A Day in Court (1954) - full transcript
A day at an Italian trial court, where a magistrate judges a full array of peculiar petty crimes and characters.
Take this.
Let's get a move on or we'll never be done with it.
Let's get a move on or we'll never be done with it.
Stop thief ! Stop him !
Stop him !
Stop thief !
Stop him !
Stop him !
Stop him !
You devil !
I've got you, thief !
I've got you, thief !
Stop him ! Stop thief !
Stop him !
Stop him !
Stop !
Stop him ! Stop thief !
Stop !
Stop !
- Come on !
- Vermin !
Come on ! Keep moving !
Come on !
- Where are they taking the poor devil ?
- To court !
So long ! Court !
That's where all folks like him end up sooner or later.
That's where all folks like him end up sooner or later.
So do many minor events
occurred in the city end up in court.
Take this swearword,
it will be examined, checked and judged.
it will be examined, checked and judged.
This fruiterers' brawl will also end up in court.
This fruiterers' brawl will also end up in court.
How do I know all this ?
Allow me to introduce myself, Augusto Mencacci.
Profession, eyewitness.
He who seeks me, finds me every day here in court.
For felonies going up to 3 years
and fines up to 100,000 liras,
this is the place where an inflexible justice is dealt out.
this is the place where an inflexible justice is dealt out.
How often have you gone past this building
and not thought of going in
or not thought there isn't in the whole city a free show
or not thought there isn't in the whole city a free show
worth seeing more than...
A DAY IN COURT
to hen snatchers and wallet snatchers at tram stops,
to their counsellors, to clerks,
to those who fight on buses,
and to the evicted.
To all those who one day became the characters
of the daily events of petty justice.
The authors of the film thank these characters
who often without knowing from the short
news story columns in newspapers
who often without knowing from the short
news story columns in newspapers
have collaborated with them.
Court is my kingdom, my field of action.
When I meet a lout here, I go up to him, get friendly,
When I meet a lout here, I go up to him, get friendly,
and take him to the court café.
I had bread, prickly pears and chillies
for breakfast. Why come to the café ?
It's the court café, the heart of justice !
- Two coffees and cakes !
- No, coffee and nothing else !
No, plenty of cakes !
No, plenty of cakes !
- What's your problem ?
- I got a note saying...
Hello ? Yes, it's the court café. Counsellor Terenzi ?
- Counsellor Terenzi ! What a pain !
- Here's Terenzi !
Hello, this is Counsellor Terenzi. Who's speaking ?
Commendatore ! How are you ?
Commendatore ! How are you ?
Sorry ? He called you "a cuckold" ?
Cuckold, perfect !
No, I meant it's defamation. Clause 594.
No, I meant it's defamation. Clause 594.
Hold on, I'm noting it down. "Cuckold..."
Hold on, I'm noting it down. "Cuckold..."
- So ?
- So...
I got this note signed by the judge.
Have a look, I'm no expert.
It's very simple.
I'm a good friend of the judge,
and so is my friend the lawyer.
- What's the matter ?
and so is my friend the lawyer.
- What's the matter ?
It's serious.
- It's a serious case.
- No !
- It is !
- Could I go to jail ?
Not to jail,
but you need recommendation from the judge.
One moment.
I've heard this "pudge" is an important person,
more powerful than a police sergeant.
Don't worry about the judge. I can handle him.
- Like the cakes...
- Look !
Can you see that person getting off the bus ?
- He's a judge.
- That one ?
His name's Salomone Del Russo.
He must preside 20 cases a day for 70,000 liras a month.
His son didn't want to study so he threw him out
and now he's centre-forward for the Lazio squad !
His son earns 300,000 liras a month and he's 21.
He'll soon retire and will get 30,000 liras a month.
That's why he's always edgy.
Each morning, before he goes to court,
he comes here and orders...
Each morning, before he goes to court,
he comes here and orders...
- A strong chamomile.
- We have a strong Lazio !
- You might.
- Don't you care ?
I don't care about sport.
I've never watched a football match
or read sports magazines
or read sports magazines
displaying images of athletic cyclists with long noses.
By the way, why do all athletic cyclists have long noses ?
- Football's different !
- Is it ? It's the evil of the century !
You dare talk to me about football !
I've many reasons not to talk about this sport,
I've many reasons not to talk about this sport,
but you provoke me.
You weren't at the stadium for the match on Sunday,
You weren't at the stadium for the match on Sunday,
but your son was. Such give-and-goes !
but your son was. Such give-and-goes !
- Were you at the stadium on Sunday ?
- You bet ! We won 5-0.
So you didn't see the car crash on the Appian Way,
as you stated in court.
- Yes, I was there !
as you stated in court.
- Yes, I was there !
How could you ?
The crash was miles from the basinful of roars
The crash was miles from the basinful of roars
you call stadium. How could you ?
- I'm indicting you ! What ?
- Nothing, Sergeant.
- I'm indicting you ! What ?
- Nothing, Sergeant.
Not Sergeant. I'm a judge.
I'm indicting you ! Put the chamomile on my account.
- Shall I pay ?
- No, I'm paying !
Get out or I'll send you to jail !
You and some other friend of yours.
I've just realized something.
If all pudges treat you like that one, I'll end up in jail !
There ! Well done, clerk !
There ! Well done, clerk !
Have you mistaken my office for a tavern, a dive ?
Have you mistaken my office for a tavern, a dive ?
- Are you having a feast ?
- A feast ?
It's a miserable breakfast, 4 olives
and onions and you call it a feast !
With my wage, I can't afford more.
What's that supposed to mean ?
What's that supposed to mean ?
You, olives and onions, the other one Coke and cigarettes.
It isn't a market !
Take away this rubbish, it stinks like a dump !
- And where am I to go ?
- Wherever you want !
Are you never going to retire ?
When I'll retire, you will too.
- Charming.
- We've the same length of service.
We've led this life for 25 years.
You sentence and I record.
I'm more withered because I earn less. Thank God, you...
No, you're not more withered. You're uglier !
Surprised ? Are you a Michelangelo or Murillo angel ?
Off you go ! Let me check these files.
- Thanks for the compliment.
- You're welcome.
- May I take my hat ?
- Yes, where... ?
There ?
- Your hat on Cicero's head !
- Should've I put it on your head ?
Out, clerk !
Take this stuff away
and don't do that again. Your hat on Cicero's head !
- Yes, but it's only marble !
- But this marble means justice !
- It means legality !
- Oh my God !
Go !
Unbelievable ! You see, Cicero ?
We're heading fast towards
complete debacle, my dear Cicero.
I feel alone in this world of corruption.
This life feels like collective madness !
That's how it feels.
This life feels like collective madness !
That's how it feels.
We're too indulgent, my dear Cicero.
I'm the only one left who convicts. I convict !
I convict ! I apply the code and I do it well.
Cicero, all mankind should be sent to jail,
without exception.
without exception.
Whoever you convict, deserves to be convicted !
Compulsory ! Like the army !
Six months in the army and one year of compulsory jail.
Six months in the army and one year of compulsory jail.
My dear, if they did that... Look !
Frauds, violence, thieves, crooks...
Frauds, violence, thieves, crooks...
And I should have pity on these people ?
They tell you the most shocking tales
with the greatest candour.
These people could shamelessly say...
I didn't eat the cat ! I didn't !
I didn't eat the cat ! I didn't !
- Do I look as if I'd eat cats ?
- No, but you could steal them !
- Do I look as if I'd eat cats ?
- No, but you could steal them !
- I'm a Gentleman.
- It appears that you cut off its tail.
It could be another cat, not that one !
Alright, introduce the plaintiff, obviously not the cat !
- Silence !
- Pasquale Dogliotti.
- Dogliotti...
- Pasquale.
Pasquale. Of...
- Son of ? Who made you ?
- Joseph.
Joseph.
- Mother ?
- Mary.
Of course ! Joseph and Mary. Jesus, Jesus !
- What's Mary's surname ?
- Cancelli.
- What's Mary's surname ?
- Cancelli.
Pardon ?
Cancel these formalities ! Do you confirm ? You do.
The innkeeper alleges you stole his cat to eat it.
- What shall we do ?
- And you believe this ?
He's an innkeeper and innkeepers never say the truth !
Silence ! This is of no interest
to the case. Explain the facts.
He often comes to my inn for a couple of drinks.
He often comes to my inn for a couple of drinks.
- Watered-down !
- You...
Hey, hey, hey !
Hey, hey, hey !
If you don't calm down, I'll send you both to jail !
It's bad enough for justice,
the Republic, to be disturbed for a cat !
It's bad enough for justice,
the Republic, to be disturbed for a cat !
What ?
Carry on. What did you say ?
- Nothing.
- So...
Last time he left with something under his jacket.
It must be awful to eat a cat.
But it's sweet.
But it's sweet.
- I ate one, but in the evening.
- Morning or evening a cat's a cat !
My God ! It's disgusting ! Have
you anything else to add ? No !
There's no other witness. Prosecutor !
Mandatory minimum penalty.
Ah ! Defence !
Eminent judge, when moments ago
you appointed me for the defence
ex officio of this cat-eater,
I did so willingly !
I did so willingly !
Allow me now to submit to your
conscience of irreproachable judge
another question.
Are cats to be blamed for all this ? No !
Are cats to be blamed for all this ? No !
It's society ! A society made of rabid dogs !
Society, as the divine poet says...
You were looking for me, right ? I sensed it ! Let's see...
You were looking for me, right ? I sensed it ! Let's see...
The second section should be over here.
The second section should be over here.
- Leopoldo, wait.
- Don't tell me the same old things !
I want to settle this matter and I will.
But why do I have to come too ? I'm ashamed !
Don't be, you've done nothing wrong.
- Can't you do it on your own ?
- No, they must all look at you.
- Can't you do it on your own ?
- No, they must all look at you.
They must all see you're not easy to kiss.
You know I'm the son of a Christian Democratic MP.
You know I'm the son of a Christian Democratic MP.
- But dignity, morality...
- If you tell the judges...
Allow me to introduce myself.
If you need anything, ask me.
Gun licence, hunting licence...
If you need anything, ask me.
Gun licence, hunting licence...
- Private matters...
- Are you a bailiff ?
- Private matters...
- Are you a bailiff ?
A bailiff, no, I'm one of the many
people around. If you need a lawyer...
- Did you hear ? We need a lawyer too.
- Certainly !
It would be better to pay the fine. Forget it !
No ! I'll get a lawyer, but I won't pay the fine !
It's a matter of principle, not money.
Well done ! I didn't think he'd be acquitted.
Clause 599.
Clause 599.
- Ah, right !
- Good Morning, counsellor, there's...
I've told you I don't need your help.
I know, but that couple needs a lawyer.
Let's see.
It's the perfect case for you.
Did you understand ?
Counsellor Anastasi, the prince of the court.
Pleased to meet you.
- Pleased to meet you.
- What's this about ?
A kiss in Villa Borghese.
A kiss that wasn't given in Villa Borghese, right ?
- Right.
- Not given !
- Mencacci, you can go now.
- Counsellor !
Please.
Please.
We got a fine for this alleged kiss.
Off you go.
I get him a client and he won't allow me to be a witness !
Bad times !
- Counsellor, I've been convicted !
- But you'll be acquitted on appeal.
I'll deal with it all to go to court,
I'm interested in the case.
If necessary, I'll take this cat to the Appeal Court !
- What ?
- Quintilianus !
Holy Mary !
Despite all my reassurance and word of honour, he fined us.
But I won't pay the fine and I'll take the matter to court.
I've no doubt you're telling me the truth,
but it's an absurd thesis for the defence.
You were found at 9.30 pm in Villa
Borghese, locked up in a car,
You were found at 9.30 pm in Villa
Borghese, locked up in a car,
leaning over your girlfriend. Nobody will believe you.
What are you on about ?
I was showing her my thesis. I can swear it !
I swear I wasn't kissing her.
Won't that suffice for justice ?
She can witness too. Isn't that right, Teresa ?
- Is that it ? Really ?
- Certainly. We've never kissed.
- Is that it ? Really ?
- Certainly. We've never kissed.
No, we can't swear that, we've kissed on the cheeks.
On New Year's eve, on your name-day...
- So you are Ponticelli Alfio.
- Yes, Alfio Ponticelli.
I'm a travelling salesman, I sell electric devices,
so I'm often away from Rome during the week.
What do I care ! You must answer my questions !
You're accused of unjustified desertion
of the conjugal roof.
- Do you admit it ?
- Certainly...
We've finished !
He admits it. Introduce the plaintiff.
Mrs.Elena Baronti.
Elena Baronti !
- Well ! Baronti Elena, Ponticelli ?
- Yes.
- Is this man your husband ?
- Yes.
Well. Come forward, don't be scared.
Please, come.
The law protects the weak and the abandoned.
Speak.
I've not much to say, after almost
four years of regular marriage
my husband suddenly decided to abandon me.
- What do you mean, suddenly ?
- Suddenly, with no explanation !
That's not true, I've given her an explanation.
Silence ! Silence !
Answer me ! Why did you abandon your wife,
leaving her, according to the records,
3 months without sustenance ?
For what reason ?
For a very simple reason, your Excellency.
- I discovered that this...
- Do you mind, your honour ?
I'd like to answer myself for my client.
Ponticelli, as he explained, is a travelling salesman.
He travels constantly, leads
a hard life, always away from home.
He had a moment of "défaillance", as the French say.
He lost his self-control, as the English say.
But I'm sure he had no intention of doing the deed,
the alleged desertion...
Please counsellor, relate the actual facts !
Alright, if we're going to say it,
Ponticelli thought he was,
as the French would say, "cocu".
- Cuckold ! He said cuckoo.
- It's French.
This is too much !
Your Honour, as a private attorney
I cannot tolerate that from over there
they keep throwing handfuls of mud at Elena Baronti,
a respectable woman and exemplary wife !
Tell us, "Casanova" alias electrician,
who this phantom lover of your wife is.
Where is he ?
- In the suitcase.
- What ? Did you cut him to pieces ?
Silence ! They're never quiet !
Yes, in the suitcase.
Though it's unusual, I'll ask you, on my client's demand,
to listen to a sound recording in this courtroom.
I'm a technician, Your Honour. A technician !
I'm into electrical devices
so during a brief absence from Rome,
I placed an invisible microphone in the bedroom.
- Invisible !
- In the bedroom ?
There's nothing to see, clerk. You listen ! Carry on.
It's that device, clerk. There !
- "Hurry up, I can't stay long."
- Did you hear that ?
- What ?
- A man's voice. His voice !
Listen !
"Hurry up, I can't stay long."
- So ?
- Eh !
What ? Is that all ?
Yes, that's all !
The words are clear, crystal clear,
they're spoken by a man in my bedroom !
You're wrong, it was the glazier talking to his errand boy.
- The glazier ? Don't talk rubbish !
- Calm down, electrician !
- Electrical engineer.
- Engineer. This isn't sufficient proof.
Miaow, miaow ! Bow-wow !
Complaining about Tom, Dick and Harry !
It's not sufficient proof to ascertain
adultery and justify your action.
Don't look at me, that's how it goes !
Each proof is to be examined for the benefit of justice,
even the most technically complex one.
Wait ! I just got the proof
that takes the bull by the horns !
Yours ? I mean, you think this proof...
Certainly ! It proves my wife's adultery !
- It's a film !
- A film ?
- A film !
- To be viewed here ?
Certainly !
You really want to show you're...
- Do you want to do this ?
- Yes !
Let's watch this film then !
Counsellor, you can't allow everything.
You're right, ma'am ! You Honour,
that's enough ! It's an insult to justice !
I object !
Silence !
I think that's enough, You Honour !
I protest against these experiments
unworthy of the house of justice !
I protest too ! You don't know this man.
He's capable of many tricks !
- All objections are rejected !
- But I...
- Quiet, electrician ! What is he ?
- Electrical engineer.
Quiet or I'll have the courtroom cleared !
- Silence !
- Silence !
Quiet, you're the noisiest !
We'll have a closed hearing. I'll close up everything !
I'm a technician and this is my film projector.
- Can you hear it ?
- And see it too !
What a question ! You can hear it and see it !
- It's 16 mm film. Keep up-to-date !
- I only go to the Opera !
- What are these ?
- Very interesting and important things.
Having recorded on the magnetic tape
and having to leave Rome again
I hid three cameras in my flat.
It's unbelievable !
I'd connected a wire to their shutter.
Because of the development,
I only had the film delivered now
and I myself haven't seen it yet.
- You haven't seen it yet ?
- No.
- And you want to show everyone...
- Yes, yes !
- He's determined !
Sorry, Alfio, I really can't see why
you want to expose yourself to...
That's enough !
I don't go much to the cinema for lack of time,
so if I can watch a film at home, I don't want to miss it !
- It's interesting, isn't it ?
- I hope so.
Shut the windows ! Let's watch it in the dark.
- Alright ! After you, ma'am.
- Sorry, counsellor. Move over !
Please, ma'am. Are you comfortable ?
Thank You.
- There !
- Is this to be recorded, Your Honour ?
Later, clerk, later !
Forgive me.
Clerk, move over, we're like sardines !
You're disturbing the lady.
See ? She gets home and doesn't know she's being filmed.
Modern technology !
It might be modern, but I still
can't see what's strange about that.
Counsellor, wait !
- Stop this farce, please !
- Bear with us, ma'am,
we're examining proof.
- What proof ?
What proof ? That proof...
- Shall we record ?
- No, it's visible.
- It's a nice house.
- Yes ! Yes !
Nice house !
Ah ! There's the man.
Who's that ? The glazier, right ?
- Enough, it's indecent ! I'm leaving !
- The plaintiff leaves the courtroom !
Counsellor, you leave, the lady stays !
Let me watch this film !
- I'll stay too then !
- We'll all stay !
He's wiping his shoes on my armchairs !
He's concerned about his armchair
rather than something else !
You forgot to tell me, madam !
My slippers too !
- Full service.
- Comforts.
Where are they going ?
Where have they gone ? Frame ! Technician ! Electrician !
The camera was among the bottles in the bar !
- What about his head ? Is it still him ?
- Yes, it's him.
- You rat ! My favourite liqueur !
- Did you hear ? He insulted me !
- You're the rat, resorting to such means !
- Your Honour, watch, we're there !
Your Honour, I wish to prevent my client
from making a fool of himself !
Carry on ! We don't want to interrupt it now, right ?
Carry on !
Your Honour, I want to object again !
Silence or I'll have the courtroom
cleared and I'll watch it ! Silence !
That's enough ! I'll ask for a legal separation !
Counsellor Tonnara ! That's Tonnara in his pants !
- You ! My best friend ! No !
- Keep calm !
Silence !
Silence !
Out ! It's a closed court session !
Get out !
As if I didn't know what they talk about
behind those doors !
The usual dirty stuff ! Park prowlers, itchy cuckolds,
girls in Ostia showing their...
- Excuse me, Ladies.
Go ahead, father.
They show their legs, my husband told me !
- Can I help you, father ?
- The second section, please.
- Are you a witness ?
- No, defendant.
- Pardon ?
- Defendant.
Yes, Your Honour, I'm guilty,
and I admit having perpetrated
all the crimes I'm accused of.
What ?
I understand,
but father, repeat it in Italian for the others.
- It's unimportant.
- You can't defend yourself in Latin.
- What about procedure ?
- But I don't wish to defend myself.
I'd be doubly guilty if having committed sin,
I tried not to suffer the consequences.
I'm guilty of material damage and personal injuries.
- Also personal injuries.
- Yes.
Write "also the injuries", clerk. It's unbelievable !
- Father, isn't this defamation ?
- Unfortunately not.
Counsellor, shall I hear the case in closed court ?
- No, it's unnecessary.
- Shall we keep it open then ?
Obviously.
Dear father, I'm sorry. Though I respect your person,
the charges against you are rather serious.
You went to a pool room, started a fight,
caused 300,000 liras worth of damage.
It's the absolute truth.
- I'll close.
- Wait !
- No, I'll close !
- We'll get it all clear.
- No, he wants to be convicted.
- But there must be a reason !
Why did you go to the bar "The Lovely Hawaiian" ?
To play, naturally.
I knew no-one in Rome and was here with my 30 young kites.
- Who ?
- My young kites.
Young kites ?
- Kite fledglings, it's a bird of prey.
- Of course, a bird of prey.
I chose this rather adventurous name
because in my village, Gardone Val Trompia, near Brescia,
where my parish is, I founded
the Association of Young Scooterists.
- Scooter...
- Scooterists.
- Scooters, Vespas.
- Ah, Vespas !
Any boy with a Vespa can join the ranks of the young kites.
I see...
Having heard the Holy Father
would receive us at Castel Gandolfo,
we decided to go to Rome by Vespa.
- By Vespa ?
- How many miles is Brescia from Rome ?
- Around 400.
- You sat on a Vespa for 400 miles.
- Yes.
But we were happy.
When you care for the goal, you feel no fatigue.
As the miles went by, instead of feeling tired
we got happier and happier, and we sang, we sang...
We're father Michele's bees, making honey industriously.
Of virtue and goodness, we're full to the brim !
We're father Michele's kites, with no-one we have fights.
For loyalty and chastity, we're the troops of generosity.
For loyalty and chastity, we're the troops of generosity.
We're father Michele's kites,
our scooters grant our flights.
We fly, then plunge and the devil we expunge.
At father Michele's side our sails are open wide.
We cruise, we sail, the devil down we nail.
We're father Michele's bees, making honey industriously.
Of virtue and goodness, we're full to the brim !
We're full to the brim !
- Zecchinelli, was that corn ?
- No, beans !
- Gallini and Durante.
- Yes, father.
Step out of the ranks.
Halt !
Clause 35.
In what case may a good kite, like David, use his sling ?
To defend the powerless against the snares of the evil.
Correct. You've transgressed, I'll apply clause 91.
- No, father !
- Silence !
Have the courage to undergo the righteous punishment.
Eyes front ! Execution of clause 91. Left turn ! Left turn !
Quick march ! One, two ! One, two !
The boys from Gardone Val Trompia are here.
I see. They're that famous father Michele's lads.
I'll receive them. You may go, father.
Close ranks ! Close ranks ! Right turn ! March ! Halt !
Position !
Aim !
- Fire !
- Ow ! Ow !
- Get up !
- He's mad !
One, two ! One, two !
What's going on here ? Have you gone mad ?
Clause 91, "He who lives by the sling,
will die by the sling."
Nice to meet you, father.
I've heard a lot about the way you educate these lads,
but I never thought you'd do it with such emancipation !
I'll explain it all later,
first allow me to dismiss the boys.
Boys, you're free, park your vehicles
and visit Rome on your own !
- On our own ?
- Yes, but...
One moment, boys !
Wait ! Come here and give me your wallets.
- No, I don't accept.
- No point in going without money !
I don't understand !
- Give me your wallets.
- But why ?
Because you can visit Rome for free.
- What about trams and Coca-Cola ?
- Alright then, take something.
You left with 2,000 liras each, so you have 56,000 liras.
Durante takes 6,000 for the shopping. Give me 50,000 liras.
No !
You'll be stronger against temptation.
2,000. You had 45,000 so it's 47. There are 3,000 missing.
48,000... Give me another 1,000.
Always trying to be smart, right ?
Boys, remember, no pool, no extras,
only monuments and museums. There's also a zoo in Rome.
They've got a walrus now, go and see it.
Durante, when you're back, you'll describe the walrus.
It's your responsibility, take them to the zoo.
Go now and be good.
Goodbye !
Your Honour, I've told you this
as it was because of the boys' money
that I went to that pool room.
Do you want me to believe
you went in that pool room to play ?
Believe what you like, Your Honour.
I went on my own, for that money.
No, it's not true !
- Silence ! Who spoke ?
- It was me, Your Honour, me.
Who are you ? How dare you ?
Father Michele's lying, the fight started because of me.
Do you know that woman ?
- I've never seen her before.
- It's false, the father knows me well.
- If he won't tell the truth, then I will !
- Silence !
- Counsellor, I'll close.
- Yes, now the horses have bolted.
- Shall I hear the girl ?
- Certainly.
- In open court ?
- In open court.
Father Michele, I'll hear the girl... in open court.
The first time I saw father Michele
was a month ago, in the street,
at the bus stop.
I remember him waiting beside me.
I noticed him straight away.
- Our elbows touched.
- Your elbows ?
- Lawyer, I'll close.
- No, don't bother, let's hear.
Carry on.
It was the bus for San Giovanni and we got on.
There was the usual crowd,
and I still was close to father Michele.
- Tell me when we get there.
- Yes, move on, please.
Ticket !
Very close to father Michele, right against him !
You know how it is,
squeezed in like sardines, really close !
That's when it happened.
I'm ashamed, but I must speak the truth.
One moment, Miss.
Your Honour, we should close court.
No, I want to keep it open now. Too late. Go ahead, Miss.
I said we were really close.
The temptation was irresistible.
While father Michele was getting his ticket,
I'd noticed his wallet was full of money.
Miss !
Excuse me !
- Excuse me, sorry, let me pass.
- What manners !
Sorry.
Father Michele knew only I could've stolen the wallet.
He started to follow me, chasing me for over an hour.
Miss, listen...
Why have you followed me for an hour ?
- Are you really asking ? You took...
- Stop it, you should be ashamed !
Miss, listen... Miss !
Father Michele followed me
up to the boarding house I lived in.
He was determined.
Are you mad, coming up here ?
If you don't go, I'll cause a scandal.
Leave the room immediately.
Dear girl, why do you insist
on misinterpreting my intentions ?
I only came to take back the money
you stole from me on the bus.
I've no idea what you're talking about.
As for the scandal, I'm the one who could
cause one, but I won't for your sake.
I feel sorry for you.
Enough ! I don't know a thing about
your money, I didn't take it. Look !
- Look with your own eyes.
- Do you think I've no brains ?
I knew since we were on the bus that you were the thief.
When you thought you'd got away and threw the wallet,
I was sure. You see ?
I could report you, but I won't
and I've already told you why,
I feel sorry for you.
- Go ahead with it.
- Do you want to come to a bad end ?
- Worse than now ?
- You're still in time, if you want.
I'm not anymore. Whenever
I try to get out of it, it ends badly.
At that point what shouldn't have happened did.
Anna, open up !
Open !
Open !
God knows what would've happened
if that man had found him in my room.
Anna, open !
Why have you locked it ?
Anna ! Open !
Anna !
- Why was it locked ?
- I was sleeping.
You're fit today.
Come on, put your good dress on, I've found you someone.
I don't want to go out this evening.
If you've found a dupe to provide for you,
you can't get rid of me now !
- There's no-one.
You can't fool me. If you don't want
to work, it means you've got the money.
They're killing each other !
No, that's Raul, her boyfriend, he only beats her up.
Remember, you work, but I gobble up the money.
No ! Not that money, give it back !
Get off !
Father, I want to tell you the truth.
I'm the one who stole that money,
but I needed it to leave Rome, get back to my village
and leave this life.
I wanted to give it back to you,
but that brute took it all.
- Where has he gone ?
- To the pool room nearby, where else ?
Alright, I'm sorry for you.
A mess ! The moment that priest
came in, all hell broke loose.
Three pool tables out of use,
20 sticks broken and a ball in the head.
You can still see I was at the hospital.
I request damages of 250,000 liras.
I'm the one who decides if you'll have them or not.
I'll say the truth about what happened that night.
I haven't up to now because I didn't want to accuse Anna,
who's become a good girl.
My entry in that bar wasn't
as it has been related in this court.
I went to that pool room with great reluctance,
as priests aren't allowed to go into certain places.
But I had no choice.
I'd thought up different solutions,
but I knew that to get the money back
without resorting to violence,
my boys' money,
there was only one way left.
An unusual way for a priest,
but under the circumstances I had no other choice.
Excuse me.
- Shall we have a game ?
- What ? You want a game ?
Are you sure he went to the pool room ?
I saw him ! And he has our money.
- Let's go and see.
- Alright.
- He's playing !
- With our money.
- Thank You.
- Move back.
Listen, I'm in a rush, could we do just two shots ?
- Just two shots.
- What will be will be.
What will be will be.
I'll start.
Listen...
Sorry, I mean... Aren't we staking ?
- The money.
- Alright, let's stake the money.
50,000 ?
I'll put it here.
Mine's here, where is yours ?
Imagine mine is here too.
You trust a priest, don't you ?
- Do we trust him ?
- Yes. Anyway...
Anyway...
Move over.
What do you say to that ?
Not bad,
but with God's help one can do even better.
Come on !
Thank You. Good day, sons.
Wait a minute, father !
Father, one moment !
- So you just leave like that.
- We've finished.
I've won and I leave.
You owe me a rematch, you must stake the money again.
- You must be mad.
- You must stake it again !
Calm down, boys, let me explain something.
- This money was mine.
- He says it was his !
This money belongs to the boys of my association,
and this morning it was stolen.
- So that's why he came.
I don't know anything about it. I didn't take anything.
- I'll explain.
- What are you on about ?
What's the matter ?
- Ah ! Was it you ?
- Me ? What... ?
- What's going on ?
- I don't understand.
I didn't touch him.
So everything that happened that night
was my fault, all my fault.
That's why I want to be convicted.
No, it's all my fault.
It's for me that father Michele tried
getting the money back by force.
He left me the money I'd stolen.
That's how I could get back home.
Counsellor, he acted that way for a good reason.
Alright, mandatory minimum penalty.
The fight, the injuries, subsist.
The injuries are real.
It's true, I'm guilty.
Alright then.
Alright.
In the name of the Italian people,
in view and consideration of clauses
185, 588, 590 of the criminal code,
I convict...
- It's unfair !
- It's all my fault.
- Silence ! Take that woman away !
I sentence Mezzocchi Michele to 3 months of jail,
with all benefits of law,
and refer the parties to the private
law judge for compensation.
- You may go.
- Thank You.
You're welcome.
Jesus ! Jesus !
Father Michele !
Are you cross with me ?
- I'm sorry, but I had to talk.
- I'm sorry too, but you shouldn't have.
- You'd finished with it all, and well.
- And what about you ?
I couldn't leave you, after all you've done.
I'd also been told you were in jail.
- In jail ? Who told you ?
- Raul.
He came to the village, to the shop I work at,
and told me you were in jail.
- He also asked me to go back with him.
- What did you answer ?
I sent him away, then I heard about your trial and I came.
Looking for trouble you've nothing to do with.
But it's all my fault, you've been convicted because of me !
The ways of the Lord are infinite.
It means the way to your village
passed by San Giovanni,
on a bus, through a wallet
stolen from a poor country priest.
I don't understand everything, but I'm sure of one thing:
the folks at the village are wrong.
They say hunchbacks, priests and straw bring bad luck.
But you've brought me good luck,
father, loads of good luck !
Your Honour !
- Have you seen this ?
- What is it ?
The sports newspaper talking about your son.
I've told you I'm not interested in my son's affairs.
He's injured, he broke his leg while training.
He broke a leg ? He deserved it !
Was it I who told him to play football ? No !
- So he should've broken both legs.
- He has a guarded prognosis.
I don't care.
Excuse me, have you seen
a nice lady with a boy, a lawyer... ?
We had a trial...
I'm working, not looking at ladies.
Madam, have you seen a young lady with a young man ?
the lawyer said, "Go to the judge." I went and...
I don't know, there are too many people here.
I can't see straight, I'm thinking about my own trial.
I must give this poor wretch a father.
Thank You.
A weak coffee.
- May I use the phone ?
- Go ahead.
You don't mind, do you ?
Hello ?
Could you put me through to the lawyer ?
Yes, I'll hold the line.
I'm calling my colleague, I want his opinion on my thesis.
Is Leopoldo right to sue ?
Between us, no, but he wants to...
If he pays the fine, his record stays clean.
- And the crime is extinguished.
- But he's committed no crime.
And he'll never commit one.
I think so too, he's old-fashioned.
So am I, but I'd willingly pay a fine for you.
- Really ?
- One a day.
Hello ? Hello !
Hello !
Hello !
Teresa ! Teresa !
Where were you ? I've been looking for you for an hour.
We were making a call.
The young lady was with me, I had to talk to my colleague,
tell him about my thesis.
- And what did he say ?
He said I'm right, the thesis I chose is the best.
- What's the matter ?
- Nothing.
Mencacci, after all this time at court
you still ignore professional confidentiality ?
There's no professional confidentiality
in this case, as I'm a witness.
- A witness of what ?
- A witness of the kiss.
- What does that mean ?
- Didn't you hear ? I saw the kiss.
I can't be quiet in good conscience.
Isn't that true, counsellor ?
It's impossible. How could she ?
I didn't see anybody in Villa Borghese.
Easy now, I don't care about
Villa Borghese, but there was a kiss !
I'm a witness, I walk, wonder, observe,
investigate, or what witness would I be ?
- My oath is worth yours.
- No, I'm the son of an MP.
- I don't care about MPs.
- Leopoldo Pirelli ! Teresa Ricci !
It's our turn, dear. Let's not waste time with him.
- Come, counsellor.
- Teresa Ricci !
Counsellor, I'll stop here, but there was a kiss.
- Cigarettes ?
- Cigarettes.
Better than nothing.
Nowadays, youths think about nothing but sport.
- Futilities, trivialities !
- I feel sorry for them !
Take this one, he's already in court at 20.
Imagine at 40 ! Clerk, summon him.
Meniconi Ferdinando !
Here he comes ! Meniconi Ferdinando !
Meniconi Ferdinando has been summoned,
it's me, indecent exposure.
END OF PART ONE
PART TWO
Indecent exposure, I've been summoned, Meniconi Ferdinando.
Excuse me. Hello, indecent exposure.
- Good day, Your Honour !
- I'm the judge.
- Hello, do you mind ?
- Get off ! Get off !
A cigarette, Your Honour ?
They're Nationals because, you know...
Put those cigarettes away, smoking's forbidden here.
Clerk !
- This isn't a "fumoir", it's a court.
- Everybody's smoking.
No-one smokes... In the inkpot ? Just look at that !
Look, look.
On the floor !
Name ?
Meniconi Ferdinando, know as "The American".
Are you American ?
I want to know if you're American or Italian.
I'm called the American because I say these things...
Stop that.
- Are you Italian ?
- I am.
Then speak Italian.
- You're in an Italian court.
- Precisely, I say these things...
- Name ?
- Meniconi Ferdinando, innocent.
- Son of Innocent.
- No, I am innocent.
Son of the late Mario, clean record too, you can check.
We're not interested in your past or your father's.
You're not ? A friend of mine in America said
everything must be put on record...
- We're in Italy.
We don't need you to teach us the procedure.
- Mother.
- My mother ? Anigretti Margherita.
Anigretti Margherita.
But I've always lived with an aunt
who loved me as a mother.
Aunt Costanza, I remember her well.
Why did you leave me, aunt ?
You've left me alone in this torment.
Put on record I've always lived with aunt Costanza.
We're not interested in your family affairs.
Do you get it ?
Drop that condescending attitude or I'll have you arrested.
- Who are you having arrested ?
- You !
- Who ?
- Silence !
Sorry, what do you mean ?
- Come on, let's talk about the facts.
- Let's talk about the facts.
You're accused of...
indecent...
- Indecent exposure.
Improper attitude. Offense against public morality.
Don't be proud of it.
I'm not proud, I'm relating the facts.
- Silence !
- Clerk, you must let us talk.
You must let us talk.
Counsellor Terenzi, are you defending him ?
What counsellor ?
- I don't need a counsellor.
- It's compulsory, ex officio.
His record is clean and there's
the indecent exposure, may we talk ?
Go ahead.
- Excuse me, Your Honour.
- Come on.
We're in court, young man, calm down !
- What do you want ?
- Money.
We need to get loads of money, they've robbed my clothes !
- We need to get loads of money.
- Do you have any money for me ?
For you ? Are you joking ? I'm broke ! What... ?
Quiet ! Have I asked you anything ?
Have I asked you for money ?
Come on !
- We may proceed.
- So, we were saying...
- Have I asked you anything ?
- Are we proceeding ?
- Yes.
- Meniconi.
- Meniconi !
- He's deaf too.
So...
Your Honour, he asked me for money.
- Did you hear that ? Terenzi !
- Did you hear that ?
- Always the same !
- He asked me for money.
- You got it wrong.
- No, I got it right.
You got it wrong ! Get on with it.
State the facts.
So, Your Honour... In this sweltering summer,
because of some business, I couldn't...
- What business ?
- What business ?
What's your profession ?
- What profession ?
- What do you live on ?
I traffic.
I trot along, I make do, Your Honour.
We can see how you make do.
He makes do. Let's get on.
I was sick.
I had an illness.
I had an illness that blocked me, nailed me down !
I had an illness, I went on sick leave.
I used to gallop along, Your Honour.
I had an illness.
Or else I'd have a good job by now, I'd be in America.
These youths are lost !
- Holy Mary, what does he want ?
- What do you want ?
- Carry on !
- Let's carry on.
In this sweltering summer,
because of some business, I couldn't go to the beach.
So I went, happy and bright, to a field of flowers.
I walked along, nice and hunky...
To your service, general Custer !
We'll occupy the position held by the 7th Cavalry.
We've seen the smoke of the paleface,
we know what it means.
OK, general Custer ? We'll meet at High Noon.
OK, we'll massacre the Apache. Of course, general Custer.
I reached the place where we workers...
Workers...
Where we, in the sweltering summer,
take a freshening bath: the canal.
- Have you sullied the water ?
- We haven't gone in yet.
- Who owns the canal ?
- The American !
How did you bathe in the canal ?
Naked ! Naked, Your Honour.
Naked ! Completely naked.
You don't believe it ? They don't believe it.
In America, a civilized country...
A friend of mine has been there,
he says in Kansas City everybody bathes naked.
The poor, the rich, immigrants, the court chamberlain...
All naked ! You don't believe it ?
- Your Honour, she doesn't believe it !
- Come here.
She doesn't believe it because she couldn't bathe naked.
I said come here !
Officer, bring him over.
- Do you think you're at home ?
- Unbelievable ! He thinks he's at home.
Watch it, don't cause trouble.
- That's enough !
- Counsellor, I'm broke.
That's enough, young man, patience has its limits.
Don't you find it inconvenient
to be surprised naked in a canal ?
It's not like the sea or a pool. It's the canal !
What's that supposed to mean ?
It's a public place, people go by.
What people ? Nobody goes by.
That's why we meet there and practise.
- We practise Kron.
- What ?
Kron.
- Like in the American movies.
- I'm sending him to jail.
I'm sending him to jail, give me a stamp.
He's mad !
We can do whatever we like, any style, Your Honour,
like in the American movies.
We can swim as "Booster Crabble", "Vesther Williams"...
"Vesther Williams", you know the one, Your Honour.
You said it was hot. Drop dead and die !
- American, do Tarzan !
- Come on !
- No !
- Do Tarzan !
No, stop shouting ! Stop it !
We'll give you a cigarette !
- What ?
- A cigarette !
- Throw it over.
- First take this dagger.
Look, there's the crocodile.
It's coming, kill it !
What will you do now ?
I'll bite your head off.
- Crocodile, I'll kill you.
- The guard's coming !
Crocodile, I'll kill you ! I'll break your back !
I eat crocodiles. I eat loads...
Do you want to drown me ? I eat crocodiles !
I'll erase you from the face of the earth !
Bedouins !
They've gone.
Crippled !
Damn it ! The cigarette !
Jesus, what a hunk !
Where are my warm clothes ? Where are they ?
Cripple ! God-awful !
Where are you, dear clothes ?
I'd left you here, don't play tricks on me.
Oh God, they've stolen my clothes !
Damn it ! Whoever took my clothes had better give them back,
because if I find him I'll bite him on the head !
They left me naked ! Naked as a worm in the wilderness,
in the dampness of the canal.
With all my rheumatic pains !
- It's all that one's fault. There he is.
- Softly, speak softly !
There he is.
Why did you keep Meniconi's clothes ?
- Bathing is forbidden in that canal.
- There ! Forbidden.
So what ?
So it's forbidden and you went splashing around.
- Carry on.
- We always do that.
We take the clothes, sit down
and wait for them to come out.
Did you hear that ? He took the clothes !
But that day I got called at the police station.
- My wife had had a baby.
- What ?
- My wife had had a baby !
- A baby with that face ?
I took the clothes along,
I was happy and didn't know what I was doing.
Then I forgot all about them.
They left me alone as a worm !
All wet, hidden in the thicket !
Then, slowly, slowly, like a snail,
I ventured through the night.
And what a night !
Your Honour, I started off and fell three times.
So, half crippled, I tried to find
my bearings in that dark night.
Then I saw a gate.
Is anybody in ?
Is there a kind soul to open this gate for me ?
People of the house !
Whisky ?
Someone rang the bell, it must be Dado the madcap.
Yusef, go to the office and press the switch for the gate.
He promised he'd come, he even said over the phone,
"Just wait and see how I'll be ! You'll want to scream !"
What a madcap !
Let's do the same as the other night at Giulia Maria's:
we switch off the lights and pretend no-one's in.
Great !
Then one of us hides and we'll
give him the fright of his life.
It should be someone he doesn't know at all, like Miguel.
Your Excellency, I have a question.
You know the prince of Serramontana ?
- Never seen him.
- Great.
- Would you play a trick on him ?
- Certainly.
Then listen,
take this sword and hide over there.
We'll turn off the lights and he'll think nobody's in.
What's this ? A haunted house ?
Aunt Costanza, you know I'm in trouble, help me.
Where do I go now ?
May I come in ?
Am I allowed to come into this house ?
Is anyone there ?
Is anyone around in this house ?
It's so cold !
What a lovely house !
Where are you hiding ?
- Is it Dado ?
- He's changed his voice.
So there's no-one in.
Just a naked man walking around the house.
There's no-one in.
What's this ?
A drink from Kansas City.
Disgusting !
Oh, two little handies !
These are silver.
I don't even have a pocket !
Isn't there anybody around ?
Couldn't I get at least a shawl ? What a night !
Can't a man even...
A lit window ! There's someone there !
- My stick and hat !
- Your Excellency, why are you... ?
- My stick and hat !
- Why ? I don't understand.
My stick and hat !
It was an innocent joke, you shouldn't get so cross.
You're pigs !
Your Excellency, wait !
Oh God, I've lost my glasses,
what shall I do ? I can't read !
Oh heavens !
My grandchildren left me knowing
I can't see and keep falling over !
Not a penny in my will !
Not a penny !
- God ! Please, do you have a shawl ?
- Thank God someone's here !
- Do you have a shawl ?
- Silence !
There's no-one, I'm alone, ma'am.
- All alone in this mess !
- Come here.
- No, I need a shawl.
- You know my awful grandchildren ?
Damned who pinched my clothes !
It must be a local. It's your grandchildren, ma'am !
Damn them ! Sit down. There !
- Where ?
- There.
- I'm freezing.
- I can't see without my glasses.
- You can't see ?
- No.
I can't see either, I'm so cold.
Please, ma'am, do you have a shawl ?
You remind me of aunt Costanza !
She gave me this !
Look at all these rings !
- Have you got a shawl ? I'm cold !
- Read.
Do you want me to read ?
- But you'll give me a shawl after.
- I don't have my glasses.
- I'll read now, ma'am.
- I'm so nervous !
- It's a foreign language !
- All the better.
You're lucky.
A friend told me I'm good at languages.
- I had an illness !
- Are you reading or not ?
- I was blocked !
- Read.
Yes, ma'am, but you'll give me the shawl.
Let's see,
"La revue française".
It's French. Don't you speak French, you idiot ?
Take it easy !
I speak an excellent American from Kansas City.
A friend said, "Your American's good,
you've got the right cacophony."
I've been sick !
I was blocked or I would've left
for America with the refugees !
You're so like aunt Costanza. Like two drops of water.
Really two drops, one, two.
They won't come off, they're nailed on !
The Frenchman says.
They're fighting.
- A knock on the door.
- I've found my glasses !
- You've found them !
- I'll put them on.
Give it to me !
- This is fanaticism.
- Let me read.
You're a fanatic, it'll be hard...
Let's listen, my old lady, let's listen to this song.
"Nous mangeons..."
They eat like hogs, foreigners !
"Allez... allez..."
C'est si bon !
You !
Who are you ?
Meniconi Ferdinando, known as the American.
I was doing Tarzan when suddenly
a crocodile arrived in the bog.
I'm not a fanatic, I was going to get a cigarette for it.
I grabbed the knife... Paralysis !
We've lost the old lady ! C'est si bon.
Don't scare me, move your arm.
Move your arm, aunt Costanza !
- Don't scare me.
- He's naked !
- He's naked !
- He's naked ! There's a naked man !
I'm the naked man ! Call the guardian of morals !
It's me ! Meniconi Ferdinando, the naked American !
You left me naked ! Aunt Costanza, why did you leave me ?
Help ! A naked man !
A naked man in the house ! Help !
- Poor thing !
- Do you mind ?
I'm the naked man. That old lady's
screaming because I scared her.
They've pinched my clothes !
- Call the gamekeeper.
- Get him out of my home !
- The dogs !
- Assassin !
He wanted to torture my poor grandma !
Poor dear ! Sainted woman !
Your Honour, they set 7 dogs after me ! What dogs !
Counsellor, it's all clear.
- The crime of indecent exposure subsists.
- Do you question it ?
He showed himself naked to people !
What will society think of us ?
- Let's give him a lesson.
- The Defence...
I leave it in the hands of the court's mercy.
Silence !
In the name of the Italian people,
in view of clause 527 of the penal code
we sentence...
- What ?
- We sentence Meniconi Ferdinando...
- They're convicting me !
Quiet !
...to 3 months of jail, with all benefits of law.
If you bathe again in the pond you'll pay for both times !
- And now ?
- What now ?
You've got me a bad record !
I didn't make it bad, you did !
Don't take all these liberties. I'm sick of you !
- I've been sick ! I had an illness !
- Out !
- Come out.
- He's got me a bad record !
Why have you left me, aunt Costanza ?
You wanted the money !
Aunt Costanza's left me. I didn't do anything, officer.
- I'll take him in, Your Honour.
- Take him out !
We'll meet again. I'll meet that judge again !
I didn't do anything !
Let go of my arm, I'll go on my own !
I must meet him again !
I've had an illness, it blocked me !
Goodbye !
Teresa, we've won !
Teresa !
Sorry, have you seen my girlfriend ?
We've won the case, I was right.
- Who's your girlfriend ?
- The girl I was with.
- The lovely, tall girl ?
- Yes.
- She is a lovely girl.
- What's the matter ? Why ?
What's happened ? A disaster ?
- Worse !
- What do you mean ? Tell me.
- Calm down.
- Tell me...
Have you got any money on you ?
- Do we need to go to the hospital ?
- There's no time to waste.
She's packed up.
- Pardon ?
- She's run for the hills ! Got it ?
- With the counsellor. Got it ?
- Teresa ?
Teresa !
Cheerio !
- Luisa Ceccarelli.
- Yes, it's me. I didn't do anything.
Silence !
Don't disturb, it's not your turn
to talk. Do you have a lawyer ?
I see. Counsellor Terenzi, you're the appointed defender.
As usual.
Introduce the officer Sframeci Nicola.
Your Honour, let me explain.
I was on duty near Piazza Vittorio Emanuele,
I noticed a woman going up
to passersby and disturbing them.
In this particular case, she went up to
Pampinelli Virgilio,
profession peasant.
I can't say much. I can only say this,
I was in Piazza Vittorio "Emmanuelle",
waiting for a friend who works at the market.
Suddenly a female came up to me.
That one !
She said: "Do you want me to show you some voluptuosity ?"
I don't know voluptuosity,
but I think it's something foreign.
Your Honour, it's untrue. I may drink a bit at times,
because when I drink, I remember
the good times and forget the present.
I'm a woman who's had one triumph after the other,
the greatest celebrity of variety shows from 1910 to 1925.
A woman a whole generation was in love with !
The one that fought the Great War.
Gloriana, the great. The beautiful Gloriana.
Gloriana.
That was me.
I even posed for the poster of Italy at arms.
Gloriana !
In the time of the Great, the True War.
The time of the war of mud, the war of the trenches.
We were all in love with you.
When we met in the winter of 1917,
because we've already met,
in the area of operations,
in that filthy, smoky shack of the resupply command,
turned into the Soldier's Theatre for the occasion.
Wandering back to yesterday's memories.
Such pleasures the heart recalls.
Among the images of the past,
fall back a moment
to dream.
Each time a soldier leaves,
he takes to the front line a golden memory.
The happy memory
of a time gone by.
A name, Lulù !
And zoom tara tara.
And zoom tara tara.
It chimes and stands at attention in every heart.
On the front line, under the bullets,
the soldier dreams of his faraway love.
The blue eyes you dream of are Lulù's.
A narrow waist and a turned-up nose !
After 6 months in this place
legs are the only thing you dream of.
And zoom tara tara.
And zoom tara tara.
This is the memory you shall never forget !
And you'll see, wherever you look,
each hour that goes by,
you'll always see the legs you desire.
Just like a cannon ball. Bang !
Forever Lulù, Lulù !
And zoom tara tara.
And zoom tara tara.
It chimes and stands at attention in every heart.
And zoom tara tara. And zoom tara tara.
The soldier dreams of his faraway love.
The blue eyes you dream of are Lulù's.
A narrow waist and a turned-up nose !
After 6 months in this place
legs are the only thing you dream of.
And zoom tara tara !
And zoom tara tara !
This is the memory you shall never forget !
And you'll see, wherever you look,
each hour that goes by,
you'll always see the legs you desire.
Just like a cannon ball. Bang !
Forever Lulù, Lulù !
- Cheers.
- Cheers. Hooray !
After 4 months on the front line,
your arrival has shaken the regiment !
- You're very kind, Major.
- They're all here,
officers, subalterns, the young ones.
- It's the front line tomorrow.
- Poor boys.
- I should change, if you don't mind.
- Let's go.
I hope my lodgings are close.
I'm rather tired.
Lieutenant, have you found lodgings for the lady ?
You'll have to make do.
We're in the area of operations.
I'll make do, Major. I'm so tired.
I'm leaving early tomorrow morning
for the zone behind the front line.
I've so little time to sleep.
- Who'll help me ?
- I will, my dear !
- I'm sorry, Major. I thought...
- What did you think ?
I thought she was leaving tonight.
- A company has arrived, I can't...
- So ?
Don't tell me you couldn't find me a bed ?
- It's not my fault, Miss.
- My hat, please.
- To the lodgings, to the inn !
- Everything's full.
It's unbelievable ! It was your mission, it was an order.
Is it a trap, Major ?
Believe me, I'm mortified, Miss,
I don't know how to justify myself.
It's unforgivable.
Major, if you allow me, I may have a solution.
Tell me, Commander.
One of us could give her his room.
And find some sort of solution for himself. I would !
- You would too, boys, right ?
- Yes.
No doubt ! Grand idea.
Commander, don't you think the officer
who should find a solution
could go back to his room ?
He could forget his toothbrush,
his sleeping bag, his coat, his hat !
He could worry about me being hungry, thirsty,
and bring me some Champagne !
- I doubt it.
- What do you do in civilian life ?
- I'm a professional soldier.
I'm a professional too and I know men well.
What do you mean ? Officers are men of honour !
Precisely !
The honour of the army is made of conquests, Major.
- What are you imagining ?
- I don't imagine, Major, I foresee.
Unfortunately I've no other choice !
You've challenged me, Commander,
allow me to choose the weapons,
in this case the choice of the officer
who'll sacrifice himself for me.
Let's see.
Gloriana, you looked for
the most inoffensive one of us all,
the most harmless one, the one who
would never ever have found a solution.
I've chosen, Major. Him !
- Lieutenant.
- Lieutenant Del Russo.
Infantry, drivers' section.
- You're on duty tonight.
- Yes, sir.
Do you know Miss Gloriana ? She sang in our show.
Yes, sir, we met just before.
- You lodge in Bepi's Inn, right ?
- Yes, Major.
Good, you'll lead Miss Gloriana to her lodgings.
Yes, Major. Where are the lady's lodgings ?
In your lodgings !
- Mine ? But I...
- The lady will sleep in your room.
- Major, but I...
- Silence !
It's an order, you take the lady to your room
and make sure she's satisfied with everything.
- Understood ? With everything !
- I should...
Silence !
- Where are you going ?
- To satisfy, Major.
Go !
I knew that when we got to the room you would say:
Lieutenant, aren't you forgetting anything ?
I... No.
But is everything in order here ? Are the jugs full ?
Yes, I've got everything.
- The towels ?
- They've prepared everything.
- The light !
- It's on.
It's on ! I hadn't noticed !
I can't imagine you undress in the dark.
I undress in the light and in the dark.
- In the dark too ?
- Yes.
- Shall I go ?
- Goodnight, Lieutenant.
Goodnight, Miss.
- Lieutenant.
- Yes.
- You forgot your hat.
- Right, the hat !
It's important.
It has the decorations.
They tell a soldier who his superiors are.
- I have two, I'm Lieutenant.
- You get immediate salutes then.
- Shall I go ?
- Go, Lieutenant.
- The Lieutenant is leaving.
- Eh !
- The Lieutenant is leaving !
- It happens.
Yes, it happens.
Lieutenant...
- Have a good rest.
- No, not a good rest !
We're going to war tomorrow, to the front line !
I know, Lieutenant.
- I wish you well.
- Wishes don't count much !
Today we're here, tomorrow
there. Do you know where we are ?
I don't know, Lieutenant. Where are we ?
We're in the trench, under a rain of steel and fire,
under the snipers' shots. Do you know snipers ?
No.
They shoot you in the back !
So I go, I might be shot by a sniper
and I leave you here !
Lieutenant, I'd come to war, but I can't !
- Maybe, but you provoked us today.
- Me ?
Yes, in that tiny suit, with that little song.
Did I sing that song ?
You've even taken my room now !
- Miss, something must be done.
- Lieutenant !
- Miss, please !
- Lieutenant !
I'm going to the front line.
Please ! I've come here to work.
I tried to cheer you up a bit,
peck up your spirits.
Let's peck up our spirits.
Listen, Lieutenant, I'll be generous.
I must admit you're a nice person.
- Shut your eyes.
- Eyes shut ?
- Lieutenant !
- Here I am.
- What is going on ?
- I've kissed you.
- Where ?
- Here.
- Was it a kiss ?
- Yes.
I thought it was a midge.
No, Lieutenant, it was a kiss.
So you've kissed me !
The Lieutenant is leaving then.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus !
Goodnight.
You're lousy, Lieutenant Del Russo.
Yes, sir. Excuse me ?
You've shamed our regiment.
That woman is beautiful and you're here !
- But this is how it went...
- I've lost the bet.
- The lady...
- She must've said she was tired.
- How do you know ?
- Please !
You must know women ! They have
a strategy you're unaware of.
Do you know how they call Miss Gloriana ?
"Gloriana the horizontal".
A woman who changes company each night.
I'm sorry, Commander,
she's neither horizontal nor vertical !
It's unfair to speak badly about her.
She's here to peck up our spirits.
She pecked up mine !
Major, she pecked up mine !
Lieutenant Del Russo !
You've forgotten your hat, Lieutenant.
One moment.
Commander, it might not be classy for a lady
to come down like this, among
so many men in her dressing gown !
thank You for the kind words you said a few minutes ago.
Lieutenant, come and take your hat.
- Me ?
- Yes, you.
Come on ! Come and get it.
Go, or I'll downgrade you.
I obey.
Commander, the Lieutenant is leaving.
Actually I spent the night alone on the balcony.
I had wanted to respect Gloriana's honour
to thank her for having saved
mine in front of the regiment.
When dawn broke...
Lieutenant Del Russo, you've been
very kind, I'm very grateful.
Gloriana, the sacrifice was huge !
By the way, Lieutenant, I don't know your name.
- What's your name ?
- My name's Salomone.
Salomone. What a funny name !
It's funny. It's the name
of an ancient king who had 12 wives !
- He did.
- You're very nice, Salomone.
You're the only man of honour I've ever met.
You call man of honour a man who's behaved like me ?
I slept all night on the balcony while you were there.
Gloriana, I'd call him...
- The Lieutenant's leaving.
- We'll meet again.
Ascertained the crimes of disruptive
drunkenness and enticement,
I ask that this woman be sentenced to two months in jail
with all benefits of law.
Judge, I rent out rooms.
If you convict me, they'll withdraw my licence !
- Counsellor, the defendant.
- I appeal to the clemency of the court.
Counsellor...
Enticement and disruptive drunkenness have been proved.
- Del Russo, the sentence !
- Yes, right, the sentence.
In the name of the Italian people...
I acquit...
I acquit
Luisa Ceccarelli
for the offense she's accused of
does not constitute a crime.
Thank You.
Your Honour !
Your Honour !
Your Honour.
The hearing is finished.
What's the matter, Your Honour ? You're so pale !
Yes, I know, I shouldn't have acquitted that woman.
I misapplied the code, but it's the first time in 20 years.
She's a poor wretch, Cicero.
We men are the scums,
for when a woman is beautiful and young
we'll court her, help her, respect her.
When she gets old, this is what happens !
I didn't want to be pitiless.
You can be pitiless up to
a certain point, dear Marcus Tullius.
We must stop being pitiless.
Cicero, I know what you think of me.
You think judges must apply the code
or else justice won't be respected. It's true.
But you're marble, I'm not !
I'd like to see you in my shoes.
The man of the pond deserved it, walking about all naked !
Though the clothes were taken by a guard.
But poor father Michele acted for a good reason.
Yes, he caused the fight,
but why did he fight ? He did it
to save a girl from corruption.
You'll say, "In my times..."
But in your times, dear Cicero, you magistrates...
In the times of the Caesars in Rome,
you were revered, respected.
You reached the forum in chariots.
Yes, you had chariots !
Marcus Tullius, you even had a villa in Formia.
Don't deny it, I've informed myself.
What do we judges have today ? We have Vespas !
I don't even have a moped !
If I miss the tram, I go on foot !
It's easy to say, "Convict !"
But who, Cicero ?
We have people who are so hungry they eat cats.
To apply the code honestly
I've had to convict the one who ate the cat.
Tell me, honestly, do you think it's fair ?
I don't think so.
It's easy to convict a criminal !
To convict London's monster, the Soap-maker !
But Cicero, I'm a small judge.
I must judge small people.
People who must live in today's world.
Would you be able to say who's right
and who's wrong in today's world ?
Come on ! Cicero, do you want me to be honest ?
I'm beginning to realize my son was right not to study.
My son just kicking earns loads of money !
Did you hear that, Cicero ? Hush, I'd better stop.
Hurray for Lazio !
Hurray for Del Russo !
We'll get you all drunk ! We're winning the match !
Italo, we're winning the match !
Easy, Pandolfini, listen to me !
I'll tell you what to do ! Keep
the ball stuck to your foot !
- Stop moving !
- We're winning the match !
What is he doing ?
He did it !
- Who are you ?
- Meniconi.
Your Honour !
- I've found you !
- Hands off.
It's a sign of fate.
Give me back my clothes !
You deserved it ! Hands off or I'll call my son.
- Who's your son ?
- Del Russo.
You're a Lazio fan !
- Cry "Hooray for Roma !"
- No !
- Cry "Hooray for Roma !"
- Hooray for Lazio !
I'll bite your nose off !
- I'm a Lazio fan !
- Stop this !
- He attacked me !
- I've been sick !
- I'm a judge !
- Oh God !
We need a witness !
I could be a witness, but a judge has forbidden it.
- You'll pay for this !
- Come with us.
I'm a judge !
I've been sick !
Where are they taking him now ?
Where ? To court !
To court !
THE END
Let's get a move on or we'll never be done with it.
Let's get a move on or we'll never be done with it.
Stop thief ! Stop him !
Stop him !
Stop thief !
Stop him !
Stop him !
Stop him !
You devil !
I've got you, thief !
I've got you, thief !
Stop him ! Stop thief !
Stop him !
Stop him !
Stop !
Stop him ! Stop thief !
Stop !
Stop !
- Come on !
- Vermin !
Come on ! Keep moving !
Come on !
- Where are they taking the poor devil ?
- To court !
So long ! Court !
That's where all folks like him end up sooner or later.
That's where all folks like him end up sooner or later.
So do many minor events
occurred in the city end up in court.
Take this swearword,
it will be examined, checked and judged.
it will be examined, checked and judged.
This fruiterers' brawl will also end up in court.
This fruiterers' brawl will also end up in court.
How do I know all this ?
Allow me to introduce myself, Augusto Mencacci.
Profession, eyewitness.
He who seeks me, finds me every day here in court.
For felonies going up to 3 years
and fines up to 100,000 liras,
this is the place where an inflexible justice is dealt out.
this is the place where an inflexible justice is dealt out.
How often have you gone past this building
and not thought of going in
or not thought there isn't in the whole city a free show
or not thought there isn't in the whole city a free show
worth seeing more than...
A DAY IN COURT
to hen snatchers and wallet snatchers at tram stops,
to their counsellors, to clerks,
to those who fight on buses,
and to the evicted.
To all those who one day became the characters
of the daily events of petty justice.
The authors of the film thank these characters
who often without knowing from the short
news story columns in newspapers
who often without knowing from the short
news story columns in newspapers
have collaborated with them.
Court is my kingdom, my field of action.
When I meet a lout here, I go up to him, get friendly,
When I meet a lout here, I go up to him, get friendly,
and take him to the court café.
I had bread, prickly pears and chillies
for breakfast. Why come to the café ?
It's the court café, the heart of justice !
- Two coffees and cakes !
- No, coffee and nothing else !
No, plenty of cakes !
No, plenty of cakes !
- What's your problem ?
- I got a note saying...
Hello ? Yes, it's the court café. Counsellor Terenzi ?
- Counsellor Terenzi ! What a pain !
- Here's Terenzi !
Hello, this is Counsellor Terenzi. Who's speaking ?
Commendatore ! How are you ?
Commendatore ! How are you ?
Sorry ? He called you "a cuckold" ?
Cuckold, perfect !
No, I meant it's defamation. Clause 594.
No, I meant it's defamation. Clause 594.
Hold on, I'm noting it down. "Cuckold..."
Hold on, I'm noting it down. "Cuckold..."
- So ?
- So...
I got this note signed by the judge.
Have a look, I'm no expert.
It's very simple.
I'm a good friend of the judge,
and so is my friend the lawyer.
- What's the matter ?
and so is my friend the lawyer.
- What's the matter ?
It's serious.
- It's a serious case.
- No !
- It is !
- Could I go to jail ?
Not to jail,
but you need recommendation from the judge.
One moment.
I've heard this "pudge" is an important person,
more powerful than a police sergeant.
Don't worry about the judge. I can handle him.
- Like the cakes...
- Look !
Can you see that person getting off the bus ?
- He's a judge.
- That one ?
His name's Salomone Del Russo.
He must preside 20 cases a day for 70,000 liras a month.
His son didn't want to study so he threw him out
and now he's centre-forward for the Lazio squad !
His son earns 300,000 liras a month and he's 21.
He'll soon retire and will get 30,000 liras a month.
That's why he's always edgy.
Each morning, before he goes to court,
he comes here and orders...
Each morning, before he goes to court,
he comes here and orders...
- A strong chamomile.
- We have a strong Lazio !
- You might.
- Don't you care ?
I don't care about sport.
I've never watched a football match
or read sports magazines
or read sports magazines
displaying images of athletic cyclists with long noses.
By the way, why do all athletic cyclists have long noses ?
- Football's different !
- Is it ? It's the evil of the century !
You dare talk to me about football !
I've many reasons not to talk about this sport,
I've many reasons not to talk about this sport,
but you provoke me.
You weren't at the stadium for the match on Sunday,
You weren't at the stadium for the match on Sunday,
but your son was. Such give-and-goes !
but your son was. Such give-and-goes !
- Were you at the stadium on Sunday ?
- You bet ! We won 5-0.
So you didn't see the car crash on the Appian Way,
as you stated in court.
- Yes, I was there !
as you stated in court.
- Yes, I was there !
How could you ?
The crash was miles from the basinful of roars
The crash was miles from the basinful of roars
you call stadium. How could you ?
- I'm indicting you ! What ?
- Nothing, Sergeant.
- I'm indicting you ! What ?
- Nothing, Sergeant.
Not Sergeant. I'm a judge.
I'm indicting you ! Put the chamomile on my account.
- Shall I pay ?
- No, I'm paying !
Get out or I'll send you to jail !
You and some other friend of yours.
I've just realized something.
If all pudges treat you like that one, I'll end up in jail !
There ! Well done, clerk !
There ! Well done, clerk !
Have you mistaken my office for a tavern, a dive ?
Have you mistaken my office for a tavern, a dive ?
- Are you having a feast ?
- A feast ?
It's a miserable breakfast, 4 olives
and onions and you call it a feast !
With my wage, I can't afford more.
What's that supposed to mean ?
What's that supposed to mean ?
You, olives and onions, the other one Coke and cigarettes.
It isn't a market !
Take away this rubbish, it stinks like a dump !
- And where am I to go ?
- Wherever you want !
Are you never going to retire ?
When I'll retire, you will too.
- Charming.
- We've the same length of service.
We've led this life for 25 years.
You sentence and I record.
I'm more withered because I earn less. Thank God, you...
No, you're not more withered. You're uglier !
Surprised ? Are you a Michelangelo or Murillo angel ?
Off you go ! Let me check these files.
- Thanks for the compliment.
- You're welcome.
- May I take my hat ?
- Yes, where... ?
There ?
- Your hat on Cicero's head !
- Should've I put it on your head ?
Out, clerk !
Take this stuff away
and don't do that again. Your hat on Cicero's head !
- Yes, but it's only marble !
- But this marble means justice !
- It means legality !
- Oh my God !
Go !
Unbelievable ! You see, Cicero ?
We're heading fast towards
complete debacle, my dear Cicero.
I feel alone in this world of corruption.
This life feels like collective madness !
That's how it feels.
This life feels like collective madness !
That's how it feels.
We're too indulgent, my dear Cicero.
I'm the only one left who convicts. I convict !
I convict ! I apply the code and I do it well.
Cicero, all mankind should be sent to jail,
without exception.
without exception.
Whoever you convict, deserves to be convicted !
Compulsory ! Like the army !
Six months in the army and one year of compulsory jail.
Six months in the army and one year of compulsory jail.
My dear, if they did that... Look !
Frauds, violence, thieves, crooks...
Frauds, violence, thieves, crooks...
And I should have pity on these people ?
They tell you the most shocking tales
with the greatest candour.
These people could shamelessly say...
I didn't eat the cat ! I didn't !
I didn't eat the cat ! I didn't !
- Do I look as if I'd eat cats ?
- No, but you could steal them !
- Do I look as if I'd eat cats ?
- No, but you could steal them !
- I'm a Gentleman.
- It appears that you cut off its tail.
It could be another cat, not that one !
Alright, introduce the plaintiff, obviously not the cat !
- Silence !
- Pasquale Dogliotti.
- Dogliotti...
- Pasquale.
Pasquale. Of...
- Son of ? Who made you ?
- Joseph.
Joseph.
- Mother ?
- Mary.
Of course ! Joseph and Mary. Jesus, Jesus !
- What's Mary's surname ?
- Cancelli.
- What's Mary's surname ?
- Cancelli.
Pardon ?
Cancel these formalities ! Do you confirm ? You do.
The innkeeper alleges you stole his cat to eat it.
- What shall we do ?
- And you believe this ?
He's an innkeeper and innkeepers never say the truth !
Silence ! This is of no interest
to the case. Explain the facts.
He often comes to my inn for a couple of drinks.
He often comes to my inn for a couple of drinks.
- Watered-down !
- You...
Hey, hey, hey !
Hey, hey, hey !
If you don't calm down, I'll send you both to jail !
It's bad enough for justice,
the Republic, to be disturbed for a cat !
It's bad enough for justice,
the Republic, to be disturbed for a cat !
What ?
Carry on. What did you say ?
- Nothing.
- So...
Last time he left with something under his jacket.
It must be awful to eat a cat.
But it's sweet.
But it's sweet.
- I ate one, but in the evening.
- Morning or evening a cat's a cat !
My God ! It's disgusting ! Have
you anything else to add ? No !
There's no other witness. Prosecutor !
Mandatory minimum penalty.
Ah ! Defence !
Eminent judge, when moments ago
you appointed me for the defence
ex officio of this cat-eater,
I did so willingly !
I did so willingly !
Allow me now to submit to your
conscience of irreproachable judge
another question.
Are cats to be blamed for all this ? No !
Are cats to be blamed for all this ? No !
It's society ! A society made of rabid dogs !
Society, as the divine poet says...
You were looking for me, right ? I sensed it ! Let's see...
You were looking for me, right ? I sensed it ! Let's see...
The second section should be over here.
The second section should be over here.
- Leopoldo, wait.
- Don't tell me the same old things !
I want to settle this matter and I will.
But why do I have to come too ? I'm ashamed !
Don't be, you've done nothing wrong.
- Can't you do it on your own ?
- No, they must all look at you.
- Can't you do it on your own ?
- No, they must all look at you.
They must all see you're not easy to kiss.
You know I'm the son of a Christian Democratic MP.
You know I'm the son of a Christian Democratic MP.
- But dignity, morality...
- If you tell the judges...
Allow me to introduce myself.
If you need anything, ask me.
Gun licence, hunting licence...
If you need anything, ask me.
Gun licence, hunting licence...
- Private matters...
- Are you a bailiff ?
- Private matters...
- Are you a bailiff ?
A bailiff, no, I'm one of the many
people around. If you need a lawyer...
- Did you hear ? We need a lawyer too.
- Certainly !
It would be better to pay the fine. Forget it !
No ! I'll get a lawyer, but I won't pay the fine !
It's a matter of principle, not money.
Well done ! I didn't think he'd be acquitted.
Clause 599.
Clause 599.
- Ah, right !
- Good Morning, counsellor, there's...
I've told you I don't need your help.
I know, but that couple needs a lawyer.
Let's see.
It's the perfect case for you.
Did you understand ?
Counsellor Anastasi, the prince of the court.
Pleased to meet you.
- Pleased to meet you.
- What's this about ?
A kiss in Villa Borghese.
A kiss that wasn't given in Villa Borghese, right ?
- Right.
- Not given !
- Mencacci, you can go now.
- Counsellor !
Please.
Please.
We got a fine for this alleged kiss.
Off you go.
I get him a client and he won't allow me to be a witness !
Bad times !
- Counsellor, I've been convicted !
- But you'll be acquitted on appeal.
I'll deal with it all to go to court,
I'm interested in the case.
If necessary, I'll take this cat to the Appeal Court !
- What ?
- Quintilianus !
Holy Mary !
Despite all my reassurance and word of honour, he fined us.
But I won't pay the fine and I'll take the matter to court.
I've no doubt you're telling me the truth,
but it's an absurd thesis for the defence.
You were found at 9.30 pm in Villa
Borghese, locked up in a car,
You were found at 9.30 pm in Villa
Borghese, locked up in a car,
leaning over your girlfriend. Nobody will believe you.
What are you on about ?
I was showing her my thesis. I can swear it !
I swear I wasn't kissing her.
Won't that suffice for justice ?
She can witness too. Isn't that right, Teresa ?
- Is that it ? Really ?
- Certainly. We've never kissed.
- Is that it ? Really ?
- Certainly. We've never kissed.
No, we can't swear that, we've kissed on the cheeks.
On New Year's eve, on your name-day...
- So you are Ponticelli Alfio.
- Yes, Alfio Ponticelli.
I'm a travelling salesman, I sell electric devices,
so I'm often away from Rome during the week.
What do I care ! You must answer my questions !
You're accused of unjustified desertion
of the conjugal roof.
- Do you admit it ?
- Certainly...
We've finished !
He admits it. Introduce the plaintiff.
Mrs.Elena Baronti.
Elena Baronti !
- Well ! Baronti Elena, Ponticelli ?
- Yes.
- Is this man your husband ?
- Yes.
Well. Come forward, don't be scared.
Please, come.
The law protects the weak and the abandoned.
Speak.
I've not much to say, after almost
four years of regular marriage
my husband suddenly decided to abandon me.
- What do you mean, suddenly ?
- Suddenly, with no explanation !
That's not true, I've given her an explanation.
Silence ! Silence !
Answer me ! Why did you abandon your wife,
leaving her, according to the records,
3 months without sustenance ?
For what reason ?
For a very simple reason, your Excellency.
- I discovered that this...
- Do you mind, your honour ?
I'd like to answer myself for my client.
Ponticelli, as he explained, is a travelling salesman.
He travels constantly, leads
a hard life, always away from home.
He had a moment of "défaillance", as the French say.
He lost his self-control, as the English say.
But I'm sure he had no intention of doing the deed,
the alleged desertion...
Please counsellor, relate the actual facts !
Alright, if we're going to say it,
Ponticelli thought he was,
as the French would say, "cocu".
- Cuckold ! He said cuckoo.
- It's French.
This is too much !
Your Honour, as a private attorney
I cannot tolerate that from over there
they keep throwing handfuls of mud at Elena Baronti,
a respectable woman and exemplary wife !
Tell us, "Casanova" alias electrician,
who this phantom lover of your wife is.
Where is he ?
- In the suitcase.
- What ? Did you cut him to pieces ?
Silence ! They're never quiet !
Yes, in the suitcase.
Though it's unusual, I'll ask you, on my client's demand,
to listen to a sound recording in this courtroom.
I'm a technician, Your Honour. A technician !
I'm into electrical devices
so during a brief absence from Rome,
I placed an invisible microphone in the bedroom.
- Invisible !
- In the bedroom ?
There's nothing to see, clerk. You listen ! Carry on.
It's that device, clerk. There !
- "Hurry up, I can't stay long."
- Did you hear that ?
- What ?
- A man's voice. His voice !
Listen !
"Hurry up, I can't stay long."
- So ?
- Eh !
What ? Is that all ?
Yes, that's all !
The words are clear, crystal clear,
they're spoken by a man in my bedroom !
You're wrong, it was the glazier talking to his errand boy.
- The glazier ? Don't talk rubbish !
- Calm down, electrician !
- Electrical engineer.
- Engineer. This isn't sufficient proof.
Miaow, miaow ! Bow-wow !
Complaining about Tom, Dick and Harry !
It's not sufficient proof to ascertain
adultery and justify your action.
Don't look at me, that's how it goes !
Each proof is to be examined for the benefit of justice,
even the most technically complex one.
Wait ! I just got the proof
that takes the bull by the horns !
Yours ? I mean, you think this proof...
Certainly ! It proves my wife's adultery !
- It's a film !
- A film ?
- A film !
- To be viewed here ?
Certainly !
You really want to show you're...
- Do you want to do this ?
- Yes !
Let's watch this film then !
Counsellor, you can't allow everything.
You're right, ma'am ! You Honour,
that's enough ! It's an insult to justice !
I object !
Silence !
I think that's enough, You Honour !
I protest against these experiments
unworthy of the house of justice !
I protest too ! You don't know this man.
He's capable of many tricks !
- All objections are rejected !
- But I...
- Quiet, electrician ! What is he ?
- Electrical engineer.
Quiet or I'll have the courtroom cleared !
- Silence !
- Silence !
Quiet, you're the noisiest !
We'll have a closed hearing. I'll close up everything !
I'm a technician and this is my film projector.
- Can you hear it ?
- And see it too !
What a question ! You can hear it and see it !
- It's 16 mm film. Keep up-to-date !
- I only go to the Opera !
- What are these ?
- Very interesting and important things.
Having recorded on the magnetic tape
and having to leave Rome again
I hid three cameras in my flat.
It's unbelievable !
I'd connected a wire to their shutter.
Because of the development,
I only had the film delivered now
and I myself haven't seen it yet.
- You haven't seen it yet ?
- No.
- And you want to show everyone...
- Yes, yes !
- He's determined !
Sorry, Alfio, I really can't see why
you want to expose yourself to...
That's enough !
I don't go much to the cinema for lack of time,
so if I can watch a film at home, I don't want to miss it !
- It's interesting, isn't it ?
- I hope so.
Shut the windows ! Let's watch it in the dark.
- Alright ! After you, ma'am.
- Sorry, counsellor. Move over !
Please, ma'am. Are you comfortable ?
Thank You.
- There !
- Is this to be recorded, Your Honour ?
Later, clerk, later !
Forgive me.
Clerk, move over, we're like sardines !
You're disturbing the lady.
See ? She gets home and doesn't know she's being filmed.
Modern technology !
It might be modern, but I still
can't see what's strange about that.
Counsellor, wait !
- Stop this farce, please !
- Bear with us, ma'am,
we're examining proof.
- What proof ?
What proof ? That proof...
- Shall we record ?
- No, it's visible.
- It's a nice house.
- Yes ! Yes !
Nice house !
Ah ! There's the man.
Who's that ? The glazier, right ?
- Enough, it's indecent ! I'm leaving !
- The plaintiff leaves the courtroom !
Counsellor, you leave, the lady stays !
Let me watch this film !
- I'll stay too then !
- We'll all stay !
He's wiping his shoes on my armchairs !
He's concerned about his armchair
rather than something else !
You forgot to tell me, madam !
My slippers too !
- Full service.
- Comforts.
Where are they going ?
Where have they gone ? Frame ! Technician ! Electrician !
The camera was among the bottles in the bar !
- What about his head ? Is it still him ?
- Yes, it's him.
- You rat ! My favourite liqueur !
- Did you hear ? He insulted me !
- You're the rat, resorting to such means !
- Your Honour, watch, we're there !
Your Honour, I wish to prevent my client
from making a fool of himself !
Carry on ! We don't want to interrupt it now, right ?
Carry on !
Your Honour, I want to object again !
Silence or I'll have the courtroom
cleared and I'll watch it ! Silence !
That's enough ! I'll ask for a legal separation !
Counsellor Tonnara ! That's Tonnara in his pants !
- You ! My best friend ! No !
- Keep calm !
Silence !
Silence !
Out ! It's a closed court session !
Get out !
As if I didn't know what they talk about
behind those doors !
The usual dirty stuff ! Park prowlers, itchy cuckolds,
girls in Ostia showing their...
- Excuse me, Ladies.
Go ahead, father.
They show their legs, my husband told me !
- Can I help you, father ?
- The second section, please.
- Are you a witness ?
- No, defendant.
- Pardon ?
- Defendant.
Yes, Your Honour, I'm guilty,
and I admit having perpetrated
all the crimes I'm accused of.
What ?
I understand,
but father, repeat it in Italian for the others.
- It's unimportant.
- You can't defend yourself in Latin.
- What about procedure ?
- But I don't wish to defend myself.
I'd be doubly guilty if having committed sin,
I tried not to suffer the consequences.
I'm guilty of material damage and personal injuries.
- Also personal injuries.
- Yes.
Write "also the injuries", clerk. It's unbelievable !
- Father, isn't this defamation ?
- Unfortunately not.
Counsellor, shall I hear the case in closed court ?
- No, it's unnecessary.
- Shall we keep it open then ?
Obviously.
Dear father, I'm sorry. Though I respect your person,
the charges against you are rather serious.
You went to a pool room, started a fight,
caused 300,000 liras worth of damage.
It's the absolute truth.
- I'll close.
- Wait !
- No, I'll close !
- We'll get it all clear.
- No, he wants to be convicted.
- But there must be a reason !
Why did you go to the bar "The Lovely Hawaiian" ?
To play, naturally.
I knew no-one in Rome and was here with my 30 young kites.
- Who ?
- My young kites.
Young kites ?
- Kite fledglings, it's a bird of prey.
- Of course, a bird of prey.
I chose this rather adventurous name
because in my village, Gardone Val Trompia, near Brescia,
where my parish is, I founded
the Association of Young Scooterists.
- Scooter...
- Scooterists.
- Scooters, Vespas.
- Ah, Vespas !
Any boy with a Vespa can join the ranks of the young kites.
I see...
Having heard the Holy Father
would receive us at Castel Gandolfo,
we decided to go to Rome by Vespa.
- By Vespa ?
- How many miles is Brescia from Rome ?
- Around 400.
- You sat on a Vespa for 400 miles.
- Yes.
But we were happy.
When you care for the goal, you feel no fatigue.
As the miles went by, instead of feeling tired
we got happier and happier, and we sang, we sang...
We're father Michele's bees, making honey industriously.
Of virtue and goodness, we're full to the brim !
We're father Michele's kites, with no-one we have fights.
For loyalty and chastity, we're the troops of generosity.
For loyalty and chastity, we're the troops of generosity.
We're father Michele's kites,
our scooters grant our flights.
We fly, then plunge and the devil we expunge.
At father Michele's side our sails are open wide.
We cruise, we sail, the devil down we nail.
We're father Michele's bees, making honey industriously.
Of virtue and goodness, we're full to the brim !
We're full to the brim !
- Zecchinelli, was that corn ?
- No, beans !
- Gallini and Durante.
- Yes, father.
Step out of the ranks.
Halt !
Clause 35.
In what case may a good kite, like David, use his sling ?
To defend the powerless against the snares of the evil.
Correct. You've transgressed, I'll apply clause 91.
- No, father !
- Silence !
Have the courage to undergo the righteous punishment.
Eyes front ! Execution of clause 91. Left turn ! Left turn !
Quick march ! One, two ! One, two !
The boys from Gardone Val Trompia are here.
I see. They're that famous father Michele's lads.
I'll receive them. You may go, father.
Close ranks ! Close ranks ! Right turn ! March ! Halt !
Position !
Aim !
- Fire !
- Ow ! Ow !
- Get up !
- He's mad !
One, two ! One, two !
What's going on here ? Have you gone mad ?
Clause 91, "He who lives by the sling,
will die by the sling."
Nice to meet you, father.
I've heard a lot about the way you educate these lads,
but I never thought you'd do it with such emancipation !
I'll explain it all later,
first allow me to dismiss the boys.
Boys, you're free, park your vehicles
and visit Rome on your own !
- On our own ?
- Yes, but...
One moment, boys !
Wait ! Come here and give me your wallets.
- No, I don't accept.
- No point in going without money !
I don't understand !
- Give me your wallets.
- But why ?
Because you can visit Rome for free.
- What about trams and Coca-Cola ?
- Alright then, take something.
You left with 2,000 liras each, so you have 56,000 liras.
Durante takes 6,000 for the shopping. Give me 50,000 liras.
No !
You'll be stronger against temptation.
2,000. You had 45,000 so it's 47. There are 3,000 missing.
48,000... Give me another 1,000.
Always trying to be smart, right ?
Boys, remember, no pool, no extras,
only monuments and museums. There's also a zoo in Rome.
They've got a walrus now, go and see it.
Durante, when you're back, you'll describe the walrus.
It's your responsibility, take them to the zoo.
Go now and be good.
Goodbye !
Your Honour, I've told you this
as it was because of the boys' money
that I went to that pool room.
Do you want me to believe
you went in that pool room to play ?
Believe what you like, Your Honour.
I went on my own, for that money.
No, it's not true !
- Silence ! Who spoke ?
- It was me, Your Honour, me.
Who are you ? How dare you ?
Father Michele's lying, the fight started because of me.
Do you know that woman ?
- I've never seen her before.
- It's false, the father knows me well.
- If he won't tell the truth, then I will !
- Silence !
- Counsellor, I'll close.
- Yes, now the horses have bolted.
- Shall I hear the girl ?
- Certainly.
- In open court ?
- In open court.
Father Michele, I'll hear the girl... in open court.
The first time I saw father Michele
was a month ago, in the street,
at the bus stop.
I remember him waiting beside me.
I noticed him straight away.
- Our elbows touched.
- Your elbows ?
- Lawyer, I'll close.
- No, don't bother, let's hear.
Carry on.
It was the bus for San Giovanni and we got on.
There was the usual crowd,
and I still was close to father Michele.
- Tell me when we get there.
- Yes, move on, please.
Ticket !
Very close to father Michele, right against him !
You know how it is,
squeezed in like sardines, really close !
That's when it happened.
I'm ashamed, but I must speak the truth.
One moment, Miss.
Your Honour, we should close court.
No, I want to keep it open now. Too late. Go ahead, Miss.
I said we were really close.
The temptation was irresistible.
While father Michele was getting his ticket,
I'd noticed his wallet was full of money.
Miss !
Excuse me !
- Excuse me, sorry, let me pass.
- What manners !
Sorry.
Father Michele knew only I could've stolen the wallet.
He started to follow me, chasing me for over an hour.
Miss, listen...
Why have you followed me for an hour ?
- Are you really asking ? You took...
- Stop it, you should be ashamed !
Miss, listen... Miss !
Father Michele followed me
up to the boarding house I lived in.
He was determined.
Are you mad, coming up here ?
If you don't go, I'll cause a scandal.
Leave the room immediately.
Dear girl, why do you insist
on misinterpreting my intentions ?
I only came to take back the money
you stole from me on the bus.
I've no idea what you're talking about.
As for the scandal, I'm the one who could
cause one, but I won't for your sake.
I feel sorry for you.
Enough ! I don't know a thing about
your money, I didn't take it. Look !
- Look with your own eyes.
- Do you think I've no brains ?
I knew since we were on the bus that you were the thief.
When you thought you'd got away and threw the wallet,
I was sure. You see ?
I could report you, but I won't
and I've already told you why,
I feel sorry for you.
- Go ahead with it.
- Do you want to come to a bad end ?
- Worse than now ?
- You're still in time, if you want.
I'm not anymore. Whenever
I try to get out of it, it ends badly.
At that point what shouldn't have happened did.
Anna, open up !
Open !
Open !
God knows what would've happened
if that man had found him in my room.
Anna, open !
Why have you locked it ?
Anna ! Open !
Anna !
- Why was it locked ?
- I was sleeping.
You're fit today.
Come on, put your good dress on, I've found you someone.
I don't want to go out this evening.
If you've found a dupe to provide for you,
you can't get rid of me now !
- There's no-one.
You can't fool me. If you don't want
to work, it means you've got the money.
They're killing each other !
No, that's Raul, her boyfriend, he only beats her up.
Remember, you work, but I gobble up the money.
No ! Not that money, give it back !
Get off !
Father, I want to tell you the truth.
I'm the one who stole that money,
but I needed it to leave Rome, get back to my village
and leave this life.
I wanted to give it back to you,
but that brute took it all.
- Where has he gone ?
- To the pool room nearby, where else ?
Alright, I'm sorry for you.
A mess ! The moment that priest
came in, all hell broke loose.
Three pool tables out of use,
20 sticks broken and a ball in the head.
You can still see I was at the hospital.
I request damages of 250,000 liras.
I'm the one who decides if you'll have them or not.
I'll say the truth about what happened that night.
I haven't up to now because I didn't want to accuse Anna,
who's become a good girl.
My entry in that bar wasn't
as it has been related in this court.
I went to that pool room with great reluctance,
as priests aren't allowed to go into certain places.
But I had no choice.
I'd thought up different solutions,
but I knew that to get the money back
without resorting to violence,
my boys' money,
there was only one way left.
An unusual way for a priest,
but under the circumstances I had no other choice.
Excuse me.
- Shall we have a game ?
- What ? You want a game ?
Are you sure he went to the pool room ?
I saw him ! And he has our money.
- Let's go and see.
- Alright.
- He's playing !
- With our money.
- Thank You.
- Move back.
Listen, I'm in a rush, could we do just two shots ?
- Just two shots.
- What will be will be.
What will be will be.
I'll start.
Listen...
Sorry, I mean... Aren't we staking ?
- The money.
- Alright, let's stake the money.
50,000 ?
I'll put it here.
Mine's here, where is yours ?
Imagine mine is here too.
You trust a priest, don't you ?
- Do we trust him ?
- Yes. Anyway...
Anyway...
Move over.
What do you say to that ?
Not bad,
but with God's help one can do even better.
Come on !
Thank You. Good day, sons.
Wait a minute, father !
Father, one moment !
- So you just leave like that.
- We've finished.
I've won and I leave.
You owe me a rematch, you must stake the money again.
- You must be mad.
- You must stake it again !
Calm down, boys, let me explain something.
- This money was mine.
- He says it was his !
This money belongs to the boys of my association,
and this morning it was stolen.
- So that's why he came.
I don't know anything about it. I didn't take anything.
- I'll explain.
- What are you on about ?
What's the matter ?
- Ah ! Was it you ?
- Me ? What... ?
- What's going on ?
- I don't understand.
I didn't touch him.
So everything that happened that night
was my fault, all my fault.
That's why I want to be convicted.
No, it's all my fault.
It's for me that father Michele tried
getting the money back by force.
He left me the money I'd stolen.
That's how I could get back home.
Counsellor, he acted that way for a good reason.
Alright, mandatory minimum penalty.
The fight, the injuries, subsist.
The injuries are real.
It's true, I'm guilty.
Alright then.
Alright.
In the name of the Italian people,
in view and consideration of clauses
185, 588, 590 of the criminal code,
I convict...
- It's unfair !
- It's all my fault.
- Silence ! Take that woman away !
I sentence Mezzocchi Michele to 3 months of jail,
with all benefits of law,
and refer the parties to the private
law judge for compensation.
- You may go.
- Thank You.
You're welcome.
Jesus ! Jesus !
Father Michele !
Are you cross with me ?
- I'm sorry, but I had to talk.
- I'm sorry too, but you shouldn't have.
- You'd finished with it all, and well.
- And what about you ?
I couldn't leave you, after all you've done.
I'd also been told you were in jail.
- In jail ? Who told you ?
- Raul.
He came to the village, to the shop I work at,
and told me you were in jail.
- He also asked me to go back with him.
- What did you answer ?
I sent him away, then I heard about your trial and I came.
Looking for trouble you've nothing to do with.
But it's all my fault, you've been convicted because of me !
The ways of the Lord are infinite.
It means the way to your village
passed by San Giovanni,
on a bus, through a wallet
stolen from a poor country priest.
I don't understand everything, but I'm sure of one thing:
the folks at the village are wrong.
They say hunchbacks, priests and straw bring bad luck.
But you've brought me good luck,
father, loads of good luck !
Your Honour !
- Have you seen this ?
- What is it ?
The sports newspaper talking about your son.
I've told you I'm not interested in my son's affairs.
He's injured, he broke his leg while training.
He broke a leg ? He deserved it !
Was it I who told him to play football ? No !
- So he should've broken both legs.
- He has a guarded prognosis.
I don't care.
Excuse me, have you seen
a nice lady with a boy, a lawyer... ?
We had a trial...
I'm working, not looking at ladies.
Madam, have you seen a young lady with a young man ?
the lawyer said, "Go to the judge." I went and...
I don't know, there are too many people here.
I can't see straight, I'm thinking about my own trial.
I must give this poor wretch a father.
Thank You.
A weak coffee.
- May I use the phone ?
- Go ahead.
You don't mind, do you ?
Hello ?
Could you put me through to the lawyer ?
Yes, I'll hold the line.
I'm calling my colleague, I want his opinion on my thesis.
Is Leopoldo right to sue ?
Between us, no, but he wants to...
If he pays the fine, his record stays clean.
- And the crime is extinguished.
- But he's committed no crime.
And he'll never commit one.
I think so too, he's old-fashioned.
So am I, but I'd willingly pay a fine for you.
- Really ?
- One a day.
Hello ? Hello !
Hello !
Hello !
Teresa ! Teresa !
Where were you ? I've been looking for you for an hour.
We were making a call.
The young lady was with me, I had to talk to my colleague,
tell him about my thesis.
- And what did he say ?
He said I'm right, the thesis I chose is the best.
- What's the matter ?
- Nothing.
Mencacci, after all this time at court
you still ignore professional confidentiality ?
There's no professional confidentiality
in this case, as I'm a witness.
- A witness of what ?
- A witness of the kiss.
- What does that mean ?
- Didn't you hear ? I saw the kiss.
I can't be quiet in good conscience.
Isn't that true, counsellor ?
It's impossible. How could she ?
I didn't see anybody in Villa Borghese.
Easy now, I don't care about
Villa Borghese, but there was a kiss !
I'm a witness, I walk, wonder, observe,
investigate, or what witness would I be ?
- My oath is worth yours.
- No, I'm the son of an MP.
- I don't care about MPs.
- Leopoldo Pirelli ! Teresa Ricci !
It's our turn, dear. Let's not waste time with him.
- Come, counsellor.
- Teresa Ricci !
Counsellor, I'll stop here, but there was a kiss.
- Cigarettes ?
- Cigarettes.
Better than nothing.
Nowadays, youths think about nothing but sport.
- Futilities, trivialities !
- I feel sorry for them !
Take this one, he's already in court at 20.
Imagine at 40 ! Clerk, summon him.
Meniconi Ferdinando !
Here he comes ! Meniconi Ferdinando !
Meniconi Ferdinando has been summoned,
it's me, indecent exposure.
END OF PART ONE
PART TWO
Indecent exposure, I've been summoned, Meniconi Ferdinando.
Excuse me. Hello, indecent exposure.
- Good day, Your Honour !
- I'm the judge.
- Hello, do you mind ?
- Get off ! Get off !
A cigarette, Your Honour ?
They're Nationals because, you know...
Put those cigarettes away, smoking's forbidden here.
Clerk !
- This isn't a "fumoir", it's a court.
- Everybody's smoking.
No-one smokes... In the inkpot ? Just look at that !
Look, look.
On the floor !
Name ?
Meniconi Ferdinando, know as "The American".
Are you American ?
I want to know if you're American or Italian.
I'm called the American because I say these things...
Stop that.
- Are you Italian ?
- I am.
Then speak Italian.
- You're in an Italian court.
- Precisely, I say these things...
- Name ?
- Meniconi Ferdinando, innocent.
- Son of Innocent.
- No, I am innocent.
Son of the late Mario, clean record too, you can check.
We're not interested in your past or your father's.
You're not ? A friend of mine in America said
everything must be put on record...
- We're in Italy.
We don't need you to teach us the procedure.
- Mother.
- My mother ? Anigretti Margherita.
Anigretti Margherita.
But I've always lived with an aunt
who loved me as a mother.
Aunt Costanza, I remember her well.
Why did you leave me, aunt ?
You've left me alone in this torment.
Put on record I've always lived with aunt Costanza.
We're not interested in your family affairs.
Do you get it ?
Drop that condescending attitude or I'll have you arrested.
- Who are you having arrested ?
- You !
- Who ?
- Silence !
Sorry, what do you mean ?
- Come on, let's talk about the facts.
- Let's talk about the facts.
You're accused of...
indecent...
- Indecent exposure.
Improper attitude. Offense against public morality.
Don't be proud of it.
I'm not proud, I'm relating the facts.
- Silence !
- Clerk, you must let us talk.
You must let us talk.
Counsellor Terenzi, are you defending him ?
What counsellor ?
- I don't need a counsellor.
- It's compulsory, ex officio.
His record is clean and there's
the indecent exposure, may we talk ?
Go ahead.
- Excuse me, Your Honour.
- Come on.
We're in court, young man, calm down !
- What do you want ?
- Money.
We need to get loads of money, they've robbed my clothes !
- We need to get loads of money.
- Do you have any money for me ?
For you ? Are you joking ? I'm broke ! What... ?
Quiet ! Have I asked you anything ?
Have I asked you for money ?
Come on !
- We may proceed.
- So, we were saying...
- Have I asked you anything ?
- Are we proceeding ?
- Yes.
- Meniconi.
- Meniconi !
- He's deaf too.
So...
Your Honour, he asked me for money.
- Did you hear that ? Terenzi !
- Did you hear that ?
- Always the same !
- He asked me for money.
- You got it wrong.
- No, I got it right.
You got it wrong ! Get on with it.
State the facts.
So, Your Honour... In this sweltering summer,
because of some business, I couldn't...
- What business ?
- What business ?
What's your profession ?
- What profession ?
- What do you live on ?
I traffic.
I trot along, I make do, Your Honour.
We can see how you make do.
He makes do. Let's get on.
I was sick.
I had an illness.
I had an illness that blocked me, nailed me down !
I had an illness, I went on sick leave.
I used to gallop along, Your Honour.
I had an illness.
Or else I'd have a good job by now, I'd be in America.
These youths are lost !
- Holy Mary, what does he want ?
- What do you want ?
- Carry on !
- Let's carry on.
In this sweltering summer,
because of some business, I couldn't go to the beach.
So I went, happy and bright, to a field of flowers.
I walked along, nice and hunky...
To your service, general Custer !
We'll occupy the position held by the 7th Cavalry.
We've seen the smoke of the paleface,
we know what it means.
OK, general Custer ? We'll meet at High Noon.
OK, we'll massacre the Apache. Of course, general Custer.
I reached the place where we workers...
Workers...
Where we, in the sweltering summer,
take a freshening bath: the canal.
- Have you sullied the water ?
- We haven't gone in yet.
- Who owns the canal ?
- The American !
How did you bathe in the canal ?
Naked ! Naked, Your Honour.
Naked ! Completely naked.
You don't believe it ? They don't believe it.
In America, a civilized country...
A friend of mine has been there,
he says in Kansas City everybody bathes naked.
The poor, the rich, immigrants, the court chamberlain...
All naked ! You don't believe it ?
- Your Honour, she doesn't believe it !
- Come here.
She doesn't believe it because she couldn't bathe naked.
I said come here !
Officer, bring him over.
- Do you think you're at home ?
- Unbelievable ! He thinks he's at home.
Watch it, don't cause trouble.
- That's enough !
- Counsellor, I'm broke.
That's enough, young man, patience has its limits.
Don't you find it inconvenient
to be surprised naked in a canal ?
It's not like the sea or a pool. It's the canal !
What's that supposed to mean ?
It's a public place, people go by.
What people ? Nobody goes by.
That's why we meet there and practise.
- We practise Kron.
- What ?
Kron.
- Like in the American movies.
- I'm sending him to jail.
I'm sending him to jail, give me a stamp.
He's mad !
We can do whatever we like, any style, Your Honour,
like in the American movies.
We can swim as "Booster Crabble", "Vesther Williams"...
"Vesther Williams", you know the one, Your Honour.
You said it was hot. Drop dead and die !
- American, do Tarzan !
- Come on !
- No !
- Do Tarzan !
No, stop shouting ! Stop it !
We'll give you a cigarette !
- What ?
- A cigarette !
- Throw it over.
- First take this dagger.
Look, there's the crocodile.
It's coming, kill it !
What will you do now ?
I'll bite your head off.
- Crocodile, I'll kill you.
- The guard's coming !
Crocodile, I'll kill you ! I'll break your back !
I eat crocodiles. I eat loads...
Do you want to drown me ? I eat crocodiles !
I'll erase you from the face of the earth !
Bedouins !
They've gone.
Crippled !
Damn it ! The cigarette !
Jesus, what a hunk !
Where are my warm clothes ? Where are they ?
Cripple ! God-awful !
Where are you, dear clothes ?
I'd left you here, don't play tricks on me.
Oh God, they've stolen my clothes !
Damn it ! Whoever took my clothes had better give them back,
because if I find him I'll bite him on the head !
They left me naked ! Naked as a worm in the wilderness,
in the dampness of the canal.
With all my rheumatic pains !
- It's all that one's fault. There he is.
- Softly, speak softly !
There he is.
Why did you keep Meniconi's clothes ?
- Bathing is forbidden in that canal.
- There ! Forbidden.
So what ?
So it's forbidden and you went splashing around.
- Carry on.
- We always do that.
We take the clothes, sit down
and wait for them to come out.
Did you hear that ? He took the clothes !
But that day I got called at the police station.
- My wife had had a baby.
- What ?
- My wife had had a baby !
- A baby with that face ?
I took the clothes along,
I was happy and didn't know what I was doing.
Then I forgot all about them.
They left me alone as a worm !
All wet, hidden in the thicket !
Then, slowly, slowly, like a snail,
I ventured through the night.
And what a night !
Your Honour, I started off and fell three times.
So, half crippled, I tried to find
my bearings in that dark night.
Then I saw a gate.
Is anybody in ?
Is there a kind soul to open this gate for me ?
People of the house !
Whisky ?
Someone rang the bell, it must be Dado the madcap.
Yusef, go to the office and press the switch for the gate.
He promised he'd come, he even said over the phone,
"Just wait and see how I'll be ! You'll want to scream !"
What a madcap !
Let's do the same as the other night at Giulia Maria's:
we switch off the lights and pretend no-one's in.
Great !
Then one of us hides and we'll
give him the fright of his life.
It should be someone he doesn't know at all, like Miguel.
Your Excellency, I have a question.
You know the prince of Serramontana ?
- Never seen him.
- Great.
- Would you play a trick on him ?
- Certainly.
Then listen,
take this sword and hide over there.
We'll turn off the lights and he'll think nobody's in.
What's this ? A haunted house ?
Aunt Costanza, you know I'm in trouble, help me.
Where do I go now ?
May I come in ?
Am I allowed to come into this house ?
Is anyone there ?
Is anyone around in this house ?
It's so cold !
What a lovely house !
Where are you hiding ?
- Is it Dado ?
- He's changed his voice.
So there's no-one in.
Just a naked man walking around the house.
There's no-one in.
What's this ?
A drink from Kansas City.
Disgusting !
Oh, two little handies !
These are silver.
I don't even have a pocket !
Isn't there anybody around ?
Couldn't I get at least a shawl ? What a night !
Can't a man even...
A lit window ! There's someone there !
- My stick and hat !
- Your Excellency, why are you... ?
- My stick and hat !
- Why ? I don't understand.
My stick and hat !
It was an innocent joke, you shouldn't get so cross.
You're pigs !
Your Excellency, wait !
Oh God, I've lost my glasses,
what shall I do ? I can't read !
Oh heavens !
My grandchildren left me knowing
I can't see and keep falling over !
Not a penny in my will !
Not a penny !
- God ! Please, do you have a shawl ?
- Thank God someone's here !
- Do you have a shawl ?
- Silence !
There's no-one, I'm alone, ma'am.
- All alone in this mess !
- Come here.
- No, I need a shawl.
- You know my awful grandchildren ?
Damned who pinched my clothes !
It must be a local. It's your grandchildren, ma'am !
Damn them ! Sit down. There !
- Where ?
- There.
- I'm freezing.
- I can't see without my glasses.
- You can't see ?
- No.
I can't see either, I'm so cold.
Please, ma'am, do you have a shawl ?
You remind me of aunt Costanza !
She gave me this !
Look at all these rings !
- Have you got a shawl ? I'm cold !
- Read.
Do you want me to read ?
- But you'll give me a shawl after.
- I don't have my glasses.
- I'll read now, ma'am.
- I'm so nervous !
- It's a foreign language !
- All the better.
You're lucky.
A friend told me I'm good at languages.
- I had an illness !
- Are you reading or not ?
- I was blocked !
- Read.
Yes, ma'am, but you'll give me the shawl.
Let's see,
"La revue française".
It's French. Don't you speak French, you idiot ?
Take it easy !
I speak an excellent American from Kansas City.
A friend said, "Your American's good,
you've got the right cacophony."
I've been sick !
I was blocked or I would've left
for America with the refugees !
You're so like aunt Costanza. Like two drops of water.
Really two drops, one, two.
They won't come off, they're nailed on !
The Frenchman says.
They're fighting.
- A knock on the door.
- I've found my glasses !
- You've found them !
- I'll put them on.
Give it to me !
- This is fanaticism.
- Let me read.
You're a fanatic, it'll be hard...
Let's listen, my old lady, let's listen to this song.
"Nous mangeons..."
They eat like hogs, foreigners !
"Allez... allez..."
C'est si bon !
You !
Who are you ?
Meniconi Ferdinando, known as the American.
I was doing Tarzan when suddenly
a crocodile arrived in the bog.
I'm not a fanatic, I was going to get a cigarette for it.
I grabbed the knife... Paralysis !
We've lost the old lady ! C'est si bon.
Don't scare me, move your arm.
Move your arm, aunt Costanza !
- Don't scare me.
- He's naked !
- He's naked !
- He's naked ! There's a naked man !
I'm the naked man ! Call the guardian of morals !
It's me ! Meniconi Ferdinando, the naked American !
You left me naked ! Aunt Costanza, why did you leave me ?
Help ! A naked man !
A naked man in the house ! Help !
- Poor thing !
- Do you mind ?
I'm the naked man. That old lady's
screaming because I scared her.
They've pinched my clothes !
- Call the gamekeeper.
- Get him out of my home !
- The dogs !
- Assassin !
He wanted to torture my poor grandma !
Poor dear ! Sainted woman !
Your Honour, they set 7 dogs after me ! What dogs !
Counsellor, it's all clear.
- The crime of indecent exposure subsists.
- Do you question it ?
He showed himself naked to people !
What will society think of us ?
- Let's give him a lesson.
- The Defence...
I leave it in the hands of the court's mercy.
Silence !
In the name of the Italian people,
in view of clause 527 of the penal code
we sentence...
- What ?
- We sentence Meniconi Ferdinando...
- They're convicting me !
Quiet !
...to 3 months of jail, with all benefits of law.
If you bathe again in the pond you'll pay for both times !
- And now ?
- What now ?
You've got me a bad record !
I didn't make it bad, you did !
Don't take all these liberties. I'm sick of you !
- I've been sick ! I had an illness !
- Out !
- Come out.
- He's got me a bad record !
Why have you left me, aunt Costanza ?
You wanted the money !
Aunt Costanza's left me. I didn't do anything, officer.
- I'll take him in, Your Honour.
- Take him out !
We'll meet again. I'll meet that judge again !
I didn't do anything !
Let go of my arm, I'll go on my own !
I must meet him again !
I've had an illness, it blocked me !
Goodbye !
Teresa, we've won !
Teresa !
Sorry, have you seen my girlfriend ?
We've won the case, I was right.
- Who's your girlfriend ?
- The girl I was with.
- The lovely, tall girl ?
- Yes.
- She is a lovely girl.
- What's the matter ? Why ?
What's happened ? A disaster ?
- Worse !
- What do you mean ? Tell me.
- Calm down.
- Tell me...
Have you got any money on you ?
- Do we need to go to the hospital ?
- There's no time to waste.
She's packed up.
- Pardon ?
- She's run for the hills ! Got it ?
- With the counsellor. Got it ?
- Teresa ?
Teresa !
Cheerio !
- Luisa Ceccarelli.
- Yes, it's me. I didn't do anything.
Silence !
Don't disturb, it's not your turn
to talk. Do you have a lawyer ?
I see. Counsellor Terenzi, you're the appointed defender.
As usual.
Introduce the officer Sframeci Nicola.
Your Honour, let me explain.
I was on duty near Piazza Vittorio Emanuele,
I noticed a woman going up
to passersby and disturbing them.
In this particular case, she went up to
Pampinelli Virgilio,
profession peasant.
I can't say much. I can only say this,
I was in Piazza Vittorio "Emmanuelle",
waiting for a friend who works at the market.
Suddenly a female came up to me.
That one !
She said: "Do you want me to show you some voluptuosity ?"
I don't know voluptuosity,
but I think it's something foreign.
Your Honour, it's untrue. I may drink a bit at times,
because when I drink, I remember
the good times and forget the present.
I'm a woman who's had one triumph after the other,
the greatest celebrity of variety shows from 1910 to 1925.
A woman a whole generation was in love with !
The one that fought the Great War.
Gloriana, the great. The beautiful Gloriana.
Gloriana.
That was me.
I even posed for the poster of Italy at arms.
Gloriana !
In the time of the Great, the True War.
The time of the war of mud, the war of the trenches.
We were all in love with you.
When we met in the winter of 1917,
because we've already met,
in the area of operations,
in that filthy, smoky shack of the resupply command,
turned into the Soldier's Theatre for the occasion.
Wandering back to yesterday's memories.
Such pleasures the heart recalls.
Among the images of the past,
fall back a moment
to dream.
Each time a soldier leaves,
he takes to the front line a golden memory.
The happy memory
of a time gone by.
A name, Lulù !
And zoom tara tara.
And zoom tara tara.
It chimes and stands at attention in every heart.
On the front line, under the bullets,
the soldier dreams of his faraway love.
The blue eyes you dream of are Lulù's.
A narrow waist and a turned-up nose !
After 6 months in this place
legs are the only thing you dream of.
And zoom tara tara.
And zoom tara tara.
This is the memory you shall never forget !
And you'll see, wherever you look,
each hour that goes by,
you'll always see the legs you desire.
Just like a cannon ball. Bang !
Forever Lulù, Lulù !
And zoom tara tara.
And zoom tara tara.
It chimes and stands at attention in every heart.
And zoom tara tara. And zoom tara tara.
The soldier dreams of his faraway love.
The blue eyes you dream of are Lulù's.
A narrow waist and a turned-up nose !
After 6 months in this place
legs are the only thing you dream of.
And zoom tara tara !
And zoom tara tara !
This is the memory you shall never forget !
And you'll see, wherever you look,
each hour that goes by,
you'll always see the legs you desire.
Just like a cannon ball. Bang !
Forever Lulù, Lulù !
- Cheers.
- Cheers. Hooray !
After 4 months on the front line,
your arrival has shaken the regiment !
- You're very kind, Major.
- They're all here,
officers, subalterns, the young ones.
- It's the front line tomorrow.
- Poor boys.
- I should change, if you don't mind.
- Let's go.
I hope my lodgings are close.
I'm rather tired.
Lieutenant, have you found lodgings for the lady ?
You'll have to make do.
We're in the area of operations.
I'll make do, Major. I'm so tired.
I'm leaving early tomorrow morning
for the zone behind the front line.
I've so little time to sleep.
- Who'll help me ?
- I will, my dear !
- I'm sorry, Major. I thought...
- What did you think ?
I thought she was leaving tonight.
- A company has arrived, I can't...
- So ?
Don't tell me you couldn't find me a bed ?
- It's not my fault, Miss.
- My hat, please.
- To the lodgings, to the inn !
- Everything's full.
It's unbelievable ! It was your mission, it was an order.
Is it a trap, Major ?
Believe me, I'm mortified, Miss,
I don't know how to justify myself.
It's unforgivable.
Major, if you allow me, I may have a solution.
Tell me, Commander.
One of us could give her his room.
And find some sort of solution for himself. I would !
- You would too, boys, right ?
- Yes.
No doubt ! Grand idea.
Commander, don't you think the officer
who should find a solution
could go back to his room ?
He could forget his toothbrush,
his sleeping bag, his coat, his hat !
He could worry about me being hungry, thirsty,
and bring me some Champagne !
- I doubt it.
- What do you do in civilian life ?
- I'm a professional soldier.
I'm a professional too and I know men well.
What do you mean ? Officers are men of honour !
Precisely !
The honour of the army is made of conquests, Major.
- What are you imagining ?
- I don't imagine, Major, I foresee.
Unfortunately I've no other choice !
You've challenged me, Commander,
allow me to choose the weapons,
in this case the choice of the officer
who'll sacrifice himself for me.
Let's see.
Gloriana, you looked for
the most inoffensive one of us all,
the most harmless one, the one who
would never ever have found a solution.
I've chosen, Major. Him !
- Lieutenant.
- Lieutenant Del Russo.
Infantry, drivers' section.
- You're on duty tonight.
- Yes, sir.
Do you know Miss Gloriana ? She sang in our show.
Yes, sir, we met just before.
- You lodge in Bepi's Inn, right ?
- Yes, Major.
Good, you'll lead Miss Gloriana to her lodgings.
Yes, Major. Where are the lady's lodgings ?
In your lodgings !
- Mine ? But I...
- The lady will sleep in your room.
- Major, but I...
- Silence !
It's an order, you take the lady to your room
and make sure she's satisfied with everything.
- Understood ? With everything !
- I should...
Silence !
- Where are you going ?
- To satisfy, Major.
Go !
I knew that when we got to the room you would say:
Lieutenant, aren't you forgetting anything ?
I... No.
But is everything in order here ? Are the jugs full ?
Yes, I've got everything.
- The towels ?
- They've prepared everything.
- The light !
- It's on.
It's on ! I hadn't noticed !
I can't imagine you undress in the dark.
I undress in the light and in the dark.
- In the dark too ?
- Yes.
- Shall I go ?
- Goodnight, Lieutenant.
Goodnight, Miss.
- Lieutenant.
- Yes.
- You forgot your hat.
- Right, the hat !
It's important.
It has the decorations.
They tell a soldier who his superiors are.
- I have two, I'm Lieutenant.
- You get immediate salutes then.
- Shall I go ?
- Go, Lieutenant.
- The Lieutenant is leaving.
- Eh !
- The Lieutenant is leaving !
- It happens.
Yes, it happens.
Lieutenant...
- Have a good rest.
- No, not a good rest !
We're going to war tomorrow, to the front line !
I know, Lieutenant.
- I wish you well.
- Wishes don't count much !
Today we're here, tomorrow
there. Do you know where we are ?
I don't know, Lieutenant. Where are we ?
We're in the trench, under a rain of steel and fire,
under the snipers' shots. Do you know snipers ?
No.
They shoot you in the back !
So I go, I might be shot by a sniper
and I leave you here !
Lieutenant, I'd come to war, but I can't !
- Maybe, but you provoked us today.
- Me ?
Yes, in that tiny suit, with that little song.
Did I sing that song ?
You've even taken my room now !
- Miss, something must be done.
- Lieutenant !
- Miss, please !
- Lieutenant !
I'm going to the front line.
Please ! I've come here to work.
I tried to cheer you up a bit,
peck up your spirits.
Let's peck up our spirits.
Listen, Lieutenant, I'll be generous.
I must admit you're a nice person.
- Shut your eyes.
- Eyes shut ?
- Lieutenant !
- Here I am.
- What is going on ?
- I've kissed you.
- Where ?
- Here.
- Was it a kiss ?
- Yes.
I thought it was a midge.
No, Lieutenant, it was a kiss.
So you've kissed me !
The Lieutenant is leaving then.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus !
Goodnight.
You're lousy, Lieutenant Del Russo.
Yes, sir. Excuse me ?
You've shamed our regiment.
That woman is beautiful and you're here !
- But this is how it went...
- I've lost the bet.
- The lady...
- She must've said she was tired.
- How do you know ?
- Please !
You must know women ! They have
a strategy you're unaware of.
Do you know how they call Miss Gloriana ?
"Gloriana the horizontal".
A woman who changes company each night.
I'm sorry, Commander,
she's neither horizontal nor vertical !
It's unfair to speak badly about her.
She's here to peck up our spirits.
She pecked up mine !
Major, she pecked up mine !
Lieutenant Del Russo !
You've forgotten your hat, Lieutenant.
One moment.
Commander, it might not be classy for a lady
to come down like this, among
so many men in her dressing gown !
thank You for the kind words you said a few minutes ago.
Lieutenant, come and take your hat.
- Me ?
- Yes, you.
Come on ! Come and get it.
Go, or I'll downgrade you.
I obey.
Commander, the Lieutenant is leaving.
Actually I spent the night alone on the balcony.
I had wanted to respect Gloriana's honour
to thank her for having saved
mine in front of the regiment.
When dawn broke...
Lieutenant Del Russo, you've been
very kind, I'm very grateful.
Gloriana, the sacrifice was huge !
By the way, Lieutenant, I don't know your name.
- What's your name ?
- My name's Salomone.
Salomone. What a funny name !
It's funny. It's the name
of an ancient king who had 12 wives !
- He did.
- You're very nice, Salomone.
You're the only man of honour I've ever met.
You call man of honour a man who's behaved like me ?
I slept all night on the balcony while you were there.
Gloriana, I'd call him...
- The Lieutenant's leaving.
- We'll meet again.
Ascertained the crimes of disruptive
drunkenness and enticement,
I ask that this woman be sentenced to two months in jail
with all benefits of law.
Judge, I rent out rooms.
If you convict me, they'll withdraw my licence !
- Counsellor, the defendant.
- I appeal to the clemency of the court.
Counsellor...
Enticement and disruptive drunkenness have been proved.
- Del Russo, the sentence !
- Yes, right, the sentence.
In the name of the Italian people...
I acquit...
I acquit
Luisa Ceccarelli
for the offense she's accused of
does not constitute a crime.
Thank You.
Your Honour !
Your Honour !
Your Honour.
The hearing is finished.
What's the matter, Your Honour ? You're so pale !
Yes, I know, I shouldn't have acquitted that woman.
I misapplied the code, but it's the first time in 20 years.
She's a poor wretch, Cicero.
We men are the scums,
for when a woman is beautiful and young
we'll court her, help her, respect her.
When she gets old, this is what happens !
I didn't want to be pitiless.
You can be pitiless up to
a certain point, dear Marcus Tullius.
We must stop being pitiless.
Cicero, I know what you think of me.
You think judges must apply the code
or else justice won't be respected. It's true.
But you're marble, I'm not !
I'd like to see you in my shoes.
The man of the pond deserved it, walking about all naked !
Though the clothes were taken by a guard.
But poor father Michele acted for a good reason.
Yes, he caused the fight,
but why did he fight ? He did it
to save a girl from corruption.
You'll say, "In my times..."
But in your times, dear Cicero, you magistrates...
In the times of the Caesars in Rome,
you were revered, respected.
You reached the forum in chariots.
Yes, you had chariots !
Marcus Tullius, you even had a villa in Formia.
Don't deny it, I've informed myself.
What do we judges have today ? We have Vespas !
I don't even have a moped !
If I miss the tram, I go on foot !
It's easy to say, "Convict !"
But who, Cicero ?
We have people who are so hungry they eat cats.
To apply the code honestly
I've had to convict the one who ate the cat.
Tell me, honestly, do you think it's fair ?
I don't think so.
It's easy to convict a criminal !
To convict London's monster, the Soap-maker !
But Cicero, I'm a small judge.
I must judge small people.
People who must live in today's world.
Would you be able to say who's right
and who's wrong in today's world ?
Come on ! Cicero, do you want me to be honest ?
I'm beginning to realize my son was right not to study.
My son just kicking earns loads of money !
Did you hear that, Cicero ? Hush, I'd better stop.
Hurray for Lazio !
Hurray for Del Russo !
We'll get you all drunk ! We're winning the match !
Italo, we're winning the match !
Easy, Pandolfini, listen to me !
I'll tell you what to do ! Keep
the ball stuck to your foot !
- Stop moving !
- We're winning the match !
What is he doing ?
He did it !
- Who are you ?
- Meniconi.
Your Honour !
- I've found you !
- Hands off.
It's a sign of fate.
Give me back my clothes !
You deserved it ! Hands off or I'll call my son.
- Who's your son ?
- Del Russo.
You're a Lazio fan !
- Cry "Hooray for Roma !"
- No !
- Cry "Hooray for Roma !"
- Hooray for Lazio !
I'll bite your nose off !
- I'm a Lazio fan !
- Stop this !
- He attacked me !
- I've been sick !
- I'm a judge !
- Oh God !
We need a witness !
I could be a witness, but a judge has forbidden it.
- You'll pay for this !
- Come with us.
I'm a judge !
I've been sick !
Where are they taking him now ?
Where ? To court !
To court !
THE END