A Cat in Paris (2010) - full transcript

- Yes!
- Hey! Was that a goal?

No, just checking if you're awake.

Smart aleck!

Bad enough getting
all the dirty work.

Frank, d'you hear me?

Yeah, what's up?

See anything on the monitors?

No. Why?
Is there a problem?

No, it's just...
I must have been dreaming, sorry.

Oh, Dom!
Dom, you were right.

There's someone behind you!
D'you hear?



- Right behind you!
- Where?

There's no one behind me.

The dirty scoundrel!

He's on the top floor! I'm on my way!
We'll get him!

Perfect!
We'll corner him!

Where are you precisely?

Not very far.
And where are you precisely?

A Cat in Paris

Ooh, Zo?, what a fright!
I didn't hear you come in.

What is it?
A new present from Dino?

Waow! Another lizard!

You lucky girl,
that cat really spoils you!

Well then... It makes a change
from sweets and toys.

Cat presents.



Yes. No. Listen, Lucas, we'll discuss it
tomorrow at the office.

I need a few hours off,
do you understand?

I promised my daughter.

Either way, I need that report
on my desk by tomorrow.

You'll manage!
I can't always be there.

- But, what's that about?
- She had something to show you.

Something? What was it?

Oh, nothing really.
You know how kids are.

She's very sensitive,
and she was waiting for you.

I'm getting everything wrong.
I'm so exhausted.

It's been very tough,
just me and Zo?.

If only her father was still here.

I miss him so much.

Please don't cry, Madame,
or you'll have me in tears too.

May I come in?

I'm so sorry for earlier.

I've got a lot on at work
right now.

And sometimes I can't help
bringing it home with me.

Anyway, I'm glad
it's going well with Claudine.

I really like her,
apart from that perfume of hers!

So what was it you wanted
to show me, Zo??

Oh dear, what a horror!
Was it Dino again?

Zo?, this really has to stop!

All these dead creatures
in your room, it's unhygienic.

Look, I have to take this call.

Hello?

No. I'm at home, guys.

Just ask Lucas!
I'm sure he can help you out.

Do you need me
for anything else? Can I go?

Yes, Claudine, that's fine.

Thanks again for all your help.

Bye, sweetie.

- Good evening, Claudine.
- Good night, Madame. See you tomorrow.

I'm sorry for telling you off earlier
but I can't stand creepy crawlies.

Little girls shouldn't play with
spiders and dead lizards,

especially inside the house,
don't you agree?

I know who you're thinking about.

Since he left us, I feel like
nothing's right between us anymore.

There's nothing worse
than a girl losing her father.

But sadly, nothing will bring him back.

We just have to go on without him.

It would make me so happy
if from to time, you called me Mum.

Take your time, I can wait.

Forever if need be.

Now let's forget about all this.

How about going to see
a film on Sunday?

We haven't been in ages.

Ah, looks like it's time for our
terrible tom to go out on the prowl.

I wonder what that naughty creature
gets up to every night, don't you?

Rufus! Be quiet!

Shut up!

Hello there, Mr Cat.

I thought you weren't coming,
so I started without you.

Get your strength up
for tonight's expedition!

You'll like what
I've got in store for us tonight.

Come on, old boy, let's go.
There's work to be done.

Are you coming?

You show-off.

Hey, don't rush off so fast!

I've got something to show you.
Look!

Not bad, huh?

What does Mr. Fish-lover
say to that?

Stay if you want,
you're not bothering me.

I'm always alone anyway, so...

Zo?, you've been going
through my briefcase again!

You know I don't like
you doing that!

Yes, darling, that's the man
who shot your father.

But I'm on his trail, you know.

Soon I'll catch him,
we'll throw him in prison,

and we'll never hear of him again.
That's a promise!

You're my special treasure,

my wonderful little girl.

Never forget how much I love you.

- 'Morning.
- Hello, superintendent.

Nearly done, 10 more minutes.

Leave it to one side.
I need you to do something for me.

OK. No problem.

Remember the serial
jewellery burglaries?

- Yes.
- I just got the lab reports back.

- Cat paw prints were found every time.
- Cat paws?

The boss wants results.

It's your case. I want something
new within 24 hours, OK?

No problem. As usual!

Right, got to go.
I have a meeting with the boss.

I'm supposed to arrest a cat?

That's what ten years
on the force gets you.

Get out of here, you filthy beast!

Go on! Get out! Now!

Get out, I don't want you here.
Out, I said!

Go on, off with you!

I'm going to suck you right up!

There you go! Good riddance!

Your attention, please.

This is the Colossus of Nairobi.

A priceless piece,
not shown in public for over 30 years.

It's scheduled to be transported
to the museum next Friday.

Victor Costa requires
no introduction from me,

you all know
this city's Public Enemy N? 1.

He'll be out to get the Colossus
by any means possible.

Last time he almost succeeded,

and, as you know, that cost...

it cost the life of a police officer.

- What's up with her?
- The guy who got killed was her husband!

No need to tell you to be careful,
the man is a raving lunatic,

who's extremely dangerous!

Let's take a look at the route
the van with the Colossus will be taking.

I'm convinced that's when
Costa will try to strike.

That's all for this morning.
See you at target practice.

Look, guys, I've dreamt of this
since I was just a toddler.

My mother stuck
this photo above my cradle.

This Colossus! It has to be mine!
Do you hear?!

Here he is, he's back...

What took you so long?!

The queue was endless
and there wasn't that much choice.

- Ham?
- Over here, hand it over Bob!

The hot dog's for me.

Eat up, we haven't got all day!

- What about my sausage sandwich?
- They don't do sausage.

- I got you chicken instead.
- You trying to kill me?!

Feathered stuff brings me out in a rash.
I wanted a sausage sandwich.

It's not my fault
they don't have sausage.

- So you decide to poison me!
- Cool it, Jack! I'll swap you my hot dog.

Deal! Hand it over.

Hey, I'm the one he offered it to!

- What is yours anyway?
- Hey, it's my hot dog!

Boss, sure you're not hungry?
Not even for a quiche?

You mean a quiche with bacon?

Yes! With melted cheese on top!

And cream?
Is there cream in it too?

Oh yes, boss, loads of cream,
you'll love it.

So I look like a quiche-eater to you?

Well, no... I don't know.

- You were asking: Cream, no cream?
- No copping out now!

I look like the kind of guy who's
into quiche! That's what you're saying?

Had you going there, didn't I?

You had your knickers
in a twist, there.

Dammit, you had me scared, Boss!

You're very good!

You want to know
how I like my cream quiches?

Drive, you idiot,
before I get really annoyed!

Zo?, what's this?

No, no, I don't mean the drawing,

I mean the bracelet!
Where does it come from?

You mean Dino brought it you?

Zo?, sweetie, listen,
I'm glad Dino's not bringing you

those horrible creatures any more,

but you can't keep wearing
something that valuable.

Look, there's a diamond in it.

Darling, there's someone out there

who's really unhappy
at losing their bracelet.

We'll have to find them
and give it back to them.

I'm very proud of you, Zo?.

My cat picked
this bracelet up in the street.

Don't ask me how,
I don't have a clue.

Check if there's a link with
the break-in on Rue Mouffetard.

OK then. See you later.

The break-in on rue Mouffetard.

Well, my love, I'm going now,
I have to work tonight.

Claudine's staying.

Now, you try to get off
to sleep straight away, OK?

Sleep well, little Zo?.

Rufus, stop it!

Just stop.

Please stop it.

Stop it, Rufus!
Every night the same thing!

Aaargh! Rufus!

You asked for it!

Rufus, are you going to shut it,
once and for all?!

Ah, there you are!

You're late tonight!

What happened?

I was about
to leave without you, old boy!

Have you looked at me?
I'm not a potato!

I know you're not,
that's not the point.

I've told you,
they're just code names.

Yeah, I know, code names,
but "Potato" is ridiculous!

You think I like
being called Mister "Baby"?

Shut it! That's enough, alright?!

You are Mister Frog.

You, Mister Baby.

You, Mister Hulot.

And you are Mister Potato.
Understood?

Yes, yes, fine! OK, boss.

And what's your code name, boss?

I'm the Colossus,
the Colossus of Nairobi!

That's a really good name!

That's enough!
We're wasting time.

So, anything new, my lovely?

Keep your voice down.
Here, this'll make you happy.

It's the transfer date of the Colossus,

but staying around this area,
it's risky.

- Be a bit patient.
- I'm running out of patience.

Go through her papers,
her computer, her dustbins.

I need the security van's route.

You don't want
my cover blown, do you?

- What's going on?
- It's the kid! She heard everything!

Don't let her get away!
Get her, guys! Quick!

- Do we go in after her?
- You think we can go in there?

Get out the way, you idiots!

Search the place and bring me
the kid. Right now!

OK, boss!

I know you're here, little girl.

Hiding in the back
of one of these cupboards.

Great cupboards, aren't they?
Well laid out and very comfy?

You're Zo?, aren't you?

I know about all sorts, you see!

Not too dark in there for you, eh?

You know what gets on my nerves?

In films, the victim always hides
in the last cupboard.

Where's the suspense in that?

I'm counting to three, little piggy,

and then I'm going
to blow your house down.

One... Two... Thr...

- Boss, come and look, it's amazing!
- You've found the kid?

Better than that, Mister Costa!

Why don't you shout out my address,
whilst you're at it?

The code names, not real names,
you stupid ass!

Sorry, boss, but come and look!

So, where's the kid?

There, look!

Look where? There's no kid here!

- The dartboard!
- Are you winding me up?

Please wake me up
from this nightmare!

Wait a minute,
just take a look at the dartboard!

- I'll take the dartboard and...
- No, no, no.

Wait, Hulot's going to throw a dart.

How about that!

Ali Baba's cavern.
And I found it!

When he sees a dart game,
he can never resist.

That takes the biscuit!

I've stumbled on to someone's stash!

But whose place is this?

So, little snoop, proud of yourself?

What am I supposed to do
after this?

- Calm down, you little pest!
- Hum, Hum. Sorry to disturb you.

- What are you doing in my house?
- It's the girl's fault.

She's a real tearaway.
I spend my time chasing after her.

Don't mind her, she's a bit retarded.
Come along, Zo?!

Wait! I don't think
she wants to go with you.

Who are you? Her mother?

Zo?, come! We're going!

- I think you should let her go.
- Colossus!

Problem! The owner's come back!

Don't move, we're coming!

You wouldn't dare hit a woman!

Ouch!

Nasty beast!

I'll hurt my shoulder!

It won't budge. Forget it.

I know! We need
a thingamy to lever it.

Trust me! Climb on to my back
and hold on as tight as you can.

- Or else we pull... or we could...
- Stop rabbiting!

Just break this damn door down!

They're climbing up the roof!
Over there, look!

Guys, help me! I'm slipping!

Come and help me!
I'm gonna break my neck!

Thanks, Boss, phew! Colossus.

Er... is it Colossus
when it's just us two,

or only when there's
other people around?

Shut it!

Look, Zo?, you see that hedge
over there? Behind it is the zoo.

You go with the cat,
he'll take you to my place.

I'll create a diversion,
then come and find you.

Go now!

- Over there! That's him!
- There he is!

Hmm! Smells like fresh meat!

- What's up, boss?
- Never mind. She's had it.

We've got her!

Look. I told you.
She can't go very far.

Come on, hurry up!

Yes? What is it?

'Evening, Madam. Police.

- Ooh, what have...?
- No need to worry, madam.

I just have a little question.

A cat living
in the brick house over there,

mean anything to you?

Oh yes, I know that cat,

a real piece of work.

Every night of the week he sets
the neighbour's yappy little dog barking.

- It drives me mad.
- Yes, but

do you have any idea
where this cat goes?

Well, he certainly doesn't go very far.

He leaves from there,

makes the nasty little dog bark,
and disappears into the house opposite.

Every night it's the same routine.

So are you going to do
something about it, officer?

Hello?

What?

You've got a lead
on the cat-burglar?

Where are you?

Near my place?! How come?
OK, I'm on my way.

I can't go on, I can't go on.

Come on, make an effort!

He's going to get away!

I didn't digest the sandwich.

Think how angry Colossus will be
if we don't catch him!

Need a lift, guys?

Looks like the tables
have turned, eh?

- It doesn't work!
- Stop it!

You think he's dead?

Believe me, after a fall like that

you'd have a bit more
than a bump on the head.

If you had a head left at all!

Go on, Mr. Frog. Get her!
I'm stuck in the mud!

Yeah, but there's no boats left.

Remind me what
your codename is, you idiot!

Mr. Frog.

So you're already half way there.

Go on! Get going. Hop in.

Yeah, but...
"Frog" is only a nickname.

I don't give a damn!

Your name is Frog, and frogs swim,

so get moving and jump in!

D'you mind telling me
what you're up to, you idiot?

Well, I can't go in
with my clothes on, can I?

Okay, I'm going, boss.

Oh, it's really freezing!

That's better!

Hey you there, you horrible little brat!
Playtime's over!

I don't believe it!

OK, let me guess:
You can't actually swim, can you?!

Nobody ever taught me, boss.
What about you, can you?

Mind your own business, you fool!

Colossus of Nairobi,

why have you abandoned me?!

Zo??

Zo??

Ah! There you both are.

I see you found the old swing.

It's on its last legs, you know.

With everything that's just happened,
we haven't even talked.

I haven't even told you
my name: Nico.

So, are you going
to tell me what happened?

Do you not want to talk to me?

Cat got your tongue, eh?

Well, you don't talk
but at least you can laugh.

Now, can you tell me
where your parents are?

You do have a mum and dad,
don't you?

What's up?

Did I say something wrong?

I see.
Anyway, we can't stay here,

they may come back.

I know a place
we can hide for the night,

but first I'll have to get the key, okay?

Stay here, I'll only be a minute.

Zo??

Police! Don't move!

- Oh no! No!
- I said, don't move!

I was right, Superintendent,
this is the burglar we've been after.

And it looks like
your cat's his accomplice.

You don't understand!

It's not what you think!
It's just I was there when...

Let's go. You can tell
the judge all about it.

In case you didn't know,
you kidnapped my daughter.

A cop's daughter.

You've just landed yourself
in a whole load of trouble.

Calm down, Zo?.
There's nothing to be scared of now.

Come on, head down!

Your game's up!

Ooh, I'll have you too!
It's the animal pound for you!

Oh, my little sweetie!
You've no idea how scared I was!

I don't understand what's going on.
Explain it to me!

It's that crook there!

He got into the house, to burgle us.

When he saw me, he panicked

and grabbed Zo? from her bed
and ran off with her.

- Who is that woman?!
- Mind your own business.

Listen to me! It's not me,

- it's that woman who wants to harm the girl!
- Shut it, okay!

- Car 17, we've got news for you.
- Lucas. I'm listening...

It's all over, my princess.

There, there.

Let's go home.

I'll stay with you all night.

Superintendent, I know
this really isn't the moment,

but if I don't warn you
straight away.

What is it now?

The night watchman at the zoo
was attacked by some kind of thug.

He photoidentified him.
It's our man, Costa!

- Costa!
- There's a chance we can catch him.

Listen to me, Zo?,

I'm going to say the exact opposite
of what I just promised.

I have to leave.

It's very important for both of us.

It's the man who killed your daddy.

I can't let him get away!

- Do you understand, Zo??
- Don't worry, madame,

the poor thing's in shock

but I'll calm her down.

- Let me take her home.
- Yes, thank you.

Zo?, I'll be back really soon!
I promise!

Don't worry,
I'll take care of everything.

Mmm... Mmmmu... Mu...

Mum!

You've left it a bit late
to find your voice, you little brat!

When you arrested me I was in
the process of saving your daughter.

It's a well-known fact:
All kidnappers are actually saviours.

I can't believe you're completely unaware
that your nanny's in cahoots with Costa!

You can stop the fairy tales,
they're getting boring...

But it's the honest truth!

And all the money
we found in your bag?

That's for good works
in the community, I suppose?

It's the same with all of them,
they always have a story.

Be careful!

- I can't see the road!
- The brakes, Lucas! Break!

Dino, stop!
Let go of him!

Now you're going to listen to me!

You're making the biggest
mistake of your life.

Believe what you want, but if I were you,
I'd go back home immediately.

Your daughter Zo?
is in terrible danger!

He's an odd one, that one.

I'm missing something
and it's making me uneasy.

What if he's right?

Come on, Lucas,
we're going to my home to check.

Zo??

Claudine?

Zo??!

I have a bad feeling about this.

I'll go upstairs.
You keep watch down here, okay?

Lucas, are you okay?
Were you hit?

No, no, it's my fault, I was startled
and the gun just went off!

Oh, Lucas.

Take this! And take that!

Someone's going to pay for this, right now,
or there's gonna be big trouble!

Arghh! Damn it!

You think it's funny,
you bunch of idiots?!

Oh, big teddybear,
sounds like you're losing your cool!

Look what I've brought you
as a surprise!

What have we got here?

The little honey pie,
all ready for Daddy Costa's cooking pot!

Well, you can pride yourself on giving me
a real run around, you little pest.

And you, my little flower,
thank goodness I've got you!

If I had to count on this bunch
of good-for-nothings

I'd still be nicking sweets
from the corner shop.

Wait a minute...
I've just had a thought.

This could solve all our problems.

We may even be able to snatch victory
from the jaws of defeat.

Having the kid
is like having the mother!

Gentlemen, we're changing tactics.

We're going to make this spectacular,
do it in style!

If the mother wants her daughter back,
she'll have to give us what we want.

She's going to hand over the Colossus
all-included,

with a cherry on top.

And with a smile, if you please!

- And?
- That guy was right.

They've kidnapped her,
and it's all my fault.

I got it all wrong!

Don't worry, we'll find her.
I promise.

I'll alert everyone.
We'll start searching immediately.

Come on, Jeanne, be strong!

There you are,
you filthy creature,

always hassling me.

You're a nasty piece of work.

You look at me and think:
"I'll have her for breakfast!"

Well, just you try.
I'll be waiting.

I don't sabre champagne bottles,
I behead them!

You've got a good aim, boss,
well done!

Ladies first!
Some manners, please!

In any case, a frog that can't swim,
doesn't drink champagne.

Take the kid upstairs
and don't let her out of your sight!

Come along, you!
You heard the boss!

Dolling yourself up
all nice, my Doll?

Yes! Just for you,
my big teddybear!

Oh no, she's at it again.

More of that disgusting poison!

Tell me about it.
It gets me right in the throat!

Sorry, boss, do you mind
if I open the window?

- It's terribly hot tonight.
- Be my guest...

What's with him?

It's nothing, boss,
too much champagne, that's all.

You know, guys, no offence,

but I sometimes wonder
if you're really cut out to be gangsters.

It's all very well, Cat,
but how are we going to find Zo? now?

What's up with you?

Have you picked up a scent?

Hey! Wait for me!
Wait for me!

You know where I'm taking you
when all this is over?

Nairobi!
It?ll be our honeymoon, sweetheart.

I know a lovely little hotel
deep in the bush!

It?ll be the most beautiful day
of my life!

Well, thanks a lot, kid!

Now, I can't even go
and have fun with the others.

What's going on?
Why's the power gone?

Can someone tell me
why the power's off?

I'm like you now, Cat.
I can see in the dark.

- Maybe it's a power cut.
- Or the fuses.

Are there any torches here?

I think there's one in the cellar.
Hang on, I'll get it.

What's up, Hulot?
Have you got a cold?

No, not at all!
I thought it was you who...

You think I don't hear you all talking
about my perfume behind my back?

You don't dare say anything
when my teddybear is there,

but you all gossip away
like a bunch of girls.

Be honest.
You think I stink, right?

Not at all.
Why do you say that?

Do I smell good or not?
It's a simple question, isn't it?

Shut it up, down there!

Not a peep until
the lights come back on!

Well, serves them right for
leaving me out of the party like that!

They can drink their
bloody bubbles in the dark!

It's me, princess, Nico...
I've come to rescue you.

Anyway, I'm not a frog.

I don't even like frogs.

And it's not because I can't swim
that I can't drink champagne.

You know, it's not easy
being a gangster,

but it's the only job
I know how to do.

I used to work in a caf?.

It's that guy again!
He's taking the girl!

Come quick! All of you!
I've got him.

Come and help, I've got him.

Me too, I've got him too,
it's okay!

But I had him!

Dammit, it's you?

Yes, it's me, you idiot!

Over there!
Something's moving!

What are you doing?
You bunch of useless idiots!

Blithering fools!
Where's the kid?

Where the hell is she, dammit!

Hang on tight, Zo?!

Co-Cos! Go on, jump!

You've just seen how easy it is!

How right you are!
Here I come!

Look up there! What are they doing?
It looks like a chase!

One of them's got a kid on his back!

They're completely crazy!

Costa did this to you?
Are you sure it was him?

What direction did he take?

Did you see a little girl with him?

Chief, he's wounded,
let me talk to him.

Are you sure it was Costa, sir?

I recognised him alright,
it was your man.

He was with a big chap.
He doesn't pull his punches, that Costa.

- Look what he's done to me.
- Hello, I'm listening.

Game on!
They've spotted Costa.

Hurry up! Not a minute to lose!

Thank you, sir, get well soon.

Right, don't move from here, Zo?.

Promise me.

I'll come back for you,
when I've dealt with that brute.

It won't take long.
At least, I hope it won't.

So tell me, Mr. Muscle Man,

is that cat's piss or sparrow fat
in those arms of yours?

Wanna find out?

Come on then, come on!
I'm waiting for you.

What a shame,
I never got my invitation.

This is your lucky day!
No invitation's required!

So, Costa, those keks
and their classy low waistline,

- some kind of artistic statement, is it?
- Don't make me laugh, it hurts too much!

Oh! Poor little thing.
Does it hurt then?

Damn! Nothing's moving.
Perfect timing, huh!

- Not our lucky day.
- Superintendent! There's news on Costa.

Talk!

There's another guy
with Costa up there!

- And a little girl, and a cat.
- Zo?! It has to be!

What do we do, Jeanne?

- Take the wheel, I'll make my own way.
- But...

You still up here?!

Do you need a hand to get down?

Or a foot?!

Are you going down or what?
Down, I say!

Too short, old man!

I'm sure you'd be less nasty,
if you weren't so short.

You want to know? I'm about
ready to mash you to a pulp.

Tell me, Costa, does your mum
choose your shorts for you?

How dare you insult my mother?!

Too short!

Thanks, mate.

You popped up just in time.

Let me give you a hug.

No, Zo?, stay where you are.

It's too dangerous.
You can't help me.

And I can't hold on for much longer.

I don't want you to fall.

You okay?

Oh boy!

Since when do the police
save the lives of thieves?

Since thieves started saving
children's lives. Am I wrong?

Hello, my little friends.

I've come to pay you a visit.

In memory of your father,
who I knew so well.

Off we go, and no letting
uncle Costa down this time, okay?

Enough!

This little game's lasted long enough!
I'm not that easy to catch!

Colossus, here we come!

Hmmm Hmmm of France...

Ouch!

Let go of me, you filthy beast!

Get off me! Bon voyage!

Go on! Hopla!

It's over, Costa,
you're under arrest.

This has gone on long enough!

Catch this!

Sorry, old boy, no choice!

I'm going to finish the job
I started with your husband.

Mum!

Give him my regards
when you're up there!

I'm your worst nightmare.

You'll pay for that, you nasty viper!

Look out!

He's too heavy,
I can't hold on to him!

Don't move, I'm there.

What on earth is he up to now?

I think this time he's
gone completely doolally!

Look! Here he comes.

Here he comes.

Stop your clowning, Costa.
Can't you see the game is over?

See you around, losers!

Costa! No!

No!

Step back, there's nothing to see.
Let the police do their work.

Move away!
You can go back home.

Mum, I was in the zoo tonight

and then I got in a boat

and this big man wanted to catch me
but he couldn't get me.

But before... well, Claudine,
she was with the baddies.

That was really scary.

But luckily Dino
was with me at the zoo

and he gave a big whack
to the baddy in the water

and then he nearly drowned!

They took me to a big house

and Nico came to find me
and then it went all dark.

Hey, you two!
You're not listening to me!

Isn't my story interesting?

Ah, my little Zo?!
This time it really is all over.

We'll always be together.