A Dennis the Menace Christmas (2007) - full transcript

[♪♪♪]

Ho, ho, ho,
ho, ho, ho.

[RINGING]

[DOG BARKING]

[SNORING]

[RINGING]

[CROAKS]

[DOG BARKS]

[BELL DINGING]

Aah!

Mr. Wilson!



Dennis.

[GASPS]

What is it, George?
Another one of your dreams?

It wasn't a dream, Martha.

It was a nightmare.

A nightmare.

Ho, ho, ho.

[BELL DINGS]

Hey, Mitchell.

Nice bike. Where did you get it,
the junkyard?

How about a race? You and me.

Last one to school is a loser.

Guess that will be you, loser.

Aah!



Oh!

[YELLING]

BOY:
Loser!

Just wait, Jack Bratcher.
One day I'm gonna beat you.

[♪♪♪]

[BELL RINGING]

[CROWD CHATTERING]

Aah! That will be 50 cents,
Henry Mitchell.

No discounts for husbands?

Oh, not today.
Where's Dennis?

Oh, he's backstage with
the rest of the kids.

It looks like this is
gonna be quite a show, huh?

Oh, I hope not.

Oh, just relax,
it's gonna be fine.

All he has to do is
say his lines

and walk off stage with
the rest of the kids.

What could possibly go wrong?

Hey, Mr. Turkey.
How are you doing in there?

He doesn't look so happy.

Whatever he is, just keep
that thing away from me.

I'm allergic
to turkey feathers.

Hey, guys.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
whoa, whoa.

And what are you
supposed to be?

A green bean casserole.

What's that smell?

I'm wearing cranberry perfume.
It's all the rage in Paris.

[LAUGHING]

Boys are
so unsophisticated.

My, isn't this lovely, George?

George?

George, you know, I could have
delivered my pie myself.

Oh, nonsense, Martha.

Now, George, you're just gonna
have to get over this.

Dennis Mitchell is just a boy.

Yes, like a hurricane
is just a hurricane.

George, Dennis is going to be
all the way up on the stage

and you're going to be all the
way down here in the audience.

What could possibly go wrong?

I understand, Mr. Bratcher,
but we have a lot

of children in the show.

Yeah, but you have only got
one Jack Bratcher.

And I wanna see him front
and center in the spotlight.

Capisce?

I'll do what I can.

[FANFARE PLAYING ON PA]

Showtime.

All right, children,
let's get ready.

All right,
now listen to me.

When you get out there,

I don't care if you have to
knock someone down.

You get in front. You got it?

Yeah, Dad.

And don't forget your lines.

I don't want people to think
I'm a bad parent.

Now give me five.

Oh! Got you.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, dork face.

Uh, Dennis, I think
he's talking to you.

Yeah, I'm talking to you,
snail boy.

Nice race today, loser.

I'm not a loser.

Really? Then how come
I beat you today, huh?

'Cause you're a loser.

Oh, yeah? Well,
I'm gonna ask Santa

for a new bike this Christmas,

then life in this town
is gonna change.

Please.

Christmas is so totally...

...stupid.

[KIDS GASP]

You just said the S word.

[FANFARE PLAYING ON PA]

[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

[LAUGHING]

Okay, thank you, Merle. Thanks.
Thank you, Merle.

Thank you. Okay,
Merle, stop it, okay?

Well, goodness.

How did all of you people
get into my office?

[SPARSE LAUGHTER]

PRINCIPAL:
Thank you, thank you.

And, uh, thank you all
for coming out tonight.

On behalf of the staff and the
students of Franklin Elementary,

I would like to welcome you all
to our Thanksgiving pageant,

bake sale
and pie baking contest.

[CROWD APPLAUDS]

I know tonight
I'm looking forward

to tasting all of
our ladies' goodies.

[LAUGHS]

So we're going to begin
a very special history lesson

from Mrs. Walsh-Mellman's
first graders,

who have put together
their own version

of how Thanksgiving
came to be.

And now without
any further ado--

What's the matter, Mr. Turkey?
Are you thirsty?

--first grade class and their
story of Thanksgiving.

The children have worked
very hard on this

so I know we're all in for
a real treat.

Where's Dennis?

PRINCIPAL:
Including--

A special surprise guest...

I'll be right back.

PRINCIPAL:
But let me just say
that I think

you're all going to
gobble up this presentation.

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

And so the pilgrims and their
new Native American friends

shared their bounty
and started a tradition

that has lasted even today.

Here you go.

[GASPS]

The tradition of Thanksgiving.

[SNEEZES]

[SNEEZES]

[TURKEY GOBBLING]

Eek!
My turkey feather allergy.

Get it away from me!

[KIDS SCREAMING]

I told you something
was going to go wrong.

Come on.
Let's get out of here.

Hey, don't just stand there,
fight back.

Oh, no.

Food fight!

Oh, no.

Maybe it's part of the show.

Keep moving, Martha.

Keep moving.

[KIDS SHOUTING]

Henry, do something.

Okay, all right.

Right here. Right here.
Right here.

That's not what I meant.
Go get Dennis.

Right. Okay.

I'm hit.

Dennis Mitchell.

I think we made it.

[PIES SPLATTERING]

Ooh.

[CROWD GASPS]

Oops.

MARTHA:
George?

George, are you all right, dear?

Oh, my apple pears pie
is ruined.

GEORGE:
Dennis!

And another thing. If you think
my insurance company

is paying for this catastrophe,
you're nutso.

But, Mr. Bratcher, you did
sell us an insurance policy.

Oh, yeah?

Well, look at this, bucko.

Read the fine print.

"The Dennis Clause."

BOTH:
The Dennis Clause?

It absolves my company
of responsibility

in the event of
any and all disasters

caused by one Dennis Mitchell.

I'm sorry, but it's true.

After the unfortunate

kindergarten
show-and-smell incident

they added the Dennis Clause
to our policy.

This is just ridiculous.

He's a 6-year-old boy.

That's right.

And you were exactly
the same way when we were kids.

Always getting into trouble.

Your old man having to
clean up your mess.

And still--

La, la, la.
La, la, la.

Happy-go-lucky all the time.
What's up with that?

Yeah, what's up with that?

I guess the apple doesn't fall
far from the tree, huh?

Dennis Clause.

Oh!

[LAUGHS]

Sorry.

But I didn't mean
for it to happen.

The turkey looked thirsty.

Dennis,

you're gonna have to start
taking responsibility for your--

Your situations.

I'll work it off. I promise.

Hey, I can wash windows.

BOTH:
No.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

Uh, sorry.

Do the dishes?

BOTH:
No.

[DISHES SMASHING]

Hey, Dad, what if I help you
change the oil in the car?

BOTH:
No.

[♪♪♪]

I'm gonna--
I'm gonna get a drink of water.

We'll talk about this later,
okay?

HENRY:
Oh, not looking good, Alice.

This coming on the heels
of the Halloween disaster.

That wasn't all Dennis' fault,
you know.

They shouldn't have stacked
those pumpkins so high.

Regardless,
there's not gonna be

a lot of money left over
for Christmas.

Well,

they're hiring
down at the mall.

Oh, Alice--

They had a sign up
looking for a gift wrapper.

You know I've always been
very good with bows.

Honey, I hate for you to
have to do that.

It's only temporary.

Just to get us through
the holidays.

Dennis is gonna be on vacation,
home from school.

I'll call Dad. He loves
spending time with his grandson.

I thought he was climbing
Mount Kilimanjaro.

Well, he's supposed to
be back on Sunday.

Well, I suppose
we have no choice.

Who could've planned

on the unexpected expenses
of a spirited child?

Henry, he's a boy.
He'll grow out of it.

HENRY:
Let's hope.

Hey, Ruff,
what am I gonna do?

[♪♪♪]

[CAT SCREECHES]

[DOGS BARKING]

[MAN GRUNTING]

Well, I'm here. Now what?

[♪♪♪]

♪ Sleigh bells are ringing
It's love in the air ♪

♪ The spirit of Christmas
It's everywhere ♪

♪ Soon Santa's coming
With loads of gifts to share ♪

♪ We'll have a
Merry Christmas ♪

♪ And a happy New Year ♪

Wow.

That's what I want.

The Razzle Dazzle Beauty Center

with sparkle attachment

and automatic color changer.
It's beautiful.

What do you want, Joey?

Me? I just want it to snow
in time for Christmas.

My mom says it hasn't snowed
for Christmas in 30 years.

She says it's
the global warming.

DENNIS:
Wow!

MARGARET:
Cool, the Mite-Y-Max
racing bike.

Wow, it's-- It's--

Majestic.

Well, if it isn't Mr. Snail
and the snailettes.

Get lost, Jack.

Make me.

Maybe I will.

You'll have to catch me first.

That'd be way too easy.

As if, Mitchell.

You're so slow you couldn't
catch a cold in a snowstorm.

Oh, yeah? Well, you wait
until Christmas.

Then you'll be the loser.

You daring me to a race,
Mitchell?

Okay. A race.

You and me. Christmas Day.

Unless you're too chicken.

[♪♪♪]

You're on, Jack Bratcher.

You're so going down.

You can't win, Dennis.

Yeah, everybody knows Jack
gots the fastest bike at school.

Don't worry, guys.
This race is in the bag.

All I need is a little help
from Santa Claus.

Come on, honey.

It's time for
the secret Santa draw.

HENRY:
I wanna thank everyone
for coming again this year.

We all know what to do, right?

We do, okay. There.
Pass it around.

Hey, Henry,
do you think you can, uh,

pull some snow
out of that hat?

I wish.

[LAUGHS]

We all know it hasn't
snowed at Christmas

around here in how long?

ALL:
Thirty years.

Hey, come on, everybody.

Just because there's
no snow on the ground

doesn't mean we can't have a
little Christmas in our hearts?

Pick a name, get a gift,
spread some Christmas cheer.

No peeking.

"Mr. Wilson." Cool.

[♪♪♪]

George, the lights
are lovely this year.

Come and see.

I've seen the lights,
Martha.

Every year,
I have seen the lights.

Well, maybe this year we could
maybe just--

No, no.

Just a few little red and green
ones around the front porch.

You know how I feel
about this thing.

It's shameless capitalism
at its worst.

Besides, it's a waste
of electricity.

Yes, dear.

I'm going to look at my stamps.

Yes, dear.
Have a nice time.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

Okay, so far we have presents,

a Christmas tree,
cookies and lights.

Who can tell me
one more thing

that represents
the Christmas spirit to them?

Dennis?

Yes, Mrs. Walsh-Mellman?

Do you have a fifth thing to add
to our list of Christmas spirit?

That's easy. Santa Claus.

Very good, Dennis.
Santa Claus it is.

Well, now aren't you happy
we came out for a walk?

I suppose.

But...

But?

I just wish it would snow.

Oh, Martha.

You know it hasn't
snowed around here

at Christmas time for 30 years.

I know, but it just doesn't seem
like Christmas without snow.

It seems to be perfect
just the way it is.

Fresh air.
Nothing but peace and quiet.

Oh, no.

What?
Come on, honey.

DENNIS:
Mr. Wilson.

Hey, Mr. Wilson.
Hey, Mrs. Wilson.

Hello, dear. George,
say hello to Dennis.

Dennis.

Do you know what today is?

It's the start of
Christmas vacation.

School's out for two weeks.

Marvelous.

Are you excited for Christmas,
Mr. Wilson?

Uh, actually--

Are you excited, dear?

You better believe it.
It's my favorite holiday ever.

So you got your Christmas list
made yet, Mr. Wilson?

As a matter of fact--

Do you have
a list made, Dennis?

Yup. And there's only
one thing on it.

Do you know what it is?

I'm afraid to ask.

The Mite-Y-Max racing bike.

Then I'll be
the fastest kid in town.

I've been pretty good this year
too, so it's as good as mine.

George.

So, Mr. Wilson,

don't you want anything
for Christmas?

Well--

You know, dear, Mr. Wilson
isn't a big fan of Christmas.

It dates back to his days
when he was a postal worker.

I threw my back out every year

delivering those stupid letters
to Santa Claus.

[WHISPERS]
You said the S word.

George, don't say stupid.
It's not nice.

I'm sorry, but Christmas--
Ugh.

Nothing but shameless
capitalism.

I'm sorry, Dennis, but we're
going to have to be going now.

You have a lovely holiday.

This is gonna be harder
than I thought.

ALICE:
What do you mean, there's no
other way out of Tanzania?

Three days?

By yak.

I gotta go.
I'll figure something out.

I gotta go.

Yeah, I love you too. Bye.

No Grandpa?

Don't ever ask someone climbing
Mount Kilimanjaro to babysit.

How about a babysitter?

[YELLING]

Oh, yeah.
Okay, what's plan B?

[SIGHS]

[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING
OVER PA]

I'll bet I can find something

for Mr. Wilson's
Christmas present here.

Please, Dennis, not today.
Just stay with me, okay?

Oh, Mom.

Oh, it's just too much.
Too much.

I had four Santas the past week.

All the four of them quit

within 15 minutes
of taking the job.

So if you don't work out,

I'm just going to close
the whole thing down.

You can count on me, sir.

Because this is not just a job,
this is something I have to do.

If I can give
the spirit of Christmas

to at least one person--

Oh, well, then--

Oh, yes.
Well, that's wonderful.

Now do you mind
if we do the fitting?

Mr. Souse?

Uh...

Sousez. Not Souse, Sousez.

Oh, Mrs. Mitchell,
how nice of you to join us.

Thank you. I'm sorry,
I couldn't find a babysitter.

Dad says we're blacklisted.

Oh, really?

How interesting.
Uh, Mrs. Mitchell,

they're going to want you
at the wrapping table.

I'll be there in a moment.
Go on, go on.

Okay, come on, honey.
Go, go. Go, go.

Ah. Now, ahem,

Robert, about that fitting.

Ah.

How did you do that?

I like to be prepared.

Sit over there, okay?

Okay, honey, now you stay put.
And please stay out of trouble.

Relax, Mom. I'll be fine.

I'll take those.

Thank you.

[♪♪♪]

ALICE:
Merry Christmas.
Who's next?

Great. Oh, aren't you sweet.

Thank you. Yes, my son is over
there. Isn't he adorable?

Yes, thanks. See you later.
Merry Christmas.

Number 36?

Well, it's about time.

ALICE:
Have a happy holiday.

I don't see how we're supposed
to do that without snow.

Oh, no. They say it hasn't
snowed around here

at Christmas time for about--

Thirty years, I know, I know.

It's just not natural,
no snow at Christmas.

What are you doing?

[CROWD GASPS]

Dennis.

Dennis.

[GRUNTING]

Wow.

Look what you did.

ROBERT:
Get me up.

Oh! Goodness, gracious.

What in the name of heaven
is going on here?

This child.
This deplorable little boy

grabbed me in my private area.

Madame, please.

Okay, honey, time to go.

What little boy?

That one right there.

Huh?

He was right there.
I'm sure he was right there.

[GROANS]

This is going to be
a long Christmas.

Look at that.

I found one.

I actually found one. Martha.

Martha.

Martha, I found one. A 1954--

Oh, Alice, of course
we'll babysit Dennis.

What?

ALICE:
I would never ask
unless I was desperate.

Don't give it a second thought,
we'd love to.

What?

ALICE:
Thank you both so much.

I'll be home at 5:30.

[♪♪♪]

DENNIS:
Hey, Mr. Wilson.

Looks like
I'm your new roommate.

What?

Oh, nothing.

Then why are you
staring at me like that?

No reason.
I was just wondering

what someone like you
would be interested in.

I am interested
in reading this newspaper.

I mean, you know,
like a hobby or something.

Or a gift you would like.

My hobby is reading
the newspaper.

And I would like
the gift of silence.

Well, I'm off.

Oh,
where are you going?

Oh, I have a few errands
to run, dear.

You're leaving me home with--

George.

You're leaving me alone?

If you want dinner tonight I am.

Now, Dennis, I saved these
crayons from your last visit.

So--

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Now, you boys be good,
and I'll be back soon.

[TAPPING]

[HUMMING]

Now what?

I don't know what to draw.

Why don't you try writing
a letter to Santa Claus?

I already e-mailed him.

Then just...

...color something.

Hm. What to draw?

There's gotta be something

Mr. Wilson needs
for Christmas

and I'm gonna find it.

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTS]

Oops.

Oops.

Mr. Wilson sure has
a lot of letters to mail.

Hmm...

I'm home.

George?

Oh. Just reading
the paper, Martha.

Where's Dennis?

Off with his crayons
someplace.

Well, his crayons
are here, dear.

[♪♪♪]

Dennis.

Dennis.

Dennis, where are you, dear?

Oh, dear.

Oh, no.

Oh, hi.

Good news, Mr. Wilson.
Your mail is all ready to go.

My stamps.

Now, dear,
remember your blood pressure.

And look at this one.

Hey, Mr. Wilson, what's
the matter with your face?

[KETTLE WHISTLING]

GEORGE:
Dennis!

[OVER PHONE]
I don't want him
around my house.

I don't want him
anywhere near me.

Of course, Mr. Wilson.

You will be completely
reimbursed.

Okay, you have a good night.
And again, we are very sorry--

[DIAL TONE]
Hello?

Ten thousand dollars.
For stamps?

Yes, it was a collection.
Apparently a lot of antiques.

Don't they have insurance?

They have the, uh,

Dennis Clause.
Dennis Clause.

What are we gonna do, Henry?

We don't have
that kind of money.

It's Christmas.
We have to buy gifts.

Dennis wants that
racing bike so badly.

We will manage somehow.
Everything's gonna be fine.

[SHATTERING]

Dennis.

[RUFF BARKING]

ALICE:
Dennis?

Dennis? Son, what--?
What are you doing?

Well, I thought that maybe
if I could figure out

the right gift to get Mr. Wilson
for Christmas

he wouldn't be mad anymore.

Except even if I could
figure it out,

I don't have any money
to get him anything.

Well, Dennis, that's the great
thing about Christmas.

It's not about the money.

Christmas is about
thoughtfulness

and kindness and good will.

It's the gesture of giving a
gift that counts, not the gift.

It's about family...

...friends...

...and love.

I think what Daddy
is trying to say is

sometimes the best gifts
are free.

I love you, Alice.

I love you, Henry.

Hello? I'm in the room.

You have to think
a little harder.

You'll come up with something.
I know you will. There we go.

What do you think, Ruff?

What can I give Mr. Wilson
for Christmas

that he really, really needs?

[♪♪♪]

That's it.

[GRUNTS]

I'm gonna give Mr. Wilson
the Christmas spirit.

[RUFF BARKS]

Hey, Mr. Wilson.

Hello, Dennis.

What you doing?

I'm going shopping for stamps.
Alone.

Oh,
I thought maybe you were

gonna get a present
for Mrs. Wilson.

You know, for Christmas.

Mrs. Wilson and I do not
exchange Christmas presents.

We haven't for years.

But I thought Mrs. Wilson
liked Christmas.

She likes Christmas,
but she doesn't like presents.

Are you sure about that?

Well, she has never come
right out and said so but--

So how do you know?

[GROANS]

I hate shopping.

Especially during the holidays.
All the crowds, the noise.

Those awful blaring
Christmas carols.

How's a person
supposed to think?

That's okay, Mr. Wilson.
I brought backup.

What?

Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Come on, Mr. Wilson,
come on.

We're going to help you.

♪ It's time to celebrate ♪

♪ 'Cause you make
A better world ♪

♪ Year after year ♪

♪ Soon you'll be on your way ♪

♪ Spreading joy everywhere ♪

♪ There's no one like you ♪

♪ Santa you are the one ♪

♪ You creep the chimneys
At night ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ And you always know
Who has been naughty ♪

♪ Or nice ♪

♪ But how does it feel
To work? ♪

♪ Everyone's off
No one to help you ♪

♪ How do you reach us all? ♪

♪ It's for sure
No one does it better ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ You are the one ♪

♪ I hope you enjoy this song ♪

♪ It is a gift from everyone ♪

♪ Thank you for all
That you have done ♪

See, Mr. Wilson?
I told you we'd help you.

Well...

Martha will sure be pleased.

Here you go, Mr. Wilson.
Here you go, Mr. Wilson.

Be careful, Mr. Wilson.

Oh, don't worry about me,
Dennis.

I was a dancer in my youth.

Two-time regional division
tap-dance champion.

There it is.

GEORGE:
What is?

The Mite-Y-Max.

A bicycle.

It's majestic.

Do you even know
what that word means?

JACK:
Hey, Mitchell.

Ready to lose on Christmas Day?
Loser.

What an unfortunate little boy.

Hey, Mr. Wilson,
you dropped your present.

[GASPS]

[GROANING]

Mr. Wilson, I thought
you said you could dance.

I hate Christmas.

Yes, dear.

[GROANING]

WOMAN:
Thank you for sharing, Connie.
We have a new member tonight

and I'd like you all
to make her feel welcome.

Go ahead.

ALICE:
Hello, everyone.

My name is Alice and...

...I have a spirited child.

ALL:
Hello, Alice.

[♪♪♪]

DENNIS:
How lucky can you get?

We need a Christmas tree
for Mr. Wilson,

and we find one
just sitting there.

Right on the sidewalk.

MARGARET:
Must be your lucky day.

DENNIS:
He's gonna be so surprised when
he gets home from the hospital.

This tree is filthy.

It's called nature, Margaret.

It's called gross.

It's locked.

[GROANS]

It's open. Excellent.

Okay.

Just point the tree
in my direction.

On the count of three.

One.

Two.

Three.

[KIDS GRUNT]

[♪♪♪]

[SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE]

There's a Christmas tree
in here.

That's him. That's the guy.

OFFICER:
George Wilson,
you're under arrest

theft of a Christmas tree,
one count.

I unload my tree
from the car,

we go into the house
to use the can,

we come back out
and it's gone.

Yeah, it's gone.

You have the right
to remain silent.

Anything you say
can and will

be used against you
in a court of law.

You have the right
to an attorney.

I didn't take
your Christmas tree.

I saw the kids drag it
into your house.

You're the ringleader.

MARTHA:
Don't worry, dear.

I'll bail you out
of the slammer.

Dennis.

Hey, Mitchell.

Hello, Mr. Bratcher,
how are you?

I'm great.

I just sold five more
insurance policies,

all of them with
Dennis Clauses.

Your kid's
gonna make me rich.

Is Mr. Wilson okay?

Yes, dear. He just had a rough
night in jail, that's all.

[SIGHS]

Uh-oh.

Dennis, I'm gonna run
to the drug store very quickly

before Mr. Wilson wakes up

and get him some more
of his special medication.

Can you promise me
that you'll stay

right here with him
until I get back?

I promise.

Very good, dear.
Okay, I'll be right back.

Mm-hm.

[♪♪♪]

Hm...

Time to bake cookies.

[♪♪♪]

Hm...

...kind of boring.

[GRUNTS]

[BLENDER GRINDING]

Oops.

[CRASH]

[STAMMERS]

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTS]

[♪♪♪]

DENNIS:
Mr. Wilson,
I made you something.

They look delicious.

But Mrs. Wilson doesn't
allow me to have cookies.

They're bad for
my blood pressure.

Not even one?

[GRUNTS]

GEORGE:
Maybe...just one.

After all,
it is Christmas.

[CRUNCH]

[SIREN WAILS]

[CHATTER OVER AMBULANCE RADIO]

[GRUNTING]

MARTHA:
Now, Dennis, you're going to
have to tell the doctor

exactly what you put
in those cookies.

Is Mr. Wilson
gonna be okay?

Yes, dear.

He'll be fine.

Just as soon as
they pump his stomach.

[GROANING]

Dennis.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, Mitchell,
I'm waiting for ya.

Loser!

Why does he gotta be
such a bully?

He probably hasn't
got in touch with

his true
inner self.

It's genetic,

like musical talents
or exceptional good looks.

JOEY:
My dad says
people are bullies

because they don't get
enough love at home.

They just need a little more
patience, support,

kindness from members of
their communities

to turn themselves around.

Okay,
now that's just gross.

Okay,
this is the last one.

Ready, guys?

Set...

...and jump.

[♪♪♪]

Perfect.

When Mr. Wilson
gets home

from the hospital
tonight,

he's going to be
so happy.

Yeah, what can
possibly go wrong?

[♪♪♪]

[GROANING]

All right,
be careful, dear.

MARTHA:
Thank you.

We'll go inside

and I'll make you
a nice cup of clear broth.

[GROANING]

Look at
the lights.

[♪♪♪]

[GASPS]

Oh.
Aah!

Oh, oh.

[SIREN WAILS]

[♪♪♪]

George,
remember your blood pressure.

I, uh--

I am so sorry, Mr. Wilson.
I, uh-- We will--

We'll pay for everything,
don't you worry about that.

We'll pay
for everything...

...somehow.

[SIGHS]

Oh, God.

[♪♪♪]

How bad is it?

You don't wanna know.

[GROANS]

ANNOUNCER 1 [ON TV]:
And now, sit back, relax,

and enjoy
our presentation of

Children of the Damned.

ANNOUNCER 2:
We'll return to The Bad Seed
after these messages.

ANNOUNCER 3:
Rosemary's Baby,
right after this.

Uh, maybe we should read.
Uh--

Yeah, read.

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

JACK:
Hey, slug.

Enjoy Christmas Eve tonight,

'cause tomorrow's
the day you lose.

[PANTING]

I hope you put that jerk
in his place,

Dennis Mitchell.
It doesn't matter.

What?
Tomorrow's Christmas.

And the only thing left
on my Christmas spirit list

to get Mr. Wilson
is Santa Claus.

How the heck
am I gonna do that?

You wanna come and play ball
with us or something?

Get your mind
off it?

All right,
merry Christmas.

Merry-- Hello.

No. Thanks anyways.

You guys go on.

I'll see you
later.

Hi.

Yo, what's up--?
Oh, hey.

[LAUGHS]

Ho, ho, ho.
Merry Christmas.

You're the Santa
from the mall, right?

I was, all right?

I lost that gig.

So...what are you doing
out here?

Hello?

I'm trying to spread
the Christmas spirit.

If I can give it
to just one person.

One person...

Maybe you could help
my friend Joey.

He really wants snow
for Christmas.

[LAUGHING]

Snow? Oh, man.

It hasn't snowed
on Christmas here

in 30 years.

You need to put a dollar
in this bucket.

Wait a minute.
What did you say?

I said what you need
is a dollar in this bucket.

No, before that.
Did you say Christmas spirit?

That's right.

See, I came here to--
And you need

to give it to somebody?

Yeah.

You know what, Santa?

I know just the guy.

[COUGHING]

GEORGE:
Martha?

Martha, what's going on?

I was just trying to
warm up the room.

That hole in the wall makes it
a little drafty in here.

[FIREPLACE SIZZLING]

Ah, there must be something
stuck in the chimney.

[THUMPING]

[MAN GRUNTS]

What the dickens
is going on?

[SIGHS]

[MAN COUGHING]

What are you doing up there?

[COUGHING]

Ho, ho, ho, Mr. Winston.

Get down off my roof, you idiot.
The name is Wilson.

Hey, Mr. Wilson.

Surprise!
Dennis.

I might have known you'd
have something do with this.

That's right.
I'm your secret Santa.

You're my what?

Your secret Santa.

[COUGHING]

You be quiet up there,
and get down!

What is it, George?

DENNIS:
It's Santa Claus.

I found him in the park,
and I brought him here

to give Mr. Wilson
the Christmas spirit.

Oh, that's nice, dear.

You found him in the park

and you brought him here
to my home?!

Merry Christmas, Mr. Wilson.

Yeah, merry Christmas,
Mr. Winston. Ha, ha.

Wilson!

So you got the
Christmas spirit yet,

Mr. Wilson?

[GROANS]

I just need some help.
[SIREN WAILS]

[GAGS]

Come on, Santa.

[SIGHS]

Give me a break.

I'm trying to spread the spirit.

Yeah. In the car.
Can't we all just get along?

We'll get along at the station.
In the car!

Watch the hat!
It's expensive.

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[SIGHS]

[DOOR OPENS]

MARTHA:
George, dear?

I brought someone
to see you.

I'm gonna leave
you two boys alone.

Mr. Wilson?

Now what?

I just came to say,
I'm sorry for everything.

Here,
I made you a card.

You stay away from here.

Stay away from my wife,
from my home, from me.

But, Mr. Wilson--

Don't say my name.
Forget you ever knew me.

You're nothing but trouble,
Dennis Mitchell.

You're a menace.

Now, go away.

I never wanna see you again!

[♪♪♪]

And one more thing...

There is no such thing
as Santa Claus!

[CRYING]

I had you on my good list.
I had toys for you guys.

Now you're
on my bad list.

Guess who's naughty:
both of you.

Don't worry,
Santa.

We'll get you back to the...
North Pole on time.

[BOTH LAUGH]

What the--?

Pull over, Stenski.
Pull over.

We lost Santa Claus!

[SIREN WAILING]

Merry Christmas,
everyone.

But it isn't
until Tuesday, Mum.

Well, we need it now,
so let's go ahead and have it.

Norah, Ito,
Patrick.

Oh, I did wanna pay you
some of your back salary--

WOMAN 1:
Now not another word
about it, Mum.

Now, you know we wouldn't
think of leaving ya.

WOMAN 2:
Oh, it isn't
17 jewels, Ito.

But I'm not sure
that time is worth

all that decoration,
these days.

Hey, Martha.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I'm coming.

[GASPS]

Don't be afraid. Ha, ha.

I'm here to help you,
Mr. Wilson. Ha, ha.

What--?

[CLATTERING]

Hey, that's--
That's my ice bucket.

Uh, I'm sorry.

I knew I should've
gone for

a smaller set of wings.

But you know
how it is.

In a rush--
You're rushing out the door.

You grab anything that
could fit, you know?

W-Wait! Wait,

you're the jerk that was stuck
in my chimney tonight.

Well, you can call me "Jerk,"
if you want to.

But, uh,
I prefer "Bob."

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, Bob, Jerk,
or whatever your name is,

I'm calling the police.

[GASPS]

How-- How did you--? C--
[CLEARS THROAT]

What, do I gotta spell it out
for you, Georgie?

Come on. The suit, the wings,
it's Christmas...

Ha-ha-ha. This guy.

[LAMP SHATTERS]
Ooh. Ooh.

Uh, I guess that was
valuable to you too, huh?

S-Sorry.
It's a nice lamp.

[LAUGHS]

You're an angel.

Uh, not exactly.

Um,
more like, uh...

...let's see,
Christmas spirit.

Whoa, whoa!

[GASPS]
Whoa...

[LAUGHS]

Whew,
that was a close one.

Spirit?

I'm dead.

He did it to me, didn't he?

Dennis.

He finished me off.

[LAUGHING]

No, no, no.
You're not dead.

Well, at least not
in the traditional sense.

What is that
supposed to mean?

Well, come on.
Let me show you.

I'm not going anywhere with you.

But, Georgie--

[PICTURE FRAME
SHATTERS]

Yeah, anything.

All right, I'll--
I'll go.

As long as you get
out of my house.

Sounds good to me.

Hold on.

Why?

BOB:
Woo-hoo!

[WIND BLOWING]

[BOB HUMMING]

Oh!

Hey, this--

Th-This flying
is all right.

Ha, ha.
Really?

I could never
get the hang of it, man.

[HUMMING]

What?

[GRUNTS]

[KEITH DAVID'S "MERRY LITTLE
CHRISTMAS" PLAYING]

♪ Have yourself ♪

♪ A merry little Christmas ♪

♪ Let your heart be light ♪

♪ From now on ♪

♪ Our troubles
Will be out of sight... ♪

Where are we?

Mr. Newman!

Mr. Newman!

♪ Have yourself ♪

♪ A merry little Christmas ♪

That's--

That's me.

Mr. Newman!

Boy, you were
such a cute kid.

What happened?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Oh, Georgie.

Look, Mr. Newman.

Here's a picture of it
in my comic.

"The Fabulous Freddy
Fishing Rod."

Yeah, isn't it swell?
MR. NEWMAN: Yeah.

It's the one
I told you about.

I can send the
picture to Santa,

and he'll know
exactly what I want.

Yes, I'm sure
he can hardly wait.

[SIGHS]

The things I do
in the name of neighborliness.

He was a
very patient man.

Really?

MAN [ON RADIO]:
Folks, today I have good news
from Hollywood.

The little girl
with the big dimples

and the sunshine
in her eyes,

Miss June Allyson,
star of...

[♪♪♪]

MR. NEWMAN:
Mrs. Newman left you
some crayons and paper.

She should be back
from the market any time now.

Swell.

I think I'll work on
my letter to Santa.

Good.

And just
stay out of trouble

until your mother
gets home from work, hm?

Sure, Mr. Newman.

Now, go, go, go, go.

[SIGHS]

Ah...

That can't be right.

Mr. Newman?

Uh, yeah?

You got
any stamps?

[STAMMERS]

Uh, yeah,
around here somewhere.

Okey-dokey,
dominokey.

Ah...

Uh-oh.
Where were you going?

[SIGHS]

I remember this.

[♪♪♪]

Gosh,

I wonder why Mr. Newman
left his boats out here.

Better put 'em
back where they belong.

GEORGE:
No, no, no.

No. No.
No, no, no.

No, no, no.
No, no.

Don't do it. Don't do it.

He can't hear you.

[GASPS]

Oh.

That's not good.
I know.

[GRUNTS]

I've gotta stop this.

Ah.

Mr. Newman,
go upstairs, now.

I told you
he can't hear you.

Mr. Newman.

There's nothing
you can do...

Go upstairs now.

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTS]

Georgie!

[♪♪♪]

[GROANS]

Georgie!

[GASPS]

MR. NEWMAN:
No, no!

[LAUGHS]

You were really
something, huh?

[LAUGHS]

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess I was.

That was the year
that I accidentally

knocked all the power out
to the city.

It took 'em three days

to turn it
back on again.

Never did
get that fishing rod.

Come on.
We got places to go.

Are we done?

Nope, not yet.

Hey, uh, that's me.

Nice way to spend
Christmas Eve, huh?

You lucked out
with that one, Wilson.

I did...indeed.

[♪♪♪]

Too bad you don't
appreciate it.

Merry Christmas.

I--

I didn't know.

No, you didn't.

What are we
gonna do, Henry?

With the damage
tonight,

and the stamp collection
and everything else,

we're gonna owe
Mr. Wilson $40,000.

It's actually
closer to 45.

But at this point,
who's counting?

Well, they do owe me that money.

That child
caused all the damages.

It's only fair.

[SIGHS]

Mm-hm.

Poor Dennis.

He wants that bike
so desperately.

I know, honey.

I wish we had the money,
but we don't.

He's gonna be heartbroken.

[ALICE AND HENRY SIGH]

I know he's a handful,
but he's a good boy.

And no child deserves
to be heartbroken on Christmas.

We're gonna have to
sell the house, aren't we?

HENRY:
A smaller place
might be nice for a change.

Cozy.

What?

HENRY:
But we're together,

and that's
all that matters.

Can't you do something?

[SIGHS]

If the Mitchells move,

that means they're
taking Dennis with them.

Isn't that
what you always wanted?

[GRUNTING]

[RUFF WHINING]

Mr. Wilson's right,
Ruff.

I am a menace.
I'm no good.

You heard Mr. Wilson.

There's no such thing
as Santa Claus.

He said it,
so it must be true.

I'm not gonna get
the Mite-Y-Max bike.

Jack will win tomorrow,
and I'll be a loser.

You know what, Ruff?
Christmas is stupid.

[RUFF WHINES
AND BARKS]

Oh, no.

The S word.

He said the S word.

[SIGHS]

This is bad.

Very bad.

[RUFF WHINES]

Invisible,
remember?

But not intangible.

Look, I got it, all right?

I'm Scrooge,
you're the ghost of Christmas.

I have to learn my lesson.

Blah, blah, blah.

But this boy is suffering.

This has to stop
right now.

Not yet.

Now where are we?

Is this the future?

MAN [OVER SPEAKERS]:
Happy holidays.

Recycled air will
be available free tomorrow

to all citizens,

as a holiday gift from
our beloved twin presidents...

[LAUGHS]
...Mary-Kate and Ashley.

What's that smell?

Ha. Oh, they had to start
adding sun block,

SPF 800,
to the air around 2019.

Guess we should have
listened to Al Gore.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, no.

Is that my house?

Yup.

You lived there with your wife
until she died.

Rest her soul.

Then you lived there
the rest of your life...

...alone.

No family.

No friends even.

You pushed
everyone away

until you were left
with nothing.

It looks so lonely.

It is.

[♪♪♪]

That's the
Mitchells' house.

Why isn't it
decorated?

Get outta here!

But, Mr. Mitchell,
it's Christmas Eve.

I told you,
I don't want a wreath.

I don't want lights.

I don't want any decorations.
I don't like Christmas.

Now, get lost!

What happened to Henry?

Shameless capitalism
at its best.

Why is he such a crab?

Alice and Henry
sold the house back in '07

because of the massive debt
that they owed you.

Henry got a second job
and so did Alice.

Their lives were
never the same after that.

Dennis swore
his whole entire life

that he was
gonna buy that house back.

From that point on,
that was his one goal.

He went to college
on a skateboard scholarship.

He got a really good job
working in an insurance company.

Well,
there you go.

With adversity
comes success.

But at
what price?

He never had
a family.

He never had kids.

He barely had
any friends.

Where is he now?

Mr. Wilson...

[SIGHS]

...that's not
Henry Mitchell.

Dennis?

His Christmas spirit
was broken

way back then.

That's the year you told him
there was no Santa Claus.

Oh, no.

No,

we've got to do something.

Don't waste your breath,
Mr. Wilson.

Dennis, it's me.

Give it up, man.
It's too late.

Forget what I said.

I was wrong.

I was wrong.

Christmas isn't stupid.
It isn't.

Please.
Listen to me!

Merry Christmas,
George Wilson.

Dennis.

[GASPS]

Where am I?

[GRUNTING]

I'm...home.

Trying to sell you
these wings.

These are the original wings.

Seven left, folks.
Seven left.

They just sold it. I mean,
it's going like hotcakes.

Please buy these wings.

Heavenly bodies
trying to

give you these wings
so you can fly...

Dennis?

...feathers
made of goose.

Uh-huh. Real goose.
This is not fake.

This is not something you
get in Chinatown.

You know what
I'm saying? Ha, ha.

[♪♪♪]

Here, I made you a card.

DENNIS:
Mr. Wilson,

I'm sorry for everything.

So, you got
the Christmas spirit yet,

Mr. Wilson?

It's Christmas.

[♪♪♪]

Got a lot of things to do.

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas,
everyone!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

Yes!

[HENRY YAWNS]

Do you want some coffee,
honey?

Yeah.
I'll be back.

Henry.
Yeah?

Henry.

What?

[FOOTSTEPS
APPROACHING]

Whoa!

[♪♪♪]

No way!

He brought it.
He brought it.

There is a Santa Claus.

Did you?

No, did you?
No.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

BOTH:
Santa Claus?

Mind if I come in?
It's freezing out there.

Now, this is
an itemized list

of the debts
that you owe me.

Look, I said we were
gonna pay you the money.

H--

I was gonna...

...pay you soon.

Merry Christmas, Henry.

Merry Christmas.

Huh?
[GASPS]

Are you okay,
Mr. Wilson?

Alice, my dear,
I have never been better.

What about the money?
Th-The Dennis Clause?

Oh,
forget about that.

And I'm going to
call the school.

They owe me a few favors.
I'll see what they have to say.

Oh, thank you,
Mr. Wilson.

Uh, "George."

Ah, well, heck.
You can call me Georgie.

Georgie.

[ALL LAUGH]

Mr. Wilson, look.
I got my bike.

Santa brought my bike.

[LAUGHS]

And well he should have.

You deserve it.

You have been
a very good boy this year.

You--

You are...

...a very good person,
Dennis Mitchell...

...and I'm quite happy
to know you.

You okay, Mr. Wilson?

[LAUGHS]

Dennis...

[SIGHS]

...I'm better than okay.

I'm majestic.

Mm?

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Wilson.

Ho, ho, ho.

Huh?

[ALL LAUGH]

[♪♪♪]

[DOOR OPENS]

MARTHA:
George?

[GRUNTS]

George, I slept so late.

There's a Christmas tree
in our living room.

Mm.

George.

[LAUGHS]

Well, what do you think?

Oh...

George, you shouldn't
have done all this.

Oh, of course
I should have.

I should have done it
a long, long time ago, Martha.

And if you promise
to forgive me

for being
an old grouch,

I promise I'll make up for
[LAUGHS]

all the lost Christmases
we've ever had.

Oh, George,
they were never lost,

you old grouch.

[LAUGHS]

We were always together,

and that's all the Christmas
I ever needed.

Aw.

I was saving this
for your birthday,

but since
it's Christmas...

You mentioned this
a long time ago.

YOUNG GEORGE:
Look, Mr. Newman.

Here's a picture of it
in my comic.

"The Fabulous Freddy
Fishing Rod."

Yeah, isn't it swell?

[FISHING ROD WHIRS]

GEORGE:
Martha.

Where did you ever find this?

Dennis taught me
how to shop online.

You can find
anything you want out there.

Oh, Martha.

I've never
had to look that far.

Oh, George.

[SIGHS]

Mm.

Wow.

[LAUGHS]

Wow.

[♪♪♪]

[KIDS CHATTERING]

All right, now listen to me.

Back off.

You're gonna go out
and beat that Mitchell kid.

You got it?

Yeah.

What?
I can't hear you.

Yeah!

Look at me.

No Bratcher is a loser.

Got it?
Got it.

Say it.

No Bratcher is a loser!

And if you don't
come in first,

you're a what?

Huh? A what?

A loser!

Good.

Now go out there

and show him who's
the fastest kid in town.

Me.

Yeah.

All right, son,

drive safely,
do your best,

and remember:
No matter what happens,

you're always a winner.

Thanks, Dad.
Okay.

Good luck, Dennis.
You might not lose.

Dennis, you need
to beat this guy,

for all of us.

You can do it.
I know you can.

I believe in you,
Dennis Mitchell.

Holy cow.

Ugh. Whatever.

All right, racers
to the starting line.

First one to the end
of the block and back

is the winner.

On your marks,

get set,

go!

[ALL SHOUTING]

Come on, Dennis!

Come on, Jack.
Let's go.

Don't be a loser.

Come on!

HENRY:
Go, Dennis!

You can do it, buddy!

Come on.

Come on!

Faster!

Beat him!

Do your best, son.

Don't be a loser.

HENRY:
Guess the apple doesn't
fall far from the tree.

JACK:
Loser!

Loser.

JACK:
Loser!

[KIDS SHOUTING]

KIDS [CHANTING]:
Dennis, Dennis, Dennis!

[BRAKES SQUEAK]

Dennis!
Come on, come on, come on!

Yeah!

[KIDS APPLAUDING]

MR. BRATCHER:
Yeah, that's it!

All right, buddy.
That's my boy.

That's how
the Bratchers do it, pal.

Right on!
Did you see my kid?

My kid won.

Yeah! That's it, pal!

That's how
the Bratchers do it, pal.

You're a winner.
A winner.

And that kid
over there...

[KIDS CHEERING]

That kid is a loser.

Say it.

Loser.

Let's go home.

[♪♪♪]

Well, son,

I know
you did your best.

Mm-hm.

What do you say we go
have some hot chocolate?

Be there
in a minute, Dad.

All right, buddy.

You let him win,
didn't you?

He needed it
more than I did.

JACK:
Hey, Mitchell.

Thanks.

Merry Christmas, Jack.

Merry Christmas, Mitch--

Um...Dennis.

[♪♪♪]

It's snowing! It's snowing!
I knew it would snow!

[KIDS CHEERING]

[KIDS CHATTERING]

[LAUGHS]

I just love happy endings.

[LAUGHS]
MAN: Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Okay, I'm coming.

HENRY:
Ah, would you look at the snow.

MARTHA:
I don't remember
seeing it snow like this

since I was a little girl.
HENRY: Uh-oh.

Oh. Ha.

Excuse me. Be right back.

Getting cold out here.

Yeah.

Want some?

Nah. I, uh...

Come on, Bratcher,
it's Christmas.

[LAUGHS]

Thanks.

HENRY:
Hey, congratulations
on the race.

George, invite him in.

GEORGE:
I'll be right in.

I'm just going to shake
the snow off the bushes.

[DENNIS GRUNTING]

Aah!

Oh! Aah!

Uh-oh.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Mr. Wilson!

Mr. Wilson!

[THUD]

GEORGE:
Dennis!

[♪♪♪]