozzle.

That's the holy grail
right there.

My first year, I was assigned
the can position in the truck.

The can is the 2 1/2-gallon
water fire extinguisher,

and you carry
the can and the hook.

It's amazing what you can do
with that little can.

And I was just--like,
I struggled to get my mask,

to get the can, to get--
you know, I didn't even

know where
the lieutenant went.

The other guys had to
say, you know,

"This is where--
you're going in here."

MAN ON RADIO: 10-4.
Status on the fire?

DIFFERENT MAN:
Still doubtful.

WAGNER: You're rolling in,
you smell it first,

you're a couple of blocks away,
you know you've got a job.

[Siren]

MAN ON RADIO: A sixth alarm
has been transmitted.

JONES: You want to have
a good job.

You don't want to have,
you know, like, a little
one-room, stove-top fire.

You want to have, like, you know
one or two rooms going.

you want to put out
a lot of fire.

When they say,
"good job" that means--

I don't really know
how to put this--

that they got
their butt kicked.

You know what I mean?

That means it was
a really tough fire.

MAN: This is an
all hands message,
5 ladder transmitted.

DUNN: What you want to see
is flame because

with the smoke you don't
know what's gonna happen

because smoke could explode.

Smoke is keeping you
from getting to the flames,

so once you see flame,
you know you got the fire.

You're basically--
you're looking for fire.

DUNN: And as the smoke and heat
subsides, you keep going.

If the smoke and heat
doesn't subside

and that fire comes out,
you don't go.

GORDON: There's a certain amount
of intuition involved

in firefighting...

[Locator chirping]

where you have to feel
what's going on.

DILLON: Once you cross
that threshold,

that camera has
no business being there

because it'll be useless.

If you close your eyes--

and that's pretty much
about what it is.

You can't see anything.

Literally you could put your
hand up in front of your mask,

you couldn't see anything.

In my day, you had to
have 20/20 vision.

First couple of fires
I went to I said,

"Why do they demand that?"

Because you can't--can't
see anything.

♪

DUNN: See, fire has a sound.

You know, it's a roar.

When you open that door
and the windows are

broken or vented,

you know,
that's a roaring fire.

You could hear that.

DUREN: I think one
of the things that I could say

about fire,
it's very seductive.

You see the fire roll
over the ceiling

above you,
and sometimes it mesmerizes you.

WAGNER: You start crawling
in that doorway.

You hear the crackling.

"Is it past me yet?

Is it in front of me?
Where's it going?"

You're listening for fire

and the crackling noise
to find out where you're going

or if there's victims
calling out.

They're fearful,
they just want out.

Uh, we're trying to get in.

We're trying to
make headway.

You feel what's going on

by urgency
in people's voices,

if there's a lot
of urgency and messages,

you know, and the tone
is changing.

[Indistinct chatter]

Go across in the back.

It's absolutely incredible.

Like, you don't even think
that your brain

can work that fast.

♪

I mean, I love it because,
you have to, like--

it's the one time when
I feel really focused.

Guys! Don't lose
her, guys!

Don't lose her!

You never have it 100%.

I had a wakeup call
a couple of years ago.

It was like a perfect storm
type of situation.

It was an arsonist running
around in Woodside,

they had a deck
behind the house.

The guy had lit up
the deck,

you know, not a big deal,
all outside of the building.

It's about 11:00
at night,

and I'm like,
"We're gonna run upstairs

and check the bedrooms,
make sure no one's asleep."

I'm up there one minute,
everything's fine,

and the next minute,
it's like it's piercing heat

that has me flat
on the floor, paralyzed,

unable to move,

and, you know,
I was trapped

at 33 years on the job.

I'm like, "How did this, like--"

It was a wall of fire outside,
trying to shut the door

to the bathroom,
there's stuff in the way,

there's, like, a rug
on the floor

and all this stuff.

It's, like, red
from floor to ceiling.

You know, I'm thinking
to myself, "I can't believe it.

"Like, after all
of this I'm gonna die

"in this stupid bathroom,
on the floor of this bathroom.

"You know, after
all this time,

like, how did I get
into this situation?"

And in my head I'm like,
"Well, you know, they know

"you're here,
they know you're here.

Just breathe."

And then all of a sudden,
there was a shift

in the temperature,
and it started to drop,

and I knew the line was
on the way,

and they were coming up,
and the water came.

I mean, um, it was OK.

JONES: When it's all over,
you think to yourself,

"Let's do it again.
That was pretty good."

NOLAN: You come back
from a fire,

you sit at the kitchen,

you break
each other's balls,

but the serious part was
you talk to each other

about what you
did at that fire

because everything is
about bringing the new guy up.

DUNN: Guys will say,
"Well, job's changing."

Job does change.

Headquarters changes,
the equipment changes,

but the firehouse kitchen
does not change.

BUSCEMI: Can you just talk
a little bit

about the culture
of the firehouse

and what
the kitchen is like?

There is no culture.

And why is--ha ha ha!

That's
the wrong word.

Talk about the low culture
of the firehouse.

JOE: Steve was happy
to see me

because for 8 months
you were the junior man,

having your balls busted
by these guys

until I came here,

and then you had
somebody's balls to bust.

I didn't know what
ball busting was

until you came
on the job.

[Laughter]

When I saw what
they did to you...

Ha ha ha!

I thought, "Wow!
I had it easy
I had it easy."

But, remember uh,
Phil O'Mara.

Oh, yeah.

He was hanging out
one day, right?

And I come in,
and you guys introduce me,

and he looks at me,
and says,

"What'd you do before you
got on the job?"

I said, "I was
a furniture mover."

"You were a mover?

What did you
move, flowers?!"

We knew you had an act,
we didn't know you
were an actor, though.

ESPOSITO: It's just part
of the tradition

of the fire department,

you know, because you're
living with these guys,

you know, you're
working with these guys.

I'm dependent on you,
you're dependent on me,

you know, to make sure
we go home tonight.

So you want to see
where this kid is,

and you want to see
how much he could
get involved

and take the abuse,

but it's usually not
abuse-buse.

It's just all good fun.

Uh, you put powder
in the bed.

You put, like, baby powder
on the pillow

for at night,
so when he lays down,

you know what I mean,
the powder's--

there was a really good one.

We used to take 4 soda cans
and put it on the 4 ends

of the bed,
under the bed

where it sits on the floor,

and it was so strange.

The guy would get
in the bed,

and nothing happens,

and around 3:00, 4:00
in the morning,

I guess his weight
would build up.

The bed would collapse down.

As we used to say,
"There's a lot of love
in this room", you know,

even when--ha ha--
it's just the opposite.

I can remember one time,
um, I walked into the kitchen--

my house had been robbed
the day before,

and I walk
into the kitchen,

I'm feeling down,
and I look on the board,

and it says, "For sale."

Everything that was
stolen out of my house

was listed
on the board "For sale,"

and I realized, "Oh, my God."

That's that dark humor
that gets you

through the tough times.

See, when you go into the
kitchen of the firehouse,

it's actually you're going
into your doctor's office.

You're going to your
contractor's office,

you're going to your
psychologist's office,

the baby doctor.

Whatever you got going on
in your life,

there's somebody in the kitchen
that knows what to do.

You know they say,
"The ways of the world are

solved in the kitchen,"
and it's true.

Every time.

So we should be eating,
like, around 10 P.M. tonight?

CASSANO: The families at home
that eat together,

they say, are closer.

It was the closeness,
that camaraderie,

you know, that second family
aspect of the department

that really hooked me.

Anybody can call takeout.

When I came
in the fire service,

my mother would
make me my lunch,

and the guys would say,
"You in or out?"

You know,
"You in a meal, or out?"

I'd go, "Oh, no. I'm in."

I wouldn't eat
my mother's lunch.

You know, I mean,
that's excommunication.

There was parties
for everything

in the fire service.

You know, there was
a party for a promotion,

a firefighter going
off probation,

20-year retirement.

BUSCEMI: The best call
to get is from Martha,

and she says,
"Uh, boys night out is..."

I love this, Martha going,
"Boys night out is..."

"Are you going, Martha?"

"Yeah, yeah,
I'll be there."

"OK."

MARTHA: I wasn't sure,
but I was like...

BUSCEMI: So how did you
come to take the test?

Actually,
I saw a poster in
a Vietnamese restaurant

at Pike Street,
and I didn't
really know--

I was just working
as a secretary
at the time,

and I didn't
really know--

like, I knew I
wanted to do something,

but I didn't know
what it was,

and I guess it was
like an ignorance is
bliss situation

because, like,
I didn't know much
about the job,

but like, I figured
"Oh, I can do that."

So it worked
out well for me.

It did.

MAN ON P.A: Fire alarm
at Hudson Park Library.

Second unit
for a smoke alarm inside...

I don't know if you can
measure the difference

between 1982 and today.

I don't think that
there's a word

that is big enough to encompass
how great it is now.

GOLWAY: When women were allowed
to take the test

in New York in 1977,
there was great resistance.

You cannot emphasize enough
how much resistance there was

from the all-male
fire department.

JONES: It was the seventies,

it was Helen Reddy

singing, "I am Woman."

And I thought, "What
do you mean women

couldn't take the test?"

My father was
a firefighter.

When I first said I was
taking the test, he said,

"Maybe your sisters
but not you,"

and I was at the time
a secretary in Manhattan

at a bank,
not making any money.

I knew that these guys
all raised families

on a civil service salary,

I was raised on one,

and I didn't picture that
happening as a secretary.

Going to work at 7:00
in the morning,

getting home at 7:00 at night,
and making no money

was not really
appealing to me,

and you know even the guys
in the neighborhood

that I knew who were
firefighters,

they were very happy.

I wasn't happy being
a secretary.

It was just something I did.

♪

So, you know, I thought
this could be something

actually worthwhile to do.

DUREN: I really wanted
to make history.

I wanted to make
history in New York City.

WOMAN REPORTER: In 1978,
the only time women were tested

for the fire department,
all passed their written tests

but failed the physical tests.

Brenda Birkman thought those
tests were biased and sued.

The physical was, like, a bunch
of crazy, different tasks.

You know, some
of them made sense,

some of them didn't.

Basically, the judge--

Sifton--decided that,

well, they should make

the fire department physical

representative
of what a firefighter does,

pulling hoses,
raising ladders,

dragging dummies,
forcing doors.

Once they announced what
the second test was gonna be,

I thought I could do that.

DUNN: Muscles were what
young men--that's all we have

when you're
young and stupid.

You join the fire service.

So when that was taken
away from us,

that was part
of the anger.

DILLON: That was a biggie.

My attitude was that,
"OK, I really don't like
the idea of this,

"people are coming
into the department

sort of sideways."

DUNN: It was handled
badly by the city.

They just threw those
women out there

in the fire houses.

Young men have difficulty
being assimilated

into a firehouse.

The women were not
given a break.

Oh, no. I was not like
every other probie,

absolutely, positively not.

It was definitely
a hostile work environment

for a very long time,

and not by many
but just by enough.

I really craved to, like,
have my bunk floured

or to have, you know,
a bucket of water dumped on me

because that would have
meant I was one of them,

and that never happened
in my first firehouse.

♪

A lot of things were just cruel,

out and out cruel.

You know, if I went to a fire,
sometimes they would say,

"Oh, this is your last one."

Somebody urinated
in my boots.

Some people came to work
thinking they would just

make my life miserable,
and they did.

Every probie,
every new firefighter

has to prove himself
or herself.

However, that said,
there's no question

that black firefighters,
women firefighters

have had to prove
themselves in ways

that white male firefighters
have not had to.

BENJAMIN: When I went to--
initially went to Rescue One,

I was one of the first
black firemen to go there.

When I went and spoke
to the captain,

and he says, "Well you know,
maybe some guys,

you know, might be prejudice,"
or something like that.

So I said, "Cap," I said,
"well, that's their hang-up.

It ain't mine."

Now I figured it out.

He was checking me out to
see where I stood with it,

you know what I mean?

And I didn't realize
that at the time.

Right now,
I still get on the rig,

and I could still walk out
there in the area,

and you have
some people going,

"Wow. This is
the first firefighter--

black firefighter
that I've seen."

Of course today, you know,
the fire department

of New York is still
more than 90% white.

You know how timing
is everything in life?

I came at a time
when civil rights

was coming into play,
so as an African-American
in the black community,

I got sent to schools that
were all white schools

to be able to
integrate them,

so I was always the first
at doing something.

It was the time
that I came along.

So that helped me actually
in the firehouse.

JONES:
I got promoted in 1994,

so it was 12 years later.

Accomplishing that
meant a lot to me.

It really did.

I went from, like, liking
my job and doing my job

to loving my job
and loving this department.

♪

Firefighting is like a war.

You're in an uncontrolled,
deadly environment.

BUSCEMI: I want to
talk about a fire

that I know
that you were at that
before 9/11 was one

of the biggest loss of
life for firefighters,

The 23rd Street fire.

I was a lieutenant
in the 33 Engine,

an all hands came
in for box 598.

We were assigned
on the second alarm.

GOLWAY: Just around the same
time that Engine 33 pulls up,

Company 18 pulls up, too.

Chief Reilly tells
Engine Company 18

"OK. Listen. get a line
into Wonder Drugs."

Tells Engine 33
"You cover the exposure."

Now I stand there,
I look in the drugstore,

the light is on
in the store.

There's a light wisp
of white smoke.

I said to
the firefighter,

"There's nothing here,
let's get around

to where the action is."

So we go around
to Broadway.

Now what Engine 18 did is

they walked to the back

of the drugstore.

Now they're standing

on top of the basement

of the building on 22nd Street,

and this building had
a art frame business,

and they had drums
of lacquer varnish

and thinner
in the basement.

What nobody knew is
that business was so good

in that art frame store
that they broke

through the cellar
of the building on 22nd Street

and took over the back third

of the building
on 23rd Street.

The Wonder Drugstore
had what they called

a terrazzo floor.

It's a marble
finished floor,

and this thick 5 inches
of masonry insulated

the heat of that fire.

And suddenly an entire
section of the terrazzo floor

collapsed right
into the fire.

[Crash]

When the floor collapsed
and all those firefighters

fell in it,
it compressed the fire.

The ball of fire and heat
and smoke come roaring out.

GOLWAY: 12 firefighters
died that day,

and the guys
in Engine 33 lived.

DUNN: I often wonder
what if those orders

were reversed,

if Chief Reilly said,
"33, you go

into the Wonder Drugstore."

I'm a young kid.

I didn't understand
what was going on.

I mean, you lost
so many firefighters.

I remember going home
that morning after being

there all night,
recovering all the bodies,

and I jumped into bed.

I was exhausted,
and my little daughter

2 1/2 years old comes
running in,

jumps into bed
with me and snuggles up,

and I said, "Well,
there's a lot kids

who are not gonna have daddies
to snuggle up to anymore,"

but then I fell asleep.

Well, I make deputy chief
10 years later.

I'm in the Bronx,
7th Division,

commander up there,

and I start to write
these training manuals

for tactics and strategy,

and then I start to write
about building collapse,

floor collapse,
wall collapse,

ceiling collapse,
stairway collapse,

and I can't stop writing
about building collapse.

And I tell my wife,
"I feel like I'm vomiting

this stuff out."

I realized then that was my
posttraumatic stress debriefing.

I held it in
for 10 years,

and then I wrote it
in a book,

floor by floor and
wall by wall collapse.

So that's how I
exorcise my demons.

DUREN: We're a little more
not as attached

in a lot of ways.

We can go to a fire,
and when we walk away,

somehow, you just kind of
just put it

in the back of your mind,
and you keep going on.

[Siren]

When you're a firefighter
in New York City,

the war is on fire,
and it's never ending.

REPORTER: 6 New York City
firemen died in Brooklyn
when the roof...

BUSCEMI: I remember
the Waldbaum's fire.

I just saw the headline,

and, you know, some sort

of denial set in where
I didn't really want to know

about that part of it.

I do remember thinking
about it like,

"Yeah. We're gonna be,
you know, firefighters."

I don't think I

really comprehended

what we were getting into.

[Bell ringing]

[Sirens]

CASSANO: There's a lot of
departments that are aggressive.

I don't think there's
anybody as aggressive

as New York City.

It's part of the way
we were brought up.

The people that went
through the war years with me,

they built the basis
for what we have today.

It's on the backs
of those people that went

through the most
difficult years we've had.

BILL MOYERS: It happens
30 times a day.

Someone is burning down
a building--

a landlord for profit,

a tenant for revenge,

junkies, vandals.

Arson is our fastest
growing crime, affecting...

More than 11,000
firemen were injured

fighting those
fires last year.

NOLAN: If it's tenable,
you're going in.

If you're getting reports
that there are people in there,

you know, you're gonna
make that move,

regardless of what's going on.

I mean, you can't think.
You got to get in there.

You got to act.

Aggressive attack,
aggressive attack,

and that's the best
way to fight a fire--
aggressive.

McQUEEN: We hadn't went
through anything

that they went through.

We went through a couple
of jobs here and there

where you thought your
life was on the line.

They went through
a couple of jobs a day

where their lives
were on the line.

NOLAN: They came from the war.

Most of the men were
World War II veterans,

you know, Pacific, Europe.

CHUCK DOWNEY: Our father,
he came on 1962.

He went
through the war years,

the sixties and seventies,

and he didn't talk
about his experiences

until I came on the job,
and then he opened up.

Not a whole lot.
You know, he still had
that marine--

That's when Mom told
him "That's enough.

Let's move on
to something else,"

but I got to see
him in action.

Yeah. I was a probie,
and I couldn't believe

how fast he was
at a fire.

You know, no mask,
no front piece on,

no breathing apparatus,
so I said,

"I'm gonna try this."

We start moving in,
and I just hear him talking,

"15 feet, back to the left,
down the hallway,

the room's on the right."

I had to follow him,
you know, like a duck

following
their mom around.

I just followed him
everywhere he went.

And now I'm pushing in,

I'm coughing,
I'm hacking up a lung.

My face is probably
on the ground,

trying to breathe.

and I couldn't hang
with him.

I'm taking hits, hits,

you know,
and, he's just talking

like it's a walk
in the park.

He said, "Get
in the apartment now."

I said, "All right."

So we go, open the door,
get in the apartment.

The whole stairway
collapsed,

the interior
stairway collapsed,

and that was
probably the only thing

he said, "Get in
the apartment."

His nickname was "God,"

you know, which
is kind of a big
nickname to carry.

♪

BROWN: When you look
back at 1967

when my father got
on the fire department,

they had come out with this
new technology called a mask,

and you could put it
on your face,

and you could breathe it
in smoke.

Now, most people would say,
"Wow! that's great technology.

"We all got to use it.

When do I get mine?"

When they insisted
that this mask be used

on a regular basis--
car fires, this,

and everything else--

I remember--I think I was
a captain at the time--

and I said, "What are
we turning into?"

Nobody wanted to use it
because if you were caught

with a mask on you were
looked upon as a coward.

BROWN: Firefighters,
given the work that we do,

we have to think
we're invincible

because when you walk
through a door

and there's fire
on the other side,

if you make a left you live,
if you make a right you die,

that's a subconscious decision
that you're making

that not too many people
can handle.

♪

DILLON: I was relatively new,

and I worked Friday night,

and early in the morning,
we had a loss of life.

This is 49 years ago,

and it was my first,
a mother and child.

The thing that struck me
with that particular fire

was that the bed had
the same sheets

that my son's bed had.

It was about 3:00
in the afternoon,

tenement fire on Pitkin Avenue.

It was a loss of life
of a child in a crib,

and it was tragic,

and I'm looking around,
and I'm saying,

"What do we do now?"

Fire's over, we go home.

I don't know.
I think I was just sort of

like, a little numb.

I mean, I think I've
always been sort of removed

a little bit, like
a little bit distant from it.

I mean, um, I guess
it's my mechanism.

I came home,
and my wife was packed,

ready to go.

We had booked to go
up to the Poconos

Friday, Saturday,
Sunday night come home,

and on the way home,
my wife is saying in the car--

she says, "It's over,
the marriage is over."

She says, "We're not
talking, you haven't"--

and I realized.

I said, "Honey, no, no.
I love you as much now as ever,"

and I said, "but I didn't
tell you what happened."

And so I described
to her what happened,

and she said, "Oh, my God."

I pulled the car over
off the road,

I broke down,
which was at the time,

I thought, inappropriate,

but now I look back,
and I say, "No.

That's what you--
you're a human being."

♪

BROWN: When you know that
it's a cumulative effect,

all these different
traumatic events

that firefighters
are exposed to...

and eventually it becomes
too much for some to deal with,

which we have to
understand is

what we're putting
these guys at risk for.

CALLER: People are
burning up!

OPERATOR:
What's the name
of the club?

I don't--I don't know.

McKEON, VOICE-OVER:
The Happy Land fire
was certainly something

that would haunt me.

BUSCEMI: Did you
know that it was
a social club

when you were
going there?

Did you know
that there--

No. Uh...

You really had
no idea then

what you were
gonna find?

No. I thought that
it might be--

it might not be
anybody in there.

[Sirens]

OPERATOR:
They're coming out
running from where?

CALLER: They're coming out
running from the club.

There's only one exit
in this motherfucker.

MAN ON RADIO:
We have multiple 10-45s
on the second floor.

McKEON: You couldn't see,
so we didn't see

the rest
of the second floor,

but after a while
as more companies

were coming up the stairs
from the interior

of the club,
from the first floor

and it was becoming
more well lit,

you could see, you know,
there was people

all over
the second floor.

A lot of people looked
like they were just sleeping

because nobody
was burned,

and you didn't see.

Like up there, we didn't
see people who had a lot

of soot necessarily
on their face.

The first person
I removed,

a--a woman,
and I still remember

what she looked like,

and you could see
that it was too late
for everybody.

And that's when I made--
you know, I decided

I'm not gonna, you know,
look at people's faces

if I don't have to.

♪

WAGNER: The arsonist,
he had just had an argument

with his girlfriend,
who was the hat check girl,

and he was really disruptive,

the bouncers
had to throw him out.

He threatened them,
"I'll be back.

I'll fix you guys."

He did come back.

So he opens that door,
splashes the gasoline,

the inside door
was closed,

and he throws a couple
of matches down

and then walks away.

WAGNER: The superheating gases
and smoke from the gasoline went

right up the wooden stairway,

and it just killed them
right in the spot.

At the bar, at tables,
people on the dance floor

just fell on the floor,
and it was still lightly smoke,

and the guys were
in there,

and they were saying,

"The floor is awful soft,
it's spongy.

It might be
ready to collapse."

They were standing
on the bodies

of the people who got killed.

McKEON: You see people
like a battlefield,

just bodies laying
all over the place.

87, uh, altogether.

I remember thinking,
you know,

I didn't want to
be there anymore.

There was nothing
more we could do,

and, um...

WAGNER: Trauma is
an amazing thing.

You can't put 10 pounds
of shit in a 5-pound bag.

Somehow along the line,
this is gonna pop out,

in stress, in road rage,
you're gonna bring it home.

If you can't talk
to anybody in the family,

where is this
stuff gonna go?

You can't really talk
to somebody outside of the job

about things like that.

You could talk
to another fireman about it,

but I wouldn't bring
that home to my wife.

Do you think that
there are still
firefighters

out there that are
reluctant to seek help?

It's not a part of
the everyday firefighter's

lifestyle
to ask for help.

"What do you
need help for?

"You can't take it?

"You can't take
the death,

or you can't take
the stress of this job?"

"Don't feel sorry
for yourself.

"Nothing happened to you.

"You didn't lose
your life,

"you didn't get hurt.

"You don't need
this, you know?

Somebody else needs this."

♪

It was a full moon.

I remember the night,
the stars.

You could smell it
in the air.

We knew we had a job.

I was the inside team,
I was the can.

These guys were
very diligent about,

well, there might be
somebody in there.

So we ran
into the building,

we searched every floor.

We got up to the top floor,

there's a room,
the dead man's room,

that the officer or we
always have to go check

because there's only
one way out of the room.

If you don't take
the doorway,

you got to go
out the window,

and I noticed that
the fire escape

had been set on fire.

As soon as I walked
to the middle of the room

to follow the officers
and them,

there was an explosion.

I never saw
light like this.

MAN ON RADIO: Need an ambulance,

need an ambulance
at the location.

And that's when I was
like, "Oh no, no, no."

Because, you know, when
you're standing

from the fourth floor
and you're looking down

and there's nothing
but cement,

that's a long way to jump.

I didn't realize
I was on fire, OK?

I had that new bunker gear.

I was cooking in it.

It was like I was like
some beef in the oven cooking,

and I didn't know,

and when the fire
started up my neck,

it snapped me out
of my shock,

and I just closed my eyes,
and I stood in the window

and jumped.

DUREN ON RADIO:
Fourth fucking floor.

DUREN: Then I never opened
my eyes again.

MAN ON RADIO:
Bring them here!

The EMT guys were
saying, "Open your eyes,

talk to us."

but I thought I
was in heaven.

I know it sounds silly,
everything I'm saying to you.

I didn't expect
to live after that.

I really didn't.

The guys were telling
me how lucky I was

because the firefighters
that had showed up

put their bodies
in the way

so that when I jumped
I didn't break anything.

[Sirens]

I spent, like, 3 months
in the burn center

here in Manhattan.

I had skin grafts,

I had third degree burns
everywhere,

and then I was
a little crazy after that.

Posttraumatic stress set in.

I was seeing people
that we had been in fires,

dead people,

and little dark areas,
or certain lights hit you,

and it all comes back.

It's just like being
a soldier at war.

You always ask why me,
but you know if you've been

on the job long enough,
you're gonna get hurt.

Your time comes around.

♪

BUSCEMI: On that day,
you know, when you hear

the number of causalities
of the civilians,

yeah, I just wasn't even able
to understand it

until I heard the number
of firefighters,

and the first number that
came in that I heard was

they were estimating that
100 firefighters were killed,

and that to me
was unbelievable.

I didn't know who,
but I knew I was gonna

know people, you know,
and that's when it

became real for me.

JOE DOWNEY:
We knew he was working.

I think he even said
on the radio,

"this is
a terrorism act,"

my dad did over the air.

He knew what
he was getting into.

JONES: I was actually
on vacation,

and I was in New Mexico
with my husband,

and when
the buildings came down,

I turned
to my husband, I said,

"I think everyone
I work with is dead."

So--sorry.

And basically,
that was true.

Almost everyone I worked with
who was working that day died.

So...

JOE DOWNEY:
And I recall walking
down West Street,

you know, and seeing
the devastation.

and walking up
to Chief Cruthers,

who was my dad's boss
at the time,

and I said,
"Where's my father?"

And then he's like--
he just shook his head
like this,

put his head down.

He's like,
"I don't know Joe."

Joe was in that area
when I first got there.

We met eyes, and you know,
he shook his head,

so I knew what he meant.

HAKELL: It was about 1:00
in the morning

I found out both my brothers
were, in fact, working,

so, you know at the time,
I just told my mother

that they were just
listed as missing.

I knew they weren't
gonna be alive,

but until we found
something of them,

I didn't want to take
that hope away from them.

BUSCEMI: On September 12,
I knew I wanted to go and help,

So I rejoined
my old company, Engine 55,

and went to the pile
with the rest of the guys...

and we all just
started digging.

I brought
my video camera.

From Engine 55,
there were 5 guys missing,

but we all kept looking.

♪

DILLON: Your day consisted
either of two things,

either going back to the site

recovering bodies, pieces,

or going to funerals.

MAN: You just brought
back a memory.

When we found a guy,
it was a good day.

Yeah.

Because, you know, you
felt you gave closure

to another family.

You just think like,
"Wow. That's a good day?"

BUSCEMI: In the end,
the remains of 4 of the 5

fallen members
of Engine 55 were recovered

for their families.

♪

JONES: It was never-ending
in the firehouse.

It was like you--I mean,
people would come by,

you'd have these buses
pull up, and, like,

you know, 32 people
from Pennsylvania want to

sing you, you know,
Christmas carols.

Church groups came
to pray with you.

It was long, long days,

and you really almost
never escaped it.

It felt like every day you
were reliving it somehow.

My new best friend,
was Mr. John Walker, OK?

Some people call him
Johnny Walker,

and he was my companion.

Intellectually, I knew
what I was doing,

but I just needed--
I felt I needed a cushion.

343 of the firefighters,

2,750 people.

One day, one event,

and I just couldn't process it.

McKEON: I felt it was
in a way, like, hard

to place your grief.

I think it would have
been--I don't know.

If you told me one
of those guys died,

it would be--it would be
as hard as all of them.

It's like you--it was
hard to comprehend,

and, um, all these years later
it's still--

I don't feel like
it's completely sunk in.

We lost that many
firefighters at one operation.

BENJAMIN: Um, people say you
get better at things.

I don't think so,
not that kind of stuff.

You know, it's always
gonna be there.

I don't feel like
I struggle per se
each day,

like, "How am I gonna
get through the day,

"or why am I so angry,

why am I yelling
at the kids?"

It's just when it
happens I say,

"Aw I shouldn't have
probably yelled
like I did,

but looking back on it,

I attribute it to what
we've gone through.

I feel like it's like
a hockey game

with the, um, Plexiglas.

I'm on the spectator side
of the Plexiglas,

and my family, friends,
and everybody else is
on the other side.

I can't--I want to,

but I can't--I can't
get on the other side.

I can't get on the ice,
I can't get into the game,

and they can't hear me.

The only people
that can hear me

where it resonates with
are other firefighters.

You know, firefighters
are all the tough guys,

and "I'll get
through this on my own,"

and then September 11 hit,
and everybody knew

that this was something
that was gonna be

way beyond what we had
ever had done before.

♪

BUSCEMI: There was such
an overwhelming need

for counseling
and for reaching out.

CASSANO: We realized that
when we were sending counselors

there, psychologists,

people weren't opening up.

How did you get involved
in being--

so what is your
title first of all?

Oh, good point.
Um, "peer counselor".

A buddy of mine called
me up after 9/11

and said, "Listen.
The counseling unit's
looking for some guys

to work
in the counseling."

I said, "Yeah.
I don't know anybody."

He says,
"No. I want you."

"No. You don't want me
I don't know anything

about that stuff."

He said, "No. What
we're doing, we're
taking senior guys

"who were there
during the war years,

and the guys will
listen to them."

Firefighters do not
openly tell you

what's bothering them.

You have to pull it out.

So instead of what they
call "stuffing it",

you kind of get it out,

you know what I mean,
whether it's yelling

whether it's screaming,
whatever it takes.

We learned right after
September 11

that unless we had
peer counselors people

weren't going to
open up to them.

I guess you'd say
we're the middle man.

We go around
to the firehouses,

and we try to motivate
them into tapping

into mental health.

I went there first day,
sat down.

I said to myself, "No.

"These guys don't know
the hurt that I feel,

the loss that I feel,"

and then the first guy
starts talking,

and I was saying to myself,
"He stole my lines."

Second guy, very similar.

By the time they got to me,
it was just more of the same.

We all went through it.

BROWN: One of the things
that the FDNY did

in rebuilding itself
was to understand

that there is a tremendous
fallout after such an event

like that or even
mini 9/11s,

which happen every single day,

multiple times in the city.

There's fires,
there's people dying,

there's tragedies
that firefighters are the people

that are holding their hand
when they die.

♪

BUSCEMI: But one
of the things that I love

about the fire department
is the sense

of tradition and pride

that is just built
into this job.

what I also love
about this job is that

firefighters not only
help other people,

but you help each other.

You really have
each other's backs,

and you help
and support each other.

You know, that's when
you're not too busy

busting each
other's balls.

[Laughter]

I know--I know
that also

goes along with the job.

It's been a decade
now since 9/11,

and the fire department
is still feeling

its effects.

We have members who are
still struggling.

We have members
who are sick.

We have members who are dying,

and some of their
family members

are here tonight,

and you honor us
by your presence.

♪

We've lost over 60 guys
to cancer since 9/11.

What you're seeing
right now really is, I think,

just the tip of the spear
of what's coming

for guys who responded that day.

We were always told
at the time it would be

probably about 10 years
before these things start

to metastasize,
and you're seeing it now.

I can't remember
a day since September 11

that I haven't coughed.

ESPOSITO: Well, just from our
firehouse alone,

we've had 8 guys
with symptoms.

Well, they called it
the World Trade Center cough.

Some guys if you make
them laugh too much,

they cough up blood.

It's scary, Steve,
it really is.

Um, that's one thing
I think I put

my defense up.

You know, we don't talk
about it,

my wife and I
don't talk about it,

but it's scary.

It's scary what could
happen to you

and what's gonna happen
to your family.

I mean you can't walk
into any firehouse

in the city without seeing
5 or 6 fundraiser flyers

on any billboard
for a guy that's sick.

ESPOSITO: That's what we do,

and that's what he
did in 9/11.

Larry was the guy
you could count on.

A couple of times
on the holiday

when you wanted to go
to the Trade Center,

he said, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to the Trade Center."

He says, "I'm coming with you."

Joey's brother is missing.

He's back and forth there
continuously,

and, I mean, you just had
to be there.

It'd become a way of life.

There's a lot of resentment
and regrets there.

There were a lot of things that
were preventable here I believe,

and you get statements
from the EPA

that the air is safe
to breathe 3 days later,

you know, you're like,
"All the stuff

"inside that building
that was crushed there,

"between the glass
and the concrete,
where's it going?

We're ingesting it,
we're breathing it in."

It's always on your
mind you might get sick.

I'm the chauffer.
I drive the fire truck.

It's every kid's dream,

but nobody wants to talk
about the bad sides of the job.

I'd have to say
the most thing that he loved

about the job was the guys.

You know, being
around everybody and--

because nobody understands
us more than another fireman.